1 00:00:00,483 --> 00:00:05,483 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:11,309 --> 00:00:14,283 - _ - Oh, man. Sad day. 3 00:00:14,317 --> 00:00:15,485 Sad day. 4 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:16,622 It's crazy how different things were 5 00:00:16,657 --> 00:00:18,327 when McGintley was Captain. 6 00:00:18,359 --> 00:00:19,796 It was like the Wild West. 7 00:00:19,830 --> 00:00:21,802 - Oh, yeah, we had some fun. - I didn't. 8 00:00:21,836 --> 00:00:25,279 In every one of those photos, I look uptight and worried. 9 00:00:25,312 --> 00:00:26,481 Meanwhile, everyone else looks like 10 00:00:26,514 --> 00:00:27,851 they're having the time of their life. 11 00:00:27,884 --> 00:00:29,621 That's because they're all stress-free, 12 00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:31,059 not like us Type A's. 13 00:00:31,092 --> 00:00:32,829 Jake, am I too high-strung? 14 00:00:32,863 --> 00:00:34,302 I wouldn't say you're too high-strung. 15 00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:35,838 You just are high-strung. 16 00:00:35,871 --> 00:00:37,509 You know, your strung is what makes you strung. 17 00:00:37,543 --> 00:00:39,514 - You're strung strongly. - No, not anymore. 18 00:00:39,547 --> 00:00:42,521 From now on, I'm gonna be super chill. 19 00:00:42,556 --> 00:00:44,093 So, where's the party at? 20 00:00:44,125 --> 00:00:47,067 Trick question. The party's right here, boy! 21 00:00:48,671 --> 00:00:50,342 Oh, hello, Mrs. McGintley. 22 00:00:50,375 --> 00:00:52,613 My condolences for your loss. 23 00:00:52,648 --> 00:00:55,655 So, who do you got your eye on? 24 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,425 - What? - You haven't dated anyone 25 00:00:57,460 --> 00:00:58,562 since you broke up with Pimento. 26 00:00:58,597 --> 00:01:00,568 And funerals are a meat market. 27 00:01:00,601 --> 00:01:02,707 Sadness is a powerful aphrodisiac. 28 00:01:02,740 --> 00:01:06,383 - No, it's not. - Then how come everyone cries during sex? 29 00:01:06,416 --> 00:01:07,416 I'm already seeing somebody, Boyle. 30 00:01:07,419 --> 00:01:08,756 Oh... 31 00:01:08,790 --> 00:01:10,627 And just like that, things got interesting. 32 00:01:10,660 --> 00:01:12,600 And just like that, I left. 33 00:01:12,632 --> 00:01:14,737 - Hello, Raymond. - Oh, Chief Aggerton. 34 00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,608 I didn't realize you'd be flying out for this. 35 00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:18,782 I liked McGintley. He was fun to have a beer with. 36 00:01:18,815 --> 00:01:20,519 There's nobody in this department 37 00:01:20,553 --> 00:01:21,755 I wanna have a beer with anymore. 38 00:01:21,788 --> 00:01:23,626 Yes, that's the problem with the NYPD. 39 00:01:23,661 --> 00:01:24,997 So, I hear you're meeting with 40 00:01:25,031 --> 00:01:26,568 the Commissioner on Monday morning. 41 00:01:26,601 --> 00:01:28,005 Well, you didn't hear this from me, 42 00:01:28,037 --> 00:01:29,975 but Commissioner's retiring next year. 43 00:01:30,009 --> 00:01:31,580 They put a short list together of possible replacements, 44 00:01:31,614 --> 00:01:32,984 and you're on it. 45 00:01:33,017 --> 00:01:34,488 - This is your first interview. - Really? 46 00:01:34,521 --> 00:01:36,192 - What? - Oh, my God. 47 00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:37,796 - What's going on? - What's going on is 48 00:01:37,829 --> 00:01:38,999 Captain Holt has an interview to become the Commissioner 49 00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:40,671 of the freakin' NYPD, 50 00:01:40,703 --> 00:01:42,574 and he's gonna nail it and fulfill his destiny 51 00:01:42,608 --> 00:01:44,213 as Lord High Commander of all Justice. 52 00:01:44,246 --> 00:01:45,851 Okay, let's not get carried away. 53 00:01:45,883 --> 00:01:48,021 Who says I'm even interested in becoming Commissioner? 54 00:01:48,055 --> 00:01:50,828 You, constantly, including the first day I met you. 55 00:01:50,863 --> 00:01:52,701 I'm interested in becoming Commissioner. 56 00:01:52,734 --> 00:01:54,571 - Good to know. - Fair enough, but even so, 57 00:01:54,606 --> 00:01:55,841 it's probably a long shot. 58 00:01:55,876 --> 00:01:57,714 I mean, there are many names on the list. 59 00:01:57,747 --> 00:01:59,251 Nope, just four. 60 00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:00,722 Yeah, three major league jags and you. 61 00:02:00,755 --> 00:02:02,091 Sir, you're the perfect candidate: 62 00:02:02,125 --> 00:02:03,729 smart, well-respected, you smell great. 63 00:02:03,763 --> 00:02:05,567 That has nothing to do with the job. 64 00:02:05,601 --> 00:02:06,836 It's just something I've been meaning to tell you. 65 00:02:06,870 --> 00:02:08,541 - Is it sandalwood? - Please calm down. 66 00:02:08,574 --> 00:02:09,609 Right, totally. Don't wanna jinx it. 67 00:02:09,644 --> 00:02:11,081 I don't believe in jinxes. 68 00:02:11,114 --> 00:02:12,182 Great, then you won't mind me saying it's a lock. 69 00:02:12,185 --> 00:02:13,635 You're definitely gonna get it, and you're gonna smell even better 70 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:15,433 with that Lord High Commander of all Justice stank on you. 71 00:02:15,434 --> 00:02:16,571 Let's do this 72 00:02:17,272 --> 00:02:18,995 - _ - I can't wait to get on a plane. 73 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,280 I used up my miles, and upgraded first class. 74 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,387 - Damn, Sarge. - This is gonna be great. 75 00:02:23,396 --> 00:02:26,481 Sipping on a mimosa, snacking on a hummus trio, 76 00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,330 watching "Bridget Jones's Baby." 77 00:02:28,355 --> 00:02:30,642 - Oh, GPS says turn left here. - Turn left. 78 00:02:30,656 --> 00:02:32,269 No, this route is more direct. 79 00:02:32,302 --> 00:02:33,819 Oh, okay. You do you, Commish. 80 00:02:33,851 --> 00:02:35,318 - Please don't call me that. - Okay, fine, 81 00:02:35,349 --> 00:02:37,510 I'll just call you the 'Mish... no wait, Mishy Elliot... 82 00:02:37,549 --> 00:02:42,186 no wait, Mish-es Doubtfire. Oh, my God! 83 00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:44,678 - What? What is it? - Nakatomi Plaza. 84 00:02:45,592 --> 00:02:47,976 It's the most important monument in all of America. 85 00:02:48,022 --> 00:02:49,887 The building from "Die Hard." Can we go in? 86 00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:53,575 - Can we pay our respects? - Ooh, our flight leaves in 3 and a half hours, and... 87 00:02:54,092 --> 00:02:57,132 but it's like, what is time even? 88 00:02:57,166 --> 00:02:58,945 #LegalizeIt. 89 00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:00,850 - Can we go in, sir? - Fine, just make it quick. 90 00:03:00,852 --> 00:03:03,451 Yes! Pull in over there, Argyle! 91 00:03:03,495 --> 00:03:05,519 - What? - That's the name of the driver in the movie. 92 00:03:05,534 --> 00:03:07,441 We're going to Nakatomi Plaza. There's gonna be role-play. 93 00:03:07,507 --> 00:03:10,075 Oh, my God. 94 00:03:10,099 --> 00:03:12,385 It's even more beautiful than I imagined. 95 00:03:12,416 --> 00:03:14,184 It's an empty floor that's under construction. 96 00:03:14,189 --> 00:03:15,323 Just like in the movie! 97 00:03:15,343 --> 00:03:18,138 Charles, this is the floor that John McClane ran on with his bare feet. 98 00:03:18,263 --> 00:03:19,510 Take my picture with it! 99 00:03:21,695 --> 00:03:23,321 This is the window where John McClane said, 100 00:03:23,352 --> 00:03:25,584 "Welcome to the party, pal." Take my picture with it! 101 00:03:25,624 --> 00:03:26,834 This is the vent where John McClane said, 102 00:03:26,849 --> 00:03:28,424 "Come out to the coast. We'll get together, have a few laughs." 103 00:03:28,439 --> 00:03:30,087 Take my picture with it. This is the space, where even though 104 00:03:30,097 --> 00:03:31,225 it's not really evident in the dialogue, 105 00:03:31,256 --> 00:03:32,542 you can tell that John McClane realizes 106 00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:34,804 that he should've been a better husband. Take my picture with it! 107 00:03:34,837 --> 00:03:36,438 Take my picture with it! Take my picture with it! 108 00:03:36,468 --> 00:03:38,862 Take my picture with it! But then he unclasps the watch, 109 00:03:38,893 --> 00:03:41,997 and Hans falls! 110 00:03:43,197 --> 00:03:44,356 That's a good one. That's a good one, 111 00:03:44,376 --> 00:03:45,433 That's a good one. That's a good one... 112 00:03:45,453 --> 00:03:47,649 That's a good one. Okay, all 600 of these are great. 113 00:03:47,684 --> 00:03:49,747 - We should probably head to the airport. - We have more time, if you need it. 114 00:03:49,755 --> 00:03:51,567 There's literally nothing left for me to shoot. 115 00:03:51,583 --> 00:03:53,001 All right, let's get out of here. 116 00:03:54,424 --> 00:03:55,598 The door is locked. 117 00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,326 That's strange, I thought the guard propped it open. 118 00:03:57,342 --> 00:03:59,395 I'd kick my way out, but I think these windows are bullet-proof. 119 00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:01,515 We're not getting any reception in here. 120 00:04:01,556 --> 00:04:04,001 Guys, it's cool. We just gotta roll with it. 121 00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:06,227 - You know, travel should be like jazz. - Nuh-uh. 122 00:04:06,252 --> 00:04:07,885 There's a lie-flat seat waiting for me, 123 00:04:07,910 --> 00:04:09,196 and I wanna be napping in it, 124 00:04:09,237 --> 00:04:11,672 with a hot towel wrapped around my big bald head! 125 00:04:11,713 --> 00:04:14,163 - Help! - All right, everybody just calm down. 126 00:04:14,179 --> 00:04:16,852 I'm sure that guard will be back in, like, five minutes. 127 00:04:16,868 --> 00:04:18,210 - _ - We're gonna miss our flight. 128 00:04:18,230 --> 00:04:20,197 I should be sitting next to a semi-famous person 129 00:04:20,223 --> 00:04:21,839 that I can't quite place right now. 130 00:04:21,874 --> 00:04:24,101 Come on, don't give up. If we get rescued right now 131 00:04:24,111 --> 00:04:25,496 and there's no traffic at the airport 132 00:04:25,514 --> 00:04:26,861 and the van return goes smoothly 133 00:04:26,876 --> 00:04:28,792 and Security's super chill about all the guns we have, 134 00:04:28,807 --> 00:04:30,312 we could still make it. 135 00:04:31,319 --> 00:04:33,296 - You guys okay up here? - Yes! See? 136 00:04:33,306 --> 00:04:35,690 I told you not to give up hope. It's a miracle. 137 00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:38,389 - We're still gonna make it! - Yeah, we missed our flight by a lot. 138 00:04:38,424 --> 00:04:40,000 Yeah, but that's okay. We can get the next one. 139 00:04:40,050 --> 00:04:42,038 Let's see, next flight... Cancelled. Cancelled. 140 00:04:42,079 --> 00:04:45,656 - Cancelled. What is going on? - There are huge storms in the Midwest. 141 00:04:45,681 --> 00:04:47,892 - All flights are grounded. - Oh, man. 142 00:04:47,911 --> 00:04:49,646 I know this is the wrong time to bring it up, 143 00:04:49,658 --> 00:04:51,538 but we're standing 75 feet from where Argyle 144 00:04:51,564 --> 00:04:53,540 picked up John McClane at the airport. 145 00:04:54,220 --> 00:04:56,177 - Take my picture with it. - Yeah. 146 00:04:58,096 --> 00:05:00,802 Okay, we can't get out until Monday afternoon, at the earliest. 147 00:05:00,821 --> 00:05:03,706 I tried everything. I begged. I pleaded. I even told them 148 00:05:03,757 --> 00:05:05,529 that Scully was a Make-a-Wish kid with a rare disease 149 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:06,990 that makes him look like a giant old baby. 150 00:05:07,003 --> 00:05:08,973 - Did you call it Scullyosis? - Damn it, Rosa, 151 00:05:08,985 --> 00:05:10,936 that's really good and completely useless to me now. 152 00:05:10,974 --> 00:05:12,929 They wouldn't even let me into a first class lounge, 153 00:05:12,954 --> 00:05:14,327 since my flight had already departed. 154 00:05:14,337 --> 00:05:15,786 I grabbed this and ran. 155 00:05:16,258 --> 00:05:18,823 You're all that's left of my dreams now, Mr. Mint. 156 00:05:18,856 --> 00:05:21,588 All right, stop hugging your mint. We have bigger problems. 157 00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:23,575 Captain Holt's Commissioners interview is on Monday. 158 00:05:23,606 --> 00:05:25,293 - Can't he just reschedule? - No! 159 00:05:25,329 --> 00:05:26,980 He's gonna be up against the best of the best. 160 00:05:27,006 --> 00:05:29,080 The slightest slipup could cost him the job, and... 161 00:05:29,369 --> 00:05:31,845 but whatever, you know. 162 00:05:31,890 --> 00:05:33,329 It is what it is, Daddy-O. 163 00:05:33,349 --> 00:05:34,889 Look, Captain Holt helped us all achieve 164 00:05:34,895 --> 00:05:36,958 our collective dream of going to Nakatomi Plaza. 165 00:05:36,974 --> 00:05:38,147 - Only you. - Now it's time for us 166 00:05:38,152 --> 00:05:40,150 to return the favor and help him achieve his. 167 00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:41,939 Get him back to New York in time for that interview. 168 00:05:41,990 --> 00:05:44,689 Now, we have until Monday morning, and it takes... 169 00:05:45,162 --> 00:05:47,236 48 hours to drive from L.A. to New York. 170 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:48,933 - We've still got time. - No, we don't. 171 00:05:48,967 --> 00:05:50,631 I checked with all the car rental agencies. 172 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,064 There are no available vehicles. 173 00:05:52,084 --> 00:05:53,970 I'm just gonna have to call the Commissioner, cancel this meeting. 174 00:05:54,013 --> 00:05:55,328 No, not on my watch. 175 00:05:55,358 --> 00:05:57,885 We just have to think. There's gotta be a way to get you back. 176 00:06:00,309 --> 00:06:02,933 Got it! May I present to you the finest RV 177 00:06:02,984 --> 00:06:05,640 that not much money can buy: The American Creeper. 178 00:06:05,676 --> 00:06:07,451 No one should have to suffer like this for me. 179 00:06:07,489 --> 00:06:09,650 Suffer? This is a dream come true. 180 00:06:09,686 --> 00:06:11,056 It's a cross-country road trip. 181 00:06:11,090 --> 00:06:12,745 My dad and I took one every summer. 182 00:06:12,826 --> 00:06:14,599 You blast the "Annie" soundtrack, 183 00:06:14,631 --> 00:06:16,059 and you eat junk food, 184 00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:17,849 and you bond over secrets. 185 00:06:17,898 --> 00:06:19,738 I'm not telling you who I'm dating. 186 00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:21,151 All right, I'll take the first shift. 187 00:06:21,182 --> 00:06:23,687 American Creepers, let's get creeping! 188 00:06:31,272 --> 00:06:33,036 - _ - Hey, one hour down. 189 00:06:33,087 --> 00:06:35,573 Victory honk. 190 00:06:35,649 --> 00:06:37,779 Oh, no. Oh, boy. 191 00:06:37,904 --> 00:06:40,534 Horn's stuck. 192 00:06:40,659 --> 00:06:42,985 Nobody use the horn. 193 00:06:43,672 --> 00:06:45,611 _ 194 00:06:45,645 --> 00:06:46,984 What you got there, Sarge? 195 00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:49,606 I microwaved a bunch of wet napkins to make a hot towel. 196 00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:51,141 Just because we're in a crappy RV 197 00:06:51,197 --> 00:06:53,744 doesn't mean I still can't be First Class Terry. 198 00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:55,787 Mmm... 199 00:06:56,545 --> 00:06:58,039 Ah... 200 00:06:58,164 --> 00:06:59,620 Just like the real thing. 201 00:06:59,745 --> 00:07:01,185 _ 202 00:07:01,310 --> 00:07:02,369 Cheese puff, sir? 203 00:07:02,394 --> 00:07:04,234 No, thank you. They're full of chemicals. 204 00:07:04,234 --> 00:07:06,420 Well, yes, but everything's made with chemicals, 205 00:07:06,420 --> 00:07:07,594 if you really think about it. 206 00:07:07,619 --> 00:07:08,824 - I suppose you're right. - I am? 207 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,019 - Let me try one. - Oh. 208 00:07:12,001 --> 00:07:14,638 - It imploded in my mouth. - That's the magic of the puff. 209 00:07:14,663 --> 00:07:16,020 You don't have to chew. 210 00:07:16,145 --> 00:07:18,052 So, what are you gonna do when you're Commish? 211 00:07:18,083 --> 00:07:21,513 I think you should focus on interagency communication and intel sharing. 212 00:07:21,583 --> 00:07:23,451 Also, laser jails. 213 00:07:23,508 --> 00:07:26,170 Let's not talk about things that may not happen. 214 00:07:26,227 --> 00:07:28,559 Oh, I'd like to see an increase in vacation days. 215 00:07:28,610 --> 00:07:30,509 And we should all get summers off like teachers. 216 00:07:30,535 --> 00:07:32,824 - Let the city go to purge. - _ 217 00:07:32,949 --> 00:07:34,817 Hey, Rosa, are you ready to go streaking? 218 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,392 - What? - That's what my dad and I called 219 00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:37,836 getting blonde streaks in your hair. 220 00:07:37,897 --> 00:07:40,158 We used to do it to our ponytails on road trips. 221 00:07:40,219 --> 00:07:41,877 You just take a little lemon up top, 222 00:07:41,927 --> 00:07:43,437 and let the sun do the rest. 223 00:07:43,508 --> 00:07:45,328 We called it giving each other road head. 224 00:07:45,378 --> 00:07:47,081 You just said you called it going streaking. 225 00:07:47,081 --> 00:07:48,281 It had a couple names. 226 00:07:48,406 --> 00:07:50,578 Hey, speaking of names... 227 00:07:50,609 --> 00:07:53,807 who's your new boyfriend? Ow! Ow! Oh! 228 00:07:53,851 --> 00:07:55,286 _ 229 00:07:55,325 --> 00:07:57,657 Oh, man, you really went to town on these cheese puffs. 230 00:07:57,702 --> 00:07:59,442 Well, they're 80% air, 231 00:07:59,567 --> 00:08:01,030 which is something your body needs. 232 00:08:01,049 --> 00:08:03,802 Dallas? What the hell? We were supposed to be in Louisiana by now. 233 00:08:03,815 --> 00:08:06,007 We've been averaging 50 for 21 hours. 234 00:08:06,039 --> 00:08:07,424 Unless... 235 00:08:08,250 --> 00:08:10,086 Damn it! The speedometer's broken. 236 00:08:10,105 --> 00:08:12,701 No wonder everyone was flipping us off. I thought it was just racism. 237 00:08:12,707 --> 00:08:14,334 - Well, I'm sure it didn't help. - Yeah. 238 00:08:14,347 --> 00:08:15,883 I'm sorry, I don't think we can make up the time. 239 00:08:15,927 --> 00:08:17,770 No, there's no way I'm letting you miss that interview. 240 00:08:17,782 --> 00:08:19,314 We just have to make less stops. 241 00:08:19,352 --> 00:08:21,976 Hey, guys, listen up, from now on, 242 00:08:22,395 --> 00:08:24,524 we use the bathroom in the RV. 243 00:08:24,563 --> 00:08:26,259 - No! - There are so many of us. 244 00:08:26,278 --> 00:08:29,388 - I know, I'm sorry, but it's the only way. - Me first! 245 00:08:29,617 --> 00:08:31,980 Hey, guys, the door doesn't close all the way. 246 00:08:31,987 --> 00:08:33,683 No peeking. 247 00:08:33,808 --> 00:08:36,511 _ 248 00:08:36,568 --> 00:08:38,983 - You guys didn't hear that, did you? - I'm still hearing it. 249 00:08:39,002 --> 00:08:41,452 - I'm never gonna stop hearing it! - Okay, new plan: 250 00:08:41,478 --> 00:08:43,454 we go back to the old bathroom break schedule, 251 00:08:43,454 --> 00:08:46,841 and we just drive at max speed. Captain, punch it. Punch it. 252 00:08:46,911 --> 00:08:48,831 - Why are you not punching it? - I'm not comfortable 253 00:08:48,844 --> 00:08:50,769 operating this vehicle at a speed greater 254 00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:52,484 than the prevailing road and traffic conditions. 255 00:08:52,503 --> 00:08:55,166 Fine! I'll do it myself. This is going great. 256 00:08:55,210 --> 00:08:57,371 I'm already used to the bouncing and shaking. 257 00:08:57,428 --> 00:08:59,093 - I smell smoke. - Really? 258 00:08:59,137 --> 00:09:00,852 All I smell is residual Scully. 259 00:09:00,884 --> 00:09:02,389 I definitely smell smoke. 260 00:09:02,421 --> 00:09:04,613 Pull over right now. 261 00:09:04,664 --> 00:09:06,291 Well, I checked everywhere. 262 00:09:06,316 --> 00:09:08,959 Nothing's on fire. Nothing's even smoldering. 263 00:09:08,984 --> 00:09:11,208 We just wasted ten minutes for no reason. 264 00:09:17,213 --> 00:09:19,360 You know what, Captain, I think you're right. 265 00:09:19,417 --> 00:09:21,576 I do smell smoke. 266 00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:23,877 So, bottom-line this thing for me. 267 00:09:23,922 --> 00:09:25,707 How long is it gonna take to fix? 268 00:09:25,777 --> 00:09:28,484 - It's still on fire. - She's gone, Jakey. 269 00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:30,078 She's creeping her way to heaven. 270 00:09:30,105 --> 00:09:32,245 Let's be honest, she's creeping her way back to hell. 271 00:09:32,370 --> 00:09:35,203 All right, guys, we have to focus and think of a new plan 272 00:09:35,234 --> 00:09:36,652 for getting Holt back for his interview. 273 00:09:36,682 --> 00:09:39,274 Now, all we've lost is our only mode of transportation. 274 00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:40,743 And our clothes and food! 275 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,786 All I have left is this first class mint, 276 00:09:42,801 --> 00:09:44,017 and none of you get to eat him! 277 00:09:44,031 --> 00:09:45,433 Well, perhaps we should just focus on 278 00:09:45,464 --> 00:09:46,780 finding a place to sleep tonight. 279 00:09:46,815 --> 00:09:48,284 I might have a solution for that. 280 00:09:48,330 --> 00:09:49,794 How far is it to Mansfurd, Texas? 281 00:09:49,819 --> 00:09:51,477 - Like, half an hour. - Great! 282 00:09:51,528 --> 00:09:53,830 I have cousins there: Becca, Tommy, and Steve. 283 00:09:53,865 --> 00:09:57,006 - There's a Boyle in every state. - Texas Boyles. I'm excited. 284 00:09:57,041 --> 00:09:59,211 Do they wear bolo ties and cowboy hats? 285 00:09:59,262 --> 00:10:01,391 Nope, still just beige on tan. 286 00:10:01,442 --> 00:10:04,320 - Steve, Tommy, Becca! - Becca is a man. 287 00:10:04,326 --> 00:10:06,702 Oh, thank you so much for letting us stay here. 288 00:10:06,708 --> 00:10:08,182 - I love you. - I love you. 289 00:10:08,195 --> 00:10:09,841 - I love you. - I love you. 290 00:10:09,874 --> 00:10:11,963 God, it is so nice to meet you guys! 291 00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:14,098 Is this a working cattle ranch? 292 00:10:14,119 --> 00:10:16,080 Oh, yes. This is a stud farm. 293 00:10:16,124 --> 00:10:19,772 We are the cow insemination kings of Central Texas. 294 00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:20,724 Of course you are. 295 00:10:20,733 --> 00:10:23,164 We have sleeping bags for you guys here in the great room. 296 00:10:23,213 --> 00:10:24,515 If you hear what sounds like screaming, 297 00:10:24,550 --> 00:10:26,114 that's just cow intercourse. 298 00:10:26,898 --> 00:10:29,020 Now we're all sleeping in one room, 299 00:10:29,052 --> 00:10:32,039 - next to a cow orgy. - I would much rather be hanging out with you. 300 00:10:32,047 --> 00:10:34,181 - What are you doing, Boyle? - Just brushing my hair. 301 00:10:34,235 --> 00:10:36,697 Not you, Becca. I was talking to Charles. 302 00:10:36,735 --> 00:10:38,317 - I was just bringing you some water. - Thanks. 303 00:10:38,368 --> 00:10:40,315 Mm-hm. So, uh, 304 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,394 who you talking to? Is that your mystery hunk? 305 00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:44,050 Babe, are you all right? Is everything okay? 306 00:10:44,066 --> 00:10:45,326 Yeah, it's fine. I'll call you back later. 307 00:10:45,372 --> 00:10:47,269 - Was that a woman's voice? - It's my sister. 308 00:10:47,394 --> 00:10:49,518 Wait... she called you babe. 309 00:10:49,574 --> 00:10:50,878 When my cousin called me babe, 310 00:10:50,912 --> 00:10:52,476 you said relatives shouldn't do that. 311 00:10:53,017 --> 00:10:54,646 What's really going on? 312 00:10:55,765 --> 00:10:57,050 I'm dating a woman. 313 00:10:58,585 --> 00:11:00,080 - I'm bi. - Oh... 314 00:11:00,125 --> 00:11:01,533 That's great. 315 00:11:02,397 --> 00:11:05,355 That's great, Rose. I just want you to know that I totally support... 316 00:11:05,382 --> 00:11:07,362 I don't wanna talk about it right now, okay? 317 00:11:07,387 --> 00:11:09,807 - Just leave it alone, Boyle. - By all means. 318 00:11:09,847 --> 00:11:11,397 Not you, Becca! 319 00:11:11,464 --> 00:11:13,695 Okay. I love you. 320 00:11:13,716 --> 00:11:15,093 I love you too. 321 00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:22,449 Can't sleep either, huh? 322 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:26,302 - This cow screaming is so loud. - So loud. 323 00:11:26,318 --> 00:11:27,995 Is it a pleasure sound or pain? 324 00:11:28,005 --> 00:11:31,223 - Maybe they're into both? - I hear they're into leather. 325 00:11:31,348 --> 00:11:33,246 - Was that a joke? - Gallows humor. 326 00:11:33,286 --> 00:11:36,093 Being in this bovine brothel is truly a nightmare. 327 00:11:36,359 --> 00:11:38,433 Hey, I'm sorry that things didn't work out. 328 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,437 I know you always hoped that you'd be Commissioner. 329 00:11:40,470 --> 00:11:42,342 No. Over the course of my career, 330 00:11:42,343 --> 00:11:44,657 I've learned that it's best not to have hopes. 331 00:11:44,695 --> 00:11:46,767 Sir, that is so sad. 332 00:11:46,812 --> 00:11:48,705 That's like saying it's best not to have dreams. 333 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:51,341 I only have one dream a year, always on Tax Day. 334 00:11:51,365 --> 00:11:53,180 In it, I must file an extension. 335 00:11:53,185 --> 00:11:55,911 So, yes, it is best not to have dreams. 336 00:11:55,944 --> 00:11:58,736 Well, I still wish I could've got you back in time. 337 00:11:58,756 --> 00:12:00,393 Why do you care so much about this? 338 00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:01,501 I don't know, 339 00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:03,986 it's your dream, and, you know, 340 00:12:04,718 --> 00:12:08,268 you changed my life, made me wanna be a better man, or whatever. 341 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,540 Thank you for trying. 342 00:12:10,852 --> 00:12:12,256 But deep down, 343 00:12:12,381 --> 00:12:14,328 I always knew I'd never be Commissioner. 344 00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:19,123 All my dreams start with my step-sister painting her house. 345 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,575 And they end with the house looking great? 346 00:12:21,609 --> 00:12:23,095 No. Sex. 347 00:12:29,663 --> 00:12:31,957 Guys! Guys! Wake up, wake up, wake up. 348 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:33,584 - Up, up, up! Come on! - What's going on? 349 00:12:33,622 --> 00:12:36,798 Captain Holt, I know you've given up on your future, but I haven't. 350 00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:39,759 - You're going to that interview. - It's too late, Peralta. 351 00:12:39,791 --> 00:12:41,188 Just put a sock in it, man! 352 00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:42,630 I'm doing this because of how much I care about you, 353 00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:44,023 so just stay the hell out of the way! 354 00:12:44,038 --> 00:12:45,508 But we're too late to drive, 355 00:12:45,528 --> 00:12:47,551 - and there's no available flights. - That's what I thought, 356 00:12:47,575 --> 00:12:49,975 but on the way here, we passed the town of Jacksboro. 357 00:12:49,996 --> 00:12:51,297 I knew I recognized it from somewhere. 358 00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:52,807 Where? Sorry, are you monologuing, 359 00:12:52,837 --> 00:12:54,783 - or is this a call-and-response thing? - No, that was great. 360 00:12:54,802 --> 00:12:56,747 Now, I order a lot of beef jerky online, 361 00:12:56,785 --> 00:12:58,457 'cause I'm a cool guy with cool interests, 362 00:12:58,482 --> 00:13:00,675 and it's always shipped from Jacksboro, Texas. 363 00:13:00,709 --> 00:13:02,124 There's a huge fulfillment center there. 364 00:13:02,137 --> 00:13:03,535 - There is? - Yes, Charles. 365 00:13:03,566 --> 00:13:04,882 I called them, and they ship their packages 366 00:13:04,901 --> 00:13:06,922 - out of a regional airport. - They do? 367 00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,479 That's too much. Maybe back off a little bit. 368 00:13:08,530 --> 00:13:10,614 Passenger planes don't fly out of Jacksboro, 369 00:13:10,633 --> 00:13:12,355 but thing planes do! 370 00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:14,114 - You mean cargo planes? - Yes, thank you. 371 00:13:14,140 --> 00:13:15,855 - Terry gets to interject? - The point is, 372 00:13:15,868 --> 00:13:18,397 we get to fly on the back of a cargo plane to Philadelphia. 373 00:13:18,409 --> 00:13:19,730 When do we have to be in Jacksboro? 374 00:13:19,730 --> 00:13:21,484 In an hour and a half, so get up and get ready. 375 00:13:21,497 --> 00:13:23,721 Well, we've been in these clothes since Friday. We smell like butt. 376 00:13:23,768 --> 00:13:26,015 - And all our stuff exploded. - Right, good point. 377 00:13:26,035 --> 00:13:28,120 Uh, I guess we'll just have to borrow some. 378 00:13:28,145 --> 00:13:29,696 Oh, no. From who? 379 00:13:39,540 --> 00:13:41,019 We look so cool right now. 380 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,123 I feel like we're in a Mervyn's commercial. 381 00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:45,919 Yeah, Mervyn's! 382 00:13:46,905 --> 00:13:48,506 Is this cattle trailer safe? 383 00:13:48,542 --> 00:13:50,392 Who cares, it's fun. 384 00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:53,025 Yeah, it's terrifying, 385 00:13:53,071 --> 00:13:55,749 but it doesn't matter, because we're almost to the airport. 386 00:13:55,782 --> 00:13:58,255 What? No, why? 387 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,953 Just because we're eight people standing in the back of a cattle car? 388 00:14:00,977 --> 00:14:02,842 Nah, I don't care about that. 389 00:14:02,874 --> 00:14:04,842 We got a tip saying there were drugs being moved 390 00:14:04,857 --> 00:14:08,054 in the back of a gray bovine transport unit. 391 00:14:10,143 --> 00:14:11,694 Well, this is terrible. 392 00:14:11,745 --> 00:14:13,595 Wait a minute, who called this tip in? 393 00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:15,140 - It's impossible to say. - They said the drugs were 394 00:14:15,171 --> 00:14:16,744 in the back of a bovine transport unit. 395 00:14:16,762 --> 00:14:19,477 - Who calls it that? - Everyone. That's what they're called. 396 00:14:19,906 --> 00:14:22,653 Yeah, if you're a robot, 397 00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:24,969 and you're the only robot I know, sir. 398 00:14:25,007 --> 00:14:27,313 Bovine. Transport. Unit. 399 00:14:27,326 --> 00:14:30,407 - Meep-morp. Zeep. - This is preposterous. 400 00:14:30,427 --> 00:14:31,891 - What are you implying? - Let me see your phone. 401 00:14:31,921 --> 00:14:33,176 - I wanna see your call history. - No. 402 00:14:33,208 --> 00:14:34,173 - Let me see it! - No... 403 00:14:34,176 --> 00:14:35,616 - no! Get away! - Give it to me! 404 00:14:35,636 --> 00:14:37,149 Guys, come on. Break it up! 405 00:14:38,182 --> 00:14:39,479 Ah-ha! 406 00:14:39,569 --> 00:14:42,777 25 minutes ago, outgoing call to 911. 407 00:14:42,792 --> 00:14:44,770 You sabotaged us, Mr. Robot! 408 00:14:44,795 --> 00:14:47,596 Not the TV show, but the point is, you sabotaged us! 409 00:14:47,652 --> 00:14:49,613 Terry, would you do the honors? 410 00:14:49,644 --> 00:14:51,403 Why? 411 00:14:51,972 --> 00:14:53,172 You called the pigs on us? 412 00:14:53,207 --> 00:14:54,310 I don't know how this happened. 413 00:14:54,325 --> 00:14:56,129 - Perhaps it was a bottom dial. - Liar. 414 00:14:56,155 --> 00:14:58,106 The reason you said you knew you'd never become Commissioner 415 00:14:58,126 --> 00:14:59,285 is 'cause you were making sure of it. 416 00:14:59,306 --> 00:15:01,095 You've been sabotaging us from the beginning. 417 00:15:01,125 --> 00:15:02,182 Oh, please. 418 00:15:02,198 --> 00:15:04,348 You drove by Nakatomi Plaza on purpose, didn't you? 419 00:15:04,393 --> 00:15:07,218 You knew I would see it and go insane and have to go inside, 420 00:15:07,231 --> 00:15:08,849 and then you trapped us in there, didn't you? 421 00:15:08,902 --> 00:15:11,769 - Didn't you? - Fine. I did. 422 00:15:11,789 --> 00:15:13,878 Over here is the elevator where McClane 423 00:15:13,882 --> 00:15:16,188 put the "now I have a machine gun, ho, ho, ho" down. 424 00:15:16,241 --> 00:15:17,627 Take my picture with it! 425 00:15:17,629 --> 00:15:19,880 And there were plenty of rental cars at the airport, weren't there? 426 00:15:19,884 --> 00:15:22,507 - Hundreds. - And you broke the speedometer. And what else? 427 00:15:22,572 --> 00:15:24,500 Did you somehow force Scully to stink up the RV 428 00:15:24,516 --> 00:15:26,781 - so we'd have to stop more often? - It wasn't difficult. 429 00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:29,099 Three corndogs for 99 cents? 430 00:15:29,111 --> 00:15:33,645 Who could possibly eat three corndogs and has a dollar? 431 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,778 Oh, my God. 432 00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:39,446 - Did you blow up the Creeper? - Not on purpose. 433 00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:43,290 Once I realized your revolting cheese puffs 434 00:15:43,331 --> 00:15:45,755 were made with some extremely unstable chemicals, 435 00:15:45,765 --> 00:15:47,403 I deposited a few in the gas tank. 436 00:15:47,428 --> 00:15:48,729 I thought they'd shut the engine down. 437 00:15:48,754 --> 00:15:50,524 I didn't realize they'd ignite it. 438 00:15:50,893 --> 00:15:54,273 - You really shouldn't eat those, Peralta. - Don't tell me what to do, saboteur. 439 00:15:54,289 --> 00:15:56,693 How dare you make me this upset while I'm wearing this outfit? 440 00:15:56,713 --> 00:15:58,828 Look, we've been busting our asses the whole weekend 441 00:15:58,839 --> 00:16:01,008 to try and get you back to New York in time, and for what? 442 00:16:01,069 --> 00:16:02,461 Is it all just a lie? 443 00:16:02,522 --> 00:16:04,957 Is there even a Commissioners meeting. Are you even Captain Holt? 444 00:16:04,972 --> 00:16:07,351 - Do you even have a dog named Cheddar? - There's a Commissioners meeting, 445 00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:08,652 and I do have a dog named Cheddar. 446 00:16:08,660 --> 00:16:09,933 Then why'd you do it? 447 00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:13,592 I'm compromised. 448 00:16:13,717 --> 00:16:15,361 I made a decision a while ago, 449 00:16:15,381 --> 00:16:17,759 and now some people are holding it over my head. 450 00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,951 I'm afraid of what they'll ask me to do if I become Commissioner. 451 00:16:21,076 --> 00:16:22,790 You're compromised? 452 00:16:23,527 --> 00:16:26,526 How did this happen, Mr. Prevailing Traffic and Road Conditions? 453 00:16:26,536 --> 00:16:27,546 It doesn't matter. 454 00:16:27,675 --> 00:16:29,119 Seamus Murphy. 455 00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:31,826 - What? - Seamus Murphy, the gangster. 456 00:16:31,868 --> 00:16:34,653 He offered me info that would get you and Rosa out of prison, 457 00:16:34,658 --> 00:16:36,167 in exchange for a favor. 458 00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:39,039 And Holt told me to turn it down, because he said it was too risky. 459 00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:41,198 But you didn't turn it down, did you, Captain? 460 00:16:41,392 --> 00:16:42,876 No, I did not. 461 00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:45,600 - Wait... - So you risked everything 462 00:16:45,616 --> 00:16:47,074 to get me and Rosa out of prison? 463 00:16:48,183 --> 00:16:50,770 Oh, my God. You did all of this for us? 464 00:16:52,747 --> 00:16:55,472 I love you, Da... aptain... Daptain. 465 00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:56,809 It's the cool new way of saying Captain. 466 00:16:56,828 --> 00:16:59,014 It's from the world of hip-hop. Love you. 467 00:16:59,139 --> 00:17:01,448 Sir, why didn't you tell us? 468 00:17:01,616 --> 00:17:03,883 I didn't want any of you entangled in this. 469 00:17:04,008 --> 00:17:05,067 This is my decision, 470 00:17:05,088 --> 00:17:07,294 and it's also my responsibility. 471 00:17:07,375 --> 00:17:08,560 Sir, 472 00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:10,119 with all due respect, 473 00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:11,356 the first thing that you taught me 474 00:17:11,376 --> 00:17:13,369 when you came to the Nine-Nine is that we're a team, 475 00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:16,469 so your responsibility is my responsibility too. 476 00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,553 - And mine. - And mine. 477 00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:20,292 - And mine. - And mine. 478 00:17:20,327 --> 00:17:21,451 And mine. 479 00:17:21,664 --> 00:17:24,149 Six people seems like a lot. I mean, at some point, 480 00:17:24,185 --> 00:17:25,588 it's just too many cooks. 481 00:17:26,442 --> 00:17:28,693 - And mine. - You're gonna take that meeting, 482 00:17:28,818 --> 00:17:31,578 you're gonna get the job, and you're gonna become Commissioner, 483 00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:34,551 and we'll all figure out what to do about Murphy. 484 00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:35,882 I'm touched... 485 00:17:35,915 --> 00:17:38,071 But it's moved. We've missed the cargo plane. 486 00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:39,754 And now there's no way to get back in time 487 00:17:39,761 --> 00:17:41,387 - for me to make my meeting. - Nuh-uh. 488 00:17:41,438 --> 00:17:42,833 - Amy? - What up, bro? 489 00:17:42,865 --> 00:17:45,029 I need you to climb back on that strungness ladder, 490 00:17:45,048 --> 00:17:46,704 and I need you to climb pretty high. 491 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:48,193 - How high? - Remember that time 492 00:17:48,218 --> 00:17:49,606 we went to the deli for cold cuts, 493 00:17:49,631 --> 00:17:50,770 and the ticket machine was broken, 494 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,380 so you found out what time everyone arrived 495 00:17:52,382 --> 00:17:53,658 and made them get in a single-file line 496 00:17:53,668 --> 00:17:55,915 - from earliest to latest? - Yeah. 497 00:17:55,981 --> 00:17:57,068 Higher. 498 00:17:57,491 --> 00:17:58,690 Copy that. 499 00:18:01,270 --> 00:18:03,166 You might wanna stand back for this, sir. 500 00:18:03,212 --> 00:18:06,017 It can get pretty intense. 501 00:18:06,048 --> 00:18:08,380 All right, you mooks, our union health plan 502 00:18:08,396 --> 00:18:11,009 has 100% reimbursement for out-of-state ambulance rides. 503 00:18:11,029 --> 00:18:12,695 Scully will fake a medical emergency. 504 00:18:12,726 --> 00:18:14,845 Don't need to fake it. Always having at least one. 505 00:18:14,870 --> 00:18:16,027 Great. You call an ambulance, 506 00:18:16,043 --> 00:18:18,084 and have it take us here to Monroe, Louisiana. 507 00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:20,727 The ambulance can drive 25 miles over the posted speed limit, 508 00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:22,553 so we'll get there by 9:00 p.m. 509 00:18:22,622 --> 00:18:24,943 There's a small airport there, mostly servicing crop dusters. 510 00:18:24,972 --> 00:18:26,334 Of course, they can't take passengers, 511 00:18:26,363 --> 00:18:29,465 but thanks to a loophole in H.R. 377551, 512 00:18:29,477 --> 00:18:31,588 police officers are allowed to commandeer any plane 513 00:18:31,608 --> 00:18:32,856 in the interest of national security. 514 00:18:32,869 --> 00:18:34,670 The crop duster will land at an airstrip 515 00:18:34,686 --> 00:18:37,239 outside of Finksburg, Maryland. We'll take a cab to Baltimore, 516 00:18:37,251 --> 00:18:39,130 jump on the 6:48 a.m. train to New York, 517 00:18:39,138 --> 00:18:40,276 arriving at 9:26. 518 00:18:40,296 --> 00:18:42,632 Kevin will meet us at Penn Station with a fresh Captain's uniform. 519 00:18:42,653 --> 00:18:45,249 From there, it's a 29-minute cab ride to One Police Plaza. 520 00:18:45,270 --> 00:18:46,826 You change on the way, and we should get to your meeting 521 00:18:46,846 --> 00:18:48,839 with five minutes to spare. 522 00:18:51,950 --> 00:18:55,299 Stop clapping, you idiots! We gotta move, move, move! 523 00:18:55,319 --> 00:18:56,363 I love her. 524 00:19:01,165 --> 00:19:04,441 _ 525 00:19:04,721 --> 00:19:06,901 Yes! We did it! 526 00:19:06,927 --> 00:19:08,528 I can't believe we did it! 527 00:19:08,653 --> 00:19:10,774 Peralta, thank you 528 00:19:11,054 --> 00:19:12,660 for not quitting on me. 529 00:19:13,183 --> 00:19:15,201 Of course, sir. Go get 'em. 530 00:19:15,384 --> 00:19:17,337 Wait, wait! Just one more thing. 531 00:19:18,507 --> 00:19:20,148 Your first class mint? 532 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,359 I know how important this is to you. 533 00:19:22,374 --> 00:19:24,493 You know what really makes a trip first class? 534 00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:26,120 It's not the extra leg room 535 00:19:26,130 --> 00:19:28,056 - or the complimentary drinks... - Actually, Terry, 536 00:19:28,081 --> 00:19:29,296 we don't really have time for a speech right now. 537 00:19:29,304 --> 00:19:31,309 Fine, your breath sucks! Just pop it and go! 538 00:19:33,198 --> 00:19:34,585 It's good to be home. 539 00:19:34,969 --> 00:19:36,493 Uh-buh-buh-buh-buh! 540 00:19:36,905 --> 00:19:39,305 - Drink this instead. - A mimosa! 541 00:19:39,325 --> 00:19:41,268 Made with First Class Champagne. 542 00:19:41,521 --> 00:19:43,569 That's the brand name. It's from Arkansas. 543 00:19:43,604 --> 00:19:44,829 I hope it's good. 544 00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:47,798 - Hell yeah! - Really? 545 00:19:47,808 --> 00:19:50,234 No, it's terrible, but I really appreciate the thought. 546 00:19:50,258 --> 00:19:51,259 Oh, I'll take it. 547 00:19:51,294 --> 00:19:52,755 - Hey. - Hey. 548 00:19:53,461 --> 00:19:55,606 So, I didn't say anything about being bi, 549 00:19:55,616 --> 00:19:57,486 because I didn't think it was anybody's business. 550 00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:59,880 And I also didn't want anything to change. 551 00:19:59,961 --> 00:20:02,015 I get it. I'm sorry I was so nosy. 552 00:20:02,140 --> 00:20:05,106 It actually felt really good to tell somebody on the squad, finally. 553 00:20:05,916 --> 00:20:08,084 - I'm glad it was you. - All right. 554 00:20:08,209 --> 00:20:11,792 Also, now we go back to never talking about my love life again. 555 00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:14,580 Uh, request denied. Is her name Anne? Meredith? Kim? 556 00:20:14,613 --> 00:20:16,609 - Erica? Moana? - Captain Holt! 557 00:20:16,642 --> 00:20:19,119 It's official. My hat is in the ring for Commissioner. 558 00:20:20,612 --> 00:20:22,296 I still don't know how we're gonna deal with the 559 00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:26,768 - Murphy complication. - Two words: laser jails. 560 00:20:26,802 --> 00:20:29,310 - But, you know, we'll figure it out. - Nine-Nine! 561 00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:30,733 Nine-Nine! 562 00:20:30,766 --> 00:20:33,110 Not a doctor.