1 00:00:34,229 --> 00:00:36,857 Mmm. Spider... Hubble... 2 00:00:36,940 --> 00:00:37,941 Nitro... 3 00:00:38,650 --> 00:00:39,651 Ooh! Big Pink! 4 00:00:39,735 --> 00:00:42,654 It's the only gum with the breath-freshening power of ham. 5 00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:45,365 And it pinkens your teeth while you chew. 6 00:00:46,325 --> 00:00:50,245 All right, sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags 7 00:00:50,329 --> 00:00:53,457 with your five percent military discount comes to $95. 8 00:00:56,919 --> 00:00:58,003 That'll be 40 cents. 9 00:00:58,086 --> 00:01:01,006 I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. 10 00:01:01,089 --> 00:01:03,926 - What's only for people in the military. - What? 11 00:01:04,009 --> 00:01:06,386 This is the worst kind of discrimination... 12 00:01:06,470 --> 00:01:07,930 the kind against me. 13 00:01:08,013 --> 00:01:09,723 All right, look, our policy is 14 00:01:09,806 --> 00:01:12,267 if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, 15 00:01:12,351 --> 00:01:13,352 I hate you. 16 00:01:14,728 --> 00:01:15,729 - Hey, fellas... - Whoa! 17 00:01:17,439 --> 00:01:19,024 Okay, now I'm mad. 18 00:01:20,901 --> 00:01:22,277 Full price for gum? 19 00:01:22,402 --> 00:01:24,696 That dog won't hunt, monsignor. 20 00:01:28,951 --> 00:01:29,952 Hello. 21 00:01:30,035 --> 00:01:31,828 We're here because we, uh... 22 00:01:32,412 --> 00:01:33,872 love our planet. 23 00:01:35,666 --> 00:01:39,544 Sign here on the dotted line, patriots, and I'll give you your discount cards 24 00:01:39,628 --> 00:01:42,381 Just out of curiosity... we can use the cards to buy gum 25 00:01:42,464 --> 00:01:44,383 then immediately quit the army, right? 26 00:01:44,466 --> 00:01:46,009 Playing you all for chumps? 27 00:01:46,093 --> 00:01:47,761 Correct. There's no obligation. 28 00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:53,475 Unless of course... war were declared. 29 00:01:54,059 --> 00:01:55,644 What's that? 30 00:01:56,103 --> 00:01:57,813 War were declared. 31 00:02:06,905 --> 00:02:08,615 Now, be careful, Fry, 32 00:02:08,699 --> 00:02:11,743 and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart 33 00:02:11,827 --> 00:02:13,370 to gain their courage... 34 00:02:13,453 --> 00:02:16,582 Their rich, tasty courage. 35 00:02:16,790 --> 00:02:18,875 I don't want you to worry about your jobs 36 00:02:18,959 --> 00:02:20,043 while you're away. 37 00:02:20,127 --> 00:02:21,628 That's why I'm firing you now. 38 00:02:23,922 --> 00:02:25,048 I want to enlist. 39 00:02:25,132 --> 00:02:27,718 My friends always die if I'm not there to save them. 40 00:02:27,801 --> 00:02:31,054 Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy. 41 00:02:31,138 --> 00:02:33,181 - What? - It's shameful, I agree. 42 00:02:33,265 --> 00:02:36,393 In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops 43 00:02:36,476 --> 00:02:39,229 shoulder to, uh... shoulder. 44 00:02:39,605 --> 00:02:41,857 Alas, after a series of deadly blunders 45 00:02:41,940 --> 00:02:44,067 caused by distracting low-cut fatigues 46 00:02:44,151 --> 00:02:45,819 and lots of harmless pinching 47 00:02:45,902 --> 00:02:48,488 the army decided women weren't fit for service. 48 00:02:48,572 --> 00:02:49,990 Not when I'm in charge. 49 00:02:50,073 --> 00:02:52,784 You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. 50 00:02:52,868 --> 00:02:54,703 If it's a lesson in love, watch out. 51 00:02:54,786 --> 00:02:58,123 I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. 52 00:02:58,206 --> 00:02:59,458 What do I call it, Kif? 53 00:02:59,541 --> 00:03:01,960 Sex-lexia. 54 00:03:12,721 --> 00:03:14,723 Men, you're lucky men. 55 00:03:14,806 --> 00:03:16,975 Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. 56 00:03:17,059 --> 00:03:19,186 Many of you will be dying for your planet. 57 00:03:19,269 --> 00:03:22,022 A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen 58 00:03:22,105 --> 00:03:23,148 for your planet. 59 00:03:23,231 --> 00:03:25,150 They will be the luckiest of all. 60 00:03:25,233 --> 00:03:26,860 Great. We're gonna die. 61 00:03:26,944 --> 00:03:29,279 And this ham gum is all bones. 62 00:03:30,239 --> 00:03:32,616 Now to present the logistics of our mission 63 00:03:32,699 --> 00:03:34,201 the commander in chief. 64 00:03:34,284 --> 00:03:36,870 Please welcome the original Gerber baby 65 00:03:36,954 --> 00:03:40,415 Earth president Richard M. Nixon. 66 00:03:41,625 --> 00:03:43,835 This is the brass ring, fellas. 67 00:03:45,295 --> 00:03:47,130 Planet Spheron One. 68 00:03:47,214 --> 00:03:48,465 Cool effect! 69 00:03:48,548 --> 00:03:50,884 It's a desolate, ugly, little planet 70 00:03:50,968 --> 00:03:54,346 with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. 71 00:03:54,429 --> 00:03:55,430 Questions? 72 00:03:55,555 --> 00:03:58,642 Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? 73 00:03:58,725 --> 00:04:01,353 Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying. 74 00:04:01,436 --> 00:04:03,730 Just so we'll know, who's the enemy? 75 00:04:03,814 --> 00:04:04,982 A valid question. 76 00:04:05,065 --> 00:04:06,900 We know nothing about their language 77 00:04:06,984 --> 00:04:08,986 their history, or what they look like 78 00:04:09,069 --> 00:04:10,779 but we can assume this... 79 00:04:10,862 --> 00:04:14,324 they stand for everything we don't stand for. 80 00:04:14,408 --> 00:04:17,077 Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. 81 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,829 They look like dorks! 82 00:04:18,912 --> 00:04:19,997 I'm gonna... 83 00:04:37,472 --> 00:04:39,891 What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? 84 00:04:40,225 --> 00:04:41,351 Tent got your... 85 00:04:41,435 --> 00:04:44,688 Kif, write that down and send it to "Humor in Uniform." 86 00:04:50,819 --> 00:04:51,820 Hmm. 87 00:05:19,598 --> 00:05:21,433 Whoa! Check out that guy. 88 00:05:21,516 --> 00:05:24,478 He makes speedy Gonzales look like regular Gonzales. 89 00:05:27,272 --> 00:05:29,650 That new recruit is phenomenal, sir. 90 00:05:29,733 --> 00:05:32,945 Yes. He edged out my old Mark by two seconds. 91 00:05:33,278 --> 00:05:34,655 And 16 minutes. 92 00:05:34,905 --> 00:05:36,531 And 12 hours. 93 00:05:36,949 --> 00:05:38,992 I do plan to finish someday, Kif. 94 00:05:39,993 --> 00:05:41,495 Good hustle, soldier. 95 00:05:42,829 --> 00:05:44,539 Uh... Sorry, sir. 96 00:05:44,623 --> 00:05:46,416 I was still in attack mode. 97 00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:48,335 You know how testosterone is. 98 00:05:48,418 --> 00:05:52,047 As a bubbling crock-pot of male hormones, I sure do. 99 00:05:52,130 --> 00:05:53,465 What's your name, private? 100 00:05:53,548 --> 00:05:56,468 Lee... la... man. 101 00:05:56,551 --> 00:05:57,594 La-man. 102 00:05:57,678 --> 00:05:58,679 Lemon! 103 00:05:58,762 --> 00:06:00,430 Lee Lemon, sir. 104 00:06:00,514 --> 00:06:02,349 Lemon, you're a man's man. 105 00:06:02,432 --> 00:06:03,892 You're a man's man's man. 106 00:06:03,976 --> 00:06:05,143 And more importantly 107 00:06:05,227 --> 00:06:07,688 your hand, while firm and masculine 108 00:06:07,771 --> 00:06:09,731 is soft as a velvet child. 109 00:06:09,815 --> 00:06:11,066 What lotion do you use? 110 00:06:11,149 --> 00:06:12,734 Pert 'n' Popular, sir. 111 00:06:12,818 --> 00:06:13,819 Roger that. 112 00:06:13,902 --> 00:06:16,321 Kif, get me ten cases of Pert 'n' Popular. 113 00:06:16,405 --> 00:06:18,865 What shall I do with your Jergens, sir? 114 00:06:18,949 --> 00:06:21,326 Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows. 115 00:06:22,202 --> 00:06:25,330 Private Lee Lemon may well be the finest recruit I've seen 116 00:06:25,414 --> 00:06:27,165 in all my years of service. 117 00:06:27,249 --> 00:06:29,585 That young man fills me with hope... 118 00:06:29,918 --> 00:06:32,212 and some other emotions that are weird and... 119 00:06:32,296 --> 00:06:33,505 deeply confusing me. 120 00:06:33,589 --> 00:06:34,631 Ew! 121 00:06:42,306 --> 00:06:43,307 Hello. 122 00:06:46,476 --> 00:06:48,895 Mmm. Now that's a nice Rose. 123 00:06:48,979 --> 00:06:50,897 So, anyway, we open up the panda crate 124 00:06:50,981 --> 00:06:53,358 and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. 125 00:06:53,442 --> 00:06:54,901 Upchucked its bamboo. 126 00:06:54,985 --> 00:06:56,028 True story. 127 00:06:56,153 --> 00:06:57,195 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 128 00:06:57,279 --> 00:06:59,323 That's whatever-you-were-talking-about for you. 129 00:07:00,532 --> 00:07:03,452 - Mind if we sit with you? - Uh... Hey. 130 00:07:03,535 --> 00:07:06,538 Why the hell would I? We're all guys here. 131 00:07:06,622 --> 00:07:09,041 Sweaty, hairy, gassy guys. 132 00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:10,709 Good point. I guess. 133 00:07:10,792 --> 00:07:12,920 You're my kind of soldier, Lemon... 134 00:07:13,003 --> 00:07:17,841 a foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-belly pile of ugly muscle. 135 00:07:17,925 --> 00:07:21,303 So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home? 136 00:07:21,386 --> 00:07:24,014 Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. 137 00:07:24,097 --> 00:07:25,098 Really? 138 00:07:25,182 --> 00:07:26,308 What type is she? 139 00:07:26,391 --> 00:07:29,227 You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? 140 00:07:29,311 --> 00:07:30,395 Cyclops. 141 00:07:30,479 --> 00:07:32,981 Aw! She sounds sweet. 142 00:07:33,065 --> 00:07:35,359 But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? 143 00:07:35,442 --> 00:07:39,112 You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... 144 00:07:39,196 --> 00:07:41,949 - Stop! Stop flattering me. - Ten-hut! 145 00:07:42,866 --> 00:07:46,161 Well, if it isn't Lee Lemon, 146 00:07:46,245 --> 00:07:49,706 the flaming star of Brannigan's Rough Rangers. 147 00:07:49,790 --> 00:07:52,000 Say, Lemon, do you like to read? 148 00:07:52,084 --> 00:07:53,961 I just got a great book on tape. 149 00:07:54,044 --> 00:07:55,921 It's about life in ancient Greece and... 150 00:07:58,340 --> 00:08:00,550 Sir, the alarm. I think I better... 151 00:08:00,634 --> 00:08:03,428 Shh. Don't talk. Just go. 152 00:08:09,059 --> 00:08:11,853 We are now in position above Spheron One. 153 00:08:11,937 --> 00:08:16,066 This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. 154 00:08:16,149 --> 00:08:17,734 And now for the battle plan. 155 00:08:17,818 --> 00:08:18,819 As you all know 156 00:08:18,902 --> 00:08:21,780 the key to victory is the element of surprise. 157 00:08:22,114 --> 00:08:23,115 Surprise! 158 00:08:36,670 --> 00:08:37,963 It's creepy here. 159 00:08:38,046 --> 00:08:39,548 This is the worst part... 160 00:08:39,631 --> 00:08:41,592 the calm before the battle. 161 00:08:41,675 --> 00:08:43,176 And then the battle's not so bad? 162 00:08:43,343 --> 00:08:45,470 Right. I forgot about the battle. 163 00:08:48,599 --> 00:08:49,683 What's happening? 164 00:08:49,766 --> 00:08:52,019 Holy shoot! Looky! 165 00:08:52,102 --> 00:08:54,730 The enemy, they're balls! 166 00:09:01,445 --> 00:09:02,738 Charge your gun, Fry! 167 00:09:02,821 --> 00:09:03,947 Oh, right. 168 00:09:08,535 --> 00:09:11,538 Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. 169 00:09:11,622 --> 00:09:13,206 There, there, boy. 170 00:09:23,675 --> 00:09:26,053 - Give this to my son. - You got it. 171 00:09:26,136 --> 00:09:28,722 Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. 172 00:09:28,805 --> 00:09:31,892 Hey, I think your son might also like those boots. 173 00:09:38,065 --> 00:09:39,232 Cover us, buddy! 174 00:09:39,316 --> 00:09:41,902 You got the only wounded up positron shooter. 175 00:09:49,868 --> 00:09:52,371 Fry, you emu-bellied coward! 176 00:09:52,496 --> 00:09:53,872 - Ah! - Oh! 177 00:10:10,055 --> 00:10:11,223 Bender, no! 178 00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:13,684 If they put me on a stamp 179 00:10:13,767 --> 00:10:16,478 tell them to use the young Bender. 180 00:10:25,487 --> 00:10:26,738 Incoming wounded. 181 00:10:26,822 --> 00:10:29,324 All personnel report to operating tent four. 182 00:10:29,408 --> 00:10:30,659 Repeat, four. 183 00:10:30,742 --> 00:10:31,910 I mean, five. 184 00:10:31,994 --> 00:10:33,287 Repeat, four. 185 00:10:34,454 --> 00:10:36,081 Are you ready to operate, doctor? 186 00:10:36,248 --> 00:10:39,001 I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. 187 00:10:40,460 --> 00:10:41,795 I kid. 188 00:10:47,843 --> 00:10:48,885 Scalpel. 189 00:10:49,886 --> 00:10:50,887 Blood bucket. 190 00:10:51,805 --> 00:10:52,806 Priest. 191 00:10:52,889 --> 00:10:53,932 Next patient! 192 00:10:54,016 --> 00:10:56,018 Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. 193 00:10:56,101 --> 00:10:57,561 Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. 194 00:10:57,644 --> 00:10:59,313 He has twice the training you do. 195 00:10:59,396 --> 00:11:01,356 Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. 196 00:11:03,817 --> 00:11:05,235 See? This is how it starts... 197 00:11:05,319 --> 00:11:07,696 first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. 198 00:11:09,698 --> 00:11:10,949 When will the killing end? 199 00:11:12,534 --> 00:11:14,369 Look at this sissy, Kif. 200 00:11:14,453 --> 00:11:16,622 While others were fighting and dying pointlessly 201 00:11:16,705 --> 00:11:18,123 he was hiding in a hole 202 00:11:18,206 --> 00:11:20,626 wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. 203 00:11:20,709 --> 00:11:21,877 That wasn't cowardice. 204 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,046 I'm de-promoting you, soldier. 205 00:11:24,129 --> 00:11:27,132 Kif, what's the most humiliating job there is? 206 00:11:27,215 --> 00:11:29,134 Being your assistant. 207 00:11:29,217 --> 00:11:31,720 Wrong. Being your assistant. 208 00:11:31,803 --> 00:11:35,557 Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kif's assistant. 209 00:11:35,641 --> 00:11:36,934 That doesn't sound too bad. 210 00:11:37,017 --> 00:11:39,227 You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm! 211 00:11:39,311 --> 00:11:41,229 I'm afraid he's gone. 212 00:11:41,563 --> 00:11:42,981 Doc, I ain't dead. 213 00:11:43,065 --> 00:11:46,026 Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. 214 00:11:46,109 --> 00:11:48,236 Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. 215 00:11:50,113 --> 00:11:52,282 This isn't a war. It's a murder. 216 00:11:52,366 --> 00:11:54,326 This isn't a war. It's a murder. 217 00:11:56,495 --> 00:11:58,705 Bender, old buddy, hang in there. 218 00:12:02,668 --> 00:12:04,795 Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen 219 00:12:04,878 --> 00:12:06,713 since my mirror got grease on it. 220 00:12:06,797 --> 00:12:09,007 I hereby order that in Bender's honor 221 00:12:09,091 --> 00:12:11,802 he be melted down and made into a statue of himself. 222 00:12:11,885 --> 00:12:13,470 Slow down there, Starsky. 223 00:12:13,553 --> 00:12:15,013 I'm up to something here. 224 00:12:15,097 --> 00:12:17,057 I want this robot fixed... 225 00:12:17,140 --> 00:12:20,185 fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. 226 00:12:20,269 --> 00:12:22,396 Damn bean-eating war hero. 227 00:12:22,479 --> 00:12:24,022 Are you ready to operate, doctor? 228 00:12:24,106 --> 00:12:26,483 I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. 229 00:12:27,693 --> 00:12:29,152 That's my joke. 230 00:12:29,236 --> 00:12:30,571 I'll kill you! 231 00:12:38,328 --> 00:12:39,871 Prewar scotch. 232 00:12:43,166 --> 00:12:44,543 Welcome, lieutenant Bender. 233 00:12:44,626 --> 00:12:45,794 You're looking sharp. 234 00:12:45,877 --> 00:12:48,380 I got wheels with clickety clackers. 235 00:12:51,008 --> 00:12:53,135 Damn it, Kif, where's the little umbrella? 236 00:12:53,218 --> 00:12:55,721 That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. 237 00:12:55,804 --> 00:12:57,014 Actually, sir... 238 00:12:57,806 --> 00:12:59,057 Make me a new one. 239 00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:05,522 Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. 240 00:13:05,606 --> 00:13:07,774 I see two almonds touching. 241 00:13:07,858 --> 00:13:09,109 Now listen here, Bender. 242 00:13:09,192 --> 00:13:12,362 This war is in danger of going all quagmire on me. 243 00:13:12,446 --> 00:13:15,407 So, I'm sending you on one last mission. 244 00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:17,242 Hot diggity daffodil! 245 00:13:17,326 --> 00:13:19,661 - A mission of peace. - Oh! 246 00:13:19,745 --> 00:13:22,539 You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders, 247 00:13:22,623 --> 00:13:23,999 the Brain Balls. 248 00:13:24,082 --> 00:13:25,375 They've got a lot of brains 249 00:13:25,459 --> 00:13:27,461 and they've got a lot of chutzpah. 250 00:13:27,544 --> 00:13:30,339 Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... 251 00:13:30,422 --> 00:13:31,965 Henry Kissinger. 252 00:13:32,049 --> 00:13:34,217 - How are you? - Is he any good? 253 00:13:34,301 --> 00:13:37,679 Looking like that he talked his way into Jill St. John's bed. 254 00:13:37,763 --> 00:13:38,764 'Nuff said. 255 00:13:43,143 --> 00:13:46,647 I'm so dizzy, my head is spinning 256 00:13:46,772 --> 00:13:49,858 Like a whirlpool, it never ends 257 00:13:50,192 --> 00:13:51,568 A little lower. 258 00:13:51,652 --> 00:13:52,819 Lower. 259 00:13:52,903 --> 00:13:54,112 Lower. 260 00:13:54,196 --> 00:13:55,572 A lot lower. 261 00:13:55,656 --> 00:13:56,907 Too low! 262 00:13:57,241 --> 00:13:58,408 Lower. 263 00:13:59,993 --> 00:14:02,621 I'm walkin' on sunshine 264 00:14:02,704 --> 00:14:04,122 Oh, oh, oh 265 00:14:08,252 --> 00:14:10,337 Private Lemon... no need to leave. 266 00:14:10,420 --> 00:14:12,547 My stall just became free. 267 00:14:12,839 --> 00:14:15,300 Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. 268 00:14:15,384 --> 00:14:16,927 Right. 269 00:14:18,887 --> 00:14:21,765 I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. 270 00:14:21,848 --> 00:14:24,393 If I should accidentally put too much on my hands 271 00:14:24,476 --> 00:14:26,436 perhaps I could rub it onto you. 272 00:14:28,188 --> 00:14:29,523 Brannigan! 273 00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:32,234 My God, cover yourself. 274 00:14:32,317 --> 00:14:33,986 I didn't live a thousand years 275 00:14:34,069 --> 00:14:35,696 and travel a quadrillion miles 276 00:14:35,779 --> 00:14:37,823 to look at another man's gizmo. 277 00:14:37,906 --> 00:14:39,575 Sorry, Mr. President. 278 00:14:39,658 --> 00:14:40,784 I didn't realize. 279 00:14:40,867 --> 00:14:43,245 Kif, raise him up about nipple high. 280 00:14:43,328 --> 00:14:46,415 Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. 281 00:14:46,498 --> 00:14:49,167 We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. 282 00:14:49,251 --> 00:14:50,335 Bomb? 283 00:14:50,419 --> 00:14:51,420 What bomb? 284 00:14:51,503 --> 00:14:53,005 The one we had the doctors implant 285 00:14:53,088 --> 00:14:54,673 in that gullible Bender robot. 286 00:14:59,344 --> 00:15:00,429 Mmm. 287 00:15:00,512 --> 00:15:01,805 Zapp. Zapp! 288 00:15:01,888 --> 00:15:03,348 Inspect the troops later. 289 00:15:03,432 --> 00:15:05,767 It's time to activate the bomb. 290 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,983 Now as for economic cooperation... 291 00:15:13,317 --> 00:15:14,860 Oh! Excuse me. 292 00:15:23,535 --> 00:15:24,661 Attention... 293 00:15:24,745 --> 00:15:27,497 all personnel evacuate the planet immediately. 294 00:15:27,581 --> 00:15:29,875 And not just becauseit's meat loaf night. 295 00:15:29,958 --> 00:15:32,461 Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up. 296 00:15:32,544 --> 00:15:33,962 Uh, Commander... 297 00:15:34,046 --> 00:15:36,006 could you tell me when the bomb is exploding? 298 00:15:36,089 --> 00:15:38,342 Of course, my significant soldier. 299 00:15:38,425 --> 00:15:39,927 The bomb is voice activated. 300 00:15:40,010 --> 00:15:41,345 It will detonate the instant 301 00:15:41,428 --> 00:15:44,097 the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. 302 00:15:44,181 --> 00:15:46,058 What's the word... Sir? 303 00:15:46,141 --> 00:15:49,227 It's the one word the robot uses more than any other. 304 00:15:49,311 --> 00:15:51,313 We got it from this convenient database 305 00:15:51,396 --> 00:15:54,232 of his ten most frequently used words. 306 00:15:58,528 --> 00:16:00,405 Number ten, chump. 307 00:16:00,489 --> 00:16:02,449 Number nine, chumpette. 308 00:16:02,532 --> 00:16:04,868 Number eight, yours. 309 00:16:04,952 --> 00:16:06,828 Number seven, up. 310 00:16:06,912 --> 00:16:09,581 Number six, pimpmobile. 311 00:16:09,665 --> 00:16:11,375 Number five, bite. 312 00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:13,543 Number four, my. 313 00:16:13,794 --> 00:16:16,129 Number three, shiny. 314 00:16:16,213 --> 00:16:18,548 Number two, daffodil. 315 00:16:18,632 --> 00:16:21,885 And Bender's number one most frequently uttered word 316 00:16:21,969 --> 00:16:25,055 the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet... 317 00:16:25,722 --> 00:16:26,848 Ass. 318 00:16:27,057 --> 00:16:28,725 We don't have long. 319 00:16:28,976 --> 00:16:31,478 We demand bouncing, followed by rolling, 320 00:16:31,561 --> 00:16:33,355 followed by rolling of the third type. 321 00:16:33,438 --> 00:16:34,439 Say what? 322 00:16:34,523 --> 00:16:36,275 My chair's too hard. 323 00:16:36,358 --> 00:16:37,442 It's a real pain in the... 324 00:16:37,526 --> 00:16:38,902 What do you call it? 325 00:16:39,361 --> 00:16:40,404 Lower back. 326 00:16:40,487 --> 00:16:41,697 Yeah, that whole region. 327 00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:55,544 Okay. I got to break down that gate 328 00:16:55,627 --> 00:16:57,671 beat up those three guards, steal that chopper 329 00:16:57,754 --> 00:16:58,839 and rescue Bender. 330 00:17:01,883 --> 00:17:03,218 Hey, I did it. 331 00:17:03,302 --> 00:17:04,595 Wait, that's not me. 332 00:17:04,678 --> 00:17:06,972 Come on, we got to save Bender. 333 00:17:07,598 --> 00:17:09,141 You want to save him, too, Lemon? 334 00:17:09,224 --> 00:17:10,267 You barely know him. 335 00:17:10,350 --> 00:17:12,394 Fry, don't you recognize me? 336 00:17:13,020 --> 00:17:14,021 Hermes? 337 00:17:14,104 --> 00:17:16,148 Lee... when will I see you again? 338 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,736 The two of you are... good friends? 339 00:17:20,819 --> 00:17:23,572 But I thought we would be... good friends. 340 00:17:23,906 --> 00:17:28,577 Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell. 341 00:17:34,917 --> 00:17:35,918 Hey, Zapp. 342 00:17:37,669 --> 00:17:38,670 - Leela! - Leela. 343 00:17:38,754 --> 00:17:40,839 So it's you I've been attracted to. 344 00:17:40,923 --> 00:17:44,843 Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman. 345 00:17:44,927 --> 00:17:46,428 Let's do it again sometime. 346 00:17:49,348 --> 00:17:52,434 The elders tell of a young ball much like you. 347 00:17:52,517 --> 00:17:54,686 He bounced three meters in the air. 348 00:17:54,770 --> 00:17:57,397 Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. 349 00:17:57,481 --> 00:18:00,943 Then, he bounced four meters in the air. 350 00:18:01,026 --> 00:18:02,527 Do I make myself clear? 351 00:18:02,611 --> 00:18:06,531 Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. 352 00:18:08,825 --> 00:18:11,245 These balls are making me testy! 353 00:18:11,328 --> 00:18:13,413 If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling 354 00:18:13,497 --> 00:18:16,208 I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... 355 00:18:16,291 --> 00:18:17,542 Wait a second. 356 00:18:17,626 --> 00:18:19,169 Where do you shove things up a ball? 357 00:18:19,253 --> 00:18:21,588 This isn't a productive area of discussion. 358 00:18:25,050 --> 00:18:26,093 We're here. 359 00:18:26,176 --> 00:18:27,719 I followed the bouncing balls. 360 00:18:27,803 --> 00:18:31,390 I'll keep the chopper at a safe altitude while you parachute down. 361 00:18:31,473 --> 00:18:32,724 Okay. 362 00:18:32,808 --> 00:18:34,726 My best friend's life is at stake. 363 00:18:34,810 --> 00:18:36,812 I can finally prove that I'm not a coward. 364 00:18:38,522 --> 00:18:39,690 Will you push me? 365 00:18:39,773 --> 00:18:41,149 I already did. 366 00:18:41,483 --> 00:18:43,318 Thank you! 367 00:18:53,579 --> 00:18:56,999 At last... war has made me into a man. 368 00:18:57,457 --> 00:18:59,042 Whee! 369 00:18:59,918 --> 00:19:01,503 Please, gentlemen 370 00:19:01,587 --> 00:19:03,797 we must put an end to the bloodshed. 371 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:07,175 We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. 372 00:19:07,259 --> 00:19:10,762 We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. 373 00:19:10,846 --> 00:19:12,097 Enough of this crap! 374 00:19:12,180 --> 00:19:14,725 I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here 375 00:19:14,808 --> 00:19:18,437 but before I go, I have one thing to say. 376 00:19:19,021 --> 00:19:22,941 Bite my shiny... metal... 377 00:19:23,025 --> 00:19:24,901 Stop! You can't say the next word. 378 00:19:24,985 --> 00:19:26,194 Up yours, chump. 379 00:19:26,278 --> 00:19:28,822 I said it 906 times before lunch. 380 00:19:28,906 --> 00:19:30,908 Bender, if you say the "a" word 381 00:19:30,991 --> 00:19:33,702 you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "h" word. 382 00:19:37,122 --> 00:19:40,000 Young man... you have the bravery of a hero 383 00:19:40,083 --> 00:19:42,294 and breath as fresh as a summer ham. 384 00:19:51,511 --> 00:19:52,596 What? What is funny? 385 00:19:52,679 --> 00:19:54,973 Bender's got the upper hand now. 386 00:19:55,057 --> 00:19:57,601 The name of the game is make Bender happy 387 00:19:57,684 --> 00:19:59,269 or he blows up the planet! 388 00:20:00,228 --> 00:20:02,356 I'd rather die and take everybody with me 389 00:20:02,439 --> 00:20:03,941 than sit here one more minute 390 00:20:04,024 --> 00:20:06,360 and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. 391 00:20:06,443 --> 00:20:07,653 Please, stay calm. 392 00:20:07,736 --> 00:20:09,571 There's no need to bounce off the handle. 393 00:20:09,655 --> 00:20:11,240 That's it, I'm saying it! 394 00:20:11,323 --> 00:20:12,824 - "A" is for a... - Wait! 395 00:20:12,908 --> 00:20:15,327 Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. 396 00:20:15,410 --> 00:20:16,453 The war is over. 397 00:20:16,536 --> 00:20:18,288 Our home planet is yours. 398 00:20:18,372 --> 00:20:19,831 All right! 399 00:20:20,082 --> 00:20:21,250 Hey, wait a minute. 400 00:20:21,333 --> 00:20:22,709 This is your home planet? 401 00:20:22,793 --> 00:20:24,461 We're the evil invading aliens? 402 00:20:24,544 --> 00:20:25,545 Correct. 403 00:20:25,629 --> 00:20:28,298 Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. 404 00:20:28,382 --> 00:20:30,300 Don't mess with Earth. 405 00:20:30,384 --> 00:20:31,885 May you bounce in peace. 406 00:20:31,969 --> 00:20:34,263 Get the hell off my planet. 407 00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:48,235 Well, that's it. 408 00:20:48,318 --> 00:20:50,279 Let's reactivate him. 409 00:20:50,362 --> 00:20:51,530 Wake up! 410 00:20:54,032 --> 00:20:55,742 Hey, chumps and chumpettes. 411 00:20:55,826 --> 00:20:57,160 Did you get the bomb out? 412 00:20:57,244 --> 00:21:00,038 Can I go back to saying the word I love to say? 413 00:21:00,122 --> 00:21:02,249 I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. 414 00:21:02,332 --> 00:21:04,334 It's stuck in there with glue or something. 415 00:21:04,418 --> 00:21:05,460 I don't know. 416 00:21:05,544 --> 00:21:07,462 Well, this is just great. 417 00:21:07,546 --> 00:21:09,965 What's the point of living if I can't say ass? 418 00:21:11,425 --> 00:21:13,135 Hey, I didn't blow up! 419 00:21:13,218 --> 00:21:14,761 Ass! 420 00:21:14,845 --> 00:21:17,222 All right! I'm back in the saddle. 421 00:21:17,306 --> 00:21:18,640 We couldn't disarm the bomb 422 00:21:18,724 --> 00:21:20,517 so we reset the word that triggers it. 423 00:21:20,601 --> 00:21:22,853 It's from the list of words you almost never say. 424 00:21:22,936 --> 00:21:24,521 That's using your ass. 425 00:21:24,605 --> 00:21:25,606 So what's the word? 426 00:21:25,689 --> 00:21:27,399 We think it's better if you don't know. 427 00:21:27,941 --> 00:21:29,109 Oh, come on. 428 00:21:29,192 --> 00:21:31,320 I'm not going to say it. Please? 429 00:21:31,653 --> 00:21:33,238 - Is it "please"? - Nope. 430 00:21:33,530 --> 00:21:35,866 Hmm. Words I never say. 431 00:21:35,949 --> 00:21:37,951 Oh, I know. "Thanks." 432 00:21:38,035 --> 00:21:40,537 Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. 433 00:21:40,621 --> 00:21:43,415 Wait. Is it "sorry"? No. 434 00:21:43,498 --> 00:21:44,708 "Funderful"? 435 00:21:45,542 --> 00:21:46,919 "Non-alcoholic"? 436 00:21:47,002 --> 00:21:48,795 - Stop it, mon. - Quit it. 437 00:21:48,879 --> 00:21:51,048 "Compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? 438 00:21:51,548 --> 00:21:52,633 "Antiquing"? 439 00:21:54,509 --> 00:21:55,552 I'm all right.