1
00:00:02,272 --> 00:00:04,149
This place was a great choice.

2
00:00:04,316 --> 00:00:05,776
The food is amazing.

3
00:00:05,859 --> 00:00:07,528
And such generous portions.

4
00:00:07,694 --> 00:00:10,280
If you liked the meal just wait
till you try these after-dinner mints.

5
00:00:10,405 --> 00:00:13,242
You know, Doug,
most guys are put off by my eye.

6
00:00:13,408 --> 00:00:15,911
It's nice to finally meet
someone who's open-minded.

7
00:00:18,497 --> 00:00:19,790
Ew!

8
00:00:21,041 --> 00:00:22,918
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

9
00:00:50,362 --> 00:00:52,114
What was wrong with your date last night?

10
00:00:52,364 --> 00:00:55,826
I don't know. Something I couldn't
quite put my finger on.

11
00:00:55,909 --> 00:00:58,203
Possibly his vile lizard tongue.

12
00:00:58,787 --> 00:01:00,622
- You're too picky.
- Yeah.

13
00:01:00,747 --> 00:01:04,001
If you rule out every guy
with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q.

14
00:01:04,084 --> 00:01:06,962
or an explosive, violent temper
of course you're gonna be lonely.

15
00:01:07,045 --> 00:01:09,423
There's nothing wrong
with having high standards.

16
00:01:09,506 --> 00:01:11,925
- Now, can we please...
- The female Leela's problem

17
00:01:12,009 --> 00:01:13,302
is purely medical.

18
00:01:13,385 --> 00:01:15,637
Soon she will drop her eggs
and they will hatch

19
00:01:15,721 --> 00:01:17,472
and all will be well.

20
00:01:17,556 --> 00:01:19,725
You just have to give guys a chance.

21
00:01:19,808 --> 00:01:21,768
Sometimes you meet a guy
and think he's a pig

22
00:01:21,852 --> 00:01:25,147
but then later on, you realize
he actually has a really good body.

23
00:01:25,230 --> 00:01:27,941
Thank you all for the inspiring advice.

24
00:01:28,025 --> 00:01:30,402
But I'm perfectly happy with my life
the way it is.

25
00:01:30,485 --> 00:01:32,446
That sounds like a cry for help.

26
00:01:32,613 --> 00:01:34,198
Let's all take her out tonight.

27
00:01:34,281 --> 00:01:36,241
There's lots of great places
to meet people.

28
00:01:36,366 --> 00:01:39,161
- The Federal Sex Bureau.
- A saucy puppet show.

29
00:01:39,244 --> 00:01:41,455
The rotting carcass of a whale.

30
00:01:41,580 --> 00:01:43,290
Mmm... I'll pick.

31
00:01:43,707 --> 00:01:45,626
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

32
00:01:50,297 --> 00:01:53,592
Oh, wow, it's totally retro.

33
00:01:53,759 --> 00:01:55,677
Why's everyone wearing those rings?

34
00:01:55,761 --> 00:01:58,305
Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

35
00:01:58,388 --> 00:01:59,765
Rings are stupid.

36
00:01:59,890 --> 00:02:01,225
I think they look cool.

37
00:02:01,308 --> 00:02:03,227
Shh! don't let anyone hear you say that.

38
00:02:03,310 --> 00:02:05,729
Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool?

39
00:02:05,812 --> 00:02:08,357
- Nope. He said they're stupid.
- Cool!

40
00:02:10,526 --> 00:02:12,778
So what do you think of that guy
by the bar?

41
00:02:12,861 --> 00:02:14,404
I don't know. Maybe.

42
00:02:14,488 --> 00:02:15,864
Forget it. He's gay.

43
00:02:15,948 --> 00:02:17,699
What? How can you tell?

44
00:02:17,866 --> 00:02:19,326
I just know these things.

45
00:02:19,451 --> 00:02:21,411
I've got what they call "gaydar."

46
00:02:21,495 --> 00:02:23,163
There's no such thing.

47
00:02:23,247 --> 00:02:24,373
No?

48
00:02:26,208 --> 00:02:27,543
(WHIRRING)

49
00:02:28,418 --> 00:02:31,338
- (BEEPING)
- Okay... I got a lock on him.

50
00:02:31,547 --> 00:02:33,173
- (BEEPS)
- Yup. He's gay.

51
00:02:33,340 --> 00:02:35,342
- Are you sure?
- Definitely.

52
00:02:35,425 --> 00:02:38,512
Unless I'm getting interference
from a gay weather balloon.

53
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,722
You're from the 20th century?

54
00:02:40,806 --> 00:02:43,725
That's incredible.
I'm from the 21st century.

55
00:02:43,850 --> 00:02:46,395
No way. We've got so much in common.

56
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:47,771
We sure do.

57
00:02:47,855 --> 00:02:50,399
Remember when those cyborgs
enslaved humanity?

58
00:02:50,482 --> 00:02:52,150
Uh... Yeah.

59
00:02:52,234 --> 00:02:53,277
That rings a bell.

60
00:02:53,902 --> 00:02:55,654
This is Bolt Rollins.

61
00:02:55,737 --> 00:02:59,783
Bolt is a hyper-sled racer
with ten wins on the pro circuit.

62
00:02:59,867 --> 00:03:01,535
Hello, beautiful.

63
00:03:01,702 --> 00:03:04,955
I think she means
ten wins on the gay circuit.

64
00:03:05,038 --> 00:03:06,415
(CHUCKLING) I wish.

65
00:03:06,498 --> 00:03:08,125
Those cats can really fly.

66
00:03:11,295 --> 00:03:12,713
(GROANS)

67
00:03:16,425 --> 00:03:17,634
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

68
00:03:25,017 --> 00:03:29,188
This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy.

69
00:03:29,438 --> 00:03:32,774
That's great. Really, but he's just not
what I'm looking for.

70
00:03:32,858 --> 00:03:34,359
(HIGH-PITCHED) I understand.

71
00:03:34,443 --> 00:03:37,321
One day you will evolve
beyond your physical body

72
00:03:37,404 --> 00:03:40,699
and on that day
I hope you will pick up the phone.

73
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,035
(GROANS) You're impossible.

74
00:03:43,118 --> 00:03:44,953
- (BEEPING)
- It's just as well.

75
00:03:45,454 --> 00:03:49,458
I think he comes from a dimension
that's big on musical theater.

76
00:03:56,882 --> 00:03:58,759
Psst. I need the apartment tonight.

77
00:03:58,842 --> 00:04:00,552
Go see a saucy puppet show.

78
00:04:00,719 --> 00:04:02,179
Can do!

79
00:04:04,264 --> 00:04:05,390
(SIGHS)

80
00:04:05,641 --> 00:04:09,061
My, my, my, what's
a beautiful lady like you...

81
00:04:09,186 --> 00:04:10,395
Oh! Wha... Wah!

82
00:04:10,479 --> 00:04:12,481
I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes.

83
00:04:14,233 --> 00:04:15,609
So, Leela,

84
00:04:15,692 --> 00:04:18,904
you must've had your pick of the litter
last night at closing time.

85
00:04:18,987 --> 00:04:22,282
Could you guys please
stop talking about my personal life?

86
00:04:22,366 --> 00:04:25,827
Yes. Let's all talk about
Leela's personal life later.

87
00:04:25,911 --> 00:04:28,330
But right now,
we have business to attend to.

88
00:04:28,413 --> 00:04:30,082
- A delivery?
- No.

89
00:04:30,165 --> 00:04:32,459
A tax-deductible mission of charity.

90
00:04:33,961 --> 00:04:35,629
(COMPUTERIZED VOICE) This is Vergon 6.

91
00:04:35,712 --> 00:04:38,382
- This is Vergon 6.
- Buh.

92
00:04:38,715 --> 00:04:40,884
It's a sunny little doomed planet

93
00:04:40,968 --> 00:04:44,429
inhabited by a number
of frisky little doomed animals.

94
00:04:44,513 --> 00:04:46,056
- Animals?
- That's right.

95
00:04:46,139 --> 00:04:49,059
Animals in desperate need of rescue.

96
00:04:49,142 --> 00:04:51,144
You see, Vergon 6 was once filled

97
00:04:51,228 --> 00:04:54,439
with the super-dense substance
known as dark matter

98
00:04:54,523 --> 00:04:58,777
each pound of which
weighs over 10,000 pounds.

99
00:04:58,944 --> 00:05:01,238
Wait. What about the animals?

100
00:05:01,363 --> 00:05:05,033
Well, dark matter is extremely
valuable as starship fuel.

101
00:05:05,242 --> 00:05:09,121
That's why it was all mined out
leaving the planet completely hollow.

102
00:05:09,288 --> 00:05:11,290
Yes, but what about the animals?

103
00:05:11,915 --> 00:05:13,584
- The what?
- The animals.

104
00:05:13,750 --> 00:05:15,460
I didn't say anything about animals.

105
00:05:15,794 --> 00:05:18,964
Now, it seems the planet
will collapse within three days.

106
00:05:19,047 --> 00:05:21,633
Incidentally this will kill
all the animals.

107
00:05:22,009 --> 00:05:24,219
So we have to bring back
two of each kind...

108
00:05:24,303 --> 00:05:26,597
- Just like Noah's ark.
- Why two?

109
00:05:27,806 --> 00:05:30,142
Oh. (GIGGLING)

110
00:05:34,062 --> 00:05:37,149
I bet you, Leela's holding out
for a nice guy with one eye.

111
00:05:37,399 --> 00:05:38,650
That'll take forever.

112
00:05:38,775 --> 00:05:39,776
What she ought to do

113
00:05:39,860 --> 00:05:42,696
is find a nice guy with two eyes
and poke one out.

114
00:05:42,905 --> 00:05:44,865
Yeah. That'd be a time-saver.

115
00:05:44,948 --> 00:05:46,241
Do you mind?

116
00:05:46,408 --> 00:05:48,869
Here you go.
You can use this as an eye poker.

117
00:05:48,952 --> 00:05:52,039
Thank you, but I don't care
how many eyes a man has.

118
00:05:52,206 --> 00:05:53,624
As long as it's less than five.

119
00:05:53,916 --> 00:05:57,169
All I'm looking for is a guy
who's adventurous, self-confident,

120
00:05:57,669 --> 00:05:59,046
maybe a snappy dresser.

121
00:05:59,630 --> 00:06:02,883
These new uniforms
are pretty snappy, eh, first officer?

122
00:06:03,217 --> 00:06:04,927
I suppose, Captain.

123
00:06:05,010 --> 00:06:07,763
I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are.

124
00:06:08,013 --> 00:06:10,974
Now, what do you want to do
about that unidentified ship?

125
00:06:11,058 --> 00:06:12,059
Destroy them.

126
00:06:13,143 --> 00:06:14,978
Mmm... (INHALES)

127
00:06:15,270 --> 00:06:17,356
That's got a nice feel to it.

128
00:06:20,567 --> 00:06:23,987
ZAPP: Captain's journal. Stardate 3000.3.

129
00:06:24,238 --> 00:06:26,114
KIF: Who are you talking to, sir?

130
00:06:26,365 --> 00:06:28,200
You. Aren't you getting this?

131
00:06:28,283 --> 00:06:29,368
(SIGHS)

132
00:06:30,619 --> 00:06:33,705
We've detected a vessel
attempting to break the security cordon

133
00:06:33,789 --> 00:06:35,666
around Vergon 6.

134
00:06:35,874 --> 00:06:38,794
I'm anticipating
an all-out tactical dogfight

135
00:06:38,877 --> 00:06:40,504
followed by a light dinner.

136
00:06:41,171 --> 00:06:44,424
Ravioli, ham, sundae bar.

137
00:06:44,591 --> 00:06:45,592
Hey, look.

138
00:06:45,801 --> 00:06:47,469
That's Zapp Brannigan's ship.

139
00:06:47,553 --> 00:06:49,846
Wow. The Zapp Brannigan?

140
00:06:49,930 --> 00:06:51,014
Uh-huh.

141
00:06:51,098 --> 00:06:52,724
Who's the Zapp Brannigan?

142
00:06:52,933 --> 00:06:55,185
Shall I fire on them now, sir?

143
00:06:55,352 --> 00:06:56,436
Not yet, Kif.

144
00:06:56,520 --> 00:07:00,315
In the game of chess you can never
let your adversary see your pieces.

145
00:07:00,482 --> 00:07:02,734
- (GROANS)
- What?

146
00:07:02,818 --> 00:07:05,279
They say Zapp Brannigan
single-handedly saved

147
00:07:05,362 --> 00:07:08,699
the Octillian system from
a horde of rampaging killbots.

148
00:07:08,866 --> 00:07:12,411
- Wow.
- A grim day for robotkind.

149
00:07:12,828 --> 00:07:15,163
But we can always build more killbots.

150
00:07:15,330 --> 00:07:19,167
He's the most decorated captain
in the whole Democratic Order of Planets.

151
00:07:19,376 --> 00:07:21,587
(SING-SONG) Leela's got a boyfriend.

152
00:07:21,670 --> 00:07:23,839
No, I don't, but I think
we ought to meet with him

153
00:07:23,922 --> 00:07:26,049
and see if he'll help us
rescue those animals.

154
00:07:26,174 --> 00:07:29,678
Well, just in case you guys hit it off
you'll want to take this with you.

155
00:07:29,761 --> 00:07:30,804
(CLICKS TONGUE)

156
00:07:32,764 --> 00:07:34,558
Sir, they're headed straight for us.

157
00:07:34,641 --> 00:07:36,059
A well-calculated move.

158
00:07:36,143 --> 00:07:38,020
Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text,

159
00:07:38,103 --> 00:07:39,271
The Art of War.

160
00:07:39,354 --> 00:07:40,731
Or my own masterwork,

161
00:07:40,814 --> 00:07:43,192
Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War.

162
00:07:43,358 --> 00:07:45,736
But the one thing
their captain doesn't realize

163
00:07:45,819 --> 00:07:46,945
and never will is...

164
00:07:47,112 --> 00:07:49,489
Sir, they've docked with us
and have come aboard.

165
00:07:49,573 --> 00:07:51,617
Then I've risked all and lost.

166
00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:53,410
Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod.

167
00:07:53,577 --> 00:07:55,787
If that wicker chair I like
survives the slaughter

168
00:07:55,871 --> 00:07:57,706
have it sent to my P.O. box.

169
00:07:57,831 --> 00:07:58,916
(GASPS)

170
00:08:02,628 --> 00:08:03,879
Hello, I'm Leela,

171
00:08:03,962 --> 00:08:06,256
Captain of the Planet Express
delivery ship.

172
00:08:06,423 --> 00:08:08,592
We've come aboard
to plead for your assistance.

173
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,386
- Well, if there's anything...
- I'm in command here.

174
00:08:11,470 --> 00:08:12,679
Zapp Brannigan.

175
00:08:12,763 --> 00:08:15,599
Has my fame preceded me,
or was I too quick for it?

176
00:08:15,724 --> 00:08:17,559
Oh, not at all.

177
00:08:17,726 --> 00:08:19,061
I'm just so, uh...

178
00:08:19,144 --> 00:08:20,812
Really thrilled to meet you.

179
00:08:21,021 --> 00:08:23,440
You're an impressive piece of captain.

180
00:08:23,565 --> 00:08:24,983
Beautiful and deadly.

181
00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:26,610
A potent combination.

182
00:08:26,735 --> 00:08:29,071
- You don't mean that.
- But I do.

183
00:08:29,238 --> 00:08:31,323
I doubt I've seen more than
three or four captains

184
00:08:31,406 --> 00:08:34,576
sexier than you,
and only one who was deadlier.

185
00:08:34,660 --> 00:08:36,620
I heard one time,
you single-handedly defeated

186
00:08:36,703 --> 00:08:40,374
a horde of rampaging somethings
in the something something system.

187
00:08:40,457 --> 00:08:42,334
The killbots? A trifle.

188
00:08:42,459 --> 00:08:44,503
It was simply a matter
of outsmarting them.

189
00:08:44,753 --> 00:08:46,797
Wow, I never would have thought of that.

190
00:08:46,964 --> 00:08:49,424
You see, killbots have
a preset kill limit.

191
00:08:49,508 --> 00:08:50,509
Knowing their weakness

192
00:08:50,592 --> 00:08:53,428
I sent wave after wave
of my own men at them

193
00:08:53,512 --> 00:08:55,597
until they reached their limit
and shut down.

194
00:08:55,806 --> 00:08:58,225
Kif, show them the medal I won.

195
00:08:58,684 --> 00:08:59,685
(GRUNTS)

196
00:09:01,603 --> 00:09:02,688
ZAPP: More, please.

197
00:09:03,063 --> 00:09:04,356
A little more.

198
00:09:04,731 --> 00:09:05,858
More.

199
00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:07,401
Keep going.

200
00:09:07,484 --> 00:09:10,195
Captain Brannigan, we really need
to talk to you about our mission.

201
00:09:10,487 --> 00:09:11,822
Whatever it is, I'm willing to put

202
00:09:11,905 --> 00:09:14,491
wave after wave of men at your disposal.

203
00:09:14,616 --> 00:09:15,742
Right, men?

204
00:09:16,285 --> 00:09:17,411
MAN: You suck!

205
00:09:17,703 --> 00:09:20,998
We're hoping to save the animals
of Vergon 6 from extinction.

206
00:09:21,081 --> 00:09:22,958
- And if you could just...
- Vergon 6?

207
00:09:23,041 --> 00:09:24,334
This light dinner is over.

208
00:09:24,418 --> 00:09:25,711
Wait. What's wrong?

209
00:09:25,794 --> 00:09:27,754
The Democratic Order of Planets prohibits

210
00:09:27,838 --> 00:09:30,173
interfering with undeveloped worlds.

211
00:09:30,257 --> 00:09:33,385
It's a little rule known
as "Brannigan's Law."

212
00:09:33,510 --> 00:09:35,345
But people already interfered.

213
00:09:35,512 --> 00:09:38,056
That planet was mined completely hollow.

214
00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:41,101
Yes, by a Democratic Order
of Planets mining crew.

215
00:09:41,226 --> 00:09:43,478
Oh. This doesn't make any sense.

216
00:09:43,729 --> 00:09:46,148
I don't pretend
to understand Brannigan's Law.

217
00:09:46,231 --> 00:09:47,608
I merely enforce it.

218
00:09:47,691 --> 00:09:50,319
Fine. We'll save the animals
without your help.

219
00:09:50,527 --> 00:09:51,945
I'm afraid I can't allow that.

220
00:09:52,237 --> 00:09:53,322
Guards!

221
00:09:54,489 --> 00:09:55,616
Wha... What just happened?

222
00:09:55,699 --> 00:09:57,409
He's throwing us in prison.

223
00:09:57,534 --> 00:09:58,911
Ah, dang.

224
00:09:59,161 --> 00:10:00,495
Can I get this wrapped up?

225
00:10:02,831 --> 00:10:04,708
- (ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
- Ow!

226
00:10:05,834 --> 00:10:08,837
I might have liked Zapp Brannigan
if he weren't a pompous dimwit

227
00:10:08,921 --> 00:10:10,255
who threw me in prison.

228
00:10:10,339 --> 00:10:12,090
You really are too picky.

229
00:10:12,299 --> 00:10:14,635
Kif, follow me up to the observation deck.

230
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,887
I've got some musing to do.

231
00:10:19,264 --> 00:10:20,599
Oh, geez.

232
00:10:22,267 --> 00:10:25,020
I'm facing a formidable
female adversary, Kif.

233
00:10:25,103 --> 00:10:28,482
- Suggestions?
- I fail to see any problem, sir.

234
00:10:28,690 --> 00:10:31,777
You already imprisoned her
under directive B10.81.

235
00:10:32,277 --> 00:10:33,904
You mean Brannigan's Law?

236
00:10:34,738 --> 00:10:36,323
Right. That law.

237
00:10:36,615 --> 00:10:37,783
Which one?

238
00:10:38,033 --> 00:10:39,910
Brannigan's Law.

239
00:10:40,244 --> 00:10:42,538
Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend

240
00:10:42,621 --> 00:10:44,540
but you've earned my contempt once again.

241
00:10:44,623 --> 00:10:45,832
As my protégé, you should know

242
00:10:45,916 --> 00:10:48,877
that the only way to deal
with a female adversary

243
00:10:48,961 --> 00:10:50,420
is to seduce her.

244
00:10:50,504 --> 00:10:51,713
Oh.

245
00:10:51,964 --> 00:10:54,091
This time we are sure
she's a woman, right?

246
00:10:54,216 --> 00:10:55,509
Yes.

247
00:10:55,592 --> 00:10:57,844
Good. Invite her to my quarters.

248
00:10:57,928 --> 00:11:00,889
Oh, and have the boy
lay out my formal shorts.

249
00:11:01,056 --> 00:11:02,266
The boy, sir?

250
00:11:02,641 --> 00:11:05,018
You. You lay out my formal shorts.

251
00:11:07,062 --> 00:11:10,107
The jackass wants
to see you in his quarters.

252
00:11:10,190 --> 00:11:14,152
Good. This will be my chance
to reason with him captain to captain.

253
00:11:14,236 --> 00:11:16,697
And he wants you to wear this.

254
00:11:19,116 --> 00:11:21,034
ZAPP: Come and get it.

255
00:11:22,202 --> 00:11:25,330
- (GASPS)
- Mmm. Welcome to my humble chamber

256
00:11:25,414 --> 00:11:28,208
or as I call it The Love-Nasium.

257
00:11:29,209 --> 00:11:30,836
Cham-pag-en?

258
00:11:30,961 --> 00:11:33,797
I didn't realize
you were such a coin-a-sewer.

259
00:11:33,922 --> 00:11:36,258
(CHUCKLES) Well, I have studied abroad...

260
00:11:36,341 --> 00:11:38,051
Or two. (LAUGHING)

261
00:11:38,552 --> 00:11:40,095
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)

262
00:11:40,929 --> 00:11:41,930
- Captain...
- Uh-huh?

263
00:11:42,055 --> 00:11:43,974
If we could speak seriously for a moment.

264
00:11:44,099 --> 00:11:45,434
- Uh-huh.
- I'd like you to reconsider

265
00:11:45,517 --> 00:11:47,352
letting us rescue those animals.

266
00:11:47,477 --> 00:11:48,645
Mm-hmm.

267
00:11:50,189 --> 00:11:51,857
(YAWNING)

268
00:11:52,983 --> 00:11:54,234
(SIGHS)

269
00:11:54,776 --> 00:11:55,777
(GRUNTS)

270
00:11:56,028 --> 00:11:57,946
I like your style.

271
00:11:58,071 --> 00:11:59,406
I find it very...

272
00:11:59,948 --> 00:12:01,241
(WHISPERS) erotic.

273
00:12:01,408 --> 00:12:03,160
- What?
- Erotic!

274
00:12:03,577 --> 00:12:06,747
(ECHOING) Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

275
00:12:06,830 --> 00:12:07,915
(BANGING)

276
00:12:09,166 --> 00:12:10,792
We can definitely escape, Bender.

277
00:12:10,876 --> 00:12:13,378
All you have to do
is bend the hatch off this steam pipe.

278
00:12:13,462 --> 00:12:14,922
Hey, yeah.

279
00:12:15,339 --> 00:12:16,798
(GROANING)

280
00:12:17,716 --> 00:12:19,676
(BOTH YELLING)

281
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,470
FRY: No good. It's full of steam.

282
00:12:22,429 --> 00:12:25,474
You look like a woman
who enjoys the finer things.

283
00:12:25,724 --> 00:12:28,810
Come over here
and feel my velour bedspread.

284
00:12:29,269 --> 00:12:30,687
I'm not really in the mood.

285
00:12:30,854 --> 00:12:32,940
Leela, it's real velour.

286
00:12:33,065 --> 00:12:34,942
Just let yourself go.

287
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:36,235
(SIGHS)

288
00:12:36,318 --> 00:12:38,695
Can I please just go back to prison?

289
00:12:38,987 --> 00:12:42,783
You'd rather sit in prison
than spend one evening with the Zapper?

290
00:12:42,991 --> 00:12:44,451
Much rather.

291
00:12:45,077 --> 00:12:46,745
(SOBBING)

292
00:12:47,704 --> 00:12:48,914
What are you doing?

293
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,917
Oh, God, I'm pathetic.

294
00:12:53,126 --> 00:12:54,294
Sorry.

295
00:12:54,378 --> 00:12:55,504
Just go.

296
00:12:56,296 --> 00:12:58,257
You want the rest of the cham-pag-en?

297
00:12:58,382 --> 00:13:01,385
No. And it's pronounced "champagne."

298
00:13:01,635 --> 00:13:03,554
Oh, God, no!

299
00:13:04,805 --> 00:13:06,056
It's not a big deal.

300
00:13:06,598 --> 00:13:07,933
I get so lonely.

301
00:13:08,016 --> 00:13:11,395
I just thought you,
a fellow captain, would understand.

302
00:13:11,562 --> 00:13:12,729
Aw, forget it.

303
00:13:13,021 --> 00:13:15,357
Yeah, it's great ordering people around
and stuff

304
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:18,569
but through it all,
you're completely alone.

305
00:13:18,861 --> 00:13:20,362
It comes with the job.

306
00:13:21,071 --> 00:13:23,282
I'm just so lonely!

307
00:13:23,699 --> 00:13:25,200
(SOBBING)

308
00:13:25,534 --> 00:13:27,619
Oh, come on. Cheer up.

309
00:13:27,953 --> 00:13:29,371
It's not that bad.

310
00:13:30,831 --> 00:13:32,332
You want to try escaping again?

311
00:13:32,583 --> 00:13:33,750
Nah, I'm comfy.

312
00:13:34,418 --> 00:13:36,670
Man, Leela's been gone a long time.

313
00:13:36,753 --> 00:13:39,756
I hope she's at least making progress
with Zapp Brannigan.

314
00:13:42,885 --> 00:13:45,888
(SCREAMS)

315
00:13:49,516 --> 00:13:51,894
(SNORING)

316
00:13:52,853 --> 00:13:54,146
Good morning, lover.

317
00:13:54,563 --> 00:13:56,398
Uh... Listen, Zapp...

318
00:13:56,481 --> 00:13:58,317
Now you're officially my woman.

319
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:01,028
Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you.

320
00:14:01,195 --> 00:14:03,238
Zapp, last night was a mistake.

321
00:14:03,405 --> 00:14:04,907
A sexy mistake.

322
00:14:05,032 --> 00:14:07,159
No, just a regular mistake.

323
00:14:07,326 --> 00:14:10,829
For a split second my common sense
was overwhelmed by pity.

324
00:14:10,954 --> 00:14:12,039
(CHUCKLES)

325
00:14:12,122 --> 00:14:13,916
A split second is all it takes.

326
00:14:14,124 --> 00:14:17,586
That's why sooner or later
you'll come crawling back to the Zapper.

327
00:14:17,669 --> 00:14:18,670
(CLICKS TONGUE)

328
00:14:18,754 --> 00:14:22,090
The only kind of crawling
I'm doing to you is away...

329
00:14:22,174 --> 00:14:23,175
from.

330
00:14:23,383 --> 00:14:26,261
Leela, you're obviously
confused and aroused.

331
00:14:26,470 --> 00:14:28,347
Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6

332
00:14:28,430 --> 00:14:30,974
to save those animals
whether you like it or not.

333
00:14:31,058 --> 00:14:32,476
Go ahead. I won't stop you.

334
00:14:32,559 --> 00:14:34,770
Threaten all you... Wait. What?

335
00:14:34,895 --> 00:14:37,564
We both know
you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6

336
00:14:37,648 --> 00:14:39,983
before the craving sets in.

337
00:14:40,234 --> 00:14:41,985
Then you'll come crawling back

338
00:14:42,069 --> 00:14:45,447
for another taste of sweet, sweet candy.

339
00:14:46,156 --> 00:14:47,241
Bam.

340
00:14:47,366 --> 00:14:48,492
Ugh.

341
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,371
(CHUCKLING) Kif.

342
00:14:52,871 --> 00:14:54,122
Yes... Ugh.

343
00:14:54,623 --> 00:14:55,832
Yes, Captain?

344
00:14:55,916 --> 00:14:57,459
I have made it with a woman.

345
00:14:57,543 --> 00:14:58,877
Inform the men.

346
00:15:02,089 --> 00:15:04,633
The fatso says you're free to go.

347
00:15:04,758 --> 00:15:06,218
Really? Why?

348
00:15:06,552 --> 00:15:07,594
Why indeed?

349
00:15:08,512 --> 00:15:10,514
- What does that mean?
- Nothing.

350
00:15:10,722 --> 00:15:13,517
So, should we get our stuff
and head down to the planet?

351
00:15:13,725 --> 00:15:15,185
We just talked, okay?

352
00:15:25,571 --> 00:15:28,282
All right, we don't have much time
to collect these animals.

353
00:15:28,365 --> 00:15:30,868
The planet is supposed
to collapse in approximately...

354
00:15:31,076 --> 00:15:32,119
Two hours ago.

355
00:15:34,621 --> 00:15:36,790
(MUTTERING) Looking for a snake.
Looking for a snake.

356
00:15:37,457 --> 00:15:38,584
(GASPS)

357
00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:40,711
(MUFFLED TALKING)

358
00:15:46,425 --> 00:15:48,218
(GRUNTING)

359
00:16:02,399 --> 00:16:03,817
(CHITTERING)

360
00:16:04,902 --> 00:16:06,361
Hello there.

361
00:16:08,113 --> 00:16:09,364
(CHITTERING)

362
00:16:12,367 --> 00:16:15,204
Hmm, he doesn't seem
to be on the checklist.

363
00:16:15,412 --> 00:16:16,997
So you're saying we can cook him?

364
00:16:17,122 --> 00:16:18,248
Yeah, barbecue.

365
00:16:18,332 --> 00:16:19,875
I'll wear my hilarious apron.

366
00:16:19,958 --> 00:16:23,045
No. I don't care
how hilarious your apron is.

367
00:16:23,128 --> 00:16:24,338
We're not cooking him.

368
00:16:25,672 --> 00:16:26,924
Aw.

369
00:16:27,007 --> 00:16:28,842
I'll call him Nibbler.

370
00:16:28,926 --> 00:16:30,427
Aw.

371
00:16:30,677 --> 00:16:32,387
I'll fire up the grill.

372
00:16:32,971 --> 00:16:35,766
I hope he'll be okay in there
with all those big animals.

373
00:16:40,979 --> 00:16:42,272
(GROWLS)

374
00:16:44,775 --> 00:16:46,026
(SNIFFS)

375
00:16:46,610 --> 00:16:48,320
(CHOMPING)

376
00:16:54,451 --> 00:16:55,452
ZAPP: Hmm.

377
00:16:55,577 --> 00:16:58,830
You know, Kif, once my woman returns
I won't have much time

378
00:16:58,914 --> 00:17:00,749
to hang out with the boys anymore.

379
00:17:00,832 --> 00:17:02,584
That's a shame, sir.

380
00:17:02,668 --> 00:17:05,587
So let's make the most
of our time together, shall we?

381
00:17:07,214 --> 00:17:08,215
Never mind.

382
00:17:08,298 --> 00:17:09,716
Just give me a back rub.

383
00:17:10,717 --> 00:17:12,761
I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos."

384
00:17:12,928 --> 00:17:14,638
Good. That's the last species.

385
00:17:15,973 --> 00:17:16,974
ALL: Huh?

386
00:17:17,224 --> 00:17:18,475
BENDER: Hey, what the...

387
00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:19,851
Where'd they all go?

388
00:17:20,352 --> 00:17:21,520
(SNIFFS)

389
00:17:21,603 --> 00:17:23,564
(ALL GASPING)

390
00:17:25,148 --> 00:17:26,775
(CHITTERING, BURPS)

391
00:17:26,859 --> 00:17:27,985
Nibbler!

392
00:17:28,110 --> 00:17:32,155
I can't believe we flew halfway
across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam

393
00:17:32,239 --> 00:17:34,324
just to get lunch for that stupid animal.

394
00:17:34,408 --> 00:17:36,159
He's pending for a bending.

395
00:17:36,243 --> 00:17:38,829
(CHITTERING FEARFULLY)

396
00:17:38,912 --> 00:17:39,997
Leave him alone.

397
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,708
It's not his fault that
he's an unstoppable killing machine.

398
00:17:43,125 --> 00:17:44,459
Is it, snuggums?

399
00:17:44,543 --> 00:17:45,711
(RUMBLING)

400
00:17:46,295 --> 00:17:47,796
The planet's "kerploding."

401
00:17:48,380 --> 00:17:49,631
(SCREAMS)

402
00:17:49,798 --> 00:17:51,049
(GRUNTS)

403
00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:53,010
(WHIMPERING)

404
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,013
Prepare for liftoff.

405
00:17:56,096 --> 00:17:57,431
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

406
00:17:58,265 --> 00:17:59,516
We're out of fuel.

407
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,311
Bender, I told you to fill the tank
before we left.

408
00:18:02,728 --> 00:18:04,605
Yeah, I'll do it when we get back.

409
00:18:04,688 --> 00:18:06,231
(RUMBLING)

410
00:18:07,065 --> 00:18:09,985
Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby.

411
00:18:10,068 --> 00:18:11,570
No way. Forget it.

412
00:18:11,653 --> 00:18:13,614
I refuse to go crawling back to him.

413
00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:15,490
What? What are you talking about?

414
00:18:15,574 --> 00:18:17,117
Nothing. We just talked.

415
00:18:17,326 --> 00:18:18,410
So what's your problem?

416
00:18:18,493 --> 00:18:19,995
It's not like you slept with him.

417
00:18:24,791 --> 00:18:27,836
Oh, my God!

418
00:18:28,003 --> 00:18:30,088
Oh, how could you, Leela?

419
00:18:30,172 --> 00:18:31,840
I thought you had some standards.

420
00:18:31,965 --> 00:18:34,384
I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla.

421
00:18:34,468 --> 00:18:35,552
That's enough.

422
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,679
Don't you think I feel bad enough already?

423
00:18:37,846 --> 00:18:38,972
No.

424
00:18:39,056 --> 00:18:40,766
(WHIMPERING)

425
00:18:40,974 --> 00:18:43,810
All right, all right, I'll call him.

426
00:18:43,894 --> 00:18:46,271
I mean, if living is
that important to you.

427
00:18:46,855 --> 00:18:49,149
And that's why you'll
never make captain, Kif.

428
00:18:49,399 --> 00:18:51,401
- (BEEPING)
- Hmm.

429
00:18:52,152 --> 00:18:53,487
Hello, Zapp?

430
00:18:53,570 --> 00:18:55,113
Well, well, well.

431
00:18:56,031 --> 00:18:57,407
Zapp, we're out of fuel.

432
00:18:57,491 --> 00:18:59,368
And Vergon 6 is about to implode.

433
00:18:59,451 --> 00:19:00,702
We need your help.

434
00:19:00,786 --> 00:19:04,915
So crawling back to the Big Z
like a bird on its belly.

435
00:19:04,998 --> 00:19:06,333
Delicious.

436
00:19:06,458 --> 00:19:07,876
Birds don't crawl.

437
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:09,253
They've been known to.

438
00:19:09,461 --> 00:19:11,797
Look, are you going to rescue us or not?

439
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,299
Can't you ask a little more sexfully?

440
00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:19,221
Please...

441
00:19:19,346 --> 00:19:20,973
Big Z.

442
00:19:21,056 --> 00:19:22,558
(CHUCKLES) Certainly.

443
00:19:22,808 --> 00:19:24,685
But first you'll have
to get rid of that thing.

444
00:19:25,060 --> 00:19:26,895
- (COOS)
- That's the law, Leela.

445
00:19:27,062 --> 00:19:29,857
And Brannigan's Law
is like Brannigan's love,

446
00:19:29,940 --> 00:19:31,233
Hard and fast.

447
00:19:31,775 --> 00:19:34,820
Now put that greasy rat outside
and we'll tow you to safety.

448
00:19:35,070 --> 00:19:37,573
I would never abandon a helpless animal.

449
00:19:37,823 --> 00:19:41,285
You know, Zapp, once I thought
you were a big, pompous buffoon.

450
00:19:41,410 --> 00:19:44,830
Then I realized that inside,
you were just a pitiful child.

451
00:19:44,913 --> 00:19:48,876
But now I realize that outside that child
is a big, pompous buffoon.

452
00:19:48,959 --> 00:19:51,628
And which one rocked your world?

453
00:19:51,753 --> 00:19:53,589
(EXASPERATED GROAN)

454
00:19:53,714 --> 00:19:55,841
Wow, way to tell that guy off.

455
00:19:55,924 --> 00:19:57,426
Now what's your secret escape plan?

456
00:19:57,509 --> 00:20:00,888
Uh... I guess to sit here
and wait for death.

457
00:20:01,013 --> 00:20:02,431
Can do.

458
00:20:02,931 --> 00:20:05,517
- (BANGING)
- What the hell was that?

459
00:20:07,811 --> 00:20:09,479
(CHITTERING)

460
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:11,982
- Phew!
- I don't believe it.

461
00:20:12,065 --> 00:20:13,442
It's dark matter.

462
00:20:13,525 --> 00:20:17,487
So this guy just unloaded a steaming pile
of starship fuel?

463
00:20:17,571 --> 00:20:20,866
His species must have filled
the entire planet with it.

464
00:20:21,033 --> 00:20:24,369
- Did you do that, you cute little...
- (RUMBLING)

465
00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:27,873
Come on.
That should be more than enough fuel

466
00:20:27,956 --> 00:20:29,082
to get us out of here.

467
00:20:29,166 --> 00:20:31,168
Bender, pick it up
and put it in the engine.

468
00:20:31,335 --> 00:20:33,337
(GRUMBLING)

469
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:36,465
(GRUNTING)

470
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:47,601
(ENGINE REVS)

471
00:20:52,648 --> 00:20:54,233
(EXPLOSION)

472
00:20:55,150 --> 00:20:56,735
(CHEERING)

473
00:20:56,818 --> 00:20:58,111
We made it!

474
00:20:59,321 --> 00:21:01,448
And some of the animals survived.

475
00:21:02,658 --> 00:21:06,161
So a couple of animals didn't die,
and Leela got lucky.

476
00:21:06,245 --> 00:21:08,956
That's what I call a successful mission.

477
00:21:09,039 --> 00:21:10,582
We're heroes!

478
00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:13,126
LEELA: Dear Captain's diary,

479
00:21:13,377 --> 00:21:15,295
I may not have found loveon this mission

480
00:21:15,379 --> 00:21:17,381
but I did find a cute little companion

481
00:21:17,464 --> 00:21:21,176
who excretes starship fuel,
and that's just as good.

482
00:21:23,011 --> 00:21:24,388
(GRUNTS)

483
00:21:26,306 --> 00:21:29,351
ZAPP: Captain's journal. Stardate, uh...

484
00:21:29,518 --> 00:21:31,353
KIF: Oh! April 13.

485
00:21:31,436 --> 00:21:33,772
ZAPP: April 13, point two.

486
00:21:34,189 --> 00:21:36,525
We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law.

487
00:21:36,650 --> 00:21:39,653
However, I did make it
with a hot alien babe.

488
00:21:39,736 --> 00:21:43,282
And in the end,
is that not what man has dreamt of

489
00:21:43,365 --> 00:21:45,701
since first he looked up at the stars?

490
00:21:46,910 --> 00:21:48,662
Kif, I'm asking you a question.

491
00:21:49,413 --> 00:21:50,914
(SIGHING WEARILY)

492
00:21:53,917 --> 00:21:56,211
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)