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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

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ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
Conan O'Brien's head.

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(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

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- MAN: Conan!
- Thank you, thank you.

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Let's get started.

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Max, play me over.

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(EXCLAIMS)
Looks like someone forgot to feed Max.

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(SPITS AND LAUGHS)

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So, people are getting pretty worried
about this Y2K problem, huh?

10
00:00:51,965 --> 00:00:55,052
No, they fixed that 900 years ago.

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Just bear with me, sir. Anyway,

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- I'm walking to work this morning...
- I doubt it!

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Listen, pal, I may have lost
my freakishly long legs

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in the war of 2012,

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but I've still got something
you'll never have.

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- A soul!
- Eh.

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And freckles.

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(CRYING)

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Well, I'm out of material.

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You can catch me next week
at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut.

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Enjoy your breakfast.

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(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

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Let's face it,
comedy is a dead art form.

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Now, tragedy... (LAUGHS)

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That's funny.

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Come on, everyone,

27
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perhaps some skiing will help us forget
the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien.

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- Yeah!
- Great idea.

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We can only hope.

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FRY: This snow is beautiful.

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I'm glad global warming never happened.

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Actually, it did,

33
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but thank god
nuclear winter canceled it out.

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- Hi.
- Enough of your mindless chitchat!

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Let's get going.

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Damn it, we're stuck!

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At least you're not cold-blooded.
(SHUDDERS)

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Sweet Lion of Zion,

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look at the Professor go!

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(SNORING)

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Look out! We're heading
straight for those trees!

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Yeah, yeah, relax.

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- Trees down.
- ROBOT: Trees down.

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Cool. Hey, what do you do
if you want the trees up?

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- ROBOT: Trees up.
- (FRY EXCLAIMS)

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- (WEAKLY) Trees down.
- ROBOT: Trees down.

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(FRY GROANS)

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BENDER: Looking good, beef ball!

49
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Excuse me, sir,
you're snowboarding off the trail.

50
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Lick my frozen metal ass. (LAUGHS) Uh-oh.

51
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(SCREAMING)

52
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- (BENDER GROANS)
- (KIDS SCREAMING)

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Huh?

54
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You, a bobsledder?

55
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That I'd like to see.

56
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Listen, you filthy crab,

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a thousand years ago there was
a legendary team of Jamaican bobsledders.

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Yep, I remember.

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They came in last at the Olympics,

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then retired to promote
alcoholic beverages.

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A true inspiration for the children.

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(BEEPS AND BUZZES)

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Um, a little help, please!

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- (DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTS)
- HERMES: No!

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(LAUGHS)

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(EXCLAIMING)

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(LAUGHS) Oh, what the hell.

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(EXCLAIMING)

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(THUDS AND GROANS)

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(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

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You poor man.

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What happened to you?

73
00:03:59,194 --> 00:04:02,322
Well, there I was
on the triple diamond slope,

74
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when suddenly...

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Oh, excuse me.

76
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Hello, there.

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(SNORES AND EXCLAIMS)

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Hmm. Wha...

79
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Ah! Nothing like a warm fire
and a super soaker of fine cognac.

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Yeah, it really puts you
in the Christmas spirit.

81
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- What-mas?
- Christmas.

82
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You know, X-M-A-S.

83
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Oh, you mean Xmas.

84
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You must be using
an archaic pronunciation.

85
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Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe."

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Xmas, huh? (SIGHS)

87
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You know, this will be
my first Xmas away from home.

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Hey, hey.

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Let me axe you something.

90
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Would it cheer you up
if we went and cut down an Xmas tree?

91
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Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree.

92
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- Hey! These aren't Xmas trees!
- Ho-ho-ha?

93
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They're supposed to be
some kind of, you know, pine tree.

94
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Pine trees have been extinct
for 800 years, Fry.

95
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Gone the way of the poodle

96
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and your primitive notions of modesty.

97
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Ah! Brisk.

98
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This isn't the way
Christmas is supposed to be.

99
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There, there.

100
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Everything is changed.

101
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That's not true.

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(REVERSE GEAR BEEPS)

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BENDER: ♪ Oh, Xmas tree,
Oh, Xmas tree ♪

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(SINGING GIBBERISH)

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Ow!

106
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Every Christmas my mom would get
a fresh goose for goose burgers,

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and my dad would whip up
his special eggnog

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out of bourbon and ice cubes.

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- (AMY SCREAMS)
- (OBJECTS SHATTER)

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This dumb holiday just makes me think

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of all the things I left behind.

112
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Let's just stop talking about Xmas.

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Happy Xmas, Xmas people!

114
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Xmas cards have arrived.

115
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Xmas!

116
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Amy, there you go.

117
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Fry, Professor, Zoidberg.

118
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A mighty haul for Bender.

119
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Yes! I got the most!

120
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I win Xmas!

121
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And last, but not least,

122
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the sweet flower of the office...

123
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me, Hermes Conrad.

124
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Hmm.

125
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Aw! A picture of my mommy.

126
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What's this?
A card from my cousin Zoidfarb.

127
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(CHUCKLES) Instead of "Claus,"
he writes "Claws."

128
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Now, that's humorous.

129
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Today's comedians
could learn from this card.

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(SIGHS)

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(SNIFFLES)

132
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What's the point of Xmas

133
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when everyone you know
died a thousand years ago?

134
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I'm the loneliest person on Earth.

135
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Hey, Leela, how about
a little sympathy here, huh?

136
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(WAILING)

137
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Yikes! What was that about?

138
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(SCOFFS) She's an orphan.

139
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Yes, and the only one of her species
in all the known universe.

140
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What a lonely life.

141
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(SIGHS) My god. Poor Leela.

142
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Hey, buddy.

143
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Heard you needed cheering up.

144
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Well, old Bender will make you laugh.

145
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♪ Look at me, look ♪

146
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(SCATTING)

147
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(WAILING)

148
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Oh, man, I got to work on my act.

149
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I feel like a rat.

150
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Here I am whining like a pig,

151
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while all along,
Leela was as lonely as a frog.

152
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I could kick myself.

153
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- I'll do it for you. (GRUNTS)
- Ow!

154
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- Thanks.
- You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry.

155
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You'd have to be blind not to notice
that Leela is a cyclops.

156
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- Fry is over there, man.
- Oh?

157
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(FRY SIGHS)

158
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Xmas eve,

159
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another pointless day
where I accomplish nothing.

160
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(SLURPS AND SIGHS)

161
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The holiday season is a time
of celebration for most,

162
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but it is also a time to remember

163
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the tragic suffering
of the less fortunate.

164
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Earthlings do not yet know
the meaning of suffering.

165
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- (LAUGHS EVILLY)
- (LAUGHS)

166
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Earlier today, I visited a shelter
for down-and-out robots.

167
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Homeless robots, too poor to afford

168
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even the basic alcohol they need
to fuel their circuits.

169
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Is there anything sadder?

170
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Only drowning puppies
and there would have to be a lot of them.

171
00:08:53,447 --> 00:08:54,448
Where you going, Bender?

172
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To volunteer at Liquor Kitchen
for homeless robots.

173
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(CHUCKLES) Yeah, right.

174
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As if you ever did anything charitable.

175
00:09:00,829 --> 00:09:02,247
I'm very generous.

176
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What about that time I gave blood?

177
00:09:04,207 --> 00:09:05,959
- Whose blood?
- Some guy's.

178
00:09:06,835 --> 00:09:10,213
I've got to do something
to show Lela how sorry I am.

179
00:09:10,297 --> 00:09:12,049
So what's the problem?

180
00:09:12,132 --> 00:09:15,510
Simply get down on your claws
and do the apology dance.

181
00:09:15,594 --> 00:09:17,137
(VOCALIZING)

182
00:09:17,804 --> 00:09:19,932
So it's left, left, right...

183
00:09:20,015 --> 00:09:21,725
Wait! I have a better idea.

184
00:09:21,808 --> 00:09:24,645
I'll go out and get her
the perfect Xmas present.

185
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Something so great,
she'll never want to be unhappy again.

186
00:09:28,148 --> 00:09:29,900
Just be back by sundown, man.

187
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We'll see. I like to haggle.

188
00:09:31,526 --> 00:09:33,487
You can't stay out on Xmas eve.

189
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- You'll be killed!
- Say what?

190
00:09:35,238 --> 00:09:36,323
Good lord!

191
00:09:36,406 --> 00:09:38,450
He doesn't know about Santa Claus.

192
00:09:38,533 --> 00:09:40,661
I know about Santa Claus.

193
00:09:41,370 --> 00:09:44,706
Back in 2801, the friendly robot company

194
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built a robotic Santa to determine

195
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who'd been naughty and who'd been nice,

196
00:09:49,044 --> 00:09:51,129
and distribute presents accordingly.

197
00:09:51,421 --> 00:09:53,006
But something went wrong.

198
00:09:53,090 --> 00:09:55,300
Wow, 2801.

199
00:09:55,550 --> 00:09:57,469
- Anyway...
- Wait, you fool!

200
00:09:57,552 --> 00:09:59,263
Due to a programming error

201
00:09:59,346 --> 00:10:01,556
Santa's standards were set too high

202
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,726
and he invariably judges
everyone to be naughty.

203
00:10:04,810 --> 00:10:06,311
If he catches you after dark,

204
00:10:06,395 --> 00:10:09,481
he'll chop off your head
and stuff your neck full of toys

205
00:10:09,564 --> 00:10:10,983
from his sack of horrors.

206
00:10:12,526 --> 00:10:13,735
(GULPS)

207
00:10:13,819 --> 00:10:15,362
Nice meeting you.

208
00:10:22,286 --> 00:10:23,704
Welcome, brother.

209
00:10:23,787 --> 00:10:26,373
May the blessings of the season
be upon you.

210
00:10:26,456 --> 00:10:27,916
Yeah, yeah, amen.

211
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:31,169
Listen, I'm one of those lazy,
homeless bums I've been hearing about.

212
00:10:31,253 --> 00:10:33,130
Could you point me to the free booze?

213
00:10:34,798 --> 00:10:35,799
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

214
00:10:38,427 --> 00:10:41,471
There's this girl who I really like,
but she thinks I'm a jerk.

215
00:10:41,555 --> 00:10:42,556
Can you help me?

216
00:10:42,639 --> 00:10:44,725
Yeah, there's a suicide booth
in the food court,

217
00:10:44,808 --> 00:10:46,518
though there's a line this time of year.

218
00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:48,103
No, I need to get her a gift,

219
00:10:48,186 --> 00:10:49,896
and I need it before sundown.

220
00:10:49,980 --> 00:10:52,399
Well, you can't go wrong
with something traditional.

221
00:10:52,482 --> 00:10:54,693
A Surface-to-Santa rocket launcher.

222
00:10:54,776 --> 00:10:56,862
It comes with three
jolly-seeking missiles.

223
00:10:56,987 --> 00:10:59,072
(LAUGHS) That's funny.

224
00:10:59,197 --> 00:11:01,074
- (POWERS UP)
- Careful, sir.

225
00:11:01,158 --> 00:11:02,826
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

226
00:11:04,286 --> 00:11:06,163
(GULPS AND SIGHS)

227
00:11:06,246 --> 00:11:07,539
Oh, yeah.

228
00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:10,083
You filthy hobos sure know how to live.

229
00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:13,587
Hey, chief, someone is stealing
your handkerchief full of crap.

230
00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:15,964
- Hmm?
- (GULPS AND SIGHS)

231
00:11:16,757 --> 00:11:19,551
Excuse me, sir,
might I have a sip of booze?

232
00:11:20,010 --> 00:11:21,887
I'm sorry, Tinny Tim,

233
00:11:21,970 --> 00:11:24,056
seems we ran out early tonight.

234
00:11:24,139 --> 00:11:26,391
I understand. (COUGHS)

235
00:11:27,059 --> 00:11:30,395
My god, that poor kid. (SNIGGERS)

236
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,358
You're the last store open.
I need something for my friend Leela.

237
00:11:35,108 --> 00:11:36,568
(FRY GROANING)

238
00:11:41,198 --> 00:11:44,159
- Just give me your best animal.
- Best? Well, that's a matter of opinion.

239
00:11:44,242 --> 00:11:46,286
I personally like the electric snail.

240
00:11:46,370 --> 00:11:47,537
(BUZZES)

241
00:11:47,621 --> 00:11:48,997
That's a stupid animal.

242
00:11:49,081 --> 00:11:50,082
You're stupid.

243
00:11:50,165 --> 00:11:51,750
I said I want the best one.

244
00:11:51,833 --> 00:11:54,294
Now which costs more,
the parrot or the stink lizard?

245
00:11:54,378 --> 00:11:57,214
The lizards are a buck each,
the parrot is 500 dollars.

246
00:11:57,339 --> 00:11:59,549
(WHISTLES) That's a hell of a good parrot.

247
00:11:59,967 --> 00:12:03,053
Although, I could get 500 lizards
for the same price.

248
00:12:03,428 --> 00:12:04,972
Girls like swarms of lizards, right?

249
00:12:05,055 --> 00:12:07,933
Sir, the store is closing in two minutes.

250
00:12:08,016 --> 00:12:10,102
Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards.

251
00:12:10,477 --> 00:12:11,478
No, wait.

252
00:12:11,561 --> 00:12:13,438
Yes. No. Yes.

253
00:12:13,647 --> 00:12:15,107
Yes. Yes.

254
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:16,692
- The parrot.
- (SQUAWKS)

255
00:12:19,111 --> 00:12:21,029
Well, I spent every penny I had,

256
00:12:21,113 --> 00:12:24,366
- but I bet Leela is going to love you.
- (SQUAWKS)

257
00:12:24,449 --> 00:12:27,536
- Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you?
- (SQUAWKS)

258
00:12:27,619 --> 00:12:28,745
Shut the hell up!

259
00:12:29,037 --> 00:12:30,038
Ow!

260
00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:32,165
Stupid bird!

261
00:12:32,249 --> 00:12:33,667
I know where you live!

262
00:12:37,504 --> 00:12:39,047
(GRUNTING)

263
00:12:41,717 --> 00:12:43,218
Hey, it's Leela.

264
00:12:43,302 --> 00:12:45,095
Sorry I stormed out before.

265
00:12:45,178 --> 00:12:47,097
I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas.

266
00:12:47,222 --> 00:12:48,974
Huh? You were gone?

267
00:12:49,057 --> 00:12:52,519
It's just that I get tired of Fry
always only thinking of himself.

268
00:12:52,603 --> 00:12:53,645
I hear that.

269
00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:55,480
I axe him to set the table,

270
00:12:55,564 --> 00:12:57,899
instead he goes out to buy you a present.

271
00:12:57,983 --> 00:12:59,109
Selfish dog.

272
00:12:59,192 --> 00:13:01,069
Wait. You mean he's still out?

273
00:13:01,153 --> 00:13:02,446
His life's in danger.

274
00:13:02,529 --> 00:13:04,573
- Why?
- I'm telling you why.

275
00:13:04,656 --> 00:13:06,825
Santa Claus is coming to town!

276
00:13:08,076 --> 00:13:09,870
(SQUAWKING)

277
00:13:16,585 --> 00:13:17,794
All right, bird,

278
00:13:17,878 --> 00:13:20,130
you thought you could beat me
in a game of wits,

279
00:13:20,213 --> 00:13:22,507
but you just met your equal.

280
00:13:30,515 --> 00:13:31,642
(GULPS)

281
00:13:32,184 --> 00:13:33,310
(CHITTERING)

282
00:13:34,686 --> 00:13:36,021
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

283
00:13:41,193 --> 00:13:42,527
(CHITTERING)

284
00:13:45,530 --> 00:13:47,824
Ah-ha! Cornered.

285
00:13:48,075 --> 00:13:50,369
- (SQUAWKING)
- (EXCLAIMING)

286
00:13:53,538 --> 00:13:55,958
(SIGHS AND SCREAMS)

287
00:13:56,041 --> 00:13:57,042
Phew!

288
00:13:58,669 --> 00:13:59,670
(SCREAMS)

289
00:14:00,254 --> 00:14:01,255
Phew!

290
00:14:02,839 --> 00:14:05,217
(SCREAMS AND GRUNTS)

291
00:14:05,884 --> 00:14:07,344
- Hi there.
- Leela!

292
00:14:07,427 --> 00:14:09,846
Oh, my god, you saved my life.

293
00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:12,432
I am going to get you so many lizards.

294
00:14:14,601 --> 00:14:16,853
You didn't need to buy me a present, fry.

295
00:14:16,937 --> 00:14:19,022
I just wanted to do something
to make you happy.

296
00:14:19,398 --> 00:14:22,901
I mean, I miss my family,
but you never even had a family.

297
00:14:22,985 --> 00:14:23,986
It's okay.

298
00:14:24,069 --> 00:14:25,779
You're lonely and I'm lonely.

299
00:14:25,862 --> 00:14:28,323
But together, we're lonely together.

300
00:14:29,199 --> 00:14:30,659
Merry Xmas, Leela.

301
00:14:30,993 --> 00:14:32,202
Merry Xmas.

302
00:14:32,452 --> 00:14:34,204
- (CRASHING)
- BOTH: Huh?

303
00:14:35,789 --> 00:14:37,040
Oh, boy!

304
00:14:37,124 --> 00:14:38,375
It's Santa.

305
00:14:38,458 --> 00:14:42,838
Ho-ho-ho!

306
00:14:44,506 --> 00:14:46,091
(FRY AND LEELA WHIMPERING)

307
00:14:47,009 --> 00:14:49,386
You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela.

308
00:14:49,469 --> 00:14:50,846
I checked my list.

309
00:14:50,929 --> 00:14:52,014
Well, check it twice.

310
00:14:52,097 --> 00:14:54,933
I perform over 50 mega checks per second.

311
00:14:55,017 --> 00:14:58,270
You're both naughty for disregarding
each other's feelings.

312
00:14:58,353 --> 00:14:59,605
But we set things right.

313
00:14:59,688 --> 00:15:02,024
Fry even risked his life
to get me a present.

314
00:15:02,107 --> 00:15:04,484
But what about your other coworkers?

315
00:15:04,568 --> 00:15:09,239
Did either of you ever stop to think
about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings?

316
00:15:09,323 --> 00:15:10,616
No, I swear.

317
00:15:10,699 --> 00:15:13,577
Santa has something very special

318
00:15:13,660 --> 00:15:15,245
in his sack for you two.

319
00:15:17,581 --> 00:15:19,958
Ho-ho-ho!

320
00:15:20,042 --> 00:15:21,793
(BOTH SCREAMING)

321
00:15:23,003 --> 00:15:26,298
ALL:
♪ So lock the door and hit the floor ♪

322
00:15:26,381 --> 00:15:28,675
♪ 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight ♪

323
00:15:30,052 --> 00:15:31,970
- Go away.
- BENDER: Whoa, hold on.

324
00:15:32,054 --> 00:15:35,557
How about inviting us in
for a traditional glass of hard cider?

325
00:15:35,641 --> 00:15:37,601
Oh, all right,

326
00:15:37,684 --> 00:15:38,977
but just one glass.

327
00:15:42,814 --> 00:15:45,984
(GULPING AND SIGHING)

328
00:15:47,486 --> 00:15:49,905
- WOMAN: Okay, that's enough.
- (GULPING CONTINUES)

329
00:15:49,988 --> 00:15:52,324
WOMAN: I said that's enough!

330
00:15:53,241 --> 00:15:54,284
BENDER: Get her purse!

331
00:15:54,368 --> 00:15:55,661
(BOTH GASPING)

332
00:16:02,125 --> 00:16:03,460
(BOTH GRUNT)

333
00:16:06,171 --> 00:16:07,214
Please, let us live.

334
00:16:07,297 --> 00:16:09,007
We'll put out milk and cookies for you.

335
00:16:09,091 --> 00:16:11,927
You dare bribe Santa?

336
00:16:12,177 --> 00:16:14,471
I'm going to shove coal
so far up your stocking

337
00:16:14,554 --> 00:16:16,056
you'll be coughing up diamonds!

338
00:16:18,892 --> 00:16:20,227
(FRY SCREAMS)

339
00:16:30,279 --> 00:16:31,613
(GRUNTING)

340
00:16:31,697 --> 00:16:34,324
- We're trapped.
- I never thought it would end this way,

341
00:16:34,408 --> 00:16:36,368
gunned down by Santa Claus.

342
00:16:36,451 --> 00:16:37,995
Honestly, I didn't see it coming.

343
00:16:40,831 --> 00:16:41,999
Good-bye, Fry.

344
00:16:42,082 --> 00:16:43,208
Good-bye, Leela.

345
00:16:44,418 --> 00:16:45,544
Hey, look.

346
00:16:45,836 --> 00:16:47,045
We're under the mistletoe.

347
00:16:52,884 --> 00:16:56,346
Your mistletoe is no match
for my tow missile.

348
00:16:58,557 --> 00:16:59,558
(BOTH SCREAM)

349
00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:01,935
(SQUAWKS)

350
00:17:06,690 --> 00:17:09,526
Uh, your present may need some assembly.

351
00:17:09,818 --> 00:17:13,447
♪ On the fourth day of Xmas,
I stole from that lady ♪

352
00:17:13,530 --> 00:17:15,073
♪ Four family photos ♪

353
00:17:15,157 --> 00:17:16,658
♪ Three jars of pennies ♪

354
00:17:16,742 --> 00:17:18,493
♪ Two former husbands ♪

355
00:17:18,577 --> 00:17:21,747
♪ And a slipper on a shoe tree ♪

356
00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:23,040
Yep!

357
00:17:24,082 --> 00:17:25,083
Oh, thank you.

358
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:28,045
- FRY: Help!
- LEELA: Somebody help us!

359
00:17:28,128 --> 00:17:29,254
It's humans.

360
00:17:29,338 --> 00:17:30,923
Shall we mug them, robot sir?

361
00:17:31,006 --> 00:17:32,883
No, wait. I know these guys.

362
00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:34,176
They got nothing.

363
00:17:35,928 --> 00:17:39,097
- Ho-ho-ho!
- (WHIMPERS)

364
00:17:39,181 --> 00:17:41,516
You've been very naughty, Bender.

365
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,352
What, me? I didn't do nothing.

366
00:17:43,435 --> 00:17:44,603
You're thinking of the kid.

367
00:17:44,686 --> 00:17:46,480
My god, Bender,

368
00:17:46,563 --> 00:17:47,773
framing an orphan?

369
00:17:47,856 --> 00:17:49,441
That's so naughty

370
00:17:49,524 --> 00:17:52,444
I'll have to add it to my list right now.

371
00:17:52,945 --> 00:17:54,863
Mm, framing...

372
00:17:55,906 --> 00:17:58,325
I-N...

373
00:17:59,159 --> 00:18:00,494
G.

374
00:18:01,495 --> 00:18:02,496
N...

375
00:18:04,289 --> 00:18:05,958
Amy, this is for you.

376
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:08,710
A set of combs for your beautiful hair.

377
00:18:08,794 --> 00:18:10,837
Oh, that's so sweet.

378
00:18:10,921 --> 00:18:12,839
But I sold my hair to a wig maker

379
00:18:12,923 --> 00:18:15,133
so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes.

380
00:18:15,217 --> 00:18:16,760
Oh, the irony!

381
00:18:16,843 --> 00:18:19,638
I sold my hair so I could buy
this third set of combs

382
00:18:19,721 --> 00:18:20,764
for Zoidberg.

383
00:18:20,847 --> 00:18:21,848
Thank you.

384
00:18:21,932 --> 00:18:25,352
- These will come in handy for my new hair.
- (BOTH GASP)

385
00:18:25,435 --> 00:18:28,689
Finally, I look as pretty as I feel.

386
00:18:28,772 --> 00:18:30,357
- FRY: Help!
- LEELA: Help!

387
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,234
BENDER: Oh, let us in! Help us!

388
00:18:32,317 --> 00:18:34,111
Oh, help! Oh, no!

389
00:18:35,487 --> 00:18:38,365
Oh, dear, They'll be killed
on our doorstep,

390
00:18:38,448 --> 00:18:41,326
and there's no trash pickup
till January 3rd.

391
00:18:43,495 --> 00:18:44,496
- (THUDDING)
- BENDER: Huh?

392
00:18:45,581 --> 00:18:47,332
Sweet manatee of galilee,

393
00:18:47,416 --> 00:18:48,584
he's on the roof!

394
00:18:50,586 --> 00:18:53,046
Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover.

395
00:18:54,339 --> 00:18:56,717
- (BOTH GRUNTING)
- FARNSWORTH: Push! Push!

396
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,010
Use teamwork!

397
00:19:01,430 --> 00:19:02,431
(GASPS)

398
00:19:03,307 --> 00:19:04,891
(ALL SCREAM)

399
00:19:05,851 --> 00:19:06,852
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

400
00:19:06,935 --> 00:19:08,937
(GRUNTS AND WHIMPERS)

401
00:19:11,732 --> 00:19:15,527
You've all been very naughty,
very naughty, indeed.

402
00:19:15,611 --> 00:19:17,112
Except you, Dr. Zoidberg.

403
00:19:17,195 --> 00:19:18,322
This is for you.

404
00:19:18,405 --> 00:19:22,075
A pogo stick. Mm! (CHUCKLING)

405
00:19:22,159 --> 00:19:23,869
As for the rest of you,

406
00:19:23,952 --> 00:19:27,205
I'm going to tear off your skin
like wrapping paper

407
00:19:27,289 --> 00:19:29,875
and deck the halls with your guts.

408
00:19:29,958 --> 00:19:33,128
Yeah? Well, I don't believe
in Santa Claus.

409
00:19:33,211 --> 00:19:34,588
Come on, everybody.

410
00:19:34,671 --> 00:19:37,007
If you don't believe in him,
he can't hurt you.

411
00:19:37,090 --> 00:19:39,134
Oh, god, the pain!

412
00:19:39,217 --> 00:19:41,303
Ho-ho-ho!

413
00:19:41,386 --> 00:19:44,306
Time to get jolly on your naughty asses.

414
00:19:44,389 --> 00:19:48,310
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

415
00:19:48,393 --> 00:19:49,394
Watch out!

416
00:19:49,478 --> 00:19:52,189
His belly is shaking
like a bowl full of nitroglycerin.

417
00:19:52,314 --> 00:19:53,941
(BEEPING)

418
00:19:54,024 --> 00:19:55,150
Rudolph's nose!

419
00:19:55,233 --> 00:19:56,568
He's going to blow!

420
00:19:58,153 --> 00:20:00,113
(ALL SCREAMING)

421
00:20:02,491 --> 00:20:03,659
DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah-ha!

422
00:20:05,535 --> 00:20:07,829
- (MUMBLING)
- (GRUNTS)

423
00:20:09,957 --> 00:20:11,750
(ALL GRUNT)

424
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,922
(DOOR BEEPING)

425
00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:19,174
(MUFFLED EXPLOSION)

426
00:20:20,133 --> 00:20:21,718
(SCREAMING)

427
00:20:26,848 --> 00:20:28,308
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

428
00:20:29,643 --> 00:20:31,687
Xmas dinner, everyone.

429
00:20:33,272 --> 00:20:34,648
Uh, Bender,

430
00:20:34,731 --> 00:20:36,191
where did you get that bird?

431
00:20:36,275 --> 00:20:37,859
I found it lying in the street,

432
00:20:37,943 --> 00:20:39,528
like all the food I cook.

433
00:20:39,611 --> 00:20:41,071
Dig in, everyone!

434
00:20:41,154 --> 00:20:42,698
ALL: Ugh.

435
00:20:44,157 --> 00:20:45,158
Thank you, sir.

436
00:20:45,242 --> 00:20:46,451
You got the toenail.

437
00:20:46,535 --> 00:20:48,078
(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

438
00:20:53,417 --> 00:20:55,669
- Uh-oh.
- Oh!

439
00:20:55,752 --> 00:20:57,713
Look, the food isn't what's important.

440
00:20:57,796 --> 00:20:58,964
I'm so hungry.

441
00:20:59,047 --> 00:21:00,382
The important thing is

442
00:21:00,465 --> 00:21:02,175
we are all together for Xmas.

443
00:21:02,259 --> 00:21:04,261
And even though I'm surrounded by robots

444
00:21:04,344 --> 00:21:05,929
and monsters and old people,

445
00:21:06,013 --> 00:21:08,181
I've never felt more at home.

446
00:21:08,265 --> 00:21:09,391
Hear, hear.

447
00:21:09,474 --> 00:21:12,352
- Now let's all of us shut up and sing.
- (CRACKS KNUCKLES)

448
00:21:12,811 --> 00:21:13,812
(PIANO PLAYS)

449
00:21:13,895 --> 00:21:16,064
♪ He knows when you are sleeping ♪

450
00:21:16,148 --> 00:21:18,692
♪ He knows when you're on the can ♪

451
00:21:18,775 --> 00:21:21,320
♪ He'll hunt you down and blast your ass ♪

452
00:21:21,403 --> 00:21:23,488
♪ From here to Pakistan ♪

453
00:21:23,614 --> 00:21:25,198
- ♪ Oh ♪
- ♪ You better not breathe ♪

454
00:21:25,282 --> 00:21:26,450
♪ You better not move ♪

455
00:21:26,533 --> 00:21:28,660
♪ You're better off dead
I'm telling you, dude ♪

456
00:21:28,744 --> 00:21:33,165
♪ Santa Claus is gunning you down! ♪

457
00:21:33,248 --> 00:21:34,583
(ALL CHEERING)

458
00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:39,046
Merry Xmas, everyone.

459
00:21:56,104 --> 00:21:58,106
(MUSIC PLAYING)

460
00:22:01,151 --> 00:22:02,486
SANTA: I'll be back,

461
00:22:02,569 --> 00:22:04,738
back when you least expect it.

462
00:22:05,822 --> 00:22:08,700
Next Xmas!

463
00:22:08,784 --> 00:22:12,204
Ho-ho-ho!