1
00:00:11,878 --> 00:00:13,613
Whoo-hoo! Office vacation!
2
00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:15,849
No, office mission.
3
00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:19,986
Why are we
always doing missions?
4
00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:23,056
- Because it's our job.
- You don't even know what I do.
5
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:25,325
- Do you?
- What?
6
00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:27,494
Look at this place...
is our mission to stop people
7
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:30,212
from getting up crazy early
and using towels to claim
8
00:00:30,213 --> 00:00:33,099
- the best lounge chairs?
- Probably not.
9
00:00:33,132 --> 00:00:35,052
What's wrong with using a towel
to claim a chair?
10
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:36,970
Ugh, are you really
one of those people?
11
00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:40,106
- One of what people?
- One of those people who thinks
12
00:00:40,139 --> 00:00:42,001
they own the best seats
at the pool and can ruin
13
00:00:42,002 --> 00:00:45,145
- everyone else's vacation.
- So it is a vacation!
14
00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:47,547
Not a vacation!
And not a resort.
15
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:50,417
It's a luxury plastic surgery
facility in Costa Rica.
16
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:53,286
Pfft, anyone can put plastic
in a body.
17
00:00:53,319 --> 00:00:56,389
I can put an entire universe
inside of you.
18
00:00:56,422 --> 00:00:58,458
Interpol received intel that
one of the world's
19
00:00:58,491 --> 00:01:01,327
foremost drug kingpins will be
a patient at the facility.
20
00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:03,363
This is your target: El Cambiante.
21
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,198
Wait, these are the best photos
we have?
22
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,866
They're the only photos we have.
23
00:01:06,899 --> 00:01:08,468
El Cambiante is incredibly secretive.
24
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:10,203
- Same.
- Oh, please.
25
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:12,072
- You share everything.
- Aha!
26
00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:14,908
So my true secrets remain hidden.
27
00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:17,210
You have worse secrets
than the ones we already know?
28
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:18,878
- Wait, what kind of se...
- Nobody ask!
29
00:01:18,911 --> 00:01:20,847
No one knows what
El Cambiante looks like
30
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because every five years,
he changes his appearance.
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Your mission is to pose as patients,
32
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:26,252
find El Cambiante,
and take him alive
33
00:01:26,285 --> 00:01:27,854
before he changes his face.
34
00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:30,323
Huh, their rates are actually
really reasonable.
35
00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:33,927
- Botox in, bad guy out. Got it.
- You get Botox?
36
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Regular touch-ups when I'm young
37
00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:37,430
will help me avoid looking
like you when I'm older.
38
00:01:37,463 --> 00:01:39,899
Why would you want to avoid
looking... perfect?
39
00:01:39,932 --> 00:01:41,835
Aww.
You should look at a mirror...
40
00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:45,238
- and not a photo from 20 years ago.
- There wouldn't be any difference!
41
00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:49,309
- I mean, there's some difference.
- Crow's feet.
42
00:01:49,342 --> 00:01:51,578
Say the word
and I can give you tiger feet.
43
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:54,347
Lana, tell them I look as good,
if not better than ever.
44
00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:55,548
You don't, I won't,
45
00:01:55,581 --> 00:01:58,416
and your plane leaves in an hour.
Seriously?
46
00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:02,555
Uh, this?
This is for a different mission.
47
00:02:02,588 --> 00:02:04,582
I call Pam's mission!
48
00:02:39,732 --> 00:02:42,816
sync & correction by f1nc0
-- Addic7ed.com --
49
00:02:51,257 --> 00:02:53,393
So tell me what you don't like
about yourself.
50
00:02:53,426 --> 00:02:55,261
Whoa, doc, that's a tough one.
51
00:02:55,294 --> 00:02:58,730
I mean, I guess I've been told
my features are too striking.
52
00:02:59,565 --> 00:03:02,669
- I like everything about myself.
- Then why are you here?
53
00:03:02,702 --> 00:03:04,503
I don't know,
why are any of us here?
54
00:03:05,304 --> 00:03:08,074
Standard touch-up... injections
at the orbicularis oculi,
55
00:03:08,107 --> 00:03:09,542
glabella, and frontalis.
56
00:03:09,575 --> 00:03:12,712
Not too heavy. I like to glare.
57
00:03:12,745 --> 00:03:16,049
So what's the craziest thing
you've ever put inside a person?
58
00:03:16,082 --> 00:03:17,250
- I...
- Follow-up.
59
00:03:17,283 --> 00:03:20,520
What's the craziest thing you'd like
to put inside a person?
60
00:03:20,553 --> 00:03:22,489
Why are you naked?
61
00:03:22,522 --> 00:03:24,624
I thought you were gonna
circle my problem areas.
62
00:03:24,657 --> 00:03:26,292
U-unless you want me to circle them.
63
00:03:26,325 --> 00:03:28,094
This is my first plastic surgery.
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00:03:28,127 --> 00:03:31,464
You want to know
the ages of all the guests?
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00:03:31,497 --> 00:03:33,233
Well, only for sex reasons.
66
00:03:33,266 --> 00:03:35,266
Do you know what would happen
if I went full Archer
67
00:03:35,290 --> 00:03:37,170
on a 60-year-old
because I thought she was 30?
68
00:03:37,203 --> 00:03:39,239
We'd be having sex on her deathbed.
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00:03:39,272 --> 00:03:42,642
Which is actually something I've done...
not that my penis killed her.
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00:03:42,675 --> 00:03:44,477
Yeah, I can't in good conscience
71
00:03:44,510 --> 00:03:48,381
- recommend any surgical procedures.
- Because I'm already perfect?
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00:03:48,414 --> 00:03:50,049
Because I wouldn't feel comfortable
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00:03:50,082 --> 00:03:52,085
putting someone in your
condition under anesthesia.
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00:03:52,118 --> 00:03:54,187
- What condition?
- I-I don't know where to start.
75
00:03:54,220 --> 00:03:57,056
Multiple fractures, dozens of
knife and projectile wounds.
76
00:03:57,089 --> 00:03:58,529
Your liver is hanging on by a thread.
77
00:03:58,558 --> 00:04:02,295
One of your kidneys has detached
and is just floating inside of you.
78
00:04:02,328 --> 00:04:05,665
And your spine is one bad blow
from total paralysis.
79
00:04:05,698 --> 00:04:09,269
Wait, you can't operate on me
because I'm too frail?
80
00:04:09,302 --> 00:04:12,005
Mr. Archer, you're ten steps
past frail.
81
00:04:12,038 --> 00:04:13,439
How many concussions
have you had?
82
00:04:13,472 --> 00:04:15,141
It's not a concussion
if you remember it.
83
00:04:15,174 --> 00:04:16,694
Listen to me:
this is the body of a man
84
00:04:16,709 --> 00:04:18,511
with no more second chances.
85
00:04:18,544 --> 00:04:20,680
If you even sneeze wrong,
your heart might stop.
86
00:04:20,713 --> 00:04:23,516
- Understood?
- Yeah, uh, uh, okay.
87
00:04:23,549 --> 00:04:27,505
- Uh, I-I-I-I guess I'll go.
- You should hold the handrail
88
00:04:27,506 --> 00:04:29,589
- when you go down the stairs.
- Yeah, I-I got it.
89
00:04:29,622 --> 00:04:32,592
- And if you don't have a will...
- I got it!
90
00:04:32,625 --> 00:04:34,227
This is it, Ray.
91
00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:36,563
This is the day the Agency
gets a fresh start.
92
00:04:36,596 --> 00:04:38,298
And didn't you say that
last week?
93
00:04:38,331 --> 00:04:41,534
- And the week before that?
- No idea! I'm too fresh to remember.
94
00:04:41,567 --> 00:04:44,537
Then how is a fresh start
different from brain damage?
95
00:04:44,570 --> 00:04:46,890
You see this calendar? Hmm?
This is the calendar of someone
96
00:04:46,914 --> 00:04:50,143
who has a plan: staff meetings,
budget reviews...
97
00:04:50,176 --> 00:04:51,776
And a whole bunch
of other office-y stuff
98
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,379
- I already cancelled.
- What? Why?
99
00:04:53,412 --> 00:04:55,982
Uh, because it's
Blackmail Bribe Day?
100
00:04:56,015 --> 00:04:58,384
Why are you saying that like
we should know what that is?
101
00:04:58,417 --> 00:05:00,053
Well, maybe you should,
102
00:05:00,086 --> 00:05:03,456
because it's basically the reason
this office isn't blown up.
103
00:05:03,489 --> 00:05:05,091
Well, one of the reasons.
104
00:05:05,124 --> 00:05:08,695
Another reason is,
I have found... other outlets.
105
00:05:08,728 --> 00:05:11,664
Hotter... hotter...
106
00:05:11,697 --> 00:05:14,601
hotter...
hotter!
107
00:05:18,638 --> 00:05:21,074
Cheryl, what is Blackmail Bribe Day?
108
00:05:21,107 --> 00:05:23,559
Oh, right. It turns out you
guys are not super stealthy
109
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,012
on missions, and you
break, like, a lot of laws.
110
00:05:26,045 --> 00:05:28,448
So one day a month, Ms. Archer
would pay off the people
111
00:05:28,481 --> 00:05:29,881
who saw something
or heard something
112
00:05:29,914 --> 00:05:31,594
or lost something
or got shot by something.
113
00:05:31,618 --> 00:05:33,253
Pay them off how?
With what money?
114
00:05:33,286 --> 00:05:36,055
That's the blackmail part.
There used to be a Blackmail Day
115
00:05:36,088 --> 00:05:38,992
and a Bribe Day, but honestly,
it was so confusing
116
00:05:39,025 --> 00:05:41,185
and just easier to get everyone
in and out all at once.
117
00:05:41,209 --> 00:05:42,362
Everyone?
118
00:05:42,395 --> 00:05:44,731
It's like if the DMV
was at a prison.
119
00:05:44,764 --> 00:05:46,466
Yeah, we're not doing this.
120
00:05:46,499 --> 00:05:49,035
- Tell all those people to go.
- Are you sure about that?
121
00:05:49,068 --> 00:05:51,537
Ms. Archer said Blackmail
Bribe Day is the only thing
122
00:05:51,538 --> 00:05:54,507
keeping this entire city from
descending into utter chaos.
123
00:05:54,540 --> 00:05:57,410
And Ms. Kane says
we're taking a new approach.
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00:05:57,443 --> 00:06:00,713
Ooh, okay! Is the new
approach embassy explosions
125
00:06:00,746 --> 00:06:03,383
- and power grid failures?
- Just do it!
126
00:06:09,655 --> 00:06:11,624
Ahh, this is my kind of mission.
127
00:06:11,657 --> 00:06:13,457
But we should probably look
for this guy soon.
128
00:06:13,490 --> 00:06:15,192
12 women and 7 men
in the vicinity.
129
00:06:15,225 --> 00:06:16,396
Four men too old,
130
00:06:16,429 --> 00:06:18,598
two men too young,
and one man too tall.
131
00:06:18,631 --> 00:06:22,001
And none of these rich bastards
are tipping their waiters!
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00:06:22,034 --> 00:06:23,636
Get 'em, girl.
133
00:06:23,669 --> 00:06:26,439
- But I thought you Brits didn't tip.
- Some of us do actually care
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00:06:26,472 --> 00:06:28,174
whether workers
can feed their children.
135
00:06:28,207 --> 00:06:30,977
And I notice you didn't put
anything on the waiter's tray.
136
00:06:31,010 --> 00:06:33,646
Well, at least you're
super judgey about it.
137
00:06:33,679 --> 00:06:36,416
Yeah, you're fooling everybody,
young ladies.
138
00:06:36,449 --> 00:06:39,152
- Now who's judgey?
- Eh, they can do what they want.
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00:06:39,185 --> 00:06:40,720
I just worry about if they sneeze,
140
00:06:40,753 --> 00:06:43,423
- their faces might fall off.
- What happened to you?
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00:06:43,456 --> 00:06:46,292
Good news: I got calf implants!
142
00:06:46,325 --> 00:06:49,128
Ugh, you got major surgery
mid-mission?
143
00:06:49,161 --> 00:06:50,997
Because my calves
have always been small,
144
00:06:51,030 --> 00:06:53,533
no matter how much I exercise.
What do you think?
145
00:06:53,566 --> 00:06:56,169
What's important
is that you like them,
146
00:06:56,202 --> 00:06:58,638
so don't listen to what anybody
says behind your back.
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00:06:58,671 --> 00:07:00,607
- Or to your front.
- Thank you?
148
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:03,309
Is anyone working on the mission?
149
00:07:03,342 --> 00:07:05,278
I mean, Krieger's been
getting close with that doctor.
150
00:07:05,311 --> 00:07:07,511
I'm just saying, think back
to why you became a surgeon.
151
00:07:07,535 --> 00:07:09,249
Was it because you wanted
to help people?
152
00:07:09,282 --> 00:07:12,285
Or was it because
you wanted godlike power?
153
00:07:12,318 --> 00:07:14,153
Godlike power.
154
00:07:14,186 --> 00:07:15,488
Right. Time for action.
155
00:07:15,521 --> 00:07:19,392
Oy, fucker! Your waiter provided a
service, and they deserve compensation!
156
00:07:19,425 --> 00:07:21,094
Eh, maybe Archer has a lead.
157
00:07:21,127 --> 00:07:25,031
Mm, not unless staring wistfully
out into the ocean is a lead.
158
00:07:29,635 --> 00:07:33,506
- Hey, bud. You okay?
- I thought so, but apparently not.
159
00:07:33,539 --> 00:07:35,375
Oh, boy. What happened?
160
00:07:35,408 --> 00:07:39,112
Life happened, Pam.
A thousand lives, all lived too fully.
161
00:07:39,145 --> 00:07:41,581
And now, according to
modern medicine, I'm nothing.
162
00:07:41,614 --> 00:07:45,451
A shell of an agent.
A shell of a man.
163
00:07:48,187 --> 00:07:52,146
Yeah, the doctor said my skin
is too smooth for Botox.
164
00:07:56,169 --> 00:08:00,198
Right. All the patients at the facility
got invites to the mixer.
165
00:08:00,199 --> 00:08:03,036
Let's split up and look
for El Cambiante.
166
00:08:03,069 --> 00:08:05,205
No rush.
167
00:08:05,238 --> 00:08:06,873
Oh, that's good,
because Dr. Spencer
168
00:08:06,906 --> 00:08:08,475
told me to never rush again.
169
00:08:08,508 --> 00:08:11,111
And I'm not supposed to run
until the swelling goes down.
170
00:08:11,144 --> 00:08:13,046
And my guy here's
clearly opening a coconut
171
00:08:13,079 --> 00:08:15,315
- for the first time.
- Wait. Where's Krieger?
172
00:08:15,348 --> 00:08:17,617
- I can't!
- Can't?
173
00:08:17,650 --> 00:08:20,587
Could Picasso can't?
Could Kant can't?
174
00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:24,190
You are an artist, and the
human skeleton is your canvas!
175
00:08:24,223 --> 00:08:26,126
Now graft that horn!
176
00:08:28,394 --> 00:08:30,096
How are we supposed
to find this guy?
177
00:08:30,129 --> 00:08:31,649
Everybody here has
the exact same nose.
178
00:08:31,673 --> 00:08:33,233
Thanks for walking with me, Pam.
179
00:08:33,266 --> 00:08:35,168
One bad fall,
and my hips could shatter.
180
00:08:35,201 --> 00:08:37,036
According to one doctor!
181
00:08:37,069 --> 00:08:39,506
And according to the X-rays
of my buckling tibias.
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00:08:39,539 --> 00:08:42,542
Screw the X-rays!
This whole place is toxic.
183
00:08:42,575 --> 00:08:45,145
These doctors only make money
if they convince you
184
00:08:45,178 --> 00:08:47,280
there's something broken
that they can fix.
185
00:08:47,313 --> 00:08:49,382
Dr. Spencer actually refused
to work on me
186
00:08:49,415 --> 00:08:50,884
because I'm too broken.
187
00:08:50,917 --> 00:08:53,353
That was
reverse psychology, dude.
188
00:08:53,386 --> 00:08:55,288
- Oh. You think?
- I know!
189
00:08:55,321 --> 00:08:58,058
Look, Archer, you're not
the fresh young agent anymore,
190
00:08:58,091 --> 00:09:01,161
but you're something better:
the salty old pro
191
00:09:01,194 --> 00:09:03,229
who's seen it all
and lived to tell about it.
192
00:09:03,262 --> 00:09:05,906
- I do have a lot of things to tell.
- So go tell them!
193
00:09:05,932 --> 00:09:07,567
Oh, and I guess
look for our target.
194
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,035
Are we still doing that?
195
00:09:10,937 --> 00:09:13,306
- Still no sign of him.
- Keep looking.
196
00:09:13,339 --> 00:09:14,574
He's here somewhere.
197
00:09:14,607 --> 00:09:16,042
Huh?
198
00:09:16,075 --> 00:09:19,512
Sorry, I-I have a gasping disorder.
The doctors are stumped.
199
00:09:21,581 --> 00:09:23,183
This is unbelievable.
200
00:09:23,216 --> 00:09:25,652
Half our budget is just
labeled "miscellaneous."
201
00:09:25,685 --> 00:09:28,521
Originally we called it bribes,
but the...
202
00:09:28,554 --> 00:09:31,524
...then we had to bribe the IRS
to not arrest us, so.
203
00:09:31,557 --> 00:09:33,626
We spend half our budget on bribes?
204
00:09:33,659 --> 00:09:35,862
I mean, the blackmail
covers some of that.
205
00:09:35,895 --> 00:09:37,197
But Ms. Archer always said that
206
00:09:37,230 --> 00:09:39,466
there's no such thing
as free blackmail,
207
00:09:39,499 --> 00:09:42,569
which is why blackmail expenses
are labeled "et cetera."
208
00:09:42,602 --> 00:09:45,171
Yeah, we're not doing
any of this anymore.
209
00:09:45,204 --> 00:09:47,514
Well, tell that to Mr. Persistent.
210
00:09:49,375 --> 00:09:51,911
Hi. I don't wanna be rude.
Maybe you were in the bathroom.
211
00:09:51,944 --> 00:09:53,584
But this Agency doesn't
do bribes anymore.
212
00:09:53,608 --> 00:09:56,249
Oh, I heard. Very noble.
213
00:09:56,282 --> 00:09:59,119
I'm Gary.
Trust me... you want to bribe me.
214
00:09:59,152 --> 00:10:01,621
Actually, Gary, I don't.
215
00:10:01,654 --> 00:10:04,457
Because this is my Agency.
A new Agency.
216
00:10:04,490 --> 00:10:07,160
So take whatever deal
you had in the past,
217
00:10:07,193 --> 00:10:10,463
crumple it up into a tiny ball,
and shove it up or down
218
00:10:10,496 --> 00:10:14,401
- or through any hole of your choosing.
- Mm, okay then.
219
00:10:14,434 --> 00:10:16,074
I'll just wait
until you change your mind.
220
00:10:16,098 --> 00:10:17,570
Well, then prepare to wait forever,
221
00:10:17,603 --> 00:10:19,272
Gary, because nothing is gonna...
222
00:10:20,339 --> 00:10:22,041
Was that the Costa Rican embassy?
223
00:10:22,074 --> 00:10:24,961
Yeah, we've been bribing
some cartel not to blow it up.
224
00:10:24,962 --> 00:10:27,213
- Why?
- Because if they do,
225
00:10:27,246 --> 00:10:29,649
it will make
the Panamanian Mafia furious.
226
00:10:29,682 --> 00:10:30,884
Wha...
227
00:10:30,917 --> 00:10:32,519
See?
228
00:10:32,552 --> 00:10:35,221
- That could be a coincidence.
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
229
00:10:35,254 --> 00:10:38,324
It's a real coincidence spree
out there.
230
00:10:38,357 --> 00:10:41,561
Wrong nose.
Wrong forehead.
231
00:10:41,594 --> 00:10:44,230
Right nose, right forehead,
but a lady.
232
00:10:44,263 --> 00:10:46,099
- Señora.
- Cheers.
233
00:10:46,132 --> 00:10:48,368
You're being rather attentive.
234
00:10:48,401 --> 00:10:50,370
Only when the lady
is worth attending.
235
00:10:50,403 --> 00:10:53,139
And might I say,
your work is exquisite.
236
00:10:53,172 --> 00:10:55,475
I would love to see some
pictures of your grandchildren.
237
00:10:55,508 --> 00:10:59,612
- Grandchildren? I'm 25!
- I see, señorita.
238
00:10:59,645 --> 00:11:04,350
- Apologies, but you are not my type.
- Ugh. I hate this place.
239
00:11:04,383 --> 00:11:06,453
We have a problem.
240
00:11:06,486 --> 00:11:09,238
Yeah, you're interrupting
me while I share my
241
00:11:09,239 --> 00:11:11,991
years of wisdom with these
beautiful young ladies.
242
00:11:12,024 --> 00:11:13,393
Why is that funny?
243
00:11:13,426 --> 00:11:17,997
- You sound just like my grandson.
- Grandson? I hate this place.
244
00:11:18,030 --> 00:11:19,566
I don't think we're the only ones
245
00:11:19,599 --> 00:11:21,434
looking for El Cambiante!
246
00:11:21,467 --> 00:11:23,203
- Ay!
- Hang on.
247
00:11:23,236 --> 00:11:26,005
Perfect nose, dimpled chin,
lifted buttocks.
248
00:11:26,038 --> 00:11:28,341
The waiter is El Cambiante?
249
00:11:28,374 --> 00:11:31,144
A disguise within a disguise?
I knew it!
250
00:11:31,177 --> 00:11:33,913
- After him!
- Hey! Be careful who you shove!
251
00:11:33,946 --> 00:11:35,482
Everyone here is older than they look.
252
00:11:35,515 --> 00:11:37,150
Ha!
253
00:11:37,183 --> 00:11:39,219
Oh, no, he's whimsically getting away!
254
00:11:39,252 --> 00:11:43,423
- And he took the only harness!
- Oh, Zara. First zipline?
255
00:11:43,456 --> 00:11:46,326
Hey!
What was wrong with your belt?
256
00:11:46,359 --> 00:11:48,328
The wire is really bad
for the leather.
257
00:11:53,166 --> 00:11:54,300
Gah-ha!
258
00:11:54,333 --> 00:11:55,869
What the...
you still have your drink?
259
00:11:55,902 --> 00:11:59,906
- I'll drop it if I have to.
- Good news: I saw a sloth!
260
00:11:59,939 --> 00:12:01,659
- Where is he?
- Probably still back that way.
261
00:12:01,683 --> 00:12:04,110
- You know, he's pretty slow.
- I mean El Cambiante, you knob!
262
00:12:04,143 --> 00:12:06,579
Oh. No idea.
263
00:12:06,612 --> 00:12:08,548
Cyril, I know this is
basically a vacation,
264
00:12:08,581 --> 00:12:10,083
but you still have to wear pants.
265
00:12:10,116 --> 00:12:12,519
They fell off
because you took my belt!
266
00:12:12,552 --> 00:12:15,989
- Or because your pants were too loose.
- That's what the belt was for.
267
00:12:16,022 --> 00:12:18,058
A belt shouldn't be functional, Cyril!
268
00:12:18,091 --> 00:12:20,531
- It's an accent piece!
- There he is!
269
00:12:20,927 --> 00:12:22,649
Split up!
270
00:12:25,965 --> 00:12:28,201
- Can anyone see him?
- Need a little help, please!
271
00:12:28,234 --> 00:12:31,104
I gotcha!
272
00:12:31,137 --> 00:12:32,539
And I've got a new friend.
273
00:12:32,572 --> 00:12:34,941
I shall call you Norman, because...
274
00:12:34,974 --> 00:12:36,654
Ow! Why are you so fast?
275
00:12:36,678 --> 00:12:38,278
There's a whole sin about it!
276
00:12:42,215 --> 00:12:45,018
Guys! He's up!
277
00:12:45,051 --> 00:12:46,453
I'm supposed to say that!
278
00:12:46,486 --> 00:12:48,922
Well, now I gotta
knock him out again.
279
00:12:48,955 --> 00:12:52,225
- Let's just keep him up.
- Hey, bud. Recovery mai tai?
280
00:12:52,258 --> 00:12:54,461
I got you this tiny fan
from the gift shop.
281
00:12:54,494 --> 00:12:57,530
They had flowers, but I thought,
"Everyone buys flowers,"
282
00:12:57,563 --> 00:13:00,233
- so... tiny fan!
- What happened?
283
00:13:00,266 --> 00:13:02,202
You fell 50 feet onto jagged rocks.
284
00:13:02,235 --> 00:13:04,437
Also, you held that asshole sloth
285
00:13:04,470 --> 00:13:06,039
to break its fall with your body.
286
00:13:06,072 --> 00:13:08,007
And, uh, it bit you
when you landed.
287
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:11,878
- And just soaked you in piss.
- That's... amazing!
288
00:13:11,911 --> 00:13:14,881
- Uh, but is it?
- I was worried I was getting old.
289
00:13:14,914 --> 00:13:17,234
But I just survived an accident
that should have killed me.
290
00:13:17,258 --> 00:13:18,284
I might be invincible.
291
00:13:20,253 --> 00:13:22,322
Yeah, that'd be the 30 stitches.
292
00:13:22,355 --> 00:13:25,191
Or the nanobots,
if they decided to rebel.
293
00:13:25,224 --> 00:13:28,361
Fine, I'm probably
not invincible.
294
00:13:28,394 --> 00:13:30,296
Just lucky to the point
of being immortal.
295
00:13:30,329 --> 00:13:32,198
So where are we on the mission?
296
00:13:32,231 --> 00:13:33,933
We lost El Cambiante in the jungle,
297
00:13:33,966 --> 00:13:35,526
but now that we know
what he looks like,
298
00:13:35,559 --> 00:13:37,439
I was able to find him
in the hospital database.
299
00:13:37,463 --> 00:13:38,938
It looks like he got his surgery.
300
00:13:38,971 --> 00:13:43,009
- He's in recovery with a new face.
- Yeah. His last face.
301
00:13:43,042 --> 00:13:45,345
Ooh, scary!
302
00:13:45,378 --> 00:13:47,614
I'm drunk.
303
00:13:47,647 --> 00:13:49,349
And I have rounds with Dr. Spencer.
304
00:13:49,382 --> 00:13:52,385
We're taking plastic surgery
to new and forbidden places.
305
00:13:52,418 --> 00:13:54,220
Places we probably shouldn't go.
306
00:13:54,253 --> 00:13:56,756
Places that, deep down,
make me wonder if I've awoken
307
00:13:56,757 --> 00:13:59,259
something in this woman that
should have remained asleep.
308
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,529
Or not.
309
00:14:02,562 --> 00:14:05,298
Authorities are baffled
as violence consumes the city.
310
00:14:05,331 --> 00:14:07,567
We now go live to a fire
at the Chilean embassy...
311
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:11,304
There is no way this is because
of us. This is a coincidence!
312
00:14:11,337 --> 00:14:13,940
Me finding a dollar on
laundry day is a coincidence.
313
00:14:13,973 --> 00:14:16,576
This is a city melting down
'cause we hit the brakes
314
00:14:16,609 --> 00:14:21,614
- on a criminal money train.
- Ugh! I tried to tell you!
315
00:14:21,647 --> 00:14:23,216
I mean, not very hard, though.
316
00:14:23,249 --> 00:14:26,219
I guess, deep down,
I wanted the city to burn.
317
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,622
The Agency. Hmm, I'll check.
318
00:14:29,655 --> 00:14:32,425
Do we care if the yakuza kills
the Australian ambassador?
319
00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:34,494
Yes!
But we'll call him back.
320
00:14:34,527 --> 00:14:35,995
Start with the toes, please.
321
00:14:36,028 --> 00:14:40,266
- Ray, what have you got?
- A tangled web of criminal nonsense.
322
00:14:40,299 --> 00:14:42,435
We're bribing gun runners
to arm militias
323
00:14:42,468 --> 00:14:44,637
so they won't steal guns
from other militias
324
00:14:44,670 --> 00:14:47,073
who we're also bribing
to protect banks
325
00:14:47,106 --> 00:14:49,346
'cause the banks are full
of money from our other bribes.
326
00:14:49,375 --> 00:14:51,478
God, just tell me you have
a solution.
327
00:14:51,511 --> 00:14:54,981
- I do. You're gonna hate it.
- Ugh. Seriously?
328
00:14:55,014 --> 00:14:56,449
All roads lead to Gary.
329
00:14:56,482 --> 00:14:58,585
We pay him, it buys us time
on the others.
330
00:14:58,618 --> 00:15:00,553
God damn it, fucking Gary.
331
00:15:00,586 --> 00:15:03,089
Hey, I heard my name.
Did you decide to bribe me yet?
332
00:15:03,122 --> 00:15:07,160
- No! And stop being so cavalier about it.
- Copy that. I'll be out here.
333
00:15:07,193 --> 00:15:09,929
Also, I opened a new oat milk.
Is that cool?
334
00:15:09,962 --> 00:15:11,197
What's the big deal?
335
00:15:11,230 --> 00:15:13,867
A bribe's just a service,
like a haircut
336
00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:16,403
- or a dog's haircut.
- The big deal is, I'm trying
337
00:15:16,436 --> 00:15:18,037
to do things aboveboard, all right?
338
00:15:18,070 --> 00:15:20,073
And I'd rather die
than betray my principles.
339
00:15:22,275 --> 00:15:24,790
I think
that just became an option.
340
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,416
Guys, I think this is him!
341
00:15:29,449 --> 00:15:32,152
- Great, shoot him and let's go.
- The mission is to capture him!
342
00:15:32,185 --> 00:15:34,521
You can't yell at me,
I just got out of the hospital.
343
00:15:34,554 --> 00:15:37,123
Uh, what's this hospital's
policy on kidnapping?
344
00:15:37,156 --> 00:15:39,392
Because those nurses
don't look thrilled.
345
00:15:39,425 --> 00:15:41,394
Hey, those are the guys I saw
at the party.
346
00:15:41,427 --> 00:15:45,532
- I think they're after El Cambiante too.
- Which makes us allies, right?
347
00:15:46,999 --> 00:15:49,536
I'm not
supposed to jump yet!
348
00:15:49,569 --> 00:15:52,238
My calf implants are combing
into the backs of my knees!
349
00:15:52,271 --> 00:15:55,508
- Who the hell are these guys?
- And why do they get guns?
350
00:15:55,541 --> 00:15:58,611
- Archer? What are you doing?
- Immortal, remember?
351
00:15:58,644 --> 00:16:00,513
Maybe he is.
All the bullets are missing...
352
00:16:00,546 --> 00:16:02,549
- Ow!
- Yeah, he's not.
353
00:16:06,919 --> 00:16:09,289
Out the back! Go!
354
00:16:09,322 --> 00:16:12,358
- Still think you're immortal?
- Obviously. Look!
355
00:16:12,391 --> 00:16:14,160
The bullet went straight through.
356
00:16:14,193 --> 00:16:16,963
I'm made of non-vital organs
and luck!
357
00:16:16,996 --> 00:16:20,987
But I am losing a lot of blood.
358
00:16:27,306 --> 00:16:28,875
- Did we lose them?
- Lose them?
359
00:16:28,908 --> 00:16:30,110
It's a mid-sized hospital,
360
00:16:30,143 --> 00:16:31,911
not the Trastevere neighborhood
of Rome.
361
00:16:31,944 --> 00:16:34,581
What? It's an easy place
to lose people.
362
00:16:34,614 --> 00:16:36,282
Also, it seems like we lost them.
363
00:16:36,315 --> 00:16:39,986
Ooh! Not these guys, though.
364
00:16:40,019 --> 00:16:42,989
Guys, the small penis hospital
is, uh, down the road.
365
00:16:43,022 --> 00:16:46,159
Can we not taunt the men with
guns while we're all so injured?
366
00:16:46,192 --> 00:16:49,028
A positive attitude is the key
to recovery, Cyril.
367
00:16:49,061 --> 00:16:52,399
Although I'm feeling pretty
negative about this dead end.
368
00:16:56,269 --> 00:16:58,138
Do all your missions end
369
00:16:58,171 --> 00:16:59,906
with you cornered and waiting to die?
370
00:16:59,939 --> 00:17:02,108
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a lot of 'em.
371
00:17:02,141 --> 00:17:04,277
But I do have one idea.
372
00:17:07,313 --> 00:17:09,315
- What the hell, Archer?
- He was too short!
373
00:17:09,348 --> 00:17:11,017
So he had to die?
374
00:17:11,050 --> 00:17:13,153
The target we chased
on the zipline was my height.
375
00:17:13,186 --> 00:17:15,955
Whoever's under those
bandages isn't the same person.
376
00:17:15,988 --> 00:17:18,258
I'm... pretty sure.
377
00:17:18,291 --> 00:17:21,827
Wait. I want this bastard
to know it was us.
378
00:17:23,329 --> 00:17:25,009
Whoa.
This place is really good.
379
00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:31,638
- El Cambiante?
- He looks... the same?
380
00:17:31,671 --> 00:17:34,307
Yeah, not to antagonize
the man with a gun...
381
00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:38,311
- He said as he prepared to.
- ...but I'd get a refund on that new face.
382
00:17:38,344 --> 00:17:40,914
This one looks just as ugly
as the old one.
383
00:17:40,947 --> 00:17:42,307
You-you know what?
That's not fair.
384
00:17:42,315 --> 00:17:44,150
You're actually very handsome.
385
00:17:44,183 --> 00:17:46,986
I'm just going through a lot
this weekend, and... ow!
386
00:17:47,019 --> 00:17:49,889
I postponed my surgery when
I realized I was being hunted.
387
00:17:49,922 --> 00:17:53,226
It felt like a good opportunity
to eliminate potential assassins.
388
00:17:53,259 --> 00:17:55,161
Good idea.
What?
389
00:17:55,194 --> 00:17:57,230
You can't argue
with five dead assassins.
390
00:17:57,263 --> 00:18:00,533
Soon to be...
...uh, uh, ten.
391
00:18:00,566 --> 00:18:03,570
Technically not assassins.
We're here to capture you.
392
00:18:05,538 --> 00:18:08,141
You thought
you'd get away with it?
393
00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:09,374
I don't even know who you are.
394
00:18:09,398 --> 00:18:12,579
- He sounds Russian!
- No! He doesn't sound like anything!
395
00:18:12,612 --> 00:18:15,315
We can't place his accent
and we didn't see his face,
396
00:18:15,348 --> 00:18:16,588
and if he and his friends left,
397
00:18:16,616 --> 00:18:18,418
we'd forget
they were ever even here!
398
00:18:18,451 --> 00:18:21,121
- I mean, I wouldn't forget.
- Oh, my God, woman.
399
00:18:21,154 --> 00:18:23,289
Oh, God, it's fine, all right?
We'll pay you.
400
00:18:23,322 --> 00:18:25,859
Yes, this time. And then what?
401
00:18:25,892 --> 00:18:28,561
We have to come back again
when you don't pay next time?
402
00:18:28,594 --> 00:18:32,132
You think it's easy renting van
for all these men?
403
00:18:32,165 --> 00:18:35,368
- You die now.
- Excuse me? Hi. Gary.
404
00:18:35,401 --> 00:18:37,504
- I think maybe I can help.
- You can die.
405
00:18:37,537 --> 00:18:40,507
- I can! And then we all can.
- Awesome.
406
00:18:40,540 --> 00:18:43,243
You're the Chechen
revolutionaries, right?
407
00:18:43,276 --> 00:18:45,545
Mm, I'll take that
stony silence as a yes.
408
00:18:45,578 --> 00:18:47,547
And I happen to know the Chechnians
409
00:18:47,580 --> 00:18:49,916
are currently in debt
to the Irish Republican Army,
410
00:18:49,949 --> 00:18:52,318
which owes a favor to the
Albanian Conservative Party,
411
00:18:52,351 --> 00:18:54,587
whose secrets are being kept
by the Boston Mafia,
412
00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:57,424
who owe a favor to me, Gary.
413
00:18:57,457 --> 00:19:00,026
Which is all to say, I think
we could clear all this up
414
00:19:00,059 --> 00:19:03,881
without any violence at all...
if I got my bribe.
415
00:19:05,398 --> 00:19:07,033
I get what you're trying to do here.
416
00:19:07,066 --> 00:19:09,302
Maybe start by cutting
one bribe a month?
417
00:19:09,335 --> 00:19:11,438
Like the janitors
at the Costa Rican embassy?
418
00:19:11,471 --> 00:19:14,307
Because they're all dead now.
See you next month.
419
00:19:14,340 --> 00:19:18,878
- Well, that's one less bribe.
- Do we think Gary's single?
420
00:19:18,911 --> 00:19:21,448
What?
He's confident and mysterious.
421
00:19:21,481 --> 00:19:23,917
Oh, please, like you wouldn't.
422
00:19:25,218 --> 00:19:29,155
- Does no one have a weapon?
- I've got Cyril's stupid fan.
423
00:19:29,188 --> 00:19:31,024
Hey!
I put thought into that gift.
424
00:19:31,057 --> 00:19:32,892
Yeah. The thought was bad.
425
00:19:32,925 --> 00:19:34,927
Does anyone else hear screeching?
426
00:19:35,695 --> 00:19:38,031
We made a mistake!
We made a terrible mistake!
427
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:45,105
I can feel God!
428
00:19:50,076 --> 00:19:52,912
Ugh. Gross.
But lucky!
429
00:19:52,945 --> 00:19:54,881
We need to go before
their brains fully merge.
430
00:19:58,051 --> 00:20:00,553
After them! And don't shoot
the massage table, okay?
431
00:20:00,586 --> 00:20:02,422
I have an appointment later.
432
00:20:08,394 --> 00:20:10,029
Hey, buddy!
433
00:20:10,062 --> 00:20:11,997
Namast-ay down.
434
00:20:21,908 --> 00:20:25,578
- My face!
- Oh, my God, her face fell off!
435
00:20:25,611 --> 00:20:29,549
- I told you!
- Oh, my God, that is grisly.
436
00:20:29,582 --> 00:20:31,918
Someone get her a bag.
And nobody step on...
437
00:20:31,951 --> 00:20:33,586
Oh, never mind.
438
00:20:33,619 --> 00:20:36,556
Oh, the implants are going up
into my thighs!
439
00:20:38,124 --> 00:20:40,010
Or I'll just get the surgery in Brazil.
440
00:20:42,195 --> 00:20:44,230
- Archer!
- Little busy.
441
00:20:44,263 --> 00:20:46,299
Which I know seems antithetical
to a steam room,
442
00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:47,972
but here we are.
443
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:49,536
Yes. Here we are.
444
00:20:49,569 --> 00:20:54,107
In the appendix?
That's how Houdini died.
445
00:20:54,140 --> 00:20:56,242
I looked you up,
Sterling Archer,
446
00:20:56,275 --> 00:20:58,912
after our encounter on the zipline.
447
00:20:58,945 --> 00:21:01,915
Poor, broken spy.
448
00:21:01,948 --> 00:21:04,584
An old man in a young man's game.
449
00:21:04,617 --> 00:21:08,854
Why not do the respectable
thing and die now?
450
00:21:10,456 --> 00:21:12,258
Tiny fan!
451
00:21:12,291 --> 00:21:13,993
Huh?
452
00:21:29,141 --> 00:21:31,010
You know, I saw it
differently in my head.
453
00:21:36,949 --> 00:21:38,551
No one tell Cyril
his gift was useful.
454
00:21:40,586 --> 00:21:43,490
- Mission accomplished.
- Why are you holding the fan?
455
00:21:43,523 --> 00:21:46,025
Because I felt like holding
something stupid.
456
00:21:46,058 --> 00:21:49,295
- But thank you for the gift.
- Three on one? Nice work.
457
00:21:49,328 --> 00:21:52,565
More like all in a day's work
for the world's greatest...
458
00:21:55,067 --> 00:21:56,903
...greatest spy.
459
00:21:56,936 --> 00:21:58,104
That probably would have been
more convincing
460
00:21:58,137 --> 00:21:59,572
if I hadn't coughed up blood.
461
00:21:59,605 --> 00:22:01,441
You know, bud,
maybe this is the mission
462
00:22:01,474 --> 00:22:03,443
where you learn not to rely
so much on luck.
463
00:22:03,476 --> 00:22:06,112
Are you kidding? This was
my luckiest mission yet.
464
00:22:06,145 --> 00:22:10,049
- You got shot, like, a dozen times.
- Yeah, in a hospital.
465
00:22:10,082 --> 00:22:11,918
Whew, whoa, hey.
466
00:22:11,951 --> 00:22:13,391
See if they can
put in an extra liver
467
00:22:13,415 --> 00:22:15,258
while they're in there, okay?
468
00:22:16,055 --> 00:22:17,782
Archer out.
469
00:22:19,926 --> 00:22:22,028
Yeah, so should we be worried
470
00:22:22,061 --> 00:22:24,230
about whatever Dr. Spencer
turned into?
471
00:22:29,135 --> 00:22:30,906
No.
472
00:22:31,604 --> 00:22:36,093
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