1
00:00:03,273 --> 00:00:04,277
Careful!
2
00:00:04,278 --> 00:00:06,419
You only get one shot
at this, Peralta.
3
00:00:06,454 --> 00:00:08,059
Don't worry.
I know what I'm doing.
4
00:00:08,060 --> 00:00:10,262
I saw the first 15 minutes
of The Hurt Locker.
5
00:00:10,296 --> 00:00:11,864
Hurry!
The stench is too much.
6
00:00:11,898 --> 00:00:13,936
We gotta get
those shoes outta here.
7
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,238
How much time
do we have?
8
00:00:15,239 --> 00:00:17,141
Scully ate his pot pie
30 minutes ago,
9
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:19,011
so we probably got 10 minutes
left on this nap.
10
00:00:19,046 --> 00:00:20,915
12 if he's turkey tired.
11
00:00:20,949 --> 00:00:23,424
All right, come to papa.
12
00:00:23,425 --> 00:00:25,566
It's trapped.
Abort mission.
13
00:00:25,601 --> 00:00:27,776
I have an idea...
14
00:00:40,970 --> 00:00:43,609
Let's send these shoes
to hell.
15
00:00:46,051 --> 00:00:47,219
Oh, wait.
16
00:00:47,220 --> 00:00:48,787
Yeah, just smells
worse than before.
17
00:00:48,788 --> 00:00:50,856
Oh...
Ugh! Abort!
18
00:00:50,890 --> 00:00:54,616
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
19
00:01:12,924 --> 00:01:15,528
Whoa! Why are you here
before me?
20
00:01:15,529 --> 00:01:17,499
Am I asleep?
Is this a dream?
21
00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:20,107
I am early because
Jimmy Brogan is here today.
22
00:01:20,108 --> 00:01:22,547
Why do you care so much
about some old reporter?
23
00:01:22,581 --> 00:01:24,216
Some old reporter?
24
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:26,219
Is the sky just some
big blue hat
25
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,621
that the world wears?
26
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,891
No. And no one has ever
thought that.
27
00:01:29,892 --> 00:01:31,295
My point exactly.
28
00:01:31,296 --> 00:01:33,199
Jimmy Brogan
wrote The Squad
29
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,401
about badass New York cops
in the '70s.
30
00:01:35,402 --> 00:01:37,103
It's the best book
I've ever read,
31
00:01:37,104 --> 00:01:38,871
and I've read 15 books.
32
00:01:38,872 --> 00:01:40,575
50 books is not a lot.
Wait...
33
00:01:40,576 --> 00:01:42,479
You said 15?
34
00:01:43,916 --> 00:01:45,320
The Squad
is what made me decide
35
00:01:45,321 --> 00:01:46,922
to become a Detective.
36
00:01:46,923 --> 00:01:48,557
And it was my first
book report.
37
00:01:48,591 --> 00:01:50,225
"The detectives wiped
the mobsters' blood
38
00:01:50,226 --> 00:01:53,598
off their boots
and found the scag."
39
00:01:53,599 --> 00:01:56,337
Scag is heroin,
and the book says it's so good,
40
00:01:56,338 --> 00:01:58,409
you can never stop doing it!
41
00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,311
See me after class,
Jacob.
42
00:02:00,312 --> 00:02:02,513
Fun side note...
I late lost my virginity
43
00:02:02,514 --> 00:02:04,115
to Mrs. Stratton's
daughter.
44
00:02:04,116 --> 00:02:06,519
It was... very fast.
45
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:09,125
Nice.
46
00:02:09,126 --> 00:02:11,697
Mr. Brogan, these are
detectives Santiago
47
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:12,966
and Peralta.
48
00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:14,969
Mr. Brogan, I am a huge fan
of your book.
49
00:02:14,970 --> 00:02:16,771
Would you mind
signing my copy?
50
00:02:16,772 --> 00:02:19,142
I'd love to.
It's always nice to meet a fan.
51
00:02:19,143 --> 00:02:21,180
You can just make it out
to "death wish."
52
00:02:21,181 --> 00:02:22,616
That's what everyone
calls me,
53
00:02:22,617 --> 00:02:24,821
'cause I'm always
first through the door.
54
00:02:24,822 --> 00:02:26,156
You go through doors normally,
55
00:02:26,157 --> 00:02:28,492
and everyone calls you
pineapples.
56
00:02:28,493 --> 00:02:29,861
My grandma calls me
pineapples,
57
00:02:29,862 --> 00:02:31,295
and I regret
telling you that.
58
00:02:31,296 --> 00:02:33,663
Those New York cops
from the '70s you wrote about
59
00:02:33,664 --> 00:02:36,730
were my idols... I mean,
Gaminsky, Cavanaugh, Quigg.
60
00:02:36,731 --> 00:02:38,364
Those guys
were the real deal.
61
00:02:38,365 --> 00:02:41,199
I once saw Gaminsky
choke a hippy to death
62
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:42,501
with his own ponytail.
63
00:02:42,502 --> 00:02:44,104
Illegal.
Love that.
64
00:02:44,105 --> 00:02:45,504
Mr. Brogan
is writing an article
65
00:02:45,505 --> 00:02:47,204
about how Brooklyn
detectives have changed
66
00:02:47,205 --> 00:02:49,071
in the 35 years
since The Squad.
67
00:02:49,072 --> 00:02:50,769
He'll be observing
the two of you
68
00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:52,568
on your Internet
identity theft case.
69
00:02:52,569 --> 00:02:54,803
I hope Mr. Brogan's presence
doesn't prove to be
70
00:02:54,804 --> 00:02:56,505
a distraction to you,
Peralta.
71
00:02:56,506 --> 00:02:58,472
Distracted? Me?
No, sir.
72
00:02:58,473 --> 00:03:00,138
Evil would love that.
73
00:03:00,139 --> 00:03:02,972
But I'm not giving evil
the satisfaction.
74
00:03:02,973 --> 00:03:04,804
Not today.
75
00:03:04,805 --> 00:03:07,507
Where's the can?
I gotta unload.
76
00:03:07,508 --> 00:03:09,475
"Unload."
Great choice of words.
77
00:03:09,476 --> 00:03:11,542
It'd be an honor
to show you, sir.
78
00:03:11,543 --> 00:03:14,144
All right.
Everyone's here.
79
00:03:14,145 --> 00:03:16,546
Today we're gonna work on
our courtroom demeanor.
80
00:03:16,547 --> 00:03:19,145
Pass.
This seminar
81
00:03:19,146 --> 00:03:21,680
is not optional, Diaz.
You're testifying
82
00:03:21,681 --> 00:03:23,681
in an aggravated assault case
tomorrow.
83
00:03:23,682 --> 00:03:25,281
The D.A. is worried
84
00:03:25,315 --> 00:03:26,948
about how you present yourself
on the stand.
85
00:03:26,949 --> 00:03:28,846
Why?
I'm fine on the stand.
86
00:03:28,881 --> 00:03:30,444
Look, I'll make this
real simple
87
00:03:30,445 --> 00:03:31,978
so even these dum-dums
can understand.
88
00:03:32,013 --> 00:03:34,480
Man did crime.
89
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:36,215
I'm sorry... can you
make her stop doing
90
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,084
that weird thing
with her face?
91
00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:39,818
Crying?
92
00:03:39,819 --> 00:03:42,317
And when this is over,
I'm gonna find you,
93
00:03:42,318 --> 00:03:44,784
and I'm gonna break
those little fingers.
94
00:03:44,785 --> 00:03:46,886
Ms. Diaz.
95
00:03:46,887 --> 00:03:49,055
Please stop threatening
the stenographer!
96
00:03:49,056 --> 00:03:52,357
This is an important case.
You need to do well.
97
00:03:52,358 --> 00:03:54,057
Fine. I'll take
your dumbass seminar.
98
00:03:54,091 --> 00:03:56,224
That's the spirit!
99
00:03:57,860 --> 00:04:00,359
Someone has placed
tiny scanners inside ATMs
100
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,125
to steal card numbers
and pins
101
00:04:02,126 --> 00:04:04,192
which they sell
on the Internet.
102
00:04:04,193 --> 00:04:06,393
Oh, good God, why do you
smell like an ashtray?
103
00:04:06,394 --> 00:04:07,895
Oh, sorry, mom.
104
00:04:07,896 --> 00:04:11,204
It's the only way I can cope
with the stress of the job.
105
00:04:14,839 --> 00:04:15,917
Pffft!
106
00:04:17,041 --> 00:04:19,207
Anyway...
We're running an algorithm
107
00:04:19,208 --> 00:04:20,707
to comb through
the transactions
108
00:04:20,742 --> 00:04:22,306
looking for a pattern
which will lead us
109
00:04:22,341 --> 00:04:24,239
to the perp's IP address.
Got it.
110
00:04:24,273 --> 00:04:26,039
"Boring mumbo jumbo."
111
00:04:26,071 --> 00:04:27,971
Well, you could think
of the algorithm
112
00:04:28,005 --> 00:04:29,538
as a boot
and the IP address
113
00:04:29,539 --> 00:04:30,906
as some poor slob's skull.
114
00:04:30,907 --> 00:04:32,041
You know?
115
00:04:32,075 --> 00:04:33,341
We used to call guys
116
00:04:33,342 --> 00:04:35,377
who bragged about
sitting around all day
117
00:04:35,378 --> 00:04:36,512
hair bags.
118
00:04:37,549 --> 00:04:39,718
Except for
Detective Finaldi.
119
00:04:39,719 --> 00:04:41,985
No, he had to sit
around all day.
120
00:04:41,986 --> 00:04:44,150
A mafia thug pried
both his kneecaps off
121
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,550
with a crowbar.
122
00:04:45,584 --> 00:04:47,118
Gah... so lucky.
123
00:04:47,119 --> 00:04:48,954
This kind of data-driven
police work
124
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,891
has reduced crime
by over 70%.
125
00:04:50,925 --> 00:04:53,328
I know hair bag work
when I see it.
126
00:04:53,362 --> 00:04:57,796
Do me a favor... wake me
when your shift is over.
127
00:04:59,431 --> 00:05:00,465
No way.
128
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,572
That is amazing!
129
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:07,576
All you need
is for a jury to like you.
130
00:05:07,610 --> 00:05:10,046
If they like you, they'll trust you.
Fine.
131
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:11,714
How do I get these morons
to like me?
132
00:05:14,350 --> 00:05:15,684
Don't call them morons.
133
00:05:15,718 --> 00:05:17,384
Good instinct!
Okay.
134
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:20,217
Sit up straight, all right?
Be aware of your hands, okay?
135
00:05:20,251 --> 00:05:21,585
And don't be afraid
to smile.
136
00:05:21,619 --> 00:05:23,087
And if you need to buy time,
you can always just say,
137
00:05:23,088 --> 00:05:24,723
"to be perfectly candid..."
138
00:05:24,757 --> 00:05:26,926
To be perfectly candid...
139
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:28,294
I like that.
140
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:30,397
And always make
good eye contact.
141
00:05:30,432 --> 00:05:32,299
But don't stare at people.
Yeah.
142
00:05:32,334 --> 00:05:33,967
You gotta blink.
But don't blink too much.
143
00:05:34,002 --> 00:05:36,035
Or too fast.
I think the bigger worry is slow blinks.
144
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,202
Don't blink too fast or too
slow or too much or too little.
145
00:05:38,237 --> 00:05:40,703
I know how to blink.
146
00:05:40,738 --> 00:05:42,037
Quick question, sir.
147
00:05:42,038 --> 00:05:43,870
You know how we've been
trading favors back and forth
148
00:05:43,871 --> 00:05:45,172
and it's your turn
to give me one?
149
00:05:45,206 --> 00:05:46,575
None of that is true.
Yeah, I know.
150
00:05:46,609 --> 00:05:49,078
Please, can I jump onto
a sweet mob-related homicide?
151
00:05:49,113 --> 00:05:51,512
There are no sweet
mob-related homicides
152
00:05:51,513 --> 00:05:52,913
on which to jump.
153
00:05:52,948 --> 00:05:55,111
Boom!
There's one at the seven-three.
154
00:05:55,112 --> 00:05:57,277
Maybe I should
roll over there, help out.
155
00:05:57,278 --> 00:05:59,413
Brogan can tag along,
maybe write some stuff down.
156
00:05:59,448 --> 00:06:01,750
Why do you idolize that man
and the time he wrote about?
157
00:06:01,751 --> 00:06:03,686
Because the '70s
were amazing.
158
00:06:03,687 --> 00:06:05,622
I mean, everyone had
thick, juicy moustaches
159
00:06:05,623 --> 00:06:07,654
and all the clothes
were orange and flammable.
160
00:06:07,655 --> 00:06:09,653
The '70s were not
a good time for the city
161
00:06:09,654 --> 00:06:11,184
or for the department...
162
00:06:11,185 --> 00:06:12,552
Corruption, brutality,
sexism.
163
00:06:12,587 --> 00:06:15,221
Diaz and Santiago never
would have made Detective,
164
00:06:15,256 --> 00:06:16,456
and an openly gay man
like me...
165
00:06:16,457 --> 00:06:17,724
I never would have been
given a command.
166
00:06:17,758 --> 00:06:19,457
There were very few
black detectives.
167
00:06:19,490 --> 00:06:21,756
Did I ever tell you what my
first day on the job was like?
168
00:06:24,958 --> 00:06:26,459
Hello. I'm Raymond Holt.
169
00:06:26,494 --> 00:06:29,098
Are you... here
to turn yourself in?
170
00:06:30,735 --> 00:06:32,301
Ah, yeah,
that's really messed up.
171
00:06:32,335 --> 00:06:33,935
But the guys that Brogan
wrote about...
172
00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:35,838
They were great detectives.
I mean, they were legit.
173
00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:37,173
Some of them were legit.
174
00:06:37,208 --> 00:06:40,575
Some of them were just
Brogan's drinking buddies.
175
00:06:40,576 --> 00:06:42,240
Sir, that is
a brilliant idea.
176
00:06:42,241 --> 00:06:44,275
It wasn't an idea.
It was a scathing indictment
177
00:06:44,310 --> 00:06:45,577
of your personal hero.
178
00:06:45,611 --> 00:06:47,880
Eh, six of one.
179
00:06:47,915 --> 00:06:49,416
This is the best!
180
00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:50,784
Drinking with Jimmy Brogan.
181
00:06:50,818 --> 00:06:52,486
So tell me more
about Quigg.
182
00:06:52,487 --> 00:06:54,656
Could he really light
a matchstick on his face?
183
00:06:54,657 --> 00:06:56,226
One time during a drug bust,
184
00:06:56,227 --> 00:06:57,795
he had one of his fingers
shot off.
185
00:06:57,830 --> 00:06:59,931
He didn't even flinch.
He just picked it up
186
00:06:59,965 --> 00:07:03,635
and used it to flip off
every puerto rican in the place.
187
00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:05,537
And that's my cue.
It's late.
188
00:07:05,538 --> 00:07:06,939
Are you kidding?
189
00:07:06,974 --> 00:07:08,343
The old guard
drank till dawn,
190
00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:09,545
ate some coffee grounds,
191
00:07:09,546 --> 00:07:11,780
then started the whole day
all over again.
192
00:07:11,781 --> 00:07:14,013
Pfft!
I eat coffee grounds.
193
00:07:14,014 --> 00:07:15,282
Sure you do, pineapples.
194
00:07:15,316 --> 00:07:16,684
How about
another round?
195
00:07:16,685 --> 00:07:17,887
Are you kidding me?
196
00:07:17,888 --> 00:07:19,424
I wanna hang with you
till one of us dies.
197
00:07:19,425 --> 00:07:20,726
Look, I'm tired
of talking.
198
00:07:20,727 --> 00:07:22,932
Why don't you tell me
some of your stories?
199
00:07:22,966 --> 00:07:24,667
Great. 'Cause I got
some stories
200
00:07:24,668 --> 00:07:29,207
that'll make Training Day
look like Super Troopers.
201
00:07:29,242 --> 00:07:30,710
Eh, it's not... bartender.
202
00:07:30,744 --> 00:07:32,746
Two scotches.
203
00:07:32,747 --> 00:07:35,884
No, no, he meant two bottles.
What?
204
00:07:35,885 --> 00:07:38,350
I mean... yeah!
205
00:07:38,351 --> 00:07:40,686
Aaaalll... right!
206
00:07:44,479 --> 00:07:45,612
You'll never get me!
207
00:07:45,647 --> 00:07:46,647
You'll never get me!
208
00:07:46,648 --> 00:07:47,714
We already
got you, idiot.
209
00:07:47,749 --> 00:07:50,050
Look who's here.
210
00:07:50,051 --> 00:07:53,324
How was your night
of old-school drinking, hmm?
211
00:07:53,358 --> 00:07:54,891
Pretty hung over?
Shh!
212
00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:57,326
Turn off
your mouth siren.
213
00:07:57,327 --> 00:07:59,994
Here are the texts
I got from you last night.
214
00:08:00,028 --> 00:08:01,361
"Best night ever."
215
00:08:01,362 --> 00:08:03,396
"Why scotch burn so good?"
216
00:08:03,430 --> 00:08:06,201
"Whaz his name in Serpico?"
217
00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:08,272
"Who's the friend of yours
with the ping-pong?"
218
00:08:08,273 --> 00:08:09,772
And lastly,
219
00:08:09,773 --> 00:08:11,638
a picture of you
on the subway platform
220
00:08:11,639 --> 00:08:14,408
eating Chinese chicken salad
with no shirt on.
221
00:08:14,409 --> 00:08:18,148
Well, last night was awesome.
222
00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:21,662
We had an epic night of bonding
that I will never forget.
223
00:08:21,687 --> 00:08:24,056
Do it!
I believe in you.
224
00:08:26,494 --> 00:08:30,299
Throw it!
I believe in you.
225
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:31,735
Man, I wonder
if Brogan's okay.
226
00:08:31,736 --> 00:08:34,138
He's 65 and drank
two bottles of scotch.
227
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,906
He might be dead.
He looks fine to me.
228
00:08:35,941 --> 00:08:36,941
Morning, kid!
229
00:08:36,942 --> 00:08:38,209
Ooh!
How ya doing?
230
00:08:38,210 --> 00:08:39,945
Uh... hey...
231
00:08:39,946 --> 00:08:42,047
So good.
I feel great.
232
00:08:42,082 --> 00:08:44,481
And I definitely don't think
it's burning hot in here.
233
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,049
Well, I'm around.
234
00:08:46,083 --> 00:08:47,582
Grab me if anything
develops in your case.
235
00:08:47,583 --> 00:08:49,116
You got it.
236
00:08:49,117 --> 00:08:51,117
That hurt so bad.
Let me know when he's gone
237
00:08:51,118 --> 00:08:53,050
so I can slide
onto the nice, cool floor.
238
00:08:53,084 --> 00:08:54,383
He's gone.
Great.
239
00:08:54,384 --> 00:08:56,050
Mmm...
240
00:08:59,053 --> 00:09:02,654
Oh... my whole body
has dry mouth.
241
00:09:03,956 --> 00:09:06,257
Why are we meeting
in the ladies' room?
242
00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:08,660
It's the perfect place
for our second lesson...
243
00:09:08,661 --> 00:09:09,928
Courthouse wardrobe.
244
00:09:09,963 --> 00:09:11,964
What's wrong
with the way I dress?
245
00:09:11,998 --> 00:09:14,633
You know, some people might
say that all the black leather
246
00:09:14,634 --> 00:09:16,468
kind of makes you looks like
an evil villain.
247
00:09:16,502 --> 00:09:17,970
Not me.
248
00:09:17,971 --> 00:09:21,677
I think you look like
a sexy motorcycle.
249
00:09:21,678 --> 00:09:23,345
Boyle, pull it together.
250
00:09:23,346 --> 00:09:24,480
Yeah.
251
00:09:24,514 --> 00:09:26,316
We need to
soften up your look.
252
00:09:26,350 --> 00:09:29,251
My wife and Charles's mom
donated some clothes.
253
00:09:29,252 --> 00:09:32,525
Your wife and Boyle's mom
are both blind?
254
00:09:35,130 --> 00:09:36,597
I look like arsenio.
255
00:09:36,632 --> 00:09:38,999
So it's... perfect?
256
00:09:40,699 --> 00:09:42,298
That's actually
my wedding suit.
257
00:09:42,299 --> 00:09:43,567
No.
258
00:09:43,601 --> 00:09:45,202
Yes.
259
00:09:45,203 --> 00:09:46,471
No.
No.
260
00:09:48,673 --> 00:09:51,576
That's great.
Perfect!
261
00:09:51,610 --> 00:09:52,811
You look beautiful... ly...
262
00:09:52,812 --> 00:09:54,813
Appropriate for court.
263
00:09:54,847 --> 00:09:55,947
♪ A new sensation
264
00:09:55,948 --> 00:09:57,414
Ohh...
265
00:09:57,448 --> 00:09:58,581
Scully.
266
00:09:58,615 --> 00:10:00,682
Hey, Jake.
You've been alive forever.
267
00:10:00,716 --> 00:10:02,351
How'd you used to cure
hangovers?
268
00:10:02,386 --> 00:10:05,022
Oh, I didn't drink.
I was, however,
269
00:10:05,023 --> 00:10:07,562
extremely into cocaine
for most of 1986.
270
00:10:07,596 --> 00:10:09,097
I gotta tell you the truth,
Hitchcock...
271
00:10:09,098 --> 00:10:10,731
Can I tell you the truth?
You and me, man.
272
00:10:10,732 --> 00:10:12,300
We're gonna be co-captains.
273
00:10:12,301 --> 00:10:14,102
But first I'm taking you
to Japan!
274
00:10:14,103 --> 00:10:16,139
I'm already packed!
275
00:10:16,140 --> 00:10:18,176
I had three heart attacks
that year
276
00:10:18,210 --> 00:10:19,277
and declared bankruptcy.
277
00:10:19,312 --> 00:10:21,346
Hitchcock turned out
just fine.
278
00:10:21,380 --> 00:10:23,947
My grandpa
was an old-school cop.
279
00:10:23,982 --> 00:10:27,250
This was his hangover cure...
Raw egg yolks.
280
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:28,883
Aaahhh!
281
00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:31,951
You look like a corpse
we just pulled out of the river.
282
00:10:31,986 --> 00:10:33,488
Wrong. I look like
a cool rock star
283
00:10:33,489 --> 00:10:35,124
who oded in his own pool.
Big difference.
284
00:10:35,125 --> 00:10:36,693
I told you not to let
Jimmy Brogan
285
00:10:36,728 --> 00:10:38,162
distract you
from your work.
286
00:10:38,163 --> 00:10:40,866
So I assume you're not
too hung over to do said work?
287
00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:44,103
Pfft. Nope. It's like
I never even drank.
288
00:10:44,104 --> 00:10:45,237
And that's not
a hangover cure.
289
00:10:45,272 --> 00:10:47,469
What, that?
Naw, it's just some...
290
00:10:47,470 --> 00:10:49,705
Protein for my guns.
291
00:10:49,706 --> 00:10:52,976
I drink one every morning
before I lift.
292
00:10:53,010 --> 00:10:54,945
So...
293
00:10:57,917 --> 00:10:59,547
Gah!
294
00:10:59,548 --> 00:11:01,182
Ah ha ha!
295
00:11:01,183 --> 00:11:02,951
So good!
296
00:11:02,952 --> 00:11:05,723
You can barely even tell
it's a chicken embryo.
297
00:11:05,724 --> 00:11:07,394
You should drink it all.
298
00:11:07,395 --> 00:11:08,896
For your guns.
299
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,467
Yeah.
300
00:11:18,140 --> 00:11:20,006
Agh.
301
00:11:20,041 --> 00:11:21,672
Ah, it's just like...
302
00:11:21,707 --> 00:11:23,574
Fitness, right?
303
00:11:25,378 --> 00:11:28,045
Oh, why did I do this?
304
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,147
According to your text,
you were having
305
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:31,680
"the beef light
of my loaf."
306
00:11:31,681 --> 00:11:34,282
What? No, no. Why did
I use this algorithm?
307
00:11:34,283 --> 00:11:36,419
We're only tracking people
who use the stolen cards.
308
00:11:36,420 --> 00:11:38,354
They might not be the same
as the ones who stole them.
309
00:11:38,355 --> 00:11:40,823
Here,
switch seats with me.
310
00:11:43,228 --> 00:11:46,633
Oh, wow.
Your butt's really warm.
311
00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:48,769
My butt's normal.
Your butt's the weird one.
312
00:11:48,803 --> 00:11:50,071
Don't be mad.
It's nice.
313
00:11:50,072 --> 00:11:52,136
All right, so if we ignore
all these fraudulent purchases
314
00:11:52,137 --> 00:11:54,138
and go back far enough...
315
00:11:54,139 --> 00:11:56,842
Here. Someone posted
the stolen card numbers online
316
00:11:56,843 --> 00:11:58,442
from this IP address.
317
00:11:58,443 --> 00:12:00,508
Not bad!
You found the pattern.
318
00:12:00,509 --> 00:12:02,842
All right, let's aspirin up
and roll out!
319
00:12:02,843 --> 00:12:05,210
Ah... ohh!
320
00:12:05,211 --> 00:12:06,277
Ohh...
321
00:12:07,580 --> 00:12:11,052
I'm glad you could
be here for this.
322
00:12:11,086 --> 00:12:14,120
Mike Halbrook.
323
00:12:14,121 --> 00:12:15,620
NYPD. Open up.
324
00:12:15,654 --> 00:12:17,554
Put your head
through the door.
325
00:12:17,555 --> 00:12:18,722
My head?
326
00:12:19,890 --> 00:12:21,123
We got a runner!
327
00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:22,657
Stop!
Hands in the air!
328
00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:24,024
Oh, wow.
329
00:12:28,625 --> 00:12:30,693
Hoo! Yeah!
330
00:12:30,728 --> 00:12:33,733
Good job.
I'm never drinking again.
331
00:12:33,734 --> 00:12:37,134
Hey. You know,
I was gonna take him out myself,
332
00:12:37,169 --> 00:12:39,401
but ladies first, so...
333
00:12:39,402 --> 00:12:40,836
Relax, kid.
334
00:12:40,870 --> 00:12:42,673
Being too hung over
to chase a perp?
335
00:12:42,674 --> 00:12:44,910
That's a classic
old-school move.
336
00:12:44,945 --> 00:12:48,049
You know, you are one of
the last few good cops
337
00:12:48,050 --> 00:12:50,516
fighting against
the rising tide of hair bags.
338
00:12:50,551 --> 00:12:52,651
That's what you're gonna
say in your article?
339
00:12:52,652 --> 00:12:53,951
Ah, don't worry,
340
00:12:53,952 --> 00:12:55,819
you're gonna come out
lookin' real good.
341
00:12:55,820 --> 00:12:57,555
Especially after
our talk in the bar.
342
00:12:57,556 --> 00:12:59,322
Ah...
So many good quotes!
343
00:12:59,323 --> 00:13:01,124
Especially about Holt.
344
00:13:01,159 --> 00:13:02,658
Cops are usually afraid
345
00:13:02,659 --> 00:13:04,892
to go after their
captains like that,
346
00:13:04,893 --> 00:13:09,092
but you, sir,
are old-school.
347
00:13:09,127 --> 00:13:10,996
You know it.
348
00:13:10,997 --> 00:13:12,697
Oh, pineapples...
349
00:13:12,698 --> 00:13:14,764
What did you do?
350
00:13:16,319 --> 00:13:18,230
Your witness counselor.
351
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:20,765
Detective Diaz, it's always
a pleasure to see you.
352
00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:22,166
This is not good.
353
00:13:22,167 --> 00:13:24,835
The lawyer is that slimeball
grundhaven... Rosa hates him!
354
00:13:24,836 --> 00:13:26,471
She's dressed right.
We coached her.
355
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,273
She'll be okay.
356
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:31,112
Would you please state
your name for the record?
357
00:13:31,113 --> 00:13:33,415
To be perfectly candid...
358
00:13:33,416 --> 00:13:35,050
My name is
Detective Rosa Diaz.
359
00:13:35,084 --> 00:13:36,385
Well, thank you for
your candor
360
00:13:36,386 --> 00:13:38,121
regarding your own name.
361
00:13:39,157 --> 00:13:41,093
Detective Diaz,
362
00:13:41,128 --> 00:13:42,529
would you please
tell the court
363
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,099
exactly how you're
involved in this case?
364
00:13:44,133 --> 00:13:46,235
I caught Mr. Ladd
physically beating his boss
365
00:13:46,236 --> 00:13:48,471
with a fax machine.
Most of his cheek
366
00:13:48,505 --> 00:13:49,839
was caved in.
367
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,808
His head was basically
a blood fountain.
368
00:13:51,843 --> 00:13:54,110
I'm sorry, is this
amusing to you, Ms. Diaz?
369
00:13:55,512 --> 00:13:56,981
Blinking.
370
00:14:00,988 --> 00:14:02,589
Oh, no.
371
00:14:02,590 --> 00:14:04,793
Brogan just sent me
the quotes he's gonna run.
372
00:14:04,794 --> 00:14:06,828
I slammed Holt
like 50 times.
373
00:14:06,829 --> 00:14:08,162
Listen.
374
00:14:08,197 --> 00:14:09,464
"Holt would rather
I wear a tie
375
00:14:09,465 --> 00:14:10,632
"than solve a case.
376
00:14:10,633 --> 00:14:12,800
"Holt cares more about
catching clerical errors
377
00:14:12,801 --> 00:14:14,735
"than catching bad guys.
378
00:14:14,736 --> 00:14:17,504
Holt is way too
verticulis"?
379
00:14:17,505 --> 00:14:19,807
That's not even a word!
What were you thinking?
380
00:14:19,808 --> 00:14:21,608
We were just hanging out,
being old-school.
381
00:14:21,609 --> 00:14:23,278
He wasn't supposed
to quote me.
382
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,482
I was off the record
the whole time.
383
00:14:25,483 --> 00:14:26,953
Oh, no wait.
384
00:14:26,954 --> 00:14:28,356
I'm goin' on the record.
385
00:14:28,390 --> 00:14:31,362
Jake Peralta...
Can dance!
386
00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:35,665
Whoo!
Whoo!
387
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:38,137
Jimmy Brogan!
388
00:14:38,138 --> 00:14:39,706
You need to fix this,
okay?
389
00:14:39,740 --> 00:14:41,510
Those quotes
cannot run.
390
00:14:41,511 --> 00:14:43,544
It would be
devastating for Holt.
391
00:14:43,545 --> 00:14:45,846
And the department.
I'll fix it.
392
00:14:45,847 --> 00:14:47,982
Brogan's a cool guy.
We're friends now.
393
00:14:47,983 --> 00:14:50,753
I'll just talk to him,
awesome dude to awesome dude.
394
00:14:50,754 --> 00:14:53,258
I should brush my teeth
first, though, right?
395
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:54,727
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, that's terrible.
396
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,261
Ugh!
397
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:57,630
Great advice, dummies.
398
00:14:57,631 --> 00:14:58,998
I look like a psycho
up there!
399
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,068
Yes. You have to
pull it together.
400
00:15:01,069 --> 00:15:03,974
That's not helping!
That's what sarge says to me when I'm nervous.
401
00:15:03,975 --> 00:15:05,744
Rosa, I think
you're nervous.
402
00:15:05,745 --> 00:15:07,248
Of course I'm nervous!
403
00:15:07,249 --> 00:15:08,718
What did you think
was the problem?
404
00:15:08,719 --> 00:15:09,886
We just assumed you were
a terrifying human being
405
00:15:09,887 --> 00:15:11,120
with a short fuse.
406
00:15:11,121 --> 00:15:13,555
But if the problem
is that you're nervous,
407
00:15:13,556 --> 00:15:15,791
that's where
Charles Boyle lives, baby.
408
00:15:15,792 --> 00:15:17,360
I can help!
You just need to go
409
00:15:17,361 --> 00:15:18,729
to your happy place.
410
00:15:18,730 --> 00:15:20,903
What's that?
Sounds stupid.
411
00:15:20,904 --> 00:15:22,538
Oh, everyone's happy place
is different.
412
00:15:22,539 --> 00:15:24,039
For me, I just imagine
I'm slurping up
413
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,075
the world's longest
piece of linguini.
414
00:15:26,076 --> 00:15:28,412
It just keeps going
and going.
415
00:15:28,413 --> 00:15:31,418
Every 20 feet of noodle,
there's a sauce change.
416
00:15:31,419 --> 00:15:33,588
I'm in my happy place
right now.
417
00:15:33,589 --> 00:15:35,288
Mmm... pesto.
418
00:15:35,289 --> 00:15:38,054
Mmm! Carbonara!
419
00:15:38,055 --> 00:15:40,658
Great!
Now I'm starving!
420
00:15:44,799 --> 00:15:46,734
Hey, hey, Jimmy Brogan.
421
00:15:46,735 --> 00:15:48,770
Thanks for meeting me.
422
00:15:48,771 --> 00:15:50,236
Welcome to
the Schvitz, kid.
423
00:15:50,237 --> 00:15:53,007
The most comfortable
place on earth.
424
00:15:53,008 --> 00:15:55,011
It's like crawling back
into your mother.
425
00:15:55,012 --> 00:15:56,746
Is that something
people wanna do?
426
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,181
What'd you wanna
talk to me about?
427
00:15:58,182 --> 00:16:01,418
So I read those quotes
you sent me,
428
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,821
and you...
Wrote them so good.
429
00:16:03,822 --> 00:16:05,590
The thing is...
430
00:16:05,591 --> 00:16:06,926
I know I hid it
incredibly well,
431
00:16:06,927 --> 00:16:09,831
but I was pretty drunk
when I said that stuff, so...
432
00:16:09,832 --> 00:16:11,266
Any chance
you wouldn't print it?
433
00:16:11,267 --> 00:16:13,466
Well, you said you were
going on the record.
434
00:16:13,467 --> 00:16:15,499
I was clearly
not in control.
435
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:18,331
Well, maybe you should learn
to handle your brown.
436
00:16:18,332 --> 00:16:19,765
Eew.
437
00:16:19,766 --> 00:16:21,332
Look, you know
that I think
438
00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:24,535
you're like the number one
hero of the 20th century.
439
00:16:24,536 --> 00:16:26,471
But kinda feel like
you're being unfair here.
440
00:16:26,472 --> 00:16:28,438
"Feel like"?
Listen to her,
441
00:16:28,439 --> 00:16:31,140
Suzanne Somers over here.
Talk like a man.
442
00:16:31,141 --> 00:16:32,675
All right,
I will talk like a man.
443
00:16:32,676 --> 00:16:34,612
You got me drunk
and took advantage of me.
444
00:16:34,613 --> 00:16:36,448
Oh, come on.
Gah!
445
00:16:36,449 --> 00:16:37,819
Look, I'm asking you
nicely...
446
00:16:37,820 --> 00:16:39,688
Please don't print
the quotes.
447
00:16:39,689 --> 00:16:41,996
And I'm telling you nicely,
I'm printing them.
448
00:16:41,997 --> 00:16:43,464
No, you're not.
449
00:16:43,465 --> 00:16:46,101
What are you gonna
do about it?
450
00:16:51,304 --> 00:16:53,106
Hey, how'd it go with Brogan?
Perfect.
451
00:16:53,107 --> 00:16:54,409
Except I punched him
in the face
452
00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:55,911
and made everything
a billion times worse.
453
00:16:55,912 --> 00:16:56,911
What?
454
00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:06,061
Yeah.
455
00:17:06,088 --> 00:17:07,730
So, Detective Diaz,
456
00:17:07,757 --> 00:17:09,757
you saw my client
struggling with his boss,
457
00:17:09,758 --> 00:17:11,692
but you don't know
who initiated the fight.
458
00:17:11,693 --> 00:17:12,860
To be perfectly candid,
459
00:17:12,894 --> 00:17:15,112
I was pretty sure
it was the defendant.
460
00:17:15,128 --> 00:17:17,573
Oh, to be perfectly candid,
"pretty sure" is not definitive.
461
00:17:17,598 --> 00:17:20,002
I think I know
what happened.
462
00:17:20,037 --> 00:17:21,305
Well,
to be perfectly candid,
463
00:17:21,306 --> 00:17:22,453
no one cares what you think.
464
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:24,121
Do you actually know
anything,
465
00:17:24,147 --> 00:17:26,313
or are you just guessing?
466
00:17:29,047 --> 00:17:31,582
Your client instigated
the fight.
467
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,052
I'm certain.
468
00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:34,757
And I'm happy
to tell you why.
469
00:17:34,789 --> 00:17:36,125
Yes!
470
00:17:36,126 --> 00:17:37,527
She went to
her happy place.
471
00:17:37,528 --> 00:17:38,863
I know that, Boyle.
472
00:17:38,898 --> 00:17:41,564
You punched
Jimmy Brogan?
473
00:17:41,599 --> 00:17:42,806
What were you thinking?
474
00:17:42,833 --> 00:17:43,867
I was thinking
475
00:17:43,868 --> 00:17:45,309
that I needed to protect
this precinct.
476
00:17:45,337 --> 00:17:47,705
From things that I said
about this precinct
477
00:17:47,739 --> 00:17:50,174
to a reporter while drunk
and insisting he record me.
478
00:17:50,175 --> 00:17:51,743
I shouldn't have done it.
Unbelievable.
479
00:17:51,777 --> 00:17:53,513
Every time I think you might
make a decent Detective,
480
00:17:53,514 --> 00:17:54,715
you go and pull
something like this.
481
00:17:54,749 --> 00:17:58,085
I thought I could
handle my brown.
482
00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,719
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's gross.
483
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,117
Go home!
484
00:18:01,151 --> 00:18:05,020
You got the rest of the day
to put your head on straight.
485
00:18:10,284 --> 00:18:12,816
Got Halbrook to cop
to every charge.
486
00:18:12,850 --> 00:18:14,649
Nice work, Santiago.
Thank you, sir.
487
00:18:14,650 --> 00:18:16,484
Peralta figured out
the pattern, though,
488
00:18:16,485 --> 00:18:18,253
so he should get credit
for the collar.
489
00:18:18,254 --> 00:18:19,421
Have you seen him?
490
00:18:19,455 --> 00:18:21,491
I sent him home.
He assaulted Jimmy Brogan.
491
00:18:21,525 --> 00:18:24,528
Yeah. But that caveman
kinda had it coming,
492
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:25,929
don't you think?
493
00:18:25,963 --> 00:18:28,435
Oh. He didn't tell you.
494
00:18:28,470 --> 00:18:30,471
Tell me what?
Never mind.
495
00:18:30,472 --> 00:18:32,940
If Jake didn't tell you,
he must have had a reason.
496
00:18:32,974 --> 00:18:35,773
It's not my place.
I'm disappointed in you, Santiago.
497
00:18:35,808 --> 00:18:38,707
I thought
you and I were close.
498
00:18:38,708 --> 00:18:40,909
I know you're
manipulating me...
499
00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:42,076
But I love it,
500
00:18:42,111 --> 00:18:44,213
and I will tell you
anything.
501
00:18:44,247 --> 00:18:46,781
So Jake went to the Schvitz
to talk to Brogan.
502
00:18:46,816 --> 00:18:48,916
What are you gonna
do about it?
503
00:18:53,616 --> 00:18:55,014
There's nothing
I can do...
504
00:18:55,049 --> 00:18:57,751
Except to ask you nicely
as a fan of you,
505
00:18:57,752 --> 00:19:00,286
your work, and the guys
you wrote about...
506
00:19:00,287 --> 00:19:01,655
Please don't print
the quotes.
507
00:19:01,689 --> 00:19:02,922
Sheesh. I didn't realize
508
00:19:02,923 --> 00:19:04,390
you were gonna get your panties
all in a pretzel!
509
00:19:04,424 --> 00:19:06,256
That's actually not
technically possible.
510
00:19:06,257 --> 00:19:07,690
I'm not wearing underwear.
511
00:19:07,691 --> 00:19:10,292
It is swampy in here.
My butt's like the everglades.
512
00:19:10,326 --> 00:19:12,963
Look, I know you're trying to
be legit in a hair bag world,
513
00:19:12,964 --> 00:19:15,130
so I will not print
your quotes.
514
00:19:15,164 --> 00:19:16,832
Ah, thank you,
thank you!
515
00:19:16,833 --> 00:19:18,266
That means
the world to me.
516
00:19:18,267 --> 00:19:19,733
And for the record,
517
00:19:19,734 --> 00:19:21,201
I know that Holt
is a stickler,
518
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,635
but he's actually
a really good cop.
519
00:19:22,670 --> 00:19:24,970
Don't worry about it.
We're friends.
520
00:19:24,971 --> 00:19:27,839
You don't have to stick up
for that homo.
521
00:19:29,141 --> 00:19:30,914
I really wish you
hadn't just said that.
522
00:19:30,943 --> 00:19:31,943
What, homo?
523
00:19:31,944 --> 00:19:32,944
Ooh!
524
00:19:32,945 --> 00:19:35,627
Thank you, Santiago.
That'll be all.
525
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,146
Here she is.
526
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:44,248
Diaz, you did it.
527
00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:46,115
They found him guilty
on all charges.
528
00:19:46,150 --> 00:19:47,683
Huh. Boyle's advice
worked.
529
00:19:49,184 --> 00:19:50,784
So...
530
00:19:50,818 --> 00:19:52,617
Where's your happy place?
531
00:19:52,651 --> 00:19:55,086
I'm in a cabin
in the middle of nowhere.
532
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,554
Inside it's just me
533
00:19:56,588 --> 00:19:59,191
and that stupid,
slimy defense attorney.
534
00:19:59,192 --> 00:20:01,795
And I'm beating
the hell out of him.
535
00:20:01,829 --> 00:20:03,997
I break a dining room table
over his head.
536
00:20:04,031 --> 00:20:05,898
Then I rip off his arm
537
00:20:05,933 --> 00:20:07,767
and shove it
where the sun don't shine.
538
00:20:07,801 --> 00:20:09,936
Then I reach down
his throat
539
00:20:09,937 --> 00:20:12,208
and shake his hand.
540
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:17,015
Yeah. Okay.
541
00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:19,985
I'm gonna go ahead and schedule
you for a psych eval.
542
00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:22,789
I owe you one, Boyle.
543
00:20:22,824 --> 00:20:24,025
Thank-you dinner.
Tomorrow night.
544
00:20:24,060 --> 00:20:26,230
Gribaldi's.
It's all-you-can-eat linguini.
545
00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:28,834
Yes!
546
00:20:28,868 --> 00:20:30,335
Oh, my boyfriend's
coming too.
547
00:20:30,336 --> 00:20:32,726
Your what friend now?
548
00:20:34,374 --> 00:20:35,875
All right.
549
00:20:35,909 --> 00:20:37,510
Let's hear it.
550
00:20:37,544 --> 00:20:39,581
Well, it's even worse
than I imagined.
551
00:20:39,615 --> 00:20:41,883
"The new face of the NYPD
552
00:20:41,884 --> 00:20:44,686
is perfectly embodied by
Brooklyn's own Jake Peralta..."
553
00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:45,855
That's not so bad.
554
00:20:45,889 --> 00:20:47,625
"Who cowers behind
his desk all day
555
00:20:47,626 --> 00:20:49,593
like the true hair bag
that he is."
556
00:20:49,627 --> 00:20:50,993
There it is.
557
00:20:50,994 --> 00:20:53,028
"The old guard would have
eaten a guy like Peralta
558
00:20:53,029 --> 00:20:56,033
for breakfast
and unloaded him by lunch."
559
00:20:56,034 --> 00:20:58,705
Well, it's very colorful.
And hurtful.
560
00:20:58,706 --> 00:21:01,607
You can ignore
that garbage, Santiago.
561
00:21:01,641 --> 00:21:03,875
Jimmy Brogan wouldn't
know a legit cop
562
00:21:03,876 --> 00:21:06,479
if he punched him
in the face.
563
00:21:10,287 --> 00:21:11,387
Well...
564
00:21:11,421 --> 00:21:14,388
Guess I'm done
with this.
565
00:21:14,389 --> 00:21:17,459
Not good enough.
566
00:21:17,494 --> 00:21:19,931
Three, two, one...
567
00:21:23,704 --> 00:21:26,872
Welcome to the party, pal!
568
00:21:26,873 --> 00:21:28,775
God,
you love that movie.
569
00:21:28,776 --> 00:21:30,458
It's Die Hard.
570
00:21:30,459 --> 00:21:34,385
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/