1 00:00:03,888 --> 00:00:07,257 Ah, Captain. You're at my desk. 2 00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:09,020 Just what I wanna see first thing in the morning. 3 00:00:09,027 --> 00:00:10,929 You're three minutes late, Peralta. 4 00:00:10,930 --> 00:00:13,531 Not my fault. I had a plumbing problem. 5 00:00:17,177 --> 00:00:19,179 Which reminds me, I'm gonna need 6 00:00:19,180 --> 00:00:21,815 a new departmentally issued phone. 7 00:00:21,849 --> 00:00:23,784 Oh, come on, really? I'm a few minutes late, 8 00:00:23,785 --> 00:00:25,203 so you're gonna call me out in front of everyone? 9 00:00:25,221 --> 00:00:27,247 Good idea. Everyone? 10 00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:30,002 Gather round, so I can call out Peralta in front of you. 11 00:00:30,036 --> 00:00:33,214 Okay, fine. I was three minutes late. 12 00:00:33,215 --> 00:00:34,952 I'm sorry for doing one thing wrong. 13 00:00:34,986 --> 00:00:37,465 - Oh, it's more than one thing. - Uh-oh. 14 00:00:37,489 --> 00:00:38,591 Let's start with the Kristov murder. 15 00:00:38,592 --> 00:00:39,895 It was an amazing solve. 16 00:00:39,896 --> 00:00:41,165 I got him to confess in 20 minutes. 17 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,602 You also mislabeled the evidence, 18 00:00:42,603 --> 00:00:44,642 so that confession is worthless 19 00:00:44,676 --> 00:00:46,415 if the sergeant hadn't caught your mistake. 20 00:00:46,416 --> 00:00:48,318 Here are three cases with sloppy paperwork. 21 00:00:48,353 --> 00:00:50,122 Here are two pictures. 22 00:00:50,123 --> 00:00:51,758 One is your locker. 23 00:00:51,793 --> 00:00:54,801 The other is a garbage dump in the Philippines. 24 00:00:54,802 --> 00:00:59,543 Can you tell which is which? 25 00:00:59,544 --> 00:01:01,947 - That one's the dump? - They're both your locker. 26 00:01:01,981 --> 00:01:03,516 Gah, I should've guessed that. He's good. 27 00:01:03,517 --> 00:01:06,919 This folder is labeled "undies, dirty." 28 00:01:06,954 --> 00:01:08,955 So I won't confuse it with "undies, clean." 29 00:01:08,990 --> 00:01:10,792 Also, who cares about all these rules? 30 00:01:10,828 --> 00:01:13,363 I have more felony arrests than any other Detective here. 31 00:01:13,397 --> 00:01:15,966 You also have more mice living in your desk 32 00:01:15,967 --> 00:01:17,968 than any other Detective. 33 00:01:17,969 --> 00:01:20,003 Algernon. 34 00:01:20,004 --> 00:01:22,007 You guys, Algernon's back. 35 00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:25,244 Get rid of the mouse, and get your act together now. 36 00:01:27,180 --> 00:01:29,216 He's grumpy. 37 00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:32,256 Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/ 38 00:01:51,891 --> 00:01:53,693 Okay, detectives, let's get started. 39 00:01:53,727 --> 00:01:56,830 Santiago, where are we with the Jay street drug bust? 40 00:01:56,864 --> 00:01:58,932 There are 12 keys of coke unaccounted for, 41 00:01:58,933 --> 00:02:00,734 but we just got a warrant to search the dealer's apartment. 42 00:02:00,735 --> 00:02:02,535 Good. Take Boyle and Diaz. 43 00:02:02,570 --> 00:02:04,304 Dream team. 44 00:02:04,305 --> 00:02:07,374 Peralta, brief us on the vandalism case. 45 00:02:07,375 --> 00:02:09,108 Well, there's no easy way to put this, sarge, 46 00:02:09,109 --> 00:02:12,045 but someone has been painting wieners on squad cars. 47 00:02:13,380 --> 00:02:15,215 And apparently, they won't stop 48 00:02:15,249 --> 00:02:16,951 until there's a penis drawn on every cop car in Brooklyn. 49 00:02:16,985 --> 00:02:19,788 Oh, that's what he's been drawing. 50 00:02:19,789 --> 00:02:22,124 But what are those little round things at the bottom? 51 00:02:22,125 --> 00:02:23,125 That's the butt. 52 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,895 The butt? 53 00:02:24,930 --> 00:02:27,732 I assume you have a plan to catch this gentleman. 54 00:02:27,733 --> 00:02:29,768 Did you just say "genital-man"? 55 00:02:29,769 --> 00:02:32,273 Because if so, kudos, and yes, I have a plan. 56 00:02:32,274 --> 00:02:34,745 I'm gonna plant a decoy squad car as bait. 57 00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:38,749 Meanwhile, I'll be waiting in an undercover vehicle here. 58 00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:41,453 He's already tagged three U/C vehicles. 59 00:02:41,454 --> 00:02:44,158 He can clearly spot 'em. You should take my minivan. 60 00:02:44,159 --> 00:02:46,030 - A minivan? - A-ha! 61 00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:50,936 You all got a problem with my minivan? 62 00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:53,339 'Cause my wife doesn't like it either. 63 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,440 She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. 64 00:02:55,441 --> 00:02:57,209 They roll! 65 00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:58,843 That's a good idea, sergeant. We'll take the van. 66 00:02:58,844 --> 00:03:00,477 We? You're coming with me? 67 00:03:00,478 --> 00:03:03,280 Sir, with all due respect, I don't need backup. 68 00:03:03,281 --> 00:03:05,947 It's not backup. It's babysitting. 69 00:03:05,982 --> 00:03:09,214 - Babysitting. - A-ha! 70 00:03:10,216 --> 00:03:11,617 Oh, look at this. 71 00:03:11,618 --> 00:03:13,718 The drug dealer got a B.A. in art history 72 00:03:13,719 --> 00:03:15,386 from Brooklyn college. 73 00:03:15,387 --> 00:03:16,387 Interesting, huh? 74 00:03:16,388 --> 00:03:18,220 How's that interesting? 75 00:03:18,221 --> 00:03:20,691 Well, it's surprising because you would think 76 00:03:20,692 --> 00:03:23,398 he had studied... drugs. 77 00:03:23,399 --> 00:03:25,236 I studied art history too. 78 00:03:25,237 --> 00:03:27,137 - Also not interesting. - Excuse me. 79 00:03:27,138 --> 00:03:29,470 I know I'm just a lowly civilian administrator, 80 00:03:29,471 --> 00:03:31,404 but I couldn't help overhearing 81 00:03:31,405 --> 00:03:33,972 you're looking for some missing drugs? 82 00:03:33,973 --> 00:03:36,140 As it turns out, my friend here, Carlene, 83 00:03:36,141 --> 00:03:39,543 is a psychic, and she's ready to help you. 84 00:03:39,544 --> 00:03:41,144 I do palms, tarot, 85 00:03:41,145 --> 00:03:43,582 and I have a degree in numerology from the Internet. 86 00:03:43,583 --> 00:03:45,352 - Ugh. - Really, Gina? 87 00:03:45,353 --> 00:03:47,419 - A psychic? - What? She's the real deal. 88 00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:49,553 E.G., last week, she predicted 89 00:03:49,554 --> 00:03:52,190 I would have a sensuous encounter 90 00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:53,826 with a guy named Mark. 91 00:03:53,827 --> 00:03:56,065 And I did. 92 00:03:59,203 --> 00:04:02,372 Is anyone here named Mark? 93 00:04:02,373 --> 00:04:03,707 You're good. 94 00:04:03,708 --> 00:04:06,445 Okay, she's had visions which, frankly, 95 00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:08,180 science cannot account for. 96 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,782 Also, she can get you amazing deals 97 00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:12,517 on ladies' footwear. 98 00:04:12,518 --> 00:04:15,718 She's assistant manager at Leonard's designer shoes. 99 00:04:15,719 --> 00:04:19,255 Vision. The drugs are in a location. 100 00:04:19,256 --> 00:04:21,124 I see the color blue... She sees blue. 101 00:04:21,125 --> 00:04:22,692 And yellow. 102 00:04:22,693 --> 00:04:26,228 And I see the letter "L", "R", "S", "T", "W", "E", 103 00:04:26,229 --> 00:04:27,928 and "B." 104 00:04:27,929 --> 00:04:30,028 So basically, everyone's first eight guesses in hangman? 105 00:04:30,029 --> 00:04:31,861 Thank you, Carlene. 106 00:04:31,862 --> 00:04:35,032 Your entire life is garbage. 107 00:04:35,033 --> 00:04:36,901 So Holt's coming on my stakeout now? 108 00:04:36,936 --> 00:04:39,302 I made a mixtape with some very explicit rap on it, 109 00:04:39,303 --> 00:04:41,205 and now I can't sing along. You made a mixtape? 110 00:04:41,206 --> 00:04:42,572 Yes, I still listen to cassettes. 111 00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:44,071 This guy is all over me. 112 00:04:44,072 --> 00:04:45,738 I mean, a Captain on a minor vandalism case? 113 00:04:45,739 --> 00:04:47,040 It's insane. 114 00:04:47,074 --> 00:04:48,976 What's insane is how you refuse 115 00:04:48,977 --> 00:04:50,311 to get with the program. 116 00:04:50,312 --> 00:04:51,779 There is a new sheriff in town, Jake. 117 00:04:51,780 --> 00:04:53,645 Well, I like the old sheriff. 118 00:04:53,646 --> 00:04:55,445 I mean, McGintley wouldn't care about a messy desk 119 00:04:55,446 --> 00:04:57,012 or all these stupid rules. 120 00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:59,814 Tase, tase, tase, tase, tase... Hey! 121 00:04:59,815 --> 00:05:01,215 What the hell's going on here? 122 00:05:01,216 --> 00:05:02,783 Science experiment. 123 00:05:02,784 --> 00:05:04,752 I wanna see what happens if I taser this cantaloupe. 124 00:05:04,753 --> 00:05:06,155 Okay. 125 00:05:06,156 --> 00:05:07,892 Tase, tase, tase, tase, tase... 126 00:05:07,893 --> 00:05:09,494 Ah! 127 00:05:11,901 --> 00:05:14,771 Yeah! 128 00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:16,974 And McGintley wouldn't care if I was three minutes late 129 00:05:16,975 --> 00:05:19,910 'cause he was always an hour late and hungover, 130 00:05:19,911 --> 00:05:21,679 and he would let you do literally anything you want 131 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:22,981 if you gave him a hamburger. 132 00:05:22,982 --> 00:05:24,184 Did he let you play your mixtape? 133 00:05:24,185 --> 00:05:25,920 Okay. That's very funny. 134 00:05:25,921 --> 00:05:28,355 Get an iPod, man. 135 00:05:28,356 --> 00:05:29,589 Mixtape. 136 00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:31,123 I just want to apologize 137 00:05:31,124 --> 00:05:33,258 for my fellow Detective's behavior. 138 00:05:33,259 --> 00:05:37,762 Okay, my granny also had the gift. 139 00:05:37,763 --> 00:05:41,028 I feel that I will die soon. 140 00:05:41,029 --> 00:05:44,098 She was right. She died two years later. 141 00:05:44,099 --> 00:05:47,934 Your sincere belief in my gift means a great deal. 142 00:05:47,969 --> 00:05:49,868 Vision. 143 00:05:49,869 --> 00:05:52,069 The woman you love, the one you work with, 144 00:05:52,103 --> 00:05:54,004 the scary one with the black hair... 145 00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:55,406 - Rosa. - Yes? 146 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:56,807 She doesn't love you back. 147 00:05:56,842 --> 00:05:58,843 She will never love you back. 148 00:05:58,844 --> 00:06:00,111 Say "thank you," Charles. 149 00:06:00,112 --> 00:06:01,779 She just told you your future. 150 00:06:01,780 --> 00:06:03,181 Thank you. 151 00:06:10,289 --> 00:06:12,825 You left without me. You were late again. 152 00:06:12,860 --> 00:06:15,729 Well, I had to put on my undercover minivan disguise. 153 00:06:15,730 --> 00:06:18,131 Say hello to Harvey Norgenbloom, 154 00:06:18,132 --> 00:06:21,169 CPA, recently divorced father of two 155 00:06:21,170 --> 00:06:24,304 with a dark sexual secret. 156 00:06:24,305 --> 00:06:26,640 - What's your cover? - Angry Captain. 157 00:06:26,675 --> 00:06:29,911 Okay, so you do not like my ensemble. 158 00:06:29,912 --> 00:06:31,878 I'm just concerned that you may find it hard 159 00:06:31,879 --> 00:06:34,414 to pursue a criminal on foot while wearing man sandals. 160 00:06:34,415 --> 00:06:36,820 But the sandals define Harvey. 161 00:06:36,821 --> 00:06:39,925 He's a sandals guy. 162 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,526 Captain, why the babysitting? Why are you micromanaging me? 163 00:06:43,527 --> 00:06:45,425 You think I wanna be sitting here with you 164 00:06:45,426 --> 00:06:46,660 instead of running my precinct? 165 00:06:46,661 --> 00:06:48,330 Yes. It was a rhetorical question. 166 00:06:48,331 --> 00:06:50,033 I've spent the last 12 years 167 00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:51,603 fighting for my first command, 168 00:06:51,604 --> 00:06:53,174 and I'm not gonna let you screw it up 169 00:06:53,175 --> 00:06:55,010 because you refuse to take your job seriously. 170 00:06:55,011 --> 00:06:57,412 Hey, I do take my job seriously. 171 00:06:57,413 --> 00:06:59,247 I put away bad guys. That's what matters. 172 00:06:59,248 --> 00:07:00,782 Well, so does doing your paperwork, 173 00:07:00,783 --> 00:07:02,415 showing up on time, wearing proper footwear. 174 00:07:02,450 --> 00:07:04,184 That's on Harvey. That's not me. 175 00:07:04,185 --> 00:07:05,585 Well, so here's the deal. 176 00:07:05,586 --> 00:07:07,086 You're gonna have a superior officer 177 00:07:07,087 --> 00:07:09,189 babysitting you on every one of your cases. 178 00:07:09,190 --> 00:07:10,624 And when you show me that you can do your job... 179 00:07:10,625 --> 00:07:13,797 Every part of your job... Perfectly, 180 00:07:13,798 --> 00:07:16,370 then I'll back off. 181 00:07:16,371 --> 00:07:19,605 Okay. Counteroffer. 182 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:23,405 I give you 50 bucks, and you let me do whatever I want. 183 00:07:24,642 --> 00:07:26,444 Fine. We'll do it your way. 184 00:07:26,445 --> 00:07:27,712 From this point on, I'll do 185 00:07:27,713 --> 00:07:30,148 every part of the job perfectly, 186 00:07:30,149 --> 00:07:31,885 perfecter than perfectly. 187 00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:34,723 It's "more perfectly." You said that imperfectly. 188 00:07:34,724 --> 00:07:37,990 I was testing you. You did perfectly. 189 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,889 Quick update on the tagger situation... 190 00:07:39,890 --> 00:07:42,956 He is currently spray-painting our van right now. 191 00:07:42,957 --> 00:07:45,259 Police, freeze! 192 00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:47,160 Ow, ow, ow. 193 00:07:47,161 --> 00:07:48,761 Sandal down. 194 00:07:48,762 --> 00:07:51,128 Lost a sandal. NYPD, freeze! 195 00:07:51,162 --> 00:07:53,562 I'm here. 196 00:07:53,563 --> 00:07:55,060 You're busted. 197 00:07:55,061 --> 00:07:56,462 Already got him. We got him. 198 00:08:00,536 --> 00:08:03,370 Oh, hey, Captain. 199 00:08:03,371 --> 00:08:07,407 Hi, so I was able to procure that $50 after all, 200 00:08:07,408 --> 00:08:09,208 and my offer still stands. 201 00:08:09,209 --> 00:08:11,143 Let me do whatever I want, and the $40... 202 00:08:11,144 --> 00:08:13,379 That's how much I actually have... is yours. 203 00:08:13,380 --> 00:08:15,985 No? Fair enough. I only had 30 anyway. 204 00:08:15,986 --> 00:08:17,553 Well, I guess in order to get you 205 00:08:17,554 --> 00:08:19,188 to stop micromanaging me, I'm gonna have to get back 206 00:08:19,189 --> 00:08:21,490 to the most important piece of police work there is: 207 00:08:21,491 --> 00:08:22,891 Writing a perfect report. 208 00:08:22,926 --> 00:08:24,626 Good, I'm anxious to read it. 209 00:08:24,661 --> 00:08:28,166 And I'm anxious to restore my status as a lone wolf. 210 00:08:31,572 --> 00:08:32,906 Anything else, Detective? 211 00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:34,374 Yeah, I'm gonna do one more. 212 00:08:36,877 --> 00:08:38,912 Lone wolf. 213 00:08:41,342 --> 00:08:42,515 He's digging me. 214 00:08:44,184 --> 00:08:46,350 Hey, sarge, do you know where we keep the glitter? 215 00:08:46,384 --> 00:08:48,350 Just wanna make sure this report for the Captain 216 00:08:48,384 --> 00:08:49,516 is extra sparkly. 217 00:08:49,550 --> 00:08:50,850 What are you doing, Peralta? 218 00:08:50,885 --> 00:08:52,618 Look, if I have to do things his way, 219 00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:53,953 I'm gonna do them my way. 220 00:08:53,954 --> 00:08:55,921 Okay, man. 221 00:08:55,922 --> 00:08:58,091 It was nice working with you. 222 00:08:58,123 --> 00:08:59,823 I'm not scared of him, okay? 223 00:08:59,858 --> 00:09:02,461 I'm not scared of anyone. 224 00:09:02,462 --> 00:09:04,262 Oh, also, the tagger drew a penis on your minivan. 225 00:09:04,263 --> 00:09:06,096 I'm sorry. Please don't chase after me. 226 00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:08,643 What? There's a penis on my minivan? 227 00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:12,202 High ceilings, three bedrooms. 228 00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:14,607 Why does every perp have a nicer place than I do? 229 00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,740 You know what they don't teach you at the academy? 230 00:09:16,741 --> 00:09:17,862 It's better to be a criminal. 231 00:09:17,876 --> 00:09:21,247 Oh, no. The cabinets are blue. 232 00:09:21,248 --> 00:09:23,051 Tacky. Not a deal breaker, though. 233 00:09:23,052 --> 00:09:24,420 I'd just repaint it. 234 00:09:24,454 --> 00:09:26,289 The psychic predicted the drugs 235 00:09:26,290 --> 00:09:27,570 would be found in something blue. 236 00:09:27,591 --> 00:09:30,726 I see the color blue. 237 00:09:30,727 --> 00:09:32,729 She also made this really depressing prediction 238 00:09:32,730 --> 00:09:34,064 about my life. 239 00:09:34,065 --> 00:09:37,101 She will never love you back. 240 00:09:37,135 --> 00:09:39,840 And if she's right about where we find the drugs, 241 00:09:39,841 --> 00:09:41,041 that means she's right about the other thing. 242 00:09:41,075 --> 00:09:43,310 - Uh-huh. - Kitchen. 243 00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:48,451 - Whoa. - Jackpot. 244 00:09:48,452 --> 00:09:50,656 There's way more than 12 keys in here. 245 00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:51,824 Where was it? 246 00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:53,593 Baseboard, behind the hamper. 247 00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:55,428 What color was the hamper? 248 00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:56,428 - Green. - Yes. 249 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,762 The clothes hamper was green. 250 00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,834 The clothes hamper was green! 251 00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:02,636 Drinks on me. 252 00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,570 You're weird. 253 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,108 Sorry this is taking so long. 254 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,309 Still writing up my report. 255 00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:12,012 Pretty detailed. 256 00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:14,214 Hey, Gina, can you look up what the humidity was 257 00:10:14,215 --> 00:10:16,617 about an hour ago and also what moon cycle we're in? 258 00:10:16,618 --> 00:10:19,922 No, sorry. Don't feel like it, no. 259 00:10:19,957 --> 00:10:23,125 Thanks, Gina. 260 00:10:23,126 --> 00:10:24,961 And now to you. What's your name? 261 00:10:24,962 --> 00:10:26,830 My name is banana fartman, md. 262 00:10:26,865 --> 00:10:28,199 I don't believe you. 263 00:10:28,234 --> 00:10:30,334 Come on, man. Just tell me who you are. 264 00:10:30,335 --> 00:10:31,668 I need to fill this thing out perfectly, 265 00:10:31,669 --> 00:10:33,437 so my boss will get off my back. 266 00:10:33,472 --> 00:10:34,773 Are you a minor? How old are you? 267 00:10:34,807 --> 00:10:36,708 I'm 610. I'm a highlander. 268 00:10:36,709 --> 00:10:38,576 Okay, you know what? I'm gonna put that in there. 269 00:10:38,577 --> 00:10:40,812 And then you're gonna be tried as an adult highlander. 270 00:10:40,813 --> 00:10:43,014 And they're gonna cut your head off. 271 00:10:43,015 --> 00:10:44,216 Is that what you want? 272 00:10:44,250 --> 00:10:46,487 I hate to be the bearer of bad news, 273 00:10:46,488 --> 00:10:48,658 but your psychic friend's predictions 274 00:10:48,659 --> 00:10:50,328 about the drug case were wrong, 275 00:10:50,329 --> 00:10:52,400 which means all of her predictions are wrong. 276 00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:55,502 Mm-mm. No way. She's never wrong. 277 00:10:55,503 --> 00:10:57,536 We found the cocaine behind a green hamper. 278 00:10:57,537 --> 00:10:59,574 Never said green or the letter "H." 279 00:10:59,608 --> 00:11:02,681 Mm-hmm, she said "blue" and "yellow," Charles. 280 00:11:02,682 --> 00:11:04,916 I don't know if there's any kindergarteners present, 281 00:11:04,917 --> 00:11:07,352 but those two colors combined make green. 282 00:11:07,353 --> 00:11:11,157 She also mentioned the letters "L" and "B," 283 00:11:11,191 --> 00:11:14,496 and another name for a hamper is... 284 00:11:14,530 --> 00:11:17,533 Lady bin? 285 00:11:17,534 --> 00:11:18,635 Laundry basket. 286 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,372 Oh, little boo-boo. 287 00:11:20,406 --> 00:11:22,776 Can you go be depressed over there? 288 00:11:22,777 --> 00:11:25,278 You're bumming out my whole area. 289 00:11:25,312 --> 00:11:27,512 Baby, I've got some bad news. 290 00:11:27,546 --> 00:11:32,384 Someone painted a giant penis on our minivan. 291 00:11:32,385 --> 00:11:35,153 No, you cannot have an SUV now. 292 00:11:35,154 --> 00:11:37,556 Those things roll, baby. They roll! 293 00:11:37,557 --> 00:11:39,726 Hey, look at this. 294 00:11:39,727 --> 00:11:41,630 Your prints were on file. 295 00:11:41,631 --> 00:11:44,804 Nice to meet you, Trevor Podolski. 296 00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:50,076 Oh, Podolski, just like deputy police commissioner Podolski. 297 00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:54,149 Your father is deputy police commissioner Podolski. 298 00:11:54,150 --> 00:11:56,619 I'm not sure how things work here, 299 00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:59,690 but does that mean that your career is in my hands? 300 00:11:59,691 --> 00:12:02,428 Okay, you know what? 301 00:12:02,429 --> 00:12:03,597 Yes. 302 00:12:07,664 --> 00:12:09,798 20.2 kilos. 303 00:12:09,799 --> 00:12:11,099 I feel like we could round up to 21. 304 00:12:11,133 --> 00:12:14,503 Or we could round down to 20, 305 00:12:14,504 --> 00:12:18,173 take the extra 0.2, sell it to our friends. 306 00:12:21,914 --> 00:12:24,182 I'll call the D.A. Rosa, you log this in. 307 00:12:24,183 --> 00:12:25,784 Charles, maybe watch Gina. 308 00:12:26,987 --> 00:12:28,153 So what are you doing tonight? 309 00:12:28,188 --> 00:12:31,124 Nothing. What about you... 310 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:32,460 Are doing tonight? 311 00:12:32,494 --> 00:12:35,300 Nothing. 312 00:12:35,334 --> 00:12:36,668 Carlene. 313 00:12:38,437 --> 00:12:41,172 Whelp, I hope you find something to do. 314 00:12:42,976 --> 00:12:46,345 I'm gonna pee. That's what I'm doing tonight. 315 00:12:46,346 --> 00:12:48,781 No. 316 00:12:50,218 --> 00:12:52,819 Deputy commissioner's son, huh? 317 00:12:52,854 --> 00:12:55,654 His decision to target cop cars makes a lot more sense now. 318 00:12:55,655 --> 00:12:57,021 We gotta let him walk, right? 319 00:12:57,056 --> 00:12:58,655 He defaced nine police vehicles, 320 00:12:58,656 --> 00:12:59,955 and you caught him red-handed. 321 00:12:59,956 --> 00:13:01,987 Why would you let him walk? 322 00:13:01,988 --> 00:13:04,889 Captain, I did all the work on this perfectly. 323 00:13:04,890 --> 00:13:07,958 I mean, my report has over 25 pages 324 00:13:07,959 --> 00:13:10,796 of meticulous research, diagrams, and maps. 325 00:13:10,797 --> 00:13:13,702 I even put an "about the author" section on the back. 326 00:13:13,736 --> 00:13:16,172 I did everything you asked me to do, 327 00:13:16,206 --> 00:13:17,640 but this is above my pay grade. 328 00:13:17,641 --> 00:13:19,175 You gotta make the call. 329 00:13:19,176 --> 00:13:22,644 You're the arresting officer. It's your call. 330 00:13:22,645 --> 00:13:24,846 I told you to do every part of your job, 331 00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:27,316 and making this call is part of your job. 332 00:13:27,317 --> 00:13:30,821 - Yeah, but you think I should process him. - Mm-hmm. 333 00:13:30,822 --> 00:13:32,556 Well, if I do, the deputy commissioner 334 00:13:32,557 --> 00:13:34,091 could ruin my career, and I'll end up on the streets 335 00:13:34,092 --> 00:13:35,994 selling my beautiful body for a can of beans. 336 00:13:35,995 --> 00:13:37,697 Mm-hmm. 337 00:13:37,698 --> 00:13:40,835 Has anyone ever told you you look exactly like a statue? 338 00:13:40,836 --> 00:13:42,203 Yes. 339 00:13:42,204 --> 00:13:45,907 Man, you were totally right about the cocaine, 340 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,843 and you were also right about Rosa. 341 00:13:47,844 --> 00:13:49,578 Who's Rosa? The woman I... 342 00:13:49,612 --> 00:13:51,546 The woman who doesn't love him back. 343 00:13:51,547 --> 00:13:53,014 Oh. Yes, that woman. 344 00:13:53,015 --> 00:13:54,782 You know, it can be a burden to always know 345 00:13:54,783 --> 00:13:56,283 what's gonna happen in the future. 346 00:13:56,284 --> 00:13:57,851 Don't get out of the chair. 347 00:13:57,852 --> 00:14:00,255 I just had a vision of you leaving this chair 348 00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,890 and getting seriously injured. 349 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,424 Oh, my God. 350 00:14:03,459 --> 00:14:05,558 I should probably wheel you back to your desk. 351 00:14:05,592 --> 00:14:07,693 That is a great idea. Wheel you off a bridge. 352 00:14:07,694 --> 00:14:09,194 I'm kidding. 353 00:14:09,195 --> 00:14:11,527 ♪ Oh, you're alone 354 00:14:11,528 --> 00:14:14,031 ♪ Uh-oh, you're alone for life ♪ 355 00:14:14,032 --> 00:14:16,035 So here are my options. 356 00:14:16,036 --> 00:14:18,637 One, I process Podolski's kid, 357 00:14:18,638 --> 00:14:20,405 he fires me, and I spend the rest of my career 358 00:14:20,406 --> 00:14:23,243 as a Detective, third grade, which is literally pathetic. 359 00:14:23,244 --> 00:14:26,016 No offense, Hitchcock. None taken. 360 00:14:26,050 --> 00:14:28,220 Option two, I let him walk, 361 00:14:28,221 --> 00:14:29,455 and I spend the rest of my life with Holt 362 00:14:29,456 --> 00:14:31,390 as my babysitter. 363 00:14:31,391 --> 00:14:33,225 Honestly, when I think about spending the rest of my life 364 00:14:33,226 --> 00:14:34,726 with a babysitter, 365 00:14:34,727 --> 00:14:37,162 she's kind of a cute blonde named Erica, 366 00:14:37,163 --> 00:14:38,632 and she always has pizza money 367 00:14:38,633 --> 00:14:40,001 and lets me stay up as late as I want. 368 00:14:40,002 --> 00:14:41,605 How old are you in this scenario? 369 00:14:41,606 --> 00:14:43,675 Anyway, the point is Holt cares more 370 00:14:43,676 --> 00:14:46,244 about whether I "do my job right" 371 00:14:46,245 --> 00:14:47,947 than whether I have a job at all. 372 00:14:47,948 --> 00:14:49,316 So I'm taking suggestions. 373 00:14:49,317 --> 00:14:51,186 I say piss off Holt, 374 00:14:51,187 --> 00:14:53,188 so we get to watch your career end right in front of us. 375 00:14:53,189 --> 00:14:55,023 Okay, thank you for that, Santiago. 376 00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:56,492 I'm gonna put you down for "don't arrest," 377 00:14:56,493 --> 00:14:57,994 and I'm also going to put your phone number 378 00:14:57,995 --> 00:14:59,497 on every urinal in Rikers. 379 00:14:59,498 --> 00:15:01,967 Don't arrest him. Just smack him. Hard. 380 00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:03,435 With a phone book on a body part 381 00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:04,934 no one can see, you know what I'm saying? 382 00:15:04,935 --> 00:15:06,836 So you're suggesting police brutality? 383 00:15:06,837 --> 00:15:09,039 Ha, ha, I guess so, yeah. Why? 384 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,041 - Hey, Scully. - Yeah? 385 00:15:11,042 --> 00:15:12,612 You want this collar? Paperwork's all done, 386 00:15:12,613 --> 00:15:15,281 and it's perfect. The Podolski kid? 387 00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:17,116 Are you kidding? I just gave him my lunch. 388 00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,985 Okay. Boyle, what do you think? 389 00:15:19,986 --> 00:15:22,120 I don't know, man. I'm lost. 390 00:15:22,121 --> 00:15:24,220 The universe is a cruel and vexing puzzle. 391 00:15:24,221 --> 00:15:26,553 I-I'm at the whim of the cosmos. 392 00:15:26,554 --> 00:15:29,291 All right, I'm gonna put you down for "bummer," 393 00:15:29,292 --> 00:15:33,828 and you can hang out in that category all by yourself. 394 00:15:33,829 --> 00:15:35,529 Hey, everyone. 395 00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:39,299 Hey, Jake, there is a very sexy, angry official here, 396 00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:41,134 deputy commissioner Podolski. 397 00:15:41,135 --> 00:15:43,905 He's asking for you. Very angry. 398 00:15:43,906 --> 00:15:47,708 Elderly, sexy, furious. 399 00:15:47,742 --> 00:15:51,044 Well, my career is over. 400 00:15:51,045 --> 00:15:53,644 See you at the bottom, Hitchcock. No offense. 401 00:15:53,645 --> 00:15:56,743 No, none taken. 402 00:15:58,210 --> 00:15:59,477 Deputy commissioner. 403 00:15:59,478 --> 00:16:00,577 Where's my son? 404 00:16:00,578 --> 00:16:02,246 He is at my desk, 405 00:16:02,247 --> 00:16:04,751 enjoying a nice glass of bubbly water 406 00:16:04,752 --> 00:16:06,988 and some chocolate I was saving for a special occasion. 407 00:16:06,989 --> 00:16:08,659 Hey, Peralta, when you're done, 408 00:16:08,660 --> 00:16:10,830 can you help me wrap up this massive cocaine bust 409 00:16:10,831 --> 00:16:13,432 I just pulled off? Thanks. 410 00:16:13,433 --> 00:16:16,001 Oh, deputy commissioner, didn't see you there. 411 00:16:16,002 --> 00:16:17,602 Sorry for interrupting. 412 00:16:17,603 --> 00:16:19,270 Amy Santiago. 413 00:16:20,839 --> 00:16:23,008 Trevor, what'd you do this time? 414 00:16:23,009 --> 00:16:24,243 Nothing. 415 00:16:24,277 --> 00:16:26,479 There you have it. He said he did nothing. 416 00:16:26,514 --> 00:16:29,114 So I caught him red-handed doing nothing? 417 00:16:29,115 --> 00:16:30,114 I'm saying maybe it's a possibility 418 00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:31,580 you made a mistake. 419 00:16:31,614 --> 00:16:33,048 You know, normally, I would agree with you, 420 00:16:33,049 --> 00:16:34,951 but I've been pretty detail-oriented 421 00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:36,053 the last few hours. 422 00:16:36,054 --> 00:16:37,590 You might not understand this, 423 00:16:37,591 --> 00:16:40,028 but Trevor is a special kid. 424 00:16:40,029 --> 00:16:42,762 He makes straight "A"s. He's going to Duke next year. 425 00:16:42,763 --> 00:16:44,864 Lacrosse scholarship. Oh. 426 00:16:44,865 --> 00:16:47,635 Sometimes, boys just need to be boys. 427 00:16:47,636 --> 00:16:50,741 You do realize he did thousands of dollars 428 00:16:50,742 --> 00:16:52,776 worth of property damage, though, 429 00:16:52,777 --> 00:16:54,411 to police vehicles. 430 00:16:54,412 --> 00:16:56,379 Look, I think we can all agree 431 00:16:56,380 --> 00:16:58,482 that I'm ordering you to let this slide 432 00:16:58,483 --> 00:17:00,119 because nothing happened. 433 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,123 This is officially out of your hands. 434 00:17:02,124 --> 00:17:05,563 Would you actually mind just checking out my report? 435 00:17:05,564 --> 00:17:06,764 It's pretty thorough, 436 00:17:06,765 --> 00:17:09,265 and I spent over an hour on fonts. 437 00:17:09,266 --> 00:17:10,432 Kinda snazzy, so... 438 00:17:10,433 --> 00:17:12,232 Oh, thank you. 439 00:17:12,233 --> 00:17:13,399 I'll get right to it. 440 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,568 Thanks. Trevor, let's go. 441 00:17:15,569 --> 00:17:18,271 Have a good one. 442 00:17:25,215 --> 00:17:27,216 Choo. 443 00:17:27,217 --> 00:17:28,317 Yes. 444 00:17:28,352 --> 00:17:29,952 What's up with the chair? 445 00:17:29,953 --> 00:17:33,421 Um, Carlene predicted if I get out of this chair, 446 00:17:33,422 --> 00:17:35,757 I'd get badly hurt, so I'm not chancing it. 447 00:17:35,791 --> 00:17:39,693 Oh, man. There's no pudding cups left. 448 00:17:39,694 --> 00:17:41,895 Ah! What'd you do that for? 449 00:17:41,929 --> 00:17:45,263 There. Now you're hurt in this chair. 450 00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:46,731 You can get hurt anywhere, Boyle. 451 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,567 And if you do, it won't be 452 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:52,506 because some shoe salesman predicted it. 453 00:17:52,540 --> 00:17:55,546 You make your own destiny. 454 00:17:59,783 --> 00:18:02,917 Well, we don't have to worry about Podolski's son anymore. 455 00:18:02,952 --> 00:18:04,819 The case is officially out of my hands. 456 00:18:04,820 --> 00:18:05,986 No charges filed. 457 00:18:05,987 --> 00:18:07,590 Why is there yogurt on this? 458 00:18:07,624 --> 00:18:09,325 The deputy commissioner threw my report 459 00:18:09,326 --> 00:18:11,060 in Terry's trash can, 460 00:18:11,061 --> 00:18:12,726 and he'd been eating yogurt earlier. 461 00:18:12,761 --> 00:18:15,694 Terry loves yogurt. 462 00:18:15,729 --> 00:18:18,097 Something wrong? Kinda, yeah. 463 00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:19,834 I called six precincts about this kid. 464 00:18:19,835 --> 00:18:21,637 He's been brought in a dozen times. 465 00:18:21,638 --> 00:18:23,674 Theft, vandalism, drunken disorderly, 466 00:18:23,675 --> 00:18:25,108 but he's never been processed. 467 00:18:25,109 --> 00:18:27,941 His daddy comes in and bails him out every time. 468 00:18:27,942 --> 00:18:29,308 He's a lucky little jerk. 469 00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:30,941 No, I wouldn't say he was lucky. 470 00:18:30,942 --> 00:18:32,509 I feel bad for this kid. 471 00:18:32,510 --> 00:18:34,477 I mean, what kind of father 472 00:18:34,478 --> 00:18:35,845 cares so little for his son 473 00:18:35,846 --> 00:18:39,150 that he lets him get away with everything? 474 00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:41,118 Well, he's someone else's problem now. 475 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:44,920 Like you said, it's out of your hands. 476 00:18:44,921 --> 00:18:45,921 All right, I see what you're trying to do, 477 00:18:45,922 --> 00:18:47,586 but it's not gonna work. 478 00:18:47,587 --> 00:18:49,422 I'm not going to arrest him. I'm going to arrest him! 479 00:18:49,423 --> 00:18:51,792 - You want backup? - Yes. 480 00:18:56,698 --> 00:18:58,935 What is this? You can't do this. 481 00:18:58,936 --> 00:19:00,403 Get that thing outta here. 482 00:19:00,437 --> 00:19:01,771 Excuse me, sir. 483 00:19:01,772 --> 00:19:03,807 Trevor Podolski, you're under arrest 484 00:19:03,808 --> 00:19:05,543 for vandalism and destruction of property. 485 00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:06,978 What... dad! What are you doing? 486 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,181 I told you to back off, Peralta. 487 00:19:08,216 --> 00:19:10,353 First off, the name's Santiago, 488 00:19:10,354 --> 00:19:12,390 Detective Amy Santiago. 489 00:19:12,391 --> 00:19:14,291 Second, I'm arresting your son, 490 00:19:14,326 --> 00:19:18,893 which, as I say it aloud, seems like an unwise choice, 491 00:19:18,894 --> 00:19:20,729 but it's the one I'm making. 492 00:19:20,730 --> 00:19:22,932 Once again, my name is Amy Santiago. 493 00:19:22,967 --> 00:19:25,204 You're being stupid, Peralta. Don't be stupid. 494 00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:27,040 I can make your life miserable. 495 00:19:27,074 --> 00:19:29,811 Commissioner, please don't talk to my Detective in that Tone. 496 00:19:29,812 --> 00:19:31,378 If you have a complaint, you can take it up with me. 497 00:19:31,412 --> 00:19:35,013 You just made yourself a very powerful enemy, Holt. 498 00:19:35,014 --> 00:19:37,748 I'm gonna be watching you, both of you, like a hawk. 499 00:19:37,749 --> 00:19:38,849 You're gonna have to try a little harder 500 00:19:38,850 --> 00:19:40,385 if you wanna scare me. 501 00:19:40,386 --> 00:19:42,687 I've been an openly gay cop since 1987, 502 00:19:42,688 --> 00:19:45,756 so you're not the first superior officer to threaten me. 503 00:19:45,757 --> 00:19:47,591 You know how I'm still standing here? 504 00:19:47,592 --> 00:19:49,493 'Cause I do my job, 505 00:19:49,494 --> 00:19:52,097 and I do it right. 506 00:19:52,098 --> 00:19:53,500 Damn, son! 507 00:19:53,501 --> 00:19:55,468 Don't say "son." Sorry. 508 00:19:55,503 --> 00:19:57,203 Deputy commissioner, if you wanna pick Trevor up, 509 00:19:57,237 --> 00:20:00,072 he'll be at the nine-nine. 510 00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:02,437 Let's go, fartman. 511 00:20:04,173 --> 00:20:05,874 Carlene was wrong, Gina. 512 00:20:05,875 --> 00:20:08,578 Rosa said it herself... I'm in charge of my own destiny. 513 00:20:08,579 --> 00:20:10,248 That means she wants me to make a move. 514 00:20:10,283 --> 00:20:12,418 Mm, but Carlene was also right. 515 00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:14,854 You did get hurt 'cause Rosa punched you. 516 00:20:14,855 --> 00:20:16,521 And the fact that Rosa punched you 517 00:20:16,522 --> 00:20:17,922 means she does not like you. 518 00:20:17,957 --> 00:20:20,689 No, no, she punched me to prove Carlene wrong. 519 00:20:20,724 --> 00:20:22,690 Move. 520 00:20:22,691 --> 00:20:24,058 Oh, wait, I take it back. 521 00:20:24,059 --> 00:20:25,859 She definitely is into you. 522 00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:28,997 So much chemistry. I know, it's crazy. 523 00:20:29,031 --> 00:20:30,533 All right, let's get this meeting started. 524 00:20:30,534 --> 00:20:31,702 I'm not late. I'm here. 525 00:20:39,318 --> 00:20:41,786 Right on time. 526 00:20:41,787 --> 00:20:43,722 You're out of uniform, Peralta. 527 00:20:43,723 --> 00:20:45,792 Baby steps, Captain. 528 00:20:45,793 --> 00:20:48,612 Baby steps.