Wow, I'm finally going to see my favorite chef, TV's Elzar!
Oh, this is the greatest nanosecond of my life.
No, this one is. No, this one. Wait...
That one was slightly worse.
Ah, so far so good on this one.
And now, here he is.
Chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs for Dinner
and Cooking Dinner for Slugs...
Elzar!
All right! yeah!
Yeah, baby! Whoo!
Elzar!
All right!
Elzar, you're my god.
Please sign this sketch I drew of you.
Oh, Elzar, bless you!
Mmm. Mmm...
Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots.
Oh...
All right! Yeah!
Whoo!
All right, yeah. Whoo.
- Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food. - Hoo-whee!
'Cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo.
Now, step one. You want to boil some oysters
in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo.
Boiled? Interesting!
Bender, please try to be a little quieter.
No, youshut up!
Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch
with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam!
Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar!
Knock it up another notch.
Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector?
Come on, you wimp, work that weasel!
Quit holding out on us!
If you promise to stop interrupting, all right.
Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch.
I got to get this notch up knocking on film.
Hey, Elzar, think fast!
Wha... Huh?
My eye!
I'm blind!
Bam!
Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst?
Grande.
I don't like the looks of this doctor.
I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated.
Okay, what does this look like to you?
Um...
A grayish blob?
Right. And this one?
Um...
A grayish blob?
Not as right that time.
It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation.
Nice try, little boy.
You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma,
but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace.
You seem a bit tense. Here, try these.
Sure, butter me up with candy.
Well, it won't work, sonny.
Why always the fighting?
Your eye just needs some rest.
You'll have to wear this patch for about a week.
Oh! A week?
What do youthink, Dr. Zoidberg?
Clack.
Thanks for the help, Leela.
Leela, we're right here!
I'm not deaf. I just have to wear this stupid eye patch.
- Does it look stupid? - No.
In fact, it looks so nice I think I might get one, too.
It's Elzar again!
Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants!
Leela, please, let me make this up to you.
You and your friends are all invited to my restaurant tonight.
I'm going to bam you up a dinner you'll never forget.
- All right! - Oh, yeah!
- Great! - Hooray for blindy!
Oh, God. I'm coming down!
Folks, tell the neighbors to watch your mouth
'cause your taste buds are going on vacation.
I made you each your own special meal.
So dig in!
It's the biggest Jamaican platter I've ever seen!
Jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork.
Is there any meat this man can't jerk?
The king crab is to die for.
Look, a tiny edible crown.
What's it made of?
Wood.
Mmm! Oh!
Fry, you got to try the sterno niçoise.
No, thanks. That's robot food.
It's so good.
Oh, just try a little.
No, really, I don't...
Ahhh!
Mmm!
You doing all right over there, Leela?
Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic.
So fresh.
Ah!
Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me.
Everybody enjoy their dinner?
God, yes, Elzar!
Well, I sure enjoyed cooking for you,
and to make everything completely square,
I want you to have these complimentary after-dinner chocolates.
What's this under the chocolates?
Yeah, you take care of that whenever you want.
- Hey! - What?
A bill?
You're charging us after you blinded me?
Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity.
$1,200?
Holy zombie Jesus!
We don't have that kind of money, especially not Zoidberg.
They took away my credit cards.
Okay, okay, wait.
I know how to take care of this, no problem.
You deadbeats are under arrest.
It's a stone-cold shame.
He's making a break for it! Get him!
No, I was just picking my nose.
He's picking his nose! Get him!
The old dine-and-dash, eh?
My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you
that kept him from going regional.
That's why I became a cop.
Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah.
Please don't hit me. I'm brittle!
Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution.
Listen to the smart robot.
I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right?
No question.
So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt?
I don't know.
I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable.
Ooh! Bender's a model employee.
He's so polite.
- And hardworking. - He's made of candy.
Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot.
Hot diggity!
You better keep your nose clean.
That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.
Ah! Time for my precious 10:00 a.m. meeting.
Where in Legoland is Leela?
I'm here,
and I'm getting along just fine, thank you.
My walk to work just took a little longer today than usual.
Nibbler took me through the zoo for some reason.
Leela, a little help is nothing to be embarrassed about.
Like, maybe I could do your makeup.
I don't need help.
For your information, I did this all by myself.
You look beautiful!
Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso.
Well, I'm off to work at the restaurant.
One of you will have to fill in for me while I'm gone.
Better yet, I'll build someone to fill in for you.
Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster
with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal.
Well, if that new guy can't handle things, give me a call.
I'm done siphoning out the grease trap.
I think I need a mint.
So, what job do I move up to?
Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy?
Bam!
Bam yourself.
Hey, who are they?
Let's just say they're very good customers
and I'm not answering any more questions.
- Are they the robot mafia? - Yes.
You call this a table?
I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table.
You hear that? The Donbot don't like it.
I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?
Whoa, whoa. Calm down, Clamps.
The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against.
Such as like this there.
But that table's already...
Ah... Let me bus that for you gentlemen.
No. What I meant to do was...
I can't believe this!
Mind your own business and get out!
Huh.
I like this guy's lack of style.
So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes,
which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones.
Hey, you think this computes over here?
Where's all my change? I gave you a 100.
No, you gave me a 50.
- Oh, no, I didn't. - Yeah, you did.
Hey, you trying to steal from the Donbot?
I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.
Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh?
I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble.
It's money.
Wow, thanks.
Hey, you earned that 50 bucks.
You gave me a 20.
I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant...
Hey, wait a minute.
I got a good feeling about you.
Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon?
Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning.
Hey, Elzar, I quit!
'Kay!
We're going to try you out with a little delivery job.
It's for a, uh, private lottery that we run.
Wow! You guys run numbers?
Well, nothing fancy. You know, ones and zeros mostly.
Just take this disk over to the pool hall
and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano.
And watch out for the cops.
That's just what my mom used to tell me.
Whoo!
That's some fine oil-ade, son.
We could use a man like you in the robot mafia,
which I'm sort of in.
You flatter me, kind goon,
but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade
and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here.
Aw, crap. The cops!
Seen any suspicious activity?
Nope, but check out today's Marmaduke.
Solid.
Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's.
Undercover pursuit in progress...
Baby.
Gotcha!
What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding?
We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search.
He's clean.
Smells nice, too.
- Better than me? - Aw, yeah.
Courtesy of Mr. Bender.
Nice job, Bender. You passed the test.
You want to join me, Clamps and Joey Mousepad
at our, uh, social club tomorrow night?
Eh, I'd rather plan some felonies.
Oh. Then we should meet at our mafia crime headquarters.
Donbot, I beg you.
I can't make this week's loan payment.
Look into your hard drive and open your mercy file.
File not found.
Let that be a warning to you.
Thank you, Donbot.
Joey, Clamps, Donnie B.
Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned,
but we need some muscle.
A little of this, huh?
Ho, oh, oh. This guy's an ox.
He's got oxen-like strength.
Hey, he needs a nickname, right?
Let's call him "Clamps."
Clamps?
That's my name, you numskull!
Don't make me clamp you one!
How about "Blotto"?
It's gritty, it's got street-cred.
Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers.
Good thinking. Hey!
Now, this score ain't gonna be no cakewalk in the tea park, all right?
There may be some death-killing.
It's going to be clamp this, clamp that, badda-climp, badda-clamp.
What do you think, Blotto? You in?
It's funny.
Until now, I always wanted to be a gangster.
So the answer's yes.
Hey, hey, way to go, way to be, way to shoot.
Now, since we'll be committing crimes which may be against the law,
I suggest you have an alibi.
An alibi, huh?
I don't feel good.
I'm genuinely sick.
But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes.
I can't move.
Oh, I think I'm going to output.
Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.
Bender's sick.
Mmm, need any help taking off?
I'm fine, thank you.
A real pilot can navigate by feel alone.
That's coming out of your pay.
You know the secret of traditional robot cooking?
Start with a good high-quality oil.
Then eat it.
So, what's this big score anyway?
We're heisting a shipment of Zuban cigars.
Zubans? Those are the finest cigars in the universe.
I can stink up a whole maternity ward with one of those things.
Yo, there's our pigeon now.
Let's shoot bullets out of our guns.
All right, here's the battle plan.
We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard,
somebody does some clamping, then we heist the cigars and go home.
And all without killing anyone.
This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that.
Oh, we'll kill them, all right.
We got them heavily out-clamped.
They won't know what clamped them!
Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela,
'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody.
Whoa!
I'm taking evasive action.
- Uh... Leela? - Stop bothering me, Fry.
I need full concentration.
Missile evaded.
Eyesight is for chumps.
Their desire to keep living shows me no respect.
Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting.
Ooh! He got me!
What a shot that guy is.
Wait, why do the raised letters
that normally say "turn master steering wheel company" say "Nibbler"?
Oh, no!
I'm back at the wheel, Fry. Everything's under control.
Great, great.
The one time I forgot to buy flight insurance.
They're coming straight toward our proximity!
Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps.
Gee, you think?
You think that maybe I should use these clamps
that I use every day at every opportunity?
You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!
The engine's stalled.
I'm trying the manual fuel pump.
Ahhh!
Hello, we're the robot mafia.
The entire robot mafia.
We're here to steal your cigars.
You'll never get away with this.
Unless you let us live.
Then you'll get off scot-free.
Joey, Clamps, hurry up and blindfold them before they see us some more.
Hey, boss, looks like somebody beat us to it. Huh?
I'll assume that's a joke at my expense.
Well, who's laughing now?
Hiya!
Hey, where's Blotto?
He should be here learning the trade.
Sorry I'm tardy, old bean.
I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich.
Hey, he's more classy than I realized.
Tie up the prisoners.
Capital idea, old sport.
I say, get the hell off me.
That guy sounds familiar.
My word, what have we...
Nothing to see here, old girl.
Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here.
All right, I want you to find him and plug him.
Then unplug him.
No!
I got a little surprise in store for that guy,
the clamps!
Huh?
Wait! Old spice.
Let me have a go at this mechanized chap.
I can be quite the rough customer.
Oh, no, poor Bender.
I don't feel good.
Chew on this!
What-ho!
Take that, you twit! No, stop it!
That's the last of them.
All right, now, let's mafia things up a bit.
Joey, burn down the ship.
Clamps, burn down the crew.
Uh, uh... Donnie, baby, give me a chance here, huh?
Youse guys skedaddle.
Let me take care of the doity woik.
Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent.
Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh?
The clamps...
Clamps.
- Clamps, clamps, clamps. - Phew!
Leela, we may not have much time left,
so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender.
He was like a big computer that ran on magic.
Help! Help!
- Bender! - You're okay!
Yes, I am,
having just this minute regained consciousness.
I've got an idea. Hold still.
It's about to break.
Yes! Yes!
- All right! - Yeah, it broke, all right!
I'm telling you, Leela was cool, she was in command
and when she kicked people, it hurt.
It really hurt.
Well, this is the big moment.
It's finally time to take my eye patch off.
I'll handle the snipping.
After all, I do have the proper equipment.
I think it's Blotto.
That gangster I saw when my patch fell off.
Um...
Professor?
Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night?
Where am I now?
So they sent a helpless child to kill me.
Well, I'm not going out without a fight.
Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here
to deliver your cut from the cigar heist.
Oh, sweet legal tender.
Ah.
Kid, tell the Donbot I'm quitting organized crime.
From now on, I'll stick to the regular kind.
It's funny, Bender.
With you sick and Leela blind, only I know what really went on up there.
Maybe someday I'll tell you the whole story.
And maybe someday, I won't listen.