What do you think of the view, Fry?
It really puts things in perspective.
I mean, from up here, an entire world can seem utterly insignificant.
(SPLAT)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
BENDER: Hey, nice seats.
We're close enough that when you
knock a player down with a beer bottle, he stays down.
I don't get this.
Is Blernsball exactly the same as baseball?
Baseball? God forbid.
Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as mom and apple pie.
That's why they jazzed it up.
Boring? Baseball wasn't...
Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.
Home run!
(LAUGHING) Yay, yay!
Right?
Ugh.
(GROANING)
Out.
CROWS: Yeah! Yay!
What just happened? Why is the ball on that sproingy thing?
It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope.
Hey, hey, hey!
I got me a souvenir.
Aw, here you go, kid.
(GRUNTS)
I'd like a jumbo squid log, please.
We don't sell those.
All right, all right.
Let me have one of your young on a roll.
We're out of rolls.
Fine. Just give me something crawling with parasites.
(GROWLS)
Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed.
Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn?
LEELA: Oh, I'll have some. DR. ZOIDBERG: Oh, yeah. Popcorn.
(CORN POPPING)
Anyone want butter on that?
Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.
The blerns are loaded,
the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns
and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right?
Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.
(CROWD GASPS)
(CHEERING)
ANNOUNCER: Multi-ball!
Multi-ball!
Blern!
(CHUCKLING) All right! Yes!
Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns.
He's good all right, but he's no Clem Johnson.
And Johnson played back in the days
before steroid injections were mandatory.
Clem Johnson?
That sack of skin wouldn't have lasted one pitch
in the old robot leagues.
Now, Wireless Joe Jackson...
There was a blern-hitting machine.
Exactly, he was a machine designed to hit blerns.
I mean, come on, Wireless Joe was nothing
but a programmable bat on wheels.
Oh, and I suppose pitch-o-mat 5000 was just a modified howitzer.
- LEELA: Yep. - You know, you humans are so scared
of a little robot competition, you won't even let us on the field.
What are you talking about? There's all kinds of robots down there.
Yeah. Doing crap work.
They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems,
but how many robot managers are there?
- Eleven? - Zero!
And what a surprise.
Look who's scraping up the filth.
Is it a human child?
I wish.
Whoa! Dear Lord!
- What's wrong? - Oh, uh, it's... My... New pager.
(BEEPING)
This is Hermes.
A package just came in.
Everyone needs to return to the office immediately.
(ALL GROANING)
Get away, you filthy bird.
Shoo! Shoo!Professor, turn me off quick.
I'm sorry. What?
(SCREAMING)
See you at the office.
BENDER: Admit it.
You all think robots are just machines
built by humans to make their lives easier.
Well, aren't they?
I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it.
Great news, everyone.
You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9.
A world where humans are killed on sight.
Why is that great news?
I'm glad you asked that question, Fry.
You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago
by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists.
Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans,
that makes him a "radical."
Hey, hold on. I understand these robots hate humans,
but how do they feel about humanoid aliens?
They're not fans.
That's why Bender will have to make the actual delivery.
Oh, I get it, make the robot do all the work.
This is the first actual work you've ever had to do around here.
Well, I'm not doing it.
It's a robot holiday.
Really? Which one?
Only Robanukah...
The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar.
Oh, come on, Bender.
Last month it was Robamadan, and before that Robanzaa.
Man, that one was a blast.
It wasn't just a blast.
It was a sacred tribute to my ancestral prototypes
which happened to take the form of a drinking contest.
Now, look here, Bender, I respect your diversity
to the extent the law requires,
but you used up all your days off when you had that bout with roberculosis.
Aw, all right, I'll go.
But so help me, I'll hold a grudge against every last stinking one of you
for the rest of your lives.
Well, then it's settled.
So long, everyone.
So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited?
No. It's inhabited by robots.
Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.
(GRUMBLES)
Okay, Bender, we're here.
It's time to get to work.
Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge,
lift that space bale.
Now, we can't land on the surface
because those robots would kill Fry and me.
So, we'll have to stay up here and lower you with the winch.
And remember, you don't know humans,
you don't work for humans,
and above all, you don't like humans.
I'll try to keep that in mind.
Hmm, he seems pretty angry.
Yeah, but I guess I'd be kind of angry, too
if I had to go to some uninhabited planet.
Maybe we ought to do something nice for him.
There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him.
(ELECTRONIC CRACKLE)
Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery.
I... I'm in trouble.
They found out I work with humans, and...
Oh, no. Oh, no!
(SCREAMING)
- (STATIC) - Oh, my God.
- We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't.
They'll kill us on sight.
(STUTTERS) What are we going to do?
I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision.
If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.
Okay. If we're going to save Bender
we've got to look and act exactly like robots.
I am fully operational, Captain.
We'll have to walk like robots, talk like robots,
and if necessary solve complex differential equations like robots.
I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help?
Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious.
And second of all...
Man, we look stupid.
We should have gotten store-bought costumes.
Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant.
MALE ROBOT: Halt!
Be you robot or human?
Robot... We be.
Uh, yep.
Just two robots out roboting it up.
Eh?
Administer the test.
Which of the following would you most prefer:
A, a puppy,
B, a pretty flower from your sweetie,
or C, a large properly formatted data file?
Choose!
(BOTH WHISPERING)
Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?
No, it is the bad kind of puppy.
Then we'll go with that data file.
Correct.
The flower would also have been acceptable.
You may pass.
LEELA: Now, if you see any robots just stay out of their way.
(BUZZES)
(GASPS)
(LEELA AND FRY GRUNTING AND GROANING)
(BUZZES)
LEELA: So far, so good.
Little to the right... There you go.
Have you seen this robot?
Sorry, can't help you.
Hey, watch it!
Don't drop that there.
Oh...
Come on, Fry, walk like a robot.
I can't. I have to go to the bathroom.
Robots don't have bathrooms.
Oh, right.
I wonder where they smoke in high school?
Listen, just go behind those garbage cans.
I'll stand guard.
(ZIPPER BEING UNDONE)
(HUMMING)
Hurry up, Fry.
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant
- at an alarming rate? - Uh...
Let me just patch you up with some hot resin.
I think the leak's stopping itself.
Wait... Wait.
Yeah... There we go.
Wait... Yeah.
What sort of robot
turns down a free blast of searing hot resin?
- Uh... - I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I
have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks.
Oh. (CHUCKLES) Sounds like a romantic evening.
I won't keep you.
(SNEEZES)
(ELECTRONIC SCREAM)
- Get the humanoid. - Get the intruder.
Intruder alert! Intruder alert!
Quick, let's duck in here.
(PANTING)
MAN: We interrupt this sound file
to bring you a terrifying announcement.
A non-metallic being has been sighted
in the vicinity of make-out point.
Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed.
Mind if I polish it for you?
(RUSTLING)
Did you hear that, Rusty?
It sounded like a human.
Relax, Wendy.
Humans will never come to our defenseless little town.
It's perfectly safe to let our guard down...
Even for a second.
(GROWLING)
(SCREAMING)
I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs.
Behold!
(ALL GASPING)
Wow! The 3-D's great!
Mine's not working.
Funny, isn't it?
The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields.
Yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.
(CHUCKLING)
(SIGHS)
I'm just glad the nightmare is over.
It'll never be over, Wendy.
Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds
our breezeways...
Perhaps even... our movie theaters.
(ALL GASPING)
FRY: God help us!
Okay, keep an eye out for Bender.
So what did you think of the movie?
Uh... Too much romance.
Not enough human killing.
Yeah, it was a real chick flick.
(SIREN WAILING)
What's that?
What do you mean, what's that?
It's 5:00.
Time for the daily human hunt.
(ANGRY MURMURING)
Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look.
Aw, that was uncalled for.
I'm over here.
(MURMURING)
I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738.
I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night
and eat them at their human brunches.
Welcome to a very special human hunt.
We have with us today a guest
whose irrational hatred for humans
makes me look like a human sympathizer.
(ALL LAUGHING)
A newly arrived refugee from Earth...
Let's hear it for Bender!
It's him. He's okay.
Death to humans!
(CROWD CHEERING)
Ah, it's good to hear his voice.
Many said I was too extreme when I first called
for the annihilation of the human species
as well as some of the more cunning monkeys.
But after living on Earth,
I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.
(CHEERING AND HOOTING)
My God, he's become evil.
I mean, eviler.
Thank you. Thank you.
And if you enjoyed that diatribe
then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album.
Just $18.95.
Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine.
Bite my shiny metal ass.
ROBOT 1: Got to have it! Right here!
ROBOT 2: Over here!
Let the hunt begin!
(PLAYING MECHANICAL FANFARE)
(GROWLING AND MURMURING)
(CURIOUS MURMURS)
(DISAPPOINTED MURMURS)
Now, your basic human is between three and 25 feet tall
and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a t-shirt.
Is it true they bite your neck and suck your transmission fluid
and then you become a human?
Sure, why not.
Anything in the trap?
Nothing.
Today's active humans prefer a low-calorie bait.
Well, that makes 146,000 unsuccessful hunts in a row
but I've got a good feeling about tomorrow.
BENDER: Wait. What's that?
Oh, that's the old, abandoned adult bookstore.
Nothing in there, except maybe
a few shreds of moldy, old robot pornography.
Hmm.
Sounds like a breeding ground for humans.
I better check it out.
Oh, yeah.
You're a bad girl, aren't you?
- Psst! Bender. - Wha-what?
Oh, you?
What the hell are you doing here?
We've been looking for you.
Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer.
I was, but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans.
Good for you.
Now, let's all get back to the ship.
- What for? - We're rescuing you.
I don't want to be rescued.
- Say what? - I love this planet.
I've got wealth, fame and access
to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.
But, Bender, we're your friends.
Friends? That activates my hilarity unit.
I'm just a machine to you.
You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster,
or the phonograph, or the electric chair.
That's not true.
Well, that's how it feels to me.
Bye, Bender. I'll miss you.
Oh, go on.
Get out of here before you get caught.
MAYOR: Bender, good news. Your album just went gold.
- What the... - It's the humans!
(ROBOTS GASPING)
Bender, do something!
Uh, got you, you murderous flesh-piles.
Your honor, I intend to demonstrate
beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt
that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans.
Come to think of it, I rest my case.
Thank you, prosecutor.
I will now consider the evidence.
Hey, wait a minute.
Isn't anyone going to defend us?
Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human.
Quiet, human!
(ALL GASPS)
Uh-oh. He froze up again.
Try control-alt-delete.
Jiggle the cord.
Turn him off and on.
Clean the gunk out of the mouse.
Call technical support.
Okay, okay, he's back on-line.
I find the defendants guilty.
(ROBOTS CHEERING)
No! Look, one eye.
Count them. One. Not human.
The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on Earth.
They will perform tedious calculations
and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete
and are given away to an inner-city middle school.
(ALL CHEERING)
Great work, Bender.
You've taught us to hate humans all over again.
(LAUGHING)
(GROANING)
(SCREAMING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
- LEELA: Are you all right? - Oh, yeah.
(GASPING) Who are you?
We are the robot elders.
You don't look very old.
Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves.
- What's going on here? - Silence! Bring in Bender.
Uh, let's make this quick.
I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall.
Hey! What is this?
Silence. It is time to put the humans to death.
(BOTH GASPING)
But the judge already sentenced us at the trial.
Silence. That was just a show for the public.
We are the true rulers of this planet.
Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders
over four centuries ago.
Silence! Come forward, Bender.
You will have the honor of executing the prisoners.
Silence! I concur.
Here... Use the ceremonial killamajig.
(GASPS)
Uh... I'm a little tired right now.
Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating?
No! The elders have spoken.
Show us the killing skills
that have made you a media darling.
Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society.
(ELDERS CHANTING) Do it. Do it. Do it.
Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.
Do it. Do it. Do it.
Oh...
(ALL GASPING)
I can't kill them.
Plenty of humans have mistreated robots
but not these two.
They're my friends.
Humans are no threat to us.
They're stupid, putrid cowards.
Damn right!
The fact is, humans are completely harmless.
We're well aware of that.
- You are? - Of course.
But they're useful to us as a scapegoat
to distract the public from their real problems.
Like our crippling lug nut shortage.
And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders.
Duh... That's for sure.
Quiet, Jimmy.
Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.
We'll just let ourselves out.
Silence! You all know too much.
Elders, execute function control-shift-kill.
Stop!
Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you!
He'll do it. He's crazy.
Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up?
Gee, I can't remember anymore.
It might just be from that stupid movie.
ELDER 1: Was that original or the remake?
I don't... Hey! They're getting away!
(PANTING)
Yep.
So long, suckers.
Uh... Hello, suckers.
Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package.
ALL: Whoa!
(GROANS AND GRUNTS)
Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts!
Hooray for the humans!
Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me.
This is the best Robanukah ever.
We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage.
Aw, thanks.
You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right?
Of course.
But that doesn't make it any less meaningful.
In that case...
Let the dancing begin!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey, you guys are good.
How the hell do you do that?
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)