Honey unit, I'm home.
(GASPS) Monique!
Calculon!
(BEEPING)
Oh, how I wish I could believe that.
You may be my evil half-brother,
but there's no law against murdering the other half.
(MUSIC TINKLING)
ANNOUNCER: All My Circuits will be right backafter this word from...
Slurm: It's highly addictive.
(SURF MUSIC PLAYING)
Look. It's Slurms McKenzie.
He's the original party worm.
- Ooh. - (WOMEN GIGGLING)
Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!
Let's party!
(SURF MUSIC PLAYING)
Look at that worm go.
Who says there are no more heroes?
(SURF MUSIC)
Hey, dudes, you could win a chance
to party with me, Slurms McKenzie
at the Slurm bottling plant on Planet Wormulon.
ANNOUNCER: Just look for the golden bottle capinside specially marked cans of slurm.
(GASPS) I won.
ANNOUNCER: No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter.
Odds of winning insignificant.
I like those odds.
- (CAN RATTLING) - (GASPS)
Rats.
Just another tooth.
Ah...
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(GULPING)
(GROANS)
I got to find that golden bottle cap.
I've never seen anyone so addicted to slurm.
This is nothing. Back in high school
I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week.
Right up until my third heart attack.
(GROANS)
Bender, what's wrong?
I'm sick.
(SNEEZES)
You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever.
- (SIZZLES) - Ow!
According to Bender's temperature gauge,
WHICH I SUGGEST YOU USE NEXT TIME, LEELA,
he's running a fever of... 900 degrees.
(GROANING)
Bender, mon, lie yourself down.
You're paying for that.
I'll have a look but I remind you
I'm an expert on humans, not robots.
I'm not Bender. I'm Fry.
Really? I thought you were the robot.
Nope, human.
All right, all right, spare me your life story.
Now, what seems to be the trouble?
My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge.
Hmm.
Don't worry, you'll be fine.
Oh, boy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus.
He'll be floating upside down by morning.
You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender.
Take some zinc.
I'm 40% zinc.
Then take some echinacea or St. John's wort.
Or a big, fat placebo.
It's all the same crap.
- (COUGHS) - (RATTLING)
Hey, what's rattling around in there?
It may well be the cause of Bender's illness
But more importantly,
it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention.
To the laboratory.
I call this the F-ray.
It's like an X-ray, only it allows you to see through anything... even metal.
Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous,
so you'll need protective goggles.
ALL: Huh?
You may feel a slight stinging sensation.
All of you.
(MACHINE HUMS AND CRACKLES)
- (MECHANICAL CLICKING) - Aha!
There's the cause of your illness.
Hey, that's my watch.
I was wondering where I put that.
(WHIRRING)
Hey! Now I feel much better.
Thanks, Professor.
And Amy... sorry I took your watch.
(Chuckles)
(COUGHS)
Well, I've got to go take this suit to the decontaminators.
You two lock up the F-ray,
and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
What shall we point it at first?
I don't know. Try it on me.
Ow!
My sperm.
Wow! Neat. Mind if I try that again?
Huh. Didn't hurt that time.
Oh, mama.
Hold still, sexy lady.
(BENDER GASPS)
- What's wrong? - That's no lady.
Damn, chico.
One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle.
Why you so stupid, stupid?
Hey, bite my shiny metal ass.
You couldn't afford it, honey.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Man, all this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty.
Ah! If only there was some way of knowing
which can had the winning bottle cap inside.
What? I didn't hear you.
I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things.
Wait a second.
I'm getting an idea.
No. False alarm.
No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait.
No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!
(WAILING)
(WAILS)
Sorry.
This thing stinks.
We checked 90,000 cans of slurm and all we won was this junk.
I never want to see another can of slurm again.
Man, am I thirsty.
Fry, are you all right?
BENDER: You did it, Fry!
You found the winning bottle cap.
We won!
(CHEERING, CHOKING)
(ALL MURMURING)
BENDER: Hey.
(PLAYING FANFARE)
ALL: Ooh. BENDER: Wow.
Welcome to the Planet Wormulon.
I'm Glurmo your gollyrific guide to the splentacular slurm factory.
Uh-huh. Can we have our free slurm now?
You'll have all the slurm you can drink later on
when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie!
(SURF MUSIC PLAYING)
All right!
(EXCLAIMS)
Lay some skin on me, dudes.
Wow!
The original party worm.
Are you ready to get down, get funky with us?
He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms?
Right!
In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night,
or he's fired.
Rock on.
But before the party,
you're all in for a funderful treat.
A V.I.P. tour of the slurm factory.
Enjoy the tour, dudes.
I'm going to go lie down.
Welcome, my friends
to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call
Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit.
(ALL GASP)
FARNSWORTH: Oh, my.
BENDER: Look, flowers, and a boat.
(RHYTHMIC GRUNTING)
Who are those horrible orange creatures over there?
Why, those are the grunka-lunkas.
They work here in the slurm factory.
Tell them I hate them.
GLURMO: As we sail down the river of slurm,
you'll see our mixologists at work.
They take 900 of the finest ingredients,
add a touch of childlike delight,
and mix it all with glacial spring water
from our glacial spring water generator.
Then, last of all, we add the secret ingredient
that makes slurm so deliciously addictive.
So, what's the secret ingredient?
It's whatever your imagination wants it to be.
Oh. But what is it, really?
That's not for you to know.
Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas
are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor
using sensual massage.
Psst. Those berries.
- Those are the secret ingredient, right? - No.
- You positive? - Yes.
I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret.
Enough!
There will be no further questions.
- Why? - Hey, look.
The disgusting little men are starting to sing.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALL SINGING) Grunka lunka dunkity doo
We've got a friendly warning for you
Grunka lunka dunkity dasis
The secret of slurm's On a need-to-know basis
Asking questions in school
Is a great way to learn
If you try that stuff here You might get your legs broke
We once found a dead guy Face-down in the slurm
It could easily happen again to you, folks
So keep your head down And keep your mouth shut
Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt!
Hey! I don't pay you to sing.
You just used up today's bathroom break.
Hardass.
- GLURMO: I heard that. - (WHIMPERS)
Now, on your right
you'll see the Slurm Master
checking the slurm for color and bouquet.
(SLURPING)
So thirsty...
Then he tastes it.
He tastes it, and tastes it, then tastes it some more.
Could I have some slurm, please?
No food or drink allowed on the tour.
You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie.
When will that be?
Soon enough.
That's not soon enough.
Hey, what's behind that door?
- Nothing. - Is it the secret ingredient?
(ALL SINGING) Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient
You should not ask About the secret ingredient
Okay, okay, we get the point.
I was just curious because of the armed guards.
(ALL SINGING) Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards
Shut the hell up!
So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff
and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost?
That's right.
They think they have a good union, but they don't.
They're basically slaves.
(GRUNTING)
(STRAINING)
What are you doing?
I'm dying of thirst.
Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink.
No. That's moronic.
Fine. I'll let go, and swim around in the slurm,
and drink as much as I want. (CHUCKLES)
Help! I can't swim!
(GROANS) Oh...
(FRY GURGLING)
(GASPING)
(HYPERVENTILATING)
(WHISTLING CHEERFULLY)
Bender, why did you jump in?
Everybody was doing it.
I just wanted to be popular.
(ALL SCREAMING)
- BENDER: Ow! - Where are we?
And why is the slurm pouring into this sewer?
This isn't slurm at all.
Something's rotten on the Planet Wormulan. Look at this.
(CREATURES SIGHING AND SNORING)
This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient.
My God!
What if the secret ingredient is people?
No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent cola.
Oh. How is it?
It varies from person to person.
- (CASH REGISTER DINGING) - FARNSWORTH: Ooh! Hmm.
(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)
Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax?
Yes. Over in...
Say, weren't there more people in your group
at the start of the tour?
Hey, yeah.
Fry, Leela, and Bender are missing.
If you'll excuse me.
(SHRIEKING)
- (ALL GASPING) - Quick!
(WORMULANS GRUMBLING)
- Phew! - Look. Slurm!
Finally.
(Gulping)
Oh, yeah.
I'm never going 12 minutes without a slurm again.
It's the end of the line.
This must be where they put in the secret ingredient.
Whatever it is, it's even better fresh.
Still warm.
- (ALL GASPING) - (CREATURE CHOMPING)
(LOUD SPLATTING)
- Ohh! - Yack!
Oh! Lordy!
Fry!
Whew!
Fry!
That's the secret ingredient of slurm?
That's the only ingredient of slurm.
Eww-hoo-hoo!
(CREATURE GROWLING)
Whoa!
(CREATURE GROWLING)
(BENDER SCREAMING)
Aw!
(ALL GRUNTING)
I'll save us!
Yah!
Oh! That feels good.
Yep.
Thanks, Bender.
(CLEARS THROAT)
(ALL PANTING)
The exit. We made it!
(ALL GASPING)
BENDER: Your Majesty, I brought the prisoners.
Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of slurm.
That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive.
You wish, you slimy worm.
Hi-yah!
(CREATURES SNICKERING)
Oh!
Good work, Glurmo.
You have pleased your Queen.
THANK YOU, YOUR MAJESTY.
Thanks, ma'am.
How can you trick people
into drinking something that comes out of your behind?
It's disgusting.
Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind.
Milk comes from a cow's behind.
And have you ever used toothpaste?
Whose behind does that come from?
You don't want to know.
Look, we just came to party with Slurms McKenzie.
By the way, when is that scheduled?
Never!
To the torture cave!
(LOUDLY CHUGGING)
You, my metal friend, will have the honor
of becoming 174 slurm cans.
This trip is turning into a big letdown.
As for you, you will be submerged
in royal slurm, which, in a matter of minutes
will transform you into a slurm queen like myself.
But, your highness, she's a commoner.
Her slurm will taste foul.
Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new slurm."
Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back slurm classic
and make billions.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Oh... Oh.
What about me?
- You are free to go. - Yes!
If you can resist this concentrated superslurm.
Whoa!
(STRAINING)
It's so delicious
You'll eat until you explode.
Which reminds me, put a top over that sofa, would you?
Bon appétit.
(MUFFLED GRUNTING)
Mmm...
Farewell.
Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest.
(CRAZED LAUGHTER)
Fry, untie us. Quick.
Here I come.
Let me just... one more taste.
(SLURPING)
You pig.
Stop stuffing your craw and save us.
(GROANING)
(CRAZED SLURPING AND CHOMPING)
I can't see what's happening.
Are we boned?
Yeah, we're boned.
I can't stop eating this delicious ooze,
but I'm not going to let you die.
(STRAINING)
(SLURPING)
LEELA: Hurry.
BENDER: What's happening?
Oh.
(WHIMPERING)
Whew!
(CHUCKLES IN RELIEF) Just in time.
(SCREAMING)
No!
(FRANTICALLY GRUNTING)
I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.
(GNAWING)
We're close to the exit. I can smell those filthy orange guys.
Stop right there!
FRY: Slurms McKenzie!
Shh! I want you to take me with you.
- Say what? - I'm partied out.
All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends.
Is that so much to ask?
Forget it, pal.
It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us.
All right, when we get to earth.
But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small.
No can do, Slurms.
- (LOUD RUMBLING) - ALL: Huh?
(ROARING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
This way!
Oh! Oh!
(ANGRY GROANING)
She's gaining on us.
Go on without me. I'll hold her off.
But she'll crush you like a worm...
Crushing a smaller worm.
It's all right.
I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.
I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
- Babes? - Yes, Mr. McKenzie?
You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone.
- But... - There'll be other parties for you.
Now go. Go.
(LOUD GROWLING)
(INCREASES VOLUME)
(SINGING) Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
(WEAK GROWLING)
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Party on, Slurms.
Party on, contest winners.
Party on.
(YELPS)
(GRUNTS)
No! We're ruined!
They know our disgusting secret!
(SOBBING)
No!
(GULPING)
Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery.
It seems that slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie.
Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony
we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious slurm.
Outlaw slurm?
Don't pay any attention to him, sir.
Grandpa's making up crazy stories again.
I'm not your grandpa.
You're my uncle. From the year 2000!
Okay, Grandpa, we'll take care of the "bad worms."
Don't you worry.
I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me.
Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party.
What do you say we all party one last time for him?
For Slurms.
- For slurms. - For slurms.
Whammy wozzle.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(GULPING)
Hey, that's not that bad.
(LOUD GULPING)
Mmm!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)