1 00:00:11,794 --> 00:00:14,198 - How can you say that? - Pretty easily. 2 00:00:14,231 --> 00:00:16,135 I push the air out of my throat into words. 3 00:00:16,168 --> 00:00:17,672 Is that how talking works? 4 00:00:17,705 --> 00:00:20,177 Hello. 5 00:00:20,210 --> 00:00:22,314 Huh, it is just pushing out air! 6 00:00:22,347 --> 00:00:24,485 All I'm saying is, wearing that suit looks like 7 00:00:24,519 --> 00:00:26,523 you're always wearing a little costume to work. 8 00:00:26,556 --> 00:00:27,856 - Little? - Yeah. 9 00:00:27,859 --> 00:00:29,763 Like those kids that wear capes to school. 10 00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:32,434 - Do you know how much this costs? - Ugh. I mean, I feel like 11 00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:34,067 I'm paying for it with this conversation. 12 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,603 Okay, you know what? Meeting over! 13 00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,278 Or meeting not over, 14 00:00:37,311 --> 00:00:38,871 since the meeting isn't even about that. 15 00:00:38,881 --> 00:00:41,386 - It is now! - It is not. 16 00:00:41,419 --> 00:00:42,579 This is the... 17 00:00:42,588 --> 00:00:44,225 The party house that I suggested we buy? 18 00:00:44,258 --> 00:00:47,666 - Finally! - No, and please don't guess again. 19 00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:50,237 This is the English museum that just hired us. 20 00:00:50,270 --> 00:00:52,709 This artifact, one of the 13 Golden Plaques, 21 00:00:52,742 --> 00:00:54,713 is being transferred between museums. 22 00:00:54,746 --> 00:00:57,686 - We've been hired to protect it. - From who, highwaymen? 23 00:00:57,719 --> 00:00:59,439 There have been some museum thefts recently, 24 00:00:59,455 --> 00:01:01,694 so this is an easy chance for us to be the good guys 25 00:01:01,727 --> 00:01:04,298 - and get paid doing it. - And perfect timing 26 00:01:04,299 --> 00:01:06,502 to use the accent Zara's helped me work on. 27 00:01:06,536 --> 00:01:08,709 Hold on, is that why you've been shouting things at me 28 00:01:08,710 --> 00:01:10,745 - in a bad English accent? - "Bad"? 29 00:01:10,778 --> 00:01:12,298 Cup of tea, guvnor! 30 00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:15,220 Bit of a sticky wicket! Fish and chips and all that. 31 00:01:15,253 --> 00:01:17,358 Offensive. You're lucky I like you. 32 00:01:17,391 --> 00:01:18,831 Otherwise, that would be the last air 33 00:01:18,864 --> 00:01:21,332 - your throat ever pushed out. - It doesn't count as offensive 34 00:01:21,365 --> 00:01:22,845 when it's from a really white country. 35 00:01:22,869 --> 00:01:25,641 You... don't get to decide that. 36 00:01:25,674 --> 00:01:27,514 What if I talked like this 37 00:01:27,538 --> 00:01:30,183 'bout burgers and fries on the farm with Uncle Cletus? 38 00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:31,754 Wait, you know Pam's Uncle Cletus? 39 00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:34,726 I'm from Wisconsin. But he does sound like that. 40 00:01:34,759 --> 00:01:36,630 Massive "anyway," it doesn't matter, 41 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:39,268 - because Pam's not going. - What? Why not? 42 00:01:39,301 --> 00:01:41,372 Because you have to stay here to do the 3490s. 43 00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:43,476 Ha! Pam has to clean the bathrooms. 44 00:01:43,510 --> 00:01:45,882 No, they're assessment forms. 45 00:01:45,915 --> 00:01:49,890 For the new employees. Your HR duties? 46 00:01:49,923 --> 00:01:52,294 Because you said you could balance both jobs? 47 00:01:52,327 --> 00:01:54,733 Damn it. I knew my own words would be used against me. 48 00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:57,438 - So I'll be going. - Hmm. Sure you're ready, Lana? 49 00:01:57,471 --> 00:01:59,110 You've been out of the field for, what, 50 00:01:59,145 --> 00:02:01,814 - three whole minutes? - Yes, and also, shut up. 51 00:02:01,847 --> 00:02:04,586 We don't need a chaperone, and I speak for Zara too. 52 00:02:04,619 --> 00:02:06,422 Firstly, I wouldn't even let you speak for me 53 00:02:06,455 --> 00:02:07,692 if I had a stroke and you were 54 00:02:07,725 --> 00:02:09,763 the only person who could translate my blinks. 55 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,569 Good call. He wouldn't get your accent right. 56 00:02:12,602 --> 00:02:14,438 Secondly, I don't mind Ms. Kane going. 57 00:02:14,471 --> 00:02:17,344 I thrive being in the field with other strong female agents. 58 00:02:17,377 --> 00:02:18,848 Wow, that self-adulation 59 00:02:18,881 --> 00:02:20,785 just blended right in with the sucking up, didn't it? 60 00:02:20,818 --> 00:02:23,018 Sort of how your chlamydia blends in with your syphilis. 61 00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:24,696 Look, I'll just be coming along to show 62 00:02:24,697 --> 00:02:26,351 the museum how seriously we take this job. 63 00:02:26,362 --> 00:02:27,962 And because 64 00:02:27,986 --> 00:02:29,348 the museum curator is on the board 65 00:02:29,381 --> 00:02:32,241 of that fancy private school you want AJ to get into! 66 00:02:32,274 --> 00:02:33,744 Thank you, Cheryl. 67 00:02:33,777 --> 00:02:36,315 You're welcome! 68 00:03:10,286 --> 00:03:13,347 sync & correction by f1nc0 -- Addic7ed.com -- 69 00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:20,437 Jesus, all of this for an artifact I could fit into my pants? 70 00:03:20,470 --> 00:03:22,274 Why is that your unit of measurement? 71 00:03:22,307 --> 00:03:23,744 Better than the metric system. 72 00:03:23,777 --> 00:03:26,249 The museum takes artifact protection very seriously, 73 00:03:26,282 --> 00:03:27,852 hence us being paid to be here. 74 00:03:27,885 --> 00:03:30,457 Apparently they're losing a ton of stuff in transit because... 75 00:03:30,490 --> 00:03:31,794 huh, it doesn't say why. 76 00:03:31,827 --> 00:03:33,263 But anyway, that's why we're here. 77 00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:35,467 She said, not finding it suspicious that a government-funded 78 00:03:35,468 --> 00:03:37,639 museum is keeping secrets about the artifacts. 79 00:03:37,672 --> 00:03:41,747 I assure you this museum transfer is all very legitimate. 80 00:03:41,780 --> 00:03:43,884 I'm Clarissa, the museum curator. 81 00:03:43,917 --> 00:03:46,713 I'll be driving the truck to accompany you with the artifact, 82 00:03:46,723 --> 00:03:50,363 - and I'll be right with you. - What a snob. 83 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:51,900 Did you see the way she spoke to me? 84 00:03:51,933 --> 00:03:53,671 She was hitting that posh accent so hard 85 00:03:53,704 --> 00:03:56,039 - it should file charges. - Yeah, I feel like that's not 86 00:03:56,041 --> 00:03:57,812 what just happened in those three sentences. 87 00:03:57,845 --> 00:03:59,415 And aren't your accents the same? 88 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:02,655 - They sound exactly the same, right? - No, they don't! 89 00:04:02,688 --> 00:04:05,628 We shouldn't bring her. She'll mess up everything, 90 00:04:05,661 --> 00:04:07,665 then blame it on her taxes being too high. 91 00:04:07,698 --> 00:04:10,571 I don't know, take off her glasses and she's a British eight, 92 00:04:10,604 --> 00:04:13,409 which is an American five but a Canadian ten. 93 00:04:13,442 --> 00:04:15,515 She knows about the artifact, which is an asset, 94 00:04:15,548 --> 00:04:17,619 and she'll see up close how good we are at our jobs. 95 00:04:17,652 --> 00:04:20,791 Since parents who do well have Abernathy kids who do even better! 96 00:04:20,824 --> 00:04:23,564 Oh, I'm grateful for your help, Lana. 97 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,469 And the Abernathy board will love this. 98 00:04:26,502 --> 00:04:29,976 Well, that's a nice bonus but, of course, not why we do this. 99 00:04:30,009 --> 00:04:33,834 - I don't love this side of you. - The Golden Plaques have been 100 00:04:33,835 --> 00:04:35,688 on museum display for years. 101 00:04:35,721 --> 00:04:40,463 But this one being transported is believed to be... cursed. 102 00:04:40,496 --> 00:04:43,369 - Curse? What kind of curse? - Probably the dumb, made-up kind 103 00:04:43,402 --> 00:04:45,040 since curses are dumb and made up. 104 00:04:45,073 --> 00:04:46,677 Don't make fun of a curse, Archer. 105 00:04:46,710 --> 00:04:49,415 Oh, my God, Zara believes in curses! 106 00:04:49,448 --> 00:04:51,520 Wait, you hired us to protect you from a curse? 107 00:04:51,553 --> 00:04:53,122 No, no. 108 00:04:53,155 --> 00:04:56,062 But the plaque is not meant to be touched with bare hands. 109 00:04:56,095 --> 00:04:57,431 Classic curse rules. 110 00:04:57,464 --> 00:05:00,838 I can't believe you made fun of my suits when this is way stupider. 111 00:05:00,871 --> 00:05:03,611 The plaque is being moved to off-site storage, 112 00:05:03,644 --> 00:05:07,518 and items have been stolen from museums recently, 113 00:05:07,551 --> 00:05:11,125 likely the work of a smuggler, Ibadan Peters. 114 00:05:11,158 --> 00:05:14,098 So cursed or not, we want to keep it in safe hands. 115 00:05:14,131 --> 00:05:15,935 I want it on record I don't like curses. 116 00:05:15,968 --> 00:05:19,910 - Or ghosts. Or hoodoo. - Oh, God, you're one of those. 117 00:05:19,943 --> 00:05:21,880 Such a Capricorn thing to say. 118 00:05:21,913 --> 00:05:25,688 Ugh, you guys are making a great team. 119 00:05:25,721 --> 00:05:28,858 Starting the old HR duties again is kinda getting me excited. 120 00:05:28,860 --> 00:05:30,631 You mean the head of HR job 121 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:33,069 that you were supposed to be doing this whole time? 122 00:05:33,102 --> 00:05:35,541 Come on, who even knows who's supposed to do what? 123 00:05:35,574 --> 00:05:40,083 - You, as the head of HR! - Here are the employees to assess. 124 00:05:40,116 --> 00:05:42,922 Ah, shitsnacks. When did we get so many? 125 00:05:42,955 --> 00:05:45,728 Again, something you should know! 126 00:05:45,761 --> 00:05:47,599 If it helps, I did my own personal assessment 127 00:05:47,632 --> 00:05:50,504 based on who'd be most useful in an apocalypse. 128 00:05:50,537 --> 00:05:52,609 - They'd all be food. - Great start! 129 00:05:52,642 --> 00:05:54,445 Everybody gets five points for being edible. 130 00:05:54,478 --> 00:05:56,415 It's not about free points. 131 00:05:56,448 --> 00:05:59,145 All the employees deserve a chance to improve their performance, 132 00:05:59,169 --> 00:06:01,092 so you need to assess them honestly. 133 00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:03,196 Okay, well, Cyril gets an F. 134 00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:04,933 Oh, my God, that's how I marked him! 135 00:06:04,966 --> 00:06:07,538 F, for food. 136 00:06:13,449 --> 00:06:16,021 Think about it: if I said I was done drinking, then 137 00:06:16,022 --> 00:06:18,594 started drinking a week later, what would that make me? 138 00:06:18,627 --> 00:06:20,027 A more functioning alcoholic? 139 00:06:20,051 --> 00:06:23,604 That's right, a hypocrite. That's what you are, Lana. 140 00:06:23,637 --> 00:06:24,939 Could you not say that next to the woman 141 00:06:24,972 --> 00:06:26,852 who could get our daughter into one of America's 142 00:06:26,885 --> 00:06:28,355 - top prep schools? - Fine. 143 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,851 I can talk about Miss Zara "Anything for the Mission" 144 00:06:30,884 --> 00:06:32,522 Whatever-Her-Last-Name-Is. 145 00:06:32,555 --> 00:06:34,726 Why start that kind of insult if you don't know 146 00:06:34,759 --> 00:06:36,095 - my last name? - I don't know. 147 00:06:36,128 --> 00:06:37,832 Why are you so afraid of a fake curse? 148 00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:40,805 We'll see who's laughing when you cough up blood. 149 00:06:40,838 --> 00:06:43,978 Uh, pretty sure it will still be me. Wait, can you laugh 150 00:06:44,011 --> 00:06:45,411 and cough up blood at the same time? 151 00:06:45,435 --> 00:06:47,618 You know, many of the staff members 152 00:06:47,651 --> 00:06:49,522 at the museum believe in the curse. 153 00:06:49,555 --> 00:06:51,025 In the same way this country believes 154 00:06:51,058 --> 00:06:52,962 it was part of winning World War II? 155 00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,064 Archer. 156 00:06:54,097 --> 00:06:57,086 Actually, I find it refreshing to meet someone 157 00:06:57,087 --> 00:07:00,076 who isn't afraid of superstitions and fantasies. 158 00:07:00,109 --> 00:07:02,247 Oh, I'm not afraid of much, but that doesn't mean 159 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,786 I don't believe in other kinds of fantasies. 160 00:07:04,819 --> 00:07:06,623 - Archer! - I mean, truck sex isn't 161 00:07:06,656 --> 00:07:08,616 really one of them, but if the windows are tinted, 162 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,030 I don't mind, mm, you know... 163 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:13,099 Jesus, Archer, shut up! Someone is on the roof of the truck. 164 00:07:13,123 --> 00:07:14,839 There are highwaymen! 165 00:07:14,872 --> 00:07:17,779 No, it must be the smuggler! But I can't stop the truck. 166 00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:19,181 We're right along the cliff's edge. 167 00:07:19,214 --> 00:07:21,485 Zara, let's get onto the truck. 168 00:07:24,559 --> 00:07:26,530 Good lord, that was incredible! 169 00:07:26,563 --> 00:07:30,170 - Did you see what they just did? - Okay, take it easy. It was fine. 170 00:07:30,203 --> 00:07:33,544 Incredible would be climbing out of this non-tinted window 171 00:07:33,577 --> 00:07:34,946 and onto the top of the truck. 172 00:07:34,979 --> 00:07:38,954 - So are you going to... - Well, yeah. I guess I have to now. 173 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:46,570 This does not belong in a museum. 174 00:07:46,603 --> 00:07:47,638 Whoa! 175 00:07:49,575 --> 00:07:51,775 Really thinking this route might not have been worth it. 176 00:07:51,808 --> 00:07:53,368 - Oi! - Oh. Hey there, little... 177 00:07:54,552 --> 00:07:58,025 Oh, come on. I just climbed all the way up there. 178 00:07:58,058 --> 00:07:59,863 And how is that little kid so strong? 179 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:02,635 - Good job, Half-Pint. - Quick, grab the kid! 180 00:08:02,668 --> 00:08:05,140 - Wait, we can't fight a kid. - Then get the plaque. 181 00:08:05,173 --> 00:08:07,077 So are you agreeing or... 182 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,150 Could she drive a little smoother? 183 00:08:10,183 --> 00:08:12,622 It's not her fault. It's the wrong side of the road. 184 00:08:12,655 --> 00:08:14,559 Not for her! 185 00:08:19,034 --> 00:08:21,205 Um, yeah, not fighting him. 186 00:08:24,211 --> 00:08:25,981 Does this even count as a fight? 187 00:08:26,014 --> 00:08:28,787 Can you not remember from your field work last month? 188 00:08:28,820 --> 00:08:33,385 - Is now the time?! - I don't know, Lana. It might be. 189 00:08:35,366 --> 00:08:36,870 Wait, wait, wait! You can't touch it. 190 00:08:36,903 --> 00:08:38,339 For the last time, curses aren't... 191 00:08:39,942 --> 00:08:41,913 Ow! What the hell just happened? 192 00:08:41,946 --> 00:08:43,783 Was this kid crouching? Who does that? 193 00:08:55,139 --> 00:08:58,079 I really don't think bolas are supposed to work like that. 194 00:08:58,112 --> 00:09:00,183 What the hell kind of smuggler was that? 195 00:09:00,216 --> 00:09:01,456 Did he dislocate your shoulder? 196 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,387 - No! - Was it the curse? 197 00:09:03,389 --> 00:09:04,859 Again, no. 198 00:09:06,161 --> 00:09:08,744 It was the child. 199 00:09:13,810 --> 00:09:15,815 Oh, this is so exciting! 200 00:09:15,848 --> 00:09:18,987 A truck fight while I was driving! 201 00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:20,858 That is one word for what you were doing. 202 00:09:20,891 --> 00:09:22,795 I feel so powerful. 203 00:09:22,828 --> 00:09:26,368 This might be the first time I've ever felt alive. 204 00:09:26,401 --> 00:09:29,174 Museum curation and being on a children's school board 205 00:09:29,207 --> 00:09:30,811 isn't as glamorous as you might think. 206 00:09:30,844 --> 00:09:34,652 Luckily, the plaque is still in safe hands or safe pants. 207 00:09:34,685 --> 00:09:35,985 You're proud you put 208 00:09:35,988 --> 00:09:37,925 a centuries-old cursed artifact in your pants? 209 00:09:37,958 --> 00:09:40,279 - I'm not not proud. - About that bad guy, 210 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,735 Peters doesn't seem to fit the classic profile. 211 00:09:42,768 --> 00:09:44,204 And the kid was weird, right? 212 00:09:44,237 --> 00:09:46,408 I know! Who has a child sidekick? 213 00:09:46,441 --> 00:09:47,741 And where can I get one? 214 00:09:47,745 --> 00:09:49,816 - AJ! - No. 215 00:09:49,849 --> 00:09:51,953 Did I not mention all the artifacts 216 00:09:51,986 --> 00:09:54,258 Ibadan Peters wants are from Nigeria? 217 00:09:54,291 --> 00:09:55,861 And that he takes issue 218 00:09:55,894 --> 00:09:58,967 with them not being returned to his country? 219 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,370 But you said this was all legit. 220 00:10:00,403 --> 00:10:03,844 It is. Those artifacts belong to us now. 221 00:10:03,877 --> 00:10:06,950 For goodness' sake, we've had them for generations. 222 00:10:06,983 --> 00:10:09,722 Ah, yes, the law of finders keepers. 223 00:10:09,755 --> 00:10:13,830 Wait, is that the law here? Because I just found this beer, and... 224 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,001 It's warm! 225 00:10:16,034 --> 00:10:17,838 Regardless of his intent, 226 00:10:17,871 --> 00:10:20,744 Ibadan Peters was stealing museum property, 227 00:10:20,777 --> 00:10:23,316 and you kept the plaque safe. 228 00:10:23,349 --> 00:10:27,992 And we love to see cooperation within an Abernathy family. 229 00:10:28,025 --> 00:10:29,862 Right, right, right, right. Of course. 230 00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:33,202 We can wait here for the museum to send a new truck. 231 00:10:33,235 --> 00:10:36,141 And in the meantime, I'd love to speak with you privately 232 00:10:36,174 --> 00:10:38,981 on the danger of your exciting work. 233 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,718 I mean, yeah. Sure. 234 00:10:40,751 --> 00:10:42,471 You think that's the first time I've climbed 235 00:10:42,495 --> 00:10:44,258 out of a moving truck and fought a child? 236 00:10:44,291 --> 00:10:46,328 - Actually, it might be. - Maybe you could take me 237 00:10:46,361 --> 00:10:49,067 to one of the rooms above the pub and tell me more. 238 00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:52,290 - Or show me. - Wait, you're saying there are 239 00:10:52,291 --> 00:10:53,744 rooms above bars here? 240 00:10:53,777 --> 00:10:55,417 I thought that was just a myth. 241 00:10:55,441 --> 00:10:57,952 Are Hobbits real? 242 00:10:57,985 --> 00:10:59,354 - Huh? - I was thinking, 243 00:10:59,387 --> 00:11:03,062 it seems unfair of me to not let you as senior employees 244 00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:04,535 also have a say in these assessments. 245 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:06,302 Pam! You haven't started? 246 00:11:06,335 --> 00:11:10,207 I started to start, but it's so boring compared to fieldwork. 247 00:11:10,209 --> 00:11:11,780 Come on, Cyril, you're the one 248 00:11:11,813 --> 00:11:14,017 that's all wet for being a good employer. 249 00:11:14,050 --> 00:11:15,888 Oh, please don't say it like that. 250 00:11:15,921 --> 00:11:19,963 - Cheryl, you love judging people. - You would think that. 251 00:11:19,996 --> 00:11:22,969 And Krieger, I mean, what are you even doing right now? 252 00:11:23,002 --> 00:11:25,371 Shh! Look, if I don't tell you, then he can't hurt you. 253 00:11:25,373 --> 00:11:27,110 I mean, it can't hurt you. 254 00:11:27,143 --> 00:11:30,700 - I mean, nothing! - Great. Then we can split these up 255 00:11:30,701 --> 00:11:32,486 so I won't blow my brains out. 256 00:11:34,257 --> 00:11:36,796 All I wanted was to get my daughter into a good school, 257 00:11:36,829 --> 00:11:38,800 and now Archer's upstairs probably ruining 258 00:11:38,833 --> 00:11:40,871 the whole reason I took this stupid job. 259 00:11:40,904 --> 00:11:43,144 I thought you took this job for us to "be the good guys." 260 00:11:43,168 --> 00:11:45,346 Yeah, I did. It was both. 261 00:11:45,379 --> 00:11:47,350 But now we're obviously on the side of the... 262 00:11:47,383 --> 00:11:50,356 - Stuff-takers. - You can say "colonizers." 263 00:11:50,389 --> 00:11:52,269 And you must've known that when you took the job 264 00:11:52,293 --> 00:11:53,530 working for an English museum. 265 00:11:53,563 --> 00:11:55,934 We almost exclusively have things from other countries. 266 00:11:55,967 --> 00:12:00,009 Okay, I knew but kinda wanted to pretend I didn't. 267 00:12:00,042 --> 00:12:01,813 I mean, it's just how the world works. 268 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:04,484 - But does it have to? - No, not have to, but... 269 00:12:04,518 --> 00:12:07,257 Pays you to and gives you New York private school perks? 270 00:12:07,290 --> 00:12:09,428 - Huh. - Can I speak frankly with you? 271 00:12:09,461 --> 00:12:12,000 - Have you not already been? - Here's where you messed up. 272 00:12:12,033 --> 00:12:13,513 You took this job for personal benefit 273 00:12:13,537 --> 00:12:15,808 but chose to ignore an obvious morality issue, 274 00:12:15,841 --> 00:12:18,079 you let an unhinged rich idiot come along 275 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,872 and gave her the power to tell us what to do, 276 00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,775 and we're dealing with some kind of curse 277 00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:24,358 likely eating our insides away as we speak. 278 00:12:24,391 --> 00:12:26,362 - Um... - And really, this was all 279 00:12:26,395 --> 00:12:28,366 to get something you wanted. 280 00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:30,537 No, not for me. For my daughter. 281 00:12:30,570 --> 00:12:32,575 So you're saying that despite trying to run 282 00:12:32,608 --> 00:12:34,846 a morally good agency, I'm morally bankrupt. 283 00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:36,850 What? No! I'm saying I wish 284 00:12:36,883 --> 00:12:38,520 Skanky Poppins up there would just... 285 00:12:38,553 --> 00:12:40,591 Stop! Wait. There has to be an explanation. 286 00:12:40,624 --> 00:12:42,060 This never happens. 287 00:12:42,093 --> 00:12:44,565 - I'm sure it doesn't. - Lana, tell her. 288 00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,936 Tell her I'm never not able to perform. 289 00:12:46,969 --> 00:12:50,243 Uh, yeah, I would, but no part of me wants to. 290 00:12:50,276 --> 00:12:51,980 You're touching the plaque with your hands. 291 00:12:52,013 --> 00:12:53,182 - You're cursed! - Yes! 292 00:12:53,215 --> 00:12:54,986 Oh, thank God. It's the curse. 293 00:12:55,019 --> 00:12:56,388 So I'll just get rid of this thing, 294 00:12:56,421 --> 00:12:58,225 and we go back upstairs and, you know... 295 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:02,568 You idiot! Why would you... hold on. 296 00:13:02,601 --> 00:13:06,008 Where's the museum tag? It was attached when we packed it. 297 00:13:06,041 --> 00:13:07,410 The curse must've burned it away. 298 00:13:07,443 --> 00:13:10,083 Oh, my God, Archer, that's not even how curses work. 299 00:13:10,116 --> 00:13:11,436 Don't make fun of the curse, Zara! 300 00:13:11,460 --> 00:13:12,555 - It's real. - Wait. 301 00:13:12,588 --> 00:13:14,458 The gold doesn't go all the way through. 302 00:13:14,491 --> 00:13:17,163 - It's paint. - And no museum tags means... 303 00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:20,236 The curse causes flaccidity and fake gold. 304 00:13:20,269 --> 00:13:22,006 No, it means Ibadan must've 305 00:13:22,039 --> 00:13:23,519 swapped the plaque out with a replica. 306 00:13:23,543 --> 00:13:25,914 - He's got the real one. - Oh, God! 307 00:13:25,947 --> 00:13:29,988 But this one can still be cursed too, right? Right? 308 00:13:33,834 --> 00:13:36,074 I can't believe you let this happen! 309 00:13:36,098 --> 00:13:38,343 Ibadan Peters got away with the real plaque! 310 00:13:38,376 --> 00:13:39,676 I don't understand. 311 00:13:39,779 --> 00:13:42,785 You believe in something so much, and then it lets you down. 312 00:13:42,818 --> 00:13:44,422 Then it all feels like a lie. 313 00:13:44,455 --> 00:13:46,055 - Is he talking about... - Not the plaque 314 00:13:46,079 --> 00:13:49,031 - and instead his un-erect dick? - Hey, too soon, Lana. 315 00:13:49,064 --> 00:13:51,235 You have to find Ibadan Peters! 316 00:13:51,268 --> 00:13:54,207 He's likely at the nearest port escaping with the plaque. 317 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:59,051 - Get there now and arrest him! - Uh, okay, we don't arrest people 318 00:13:59,084 --> 00:14:01,322 because we're technically not law enforcement. 319 00:14:01,355 --> 00:14:03,292 Or nontechnically, technically. 320 00:14:03,325 --> 00:14:05,229 Plus, we were hired to protect the plaque. 321 00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:06,942 It seems like this guy wants the same thing 322 00:14:06,966 --> 00:14:08,486 but just disagrees with you on the how. 323 00:14:08,510 --> 00:14:12,028 And after this little snafu, you apprehending Ibadan 324 00:14:12,029 --> 00:14:15,547 will look really good to the museum and the school board. 325 00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:17,220 Do you understand what I mean? 326 00:14:17,253 --> 00:14:19,459 Well, you're pretty much just directly saying it, 327 00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:21,228 so yes, if you catch my drift. 328 00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:22,330 - Good. - Wait! 329 00:14:22,363 --> 00:14:24,101 You should come with us, since you like 330 00:14:24,134 --> 00:14:26,604 all the danger and excitement. There might be another fight. 331 00:14:26,637 --> 00:14:30,346 - A really sexy fight. - Oh! This is so sad. 332 00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:32,540 And then you and me can just try this whole thing again 333 00:14:32,564 --> 00:14:34,522 so you can see that it was all just the curse. 334 00:14:34,555 --> 00:14:37,395 Definitely just the curse. Not me. 335 00:14:37,428 --> 00:14:39,999 I'm all right. 336 00:14:40,032 --> 00:14:41,970 There's no reason to be nervous, man. 337 00:14:42,003 --> 00:14:44,509 These assessments are just a way to help you with your goals. 338 00:14:44,542 --> 00:14:46,145 So what exactly are your goals? 339 00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:48,249 - Oh, um... - They could be anything. 340 00:14:48,282 --> 00:14:49,852 Not just office shit. 341 00:14:49,885 --> 00:14:51,856 Like, I used to really want to be in the field. 342 00:14:51,889 --> 00:14:54,829 I mean, HR is great, but when you're out there, 343 00:14:54,862 --> 00:14:56,265 something else takes over. 344 00:14:56,298 --> 00:14:58,169 And when you're wailing on somebody, 345 00:14:58,202 --> 00:15:01,275 there's nothing quite like bashing their head in 346 00:15:01,308 --> 00:15:05,083 and seeing parts of their brain scatter across the floor! 347 00:15:05,116 --> 00:15:08,022 Now that's how you get inside someone's head! 348 00:15:10,427 --> 00:15:11,987 I feel like I'm not describing it right. 349 00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:13,533 Hold on. I'll draw you a picture. 350 00:15:13,566 --> 00:15:16,406 All your data entry here is up-to-date. 351 00:15:16,439 --> 00:15:19,010 Ah? Get it? Date-ah? 352 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:22,250 You'll come to know me as the office jokester. 353 00:15:22,283 --> 00:15:24,321 This is going really well, huh? 354 00:15:24,354 --> 00:15:27,895 It is, right? 'Cause you can say if it's not because... 355 00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:29,968 Look, I'm not saying he'll definitely hurt everyone. 356 00:15:29,992 --> 00:15:33,005 I'm just saying that this agency cutting my budget 357 00:15:33,038 --> 00:15:34,876 will only hurt the entire office 358 00:15:34,909 --> 00:15:36,880 in ways you won't even comprehend 359 00:15:36,913 --> 00:15:39,519 until it's too late. 360 00:15:40,487 --> 00:15:43,593 Aww, don't be afraid. He will smell that. 361 00:15:43,626 --> 00:15:47,167 Anyway, you're interested in science division! 362 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,337 So do you just wanna be a lab rat, 363 00:15:49,370 --> 00:15:51,910 or do you aspire to more things? 364 00:15:51,943 --> 00:15:54,415 Do you do anything other than answer phones, 365 00:15:54,448 --> 00:15:57,187 not exercise, and only eat meats and cheeses? 366 00:15:57,220 --> 00:15:59,926 Then you get a D for delicious! 367 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,297 All right. We've been at it for a while. 368 00:16:02,330 --> 00:16:05,471 I mean, we've gotta be about done, right? 369 00:16:05,504 --> 00:16:07,875 Why is this stack so big 370 00:16:07,908 --> 00:16:10,179 and the ones we've done is so small? 371 00:16:10,212 --> 00:16:12,918 Did we only do one each? 372 00:16:12,951 --> 00:16:15,591 Technically, mine fainted, so I'm still at zero. 373 00:16:15,624 --> 00:16:19,064 - But it's been two hours? - How is that possible? 374 00:16:19,097 --> 00:16:22,471 Oh, my God! Does that mean I can go home? 375 00:16:26,979 --> 00:16:28,981 - There they are. - So are we tying them up 376 00:16:28,983 --> 00:16:31,088 - or killing them or... - Jesus, Zara! 377 00:16:31,121 --> 00:16:33,325 Oh, now you have a moral red line. 378 00:16:33,358 --> 00:16:35,229 Working for a museum is way different 379 00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:37,000 - than killing kids. - Which part? 380 00:16:37,033 --> 00:16:39,639 - The part where you kill a kid! - We're not killing them. 381 00:16:39,672 --> 00:16:41,476 We might need them to break the curse 382 00:16:41,509 --> 00:16:43,480 that's been unceremoniously put on me. 383 00:16:43,513 --> 00:16:45,313 And also, neither of them are really that bad, 384 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:46,986 and one's a child. 385 00:16:47,019 --> 00:16:48,890 Sure. Yeah. We've all got reasons. 386 00:16:50,694 --> 00:16:53,332 Jesus. Where was this kid trained? 387 00:16:54,635 --> 00:16:56,338 Stop. We're not doing that. 388 00:16:56,371 --> 00:16:58,341 This curse has already taken too much. 389 00:17:00,647 --> 00:17:03,653 Voles? Why'd it have to be voles? 390 00:17:03,686 --> 00:17:06,091 Is that something you run into a lot? 391 00:17:06,124 --> 00:17:08,533 Museum tags and all. I sent our location to Clarissa, 392 00:17:08,563 --> 00:17:10,132 and the police should be here soon. 393 00:17:10,165 --> 00:17:13,105 Stop, stop, stop. You don't understand. 394 00:17:13,138 --> 00:17:16,379 The museum will keep the plaque locked away in storage 395 00:17:16,412 --> 00:17:18,650 rather than return it to my country. 396 00:17:18,683 --> 00:17:22,157 - I'm just doing what is right. - Really? You clearly kidnapped 397 00:17:22,190 --> 00:17:24,395 this poor child and forced him into a life of crime. 398 00:17:24,428 --> 00:17:26,231 I weren't kidnapped, Miss! 399 00:17:26,264 --> 00:17:28,703 Ibadan adopted me from a life on the streets 400 00:17:28,736 --> 00:17:32,310 and taught me about the importance of a country's culture. 401 00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:36,118 - Huh. That's kinda noble. - So we're just skating over 402 00:17:36,151 --> 00:17:38,155 this kid constantly being in harm's way? 403 00:17:38,188 --> 00:17:40,858 I mean, I can drop it. I just don't know where the line is. 404 00:17:40,882 --> 00:17:43,051 - Neither do I, Zara! - More importantly, 405 00:17:43,052 --> 00:17:45,704 you need to remove the curse from any... 406 00:17:45,737 --> 00:17:47,307 body parts it may have impacted. 407 00:17:47,340 --> 00:17:48,677 The curse of the plaque? 408 00:17:48,710 --> 00:17:51,148 It will be broken when the plaque is returned 409 00:17:51,181 --> 00:17:53,553 to Nigeria, which I want to do. 410 00:17:53,586 --> 00:17:55,066 Great, so we're letting him go, right? 411 00:17:55,090 --> 00:17:56,659 We're all agreed? And done. 412 00:17:56,692 --> 00:17:59,461 - Whoa, hey. Wait a minute. - Lana, this is bigger than you! 413 00:17:59,465 --> 00:18:01,301 And I've gotta say, I don't love the idea 414 00:18:01,334 --> 00:18:03,172 of this adorable urchin going to jail. 415 00:18:03,205 --> 00:18:05,711 I mean, yes, the plaque should be returned to Nigeria. 416 00:18:05,744 --> 00:18:07,548 With the curse! Whoo-hoo-hoo! 417 00:18:07,581 --> 00:18:10,052 - But you did steal it. - Oh, please. 418 00:18:10,085 --> 00:18:12,458 You know, you Americans, you like to take your time 419 00:18:12,491 --> 00:18:14,194 sitting on the fence, don't you? 420 00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:15,827 Will you shut up? I'm trying to help you. 421 00:18:15,851 --> 00:18:19,371 Or you are wasting time before the cops come to arrest me. 422 00:18:19,405 --> 00:18:21,174 - Is that what you're doing? - No! 423 00:18:21,207 --> 00:18:22,611 Hey, there's no time for this. 424 00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:25,216 He's probably the reason our organs are shriveling away. 425 00:18:25,249 --> 00:18:27,186 - What? - So we are killing them? 426 00:18:27,219 --> 00:18:30,460 Ugh, I can't believe I actually miss the office right now. 427 00:18:30,493 --> 00:18:32,653 All right, team, here we go. Everybody listen up, okay? 428 00:18:32,664 --> 00:18:33,767 Do not include me in this. 429 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:37,106 - We realized that it's unfair of us... - I'm not part of this. 430 00:18:37,139 --> 00:18:38,610 to judge and assess all of you. 431 00:18:38,643 --> 00:18:41,649 - It doesn't make us good bosses. - Oh, God. 432 00:18:41,682 --> 00:18:44,354 So we all decided the best judge is... 433 00:18:44,388 --> 00:18:47,360 yourself! So you'll self-evaluate. 434 00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:49,599 But sign my name at the bottom to make clear 435 00:18:49,632 --> 00:18:51,603 that you're also your own HR rep. 436 00:18:51,636 --> 00:18:54,240 You're all your own me! 437 00:18:54,273 --> 00:18:57,715 And you're all getting raises. 438 00:18:57,748 --> 00:18:59,585 What the hell, Pam? 439 00:18:59,618 --> 00:19:03,058 Lana just gave everyone raises. We can't afford to do it again. 440 00:19:03,091 --> 00:19:05,229 Oh, well, it's probably someone's job 441 00:19:05,262 --> 00:19:07,100 to let everyone know that bummer news, right? 442 00:19:07,133 --> 00:19:09,605 Yes, it's the head of HR's job. 443 00:19:09,638 --> 00:19:12,378 Oh, look! It's Beauregard. 444 00:19:12,411 --> 00:19:14,114 Hey, buddy. You have something to say? 445 00:19:14,147 --> 00:19:16,084 Cyril's got a tiny squid's dick. 446 00:19:17,554 --> 00:19:19,090 Beauregard! 447 00:19:19,123 --> 00:19:21,429 Sorry. He's going through some stuff. 448 00:19:26,706 --> 00:19:31,649 - And that's for the curse! - This is meant to be a fake fight. 449 00:19:31,682 --> 00:19:34,655 Yeah, but it has to look real. I'm cursed, not anemic. 450 00:19:34,688 --> 00:19:37,628 Oh, that was better! 451 00:19:37,661 --> 00:19:39,398 Wait, wait, wait, that is a lot of police. 452 00:19:39,431 --> 00:19:41,234 What if they shoot? It'll ruin the plan. 453 00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:42,567 Oh, the UK police don't carry... 454 00:19:44,307 --> 00:19:47,280 What the hell? Well, 90% of UK police 455 00:19:47,313 --> 00:19:49,513 don't carry guns, and it looks like there's ten of them, 456 00:19:49,537 --> 00:19:51,456 so numbers-wise, one would have a gun. 457 00:19:51,489 --> 00:19:53,426 Oops! Uh, sorry. 458 00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:54,829 I was aiming for the bad guy. 459 00:19:54,862 --> 00:19:57,701 - Sure. - Not the time! 460 00:19:59,705 --> 00:20:01,809 That was you trying to knock me out? 461 00:20:01,842 --> 00:20:04,448 Come on, there's only so much performance I can give here. 462 00:20:04,481 --> 00:20:06,819 I was not trying to knock you out. 463 00:20:06,852 --> 00:20:09,558 I just needed you in position. 464 00:20:09,591 --> 00:20:10,794 Ow! 465 00:20:10,827 --> 00:20:12,564 Ha! He got me again. 466 00:20:12,597 --> 00:20:14,300 That kid is a damn genius. 467 00:20:17,339 --> 00:20:19,812 Oh, you can laugh and cough up blood at the same time. 468 00:20:19,845 --> 00:20:20,845 Ow! 469 00:20:20,847 --> 00:20:22,451 I knew it. 470 00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:30,567 - Wait! I have the plaque. - And he'll pay for stealing it! 471 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,203 Arrest him! 472 00:20:36,579 --> 00:20:38,459 Wait, you're not supposed to be the one driving. 473 00:20:38,483 --> 00:20:40,319 You're a kid! 474 00:20:42,791 --> 00:20:44,361 Hit the gas, Half-Pint! 475 00:20:46,532 --> 00:20:49,237 No, no, no! Did he escape? 476 00:20:49,270 --> 00:20:52,478 - You should go after him! - Looks like he's gone through, innit? 477 00:20:52,511 --> 00:20:55,751 Eh, get him next time. Fish and chips and all that. 478 00:20:55,784 --> 00:20:57,621 I believe our job was to keep the plaque safe, 479 00:20:57,654 --> 00:20:58,757 and now it is. 480 00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:00,192 My team and I can go after Ibadan 481 00:21:00,225 --> 00:21:01,465 if that's what the museum wants. 482 00:21:01,489 --> 00:21:03,767 No, no, you did your job. Thank you. 483 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,606 I suppose this adventure got me a little carried away. 484 00:21:06,639 --> 00:21:08,743 There are perhaps certain parts of this 485 00:21:08,776 --> 00:21:10,781 that could stay between us. 486 00:21:10,814 --> 00:21:13,185 Like you trying to turn this into a capture mission 487 00:21:13,218 --> 00:21:15,068 or like you trying to bang a guy 488 00:21:15,103 --> 00:21:17,525 - who side-piped an artifact? - Right. 489 00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:21,334 Completely unrelated, I do look forward to welcoming AJ 490 00:21:21,367 --> 00:21:24,375 - to Abernathy in the autumn. - Seems like a fair trade-off. 491 00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,913 There are very few things America does well, 492 00:21:26,946 --> 00:21:30,954 but the Abernathy school is one of them. 493 00:21:30,987 --> 00:21:33,626 Huh. She is patronizing. 494 00:21:35,730 --> 00:21:37,901 Good thing Ibadan had another reproduction. 495 00:21:37,934 --> 00:21:40,807 That one gets locked away, and the real one goes home. 496 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,778 You made the right call. The curse is broken 497 00:21:42,811 --> 00:21:45,216 thanks to two strong female agents 498 00:21:45,249 --> 00:21:46,686 working together to overcome 499 00:21:46,719 --> 00:21:48,923 one agent's willful moral blindness. 500 00:21:48,956 --> 00:21:51,829 - Wait a second. - No, thank you. 501 00:21:51,862 --> 00:21:54,802 You know, thinking about it, that guy probably made up the curse 502 00:21:54,835 --> 00:21:57,541 so he could get to the plaque, which means I was right, 503 00:21:57,574 --> 00:22:00,781 which means curses aren't real! Ha! 504 00:22:00,814 --> 00:22:04,583 Which means you're impotent. 505 00:22:04,855 --> 00:22:07,561 Never mind. 506 00:22:07,594 --> 00:22:12,468 sync & correction by f1nc0 -- Addic7ed.com --