That was the worst delivery ever.
Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon.
Me, neither.
Food was good, though.
Great news, everyone.
Shove it. We quit!
In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew
to go on our company vacation.
Vacation?
- All right! - Whoo!
This is great.
I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24.
It's just my way of thanking you
for not reporting my countless violations
of safety and minimum wage laws.
Aw! You.
I've booked us all on the maiden voyage
of the largest, most luxurious
space cruise ship ever built.
The Titanic.
Looks nice.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(FRY GRUNTS)
Hey, where's my suitcase?
Oh!
As mayor of New New York,
it's my pleasure to introduce the honorary captain
for the Titanic's maiden voyage.
A man who single-handedly defeated the retiree people
of the Assisted-Living Nebula...
Zapp Brannigan!
(CROWD CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
Oh, God,
not Zapp Brannigan.
You know Zapp Brannigan?
Let's just say we've crossed paths.
Was that before or after you slept with him?
She's a beautiful ship, all right.
Shapely, seductive.
I'm going to fly her brains out.
(CROWD CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
And now, without further ado,
I christen this ship Titanic.
Mmm-hmm.
- (CROWD CHEERING, APPLAUDING) - (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
Well, well, well,
the Lady Leela.
Take notes, Kif.
You're about to witness the subtle waltz known as seduction.
(KIF GROANS)
So, trapped on a ship with me.
What say you and I knock some very sensual boots?
It's tempting but, uh,
I have a fiancé now.
Uh... Um... Uh...
Um... Uh...
Him!
Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan.
Huh? (GRUNTS)
How do you do?
Hmm.
(CROWD CHEERING)
(SHIP HONKS)
Ah! Here's my stateroom.
Rawrr!
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Where is it? Come on.
Oh!
Now, Hermes,
you and your lovely wife LaBarbara
have the suite through there.
And Dr. Zoidberg,
your marble tank is on the other side.
Man, first class seems nice.
It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room.
Looks like we're on the fiesta deck.
(KIDS LAUGHING)
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)
This is it.
Well, at least we get a window.
Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it.
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pop over to the casino
for the next 135 hours.
I think I'll go fill up on bisque at the buffet.
I guess that just leaves you and your fake fiancé...
All alone on a romantic cruise.
Take it off or I'll break it off.
Okay!
Captain's inspection.
Mm-hmm.
(BEEPING)
(BENDER LAUGHS)
I'm betting it all.
Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet!
Snake eyes.
Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned.
You got to give me a do-over.
Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs.
Next shooter.
(GROANS)
Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink.
You got it.
(GASPS)
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Bender.
Charmed.
I'm the Countess de la Roca.
I was surprised to see another robot
staying in first class.
Most of the robots I meet are laborers.
I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor."
(LAUGHS) Oh, Mr. Bender.
Please, call me Bender.
Oh, well, goodness.
I-I don't...
Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch.
I'll get the powder, sir.
No, the itch for adventure.
Prepare to change course.
Sir, this is a leisure cruise.
Our path was set by the travel agency.
That's for schoolgirls.
Now here's a route with some chest hair.
But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets.
Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky.
By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed,
we might just get some kind of gravity boost...
Or something.
(SIGHS)
It's time to shove a jalapeño up this ship's tailpipe.
Divert power from the shields.
Full speed ahead.
Oh, yeah.
- (EXCLAIMS) - Amy! Hello!
Mom! Dad?
What are you doing here?
We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation
but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling.
We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours.
He's not very ugly.
You should marry him
or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us.
There he is at the buffet.
(SNIFFS)
Uh... He seems really nice, but...
Well, I already have a boyfriend.
Really? Where is he?
And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild?
Er...
Well, our accommodations aren't great, but it sure is beautiful out here.
Yeah. It's pretty romantic.
I mean platonic.
That sure is one platonic view.
Fry, just be quiet.
I'm beginning to think this whole fake fiancé thing
was a terrible, terrible...
- (GASPS) - FRY: Hmm?
Mmm!
Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time,
but if things don't work out with this pip-squeak here,
I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound.
(ZAPP HUMMING)
Uh, look.
Before you get any crazy ideas, that was for Zapp.
Well, you got anything else for him?
All right. Can we try not to complicate this?
Mom, Dad,
I'd like you to meet Fry,
my boyfriend.
FRY: Hmm?
Mmm!
(BOTH MOANING)
FRY: See you later, wuv-ums.
It would've been nice if you'd told me
you were going out with Amy.
I'm not going out with Amy.
It's just to fool her parents.
Hey, you're not jealous, are you?
What?
No, no, of course not.
Good. 'cause I consider my fake relationship with you
a lot more meaningful.
Mind if I freshen up a bit before we go out?
I was just about to suggest the same thing.
(WHIRRING)
(CHUCKLES)
Pay dirt.
(SIGHS)
Lovely, isn't it?
Yeah.
But only 93% as lovely as you.
Oh, Bender.
Either that was a computing error
or you're the most romantic robot I've ever met.
I don't get it, iZac.
That bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain.
Why couldn't I steal it?
It's obvious, Mr. B.
You're in love.
Oh, it's true.
But we're star-crossed robots.
She, a countess,
built with a silver spoon in her mouth.
And me, just a regular honest Joe.
Hey, you going to pay for those?
Hell, no.
Security to bar area.
Fellas, please,
I'm in love.
Rough him up.
(BENDER EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
What are you doing?
This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am.
I see.
Here you are, sir.
Keep the change.
You got it.
(BENDER GRUNTS)
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)
Go, Professor!
Lean back more!
(STRAINING)
Ow!
Come on, Hermes.
You could out-limbo all of these people.
Don't be a dog hot, woman.
You know I can't.
Not after what happened.
ANNOUNCER: Now limboing for the Earth team... Hermes Conrad.
You're my hero, Hermes!
I'm going to be just like you.
No, boy, stop!
It's too low!
Your backbone can't take it!
I'm just like Hermes!
- I'm just like... - (BONE CRACKING)
(BOY EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
No!
There, there.
Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want.
It doesn't make you any less of a man.
Though it did get me some action.
I like a man who's flexible.
Your attention, please.
As captain of this vessel,
the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner
is mine and mine alone.
Shouldn't you be steering between the comets?
And the winner is...
- Leela. - (ALL CLAPPING)
But I didn't even limbo.
No matter.
I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get.
As your reward, you and that hair pile
are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening.
Whoo!
BENDER: Well, now you know...
I'm not actually rich.
I'm a fraud,
a poor, lazy, sexy fraud.
This isn't even a real bow tie, it's magnetic.
Bender, I don't care whether you have money.
I love you for your artificial intelligence
and your sincerity simulator.
You do?
Really?
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(BOTH MOANING)
(STRAINING)
(BOTH GIGGLING)
I like your style, Fry.
You remind me of a young me.
Not much younger, mind you.
Perhaps even a couple of years older.
- Thank you, sir. - But as a gentleman, I must warn you,
if you so much as glance at another woman,
I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile
of very seductive manure.
Well, rest assured,
Leela's the only girl for me.
Hey, Fry.
- Amy. - Leela.
The family Wong.
Our party is complete.
What are we going to do?
Fry can't pretend to be both our boyfriends.
Sure, I can.
I learned how to handle delicate social situations
from a little show called Three's Company.
I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple.
Down the hatch.
Hear, hear.
Now let's have a kiss.
Yes, Fry,
plant one on your woman.
Um... Let me think.
(SINGING) Come and knock on our door
(VOCALIZING)
Mr. Roper...
What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already!
Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry...
Which one of these ladies are you involved with?
Uh...
(VOCALIZING)
Captain, may I have a word with you?
No.
It's an emergency, sir.
Come back when it's a catastrophe.
(LOUD RUMBLING)
Oh, very well.
Well, with Zapp gone and my parents still here,
I suggest Fry give me a nice convincing kiss.
Ah! Now there's something we can all enjoy.
(BOTH MOAN)
- Sir, remember your course correction? - No.
Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped.
Kif, old friend,
I don't know which disgusts me more,
your cowardice or your stupidity.
We'll simply set a new course
for that empty region over there,
near that blackish, hole-ish thing.
Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner?
I didn't run off.
I had plenty of time to finish eating and stroll away
while you were kissing Amy.
Oh, look, I'm not actually interested in her
if that's what's bothering you.
Oh. Are you sure?
I mean, she has two eyes.
You have two eyes.
I know... we seem like a perfect match
but I just don't feel that way about her.
LEELA: Nice nebula.
FRY: Yeah.
Looks like everybody's got somebody...
except me.
And me.
- (LOUD RUMBLING) - FRY: Ow!
What was that?
Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole.
FRY: Talk about a mood killer.
Don't blame yourself, Kif.
We were doomed from the start.
Nothing remains now
but for the captain to go down with the ship.
Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir.
No. It's noble of you, Kif.
As of now, you're in command.
Congratulations, Captain.
(SIGHS)
- (ALARM BLARING) - (PANICKED MURMURS)
Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods.
I'm too young to die.
Come on, before it's too late.
You all go without me.
I'm going to take one last look around.
You know, for stuff to steal.
You're going back for the countess, aren't you?
All right. I am.
But I don't want the others to know.
If I don't come back,
just say I died robbing some old man.
I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring
off his cold, dead finger.
I love you, buddy.
(PANTING)
Countess!
COUNTESS: Bender!
I fell through the deck!
Are you hurt, my sweet?
No. Luckily, a family broke my fall.
Just hang on.
I'll take care of that fire.
Bender, you risked your life to save me.
And I'd do it again.
And perhaps a third time.
But that would be it.
(BOTH MOAN)
When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist deep
in a pool of cold rising water.
- No! - (SCREAMING)
Hurry.
The escape pods should be just ahead.
Faster.
It won't move...
And the door release is on the other side.
Then we're dead meat.
No one could squeeze under there.
No one except a legendary limbo champion.
Oh, Hermes.
Ooh! It's been a while.
This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.
- (ALL CHEER) - That's my man. All right, baby, limbo.
I still got the moves.
Zoidberg, lower the door another inch.
Just go on through and hit the release, You hot dog.
Yes, dear.
- That's my man. - Yeah, Hermes!
Uh, can somebody help me up?
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Now what are we going to do?
Wait a second.
Aren't you a member of the yacht club?
By God, you're right.
I'm a class-three yacht.
(PASSENGERS SCREAMING)
Thank God there are plenty of escape pods.
We won't have to dress up like women and children.
We can't leave yet.
We've got to wait for Bender.
The high gravity must be slowing down his looting.
INEZ: Amy.
AMY: Mom, Dad,
you're alive.
Yeah, but so what?
The important thing is we found you a new man.
A captain.
Mom, I don't...
Hi.
Hello.
I don't feel well.
Look, it's our nebula.
Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment
when we almost...
Never mind.
Everyone else is off the ship.
Where in Babylon is Bender?
I don't know,
but we can't wait any longer.
Goodbye, Bender.
(BOTH PANTING)
Wait for us!
Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight.
Well, it's not me.
Look!
I'm slipping, Bender.
The pull is too strong.
(SCREAMS)
I can't live without you.
If you let go, I let go.
No. You have too much to live for.
It may hurt for a while
but one day you'll share your love again.
After all,
it's shareware.
Don't talk like that.
Tragic romances always have a happy ending.
Farewell.
No!
She's gone.
But she saved all our lives.
Without her, we're light enough to get away.
(SOBBING)
Don't cry, Bender.
Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.
It's possible she's still alive
in another dimension somewhere.
Right, Professor.
Yes, absolutely.
Not a chance.
At least I'll always have her bracelet.
What do you think it's worth?
It's fake, mon.
(BENDER WAILING)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)