1
00:00:01,957 --> 00:00:03,959
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:00:29,651 --> 00:00:31,069
Good news, everyone.

3
00:00:31,153 --> 00:00:33,989
I've taught the toaster to feel love.

4
00:00:34,114 --> 00:00:35,115
(TOASTER BARKS)

5
00:00:37,326 --> 00:00:38,327
(TOASTER YELPS)

6
00:00:38,827 --> 00:00:39,828
(WHIMPERS)

7
00:00:40,203 --> 00:00:43,415
And Hermes returns
from his vacation today.

8
00:00:43,498 --> 00:00:44,958
Good morning, people.

9
00:00:45,042 --> 00:00:46,418
ALL: Hey, Hermes. Good to see you.

10
00:00:46,501 --> 00:00:47,753
Yo. My man.

11
00:00:47,836 --> 00:00:49,880
So, how was the Spleef Nebula?

12
00:00:49,963 --> 00:00:52,299
The flight had a stopover
on the brain slug planet.

13
00:00:52,382 --> 00:00:55,385
Hermes liked it so much,
he decided to stay of his own free will.

14
00:00:55,469 --> 00:00:56,637
Hermes has all the fun.

15
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,806
Wait a second!
He's got a brain slug on his head.

16
00:00:59,890 --> 00:01:02,017
Shh!
You're going to get us all assimilated.

17
00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:04,686
Just act normal
and switch to a garlic shampoo.

18
00:01:04,770 --> 00:01:05,771
On to new business.

19
00:01:05,854 --> 00:01:08,523
Today's mission is for you all to go
to the brain slug planet.

20
00:01:08,607 --> 00:01:10,484
What are we going to do there?

21
00:01:10,567 --> 00:01:12,319
Just walk around, not wearing a helmet.

22
00:01:12,402 --> 00:01:14,696
Sounds great, Hermes!

23
00:01:14,780 --> 00:01:17,074
Whatever you say.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

24
00:01:17,157 --> 00:01:19,618
What... Hey, let's ditch him
and go to the movies.

25
00:01:19,701 --> 00:01:22,204
ALL: Hey, yeah, that's a good idea.

26
00:01:22,287 --> 00:01:24,873
I'm seeing a movie with friends.

27
00:01:27,251 --> 00:01:28,835
(GROANS)

28
00:01:34,258 --> 00:01:35,384
Cool! Let's see this one.

29
00:01:36,593 --> 00:01:39,346
Nah, I'm not in the mood
for a historical documentary.

30
00:01:39,429 --> 00:01:42,891
I've heard good things
about Quizblorg, Quizblorg.

31
00:01:42,975 --> 00:01:44,518
Ugh, I hate subtitles.

32
00:01:44,601 --> 00:01:46,728
Alien films are so pretentious.

33
00:01:46,812 --> 00:01:50,148
Fellows, fellows,
how about a film we can all enjoy?

34
00:01:50,232 --> 00:01:52,276
Planet of the Clams.

35
00:01:52,359 --> 00:01:56,238
It's about an upside-down world
where lobster is slave to clam.

36
00:01:56,321 --> 00:01:57,572
Who invited you?

37
00:01:57,656 --> 00:01:59,783
Let's just see All My Circuits: The Movie.

38
00:01:59,866 --> 00:02:01,410
(ALL AGREEING)

39
00:02:01,493 --> 00:02:03,120
Good point, Bender.

40
00:02:03,203 --> 00:02:04,579
I'll take a small Slurm.

41
00:02:04,663 --> 00:02:07,708
For only 25 cents less,
you can get a super-small.

42
00:02:07,791 --> 00:02:08,792
Uh, okay.

43
00:02:15,132 --> 00:02:16,300
Oh, man!

44
00:02:16,383 --> 00:02:21,471
Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor
and a popcorn with extra motor oil.

45
00:02:24,558 --> 00:02:26,018
Down in front!

46
00:02:28,770 --> 00:02:30,397
(MAN READING)

47
00:02:33,692 --> 00:02:36,278
Ohh, this is real futuristic.

48
00:02:36,403 --> 00:02:38,780
Shh! Don't talk during the movie.

49
00:02:38,905 --> 00:02:40,115
(MAN READING)

50
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,743
New New York Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer

51
00:02:42,826 --> 00:02:45,996
opens a new tube line
to alleviate rush hour traffic.

52
00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:51,585
Dateline: Paramecium homeworld.

53
00:02:51,668 --> 00:02:54,004
Newly crowned Miss Universe, Gladys Lennox

54
00:02:54,087 --> 00:02:57,382
entertains troops fighting
to wipe out the human race.

55
00:02:57,466 --> 00:02:59,468
Go get 'em, boys!

56
00:02:59,801 --> 00:03:00,802
(BELL DINGING)

57
00:03:00,928 --> 00:03:02,054
And in the world
of Ultimate Robot Fighting,

58
00:03:02,137 --> 00:03:04,932
the Masked Unit wins his championship bout

59
00:03:05,015 --> 00:03:08,518
against Gorgeous Gonks
by technical melting.

60
00:03:08,852 --> 00:03:11,897
Go, Masked Unit!

61
00:03:12,397 --> 00:03:15,275
Uh... Hey, buddy. Yo! (WHISTLES)

62
00:03:15,359 --> 00:03:16,985
You mind taking your head off?

63
00:03:17,069 --> 00:03:18,153
I'm sorry, sir,

64
00:03:18,236 --> 00:03:20,113
but I need it to watch the movie.

65
00:03:20,197 --> 00:03:22,950
Just ask flabby over here
to describe it to you, later.

66
00:03:23,033 --> 00:03:25,702
Sir, she is as the factory made her.

67
00:03:25,786 --> 00:03:29,456
Well, they should have stopped making her
about halfway through.

68
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,840
(SPY MUSIC PLAYING)

69
00:03:45,389 --> 00:03:48,475
Written by WRITING UNIT 5
and WRITING UNIT 12 & JOE ESZTERHAS

70
00:03:58,235 --> 00:04:01,071
Well, that finishes this paperwork.

71
00:04:01,154 --> 00:04:02,155
(PHONE RINGING)

72
00:04:02,739 --> 00:04:04,199
Calculon Enterprises.

73
00:04:04,283 --> 00:04:08,078
Calculon, a fight scene has broken out
at the special effects warehouse.

74
00:04:08,161 --> 00:04:09,162
Come, quickly

75
00:04:09,246 --> 00:04:11,957
before a fiery explosion
chases someone down a hallway.

76
00:04:14,293 --> 00:04:16,587
I have no choice but to...

77
00:04:16,670 --> 00:04:17,921
MAN: If you want Calculon

78
00:04:18,005 --> 00:04:22,175
to race to the lasergun battle
in his hover Ferrari, press one.

79
00:04:22,259 --> 00:04:25,971
If you want Calculon
to double-check his paperwork, press two.

80
00:04:26,054 --> 00:04:27,055
Enter now.

81
00:04:28,724 --> 00:04:31,184
- MAN: You have pressed two.
- No, I didn't.

82
00:04:31,268 --> 00:04:33,437
I'm almost positive you did.

83
00:04:35,522 --> 00:04:40,402
Add in the carryover from Form 16-A,
then deduct line 2-B.

84
00:04:41,361 --> 00:04:42,696
(HUMMING)

85
00:04:45,198 --> 00:04:46,199
Pardon me, sir,

86
00:04:46,283 --> 00:04:48,619
but you seem to be
inadvertently kicking my seat.

87
00:04:48,702 --> 00:04:50,912
(MOCKINGLY) Pardon me, sir...

88
00:04:52,873 --> 00:04:55,125
Yes, that's the gist of what I said.

89
00:04:55,208 --> 00:04:56,293
Would you mind?

90
00:04:57,127 --> 00:04:58,128
Sure thing, pal.

91
00:04:58,670 --> 00:05:00,172
(CONTINUES HUMMING)

92
00:05:03,008 --> 00:05:05,761
- Sir...
- Who threw that?

93
00:05:05,844 --> 00:05:06,970
That's it!

94
00:05:07,054 --> 00:05:11,642
- Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs.
- (LAUGHS)

95
00:05:14,186 --> 00:05:15,228
I'm boned.

96
00:05:16,063 --> 00:05:17,606
(BENDER SCREAMS)

97
00:05:18,690 --> 00:05:19,858
(ALL SCREAMING)

98
00:05:20,817 --> 00:05:22,277
Let's all go to the lobby.

99
00:05:28,367 --> 00:05:29,785
(YELPS)

100
00:05:29,868 --> 00:05:33,038
I'm going to open a file
of whoop-ass on you!

101
00:05:34,414 --> 00:05:35,415
(GRUNTS)

102
00:05:36,166 --> 00:05:37,584
(POWERS DOWN)

103
00:05:38,085 --> 00:05:39,753
(ALL MURMURING)

104
00:05:40,254 --> 00:05:41,255
(GASPS)

105
00:05:41,338 --> 00:05:44,007
Bender, do you know who that was?

106
00:05:46,718 --> 00:05:48,971
Cripes! The Masked Unit!

107
00:05:49,054 --> 00:05:50,889
You knocked him out cold.

108
00:05:51,014 --> 00:05:53,433
- (ALL MURMURING IN AWE)
- I'm impressed.

109
00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:58,563
Son, I'm the commissioner
of Ultimate Robot Fighting.

110
00:05:58,647 --> 00:06:01,608
I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights
in movie theaters

111
00:06:01,692 --> 00:06:03,610
and you're the biggest I've ever seen.

112
00:06:03,694 --> 00:06:05,195
You should see me at funerals.

113
00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:08,323
Kid, I want you
in the Ultimate Robot Fighting League.

114
00:06:08,407 --> 00:06:10,242
Ultimate robot fighting?

115
00:06:10,325 --> 00:06:12,202
Sounds pleasant. I'll do it.

116
00:06:12,286 --> 00:06:14,288
(ALL CHEER)

117
00:06:14,371 --> 00:06:16,707
My hero. Mwah!

118
00:06:16,790 --> 00:06:21,044
Aw, they don't make movies
like this anymore.

119
00:06:21,461 --> 00:06:23,088
(BLOWS NOSE)

120
00:06:26,675 --> 00:06:30,137
I'm going to be the greatest
ultimate robot fighter ever.

121
00:06:30,220 --> 00:06:33,682
Float like a float-bot,
sting like an automatic stinging machine.

122
00:06:33,765 --> 00:06:36,476
Bender, you can't be
an ultimate robot fighter.

123
00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:39,479
It's the most brutal form
of competition in the galaxy.

124
00:06:39,563 --> 00:06:41,690
- It is?
- There are no rules.

125
00:06:41,773 --> 00:06:44,359
Two robots enter. One robot leaves.

126
00:06:44,443 --> 00:06:47,904
Then, later, the other robot leaves
after being declared the winner.

127
00:06:47,988 --> 00:06:49,823
That doesn't sound so bad.

128
00:06:49,906 --> 00:06:52,951
Oh, did I mention the crippling,
agonizing pain?

129
00:06:53,035 --> 00:06:54,494
I'm pretty sure I did.

130
00:06:54,578 --> 00:06:55,871
Yes, definitely.

131
00:06:55,954 --> 00:06:59,458
Crippling pain?
That's not covered by my insurance fraud.

132
00:06:59,541 --> 00:07:00,834
Count me out.

133
00:07:00,918 --> 00:07:02,461
No, you've got to do it.

134
00:07:02,544 --> 00:07:04,421
I don't care how suicidal it is.

135
00:07:04,504 --> 00:07:06,006
Hey, how come when I want

136
00:07:06,089 --> 00:07:08,675
to do fun stuff that will kill me,
you're against it?

137
00:07:08,759 --> 00:07:11,595
This is more important than that
marble-eating contest, Fry.

138
00:07:11,678 --> 00:07:12,971
It's about pride.

139
00:07:13,055 --> 00:07:15,057
Let me tell you a story from my childhood.

140
00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:17,809
Ugh, again with the orphanarium.

141
00:07:17,893 --> 00:07:21,396
When I was growing up at the orphanarium,
I got picked on a lot.

142
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,149
My only outlet was octouran kung fu.

143
00:07:24,733 --> 00:07:26,777
- Hi-ya!
- (GRUNTING)

144
00:07:30,072 --> 00:07:31,448
Excellent.

145
00:07:31,531 --> 00:07:34,117
Bill, Keith, you will go
to junior championships.

146
00:07:34,201 --> 00:07:37,245
Bill, congratulate Keith
when he regains consciousness.

147
00:07:37,329 --> 00:07:40,832
But Master Funog, I can beat
these dorks with one eye closed.

148
00:07:40,916 --> 00:07:44,419
Perhaps, but there is more to winning
than beating your opponent.

149
00:07:44,503 --> 00:07:45,921
You lack the will of a warrior.

150
00:07:46,004 --> 00:07:48,131
What do you mean? Watch this.

151
00:07:48,215 --> 00:07:50,926
- Hi-ya!
- (CRIES) Ow!

152
00:07:51,009 --> 00:07:53,971
No girl has the will of a warrior.

153
00:07:54,054 --> 00:07:57,432
You have the will of a housewife
or at best, the schoolmarm.

154
00:07:57,516 --> 00:08:00,310
That's it. I'll take you on right now.

155
00:08:00,394 --> 00:08:03,855
Very well, but you see,
I have the will of the warrior.

156
00:08:03,939 --> 00:08:06,233
Therefore, the battle is already over.

157
00:08:06,316 --> 00:08:07,567
The winner? Me. Ha-ha!

158
00:08:07,651 --> 00:08:09,152
Rematch? You lose again.

159
00:08:09,236 --> 00:08:10,821
Had enough? I thought so.

160
00:08:10,904 --> 00:08:11,905
(ALL LAUGHING)

161
00:08:15,701 --> 00:08:17,703
I lost my chance to be a champion.

162
00:08:17,786 --> 00:08:19,621
I won't let you throw away yours.

163
00:08:19,705 --> 00:08:20,956
Leela is right.

164
00:08:21,039 --> 00:08:22,749
I don't want to end up a loser like her.

165
00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:24,918
Count me back in.

166
00:08:25,002 --> 00:08:27,379
Let's see what you got. Touch your toes.

167
00:08:28,171 --> 00:08:29,172
(GRUNTING)

168
00:08:33,343 --> 00:08:36,054
Still... Can't... Reach.

169
00:08:36,680 --> 00:08:37,681
Hi-ya!

170
00:08:38,724 --> 00:08:41,059
Hi-ya! (CHOKING)

171
00:08:50,819 --> 00:08:56,992
Let's commence preparations for rumbling!

172
00:08:57,618 --> 00:08:58,827
(BELL DINGING)

173
00:09:01,747 --> 00:09:03,081
(GRUMBLING)

174
00:09:04,124 --> 00:09:10,047
Ladies and gentlemen and Smizmars,
welcome to tonight's main event.

175
00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:13,634
In this corner,
from Mom's Friendly Robot factory.

176
00:09:13,717 --> 00:09:19,181
In America's heartland, Mexico... Bender!

177
00:09:19,264 --> 00:09:21,558
(CROWD CHEERING)

178
00:09:23,727 --> 00:09:29,942
And in this corner,
from and made of parts unknown,

179
00:09:30,025 --> 00:09:32,444
the Clear-Cutter.

180
00:09:36,782 --> 00:09:38,158
Bender rules!

181
00:09:38,241 --> 00:09:40,577
I got you an official Bender hat.

182
00:09:40,661 --> 00:09:41,870
Wow! Thanks, Hermes.

183
00:09:41,954 --> 00:09:44,206
I... Hey, cut that out!

184
00:09:44,331 --> 00:09:45,540
(BELL DINGS)

185
00:09:45,666 --> 00:09:48,418
You can't hit what you can't see.

186
00:09:50,295 --> 00:09:51,296
(YELLS)

187
00:09:53,507 --> 00:09:54,508
(GROANS)

188
00:09:54,591 --> 00:09:56,301
Get up, Bender.

189
00:09:56,385 --> 00:09:59,221
You can't quit
every time you get an ax in the back.

190
00:09:59,346 --> 00:10:00,931
(DRILL WHIRRING)

191
00:10:01,014 --> 00:10:03,016
Or a drill through your face.

192
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:06,019
Now, quit scratching
your ax hole and get out there.

193
00:10:15,112 --> 00:10:16,321
Ow, ow.

194
00:10:16,989 --> 00:10:17,990
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

195
00:10:20,284 --> 00:10:21,285
Huh?

196
00:10:22,786 --> 00:10:25,038
And the winner is...

197
00:10:25,122 --> 00:10:29,876
Bender!

198
00:10:34,089 --> 00:10:35,424
Nice work out there, kid.

199
00:10:35,507 --> 00:10:37,968
You know, I think he might be dead.

200
00:10:38,051 --> 00:10:40,679
I took a life! (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)

201
00:10:40,762 --> 00:10:42,723
Hi, boss. Yo, dude.

202
00:10:42,806 --> 00:10:45,100
Hey! He's not dead. What's up with that?

203
00:10:45,183 --> 00:10:46,810
What, you didn't read the pamphlet?

204
00:10:46,893 --> 00:10:49,229
Ultimate robot fighting's
a scam, kid. It's rigged.

205
00:10:49,396 --> 00:10:50,397
(GASPS)

206
00:10:50,522 --> 00:10:52,190
It's a secret,
so keep it under your head...

207
00:10:52,316 --> 00:10:54,943
But the most popular robot always wins.

208
00:10:55,027 --> 00:10:56,862
You mean I'm not a great fighter?

209
00:10:56,945 --> 00:11:00,032
- I just won 'cause I'm popular?
- Bingo.

210
00:11:00,115 --> 00:11:01,908
Woo-hoo! I'm popular!

211
00:11:01,992 --> 00:11:03,660
In fact, you're more than popular.

212
00:11:03,744 --> 00:11:05,454
You're pure lowest common denominator.

213
00:11:05,537 --> 00:11:08,665
Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

214
00:11:12,210 --> 00:11:18,133
Presenting... Bender The Offender.

215
00:11:18,216 --> 00:11:22,888
I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight
and get my kids back.

216
00:11:24,723 --> 00:11:25,807
WOMAN: I love you, Bender!

217
00:11:25,891 --> 00:11:29,811
Versus Billionaire-bot!

218
00:11:29,937 --> 00:11:32,147
- (CROWD BOOING)
- (CHUCKLING SNOOTILY)

219
00:11:42,074 --> 00:11:43,075
(DINGS)

220
00:11:43,158 --> 00:11:45,869
Versus The Foreigner.

221
00:11:45,953 --> 00:11:52,876
I'm not from here. I have my own customs.
Look at my crazy passport.

222
00:11:57,881 --> 00:11:59,633
(CHEERING)

223
00:12:00,968 --> 00:12:05,722
Versus The Chain Smoker.

224
00:12:05,847 --> 00:12:06,848
(CROWD BOOING)

225
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:10,560
I love smoking, and after I win the fight,

226
00:12:10,644 --> 00:12:14,147
I'm headed straight
to your favorite restaurant.

227
00:12:28,078 --> 00:12:31,582
You know,
I'm also an ultimate robot lover.

228
00:12:31,665 --> 00:12:32,916
(ROBOT GIRLS GIGGLING)

229
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,252
Bender, you're three hours late.

230
00:12:35,335 --> 00:12:38,630
You can't give up on your training now
after both of us worked so hard.

231
00:12:38,714 --> 00:12:39,923
What do you mean, "we"?

232
00:12:40,007 --> 00:12:41,133
I said "us."

233
00:12:41,216 --> 00:12:43,552
Hey, Bender The Offender doesn't need you.

234
00:12:43,635 --> 00:12:46,179
Bender The Offender doesn't need anybody.

235
00:12:46,263 --> 00:12:48,181
What about us, Mr. The Offender?

236
00:12:48,265 --> 00:12:50,350
Well, obviously, I need floozies.

237
00:12:50,434 --> 00:12:51,476
Let's roll.

238
00:12:59,818 --> 00:13:01,403
Howdy, chief.

239
00:13:01,486 --> 00:13:05,365
For my next bout, what do you say I fight
these two bimbos in some mud?

240
00:13:05,449 --> 00:13:07,743
Actually, we've decided to
go in a different direction.

241
00:13:07,826 --> 00:13:09,244
What if I told you

242
00:13:09,328 --> 00:13:11,788
we wouldn't be fighting
in the conventional sense?

243
00:13:11,872 --> 00:13:13,457
Bender, your popularity is slipping.

244
00:13:13,540 --> 00:13:17,044
Sales of your Bender-brand
French-milled bath soaps are down 20%.

245
00:13:17,794 --> 00:13:19,922
(SNIFFING)
Those morons.

246
00:13:20,005 --> 00:13:22,507
I said teaberry, not sandalwood.

247
00:13:22,591 --> 00:13:23,634
Damn it, Bender,

248
00:13:23,717 --> 00:13:26,803
if you can't move sandalwood
you don't belong in this league!

249
00:13:26,887 --> 00:13:29,473
That's why you're going
to lose next week's title match.

250
00:13:29,556 --> 00:13:31,058
But the crowd loves me.

251
00:13:31,141 --> 00:13:34,686
Perhaps, but let's see how they feel
about your new persona.

252
00:13:36,104 --> 00:13:40,359
You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter
since Sergeant Feces Processor.

253
00:13:40,484 --> 00:13:42,736
- (LAUGHS)
- Oh, yeah?

254
00:13:42,819 --> 00:13:44,947
Well, what if I don't let the new guy win?

255
00:13:45,030 --> 00:13:48,075
Then, he'll just have to beat you
the old-fashioned way.

256
00:13:48,158 --> 00:13:49,159
To death!

257
00:13:49,242 --> 00:13:50,827
Melissa, send in the new kid.

258
00:13:54,289 --> 00:13:58,418
I... Am... Destructor!

259
00:13:58,543 --> 00:14:00,128
(ROARS)

260
00:14:00,212 --> 00:14:01,838
(IN SMALL VOICE) See you at the fight.

261
00:14:03,882 --> 00:14:07,511
So then I said, "See you at the fight,"
And that's the story.

262
00:14:07,594 --> 00:14:10,264
Man, I thought
ultimate robot fighting was real

263
00:14:10,347 --> 00:14:13,183
like pro wrestling,
but it turns out it's fixed like boxing.

264
00:14:13,267 --> 00:14:15,894
It's one thing to win a fixed fight.

265
00:14:15,978 --> 00:14:17,562
There's dignity in that.

266
00:14:17,646 --> 00:14:19,982
But to lose, and in this atrocity...

267
00:14:20,148 --> 00:14:21,149
(SOBS)

268
00:14:21,233 --> 00:14:22,526
I can't do it.

269
00:14:22,609 --> 00:14:24,778
Leela, you've got to train me to win.

270
00:14:24,861 --> 00:14:27,781
No way! If you wouldn't take my help
when you didn't need it,

271
00:14:27,864 --> 00:14:30,534
why should I give it to you now
when you do need it?

272
00:14:30,617 --> 00:14:32,786
What the hell are you talking about?

273
00:14:32,869 --> 00:14:35,455
I don't know, but I'm not helping.

274
00:14:35,539 --> 00:14:38,542
ANNOUNCER:
You loved him as Bender The Offender.

275
00:14:38,625 --> 00:14:43,130
Now, get ready to hate him
as he threatens your sexuality

276
00:14:43,213 --> 00:14:47,634
in his new persona, The Gender Bender.

277
00:14:48,552 --> 00:14:50,929
I'm a real toughie.

278
00:14:51,013 --> 00:14:55,392
ANNOUNCER: Squaring off this Sunday,
versus... Destructor.

279
00:14:55,475 --> 00:15:01,315
I will destroy you! (ROARS)

280
00:15:01,398 --> 00:15:03,483
And stop calling me.

281
00:15:03,567 --> 00:15:05,944
I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog.

282
00:15:06,028 --> 00:15:09,656
My pupil will be victorious
for he has the will of a warrior.

283
00:15:09,740 --> 00:15:10,949
(LAUGHS)

284
00:15:11,033 --> 00:15:12,618
Not Funog!

285
00:15:12,701 --> 00:15:14,286
Bender, let's hit the gym.

286
00:15:14,369 --> 00:15:17,080
I'm going to teach you
to fight like a girl.

287
00:15:17,164 --> 00:15:20,751
I'll put on my tutu.

288
00:15:29,134 --> 00:15:33,096
ANNOUNCER: Hello and welcome
to a remarkable championship bout.

289
00:15:33,180 --> 00:15:36,224
Destructor, a robotic armored tank

290
00:15:36,308 --> 00:15:41,104
whose very use in battle
has been ruled a war crime...

291
00:15:41,188 --> 00:15:46,318
Versus Gender Bender,
who wears a pink tutu.

292
00:15:46,401 --> 00:15:50,238
This is Rich Little,
imitating Howard Cosell

293
00:15:50,322 --> 00:15:53,367
here at ringside with George Foreman.

294
00:15:53,450 --> 00:15:55,702
George, a word in edgewise.

295
00:15:55,786 --> 00:15:59,081
This could be the most
one-sided fight since 1973

296
00:15:59,164 --> 00:16:02,626
when Ali faced
an 80-foot-tall, mechanical Joe Frazier.

297
00:16:02,709 --> 00:16:04,544
My memory's not what it used to be,

298
00:16:04,628 --> 00:16:06,797
but I think
the entire Earth was destroyed.

299
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,924
Interesting, if true.

300
00:16:09,007 --> 00:16:14,721
The Vegas odds tonight stand
at an unprecedented 1,000:0.

301
00:16:14,805 --> 00:16:20,018
A bet of zero dollars on Bender
pays $1,000 if he wins.

302
00:16:20,102 --> 00:16:22,854
Still, very few takers.

303
00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:24,564
It's not a smart bet.

304
00:16:25,190 --> 00:16:26,191
Hi-ya!

305
00:16:26,316 --> 00:16:28,068
According to the script,

306
00:16:28,151 --> 00:16:31,613
you're supposed to prance out
and tickle him with your fairy wand.

307
00:16:31,697 --> 00:16:34,408
Instead, I want you to prance out
and kick his head off.

308
00:16:34,491 --> 00:16:36,576
Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle.

309
00:16:37,828 --> 00:16:40,831
Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare!

310
00:16:40,914 --> 00:16:42,583
Sorry, buddy. Here you go.

311
00:16:42,666 --> 00:16:45,252
Thank you. It was cold
down there on the floor.

312
00:16:45,335 --> 00:16:47,170
Here, Professor, I got you a program.

313
00:16:47,254 --> 00:16:51,091
Oh, good.
Just let me put on my reading glasses.

314
00:16:53,302 --> 00:16:57,472
Why, Zoidberg,
There's a lovely photo of you in here.

315
00:16:57,556 --> 00:16:59,391
- (GROANS)
- (BELL DINGS)

316
00:17:02,311 --> 00:17:07,983
In this corner, the confused young robot
with the golden curls,

317
00:17:08,066 --> 00:17:11,778
weighing 525 pounds...

318
00:17:11,862 --> 00:17:16,950
- The Gender Bender!
- (CROWD BOOING)

319
00:17:19,453 --> 00:17:21,747
Get that hippie out of the ring!

320
00:17:21,830 --> 00:17:27,461
And in these two corners,
weighing 400 tons,

321
00:17:27,544 --> 00:17:32,674
the gizmo from Pismo... Beach.

322
00:17:32,758 --> 00:17:36,637
Destructor!

323
00:17:39,348 --> 00:17:42,392
So, we meet again. Most amusing.

324
00:17:42,476 --> 00:17:45,812
Girl who acts like fighter
training fighter who acts like girl.

325
00:17:45,896 --> 00:17:47,522
Keep laughing, Funog.

326
00:17:51,234 --> 00:17:52,486
Ready, Bender?

327
00:17:52,569 --> 00:17:55,072
I was built ready. Give me the bell.

328
00:17:55,155 --> 00:17:56,365
- (BELL DINGS)
- Did you hear a noise?

329
00:18:05,999 --> 00:18:12,714
Final boarding call for Flight 406.
Nonstop service to pain.

330
00:18:14,758 --> 00:18:16,718
Now boarding stand-by passengers...

331
00:18:16,927 --> 00:18:17,928
(GRUNTS)

332
00:18:24,268 --> 00:18:27,854
This seems as good a time as any
to bring up my new grill for no reason.

333
00:18:27,938 --> 00:18:31,608
With its patented design,
the fat drains directly into my mouth.

334
00:18:39,283 --> 00:18:42,202
Fry, throw in the towel.

335
00:18:43,954 --> 00:18:47,291
For God sakes, Fry!

336
00:18:50,168 --> 00:18:52,087
(GROANS)

337
00:18:52,170 --> 00:18:54,089
That's exactly what I was thinking.

338
00:18:56,341 --> 00:19:02,014
(SLOW-MOTION) No!

339
00:19:02,097 --> 00:19:03,098
Mommy.

340
00:19:03,181 --> 00:19:05,392
Okay, Funog, that's enough.

341
00:19:05,475 --> 00:19:06,810
Call him off.

342
00:19:06,893 --> 00:19:07,936
Funog?

343
00:19:09,438 --> 00:19:11,148
(BEEPING)

344
00:19:11,231 --> 00:19:12,232
Hmm.

345
00:19:15,652 --> 00:19:18,363
Why won't anyone help me?

346
00:19:18,989 --> 00:19:20,657
(CONTINUES BEEPING)

347
00:19:23,076 --> 00:19:24,077
(LAUGHS EVILLY)

348
00:19:25,954 --> 00:19:29,583
- So... Once more, we meet again.
- Huh?

349
00:19:29,666 --> 00:19:32,794
You didn't train Destructor.
You're just controlling him like a puppet.

350
00:19:32,878 --> 00:19:36,214
I mean, cheating in a fake fight.
That's low.

351
00:19:36,298 --> 00:19:38,425
Better than being a girl... Like you.

352
00:19:38,508 --> 00:19:40,093
You're a girl! (LAUGHS)

353
00:19:40,177 --> 00:19:41,595
Oh, right.

354
00:19:41,678 --> 00:19:43,889
Girls lack the will of the warrior.

355
00:19:44,014 --> 00:19:45,515
- Hi-ya!
- (GRUNTING)

356
00:19:50,938 --> 00:19:53,106
It's Bendering time.

357
00:19:53,190 --> 00:19:54,483
Take this...

358
00:19:54,566 --> 00:19:55,692
And this.

359
00:19:55,901 --> 00:19:57,194
(YELLING)

360
00:19:58,278 --> 00:20:00,447
You were an excellent student.

361
00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:02,199
Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

362
00:20:08,205 --> 00:20:13,043
I think you misunderstood
the concept of Bendering time.

363
00:20:13,794 --> 00:20:15,796
See you in girl hell.

364
00:20:15,879 --> 00:20:18,215
I'll be in boy hell, much nicer.

365
00:20:25,430 --> 00:20:26,640
(YELLS IN PAIN)

366
00:20:26,723 --> 00:20:28,725
Yes!

367
00:20:28,809 --> 00:20:31,061
Yes!

368
00:20:31,228 --> 00:20:32,229
Ow...

369
00:20:33,230 --> 00:20:36,650
- (BELL DINGS)
- And the winner is...

370
00:20:36,733 --> 00:20:38,986
Destructor!

371
00:20:39,111 --> 00:20:40,529
(CROWD CHEERING)

372
00:20:40,612 --> 00:20:43,907
I've not seen a spectacle of this nature

373
00:20:43,991 --> 00:20:47,244
in all my years
impersonating a sportscaster.

374
00:20:47,327 --> 00:20:48,704
It sure was some fight.

375
00:20:48,787 --> 00:20:50,581
Interesting side note.

376
00:20:50,664 --> 00:20:53,041
As a head without a body, I envy the dead.

377
00:20:53,125 --> 00:20:55,043
No argument here.

378
00:20:58,630 --> 00:21:00,215
Bender, how did the fight go?

379
00:21:00,299 --> 00:21:01,675
I heard somebody got flattened.

380
00:21:01,758 --> 00:21:03,927
Fry, where's your brain slug?

381
00:21:05,846 --> 00:21:08,557
Poor little guy starved to death.

382
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:10,350
I'm proud of you, Bender.

383
00:21:10,434 --> 00:21:12,311
Sure, you lost, you lost bad,

384
00:21:12,394 --> 00:21:14,021
but the important thing is

385
00:21:14,104 --> 00:21:18,025
I beat up someone who hurt
my feelings in high school. Ha-ha!

386
00:21:18,108 --> 00:21:21,361
I'm in tremendous pain here.

387
00:21:21,445 --> 00:21:23,030
Great job, kid.

388
00:21:23,113 --> 00:21:25,949
You lost, and you made it look
almost half-real.

389
00:21:26,033 --> 00:21:27,784
I want you to have this card

390
00:21:27,868 --> 00:21:30,287
good for 10 percent off
at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

391
00:21:32,539 --> 00:21:33,707
Yes...

392
00:21:33,790 --> 00:21:35,417
I'm the greatest...

393
00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:37,711
The greatest!

394
00:21:38,629 --> 00:21:40,839
And so ends the chronicle

395
00:21:40,923 --> 00:21:44,551
of one of the greatest
ever to play the sport.

396
00:21:44,635 --> 00:21:47,054
And he didn't look half-bad in a tutu.

397
00:21:47,137 --> 00:21:49,973
That he did surely not.

398
00:21:50,057 --> 00:21:51,058
What?

399
00:21:55,812 --> 00:21:57,814
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)