(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
Up next, daring daylight robbery at a municipal swimming pool.
This is it. Turn me up.
Earlier today, a foul-mouthed bandit robbed the municipal pool
making off with the contents of over three lockers.
More like three lockers and a sink.
Bender, did you have something to do with this?
Of course not.
Holy spitz. He's sporting skintight Speedos.
They don't leave much to the imagination.
Actually on a robot, they sorta do.
One puny human got a look at the robber.
Here we go. Here we go.
Describing him as a short, nasty, muscular...
Yeah, make me famous, bighead.
...Caucasian human male.
What?
(AMY GASPS)
Hey! Now what am I supposed to watch and drink all day?
This is an outrage.
What's the point of pulling the biggest pool caper ever
if nobody knows you did it?
Well, there's the material rewards.
You mean this junk?
BOY: Whee!
All I ever wanted was for people to remember my name.
(SOBS)
It's Bender.
Oh, fuff!
Why bother remembering anything?
You're just going to forget it five seconds later.
BENDER: It's so unfair.
A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook
doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela.
(SOBS)
If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.
(BOARD SQUEAKING)
Boy, I've never seen him so down, or ever before.
How does a nobody like me get famous?
(GASPS) I know.
Hey, look. I'm stuck, but I haven't given up hope.
Call a soft-news journalist.
You're not stuck.
Shut up.
- (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) - (PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Hey, everybody, do the "Bender."
This move's called the "Bender."
Yo, Hot Wheels, this circle's about free expression not fascist moves.
(BENDER YELLING)
(GASPS) A blank wall. Fame is mine.
- (RATTLING) - (LAUGHING)
- (DOG BARKING) - (SPRAY-PAINT HISSING)
There. Now no one will forget how I live or my attitude regarding butt.
(VEHICLE PULLS UP)
All right, ladies. Let's flush these artists' lofts straights to hell.
- (BEEPING) - (EXPLOSION)
(DRAMATICALLY) No!
(MEN LAUGHING)
I'm the first one to work. A new low.
- ALL: Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender.
(GASPS) A surprise funeral, for me?
We just wanted to show you that you really will be remembered.
Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor.
Ooh! Cushiony. And a minibar.
(PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE)
Dearly beloved, we are here today to remember Bender,
taken from us in the prime of life
when he was crushed by a runaway semi
driven by the Incredible Hulk.
Aw! You knew my favorite cause of death.
Now let us each remember the best things about Bender, in our own way.
Professor?
(COUGHING)
Your standard bending unit is made of an iron-osmium alloy.
But Bender was different.
Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity.
It's what made me me.
If you ever needed a small package brought into the country
without a lot of X-raying and such,
Bender always had a free body cavity.
The professor's was better.
Bender, shush. You're supposed to be dead.
Say more about how great I am. And where's the crying?
You people look like you're waiting for the bus.
(BLOWS TRUMPET)
(SINGING) Oh, Danny boy, the pipes
The pipes are calling
Who-y boy?
From glen to glen, and down...
Danny boy?
You're at my funeral, singing about some dead stiff named Danny boy?
You really are a massive bonehead.
I'm expressing my sorrow.
Get lost.
I'd say, "Don't quit your day job," but you're awful at that, too.
We're trying our best.
Your best is an idiot.
Let's pick it up, people. So far, it's been crap after crap.
I croaked. Now, show me some love.
Bender was a truly special...
BENDER: Louder and sadder.
Bender was a truly special...
BENDER: Next.
(AMY SOBBING)
- Dear Lord... - BENDER: Oh, next.
(SINGING) Oh, Danny boy...
Come on. Surely there must be someone here who knows how great I was.
Yes, there is, Bender.
Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people,
but looking back, the number one thing I can say about him is this,
and simply this.
Bender was my friend.
What? That's it?
Who are you? You're nobody.
This is the worst funeral ever.
I hope you're all happy.
You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living
by showing how bad my funeral will suck.
I know whose funeral we'll be attending next.
Oh, stop.
News, everyone.
Today you're going to O'Cyris IV to deliver this enormous sandstone block.
I thought something looked different in here.
(BENDER GRUMBLES INCOHERENTLY)
Hi. We have a giant stone to deliver. Sign here.
Ah! Very nice. Much like the ten million identical stones
already used in the future tomb of our great Pharaoh Hermenthotip.
Impressive. Who's building it?
- You. - Say again?
You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hermenthotip.
Guards.
Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.
You know, the worst thing about being a slave,
they make you work but they don't pay you or let you go.
That's the only thing about being a slave.
Attention. You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hermenthotip,
heir to the tenth dynasty,
bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods.
Incredible. This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day.
That is no coincidence.
For our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago.
I knew it. Insane theories: one. Regular theories: a billion.
We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians.
Such as pyramid building, space travel,
and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.
(LAUGHING)
Also Wolfman.
(BENDER WHISTLES APPRECIATIVELY)
Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die.
Are you crazy?
They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments.
Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe,
you're gonna remember him.
(SLAVE CRIES OUT)
I think I'm gonna like it here.
Yeah, I noticed your sign and I thought I'd come over...
(CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
What we do is make you starve to death.
(GRUNTS)
- One, two, three, pull. - (ALL STRAINING)
Oh! Bloody chunder.
Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job.
Master, do we have to count to three every time?
Couldn't we count to one? Or better yet, one-half?
Good idea, slave. One-half, pull. One-half, pull.
Now we're slaving.
(STRAINING)
Come on, guys.
Pharaoh's counting on us. Work faster. Like this.
(PANTING)
You call that motivating me?
Don't just whip with your arms.
The power comes from your hips. Like this.
Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers.
Yeah. Remember who your real friends are.
I'll tell you who I remember.
Enupsis. Pleotut. What's-his-name.
He was the greatest of all.
(BUGLE BLOWS)
Pharaoh Hermenthotip approaches.
(SLAVES STRAINING, MOANING)
Hurry, hurry. Pharaoh's coming. Get that nose in place. Come on.
(ALL GRUNTING, STRAINING)
Excellent work. I'm very proud of all you slaves.
(ALL MUTTERING)
Whoo hoo! Viva Hermenthotip.
And now, I have a grand announcement.
In honor of your achievement, you're all hereby...
(ALL GASP)
No!
(BENDER STRAINING)
Tell the slaves they can all go...
Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy.
No. I mean, they're all free.
Freeloading off you? I agree.
No, I...
(GASPS FOR BREATH)
Pharaoh Hermenthotip is dead.
He's whipping angels now.
(SOBBING)
(SLAVES STRAINING)
We commend the body of the great Hermenthotip
to the abode of the damned.
The damned good-looking.
Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral.
(SLAVES STRAINING)
I'll always remember you, Hermenthotip.
To equip Pharaoh for his journey, we bury him with his favorite possessions.
Such as his heart and liver.
And the many goods he left in his royal garage.
Also this bag of cats our culture considers holy.
(CATS MEOWING)
(PLAYING UPBEAT PIANO TUNE)
(SINGING) Pharaoh, my god king, You are cold and deceased
I used to have him sing
P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets
But the years went by And Pharaoh died
Susie will have joined him In the afterlife
Hermenthotip is gone.
The time to designate a new Pharaoh is at hand.
Wow.
At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy
to determine Hermenthotip's successor.
Whoo!
That concludes the funeral.
You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
Can you believe it? Pharaoh's dead.
Yes. Tonight we are slaves to no one. Except the rhythm.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)
Yeah. Play those bongos.
I'm gonna spin till I fall down.
Whoo!
(LAUGHS MISCHIEVOUSLY)
(BOTH BARKING)
We interrupt this ancient prophecy to bring you a late-breaking bulletin.
(GROANING)
Great Wall of Prophecy.
Reveal to us God's will that we may blindly obey.
ALL: Free us from thought and responsibility.
We shall read things off you.
ALL: Then do them.
Your words guide us.
ALL: We're dumb.
You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours.
The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn at best.
It indicates that we are here...
...and our next Pharaoh is over there, near some tents.
BENDER: Those are waves, jackass. It's supposed to be a river.
Hey, I think I know who the next Pharaoh is.
Oh, Lord.
We hear your voice, great Pharaoh. Reveal yourself to us.
Behold. I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.
(ALL GASP)
It is he, just as the Wall of Prophecy prophesied.
Long live Pharaoh Bender.
ALL: Long live Pharaoh Bender.
This society is a bunch of idiots.
People of O'Cyris IV.
Please welcome a man who started as a slave,
but worked his way up to lord of all creation.
Our new Pharaoh, Bender.
(ALL CHEERING)
Citizens of me. The cruelty of the old Pharaoh is a thing of the past.
(ALL CHEERING)
Let a whole new wave of cruelty wash over this lazy land.
(ALL CHEERING)
- ALL: Huh? - What? What did he say?
BENDER: Hear the word of Pharaoh.
Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion.
One billion cubits in height
that I might be remembered for all eternity.
And be quick about it.
(SLAVES GROANING)
(SLAVE STRAINING)
Lowly slave. Why are you not working?
I am.
I meant, "Yourself to death?"
Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe.
Well, then, what do you think you should stop doing?
Crawl, pigs.
LEELA: Ow!
The Pharaoh has spoken.
(STRAINING)
Your task is nearly completed. Don't let down Pharaoh now.
The great monument is finished, oh, Pharaoh.
And now the unveiling.
BENDER: Hmm.
Remember me.
Does it please you, my lord?
BENDER: Mmm.
It's a good start.
Yeah, it's definitely big, all right.
I just wonder if it's too big, you know?
I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue?
But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications.
Too exact, if you ask me.
Tear it down and try again.
But this time, don't embarrass yourselves.
(ALL MURMURING)
Yeah. That's right.
What...
(MUFFLED PROTESTS)
Ladies and gentlemen, the Pharaoh suddenly died.
ALL: Yay!
Good riddance.
BENDER: What about my servants?
- Yeah. - Right.
(LEELA AND FRY GRUNTING)
(LEELA AND FRY GRUNT)
Bender, I really hope that's you, because if it isn't...
(WHEEZING)
we're in trouble.
You jerk. Why'd you have to drag us along?
I wanted to watch you remember me.
Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife?
Afterlife?
(SCOFFS) If I thought I had to go through a whole another life,
I'd kill myself right now.
Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving.
Sorry, but we're totally sealed in.
Nothing can get in or out except millions of snakes.
Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery
and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender.
What proof is this? Some huge number?
It's explosive.
Maybe we could escape by setting fire to the distillery
and blowing this place to rubble.
Let's get a little kindling going.
No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered.
Oh, right. How selfish of me.
We'll just stay here forever.
Hey, Fry, remember that robot, Bender?
Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell.
(GASPS)
Did you hear something, Leela?
No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing.
Stop it. Stop it. It's not right. You've crossed a line!
Hey, Leela, you know who I remember?
Oh, please let it be me.
That guy who used to bend things, you know?
- Me? Please? - Hermes.
All right, all right.
If it means that much to you, blow up my statue.
Oh, Bender. When did you come in? Hold still.
(BENDER MUTTERING)
Let's blow this tomb.
(BENDER SCREAMING)
Pharaoh Bender. He once more walks among the living.
How we doing?
Remember me.
I will. I will.
(SOBBING)
Please just leave me alone.
(WAILING)
Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered,
but you don't need a statue for that.
I don't?
No.
You have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator,
and that will outlive any monument.
(SNIFFLES)
You really think they'll remember me?
Absolutely.
Well, in that case, one planet down.
Helmsmen, set course for Earth.
(LAUGHS EVILLY)
LEELA: That's not Earth.
BENDER: Oh.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)