1
00:00:00,898 --> 00:00:03,317
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:00:04,693 --> 00:00:07,029
MAN: One, two! One, two, three!

3
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:35,641
(GRUNTING)

4
00:00:36,975 --> 00:00:40,604
There. I've finished fine-tuning
my "What If" machine.

5
00:00:40,729 --> 00:00:43,106
It can answer any "What if?" question

6
00:00:43,232 --> 00:00:46,235
accurate to within one-tenth
of a plausibility unit.

7
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,529
That's so plausible I can't believe it.

8
00:00:48,654 --> 00:00:51,657
Who wants the machine to show
them an alternate reality?

9
00:00:51,782 --> 00:00:55,118
Ooh, ooh! I wanna know what
would happen if I were human.

10
00:00:55,244 --> 00:00:59,998
I mean, being a robot's great,
but we don't have emotions,

11
00:01:00,123 --> 00:01:03,460
and sometimes that makes me very sad.
(SNIFFLES)

12
00:01:03,544 --> 00:01:06,755
Oh, lordy loo,
there he goes again.

13
00:01:06,839 --> 00:01:10,551
Well, let's give baby
what he wants.

14
00:01:10,634 --> 00:01:13,303
What if Bender were human?

15
00:01:19,017 --> 00:01:21,562
Good news, everyone!
I've invented a way

16
00:01:21,687 --> 00:01:23,564
to turn Bender into a human

17
00:01:23,689 --> 00:01:27,276
using a process I call
reverse fossilization.

18
00:01:27,401 --> 00:01:30,779
- How does it work?
- Well, in regular fossilization,

19
00:01:30,904 --> 00:01:32,990
flesh and bone turn to minerals.

20
00:01:33,115 --> 00:01:37,077
Realizing that, it was a simple matter
to reverse the process.

21
00:01:37,202 --> 00:01:40,747
I've already tested it
by turning the toaster into a raccoon.

22
00:01:40,873 --> 00:01:43,125
(CHIRPING)

23
00:01:45,210 --> 00:01:47,171
Mmm. Kind of gamy.

24
00:01:47,296 --> 00:01:48,422
Are you ready, Bender?

25
00:01:48,505 --> 00:01:51,341
I don't know. I'm beginning
to have some second thoughts.

26
00:01:52,301 --> 00:01:54,136
(BABBLING)

27
00:02:01,351 --> 00:02:03,896
(MOANING)

28
00:02:06,523 --> 00:02:08,775
Cover your shame, mon!

29
00:02:09,860 --> 00:02:12,196
- (GROANING)
- (ALL GASP)

30
00:02:12,321 --> 00:02:16,575
It worked! Eat it everyone
who's never won a Nobel Prize!

31
00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:19,244
- And that includes you, Amy.
- (CRYING)

32
00:02:19,369 --> 00:02:22,748
So this is a human body, huh? Neat.

33
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:26,043
Hey, my antenna's gone!

34
00:02:26,251 --> 00:02:29,796
No, it just moved. I'm not getting
good reception on it, though.

35
00:02:30,172 --> 00:02:32,132
Maybe if I wiggle it around a little.

36
00:02:32,257 --> 00:02:34,384
(WHISPERING) Bender, no.
You'll make God cry.

37
00:02:34,510 --> 00:02:38,347
Well, let's see what kind
of things this body can do.

38
00:02:38,472 --> 00:02:40,891
- (GASPS)
- Hey, that's pretty fun.

39
00:02:42,267 --> 00:02:45,103
(LAUGHING) Being human is great!

40
00:02:48,023 --> 00:02:51,068
Hooray! It's just like Mardi Gras.

41
00:02:53,654 --> 00:02:56,573
Guys, guys, you gotta come
into the bathroom and look at this!

42
00:02:56,698 --> 00:02:58,367
You're not gonna believe it.

43
00:02:58,492 --> 00:03:01,787
Bender, it's okay to be proud,
but don't be a showoff.

44
00:03:01,912 --> 00:03:03,580
Ooh.

45
00:03:03,664 --> 00:03:07,084
Whoa. You look a lot
better than you used to for some reason.

46
00:03:07,167 --> 00:03:09,503
You're not so bad yourself, big boy.

47
00:03:11,255 --> 00:03:13,632
Hey, that felt great!

48
00:03:15,425 --> 00:03:19,012
- Nah, it's not working anymore.
- Speak for yourself.

49
00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:27,729
Whoa. This is awesome.

50
00:03:27,855 --> 00:03:30,399
Bender, you drank and smoked
when you were a robot.

51
00:03:30,524 --> 00:03:33,318
But now it's bad for me. Whoo!

52
00:03:33,443 --> 00:03:35,487
Speaking of which, try these nachos.

53
00:03:40,826 --> 00:03:45,789
Mmm. Why didn't anyone tell me
tasting things tasted so good?

54
00:03:46,331 --> 00:03:47,875
(SIGHS)

55
00:03:47,958 --> 00:03:50,127
(LATIN DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

56
00:03:50,252 --> 00:03:54,381
What's going on? That rhythm,
it's doing something to my human butt.

57
00:04:00,679 --> 00:04:02,723
(LAUGHING)

58
00:04:02,848 --> 00:04:05,893
Bender, part of being human
is having self-control.

59
00:04:05,976 --> 00:04:10,439
Oh, my God! I bet I can eat nachos and go
to the bathroom at the same time.

60
00:04:10,522 --> 00:04:12,357
ALL: No, Bender!

61
00:04:12,441 --> 00:04:14,151
- Let me go!
- No!

62
00:04:14,276 --> 00:04:17,112
Come, Bender.
It's time to go home and rest.

63
00:04:17,237 --> 00:04:19,031
I need you in top shape next week

64
00:04:19,156 --> 00:04:22,367
when I present you to
the Nobel Prize Committee.

65
00:04:22,493 --> 00:04:24,369
Bender?

66
00:04:24,495 --> 00:04:27,331
Good-bye, moderation!

67
00:04:27,456 --> 00:04:29,958
Come on shake your body
Baby, do the conga

68
00:04:30,083 --> 00:04:32,127
I know you can't control
Yourself any longer

69
00:04:32,252 --> 00:04:34,213
Feel the rhythm of the music
Getting stronger

70
00:04:34,338 --> 00:04:37,007
Don't you fight it till you tried it
Do the conga

71
00:04:37,132 --> 00:04:39,676
(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)

72
00:04:55,359 --> 00:04:58,987
Is Bender still missing for a week?
Where is he already?

73
00:04:59,112 --> 00:05:04,117
As I've said before,
I used reverse fossilization,

74
00:05:04,243 --> 00:05:08,705
which is the reverse
of regular, uh, eh...

75
00:05:08,831 --> 00:05:10,541
- Psst! We found him!
- Ah!

76
00:05:10,666 --> 00:05:15,379
Then without further stalling for time
I present to the Nobel judges,

77
00:05:15,504 --> 00:05:19,216
the first robot ever
turned into a human!

78
00:05:20,551 --> 00:05:24,137
(GROANING)

79
00:05:25,764 --> 00:05:27,349
(ALL GASP)

80
00:05:27,432 --> 00:05:30,269
My God!
He needs medical attention!

81
00:05:32,187 --> 00:05:34,982
Pulse: 300. Liver: failing.

82
00:05:35,065 --> 00:05:37,317
Cholesterol: 40?

83
00:05:37,568 --> 00:05:40,988
Well, that's not so bad.
No, I mean 40 pounds!

84
00:05:41,113 --> 00:05:45,826
Eww. This, uh,
scientific breakthrough,

85
00:05:45,909 --> 00:05:50,122
uh, heralds a new dawn
in human/robot relations, yes.

86
00:05:51,039 --> 00:05:53,876
Come here and
give old Bender a kiss.

87
00:05:54,126 --> 00:05:57,462
- (MOANING)
- (DISGUSTED SHIVER)

88
00:05:57,588 --> 00:06:00,465
Hey, you like grilled cheese?

89
00:06:01,550 --> 00:06:07,014
And, uh, that's why I believe
I deserve the Nobel Prize.

90
00:06:07,139 --> 00:06:10,267
Not only do you not deserve
a Nobel Prize

91
00:06:10,392 --> 00:06:13,562
for loosing this bloated
man-ball upon the world,

92
00:06:13,687 --> 00:06:17,316
but you are hereby kicked out
of the Academy of Science!

93
00:06:17,399 --> 00:06:19,818
(ALL CHEERING)

94
00:06:19,902 --> 00:06:23,155
Wait! As men of science,

95
00:06:23,447 --> 00:06:26,533
are not your minds
open to new ideas?

96
00:06:26,658 --> 00:06:29,661
I say, do not judge me

97
00:06:29,786 --> 00:06:33,624
until you have tried my way
of life for yourselves.

98
00:06:33,749 --> 00:06:35,626
(GURGLING)

99
00:06:37,669 --> 00:06:41,798
Young man, you have opened our minds
and swayed our hearts.

100
00:06:41,924 --> 00:06:45,511
- Let us therefore...
- Party!

101
00:06:47,513 --> 00:06:49,097
(LATIN DANCE ROCK SONG PLAYING)

102
00:06:49,181 --> 00:06:51,350
Let's trash this place!

103
00:06:51,475 --> 00:06:53,810
- Party!
- (ALL CHEERING)

104
00:06:53,936 --> 00:06:55,562
Whee!

105
00:06:57,105 --> 00:06:59,733
Come on shake your body
Baby, do the conga

106
00:06:59,858 --> 00:07:01,944
I know you can't control
Yourself any longer

107
00:07:02,027 --> 00:07:04,279
Feel the rhythm of the music
Getting stronger

108
00:07:05,656 --> 00:07:07,908
Bender, you were right.

109
00:07:08,033 --> 00:07:11,537
Truly you have lived more in
your one week of being human

110
00:07:11,662 --> 00:07:14,581
than the rest of us have
in our entire lives.

111
00:07:14,665 --> 00:07:16,333
Whoo!

112
00:07:16,458 --> 00:07:19,753
And so to recognize
your achievements,

113
00:07:19,878 --> 00:07:24,508
I hereby award you the Nobel Prize in

114
00:07:24,633 --> 00:07:27,094
uh, chemistry.

115
00:07:28,595 --> 00:07:30,556
Care to say a few words, Bender?

116
00:07:33,433 --> 00:07:35,894
- He's dead.
- (ALL GASP)

117
00:07:36,019 --> 00:07:38,522
- When did he die?
- Hmm.

118
00:07:38,605 --> 00:07:41,358
About twelve hours ago
when the party started.

119
00:07:41,525 --> 00:07:43,277
But he just said "Whoo!"

120
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:46,947
No, that was air escaping
from the folds of his fat.

121
00:07:47,030 --> 00:07:48,365
Whoo!

122
00:07:51,743 --> 00:07:53,787
FARNSWORTH: Good night, sweet prince.

123
00:07:53,912 --> 00:07:57,958
You were the greatest man
any of us will ever know.

124
00:07:58,083 --> 00:08:02,296
Well, let's get him out of here.
He's starting to smell up the joint.

125
00:08:03,922 --> 00:08:05,465
Whoo!

126
00:08:05,591 --> 00:08:07,467
Whoo!

127
00:08:08,552 --> 00:08:10,053
Whoo!

128
00:08:10,179 --> 00:08:13,724
NARRATOR: You watched it.
You can't un-watch it.

129
00:08:13,849 --> 00:08:15,559
Stay tuned for more...

130
00:08:15,642 --> 00:08:18,896
(NARRATOR READING)

131
00:08:23,317 --> 00:08:26,236
Who else has a question
for the "What If" machine?

132
00:08:26,445 --> 00:08:29,490
Scruffy? Katrina? Xanthor?

133
00:08:29,573 --> 00:08:33,744
Oh! I have one! I'm good at video games
and bad at everything else.

134
00:08:33,827 --> 00:08:36,580
That's why I wish life
were more like a video game.

135
00:08:36,705 --> 00:08:38,874
Can you put that in the form
of a question?

136
00:08:38,957 --> 00:08:42,085
Uh, what if
that thing I said?

137
00:08:44,254 --> 00:08:47,841
Oh, great machine,
we beseech thee,

138
00:08:47,925 --> 00:08:51,512
what if life were more
like a video game?

139
00:08:51,595 --> 00:08:54,389
(VIDEO GAME BEEPING)

140
00:09:02,898 --> 00:09:04,733
Good evening, ignorant pigs.

141
00:09:04,858 --> 00:09:07,236
Put down your crack pipes
and your beer bongs

142
00:09:07,319 --> 00:09:10,489
and pay attention as I sign
an historic peace accord

143
00:09:10,572 --> 00:09:14,159
with Ambassador Kong
of Planet Nintendu 64.

144
00:09:14,243 --> 00:09:16,495
FRY: Wait a second.

145
00:09:16,578 --> 00:09:18,455
I know that monkey!
His name is Donkey.

146
00:09:18,539 --> 00:09:21,708
Monkeys aren't donkeys.
Quit messing with my head!

147
00:09:22,292 --> 00:09:25,629
I'll just put the old
John Q. Nixon on it.

148
00:09:28,674 --> 00:09:32,219
There. No major crap-ups.
You're on, Mr. Ambassador.

149
00:09:32,427 --> 00:09:34,304
(GRUNTING)

150
00:09:34,847 --> 00:09:36,598
What the...

151
00:09:36,682 --> 00:09:37,891
(ALL GASP)

152
00:09:40,143 --> 00:09:42,354
(VIDEO GAME BEEPING)

153
00:09:42,646 --> 00:09:46,775
(LOUD THUDDING)

154
00:09:47,860 --> 00:09:49,278
Mama Mia!

155
00:09:49,361 --> 00:09:52,156
The cruel meatball of war
has-a rolled onto our laps,

156
00:09:52,573 --> 00:09:55,075
and-a ruined our
white-a pants of peace.

157
00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:56,827
(SPRINGING)

158
00:09:58,203 --> 00:10:00,289
(BEEPING)

159
00:10:01,248 --> 00:10:04,877
Mr. Fry, rumor has it that you know the
secrets of the video game "Chance."

160
00:10:05,002 --> 00:10:06,879
Please, step into the war room.

161
00:10:06,962 --> 00:10:09,256
(BEEPING)

162
00:10:09,339 --> 00:10:11,258
(PAC-MAN BEEPING-LIKE SOUNDS)

163
00:10:11,383 --> 00:10:13,260
You'll be meeting
with General Colin Pacman.

164
00:10:13,343 --> 00:10:14,845
Wock-a, wock-a, wock-a!

165
00:10:14,970 --> 00:10:16,346
Let's get down to business!

166
00:10:16,430 --> 00:10:18,265
What can you tell us
about the Nintendians?

167
00:10:18,390 --> 00:10:21,143
Well, sir, I spent all
of ninth grade studying them,

168
00:10:21,268 --> 00:10:24,521
except for that day when my eyeballs
started to bleed, and in my opinion...

169
00:10:24,688 --> 00:10:26,398
(LOUD EXPLOSION)

170
00:10:26,857 --> 00:10:29,234
- (ALL GASP)
- Quickly! To the escape tunnels.

171
00:10:29,359 --> 00:10:33,697
ALL: Wock-a, wock-a, wock-a, wock-a!

172
00:10:33,822 --> 00:10:36,700
Wock-a, wock-a, wock-a, wock-a!

173
00:10:36,825 --> 00:10:38,660
This way, damn it!

174
00:10:38,785 --> 00:10:40,662
Wock-a, wock-a, wock-a, wock-a!

175
00:10:40,787 --> 00:10:43,290
Wock-a, wock-a, wock-a, wock-a!
Mmm, delicious!

176
00:10:43,415 --> 00:10:45,584
Just like stale marshmallows!

177
00:10:45,667 --> 00:10:47,711
Ooh, and a cherry!

178
00:10:49,546 --> 00:10:52,633
Wock-a, wock-a, wock-a, wock-a!

179
00:10:52,758 --> 00:10:54,843
Hey, watch out!

180
00:10:56,803 --> 00:10:59,515
- Uh-oh!
- Oh, my God! He ate Fry!

181
00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:01,892
Fry is dead!

182
00:11:02,017 --> 00:11:05,479
- It's okay. I had another guy.
- (CHEERING)

183
00:11:07,481 --> 00:11:09,775
Wock-a, wock-a... (PANTING)

184
00:11:12,736 --> 00:11:14,905
(COUGHING)

185
00:11:17,699 --> 00:11:20,118
(GASPING)

186
00:11:21,620 --> 00:11:24,164
Invaders, possibly from space!

187
00:11:24,331 --> 00:11:26,917
People of Earth,

188
00:11:27,084 --> 00:11:30,963
I am Lrrr of
the Planet Nintendu 64.

189
00:11:31,088 --> 00:11:34,883
Tremble in fear at our three
different kinds of ships.

190
00:11:35,008 --> 00:11:37,678
All right. It's Saturday night.

191
00:11:37,803 --> 00:11:43,100
I have no date, a two-liter bottle of
Shasta and my all-Rush mix tape.

192
00:11:43,225 --> 00:11:44,643
Let's rock!

193
00:11:44,768 --> 00:11:47,104
Today's Tom Sawyer
He gets high on you

194
00:11:47,229 --> 00:11:49,940
And the space he invades
He gets by on you

195
00:11:56,321 --> 00:11:59,241
We're losing ships, sir.
What are your orders?

196
00:11:59,366 --> 00:12:02,327
Increase speed, drop down
and reverse direction!

197
00:12:02,786 --> 00:12:04,830
(VIDEO GAME SHOOTING SOUNDS)

198
00:12:07,624 --> 00:12:09,877
I've still got a trick
or two up my sleeve.

199
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:12,421
Watch as I fire upwards
through our own shield!

200
00:12:12,504 --> 00:12:15,007
- (ALL GASP)
- He's a madman!

201
00:12:15,382 --> 00:12:17,384
A madman!

202
00:12:18,135 --> 00:12:20,637
(VIDEO GAME SHOOTING SOUNDS)

203
00:12:24,808 --> 00:12:27,060
It's working. Victory is assured.

204
00:12:27,186 --> 00:12:30,397
My retirement tomorrow
will be all the sweeter.

205
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,026
(SCREAMS) I'm hit!

206
00:12:34,151 --> 00:12:36,445
So cold.

207
00:12:38,030 --> 00:12:39,907
(HIGH-PITCHED) No!

208
00:12:40,032 --> 00:12:42,367
Amy, tend to the Widow Pacman.

209
00:12:42,493 --> 00:12:46,038
(SOBBING) Wock-a, wock-a, wock-a.

210
00:12:47,873 --> 00:12:49,666
Drop down and increase speed!

211
00:12:51,877 --> 00:12:53,670
One ship is left only.

212
00:12:53,754 --> 00:12:54,963
(CHEERING)

213
00:12:55,047 --> 00:12:56,924
Come on, Fry! Get it!

214
00:12:57,049 --> 00:13:00,093
It's moving too fast!
Oh, I could never get the last one.

215
00:13:00,219 --> 00:13:03,680
- My brother always got it for me.
- (GASPING)

216
00:13:06,016 --> 00:13:07,559
(EVIL LAUGH)

217
00:13:07,643 --> 00:13:11,188
Drop down! Reverse direction!
Prepare for landing.

218
00:13:13,732 --> 00:13:15,651
(EXPLOSION SOUND)

219
00:13:15,776 --> 00:13:19,571
- (CONTROLS CLACKING)
- (FRY CHUCKLES)

220
00:13:25,035 --> 00:13:28,413
You are defeated!
Instead of shooting where I was,

221
00:13:28,539 --> 00:13:31,750
you should have shot at where
I was going to be. (LAUGHS)

222
00:13:36,463 --> 00:13:39,216
- All your base are belong to us.
- (SPRINGING)

223
00:13:41,009 --> 00:13:44,847
- (SPEAKING BACKWARDS)
- What do you monsters want?

224
00:13:44,972 --> 00:13:47,850
One thing, and one thing only.

225
00:13:47,975 --> 00:13:51,728
Quarters! A million allowances
worth of quarters!

226
00:13:51,854 --> 00:13:53,897
No slugs or tokens!

227
00:13:54,022 --> 00:13:57,860
- Fork 'em over! Fork 'em over!
- Forget it, you pixilated pirates!

228
00:13:57,985 --> 00:14:01,822
- We need those quarters to do our laundry!
- (ALL SHOUTING IN AGREEMENT)

229
00:14:01,947 --> 00:14:05,450
But... But space invaders
need to do laundry too.

230
00:14:05,576 --> 00:14:07,452
I mean, look at Donkey Kong here.

231
00:14:07,578 --> 00:14:09,830
Have you smelled
his loincloth lately?

232
00:14:09,955 --> 00:14:11,832
- Yes.
- Go away!

233
00:14:11,957 --> 00:14:14,668
We're not giving you
our quarters no matter what!

234
00:14:14,793 --> 00:14:18,255
Well, then what if we throw
our laundry in with yours?

235
00:14:18,380 --> 00:14:20,382
- Would that be acceptable?
- I guess so.

236
00:14:20,507 --> 00:14:22,551
Okay then, that settles that.

237
00:14:22,634 --> 00:14:26,513
But if this cape shrinks,
consider your species extinct!

238
00:14:26,638 --> 00:14:28,765
NARRATOR: Bravo!

239
00:14:28,891 --> 00:14:30,601
That'll be hard to top!

240
00:14:30,684 --> 00:14:32,728
I pity the next...

241
00:14:32,811 --> 00:14:35,230
Tales of Interest.

242
00:14:42,279 --> 00:14:45,491
Well, there's time
for one last question.

243
00:14:45,616 --> 00:14:48,827
Let's turn to the "Who Asked"
machine to see who's next?

244
00:14:50,579 --> 00:14:53,999
Um, uh, Amy.

245
00:14:54,124 --> 00:14:55,792
- (GASPS)
- I mean Leela.

246
00:14:55,918 --> 00:14:57,586
- (MOANS)
- Okay.

247
00:14:57,669 --> 00:15:00,964
(CLEARS THROAT)
As an alien who was abandoned on Earth,

248
00:15:01,048 --> 00:15:03,300
I've never really
belonged anywhere.

249
00:15:03,383 --> 00:15:04,885
Boo hoo!

250
00:15:05,010 --> 00:15:07,888
Ow! (MUTTERING)

251
00:15:08,305 --> 00:15:09,932
So my question is this...

252
00:15:10,015 --> 00:15:12,809
What if I found my true home?

253
00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:16,271
Ow!

254
00:15:16,730 --> 00:15:19,024
(MOANING)

255
00:15:21,652 --> 00:15:24,154
(CHITTERING)

256
00:15:24,279 --> 00:15:26,824
(GROANING) Where are we?

257
00:15:29,618 --> 00:15:32,204
(SINISTER LAUGHTER)

258
00:15:32,329 --> 00:15:35,040
(GRUNTS, MUTTERING)

259
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,044
(CRASH)

260
00:15:42,256 --> 00:15:45,676
Nibbler, I don't think
we're in New New York anymore.

261
00:15:48,554 --> 00:15:54,059
Geez, apparently the phrase "tone it
down" doesn't exist on this planet.

262
00:15:55,060 --> 00:15:57,020
(GASPS) Oh, no!

263
00:15:57,145 --> 00:15:59,815
We hit someone!
Quick, back into the ship!

264
00:15:59,940 --> 00:16:02,609
Ooh, nice boots.

265
00:16:02,734 --> 00:16:04,278
(SNIFFING) Yuck!

266
00:16:04,361 --> 00:16:07,447
Look, everyone!
She killed the Manwitch of the West!

267
00:16:07,573 --> 00:16:10,242
- (CHEERING)
- A witch?

268
00:16:10,367 --> 00:16:13,662
That explains how these boots
magically appeared on my feet.

269
00:16:13,787 --> 00:16:16,498
No, you stole them.
We saw you!

270
00:16:16,623 --> 00:16:20,085
Well, it's hard to find
shoes that fit me.

271
00:16:20,210 --> 00:16:22,087
So anyway,
who are you people?

272
00:16:22,212 --> 00:16:24,798
Haven't I seen you
in some copyrighted movie?

273
00:16:24,923 --> 00:16:27,217
We resemble
But are legally distinct

274
00:16:27,342 --> 00:16:29,678
From the Lollipop Guild
The Lollipop

275
00:16:33,056 --> 00:16:35,434
(STRAINING)

276
00:16:39,271 --> 00:16:42,399
Greetings, Leela.
I'm the Cute Witch of the North.

277
00:16:42,524 --> 00:16:45,194
Yeah. Can anyone fix my ship
so I can get home?

278
00:16:45,319 --> 00:16:48,322
Abraca-duh.
Just ask the professor.

279
00:16:48,447 --> 00:16:51,950
He lives in the Emerald Laboratory down
Martin Luther King Boulevard.

280
00:16:52,075 --> 00:16:55,996
You mean that Yellow Brick Road?
The City Council renamed it in 1975.

281
00:16:56,121 --> 00:16:59,041
Ooh, those are great shoes!

282
00:16:59,166 --> 00:17:02,085
- Oh, thank you.
- Do they come in women's sizes?

283
00:17:08,008 --> 00:17:10,302
(CAWING)

284
00:17:10,385 --> 00:17:14,014
Okay, crow.
Prepare to be scared.

285
00:17:14,431 --> 00:17:18,852
"And then... honk, honk...
The car honked its own horn!"

286
00:17:18,977 --> 00:17:21,438
Wow. A talking scarecrow.

287
00:17:21,563 --> 00:17:25,234
Wanna come with us to see the professor?
He might be able to give you a brain.

288
00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:28,070
Hey! That's not
a nice thing to say.

289
00:17:28,195 --> 00:17:31,198
Beer! Beer!

290
00:17:31,323 --> 00:17:33,075
Whiskey okay?

291
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:40,082
(GROANS) Now, did you say you're off
to see the professor?

292
00:17:40,207 --> 00:17:42,459
'Cause I could use a heart...
a human heart.

293
00:17:42,584 --> 00:17:44,962
I need to pump a lot of blood
out of my basement.

294
00:17:46,004 --> 00:17:48,340
And I'm the other guy, Courage.

295
00:17:48,423 --> 00:17:50,801
Not enough of it.
Need some from what's-his-name.

296
00:17:55,597 --> 00:17:57,558
Damn this D.S.L.!

297
00:17:58,976 --> 00:18:01,353
(CACKLING)

298
00:18:01,478 --> 00:18:03,313
Fly, my stupids!

299
00:18:03,438 --> 00:18:05,315
Fly out and get them!

300
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,902
But, Mommy, you promised
you'd bake monkey cake today.

301
00:18:09,027 --> 00:18:11,488
By "monkey cake,"
I meant your ass!

302
00:18:12,739 --> 00:18:15,576
(ALL GROAN, CHITTERING)

303
00:18:17,202 --> 00:18:19,204
Man, we've been skipping for hours.

304
00:18:19,329 --> 00:18:21,165
I need to pull over and take "The Wiz."

305
00:18:23,834 --> 00:18:26,378
What, do I smell or something?

306
00:18:27,212 --> 00:18:29,131
(MOANS)

307
00:18:30,924 --> 00:18:34,136
- Why did you bring us here?
- And why did I have to take a cab?

308
00:18:34,261 --> 00:18:38,390
I'll tell you why I brought you here,
you twice-baked barf bags!

309
00:18:38,473 --> 00:18:41,727
Because I've always wanted
a daughter to love.

310
00:18:41,852 --> 00:18:44,146
You wanna get adopted,
you little skank?

311
00:18:44,271 --> 00:18:47,316
And live here
and be a witch like you?

312
00:18:47,441 --> 00:18:49,234
Yeah, all right.

313
00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:52,779
As long as I get to hurt people
and not just dance around at the equinox.

314
00:18:52,863 --> 00:18:57,284
- Absolutely.
- Oh, Mommy! I found my true home!

315
00:18:57,367 --> 00:18:59,036
- (CHEERING)
- That's great, Leela!

316
00:18:59,495 --> 00:19:03,332
I've heard worse excuses
to drink. Oops!

317
00:19:03,415 --> 00:19:06,084
I'm melting! Oh!

318
00:19:06,210 --> 00:19:11,507
Who would have thought a small amount
of liquid would ever fall on me?

319
00:19:13,467 --> 00:19:16,470
Well, no point in
lettin' her go to waste.

320
00:19:26,230 --> 00:19:28,440
- Yes?
- We're here to see the professor.

321
00:19:28,565 --> 00:19:30,692
No one sees the mighty professor!

322
00:19:30,818 --> 00:19:33,403
FARNSWORTH: Who's there, Hermes?
Is it visitors?

323
00:19:33,487 --> 00:19:35,697
- I want to see them!
- It's nobody!

324
00:19:35,781 --> 00:19:38,575
Now sign that will I gave you!
He's not here.

325
00:19:38,951 --> 00:19:41,370
- Oh, for the love of Benji.
- (SCREAMS)

326
00:19:45,499 --> 00:19:47,584
(ALL GASP)

327
00:19:47,709 --> 00:19:49,670
I am the professor!

328
00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:52,965
Great and, uh, forgetful!

329
00:19:54,967 --> 00:19:57,094
(CHITTERING)

330
00:19:57,177 --> 00:19:59,763
Now, what do you nice kids want?

331
00:19:59,972 --> 00:20:01,849
Nothing! I'm leaving!

332
00:20:01,932 --> 00:20:05,352
But if you have extra courage,
I'd haul it away for you maybe?

333
00:20:05,477 --> 00:20:08,480
Oh, blithery poop,
my cowardly lobster!

334
00:20:08,605 --> 00:20:10,190
You don't need courage.

335
00:20:10,315 --> 00:20:15,487
After all, who needs courage
when you have a gun?

336
00:20:15,612 --> 00:20:18,365
(IMITATING GUNFIRE)

337
00:20:18,490 --> 00:20:20,868
Now, world. You put your hands up!

338
00:20:20,993 --> 00:20:24,079
And you, lad, all you need is a brain.

339
00:20:24,204 --> 00:20:25,956
Why does everyone keep saying that?

340
00:20:26,081 --> 00:20:28,292
This is a stickup!

341
00:20:28,417 --> 00:20:30,294
Give me the bag, old man!

342
00:20:30,419 --> 00:20:33,922
(CHUCKLES) Here you go, my friend.

343
00:20:34,047 --> 00:20:37,301
Five thousand
Professor Land fun bucks.

344
00:20:37,426 --> 00:20:39,344
Oh, crap.

345
00:20:39,469 --> 00:20:42,264
As for you, young lady,

346
00:20:42,389 --> 00:20:44,349
you want to go home, right?

347
00:20:44,474 --> 00:20:48,312
No, not anymore. I want to stay here
and become the new wicked witch.

348
00:20:48,437 --> 00:20:53,108
Nonsense! Now click your big honking
boots together three times,

349
00:20:53,233 --> 00:20:55,527
and wish to go home to Kansas

350
00:20:55,652 --> 00:20:59,865
to live in poverty with your dirt-farming,
teetotaling aunt and uncle.

351
00:20:59,948 --> 00:21:02,784
Uh, all right.
Here I go.

352
00:21:06,497 --> 00:21:10,000
There's no place like...
I wanna be a witch!

353
00:21:10,459 --> 00:21:12,419
(ALL GASP)

354
00:21:14,171 --> 00:21:16,757
(CACKLING)

355
00:21:19,301 --> 00:21:22,679
Oh, no! Help!
What's happening?

356
00:21:22,804 --> 00:21:26,975
Uh, sorry. I think there's a problem
with your upstairs toilet.

357
00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:29,895
(SHUDDERING)

358
00:21:32,356 --> 00:21:35,025
- Wake up!
- (COUGHS)

359
00:21:35,150 --> 00:21:37,820
Leela, are you all right?
You got wanged on the head.

360
00:21:37,945 --> 00:21:40,739
I was having
the most wonderful dream,

361
00:21:40,864 --> 00:21:44,201
except you were there,
and you were there, and you were there.

362
00:21:44,326 --> 00:21:46,411
Never mind, Professor.
She came to.

363
00:21:46,537 --> 00:21:49,039
Oh, so close.

364
00:21:49,122 --> 00:21:51,124
There's always next year, Professor.

365
00:21:51,208 --> 00:21:53,460
There's always next year.

366
00:21:56,922 --> 00:21:58,966
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)