Catbug?
Change your destiny...
Are you okay?
Save my soulll!
Where am I??
Welcome to the Parasox Pub!
Lemme guess, Shirley Temple?
Wait, uh, gimmee a second...
We're locked inside a TIMELESS PRISON for Emotion Lords!
Where's Catbug?
I had to possess a trans-dimensional creature to get you in here, Chris.
You've got Space Chickens nesting in the rafters.
Those are animatronic...
let me introduce you around!
There's you at age ninety...
in our prime!
And there's you at four-hundred,
when we were going through our phase of extreme, amateur Butter-Skating!
Butter Skating?
Three of these medals are for being lonely!
This one's for being old.
Everyone here is you!
I'm your future,
they're your future!
What's wrong with him?
Best to ignore seven-hundred year-old you.
Tiiitty... twisterrr...
Man that ain't sensible!
The only part of his brain that survived the ages is the titty- twister section.
So I'm in my... prime...
for a century, and then I'm just bananas til seven-hundred?
We eventually get a second wind.
There's three-thousand year-old you, back in peak condition!
Wanna hit the clubs, Hoserrr?
And... Beth?
What about her?
Tell me about her future.
What happens with me and Beth?
Chris. There is no you and Beth!
He'll be done with another load in exactly five minutes.
You! From the Dawning of Wankershim!
Our fate was sealed the moment you started down "The Path of The Zarpap."
But I haven't done anything!
You missed movie night!
You had a chance with Beth,
butcha started thinking with your Zarpap.
Your future is written, champ!
And it's written in SEXY PURPLE INK!
Tiiittyy twiiisterrr...
Your true love slips away.
We all lose our marbles.
It happens over and over for eternity!
Wait, is this about Plum?
Your one tawdry night with that purple hottie
started an unalterable chain of events that destroyed your entire future!
I can choose not to follow the path of the Zarpap!
We can't change our future.
We've tried everything to undo that chain of events,
yet things always end the same!
Look at poor Dishwasher Lord,
forced to brush his teeth with some French Bread and a hammer!
But... why did you bring me here if there's no hope?
We're prisoners bound by laws,
but you're an unknown variable in this place,
a hot blast of awkward blonde chaos that could tear open the upholstery of space-time!
One force stands between us and true love with Beth.
I can't stop him.
Eyelashes Lord sure as hell can't stop him.
Only YOU can stop him, Chris.
I'll do anything!
Who? Who is he?
They call him PUDDINGTOWN.
Now take that crap off, we got work to do!
Behind that door is the only path left.
What's this have to do with Beth?
Puddingtown is a nasty law of nature
that imprisons us when we fiddle with the timeline!
We need you to eradicate that law,
and we'll finally get a do-over with Beth!
In fifteen seconds, the Space Chicken Spectacle will begin.
Puddingtown will enter through that door,
walk over and sit in this chair like he always does.
That's when you murder him in cold blood, good luck!
What...?
If he struggles, dig out his eyeballs with your thumbs!
Show time!
B... but...!
My beak is bright like the sun.
I could use it to keep cold children warm!
You couldn't cook a ten pack of wieners, Roybertito!
* Space Chicken beaks chew more cashews *
* than you can eat tonight! *
Puddingtown.
C...Chris Kirkman.
This may sound crazy,
but you remind me of my wife.
And twelve children.
What?
No kiddin...
I just get this weird feeling that I can trust you.
Is that nuts?
I'm uh, usually pretty trustworthy...
What do you get when a Space Chicken eats too many beans?
A rooster with a booster!
We should hang out.
How 'bout it, tomorrow night over swordfish? My treat.
We...we could go dutch, it's cool!
I wouldn't hear of it.
Oh shoot, Tuesdays I'm at the orphanage singing to blind babies.
I bet you have a lovely voice...
Thank you! People like you are rare.
You're upset about something?
Are you thinking about those less fortunate?
I cried myself to sleep about that just last night.
I'm a little out of sorts, sir.
You have so much heart and you're so genuine and honest.
Will you be the godfather of my newborn baby?
She needs a real hero in her life.
Nuh, no, NO...
It's been so long since I've had a good conversation.
It's a lonely road Chris,
but in the end...
I really love being an Emotion Lord.
Chris now strike now kill him now!
I CAN'T DO IT!
Tomorrow! Swordfish!
You've failed! There are no paths left!
You go crazy!
Danny marries Beth!
Tiiitty twiiisterrr...
No!
My choices are my own!
You'll be OLD, ALONE, BANANAS!
I won't be like YOU!!
OLD, ALONE, BANANAS!
I can change!
I CAN CHANGE MY FUTURE!!!
I'm an Emotion Lord, genius!
You can't kill me unless you have the EMOTION SWORD!
And you'll never find it!
Is that it by the bathroom?
HE FOUND THE SWORD!
What the hell is that?!
Did he just tear open the upholstery of space-time?
Well I'll be damned.
The kid made us a whole NEW path!
Shirley Temples all around!