1
00:00:11,708 --> 00:00:13,795
I'm here! I'm here, I'm here.
2
00:00:14,664 --> 00:00:15,898
You can start the meeting now.
3
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:16,866
The meeting is over. You're late.
4
00:00:16,901 --> 00:00:19,168
You missed roll call and the tutorial
5
00:00:19,203 --> 00:00:20,503
on using the new copiers.
6
00:00:20,538 --> 00:00:22,311
Six years, and no matter how hard I try,
7
00:00:22,347 --> 00:00:24,204
I still can't get you to understand
the importance of being punctual.
8
00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:25,922
Maybe you should just give up
and accept me for who I am?
9
00:00:25,958 --> 00:00:27,409
No, I will break you.
10
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:28,462
- Right now.
- Oh.
11
00:00:28,498 --> 00:00:29,802
While you were out being tardy,
12
00:00:29,838 --> 00:00:31,871
I was hard at work
devising a special punishment.
13
00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:34,738
I've crafted an intricate
personal high five
14
00:00:34,774 --> 00:00:36,419
with everyone in this office except you.
15
00:00:36,455 --> 00:00:37,787
What? But you hate high fives.
16
00:00:37,822 --> 00:00:40,122
Yes, every minute of it was hell.
17
00:00:40,157 --> 00:00:42,506
But it'll be worse for you.
Squad, dismissed.
18
00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:44,343
Good-bye, Diaz.
19
00:00:45,696 --> 00:00:46,995
Salute into a fanny waggle?
20
00:00:47,030 --> 00:00:49,731
- Good-bye, Boyle.
- Oh, the snake charmer!
21
00:00:49,766 --> 00:00:50,955
Good-bye, Jeffords.
22
00:00:52,248 --> 00:00:54,102
- That's a butt bump.
- Good-bye, Santiago.
23
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,071
Double fist bump reverse explosion
24
00:00:56,106 --> 00:00:57,906
into a Pete Townshend strum.
25
00:00:59,403 --> 00:01:01,977
All right, that was terrible, but
it's over now, and I made it through.
26
00:01:02,012 --> 00:01:03,045
Good-bye, Leonard from Xerox.
27
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,547
What? No, no, no.
28
00:01:05,582 --> 00:01:06,682
The copy guy?
29
00:01:20,199 --> 00:01:24,199
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com
30
00:01:26,742 --> 00:01:28,149
So nice of you to stop by, Kevin.
31
00:01:28,185 --> 00:01:29,604
Enjoy your day. I hope it's productive.
32
00:01:29,639 --> 00:01:31,909
Thank you, Raymond.
I hope your day is productive as well.
33
00:01:32,942 --> 00:01:34,775
PDA in the office? My, my.
34
00:01:34,810 --> 00:01:36,211
- Couldn't help myself.
- Hmm.
35
00:01:36,246 --> 00:01:39,167
Oh, may I please use the precinct
facilities before I head to work?
36
00:01:39,203 --> 00:01:40,636
Yes. Thank you for
asking for permission.
37
00:01:40,672 --> 00:01:41,686
Thank you for granting it.
38
00:01:46,422 --> 00:01:48,388
- Whoomp.
- There it is!
39
00:01:48,424 --> 00:01:50,665
Got to say, I could have used
a little more oomph on the whoomp.
40
00:01:50,701 --> 00:01:51,826
That's the oomphiest whoomp you'll get.
41
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,268
So what's going on? Why'd you
want to meet in private?
42
00:01:53,304 --> 00:01:54,344
I need your help with a case.
43
00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:55,613
Three antique coins were stolen
44
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:56,878
from my classics department at Columbia.
45
00:01:56,914 --> 00:01:58,767
So why not ask Captain Holt
for help on the case?
46
00:01:58,803 --> 00:02:00,315
Wait, are you guys getting a divorce?
47
00:02:00,877 --> 00:02:01,901
I can handle it.
48
00:02:01,937 --> 00:02:03,470
This doesn't bring up
any weird issues for me.
49
00:02:03,506 --> 00:02:04,618
No, it's nothing like that.
50
00:02:04,654 --> 00:02:05,821
Raymond's a brilliant detective.
51
00:02:05,857 --> 00:02:07,194
It's just when a case involves me,
52
00:02:07,230 --> 00:02:09,161
he can get a little overemotional.
53
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:11,844
- You remember the safe house.
- Oh, yeah, he went crazy.
54
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,480
But I also remember you and me
becoming best friends
55
00:02:13,515 --> 00:02:15,190
and watching every Nic Cage
movie ever made.
56
00:02:15,226 --> 00:02:17,718
- Can you still quote them all?
- No, I purged myself of that nonsense.
57
00:02:17,753 --> 00:02:18,842
- Oh, I bet it's still in there.
- It's not.
58
00:02:18,878 --> 00:02:19,786
- We'll see.
- We won't.
59
00:02:19,821 --> 00:02:20,889
- There's a chance it's in there.
- Chance of zero.
60
00:02:20,925 --> 00:02:22,319
I'd put money that maybe it's there.
61
00:02:22,355 --> 00:02:23,869
- You're losing your money.
- Okay.
62
00:02:24,091 --> 00:02:25,428
- So will you help me?
- I don't know.
63
00:02:25,464 --> 00:02:26,798
I want to, but keeping
a secret from Holt?
64
00:02:26,834 --> 00:02:27,857
- That's a lot of pressure.
- Hmm.
65
00:02:27,893 --> 00:02:29,005
Am I remembering correctly?
66
00:02:29,041 --> 00:02:31,297
Don't you... eat pressure for breakfast?
67
00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:34,133
Nic Cage in "The Rock."
68
00:02:34,168 --> 00:02:36,235
We are best friends. I am so in!
69
00:02:36,270 --> 00:02:38,192
Oh, no, that's Raymond.
70
00:02:38,228 --> 00:02:39,188
That's how he opens a door.
71
00:02:39,224 --> 00:02:40,234
Kevin, are you still in here?
72
00:02:40,270 --> 00:02:41,964
Uh, yes, Raymond, I'm in the stall.
73
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,312
Some tickets were just released
74
00:02:43,348 --> 00:02:45,571
for Mahler's Fourth Symphony
this weekend.
75
00:02:45,607 --> 00:02:47,106
Great. That sounds great. Let's do it.
76
00:02:47,142 --> 00:02:49,230
Fantastic. Now, which section
do you prefer?
77
00:02:49,266 --> 00:02:50,372
The first tier,
78
00:02:50,818 --> 00:02:53,195
the second tier, the third tier...
79
00:02:53,231 --> 00:02:54,176
The first tier.
80
00:02:54,212 --> 00:02:55,844
Now, which section of the first tier?
81
00:02:56,523 --> 00:03:00,680
Right, left, right center, center...
82
00:03:00,716 --> 00:03:01,726
Just any section is fine.
83
00:03:01,761 --> 00:03:03,106
Any section, wow.
84
00:03:03,142 --> 00:03:04,696
Someone had pepper
on their eggs this morning.
85
00:03:04,731 --> 00:03:06,665
I'll buy the tickets.
86
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:08,134
Any section.
87
00:03:09,436 --> 00:03:10,876
Guys, horrible news.
88
00:03:10,912 --> 00:03:12,842
The fridge broke this morning.
Everything's warm.
89
00:03:12,878 --> 00:03:14,177
Doesn't seem like that big a deal.
90
00:03:14,213 --> 00:03:15,747
- Your yogurt's spoiled.
- Who did this?
91
00:03:15,783 --> 00:03:17,658
Okay, everyone calm down.
92
00:03:17,694 --> 00:03:19,505
I will put a request in
for a new fridge.
93
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:20,579
Good luck getting that approved.
94
00:03:20,615 --> 00:03:21,885
Commissioner Kelly's already
slashed our budget
95
00:03:21,921 --> 00:03:22,974
within an inch of its life.
96
00:03:23,010 --> 00:03:24,893
Yeah, the toilet paper's
only one ply now.
97
00:03:24,929 --> 00:03:26,674
- My butt hurts all the time.
- The AC is broken.
98
00:03:26,710 --> 00:03:27,910
My butt hurts all the time.
99
00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:29,346
Scully's butt hurts all the time.
100
00:03:29,382 --> 00:03:30,394
All right, guys, we get it.
101
00:03:30,430 --> 00:03:32,109
It's just that lunch
is the one part of the day
102
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,578
Commissioner Kelly hadn't ruined.
103
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:35,525
People are pissed.
Morale's really taken a hit.
104
00:03:35,561 --> 00:03:37,019
Okay, I got this.
105
00:03:37,629 --> 00:03:39,520
Hey, squad. Lunch is on me today.
106
00:03:39,556 --> 00:03:41,031
Taking everyone out for pizza.
107
00:03:42,568 --> 00:03:44,134
And that's how you improve morale.
108
00:03:44,169 --> 00:03:46,437
Okay. You're not the only
sergeant around here.
109
00:03:46,472 --> 00:03:47,480
Let me help.
110
00:03:47,939 --> 00:03:50,173
This side of the room, lunch is on me,
111
00:03:50,208 --> 00:03:52,347
and we're getting something
better than pizza.
112
00:03:52,611 --> 00:03:53,644
Sushi!
113
00:03:55,481 --> 00:03:56,880
Are you trying to outdo me?
114
00:03:56,915 --> 00:03:58,021
No, no, no.
115
00:03:58,643 --> 00:04:00,539
Just trying to raise morale.
116
00:04:01,253 --> 00:04:02,720
Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
117
00:04:02,755 --> 00:04:05,291
Morale, morale, morale. Okay.
118
00:04:05,623 --> 00:04:07,857
Wow, so this is your classroom.
119
00:04:07,892 --> 00:04:09,024
What's today's lecture about?
120
00:04:09,059 --> 00:04:10,693
I know you don't care about that.
121
00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:11,828
Just ask me what you want to ask me.
122
00:04:11,863 --> 00:04:13,159
Can I play with your laser pointer?
123
00:04:13,195 --> 00:04:15,463
You know, the laser pointer
is a bit of a misnomer.
124
00:04:15,836 --> 00:04:18,336
It is simply a laser.
The pointer is you.
125
00:04:19,136 --> 00:04:20,670
- That was awesome.
- Take it for a spin.
126
00:04:20,705 --> 00:04:22,905
Don't mind if I do.
Good afternoon, class.
127
00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:25,775
Allow me to make my first... point.
128
00:04:25,810 --> 00:04:27,910
- Very impressive.
- Thank you very much, Kevin.
129
00:04:27,945 --> 00:04:29,879
But I do have five additional
points to make.
130
00:04:29,914 --> 00:04:32,749
Chair, chair, wall, chair,
131
00:04:32,784 --> 00:04:35,060
Captain Holt. Captain Holt? No.
132
00:04:35,498 --> 00:04:38,653
Yes, that was a delicious lunch, Gary!
133
00:04:38,688 --> 00:04:40,822
And I agree, our group does seem happier
134
00:04:40,857 --> 00:04:42,128
than it was before.
135
00:04:42,164 --> 00:04:43,409
Oh, the pizza was that good?
136
00:04:43,445 --> 00:04:46,363
Pizza? Right, that's what
I said we were getting
137
00:04:46,399 --> 00:04:48,898
before we decided to uh-snazz it up.
138
00:04:48,934 --> 00:04:50,499
Oh, you guys snazzed?
139
00:04:50,534 --> 00:04:53,302
Yeah, we snazzed all the way
to La Petite Creperie.
140
00:04:53,337 --> 00:04:54,970
I thought we couldn't say "snazz."
141
00:04:55,005 --> 00:04:57,339
Oh, no, I was thinking of [bleep].
142
00:04:57,374 --> 00:04:58,607
We can't say [bleep]. Carry on.
143
00:04:58,642 --> 00:05:00,309
Tell 'em how good it was, Rosa.
144
00:05:00,344 --> 00:05:02,332
Tell 'em how high our morale is.
145
00:05:02,546 --> 00:05:04,346
- High.
- Oh, stop gushing, girl.
146
00:05:04,381 --> 00:05:05,886
I think it's so interesting
147
00:05:05,922 --> 00:05:07,950
you guys didn't stick
to your original plan,
148
00:05:07,985 --> 00:05:09,736
because neither did we.
149
00:05:09,772 --> 00:05:11,161
What? Why?
150
00:05:11,197 --> 00:05:13,035
Oh, you don't think we knew
you were gonna snazz?
151
00:05:13,071 --> 00:05:16,057
We saw your snazz coming a mile away.
152
00:05:16,092 --> 00:05:17,859
That's why I took my team out
153
00:05:17,894 --> 00:05:20,328
for some big, juicy steaks, and...
154
00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:21,863
♪ Mashed potatoes ♪
155
00:05:21,898 --> 00:05:24,966
♪ And some spinach
and some key lime pie ♪
156
00:05:25,001 --> 00:05:26,403
- Thank you, Heather.
- Mm-hmm.
157
00:05:26,439 --> 00:05:27,837
Well, that doesn't sound
better than crepes.
158
00:05:27,873 --> 00:05:28,970
It is. Terry wins.
159
00:05:29,005 --> 00:05:30,806
We know. We were at both lunches.
160
00:05:30,841 --> 00:05:33,074
How? They were simultaneous
and two miles apart.
161
00:05:33,109 --> 00:05:34,910
It was free food. Life finds a way.
162
00:05:34,945 --> 00:05:36,144
Okay, but you can't win
163
00:05:36,179 --> 00:05:37,579
because it wasn't a competition.
164
00:05:37,614 --> 00:05:38,613
So let's make it a competition.
165
00:05:38,648 --> 00:05:39,998
Same groups tomorrow?
166
00:05:40,034 --> 00:05:41,801
Okay, but let's agree at the end of this
167
00:05:41,837 --> 00:05:43,369
- that we'll still be friends.
- No deal.
168
00:05:43,405 --> 00:05:44,904
Good! 'Cause I didn't mean it anyway.
169
00:05:45,142 --> 00:05:46,703
Hello, sir. How'd you find us out?
170
00:05:46,739 --> 00:05:47,905
Mahler's Fourth Symphony.
171
00:05:47,941 --> 00:05:49,589
He'd never sit in just any section.
172
00:05:49,625 --> 00:05:50,992
I might. I'm flexible.
173
00:05:51,027 --> 00:05:53,563
Oh, really? You'd sit center left?
174
00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:55,287
In timpani alley?
175
00:05:55,323 --> 00:05:57,076
I'll purchase those tickets right away.
176
00:06:02,538 --> 00:06:03,938
No, don't! Fine.
177
00:06:03,973 --> 00:06:05,306
Jake is helping me with a burglary
178
00:06:05,341 --> 00:06:06,451
here at the university,
179
00:06:06,487 --> 00:06:08,343
and I asked him not to tell you.
180
00:06:08,378 --> 00:06:10,511
- Is this about St. Augustine?
- Yes.
181
00:06:10,546 --> 00:06:11,779
- What's going on?
- He's embarrassed of me.
182
00:06:11,814 --> 00:06:13,033
Last Christmas,
183
00:06:13,069 --> 00:06:14,758
the classics department
threw a holiday party.
184
00:06:14,794 --> 00:06:18,603
I had one drink too many
and utterly humiliated myself.
185
00:06:18,721 --> 00:06:20,488
And that was the point
St. Augustine was making
186
00:06:20,523 --> 00:06:21,689
in "Consolation of Philosophy."
187
00:06:22,106 --> 00:06:23,767
Yeah, sounds super humiliating,
188
00:06:23,803 --> 00:06:24,769
saying something smart.
189
00:06:24,805 --> 00:06:27,227
Smart? I confused
St. Augustine with Boethius.
190
00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:28,562
I might as well have stepped on a rake
191
00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,063
and bonked myself on the forehead.
192
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,131
The problem wasn't what you said.
193
00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:33,126
It was that Dean Allister
pointed out your mistake,
194
00:06:33,162 --> 00:06:34,426
and you lost your damned mind.
195
00:06:34,462 --> 00:06:37,169
I misremembered it because
I'm reading both simultaneously.
196
00:06:37,205 --> 00:06:38,973
One book is too few for me.
197
00:06:39,008 --> 00:06:39,974
Where is everyone going?
198
00:06:41,309 --> 00:06:42,943
It was quite the kerfuffle.
199
00:06:42,978 --> 00:06:45,245
The problem is, is that I get
flustered and defensive
200
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,439
because I know how they all see me:
201
00:06:47,883 --> 00:06:51,051
as Kevin's working-class bimbo.
202
00:06:51,086 --> 00:06:52,586
I can't imagine that's what they think.
203
00:06:52,622 --> 00:06:53,726
- It is.
- Really?
204
00:06:53,762 --> 00:06:55,095
Obviously I know that they're wrong,
205
00:06:55,409 --> 00:06:56,742
but they put you in your own head,
206
00:06:56,778 --> 00:06:57,852
and you're not yourself around them.
207
00:06:57,888 --> 00:06:59,487
I'm sorry, I was just
trying to protect you.
208
00:06:59,523 --> 00:07:01,693
Yes, of course, thank you
for saving me from myself.
209
00:07:01,729 --> 00:07:02,762
Now, if you'll excuse me,
210
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:05,289
I'll just go sit by the pool
and read some fiction...
211
00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:07,920
like the bimbo that I am.
212
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:12,105
There's a pool here?
213
00:07:14,138 --> 00:07:15,436
Sir, wait.
214
00:07:15,472 --> 00:07:18,104
Oh! Wasn't expecting
to catch up to you so fast.
215
00:07:18,140 --> 00:07:19,607
I don't know what to say now.
I thought I was gonna have
216
00:07:19,643 --> 00:07:21,777
more running time
to formulate it. Oh, I know!
217
00:07:21,813 --> 00:07:23,479
I'm sorry that we kept the
case a secret from you.
218
00:07:23,514 --> 00:07:24,781
Oh, I understand why you did.
219
00:07:24,816 --> 00:07:26,449
The truth is, ever since I met Kevin,
220
00:07:26,484 --> 00:07:28,284
I've felt insecure in his world.
221
00:07:28,319 --> 00:07:31,454
I can't compete with these
highly educated academics.
222
00:07:31,489 --> 00:07:32,621
I worry every day
223
00:07:32,656 --> 00:07:35,590
that I'll make one
St. Augustine slip too many,
224
00:07:35,625 --> 00:07:37,834
and he'll realize...
225
00:07:38,495 --> 00:07:40,064
- I'm beneath him.
- This is insane.
226
00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,632
You're the smartest person I know.
227
00:07:41,668 --> 00:07:43,833
I'll explain it to you.
Among Kevin's peers,
228
00:07:43,868 --> 00:07:45,534
- I'm a Jake.
- No, no, no, no, no.
229
00:07:45,569 --> 00:07:47,036
I refuse to live in a world
where you're the Jake,
230
00:07:47,071 --> 00:07:49,432
because if you're the Jake,
what does that make me?
231
00:07:49,468 --> 00:07:50,834
- The Charles?
- The Hitchcock.
232
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:53,031
The Hitchcock? Oh, my God.
233
00:07:53,067 --> 00:07:55,543
You dropped down so many more
levels than I was expecting.
234
00:07:55,579 --> 00:07:57,446
Okay, you know what? Screw this.
235
00:07:57,481 --> 00:07:58,523
You are so smart,
236
00:07:58,559 --> 00:07:59,858
and we're gonna prove it
to those professors.
237
00:07:59,894 --> 00:08:01,060
You're gonna work this case,
238
00:08:01,096 --> 00:08:02,630
and you're gonna find those coins.
239
00:08:03,587 --> 00:08:05,954
Well, I suppose
it would be nice to show them
240
00:08:05,989 --> 00:08:08,356
I'm more than just a hot,
dumb piece of ass.
241
00:08:08,391 --> 00:08:09,858
Yes! That's the spirit.
242
00:08:09,893 --> 00:08:11,226
Now get that hot ass moving,
243
00:08:11,261 --> 00:08:12,460
'cause we've got a crime to solve.
244
00:08:12,495 --> 00:08:14,095
Peralta, please, have some decorum.
245
00:08:14,130 --> 00:08:15,563
What? I was just using your words.
246
00:08:15,598 --> 00:08:17,298
Look, you teach people
the way you want to be treated.
247
00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:18,455
That's what Dr. Phil says.
248
00:08:19,002 --> 00:08:21,560
Okay, lunchtime starts in ten minutes.
249
00:08:21,596 --> 00:08:23,570
Whichever team wins gets recorded
250
00:08:23,606 --> 00:08:25,140
on the Whiteboard of Victory.
251
00:08:25,175 --> 00:08:26,574
The winner will be decided
by our judges,
252
00:08:26,609 --> 00:08:28,010
Hitchcock and Scully.
253
00:08:28,046 --> 00:08:29,643
Oh, my God, are we
high status, Hitchcock?
254
00:08:29,679 --> 00:08:31,445
- I think so.
- What a world.
255
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:32,547
Ah, well, good luck.
256
00:08:32,583 --> 00:08:34,186
I'm sure you know
all the best places to eat
257
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,327
since you've reached
Elite status on Yelp.
258
00:08:36,363 --> 00:08:37,636
Oh, wait, that was me.
259
00:08:37,672 --> 00:08:38,704
Oh, because Yelp reviewers
260
00:08:38,740 --> 00:08:40,311
are sane people with great taste?
261
00:08:40,347 --> 00:08:42,990
Oh, sorry, couldn't hear you
over GourmetGlen12 saying
262
00:08:43,025 --> 00:08:44,992
that my review of the duck skin
at the Hearth and Feather
263
00:08:45,027 --> 00:08:46,427
was helpful.
264
00:08:46,462 --> 00:08:49,497
Come on, Team Jeffords. It's chow time.
265
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,600
We have a cool thing to say too.
266
00:08:52,635 --> 00:08:55,221
Team Santiago, let's lunch-a-bunch!
267
00:08:55,257 --> 00:08:57,398
- No, I don't say that.
- Come on, Rosa, please?
268
00:08:57,940 --> 00:08:58,939
Let's lunch-a-bunch.
269
00:08:58,974 --> 00:09:00,140
Aha, Rosa said it!
270
00:09:00,175 --> 00:09:01,642
Did you hear that? Did you hear it?
271
00:09:01,677 --> 00:09:04,576
- Ah, Dean Allister?
- Policeman Raymond.
272
00:09:05,076 --> 00:09:07,077
Good to see you.
273
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:09,147
Read any interesting magazines lately?
274
00:09:09,183 --> 00:09:10,716
This again? I was waiting for Kevin,
275
00:09:10,752 --> 00:09:12,919
I had finished my book,
and I happened to glance
276
00:09:12,955 --> 00:09:15,789
at an issue of "The Economist"
that someone left lying about.
277
00:09:15,825 --> 00:09:17,826
All I remember is you becoming unhinged.
278
00:09:17,862 --> 00:09:19,795
The only reason I
picked it up was to swat a fly.
279
00:09:19,831 --> 00:09:20,998
I mean, I'm not crazy.
280
00:09:21,034 --> 00:09:23,134
Why are there always flowers here?
281
00:09:23,170 --> 00:09:26,005
So is policeman Raymond
joining the case?
282
00:09:26,041 --> 00:09:27,507
Actually, he's leading it.
283
00:09:27,543 --> 00:09:29,343
Captain Holt is the finest investigator
284
00:09:29,379 --> 00:09:30,682
I've ever worked with.
285
00:09:30,718 --> 00:09:32,544
Sir, tell him our plan of action.
286
00:09:38,875 --> 00:09:40,547
- Clues.
- Okay, you're freezing up.
287
00:09:40,582 --> 00:09:42,049
I'm just gonna take the wheel for now.
288
00:09:42,084 --> 00:09:43,450
There were no signs of forced entry,
289
00:09:43,485 --> 00:09:45,185
the only people with access
to the archives
290
00:09:45,220 --> 00:09:46,486
were the professors in the department,
291
00:09:46,521 --> 00:09:48,919
and they all have alibis, which means...
292
00:09:49,926 --> 00:09:51,440
I don't know what you want me to say.
293
00:09:51,476 --> 00:09:52,965
Okay, that's my fault
for throwing it to you again.
294
00:09:53,001 --> 00:09:54,661
Which means we need to examine
the crime scene.
295
00:09:54,697 --> 00:09:55,957
It is there that we will find
296
00:09:55,993 --> 00:09:58,897
what Captain Holt has
so eloquently described as...
297
00:10:00,711 --> 00:10:01,743
Clues?
298
00:10:01,779 --> 00:10:03,103
Sir, you just said it.
299
00:10:03,863 --> 00:10:05,571
Cupcakes up, everyone.
300
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,388
Heather, you already ate yours?
301
00:10:07,424 --> 00:10:09,091
The point is to eat it in their faces.
302
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,213
- Honk, honk, bitches.
- What the hell?
303
00:10:14,248 --> 00:10:16,534
We rented a party limo, drove
to Coney Island for hot dogs,
304
00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:18,182
and then did karaoke the entire time.
305
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:20,401
I sang "It Wasn't Me"
by Shaggy. Crushed it.
306
00:10:20,437 --> 00:10:21,821
But that's not even about lunch!
307
00:10:21,857 --> 00:10:23,210
- It's...
- An experience.
308
00:10:23,246 --> 00:10:24,611
- Team Amy wins.
- What?
309
00:10:24,647 --> 00:10:26,548
How did you get there?
You were just with us.
310
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,617
- Scully was with them.
- Free food.
311
00:10:28,653 --> 00:10:30,654
Great cupcake, Sarge.
312
00:10:30,690 --> 00:10:33,579
- But Amy still wins.
- Eat snazz, losers!
313
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,436
Okay, so there were no witnesses,
314
00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:38,455
no cameras, and no prints.
315
00:10:38,491 --> 00:10:40,124
In other words, we have nothing.
316
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,274
That's what you get when you
put a bimbo on the case.
317
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,443
Okay, well, let's not give up
all hope just yet.
318
00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:45,593
We do know some things.
319
00:10:45,629 --> 00:10:47,429
For example,
the perp entered using a key,
320
00:10:47,465 --> 00:10:48,932
which means they probably work here.
321
00:10:48,968 --> 00:10:50,534
And they knew enough to skip past
322
00:10:50,570 --> 00:10:52,219
all these expensive-looking artifacts.
323
00:10:52,255 --> 00:10:53,888
They walked straight up to this shelf
324
00:10:53,924 --> 00:10:55,523
and grabbed the coin case from up there.
325
00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:56,714
It's too high. You can't reach it.
326
00:10:56,750 --> 00:10:58,650
Exactly. So now we know that the thief
327
00:10:58,686 --> 00:10:59,901
was taller than me. That's a good lead.
328
00:10:59,937 --> 00:11:01,670
Also, we know they were
a little bit of a freak,
329
00:11:01,706 --> 00:11:04,529
since I am above average height
according to the 1940 census.
330
00:11:04,565 --> 00:11:05,998
I didn't realize you had
a thing about your height.
331
00:11:06,034 --> 00:11:08,432
I don't! Because I'm above average.
332
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:09,786
Why would I have a thing about my height
333
00:11:09,822 --> 00:11:11,210
when I'm above average?
It doesn't make any sense.
334
00:11:12,602 --> 00:11:14,605
Anyways, we're looking
for an insanely tall perp,
335
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:15,830
a real Shaq type.
336
00:11:15,866 --> 00:11:18,443
Maybe the thief stood
on something, like...
337
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,712
one of these drawers.
338
00:11:21,368 --> 00:11:22,631
Turn off the light.
339
00:11:23,262 --> 00:11:25,525
Maybe something will show up under UV.
340
00:11:27,340 --> 00:11:29,207
- Bingpot!
- A footprint.
341
00:11:29,243 --> 00:11:30,985
You did it, you brilliant bimbo.
342
00:11:31,021 --> 00:11:33,189
Oh, there you are.
Why are you in the dark?
343
00:11:33,225 --> 00:11:34,707
Were you not able to find
the light switch?
344
00:11:34,743 --> 00:11:37,328
Ha-ha, very funny,
but I'll actually have you know
345
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,288
Captain Holt just found
a very promising lead.
346
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:40,745
Oh, how fun, a lead.
347
00:11:40,781 --> 00:11:42,248
Meanwhile, we actually found the thief.
348
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:43,367
- You did?
- What?
349
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,054
Well, technically our janitor found him.
350
00:11:45,090 --> 00:11:46,195
Come on in, Randy.
351
00:11:46,231 --> 00:11:47,397
Tell them how you did their jobs.
352
00:11:47,433 --> 00:11:49,572
Well, um, I was emptying the trash
353
00:11:49,608 --> 00:11:51,046
in Professor Port's office.
354
00:11:51,082 --> 00:11:53,909
I saw something shiny sticking
out from underneath a notepad.
355
00:11:54,122 --> 00:11:55,822
It was one of the missing coins.
356
00:11:55,858 --> 00:11:57,390
Great police work.
357
00:11:57,426 --> 00:11:59,493
Perhaps you might want
to hire Randy, or...
358
00:11:59,529 --> 00:12:01,864
Randy, you could hire them.
359
00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:04,367
It seems like you all have
basically the same skill set.
360
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:07,581
We're actually all staffed up
in maintenance.
361
00:12:07,617 --> 00:12:09,844
We don't want your job, Randy.
362
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:12,782
I know Dean Allister humiliated us,
363
00:12:12,818 --> 00:12:14,284
but we can still have our revenge.
364
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,247
I watched a ton of horny '80s
comedies when I was a kid,
365
00:12:17,283 --> 00:12:19,428
and they're filled with ways
of getting back at mean deans.
366
00:12:19,464 --> 00:12:21,731
So we are gonna throw the wildest party
367
00:12:21,767 --> 00:12:23,801
- this campus has ever seen.
- No.
368
00:12:23,837 --> 00:12:25,203
Okay, then we'll have a bikini car wash.
369
00:12:25,239 --> 00:12:26,806
No, no, save your schemes.
370
00:12:26,842 --> 00:12:28,909
I know exactly how to get back
at the dean.
371
00:12:28,945 --> 00:12:30,845
- By arresting him.
- For what?
372
00:12:30,881 --> 00:12:32,214
It seems pretty obvious
that Port did it.
373
00:12:32,250 --> 00:12:33,787
No, no, that makes no sense.
374
00:12:33,823 --> 00:12:34,984
Why would someone
steal something valuable
375
00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:36,172
and then leave it in their desk?
376
00:12:36,208 --> 00:12:37,543
I feel like this is a veiled shot at me
377
00:12:37,579 --> 00:12:38,701
for leaving the crown in my desk
378
00:12:38,737 --> 00:12:39,670
during the third Halloween Heist.
379
00:12:39,706 --> 00:12:40,688
- It is.
- Oh.
380
00:12:40,724 --> 00:12:41,857
Allister planted the coin
381
00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:43,639
in Professor Port's desk.
382
00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:45,021
- They're rivals.
- Mm.
383
00:12:45,057 --> 00:12:47,424
Did you see the book Allister
was holding back there?
384
00:12:47,460 --> 00:12:50,356
A biography of Macedonian
general Parmenion.
385
00:12:50,490 --> 00:12:51,589
He was taunting us.
386
00:12:51,625 --> 00:12:52,920
Again, I'm the Hitchcock here.
387
00:12:52,956 --> 00:12:54,406
You're gonna have to
connect the dots for me.
388
00:12:54,442 --> 00:12:56,972
Parmenion was a close advisor
to Alexander the Great.
389
00:12:57,008 --> 00:12:59,008
Alexander suspected that Parmenion
390
00:12:59,044 --> 00:13:01,378
was trying to supplant him,
so he executed him.
391
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,148
He was getting rid of his rival.
392
00:13:03,184 --> 00:13:06,028
Sir, you cracked it!
You and your big hard brain.
393
00:13:06,064 --> 00:13:07,070
- Hard?
- Yes!
394
00:13:07,106 --> 00:13:08,805
You have the biggest,
hardest brain on Earth,
395
00:13:08,841 --> 00:13:09,996
and I want you to say it.
396
00:13:10,032 --> 00:13:12,362
Say "I am Raymond Holt,
and my brain is rock hard."
397
00:13:12,398 --> 00:13:13,620
A brain shouldn't be hard.
398
00:13:13,656 --> 00:13:15,122
If anything, I'll say,
"I am Raymond Holt,
399
00:13:15,158 --> 00:13:16,791
and my brain is soft and wet."
400
00:13:16,827 --> 00:13:18,593
No, don't say that.
It's gross and I hate it.
401
00:13:18,629 --> 00:13:19,885
All right, let's go do some cop stuff.
402
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:21,477
_
403
00:13:21,512 --> 00:13:24,080
Wait, why does Terry's team
have four wins?
404
00:13:24,115 --> 00:13:26,916
He only won steaks, bowling,
and the mobile escape room.
405
00:13:26,951 --> 00:13:28,684
You're forgetting about our breakfast
406
00:13:28,719 --> 00:13:29,919
at the Empire State Building.
407
00:13:29,954 --> 00:13:31,622
It was so cold up there.
408
00:13:31,658 --> 00:13:34,059
It sounds a lot better than
our indoor skydiving lunch.
409
00:13:34,095 --> 00:13:36,396
Speaking of which, are we gonna
get reimbursed for that?
410
00:13:36,432 --> 00:13:38,961
How dare you complain
about the Funtastic FlyZone.
411
00:13:38,997 --> 00:13:40,897
That was funtastic fun for everyone.
412
00:13:40,932 --> 00:13:42,400
So what are you guys planning for today?
413
00:13:42,436 --> 00:13:43,703
Oh, nothing much.
414
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:44,805
We're just gonna keep it "caszh."
415
00:13:44,841 --> 00:13:46,874
Us too. Super "caszh."
416
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:49,311
Super duper "caszh."
417
00:13:49,347 --> 00:13:51,246
We all know you're both planning
418
00:13:51,282 --> 00:13:53,717
something insanely complicated
and annoying.
419
00:13:53,753 --> 00:13:56,453
Your teammates are turning
against you, Terry.
420
00:13:56,489 --> 00:13:58,256
- I'm on your team.
- Who cares?
421
00:13:58,292 --> 00:14:00,787
We're gonna win.
Team Lunch-a-Bunch forever.
422
00:14:01,785 --> 00:14:03,651
Sir, why are we still doing this?
423
00:14:03,686 --> 00:14:04,953
We've been following him for days,
424
00:14:04,988 --> 00:14:06,554
and he hasn't done anything suspicious.
425
00:14:06,589 --> 00:14:07,753
Let's just confront him.
426
00:14:07,789 --> 00:14:10,308
He only hid one of the stolen
coins in Port's desk.
427
00:14:10,344 --> 00:14:11,626
He'll probably try to sell the others.
428
00:14:11,661 --> 00:14:12,746
I want to catch him in the act.
429
00:14:12,970 --> 00:14:14,188
Shh. Here he comes.
430
00:14:19,502 --> 00:14:20,969
These college kids.
431
00:14:21,004 --> 00:14:22,104
I used to wear long-sleeve T-shirts
432
00:14:22,139 --> 00:14:23,356
under my short-sleeve T-shirts.
433
00:14:23,392 --> 00:14:24,459
Wait a minute, I still could.
434
00:14:24,495 --> 00:14:25,692
Hang on. He's stopping.
435
00:14:25,728 --> 00:14:26,921
Oh, no, he forgot his phone.
436
00:14:26,957 --> 00:14:28,502
He's gonna turn around and see us.
Come on.
437
00:14:29,062 --> 00:14:31,329
- Sorry, sorry.
- Oh, hey, guys, what's up?
438
00:14:31,365 --> 00:14:32,789
You want to join
our a cappella jam circle?
439
00:14:32,825 --> 00:14:33,797
Oh, no.
440
00:14:33,833 --> 00:14:34,666
Are you guys Harry Potter fans?
441
00:14:34,702 --> 00:14:35,917
I do not like where this is going.
442
00:14:35,952 --> 00:14:37,161
Three, four.
443
00:14:37,197 --> 00:14:40,165
♪ Won't you come visit Hogwarts? ♪
444
00:14:40,889 --> 00:14:45,091
♪ I'll be alone, dancing in Gryffindor ♪
445
00:14:45,127 --> 00:14:49,203
♪ Harry is the best at the spells ♪
446
00:14:49,239 --> 00:14:52,407
♪ And as for potions,
Hermione does well ♪
447
00:14:52,443 --> 00:14:53,575
This is actually pretty funny.
448
00:14:53,611 --> 00:14:55,423
You got to know Harry Potter.
449
00:14:55,817 --> 00:14:57,921
Wait a minute. Where'd Allister go?
450
00:14:58,987 --> 00:15:00,674
He was standing right here.
451
00:15:00,709 --> 00:15:02,165
It's like he vanished without a trace.
452
00:15:02,201 --> 00:15:04,502
Wrong, Peralta.
He vanished with a trace.
453
00:15:04,538 --> 00:15:06,705
Check it out. His footprint. Gotcha.
454
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:08,464
I am Raymond Holt
and my brain is rock hard.
455
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:09,532
- I'm not going to say that.
- Smart.
456
00:15:09,568 --> 00:15:12,090
Saving it for a bigger moment in front
of a bunch of people. Can't wait!
457
00:15:12,262 --> 00:15:14,564
Okay, squad, hope you ate lunch already,
458
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,801
because it's lunchtime!
459
00:15:16,837 --> 00:15:18,870
- What's with the getups?
- Oh, nothing much.
460
00:15:18,906 --> 00:15:20,206
We just turned the parking garage
461
00:15:20,242 --> 00:15:21,742
into an elaborate paintball arena.
462
00:15:21,778 --> 00:15:24,378
It's zombie-themed. We hired 60 actors.
463
00:15:24,414 --> 00:15:25,614
That sounds pretty expensive.
464
00:15:25,693 --> 00:15:27,326
Nah, New York actors are desperate.
465
00:15:27,362 --> 00:15:28,829
For ten bucks, you can
shoot 'em right in the face.
466
00:15:28,865 --> 00:15:30,766
Wow, that's amazing.
467
00:15:31,006 --> 00:15:33,839
I don't know how anybody
could ever beat that...
468
00:15:33,875 --> 00:15:37,177
except maybe an in-office
teppanyaki grill.
469
00:15:37,212 --> 00:15:38,411
Moshi moshi, losers!
470
00:15:38,446 --> 00:15:40,477
We got shrimp. We got lobster.
471
00:15:40,513 --> 00:15:42,380
Heather, I know you're
allergic to shellfish.
472
00:15:42,416 --> 00:15:43,836
You're just gonna have to not eat.
473
00:15:44,233 --> 00:15:47,168
Where's Heather? Where is everybody?
474
00:15:47,204 --> 00:15:48,862
They're on the roof by Gina's statue.
475
00:15:49,626 --> 00:15:51,727
- What the hell, guys?
- Oh, God, they found us.
476
00:15:51,763 --> 00:15:53,730
- Don't let them take me.
- Why are you hiding from us?
477
00:15:53,766 --> 00:15:56,228
This lunch competition
has gotten out of hand.
478
00:15:56,264 --> 00:15:57,663
No one is having fun.
479
00:15:57,698 --> 00:15:59,129
I keep having panic dreams
480
00:15:59,165 --> 00:16:01,134
about Sergeant Santiago
shooting down my lunch ideas.
481
00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:04,170
Historic walking tours
don't win lunch, Gary.
482
00:16:04,205 --> 00:16:06,506
No one cares about winning lunch.
483
00:16:06,541 --> 00:16:08,440
Please, just leave us alone.
484
00:16:09,809 --> 00:16:11,176
Gary, wait. Look...
485
00:16:11,211 --> 00:16:12,911
- Oh!
- Ow!
486
00:16:12,946 --> 00:16:15,580
- Why did you do that?
- Oh, my God, it was an accident.
487
00:16:15,615 --> 00:16:16,915
This thing doesn't have a safety.
488
00:16:16,950 --> 00:16:17,910
Ow!
489
00:16:17,946 --> 00:16:20,980
Ow, stop! Help!
490
00:16:21,016 --> 00:16:23,550
And a big round of applause
for Janitor Randy
491
00:16:23,586 --> 00:16:25,720
for recovering our precious coin.
492
00:16:25,756 --> 00:16:27,824
Don't applaud for that man.
493
00:16:27,860 --> 00:16:28,826
What's going on?
494
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:29,928
What's going on is,
495
00:16:29,964 --> 00:16:31,697
Captain Holt just solved this case.
496
00:16:31,733 --> 00:16:33,566
What's there left to solve?
We found the coin
497
00:16:33,602 --> 00:16:35,336
in Professor Port's desk.
He's the thief.
498
00:16:35,372 --> 00:16:36,604
Oh, you'd like everyone to believe that,
499
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:37,740
wouldn't you, Dean Allister?
500
00:16:37,776 --> 00:16:40,576
Or should I say, General Parmenion?
501
00:16:40,688 --> 00:16:42,455
Raymond, are you causing a kerfuffle?
502
00:16:42,491 --> 00:16:44,658
Yes. Sometimes a moment
calls for a kerfuffle.
503
00:16:44,694 --> 00:16:46,494
No. No moment calls for a kerfuffle.
504
00:16:46,530 --> 00:16:48,431
You know my feelings on this.
505
00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:50,000
Dean Allister framed Professor Port
506
00:16:50,036 --> 00:16:51,235
to get rid of a rival,
507
00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:53,950
just as Alexander got rid of Parmenion.
508
00:16:53,986 --> 00:16:56,254
Preposterous. Do you even
have a shred of evidence
509
00:16:56,289 --> 00:16:57,361
to back up that claim?
510
00:16:57,397 --> 00:16:58,497
Oh, we've got more than a shred.
511
00:16:58,533 --> 00:16:59,581
Look at these photos.
512
00:16:59,617 --> 00:17:01,869
Here, a footprint
from the scene of the crime
513
00:17:01,905 --> 00:17:03,359
left by the thief.
514
00:17:03,395 --> 00:17:06,930
And here, another print
made yesterday by you.
515
00:17:06,966 --> 00:17:09,133
- You've been caught, Allister!
- Is it happening?
516
00:17:09,168 --> 00:17:10,634
- Caught by me.
- It is happening.
517
00:17:10,669 --> 00:17:13,804
- Me and my rock hard brain.
- It happened!
518
00:17:13,839 --> 00:17:15,752
Oh, Raymond. Look around.
519
00:17:15,788 --> 00:17:19,090
These shoes I'm wearing
with their "unique footprint"...
520
00:17:19,126 --> 00:17:20,338
we all have them.
521
00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:22,403
They were the departmental gift
this Christmas.
522
00:17:22,439 --> 00:17:23,741
They're actually very funny.
523
00:17:23,777 --> 00:17:25,610
They have Achilles printed on the heel.
524
00:17:25,646 --> 00:17:27,747
I don't know if I would
call that "very" funny.
525
00:17:27,783 --> 00:17:28,849
I'm surprised you didn't know
about them.
526
00:17:28,885 --> 00:17:30,587
Kevin must have gotten a pair.
527
00:17:30,623 --> 00:17:32,490
Oh, I remember what happened.
528
00:17:32,526 --> 00:17:33,758
You had to leave the Christmas party
529
00:17:33,794 --> 00:17:35,295
before they were handed out.
530
00:17:35,331 --> 00:17:37,941
Why was that again?
Oh, yes. The kerfuffle.
531
00:17:37,977 --> 00:17:39,810
But what about the
autobiography of Persimminons
532
00:17:39,846 --> 00:17:41,053
you were taunting us with?
533
00:17:41,089 --> 00:17:42,755
I suppose I can see how holding any book
534
00:17:42,791 --> 00:17:44,325
would seem like a taunt to you.
535
00:17:44,361 --> 00:17:45,842
- I own a book.
- But I don't think Raymond
536
00:17:45,878 --> 00:17:47,005
is remembering the story correctly.
537
00:17:47,041 --> 00:17:49,185
Alexander didn't see
Parmenion as a rival.
538
00:17:49,221 --> 00:17:51,188
He killed him over a dispute
about his son.
539
00:17:51,224 --> 00:17:53,702
Oh, no, it's Boethius all over again.
540
00:17:53,738 --> 00:17:55,297
At least you got one thing right.
541
00:17:55,333 --> 00:17:58,368
You do have a rock hard brain.
Because that's bad.
542
00:17:58,404 --> 00:18:00,909
Everyone knows that a brain
should be soft and wet.
543
00:18:00,945 --> 00:18:02,878
I wanted to say that,
but Jake told me not to.
544
00:18:02,914 --> 00:18:05,404
Yeah, because it's gross.
545
00:18:07,542 --> 00:18:08,409
There you are.
546
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,222
- You okay, sir?
- I'm fine.
547
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,890
I have decided to stop fighting it
548
00:18:13,925 --> 00:18:15,425
and lean in to the fact
that I'm an idiot.
549
00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:16,826
Look at me, playing a video game.
550
00:18:16,861 --> 00:18:18,328
- Oh, which one?
- "Times" crossword app.
551
00:18:18,363 --> 00:18:19,563
Not a video game.
552
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,701
It plays a little song
when you solve it,
553
00:18:21,737 --> 00:18:23,170
as if you've just learned to potty.
554
00:18:24,936 --> 00:18:26,703
Yes, yes, play me my dunce's tune.
555
00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:30,340
Okay, so those guys look down
on you. So what?
556
00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:32,141
I mean, Amy's parents look down on me.
557
00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:34,002
They talk about me right in
front of my face in Spanish
558
00:18:34,038 --> 00:18:35,288
because they don't think
I'm smart enough
559
00:18:35,324 --> 00:18:36,382
to learn another language,
560
00:18:36,418 --> 00:18:37,947
but I've been taking classes,
561
00:18:37,982 --> 00:18:39,516
and now I can understand
562
00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:41,350
all the hurtful things
they've been saying.
563
00:18:41,385 --> 00:18:42,881
And how did that help?
564
00:18:42,917 --> 00:18:44,368
Well, now I know they think I'm short
565
00:18:44,404 --> 00:18:45,804
and I was able to do some research
566
00:18:45,839 --> 00:18:47,138
and find that 1940s census
567
00:18:47,173 --> 00:18:48,707
that proves I'm above average in height.
568
00:18:48,742 --> 00:18:50,041
- For 1940.
- Yeah, I'm taller
569
00:18:50,076 --> 00:18:51,710
than the greatest generation.
It doesn't matter.
570
00:18:51,745 --> 00:18:54,079
The point is, you can use this.
571
00:18:54,114 --> 00:18:56,103
There are benefits
to being underestimated.
572
00:18:57,317 --> 00:18:59,700
My goodness. You're right.
573
00:18:59,937 --> 00:19:02,166
There are benefits
to being underestimated.
574
00:19:02,939 --> 00:19:04,426
You can get away with anything.
575
00:19:04,675 --> 00:19:07,643
Sir? Are you going to kill the dean?
576
00:19:07,678 --> 00:19:10,512
No. What if the thief
was someone we dismissed
577
00:19:10,547 --> 00:19:12,080
because they didn't have
a classics background?
578
00:19:12,115 --> 00:19:13,949
Someone who wasn't a professor?
579
00:19:13,984 --> 00:19:15,116
But what about the footprints?
580
00:19:15,151 --> 00:19:16,923
The shoes were only given to faculty.
581
00:19:16,959 --> 00:19:19,085
There was one pair that was
unaccounted for: Kevin's.
582
00:19:19,121 --> 00:19:20,788
They were left at the party...
583
00:19:20,823 --> 00:19:22,256
to be cleaned up.
584
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:23,825
By Janitor Randy!
585
00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:25,877
My story solved it. I'm tall.
586
00:19:26,572 --> 00:19:28,996
Hey, everyone, we would
like to say we're sorry
587
00:19:29,031 --> 00:19:31,098
for letting this competition
get the best of us,
588
00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:32,544
and to make it up to you,
589
00:19:32,735 --> 00:19:33,934
we figured out what to do for lunch.
590
00:19:33,969 --> 00:19:35,169
Please, whatever your new idea is,
591
00:19:35,204 --> 00:19:36,704
I just don't want to get shot again.
592
00:19:36,739 --> 00:19:38,873
Ugh, Gary, it was
a paintball. Suck it up.
593
00:19:38,908 --> 00:19:40,508
Isn't this supposed to be an apology?
594
00:19:40,543 --> 00:19:43,043
Yes. You're right. I'm sorry.
595
00:19:43,513 --> 00:19:45,646
I mean, I shot my husband with
a real bullet two years ago,
596
00:19:45,681 --> 00:19:47,648
- and it comes up way less than this.
- Way less than this.
597
00:19:47,683 --> 00:19:49,105
- Guys!
- Right.
598
00:19:49,141 --> 00:19:51,685
What we're trying to say is
that we lost sight
599
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,488
of what this was all
really about: building morale.
600
00:19:54,523 --> 00:19:56,656
So we bought two-ply toilet
paper for the whole squad.
601
00:19:56,691 --> 00:19:58,124
- I call shotgun!
- Shotgun!
602
00:19:58,159 --> 00:20:00,894
Also, I sold the teppanyaki grill
603
00:20:00,929 --> 00:20:04,130
and used the money to turn
the briefing room into...
604
00:20:04,165 --> 00:20:05,732
the lunch zone.
605
00:20:05,767 --> 00:20:07,397
Oh, no. What's the lunch zone?
606
00:20:07,433 --> 00:20:09,969
Is it someplace we have to put
on a harness and not eat lunch?
607
00:20:10,004 --> 00:20:11,810
There are no harnesses.
608
00:20:12,340 --> 00:20:15,809
There are phone chargers
and noise-canceling headphones.
609
00:20:15,844 --> 00:20:18,211
So you can eat your lunch
and stare at your phone
610
00:20:18,246 --> 00:20:20,847
and you won't have to see
or hear anyone you work with.
611
00:20:20,882 --> 00:20:23,650
- It's perfect.
- It's... it's absolutely perfect.
612
00:20:23,685 --> 00:20:25,851
We're so glad you like it.
613
00:20:26,211 --> 00:20:28,087
And just to be sure,
I'm not gonna get shot.
614
00:20:28,122 --> 00:20:30,207
Oh, my God, Gary.
Yes! You won't get shot!
615
00:20:30,891 --> 00:20:32,258
Yeah, I stole those coins.
616
00:20:32,293 --> 00:20:33,826
Can't believe you bought
that whole story.
617
00:20:33,861 --> 00:20:35,661
They underestimated you, Randy,
618
00:20:35,696 --> 00:20:37,563
just as they underestimated
Raymond Holt.
619
00:20:37,598 --> 00:20:39,065
Well, you guys haven't been
that great to me either.
620
00:20:39,100 --> 00:20:40,771
Well, you got to teach people
621
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:42,969
how you want to be treated,
Randy. Dr. Phil, RIP.
622
00:20:43,004 --> 00:20:44,469
The point is, Captain Holt
623
00:20:44,505 --> 00:20:45,714
solved the case when no one else could.
624
00:20:45,750 --> 00:20:48,135
He's actually been stealing
from these archives for years.
625
00:20:48,171 --> 00:20:49,635
You've been asleep
at the wheel, Allister.
626
00:20:49,671 --> 00:20:50,890
- You're an embarrassment.
- Really?
627
00:20:50,926 --> 00:20:52,092
Well, at least I've never confused
628
00:20:52,128 --> 00:20:54,162
St. Augustine with Boethius.
629
00:20:54,198 --> 00:20:56,748
Oh, who gives a rat's ass
about Boethius, Wesley?
630
00:20:56,784 --> 00:20:58,028
What are you doing, Kevin?
631
00:20:58,064 --> 00:20:59,965
- I am creating a kerfuffle.
- Oh, damn.
632
00:21:00,001 --> 00:21:02,253
Sure, my husband is a hot piece of ass,
633
00:21:02,289 --> 00:21:04,022
but he is so much more than just that.
634
00:21:04,057 --> 00:21:06,692
Raymond Holt is as smart
as anyone in this department,
635
00:21:06,727 --> 00:21:08,561
but he chooses to use his intelligence
636
00:21:08,596 --> 00:21:10,902
to make our city a better place.
637
00:21:12,065 --> 00:21:14,830
One day, I hope to live up to
the standard you set.
638
00:21:15,135 --> 00:21:18,303
You make me want to have a wetter brain.
639
00:21:18,338 --> 00:21:19,901
Oh, Kevin.
640
00:21:22,743 --> 00:21:24,442
Y'all are hella specific.
641
00:21:24,907 --> 00:21:28,907
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com