1
00:00:06,580 --> 00:00:07,581
(HUMMING)

2
00:00:08,457 --> 00:00:09,791
Pizza delivery.

3
00:00:10,375 --> 00:00:12,753
Wow. So, this is a real TV station, huh?

4
00:00:13,462 --> 00:00:15,172
Well, it's a Fox affiliate.

5
00:00:15,297 --> 00:00:16,715
What are you showing right now?

6
00:00:16,798 --> 00:00:18,133
- (MUSIC PLAYS)
- Single Female Lawyer.

7
00:00:18,217 --> 00:00:20,260
It's the season finale. You want to watch?

8
00:00:20,511 --> 00:00:22,638
Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show.

9
00:00:22,721 --> 00:00:26,558
I prefer programs of the genre
world's blankiest blank.

10
00:00:26,683 --> 00:00:28,977
She is wearing
the world's shortiest skirt.

11
00:00:29,561 --> 00:00:30,646
I'm in.

12
00:00:32,606 --> 00:00:33,774
Counselor, I remind you

13
00:00:33,857 --> 00:00:36,151
that it's unethical
to sleep with your client.

14
00:00:36,235 --> 00:00:38,362
If you really care about the outcome
of the case,

15
00:00:38,445 --> 00:00:39,863
you should sleep with me.

16
00:00:39,988 --> 00:00:41,532
Your Honor, it's bad enough

17
00:00:41,615 --> 00:00:44,451
to proposition
a single female lawyer in court,

18
00:00:44,535 --> 00:00:46,453
but this is a unisex bathroom.

19
00:00:46,537 --> 00:00:47,913
Overruled, counselor.

20
00:00:48,038 --> 00:00:49,331
(WOMAN EXCLAIMS)

21
00:00:49,581 --> 00:00:51,250
(MOANS)

22
00:00:51,542 --> 00:00:53,335
- (TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
- Could you repeat that last part?

23
00:00:54,753 --> 00:00:56,171
(YAWNS)

24
00:00:59,341 --> 00:01:02,302
Oh, my God! You knocked Fox off the air!

25
00:01:02,386 --> 00:01:04,596
Pfft! Like anyone on Earth cares.

26
00:01:05,055 --> 00:01:06,640
(BEEPING)

27
00:01:19,611 --> 00:01:20,904
(LONG BEEP)

28
00:01:24,283 --> 00:01:25,742
Could you repeat that last part?

29
00:01:29,204 --> 00:01:30,289
This is an outrage!

30
00:01:30,372 --> 00:01:33,000
I demand to know what happened
to the plucky lawyer

31
00:01:33,083 --> 00:01:35,169
and her compellingly short garment.

32
00:01:35,544 --> 00:01:37,880
ANNOUNCER: Due to technical difficulties,

33
00:01:37,963 --> 00:01:40,215
we now bring you
eight animated shows in a row.

34
00:01:40,465 --> 00:01:41,842
(GROWLS)

35
00:01:45,053 --> 00:01:47,014
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

36
00:02:15,417 --> 00:02:17,753
What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost?

37
00:02:17,836 --> 00:02:19,838
- Get to work, you lazy boltbag.
- Ow!

38
00:02:20,005 --> 00:02:21,423
(LAUGHS) Ow!

39
00:02:21,757 --> 00:02:23,967
Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day.

40
00:02:24,051 --> 00:02:26,345
Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday

41
00:02:26,428 --> 00:02:28,847
crammed down our throats
by fat-cat union gangsters?

42
00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:31,266
- That's the one.
- Hot damn. A day off.

43
00:02:34,269 --> 00:02:36,605
Who's up for one last summer beach trip?

44
00:02:36,980 --> 00:02:38,857
- Oh, yeah.
- Ready, Freddy.

45
00:02:39,107 --> 00:02:40,692
Eh, I think I'll just stay here.

46
00:02:40,776 --> 00:02:44,112
Fry, you're wasting your life
sitting in front of that TV.

47
00:02:44,196 --> 00:02:46,281
You need to get out
and see the real world.

48
00:02:46,448 --> 00:02:48,408
But this is HDTV.

49
00:02:48,492 --> 00:02:50,702
It's got better resolution
than the real world.

50
00:02:50,786 --> 00:02:53,288
(SIGHS) Everyone's too polite
to say anything,

51
00:02:53,372 --> 00:02:55,707
but you're covered with bedsores.

52
00:02:55,791 --> 00:02:58,043
- Not covered.
- Just get in the car.

53
00:03:02,005 --> 00:03:03,423
(BRAKES SCREECH)

54
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,093
Ah! Here we are.

55
00:03:06,218 --> 00:03:07,386
(READING)

56
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:14,309
Wait. Mount Rushmore
and the Leaning Tower of Pisa?

57
00:03:14,643 --> 00:03:17,145
- I didn't know they were both in New York.
- They are now.

58
00:03:17,229 --> 00:03:20,566
In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected
a super-villain governor,

59
00:03:20,649 --> 00:03:22,901
and he stole most
of the world's monuments.

60
00:03:22,985 --> 00:03:25,863
Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

61
00:03:26,446 --> 00:03:27,447
(WHISTLES)

62
00:03:29,283 --> 00:03:31,535
(HUMMING)

63
00:03:34,079 --> 00:03:35,581
(GROANS)

64
00:03:36,206 --> 00:03:38,125
(METAL DETECTOR BEEPING STEADILY)

65
00:03:38,375 --> 00:03:39,543
(BEEPS RAPIDLY)

66
00:03:39,626 --> 00:03:40,627
Aha!

67
00:03:42,796 --> 00:03:43,797
Found you.

68
00:03:43,922 --> 00:03:46,008
Okay, now you go hide.

69
00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:49,011
(CHUCKLES)

70
00:03:49,094 --> 00:03:50,220
Nice knowing you.

71
00:03:51,388 --> 00:03:53,182
(SLURPS) Ah!

72
00:03:54,266 --> 00:03:55,851
- (GRUNTS)
- (GROANS)

73
00:03:56,476 --> 00:03:57,811
(AIR HISSES)

74
00:03:58,645 --> 00:03:59,938
(GRUMBLES)

75
00:04:00,022 --> 00:04:02,816
Come on, Zoidberg.
I passed it right to you.

76
00:04:02,941 --> 00:04:06,945
Ugh! I've had it with this game.
I'm going for a scuttle.

77
00:04:10,699 --> 00:04:11,992
(WATER BUBBLING)

78
00:04:12,826 --> 00:04:14,870
Okay, everyone, come and get it!

79
00:04:15,704 --> 00:04:17,164
(SIZZLING)

80
00:04:20,417 --> 00:04:24,338
Ah! Just like my dad used to make,
until McDonald's fired him.

81
00:04:24,421 --> 00:04:26,673
Bite my red-hot glowing ass.

82
00:04:27,174 --> 00:04:28,759
Wait a minute.

83
00:04:29,218 --> 00:04:30,886
Red-hot glowing ass?

84
00:04:31,136 --> 00:04:32,471
I'll be right back.

85
00:04:32,846 --> 00:04:35,098
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

86
00:04:35,265 --> 00:04:36,725
(SIZZLING)

87
00:04:36,808 --> 00:04:37,893
(MOANS) Oh!

88
00:04:37,976 --> 00:04:39,269
Yeah.

89
00:04:40,479 --> 00:04:41,563
LEELA: Mmm!

90
00:04:41,772 --> 00:04:42,940
(WHINING)

91
00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:45,359
(GROWLS SOFTLY)

92
00:04:45,442 --> 00:04:46,902
AMY: No. Nibbler.

93
00:04:48,612 --> 00:04:50,280
(GASPS) Psst!

94
00:04:50,364 --> 00:04:53,116
- (FARNSWORTH SNORING)
- Professor, I need another bikini.

95
00:04:53,492 --> 00:04:54,493
Wha...

96
00:04:54,910 --> 00:04:57,246
Oh! Okay. I think there's one can left.

97
00:05:00,707 --> 00:05:01,708
Oh, my.

98
00:05:03,710 --> 00:05:05,337
There. How do I look?

99
00:05:05,420 --> 00:05:07,464
Like a cheap French harlot.

100
00:05:07,548 --> 00:05:08,924
French?

101
00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:13,387
- (LEELA GASPS)
- (BOTH GRUNTING)

102
00:05:15,639 --> 00:05:20,060
Say, dollface, how'd you like
to make time with a real man?

103
00:05:20,143 --> 00:05:22,896
No. I'm not attracted to bullies,

104
00:05:22,980 --> 00:05:26,358
no matter how big and handsome they are.

105
00:05:26,441 --> 00:05:29,236
It's okay, Leela, go ahead.
I got a lot of work to do here.

106
00:05:29,403 --> 00:05:33,782
(CHUCKLES) Sir, you don't understand.
I'm a professional beach bully.

107
00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:37,411
I pretend to steal your girl,
you punch me, I go down,

108
00:05:37,494 --> 00:05:40,080
she swoons, you slip me 50 bucks.

109
00:05:40,164 --> 00:05:41,290
50 bucks?

110
00:05:41,373 --> 00:05:44,084
Not even if she was my girlfriend.
You take her.

111
00:05:44,168 --> 00:05:45,627
Fry.

112
00:05:45,711 --> 00:05:49,339
Although I suppose we could go
for a walk on the beach.

113
00:05:49,506 --> 00:05:51,842
Uh... No, thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

114
00:05:56,221 --> 00:05:57,764
(SLURPING)

115
00:05:59,474 --> 00:06:01,768
Uh-oh. Help. Help!

116
00:06:03,061 --> 00:06:04,938
(BENDER WHISTLING TUNEFULLY)

117
00:06:06,273 --> 00:06:07,816
Bender, you got to spring me.

118
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:10,819
I'll never survive in here.
I'm too pretty.

119
00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:13,530
All right, all right. I'll bust you out.

120
00:06:13,697 --> 00:06:14,823
(GRUNTS)

121
00:06:15,199 --> 00:06:17,618
(ALARM BLARING)

122
00:06:17,951 --> 00:06:19,203
Cheese it!

123
00:06:21,538 --> 00:06:24,500
Voilà.
The greatest sand castle ever built.

124
00:06:24,583 --> 00:06:26,919
The kind of castle
King Arthur would have lived in

125
00:06:27,002 --> 00:06:29,463
- if he were a fiddler crab.
- It's very nice.

126
00:06:29,546 --> 00:06:31,757
We should get a picture
before the tide comes in.

127
00:06:32,049 --> 00:06:33,759
Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera?

128
00:06:33,842 --> 00:06:34,968
Right here, buddy.

129
00:06:37,095 --> 00:06:39,097
Wait. I want to be in the picture, too.

130
00:06:40,432 --> 00:06:41,892
(TIMER BEEPING)

131
00:06:43,435 --> 00:06:44,603
Pretend you're happy.

132
00:06:44,811 --> 00:06:46,104
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

133
00:06:46,813 --> 00:06:48,357
(ALL GASPING)

134
00:06:48,565 --> 00:06:49,733
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

135
00:06:55,781 --> 00:06:56,907
Oh, my God!

136
00:06:57,115 --> 00:06:58,492
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

137
00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:00,536
What in Babylon?

138
00:07:00,619 --> 00:07:01,745
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

139
00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,591
No!

140
00:07:24,476 --> 00:07:25,561
Faster!

141
00:07:26,687 --> 00:07:28,272
We're all gonna die, aren't we?

142
00:07:28,355 --> 00:07:30,023
Oh, I should think so.

143
00:07:30,107 --> 00:07:31,984
Although, last time aliens invaded

144
00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:34,945
all they did was force
the most intelligent of us

145
00:07:35,028 --> 00:07:37,656
to pair off and mate continuously.

146
00:07:38,323 --> 00:07:39,324
Oh, yes.

147
00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:44,955
Once again, today's winning
lotto number was four.

148
00:07:45,289 --> 00:07:49,501
In other news, alien saucers continue
to rain destruction upon Earth.

149
00:07:49,585 --> 00:07:53,797
We now go live to an emergency address
by Earth president McNeal.

150
00:07:54,131 --> 00:07:56,592
Ladies and gentlemen,our course is clear.

151
00:07:56,967 --> 00:07:59,428
The time has come to knuckle under.

152
00:07:59,511 --> 00:08:02,973
To get down on all fours
and really lick boot.

153
00:08:03,056 --> 00:08:05,434
Give our alien masters
whatever they want and...

154
00:08:06,518 --> 00:08:07,686
People of Earth,

155
00:08:07,769 --> 00:08:11,440
I am Lrrr, of the planetOmicron Persei 8.

156
00:08:12,107 --> 00:08:13,108
Is this thing on?

157
00:08:13,317 --> 00:08:14,401
(BLOWS)

158
00:08:14,776 --> 00:08:18,363
Now, then.
We want the one you call McNeal.

159
00:08:18,447 --> 00:08:21,325
Give us McNeal,
or we will lay waste to your cities

160
00:08:21,408 --> 00:08:23,577
with our anti-monument laser.

161
00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:25,787
We demand McNeal!

162
00:08:27,414 --> 00:08:29,666
Uh... As I was saying... (CLEARS THROAT)

163
00:08:30,083 --> 00:08:31,710
mankind would sooner perish

164
00:08:31,793 --> 00:08:36,131
than kowtow to outrageous
alien demandsfor this McNeal...

165
00:08:36,215 --> 00:08:38,592
Whoever he is. Am I right?

166
00:08:38,717 --> 00:08:40,135
(ALL MURMURING)

167
00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:44,473
And now, the man who will lead us
in our proud struggle for freedom,

168
00:08:44,556 --> 00:08:49,144
fresh from his bloody triumph
over the pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula,

169
00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:52,064
25-star general Zapp Brannigan.

170
00:08:52,189 --> 00:08:53,732
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

171
00:08:54,483 --> 00:08:55,484
(LEELA GROANS)

172
00:08:55,609 --> 00:08:56,693
Hey, look, Leela.

173
00:08:56,777 --> 00:08:59,029
It's that idiotic windbag you slept with.

174
00:08:59,112 --> 00:09:02,908
The Earth is under attack.
Can't we just forget about that?

175
00:09:02,991 --> 00:09:04,493
Evidently not.

176
00:09:04,618 --> 00:09:07,663
Call me cocky, but if there's an alien
out there I can't kill,

177
00:09:07,746 --> 00:09:10,999
I haven't met him and killed him yet.
But I can't go it alone.

178
00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:15,045
That's why I'm ordering
every available ship to report for duty.

179
00:09:15,128 --> 00:09:16,964
Anyone without a ship
should secure a weapon

180
00:09:17,047 --> 00:09:18,924
and fire wildly into the air.

181
00:09:19,049 --> 00:09:22,386
Well, you heard the windbag.
We've been drafted.

182
00:09:22,469 --> 00:09:23,804
Everyone into the ship.

183
00:09:23,929 --> 00:09:25,806
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on!

184
00:09:25,889 --> 00:09:28,976
I refuse to fight.
I'm a conscientious objector.

185
00:09:29,059 --> 00:09:31,103
- A what?
- You know, a coward.

186
00:09:31,186 --> 00:09:32,980
Since this is an emergency,

187
00:09:33,063 --> 00:09:36,483
all robots will now
have their patriotism circuits activated.

188
00:09:37,359 --> 00:09:38,485
(BEEPING)

189
00:09:38,569 --> 00:09:41,405
It is every robot's duty to give his life
for the good of humanity.

190
00:09:41,989 --> 00:09:43,073
Oh, crap.

191
00:09:51,456 --> 00:09:53,292
You're all from different cultures here.

192
00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:55,502
Some of you are white.
Some of you are black.

193
00:09:56,044 --> 00:09:58,964
You're brown. And you're silver.

194
00:09:59,047 --> 00:10:02,968
But I don't care if your skin's
red or tan or Chinese.

195
00:10:03,051 --> 00:10:05,721
You're all going to have
to learn to die together.

196
00:10:05,804 --> 00:10:07,723
- Am I right, soldier?
- Well, actually, I...

197
00:10:07,848 --> 00:10:08,849
(BEEPING)

198
00:10:08,932 --> 00:10:10,684
Sir! Yes, sir! Sir!

199
00:10:10,767 --> 00:10:14,438
Remember, our mission is simple.
Destroy all aliens.

200
00:10:14,897 --> 00:10:17,065
Um... Eh... Not me, sir.

201
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:20,569
Oh, yes. Right. Nobody destroy Kif.

202
00:10:20,652 --> 00:10:21,778
Unless you have to.

203
00:10:22,696 --> 00:10:24,114
Oh, ho, ho.

204
00:10:24,281 --> 00:10:26,575
The luscious Captain Leela.

205
00:10:26,658 --> 00:10:29,912
This is turning into
one very sexy struggle

206
00:10:30,037 --> 00:10:32,206
for the future of the human race.

207
00:10:32,289 --> 00:10:34,833
Thanks, but I'm not technically human.

208
00:10:34,917 --> 00:10:38,212
Right, right.
Nobody destroy Leela, either.

209
00:10:38,337 --> 00:10:40,506
The key to victory is discipline,

210
00:10:40,589 --> 00:10:42,090
and that means a well-made bed.

211
00:10:42,174 --> 00:10:44,885
You will practice until
you can make your bed in your sleep.

212
00:10:44,968 --> 00:10:46,553
You mean, while I'm sleeping in it?

213
00:10:46,637 --> 00:10:48,472
You won't have time for sleeping, soldier,

214
00:10:48,555 --> 00:10:50,599
not with all the bed-making
you'll be doing.

215
00:10:51,183 --> 00:10:53,810
The alien mother ship is in orbit here.

216
00:10:53,894 --> 00:10:55,354
If we can hit that bullseye,

217
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:58,524
the rest of the dominoes
will fall like a house of cards.

218
00:10:58,982 --> 00:11:00,067
Checkmate.

219
00:11:00,150 --> 00:11:01,276
(KIF GROANS)

220
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,778
Now, like all great plans,

221
00:11:02,861 --> 00:11:05,989
my strategy is so simple,
an idiot could have devised it.

222
00:11:06,073 --> 00:11:08,116
On my command, all ships will line up

223
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,036
and file directly
into the alien death cannons,

224
00:11:11,119 --> 00:11:12,579
clogging them with wreckage.

225
00:11:12,663 --> 00:11:15,916
Wouldn't it make more sense
to send the robots in first and...

226
00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:18,001
- (CHOKING)
- (BEEPING)

227
00:11:18,418 --> 00:11:21,088
Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission!

228
00:11:21,296 --> 00:11:23,048
Ah! Cut it out!

229
00:11:23,131 --> 00:11:25,759
You're a brave robot, son,
but when I'm in command,

230
00:11:25,843 --> 00:11:27,719
every mission's a suicide mission.

231
00:11:27,803 --> 00:11:29,221
Which reminds me...

232
00:11:29,346 --> 00:11:32,224
Leela, perhaps before we head into battle

233
00:11:32,307 --> 00:11:35,936
you'd like to make love to me
in case one of us doesn't come back.

234
00:11:36,061 --> 00:11:40,107
Maybe we should wait till afterwards
in case neither of us comes back.

235
00:11:40,190 --> 00:11:41,400
Here's hoping.

236
00:11:42,359 --> 00:11:43,360
Muah!

237
00:11:53,328 --> 00:11:54,788
I'm gonna be a sci-fi hero

238
00:11:54,872 --> 00:11:58,083
just like Uhura
or Captain Janeway or Xena.

239
00:11:58,167 --> 00:12:02,421
Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life.
Can't you tell the difference?

240
00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:04,339
Sure. I just like TV better.

241
00:12:04,548 --> 00:12:06,175
(IMITATES WEAPONS FIRING)

242
00:12:18,270 --> 00:12:19,479
(ALARM BEEPS RAPIDLY)

243
00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:21,565
Bender, damage report.

244
00:12:21,648 --> 00:12:24,693
The auxiliary power's out.
And they spilled my cocktail.

245
00:12:26,236 --> 00:12:30,532
All right, scumwads,
this one's for Bender's cocktail.

246
00:12:34,828 --> 00:12:36,747
(POWERING DOWN)

247
00:12:40,709 --> 00:12:42,211
(LAUGHS)

248
00:12:42,294 --> 00:12:44,254
We did it! We won!

249
00:12:44,338 --> 00:12:48,550
Yeah, but it'll never
bring back my martini.

250
00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:50,594
Well, who wants a martini?

251
00:12:50,677 --> 00:12:52,054
(RATTLING)

252
00:12:53,931 --> 00:12:56,934
Good work, everyone.
The mother ship is destroyed.

253
00:13:03,732 --> 00:13:05,484
What the hell is that thing?

254
00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:07,611
It appears to be the mother ship.

255
00:13:07,694 --> 00:13:09,279
Then what did we just blow up?

256
00:13:10,155 --> 00:13:11,949
The Hubble Telescope.

257
00:13:18,872 --> 00:13:21,124
Stop exploding, you cowards!

258
00:13:21,208 --> 00:13:22,376
This is hopeless.

259
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,086
If we're gonna get blown to bits,

260
00:13:24,169 --> 00:13:26,880
we may as well do it
in the comfort of our own home.

261
00:13:28,882 --> 00:13:30,342
(BEEPING)

262
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,598
You'll be the captain,
you'll be thedelivery boy,

263
00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:40,018
and you'll be the alcoholic,
foul-mouthed...

264
00:13:40,102 --> 00:13:41,603
Oh, God, you're alive!

265
00:13:41,812 --> 00:13:44,147
I mean, thank God, you're alive.

266
00:13:44,231 --> 00:13:47,317
Sorry. Check back in three days.
A week at the most.

267
00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:52,155
We want McNeal! Stop stalling!

268
00:13:53,073 --> 00:13:55,701
And now a rebuttal from President McNeal.

269
00:13:55,784 --> 00:14:00,414
The people of Earth remain united
in my refusal to hand over myself.

270
00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:04,334
Total annihilation is a small
price to pay compared with...

271
00:14:04,418 --> 00:14:05,919
(MUFFLED SPEAKING)

272
00:14:08,255 --> 00:14:10,090
(ALL CLAPPING)

273
00:14:17,431 --> 00:14:19,933
Here he is! Come and get him!

274
00:14:23,437 --> 00:14:25,022
You are not McNeal.

275
00:14:25,105 --> 00:14:26,148
BOTH: Huh?

276
00:14:26,231 --> 00:14:27,733
You are not the one we want.

277
00:14:27,983 --> 00:14:31,445
Oh! Thank you. Thank you,
glorious masters. I...

278
00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:33,614
(SHRIEKS)

279
00:14:33,697 --> 00:14:34,865
Give us McNeal!

280
00:14:34,990 --> 00:14:36,366
That was McNeal.

281
00:14:36,450 --> 00:14:39,703
No, McNeal, the single female lawyer.

282
00:14:39,786 --> 00:14:42,039
She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous.

283
00:14:42,456 --> 00:14:43,916
Really.

284
00:14:43,999 --> 00:14:45,167
Miniskirts?

285
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:46,793
That sounds familiar.

286
00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,754
Surely you know McNeal.

287
00:14:48,837 --> 00:14:50,881
She is an unmarried human female

288
00:14:50,964 --> 00:14:53,467
struggling to succeed
in a human male's world.

289
00:14:53,550 --> 00:14:55,677
Maybe that's just her excuse
for being incompetent.

290
00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:59,056
Silence! We will accept no more decoys.

291
00:14:59,139 --> 00:15:01,183
This is the McNeal.

292
00:15:01,266 --> 00:15:03,060
Wait. I know her.

293
00:15:03,143 --> 00:15:05,854
You do not, you big, fat liar.

294
00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:08,857
You don't know anyone.
All you do is watch TV.

295
00:15:08,941 --> 00:15:12,027
That's where I know her from.
She's Jenny McNeal.

296
00:15:12,110 --> 00:15:14,905
She was a character on a TV show
back in the 20th century.

297
00:15:14,988 --> 00:15:16,698
Single Female Lawyer.

298
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:21,119
Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show
that hasn't existed for 1,000 years...

299
00:15:21,245 --> 00:15:23,831
(BLOWS RASPBERRY) They are royally boned.

300
00:15:23,914 --> 00:15:25,833
We will raiseyour planet's temperature

301
00:15:25,916 --> 00:15:30,587
by 1 million degreesa day for five days

302
00:15:30,671 --> 00:15:34,925
unless we see McNeal
at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow, 8:00 central.

303
00:15:35,008 --> 00:15:36,385
(ALL GASPING)

304
00:15:36,510 --> 00:15:40,848
Oh! I'm beginning to think
there'll be no forced mating at all.

305
00:15:45,644 --> 00:15:48,438
They're going to destroy the entire Earth
if they don't see

306
00:15:48,564 --> 00:15:51,316
some stupid TV show
about some bimbo lawyer?

307
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:55,320
It's crazy. How could they even know
about a show from 1,000 years ago?

308
00:15:55,404 --> 00:16:00,117
Well, Omicron Persei 8
is about 1,000 light-years away,

309
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:03,453
so the electromagnetic waves
would just recently have gotten there.

310
00:16:03,537 --> 00:16:05,414
- You see...
- Magic. Got it.

311
00:16:07,457 --> 00:16:08,709
AMY: Check this out.

312
00:16:08,792 --> 00:16:12,296
Back in 1999, the season finale
of Single Female Lawyer

313
00:16:12,379 --> 00:16:14,590
was interrupted by technical problems.

314
00:16:14,673 --> 00:16:17,634
Apparently some zidiot spilled
coke on a transmitter.

315
00:16:17,718 --> 00:16:19,636
Beer. I would think.

316
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:23,432
They must just want to see that episode.
Let's find a tape and give it to them.

317
00:16:24,057 --> 00:16:25,642
There aren't any copies left.

318
00:16:25,726 --> 00:16:27,144
No, there wouldn't be.

319
00:16:27,269 --> 00:16:31,315
Most videotapes from that era
were damaged in 2443

320
00:16:31,398 --> 00:16:33,233
during the second coming of Jesus.

321
00:16:33,317 --> 00:16:36,653
You know, I saw the first
30 seconds of that episode.

322
00:16:36,737 --> 00:16:39,656
If I could make up an ending,
maybe we could act it out ourselves.

323
00:16:39,740 --> 00:16:42,034
I could make the costumes.

324
00:16:42,117 --> 00:16:45,746
I have an old five megawatt
broadcasting tower in the attic.

325
00:16:45,829 --> 00:16:49,666
And I... I could be an acting coach.

326
00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:51,418
Let's put on a show!

327
00:16:54,338 --> 00:16:56,924
Okay, Leela, you'll be
starring as Jenny, who...

328
00:16:57,007 --> 00:16:58,592
Uh-uh. Forget it.

329
00:16:58,675 --> 00:17:01,929
A, I'm camera shy,
and B, I get tongue-tied

330
00:17:02,012 --> 00:17:04,556
in front of an audience
armed with death rays.

331
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,726
Plus, you don't really have
the thighs for a miniskirt.

332
00:17:08,519 --> 00:17:09,770
Give me the script.

333
00:17:10,521 --> 00:17:11,939
(CHUCKLING)

334
00:17:15,692 --> 00:17:16,985
Places, everyone.

335
00:17:17,778 --> 00:17:19,238
Okay.

336
00:17:19,738 --> 00:17:20,781
All set.

337
00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:24,243
Lights.

338
00:17:24,827 --> 00:17:25,828
Camera one.

339
00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:27,663
Camera two.

340
00:17:28,455 --> 00:17:29,456
Camera three.

341
00:17:33,836 --> 00:17:35,462
Prepare the watercooler

342
00:17:35,546 --> 00:17:38,590
that we may gather around it
later and discuss things.

343
00:17:40,008 --> 00:17:42,135
BENDER: (SINGING)
Single Female Lawyer

344
00:17:42,219 --> 00:17:43,929
Fighting for her client

345
00:17:44,304 --> 00:17:48,559
Wearing sexy miniskirts
And bein' self-reliant

346
00:17:48,642 --> 00:17:49,852
Hey, I'm pretty good.

347
00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:55,399
Jenny McNeal,
you are charged with jury tampering

348
00:17:55,482 --> 00:17:56,984
in last week's case

349
00:17:57,067 --> 00:18:00,487
on account of your hot,
naked affair with the foreman.

350
00:18:00,571 --> 00:18:02,030
How do you plead?

351
00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:04,741
Your Honor, I move for a mistrial

352
00:18:04,825 --> 00:18:07,995
on the grounds that
I'm also having a hot, naked affair

353
00:18:08,078 --> 00:18:09,705
with the foreman of this jury.

354
00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:12,249
I'll see you during the recess.

355
00:18:13,709 --> 00:18:15,711
If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously,

356
00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:18,505
why does she not simply
tear the judge's head off?

357
00:18:18,589 --> 00:18:20,632
It is true what they say,

358
00:18:20,716 --> 00:18:22,968
"Women are from Omicron Persei 7,

359
00:18:23,051 --> 00:18:25,387
"men are from Omicron Persei 9."

360
00:18:25,512 --> 00:18:27,890
Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez.

361
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:29,516
Gracias.

362
00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:31,727
Single female lawyer,

363
00:18:31,852 --> 00:18:34,980
where were you on the night of August 23?

364
00:18:35,063 --> 00:18:36,315
Sleeping with you.

365
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:37,900
Aha!

366
00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:40,944
(SNIFFS)

367
00:18:41,695 --> 00:18:44,448
(STUTTERING) Uh, get...
Getting back to the matter...

368
00:18:44,907 --> 00:18:46,742
Uh, if it please the court...

369
00:18:47,367 --> 00:18:49,620
Fry, there's nothing else here.

370
00:18:49,703 --> 00:18:51,955
You only wrote two pages of dialogue.

371
00:18:52,039 --> 00:18:55,792
Well, it took an hour to write,
I thought it would take an hour to read.

372
00:18:56,793 --> 00:18:58,378
What are we supposed to do now?

373
00:18:58,462 --> 00:19:00,964
I don't know. I don't know.
Just say anything

374
00:19:01,048 --> 00:19:03,008
as long as it's compelling
and mesmerizing.

375
00:19:03,217 --> 00:19:04,426
A tour de force.

376
00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:06,178
Uh...

377
00:19:06,428 --> 00:19:08,722
What say you, single female lawyer?

378
00:19:09,264 --> 00:19:12,434
I say... I'm giving up the law,

379
00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:14,520
and I'm giving up being single.

380
00:19:14,937 --> 00:19:17,606
Your Honor, will you marry me?

381
00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:18,774
(BOTH GASP)

382
00:19:18,982 --> 00:19:20,442
(VOCALIZES)

383
00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:23,278
Oh, no. Go to commercial.

384
00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:25,197
BENDER: We'll be back after this word

385
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:28,075
from crazy Bender's discount stereo.

386
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:31,745
Married? Jenny can't get married.

387
00:19:31,829 --> 00:19:34,623
Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected.

388
00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:37,000
But that's not why people watch TV.

389
00:19:37,084 --> 00:19:39,127
Clever things make people feel stupid,

390
00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:41,713
and unexpected things
make them feel scared.

391
00:19:42,923 --> 00:19:47,511
Attention, McNeal,
your unexpected marriage plan scares us.

392
00:19:47,594 --> 00:19:50,597
You stole our hearts
as a single female lawyer,

393
00:19:50,681 --> 00:19:53,851
and so shall you remain... Or else.

394
00:19:53,934 --> 00:19:57,062
You see? TV audiences
don't want anything original.

395
00:19:57,145 --> 00:20:00,315
They want to see the same thing
they've seen 1,000 times before.

396
00:20:00,399 --> 00:20:01,942
What you talkin' 'bout, Fry?

397
00:20:02,025 --> 00:20:05,195
Trust me on this. While other people
were out living their lives,

398
00:20:05,279 --> 00:20:08,365
I wasted mine watching TV,
because deep down

399
00:20:08,448 --> 00:20:11,535
I knew it might one day
help me save the world.

400
00:20:11,618 --> 00:20:14,580
Plus, I would've lost my workmen's comp
if I had gone outside.

401
00:20:14,663 --> 00:20:16,081
Now just read these cue cards.

402
00:20:18,709 --> 00:20:19,918
And action.

403
00:20:20,377 --> 00:20:22,754
"Miss McNeal, I'm afraid I must decline

404
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,506
"your offer of marriage,

405
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,633
"for you see, I'm dying.

406
00:20:26,717 --> 00:20:28,802
"Cough, then fall over dead."

407
00:20:29,845 --> 00:20:32,014
"My God, he's dead."

408
00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:36,018
"I will now make my closing statement.

409
00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:37,769
"With my fiancé deceased,

410
00:20:37,895 --> 00:20:41,690
"I hereby return
to my single female lawyer career,

411
00:20:41,773 --> 00:20:44,109
"no matter what any man says."

412
00:20:44,234 --> 00:20:47,654
"We find the defendant
vulnerable yet spunky."

413
00:20:47,821 --> 00:20:49,156
(ALL CHEER)

414
00:20:49,239 --> 00:20:50,782
And cut.

415
00:20:50,866 --> 00:20:53,327
(SINGING)
Single female lawyer

416
00:20:53,452 --> 00:20:55,329
Havin' lots of sex

417
00:20:56,121 --> 00:20:57,414
Attention, McNeal.

418
00:20:57,539 --> 00:21:00,709
We are reasonably satisfied
with the events we have seen.

419
00:21:00,834 --> 00:21:03,045
Overall, I would rate it a C plus.

420
00:21:03,128 --> 00:21:04,963
Okay, not great.

421
00:21:05,047 --> 00:21:08,300
As a result, we will not
destroy your planet,

422
00:21:08,383 --> 00:21:12,596
but neither will we provide you
with our recipe for immortality.

423
00:21:12,679 --> 00:21:14,932
Way to overact, Zoidberg.

424
00:21:15,015 --> 00:21:17,976
And now we must return
to our planet to catch the end

425
00:21:18,101 --> 00:21:20,187
of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

426
00:21:24,775 --> 00:21:25,776
(ALL CHEERING)

427
00:21:35,953 --> 00:21:38,664
- You did it, Fry.
- Yep.

428
00:21:39,665 --> 00:21:43,293
It was just a matter
of knowing the secret of all TV shows.

429
00:21:43,377 --> 00:21:47,464
At the end of the episode,
everything's always right back to normal.

430
00:21:55,556 --> 00:21:57,850
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)