1 00:00:04,474 --> 00:00:06,963 For you. 2 00:00:06,964 --> 00:00:07,997 And you. 3 00:00:08,032 --> 00:00:09,499 And you. 4 00:00:09,534 --> 00:00:10,634 What are these? 5 00:00:10,668 --> 00:00:12,268 These, madam, 6 00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:15,339 are STDs. 7 00:00:15,340 --> 00:00:16,573 What are you talking about, buddy? 8 00:00:16,607 --> 00:00:20,109 STDs. Save the dates. For Vivian and my wedding. 9 00:00:20,110 --> 00:00:21,945 Ah, yes. 10 00:00:21,979 --> 00:00:23,245 Hey, just out of curiosity, 11 00:00:23,246 --> 00:00:24,980 how many people have you given STDs to? 12 00:00:25,014 --> 00:00:26,849 Lots. Like 100. 13 00:00:28,452 --> 00:00:29,685 What's going on? 14 00:00:29,686 --> 00:00:33,121 Uh... oh, okay. I get it. "STD" has another meaning. 15 00:00:33,156 --> 00:00:34,623 You're gross. 16 00:00:34,658 --> 00:00:36,325 No one else is gonna think that. 17 00:00:36,326 --> 00:00:38,093 Everyone is going to think that. 18 00:00:38,094 --> 00:00:39,728 But it's sweet that your mind didn't go there. 19 00:00:39,729 --> 00:00:41,529 Thank you. It is kinda sweet. 20 00:00:41,530 --> 00:00:43,931 Will your first dance be to you give me fever? 21 00:00:43,966 --> 00:00:45,600 Will you be serving crabs at the reception? 22 00:00:45,601 --> 00:00:46,934 Do you have herpes? 23 00:00:46,969 --> 00:00:49,504 Guys, this is my wedding. This is important to me. 24 00:00:49,505 --> 00:00:50,938 No more jokes. 25 00:00:50,973 --> 00:00:52,340 You're right, and we're sorry. 26 00:00:52,341 --> 00:00:54,608 We love you, buddy. Warts and all. 27 00:00:54,642 --> 00:00:56,276 Sorry, I made a rash decision. 28 00:00:56,277 --> 00:00:59,346 I was itching to say it. Okay, I'm done. 29 00:00:59,347 --> 00:01:02,850 I have an STD. 30 00:01:02,884 --> 00:01:04,518 So just RSVP, or... 31 00:01:04,552 --> 00:01:05,819 Yeah, the number's right on there... 32 00:01:05,820 --> 00:01:06,819 Great. Thank you. 33 00:01:06,821 --> 00:01:10,541 Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.Addic7ed.Com/ 34 00:01:26,874 --> 00:01:28,140 Whoo! 35 00:01:28,174 --> 00:01:29,808 Happy Tactical Village Day. 36 00:01:29,842 --> 00:01:31,110 Happy Tactical Village Day. 37 00:01:31,111 --> 00:01:33,512 Happy Tactical Village Day. 38 00:01:33,513 --> 00:01:34,813 Peralta, I'm surprised to see you 39 00:01:34,847 --> 00:01:37,516 so excited about departmentally mandated training exercises. 40 00:01:37,550 --> 00:01:39,584 It's the most fun day of the year. 41 00:01:39,585 --> 00:01:40,886 Something you wouldn't understand, 42 00:01:40,887 --> 00:01:42,954 because you're not programmed to feel joy. 43 00:01:42,955 --> 00:01:45,856 Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade. 44 00:01:45,891 --> 00:01:47,591 You know, when you play along with the robot jokes 45 00:01:47,592 --> 00:01:49,294 it kind of ruins my enjoyment of them. 46 00:01:49,295 --> 00:01:51,095 Yes, I know. 47 00:01:51,130 --> 00:01:53,364 Anyways, Tactical Village Day is awesome. 48 00:01:53,365 --> 00:01:55,633 We get to field test a bunch of cool, new weapons, 49 00:01:55,667 --> 00:01:57,302 and there's always a new training situation. 50 00:01:57,336 --> 00:01:58,936 Last year's was prison break. 51 00:01:58,937 --> 00:02:01,471 It got super violent. 52 00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:07,311 It's like being in an action movie. 53 00:02:07,312 --> 00:02:09,079 It's also a good opportunity for us 54 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:11,248 to let off steam and bond as a unit. 55 00:02:11,249 --> 00:02:12,549 Everybody gets into it. 56 00:02:30,167 --> 00:02:33,301 Needless to say, the nine-nine has never had a perfect run. 57 00:02:33,302 --> 00:02:34,502 True, but Jake has been 58 00:02:34,503 --> 00:02:36,904 the finalist for coolest kill two years in a row. 59 00:02:36,939 --> 00:02:38,739 That's every precinct sending around 60 00:02:38,774 --> 00:02:40,275 their footage and all the cops voting. 61 00:02:40,276 --> 00:02:41,943 It's not that big of a deal. 62 00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:45,380 All you win is a children's karate trophy, so... 63 00:02:45,414 --> 00:02:46,948 You desperately want it, don't you? 64 00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:49,383 So badly. I will stop at nothing to get that trophy. 65 00:02:49,384 --> 00:02:52,686 I'll shoot you all in the face if I have to! 66 00:02:52,687 --> 00:02:54,321 Go team. 67 00:02:54,322 --> 00:02:56,523 Gina, the D.A. needs copies 68 00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:58,692 of our interrogation transcripts from the Adams case. 69 00:02:58,726 --> 00:03:00,660 Gina? 70 00:03:00,661 --> 00:03:02,029 Gina. 71 00:03:07,701 --> 00:03:09,369 Gina. 72 00:03:09,403 --> 00:03:11,837 Sorry. I was playing Kwazy Cupcakes. 73 00:03:11,838 --> 00:03:13,639 Crazy cupcakes? 74 00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:15,808 "Kwazy" with a "w." A backwards "w." 75 00:03:15,809 --> 00:03:16,976 No such thing as a backwards "w." 76 00:03:17,011 --> 00:03:21,079 Yeah, there is. See? 77 00:03:21,114 --> 00:03:22,847 Okay, how you play... You just line up three cupcakes 78 00:03:22,848 --> 00:03:26,184 with the same color frosting... Ka-bam. 79 00:03:26,185 --> 00:03:27,386 And this little game of yours, 80 00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:29,140 it's more interesting to you than your work? 81 00:03:29,155 --> 00:03:32,991 Yeah. Kwazy Cupcakes is a lot more interesting than this. 82 00:03:32,992 --> 00:03:34,659 Stop saying "kwazy." 83 00:03:34,660 --> 00:03:37,561 And stop playing this inane garbage. It's embarrassing. 84 00:03:37,595 --> 00:03:39,530 Say it to my face. 85 00:03:39,531 --> 00:03:40,664 I did. You were looking at your phone. 86 00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,866 Oh, cool. My B. 87 00:03:42,867 --> 00:03:45,070 Great news, I think I figured out my persona 88 00:03:45,071 --> 00:03:46,504 for this year' tactical villa.. 89 00:03:46,571 --> 00:03:49,173 Introducing Rex Buckingham 90 00:03:49,207 --> 00:03:52,242 British secret agent, ballistics expert, 91 00:03:52,276 --> 00:03:54,244 and ladies' man. 92 00:03:54,278 --> 00:03:56,279 Yeah, 'cause what woman doesn't love a guy 93 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:57,647 who's super into make-believe? 94 00:03:57,681 --> 00:03:59,882 This whole training simulation is make-believe. 95 00:03:59,883 --> 00:04:02,485 We shoot paint at fake bad guys. It's called acting. 96 00:04:02,486 --> 00:04:04,554 Tell me how I'm any different than George Clooney. 97 00:04:04,588 --> 00:04:05,621 He has a sexy voice. 98 00:04:05,656 --> 00:04:07,089 I have a sexy voice. 99 00:04:07,090 --> 00:04:10,725 Champagne. Mountain range. Hugs. 100 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,561 "Mountain range"? 101 00:04:12,595 --> 00:04:13,995 I couldn't think of anything sexy to say. 102 00:04:13,996 --> 00:04:16,798 What? Mountain range, it's the sexiest geological feature. 103 00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:19,801 No, wait, sorry. Deep sea trench. 104 00:04:19,835 --> 00:04:22,438 I think I'm gonna go talk to Rosa. 105 00:04:22,439 --> 00:04:24,238 You try to think of some sexier words. 106 00:04:24,273 --> 00:04:26,740 Jesuit. Horticulture. 107 00:04:26,775 --> 00:04:29,843 Lam-buh. 108 00:04:29,844 --> 00:04:32,113 What is going on with you two? 109 00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:33,881 Come on, Boyle, not this again. 110 00:04:33,915 --> 00:04:35,416 You gotta admit there's a spark. 111 00:04:35,451 --> 00:04:36,984 How many times do I have to say it? She's like a sister. 112 00:04:37,018 --> 00:04:39,019 That's what Luke said about Leia. 113 00:04:39,054 --> 00:04:41,921 Hey, Luke didn't know! No one knew! 114 00:04:43,791 --> 00:04:46,326 Okay, Stella. All right. Oh, no, no problem. 115 00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:48,128 Okay, all right, bye. 116 00:04:48,129 --> 00:04:49,596 Damn! 117 00:04:49,597 --> 00:04:51,664 Our babysitter's busy the night of Boyle's wedding. 118 00:04:51,699 --> 00:04:54,101 She's gonna be in her High School talent show. 119 00:04:54,135 --> 00:04:55,601 Which she's gonna lose, unless her talent is leaving 120 00:04:55,602 --> 00:04:57,769 potato chip crumbs all over Terry's couch. 121 00:04:57,770 --> 00:04:59,171 Wait, Boyle set a date already? 122 00:04:59,172 --> 00:05:01,740 Yeah, he gave out save the dates yesterday. 123 00:05:01,741 --> 00:05:03,209 He didn't give you one? 124 00:05:03,243 --> 00:05:06,878 I think he's been avoiding me. 125 00:05:06,879 --> 00:05:09,482 Hey. 126 00:05:09,483 --> 00:05:11,649 Uh-oh, I hate pizza! 127 00:05:11,650 --> 00:05:12,750 He didn't invite me to his wedding, 128 00:05:12,751 --> 00:05:14,919 and he's scared like a little bitch. 129 00:05:14,953 --> 00:05:17,422 Well, maybe Vivian was uncomfortable with you coming. 130 00:05:17,456 --> 00:05:19,757 Look, Boyle was in love with you until a few weeks ago. 131 00:05:19,791 --> 00:05:22,427 Oh, don't be angry. 132 00:05:22,461 --> 00:05:25,730 I'm not angry. I think it's funny. 133 00:05:32,103 --> 00:05:36,473 One hot pile of boring coming in. 134 00:05:36,508 --> 00:05:38,975 Thank you, Gina. Dismissed. 135 00:05:38,976 --> 00:05:40,110 You're dismissed. 136 00:05:40,111 --> 00:05:41,378 What you doing in here? 137 00:05:41,412 --> 00:05:43,613 Nothing. 138 00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:45,515 Okay, cool, can I just see your phone for a second? 139 00:05:45,549 --> 00:05:47,683 I may have been playing... 140 00:05:47,684 --> 00:05:49,285 Crazy cupcakes. 141 00:05:49,319 --> 00:05:51,320 Okay, Captain, I think we're past the point 142 00:05:51,321 --> 00:05:53,722 of you being too proud to say the "w." Fine. 143 00:05:53,757 --> 00:05:58,161 I might have been playing... 144 00:05:58,195 --> 00:05:59,661 Kwazy Cupcakes. 145 00:05:59,662 --> 00:06:00,795 It's so addictive, right? 146 00:06:00,829 --> 00:06:02,664 I play so much that when I close my eyes at night, 147 00:06:02,698 --> 00:06:05,066 I just see cupcakes now, 148 00:06:05,067 --> 00:06:08,436 instead of my normal dizzying array of flashing lights. 149 00:06:08,471 --> 00:06:11,706 Yes, well, I have a tremendous amount of self-control. 150 00:06:11,707 --> 00:06:13,141 I don't think I'll have any problem 151 00:06:13,142 --> 00:06:15,409 resisting this silly game. 152 00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:17,278 As a matter of fact, 153 00:06:17,279 --> 00:06:19,413 I've deleted the application. 154 00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:21,748 There. Hmm. 155 00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,617 Does this mean I've lost my progress? 156 00:06:23,652 --> 00:06:27,754 Well, doesn't matter, because I'm done. 157 00:06:27,789 --> 00:06:30,924 The nine-nine is in the village. 158 00:06:30,925 --> 00:06:32,425 Nine-nine! 159 00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:33,626 Hey, Ronnie. 160 00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:34,894 They upgraded you from bystander to perp. 161 00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:36,162 That's great, man. 162 00:06:36,197 --> 00:06:37,363 Thank you. 163 00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:39,765 I'm gonna blow your brains out. 164 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,867 Amy Santiago. 165 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:42,935 Teddy! 166 00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:44,970 Hey. Oh, my God. 167 00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,806 It's been so long. What are you doing here? 168 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,575 I'm with the eight-two now. We're paired with you today. 169 00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:52,344 Yeah. Quick. 10-54L. 170 00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:55,146 Ambulance case. Severed limb. 171 00:06:56,148 --> 00:06:58,350 What is going on here? 172 00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,118 Teddy and I met at code camp. 173 00:07:00,119 --> 00:07:03,421 It was a voluntary refresher course on police codes. 174 00:07:03,455 --> 00:07:05,523 Some long nights of intense memorizing. 175 00:07:05,524 --> 00:07:07,258 It was pretty dope. 176 00:07:07,292 --> 00:07:08,426 Sounds dope. 177 00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:10,661 Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. 178 00:07:10,662 --> 00:07:11,629 Well, I'm gonna go sign in, but we should catch up later. 179 00:07:11,663 --> 00:07:13,964 Yeah. Great seeing you. 180 00:07:13,998 --> 00:07:15,633 You too. 181 00:07:15,667 --> 00:07:17,435 Who's that guy? 182 00:07:17,469 --> 00:07:21,571 Uh, that was Teddy. We went on, like, five dates last year. 183 00:07:21,606 --> 00:07:23,139 I liked him, but he was stationed out in Queens, 184 00:07:23,140 --> 00:07:25,775 so I never got to see him, and it sort of fizzled. 185 00:07:25,809 --> 00:07:27,877 Right, that's the guy you said the lame stuff about. 186 00:07:27,911 --> 00:07:29,218 Like "he's a good listener." 187 00:07:29,247 --> 00:07:31,781 I'm sorry, what do you look for in a guy? 188 00:07:31,815 --> 00:07:32,849 I don't know, real stuff. 189 00:07:32,850 --> 00:07:35,984 Shape of his ass. 190 00:07:35,985 --> 00:07:38,387 All right. 191 00:07:38,421 --> 00:07:40,356 So weird that Amy dated that guy. 192 00:07:40,390 --> 00:07:42,324 What do you care so much? 193 00:07:42,325 --> 00:07:43,425 Okay, first of all, 194 00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:45,461 your insinuating voice is way too high. 195 00:07:45,495 --> 00:07:47,696 It's creepy. And second, I don't care. 196 00:07:47,731 --> 00:07:49,865 I'm just curious why she would like him. 197 00:07:49,899 --> 00:07:51,099 Whatever you say. 198 00:07:51,134 --> 00:07:52,567 Oh, yeah, no, I hear it now. 199 00:07:52,568 --> 00:07:55,002 Yeah, I sound like Meryl Streep from Mamma Mia. 200 00:07:57,843 --> 00:08:01,412 Oh, this is so cool. You can shoot around corners. 201 00:08:01,413 --> 00:08:04,114 I love guns. I'm gonna make such a good dad. 202 00:08:04,148 --> 00:08:05,315 Not even gonna touch that. 203 00:08:05,350 --> 00:08:08,084 The Amy Santiago story. 204 00:08:08,085 --> 00:08:10,286 Santiago. Got one for ya. 205 00:08:10,287 --> 00:08:11,755 10-51. 206 00:08:11,756 --> 00:08:14,290 Roving gang, specify direction of travel and number in group. 207 00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:16,092 At least make me work for it. 208 00:08:16,093 --> 00:08:18,995 Hey, I got one. How 'bout 10-69? 209 00:08:18,996 --> 00:08:20,296 That's easy. Message received. 210 00:08:20,330 --> 00:08:23,132 And simultaneously given. Am I right? Up top. 211 00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:24,633 69. 212 00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:26,234 Got it. Yeah. 213 00:08:26,269 --> 00:08:28,589 So they got the new handguns in. You want to check 'em out? 214 00:08:28,605 --> 00:08:29,605 Totally. Of course. 215 00:08:29,606 --> 00:08:31,940 Oh, I see what happened. 216 00:08:31,974 --> 00:08:33,609 I thought he was talking to me. 217 00:08:33,610 --> 00:08:36,378 And he clearly was. Chop chop, Ted. Let's roll. 218 00:08:36,413 --> 00:08:37,513 Hold down the fort. 219 00:08:37,514 --> 00:08:39,281 Uh... 220 00:08:39,315 --> 00:08:41,982 That's a P.U.W. 221 00:08:42,017 --> 00:08:43,684 Or a portable ultrasonic weapon. 222 00:08:43,685 --> 00:08:46,454 It emits a focused beam of sound which can disorient 223 00:08:46,455 --> 00:08:48,423 and even incapacitate a perp. 224 00:08:48,424 --> 00:08:50,057 So it shoots sound? Mm-hmm. 225 00:08:50,058 --> 00:08:51,893 Is this the trigger? 226 00:08:51,894 --> 00:08:54,094 Yes, but you want to be careful with that. 227 00:08:54,095 --> 00:08:56,296 Ahh... ah... 228 00:08:56,330 --> 00:08:57,697 Thought it would be louder. 229 00:08:57,698 --> 00:08:59,198 It's highly directional. 230 00:08:59,199 --> 00:09:01,301 If it were pointed at you, you'd be in incredible pain right now. 231 00:09:01,335 --> 00:09:02,702 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 232 00:09:02,737 --> 00:09:04,538 Oh! Oh! Oh... 233 00:09:04,572 --> 00:09:06,272 Why is this happening? 234 00:09:06,307 --> 00:09:09,375 I can taste my thoughts! 235 00:09:09,376 --> 00:09:10,744 Enough, Diaz. 236 00:09:10,778 --> 00:09:13,378 Oh, my God... 237 00:09:13,379 --> 00:09:16,081 That's pretty cool. 238 00:09:19,453 --> 00:09:21,288 Captain Holt? 239 00:09:21,321 --> 00:09:23,055 Have you seen Captain Holt? 240 00:09:23,056 --> 00:09:26,559 Tall, handsome gentleman dressed like an airline pilot? 241 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:29,928 No. Okay. 242 00:09:34,633 --> 00:09:37,502 Your pants are up. I'm coming in. 243 00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,604 Captain... 244 00:09:39,638 --> 00:09:42,239 Think you might have a little bit of a problem here, boo. 245 00:09:42,274 --> 00:09:44,475 I have this under control. 246 00:09:44,476 --> 00:09:47,143 You should leave. This is the men's room. 247 00:09:47,144 --> 00:09:51,014 This is no longer a men's room. It is now a liar's den. 248 00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:54,685 I am Captain of this precinct, and you are my assistant. 249 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,487 I have given you a direct order to leave. 250 00:09:56,488 --> 00:09:58,722 I do not have a problem! 251 00:09:58,756 --> 00:10:00,122 If I want to play Kwazy Cupcakes, 252 00:10:00,123 --> 00:10:03,158 I will play Kwazy Cupcakes! 253 00:10:03,193 --> 00:10:06,428 "Kwazy" is a difficult word to say in anger, 254 00:10:06,429 --> 00:10:09,503 I think I've made my feelings clear. 255 00:10:12,268 --> 00:10:13,402 Nice. 256 00:10:13,403 --> 00:10:15,237 Have you noticed they moved the trigger? 257 00:10:15,271 --> 00:10:16,638 Real exciting finger feel. 258 00:10:16,639 --> 00:10:18,773 "Finger feel"? Really? 259 00:10:19,942 --> 00:10:22,076 Nice! Two to the chest. 260 00:10:22,111 --> 00:10:23,277 Textbook shooting. 261 00:10:23,278 --> 00:10:25,279 Yeah, and his overalls fell down. 262 00:10:25,314 --> 00:10:26,815 I can't believe you would kill a farmer, 263 00:10:26,816 --> 00:10:28,950 the backbone of our nation's economy. 264 00:10:28,985 --> 00:10:30,385 May I? 265 00:10:30,419 --> 00:10:31,619 When it comes to shooting patterns, 266 00:10:31,620 --> 00:10:34,622 I like to go PB&J. Penis, brain, jaw. 267 00:10:35,724 --> 00:10:38,091 Nice shooting, man, 268 00:10:38,126 --> 00:10:39,660 but do you think the penis is an effective target? 269 00:10:39,661 --> 00:10:42,596 A man can run half a mile with no genitals. 270 00:10:42,631 --> 00:10:46,457 That's a weird thing to know a lot about. 271 00:10:46,467 --> 00:10:47,534 Hey, hey. 272 00:10:47,535 --> 00:10:50,036 Okay, so I know you're pissed at Boyle. 273 00:10:50,037 --> 00:10:51,638 I told you, shooting him 274 00:10:51,672 --> 00:10:53,372 with that sonic cannon was an accident. 275 00:10:53,407 --> 00:10:55,307 It's not just that. 276 00:10:57,778 --> 00:10:58,778 Aah! 277 00:10:58,779 --> 00:11:00,947 Oh! Ahh! Oh! 278 00:11:00,981 --> 00:11:03,049 Whoops. Sorry. Net gun. 279 00:11:03,083 --> 00:11:04,950 My cafe con leche! 280 00:11:04,951 --> 00:11:06,084 Aah! 281 00:11:06,118 --> 00:11:08,286 Sorry. Misfire. 282 00:11:10,289 --> 00:11:12,524 Right in my breasts! 283 00:11:12,525 --> 00:11:13,992 So many accidents. 284 00:11:14,027 --> 00:11:16,528 Look, I get it if Vivian doesn't want me to come. 285 00:11:16,529 --> 00:11:17,863 But Boyle should've said something. 286 00:11:17,864 --> 00:11:19,765 We're supposed to be friends. 287 00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:20,765 We're finally getting along. 288 00:11:20,799 --> 00:11:23,994 Talk to him. That's what friends do. 289 00:11:24,002 --> 00:11:25,937 Nope, I'm gonna wait till I'm on my deathbed, 290 00:11:25,938 --> 00:11:27,706 get in the last word, and then die immediately. 291 00:11:27,739 --> 00:11:29,307 That's your plan for dealing with this? 292 00:11:29,308 --> 00:11:30,675 That's my plan for dealing with everything. 293 00:11:30,676 --> 00:11:32,910 I have 77 arguments I'm gonna win that way. 294 00:11:32,911 --> 00:11:34,745 Seems like a bad plan. 295 00:11:34,746 --> 00:11:38,715 Now I have 78. 296 00:11:41,953 --> 00:11:45,189 Rex Buckingham at your service. 297 00:11:45,223 --> 00:11:46,590 That was majestic. 298 00:11:46,624 --> 00:11:48,792 Custom kneepads to help me win coolest kill. 299 00:11:48,826 --> 00:11:50,360 What, don't tell me old Buckingham 300 00:11:50,395 --> 00:11:53,232 is the only chap here with a signature move. 301 00:11:53,263 --> 00:11:56,699 Uh, no. I'm working on a thing where when I'm out of ammo 302 00:11:56,700 --> 00:11:59,668 I release my mag and dropkick it straight into someone's throat. 303 00:11:59,703 --> 00:12:02,004 Oh! My buttholes! 304 00:12:02,005 --> 00:12:03,272 Ooh... 305 00:12:03,307 --> 00:12:05,575 Okay, I know you have two bullet wounds in your butt, 306 00:12:05,576 --> 00:12:08,080 but you've gotta stop calling them your "buttholes." 307 00:12:08,111 --> 00:12:11,113 You know how people hold their guns sideways to look cool? 308 00:12:11,114 --> 00:12:15,183 It got me thinking. What if you held your gun upside-down? 309 00:12:15,184 --> 00:12:16,284 You can use that. 310 00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:17,952 That will never happen, my American friend. 311 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,222 Eight-two's done. Heads up. 312 00:12:20,256 --> 00:12:22,824 Hey. How'd it go? 313 00:12:22,858 --> 00:12:24,158 It went well. 314 00:12:24,192 --> 00:12:25,626 We had a perfect run. 315 00:12:25,627 --> 00:12:26,827 And not to brag, but I think we just set 316 00:12:26,828 --> 00:12:28,362 an NYPD course record for time. 317 00:12:28,396 --> 00:12:30,063 Definitely a brag. 318 00:12:30,098 --> 00:12:32,366 A course record? That is so cool. 319 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:33,567 Oh, thanks. I'm psyched. 320 00:12:33,602 --> 00:12:34,602 Hey, good luck in there. 321 00:12:34,603 --> 00:12:38,572 Thanks. All right. 322 00:12:38,607 --> 00:12:42,175 All right, huddle up. This is how it's going down. 323 00:12:42,209 --> 00:12:43,543 What happened to your accent, Rex? 324 00:12:43,577 --> 00:12:44,744 Forget that crap. We're taking this seriously. 325 00:12:44,778 --> 00:12:46,179 All right, on three. 326 00:12:46,180 --> 00:12:47,786 Let's break that course record and be the best precinct here. 327 00:12:47,814 --> 00:12:49,622 Ready? One, two, three! 328 00:12:49,650 --> 00:12:52,619 Let's break that course record and... 329 00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:54,580 Yeah, I agree, it was too many words. Let's do it! 330 00:12:56,918 --> 00:12:58,885 Okay, I've got the details for this simulation. 331 00:12:58,886 --> 00:13:00,421 A group of armed men entered an embassy 332 00:13:00,422 --> 00:13:01,755 and have taken hostages. 333 00:13:01,756 --> 00:13:04,324 Which embassy? Doesn't matter. 334 00:13:04,358 --> 00:13:06,259 Fine. Canada, then. 335 00:13:06,293 --> 00:13:08,562 So take out the perps, clear the civilians, rescue the hostages? 336 00:13:08,563 --> 00:13:09,563 Affirmative. 337 00:13:09,564 --> 00:13:10,730 This is an active shooter situation. 338 00:13:10,731 --> 00:13:12,198 You're cleared for maximum engagement. 339 00:13:12,199 --> 00:13:13,900 "Maximum engagement"? 340 00:13:13,901 --> 00:13:16,635 What is this, The ride? 341 00:13:16,636 --> 00:13:17,636 Diaz and Boyle, perimeter security. 342 00:13:17,637 --> 00:13:18,637 Me and Boyle? 343 00:13:18,638 --> 00:13:20,105 Yeah. Just the two of you. 344 00:13:20,106 --> 00:13:21,874 Peralta and Santiago, you're the assault team. 345 00:13:21,875 --> 00:13:24,810 I'll be in the command center. 346 00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:26,178 Scully, I want you to do nothing. 347 00:13:26,212 --> 00:13:28,046 Just stand next to me and say, "yes, sarge." 348 00:13:28,081 --> 00:13:29,081 Okay, sarge. 349 00:13:29,082 --> 00:13:30,082 Come on, man. 350 00:13:30,083 --> 00:13:31,584 All right, focus up. 351 00:13:31,585 --> 00:13:33,918 We got 18 minutes, 41 seconds to break this record. 352 00:13:33,919 --> 00:13:35,620 No screwing around. 353 00:13:35,621 --> 00:13:37,589 Whoa, you're really not gonna do a character? 354 00:13:37,590 --> 00:13:40,391 What about Rex "Bookinghame"? 355 00:13:40,392 --> 00:13:41,626 Okay, never, ever do an accent again. 356 00:13:41,627 --> 00:13:42,727 And I am playing a character: 357 00:13:42,728 --> 00:13:44,863 A no-nonsense Detective whose only goal 358 00:13:44,864 --> 00:13:46,397 is to set this course record. 359 00:13:46,398 --> 00:13:47,665 His name is Vic Kovac. 360 00:13:47,666 --> 00:13:48,665 He's an ex-navy seal 361 00:13:48,666 --> 00:13:50,200 who is double-crossed and left for dead. 362 00:13:50,201 --> 00:13:51,267 I don't have time for his back-story. Sarge. 363 00:13:51,268 --> 00:13:53,370 Okay, guys, and go! 364 00:13:58,810 --> 00:13:59,910 Captain. 365 00:13:59,944 --> 00:14:04,247 Captain. 366 00:14:06,517 --> 00:14:08,618 Captain. Sorry. 367 00:14:08,619 --> 00:14:12,287 I'm just about to enter sprinkle city. 368 00:14:12,288 --> 00:14:14,857 They break the game into these idiotic worlds 369 00:14:14,858 --> 00:14:16,258 to give you some false sense of progress. 370 00:14:16,259 --> 00:14:19,762 So just stop playing. 371 00:14:19,763 --> 00:14:22,764 But I'm just about to enter sprinkle city. 372 00:14:22,765 --> 00:14:26,034 Gina, I've got a problem. 373 00:14:26,035 --> 00:14:27,435 This game is starting to affect my work. 374 00:14:27,469 --> 00:14:29,638 Numbers three and four, switch places. 375 00:14:32,909 --> 00:14:35,309 Cupcake match. 376 00:14:35,310 --> 00:14:38,378 I don't understand why I can't stop. 377 00:14:38,413 --> 00:14:40,347 I've never had a problem controlling myself. 378 00:14:40,381 --> 00:14:42,249 Do you know I love milk? 379 00:14:42,283 --> 00:14:44,018 Mm, no. 380 00:14:44,052 --> 00:14:45,485 Well, I do, but it hurts my stomach. 381 00:14:45,486 --> 00:14:47,588 So I haven't had milk, a beverage I love, for 19 years. 382 00:14:47,589 --> 00:14:49,857 19 milkless years I've gone, 383 00:14:49,891 --> 00:14:54,393 but for some reason I can't quit Kwazy Cupcakes? 384 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,929 I know what to do. 385 00:14:55,930 --> 00:14:57,096 Hitchcock. 386 00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:59,331 You ever play Kwazy Cupcakes? 387 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,133 I love that game! 388 00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,769 I just got up to sprinkle city. 389 00:15:02,803 --> 00:15:05,271 Oh, my gosh. Interesting. 390 00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:09,240 What level are you on, Captain Holt? 391 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,241 Sprinkle city. 392 00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:14,880 We have so much in common. 393 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:18,584 Look at that, I'm cured. 394 00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:27,825 Turn around! 395 00:15:27,826 --> 00:15:29,393 Clear! 396 00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:35,066 Clear. 397 00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:40,604 Clear. 398 00:15:44,041 --> 00:15:45,709 Nice. 399 00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:47,978 Okay, only three perps left. 400 00:15:47,979 --> 00:15:50,446 We might actually do this. 401 00:15:50,447 --> 00:15:52,616 I like Vic Kovac so much more than Jake Peralta. 402 00:15:52,617 --> 00:15:53,883 Oh, yeah, Kovac. 403 00:15:53,918 --> 00:15:56,352 Let's, uh, find the man who stabbed my sister 404 00:15:56,353 --> 00:15:58,220 and get revenge for ruining my life and everything. 405 00:15:58,254 --> 00:16:00,222 You were double-crossed and left for dead. 406 00:16:00,256 --> 00:16:02,891 I can't believe you remembered that. 407 00:16:02,926 --> 00:16:04,660 I also can't believe I didn't go with the sister stabbing. 408 00:16:04,661 --> 00:16:05,961 Emotionally, that is much richer. 409 00:16:05,962 --> 00:16:07,195 Peralta, 410 00:16:07,230 --> 00:16:09,397 we got intel there's a hostage in room 409. 411 00:16:09,398 --> 00:16:10,398 Copy that. 412 00:16:12,768 --> 00:16:14,568 I love how it always smells like fresh paint here. 413 00:16:14,569 --> 00:16:16,537 Reminds me of how often I moved as a child. 414 00:16:16,538 --> 00:16:19,874 No talking. You'll give away our position. 415 00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:20,875 Look out! 416 00:16:22,410 --> 00:16:23,577 Come on! 417 00:16:23,612 --> 00:16:25,113 That was close. 418 00:16:25,147 --> 00:16:27,448 There's paint in your hair. 419 00:16:27,449 --> 00:16:29,215 Okay, here it goes. 420 00:16:29,216 --> 00:16:30,216 I'm pissed at you. 421 00:16:30,217 --> 00:16:31,885 Oh, boy. 422 00:16:31,919 --> 00:16:33,219 I thought I wanted to do this on my deathbed, but apparently 423 00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:35,622 I could die randomly in some hallway somewhere, so... 424 00:16:35,657 --> 00:16:39,392 You didn't invite me to your wedding and it hurt my feelings. 425 00:16:39,393 --> 00:16:40,727 I thought we were friends. 426 00:16:40,762 --> 00:16:42,829 I'm sorry. It's just... 427 00:16:42,830 --> 00:16:44,230 Vivian thought it might be weird to invite you 428 00:16:44,231 --> 00:16:46,999 because I used to be, you know, 429 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,368 all-consumed by my passionate love for you or whatever. 430 00:16:49,402 --> 00:16:52,538 It's okay. I understand. 431 00:16:52,539 --> 00:16:53,939 Hey, thanks for shooting that guy. 432 00:16:53,974 --> 00:16:56,075 Hey, my pleasure. 433 00:16:56,109 --> 00:16:57,943 Your pleasure? 434 00:16:57,978 --> 00:16:59,812 This was a human being you just killed. 435 00:16:59,813 --> 00:17:03,281 Bill "perp" had a family. 436 00:17:03,315 --> 00:17:04,549 Oh! Whoa! 437 00:17:04,550 --> 00:17:06,117 Hostages are in there. 438 00:17:06,152 --> 00:17:07,418 Intel says there's a couple 439 00:17:07,419 --> 00:17:08,519 of heavily-armed perps with them. 440 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,454 You want to wait for backup? 441 00:17:10,455 --> 00:17:13,457 No time. We only have a minute 12 to beat the record. 442 00:17:13,458 --> 00:17:14,893 I'm going in. 443 00:17:14,927 --> 00:17:17,561 Don't worry. I have a plan on how to beat them. 444 00:17:17,562 --> 00:17:18,562 Give up. 445 00:17:18,563 --> 00:17:19,730 What? 446 00:17:19,764 --> 00:17:22,566 Trust me. Or don't. I'm doing it anyway. 447 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,702 NYPD! Don't shoot! 448 00:17:24,736 --> 00:17:26,436 I'm here to surrender. 449 00:17:26,470 --> 00:17:28,972 Let the hostages go and take me instead. 450 00:17:28,973 --> 00:17:30,007 Not happening. 451 00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:31,274 Drop the weapons! 452 00:17:31,309 --> 00:17:33,576 All right, all right, my fingers are off the triggers. 453 00:17:33,577 --> 00:17:35,611 I'm just gonna slowly put them down in front of me. 454 00:17:35,645 --> 00:17:36,645 Slowly put 'em... 455 00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:39,115 Oh! Damn it! 456 00:17:39,149 --> 00:17:40,917 Terry, time! 457 00:17:40,951 --> 00:17:43,720 18 minutes, 28 seconds. You broke the record! 458 00:17:43,754 --> 00:17:45,254 Yes! Nice! 459 00:17:45,288 --> 00:17:46,655 Well done. 460 00:17:46,656 --> 00:17:48,091 All in a day's work, elderly lady. 461 00:17:48,125 --> 00:17:51,559 All in a day's work. 462 00:17:51,594 --> 00:17:53,261 Ah, there he is! 463 00:17:53,295 --> 00:17:54,662 Yeah! 464 00:17:54,697 --> 00:17:56,965 The record is ours. 465 00:17:56,966 --> 00:17:58,399 That's so amazing, Jake. 466 00:17:58,434 --> 00:18:01,369 Check it out. I got us prizes. 467 00:18:01,403 --> 00:18:03,471 Sweet. "Victim." 468 00:18:03,472 --> 00:18:04,539 I can't believe your final kill 469 00:18:04,573 --> 00:18:05,606 came with Scully's move. 470 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,307 You went upsy-downsies? 471 00:18:07,308 --> 00:18:09,210 That's what I call it, because you hold the gun upside-down. 472 00:18:09,244 --> 00:18:11,045 Yes, Scully, I went upsy-downsies. 473 00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:13,013 And none of you will ever speak of it again. 474 00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:14,915 But I want to speak of it. You looked really dumb. 475 00:18:14,950 --> 00:18:17,284 Man, I feel so good. 476 00:18:17,285 --> 00:18:18,652 Almost makes me want to start 477 00:18:18,653 --> 00:18:20,087 taking things seriously all the time, 478 00:18:20,088 --> 00:18:22,455 but them I'm like, "boobs, fart, boobs, whatever." 479 00:18:22,489 --> 00:18:24,523 Alright, let's go. Drinks are on me. 480 00:18:24,558 --> 00:18:28,027 Nice! Here we go, nine-nine! 481 00:18:28,062 --> 00:18:30,029 Actually, Teddy asked me to get dinner, 482 00:18:30,030 --> 00:18:31,910 so maybe I can meet up with you guys afterwards? 483 00:18:31,932 --> 00:18:34,734 Oh. Neat. Yeah. Of course. 484 00:18:34,769 --> 00:18:35,769 Cool. 485 00:18:35,770 --> 00:18:37,903 Boobs. Fart. Boobs, whatever. 486 00:18:40,810 --> 00:18:43,179 So I just talked to Vivian. 487 00:18:43,213 --> 00:18:44,846 I told her I really want you to come to the wedding, 488 00:18:44,847 --> 00:18:45,846 and she said okay. 489 00:18:45,848 --> 00:18:47,583 Thanks. I'm excited to go. 490 00:18:47,617 --> 00:18:50,919 Also, "STD" stands for "sexually transmitted disease." 491 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,254 That is correct. 492 00:18:52,255 --> 00:18:54,323 It is, however, very expensive to reprint those cards, 493 00:18:54,324 --> 00:18:56,125 so we're leaning into it. 494 00:18:56,126 --> 00:18:59,260 Rosie Diaz, will you accept my STD? 495 00:18:59,261 --> 00:19:01,496 I look forward to having it forever. 496 00:19:01,497 --> 00:19:03,131 Mm. 497 00:19:03,132 --> 00:19:04,899 Well, congratulations, everyone, on a perfect run. 498 00:19:04,933 --> 00:19:07,935 And a new course record. 499 00:19:09,472 --> 00:19:11,405 And congratulations to you, Captain, 500 00:19:11,406 --> 00:19:13,440 on beating your Kwazy Cupcakes addiction! 501 00:19:13,475 --> 00:19:14,741 Captain Holt! 502 00:19:14,775 --> 00:19:17,911 Okay, I had to tell them. It's my nature. 503 00:19:17,945 --> 00:19:20,347 You helped me today, so I'll give you 504 00:19:20,348 --> 00:19:21,781 a pass on embarrassing me publicly. 505 00:19:21,816 --> 00:19:23,717 Thank you. 506 00:19:23,751 --> 00:19:25,852 I feel that the reason I was so vulnerable to this game 507 00:19:25,853 --> 00:19:28,087 was because technology has evolved to the... 508 00:19:28,122 --> 00:19:29,355 Yeah, I don't know. 509 00:19:29,356 --> 00:19:31,957 I think it's just bright and stupid and fun. 510 00:19:31,992 --> 00:19:33,159 So fun. 511 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,794 So fun. So fun. 512 00:19:38,165 --> 00:19:41,234 What's going on, Vic Kovac? 513 00:19:41,235 --> 00:19:43,135 What do you think Amy sees in Teddy? 514 00:19:43,169 --> 00:19:45,470 So you do like her. I'm just curious. 515 00:19:45,505 --> 00:19:47,305 I mean, I guess he's okay-looking. 516 00:19:47,306 --> 00:19:48,573 And he's a good cop. 517 00:19:48,574 --> 00:19:49,541 They're both kind of dorky about police stuff. 518 00:19:49,575 --> 00:19:50,908 Also, he set the course record, 519 00:19:50,909 --> 00:19:53,378 but that's nothing. I broke it, like, 20 minutes later. 520 00:19:53,412 --> 00:19:56,248 You want to know why she went out with him and not you? 521 00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:57,382 Yeah. 522 00:19:57,416 --> 00:20:01,084 Because he actually asked her out. 523 00:20:02,754 --> 00:20:04,488 Hey, Vivian. 524 00:20:04,523 --> 00:20:06,390 Rosa. 525 00:20:06,391 --> 00:20:08,692 I'm here to celebrate with the team. 526 00:20:08,726 --> 00:20:11,162 Look, I'm not really good at this stuff, but... 527 00:20:11,163 --> 00:20:13,197 Thank you for inviting me to your wedding. 528 00:20:13,198 --> 00:20:14,532 I'm really happy I could come, 529 00:20:14,533 --> 00:20:16,166 and I promise it won't be weird at all. 530 00:20:16,167 --> 00:20:17,534 Yeah, I'm really happy you could come too. 531 00:20:17,535 --> 00:20:18,501 'Cause I didn't think it was gonna happen. 532 00:20:18,536 --> 00:20:20,470 What do you mean? 533 00:20:20,504 --> 00:20:21,504 Well, Chuck told me you were 534 00:20:21,505 --> 00:20:22,838 gonna be out of town that weekend, 535 00:20:22,839 --> 00:20:25,007 and then, you know, he just told me that your plans changed, 536 00:20:25,008 --> 00:20:26,942 so, uh... so yeah, so that's great news. 537 00:20:26,943 --> 00:20:28,178 Why would it be weird? 538 00:20:28,212 --> 00:20:31,746 Um, it'd be weird 'cause I'm weird. 539 00:20:31,781 --> 00:20:32,781 Oh. 540 00:20:32,782 --> 00:20:36,351 Whooo... 541 00:20:36,352 --> 00:20:37,586 I'm leaving. 542 00:20:39,955 --> 00:20:41,690 Night, everyone. 543 00:20:41,724 --> 00:20:44,660 Hey, Amy. Check it out. 544 00:20:44,694 --> 00:20:46,061 No way, you won coolest kill? 545 00:20:46,095 --> 00:20:47,328 Not even close. 546 00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:48,696 It turns out anyone can just buy themselves 547 00:20:48,697 --> 00:20:49,935 a children's karate trophy. 548 00:20:49,964 --> 00:20:51,645 Smart. Yeah. 549 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:54,606 Hey, before you go, I wanted to ask you something. 550 00:20:54,636 --> 00:20:56,736 Of course. 551 00:20:56,770 --> 00:20:58,271 I was just wondering... 552 00:20:58,272 --> 00:20:59,306 Are you wearing lipstick? 553 00:20:59,307 --> 00:21:01,741 Yeah, I'm going out with Teddy again. 554 00:21:01,742 --> 00:21:03,210 Does it look weird? 555 00:21:03,211 --> 00:21:05,044 I called my 13-year-old niece for makeup tips, 556 00:21:05,045 --> 00:21:06,713 but I don't know if I trust her. 557 00:21:06,714 --> 00:21:08,181 She is so sexual. 558 00:21:08,216 --> 00:21:09,782 You look great. 559 00:21:09,783 --> 00:21:11,950 Thank you. 560 00:21:11,951 --> 00:21:13,552 So what's up? 561 00:21:13,587 --> 00:21:16,355 Oh. It's not important. 562 00:21:16,389 --> 00:21:17,789 I just had a question about a work thing. 563 00:21:17,790 --> 00:21:19,258 But have a great date, and we'll talk tomorrow. 564 00:21:19,259 --> 00:21:20,959 Okay. 565 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:24,630 Bye. Bye. 566 00:21:26,266 --> 00:21:29,900 I'll help you with your work stuff, Jakey. 567 00:21:29,901 --> 00:21:31,184 Perfect. 568 00:21:31,185 --> 00:21:37,184 Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.Addic7ed.Com/