1
00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:04,379
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,368
In what has become a winter tradition,

3
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:37,037
members of the Zarlon Seven
Polar Bear Club

4
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:40,123
today took the plunge
into a river of liquid ammonia.

5
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,251
(ALL CHEERING)

6
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,754
There were no survivors.

7
00:00:45,838 --> 00:00:47,381
(LAUGHING)

8
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:49,091
Takes all kinds.

9
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,802
And now, with his annual Xmas message,

10
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,388
here's the head
of the Xmas Safety Council,

11
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,265
the Head of Walter Cronkite.

12
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,184
Season's Warnings, Linda and Morbo.

13
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,229
This guy's too trustworthy.
What's his angle?

14
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:06,191
In all the tinsel and terror
of the holiday season,

15
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:09,611
we too often underestimate
that murderous brute,

16
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,030
better known as Santa Claus.

17
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:15,367
With images
of last year's Gingerbread Massacre

18
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,870
freshly baked into our memories,

19
00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:22,583
I remind you to bolt your doors,
say goodbye to your pets,

20
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:25,043
and lock your children in the closet.

21
00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:28,922
This is Walter Cronkite saying,
"I told you so."

22
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:30,465
(HAMMERING)

23
00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:36,096
Sacred Boar of Western and Eastern Samoa,

24
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,848
we've got to secure for Santa's arrival.

25
00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:41,685
Just as well.
I'm getting tired of this wood show.

26
00:01:41,894 --> 00:01:43,812
(ALL STRAINING)

27
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:46,356
Cover that fireplace, confound you.

28
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:50,152
I've only a few years to live.
I don't wanna spend them dead.

29
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:52,487
We're pushing as hard as we can.

30
00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:54,448
Oh, pushing.

31
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,408
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

32
00:01:57,075 --> 00:02:00,120
Oh, we're doomed. Every year we're doomed.

33
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:03,707
Thanks be I had these
bulletproof shutters installed.

34
00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:04,875
(ELECTRONIC BLEEPS)

35
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:08,086
(CLANGING)

36
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:10,714
(SCREAMS)

37
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,217
(ELECTRONIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS)

38
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,093
Bring it on, Santa.

39
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:18,430
That bloodthirsty
cadaver junkie can't touch us

40
00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:21,266
as long as we're not stupid enough
to leave this building.

41
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:22,476
- Good!
- All right!

42
00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:26,104
In a related matter,
you'll be delivering

43
00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:29,316
this sack of children's letters
directly to Santa

44
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,527
at his Death Fortress on Neptune.

45
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,280
(CLANGING)

46
00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:47,000
These letters are real butt nutters.
Listen to this one.

47
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,335
"Dear Santa..."

48
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:51,380
Please, please don't bring me any gifts.

49
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,716
The bicycle you fired at me
last year from your bicycle gun

50
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,677
really tore up my insides.

51
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,971
Awful. Let's read some more.

52
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:00,389
"Dear Santa..."

53
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:02,891
Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa.

54
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,227
You choked him with a chestnut last year,

55
00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:09,189
and he's beginning to smell
a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean.

56
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,525
(CHAIR CREAKING)

57
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:12,734
It's not fair.

58
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:16,572
In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring
people together, not blow them apart.

59
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:21,201
Sure, but who’s gonna do anything
about it? Certainly not us, no sir.

60
00:03:21,285 --> 00:03:23,078
Certainly yes us, uh-huh, sir.

61
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:26,331
We've gotta bring back
the kind of Xmas I remember.

62
00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:27,708
Fry's right.

63
00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:31,003
It's time to sit on Santa's lap, and hard.

64
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,177
(MACHINE GUNFIRE)

65
00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:39,303
(DOG BARKING)

66
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:48,979
Oh, look, a cute little welcoming party.

67
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:51,857
(COUGHS)

68
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,901
Hey, wanna buy a tiny little kidney?

69
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:55,444
I'll let you punch me for a buck.

70
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:59,031
Uh, look, we've got mail for Santa.
Are you his elves?

71
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,824
We're not elves. We're Neptunians.

72
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,202
We're just shrimpy
because he doesn't feed us.

73
00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,163
You hit me. You owe me a dollar.

74
00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:07,873
(DOGS GROWLING)

75
00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:09,124
(GLASS SHATTERING)

76
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,919
(ALL CLAMORING)

77
00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:18,425
Help. You got any food,
old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores?

78
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,052
Come on, we're starving here.

79
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,929
But you live in a gingerbread house.

80
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,097
Hey, it's food or shelter, not both.

81
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:28,018
You lazy runts.
Don't you get paid for making the toys?

82
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,353
- Who said toys?
- Toys?

83
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,854
- You said toys?
- What did they say?

84
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,606
False alarm, folks.

85
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:36,109
There's no reason to make toys
since Santa judges everyone to be naughty.

86
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:42,074
That's it. I'm gonna deliver
a gift of my boot up Santa's chimney.

87
00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:45,327
- Where is he?
- There, in his ice fortress.

88
00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:49,665
(LIGHTENING CRACKING)

89
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:53,210
We'll need help getting in.
Any volunteers?

90
00:04:57,381 --> 00:04:58,507
I'll help you.

91
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,050
Ah, phooey.

92
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:05,305
(WHEELS SQUEAKING)

93
00:05:06,682 --> 00:05:07,683
(BUZZING)

94
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,562
(BARKING)

95
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:16,900
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

96
00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:21,238
- An omen?
- Dinner.

97
00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:24,366
(CRACKING)

98
00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,119
(DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER)

99
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:32,499
Let's see who’s been naughty
and who’s been naughty.

100
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,501
(CRYING OUT)

101
00:05:34,877 --> 00:05:38,714
Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper
for protection money.

102
00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:40,883
Very naughty.

103
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,553
Shopkeeper's not paying
the protection money.

104
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,097
Exactly as naughty.

105
00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,225
(SNIFFS)

106
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:51,602
I saw that.

107
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:53,937
Huh?

108
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:55,647
We brought your mail.

109
00:05:56,648 --> 00:06:01,111
Don't you ever knock? Who knows
what naughty things I could be watching.

110
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,488
I get New Orleans on this thing, you know?

111
00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:04,656
Don't kill us.

112
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,366
(RUSTLING)

113
00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:08,035
Santa's a robot.

114
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:11,496
So we should be able to destroy him
with a logical paradox.

115
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,457
Bender, you'd better cover your ears.

116
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,541
(CLOTH RIPPING)

117
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:18,045
Holy night! Intruders!

118
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:20,714
Hold it, Santa.

119
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:22,925
(VOCALIZING)

120
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:26,094
Consider this, you are programmed
to destroy the naughty.

121
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:29,598
But many of those you destroy
are, in fact, nice.

122
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:32,434
I submit to you that you are naughty,

123
00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:35,270
and that logically
you must destroy yourself.

124
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:38,607
(BLUBBERING)

125
00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:41,735
(ALL CHEERING)

126
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:48,992
Nice try, but my head was built
with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.

127
00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:50,577
(EXCLAIMING FEARFULLY)

128
00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:53,789
(YELLING)

129
00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:55,499
(ALL SCREAMING)

130
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:58,460
(BEEP)

131
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:03,757
(BEEPING)

132
00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:09,054
(ALL SCREAMING)

133
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:13,934
Wait. This is what we're running from.

134
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:20,482
Faster. Faster.

135
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:24,528
ALL: Whoa!

136
00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:40,460
(LAUGHING)

137
00:07:43,172 --> 00:07:44,173
(BEEPING)

138
00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:46,508
Why aren't we moving?

139
00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:47,718
I don't know.

140
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,762
Usually when I do stuff like this,
the ship moves.

141
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:55,642
Ho, ho.

142
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:05,986
(MUMBLING)

143
00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:07,446
He's trapped.

144
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:08,614
ALL: Hooray!

145
00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:10,282
(CLANKS)

146
00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:12,409
Now we can make toys again.

147
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:15,412
Toys! Toys! Toys!

148
00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:18,999
And I can deliver them.
Billions and billions in one night.

149
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,919
Ha! No human could do all that.

150
00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:23,337
Evel Knievel could.

151
00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:24,588
Nuh-uh.

152
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:27,299
Santa's right. We need some sort of robot.

153
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:32,221
Ah, crap. I'm some sort of robot.

154
00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:35,224
ALL: Hooray!

155
00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:36,934
ALL: Hooray!

156
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:38,852
ALL: Hooray!

157
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:49,321
Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built
to yuletide specifications.

158
00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:52,824
Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built
to steal Leela's purse either,

159
00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:54,326
but that didn't stop me.

160
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:57,913
- Bender.
- Bow before your new Santa.

161
00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,665
ALL: Our hero.

162
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:04,461
We are free and fairly sober
With so many toys to build

163
00:09:04,837 --> 00:09:06,797
The machines are kind of tricky

164
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:11,009
Probably someone will be killed
But we gladly work for nothing

165
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:14,805
Which is good
Because we don't intend to pay

166
00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:19,810
The elves are back to work today,
Hooray!

167
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:24,106
We have just a couple hours

168
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:28,360
To make several billion gifts
And the labor isn't easy

169
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:30,362
Then you'll all work triple shifts

170
00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:32,614
You can make the job go quicker

171
00:09:32,698 --> 00:09:35,784
If you turn up the controls
To super speed

172
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,329
It's back to work on Xmas eve

173
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:40,831
Hooray!

174
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:44,793
And though you're cold
And sore and ugly

175
00:09:44,877 --> 00:09:47,629
Your pride will mask the pain

176
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:51,258
Let my happy smile warm your hearts

177
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:54,261
There's a toy lodged in my brain

178
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,182
We are getting awfully tired
And we can't work any faster

179
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,017
And we're very, very sorry

180
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,518
Why, you selfish little bastards

181
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:03,312
Do you want the kids to think

182
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:05,981
That Santa's just a crummy
Empty-handed jerk?

183
00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:07,232
- Ow!
- Sorry.

184
00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,526
Then shut your yaps and back to work

185
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:15,574
Now it's very nearly Xmas
And we've done the best we could

186
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,367
These toy soldiers are poorly painted

187
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,911
And they're made from inferior wood

188
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:22,497
I should give you all a beating
But I really have to fly

189
00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:25,876
If I weren't stuck here frozen
I'd harpoon you in the eye

190
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:29,671
Now it's back into our tenements
To drown ourselves in rye

191
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:33,759
You did the best you could, I guess
And some of these gorillas are okay

192
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:35,427
- (ALL CHEERING)
- We're adequate.

193
00:10:35,511 --> 00:10:38,847
The elves have rescued Xmas day!
Hooray!

194
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,867
Gee, Bender,
how are you gonna get through these bars?

195
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:01,620
I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em?

196
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:02,996
Okay.

197
00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:05,249
Ow!

198
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:08,001
Mommy, Mommy.
Santa's through the perimeter.

199
00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:11,630
This is it, kids. Take your suicide pills
so you won't suffer.

200
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:14,049
No, wait. I'm the good Santa.

201
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:16,969
I've got toys. At very reasonable prices.

202
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:20,848
Don't listen to him. He's the father
of all lies, and the uncle of all tricks.

203
00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:23,100
But I come bearing Tri-Ominos.

204
00:11:23,267 --> 00:11:24,393
Go for the shins!

205
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:25,519
Ahh!

206
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:27,521
Ow, ow, ow!

207
00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:30,107
(CLANKING)

208
00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:31,692
Oh...

209
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,111
One down.

210
00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:43,328
Well, hello there, handsome.

211
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,581
Won't ya have a cookie?

212
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,250
Don't mind if I do.

213
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:49,751
Ow!

214
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,003
Ow! What's in these things?

215
00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:54,339
Why don't you slip into something
more fiery.

216
00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:58,886
Ahh! Whoa! Ow!

217
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:04,558
Ow.

218
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:10,522
Yo, Kringle. What happened to you, dog?

219
00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:14,026
Oh, it's awful, Kwanza-Bot.
Everyone hates me.

220
00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:16,987
At least they understand you,
you know what I'm sayin'?

221
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,947
Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tiff.

222
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:21,909
Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand
with these deliveries?

223
00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:25,954
No time. I gotta hand out
the traditional Kwanza Book.

224
00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:28,790
(SIGHS DEJECTEDLY)

225
00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:32,085
I've been giving these out for 647 years.

226
00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:45,682
Ah, bathtub eggnog,
just the way Grandma used to drink.

227
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:49,645
Ew! It went sour.

228
00:12:50,062 --> 00:12:52,439
Can't I have a scented bath in peace?

229
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,318
Remember, Professor. Bender is Santa.

230
00:12:56,527 --> 00:12:58,237
So we don't need to hurt him, right?

231
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,573
Yes, yes, yes.
You sound like a broken mp3.

232
00:13:01,657 --> 00:13:02,658
(CLANGING THUD)

233
00:13:02,741 --> 00:13:03,784
Ho, ho...

234
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:04,952
Ow!

235
00:13:05,035 --> 00:13:08,205
Professor, don't you remember
what I told you?

236
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,623
No!

237
00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:11,083
(COCKS RIFLE AND FIRES)

238
00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:12,167
Oh...

239
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:17,631
Oh, there's got to be a better way.

240
00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:24,972
Bender, you’re a genius.

241
00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:26,056
(LAUGHS DIABOLICALLY)

242
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:30,269
This creates an unrealistic
standard of beauty. (SNORTS)

243
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:34,147
Now it's time for Santa
to screw open his present.

244
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,528
It's Santa. And we got him cornered.

245
00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:42,406
Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me.

246
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,950
And a juicy re-hiring
back onto the force for me.

247
00:13:45,117 --> 00:13:47,536
(GULPING) Ah, Wh-What?

248
00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,920
This Xmas day session of court
will come to order.

249
00:13:57,171 --> 00:13:59,381
The Honorable Judge Whitey presiding.

250
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:06,555
Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes
against humanity. How do you plead?

251
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,974
- Not Santa.
- There he is again.

252
00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:16,023
Now Pramala, I know it's scary
in that there witness box,

253
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:18,859
but 'taint no need to fear me.

254
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,569
- (CLUCKS LOUDLY)
- (SHRIEKS)

255
00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,905
I'm sorry. I thought you was corn.

256
00:14:23,447 --> 00:14:27,159
Now, would you please point
at that robot over there?

257
00:14:28,619 --> 00:14:29,620
(HUSHED CHATTER)

258
00:14:30,204 --> 00:14:31,830
No further questions.

259
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:35,959
(TWEETING)

260
00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:37,794
Daddy done good, huh?

261
00:14:38,212 --> 00:14:42,007
Isn't it true that you have been paid
for your testimony?

262
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,676
Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy.

263
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,679
And yet you haven't said
what I told you to say.

264
00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,431
How can any of us trust you?

265
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:50,807
(WAILING)

266
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,644
Quit badgering the witness.

267
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,020
Badger? Where?

268
00:14:55,187 --> 00:14:57,481
(CLUCKING IN FEAR)

269
00:14:57,856 --> 00:15:02,986
Whereas I have a ham dinner with
mayonnaise waiting for me at my mansion,

270
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:04,905
I find the defendant guilty.

271
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,156
(ALL GASP)

272
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:11,703
Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you
to be executed at sundown.

273
00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:13,330
(BENDER GROANS)

274
00:15:13,664 --> 00:15:17,751
It's not fair. I just hope
that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.

275
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:20,754
(CROWING)

276
00:15:27,386 --> 00:15:31,932
Deactivated robot walking.
We got a deactivated robot walking here.

277
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:38,438
Hey, Santa, when you see the Robot Devil,
tell him I'm a-comin'.

278
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:43,652
- Hey, that guy said to tell you that...
- I heard him.

279
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:57,749
Greetings, masters.
My companion and I made lots of toys.

280
00:15:57,875 --> 00:15:59,251
Out of my way, shrimp-o.

281
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:02,504
We're here to bring Santa back
so we can prove Bender's innocent.

282
00:16:02,713 --> 00:16:03,714
(BUZZING)

283
00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:10,512
Do what you will,
but we'll see who has the last "Ho."

284
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,474
(ALL STRAINING)

285
00:16:14,558 --> 00:16:17,102
- There.
- Oh no. The ice is melting.

286
00:16:17,269 --> 00:16:20,564
The pollution from the factory.
It caused a greenhouse effect.

287
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,024
That would explain this heat.

288
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,650
And your breezy short shorts.

289
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,485
Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

290
00:16:27,279 --> 00:16:28,280
(YELLS)

291
00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:29,781
(ALL SCREAMING)

292
00:16:54,515 --> 00:16:55,516
SANTA: Oh!

293
00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:04,858
Hurry. We've got to think of another way
to save Bender, or Xmas will be ruined.

294
00:17:04,942 --> 00:17:06,401
Especially for Bender.

295
00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:12,366
Look out, Earth.

296
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:16,537
I'm dreaming of a red Xmas.

297
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:19,206
(LAUGHING DIABOLICALLY)

298
00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:27,089
Ah, good old Maggie.

299
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,300
When I pull the switch,

300
00:17:30,384 --> 00:17:33,470
these powerful electromagnets
will tear you limb from limb,

301
00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:35,514
killing you
in the most humane possible manner.

302
00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:38,725
But Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane.

303
00:17:38,934 --> 00:17:41,478
It is for the witnesses
because it's not boring.

304
00:17:45,941 --> 00:17:50,529
The instant this random number generator
reaches zero, you'll be executed.

305
00:17:50,696 --> 00:17:51,697
Oh.

306
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,075
Ten. Three.

307
00:17:55,993 --> 00:17:57,035
Twelve.

308
00:17:57,619 --> 00:17:59,872
- Three again.
- Stop the execution.

309
00:17:59,997 --> 00:18:01,623
- Leela.
- Fifteen.

310
00:18:01,957 --> 00:18:04,209
- Negative eight.
- You've got the wrong Santa.

311
00:18:04,293 --> 00:18:05,335
And I'll prove it.

312
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:06,837
I'm Santa Claus.

313
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:07,921
(ALL GASP)

314
00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:09,339
What? Twenty-seven.

315
00:18:09,590 --> 00:18:11,383
No. I'm Santa Claus.

316
00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:14,386
- Six?
- We're also Santa Claus.

317
00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:16,597
And I'm his friend, Jesus.

318
00:18:16,722 --> 00:18:20,684
Your Mayor-ness, if you execute him,
you have to execute all of us.

319
00:18:21,018 --> 00:18:24,146
You people aren't Santa.
You're not even robots.

320
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:27,941
Ninety-one.
How dare you lie in front of Jesus?

321
00:18:28,192 --> 00:18:29,318
Hey. Zero.

322
00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:30,861
(BUZZING)

323
00:18:32,571 --> 00:18:33,989
No. Stop the magnet.

324
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:39,953
(VOICE VIBRATING)
Swing low, sweet chariot

325
00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:43,457
Comin' for to carry me home

326
00:18:43,916 --> 00:18:45,250
Swing low

327
00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:46,335
This is horrible.

328
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:47,920
But it's not boring.

329
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,590
Ho, ho, ho.

330
00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:57,387
(ALL SCREAMING)

331
00:18:57,763 --> 00:19:00,474
My God, the real Santa. Get him, Jesus!

332
00:19:00,599 --> 00:19:02,476
I help those who help themselves.

333
00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:04,102
- (GUNFIRE)
- (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR)

334
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:08,273
Santa, you saved my life.
Please don't kill me.

335
00:19:08,482 --> 00:19:10,192
(LAUGHS HEARTILY)

336
00:19:10,442 --> 00:19:12,402
I'm not here to kill you, Bender.

337
00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:15,781
I need you to help me save Xmas.

338
00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:19,451
Gee whiz, Santa.

339
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,912
You want me to help you?

340
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,664
Don't do it. He's evil.

341
00:19:23,789 --> 00:19:26,124
I know he is, but I have no choice.

342
00:19:26,375 --> 00:19:30,504
I'm running late,
and if I don't complete my brutal rampage,

343
00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:33,340
well, it just wouldn't be Xmas.

344
00:19:33,674 --> 00:19:35,175
I guess what I'm asking is,

345
00:19:35,551 --> 00:19:39,346
Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight?

346
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:40,681
Well...

347
00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:42,182
'Tis the season.

348
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,947
(GLASS SHATTERING)

349
00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:00,576
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

350
00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:05,831
My hair!

351
00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:07,457
My wedding cake!

352
00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:08,625
(LAUGHING EVILLY)

353
00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:10,085
Let it snow.

354
00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:14,381
Merry Xmas, kids.

355
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:20,387
Ahh!

356
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:22,347
(LAUGHS EVILLY)

357
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:25,392
(SIRENS BLARING)

358
00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:27,519
This wangs chung.

359
00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:31,023
After all the good we tried to do,
Xmas turned out as rotten as ever.

360
00:20:31,190 --> 00:20:33,066
- No heat.
- No power.

361
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:36,612
Huddled together in fear
like lice in a burning wig.

362
00:20:37,196 --> 00:20:40,991
Wait a second. Maybe your futuristic Xmas
isn't so rotten after all.

363
00:20:41,158 --> 00:20:44,453
What are you talking about, you crouton?
You said it yourself.

364
00:20:44,745 --> 00:20:48,415
Xmas should be about bringing people
together, not blowing them apart.

365
00:20:48,582 --> 00:20:51,502
But don't you see?
Fear has brought us together.

366
00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:53,378
That's the magic of Xmas.

367
00:20:53,545 --> 00:20:54,838
That's a big crock of...

368
00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:57,424
Hold me.

369
00:21:05,849 --> 00:21:08,602
On, Trasher! On, Smasher!

370
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:11,313
Hey, Kwanza-Bot. Where you off to?

371
00:21:11,522 --> 00:21:12,689
You didn't hear about it?

372
00:21:12,773 --> 00:21:15,943
Chanukah Zombie's having a luau
at the B’nai Brith. You coming?

373
00:21:16,026 --> 00:21:17,027
Word.

374
00:21:19,363 --> 00:21:22,533
By the way, Bender,
here's a small token of my appreciation

375
00:21:22,616 --> 00:21:25,202
for being Santa
while I was trapped in the ice.

376
00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:26,453
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

377
00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:30,666
Hey, chief, you screwed up.
There's nothing in here.

378
00:21:30,874 --> 00:21:34,628
Oh, it might appear empty,
but the message is clear.

379
00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:39,842
Play Santa again
and I'll kill you next year.

380
00:21:40,050 --> 00:21:41,927
Ahhh!

381
00:21:45,430 --> 00:21:49,643
Ho, ho, ho.

382
00:21:57,109 --> 00:21:59,111
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)