1
00:00:02,895 --> 00:00:05,576
Hey, you guys see the dude
I brought in today...
2
00:00:05,577 --> 00:00:07,974
The drug dealer?
81 years old.
3
00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:10,615
I think it's the oldest collar
of my entire career.
4
00:00:10,616 --> 00:00:13,874
I once arrested a 96-year-old
for flashing.
5
00:00:13,875 --> 00:00:15,839
I was terrified he'd die
in my backseat...
6
00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:17,234
Or flash me.
7
00:00:17,235 --> 00:00:20,571
My oldest collar was 78,
but the PCP
8
00:00:20,572 --> 00:00:21,905
made her fight
like she was 20.
9
00:00:21,940 --> 00:00:23,440
What about two
50-year-old twins?
10
00:00:23,441 --> 00:00:24,775
Does that count
as a 100-year-old?
11
00:00:24,776 --> 00:00:25,778
- No good.
- No.
12
00:00:25,779 --> 00:00:28,692
You talking oldest bags?
68.
13
00:00:28,693 --> 00:00:30,746
That's not that old.
Yeah, but I was only 20.
14
00:00:30,747 --> 00:00:32,428
20? Were you even
a cop then?
15
00:00:32,429 --> 00:00:35,535
No, man, it was before
I got into the academy.
16
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:40,045
Charles isn't talking
about his oldest arrest.
17
00:00:40,046 --> 00:00:41,079
Ew!
18
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:42,114
No... yes, I am.
19
00:00:42,115 --> 00:00:43,916
Yeah, oldest arrest...
68, like I said.
20
00:00:43,917 --> 00:00:45,918
God, you had sex
with a 68-year-old
21
00:00:45,919 --> 00:00:47,286
when you were in your 20s?
22
00:00:47,287 --> 00:00:48,588
You know how it is.
23
00:00:48,589 --> 00:00:50,625
When you have a chance
to bed an older woman, you...
24
00:00:50,626 --> 00:00:53,626
No, that is not an older woman.
That's an old woman!
25
00:00:53,627 --> 00:00:55,027
That's someone's grandma!
26
00:00:55,028 --> 00:00:56,596
She was, actually.
That's how I met her.
27
00:00:56,597 --> 00:00:58,567
Went to college
with her grandson Marvin.
28
00:00:58,568 --> 00:01:00,470
Don't... don't knock it
till you try it.
29
00:01:00,471 --> 00:01:02,706
She had a replacement hip
with some serious torque.
30
00:01:02,707 --> 00:01:05,076
It was like having sex
with a transformer.
31
00:01:05,077 --> 00:01:07,278
No.
That is no one's fantasy.
32
00:01:07,279 --> 00:01:10,282
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
33
00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:29,251
Peralta...
34
00:01:29,252 --> 00:01:31,086
Where are we
on the Lincoln place murder?
35
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,754
Well, like I told Captain Holt
earlier this week,
36
00:01:33,755 --> 00:01:36,089
we are at the one-yard line.
It's a football reference.
37
00:01:36,123 --> 00:01:38,724
Yes, Jake.
I played linebacker at Syracuse.
38
00:01:38,758 --> 00:01:41,526
Really? In High School,
I played center field
39
00:01:41,527 --> 00:01:43,060
in the musical damn Yankees.
40
00:01:43,094 --> 00:01:44,561
Yeah, you don't want
to brag about that.
41
00:01:44,562 --> 00:01:46,596
Peralta, you want
to loop everyone in?
42
00:01:46,630 --> 00:01:48,899
- Ehh...
- That was not a request.
43
00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:50,936
Fine.
44
00:01:50,970 --> 00:01:53,539
Get ready for some stuff
on a screen.
45
00:01:53,573 --> 00:01:55,908
Meet Fred Gorman...
46
00:01:55,909 --> 00:01:59,243
Prominent citizen,
lawyer, corpse.
47
00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:01,578
Now meet his wife,
Ann Hoert.
48
00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:03,380
She did not take
his last name,
49
00:02:03,381 --> 00:02:05,416
but I believe she did
take his life.
50
00:02:05,451 --> 00:02:07,050
- Nice.
- Thank you, Charles.
51
00:02:07,051 --> 00:02:09,886
Now, Hoert had means,
motives, and opportunity.
52
00:02:09,887 --> 00:02:11,588
I just need to find
the murder weapon.
53
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,723
For some reason, the D.A. won't
move forward with the arrest
54
00:02:13,724 --> 00:02:15,090
until we find the knife
she used.
55
00:02:15,124 --> 00:02:17,225
Is that reason that they want
to win the case?
56
00:02:17,226 --> 00:02:18,259
Yes.
57
00:02:18,260 --> 00:02:19,894
Well, find it.
58
00:02:19,895 --> 00:02:21,228
The family's close
to the mayor,
59
00:02:21,229 --> 00:02:22,931
and I'm catching heat
from the higher-ups.
60
00:02:22,932 --> 00:02:24,198
I'm gonna ask you again.
61
00:02:24,199 --> 00:02:26,433
Do you need any resources
or personnel?
62
00:02:26,468 --> 00:02:28,101
No, sir, I've got it.
63
00:02:28,136 --> 00:02:29,502
Okay.
64
00:02:29,503 --> 00:02:31,237
Dismissed!
65
00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:32,605
Sergeant Jeffords,
my office.
66
00:02:32,606 --> 00:02:33,839
Uh-oh.
67
00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:35,440
He probably wants
to talk to you
68
00:02:35,441 --> 00:02:37,441
about how your shirts aren't
tight enough probably.
69
00:02:39,611 --> 00:02:41,645
Okay, how can we help?
What do you need?
70
00:02:41,679 --> 00:02:42,913
I need nothing.
71
00:02:42,914 --> 00:02:45,615
I'm about to solve this case,
meet the mayor,
72
00:02:45,616 --> 00:02:47,283
and sell my life rights
to Channing Tatum
73
00:02:47,284 --> 00:02:48,684
so he can play
my less attractive brother
74
00:02:48,685 --> 00:02:49,918
in the ensuing film.
75
00:02:49,953 --> 00:02:52,587
- Come on, Peralta,
- Holt said to use the whole team.
76
00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:53,821
We all want this solved.
77
00:02:53,822 --> 00:02:57,424
I appreciate the offer,
but I work best alone...
78
00:02:57,425 --> 00:02:59,226
Except when it comes
to sex.
79
00:02:59,227 --> 00:03:01,595
Actually,
sometimes including sex.
80
00:03:01,596 --> 00:03:03,096
Will you just let us help?
81
00:03:03,130 --> 00:03:04,330
Okay, fine.
82
00:03:04,331 --> 00:03:07,031
I will let one
of you help me... Charles.
83
00:03:07,066 --> 00:03:08,566
Yeah!
84
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,367
And I am choosing Charles
because he's the least likely
85
00:03:10,368 --> 00:03:11,735
to steal my thunder.
86
00:03:11,736 --> 00:03:13,704
I would never steal
his thunder.
87
00:03:13,705 --> 00:03:16,539
I-I'd be afraid to borrow it.
88
00:03:16,540 --> 00:03:20,408
Terry, I'd like you
to accompany me to a gun range.
89
00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:22,577
You mean drive you there
and wait outside...
90
00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,144
Far away from the guns.
91
00:03:24,145 --> 00:03:26,613
I spent eight years
in the public affairs office,
92
00:03:26,614 --> 00:03:28,247
so my tactical skills
are a little rusty.
93
00:03:28,248 --> 00:03:29,682
I need some pointers.
94
00:03:29,683 --> 00:03:32,517
Sir, I haven't fired a weapon
since the incident.
95
00:03:32,518 --> 00:03:35,352
The mannequin incident...
I'm familiar.
96
00:03:41,892 --> 00:03:45,160
Actually, there was an incident
after that.
97
00:03:45,161 --> 00:03:46,294
Another incident?
98
00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:53,466
You got to cool it, man.
99
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:55,134
I'm gonna get some candy.
100
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,735
Sir, I may not be the man
for the job.
101
00:03:57,770 --> 00:03:59,870
You used to be the precinct's
champion marksman.
102
00:03:59,905 --> 00:04:01,538
I only want to take pointers
from the best.
103
00:04:01,573 --> 00:04:03,440
So I'll keep it low-key.
104
00:04:03,441 --> 00:04:05,408
We'll go after work
to a private range.
105
00:04:05,409 --> 00:04:07,009
No cops, no pressure.
106
00:04:07,010 --> 00:04:09,311
Blam! Blam, blam!
107
00:04:09,312 --> 00:04:10,879
Gun range.
108
00:04:10,913 --> 00:04:13,348
I told Gina she could join us.
I want to get certified.
109
00:04:13,349 --> 00:04:15,382
There has been a ton of crime
in my neighborhood,
110
00:04:15,383 --> 00:04:18,051
and the cops in my precinct
are very bad.
111
00:04:18,085 --> 00:04:19,652
You live in our precinct.
112
00:04:19,687 --> 00:04:22,388
Yeah, I know.
113
00:04:22,422 --> 00:04:24,523
I know we've
gone over this before,
114
00:04:24,557 --> 00:04:26,290
but I have to ask you again.
115
00:04:26,291 --> 00:04:28,425
Is there anywhere
you can think of in that hallway
116
00:04:28,426 --> 00:04:29,859
where a knife
could be hidden?
117
00:04:29,893 --> 00:04:33,095
Well, since I've already
told you, like, three times, no,
118
00:04:33,096 --> 00:04:34,729
why don't I just record it?
119
00:04:34,730 --> 00:04:36,230
Then I don't have
to say it again.
120
00:04:36,264 --> 00:04:39,699
The hallway,
like all other hallways,
121
00:04:39,733 --> 00:04:42,534
does not have
a secret knife-hiding place.
122
00:04:42,535 --> 00:04:44,436
All right,
you want to hear it again?
123
00:04:44,437 --> 00:04:46,104
Idea for a novel...
124
00:04:46,105 --> 00:04:48,438
A mild-mannered doorman
gets bitten on the penis
125
00:04:48,473 --> 00:04:50,073
by a radioactive spider
126
00:04:50,107 --> 00:04:52,641
and becomes the world's
greatest lover.
127
00:04:52,676 --> 00:04:54,176
No, don't stop it.
I want to hear what happens.
128
00:04:54,177 --> 00:04:55,477
This is terrific.
129
00:04:55,478 --> 00:04:57,078
He saves the first lady,
if you must know.
130
00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:59,479
Sounds compelling.
131
00:05:02,583 --> 00:05:03,582
Oh, boy.
132
00:05:03,583 --> 00:05:05,217
Well, hello.
133
00:05:05,251 --> 00:05:07,818
I heard you guys
were making the rounds again.
134
00:05:07,852 --> 00:05:09,419
All right.
135
00:05:09,420 --> 00:05:11,522
- This one's all you, tiger.
- Come on!
136
00:05:13,858 --> 00:05:16,068
Police!
137
00:05:16,094 --> 00:05:17,728
Hey, ma'am.
138
00:05:17,762 --> 00:05:19,329
Thank God!
Here, hold this.
139
00:05:20,398 --> 00:05:22,265
The lasagna's burning.
Okay.
140
00:05:22,266 --> 00:05:24,533
Get the dog, but don't
let it touch the baby!
141
00:05:26,135 --> 00:05:29,206
Oh. Okay.
Peralta.
142
00:05:29,238 --> 00:05:31,940
Yo, I looked at the photos
of your victim on your desk.
143
00:05:31,974 --> 00:05:33,708
Is that Rosa?
Tell her I said hi.
144
00:05:33,743 --> 00:05:35,043
The puncture wounds
are similar
145
00:05:35,044 --> 00:05:36,511
to a case
I had a while back.
146
00:05:36,512 --> 00:05:37,913
They aren't from a knife.
147
00:05:37,914 --> 00:05:39,147
I think it's something spiral,
like a corkscrew.
148
00:05:39,182 --> 00:05:40,181
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
149
00:05:40,216 --> 00:05:41,916
Don't shush me.
I'm helping you.
150
00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:43,284
No, no,
I'm holding a baby.
151
00:05:43,285 --> 00:05:44,985
That was actually very helpful,
thank you.
152
00:05:45,020 --> 00:05:48,222
Uh-oh.
You better get back here. Now.
153
00:05:54,895 --> 00:05:58,736
Oh!
Hello, Peralta.
154
00:06:00,301 --> 00:06:01,739
No, no, no!
155
00:06:01,768 --> 00:06:03,302
I don't know why
you're so upset, man.
156
00:06:03,303 --> 00:06:05,804
I'm the one who had to come
to this backwater stink hole.
157
00:06:05,805 --> 00:06:06,952
What's up, little man?
158
00:06:06,973 --> 00:06:09,141
What's up?
Feeling sexy? Huh?
159
00:06:09,142 --> 00:06:10,476
Yeah, I feel sexy.
160
00:06:10,477 --> 00:06:11,844
Yeah, you look sexy, man.
You know I do.
161
00:06:11,845 --> 00:06:13,880
Watch out for that door.
162
00:06:15,216 --> 00:06:17,149
Yo, how much you bench,
seriously?
163
00:06:17,183 --> 00:06:19,318
Captain, please, please,
pretty please
164
00:06:19,319 --> 00:06:20,925
do not let him take over
my case.
165
00:06:20,953 --> 00:06:23,288
Major crimes is stepping in.
Nothing I can do.
166
00:06:23,289 --> 00:06:24,422
You're off the case.
167
00:06:24,457 --> 00:06:25,790
I can't believe
you're just rolling over
168
00:06:25,791 --> 00:06:27,792
and giving my murder away
to The Vulture.
169
00:06:27,793 --> 00:06:29,327
We call him The Vulture
because he swoops in
170
00:06:29,328 --> 00:06:30,896
and solves cases
that are almost solved
171
00:06:30,897 --> 00:06:32,397
and takes the credit
for himself.
172
00:06:32,432 --> 00:06:34,980
Yes, Boyle, I put that together
from context.
173
00:06:35,001 --> 00:06:37,650
First of all,
major crimes has jurisdiction
174
00:06:37,670 --> 00:06:38,904
over any and all cases
they want to take.
175
00:06:38,905 --> 00:06:40,372
But more importantly,
176
00:06:40,373 --> 00:06:42,541
you're the one who insisted
on working alone.
177
00:06:42,542 --> 00:06:44,710
I told you for weeks
to use the squad,
178
00:06:44,711 --> 00:06:45,878
and you refused.
179
00:06:45,912 --> 00:06:47,346
I used them.
180
00:06:47,347 --> 00:06:49,415
I mean, Rosa's the one
who figured out the corkscrew.
181
00:06:49,416 --> 00:06:51,884
And Charles caught a dog.
182
00:06:51,918 --> 00:06:54,387
Oh, congratulations,
Detective Boyle.
183
00:06:54,421 --> 00:06:55,855
You should've
involved him sooner.
184
00:06:55,856 --> 00:06:57,723
Turn over your files
to Detective Pembroke.
185
00:06:57,758 --> 00:06:59,225
Sir, call him The Vulture.
186
00:06:59,226 --> 00:07:00,593
Giving him a name
makes him human.
187
00:07:00,627 --> 00:07:03,562
Turn over the files.
188
00:07:03,596 --> 00:07:04,663
Fine.
189
00:07:04,664 --> 00:07:05,898
But in protest,
190
00:07:05,899 --> 00:07:08,968
I'm walking over there
extremely slowly.
191
00:07:15,208 --> 00:07:16,709
Thank you.
192
00:07:19,546 --> 00:07:20,780
God! This is so boring!
193
00:07:20,814 --> 00:07:22,482
For both of us.
194
00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:24,083
You know,
before I solve this case,
195
00:07:24,084 --> 00:07:26,786
I'd like to thank you for doing
all the super-easy work,
196
00:07:26,820 --> 00:07:28,921
you know, the real
Nancy Drew-level stuff.
197
00:07:28,956 --> 00:07:31,328
Oh, yeah? Did Nancy Drew solve
a lot of murders?
198
00:07:31,358 --> 00:07:33,326
Yeah, she did...
Murder on Ice,
199
00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,527
Recipe for Murder.
200
00:07:34,528 --> 00:07:36,095
Nancy was
a wonderful Detective.
201
00:07:36,096 --> 00:07:37,263
I wanted to be her
when I grew up.
202
00:07:37,297 --> 00:07:39,565
Thanks, Charles.
That's helpful.
203
00:07:39,566 --> 00:07:42,901
Hey! Should we take odds on
how fast I'll solve this case?
204
00:07:42,936 --> 00:07:45,337
- Nope.
- I mean, what was it with Diaz's last
205
00:07:45,338 --> 00:07:46,639
"impossible" extortion case?
206
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,774
What was it, six hours?
207
00:07:48,775 --> 00:07:50,776
That's because
it was 98% solved.
208
00:07:50,811 --> 00:07:53,479
The last 2%
is the hardest to get.
209
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,314
That's why they leave it
in the milk.
210
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:56,616
What?
211
00:07:56,617 --> 00:07:57,783
Oh! Wow!
212
00:07:57,818 --> 00:07:59,585
Looking good, Santiago.
213
00:07:59,586 --> 00:08:01,220
You foxy ma.
214
00:08:01,255 --> 00:08:02,689
Go rot in hell.
215
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,257
This is your fault.
216
00:08:05,726 --> 00:08:07,793
Thanks, champ.
Good effort.
217
00:08:07,794 --> 00:08:09,462
I got it from here.
218
00:08:09,463 --> 00:08:11,130
And, hey,
you feel free to call me
219
00:08:11,131 --> 00:08:12,798
anytime you need me
to come down here
220
00:08:12,799 --> 00:08:15,122
and help powder
that big white ass of yours.
221
00:08:16,737 --> 00:08:20,037
Well, that's the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.
222
00:08:21,525 --> 00:08:23,627
I hate The Vulture so much!
223
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:26,897
Me too.
But he's kind of hot.
224
00:08:26,931 --> 00:08:28,298
What?
225
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:29,833
You can hate people
and still think they're hot.
226
00:08:29,834 --> 00:08:31,368
Case in point,
Manuel Noriega.
227
00:08:31,402 --> 00:08:33,937
You know what?
I'm with you on this.
228
00:08:33,938 --> 00:08:35,102
Tonya Harding.
229
00:08:35,103 --> 00:08:37,373
- Yeah, she's thick.
- Right?
230
00:08:37,374 --> 00:08:39,342
- Always classy, Jake.
- Mm-hmm.
231
00:08:39,376 --> 00:08:41,377
Sorry you got vultured.
232
00:08:41,378 --> 00:08:42,578
Happens to the best of us.
233
00:08:42,579 --> 00:08:43,880
On my count.
234
00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:45,736
One, two...
235
00:08:45,749 --> 00:08:47,850
Three!
I got it from here!
236
00:08:47,851 --> 00:08:49,085
Yeah!
237
00:08:49,086 --> 00:08:50,953
Get up! Get up!
Turn around!
238
00:08:52,189 --> 00:08:53,589
You have the right
to remain silent.
239
00:08:53,590 --> 00:08:54,891
Anything you say...
240
00:08:54,892 --> 00:08:57,093
Can and will be used
against you in a court of law.
241
00:08:57,094 --> 00:08:58,294
Thanks, guys,
I got it from here.
242
00:08:58,295 --> 00:08:59,796
Let's go.
Beat it!
243
00:08:59,797 --> 00:09:01,864
Skim white chocolate macchiato
for Charles.
244
00:09:01,865 --> 00:09:03,299
I got it from here.
245
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:05,501
I used a gift card
for that!
246
00:09:05,502 --> 00:09:08,237
God, I just... I want to get
back at him so bad!
247
00:09:08,238 --> 00:09:10,540
I wish I could throw
his cell phone in the toilet
248
00:09:10,541 --> 00:09:13,042
or slash his tires...
I don't know.
249
00:09:13,077 --> 00:09:14,577
Or slash
his gorgeous throat.
250
00:09:14,612 --> 00:09:16,746
I cannot figure you out.
251
00:09:16,780 --> 00:09:18,281
Okay, I'm buying
everyone drinks
252
00:09:18,282 --> 00:09:20,416
as long as we're here
thinking of a revenge plan.
253
00:09:20,417 --> 00:09:22,484
Best idea gets 50 bucks.
254
00:09:22,485 --> 00:09:23,786
Throw 'em on out.
255
00:09:23,820 --> 00:09:25,220
What if you called him
from a hospital
256
00:09:25,221 --> 00:09:27,089
and said his whole family
is dead?
257
00:09:27,090 --> 00:09:28,757
Like, they died
of cancer.
258
00:09:28,758 --> 00:09:30,826
Charles, that is so dark.
259
00:09:30,827 --> 00:09:32,160
I'm putting it down.
260
00:09:32,161 --> 00:09:34,530
So my stance feels good,
261
00:09:34,531 --> 00:09:36,965
- but I'm still not hitting center.
- All right.
262
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,034
Back your left foot up
a hair.
263
00:09:39,035 --> 00:09:40,368
Like this?
264
00:09:40,369 --> 00:09:41,436
Mm, mm, mm!
265
00:09:41,437 --> 00:09:43,171
No! Gina!
We've been over this.
266
00:09:43,172 --> 00:09:44,806
Well, show me!
267
00:09:44,807 --> 00:09:48,877
Like, wrap your thick,
muscular arms around me and...
268
00:09:48,878 --> 00:09:49,978
All right, look,
269
00:09:49,979 --> 00:09:52,647
hands here, stand up straight,
chin forward.
270
00:09:52,648 --> 00:09:53,949
Hold on, my nose itches.
271
00:09:53,950 --> 00:09:55,383
Gina!
272
00:09:55,384 --> 00:09:57,819
When I lock my shooting arm,
the other hand feels unstable.
273
00:09:57,820 --> 00:09:59,521
Now, what stance
am I supposed to be doing...
274
00:09:59,522 --> 00:10:00,889
Weaver or isosceles?
275
00:10:00,890 --> 00:10:02,624
You guys did stances?
Like, I'll be like...
276
00:10:02,625 --> 00:10:03,759
Yeah, everybody
does stances, Gina.
277
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,760
Listen, uh...
Hey, all right, all right!
278
00:10:05,761 --> 00:10:08,329
Look, hey, both you,
just watch.
279
00:10:10,633 --> 00:10:12,667
That's eight!
He did it!
280
00:10:12,668 --> 00:10:15,870
That was only seven.
281
00:10:15,871 --> 00:10:18,373
Why are you counting
my shots?
282
00:10:18,374 --> 00:10:20,174
Are you trying
to have me recertified?
283
00:10:20,175 --> 00:10:21,809
Yes.
284
00:10:21,810 --> 00:10:23,444
If you make eight
of ten shots,
285
00:10:23,445 --> 00:10:25,446
I can sign off on
you carrying a gun again.
286
00:10:25,447 --> 00:10:26,981
Gina's here
as an official witness,
287
00:10:26,982 --> 00:10:28,182
and I thought
it'd be easier for you
288
00:10:28,183 --> 00:10:29,317
in a no-pressure
environment.
289
00:10:29,318 --> 00:10:31,486
I can't believe
you tricked me!
290
00:10:31,487 --> 00:10:33,621
You're too good a cop
to be shackled to a desk.
291
00:10:33,622 --> 00:10:37,491
You only have one hit
until you get recertified.
292
00:10:37,492 --> 00:10:40,695
So deep breath, huh?
293
00:10:40,696 --> 00:10:43,798
Take the final shot.
294
00:10:43,799 --> 00:10:46,901
Don't overthink it.
295
00:10:46,902 --> 00:10:49,638
Just relax and breathe.
296
00:10:49,639 --> 00:10:52,073
Bring air into your lungs...
297
00:10:52,074 --> 00:10:54,242
Like you've done
your whole life.
298
00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:57,778
Oh, my God.
299
00:10:57,779 --> 00:11:00,514
Guys!
How do you breathe?
300
00:11:00,549 --> 00:11:02,149
I forgot how to breathe!
301
00:11:02,184 --> 00:11:05,619
Is it two in, one out?
302
00:11:05,654 --> 00:11:08,056
What if we wrap his motorcycle
in plastic wrap
303
00:11:08,057 --> 00:11:10,124
and melt it
with a hair dryer?
304
00:11:10,125 --> 00:11:12,794
Little trick I learned
in gift basket making class.
305
00:11:12,828 --> 00:11:14,962
All right.
Here's what we're up to.
306
00:11:14,997 --> 00:11:18,199
Steal his kidney,
burn down his house,
307
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,434
replace his aloe tissues
with regular tissues.
308
00:11:20,435 --> 00:11:21,769
Thank you, Charles.
You're welcome.
309
00:11:21,770 --> 00:11:23,804
Leave a dead cat
in his cedar closet.
310
00:11:23,805 --> 00:11:26,474
He would have
to own a cedar closet.
311
00:11:26,508 --> 00:11:28,476
He seems like he would.
312
00:11:28,510 --> 00:11:30,812
Sneak into his apartment and
burn popcorn in the microwave.
313
00:11:30,813 --> 00:11:33,181
Thank you, Charles.
314
00:11:33,182 --> 00:11:34,983
Uh, Scully asked
for mashed potatoes,
315
00:11:34,984 --> 00:11:36,151
so I wrote that down.
316
00:11:36,219 --> 00:11:38,420
Well, I hate to say it,
but I think, by default,
317
00:11:38,421 --> 00:11:40,688
Charles' motorcycle idea
is the winner.
318
00:11:40,689 --> 00:11:43,091
Yeah!
Winning by default.
319
00:11:43,125 --> 00:11:44,392
Let's get into it.
320
00:11:44,393 --> 00:11:46,060
Anybody know
where The Vulture lives?
321
00:11:46,061 --> 00:11:48,429
On third, right near here.
How do you know that?
322
00:11:48,463 --> 00:11:50,297
Chug 'em, boys.
We're rolling!
323
00:11:51,332 --> 00:11:52,666
Yes!
324
00:11:52,700 --> 00:11:53,867
Take that, Vulture!
325
00:11:53,902 --> 00:11:55,402
- Yeah.
- Nice.
326
00:11:55,403 --> 00:11:57,070
All right,
give me your hair dryer.
327
00:11:57,104 --> 00:11:58,705
What?
What are you talking about?
328
00:11:58,706 --> 00:12:00,174
Don't you carry one
in your purse?
329
00:12:00,175 --> 00:12:02,709
Have you ever met
a human woman?
330
00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:04,778
There's a drugstore
four blocks away... I'm on it.
331
00:12:04,779 --> 00:12:06,246
Oh, no.
332
00:12:06,314 --> 00:12:08,449
Scully traveling
four blocks?
333
00:12:08,450 --> 00:12:10,484
That could take weeks.
334
00:12:11,486 --> 00:12:12,920
Hoo!
335
00:12:12,921 --> 00:12:14,221
Take the shot, sergeant.
336
00:12:14,222 --> 00:12:15,656
I just need a second.
337
00:12:15,657 --> 00:12:17,891
You've had 18 minutes
of seconds.
338
00:12:21,195 --> 00:12:23,163
Gina's authentic
stolen police badges.
339
00:12:23,164 --> 00:12:24,532
How can I help?
340
00:12:24,533 --> 00:12:26,367
- Hey, it's Peralta.
- Oh, hey, Jake.
341
00:12:26,368 --> 00:12:28,369
Hey, do you carry
a hair dryer in your purse?
342
00:12:28,403 --> 00:12:30,204
Of course.
I'm not an animal.
343
00:12:30,238 --> 00:12:32,339
Great.
344
00:12:32,340 --> 00:12:33,741
I need you to bring it
to The Vulture's apartment.
345
00:12:33,775 --> 00:12:35,109
There's someone named
"The Vulture"?
346
00:12:35,143 --> 00:12:37,211
Tell Rosa.
She'd be into that.
347
00:12:37,212 --> 00:12:38,579
Come on!
348
00:12:38,580 --> 00:12:40,815
Peralta, why are you asking Gina
about Detective Pembroke?
349
00:12:40,849 --> 00:12:42,550
Oh, Captain, hello.
350
00:12:42,551 --> 00:12:46,220
Uh, we are preparing him
a gift basket of sorts.
351
00:12:46,221 --> 00:12:47,989
Look,
I understand that you're upset.
352
00:12:48,023 --> 00:12:49,991
But if you want to keep this
from happening again,
353
00:12:49,992 --> 00:12:52,126
I suggest that you pull
your team together
354
00:12:52,127 --> 00:12:55,863
and solve these cases before
major crimes can step in.
355
00:12:55,864 --> 00:12:57,331
Am I clear?
356
00:12:57,366 --> 00:13:00,468
Yes, sir.
That is definitely clear.
357
00:13:00,469 --> 00:13:03,038
Thank you, sir.
358
00:13:04,173 --> 00:13:05,273
You should be frowning.
359
00:13:05,308 --> 00:13:07,809
Why is Jake smi...
Why are you smiling?
360
00:13:07,810 --> 00:13:10,712
Because the Captain just gave us
the perfect revenge plan.
361
00:13:10,713 --> 00:13:13,681
We team up
and solve this case right now!
362
00:13:13,682 --> 00:13:15,249
That is not what he meant.
363
00:13:15,284 --> 00:13:16,818
Think about it, Amy.
364
00:13:16,819 --> 00:13:18,152
We go back to the scene
of the crime,
365
00:13:18,153 --> 00:13:20,321
find the murder weapon,
and out-vulture The Vulture!
366
00:13:20,356 --> 00:13:22,557
No one gets in trouble
if we crack the case.
367
00:13:22,558 --> 00:13:24,556
Okay, screw it.
I'm in.
368
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:26,394
Yes! That's right!
All right.
369
00:13:26,395 --> 00:13:28,352
We're angry.
We're getting revenge.
370
00:13:28,364 --> 00:13:29,698
We're a little bit tipsy.
371
00:13:29,699 --> 00:13:31,438
We should not be driving.
We're taking the bus.
372
00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:33,746
I love the bus!
373
00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:39,920
So the waitress heard
the couple arguing at dinner.
374
00:13:39,921 --> 00:13:41,421
Apparently he was having
an affair,
375
00:13:41,422 --> 00:13:43,390
and it was not
the first time.
376
00:13:43,391 --> 00:13:45,826
Two years ago, she caught him
with a dog walker
377
00:13:45,827 --> 00:13:48,862
who was walking his dog,
if you know what I mean.
378
00:13:48,897 --> 00:13:49,997
- I do.
- Right?
379
00:13:49,998 --> 00:13:51,331
- Yes, I got it.
- Sex times.
380
00:13:51,332 --> 00:13:53,567
- Mm-hmm.
- Anyways, we know it's the wife.
381
00:13:53,601 --> 00:13:56,036
You're real talkative
now that you want our help.
382
00:13:56,070 --> 00:13:58,672
All right,
it is possible
383
00:13:58,673 --> 00:14:00,941
that I should've brought
you guys in sooner.
384
00:14:00,942 --> 00:14:02,609
But I just get so excited,
385
00:14:02,610 --> 00:14:04,544
wrapped up in wanting
to solve stuff, you know?
386
00:14:04,545 --> 00:14:06,646
I get it.
You want to be the best.
387
00:14:06,647 --> 00:14:08,582
We all do.
388
00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:12,619
You just don't have to be
such a butthead about it.
389
00:14:12,620 --> 00:14:13,803
What?
390
00:14:13,804 --> 00:14:15,422
I just can't believe
you would call me a butthead.
391
00:14:15,423 --> 00:14:16,991
- Shut up.
- That's so harsh.
392
00:14:20,329 --> 00:14:24,431
Hitchcock farts nonstop.
393
00:14:24,432 --> 00:14:26,500
Still waiting, sergeant.
394
00:14:26,501 --> 00:14:29,236
It's just the target looks
exactly like a friend of mine.
395
00:14:29,237 --> 00:14:30,570
It's just freaking me out.
396
00:14:30,604 --> 00:14:32,405
You have a friend...
397
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:34,241
- Who's just a silhouette?
- Yes.
398
00:14:34,275 --> 00:14:36,277
Let's all just count
to a million.
399
00:14:36,278 --> 00:14:37,745
One, two, three, four,
five, six...
400
00:14:37,779 --> 00:14:41,015
So then Iceman says,
"You can be my wingman any day."
401
00:14:41,016 --> 00:14:43,618
And then Maverick says...
I've seen the film, sergeant.
402
00:14:43,619 --> 00:14:45,319
I haven't.
What happens next?
403
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,655
Goose comes back, right?
He's not really dead.
404
00:14:49,124 --> 00:14:50,825
Goose is gone.
405
00:14:50,859 --> 00:14:52,226
- No!
- I know!
406
00:14:52,260 --> 00:14:53,995
All right,
here's how it went down.
407
00:14:54,029 --> 00:14:56,397
9:45, a man screams.
408
00:14:56,432 --> 00:14:59,067
90 seconds later,
wife goes down to the doorman,
409
00:14:59,068 --> 00:15:01,869
says a guy murdered her husband
and then ran off.
410
00:15:01,870 --> 00:15:03,504
We know she's lying.
411
00:15:03,505 --> 00:15:04,972
We've just got to
find the corkscrew
412
00:15:05,007 --> 00:15:06,474
to make our case airtight.
413
00:15:06,508 --> 00:15:09,010
I say we role-play,
see if something sparks.
414
00:15:09,044 --> 00:15:10,845
Darling, thank you
for a lovely dinner.
415
00:15:10,846 --> 00:15:13,348
Perhaps we should have
one more drink before bed.
416
00:15:13,349 --> 00:15:15,750
Don't you
"darling" me, you philanderer.
417
00:15:15,751 --> 00:15:18,219
No, you're the husband.
The husband had the affair.
418
00:15:18,253 --> 00:15:19,787
I'm always the victim.
I don't want to be the victim.
419
00:15:19,822 --> 00:15:21,356
Okay, Charles is the door.
420
00:15:21,390 --> 00:15:23,324
No. I'll be the victim.
Don't make me a door again.
421
00:15:23,358 --> 00:15:26,026
Great. Okay, so...
Wife goes into the drawer.
422
00:15:26,027 --> 00:15:29,596
Gets the corkscrew.
Stab, stab, stab.
423
00:15:29,631 --> 00:15:31,165
What did she do
with the corkscrew?
424
00:15:31,166 --> 00:15:32,499
She dumps it
in the hallway trash chute
425
00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:33,700
on the way to the doorman.
426
00:15:33,735 --> 00:15:35,335
No, we checked the trash,
like, ten times.
427
00:15:35,336 --> 00:15:37,004
We would've seen
a bloody corkscrew.
428
00:15:37,038 --> 00:15:38,772
All right, Hitchcock,
you're up.
429
00:15:41,343 --> 00:15:43,310
The body.
430
00:15:43,311 --> 00:15:45,613
The corkscrew's
still in the body.
431
00:15:45,647 --> 00:15:47,348
No, you're terrible at this.
Go sit down.
432
00:15:47,382 --> 00:15:48,649
You're up, Diaz.
433
00:15:48,683 --> 00:15:50,617
Stab!
434
00:15:50,618 --> 00:15:52,319
Then I...
435
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:53,721
Toss the corkscrew
out the window,
436
00:15:53,722 --> 00:15:55,022
and it lands
on a passing car.
437
00:15:55,057 --> 00:15:57,325
Security cam showed
no one driving by at that time
438
00:15:57,326 --> 00:15:58,626
and nothing on the street.
439
00:15:58,660 --> 00:16:01,662
Okay, I want in.
But I only want to stab you.
440
00:16:01,663 --> 00:16:03,964
Fine.
Charles, door.
441
00:16:03,999 --> 00:16:05,566
Right.
442
00:16:07,269 --> 00:16:09,570
Okay, uh, sweetheart.
443
00:16:09,604 --> 00:16:10,671
Time to die.
444
00:16:10,672 --> 00:16:12,506
That seems a little harsh.
445
00:16:12,541 --> 00:16:15,342
What if it was
a magnetic corkscrew?
446
00:16:16,611 --> 00:16:18,979
If the corkscrew was
on a magnet...
447
00:16:19,013 --> 00:16:20,947
It's stuck halfway down
the inside of the trash chute.
448
00:16:20,948 --> 00:16:22,282
I figured it out first!
449
00:16:22,283 --> 00:16:23,450
Wow!
450
00:16:23,451 --> 00:16:24,918
What's happening?
451
00:16:24,919 --> 00:16:26,787
You have a ten-pound flashlight
in your purse,
452
00:16:26,788 --> 00:16:29,256
but not a hair dryer?
453
00:16:29,257 --> 00:16:31,092
I can't see
far enough down.
454
00:16:31,093 --> 00:16:32,560
Someone's gonna have to go
down in there.
455
00:16:32,561 --> 00:16:35,028
Someone
with narrow shoulders.
456
00:16:35,029 --> 00:16:36,563
No! I have
broad shoulders.
457
00:16:36,564 --> 00:16:40,233
I have narrow hips,
but broad shoulders.
458
00:16:40,268 --> 00:16:42,236
God!
459
00:16:42,270 --> 00:16:43,537
See anything?
460
00:16:43,538 --> 00:16:45,239
A little lower.
461
00:16:45,274 --> 00:16:47,608
Freeze!
Hands in the air!
462
00:16:47,609 --> 00:16:48,876
Ahh!
463
00:16:48,877 --> 00:16:50,611
We're cops.
Broad shoulders!
464
00:16:50,645 --> 00:16:53,647
Stuck! Told you...
Broad shoulders.
465
00:16:53,648 --> 00:16:56,383
Apparently, our Detective squad
has gotten drunk,
466
00:16:56,384 --> 00:16:57,851
compromised the crime scene,
467
00:16:57,852 --> 00:17:00,387
and an officer has gotten stuck
in a trash chute.
468
00:17:00,421 --> 00:17:02,689
I need you to lead
this squad, Terry.
469
00:17:02,724 --> 00:17:03,957
And I mean really lead it.
470
00:17:06,828 --> 00:17:09,096
I hope you take the shot.
471
00:17:09,131 --> 00:17:11,198
What kind of
precinct are you running here?
472
00:17:11,232 --> 00:17:12,499
Would you like to sit down,
Detective?
473
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,501
You seem upset.
Hell yeah, I'm upset.
474
00:17:14,536 --> 00:17:16,971
Your team disrupted
a crime scene
475
00:17:16,972 --> 00:17:20,608
over which they have zero...
Zero jurisdiction.
476
00:17:20,642 --> 00:17:21,876
They were publicly drunk.
477
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:23,477
Apparently
one of them pressed
478
00:17:23,478 --> 00:17:25,746
all the buttons
on the elevator.
479
00:17:25,747 --> 00:17:27,448
Only, maybe he just bumped up
against the panel
480
00:17:27,449 --> 00:17:28,582
with that big white ass
of his.
481
00:17:28,616 --> 00:17:30,951
What now?
Holt is gonna kill you.
482
00:17:30,986 --> 00:17:32,286
I don't think he will...
483
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,721
Because...
484
00:17:33,755 --> 00:17:35,322
Voila!
485
00:17:35,357 --> 00:17:37,158
You actually found the corkscrew
in the trash chute?
486
00:17:37,192 --> 00:17:39,860
Stuck to the side,
just like you said.
487
00:17:39,895 --> 00:17:42,930
Boyle, we're pulling you out!
488
00:17:47,803 --> 00:17:50,305
This is the proudest moment
of my career.
489
00:17:50,306 --> 00:17:51,606
Ah!
490
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,943
Oh, my God, you guys,
we out-vultured The Vulture!
491
00:17:56,812 --> 00:17:57,813
What the hell was that?
492
00:17:57,847 --> 00:17:59,247
What? It's a vulture.
493
00:17:59,282 --> 00:18:01,316
Now, if you'll excuse me,
494
00:18:01,317 --> 00:18:03,686
I'm gonna take this corkscrew
over to the D.A.
495
00:18:03,687 --> 00:18:06,322
So we get the collar,
not major crimes.
496
00:18:06,323 --> 00:18:08,891
Peralta!
Now.
497
00:18:11,294 --> 00:18:12,962
Okay.
498
00:18:12,963 --> 00:18:14,630
- Before you get mad...
- Shut it!
499
00:18:14,631 --> 00:18:15,698
Holt was right.
500
00:18:15,732 --> 00:18:16,965
I've been so worried
about my own kids,
501
00:18:16,966 --> 00:18:19,001
I forgot about
my stupid grown-up kids.
502
00:18:19,035 --> 00:18:20,502
That's insulting.
503
00:18:20,537 --> 00:18:22,037
I should've been
on you guys more.
504
00:18:22,038 --> 00:18:24,740
And starting now,
I will be.
505
00:18:24,741 --> 00:18:27,109
But if you ever
do this again,
506
00:18:27,110 --> 00:18:29,846
I swear I will crush your head
in one hand.
507
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,514
- You don't mean that.
- Try me.
508
00:18:31,548 --> 00:18:33,149
Okay.
509
00:18:34,551 --> 00:18:36,319
Where you going?
510
00:18:36,353 --> 00:18:37,687
The boss is taking heat
511
00:18:37,688 --> 00:18:39,455
for something
that's not even his fault.
512
00:18:39,456 --> 00:18:41,157
I can't let that happen.
513
00:18:41,158 --> 00:18:43,659
Wait.
Damn it.
514
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:46,295
Look, it's not
your fault either.
515
00:18:46,296 --> 00:18:50,466
And it's not
The Vulture's fault.
516
00:18:50,467 --> 00:18:51,734
It's Amy's.
517
00:18:51,735 --> 00:18:53,102
I know. I know.
It's mine.
518
00:18:53,103 --> 00:18:54,704
It's mine, okay?
519
00:18:54,705 --> 00:18:57,306
God, I do not love
how this worked out.
520
00:18:59,076 --> 00:19:00,877
Detective Pembroke.
521
00:19:00,911 --> 00:19:02,211
Now what?
522
00:19:02,212 --> 00:19:04,013
I'd like to cordially invite you
to calm down,
523
00:19:04,014 --> 00:19:05,615
especially considering
that this case
524
00:19:05,616 --> 00:19:07,184
has already been solved...
525
00:19:07,185 --> 00:19:08,552
By you!
526
00:19:09,954 --> 00:19:11,474
Looks like you found
the murder weapon.
527
00:19:11,489 --> 00:19:13,924
It's a good thing you realized
it was magnetically stuck
528
00:19:13,925 --> 00:19:15,292
to the inside
of the trash chute.
529
00:19:15,293 --> 00:19:17,260
Congratulations.
530
00:19:19,063 --> 00:19:20,630
Cracked the case
all by yourself.
531
00:19:20,631 --> 00:19:21,965
We done here?
532
00:19:25,170 --> 00:19:27,471
Yeah.
Yeah, we're done here.
533
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,341
Hey, keep up
the bad work, champ.
534
00:19:30,342 --> 00:19:33,344
Here it comes.
535
00:19:33,345 --> 00:19:35,561
Why does he keep
touching my butt?
536
00:19:37,284 --> 00:19:39,719
- Stay foxy.
- Die lonely.
537
00:19:39,753 --> 00:19:42,455
Well, case closed.
Good work, everyone.
538
00:19:42,456 --> 00:19:44,790
Let's, uh, call it a night
without any further discussion.
539
00:19:44,791 --> 00:19:46,225
No!
540
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:47,760
All of you broke
into a crime scene
541
00:19:47,794 --> 00:19:49,395
under the influence
of alcohol,
542
00:19:49,396 --> 00:19:52,231
overstepped your jurisdiction,
and disobeyed my direct orders.
543
00:19:52,265 --> 00:19:54,500
Everyone involved tonight
is gonna get written up.
544
00:19:54,534 --> 00:19:56,101
Okay, fine.
545
00:19:56,102 --> 00:19:58,170
Here's everyone who was there.
546
00:19:58,171 --> 00:20:00,605
Jake Peralta,
J. Peralta,
547
00:20:00,606 --> 00:20:02,274
Dr. Jacob Peralta,
548
00:20:02,275 --> 00:20:04,342
who has a PhD
in slow-jam studies
549
00:20:04,343 --> 00:20:06,378
from Funktown State University,
550
00:20:06,379 --> 00:20:09,748
also involved was the right
honorable J... okay, enough.
551
00:20:09,749 --> 00:20:11,950
My point is it was
a Peralta special, sir.
552
00:20:11,951 --> 00:20:13,152
No one else was there.
553
00:20:13,186 --> 00:20:15,855
Well, Detective,
I'm happy to see
554
00:20:15,856 --> 00:20:18,491
you're learning how to be
part of a team.
555
00:20:18,525 --> 00:20:22,060
Everybody go home.
Sleep it off.
556
00:20:23,129 --> 00:20:26,265
Sir?
Thank you.
557
00:20:26,299 --> 00:20:28,867
Ultimately, it was
our raw sexual chemistry
558
00:20:28,868 --> 00:20:31,903
that helped him overcome
his crippling fear.
559
00:20:31,904 --> 00:20:34,239
You should just stay
in the office all day every day
560
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,675
and be my bestie.
561
00:20:36,676 --> 00:20:39,678
You could join
my dance troupe, Floorgasm.
562
00:20:39,679 --> 00:20:42,147
We're looking for a man
of precisely your...
563
00:20:43,483 --> 00:20:45,517
It's gonna be a long road,
564
00:20:45,518 --> 00:20:47,619
but I'm ready to get myself
back in the game.
565
00:20:47,654 --> 00:20:48,720
I know you will.
566
00:20:48,755 --> 00:20:50,989
I mean, eventually...
567
00:20:50,990 --> 00:20:53,191
Not tonight.
568
00:20:53,192 --> 00:20:54,959
I need to go hug
my baby girls.
569
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,262
Excuse me.
570
00:20:59,031 --> 00:21:00,832
Jake, I have to say,
the way you handled things
571
00:21:00,833 --> 00:21:02,834
with The Vulture yesterday
was very mature.
572
00:21:02,869 --> 00:21:04,503
Well, sometimes in life,
573
00:21:04,504 --> 00:21:06,538
you just have to take
the high road.
574
00:21:06,539 --> 00:21:08,139
Oop! Time's up!
575
00:21:08,174 --> 00:21:10,041
- Can't wait to see it.
- Ah, here we go.
576
00:21:10,076 --> 00:21:12,010
- That's good suction.
- Oh!
577
00:21:12,011 --> 00:21:13,511
Ooh!
578
00:21:13,512 --> 00:21:14,645
Check it out!
579
00:21:14,646 --> 00:21:17,314
- Perfect, right?
- Yeah!
580
00:21:17,349 --> 00:21:19,984
"Dear Vulture,
581
00:21:20,018 --> 00:21:24,054
"enjoy my big white ass.
582
00:21:24,089 --> 00:21:25,322
Jake."
583
00:21:25,323 --> 00:21:26,957
Here you are.
584
00:21:26,958 --> 00:21:28,626
Always take the high road,
Charles.
585
00:21:28,627 --> 00:21:30,194
Always take the high road.
586
00:21:30,195 --> 00:21:36,141
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/