1
00:00:03,891 --> 00:00:05,258
Okay, great.
2
00:00:05,259 --> 00:00:07,727
I'll see you tomorrow.
Thanks, doctor.
3
00:00:07,728 --> 00:00:10,797
Have a good one.
4
00:00:10,798 --> 00:00:12,098
Hey there, sarge.
5
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:13,299
Not to pry but I couldn't
help but overhear...
6
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:15,143
You're going to the doctor?
Everything okay?
7
00:00:18,379 --> 00:00:20,065
I'm getting
a vasectomy.
8
00:00:20,131 --> 00:00:23,652
My ears are burning.
Did someone say "vasectomy?"
9
00:00:23,718 --> 00:00:25,945
I got snipped.
No big deal.
10
00:00:25,946 --> 00:00:27,113
Just numbs you out
from trunk to skunk
11
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,114
for a year.
12
00:00:28,115 --> 00:00:29,115
It's not supposed to.
13
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,408
"Trunk to skunk"?
14
00:00:30,417 --> 00:00:32,418
Hold it up.
15
00:00:32,419 --> 00:00:34,053
You're gonna let
some quack doctor
16
00:00:34,054 --> 00:00:35,521
just knife around down there?
17
00:00:35,522 --> 00:00:38,491
You are blessed
with a great power.
18
00:00:38,492 --> 00:00:41,094
And you should never
snip its wings.
19
00:00:41,095 --> 00:00:43,088
You should let it soar.
20
00:00:43,154 --> 00:00:46,199
Thanks guys, that's enough.
I don't need anymore input.
21
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,176
Neither does your wife,
I guess.
22
00:00:48,242 --> 00:00:49,502
Look, you guys,
23
00:00:49,503 --> 00:00:51,170
if the sergeant wants
to chop off his penis,
24
00:00:51,171 --> 00:00:52,505
that is his choice.
25
00:00:52,506 --> 00:00:53,940
That's not what
a vasectomy is.
26
00:00:53,941 --> 00:00:55,174
If you guys
don't get back to work,
27
00:00:55,175 --> 00:00:57,110
I'm gonna start
firing detectives.
28
00:00:57,111 --> 00:00:59,045
And blanks!
29
00:00:59,046 --> 00:01:00,647
Sorry.
I just never think of jokes.
30
00:01:00,713 --> 00:01:03,282
Anybody else?
This is your last chance.
31
00:01:03,283 --> 00:01:06,152
Oh, God.
No need to be so testes.
32
00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:08,521
Guess you won't be
manning the "tip line."
33
00:01:08,522 --> 00:01:10,923
Sergeant, is this gonna go
on your "sperm-anent record"?
34
00:01:12,099 --> 00:01:13,326
"Scrotal recall"!
35
00:01:13,327 --> 00:01:17,134
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
36
00:01:33,454 --> 00:01:35,214
Hey sarge,
great news.
37
00:01:35,215 --> 00:01:38,451
I just got assigned
such a dope stabbing.
38
00:01:38,452 --> 00:01:40,019
Sorry, the stabbing part
is bad.
39
00:01:40,020 --> 00:01:42,488
But here's the dope part.
The guy survived
40
00:01:42,489 --> 00:01:44,441
and he owns
a chocolate milk restaurant.
41
00:01:44,458 --> 00:01:46,459
Seriously?
I know, right?
42
00:01:46,460 --> 00:01:47,460
Finally, a dumb
Brooklyn hipster trend
43
00:01:47,461 --> 00:01:49,328
my mouth
and I can get behind.
44
00:01:49,329 --> 00:01:50,329
Wanna hop
on the case with me?
45
00:01:50,330 --> 00:01:51,664
We're a killer team.
46
00:01:51,665 --> 00:01:52,799
Jeffords and Peralta.
47
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:53,900
Jake and Terry.
48
00:01:53,901 --> 00:01:55,076
Chocolate and milk.
49
00:01:55,142 --> 00:01:57,270
I mean,
I'm the chocolate
50
00:01:57,271 --> 00:01:59,005
and you're the milk 'cause
you're so full of protein!
51
00:01:59,006 --> 00:02:01,541
Don't be mad!
Just do the case!
52
00:02:01,542 --> 00:02:03,843
Okay, but I have
my vasectomy today.
53
00:02:03,844 --> 00:02:05,311
So I need to be back
in a few hours
54
00:02:05,312 --> 00:02:06,946
to catch my ride
to the doctor's.
55
00:02:06,947 --> 00:02:08,247
My neighbor's driving me
56
00:02:08,248 --> 00:02:10,483
because my wife's out of town
with the girls.
57
00:02:10,484 --> 00:02:11,851
Why don't I drive you?
58
00:02:11,852 --> 00:02:13,386
I don't know.
59
00:02:13,387 --> 00:02:15,347
I guess I didn't really think
of you as that kind of friend.
60
00:02:15,355 --> 00:02:16,989
Sarge, I'm every kind
of friend.
61
00:02:16,990 --> 00:02:19,859
I'm Phoebe, I'm Chandler,
I'm Rachel, I'm...
62
00:02:19,860 --> 00:02:20,960
Who's the dinosaur guy?
63
00:02:20,961 --> 00:02:22,896
Ross, bro!
Ross!
64
00:02:22,962 --> 00:02:25,264
Sorry, I forgot you were
such a ross-head.
65
00:02:25,265 --> 00:02:26,933
So look, we'll work
this thing together
66
00:02:26,934 --> 00:02:29,469
and afterwards,
I will be your friend chariot
67
00:02:29,470 --> 00:02:31,613
to the penis-removal
of the century.
68
00:02:34,308 --> 00:02:35,475
The new NYPD commissioner
is planning
69
00:02:35,476 --> 00:02:37,410
a complete reorganization
of the force.
70
00:02:37,411 --> 00:02:39,078
But first, he'll be sending
a deputy chief
71
00:02:39,079 --> 00:02:41,748
to every precinct to conduct
a top to bottom evaluation.
72
00:02:41,814 --> 00:02:44,417
What? When?
Are we gonna be graded?
73
00:02:44,418 --> 00:02:46,052
Or is this just some
pass/fail garbage?
74
00:02:46,053 --> 00:02:47,587
Scale of one-to-five.
75
00:02:47,588 --> 00:02:49,155
That's how many
letter grades there are.
76
00:02:49,156 --> 00:02:51,023
Feels like they're just
being weird using numbers
77
00:02:51,024 --> 00:02:52,125
instead of letters.
78
00:02:52,126 --> 00:02:53,392
Yeah, they're being
weird right now.
79
00:02:53,393 --> 00:02:54,827
Boyle.
Diaz.
80
00:02:54,828 --> 00:02:57,463
I want the evidence room
organized beyond reproach.
81
00:02:57,464 --> 00:02:59,065
Santiago, when I greet
the deputy chief,
82
00:02:59,066 --> 00:03:02,668
I want you there by my side
to make a good impression.
83
00:03:02,669 --> 00:03:04,737
No offense,
but you are something
84
00:03:04,738 --> 00:03:05,805
of a teacher's pet.
85
00:03:05,806 --> 00:03:08,942
None taken!
People love their pets.
86
00:03:09,008 --> 00:03:11,236
Good news is
our evaluation will be done
87
00:03:11,302 --> 00:03:13,146
by deputy chief Brandt.
88
00:03:13,147 --> 00:03:16,074
We have a good rapport.
He was once my captain.
89
00:03:16,083 --> 00:03:19,119
So he's kind of like
our grand-captain.
90
00:03:19,185 --> 00:03:21,913
That is amazingly funny.
91
00:03:24,858 --> 00:03:26,259
Well, I was closing up
around 11:00.
92
00:03:26,260 --> 00:03:27,326
I heard the door open.
93
00:03:27,327 --> 00:03:30,096
I just figured it was
some "milkers."
94
00:03:30,097 --> 00:03:31,631
That's what we call
our regulars.
95
00:03:31,697 --> 00:03:32,757
Do ya?
96
00:03:32,766 --> 00:03:35,134
Anyway, next thing I know,
the guy stabs me in the back
97
00:03:35,135 --> 00:03:36,202
like... like right here!
98
00:03:36,203 --> 00:03:38,204
Like some kind
of psycho wuss!
99
00:03:38,205 --> 00:03:40,432
Can you think of anyone
who might wanna harm you?
100
00:03:40,498 --> 00:03:42,141
Yeah.
101
00:03:42,142 --> 00:03:43,142
I mean, you don't get
into this line of business
102
00:03:43,143 --> 00:03:44,343
to make friends.
103
00:03:44,344 --> 00:03:45,778
Really? I would think
making chocolate milk
104
00:03:45,779 --> 00:03:47,113
is a great way
to make friends.
105
00:03:47,114 --> 00:03:49,282
I don't have proof,
but the guy who did this
106
00:03:49,283 --> 00:03:51,684
to me is my business partner,
Gregory Phillips.
107
00:03:51,685 --> 00:03:53,119
He's still pissed at me
because I banned him
108
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:54,353
from my 'straunt.
109
00:03:54,354 --> 00:03:55,988
He was supposed to be
my silent partner,
110
00:03:55,989 --> 00:03:57,423
but he wasn't silent.
111
00:03:57,424 --> 00:03:58,958
He was trying
to control everything.
112
00:03:58,959 --> 00:04:00,285
Here, try this.
113
00:04:00,351 --> 00:04:01,928
All right, here we go.
Finally!
114
00:04:01,929 --> 00:04:02,928
All right.
115
00:04:04,498 --> 00:04:07,500
Oh! Ugh!
It's so bitter!
116
00:04:07,501 --> 00:04:09,168
What's wrong with
this chocolate milk?
117
00:04:09,169 --> 00:04:10,795
Dark milk isn't
chocolate milk.
118
00:04:11,772 --> 00:04:13,631
This is teat-to-mouth
raw cow's milk.
119
00:04:13,697 --> 00:04:15,107
The bitterness
of the chocolate
120
00:04:15,108 --> 00:04:17,677
brings out the sourness
in the milk.
121
00:04:17,743 --> 00:04:20,638
That's the worst part
of both of those things!
122
00:04:20,704 --> 00:04:23,183
Uh, time for my appointment,
Jake.
123
00:04:23,249 --> 00:04:24,317
Yup, got it.
124
00:04:24,318 --> 00:04:26,185
All right, we'll look into this
and get back to you.
125
00:04:26,186 --> 00:04:27,286
Okay, sarge.
126
00:04:27,287 --> 00:04:28,688
Hate to be "that kind
of a friend,"
127
00:04:28,689 --> 00:04:32,158
but let's go
chop off that penis.
128
00:04:32,159 --> 00:04:34,736
Where were you?
This is chaos.
129
00:04:34,802 --> 00:04:37,530
Gina's been filing evidence
by "perp hotness."
130
00:04:37,596 --> 00:04:39,298
I'm so sorry,
I just got some bad news.
131
00:04:39,299 --> 00:04:41,267
My sister was gonna go with me
to an engagement party
132
00:04:41,268 --> 00:04:42,702
but she had to cancel.
133
00:04:42,768 --> 00:04:45,071
So go alone.
Maybe you'll meet some new bag.
134
00:04:45,072 --> 00:04:46,973
It's my ex-wife Eleanor's
engagement party.
135
00:04:46,974 --> 00:04:48,474
I can't go alone.
136
00:04:48,475 --> 00:04:50,243
I'm worried it might seem
a little pathetic.
137
00:04:50,244 --> 00:04:52,878
Yeah, if only you could've
gone with your sister.
138
00:04:52,879 --> 00:04:54,547
Dude, why are you going
139
00:04:54,548 --> 00:04:56,949
to your ex-wife's
engagement party at all?
140
00:04:56,950 --> 00:04:59,852
She and her fiance, Hercules,
are also my landlords.
141
00:04:59,853 --> 00:05:01,454
I mean, it's not like
I can avoid them.
142
00:05:01,455 --> 00:05:03,756
I live in their basement.
143
00:05:03,757 --> 00:05:05,725
Hey!
144
00:05:05,791 --> 00:05:07,860
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
No.
145
00:05:07,861 --> 00:05:09,228
You could go with me.
Can't.
146
00:05:09,229 --> 00:05:11,439
I have a date tomorrow night.
Okay.
147
00:05:11,505 --> 00:05:14,300
I will figure something out.
148
00:05:14,301 --> 00:05:15,368
I know!
149
00:05:15,369 --> 00:05:17,169
Maybe if I pay my neighbor,
Joann,
150
00:05:17,170 --> 00:05:18,780
she'll ditch her wife
for the night!
151
00:05:20,807 --> 00:05:22,375
Captain, I don't know
if this is too much
152
00:05:22,376 --> 00:05:25,286
but I got deputy chief Brandt
this little basket of pears.
153
00:05:25,352 --> 00:05:29,181
They look ripe and crispy.
154
00:05:29,182 --> 00:05:32,183
Hello, Raymond.
155
00:05:36,356 --> 00:05:38,091
Captain Wuntch.
Good to see you.
156
00:05:38,157 --> 00:05:39,801
But if you're here,
157
00:05:39,867 --> 00:05:42,137
who's guarding Hades?
158
00:05:42,203 --> 00:05:44,297
It's deputy chief Wuntch now.
159
00:05:44,298 --> 00:05:46,899
Unsurprisingly,
I've been promoted above you.
160
00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:48,601
And now I'm here
to evaluate you.
161
00:05:48,667 --> 00:05:49,969
What happened to Brandt?
162
00:05:49,970 --> 00:05:51,370
He retired and moved
to Charleston
163
00:05:51,371 --> 00:05:53,005
to be closer
to his grandchildren.
164
00:05:53,006 --> 00:05:55,775
So much for dying at your desk
with a little dignity.
165
00:05:55,776 --> 00:05:56,734
Interesting.
166
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,145
I will attempt to
cooperate with you.
167
00:05:59,146 --> 00:06:01,823
Under these
new circumstances.
168
00:06:01,889 --> 00:06:03,949
Don't sweet-talk me, Holt.
169
00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:08,329
I gave it my best shot.
Let's begin.
170
00:06:09,780 --> 00:06:11,490
Hey, hey!
171
00:06:11,491 --> 00:06:12,525
How'd it go?
172
00:06:12,526 --> 00:06:13,693
Is his voice
all high-pitched now?
173
00:06:13,694 --> 00:06:15,194
What?
No, of course not.
174
00:06:15,195 --> 00:06:16,195
Of course not.
175
00:06:16,196 --> 00:06:17,088
Jake!
176
00:06:17,154 --> 00:06:19,424
The doctors made me
into a superhero!
177
00:06:19,490 --> 00:06:22,601
I am so strong!
178
00:06:22,602 --> 00:06:25,705
And they made me black!
179
00:06:25,706 --> 00:06:27,073
He's on a lot of medication.
180
00:06:27,074 --> 00:06:28,407
We weren't able
to do the procedure.
181
00:06:28,408 --> 00:06:29,775
Your friend is so large...
182
00:06:29,776 --> 00:06:32,478
That you needed a bigger saw
to get through his dingus?
183
00:06:32,946 --> 00:06:35,247
No, his body is
so physically massive
184
00:06:35,248 --> 00:06:37,917
that we didn't have
enough anesthesia on hand.
185
00:06:37,918 --> 00:06:39,235
He needs a much
larger dose.
186
00:06:39,301 --> 00:06:41,587
Psst... psst...
Jake.
187
00:06:41,588 --> 00:06:44,457
Sometimes I can't tell
my twin baby girls apart,
188
00:06:44,458 --> 00:06:46,325
so I call them both
"boo-boo."
189
00:06:47,661 --> 00:06:50,246
Wow.
So he has no filter whatsoever?
190
00:06:50,312 --> 00:06:51,230
None.
191
00:06:51,231 --> 00:06:52,965
I'm gonna take ya home now,
sarge.
192
00:06:52,966 --> 00:06:55,301
Hey, what do you think
of captain Holt?
193
00:06:55,302 --> 00:06:56,920
He needs to smoke some weed.
194
00:06:56,986 --> 00:06:57,803
Yes!
195
00:06:57,804 --> 00:06:59,872
Thank you, Dr. Penis-off!
196
00:06:59,873 --> 00:07:03,075
Okay, in ya go.
You're okay.
197
00:07:03,076 --> 00:07:05,544
Whoo! Cool!
198
00:07:05,545 --> 00:07:09,849
Dude, your head
is so small!
199
00:07:09,915 --> 00:07:11,083
Like a...
200
00:07:11,084 --> 00:07:14,353
No, no,
it's so small!
201
00:07:14,354 --> 00:07:15,354
All right.
202
00:07:15,355 --> 00:07:18,274
Where do you keep
your brains?
203
00:07:20,394 --> 00:07:21,778
Good.
204
00:07:21,844 --> 00:07:24,363
All right, got your PJS on,
read you a story,
205
00:07:24,364 --> 00:07:25,831
checked under the bed
for monsters.
206
00:07:25,832 --> 00:07:26,999
Check again!
207
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,619
And now it's sleepy-time,
so here we go...
208
00:07:29,685 --> 00:07:32,664
Wait, wait, wait...
209
00:07:32,730 --> 00:07:35,207
You gotta promise me
you won't let them
210
00:07:35,208 --> 00:07:37,543
give me the operation.
211
00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:41,506
I wanna have more kids.
I don't want the vasectomy.
212
00:07:41,515 --> 00:07:43,649
Promise me, tiny head!
Promise me!
213
00:07:43,650 --> 00:07:46,010
All right, I promise!
I promise.
214
00:07:46,076 --> 00:07:47,720
Good!
215
00:07:47,721 --> 00:07:50,974
Because I'm not done
with my testicles yet.
216
00:07:50,991 --> 00:07:52,225
Okay.
217
00:07:52,291 --> 00:07:54,827
I'm gonna let them sing!
218
00:07:59,634 --> 00:08:01,701
Uh-oh,
walk of shame!
219
00:08:01,702 --> 00:08:03,570
Same clothes as yesterday.
220
00:08:03,571 --> 00:08:04,862
I slept at the sarge's.
221
00:08:04,928 --> 00:08:06,206
It was horrible.
222
00:08:06,207 --> 00:08:09,976
Come... here...
Phone!
223
00:08:09,977 --> 00:08:12,145
All right, let's get going
and interview that suspect.
224
00:08:12,146 --> 00:08:14,781
I have my make-up vasectomy
this afternoon so...
225
00:08:14,782 --> 00:08:16,816
I'm sorry,
your what-what vasectomy?
226
00:08:16,817 --> 00:08:18,151
Last night, you told me
you didn't want that.
227
00:08:18,152 --> 00:08:19,352
Then you fell
on top of me
228
00:08:19,353 --> 00:08:20,956
and changed the shape
of my skeleton forever.
229
00:08:20,957 --> 00:08:23,925
No, I definitely want one.
230
00:08:23,926 --> 00:08:27,094
That was the drugs talking.
I was high as a kite.
231
00:08:30,287 --> 00:08:34,636
Did I do this and call you "tiny head?"
Yes.
232
00:08:34,637 --> 00:08:36,394
Some things are
coming back to me now.
233
00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:37,839
Oh, that's great.
234
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,708
Tiny head.
235
00:08:39,709 --> 00:08:42,077
Jake, I am so scared
that man is about to make
236
00:08:42,078 --> 00:08:45,113
a huge mistake,
His vas deferens.
237
00:08:45,114 --> 00:08:48,083
I know, he made me promise
to not let him get that surgery.
238
00:08:48,084 --> 00:08:51,153
And it wasn't just the drugs.
He doesn't want this.
239
00:08:51,154 --> 00:08:54,579
As his friend,
it's my job to stop him.
240
00:08:57,894 --> 00:09:01,530
Sorry, Terry turned my spine
into a loose stack of pebbles.
241
00:09:01,531 --> 00:09:05,033
And since my arrival,
violent crime has gone down
242
00:09:05,034 --> 00:09:08,703
by 17.3%,
as you can see here.
243
00:09:08,704 --> 00:09:11,006
Two-toned graphs?
244
00:09:11,007 --> 00:09:13,241
You think you can distract me
from the precinct's problems
245
00:09:13,242 --> 00:09:15,141
with a flashy presentation?
246
00:09:15,207 --> 00:09:17,310
Same old Ray Holt.
247
00:09:17,376 --> 00:09:19,347
All sizzle, no steak.
248
00:09:19,348 --> 00:09:21,397
I'm off to do
some spot-checks.
249
00:09:23,019 --> 00:09:25,387
Oh, my God.
She's totally gonna flunk us.
250
00:09:25,388 --> 00:09:26,788
I haven't gotten an "F"
251
00:09:26,789 --> 00:09:28,657
since I failed recess
in second grade.
252
00:09:28,658 --> 00:09:30,425
"Teachers need a break too,
Amy."
253
00:09:30,426 --> 00:09:33,695
We were doomed the minute
she slithered into the precinct.
254
00:09:33,696 --> 00:09:36,287
It's funny.
When we first met,
255
00:09:36,299 --> 00:09:38,065
we had some good times.
256
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:42,620
Looks like we both want
that stapler.
257
00:09:42,621 --> 00:09:44,389
Seems that way
based on what happened.
258
00:09:48,327 --> 00:09:50,228
So when did it all
go south?
259
00:09:50,229 --> 00:09:53,298
1989. I was up
for a big promotion,
260
00:09:53,299 --> 00:09:55,166
which would've fast-tracked
my career.
261
00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:56,735
Wuntch offered to write
a letter on my behalf
262
00:09:56,736 --> 00:09:59,704
but instead, she torpedoed me
because of something
263
00:09:59,705 --> 00:10:02,406
that happened the night before
she was to turn it in.
264
00:10:03,509 --> 00:10:04,508
Madeline.
265
00:10:07,313 --> 00:10:08,313
Would you care for a drink?
266
00:10:08,314 --> 00:10:09,481
I'd love one.
267
00:10:09,482 --> 00:10:11,549
I'm sure you can tell
I'm quite drunk.
268
00:10:11,550 --> 00:10:14,419
I've had a couple
to build up the nerve.
269
00:10:14,420 --> 00:10:17,589
I think we both know
what I'm about to say.
270
00:10:17,590 --> 00:10:19,205
Raymond...
271
00:10:19,271 --> 00:10:21,592
I don't think
we need to say anything.
272
00:10:25,698 --> 00:10:26,754
I'm gay.
273
00:10:26,820 --> 00:10:29,300
That's what I was
going to tell you.
274
00:10:29,301 --> 00:10:30,925
Well, then.
275
00:10:30,991 --> 00:10:33,104
She sabotaged my career
276
00:10:33,105 --> 00:10:36,097
because I refused
to bed her.
277
00:10:37,808 --> 00:10:40,244
He thinks I stabbed him?
That's crazy.
278
00:10:40,245 --> 00:10:42,680
He said you were furious
at him because he banned you
279
00:10:42,681 --> 00:10:44,716
from the restaurant
and called your business plans
280
00:10:44,717 --> 00:10:45,717
"terrible."
281
00:10:45,718 --> 00:10:47,151
The text reads:
282
00:10:47,152 --> 00:10:50,621
"Your ideas are dumb-dumb
batter in a stupid pancake,
283
00:10:50,622 --> 00:10:53,958
you steaming pile
of human fences."
284
00:10:53,959 --> 00:10:56,761
I assume that was
auto-corrected from "feces."
285
00:10:56,762 --> 00:10:59,964
Look, partners fight.
He's difficult to work with,
286
00:10:59,965 --> 00:11:01,914
but I would never try
and kill him.
287
00:11:01,980 --> 00:11:04,435
Where were you on monday
around 10:00 pm?
288
00:11:04,436 --> 00:11:06,004
Me and my business school
buddies get together
289
00:11:06,005 --> 00:11:08,139
every monday and have
a couple beers.
290
00:11:08,140 --> 00:11:10,108
Also, there's a... uh...
Pilates studio
291
00:11:10,109 --> 00:11:11,476
with a huge window
across the street
292
00:11:11,477 --> 00:11:14,979
so it's a pretty sweet view.
293
00:11:14,980 --> 00:11:16,614
I guess that's not as bad
as stabbing someone?
294
00:11:16,615 --> 00:11:18,416
I left around 10:00,
295
00:11:18,417 --> 00:11:20,451
I took the subway home,
got off at York street,
296
00:11:20,452 --> 00:11:22,053
around my house,
puked on a statue,
297
00:11:22,054 --> 00:11:23,102
went to bed.
298
00:11:23,168 --> 00:11:24,822
Classy.
All right, well,
299
00:11:24,823 --> 00:11:26,290
we've taken up
enough of your time
300
00:11:26,291 --> 00:11:28,326
enjoy the rest of your day
and go back to your life
301
00:11:28,327 --> 00:11:30,109
as "a pile
of human fences."
302
00:11:30,175 --> 00:11:31,996
Okay, let's see if
any of DRK MLK's neighbors
303
00:11:31,997 --> 00:11:33,464
saw the pilates perv
or anyone else
304
00:11:33,465 --> 00:11:35,266
fleeing the scene
of the crime.
305
00:11:35,267 --> 00:11:36,634
Copy that.
306
00:11:36,635 --> 00:11:38,069
We'll do some cop stuff,
have a heart-to-heart
307
00:11:38,070 --> 00:11:39,137
about your vasectomy,
cancel your vasectomy,
308
00:11:39,138 --> 00:11:40,271
grab some drinks,
laugh about the time
309
00:11:40,272 --> 00:11:42,306
you almost got
a vasectomy.
310
00:11:42,307 --> 00:11:44,375
Stop worrying about
my vasectomy, man.
311
00:11:44,376 --> 00:11:46,277
Maybe you should focus
on your own body.
312
00:11:46,278 --> 00:11:47,678
When's the last time
you had a carrot?
313
00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,381
Well, it's my least favorite
type of cake, so rarely.
314
00:11:50,382 --> 00:11:52,617
If I absolutely have to,
I'll just eat the frosting.
315
00:11:52,618 --> 00:11:54,685
Hey!
Cut it out, cake boy.
316
00:11:54,686 --> 00:11:56,187
You're making health
insurance more expensive
317
00:11:56,188 --> 00:11:57,622
for everyone else!
318
00:11:57,623 --> 00:11:58,623
Yeah?
Well, you know what else
319
00:11:58,624 --> 00:11:59,957
drives up premiums?
320
00:11:59,958 --> 00:12:01,959
Unwanted genital removal!
321
00:12:03,542 --> 00:12:05,630
Thank you for coming.
322
00:12:05,631 --> 00:12:06,764
I wasn't sure
if you'd get my message.
323
00:12:06,765 --> 00:12:08,432
Charles, it was kind
of hard to miss.
324
00:12:09,301 --> 00:12:11,734
Oh, God!
325
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,271
Hey, I didn't know
what to do.
326
00:12:13,272 --> 00:12:14,305
You said we weren't
allowed to talk at work
327
00:12:14,306 --> 00:12:15,863
now that we're
knocking boots.
328
00:12:15,929 --> 00:12:17,108
Ew, gross.
329
00:12:17,109 --> 00:12:19,277
Listen,
my ex-wife's throwing
330
00:12:19,278 --> 00:12:20,511
an engagement party
this weekend
331
00:12:20,512 --> 00:12:22,613
and I was wondering
if you wanted to go...
332
00:12:22,614 --> 00:12:24,015
As friends.
333
00:12:24,016 --> 00:12:27,685
No, Charles, just because
we have secret, shameful sex
334
00:12:27,686 --> 00:12:29,627
does not mean
we are friends.
335
00:12:29,693 --> 00:12:31,722
Forget friends.
Let's go as "bone bros."
336
00:12:31,723 --> 00:12:33,224
Ugh!
337
00:12:33,225 --> 00:12:35,593
I didn't strike you when
you said "knocking boots,"
338
00:12:35,594 --> 00:12:40,498
but "bone bros"?
I cannot abide.
339
00:12:40,499 --> 00:12:42,390
Have you seen this man
around DRK MLK.
340
00:12:42,456 --> 00:12:44,368
Oh, I don't go there.
341
00:12:44,369 --> 00:12:46,018
They don't allow babies
in there.
342
00:12:46,084 --> 00:12:47,705
What is wrong with them?
343
00:12:47,706 --> 00:12:49,974
All I drank when I was a baby
was chocolate milk.
344
00:12:49,975 --> 00:12:51,566
Well, thank you
for your time.
345
00:12:51,632 --> 00:12:53,444
And thank you,
adorable little baby,
346
00:12:53,445 --> 00:12:54,779
who's probably
giving my partner
347
00:12:54,780 --> 00:12:56,647
some mixed feelings
right about now.
348
00:12:56,648 --> 00:12:58,683
"Don't get the operation,
sarge!
349
00:12:58,684 --> 00:13:01,085
Instead, make a tiny muscular
friend for me to play with!"
350
00:13:01,086 --> 00:13:02,286
That's enough.
351
00:13:02,287 --> 00:13:03,287
I'm with you.
That's enough, baby.
352
00:13:03,288 --> 00:13:05,663
Mind your own business.
353
00:13:05,729 --> 00:13:08,226
I haven't heard of DRK MLK
354
00:13:08,227 --> 00:13:10,027
and I've never seen
this man before.
355
00:13:10,028 --> 00:13:12,363
This is your lead?
Why are we here?
356
00:13:12,364 --> 00:13:14,165
Well, according
to the Internet,
357
00:13:14,166 --> 00:13:16,234
Dr. Mindel is the best
couples counselor
358
00:13:16,235 --> 00:13:17,502
in the Park slope area,
359
00:13:17,503 --> 00:13:18,636
who accepts same day
walk-ins.
360
00:13:18,637 --> 00:13:20,104
Couples counseling?
361
00:13:20,105 --> 00:13:21,572
Sorry for wasting your time.
362
00:13:21,573 --> 00:13:23,389
Wait, please don't leave.
363
00:13:23,455 --> 00:13:26,477
This cost me so much money.
364
00:13:26,478 --> 00:13:28,144
I am so sorry.
365
00:13:28,210 --> 00:13:30,314
He's walking out.
366
00:13:30,315 --> 00:13:31,731
Just like your father did.
367
00:13:31,797 --> 00:13:33,784
Wait a minute,
I didn't tell you about that.
368
00:13:33,785 --> 00:13:35,119
Didn't have to.
369
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:38,256
You are good!
370
00:13:38,257 --> 00:13:42,074
Sarge, wait up!
Come on, don't be mad!
371
00:13:42,140 --> 00:13:43,694
Look, I'm only trying
to protect you
372
00:13:43,695 --> 00:13:45,429
from your very stupid self.
373
00:13:45,430 --> 00:13:47,165
That is
enough, Jake!
374
00:13:47,166 --> 00:13:48,699
Look, I'm sorry,
okay?
375
00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:50,134
And the things you said
when you were whacked-out
376
00:13:50,135 --> 00:13:51,269
were real.
377
00:13:51,270 --> 00:13:53,804
You made me promise.
And as your friend...
378
00:13:53,805 --> 00:13:55,006
I told you, Jake.
379
00:13:55,007 --> 00:13:56,574
We're not that kind
of friends.
380
00:13:56,575 --> 00:13:58,476
Not what kind of friends?
381
00:13:58,477 --> 00:13:59,510
"Friend" friends.
382
00:13:59,511 --> 00:14:01,093
You and I
are work friends.
383
00:14:01,159 --> 00:14:03,262
Now, if you will
excuse me,
384
00:14:03,328 --> 00:14:05,640
I'm going
to the doctor's office.
385
00:14:07,386 --> 00:14:09,420
Not good enough.
386
00:14:09,421 --> 00:14:10,788
Prepare to be physically
overpowered
387
00:14:10,789 --> 00:14:12,790
by a "friend" friend.
388
00:14:12,791 --> 00:14:13,939
Argh!
389
00:14:14,005 --> 00:14:16,294
Cancel the appointment!
I've got you!
390
00:14:16,295 --> 00:14:17,795
You can't move.
391
00:14:17,796 --> 00:14:19,945
Concede defeat, sir.
392
00:14:20,011 --> 00:14:22,065
You have been conquered.
393
00:14:22,848 --> 00:14:24,498
Spot-checks are done.
394
00:14:24,499 --> 00:14:26,700
Needless to say,
I thoroughly underwhelmed.
395
00:14:26,701 --> 00:14:27,901
Huh.
From your expression,
396
00:14:27,902 --> 00:14:31,338
I would've guessed
constipated or chilly.
397
00:14:31,339 --> 00:14:33,440
Excuse me, captain,
I don't want to say
398
00:14:33,441 --> 00:14:37,210
that I saved the day,
but I will because I did.
399
00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:39,079
So...
400
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:43,015
The letter of recommendation
she wrote for you 25 years ago.
401
00:14:44,476 --> 00:14:45,609
Where'd you get this?
402
00:14:45,610 --> 00:14:47,011
I just went down
to one police plaza
403
00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:49,713
and applied some
of my signature Amy charm.
404
00:14:49,714 --> 00:14:50,981
And then
when you wouldn't stop,
405
00:14:50,982 --> 00:14:52,182
they just gave it to you?
406
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:53,984
More or less.
407
00:14:53,985 --> 00:14:56,220
The point is,
the letter's very positive.
408
00:14:56,221 --> 00:14:58,455
You thought she wrote
mean stuff about you
409
00:14:58,456 --> 00:15:01,258
because of the...
Night before.
410
00:15:01,259 --> 00:15:03,794
But she didn't.
It was all a misunderstanding.
411
00:15:03,795 --> 00:15:05,462
Wait a minute...
412
00:15:05,932 --> 00:15:08,432
You thought I cost you that
promotion because you're gay?
413
00:15:08,433 --> 00:15:11,238
That's what you've been mad
about all these years?
414
00:15:11,239 --> 00:15:13,574
It's... one reason.
415
00:15:13,575 --> 00:15:15,810
I don't care that
you rejected my advances.
416
00:15:15,811 --> 00:15:17,745
Your sexual identity
is the one thing
417
00:15:17,746 --> 00:15:19,780
I actually respect
about you.
418
00:15:19,781 --> 00:15:21,615
Then what are you
mad about?
419
00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:24,785
I'm mad because you tried
to get me thrown off the force.
420
00:15:24,786 --> 00:15:26,087
Yeah, because you shot me.
421
00:15:26,088 --> 00:15:29,023
I shot you because you were
in the wrong position.
422
00:15:29,024 --> 00:15:30,458
You weren't
following orders.
423
00:15:30,459 --> 00:15:32,259
What about the time you
destroyed my personnel file
424
00:15:32,260 --> 00:15:33,260
while I was undercover?
425
00:15:33,261 --> 00:15:34,462
What if there
had been a mole?
426
00:15:34,463 --> 00:15:35,830
You were trying
to make me disappear.
427
00:15:35,831 --> 00:15:37,832
You embarrassed me
in front of Derek Jeter!
428
00:15:37,833 --> 00:15:43,487
You embarrassed yourself
in front of Derek Jeter.
429
00:15:48,099 --> 00:15:49,326
Hey, Rosa!
430
00:15:49,392 --> 00:15:53,164
Better file me under "E"
for "edgy."
431
00:15:53,230 --> 00:15:55,249
- What?
- Cornrows!
432
00:15:55,315 --> 00:15:56,550
Why?
433
00:15:56,551 --> 00:15:59,019
My ex-wife and her fiance
go to Jamaica all the time.
434
00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:01,822
"Jamaican me marry you."
435
00:16:01,823 --> 00:16:03,057
So good!
436
00:16:03,058 --> 00:16:04,391
So...
437
00:16:04,392 --> 00:16:06,727
I still don't have a date.
438
00:16:06,728 --> 00:16:09,013
Unless this sweet maize-head
has changed your mind.
439
00:16:09,079 --> 00:16:10,664
I think we both know
it hasn't.
440
00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:11,665
We do.
441
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:12,808
Fair enough.
442
00:16:14,836 --> 00:16:16,137
Why do you look so terrible?
443
00:16:16,138 --> 00:16:18,806
I tried to stop sarge
from getting his tubes tied.
444
00:16:18,807 --> 00:16:21,242
But he somehow managed to
sneak off to the hospital.
445
00:16:21,243 --> 00:16:23,110
Zip that lip!
He's doing it?
446
00:16:23,111 --> 00:16:25,346
He wouldn't listen to me.
He said I was a "work friend."
447
00:16:25,347 --> 00:16:28,749
Ah, that chills me.
And it reminds me of a story.
448
00:16:28,750 --> 00:16:30,451
I had this sweater,
and it was a work sweater
449
00:16:30,452 --> 00:16:32,620
because it only seemed
work apropes,
450
00:16:32,686 --> 00:16:35,556
but then one time,
I wore it out to dinner
451
00:16:35,557 --> 00:16:37,992
and I was like,
"oh, dang!
452
00:16:37,993 --> 00:16:40,002
This sweater is cute
everywhere."
453
00:16:40,962 --> 00:16:43,339
I get it.
I'm the sweater.
454
00:16:43,405 --> 00:16:44,365
No.
455
00:16:44,366 --> 00:16:45,366
And I have to show the sarge
I can be a good friend
456
00:16:45,367 --> 00:16:46,834
to him outside
of work too.
457
00:16:46,835 --> 00:16:47,835
No!
458
00:16:47,836 --> 00:16:48,836
Thank you, Gina.
459
00:16:48,837 --> 00:16:50,171
I'm gonna stop him.
460
00:16:50,172 --> 00:16:51,238
Jake, I have no idea
what you're talking about,
461
00:16:51,239 --> 00:16:52,573
but good luck!
462
00:16:52,574 --> 00:16:55,100
Well, good-bye, Raymond.
463
00:16:55,110 --> 00:16:56,727
Anything you'd like
to say to me
464
00:16:56,745 --> 00:16:58,187
before I complete
my evaluation?
465
00:16:58,253 --> 00:17:00,381
Something in the form
of groveling?
466
00:17:00,382 --> 00:17:03,651
Never.
Fail me if you must.
467
00:17:07,178 --> 00:17:09,390
You're just gonna let her
fail us?
468
00:17:09,391 --> 00:17:11,192
I'm sorry about your
precious grade, Santiago,
469
00:17:11,193 --> 00:17:13,160
but this isn't
about you.
470
00:17:13,226 --> 00:17:14,762
Don't "this isn't
about you" me!
471
00:17:14,763 --> 00:17:17,698
I'm "this isn't
about you"-ing you!
472
00:17:17,699 --> 00:17:20,034
That grade is the only thing
standing between me
473
00:17:20,035 --> 00:17:22,036
and a future where you're
not my captain anymore.
474
00:17:22,037 --> 00:17:24,588
Wuntch failed the nine-oh
and their captain was fired.
475
00:17:24,606 --> 00:17:27,775
I attempted to cajole her
but she rebuffed me.
476
00:17:27,776 --> 00:17:30,878
I'm not a man
of unlimited cajoling.
477
00:17:30,879 --> 00:17:34,782
Well, you better become one
because I need you in command.
478
00:17:34,783 --> 00:17:37,585
This precinct needs you
in command.
479
00:17:37,586 --> 00:17:40,420
Cajole up,
captain.
480
00:17:46,676 --> 00:17:49,063
Sarge, hey!
481
00:17:49,064 --> 00:17:52,700
What the hell
are you doing here, tiny head?
482
00:17:53,168 --> 00:17:57,037
You better not be trying to talk
me out of my surgery again.
483
00:17:57,038 --> 00:17:58,572
Look, I'm not trying to
talk you out of anything.
484
00:17:58,573 --> 00:18:00,274
I'm just here to give you
a ride home
485
00:18:00,275 --> 00:18:02,109
and to prove to you
once and for all
486
00:18:02,110 --> 00:18:04,278
that I'm more than
just a work friend.
487
00:18:04,279 --> 00:18:06,580
Thank you,
microscope head.
488
00:18:06,581 --> 00:18:07,815
Hey, a little bit of
good news!
489
00:18:07,816 --> 00:18:08,983
I figured out the case!
490
00:18:08,984 --> 00:18:10,317
Remember Gregory
said he got off
491
00:18:10,318 --> 00:18:11,952
at the York street station
the night of the stabbing?
492
00:18:11,953 --> 00:18:13,053
Well, I took the subway here
493
00:18:13,054 --> 00:18:14,688
and it's closed for
construction.
494
00:18:14,689 --> 00:18:15,689
Hmm...
495
00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:17,791
So what you're saying is...
496
00:18:17,792 --> 00:18:19,793
I stabbed him.
497
00:18:19,794 --> 00:18:21,061
I did it.
498
00:18:21,062 --> 00:18:22,938
You know what?
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
499
00:18:23,004 --> 00:18:25,265
See you on the other side.
500
00:18:29,237 --> 00:18:30,571
Jake,
you were right!
501
00:18:30,572 --> 00:18:33,040
I don't want the surgery,
Tiny Head!
502
00:18:33,041 --> 00:18:34,074
NYPD!
503
00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:35,476
Put down the scalpel
and step away
504
00:18:35,477 --> 00:18:37,210
from my work friend's
weiner-tubes!
505
00:18:38,486 --> 00:18:40,915
Looking good, Boyle!
506
00:18:40,981 --> 00:18:42,565
Ugh, that's not
a good sign.
507
00:18:42,566 --> 00:18:44,694
Hey, mon.
508
00:18:44,695 --> 00:18:47,263
Rosa...
You changed your mind!
509
00:18:47,264 --> 00:18:48,865
I blew off my date,
and instead,
510
00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:50,233
I'm going to spend
a hellish evening
511
00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:52,035
in a Jamaican torture
chamber with you.
512
00:18:52,036 --> 00:18:53,436
Really?
Yeah.
513
00:18:53,437 --> 00:18:55,271
Here's what's about
to happen.
514
00:18:55,272 --> 00:18:56,606
We're gonna go
to this terrible party,
515
00:18:56,607 --> 00:18:57,940
I'm gonna laugh
at all your jokes,
516
00:18:57,941 --> 00:18:59,375
gonna talk about your
medal of valor,
517
00:18:59,376 --> 00:19:01,077
and I'm gonna make you look
like a Jamaican God of rhythm.
518
00:19:01,078 --> 00:19:02,545
Sebastian from
the little mermaid.
519
00:19:02,546 --> 00:19:05,381
Also, tomorrow,
I'm gonna help you find
520
00:19:05,382 --> 00:19:06,398
a new apartment.
521
00:19:06,514 --> 00:19:08,618
You can't live in your
ex-wife's basement anymore.
522
00:19:08,619 --> 00:19:11,070
Wow!
Respect, mon.
523
00:19:11,186 --> 00:19:13,756
I'm gonna read you
my toast in the car.
524
00:19:13,757 --> 00:19:14,857
You're giving a toast?
525
00:19:14,858 --> 00:19:15,858
More like
we're giving a toast.
526
00:19:18,962 --> 00:19:19,962
There we go.
527
00:19:19,963 --> 00:19:21,747
Jake, I have to tell you
something.
528
00:19:21,765 --> 00:19:23,132
Oh, boy.
529
00:19:23,133 --> 00:19:26,335
I am a little conflicted
about having a vasectomy.
530
00:19:26,401 --> 00:19:27,503
Really?
531
00:19:27,504 --> 00:19:29,405
Is that why you threw
an EKG machine at the doctor?
532
00:19:29,406 --> 00:19:32,041
I'm sorry I thought of you
as a work friend.
533
00:19:32,042 --> 00:19:35,386
You're here, man.
You're a friend friend.
534
00:19:35,452 --> 00:19:40,550
You made Terry get real
with himself and his genitals.
535
00:19:40,551 --> 00:19:46,422
Your tiny head has
a big heart inside it.
536
00:19:46,423 --> 00:19:47,890
I know that's
scientifically wrong,
537
00:19:47,891 --> 00:19:49,400
but thanks, sarge.
538
00:19:49,893 --> 00:19:53,796
I'm gonna talk to my wife
when she comes home.
539
00:19:53,797 --> 00:19:56,949
You're a huggy good friend.
540
00:19:57,015 --> 00:19:58,967
No! Not again.
541
00:20:00,704 --> 00:20:02,705
Santiago,
we received our grade.
542
00:20:02,706 --> 00:20:07,043
Oh, my God.
Is this good-bye?
543
00:20:07,044 --> 00:20:08,911
There's still so much
I have to say to you.
544
00:20:08,912 --> 00:20:12,248
2.7.
Mediocre.
545
00:20:12,249 --> 00:20:14,684
But enough for
you to stick around.
546
00:20:14,685 --> 00:20:16,886
How did you get her
to change her mind?
547
00:20:16,887 --> 00:20:18,971
I had to compromise
everything I stand for.
548
00:20:19,037 --> 00:20:21,257
You are now,
and always have been,
549
00:20:21,258 --> 00:20:23,259
the superior
police officer.
550
00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:26,295
And?
551
00:20:26,296 --> 00:20:29,398
The Derek Jeter thing
was my fault.
552
00:20:29,464 --> 00:20:31,200
I'm sorry you had
to go through that.
553
00:20:31,201 --> 00:20:32,335
No, you were right.
554
00:20:32,336 --> 00:20:33,503
This is the best job
I've ever had
555
00:20:33,504 --> 00:20:35,204
and it would be foolish
to give it up
556
00:20:35,205 --> 00:20:37,540
over a petty feud.
557
00:20:37,541 --> 00:20:40,309
Here, this is
for you.
558
00:20:40,310 --> 00:20:42,445
It's a grade for your
performance these past few days.
559
00:20:42,446 --> 00:20:45,039
A letter grade, so as
to not be "weird" about it.
560
00:20:45,549 --> 00:20:48,985
Oh, my God.
You really shouldn't have.
561
00:20:48,986 --> 00:20:51,220
An "a."
562
00:20:51,221 --> 00:20:52,755
Thank you.
563
00:20:52,821 --> 00:20:55,174
Just curious,
does your system have pluses
564
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,427
in it, or is, like,
"a" the highest?
565
00:21:00,731 --> 00:21:02,632
How'd the interrogation go?
566
00:21:02,633 --> 00:21:04,934
Gregory confessed
to the stabbing.
567
00:21:04,935 --> 00:21:06,869
Nice work.
568
00:21:06,870 --> 00:21:08,404
I just talked to my wife.
569
00:21:08,405 --> 00:21:11,274
We're waiting on the operation,
everything's cool.
570
00:21:11,275 --> 00:21:13,209
Did you tell her
we slept together twice?
571
00:21:13,210 --> 00:21:17,747
Thanks for taking care of me.
I got you a present.
572
00:21:17,748 --> 00:21:19,849
Do you know what
a present is, Terry?
573
00:21:19,850 --> 00:21:21,951
I care about my friends.
574
00:21:21,952 --> 00:21:25,354
Now eat your carrots, or I'll
rip your tiny head off.
575
00:21:25,355 --> 00:21:26,789
No! No! No!
576
00:21:26,790 --> 00:21:27,790
Come here.
577
00:21:29,459 --> 00:21:31,345
I hate being friends
with you!
578
00:21:31,346 --> 00:21:35,313
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/