1
00:00:04,283 --> 00:00:05,659
FRY: Hmm.

2
00:00:07,369 --> 00:00:09,371
Horsie to pointy guy six.

3
00:00:10,330 --> 00:00:11,582
(NEIGHS)

4
00:00:14,876 --> 00:00:16,169
(GRUNTS)

5
00:00:17,045 --> 00:00:18,797
(CHUCKLES) Check.

6
00:00:19,172 --> 00:00:20,424
BENDER: Hmm.

7
00:00:20,591 --> 00:00:21,592
Get 'im, boys.

8
00:00:21,717 --> 00:00:22,968
(YELLING)

9
00:00:23,093 --> 00:00:24,344
(PUNCHES LANDING)

10
00:00:25,512 --> 00:00:26,680
Good move.

11
00:00:32,227 --> 00:00:34,271
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

12
00:00:58,503 --> 00:01:00,088
Good news, everyone.

13
00:01:00,172 --> 00:01:01,214
We have a mission

14
00:01:01,298 --> 00:01:04,843
to further the noble cause
of intergalactic peace.

15
00:01:04,927 --> 00:01:06,303
Nope. Watching cartoons.

16
00:01:06,386 --> 00:01:07,512
Sorry.

17
00:01:08,388 --> 00:01:09,640
What's the mission?

18
00:01:09,723 --> 00:01:12,935
It's a delivery for
the Democratic Order of Planets.

19
00:01:13,018 --> 00:01:14,269
"DOOP"? What's that?

20
00:01:14,353 --> 00:01:17,439
It's similar to the United Nations
from your time, Fry.

21
00:01:17,522 --> 00:01:18,565
Uh...

22
00:01:18,649 --> 00:01:21,568
Or like the Federation
from your Star Trek program.

23
00:01:21,735 --> 00:01:22,778
Oh!

24
00:01:22,861 --> 00:01:26,365
Tonight is the ribbon cutting
for the DOOP's new headquarters.

25
00:01:26,448 --> 00:01:27,491
What are we delivering?

26
00:01:27,574 --> 00:01:31,036
Something without which
no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed,

27
00:01:31,119 --> 00:01:34,081
the ceremonial oversized scissors.

28
00:01:34,164 --> 00:01:36,583
We'll get them there as quickly as we can.

29
00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:38,919
All right, but don't run with them.

30
00:01:46,134 --> 00:01:47,219
Wow!

31
00:01:47,302 --> 00:01:48,762
There's a million aliens.

32
00:01:48,845 --> 00:01:50,931
I've never seen anything so mind-blowing.

33
00:01:51,431 --> 00:01:54,476
Ooh! A reception table with muffins!

34
00:01:55,227 --> 00:01:56,645
Ladies and gentlemen,

35
00:01:56,728 --> 00:01:58,730
welcome to the ribbon-cutting ceremony

36
00:01:58,814 --> 00:02:01,483
of the DOOP's
magnificent new headquarters,

37
00:02:01,566 --> 00:02:03,944
a fitting home for an organization

38
00:02:04,027 --> 00:02:06,738
that has fostered peace
throughout the universe.

39
00:02:06,822 --> 00:02:10,075
Even between the Insectoids
and the Space Lizards.

40
00:02:14,246 --> 00:02:15,664
(APPLAUSE)

41
00:02:15,872 --> 00:02:18,667
So, what's it like on Planet Amazonia?

42
00:02:18,750 --> 00:02:19,918
Big rats there.

43
00:02:20,002 --> 00:02:21,670
Me crush with club.

44
00:02:21,753 --> 00:02:23,672
That's so interesting.

45
00:02:23,755 --> 00:02:26,341
Maybe we could get to know
each other over a coffee.

46
00:02:26,425 --> 00:02:29,720
I can think of no better place
for this center of diplomacy

47
00:02:29,803 --> 00:02:32,806
than here in orbit
around the Neutral Planet.

48
00:02:32,889 --> 00:02:34,099
What are your thoughts

49
00:02:34,182 --> 00:02:36,602
on this momentous occasion,
Your Neutralness?

50
00:02:36,685 --> 00:02:40,147
I have no strong feelings
one way or the other.

51
00:02:40,272 --> 00:02:41,690
(APPLAUSE)

52
00:02:41,898 --> 00:02:44,484
I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kif.

53
00:02:44,568 --> 00:02:46,278
With enemies, you know where they stand.

54
00:02:46,361 --> 00:02:47,863
But with Neutrals, who knows?

55
00:02:47,946 --> 00:02:49,698
It sickens me.

56
00:02:49,990 --> 00:02:51,074
(KIF GROANS)

57
00:02:51,408 --> 00:02:52,409
Halt!

58
00:02:52,492 --> 00:02:53,994
Why, Leela,

59
00:02:54,077 --> 00:02:56,455
I do believe we've met.

60
00:02:56,538 --> 00:02:58,206
He means you guys did it.

61
00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:02,085
If you don't mind, we're here to deliver
the scissors for the ribbon cutting.

62
00:03:02,169 --> 00:03:04,838
- Then you're under arrest.
- What for?

63
00:03:04,922 --> 00:03:08,342
How do I know these scissors
aren't part of some Neutral plot?

64
00:03:08,425 --> 00:03:09,927
But they're not even sharp.

65
00:03:10,010 --> 00:03:11,845
Who could I possibly hurt with them?

66
00:03:11,929 --> 00:03:14,556
The Yarn People of Nylar IV.

67
00:03:14,806 --> 00:03:16,016
(GIBBERING)

68
00:03:16,642 --> 00:03:21,146
So, a plan to assassinate
a weird-looking alien with scissors.

69
00:03:21,229 --> 00:03:23,023
How very neutral of you.

70
00:03:23,106 --> 00:03:24,232
What?

71
00:03:24,316 --> 00:03:27,986
It was almost the perfect crime,
but you forgot one thing.

72
00:03:28,070 --> 00:03:30,614
Rock crushes scissors.

73
00:03:31,073 --> 00:03:35,035
But paper covers rock.
And scissors cuts paper.

74
00:03:35,118 --> 00:03:37,663
- Kif, we have a conundrum.
- (KIF GROANS)

75
00:03:37,746 --> 00:03:40,582
Search them for paper.
And bring me a rock.

76
00:03:40,666 --> 00:03:41,667
Why?

77
00:03:41,750 --> 00:03:43,043
ZAPP: So beautiful.

78
00:03:43,126 --> 00:03:44,920
Yet so neutral.

79
00:03:46,755 --> 00:03:48,173
Drag them to the ship.

80
00:03:48,257 --> 00:03:50,217
And now, to cut the ribbon,

81
00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:52,803
the legendary DOOP captain
who just returned

82
00:03:52,886 --> 00:03:55,764
from a triumphant carpet bombing
of Eden 7,

83
00:03:55,847 --> 00:03:57,641
Zapp Brannigan.

84
00:04:05,315 --> 00:04:08,235
What makes a man turn neutral?

85
00:04:08,318 --> 00:04:10,654
Lust for gold? Power?

86
00:04:10,737 --> 00:04:13,991
Or were you just born
with a heart full of neutrality?

87
00:04:14,074 --> 00:04:15,075
Sir...

88
00:04:15,158 --> 00:04:17,619
You're supposed to be
cutting the ribbon right now.

89
00:04:17,703 --> 00:04:19,580
No matter. I'll simply cut it from here

90
00:04:19,663 --> 00:04:20,872
with the ship's laser.

91
00:04:25,043 --> 00:04:27,212
Sir, I don't think that's wise.

92
00:04:27,296 --> 00:04:29,590
Kif, if there's one thing I don't need,

93
00:04:29,673 --> 00:04:32,384
it's your "I don't think
that's wise" attitude.

94
00:04:41,852 --> 00:04:42,894
(APPLAUSE)

95
00:04:49,818 --> 00:04:51,194
(RUMBLING)

96
00:04:53,488 --> 00:04:55,157
(SCREAMING)

97
00:04:56,783 --> 00:04:58,493
Whoopsie-daisy.

98
00:05:00,913 --> 00:05:02,289
(GAVEL POUNDS)

99
00:05:02,372 --> 00:05:04,499
Zapp Brannigan, you stand accused

100
00:05:04,583 --> 00:05:06,418
of blowing up DOOP headquarters.

101
00:05:06,501 --> 00:05:07,753
How do you plead?

102
00:05:07,836 --> 00:05:10,756
Absolutely 99% not guilty.

103
00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:12,883
Then the prosecutor
will call his first witness.

104
00:05:12,966 --> 00:05:14,176
Your Honor,

105
00:05:14,259 --> 00:05:16,303
I'm just a simple hyper-chicken

106
00:05:16,386 --> 00:05:18,513
from a backwoods asteroid,

107
00:05:18,597 --> 00:05:23,393
but if it please the court
I reckon I'll call the entire jury.

108
00:05:23,769 --> 00:05:24,853
(ALL GASPING)

109
00:05:25,103 --> 00:05:26,188
(ALL MURMURING)

110
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,231
I'm going to allow this.

111
00:05:28,315 --> 00:05:30,192
Members of the jury,

112
00:05:30,275 --> 00:05:32,069
did y'all happen to catch a gander

113
00:05:32,152 --> 00:05:35,155
at who blew up
that there DOOP headquarters?

114
00:05:35,239 --> 00:05:36,448
That's the guy right there.

115
00:05:36,531 --> 00:05:37,991
- Right over there.
- Yes, indeed.

116
00:05:38,075 --> 00:05:40,911
And are y'all going to vote
to convict him?

117
00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:42,663
- Absolutely.
- You better believe it.

118
00:05:43,247 --> 00:05:46,333
The jury is instructed
to disregard its own testimony.

119
00:05:46,416 --> 00:05:48,877
Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

120
00:05:49,086 --> 00:05:50,420
(CLUCKS)

121
00:05:50,671 --> 00:05:53,173
The evidence against
Zapp Brannigan is strong.

122
00:05:53,257 --> 00:05:55,634
However, in light of his years of service

123
00:05:55,717 --> 00:05:58,428
and the incompetence
of this hillbilly prosecutor,

124
00:05:58,512 --> 00:06:00,931
I'm afraid I must dismiss all charges.

125
00:06:02,140 --> 00:06:03,934
Dismiss all charges?

126
00:06:04,017 --> 00:06:07,521
Your Honor, I know the case is closed
and you've rendered your verdict

127
00:06:07,604 --> 00:06:09,147
but I want to testify.

128
00:06:09,231 --> 00:06:11,024
I'm going to allow this.

129
00:06:11,108 --> 00:06:14,152
Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question

130
00:06:14,236 --> 00:06:18,073
were you or were you not
wearing a hoopskirt?

131
00:06:18,156 --> 00:06:19,866
That's a stupid question.

132
00:06:19,950 --> 00:06:24,162
What matters is Zapp Brannigan
is the sorriest captain I've ever seen,

133
00:06:24,246 --> 00:06:27,332
and I saw the idiot blow up
DOOP Headquarters with my own eye.

134
00:06:27,457 --> 00:06:28,917
(ALL MURMURING)

135
00:06:29,293 --> 00:06:32,004
I'd like to cross-examine the witness.

136
00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:33,589
I'm going to allow this.

137
00:06:33,964 --> 00:06:36,800
- We've met before, have we not?
- Yes.

138
00:06:36,883 --> 00:06:40,637
And on that occasion,
did you have sex with someone?

139
00:06:40,721 --> 00:06:43,473
May I remind you,
you are still under oath.

140
00:06:43,682 --> 00:06:45,726
(SIGHS) Yes.

141
00:06:45,809 --> 00:06:49,938
Please point out the person
in this courtroom you had sex with.

142
00:06:52,190 --> 00:06:53,442
Whoo!

143
00:06:54,401 --> 00:06:58,322
- And his name is?
- Zapp Brannigan.

144
00:06:58,405 --> 00:07:02,659
The very same Zapp Brannigan
who did not blow up DOOP Headquarters.

145
00:07:02,743 --> 00:07:04,745
I rest my case.

146
00:07:05,829 --> 00:07:09,458
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
you may begin your deliberations.

147
00:07:22,179 --> 00:07:25,015
Your Honor, we have reached a verdict.

148
00:07:25,098 --> 00:07:28,685
We find the defendant guilty.

149
00:07:28,936 --> 00:07:30,562
Whoo!

150
00:07:30,979 --> 00:07:32,147
Zapp Brannigan,

151
00:07:32,230 --> 00:07:34,566
you are hereby stripped
of your rank as captain

152
00:07:34,650 --> 00:07:36,526
and dismissed from the DOOP.

153
00:07:36,693 --> 00:07:37,945
(GAVEL BANGS)

154
00:07:50,666 --> 00:07:53,961
I'd like to make one final statement.

155
00:07:54,044 --> 00:07:55,671
Kif, come here and hold up the flag.

156
00:07:57,464 --> 00:07:59,925
And wave it a little, for God's sakes.

157
00:08:00,008 --> 00:08:04,471
My friends, you can take away
a man's title and his uniform,

158
00:08:04,554 --> 00:08:08,183
but you can never take away
his integrity or his honor.

159
00:08:08,267 --> 00:08:11,186
- Plus, it was mostly Kif's fault.
- KIF: What?

160
00:08:11,270 --> 00:08:14,439
Kif Kroker, you are also
stripped of your rank

161
00:08:14,523 --> 00:08:16,149
and dishonorably discharged.

162
00:08:16,358 --> 00:08:17,442
(GAVEL BANGS)

163
00:08:17,651 --> 00:08:19,069
(STUTTERS)

164
00:08:19,319 --> 00:08:20,571
(SIGHS WEARILY)

165
00:08:24,241 --> 00:08:26,368
One day a man has everything,

166
00:08:26,451 --> 00:08:29,997
and the next day he blows up
a $400-billion space station,

167
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:31,832
and the next day he has nothing.

168
00:08:31,915 --> 00:08:33,500
It makes you think.

169
00:08:33,584 --> 00:08:34,585
No, it doesn't.

170
00:08:34,668 --> 00:08:38,422
Come, Kif. It's time to begin
our life as civilians.

171
00:08:39,423 --> 00:08:40,924
That's an order, soldier.

172
00:08:41,383 --> 00:08:43,010
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

173
00:08:47,431 --> 00:08:50,767
(SINGING)
Everybody's talkin' at me

174
00:08:50,851 --> 00:08:54,938
I don't hear a word they're saying

175
00:08:56,189 --> 00:09:00,319
Only the echoes of my mind

176
00:09:03,864 --> 00:09:05,866
People stop and stare

177
00:09:07,534 --> 00:09:10,996
I can't see their faces

178
00:09:11,079 --> 00:09:13,749
Only the shadows

179
00:09:13,832 --> 00:09:15,375
Of their eyes

180
00:09:18,587 --> 00:09:22,466
I'm going where the sun
keeps shining...

181
00:09:22,549 --> 00:09:25,135
Through the pouring rain

182
00:09:27,012 --> 00:09:28,055
Hey, Bender?

183
00:09:28,138 --> 00:09:29,139
Yeah?

184
00:09:29,389 --> 00:09:30,766
(BENDER LAUGHING)

185
00:09:32,351 --> 00:09:33,393
All right.

186
00:09:33,477 --> 00:09:36,021
This is the third hose fight
I've broken up today,

187
00:09:36,104 --> 00:09:38,732
and the second one using actual hoses.

188
00:09:38,815 --> 00:09:39,942
Now move your lazy asses

189
00:09:40,025 --> 00:09:42,402
and start scrubbing the ship
like I ordered you to.

190
00:09:42,486 --> 00:09:45,030
You don't have to get so mad, Leela.

191
00:09:45,113 --> 00:09:48,450
Yeah, Fry already wiped off
some of the dirt with his finger.

192
00:09:48,533 --> 00:09:49,826
(LAUGHS)

193
00:09:50,577 --> 00:09:51,745
(DOORBELL RINGS)

194
00:09:54,957 --> 00:09:56,083
Zapp?

195
00:09:56,166 --> 00:09:58,669
Leela, I didn't know where else to turn.

196
00:09:58,752 --> 00:10:00,420
You're the only woman who ever loved me.

197
00:10:00,504 --> 00:10:01,797
I never loved you.

198
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:04,174
- I mean physically.
- What do you want?

199
00:10:04,258 --> 00:10:06,009
Just let me work for a little food.

200
00:10:06,093 --> 00:10:07,719
Perhaps I could paint a fence,

201
00:10:07,803 --> 00:10:10,055
or service you sexually,
or mop the floors.

202
00:10:10,138 --> 00:10:12,557
You don't know how to do
any of those things.

203
00:10:12,641 --> 00:10:13,642
Kif might.

204
00:10:15,435 --> 00:10:16,937
Leela, who are you talking to?

205
00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:19,773
Just a broken-down hobo
who's hit rock bottom

206
00:10:19,856 --> 00:10:21,733
and his commanding officer.

207
00:10:21,817 --> 00:10:24,611
Why, you're that
disgraced starship captain.

208
00:10:24,695 --> 00:10:28,824
Having him on staff would distract people
from our horrendous safety record.

209
00:10:28,907 --> 00:10:30,284
Come in.

210
00:10:30,367 --> 00:10:33,245
I'd like everyone to meet
our new employees.

211
00:10:34,246 --> 00:10:35,289
Which ones are new?

212
00:10:35,372 --> 00:10:37,666
The green dude and the fat man.

213
00:10:37,749 --> 00:10:41,628
I could swear I've never seen
that robot before, either.

214
00:10:41,712 --> 00:10:42,963
I'm Bender.

215
00:10:43,046 --> 00:10:44,923
You know, the lovable rascal.

216
00:10:45,007 --> 00:10:48,927
Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.

217
00:10:50,345 --> 00:10:51,346
Anyway,

218
00:10:51,430 --> 00:10:53,974
whoever you all are, I have good news.

219
00:10:54,057 --> 00:10:57,352
You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos IV,

220
00:10:57,436 --> 00:11:00,772
a planet with such high gravity,
you'll most likely be crushed

221
00:11:00,856 --> 00:11:02,691
under the weight of your own hair.

222
00:11:03,233 --> 00:11:04,568
Enjoy!

223
00:11:09,656 --> 00:11:11,199
So, this Leela,

224
00:11:11,283 --> 00:11:13,577
I know she's a very sensuous woman,

225
00:11:13,660 --> 00:11:15,454
but what manner of captain is she?

226
00:11:15,537 --> 00:11:17,581
- She's really strict.
- And mean.

227
00:11:17,664 --> 00:11:18,665
I see.

228
00:11:18,749 --> 00:11:21,627
Does she, by any chance,
give the crew members spankings?

229
00:11:21,710 --> 00:11:23,795
No, she just makes us do work and stuff.

230
00:11:23,879 --> 00:11:25,088
Good, good.

231
00:11:25,172 --> 00:11:29,384
But should she ever institute
some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy,

232
00:11:29,468 --> 00:11:30,844
let me go in your place.

233
00:11:30,928 --> 00:11:33,472
I won't have my comrades harmed.

234
00:11:33,555 --> 00:11:35,515
Hey, this guy's all right.

235
00:11:37,309 --> 00:11:40,103
Here's to us poor schmoes,

236
00:11:40,187 --> 00:11:41,563
working for the man.

237
00:11:41,647 --> 00:11:44,733
Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man.

238
00:11:50,489 --> 00:11:52,866
I've computed our landing
coordinates, Captain.

239
00:11:52,950 --> 00:11:54,826
Thanks, Kif. Very nice work.

240
00:11:55,661 --> 00:11:56,745
Wait. What?

241
00:11:56,828 --> 00:11:59,289
I said, "Very nice work."

242
00:11:59,373 --> 00:12:02,751
This is the happiest day of my life.

243
00:12:08,465 --> 00:12:10,050
Okay, crew, listen up.

244
00:12:10,133 --> 00:12:13,845
Your job is to deliver
these 40 pillows to that hotel.

245
00:12:13,929 --> 00:12:15,180
They're not very heavy,

246
00:12:15,264 --> 00:12:17,099
but you don't hear me not complaining.

247
00:12:17,182 --> 00:12:20,143
They're not heavy in here
because we have an anti-grav pump.

248
00:12:20,227 --> 00:12:23,939
But once you get out on the surface
the gravity will be very intense.

249
00:12:24,022 --> 00:12:25,148
Hey, no prob.

250
00:12:25,232 --> 00:12:27,109
This lead apron will protect me.

251
00:12:27,985 --> 00:12:29,653
I don't want any screwups.

252
00:12:29,736 --> 00:12:31,071
Use the hover dolly

253
00:12:31,154 --> 00:12:33,115
and just deliver one pillow at a time.

254
00:12:35,158 --> 00:12:36,451
Hey, here's an idea.

255
00:12:36,535 --> 00:12:38,579
Let's deliver all the pillows at once.

256
00:12:38,662 --> 00:12:41,415
- Yeah.
- That's using the old noodle.

257
00:12:45,627 --> 00:12:47,504
(ALL GROANING)

258
00:12:50,674 --> 00:12:52,384
Come on, girdle.

259
00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:53,760
Hold.

260
00:12:53,927 --> 00:12:55,012
(GROANS)

261
00:12:55,137 --> 00:12:56,179
(METAL CREAKING)

262
00:12:57,264 --> 00:12:58,473
Uh-oh.

263
00:13:01,935 --> 00:13:03,520
What the hell happened?

264
00:13:03,604 --> 00:13:05,063
Some breaking occurred.

265
00:13:05,147 --> 00:13:07,566
The dolly was involved.
That's about all we know.

266
00:13:07,649 --> 00:13:10,777
I told you dumb apes not to overload it.

267
00:13:10,861 --> 00:13:13,780
Each of those pillows
weighs 150 pounds here.

268
00:13:13,864 --> 00:13:15,908
All right, don't get your panties
in a knot.

269
00:13:15,991 --> 00:13:17,492
We'll just use the backup dolly.

270
00:13:17,576 --> 00:13:19,119
I'll start loading up the pillows.

271
00:13:19,202 --> 00:13:20,495
LEELA: No way, jack.

272
00:13:20,579 --> 00:13:21,788
You disobeyed an order.

273
00:13:21,872 --> 00:13:24,917
So now you have to deliver
all 40 pillows by hand.

274
00:13:25,584 --> 00:13:27,878
Let me ask you a serious question, Leela.

275
00:13:27,961 --> 00:13:31,381
Does the company that made your bra
make a girdle as well?

276
00:13:31,465 --> 00:13:32,883
I ask because a friend of mine...

277
00:13:32,966 --> 00:13:34,092
Just get to work.

278
00:13:34,801 --> 00:13:36,136
(GROANING, STRAINING)

279
00:13:37,596 --> 00:13:39,806
"I'm Leela. Get to work."

280
00:13:39,890 --> 00:13:41,141
I agree.

281
00:13:41,224 --> 00:13:45,437
The point is it's just so humiliating
working for that man.

282
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:50,567
Once, he actually ordered me
to shave his armpits

283
00:13:50,651 --> 00:13:52,611
while he was in the bathtub.

284
00:13:52,694 --> 00:13:54,071
So I said to him...

285
00:13:54,154 --> 00:13:57,991
You know, why don't we talk about
something besides Zapp for a while?

286
00:13:58,075 --> 00:13:59,701
Oh, all right.

287
00:13:59,826 --> 00:14:01,119
Um...

288
00:14:01,203 --> 00:14:05,249
Well, how about them... Okay.

289
00:14:05,332 --> 00:14:07,376
Well, there he was in the tub, all right?

290
00:14:07,459 --> 00:14:08,585
(LEELA GROANS)

291
00:14:08,710 --> 00:14:10,379
(ALL GROANING, STRAINING)

292
00:14:13,257 --> 00:14:14,716
(THUNDER CRACKLES)

293
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,135
Some good, old high-gravity rain.

294
00:14:17,219 --> 00:14:18,595
That'll cool us off.

295
00:14:21,515 --> 00:14:23,392
(ALL EXCLAIM IN PAIN)

296
00:14:25,352 --> 00:14:27,104
This is all Leela's fault.

297
00:14:27,187 --> 00:14:29,815
Yeah. If she had let us
use the backup dolly,

298
00:14:29,898 --> 00:14:32,651
we could have broken it, given up,
and gone home by now.

299
00:14:32,734 --> 00:14:35,988
You know, boys,
a good captain needs many skills

300
00:14:36,071 --> 00:14:39,616
such as boldness, daring
and a velour uniform.

301
00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:43,161
And I'm not convinced
Leela has any of those things.

302
00:14:43,328 --> 00:14:45,372
Ah. Leela's not that bad.

303
00:14:45,455 --> 00:14:47,499
I just wish she didn't
make us work so much.

304
00:14:47,583 --> 00:14:48,834
Back when I was captain

305
00:14:48,917 --> 00:14:51,837
all I asked from my men
was their complete loyalty.

306
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:55,215
If I had that, then for all I cared
they could sit around the whole day

307
00:14:55,299 --> 00:14:57,551
drinking beer in their underpants.

308
00:14:57,634 --> 00:14:58,635
Beer?

309
00:14:58,719 --> 00:15:00,095
Underpants?

310
00:15:00,178 --> 00:15:01,471
BOTH: Hmm.

311
00:15:01,805 --> 00:15:04,474
But now, Zapp's not captain anymore.

312
00:15:04,558 --> 00:15:06,101
I'm free. (CHUCKLES)

313
00:15:06,810 --> 00:15:09,313
You hear that? I'm actually laughing.

314
00:15:09,396 --> 00:15:10,647
This is a mutiny.

315
00:15:11,815 --> 00:15:13,317
You're out of here, lady.

316
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,985
Zapp's the new captain.

317
00:15:16,194 --> 00:15:17,362
(LEELA GASPS)

318
00:15:17,446 --> 00:15:19,740
All hail the new captain.

319
00:15:27,414 --> 00:15:30,584
Leela, you may be
a formidable doer of the nasty,

320
00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:32,753
but I am forced
to relieve you of your post.

321
00:15:32,836 --> 00:15:34,963
On what grounds, you slobbering oaf?

322
00:15:35,047 --> 00:15:37,174
Failure to prevent a mutiny.

323
00:15:37,424 --> 00:15:38,800
Throw her in the brig.

324
00:15:38,884 --> 00:15:39,927
We don't have a brig.

325
00:15:40,010 --> 00:15:41,720
Then throw her in the laundry room,

326
00:15:41,803 --> 00:15:44,473
which will hereafter
be referred to as the brig.

327
00:15:47,017 --> 00:15:49,269
You really don't want me
to be captain anymore?

328
00:15:49,353 --> 00:15:50,604
You got it, genius.

329
00:15:50,687 --> 00:15:52,898
But didn't I do a good job?

330
00:15:52,981 --> 00:15:54,650
You were mean, and you yelled,

331
00:15:54,733 --> 00:15:56,485
and you made us do all that work.

332
00:15:56,568 --> 00:15:59,071
Sometimes, a captain
needs to do those things.

333
00:15:59,154 --> 00:16:01,490
Besides, I thought we were friends.

334
00:16:01,573 --> 00:16:02,616
Yeah, well,

335
00:16:02,699 --> 00:16:05,494
you shouldn't have been
such a mean captain, then.

336
00:16:06,328 --> 00:16:07,579
Don't worry, Leela.

337
00:16:07,663 --> 00:16:10,374
Soon, we'll be able to
look back on this and laugh.

338
00:16:12,417 --> 00:16:13,877
(LAUGHS)

339
00:16:16,296 --> 00:16:18,799
Back in my old uniform.

340
00:16:18,882 --> 00:16:20,425
And it nearly still fits

341
00:16:20,509 --> 00:16:22,886
Even after all that
fattening hobo cuisine.

342
00:16:22,970 --> 00:16:25,973
What shall I do with
your civilian clothes, sir?

343
00:16:26,056 --> 00:16:27,724
Take them to the laundry brig.

344
00:16:28,225 --> 00:16:30,227
So, do I have your loyalty, men?

345
00:16:30,310 --> 00:16:32,062
To the ends of the universe.

346
00:16:32,145 --> 00:16:33,522
Ten-hundred percent.

347
00:16:33,605 --> 00:16:35,649
That's not nearly loyal enough.

348
00:16:35,732 --> 00:16:39,778
I order you to sit around and drink beer
until you're as loyal as Kif here.

349
00:16:40,237 --> 00:16:41,738
Yes, sir, sir.

350
00:16:42,531 --> 00:16:43,949
May I have a beer, sir?

351
00:16:44,032 --> 00:16:46,451
No, you're loyal enough already.

352
00:16:46,535 --> 00:16:48,036
Meanwhile, I have a plan.

353
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:52,374
We will single-handedly attack
our archenemy, the Neutral Planet.

354
00:16:52,457 --> 00:16:53,542
Oh, geez.

355
00:16:53,625 --> 00:16:55,961
Once the Neutral War Machine
lies in ruins,

356
00:16:56,044 --> 00:16:57,462
I'll be a hero again

357
00:16:57,546 --> 00:17:00,299
and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain.

358
00:17:00,382 --> 00:17:03,677
But, sir, that plan makes no sense.

359
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:04,970
Maybe not to you, Kif.

360
00:17:05,053 --> 00:17:06,388
But if I recall correctly,

361
00:17:06,471 --> 00:17:09,057
you were court-martialed in disgrace.

362
00:17:09,349 --> 00:17:10,684
Ooh! Burn.

363
00:17:10,767 --> 00:17:12,185
Nailed you, buddy.

364
00:17:16,857 --> 00:17:20,485
Prepare to continue the epic struggle
between good and neutral.

365
00:17:20,569 --> 00:17:21,737
This is awesome.

366
00:17:21,862 --> 00:17:23,572
We're going to be like... Pow, pow, pow!

367
00:17:23,655 --> 00:17:24,990
And they're going to be like... (SCREAMS)

368
00:17:25,532 --> 00:17:26,909
(IMITATES EXPLOSION)

369
00:17:26,992 --> 00:17:30,203
And then, we'll have pancakes
to celebrate, and I'll be like...

370
00:17:31,455 --> 00:17:32,623
Precisely.

371
00:17:32,706 --> 00:17:35,876
Now, in the name of all
that is good and honorable,

372
00:17:35,959 --> 00:17:38,629
we'll call the Neutral president
with a message of peace,

373
00:17:38,712 --> 00:17:39,922
then blast him.

374
00:17:40,005 --> 00:17:42,799
Yes, sir, sirdy, sir, sir, sir.

375
00:17:42,883 --> 00:17:45,344
Fly the white flag of war.

376
00:17:51,767 --> 00:17:55,729
This is Zapp Brannigan of the good ship...
Planet Express ship.

377
00:17:55,812 --> 00:17:58,315
I come swinging the olive branch of peace.

378
00:17:58,398 --> 00:18:00,108
Should we trust him, Your Neutralness?

379
00:18:00,192 --> 00:18:03,487
All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

380
00:18:05,405 --> 00:18:07,115
BENDER: What now, chief?

381
00:18:07,199 --> 00:18:09,159
Now, we crash the ship
into their headquarters,

382
00:18:09,243 --> 00:18:13,747
killing them in a hellish firestorm
from which no living thing can escape.

383
00:18:13,830 --> 00:18:15,582
Good, good. Then what?

384
00:18:15,666 --> 00:18:17,292
Then your mission is complete.

385
00:18:17,376 --> 00:18:21,588
I, meanwhile, will have ejected to safety
wearing the only space suit on board.

386
00:18:21,838 --> 00:18:24,633
(BOTH WHOOPING)

387
00:18:26,009 --> 00:18:28,262
Wait a second.
Is this plan going to kill us?

388
00:18:28,345 --> 00:18:29,429
Of course.

389
00:18:29,513 --> 00:18:31,431
What do you think I meant by loyalty?

390
00:18:31,515 --> 00:18:33,600
Now, help me into the only space suit.

391
00:18:33,684 --> 00:18:34,977
It looks a bit sweaty in there

392
00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:37,354
so you may need to apply baby powder.

393
00:18:39,398 --> 00:18:41,733
Leela, we want you to be captain again.

394
00:18:41,817 --> 00:18:42,943
Let me guess,

395
00:18:43,026 --> 00:18:44,486
he canceled nap time?

396
00:18:45,362 --> 00:18:46,530
He ran out of beer?

397
00:18:47,197 --> 00:18:48,865
So he's about to kill us.

398
00:18:50,450 --> 00:18:52,995
We want Leela to be captain again.

399
00:18:53,078 --> 00:18:54,496
So, it's mutiny, is it?

400
00:18:54,580 --> 00:18:56,665
I never thought I'd see the day.

401
00:18:56,748 --> 00:18:58,208
Come, Kif, let's eject.

402
00:18:58,292 --> 00:19:00,294
I found a children's space suit
you can wear.

403
00:19:00,377 --> 00:19:01,795
Well, to be honest, sir,

404
00:19:01,878 --> 00:19:03,797
I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela.

405
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,383
She actually listens to what I have to...

406
00:19:06,717 --> 00:19:08,427
(MUFFLED SPEECH)

407
00:19:11,597 --> 00:19:12,806
(KIF SIGHS DEJECTEDLY)

408
00:19:16,810 --> 00:19:18,228
(STRAINS)

409
00:19:19,062 --> 00:19:21,815
Oh, no. He's disabled the steering.

410
00:19:22,482 --> 00:19:23,775
We're gonna crash!

411
00:19:23,859 --> 00:19:25,152
Leela, save me.

412
00:19:25,819 --> 00:19:27,321
And yourself, I guess.

413
00:19:27,404 --> 00:19:29,072
And my banjo.

414
00:19:30,532 --> 00:19:32,075
And Fry.

415
00:19:32,159 --> 00:19:33,702
Okay, okay.

416
00:19:33,785 --> 00:19:34,995
We have one chance.

417
00:19:35,078 --> 00:19:37,164
Are you willing to do
what I say as captain?

418
00:19:37,247 --> 00:19:39,708
- Absolutely.
- Even if I make you work hard?

419
00:19:39,791 --> 00:19:42,002
As your God is my witness.

420
00:19:42,085 --> 00:19:44,338
Then go get the hover dolly
you didn't break

421
00:19:44,421 --> 00:19:47,090
and load all the Dark Matter
into the left engine.

422
00:19:47,174 --> 00:19:49,426
Oh, man, that crap's heavy.

423
00:19:49,509 --> 00:19:51,511
- And warm.
- Just do it!

424
00:19:55,098 --> 00:19:57,517
Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert.

425
00:19:57,601 --> 00:19:59,061
If I don't survive,

426
00:19:59,144 --> 00:20:01,146
tell my wife, "Hello."

427
00:20:02,314 --> 00:20:03,315
Hurry!

428
00:20:03,398 --> 00:20:05,525
I don't want to die at the age of 25!

429
00:20:05,609 --> 00:20:09,238
Honey, unless we hit a time warp,
I wouldn't worry about it.

430
00:20:10,113 --> 00:20:11,740
(BOTH STRAINING)

431
00:20:14,076 --> 00:20:15,786
- It's too low!
- Quick!

432
00:20:25,963 --> 00:20:28,632
You did it. You actually did it!

433
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,133
(BOTH CHEER)

434
00:20:30,217 --> 00:20:32,803
And no one will have to
punish anyone for the mutiny.

435
00:20:37,516 --> 00:20:39,685
And so, when Captain Leela panicked,

436
00:20:39,768 --> 00:20:42,062
perhaps distracted by female troubles,

437
00:20:42,145 --> 00:20:45,607
my quick thinking allowed me
to do whatever I did to save the day.

438
00:20:45,691 --> 00:20:49,820
Captain Leela, is this rambling story
of magic and heroism true?

439
00:20:49,903 --> 00:20:52,239
- Well, actually...
- That-a-girl.

440
00:20:52,322 --> 00:20:55,367
If they don't take him back,
we can keep him as captain.

441
00:20:57,452 --> 00:20:58,745
Your Honor, it's all true.

442
00:20:58,829 --> 00:21:01,456
My female incompetence,
Zapp's catlike reflexes,

443
00:21:01,540 --> 00:21:03,875
the stuff that made no sense, all of it.

444
00:21:04,126 --> 00:21:05,586
(ALL EXCLAIM, MUTTER)

445
00:21:05,836 --> 00:21:07,713
In that case, Zapp Brannigan,

446
00:21:07,796 --> 00:21:11,341
I hereby restore your rank
and parking privileges.

447
00:21:12,926 --> 00:21:14,553
(ALL CHEERING)

448
00:21:15,053 --> 00:21:16,597
Oh, foo.

449
00:21:16,722 --> 00:21:18,599
Come, Kif. We've got work to do.

450
00:21:21,018 --> 00:21:22,060
(SADLY) Oh.

451
00:21:22,561 --> 00:21:24,313
I'll call and tell you about it.

452
00:21:24,396 --> 00:21:25,522
(WEARILY) Oh.

453
00:21:29,735 --> 00:21:32,738
Leela, I just want you to know
that even though you're mean,

454
00:21:32,821 --> 00:21:34,656
you're the best captain ever.

455
00:21:34,740 --> 00:21:37,326
Yeah, you're one dynamite lady.

456
00:21:37,409 --> 00:21:39,620
- Can we have the week off?
- No.

457
00:21:39,703 --> 00:21:41,079
Please?

458
00:21:41,163 --> 00:21:42,956
Come on, Captain.

459
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:44,625
Oh, all right.

460
00:21:44,708 --> 00:21:46,793
No time off.

461
00:21:46,877 --> 00:21:48,211
Oh, man.

462
00:21:48,295 --> 00:21:49,588
Let's mutiny.

463
00:21:55,093 --> 00:21:57,095
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)