1
00:00:02,261 --> 00:00:04,263
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:39,715
NARRATOR: You're entering the vicinity
of an area adjacent to a location.

3
00:00:39,798 --> 00:00:41,967
The kind of place where
there might be a monster

4
00:00:42,050 --> 00:00:43,719
or some kind of weird mirror.

5
00:00:43,802 --> 00:00:45,012
These are just examples.

6
00:00:45,095 --> 00:00:47,139
It could also
be something much better.

7
00:00:47,222 --> 00:00:48,640
Prepare to enter...

8
00:00:48,765 --> 00:00:51,518
(READING)

9
00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:56,106
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

10
00:00:58,483 --> 00:01:03,280
As per your request, please find enclosed
the last man on earth.

11
00:01:04,656 --> 00:01:06,617
Finally... Solitude.

12
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:10,370
I can read books
for all eternity.

13
00:01:11,330 --> 00:01:12,873
It's not fair.

14
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It's not fair!

15
00:01:14,791 --> 00:01:17,210
Wait. My eyes aren't that bad.

16
00:01:17,294 --> 00:01:20,714
I can still read
the large-print books.

17
00:01:20,797 --> 00:01:22,215
(SCREAMS)

18
00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:23,467
It's not f...

19
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:26,220
Well, lucky I know
how to read braille.

20
00:01:26,511 --> 00:01:28,263
(SCREAMING)

21
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:31,475
Hey, look at that weird mirror.

22
00:01:31,558 --> 00:01:34,436
- (SHUDDERS)
- Cursed by his own hubris.

23
00:01:34,519 --> 00:01:37,314
There's a political debate on.
Quick, change the channel.

24
00:01:37,397 --> 00:01:40,776
Hey, that's what Fry said
when we turned onthe debate.

25
00:01:40,859 --> 00:01:44,446
ANNOUNCER: C-SPAN9 presents
The Thrill of Politics.

26
00:01:44,613 --> 00:01:45,781
(BOTH SNORING)

27
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(LEELA GROANS)

28
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(GRUNTS)

29
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Wha...

30
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Look, I know there
are no car chases,

31
00:01:52,287 --> 00:01:53,664
but this is important.

32
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:56,375
One of these two men will
become president of the world.

33
00:01:56,458 --> 00:01:58,710
What do we care?
We live in the United States.

34
00:01:58,794 --> 00:02:01,088
The United States
is part of the world.

35
00:02:01,171 --> 00:02:03,340
Wow, I have been
gone a long time.

36
00:02:03,423 --> 00:02:05,342
It's time someone
had the courage

37
00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:06,677
to stand up and say

38
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,763
I'm against those things
that everybody hates!

39
00:02:09,846 --> 00:02:11,807
Now, I respect my opponent.

40
00:02:11,890 --> 00:02:13,433
I think he's a good man.

41
00:02:13,517 --> 00:02:17,604
But, quite frankly, I agree
with everything he just said!

42
00:02:17,688 --> 00:02:21,191
These are the candidates?
They sound like clones.

43
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,527
Wait a minute.
They are clones!

44
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:25,862
Don't let their
identical DNA fool you.

45
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,698
They differ on
some key issues.

46
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:31,285
I say your 3 cent
titanium tax goes too far.

47
00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:34,162
And I say your
3 cent titanium tax

48
00:02:34,246 --> 00:02:36,081
doesn't go
too far enough.

49
00:02:36,164 --> 00:02:39,042
If I were registered to vote,
I'd send these clowns a message

50
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:42,129
by staying home on election day
and dressing up like a clown!

51
00:02:42,212 --> 00:02:43,338
You're not registered?

52
00:02:43,422 --> 00:02:45,090
Nope. Not vaccinated, either.

53
00:02:45,173 --> 00:02:48,343
Besides, it's not like one vote
ever made a difference.

54
00:02:48,427 --> 00:02:49,636
That's not true.

55
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,389
The first robot president
won by exactly one vote.

56
00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:54,641
Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine.

57
00:02:54,725 --> 00:02:56,685
He struck a chord
with the voters

58
00:02:56,768 --> 00:02:59,521
when he pledged not to
go on a killing spree.

59
00:02:59,605 --> 00:03:01,106
But, like most politicians,

60
00:03:01,189 --> 00:03:03,692
he promised more
than he could deliver.

61
00:03:03,775 --> 00:03:06,236
The point is,
one vote can make a difference.

62
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,571
And even though it won't,

63
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,698
I'm still taking you
to get registered.

64
00:03:09,781 --> 00:03:12,159
Yes, that's a capital idea.

65
00:03:12,242 --> 00:03:14,202
Let's all go register.

66
00:03:14,286 --> 00:03:16,914
Professor, when did you become
so obsessed with voting?

67
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:19,499
The very instant I became old.

68
00:03:27,758 --> 00:03:29,092
The problem with both parties

69
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,386
is that they always
want to give your tax dollars

70
00:03:31,470 --> 00:03:32,763
to the less fortunate.

71
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,848
The less fortunate get all the breaks.

72
00:03:34,932 --> 00:03:38,185
You know, Fry, you could
join a third party, maybe.

73
00:03:38,268 --> 00:03:40,896
Only weirdos and mutants
join third parties.

74
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:44,650
Really? I better keep an eye out
at the next meeting.

75
00:03:44,733 --> 00:03:46,401
What party do you belong to, Bender?

76
00:03:46,485 --> 00:03:47,986
I'm not allowed to vote.

77
00:03:48,070 --> 00:03:49,112
'Cause you're a robot?

78
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:50,864
No. Convicted felon.

79
00:03:51,156 --> 00:03:52,658
(GENERAL CHATTER)

80
00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,748
We favor unreasonably
huge subsidies

81
00:03:59,831 --> 00:04:02,251
to the Brain Slug planet.

82
00:04:02,334 --> 00:04:04,670
Okay, but what are
the brain slugs who control you

83
00:04:04,753 --> 00:04:06,296
going to do
for the working man?

84
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:08,131
Attach brain slugs to them.

85
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:10,175
Sure, you say that now.

86
00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:13,512
So is it true you can make

87
00:04:13,595 --> 00:04:15,847
all kinds of shirts
and ropes out of hemp?

88
00:04:15,931 --> 00:04:17,766
Dave's not here, man.

89
00:04:17,849 --> 00:04:20,310
I also heard hemp
makes great shampoo.

90
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:21,937
It does? No way!

91
00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:24,481
I got to check out this brochure.

92
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:30,279
So, what are you doing
to protect

93
00:04:30,362 --> 00:04:33,448
my constitutional right
to bear doomsday devices?

94
00:04:33,532 --> 00:04:35,617
Well, first off,
we're going to get rid

95
00:04:35,701 --> 00:04:38,829
of that 3-day waiting
period for mad scientists.

96
00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:40,330
Damn straight!

97
00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:43,333
Today, the mad scientist
can't get a doomsday device.

98
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,502
Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student!

99
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,045
Where will it end?

100
00:04:47,129 --> 00:04:48,547
Amen, brother!

101
00:04:48,630 --> 00:04:51,133
I don't go anywhere
without my mutated anthrax...

102
00:04:51,216 --> 00:04:52,801
for duck huntin'.

103
00:04:52,885 --> 00:04:55,178
Sure, humans are cute

104
00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:57,264
but how else are we supposed
to test cosmetics?

105
00:04:57,347 --> 00:04:59,266
I concur.

106
00:05:00,475 --> 00:05:03,854
Now here's a party I can
get excited about. Sign me up.

107
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,023
Sorry, not with that attitude.

108
00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:07,482
Okay, then screw it.

109
00:05:07,566 --> 00:05:09,192
Welcome aboard, brother!

110
00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:11,111
- All right!
- You're out.

111
00:05:14,156 --> 00:05:15,198
That was pretty cool.

112
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,993
I think I'm actually starting
to get interested in politics.

113
00:05:18,994 --> 00:05:20,662
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

114
00:05:20,996 --> 00:05:22,372
(BOTH SNORING)

115
00:05:24,750 --> 00:05:27,502
And so, with two weeks
left in the campaign,

116
00:05:27,586 --> 00:05:29,171
the question on everyone's mind

117
00:05:29,254 --> 00:05:31,840
is who will be
the next president of earth.

118
00:05:31,924 --> 00:05:36,094
Jack Johnson,
or bitter rival John Jackson?

119
00:05:36,178 --> 00:05:38,388
Two terrific candidates, huh, Morbo?

120
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:42,059
All humans are vermin
in the eyes of Morbo.

121
00:05:42,184 --> 00:05:43,810
(LAUGHS)

122
00:05:44,770 --> 00:05:46,146
In other local news,

123
00:05:46,230 --> 00:05:49,233
disaster struck on
Saturn's moon of Titan today

124
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:51,193
when a titanium mine collapsed

125
00:05:51,276 --> 00:05:53,153
trapping 1,000 robot workers.

126
00:05:53,237 --> 00:05:55,489
What? Lord have mercy!

127
00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:57,199
Unless something is done quickly,

128
00:05:57,282 --> 00:06:00,285
the trapped robots
will be dead within 300 years.

129
00:06:00,369 --> 00:06:03,372
Sir, what rescue operations
are planned?

130
00:06:03,455 --> 00:06:06,375
The plan is, basically,
to pave over the area

131
00:06:06,458 --> 00:06:08,168
and get on with our lives.

132
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:10,879
News of the mine's closing

133
00:06:10,963 --> 00:06:12,965
sent titanium prices skyrocketing.

134
00:06:13,048 --> 00:06:14,091
All right! I'm rich!

135
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:15,342
What are you talking about?

136
00:06:15,425 --> 00:06:17,261
My body's 40% titanium.

137
00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:21,431
I'm finally richer than
those snooty ATM machines.

138
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:22,933
Too bad you can't spend it.

139
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,686
- Oh, can't I?
- No.

140
00:06:25,769 --> 00:06:27,646
Watch me, poor man.

141
00:06:29,147 --> 00:06:30,566
Pleasure doin' business with you.

142
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,276
(BENDER LAUGHING)

143
00:06:32,901 --> 00:06:34,570
Game's over, losers!

144
00:06:34,653 --> 00:06:36,446
I have all the money.

145
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:39,992
Compare your lives to mine
and then kill yourselves.

146
00:06:40,075 --> 00:06:41,159
(DOG SNIFFING)

147
00:06:41,243 --> 00:06:43,161
Hey, get away! Shoo!

148
00:06:43,328 --> 00:06:46,790
I'll give you $5 to not do
what you're thinking about doing.

149
00:06:48,584 --> 00:06:49,918
(MAN LAUGHS)

150
00:06:50,252 --> 00:06:52,546
MAN: You just lost $5.

151
00:06:57,759 --> 00:06:59,261
Hey, buddy! Little help?

152
00:07:00,262 --> 00:07:01,805
Thank you!

153
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:03,181
(ALL GASP)

154
00:07:05,142 --> 00:07:06,852
Hello, peasants.

155
00:07:06,935 --> 00:07:08,854
Bender! What happened to you?

156
00:07:08,937 --> 00:07:10,939
You look different.
Did you get a haircut?

157
00:07:11,023 --> 00:07:13,233
No! I sold my body.

158
00:07:13,942 --> 00:07:15,861
Sold your body?

159
00:07:15,986 --> 00:07:18,155
Oh, Bender, I've been down that road.

160
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:21,241
I know it's glamorous
and the parties are great,

161
00:07:21,325 --> 00:07:23,285
but you'll end up spending
every dollar you make

162
00:07:23,368 --> 00:07:25,454
on jewelry and skintight pants.

163
00:07:25,621 --> 00:07:26,705
This is crazy, Bender.

164
00:07:26,788 --> 00:07:28,624
How are you going to live
without a body?

165
00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:31,793
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

166
00:07:31,877 --> 00:07:35,130
All I need is a wad of cash
with a head wrapped around it.

167
00:07:35,213 --> 00:07:37,466
Well, at least now
you can pay off your loan shark.

168
00:07:37,549 --> 00:07:40,344
Yeah, right, what's he going to do,
break my legs? (LAUGHS)

169
00:07:42,554 --> 00:07:44,640
Ah! This is the life!

170
00:07:44,723 --> 00:07:47,100
Another martini, please!

171
00:07:49,561 --> 00:07:52,564
Shaken, not stirred.

172
00:07:52,648 --> 00:07:54,983
Oh, yeah!

173
00:07:58,570 --> 00:08:00,155
Put it all on black.

174
00:08:00,239 --> 00:08:02,032
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!

175
00:08:02,199 --> 00:08:04,243
(EXCLAIMING)

176
00:08:07,246 --> 00:08:09,122
Twenty-one red.

177
00:08:10,332 --> 00:08:12,292
I beg your pardon.
33 black.

178
00:08:12,376 --> 00:08:13,752
Yes!

179
00:08:13,835 --> 00:08:15,212
The rich get richer.

180
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:29,017
Strike! In your face, Leela!

181
00:08:29,101 --> 00:08:30,978
(LAUGHS)

182
00:08:31,353 --> 00:08:32,771
(BALL RUMBLING)

183
00:08:40,904 --> 00:08:42,114
(AMY SCREAMS)

184
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,283
(TIRES SCREECH)

185
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:46,285
(FARNSWORTH MUTTERING)

186
00:08:47,369 --> 00:08:48,662
Timber!

187
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:53,166
Hey, Bender, can I take
a ride in your car?

188
00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:54,876
Maybe if you clean up first.

189
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,004
It looks like your neck
stepped in something.

190
00:08:57,588 --> 00:08:58,880
Oh, I'm sorry.

191
00:08:58,964 --> 00:09:00,882
That's just your body.

192
00:09:00,966 --> 00:09:02,885
(LAUGHS)

193
00:09:03,135 --> 00:09:05,804
Hey, you look me
in the shins and say that.

194
00:09:05,888 --> 00:09:08,473
Hey, I've had it
up to here with this place.

195
00:09:08,557 --> 00:09:10,017
I'm off
to the head museum

196
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:12,269
to hang out
with classy heads like me

197
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,354
who appreciate the finer things.

198
00:09:14,438 --> 00:09:17,107
Poetry, philosophy, hats.

199
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,568
So long, coffin-stuffers!

200
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,236
(ENGINE REVVING)

201
00:09:21,486 --> 00:09:24,114
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
- (BENDER EXCLAIMING)

202
00:09:27,618 --> 00:09:30,454
Uh... Could one of you coffin-stuffers
please carry me?

203
00:09:40,505 --> 00:09:41,924
Now, which group of heads

204
00:09:42,007 --> 00:09:44,509
is good enough for me
to hang out with?

205
00:09:44,593 --> 00:09:45,928
What do you think, Fry?

206
00:09:46,011 --> 00:09:47,012
Fry?

207
00:09:47,095 --> 00:09:48,138
FRY: Hmm.

208
00:09:48,222 --> 00:09:49,306
Hi.

209
00:09:49,431 --> 00:09:50,515
I'm Claudia Schiffer's head.

210
00:09:50,599 --> 00:09:51,725
I recognize you.

211
00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:53,936
Didn't you use to have
a body of some sort?

212
00:09:54,019 --> 00:09:56,104
Yeah, but it was
holding me back.

213
00:09:56,188 --> 00:09:57,898
You know, I just
did the cover

214
00:09:57,981 --> 00:10:00,400
of the Sports Illustrated
swim cap issue.

215
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:01,652
Rawrr!

216
00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:03,237
Well, you're looking great.

217
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,281
Thanks. I wouldn't
mind losing a few pounds, though.

218
00:10:06,365 --> 00:10:07,491
Couldn't hurt.

219
00:10:10,035 --> 00:10:11,161
BENDER: Ah!

220
00:10:11,245 --> 00:10:12,913
US presidents!

221
00:10:12,996 --> 00:10:15,791
Sturdy shelves,
good security...

222
00:10:16,959 --> 00:10:18,752
This place has class.

223
00:10:18,835 --> 00:10:20,045
Hey, sugar cookie!

224
00:10:20,128 --> 00:10:21,213
You know, legally,

225
00:10:21,296 --> 00:10:23,757
nothing I can do
counts as sex anymore.

226
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,759
I apologize
for his rudeness, ma'am.

227
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:28,303
He gets this way
around meaty-looking women.

228
00:10:28,387 --> 00:10:29,429
Hey, I remember you.

229
00:10:29,513 --> 00:10:31,640
I was going to vote
for you one time.

230
00:10:31,723 --> 00:10:32,975
But voting isn't cool

231
00:10:33,058 --> 00:10:35,561
so I stayed home alone
and got trashed on Listerine.

232
00:10:35,644 --> 00:10:37,187
Frankly, I've never felt voting

233
00:10:37,271 --> 00:10:39,314
to be all that essential
to the process.

234
00:10:39,398 --> 00:10:41,817
No kidding, Ford.

235
00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:43,694
So then the hooker-bot says,

236
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,862
"That's not my expansion slot."

237
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,197
And my friend says,

238
00:10:47,281 --> 00:10:50,117
"That's not my gold-plated
25-pin connector."

239
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,911
(LAUGHING)

240
00:10:52,995 --> 00:10:53,996
Oh, Bender.

241
00:10:54,079 --> 00:10:56,915
Thou robots really cracketh me up.

242
00:10:56,999 --> 00:10:58,667
You know, I like it here.

243
00:10:58,750 --> 00:11:00,794
What's the rent
on one of these jars?

244
00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:02,921
Sorry, Bender,
but we can't allow

245
00:11:03,005 --> 00:11:05,340
every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in.

246
00:11:05,424 --> 00:11:07,885
No offense Jefferson, Nixon and Truman.

247
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,469
Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot

248
00:11:09,553 --> 00:11:11,513
in the closet of presidential losers.

249
00:11:11,597 --> 00:11:13,432
Bob Dole needs company.

250
00:11:13,515 --> 00:11:15,893
Larouche won't stop
with the knock-knock jokes.

251
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:16,977
Pass.

252
00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:18,061
So telleth, Bender,

253
00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:19,813
what hath happened
to your body?

254
00:11:19,897 --> 00:11:20,939
I hocked it.

255
00:11:21,023 --> 00:11:22,691
Hocked it?
Why wouldst thou do that?

256
00:11:22,774 --> 00:11:24,568
Same reason
you hocked your teeth.

257
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,987
Ah. Booze money.

258
00:11:27,070 --> 00:11:28,697
I remember my body.

259
00:11:28,780 --> 00:11:32,743
Flabby, pasty-skinned,
riddled with phlebitis.

260
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,369
A good Republican body.

261
00:11:34,453 --> 00:11:36,079
God, I loved it.

262
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:37,372
I hear that.

263
00:11:37,456 --> 00:11:39,583
I spent most of my teen years
loving my body.

264
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,418
Course, it was tough love...

265
00:11:42,377 --> 00:11:45,005
Fry, he opened up relations with China.

266
00:11:45,088 --> 00:11:47,049
He doesn't want to hear
about your ding-dong.

267
00:11:47,132 --> 00:11:49,384
So, Nixon,
even if you miss your body,

268
00:11:49,468 --> 00:11:51,470
being a head's great, too, right?

269
00:11:51,553 --> 00:11:52,554
No, son.

270
00:11:52,638 --> 00:11:54,890
It's a sad and lonely life.

271
00:11:54,973 --> 00:11:56,934
Great. Now you tell me.

272
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,393
That's my style.

273
00:11:58,477 --> 00:12:00,646
I like to kick 'em
when they're down.

274
00:12:08,779 --> 00:12:11,823
One, zero...

275
00:12:11,907 --> 00:12:14,952
One, one, zero,
zero, one...

276
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,663
Bender, what is it?

277
00:12:17,746 --> 00:12:19,581
What an awful dream.

278
00:12:19,665 --> 00:12:21,667
Ones and zeros everywhere.

279
00:12:21,750 --> 00:12:22,793
(SHUDDERS)

280
00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:24,920
And I thought I saw a two.

281
00:12:25,003 --> 00:12:26,463
It was just a dream, Bender.

282
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:28,090
There's no such thing as two.

283
00:12:28,173 --> 00:12:30,008
I know what this is about.

284
00:12:30,092 --> 00:12:33,345
My body loved me
and I turned its back on it.

285
00:12:33,428 --> 00:12:37,391
Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon
'round your neck

286
00:12:37,474 --> 00:12:39,393
'cause I'm a-comin' home.

287
00:12:40,602 --> 00:12:43,063
You sold my body? To who?

288
00:12:43,146 --> 00:12:44,648
I can't reveal that information

289
00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:46,066
but you look like a nice robot.

290
00:12:46,149 --> 00:12:48,610
Tell you what. I'll give you
50 bucks for the kid.

291
00:12:48,694 --> 00:12:51,113
Hey, my clothes
are worth 50 bucks.

292
00:12:51,196 --> 00:12:52,197
Deal.

293
00:12:53,198 --> 00:12:54,658
(SOBBING) Oh!

294
00:12:54,992 --> 00:12:56,994
How could I let this happen?

295
00:12:57,077 --> 00:13:00,372
I can't go through
the rest of my life like this.

296
00:13:00,455 --> 00:13:02,666
Don't you have
a self-destruct button?

297
00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:06,336
Yeah... But it's on my body.

298
00:13:06,420 --> 00:13:08,922
What am I going to do?

299
00:13:09,131 --> 00:13:11,258
(SOBBING)

300
00:13:11,466 --> 00:13:15,178
I can't stand to see a robot cry.

301
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:16,638
Let's watch TV.

302
00:13:16,722 --> 00:13:18,932
And so, ladies and gentlemen,

303
00:13:19,016 --> 00:13:21,810
I'm throwing my head
into the ring.

304
00:13:21,894 --> 00:13:26,398
I'm announcing my candidacy
for the presidency of earth.

305
00:13:26,565 --> 00:13:27,608
(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

306
00:13:27,691 --> 00:13:28,775
Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle.

307
00:13:28,859 --> 00:13:30,611
Sir, the constitution clearly states

308
00:13:30,694 --> 00:13:33,488
that nobody can be elected
president more than twice.

309
00:13:33,572 --> 00:13:36,074
That's right... No body.

310
00:13:36,158 --> 00:13:39,995
But as you can plainly see,
I've got a shiny new body.

311
00:13:40,245 --> 00:13:42,247
(SCATTING)

312
00:13:42,581 --> 00:13:44,041
(BENDER AND LEELA GASP)

313
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,168
Bender, he's got your body!

314
00:13:46,251 --> 00:13:49,004
That dirty,
double-crossing bastard!

315
00:13:49,087 --> 00:13:51,632
How dare he run off
with Richard Nixon.

316
00:13:54,593 --> 00:13:57,429
Nixon must have bought your body
from the pawnshop.

317
00:13:57,512 --> 00:13:59,139
Yeah, and that electric guitar.

318
00:13:59,223 --> 00:14:04,645
(SINGING)
Remember what the dormouse said

319
00:14:06,355 --> 00:14:08,732
feed your head...

320
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:12,569
I'm meeting you halfway,
you stupid hippies.

321
00:14:12,694 --> 00:14:14,154
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

322
00:14:15,239 --> 00:14:17,241
I am not a crook's head.

323
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:19,701
Yeah, you are.
You stole my body!

324
00:14:19,785 --> 00:14:22,579
Fry, Leela, you got to help me.

325
00:14:22,663 --> 00:14:24,790
Ordinarily, I'd say no and lecture you

326
00:14:24,873 --> 00:14:27,834
on how this is your own fault
for being such an idiot.

327
00:14:27,918 --> 00:14:30,170
But when a robotic Nixon is on the loose,

328
00:14:30,254 --> 00:14:32,089
we have a duty to take action.

329
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,548
Idiot.

330
00:14:44,268 --> 00:14:46,311
(PEOPLE MURMURING)

331
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:49,898
Morbo will now introduce
tonight's candidates.

332
00:14:49,982 --> 00:14:51,858
Puny human number one,

333
00:14:51,942 --> 00:14:54,236
puny human number two,

334
00:14:54,319 --> 00:14:57,531
and Morbo's good friend,
Richard Nixon.

335
00:14:57,614 --> 00:14:59,950
Hello, Morbo.
How's the family?

336
00:15:00,075 --> 00:15:02,202
Belligerent and numerous.

337
00:15:02,286 --> 00:15:03,412
Good man.

338
00:15:03,495 --> 00:15:05,914
Nixon's pro-war and pro-family.

339
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:14,047
Great. First he steals my body,
now he's touching my stuff.

340
00:15:14,131 --> 00:15:17,009
Come on. We've got
to find some way to talk to him.

341
00:15:19,011 --> 00:15:21,930
Morbo demands an answer
to the following question:

342
00:15:22,014 --> 00:15:26,101
"If you saw delicious candy
in the hands of a small child

343
00:15:26,184 --> 00:15:28,937
"would you seize and consume it?"

344
00:15:29,021 --> 00:15:30,063
Unthinkable!

345
00:15:30,147 --> 00:15:31,899
I wouldn't think of it!

346
00:15:31,982 --> 00:15:33,442
What about you, Mr. Nixon?

347
00:15:33,525 --> 00:15:36,528
I remind you,
you are under a truth-o-scope.

348
00:15:37,613 --> 00:15:38,864
Well...

349
00:15:38,947 --> 00:15:41,533
The question is vague.

350
00:15:41,617 --> 00:15:45,120
You don't say what kind of candy,

351
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,539
whether anyone is watching...

352
00:15:47,623 --> 00:15:48,957
(CLEARS THROAT)

353
00:15:49,291 --> 00:15:52,461
At any rate,
I certainly wouldn't harm the child.

354
00:15:57,841 --> 00:15:59,968
You scored big points tonight, sir.

355
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:03,680
What are you talking about?
They ate me alive out there.

356
00:16:03,764 --> 00:16:05,807
Yes, but your body
stayed on message

357
00:16:05,891 --> 00:16:08,810
and that message is,
"Look at my shiny new body."

358
00:16:08,894 --> 00:16:10,145
The robots ate it up.

359
00:16:10,229 --> 00:16:12,731
You've got real charisma
from the neck down.

360
00:16:12,814 --> 00:16:14,483
Nixon with charisma.

361
00:16:14,566 --> 00:16:16,151
My God!

362
00:16:16,235 --> 00:16:18,153
I can rule the universe!

363
00:16:18,237 --> 00:16:19,613
(BOTH EXCLAIM)

364
00:16:19,696 --> 00:16:22,491
Give me my body back,
you two-bit thief!

365
00:16:22,574 --> 00:16:24,826
Now, look here,
you drugged-out communist,

366
00:16:24,910 --> 00:16:27,704
I paid for this body
and I'd no sooner return it

367
00:16:27,788 --> 00:16:30,916
than I would my little
cocker spaniel dog, Checkers.

368
00:16:31,375 --> 00:16:33,001
- (BARKS)
- Shut up, damn it!

369
00:16:33,085 --> 00:16:34,294
Please, Mr. Nixon.

370
00:16:34,378 --> 00:16:36,713
We're appealing to
your sense of decency.

371
00:16:36,797 --> 00:16:38,257
(ALL LAUGHING)

372
00:16:38,340 --> 00:16:39,841
Very good!

373
00:16:42,636 --> 00:16:45,264
Seriously, though,
I'm never giving back this body.

374
00:16:45,347 --> 00:16:48,725
Now, beat it, before I get
Cambodian on your asses!

375
00:16:52,104 --> 00:16:54,147
BENDER: It's hopeless.

376
00:16:54,231 --> 00:16:57,943
We might as well turn in my head
for the 5 cent deposit.

377
00:16:58,026 --> 00:16:59,152
No way.

378
00:16:59,236 --> 00:17:02,030
I'm not letting my best friend
get recycled.

379
00:17:02,114 --> 00:17:04,366
Not for 5 cents,
not for 500 cents.

380
00:17:04,449 --> 00:17:05,867
Leela, I've got a plan.

381
00:17:05,951 --> 00:17:07,286
I've got a better plan.

382
00:17:15,586 --> 00:17:17,754
(WHISPERS) Why would Nixon stay
at the Watergate?

383
00:17:17,838 --> 00:17:20,299
They give you a discount
if you've been here before.

384
00:17:31,226 --> 00:17:32,603
(STRAINING)

385
00:17:33,687 --> 00:17:36,106
FRY: Keep going.
We're right behind you.

386
00:17:37,316 --> 00:17:40,110
Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two.

387
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:41,403
MAN: We're in a room!

388
00:17:41,486 --> 00:17:43,780
Well, then, lose some weight.

389
00:17:45,991 --> 00:17:47,367
(NIXON SNORING)

390
00:17:50,829 --> 00:17:56,001
Oh, yeah, you women's libbers
really know how to party.

391
00:17:56,084 --> 00:17:57,461
There I am.

392
00:17:58,503 --> 00:18:00,047
(CREAKING)

393
00:18:02,299 --> 00:18:04,051
Hey, Betty Friedan,

394
00:18:04,134 --> 00:18:07,721
send a little of
that lotion my way.

395
00:18:07,804 --> 00:18:10,057
Okay, almost got it.

396
00:18:10,140 --> 00:18:11,350
Steady...

397
00:18:11,433 --> 00:18:12,643
Steady...

398
00:18:12,726 --> 00:18:14,436
Don't panic.

399
00:18:16,021 --> 00:18:17,022
Ooh.

400
00:18:17,147 --> 00:18:18,523
- (BEEPING)
- Uh-oh.

401
00:18:19,024 --> 00:18:20,943
(GRUNTING IN PAIN)

402
00:18:22,653 --> 00:18:24,154
(GASPS) What the...

403
00:18:27,324 --> 00:18:30,452
You shaggy peaceniks
have some nerve.

404
00:18:30,535 --> 00:18:32,037
I'm just here
for what's mine.

405
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,622
Don't make me kick your neck.

406
00:18:33,705 --> 00:18:35,249
Bring it on, soup can.

407
00:18:35,374 --> 00:18:36,667
(GROWLING)

408
00:18:40,837 --> 00:18:42,631
All right, break it up, you two.

409
00:18:44,466 --> 00:18:45,467
That's it!

410
00:18:45,551 --> 00:18:46,885
You're all going to jail

411
00:18:46,969 --> 00:18:49,346
and don't expect me
to grant a pardon

412
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:50,806
like that sissy Ford.

413
00:18:50,889 --> 00:18:52,391
You'll never pardon anybody

414
00:18:52,474 --> 00:18:54,977
because you'll never
get elected president.

415
00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:58,730
The voters of earth aren't the pea-brained
idiots they were back in your time.

416
00:18:58,814 --> 00:19:00,983
Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy.

417
00:19:01,066 --> 00:19:04,403
Computers may be twice as fast
as they were in 1973,

418
00:19:04,486 --> 00:19:08,240
but your average voter is
as drunk and stupid as ever.

419
00:19:08,323 --> 00:19:10,284
The only one who's changed is me.

420
00:19:10,367 --> 00:19:12,619
I've become bitter and, let's face it,

421
00:19:12,703 --> 00:19:14,663
crazy over the years.

422
00:19:14,746 --> 00:19:16,707
And once I'm swept into office,

423
00:19:16,790 --> 00:19:19,835
I'll sell our children's organs
to zoos for meat

424
00:19:19,918 --> 00:19:24,006
and I'll go into people's houses
at night and wreck up the place.

425
00:19:24,089 --> 00:19:25,591
(LAUGHS EVILLY)

426
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,176
Well, he lost my vote.

427
00:19:28,260 --> 00:19:30,554
Like one vote
ever made a difference.

428
00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:32,055
Now, if you'll excuse me,

429
00:19:32,139 --> 00:19:34,725
I'm going to inch myself
over to the phone

430
00:19:34,808 --> 00:19:36,059
and call the police.

431
00:19:38,353 --> 00:19:40,355
Not so fast, Nixon!

432
00:19:40,439 --> 00:19:42,900
Are you familiar with audio tape?

433
00:19:43,025 --> 00:19:44,651
(TAPE REWINDING)

434
00:19:44,943 --> 00:19:47,696
Uh-oh. I don't like where this is heading.

435
00:19:47,779 --> 00:19:49,990
NIXON: (OVER TAPE)
And I'll go into people's houses at night

436
00:19:50,073 --> 00:19:51,116
and wreck up the place.

437
00:19:51,450 --> 00:19:53,452
(LAUGHS EVILLY)

438
00:19:53,911 --> 00:19:56,455
My God, I really sound like that?

439
00:19:56,538 --> 00:19:59,207
I thought my voice had
more of a Clark Gable quality.

440
00:20:00,626 --> 00:20:01,710
The jig's up, Nixon.

441
00:20:01,793 --> 00:20:03,545
We'll trade you the tape
for the body.

442
00:20:03,629 --> 00:20:05,797
Oh, expletive deleted.

443
00:20:05,881 --> 00:20:07,549
You've got a deal.

444
00:20:07,633 --> 00:20:10,219
- Hey, I've got one last thought.
- (BEEPING)

445
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:11,845
(GRUNTING IN PAIN)

446
00:20:16,850 --> 00:20:20,270
Ah! It's good to be back
in one piece again...

447
00:20:20,354 --> 00:20:23,565
Except I can't get these
damn bumper stickers off.

448
00:20:23,649 --> 00:20:25,567
The sheer drama
of this election

449
00:20:25,651 --> 00:20:27,110
has driven voter turnout

450
00:20:27,194 --> 00:20:30,197
to its highest level in centuries. 6%.

451
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:33,784
Exit polls show evil underdog
Richard Nixon trailing

452
00:20:33,867 --> 00:20:35,786
with an estimated zero votes.

453
00:20:35,869 --> 00:20:38,080
Yes! The system works.

454
00:20:38,163 --> 00:20:39,248
The time is 7:59

455
00:20:39,331 --> 00:20:41,833
and the robot polls
are now opening...

456
00:20:41,917 --> 00:20:43,502
And the robot vote is in.

457
00:20:43,585 --> 00:20:44,920
Nixon has won!

458
00:20:45,003 --> 00:20:46,505
- Get out of town!
- No!

459
00:20:46,588 --> 00:20:48,090
Why would robots vote for Nixon

460
00:20:48,173 --> 00:20:50,300
now that he's just a head in a jar?

461
00:20:51,843 --> 00:20:55,931
I give you the next president
of earth!

462
00:20:59,768 --> 00:21:01,853
Nixon's back!

463
00:21:01,979 --> 00:21:03,772
(CROWD CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

464
00:21:04,064 --> 00:21:07,943
I can't believe it.
He won by a single vote.

465
00:21:08,026 --> 00:21:09,403
Well, it ain't my fault.

466
00:21:09,486 --> 00:21:11,530
I'm a non-voting felon,
thank you.

467
00:21:11,613 --> 00:21:14,116
Well, it's not my fault, either,
'cause I forgot to vote.

468
00:21:14,199 --> 00:21:18,036
Oh, Crud, I knew there was
something I meant to do today.

469
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:22,457
Morbo congratulates
our gargantuan cyborg president.

470
00:21:22,541 --> 00:21:25,669
May death come quickly
to his enemies.

471
00:21:25,752 --> 00:21:27,504
(LAUGHS)

472
00:21:27,671 --> 00:21:30,465
- (PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
- (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

473
00:21:32,593 --> 00:21:34,094
(ROARS)

474
00:21:34,177 --> 00:21:37,556
Who's kicking who around now?

475
00:21:37,764 --> 00:21:38,974
(GROWLS)

476
00:21:46,648 --> 00:21:47,774
Knock, knock.

477
00:21:48,984 --> 00:21:50,277
(LAUGHS EVILLY)

478
00:21:55,532 --> 00:21:57,534
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)