1 00:00:36,660 --> 00:00:40,330 So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her." 2 00:00:42,583 --> 00:00:45,085 And then they built the supercollider. 3 00:00:45,168 --> 00:00:47,671 Thank you. You've been a great audience. 4 00:00:49,756 --> 00:00:52,217 Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen. 5 00:00:52,301 --> 00:00:56,221 Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. 6 00:00:56,305 --> 00:00:59,850 Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg! 7 00:00:59,933 --> 00:01:01,810 All right! 8 00:01:04,479 --> 00:01:06,899 Earth. What a planet. 9 00:01:06,982 --> 00:01:09,776 On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. 10 00:01:09,860 --> 00:01:13,697 On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you. 11 00:01:15,365 --> 00:01:17,701 Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough. 12 00:01:17,784 --> 00:01:21,163 On Earth, everybody is always looking for a giant squid. 13 00:01:21,246 --> 00:01:22,414 On my planet... 14 00:01:25,209 --> 00:01:26,460 Reload. 15 00:01:27,628 --> 00:01:31,256 So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head... 16 00:01:33,091 --> 00:01:35,260 ...and they walk up to the bar and then... 17 00:01:35,385 --> 00:01:38,055 Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more! 18 00:01:44,478 --> 00:01:48,774 My whole life I worked on that act, and they hated it. 19 00:01:48,857 --> 00:01:51,401 You're a crazy, penniless lobster doctor. 20 00:01:51,485 --> 00:01:53,445 No combination of you should be a comedian. 21 00:01:53,528 --> 00:01:55,739 But comedy is in my valves. 22 00:01:55,822 --> 00:01:58,450 My Uncle Harold was a big Hollywood star 23 00:01:58,533 --> 00:02:00,744 back in the era of silent holograms. 24 00:02:00,827 --> 00:02:03,247 Your uncle was Harold Zoid? 25 00:02:03,330 --> 00:02:05,415 This I cannot deny. 26 00:02:05,499 --> 00:02:10,212 Why, I've been a Harold Zoid fan since back when my hips were made of bone. 27 00:02:10,295 --> 00:02:14,216 As it happens, I still have some of my original 78s. 28 00:03:12,482 --> 00:03:13,483 You're right, crabby. 29 00:03:13,567 --> 00:03:15,736 He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could ever be. 30 00:03:15,819 --> 00:03:18,030 Maybe so, but perhaps if I wrote him 31 00:03:18,113 --> 00:03:20,949 and asked for a few hundred pointers... 32 00:03:21,992 --> 00:03:24,745 This letter has to be very personal, 33 00:03:24,828 --> 00:03:26,705 so I'm writing it in my own ink. 34 00:03:31,501 --> 00:03:35,464 Dear Uncle Zoid, greetings from your long-lost nephew. 35 00:03:35,547 --> 00:03:38,425 Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember? 36 00:03:38,508 --> 00:03:43,013 Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. 37 00:03:43,096 --> 00:03:45,682 But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter. 38 00:03:46,308 --> 00:03:50,771 "I beg of you, Mr. Funny Uncle. Teach me the comedy business. 39 00:03:50,854 --> 00:03:53,023 "Sincerely, Zoidberg." 40 00:03:53,106 --> 00:03:55,234 Oh, isn't that nice he took the time? 41 00:03:55,317 --> 00:03:57,903 What's that scribble-di-gook? 42 00:03:57,986 --> 00:04:01,114 This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew, 43 00:04:01,198 --> 00:04:05,035 who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might. 44 00:04:09,498 --> 00:04:11,124 Yeah, you'd better run. 45 00:04:18,215 --> 00:04:22,177 Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. 46 00:04:22,261 --> 00:04:25,597 The first funny thing you must do is put all your money 47 00:04:25,681 --> 00:04:28,934 in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood. 48 00:04:29,017 --> 00:04:33,230 "Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check." 49 00:04:33,313 --> 00:04:36,692 Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood! 50 00:04:53,542 --> 00:04:56,795 Welcome to Hollywood. I must warn you, 51 00:04:56,879 --> 00:05:00,799 there's no refund if you get discovered and leave the tour. 52 00:05:02,217 --> 00:05:04,928 I'm just kidding. That never happens. 53 00:05:05,012 --> 00:05:09,766 Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. 54 00:05:09,850 --> 00:05:12,436 Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, 55 00:05:12,519 --> 00:05:15,105 then film the resulting plane crashes. 56 00:05:18,942 --> 00:05:20,485 Neat. 57 00:05:20,569 --> 00:05:23,780 Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, 58 00:05:23,906 --> 00:05:26,450 star of the hit film Bravehead. 59 00:05:28,118 --> 00:05:30,829 And do we have any fans of Calculon, 60 00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:33,624 star of the robot soap opera All My Circuits? 61 00:05:33,832 --> 00:05:36,001 Oh! I am! Me! Bender is! 62 00:05:36,084 --> 00:05:40,631 Then you'll wanna get a close look at his luxurious Bel Air home. 63 00:05:40,714 --> 00:05:42,424 Yes, I will. Yep! 64 00:05:47,512 --> 00:05:50,057 - Are you my new hot water heater? - No, I'm Bender. 65 00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:52,684 - We met once. Remember? - Absolutely not. 66 00:05:52,768 --> 00:05:55,562 Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? 67 00:05:55,646 --> 00:05:56,730 'Cause it was a lot. 68 00:05:56,813 --> 00:06:00,484 - You remember, right? - Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. 69 00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:04,112 Unless you can heat water to 212 degrees, I'm not interested. 70 00:06:07,282 --> 00:06:09,368 Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? 71 00:06:09,451 --> 00:06:11,245 I said I don't need a Bender. 72 00:06:11,328 --> 00:06:14,498 Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler. 73 00:06:16,917 --> 00:06:17,960 Nice work, Boiler. 74 00:06:18,043 --> 00:06:20,003 Thanks. And call me Bender. 75 00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:26,760 That's where I'm meeting Uncle Zoid for lunch 76 00:06:26,843 --> 00:06:28,470 to discuss my Hollywood dreams. 77 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:31,848 Next time you see me, don't be surprised if I've eaten. 78 00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:42,442 Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back. 79 00:06:42,526 --> 00:06:45,112 Rich nephew! Come over here 80 00:06:45,195 --> 00:06:49,157 and give your uncle a nice, big meal. 81 00:06:52,327 --> 00:06:56,164 So, here we are, a still-famous film comedian... 82 00:06:56,248 --> 00:07:00,377 And a rich, respected doctor with many surviving patients. 83 00:07:00,460 --> 00:07:04,047 Eating real food in a restaurant, as we both often do. 84 00:07:04,131 --> 00:07:06,800 So, you want to be a comedian, is it? 85 00:07:06,884 --> 00:07:08,427 It's my lifelong dream. 86 00:07:08,510 --> 00:07:12,639 Well, that dream dies now! You're unfunny and untalented! 87 00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,683 That's why you're perfect for drama. 88 00:07:15,058 --> 00:07:17,227 Hmm... Serious drama. 89 00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:20,105 Perhaps it is time to give up comedy. 90 00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:27,404 I'm putting together a big drama picture right now as we speak. 91 00:07:27,487 --> 00:07:31,742 The script is dynamite. I know, because I wrote it myself. 92 00:07:31,867 --> 00:07:34,036 And with me directing and starring, 93 00:07:34,119 --> 00:07:37,915 I'll be back on top after 50 miserable years... 94 00:07:38,832 --> 00:07:40,167 of fame. 95 00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:42,836 Ah, fame. Where do I come in? 96 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:46,298 This fame film has a juicy part for you 97 00:07:46,381 --> 00:07:50,010 if you completely finance it with your doctor money. 98 00:07:50,093 --> 00:07:51,220 So, are you in? 99 00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:53,972 Uh... Okay. 100 00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:55,849 How much do I have to invest? 101 00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:58,518 Oh, not much. Not much. A million dollars. 102 00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:03,482 Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal. 103 00:08:03,565 --> 00:08:04,942 What can I get you gentlemen? 104 00:08:05,025 --> 00:08:06,485 Is bread free? 105 00:08:06,568 --> 00:08:08,487 - Yeah. - We'll split an order. 106 00:08:19,164 --> 00:08:20,541 What's with Monstro? 107 00:08:20,624 --> 00:08:23,669 He promised he'd give his Uncle Zoid a million bucks to make a movie. 108 00:08:23,752 --> 00:08:27,714 I've only been here a day, and already I'm a Hollywood phony. 109 00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:31,385 Perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, 110 00:08:31,468 --> 00:08:33,220 now that I'm in showbiz. 111 00:08:33,303 --> 00:08:37,140 - Since when have you been in the biz? - Long enough, little man. 112 00:08:37,224 --> 00:08:38,809 Long enough. 113 00:08:57,077 --> 00:09:00,706 Calculon, as your hot water heater, I would be remiss 114 00:09:00,789 --> 00:09:04,835 if I didn't bring you scripts that could make you an international film star. 115 00:09:04,918 --> 00:09:06,837 Of course. Tell me about the project. 116 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,130 It's a movie. 117 00:09:08,213 --> 00:09:10,382 Interesting. Tell me more. 118 00:09:10,465 --> 00:09:11,717 Get this. 119 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:16,471 For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. 120 00:09:16,555 --> 00:09:17,890 And? 121 00:09:17,973 --> 00:09:20,726 And, I guarantee it'll win you an Oscar. 122 00:09:20,809 --> 00:09:22,311 An Oscar, you say? 123 00:09:22,394 --> 00:09:26,106 That would get me out of this festering rat's nest called television 124 00:09:26,189 --> 00:09:27,524 once and for all. 125 00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:29,234 Let me see the script. 126 00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:33,238 No. No, I don't like the font. Wait! 127 00:09:33,530 --> 00:09:34,907 Harold Zoid? 128 00:09:35,198 --> 00:09:37,576 Was this written by the Harold Zoid? 129 00:09:37,659 --> 00:09:39,411 Written and xeroxed. 130 00:09:39,494 --> 00:09:40,579 Good heavens. 131 00:09:40,662 --> 00:09:43,749 A chance to work with the legendary Harold Zoid. 132 00:09:43,832 --> 00:09:45,792 He's one of my great idols. 133 00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:48,295 And you say you can guarantee me the Oscar? 134 00:09:48,378 --> 00:09:50,339 I can guarantee you anything you want. 135 00:09:50,422 --> 00:09:52,424 - Then I'll do it! - Hooray! 136 00:09:52,674 --> 00:09:54,176 Here's your checkbook. 137 00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:00,724 Ladies and gentlemen, 138 00:10:00,807 --> 00:10:05,020 I give you our director, the legendary Harold Zoid. 139 00:10:07,314 --> 00:10:10,859 Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. 140 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:14,905 A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, 141 00:10:14,988 --> 00:10:18,617 and that business is being president of Earth no less. 142 00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:21,495 The son, as it happens, is vice president. 143 00:10:21,578 --> 00:10:24,289 That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. 144 00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:26,500 Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. 145 00:10:26,583 --> 00:10:28,252 No, I didn't. Raise middle finger. 146 00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:34,007 Now, remember, and I can't stress this enough, 147 00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:35,300 this is a talkie, 148 00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:41,139 so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene. 149 00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:44,476 The Magnificent Three. Scene one, take one. 150 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,270 And action! 151 00:10:46,353 --> 00:10:49,439 Take back your gilded pen, Father. 152 00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:53,485 Signing bills into law was always your dream, not mine. 153 00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:55,028 Cut! Cut! Cut it! 154 00:10:55,195 --> 00:10:59,783 I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more! 155 00:10:59,866 --> 00:11:02,703 And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. 156 00:11:02,786 --> 00:11:04,204 What is this? A morgue? 157 00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:08,125 The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. 158 00:11:08,208 --> 00:11:11,211 Action! And I mean circus-grade action. 159 00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:16,258 Sir, I call upon you not as a president, 160 00:11:16,341 --> 00:11:18,635 but as a father! 161 00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:23,432 Cut! Cut! Cut it! 162 00:11:23,515 --> 00:11:25,893 Would you show a little emotion? 163 00:11:25,976 --> 00:11:29,730 People, people, please. Just because it's a dramatic scene 164 00:11:29,813 --> 00:11:32,733 doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. 165 00:11:32,816 --> 00:11:35,027 Throw a pie or two, for God's sake. 166 00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:44,703 No! 167 00:11:50,959 --> 00:11:53,670 Cut! Cut it! Yuck! 168 00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:56,548 Look. It's all right, kid. We'll get it in editing. 169 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,592 All right. That's a wrap, everybody. 170 00:11:58,675 --> 00:12:01,637 I'm gonna see you all at the premiere, which, by the way, when is? 171 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,932 Well, editing is a long and expensive process, 172 00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:08,977 but we spent all the money on pies, so it'll be ready Friday. 173 00:12:16,693 --> 00:12:18,195 Nice turnout, Calculon. 174 00:12:18,278 --> 00:12:20,697 That Oscar is practically on your mantle. 175 00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:23,742 I just pray they like me half as much as I do. 176 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:39,258 I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son. 177 00:12:43,470 --> 00:12:44,721 Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. 178 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:47,099 Good morning, 179 00:12:47,182 --> 00:12:50,018 Mr. Vice President. 180 00:12:52,896 --> 00:12:54,731 Leela, we're missing the premiere. 181 00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:57,693 My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig. 182 00:12:57,776 --> 00:12:59,653 Just pay the valet the two bucks. 183 00:12:59,736 --> 00:13:01,947 No. It's the principle of the thing. 184 00:13:02,030 --> 00:13:04,658 Besides, I think I see a parking lot up ahead. 185 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:17,754 Father, I have asked you to join meon the White House roof 186 00:13:17,838 --> 00:13:20,757 so we could have a heart-to-heart talk. 187 00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:23,802 I will never follow in your footsteps. 188 00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:27,306 Here is my resignation as vice president. 189 00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:31,560 No! My son will not shame me like this. 190 00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:34,271 I would sooner die, I would. 191 00:13:34,354 --> 00:13:35,731 Father! The ledge! 192 00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:38,817 Oh... 193 00:13:39,818 --> 00:13:41,987 The president is dead. 194 00:13:42,070 --> 00:13:44,865 Congratulations, Mr. President. 195 00:13:44,948 --> 00:13:50,078 No! 196 00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:55,500 Woo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary! 197 00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:59,213 Everyone walked out. They hated it. 198 00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:01,882 I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. 199 00:14:01,965 --> 00:14:05,052 You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. 200 00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:08,096 Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically." 201 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:11,725 You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. 202 00:14:11,808 --> 00:14:16,438 You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! 203 00:14:16,521 --> 00:14:18,774 Dead! You hear me? Dead! 204 00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:22,736 Oy! Now he emotes! 205 00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:35,123 400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. 206 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,209 But you won this Golden Globe. 207 00:14:37,292 --> 00:14:39,753 Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! 208 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,631 I told you I want an Oscar! 209 00:14:42,714 --> 00:14:44,716 Then maybe you should act better. 210 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,635 The Oscar isn't about acting, 211 00:14:46,718 --> 00:14:51,056 it's about earning the respect and admiration of the creative community. 212 00:14:51,139 --> 00:14:52,641 How about we rig the awards? 213 00:14:52,724 --> 00:14:54,017 That's fine too. 214 00:14:59,022 --> 00:15:03,026 It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think I flooded it. 215 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,445 Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. 216 00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:08,031 Might as well enjoy the sights. 217 00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:11,326 Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone! 218 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,705 This is where you live? 219 00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:17,749 I thought you were a big-shot Hollywood movie star. 220 00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:21,169 No, I'm not. I am an even bigger liar than you. 221 00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:25,299 My career went down the tubes the day they invented Smell-A-Vision. 222 00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:27,593 Calculon's gonna kill us for sure, 223 00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:29,761 and it's all everybody else's fault. 224 00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:35,517 All I wanted was for people to think of me one last time before I die. 225 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:40,397 What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. 226 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,233 As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. 227 00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:48,196 - As a forgotten relic, they remember me. - It's better to die now. 228 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:52,492 No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. 229 00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:54,119 Zoidberg away! 230 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:09,134 Hi. I'm Joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, 231 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:12,012 they finally lifted it right off my body. 232 00:16:12,095 --> 00:16:13,597 It's true! It's true! 233 00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:18,560 Oh, oh, oh! Here comes Jack Nicholson's DNA reconstituted in a gorilla body. 234 00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:23,982 Catering. 235 00:16:25,692 --> 00:16:26,818 Oh. Ugh... 236 00:16:29,696 --> 00:16:33,784 Oh! And here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid. 237 00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:37,496 Are you presenting one of those tacky honorary awards or just getting one? 238 00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:39,498 I'm a seat filler, Joan's head. 239 00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:43,043 My only marketable skill is to occupy space. 240 00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:50,425 You know, the second I don't win that award, 241 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:51,760 you're cat food. 242 00:16:51,843 --> 00:16:53,095 Right, Boxy? 243 00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:03,897 And now, the host of the 1,074th Academy Awards, 244 00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:07,192 Billy Crystal! 245 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,528 Now I know how a PEZ dispenser feels. 246 00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,615 Oh, you like that one, Jack? 247 00:17:18,495 --> 00:17:20,706 All right. We're already one hour behind. 248 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,166 Our first award tonight, 249 00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:26,044 best cinematography in a non-visible spectrum. 250 00:17:28,171 --> 00:17:29,548 It's been two weeks. 251 00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:32,384 You wanna play tic-tac-toe again before we eat our shoes? 252 00:17:32,467 --> 00:17:35,846 No. I always knew I'd die at the bottom of a pit. 253 00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:37,431 But a pit full of tar? 254 00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:43,145 What was that? A tar dolphin or a tar shark? 255 00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:46,815 It's some kind of hollow tube devoid of human life. 256 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:51,361 The Los Angeles subway! We can blast our way in and escape! 257 00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,989 All right, but I still feel like having a shoe. 258 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,537 What category are they on? 259 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,956 They're giving out the minor technical awards. 260 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,416 I think they're up to writing. 261 00:18:04,499 --> 00:18:06,835 That just leaves best soft drink product placement 262 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:07,961 and then best actor. 263 00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:09,213 We don't have much time. 264 00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:13,050 And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are... 265 00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:15,636 The Pepsi Generation. 266 00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:17,888 They Call Me Mr. Pibb. 267 00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:20,390 And Snow White and the 7 UPs. 268 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:26,396 And now, to present the award for best actor, 269 00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:32,611 a bit player in the flop movie, The Magnificent Three, Dr. Zoidberg! 270 00:18:37,115 --> 00:18:40,118 Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger. 271 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:44,164 And the nominees for best actor are... 272 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:48,293 Sir Laurence in The Merchant of Venus. 273 00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:52,548 Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party Summer. 274 00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:56,134 The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party Summer. 275 00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:59,930 Mark Jones in How Beige Was My Jacket. 276 00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:02,349 And instead of the fifth guy, 277 00:19:02,432 --> 00:19:06,937 Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. 278 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,941 Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. 279 00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:13,443 Shh! Just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei. 280 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:17,739 Hooray! I won't be murdered! I'll live another day. 281 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:23,120 Another day of pathetic, forgotten misery. 282 00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:29,543 And the winner is... 283 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:38,677 And the winner, instead of any of the nominees, 284 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:42,180 is the legendary Harold Zoid! 285 00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:46,351 What? 286 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,319 Thank you. Thank you so much. 287 00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:57,529 You know, through all my ups and downs, 288 00:19:57,613 --> 00:20:00,574 I always thought the most important thing in life 289 00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:02,326 was to win an Oscar. 290 00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:05,537 But tonight I realize what's really important 291 00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:07,414 is to win two Oscars! 292 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:11,168 I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 293 00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:15,172 What really matters in life is that people care about you, 294 00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:18,175 whether it's a whole crowd... 295 00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:21,053 ...or just one diehard fan. 296 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:23,722 Aw! 297 00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:35,317 Thank you, nephew. 298 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:37,277 Now I can die happy, 299 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:40,239 10 seconds from now when Calculon kills us. 300 00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:44,576 Harold Zoid! 301 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:46,286 Hit the deck! 302 00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:47,871 Where's that Oscar? 303 00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:50,707 Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? 304 00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:53,502 It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. 305 00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:56,880 Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. 306 00:20:57,756 --> 00:21:00,259 Someday I hope to win one of my own. 307 00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:03,971 Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? 308 00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:07,599 Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much 309 00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:09,643 to beat him to death with his own Oscar. 310 00:21:12,145 --> 00:21:13,480 Earthquake! 311 00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:15,148 Hit the deck! 312 00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:20,737 Let the Earth quake, I've got somebody's Oscar! 313 00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:31,081 We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party. 314 00:21:31,164 --> 00:21:33,292 I'm sorry, sir. This is a private... 315 00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:35,836 Oh, pardon me. I see you're with Mr. Stallone.