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Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com
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Amy Santiago, put down that melon,
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for you are about to feast your eyes
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on one of the most delicious
cases in the NYPD.
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I don't like the personality
I've chosen here.
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I do. You sound like Caesar Flickerman
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welcoming new "Hunger Games"
tributes to the Quarter Quell.
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- What's going on, Jake?
- In one week,
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you will officially become a sergeant.
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Which means this case
will be the last one
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we ever work together as detectives,
so it has to be perfect.
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I present to you a serial arson case.
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- Mm-hmm.
- And the fires seem to be
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connected to the Saturday
crossword puzzle.
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- Mama like.
- Two different buildings,
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two consecutive Saturdays,
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and a puzzle left at each crime scene,
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and a note was sent
to the puzzle's author,
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- Mr. Melvin Stermley.
- Melvin Stermley?
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He's the best in the game!
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He made a puzzle once
where all the answers
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were just the word "puzzle"
in different languages.
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- In Estonian, it was moistatus.
- Yeah, well, your moistatus
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is about to be hecka moist...
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don't call HR, we are getting married...
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because Melvin Stermley is coming in
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- to help us with the case!
- Sha-wing!
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Hey, I was going through your
calendar for some reason.
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- It's your job.
- Right.
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Anyhoobs, I wanted to remind
you about the commissioner
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candidate meet and greet,
and your presentation
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to the selection committee.
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Being that I am your campaign manager...
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- You are not.
- I did a little sleuthing
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on your rivals.
You want me to spill the beans?
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Why would you ever
intentionally spill beans?
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They're one of nature's most
densely packed protein sources,
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and they remain unsullied by flavor.
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Okay, forget it, I'll just mosey on out.
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Fine, fine, tell me everything.
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All right, have a seat. It's Gina time.
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Say hello to your compe-tish.
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Bryan McCann, John Kelly,
and John Kelly.
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Yes, that's right,
there are two John Kellys.
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How are these not the same man?
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You should see their wives.
Or should I say, wife.
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Good God, do you know what
their speeches are about?
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I do.
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"Staying the course."
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"Maintaining the course," and
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"Blazing a path to a new future."
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I'm kidding, it's
"Remaining on the course."
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Unbelievable, none of these men
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have any interest in advancing the NYPD.
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That's right, because they're dinosaurs.
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But do you know what kills dinosaurs?
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- Asteroids?
- No.
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You-steroids.
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You are going to kill these dinosaurs.
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Hey, hey dum-dum. What are you thinking?
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Introducing Amy to her celebrity crush?
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- Are you insane?
- Relax, Charles.
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It's not a crush, it's her
nerdy crossword puzzling hero.
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I mean, the guy's
got to be a massive dork.
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His name is Melvin Stermley,
for God's sake.
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Jake, he's here. Come meet Melvin.
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Hey, you can call me Vin.
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But, where is nerd?
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Whoa, is this a new detective car?
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It sure is, I put in the paperwork
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18 months ago, and got lucky.
They fast tracked it!
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Say hello to the Nine-Nine's
brand new, fully loaded,
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sweet-as-hell crime-crusher on wheels!
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Holy crap, it has a heads-up display
with built-in license plate reader.
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Who cares. It's got two burrito holders.
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- Those are cup holders, Scully.
- Oh yeah?
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Then what am I supposed
to use my thighs for, genius?
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Wait, who are you assigning
this car to, Sarge?
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Um, I was actually thinking
I'd get this one.
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- Seriously?
- You suck.
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Whoa, the heater in my detective car
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hasn't worked in two years.
I don't have enough body fat
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to keep warm, Terry's sick of shivering.
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Okay, just seems a little selfish
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to keep it for yourself
when your detectives,
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who you took an oath to protect,
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are stuck driving their crappy old cars.
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- Mine's the oldest.
- I've never felt so abandoned.
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And I was actually abandoned.
They found me in a swamp.
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Fine. We'll do a drawing for it.
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But until then, no one touches it.
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Oops, too late.
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I left a ranch handprint
on the windshield.
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Okay, so here are your puzzles
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from the days the arsonist set the fire.
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This is really good, Amy, thanks.
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Hey, so Vin, just curious.
Would you say you have
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the typical physique
of a puzzle maker, or?
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Well, each puzzle only pays
a couple hundred bucks,
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so I mostly make my money modeling.
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- Primarily swimwear.
- Yeah, I hear that.
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I could do that too, but I
make pretty good money here,
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so I don't really need to.
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Anyways, let's talk about the case.
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So here's the letter that
the arsonist sent to Vin.
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"Your clues I discombobulate
to teach you to conjugate,
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the fool who fails to validate
will watch as I conflagrate."
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It seems like he's using my
crossword to tell me something.
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Oh, maybe we should look
at anagrams of the answers.
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That's really good, "o nasty amiga!"
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Oh, what?
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He re-arranged the letters
of "Amy Santiago."
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He anagrammed me! Vin, do Jake Peralta.
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- I doubt that's even possible.
- Eat a jerk, pal.
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What, no one's ever said that phrase.
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I really think this anagram
approach makes a lot of sense.
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Seriously? Let's do it.
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I'll take even clues, you take odds.
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Great, and I will take
everyone's coffee order.
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- That's equally helpful.
- I don't drink coffee.
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- But I'd love a kombucha.
- Great, I'll just...
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walk to the kombucha store.
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- Everything okay?
- Yeah, of course.
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You can't wear a coat over a tank,
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- You're not Ryan Gosling.
- Feeling jealous, buddy?
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No, not at all.
I mean, I am a little surprised
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that somebody named Melvin
is so bodacious,
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but I feel that jealousy
is an ugly emotion.
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- That you are feeling.
- And I'm just glad
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that Amy is spending
some time with her hero.
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- Who is super hot.
- Charles, let it go.
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- And smart.
- I'm serious, stop.
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And hilarious.
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Eat a jerk, pal!
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So, how's it going in here?
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Vin, I see you're still coatless.
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- I run hot, like a wolf.
- Oh, I see.
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I wonder if the word "conjugate"
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in the arsonist's letter means we should
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00:05:09,259 --> 00:05:12,285
- focus on the verb answers.
- Cool, I love verbs.
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- Second favorite part of speech.
- After prepositions.
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Yeah, words are cool.
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But maybe we should switch gears a bit,
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and get back to some good
old-fashioned police work.
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- What are you thinking?
- Well, whoever's setting
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these fires is clearly trying
to humiliate Vin.
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You know, make a puzzle he can't solve.
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00:05:25,195 --> 00:05:26,995
So maybe we should focus
on people that don't like you.
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Jake has a point about motive.
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Maybe another puzzler
wants to take you down.
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00:05:30,134 --> 00:05:32,000
Well, if you're
looking for a puzzle head,
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I'm hosting a crossword night
at the Turnkey Bar tonight.
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Oh, I've always wanted to go there.
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That place is a total puzz-hang.
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Ah, gross, all right,
so we'll go undercover,
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chat some people up, and see
if we can't find our arsonist.
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- Good idea.
- Oh, Amy likes my plan.
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Great, so Vin, why don't we
just get this coat back on you,
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and I'll help you
get out of the door, here.
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And we'll see you tonight, okay, bye!
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- The best.
- Right?
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00:05:55,759 --> 00:05:57,292
Yeah!
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Wow, the competition
looks even older in person.
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What do you think these
dinosaurs are talking about?
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00:06:01,899 --> 00:06:03,398
Where to find "Matlock" reruns?
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Be professional, Gina.
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Like the homecare nurses
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00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,170
who will tuck them into bed tonight.
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00:06:09,406 --> 00:06:11,106
- Oh, hello, John.
- Raymond.
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I just want to say what an honor it is
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to be up for the same job
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as a man with your... experience.
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00:06:16,787 --> 00:06:17,874
Thank you.
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I paused suggestively
before I said "experience,"
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so he would know
it wasn't really a compliment.
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Who are you talking to?
I invented the pause.
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00:06:26,089 --> 00:06:28,657
Raymond Holt,
I'm Captain Olivia Crawford.
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I'm the new candidate for commissioner.
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00:06:30,602 --> 00:06:31,620
- Oh?
- Excuse me?
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Yeah, I replaced the other candidate.
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00:06:32,930 --> 00:06:34,930
He retired to spend more time
with his grandchildren.
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00:06:34,965 --> 00:06:37,099
Anyway, I just wanted to say
what a privilege it is
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to be up for the same job
as a man with your... tenure.
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00:06:41,905 --> 00:06:44,873
- Oh, damn, she paused, dude.
- In error, I am certain.
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Olivia, I may be older than you,
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but I am not some dinosaur
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intent on maintaining the status quo.
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00:06:49,246 --> 00:06:52,247
For example, I would add
a social media officer
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00:06:52,282 --> 00:06:54,060
- to every precinct.
- Interesting.
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00:06:54,638 --> 00:06:56,919
I plan on eliminating
precincts all together.
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00:06:56,954 --> 00:06:59,087
What, no precincts?
That's not how we do things.
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00:06:59,122 --> 00:07:01,587
That's exactly what
both John Kellys said.
193
00:07:02,793 --> 00:07:05,727
Oh no, she's the asteroid.
194
00:07:05,762 --> 00:07:08,185
And I don't want to say
you're a dinosaur, but...
195
00:07:08,581 --> 00:07:10,181
You're a dinosaur.
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00:07:10,334 --> 00:07:13,101
Wow, a whole crowd full of puzzlers.
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00:07:13,136 --> 00:07:14,970
Gotta be honest,
I'm a little disappointed
198
00:07:15,005 --> 00:07:16,839
no one's wearing a green suit
covered in question marks.
199
00:07:16,874 --> 00:07:18,440
That guy has crossword puzzle pants.
200
00:07:18,475 --> 00:07:21,743
- Does that scratch your itch?
- Very much so, thanks.
201
00:07:21,778 --> 00:07:24,025
All right, we should probably
start talking to people in line.
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00:07:24,481 --> 00:07:26,215
Pardon me there, fellow puzzler.
203
00:07:26,250 --> 00:07:28,016
What do you think of Melvin Stermley?
204
00:07:28,051 --> 00:07:29,885
Uh, you mean my future husband?
205
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:31,320
Oh, so you like his puzzles?
206
00:07:31,355 --> 00:07:33,755
And his face, body, and brain...
and body.
207
00:07:33,790 --> 00:07:34,890
Honestly, Vin makes all other men
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00:07:34,925 --> 00:07:36,725
seem really stupid and ugly.
209
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:37,960
Okay, well, thank you for your
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00:07:37,995 --> 00:07:39,551
very candid and hurtful input.
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00:07:39,863 --> 00:07:42,264
You must solve
one of Vin's puzzles to enter.
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00:07:42,299 --> 00:07:44,199
Rearrange the letters of this phrase
213
00:07:44,234 --> 00:07:46,101
to reveal a place in the world.
214
00:07:46,154 --> 00:07:48,803
"Meet a brainier stud, a."
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00:07:48,839 --> 00:07:51,139
Oh, come on, there's no place
with that many letters in it.
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00:07:51,174 --> 00:07:53,008
I mean, most places
are, like, four letters.
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00:07:53,043 --> 00:07:56,345
- You know, park, mall, dump...
- United Arab Emirates!
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00:07:56,380 --> 00:07:58,380
You may enter.
219
00:07:58,415 --> 00:08:00,515
Uh, you must each answer a puzzle.
220
00:08:00,550 --> 00:08:02,384
Oh... great.
221
00:08:02,419 --> 00:08:04,386
Unscramble the letters in this phrase
222
00:08:04,421 --> 00:08:07,289
to reveal the name of a film
based on a classic novel.
223
00:08:07,324 --> 00:08:10,158
- Okay.
- "Sad anus loser, I go in"
224
00:08:10,193 --> 00:08:12,828
You know, I feel like these puzzles
are actually very pointed.
225
00:08:12,863 --> 00:08:14,396
Forget it, I got this.
226
00:08:14,431 --> 00:08:16,398
Uh, A, R, uh...
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00:08:18,101 --> 00:08:19,434
Puzzle solved.
228
00:08:25,042 --> 00:08:27,350
Who's the anus loser now?
229
00:08:28,345 --> 00:08:30,507
It's still me.
230
00:08:30,847 --> 00:08:33,448
Okay, one of us is about to get access
231
00:08:33,483 --> 00:08:36,818
to the best detective car ever,
and everyone else
232
00:08:36,853 --> 00:08:38,787
will go back to driving junk cars
233
00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:40,222
for the rest of your junk lives.
234
00:08:40,257 --> 00:08:42,057
Damn, Sarge, that took a dark turn.
235
00:08:42,092 --> 00:08:44,231
I want seat warmers. I want them bad.
236
00:08:44,267 --> 00:08:45,394
I need this car too.
237
00:08:45,429 --> 00:08:47,429
I'm sick of riding my
Vespa to work every day.
238
00:08:47,464 --> 00:08:49,298
Well, being on the seat
behind you is no picnic either.
239
00:08:49,333 --> 00:08:51,666
All right, here it goes.
240
00:08:53,937 --> 00:08:56,004
What?
241
00:08:56,039 --> 00:08:59,241
Oh, my God, it says "Terry." I won!
242
00:08:59,276 --> 00:09:01,910
♪ Terry got a car, Terry got a car ♪
243
00:09:01,945 --> 00:09:03,245
No way. You cheated.
244
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:05,247
What? I didn't cheat.
245
00:09:05,282 --> 00:09:06,894
I bet every slip in there says Terry.
246
00:09:09,119 --> 00:09:11,053
He filled it full of fake people.
247
00:09:11,088 --> 00:09:13,322
- Who the hell is Norm?
- That's Scully's first name.
248
00:09:13,357 --> 00:09:15,123
- It is?
- Stop being sore losers.
249
00:09:15,158 --> 00:09:16,458
I won fair and square.
250
00:09:16,493 --> 00:09:18,126
No, you won unfair and un-square,
251
00:09:18,161 --> 00:09:20,195
- and I'm going to prove it.
- And if we can't,
252
00:09:20,230 --> 00:09:21,664
- we'll plant it.
- No.
253
00:09:22,032 --> 00:09:23,382
Charles, I need your help.
254
00:09:23,436 --> 00:09:24,967
What's the best way
to dry out a pant leg that's
255
00:09:25,002 --> 00:09:26,902
- been soaked in toilet water?
- Wait 28 minutes.
256
00:09:26,937 --> 00:09:28,837
Trust me, that's how long it
takes for toilet pants to dry.
257
00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:30,372
Well, I can't just be standing around
258
00:09:30,407 --> 00:09:32,307
for half an hour while
Amy chats it up with Vin.
259
00:09:32,342 --> 00:09:35,577
Ah, so it's not toilet water.
You're drenched in jealousy.
260
00:09:35,612 --> 00:09:38,612
I told you before, jealousy is an
ugly emotion that I don't feel.
261
00:09:38,648 --> 00:09:40,402
Besides, Amy picked
my plan to come here.
262
00:09:40,438 --> 00:09:41,569
Why would I be jealous of Vin?
263
00:09:41,605 --> 00:09:44,486
Because of his body, and
face, and brain... and body.
264
00:09:44,521 --> 00:09:46,121
Why does everybody say "body" twice?
265
00:09:46,156 --> 00:09:47,589
Oh, hang on a second.
266
00:09:47,624 --> 00:09:49,291
- Somebody's coming.
- Vin is on fire tonight.
267
00:09:49,326 --> 00:09:51,226
- He's phenomenal.
- No wonder the Saturday
268
00:09:51,261 --> 00:09:53,195
crossword replaced Sam with him.
269
00:09:53,230 --> 00:09:55,464
- Sam must be pissed.
- I heard the only place
270
00:09:55,499 --> 00:09:57,566
that buys his puzzles now
is "Parade" magazine.
271
00:09:57,601 --> 00:09:59,868
The hardest clue he had in his last one
272
00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:01,970
was a five-letter word for a game
273
00:10:02,005 --> 00:10:04,473
- popular in nursing homes.
- Bingo.
274
00:10:04,508 --> 00:10:06,041
I figured out who the arsonist is.
275
00:10:06,076 --> 00:10:08,076
It's this guy named Sam.
He's a puzzle maker.
276
00:10:08,111 --> 00:10:10,577
- And Vin took his job.
- Sam Jepson?
277
00:10:10,613 --> 00:10:11,670
Oh, he's not the arsonist.
278
00:10:11,706 --> 00:10:12,864
He's been out of town for weeks.
279
00:10:12,899 --> 00:10:14,033
And he's one of my closest friends.
280
00:10:14,069 --> 00:10:15,467
He let me stay on his couch
281
00:10:15,502 --> 00:10:16,901
when Anna Kournikova and I broke up.
282
00:10:16,936 --> 00:10:19,037
Well, I mean, she never won a major, so.
283
00:10:19,072 --> 00:10:21,039
All right, fine, if I'm so
wrong, what did you guys find?
284
00:10:21,074 --> 00:10:22,640
Both fires were located
285
00:10:22,675 --> 00:10:24,010
at the intersection of numbered streets.
286
00:10:24,046 --> 00:10:25,579
If you match those
intersections with the same
287
00:10:25,615 --> 00:10:27,682
intersections of the
numbered clues in the puzzles,
288
00:10:27,718 --> 00:10:29,256
you get the letters "MA".
289
00:10:29,292 --> 00:10:31,014
We think the arsonist
is spelling his name.
290
00:10:31,050 --> 00:10:33,851
We can build a puzzle around that,
and catch him setting his next fire.
291
00:10:33,887 --> 00:10:36,333
But we have a suspect
with a crystal clear motive.
292
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:38,737
I think we need to solve this
like cops, not puzzlers.
293
00:10:38,773 --> 00:10:40,573
I hear you, Jake.
But people who make crosswords
294
00:10:40,609 --> 00:10:42,176
love hiding their names
in their puzzles.
295
00:10:42,212 --> 00:10:43,578
It's our version of a self portrait.
296
00:10:43,614 --> 00:10:45,147
All right, you know what?
297
00:10:45,183 --> 00:10:47,217
Amy, it's your last case, you decide.
298
00:10:47,253 --> 00:10:49,032
Should we go with
Vin's wacky little plan,
299
00:10:49,068 --> 00:10:51,074
or should we go with Sam Jepson,
300
00:10:51,110 --> 00:10:53,009
my exceptionally solid lead?
301
00:10:53,045 --> 00:10:56,338
I see where you're coming from,
Jake, but this is Vin's world,
302
00:10:56,374 --> 00:10:58,374
and I think we should
go with his strategy.
303
00:10:58,410 --> 00:11:00,022
- Sound good?
- Yeah.
304
00:11:00,387 --> 00:11:02,888
- Yeah, sounds great.
- Okay, great.
305
00:11:02,924 --> 00:11:04,954
- Let's go.
- Yeah, let's go.
306
00:11:05,785 --> 00:11:08,386
Oh, no, ugly emotion.
307
00:11:11,368 --> 00:11:13,708
Okay, so we think the
arsonist is using the fires
308
00:11:13,744 --> 00:11:14,889
to spell out his name.
309
00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:15,992
The most common third letter
310
00:11:16,028 --> 00:11:18,521
in names that start with "MA"
are L for Malcolm,
311
00:11:18,557 --> 00:11:20,524
X for Max, R for Mark,
and T for Matthew.
312
00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:22,760
Or his name is Sam,
and he's spelling it backwards.
313
00:11:22,795 --> 00:11:23,933
Uh-huh.
314
00:11:24,463 --> 00:11:26,630
Let's just stick with the LXRT plan.
315
00:11:26,665 --> 00:11:28,466
- Copy that.
- Vin designed today's puzzle
316
00:11:28,501 --> 00:11:30,267
using only one of each of those letters.
317
00:11:30,302 --> 00:11:32,487
Isn't that the craziest
thing you've ever seen?
318
00:11:32,523 --> 00:11:33,622
I don't know, I mean, remember that time
319
00:11:33,658 --> 00:11:35,272
we investigated the
disappearance of Mrs. Jackson,
320
00:11:35,307 --> 00:11:37,241
and it turned out her
parrot ate her, bones and all?
321
00:11:37,276 --> 00:11:39,143
- That was pretty crazy.
- That was crazy.
322
00:11:39,178 --> 00:11:40,711
Yeah.
323
00:11:40,746 --> 00:11:42,513
So tonight, we'll stake
out the intersections
324
00:11:42,548 --> 00:11:44,749
that correspond to where
the L, X, R, and T are
325
00:11:44,784 --> 00:11:47,418
in Vin's puzzle, and hopefully
catch the arsonist in the act.
326
00:11:47,453 --> 00:11:50,621
I'll take the MAT corner,
you take the MAR corner,
327
00:11:50,656 --> 00:11:53,290
and we'll have patrolman
take the MAL and MAX.
328
00:11:53,325 --> 00:11:54,874
- Cool?
- Yep, very cool.
329
00:11:54,910 --> 00:11:56,544
Okay, great, I'll get
the surveillance equipment.
330
00:11:58,013 --> 00:11:59,282
Shame.
331
00:11:59,498 --> 00:12:01,298
Shame, shame, shame.
332
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,371
I can't believe you're doing Vin's plan.
333
00:12:03,407 --> 00:12:05,007
Will you relax? I'm only doing it
334
00:12:05,043 --> 00:12:06,451
because someone else
is going to do my plan.
335
00:12:06,487 --> 00:12:07,653
- Who?
- You.
336
00:12:07,689 --> 00:12:08,930
- Oh.
- While I'm busy watching
337
00:12:08,966 --> 00:12:10,126
nothing happen on my stupid corner,
338
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:11,195
you're going to stake
out Sam's apartment.
339
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,376
Then when he sets a fire,
Vin is going to look like a dummy.
340
00:12:13,412 --> 00:12:15,497
That's right, use the jealousy, Jake.
341
00:12:15,533 --> 00:12:17,477
It will give you unimaginable power.
342
00:12:17,513 --> 00:12:20,601
Yes, yes, I can feel it
coursing through my veins.
343
00:12:20,637 --> 00:12:21,703
- Oh, my hand cramped.
- Oh.
344
00:12:21,739 --> 00:12:22,910
Oh, it's stuck in a claw.
345
00:12:23,005 --> 00:12:24,505
- It's a claw now.
- Oh.
346
00:12:24,762 --> 00:12:27,208
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
What are you doing?
347
00:12:27,243 --> 00:12:29,143
You're snacking? This is from the guy
348
00:12:29,178 --> 00:12:30,945
who told me that eating finger foods
349
00:12:30,980 --> 00:12:32,446
was the one true sign of depression?
350
00:12:32,481 --> 00:12:34,148
Then watch me chew, Gina.
351
00:12:34,183 --> 00:12:36,350
I'm a creature of the past.
I'm a dinosaur.
352
00:12:36,385 --> 00:12:39,086
No, you are not, you're
the best man for the job.
353
00:12:39,121 --> 00:12:40,955
And I think you know what
you have to do to get it.
354
00:12:40,990 --> 00:12:43,745
Believe in myself
and give a great presentation?
355
00:12:43,781 --> 00:12:44,894
Not even close.
356
00:12:45,185 --> 00:12:48,329
That's the head of the committee
over there, gorging on crab cakes.
357
00:12:48,364 --> 00:12:50,198
Just go up to him and sabotage Olivia.
358
00:12:50,233 --> 00:12:51,418
Um...
359
00:12:51,691 --> 00:12:53,401
- I don't think I can do that.
- Well, you can't really be
360
00:12:53,436 --> 00:12:55,536
the best commissioner
the NYPD has ever had
361
00:12:55,571 --> 00:12:57,540
if you're not the commissioner.
362
00:12:58,597 --> 00:13:02,024
Right. You're right, I want this.
363
00:13:02,683 --> 00:13:05,246
And I will do good things for the city.
364
00:13:05,281 --> 00:13:07,548
Yes, you will. Now, get over there,
365
00:13:07,583 --> 00:13:10,943
and crap all over Olivia's ideas.
366
00:13:11,887 --> 00:13:14,389
- Patrick, nice to see you.
- Hello, Raymond.
367
00:13:15,451 --> 00:13:17,091
- Shall we small-talk?
- Mm.
368
00:13:17,126 --> 00:13:19,060
I've been thinking recently
about how vital
369
00:13:19,095 --> 00:13:21,562
the existence of precincts
is to the NYPD.
370
00:13:21,597 --> 00:13:23,715
Oh, you spoke to Crawford.
371
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:26,133
She's very forward thinking, isn't she?
372
00:13:26,168 --> 00:13:28,069
I suppose you could call it that.
373
00:13:28,104 --> 00:13:29,604
I mean, I wouldn't, but...
374
00:13:29,639 --> 00:13:32,225
Ray, you don't need to worry about her.
375
00:13:32,975 --> 00:13:37,345
Between you and me, we had to
nominate a girl for PR reasons.
376
00:13:37,663 --> 00:13:39,213
There's no way the NYPD
377
00:13:39,248 --> 00:13:41,709
is ready for a female commissioner.
378
00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:44,252
- Oh.
- Hey.
379
00:13:44,287 --> 00:13:46,053
Grab a crab cake before we start.
380
00:13:46,088 --> 00:13:48,044
Real crab, big chunks.
381
00:13:51,232 --> 00:13:53,494
Okay, no one saw Sarge
do anything suspicious
382
00:13:53,529 --> 00:13:55,329
on the day of the drawing.
We got nothing.
383
00:13:55,364 --> 00:13:57,871
Speak for yourself, sister.
We found a smoking gun.
384
00:13:57,907 --> 00:13:58,906
Play it, Hitchcock.
385
00:13:58,942 --> 00:14:00,100
- Voila.
- Bah-boom.
386
00:14:00,136 --> 00:14:02,103
- What, I don't see anything.
- Focus on the butt.
387
00:14:02,139 --> 00:14:04,848
- The butt don't lie.
- He squeezed his cheeks
388
00:14:04,884 --> 00:14:07,141
before he opened the slip.
He knew his name was on it.
389
00:14:07,176 --> 00:14:08,909
It was a pre-emptive celebration clench.
390
00:14:08,944 --> 00:14:11,178
I don't know, we need better
proof than a butt clench
391
00:14:11,213 --> 00:14:13,414
- to take down Terry.
- I did it, okay?
392
00:14:13,449 --> 00:14:16,617
I cheated. I wanted that car,
and I took it.
393
00:14:16,652 --> 00:14:19,287
And it's killing me.
I couldn't sleep all night.
394
00:14:19,322 --> 00:14:21,289
I just kept hearing the blinker.
395
00:14:21,324 --> 00:14:24,258
You-cheat, you-cheat, you-cheat.
396
00:14:24,293 --> 00:14:26,560
Here are the keys. Take the damn car.
397
00:14:26,595 --> 00:14:28,036
Terry doesn't deserve it.
398
00:14:28,865 --> 00:14:31,432
And that is why I became a cop.
399
00:14:33,102 --> 00:14:35,670
Hey, Charles, nothing's
happening on my MAR corner.
400
00:14:35,705 --> 00:14:38,406
- Any movement at Sam's place?
- No, I did, however, see
401
00:14:38,441 --> 00:14:40,941
a cool-looking dude in a ponytail
on a Razor scooter.
402
00:14:40,976 --> 00:14:42,610
I have to admit, I like the look.
403
00:14:42,645 --> 00:14:45,079
Is it possible I'm wrong,
and Sam is out of town?
404
00:14:45,114 --> 00:14:46,747
Vin's plan is actually kind of smart.
405
00:14:46,782 --> 00:14:49,583
- Jake, I have eyes on Sam.
- Yes, suck it, Vin.
406
00:14:49,618 --> 00:14:51,218
My judgment is clear, and I am a genius.
407
00:14:51,253 --> 00:14:52,453
Charles, I'll be right there.
408
00:14:52,671 --> 00:14:54,288
But enough about the crab cakes.
409
00:14:54,323 --> 00:14:57,258
Our first presentation tonight
410
00:14:57,293 --> 00:14:59,293
will be from the 99th precinct's
411
00:14:59,328 --> 00:15:01,162
Captain Raymond Holt. Raymond?
412
00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:06,968
Let me begin with a hilarious joke.
413
00:15:07,046 --> 00:15:09,202
I'm surprised I was on the
short list for commissioner.
414
00:15:09,521 --> 00:15:11,407
After all, I am six feet tall.
415
00:15:12,719 --> 00:15:15,721
Actually, what I have to say
tonight is no laughing matter.
416
00:15:15,757 --> 00:15:17,712
I was just told by a member
of the selection committee
417
00:15:17,747 --> 00:15:19,447
that they have no intention
418
00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:22,117
of ever choosing
a woman to run the NYPD.
419
00:15:22,343 --> 00:15:23,607
I suppose I should have been relieved,
420
00:15:23,643 --> 00:15:26,153
because Captain Crawford
is a damn qualified candidate.
421
00:15:26,188 --> 00:15:28,055
But as someone who has
been denied opportunity
422
00:15:28,090 --> 00:15:29,406
because of who I am,
423
00:15:30,259 --> 00:15:32,626
I cannot stand by and watch
it happen to someone else.
424
00:15:32,661 --> 00:15:35,529
So, I will be reserving my presentation
425
00:15:35,564 --> 00:15:37,998
for a selection committee
that will judge
426
00:15:38,033 --> 00:15:39,700
all of the candidates fairly.
427
00:15:40,091 --> 00:15:41,309
And let's be honest.
428
00:15:41,842 --> 00:15:43,425
The crab cakes were only so-so.
429
00:15:43,593 --> 00:15:45,009
Thank you.
430
00:15:46,617 --> 00:15:48,242
All right, talk to me, what's happening?
431
00:15:48,277 --> 00:15:50,778
- What's Sammy up to?
- Well, he just sat down
432
00:15:50,813 --> 00:15:52,947
- on the plaza.
- Okay, he's opening up
433
00:15:52,982 --> 00:15:56,250
his backpack and pulling out
what appears to be a thermos.
434
00:15:56,285 --> 00:15:58,786
Possibly containing some sort
of accelerant-like gasoline.
435
00:15:58,821 --> 00:16:00,554
- Yup.
- No, he's eating it
436
00:16:00,589 --> 00:16:02,456
with a spoon.
It's soup, he's eating soup.
437
00:16:02,491 --> 00:16:05,329
Well, maybe he's fueling up
for a night of starting fires.
438
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:06,760
He just pulled out a lighter!
439
00:16:06,796 --> 00:16:09,437
Nope, it's not a lighter.
It's a bumblebee PEZ dispenser.
440
00:16:09,473 --> 00:16:11,168
- Hmm.
- Ooh, he's making a phone call.
441
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:12,366
Quick, get the parabolic mic.
442
00:16:12,401 --> 00:16:15,269
Mom, I did something bad.
443
00:16:15,304 --> 00:16:17,138
Yeah, you set some fires.
444
00:16:17,173 --> 00:16:19,607
I proposed to Gretchen, and she said no.
445
00:16:19,642 --> 00:16:22,991
- So you set some fires.
- So, I left Myrtle Beach.
446
00:16:23,027 --> 00:16:24,761
Two weeks ago,
and then you set some fires.
447
00:16:24,797 --> 00:16:26,324
No, I got back home today.
448
00:16:26,935 --> 00:16:28,923
Yeah, all my fish were dead.
449
00:16:28,959 --> 00:16:30,255
Okay, so Sam didn't do it.
450
00:16:30,291 --> 00:16:31,846
I should probably get back to my corner.
451
00:16:31,882 --> 00:16:32,911
Just for the record,
452
00:16:32,947 --> 00:16:34,221
just because I was wrong about Sam,
453
00:16:34,256 --> 00:16:36,457
does not mean that Vin was right.
454
00:16:37,237 --> 00:16:41,072
Well, this is disappointing.
455
00:16:44,661 --> 00:16:46,513
I can't believe you left your post.
456
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:48,025
What, the plan wasn't yours,
457
00:16:48,061 --> 00:16:49,494
so you didn't think
it was worth following?
458
00:16:49,530 --> 00:16:51,530
Well, because of your juvenile behavior,
459
00:16:51,566 --> 00:16:53,433
one of our city's finest...
460
00:16:53,469 --> 00:16:56,070
abandoned lard factories
is now burned to the ground.
461
00:16:56,106 --> 00:16:58,240
My gut told me that Sam
Jepson was setting the fires.
462
00:16:58,276 --> 00:16:59,676
Although I now realize his actual life
463
00:16:59,712 --> 00:17:01,512
is much sadder than that
of a serial arsonist.
464
00:17:01,548 --> 00:17:03,281
But we agreed to do Vin's plan.
465
00:17:03,317 --> 00:17:05,100
So what? Vin is not a cop.
466
00:17:05,136 --> 00:17:06,852
Why do you keep siding
with him instead of me?
467
00:17:06,888 --> 00:17:08,334
Oh, let me guess, because he was right,
468
00:17:08,370 --> 00:17:09,670
and the building was on fire,
and he's perfect?
469
00:17:09,705 --> 00:17:11,905
Wait, are you jealous of Vin?
470
00:17:13,088 --> 00:17:14,057
Jake?
471
00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:16,410
All right, I didn't want to say anything
472
00:17:16,445 --> 00:17:18,646
because it's a gross emotion,
but yes, I am a little bit
473
00:17:18,681 --> 00:17:20,656
jealous of the super smart supermodel.
474
00:17:21,183 --> 00:17:22,683
This was our last case together.
475
00:17:22,719 --> 00:17:24,535
And you and him have
been joined at the hip.
476
00:17:24,787 --> 00:17:26,820
Or in his case, that super sexy V muscle
477
00:17:26,855 --> 00:17:28,422
that I don't understand how to tone.
478
00:17:28,457 --> 00:17:30,291
He told me, it's a lot
of bicycle crunches.
479
00:17:30,326 --> 00:17:31,825
Crunches on a bicycle?
480
00:17:31,860 --> 00:17:33,453
That's crazy,
you would just fall right off.
481
00:17:33,489 --> 00:17:36,591
Babe, you have no reason
to be jealous of him.
482
00:17:36,627 --> 00:17:38,014
I just...
483
00:17:38,634 --> 00:17:40,330
I don't want you to wake up one day
484
00:17:40,366 --> 00:17:43,435
and with that you were with
someone as smart as you are.
485
00:17:43,606 --> 00:17:45,539
I am with someone as smart as I am.
486
00:17:45,574 --> 00:17:46,674
You.
487
00:17:46,709 --> 00:17:48,306
You're a brilliant detective.
488
00:17:48,342 --> 00:17:50,176
I love the way you think.
489
00:17:50,379 --> 00:17:52,245
That's why I want to marry you.
490
00:17:53,849 --> 00:17:54,940
Marry me.
491
00:17:56,018 --> 00:17:58,319
Marry. Oh, my God, look.
492
00:17:58,354 --> 00:18:00,587
The arsonist spelled MAR,
but they were going to spell
493
00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:02,647
M-A-R-R-Y! Or...
494
00:18:02,958 --> 00:18:04,491
Conjugate. Conjugate means marry!
495
00:18:04,526 --> 00:18:06,128
Yes, and who wants to marry Vin?
496
00:18:06,164 --> 00:18:07,833
The lady from the bar!
497
00:18:08,070 --> 00:18:10,437
Hey, puzzle chick, unscramble this.
498
00:18:10,473 --> 00:18:12,544
You're going to "ailj."
499
00:18:14,495 --> 00:18:15,928
All right, Sarge. The car is yours.
500
00:18:15,963 --> 00:18:17,730
What? Why?
501
00:18:17,765 --> 00:18:19,898
- I don't deserve that car.
- I don't know about that.
502
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,267
I went back and watched the tapes
to figure out how you did it.
503
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:23,836
Right before the drawing,
504
00:18:23,871 --> 00:18:25,504
you got a peanut butter cup
out of the freezer.
505
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,439
The thing is, you don't
eat sugar past 4:00 p.m.
506
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:28,774
Could have been a cheat day.
507
00:18:28,809 --> 00:18:30,262
Oh, it was definitely a cheat day.
508
00:18:30,298 --> 00:18:31,643
You froze your slip of paper,
509
00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:33,045
so that when you pulled the name,
510
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:34,847
all you had to do was find the cold one.
511
00:18:34,882 --> 00:18:35,982
So.
512
00:18:36,242 --> 00:18:37,658
You thought the way I cheated
513
00:18:37,693 --> 00:18:39,385
was so cool, you gave me the car?
514
00:18:39,420 --> 00:18:40,953
Yeah, but also while
I was watching those tapes,
515
00:18:40,988 --> 00:18:42,588
I noticed all the nice crap
you do for people.
516
00:18:42,623 --> 00:18:43,956
You got Gina a cushion for her chair.
517
00:18:43,991 --> 00:18:45,858
You let Charles show you 130 pictures
518
00:18:45,893 --> 00:18:47,459
of Nikolaj brushing his teeth.
519
00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:49,027
You Heimlich'd Scully twice.
520
00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:51,465
- On the same peanut.
- I also solved a murder.
521
00:18:51,501 --> 00:18:53,328
Yeah, we all solve murders, but you,
522
00:18:54,034 --> 00:18:55,968
you let Hitchcock borrow
a pair of your socks,
523
00:18:56,003 --> 00:18:57,513
because his somehow disintegrated.
524
00:18:57,549 --> 00:18:59,349
Anyway, I'm sorry I guilted you
in the first place.
525
00:18:59,385 --> 00:19:01,685
- You deserve that car.
- Thanks, Diaz.
526
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:04,676
How did you get Hitchcock
and Scully to agree to this?
527
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,612
I washed their car and
told them it was a new one.
528
00:19:06,648 --> 00:19:08,013
They're napping in it right now.
529
00:19:08,048 --> 00:19:09,352
Smart!
530
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:13,318
- Hello, Captain Holt.
- Ah, Captain Crawford.
531
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,686
To what do I owe the pleasure?
532
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:16,488
Captain Crawford is here to see you.
533
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:17,681
Thank you, Gina.
534
00:19:18,859 --> 00:19:21,677
So, it would seem that
we have become frenemies.
535
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,596
- Do you know what that means?
- Are you trying to imply
536
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:26,398
that I'm too old to
understand a portmanteau?
537
00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:30,002
I am not, but I am
too dignified to use one.
538
00:19:30,037 --> 00:19:31,230
Friend-enemy.
539
00:19:31,266 --> 00:19:33,552
I just wanted to thank you,
for your brave speech.
540
00:19:33,588 --> 00:19:34,860
The mayor's office has replaced
541
00:19:34,896 --> 00:19:37,568
the selection committee
with a less biased one, so.
542
00:19:37,911 --> 00:19:39,878
Feel free to start calling
me commissioner now.
543
00:19:39,913 --> 00:19:41,447
The only time I plan on calling you
544
00:19:41,482 --> 00:19:42,714
is to hear you concede.
545
00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:44,016
It's going to be hard to hear anything
546
00:19:44,051 --> 00:19:45,784
once I've crushed you
into a fine powder.
547
00:19:45,819 --> 00:19:48,280
A fine powder that will
choke you until you die.
548
00:19:48,727 --> 00:19:50,669
May the better candidate win.
549
00:19:51,288 --> 00:19:52,520
She will.
550
00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:56,724
Captain Crawford left.
551
00:19:58,131 --> 00:19:59,465
So, we brought her in this morning,
552
00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:00,933
and she confessed immediately.
553
00:20:00,968 --> 00:20:03,836
Hi, Vin, I love you!
Did you see my fires?
554
00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:05,437
Turned out, she was writing something.
555
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:08,707
Specifically, "marry me,
or else I will kill you.
556
00:20:08,742 --> 00:20:10,375
Yours forever, Helen Gorbelson."
557
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:13,111
- Wow, that's so many fires.
- So many fires.
558
00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:15,647
Thank you for catching her.
With a brilliant puzzling mind
559
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:17,549
like yours on the case,
it was only a matter of time.
560
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:18,951
Actually, Jake solved it.
561
00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:20,788
He's kind of a genius with this stuff.
562
00:20:20,824 --> 00:20:21,986
Oh, thank you, then.
563
00:20:22,022 --> 00:20:23,033
Couldn't have done it without your help.
564
00:20:23,069 --> 00:20:24,316
So I guess that's that.
565
00:20:24,352 --> 00:20:25,557
I should probably run
if I'm going to make it
566
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,289
to the Javits Center by four.
567
00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:29,356
They're making a mold of me for
the upcoming Bodies Exhibit.
568
00:20:29,392 --> 00:20:31,793
As they should, your body is great.
569
00:20:31,829 --> 00:20:33,495
- And that's okay.
- Thanks, man.
570
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,100
You should join me
for a puzzle night sometime.
571
00:20:35,135 --> 00:20:36,389
- Oh.
- No!
572
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,537
Jake is taken. He already has a friend.
573
00:20:38,572 --> 00:20:40,105
Hang out offer declined.
574
00:20:40,140 --> 00:20:41,940
Now let's strut your
centerfold ass out of here.
575
00:20:43,494 --> 00:20:47,494
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com