1 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:05,204 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Whoa! 2 00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:06,439 Settle. 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,107 Sorry, sarge. 4 00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:11,210 Ugh, Halloween is the worst. 5 00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:13,212 Everyone's drunk, wearing a mask, 6 00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:14,914 and carrying a fake gun. 7 00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:17,016 Plus all the girls think they have to dress sexy. 8 00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:20,019 I know, that is the worst. Please make them stop. 9 00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:21,521 I passed a slutty tree on the way here. 10 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,323 Who wants to have sex with a tree? 11 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:24,656 Was it a maple? 12 00:00:24,657 --> 00:00:26,124 Was it a maple? 13 00:00:26,125 --> 00:00:28,159 Buon giorno, buon giorno. 14 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,829 - Pretty cool 'stume, huh? - 'Stume? 15 00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:32,430 Short for costume. Ah. 16 00:00:32,431 --> 00:00:34,699 All right, let me guess. You are dumpy Chuck Norris. 17 00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:36,000 No, I'm... Dumpy Ron Weasley. 18 00:00:36,001 --> 00:00:37,302 No. 19 00:00:37,303 --> 00:00:38,770 You guys, stop it. 20 00:00:38,771 --> 00:00:40,505 He put thought into his costume, 21 00:00:40,506 --> 00:00:43,241 and he is obviously Miranda from Sex and the City. 22 00:00:43,242 --> 00:00:44,442 Guys, I'm Mario Batali! 23 00:00:44,443 --> 00:00:46,978 "Molto Mario"? Celebrity chef? 24 00:00:46,979 --> 00:00:48,546 Ginger Prince of little Italy? 25 00:00:48,547 --> 00:00:50,448 Is he also a homeless troll doll? 26 00:00:50,449 --> 00:00:51,749 'Cause you look like a homeless troll doll. 27 00:00:51,750 --> 00:00:53,952 Hey, sweet Batali costume, dude. 28 00:00:53,953 --> 00:00:55,486 Thank you! 29 00:00:55,487 --> 00:00:57,088 There's a man with impeccable taste. 30 00:00:57,122 --> 00:01:00,491 He bit a guy's butt off at a W.N.B.A. game. 31 00:01:00,492 --> 00:01:01,726 Eric Stoltz from Mask. 32 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,461 I'll take it. Yeah. 33 00:01:03,495 --> 00:01:05,630 I hope you're all well rested. 34 00:01:05,631 --> 00:01:07,398 It's gonna be a busy night. 35 00:01:07,399 --> 00:01:08,600 The holding cell's completely full. 36 00:01:08,634 --> 00:01:10,134 I keep having to separate 37 00:01:10,135 --> 00:01:11,586 Hillary Clinton and Kim Jong-Un. 38 00:01:11,604 --> 00:01:13,972 Stop it! Stop making out! 39 00:01:14,006 --> 00:01:16,741 Hey... no! What would Bill say? 40 00:01:16,775 --> 00:01:18,243 We need two undercovers 41 00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:19,744 at the DeKalb street warehouse party. 42 00:01:19,745 --> 00:01:22,480 Boyle, you're already in costume as, uh, 43 00:01:22,481 --> 00:01:23,748 Joy Behar? 44 00:01:23,749 --> 00:01:24,949 I'm Mario Batali. 45 00:01:24,950 --> 00:01:27,018 Okay. And, uh, Santiago, 46 00:01:27,019 --> 00:01:28,253 you go with him. 47 00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,421 Yes, sir. Damn it. 48 00:01:30,422 --> 00:01:33,091 Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, 49 00:01:33,092 --> 00:01:34,792 but stick with me, and I promise you, 50 00:01:34,793 --> 00:01:36,227 you will love it. 51 00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:37,495 Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, 52 00:01:37,496 --> 00:01:38,763 and fully dressed? 53 00:01:38,797 --> 00:01:40,431 "Kind, sober, and fully dressed." 54 00:01:40,432 --> 00:01:41,799 Good news, everyone, we found the name 55 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,968 of Santiago's sex tape. 56 00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:47,730 Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/ 57 00:02:05,090 --> 00:02:07,825 Well, ring it up, nerds. 58 00:02:07,826 --> 00:02:09,827 I just arrested my first Halloween idiot 59 00:02:09,828 --> 00:02:11,095 of the season. 60 00:02:11,096 --> 00:02:12,463 He was trying to rob a bank 61 00:02:12,464 --> 00:02:14,499 but had a little trouble with the getaway. 62 00:02:14,533 --> 00:02:17,035 Trying to "split," huh? 63 00:02:17,036 --> 00:02:19,837 Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get out on "a peel." 64 00:02:19,872 --> 00:02:21,172 I'm so glad you're stuck. 65 00:02:21,206 --> 00:02:22,674 I've got a million of these. 66 00:02:22,708 --> 00:02:24,617 No, no, don't touch the money! Ugh! 67 00:02:24,643 --> 00:02:26,344 I swear, these perps are so stupid. 68 00:02:26,345 --> 00:02:27,845 I'd make a better criminal than any of them. 69 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,647 Yeah, you would. You'd be an evil mastermind, 70 00:02:29,648 --> 00:02:31,482 and everyone would call you the handsome bandit. 71 00:02:31,483 --> 00:02:33,418 Thank you, Charles. And the best part is, 72 00:02:33,452 --> 00:02:35,453 none of you could catch me. 73 00:02:36,855 --> 00:02:38,122 I'm fairly certain you would be caught. 74 00:02:38,123 --> 00:02:39,390 No, scratch that. 75 00:02:39,391 --> 00:02:41,693 I'm 100% sure you'd be caught. 76 00:02:41,727 --> 00:02:43,328 Ho, ho, ho! 77 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,796 All right, challenge accepted. 78 00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:46,331 I didn't issue a challenge. Fine. 79 00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:47,966 I'll issue it for you. 80 00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,400 What's the most valuable thing in your office? 81 00:02:49,401 --> 00:02:50,768 My medal of valor. 82 00:02:50,803 --> 00:02:52,236 God, you are such a hero. 83 00:02:52,237 --> 00:02:54,205 All right, how about this? I will bet you 84 00:02:54,206 --> 00:02:55,873 that by midnight tonight, 85 00:02:55,874 --> 00:02:57,709 I can steal the medal of valor from your office. 86 00:02:57,710 --> 00:03:00,044 Why would I possibly agree to that? 87 00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:01,412 Because if I lose, I'll work 88 00:03:01,413 --> 00:03:02,647 the next five weekends, no overtime. 89 00:03:02,681 --> 00:03:04,048 And I won't tell anyone here 90 00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:05,416 about the time I saw you wearing short shorts 91 00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:06,651 outside of work. 92 00:03:06,685 --> 00:03:07,986 But if I win... You won't. 93 00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:09,554 You have to do all of my paperwork tonight, 94 00:03:09,555 --> 00:03:12,824 the busiest and spookiest night of the year. 95 00:03:12,858 --> 00:03:15,360 And you have to publicly state 96 00:03:15,394 --> 00:03:19,364 that I'm an amazing Detective-slash-genius. 97 00:03:19,398 --> 00:03:21,532 And this won't interfere with you doing your job? 98 00:03:21,533 --> 00:03:25,236 You mean my job as an amazing Detective-slash-genius? 99 00:03:25,237 --> 00:03:26,537 No, it will not. I'll do all of my work, 100 00:03:26,538 --> 00:03:27,739 guaranteed. 101 00:03:27,773 --> 00:03:29,374 I'm considering it. 102 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:30,675 I'm interested. 103 00:03:30,676 --> 00:03:33,177 I agree to participate. All right. 104 00:03:33,212 --> 00:03:35,747 There's the robot I fell in love with. 105 00:03:35,781 --> 00:03:37,081 Hey. 106 00:03:37,082 --> 00:03:38,850 Sister Steve here got mugged. 107 00:03:38,884 --> 00:03:40,251 Some guy dressed as the royal baby 108 00:03:40,285 --> 00:03:42,353 punched him and took his wallet. 109 00:03:42,354 --> 00:03:43,755 She keeps laughing at me. 110 00:03:43,789 --> 00:03:45,189 Can't tell you how many nuns 111 00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:46,524 I wanted to beat up in catholic school. 112 00:03:46,525 --> 00:03:47,925 Ten. 113 00:03:47,926 --> 00:03:49,869 I didn't know you went to catholic school. 114 00:03:49,895 --> 00:03:51,529 Good. You shouldn't know it. 115 00:03:51,563 --> 00:03:54,265 I get it. You're so mysterious and tough. 116 00:03:54,266 --> 00:03:55,750 But you know what I think? 117 00:03:55,768 --> 00:03:57,435 You're actually a big softy. 118 00:03:57,469 --> 00:03:58,961 No, I think she's really mean. 119 00:03:58,971 --> 00:04:00,438 You probably read a Maya Angelou poem 120 00:04:00,439 --> 00:04:02,298 at your graduation and cried. 121 00:04:02,307 --> 00:04:03,975 Didn't graduate. Had to leave. 122 00:04:03,976 --> 00:04:05,309 Why? What'd you do? 123 00:04:05,310 --> 00:04:07,078 Here's a hint. 124 00:04:07,079 --> 00:04:09,647 I'm not gonna tell you. 125 00:04:09,648 --> 00:04:12,550 Oh, I'm gonna find out anyway. 126 00:04:12,551 --> 00:04:13,785 I'm a Detective. 127 00:04:13,786 --> 00:04:16,254 I will detect! 128 00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:17,655 Hey. 129 00:04:17,656 --> 00:04:19,390 Got an arrest file here for the Captain. 130 00:04:19,391 --> 00:04:20,792 Drunk and disorderly. 131 00:04:20,826 --> 00:04:22,627 So, anyways... 132 00:04:22,628 --> 00:04:24,095 Gina! 133 00:04:24,096 --> 00:04:25,563 We never talk anymore. 134 00:04:25,597 --> 00:04:27,198 How's the dance troupe? Did you get a haircut? 135 00:04:27,232 --> 00:04:28,599 What's the Captain's schedule like today? 136 00:04:28,634 --> 00:04:30,535 I'm not gonna help you rob him, Jake. 137 00:04:30,569 --> 00:04:32,637 I'm his assistant, and I take that job 138 00:04:32,671 --> 00:04:34,330 incredibly seriously. 139 00:04:34,339 --> 00:04:35,606 You're literally making paper airplanes 140 00:04:35,607 --> 00:04:37,341 out of police reports right now. 141 00:04:37,342 --> 00:04:39,010 Well, how am I supposed to get it into that garbage can? 142 00:04:39,011 --> 00:04:40,278 Please, Gina? 143 00:04:40,312 --> 00:04:41,846 Fine, Captain's got a meeting 144 00:04:41,847 --> 00:04:43,781 downstairs in ten minutes. 145 00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:46,617 You're the best. Mwah! 146 00:04:46,618 --> 00:04:47,985 What does your skin taste like? 147 00:04:48,020 --> 00:04:50,121 Dina Lohan. I'm wearing her face lotion. 148 00:04:50,155 --> 00:04:51,956 That's it. 149 00:04:51,990 --> 00:04:53,791 Thank you. 150 00:04:53,792 --> 00:04:55,726 Okay, party's around the corner. 151 00:04:55,761 --> 00:04:58,129 Tipster said there'll be a huge amount of drug activity. 152 00:04:58,163 --> 00:05:00,531 Why is this costume so stiff? 153 00:05:00,532 --> 00:05:02,500 And what is that smell? 154 00:05:02,501 --> 00:05:04,302 The department never washes them, so it's probably vomit. 155 00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:05,536 Hey! 156 00:05:05,537 --> 00:05:07,638 I got you a chocolate. 157 00:05:07,639 --> 00:05:10,341 Yet another great thing about Halloween... chocolate! 158 00:05:10,375 --> 00:05:12,343 Thanks. Oh, look. 159 00:05:12,344 --> 00:05:14,512 Raggedy Ann is drinking vodka right from the bottle. 160 00:05:14,513 --> 00:05:16,214 People think if they put on a costume, 161 00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:18,716 they can just get away with anything they want. 162 00:05:18,717 --> 00:05:21,752 Halloween is Christmas for jerks. 163 00:05:21,787 --> 00:05:23,855 Come on, ma'am. No open containers. 164 00:05:23,889 --> 00:05:27,692 Oh, and why should I listen to you, bone person? 165 00:05:27,693 --> 00:05:30,361 It's called skeleton. It's a very common word. 166 00:05:30,395 --> 00:05:31,863 Just put the vodka away. 167 00:05:31,864 --> 00:05:33,131 You guys are cops? 168 00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:34,632 These guys are cops! 169 00:05:43,976 --> 00:05:45,710 Are you in my ceiling, Peralta? 170 00:05:45,744 --> 00:05:47,478 No. 171 00:05:47,479 --> 00:05:48,913 So what's the plan? 172 00:05:48,914 --> 00:05:50,214 You wait for me to leave my office, 173 00:05:50,215 --> 00:05:51,582 lower yourself down, take my medal, 174 00:05:51,583 --> 00:05:52,817 and win the bet? 175 00:05:52,851 --> 00:05:54,085 Who are you talking to? 176 00:05:54,086 --> 00:05:55,870 There's no one up here. 177 00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:57,488 Peralta, just so you know, 178 00:05:57,489 --> 00:06:00,158 right now, I am taking my medal off the wall 179 00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:02,160 and placing it in a locked safe 180 00:06:02,161 --> 00:06:04,003 whose combination is known only to me. 181 00:06:04,029 --> 00:06:05,963 The safe, in turn, 182 00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:07,565 is locked in the cabinet. 183 00:06:07,599 --> 00:06:12,003 The only key to that cabinet is on my person. 184 00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:14,372 I'm off to my meeting. Good luck with your plan. 185 00:06:14,373 --> 00:06:16,874 You think that scares me? 186 00:06:16,909 --> 00:06:19,911 I laugh in the face of adversity! 187 00:06:19,945 --> 00:06:21,612 Are you still there? 188 00:06:21,613 --> 00:06:23,047 Captain, are you still there? I can't hear... 189 00:06:23,048 --> 00:06:25,550 Agh! 190 00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,344 Ow. 191 00:06:29,569 --> 00:06:30,977 Here you go. 192 00:06:30,978 --> 00:06:33,612 Don't touch the butter. 193 00:06:33,647 --> 00:06:35,181 What happened? I thought you guys 194 00:06:35,182 --> 00:06:36,449 were supposed to be at the warehouse party. 195 00:06:36,450 --> 00:06:37,817 We got egged. 196 00:06:37,818 --> 00:06:39,518 Some of the shell got in my contacts 197 00:06:39,519 --> 00:06:42,088 and my hair and my mouth and my bra. 198 00:06:42,122 --> 00:06:43,356 I can't tell if that's hot or not. 199 00:06:43,357 --> 00:06:44,623 Not hot. 200 00:06:44,624 --> 00:06:45,858 Eggshell in my bra is not hot. 201 00:06:45,859 --> 00:06:47,126 Well, it's kinda hot. 202 00:06:47,127 --> 00:06:50,296 Boobs go in a bra. Up top. 203 00:06:50,297 --> 00:06:52,465 Whoo! My man. 204 00:06:52,466 --> 00:06:54,533 Well, it sounds like costume duty is going great. 205 00:06:54,534 --> 00:06:55,968 So great. We're having the best time. 206 00:06:55,969 --> 00:06:57,169 Right, Amy? 207 00:06:57,204 --> 00:06:58,971 I wish I was dead. Hmm. 208 00:06:59,006 --> 00:07:00,639 How's the unwinnable bet going? 209 00:07:00,674 --> 00:07:01,974 Well, on the one hand, I fell through the ceiling 210 00:07:01,975 --> 00:07:03,809 and onto a pencil, but on the other hand, 211 00:07:03,810 --> 00:07:05,511 I also badly bruised my brain. 212 00:07:05,545 --> 00:07:06,879 If you wanted to make a bet with Holt, 213 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:08,214 you shoulda made a bet you could win. 214 00:07:08,215 --> 00:07:09,849 Like who wears more denim jackets. 215 00:07:09,883 --> 00:07:11,484 That was one time. 216 00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:13,152 You guys never forget anything. 217 00:07:13,153 --> 00:07:14,487 You know, frankly, I'm a little surprised 218 00:07:14,488 --> 00:07:15,955 you don't think I can win this thing. 219 00:07:15,956 --> 00:07:17,623 You're always telling me how I'm the best. 220 00:07:17,624 --> 00:07:19,725 You're the best, Jake. 221 00:07:19,726 --> 00:07:21,455 Paperwork delivery. 222 00:07:21,461 --> 00:07:22,762 You're the best, Jake. 223 00:07:22,796 --> 00:07:24,730 Jake, you're the best. 224 00:07:24,731 --> 00:07:26,499 Thank you, Charles. 225 00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:28,034 Yeah, maybe it's just Charles. 226 00:07:28,068 --> 00:07:29,869 Look, Jake, 227 00:07:29,903 --> 00:07:31,904 I love you like you're one of my daughters. Really? 228 00:07:31,905 --> 00:07:34,140 But it's not about you or how smart you are. 229 00:07:34,141 --> 00:07:35,374 It's about Captain Holt. 230 00:07:35,409 --> 00:07:36,942 The man's a genius. 231 00:07:36,977 --> 00:07:38,477 He's had your number at every turn. 232 00:07:38,478 --> 00:07:42,648 Well, not this day... Turn... time. 233 00:07:42,649 --> 00:07:45,818 Sorry, I'm pretty sure I had a concussion back there. 234 00:07:45,852 --> 00:07:47,119 Here I come. All right. 235 00:07:47,154 --> 00:07:50,556 Ohh, strong. Ahh. 236 00:07:50,590 --> 00:07:52,525 Okay, here's the first set 237 00:07:52,526 --> 00:07:54,193 of royal babies I rounded up. 238 00:07:54,194 --> 00:07:55,428 Popular costume. 239 00:07:55,429 --> 00:07:56,695 Any of these guys look familiar? 240 00:07:56,696 --> 00:07:58,230 Maybe the third guy. 241 00:07:58,265 --> 00:07:59,832 The baby who mugged me was pretty short. 242 00:08:01,168 --> 00:08:02,368 You're not supposed to laugh at me. 243 00:08:02,402 --> 00:08:03,869 Number three, 244 00:08:03,904 --> 00:08:05,504 step forward and say, "give me your money, 245 00:08:05,505 --> 00:08:06,872 you stupid bag of crap." 246 00:08:06,873 --> 00:08:09,708 Gimme your money, you stupid bag of crap. 247 00:08:09,709 --> 00:08:11,077 No, wrong giant baby. 248 00:08:11,111 --> 00:08:12,378 I still want to know why you got kicked out 249 00:08:12,379 --> 00:08:13,946 of catholic school. 250 00:08:13,947 --> 00:08:15,514 Were you doing drugs? 251 00:08:15,515 --> 00:08:18,350 Worse. Selling drugs? 252 00:08:18,351 --> 00:08:21,687 Worse. How bad could it have been? 253 00:08:21,688 --> 00:08:24,390 Did you burn down a church? 254 00:08:24,391 --> 00:08:27,259 Number three, step forward and say the word 255 00:08:27,260 --> 00:08:28,561 "worse." 256 00:08:28,562 --> 00:08:31,263 Worse. 257 00:08:31,264 --> 00:08:33,065 Excuse me, Gina. 258 00:08:33,066 --> 00:08:34,400 I can't find Peralta anywhere, and you're the only one 259 00:08:34,401 --> 00:08:36,071 who can decipher his handwriting. 260 00:08:36,103 --> 00:08:38,737 He arrested that bunny, but I don't know what for. 261 00:08:38,738 --> 00:08:41,740 He's either a crispy mother werewolf 262 00:08:41,741 --> 00:08:44,610 or cowboy mustard, oslo, Norway. 263 00:08:44,644 --> 00:08:46,078 Hmm. 264 00:08:46,079 --> 00:08:49,248 The bunny groped multiple women on the subway. 265 00:08:49,282 --> 00:08:51,784 Being able to read Jake's writing is a gift. 266 00:08:51,818 --> 00:08:53,919 A useless, useless gift. 267 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:57,923 Excuse me one second. 268 00:08:57,924 --> 00:09:00,059 Nice costume, Peralta. 269 00:09:00,060 --> 00:09:01,894 No Peralta here. 270 00:09:01,895 --> 00:09:05,464 Just a normal janitor pushing trash around. 271 00:09:05,465 --> 00:09:07,166 Come out of there. 272 00:09:08,802 --> 00:09:10,669 Captain, hey. 273 00:09:10,670 --> 00:09:11,904 You really thought this was gonna work? 274 00:09:11,938 --> 00:09:13,172 Uh, it did work. 275 00:09:13,173 --> 00:09:14,440 This whole janitor gambit 276 00:09:14,441 --> 00:09:16,242 was designed to fail. 277 00:09:16,243 --> 00:09:17,510 It's just like in chess. 278 00:09:17,511 --> 00:09:18,944 Sometimes in order to win, 279 00:09:18,945 --> 00:09:20,446 you have to sacrifice your king. 280 00:09:20,447 --> 00:09:22,181 That's exactly how you lose in chess. 281 00:09:22,182 --> 00:09:23,482 Have you ever played the game? 282 00:09:23,517 --> 00:09:24,917 Yeah, I used to play with my uncle Bob 283 00:09:24,918 --> 00:09:26,752 all the time, and he said I was great. 284 00:09:26,753 --> 00:09:28,954 This is a game of concentration, Jake. 285 00:09:28,989 --> 00:09:31,991 So focus your mind, and start shooting. 286 00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:38,164 Now you're a master of chess, huh? 287 00:09:38,198 --> 00:09:39,532 He taught me how to shoot backgammon too. 288 00:09:39,533 --> 00:09:40,933 I expected better of you. 289 00:09:40,934 --> 00:09:42,201 You could have at least created a diversion 290 00:09:42,202 --> 00:09:44,170 to distract me from your terrible costume. 291 00:09:44,204 --> 00:09:45,804 Uh, I'm not a dumb butt. 292 00:09:45,805 --> 00:09:47,373 I had a diversion planned. 293 00:09:47,374 --> 00:09:50,209 There was just a slight timing issue. 294 00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:51,677 Oh, my God! 295 00:09:51,711 --> 00:09:53,846 Get down, everyone! There's a big fire! 296 00:09:53,847 --> 00:09:55,581 Captain, you better head over there for, like, 297 00:09:55,615 --> 00:09:57,950 15 minutes and see what's going on with that. 298 00:09:57,951 --> 00:10:00,953 Beware of the back draft. I'll be in your office. 299 00:10:03,657 --> 00:10:05,524 You have beautiful eyes. 300 00:10:05,525 --> 00:10:06,792 Have it your way. 301 00:10:06,793 --> 00:10:08,694 But you're gonna need this. 302 00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:10,963 And... that. 303 00:10:10,964 --> 00:10:13,699 It's filthy in there. 304 00:10:19,372 --> 00:10:21,207 Come on, Amy! Loosen up! 305 00:10:21,208 --> 00:10:22,508 You look like such a cop! 306 00:10:22,542 --> 00:10:25,010 Come on, have some fun, you know? 307 00:10:25,045 --> 00:10:27,313 It'll help you blend in! 308 00:10:27,314 --> 00:10:28,581 Whoo! 309 00:10:28,582 --> 00:10:31,183 Stop trying to get me to love Halloween. 310 00:10:31,184 --> 00:10:32,818 It'll never work. 311 00:10:32,852 --> 00:10:34,086 I'm backing it up. 312 00:10:34,087 --> 00:10:36,855 Oh, God, please don't. 313 00:10:36,890 --> 00:10:39,058 Hey, heads up. 314 00:10:39,059 --> 00:10:40,326 I'll cut 'em off at the exit. Okay. 315 00:10:40,327 --> 00:10:43,395 Move! Move, move! 316 00:10:43,396 --> 00:10:44,830 He ditched the drugs. I'm on it. 317 00:10:44,831 --> 00:10:46,265 Ugh. 318 00:10:47,567 --> 00:10:49,902 Oof, everything is sticking to me. 319 00:10:49,903 --> 00:10:51,237 Ooh. 320 00:10:51,238 --> 00:10:53,172 Ay, h. Yes. 321 00:10:53,206 --> 00:10:55,174 Hey, watch out, man. 322 00:10:55,175 --> 00:10:57,176 Ugh! What is that? 323 00:10:57,177 --> 00:11:01,413 How is it hot and cold? 324 00:11:01,448 --> 00:11:04,450 So the soonest you can fix the ceiling is Monday? 325 00:11:10,924 --> 00:11:13,726 I'm gonna have to call you back. 326 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,194 Wait, stop scratching me. 327 00:11:15,195 --> 00:11:16,398 We're supposed to be a team. 328 00:11:16,429 --> 00:11:18,097 Ahem. 329 00:11:18,098 --> 00:11:19,465 Captain, hi. 330 00:11:19,466 --> 00:11:22,101 I was just photocopying some stuff. 331 00:11:22,135 --> 00:11:23,869 Are you trying to jam pigeons into my air-conditioning vent 332 00:11:23,870 --> 00:11:25,104 to flush me out of my office? 333 00:11:25,138 --> 00:11:27,406 Way to ruin the surprise. 334 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,808 How did you get those birds? By using my big, fat brain. 335 00:11:29,809 --> 00:11:31,577 Get in the bag, you damn bird. 336 00:11:31,578 --> 00:11:32,811 Eat the bread. Eat the bread! 337 00:11:32,812 --> 00:11:34,413 I gotcha! I gotcha! 338 00:11:34,414 --> 00:11:37,283 All part of my elaborate plan to defeat you. 339 00:11:37,284 --> 00:11:39,652 So far, you and your big, fat brain 340 00:11:39,653 --> 00:11:41,553 are losing... badly. 341 00:11:41,554 --> 00:11:43,789 Maybe, if we're talking about who's winning our bet. 342 00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:46,225 But if we're talking about who's holding more birds, 343 00:11:46,226 --> 00:11:48,193 I'm winning, four-nothing. 344 00:11:48,228 --> 00:11:51,263 You're only holding two. 345 00:11:51,264 --> 00:11:54,633 Yeah. 346 00:11:57,334 --> 00:11:58,567 Ooh, when you were logging in the drugs, 347 00:11:58,568 --> 00:11:59,969 you missed some awesome stuff. 348 00:11:59,970 --> 00:12:02,071 Guy walked by in full astronaut costume, 349 00:12:02,072 --> 00:12:03,339 gave me a high five. 350 00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:05,507 He high-fived me too. 351 00:12:05,508 --> 00:12:06,809 Wait... Hitchcock? 352 00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:08,310 Darn it. 353 00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:09,578 I wasn't supposed to talk, but I got so excited 354 00:12:09,579 --> 00:12:10,846 about that astronaut. 355 00:12:10,847 --> 00:12:12,481 What is happening? 356 00:12:12,515 --> 00:12:13,816 Amy paid me 50 bucks to trade places with her 357 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,084 for the rest of the night. 358 00:12:15,085 --> 00:12:16,452 Really? Yeah. 359 00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:19,488 I'm gonna use that money to buy two suits. 360 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,859 Well, I was gonna ask you to tell the Captain 361 00:12:23,860 --> 00:12:25,361 that I brought in royal babies for Diaz, 362 00:12:25,362 --> 00:12:27,229 but I'm sure he already knows, 363 00:12:27,230 --> 00:12:28,497 since he's always one step ahead of me. 364 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:29,698 Aww. 365 00:12:29,733 --> 00:12:31,400 Why so down, little clown? 366 00:12:31,401 --> 00:12:32,668 I'm just sick of losing to Holt. 367 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:33,869 I want that medal. 368 00:12:33,903 --> 00:12:35,337 It's not real gold. 369 00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:37,640 I tried selling it online. Zero bids. 370 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:40,042 But here's some advice I gave to the girls 371 00:12:40,076 --> 00:12:42,396 in my dance troupe at the "dance till you drop" tournament. 372 00:12:42,412 --> 00:12:45,714 That advice was, dance. Dance! 373 00:12:45,715 --> 00:12:47,383 Dance. 374 00:12:47,384 --> 00:12:50,219 Yeah, I'm not really sure that applies here, Gina. 375 00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:52,288 It does apply. It means don't give up. 376 00:12:52,289 --> 00:12:54,957 We would've won if Natasha's water hadn't broken. 377 00:12:54,958 --> 00:12:56,892 Oh, Natasha had her baby? You know Natasha? 378 00:12:56,893 --> 00:12:58,127 Yeah. Yeah. 379 00:12:58,128 --> 00:12:59,395 Her dog has lupus. 380 00:12:59,396 --> 00:13:01,196 Yeah. That's a trip. 381 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,198 Small world. Yes. 382 00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:08,070 All right, I'm gonna go cry. 383 00:13:08,071 --> 00:13:09,872 I kind of feel bad for him. 384 00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,073 Don't. 385 00:13:11,107 --> 00:13:12,808 He brought this on himself. 386 00:13:12,809 --> 00:13:17,112 You can hang up now. 387 00:13:17,113 --> 00:13:19,048 You paid money to get out of working with me? 388 00:13:19,082 --> 00:13:21,116 Charles, I had to. Tonight has been awful. 389 00:13:21,151 --> 00:13:23,919 Halloween is the worst, and I don't understand 390 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,287 why you like it. 391 00:13:25,322 --> 00:13:26,755 No, all the things that you think are bad 392 00:13:26,756 --> 00:13:29,091 about Halloween are what make it great. 393 00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:30,592 The big kids egg you. 394 00:13:30,593 --> 00:13:33,462 Then you and your friends run away together. 395 00:13:33,463 --> 00:13:35,431 Friendships are forged in the crucible 396 00:13:35,465 --> 00:13:37,833 of Halloween adversity. 397 00:13:37,834 --> 00:13:40,703 That's all I wanted for us. 398 00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:45,574 You can keep the wig. I don't need it anymore. 399 00:13:45,608 --> 00:13:48,677 I don't really need it either. 400 00:13:48,678 --> 00:13:50,012 Hey, Captain Holt, 401 00:13:50,013 --> 00:13:53,849 can you come out here for one sec? 402 00:14:00,623 --> 00:14:02,624 You need something, Peralta? Yes, I do. 403 00:14:02,659 --> 00:14:05,661 Hit it, royal babies. 404 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:17,663 What... no! 405 00:14:17,674 --> 00:14:18,907 Give me my keys. 406 00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:20,609 Will you stop catching me? 407 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,444 Do you have any idea how much I spent on key chains? 408 00:14:22,479 --> 00:14:23,979 $23. 409 00:14:24,013 --> 00:14:25,381 Wow, that is unbelievably close. 410 00:14:25,382 --> 00:14:26,815 22.76. 411 00:14:26,850 --> 00:14:29,451 Keys. Okay, look. 412 00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,886 Tonight has been a little humiliating. 413 00:14:30,887 --> 00:14:32,354 Things are not going well, 414 00:14:32,389 --> 00:14:33,956 so I'm gonna just throw this out there. 415 00:14:33,990 --> 00:14:35,391 What do you say we call off the bet 416 00:14:35,392 --> 00:14:36,792 and pretend this whole thing never happened? 417 00:14:36,826 --> 00:14:38,293 Oh, I'm not letting you off the hook. 418 00:14:38,328 --> 00:14:39,995 What? No. Pfft. 419 00:14:39,996 --> 00:14:42,865 I meant to give you an out, so you could save face. 420 00:14:42,899 --> 00:14:44,833 This is getting sad. 421 00:14:44,834 --> 00:14:47,609 Yeah, for you. 422 00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,528 So. 423 00:14:49,539 --> 00:14:51,473 I called your school. 424 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:56,311 And I managed to get a hold of one sister Bernadette. 425 00:14:56,346 --> 00:14:58,814 I remember that old bag. She was my favorite. 426 00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:00,149 Well, guess what she said. 427 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:02,317 Apparently, you were a model student 428 00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:05,387 and transferred of your own volition. 429 00:15:07,724 --> 00:15:08,991 Fine. 430 00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,426 The reason I left catholic school 431 00:15:10,427 --> 00:15:12,628 was because I got into the american ballet academy. 432 00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,663 I was a classical dancer. 433 00:15:14,697 --> 00:15:16,165 And I was good. 434 00:15:16,199 --> 00:15:17,433 I knew it! 435 00:15:17,434 --> 00:15:19,201 I knew you were a big softy. 436 00:15:19,235 --> 00:15:22,104 You tell anyone, I break your face. 437 00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:28,609 No, you won't. You're too sensitive. 438 00:15:30,413 --> 00:15:32,314 Captain, sorry to interrupt. 439 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,583 Some officers just arrested Peralta. 440 00:15:34,617 --> 00:15:35,984 What? They caught him scaling 441 00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:37,886 the side of the building with a blowtorch. 442 00:15:42,225 --> 00:15:43,859 Captain. 443 00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,494 Welcome to the endgame. 444 00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:47,029 Would you care to shake the hand 445 00:15:47,063 --> 00:15:48,630 of the man who defeated you? 446 00:15:48,631 --> 00:15:51,900 Forgot I was wearing handcuffs. Ohh, that hurt. 447 00:15:51,901 --> 00:15:54,336 Whoo! 448 00:15:57,139 --> 00:15:58,606 Climbing the side of the building with a blowtorch. 449 00:15:58,607 --> 00:15:59,941 What were you thinking? 450 00:15:59,975 --> 00:16:01,543 I was thinking I had better core strength. 451 00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:02,777 I got winded, like, ten feet up. 452 00:16:02,778 --> 00:16:04,546 I knew you wouldn't win the bet, 453 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,980 but your performance tonight has made me question 454 00:16:05,981 --> 00:16:07,448 not only how good a Detective you are, 455 00:16:07,449 --> 00:16:10,585 but, quite frankly, how smart you are. 456 00:16:10,586 --> 00:16:12,887 Well, that's not surprising. You constantly underestimate me. 457 00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:15,990 No, you've been correctly estimated. 458 00:16:15,991 --> 00:16:18,426 You have five minutes until your deadline, 459 00:16:18,427 --> 00:16:20,395 and here you are, handcuffed to a table, 460 00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:21,763 in a locked room. 461 00:16:21,764 --> 00:16:25,767 Which is precisely where I planned on being. 462 00:16:25,768 --> 00:16:27,468 Captain, let me tell you a little story. 463 00:16:27,503 --> 00:16:29,304 You remember when I fell through your ceiling? 464 00:16:29,305 --> 00:16:31,206 Yes, that was six hours ago. 465 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,341 It was, I admit, a disastrous failure. 466 00:16:33,342 --> 00:16:35,677 But it gave me the idea for Herman, 467 00:16:35,678 --> 00:16:37,145 the friendly janitor you met. 468 00:16:37,179 --> 00:16:40,148 With Herman, I commenced the perfect crime. 469 00:16:40,149 --> 00:16:42,383 I caught you as Herman. 470 00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:44,819 But you didn't catch Rosa. 471 00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:49,123 Come out of there. 472 00:16:49,124 --> 00:16:50,358 It turns out that Rosa 473 00:16:50,359 --> 00:16:52,393 is great at picking locks. 474 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:54,796 Does not surprise me. No, me neither. 475 00:16:54,797 --> 00:16:56,664 Of course, I had to find a way to get her out of your office 476 00:16:56,665 --> 00:16:58,032 without you seeing her. 477 00:16:58,033 --> 00:16:59,968 So I created a diversion. 478 00:16:59,969 --> 00:17:02,937 Not mistimed... Perfectly timed 479 00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:04,472 so she could escape unseen. 480 00:17:04,506 --> 00:17:05,773 What about the pigeons? 481 00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:07,275 Oh, the gray pigeons? 482 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,077 They were a red herring. Thank you. 483 00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:11,112 Their only purpose was to draw you into the copy room 484 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:15,283 while two members of my team broke into your locked office. 485 00:17:15,317 --> 00:17:16,317 So now I had a way into your office 486 00:17:16,318 --> 00:17:18,953 and an open cabinet. 487 00:17:18,988 --> 00:17:20,788 All that was left was for the royal babies 488 00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:22,190 to steal your keys. 489 00:17:22,191 --> 00:17:24,158 Yes, but you didn't need the keys. 490 00:17:24,159 --> 00:17:25,927 The cabinet was already unlocked. 491 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,295 You needed a way into the safe. 492 00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:28,830 And I got it. 493 00:17:28,864 --> 00:17:30,298 You were so concerned with getting 494 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,566 your keys back, you didn't even notice 495 00:17:31,567 --> 00:17:33,568 the sergeant steal your phone. 496 00:17:33,569 --> 00:17:36,004 That's right, even the sergeant is on my side. 497 00:17:36,005 --> 00:17:38,172 I then had Charles dust your screen cover for prints. 498 00:17:38,173 --> 00:17:39,841 The greasiest smudges revealed 499 00:17:39,842 --> 00:17:41,509 the four numbers you use the most... 500 00:17:41,543 --> 00:17:43,645 The four numbers in your passcode. 501 00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:45,346 Based on your advanced age, 502 00:17:45,347 --> 00:17:47,649 I assumed that you use the same passcode for everything... 503 00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:49,817 Your phone, your email, and, of course, 504 00:17:49,852 --> 00:17:51,085 your safe. 505 00:17:51,086 --> 00:17:53,628 That would be a fair assumption. 506 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,223 It was at that point that I bumped into a girl 507 00:17:55,224 --> 00:17:58,226 dressed as a sexy robot, and we got our flirt on... hard. 508 00:18:01,030 --> 00:18:02,330 'Sup? 509 00:18:02,364 --> 00:18:06,534 'Sup? Jake Peralta. 510 00:18:06,568 --> 00:18:08,202 And how was flirting part of the plan? 511 00:18:08,237 --> 00:18:10,371 Oh, it wasn't. It just ruled. 512 00:18:10,372 --> 00:18:11,939 And that brings us to five minutes ago, 513 00:18:11,940 --> 00:18:13,241 when Amy came to your office and told you 514 00:18:13,242 --> 00:18:14,676 that I had been arrested. 515 00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:16,044 I knew she's the only one you would believe 516 00:18:16,045 --> 00:18:17,679 because, frankly, she's usually too lame 517 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,488 to take part in these kinds of things. 518 00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,449 And as you walked over here, 519 00:18:21,450 --> 00:18:23,017 Charles awkwardly stuffed himself through your window 520 00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:25,520 and opened your safe. 521 00:18:25,554 --> 00:18:27,522 We had the four numbers of your code, which meant 522 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,724 there were 24 possible combinations for Charles to try. 523 00:18:29,725 --> 00:18:31,392 That could take up to four minutes, 524 00:18:31,393 --> 00:18:33,210 which is why I really dragged out this explanation. 525 00:18:33,228 --> 00:18:35,463 I mean, really stretched it. I don't know if you noticed, 526 00:18:35,464 --> 00:18:37,031 but there were times where I was like, 527 00:18:37,066 --> 00:18:38,966 what am I even talking about? This isn't... 528 00:18:38,967 --> 00:18:40,501 Oh. 529 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:43,271 But now, four minutes is up. 530 00:18:43,305 --> 00:18:45,440 Which means Boyle is either on the other side of that door 531 00:18:45,441 --> 00:18:46,674 holding your medal, 532 00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:49,777 or I've lost. 533 00:18:49,812 --> 00:18:51,212 Well, Captain, 534 00:18:51,246 --> 00:18:52,714 it seems that Jake 535 00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:56,784 isn't the only person you underestima... 536 00:18:56,785 --> 00:19:00,388 20 seconds to spare. Game over, Captain. 537 00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:01,589 Check me. 538 00:19:01,623 --> 00:19:03,124 I think you mean "checkmate." 539 00:19:03,125 --> 00:19:04,625 You really need to learn how to play chess. 540 00:19:04,626 --> 00:19:07,095 How did you get everyone to help you? 541 00:19:07,096 --> 00:19:08,896 I appealed to their sense of teamwork and camraderie 542 00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:11,399 with a rousing speech that would put Shakespeare to shame. 543 00:19:11,433 --> 00:19:12,667 For too long, 544 00:19:12,668 --> 00:19:15,503 we've been put down, ridiculed, 545 00:19:15,504 --> 00:19:17,405 made to wear ties! 546 00:19:17,439 --> 00:19:18,639 But no more! 547 00:19:18,674 --> 00:19:19,941 For today, 548 00:19:19,942 --> 00:19:21,943 we defeat him! 549 00:19:21,977 --> 00:19:24,553 And that worked? No. No, no. Not at all. 550 00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,647 My speech did not inspire them. 551 00:19:26,682 --> 00:19:28,716 Come on. So I bribed them. 552 00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:30,551 I told them that if we pulled this off, 553 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,153 I would do all of their paperwork. 554 00:19:32,154 --> 00:19:34,422 And since you're doing all my paperwork... 555 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,257 I'm impressed, Peralta. 556 00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:37,592 Well done. 557 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,127 Thank you, sir. 558 00:19:39,128 --> 00:19:42,430 In fact, the thing that you failed to see, Captain, 559 00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:44,465 teamwork, is exactly... Captain? 560 00:19:44,466 --> 00:19:46,467 What provided our success. Sir? 561 00:19:46,468 --> 00:19:49,437 He's not coming back. 562 00:19:49,471 --> 00:19:52,473 Boyle, I need you in the briefing room. 563 00:19:57,012 --> 00:19:59,614 What is all this? 564 00:19:59,648 --> 00:20:01,282 You know how I think Halloween is for jerks? 565 00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:03,951 Well, this Halloween, I was the jerk. 566 00:20:03,952 --> 00:20:05,686 I'm sorry about tonight. 567 00:20:05,687 --> 00:20:07,021 "I'm sorry about tonight." 568 00:20:07,022 --> 00:20:08,489 We found the title 569 00:20:08,490 --> 00:20:10,558 for Santiago's follow-up sex tape. 570 00:20:10,559 --> 00:20:13,161 I'm sorry I couldn't convince you to love Halloween. 571 00:20:13,195 --> 00:20:14,562 It's not your fault. I was terrible. 572 00:20:14,563 --> 00:20:15,830 "It's not your fault I was terrible" 573 00:20:15,831 --> 00:20:17,365 is also one of your sex tapes. 574 00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:18,666 Ow. 575 00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:21,002 Halloween is unbearable. 576 00:20:21,003 --> 00:20:24,005 But it was slightly less unbearable with you. 577 00:20:24,006 --> 00:20:25,339 Don't. Okay. 578 00:20:25,340 --> 00:20:26,941 Anyway. 579 00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:29,510 We're all going to the bar, so get changed, 580 00:20:29,511 --> 00:20:31,312 'cause you can't be the only one there 581 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,247 not wearing a 'stume. 582 00:20:33,248 --> 00:20:35,483 'Stume! Oh, my God. It caught on. 583 00:20:35,517 --> 00:20:39,153 No. 584 00:20:39,188 --> 00:20:42,023 Ah, Captain Holt. It is so nice to see you. 585 00:20:42,057 --> 00:20:43,524 Never thought I'd say that. Hmm. 586 00:20:43,559 --> 00:20:45,660 A poor winner. I never would've guessed. 587 00:20:45,694 --> 00:20:47,228 Yeah, you would've. 588 00:20:47,229 --> 00:20:48,696 Way to go all out on your costume, by the way. 589 00:20:48,697 --> 00:20:50,798 I believe you have an announcement to make, 590 00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:53,167 so the floor is yours. 591 00:20:53,168 --> 00:20:56,170 Attention, everyone. 592 00:20:56,171 --> 00:21:00,675 Jake Peralta is an amazing Detective-slash-genius. 593 00:21:00,709 --> 00:21:02,743 Now, if you'll excuse me, 594 00:21:02,744 --> 00:21:05,880 I have some paperwork to do. 595 00:21:05,881 --> 00:21:08,282 All right. 596 00:21:08,283 --> 00:21:10,751 Officer in the 92nd got the royal baby mugger. 597 00:21:10,752 --> 00:21:12,286 He had 19 wallets in his diaper. 598 00:21:12,287 --> 00:21:15,723 We got a runner! 599 00:21:15,724 --> 00:21:17,592 Waahhh! 600 00:21:17,626 --> 00:21:19,894 Damn! 601 00:21:19,895 --> 00:21:21,696 Oh, I didn't tell you. 602 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:24,098 I got kicked out of ballet school 603 00:21:24,099 --> 00:21:27,434 for beating the crap out of ballerinas. 604 00:21:27,435 --> 00:21:29,899 It's a good thing we gave 'em a heads up. 605 00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:33,069 Team effort, Go 99. 606 00:21:33,070 --> 00:21:37,051 Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/