1
00:00:02,551 --> 00:00:04,553
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:00:29,453 --> 00:00:31,663
(CLAPPING IN RHYTHM)

3
00:00:31,747 --> 00:00:33,332
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

4
00:00:33,415 --> 00:00:35,334
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

5
00:00:35,417 --> 00:00:38,253
There's no denying it, the future's crazy.

6
00:00:38,337 --> 00:00:40,005
Oh, well, don't want to stand out.

7
00:00:40,088 --> 00:00:42,090
BOTH: Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

8
00:00:42,174 --> 00:00:43,926
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

9
00:00:44,009 --> 00:00:45,802
There's nothing crazy about it.

10
00:00:45,886 --> 00:00:47,971
It's just Freedom Day.

11
00:00:48,055 --> 00:00:49,890
(TRILLING)

12
00:00:55,479 --> 00:00:56,813
So, what is Freedom Day?

13
00:00:56,897 --> 00:00:59,441
Sounds like some kind
of feminine hygiene product.

14
00:00:59,524 --> 00:01:02,653
No. It's a fabulous, crabulous day!

15
00:01:02,778 --> 00:01:04,696
If you want to do something, you do it,

16
00:01:04,780 --> 00:01:06,281
and to spleck with the consequences!

17
00:01:06,365 --> 00:01:07,449
(SEAGULL SQUAWKS)

18
00:01:07,532 --> 00:01:09,618
You know, like how I live every day.

19
00:01:10,702 --> 00:01:11,912
(GROANS)

20
00:01:11,995 --> 00:01:14,081
(ALL CHUCKLING)

21
00:01:14,164 --> 00:01:15,582
Happy Freedom Day!

22
00:01:15,666 --> 00:01:17,918
Oh, I think my wrist is broken.

23
00:01:18,043 --> 00:01:20,295
Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day

24
00:01:20,379 --> 00:01:22,172
without the traditional freedom tub.

25
00:01:22,255 --> 00:01:23,256
(BEEP)

26
00:01:25,008 --> 00:01:26,426
LEELA: Ooh.
BENDER: Wow, baby.

27
00:01:26,510 --> 00:01:29,638
Mm, that'll feel nice
on my shattered bones.

28
00:01:31,598 --> 00:01:32,933
(GASPS)

29
00:01:33,517 --> 00:01:35,269
Wow, nude hot-tubbing?

30
00:01:35,352 --> 00:01:37,813
That's all I need to hear
about Freedom Day.

31
00:01:37,896 --> 00:01:40,857
Then consider
the following lecture a bonus.

32
00:01:40,941 --> 00:01:42,734
On Earth, freedom is a given.

33
00:01:42,818 --> 00:01:45,570
But on my planet,
we have to suffer for it.

34
00:01:46,989 --> 00:01:50,492
Sure, you can be a comedian
instead of a doctor,

35
00:01:50,575 --> 00:01:53,912
if you want your parents
to roll over in their graves!

36
00:01:56,081 --> 00:01:58,417
Sure, you can vote for Shknadel,

37
00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:01,044
if you want there should be a recession!

38
00:02:02,754 --> 00:02:05,257
Sure, you can go to medical school,

39
00:02:05,340 --> 00:02:07,926
if you've given up
on your dream of being a comedian!

40
00:02:10,470 --> 00:02:13,515
That's why I love Earth.
You can do what you want

41
00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:16,810
and no one makes you feel guilty
because no one cares.

42
00:02:16,893 --> 00:02:18,437
We're not listening!

43
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:20,731
That's what I'm talking about.

44
00:02:35,662 --> 00:02:38,290
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERS)

45
00:02:42,961 --> 00:02:44,671
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

46
00:02:44,755 --> 00:02:46,548
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

47
00:02:52,638 --> 00:02:54,097
BENDER: Excuse me, coming through!

48
00:02:54,181 --> 00:02:55,849
Freedom Train arriving on track one.

49
00:02:55,933 --> 00:02:57,392
(TOOTS)

50
00:02:57,476 --> 00:03:00,145
- Ow, you broke my foot!
- Freedom!

51
00:03:00,228 --> 00:03:02,189
What's this next float, Linda?

52
00:03:02,272 --> 00:03:05,817
Representing our men, women
and children in uniform,

53
00:03:05,901 --> 00:03:09,321
it's Earth's greatest space hero,
Zapp Brannigan.

54
00:03:09,404 --> 00:03:11,490
Happy Freedom Day, ladies.

55
00:03:11,573 --> 00:03:14,117
Come on, let loose and show me something.

56
00:03:14,201 --> 00:03:16,995
Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit.

57
00:03:17,079 --> 00:03:18,163
(SIGHS)

58
00:03:18,246 --> 00:03:20,582
Oh, yeah. Thank you, Linda.

59
00:03:22,042 --> 00:03:23,210
You're welcome!

60
00:03:23,293 --> 00:03:25,295
Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn.

61
00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:28,131
If that is your Freedom Day wish...

62
00:03:28,548 --> 00:03:30,217
(HORRIFIED SCREAMING)

63
00:03:32,511 --> 00:03:35,681
(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

64
00:03:39,351 --> 00:03:40,978
(TECHNO MUSIC FADES)

65
00:03:41,061 --> 00:03:43,814
Thank you, Secretary of Transportation.

66
00:03:43,897 --> 00:03:45,399
My fellow Earthicans...

67
00:03:45,482 --> 00:03:48,902
We enjoy so much freedom,
it's almost sickening.

68
00:03:48,986 --> 00:03:53,156
We're free to choose which hand
our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in.

69
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,325
And if we don't want to pay our taxes

70
00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:59,079
why, we're free to spend a weekend
with the Pain Monster.

71
00:03:59,162 --> 00:04:01,290
(CHEERILY) See you April 15, folks!

72
00:04:01,373 --> 00:04:03,709
Cue the fireworks guy.

73
00:04:03,792 --> 00:04:05,210
(ROCKET WHISTLING)

74
00:04:08,547 --> 00:04:09,756
(FIREWORKS EXPLODING)

75
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,426
- Ooh...
- Ah...

76
00:04:12,509 --> 00:04:15,304
Incidentally, tonight's
Freedom Day celebration

77
00:04:15,387 --> 00:04:16,930
is brought to you by

78
00:04:17,681 --> 00:04:19,850
Shankman's Rubbing Compound.

79
00:04:19,933 --> 00:04:22,603
When something needs rubbing,
think Shankman.

80
00:04:22,686 --> 00:04:24,688
- (EXCITED CHEERING)
- Yeah, Shankman!

81
00:04:24,771 --> 00:04:26,732
It costs a little more, but it's worth it.

82
00:04:26,857 --> 00:04:30,193
Our planet has been through
so much this past year,

83
00:04:30,277 --> 00:04:32,738
wars, droughts, impeachments,

84
00:04:32,821 --> 00:04:36,992
but we've never lost our sense
of what's truly important,

85
00:04:37,075 --> 00:04:39,578
the great taste of Charleston Chew.

86
00:04:39,661 --> 00:04:42,247
(FIREWORKS EXPLODING)

87
00:04:42,331 --> 00:04:44,082
And now, let us salute

88
00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:47,711
that beloved symbol of freedom, our flag,

89
00:04:47,794 --> 00:04:49,671
Ol' Freebie.

90
00:04:49,755 --> 00:04:52,633
(EARTH NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYS)

91
00:04:52,716 --> 00:04:55,052
(ALL CHEERING)

92
00:04:55,135 --> 00:04:57,888
I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

93
00:04:59,514 --> 00:05:00,766
In our darkest hour,

94
00:05:00,849 --> 00:05:04,603
we can stand erect
with proud, upthrust bosoms...

95
00:05:04,686 --> 00:05:06,355
Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

96
00:05:06,438 --> 00:05:09,399
...knowing that,
with a shifty glance skyward,

97
00:05:09,483 --> 00:05:12,653
we will see by the rocket's red glare

98
00:05:12,736 --> 00:05:15,989
that our flag is still there.

99
00:05:16,073 --> 00:05:17,491
It's gone!

100
00:05:19,534 --> 00:05:21,203
(SLURPING)

101
00:05:21,286 --> 00:05:22,287
(BURPS)

102
00:05:22,371 --> 00:05:23,413
(ALL GASPING)

103
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:26,375
Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag!

104
00:05:26,458 --> 00:05:28,377
And I did it with pride.

105
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:31,088
For to express oneself by doing a thing

106
00:05:31,171 --> 00:05:33,882
is the very essence of Freedom Day.

107
00:05:33,966 --> 00:05:37,719
Bless this planet
and all its wonderful people.

108
00:05:37,803 --> 00:05:40,264
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

109
00:05:40,347 --> 00:05:41,515
Kill him!

110
00:05:41,598 --> 00:05:43,225
Kill the traitor!

111
00:05:43,308 --> 00:05:44,643
(CROWD MUTTERS ANGRILY)

112
00:05:45,727 --> 00:05:47,354
(HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEK)

113
00:05:50,774 --> 00:05:53,277
(CROWD YELLING ANGRILY)

114
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,446
(WHOOPING)

115
00:05:56,738 --> 00:05:59,324
Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag!

116
00:05:59,408 --> 00:06:01,660
NIXON: Stop that Red menace!

117
00:06:01,743 --> 00:06:05,664
(WHOOPING)

118
00:06:11,795 --> 00:06:13,005
(PANTING)

119
00:06:13,088 --> 00:06:14,631
(WHOOPING BREATHLESSLY)

120
00:06:14,715 --> 00:06:16,008
(PANTING)

121
00:06:16,091 --> 00:06:17,676
Oh, I'm all scuttled out.

122
00:06:17,759 --> 00:06:18,760
What?

123
00:06:18,844 --> 00:06:21,054
My planet's embassy?

124
00:06:21,138 --> 00:06:22,806
They're paid to not kill me.

125
00:06:27,019 --> 00:06:28,604
(WHOOPING)

126
00:06:28,770 --> 00:06:29,771
(CROWD YELLING ANGRILY)

127
00:06:29,855 --> 00:06:31,023
(BEEP)

128
00:06:32,065 --> 00:06:34,234
I thought I understood this world.

129
00:06:34,318 --> 00:06:36,320
I thought I was fitting in.

130
00:06:36,403 --> 00:06:38,947
But I guess I don't belong here
any more than I do

131
00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:40,449
on our crappy home planet.

132
00:06:40,532 --> 00:06:41,533
Ooh, sorry.

133
00:06:41,617 --> 00:06:44,494
What, sorry? Our planet stinks.
We all know it.

134
00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:47,080
Enough with the persecution, I'm saying.

135
00:06:47,164 --> 00:06:50,417
Zoidberg, as Ambassador,
I promise you the full support

136
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:52,127
of our government already.

137
00:06:52,210 --> 00:06:55,797
Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa?

138
00:06:58,008 --> 00:07:01,762
Ambassador Moivin,
you and your staff are so kind.

139
00:07:01,845 --> 00:07:03,597
I am truly humbled.

140
00:07:04,765 --> 00:07:06,391
What, no marshmallows?

141
00:07:06,475 --> 00:07:08,060
(CROWD YELLING ANGRILY)

142
00:07:08,143 --> 00:07:10,020
Let's storm the place!

143
00:07:10,103 --> 00:07:11,521
Without my prior knowledge.

144
00:07:11,647 --> 00:07:14,024
BENDER: Coming through,
Freedom Train, step aside.

145
00:07:14,107 --> 00:07:15,609
You, too, Fatso, freedom!

146
00:07:15,692 --> 00:07:17,110
Cool your jowls, Nixon.

147
00:07:17,194 --> 00:07:20,364
You may not like it that
Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag.

148
00:07:20,447 --> 00:07:23,325
You may even find the image
of it festering in his bowels

149
00:07:23,408 --> 00:07:24,660
somehow offensive,

150
00:07:24,743 --> 00:07:26,787
but the right to freedom of expression

151
00:07:26,870 --> 00:07:29,039
is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution.

152
00:07:29,122 --> 00:07:31,458
(GROWLS) Maybe so.

153
00:07:31,541 --> 00:07:34,586
But I know a place where
the Constitution doesn't mean squat.

154
00:07:36,672 --> 00:07:41,134
The Supreme Court hereby accepts
the case of Earth v. Zoidberg.

155
00:07:41,218 --> 00:07:42,261
Sock it to 'em!

156
00:07:47,182 --> 00:07:51,270
(CHANTING) Two, four, six, eight,
eating the flag is bad.

157
00:07:51,770 --> 00:07:55,190
Now, your noose knot
has exactly seven twists.

158
00:07:55,274 --> 00:07:56,608
(SINGING) You can eat my dog

159
00:07:56,692 --> 00:07:58,026
You can eat my truck

160
00:07:58,110 --> 00:08:00,821
But you eat my flag
and you're out of luck

161
00:08:00,904 --> 00:08:03,740
She's a-waving proud around the world

162
00:08:03,824 --> 00:08:06,243
From Dallas to Fort Worth

163
00:08:06,326 --> 00:08:07,703
Let me say it again...

164
00:08:07,786 --> 00:08:08,912
(HORN BLOWS)

165
00:08:08,996 --> 00:08:10,163
ALL: Don't mess with Earth!

166
00:08:10,247 --> 00:08:11,832
They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg.

167
00:08:11,915 --> 00:08:15,377
Posers. I was hating Zoidberg
before it was cool.

168
00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:18,422
Where are we ever going to find
a lawyer to take his case?

169
00:08:18,505 --> 00:08:20,090
I'll ask the head of the ACLU,

170
00:08:20,173 --> 00:08:21,341
once he's done singing.

171
00:08:21,425 --> 00:08:25,262
Don't mess with Earth

172
00:08:25,345 --> 00:08:27,472
Kill Zoidberg! Good night!

173
00:08:27,556 --> 00:08:28,974
MAN: Howdy there.

174
00:08:29,057 --> 00:08:32,227
I'm a lawyer, and I'd like
to help your friend out of this pickle.

175
00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:33,353
Who are you, old man?

176
00:08:33,437 --> 00:08:35,022
Name's Old Man Waterfall,

177
00:08:35,105 --> 00:08:37,774
but most folks just call me "Old Man."

178
00:08:37,858 --> 00:08:39,276
I'll never remember that.

179
00:08:39,359 --> 00:08:41,278
I'm a veteran of three dozen wars.

180
00:08:41,361 --> 00:08:43,113
Name a body part and a planet

181
00:08:43,196 --> 00:08:45,365
and I've taken a bullet in it, on it,

182
00:08:45,449 --> 00:08:48,368
all to keep our flag flyin' free.

183
00:08:48,452 --> 00:08:51,288
And you want to defend Zoidberg?

184
00:08:51,371 --> 00:08:53,582
Are you familiar
with the old robot saying...

185
00:08:53,665 --> 00:08:55,250
(MONOTONE) "Does not compute"?

186
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:57,836
Son, to me, a robot's just a garbage can

187
00:08:57,919 --> 00:08:59,254
with sparks coming out of it.

188
00:08:59,338 --> 00:09:01,173
The sparks keep me warm.

189
00:09:01,256 --> 00:09:03,550
I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did

190
00:09:03,634 --> 00:09:06,803
but I'll fight tooth and nail
for his freedom to do it.

191
00:09:06,887 --> 00:09:09,556
Or, I would, if I hadn't lost
my teeth and nails

192
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,642
on Mars and Saturn, respectively.

193
00:09:11,725 --> 00:09:14,686
Wait, you're a lawyer? You're hired!

194
00:09:20,317 --> 00:09:22,319
You okay there in the Embassy, Zoidberg?

195
00:09:22,402 --> 00:09:24,988
No. There's no cocoa marshmallows.

196
00:09:25,072 --> 00:09:28,408
And every night, the rats eat
a little more of my foot.

197
00:09:28,492 --> 00:09:29,785
Oyez, oyez, oyez.

198
00:09:29,868 --> 00:09:32,287
All rise for the Honorable Chief
Justice Myrtle Fu

199
00:09:32,371 --> 00:09:33,747
and the Associate Justices.

200
00:09:34,665 --> 00:09:35,916
(GROANS)

201
00:09:35,999 --> 00:09:38,210
(WHEELS SQUEAKING)

202
00:09:45,425 --> 00:09:47,511
Counsel, you may address
the court on behalf of Earth

203
00:09:47,594 --> 00:09:48,595
if you're ready.

204
00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:50,639
I was hatched ready.

205
00:09:51,139 --> 00:09:56,186
Honorable Judgeheads,
yonder crawdad done et up our flag.

206
00:09:56,270 --> 00:10:00,065
I was doing freedom of speech.
Earth's most sacred right.

207
00:10:00,148 --> 00:10:04,403
Your Honor, freedom of speech
applies to what comes out of a mouth,

208
00:10:04,486 --> 00:10:05,946
not what goes in.

209
00:10:06,029 --> 00:10:07,447
Can Counsel cite precedent?

210
00:10:07,531 --> 00:10:08,991
Uh, yes, darlin', I can.

211
00:10:09,074 --> 00:10:12,703
In State of Alabama
vs. Giant Space Iguana,

212
00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:16,790
chewing the corners off the Constitution
was deemed nonprotected speech.

213
00:10:16,873 --> 00:10:18,792
He shut you up, O'Connor.

214
00:10:18,875 --> 00:10:19,876
(CHUCKLES)

215
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,169
CHIEF JUSTICE FU: Mr. Waterfall,

216
00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:24,214
you may now present arguments
on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg.

217
00:10:24,298 --> 00:10:26,049
Oh, God, I'm nervous.

218
00:10:26,133 --> 00:10:28,260
Two of my three hearts are having attacks.

219
00:10:28,343 --> 00:10:29,344
(LAUGHS)

220
00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,805
Court's kind of fun
when it's not my ass on the line.

221
00:10:31,888 --> 00:10:32,889
Nachos?

222
00:10:33,307 --> 00:10:35,183
Oh, Land O' Goshen.

223
00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:38,854
Your Honors, I'm not
some slick, big-city lawyer

224
00:10:38,937 --> 00:10:40,314
like my opponent here...

225
00:10:40,397 --> 00:10:41,481
(CLUCKING)

226
00:10:41,565 --> 00:10:44,443
...but I am a veteran
who has fought for his planet.

227
00:10:44,526 --> 00:10:45,652
You see this hand of mine?

228
00:10:45,736 --> 00:10:46,737
Yes, I do.

229
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:49,781
No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand

230
00:10:49,865 --> 00:10:52,576
planting the flag
when we took back Halley's Comet.

231
00:10:52,659 --> 00:10:56,371
Yet it was worth it,
so much do I love that flag.

232
00:10:56,747 --> 00:10:58,749
- Aw...
- (SNIFFLING)

233
00:10:58,832 --> 00:11:01,835
I love it even more
than I love my seven wives.

234
00:11:01,918 --> 00:11:03,629
That's right, I'm a polygamist.

235
00:11:03,712 --> 00:11:05,422
(ALL BOOING)

236
00:11:05,505 --> 00:11:08,800
Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself,

237
00:11:08,884 --> 00:11:11,053
had I not used my intestine as a rope

238
00:11:11,136 --> 00:11:13,472
to hoist a flag made of my own skin,

239
00:11:13,555 --> 00:11:16,975
if it would protect the freedoms
of the proud people

240
00:11:17,059 --> 00:11:18,393
who salute that flag.

241
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:20,479
(CHEERING)

242
00:11:20,562 --> 00:11:22,272
Freedoms such as polygamy.

243
00:11:22,356 --> 00:11:23,941
(BOOING)

244
00:11:24,024 --> 00:11:25,651
I rest my case.

245
00:11:27,069 --> 00:11:28,111
Whoa, geez.

246
00:11:28,195 --> 00:11:32,866
The Justices and I will now confer
using high-speed telepathy.

247
00:11:34,451 --> 00:11:36,036
(ALARM BEEPING)

248
00:11:37,287 --> 00:11:39,039
(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)

249
00:11:43,126 --> 00:11:45,545
(ELECTRICAL BUZZING CONTINUES)

250
00:11:47,631 --> 00:11:49,383
(ELECTRICAL BUZZING STOPS)

251
00:11:50,968 --> 00:11:54,638
By a vote of six to three,
we find that flag-eating

252
00:11:54,721 --> 00:11:57,307
is not protected by the Constitution.

253
00:11:57,391 --> 00:11:59,017
(ALL GASPING)

254
00:11:59,101 --> 00:12:01,561
Six to three? I beat the spread.

255
00:12:01,645 --> 00:12:04,815
The court orders
an immediate public apology.

256
00:12:04,898 --> 00:12:06,275
Apology accepted.

257
00:12:06,358 --> 00:12:08,151
Just don't let it happen again.

258
00:12:08,235 --> 00:12:10,320
She means you, you turkey of the sea.

259
00:12:10,404 --> 00:12:13,073
Me, apologize? Never!

260
00:12:13,156 --> 00:12:16,576
I came to this planet to learn
the meaning of freedom!

261
00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:19,496
But I say it's you
who should get a nice lesson!

262
00:12:19,579 --> 00:12:22,624
So, do your worst, because
no punishment could be bigger

263
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:24,459
than denying me my freedom!

264
00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:27,170
You are hereby sentenced to death.

265
00:12:27,713 --> 00:12:29,172
Wait, let me finish!

266
00:12:29,256 --> 00:12:30,799
(SHOCKED MURMURING)

267
00:12:30,882 --> 00:12:34,136
Also, in a rare double-whammy decision,

268
00:12:34,219 --> 00:12:36,555
the court finds polygamy constitutional.

269
00:12:37,055 --> 00:12:38,390
(BOOING)

270
00:12:38,473 --> 00:12:40,475
I can't wait to tell my husband.

271
00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:42,811
(LOUDER BOOING)

272
00:12:43,854 --> 00:12:47,232
Remember, men, take him alive,
so there's something left to kill.

273
00:12:47,816 --> 00:12:49,818
(POUNDING)

274
00:12:50,902 --> 00:12:52,029
Stay back!

275
00:12:52,112 --> 00:12:55,991
This Embassy is sovereign mud
of the mud planet Decapod 10.

276
00:12:56,074 --> 00:12:59,328
Invading these mud premises
is an act of war!

277
00:12:59,411 --> 00:13:02,456
Yeah? Well, what are you going
to do about it, shrimpy?

278
00:13:02,539 --> 00:13:04,958
You want to see, Mr. Bigshot?

279
00:13:05,834 --> 00:13:07,252
Attack Earth!

280
00:13:08,086 --> 00:13:10,297
Yes, I know it's a shlep, just do it!

281
00:13:14,259 --> 00:13:15,385
(OFFICER CLEARS THROAT)

282
00:13:17,095 --> 00:13:19,097
(ENGINES ROARING)

283
00:13:21,183 --> 00:13:24,561
A-ha! Now the rubber band's
on the other claw!

284
00:13:24,645 --> 00:13:27,606
(TERRIFIED SCREAMING)

285
00:13:28,273 --> 00:13:30,150
Ready? Retreat!

286
00:13:39,910 --> 00:13:41,828
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

287
00:13:41,912 --> 00:13:43,664
(CLAWS SNIPPING)

288
00:13:49,252 --> 00:13:50,504
(SCREAMING)

289
00:13:50,587 --> 00:13:53,298
(SCREAMING AND YELLING)

290
00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:55,175
WOMAN: Shh!

291
00:13:55,259 --> 00:13:57,719
(PEOPLE SCREAMING SOFTLY AND WHIMPERING)

292
00:13:59,388 --> 00:14:01,223
DR. ZOIDBERG: Deny my freedom, will you?

293
00:14:01,306 --> 00:14:02,683
Well, we'll do to you

294
00:14:02,766 --> 00:14:05,310
what we did to the Squash Men
of the Squash Planet,

295
00:14:05,394 --> 00:14:06,478
squish them!

296
00:14:06,561 --> 00:14:07,729
(CHUCKLING)

297
00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:09,648
- Charleston Chew?
- You bet.

298
00:14:17,281 --> 00:14:19,449
All right, Kif, let's show these freaks

299
00:14:19,533 --> 00:14:22,744
what a bloated, runaway
military budget can do.

300
00:14:23,161 --> 00:14:25,956
Bring me the activation codes
for our global defense network.

301
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:27,457
Aye, aye, sir.

302
00:14:27,958 --> 00:14:29,334
(GRUNTING)

303
00:14:33,422 --> 00:14:34,423
(ELECTRONIC BEEPS)

304
00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:37,593
COMPUTER:
Commence lip identification scan.

305
00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:39,553
(KISSING)

306
00:14:39,636 --> 00:14:40,846
No tongue.

307
00:14:40,929 --> 00:14:42,306
(ELECTRONIC BEEPS)

308
00:14:42,389 --> 00:14:43,974
- (BELL TONE)
- (HISSING)

309
00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:46,268
(KISSING) Mm...

310
00:14:46,351 --> 00:14:48,395
We can't be too careful with these codes.

311
00:14:48,478 --> 00:14:51,982
Rumor has it, a double agent
may be aboard this very ship.

312
00:14:52,941 --> 00:14:54,484
I'm watching you.

313
00:14:54,818 --> 00:14:56,236
You, Ensign, what's your name?

314
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:57,654
Hugh Mann, sir.

315
00:14:57,738 --> 00:14:59,031
Hugh Mann.

316
00:14:59,114 --> 00:15:00,866
Now, that's a name I can trust.

317
00:15:00,949 --> 00:15:02,743
Run down to the central battle computer

318
00:15:02,826 --> 00:15:04,494
and enter these codes, chop-chop.

319
00:15:07,205 --> 00:15:09,958
KIF: Um, sir, there's something
about that Ensign...

320
00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:11,293
ZAPP: You're damn right there is.

321
00:15:11,376 --> 00:15:14,004
That strapping young lad's
gunning for your job,

322
00:15:14,379 --> 00:15:16,548
and he just might get it.

323
00:15:16,632 --> 00:15:17,633
(SIGHS)

324
00:15:18,175 --> 00:15:20,218
(RUMBLING)

325
00:15:21,511 --> 00:15:22,763
The enemy approacheth.

326
00:15:22,846 --> 00:15:26,224
Lieutenant, fire missile one
and recommend me for another medal.

327
00:15:26,308 --> 00:15:28,226
Make it gaudy, I'm going clubbing later.

328
00:15:28,310 --> 00:15:31,188
(BEEPING)

329
00:15:31,271 --> 00:15:32,397
Tick-tock.

330
00:15:32,481 --> 00:15:35,233
Sir, all planetary defenses
have been disabled.

331
00:15:35,317 --> 00:15:38,445
Perhaps the Decapodians
acquired our secret codes.

332
00:15:38,528 --> 00:15:39,529
Somehow.

333
00:15:39,613 --> 00:15:41,990
Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame.

334
00:15:42,532 --> 00:15:44,284
Steady... Steady...

335
00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:46,119
- Now!
- (GASPS)

336
00:15:47,663 --> 00:15:50,332
(ZAPP AND KIF SCREAMING)

337
00:15:50,415 --> 00:15:51,667
(EXPLOSION)

338
00:15:57,798 --> 00:15:59,800
(ALL GROANING)

339
00:16:04,388 --> 00:16:05,472
Dr. Zoidberg,

340
00:16:05,555 --> 00:16:08,976
how can you claim to love freedom
and then enslave all of Earth?

341
00:16:09,059 --> 00:16:11,311
Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom

342
00:16:11,395 --> 00:16:13,730
until it learns what it is
to not have freedom.

343
00:16:13,814 --> 00:16:15,232
It's a lesson, I say.

344
00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:17,234
Ow!

345
00:16:17,317 --> 00:16:19,861
What the hell is this dirt pile
we're building, anyhow?

346
00:16:19,945 --> 00:16:21,613
None of your beeswax, slave.

347
00:16:21,697 --> 00:16:23,198
You'll find out soon enough.

348
00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:25,367
Just focus on globbing that mud.

349
00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:27,202
Glob!

350
00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:30,455
(GRUNTING AND PANTING)

351
00:16:35,294 --> 00:16:36,795
I'm not good at being a slave.

352
00:16:36,878 --> 00:16:38,505
I'm thinking about graduate school.

353
00:16:38,588 --> 00:16:40,007
You know, to become a barber.

354
00:16:40,090 --> 00:16:41,216
This can't go on.

355
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,427
Today is the day we fight back!

356
00:16:43,510 --> 00:16:45,512
It's already 10:00.

357
00:16:45,596 --> 00:16:46,972
Oh, you're right.

358
00:16:47,055 --> 00:16:48,890
Tomorrow is the day we fight back.

359
00:16:48,974 --> 00:16:50,976
Yeah? Well, good luck, sister.

360
00:16:51,059 --> 00:16:53,270
All our modern technology is useless.

361
00:16:53,353 --> 00:16:54,563
I know I am.

362
00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:58,525
(SNORING)

363
00:16:58,609 --> 00:17:01,069
Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things.

364
00:17:01,153 --> 00:17:03,238
You know, a headache with pictures.

365
00:17:03,322 --> 00:17:04,323
An idea?

366
00:17:04,406 --> 00:17:05,407
(GRUNTS)

367
00:17:10,537 --> 00:17:11,663
Back in my day,

368
00:17:11,747 --> 00:17:14,166
we didn't have your fancy
all-digital weapons,

369
00:17:14,249 --> 00:17:16,793
but we still managed
to kill each other just fine.

370
00:17:16,877 --> 00:17:18,837
Ah, the crossbow.

371
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,089
A pitiless, elegant killing machine.

372
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:23,008
The Bender of the 15th century.

373
00:17:23,091 --> 00:17:24,301
Not big enough.

374
00:17:24,384 --> 00:17:26,553
We need something that can
take out an entire army.

375
00:17:26,637 --> 00:17:28,221
Something you could commit
a war crime with...

376
00:17:28,305 --> 00:17:29,431
(GASPS)

377
00:17:29,514 --> 00:17:31,433
(OOHING AND AHHING)

378
00:17:31,516 --> 00:17:32,559
(CLONK)

379
00:17:32,643 --> 00:17:33,852
Ow.

380
00:17:37,272 --> 00:17:41,401
Earth's slaves,
behold the fruit of your labors...

381
00:17:41,485 --> 00:17:43,236
The Mobile Oppression Palace!

382
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,447
(CROWD GASPING)

383
00:17:46,073 --> 00:17:47,199
Neat.

384
00:17:47,532 --> 00:17:51,328
I don't need to tell you
that occupation forces are expensive.

385
00:17:51,411 --> 00:17:53,664
But with the Mobile Oppression Palace,

386
00:17:53,747 --> 00:17:56,792
a few dignitaries can
oppress your entire planet

387
00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:58,335
for pennies a day.

388
00:17:58,418 --> 00:18:00,504
(CHUCKLING)

389
00:18:00,587 --> 00:18:02,381
Warships dismissed!

390
00:18:28,657 --> 00:18:31,535
Do your worst you sea devils!

391
00:18:31,618 --> 00:18:34,204
I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie!

392
00:18:34,288 --> 00:18:37,833
You can crush me,
but you can't crush my spirit!

393
00:18:39,001 --> 00:18:40,502
Ah! My spirit!

394
00:18:40,585 --> 00:18:43,255
(GROANING)

395
00:18:43,338 --> 00:18:45,507
Great-Grandpa, no!

396
00:18:46,341 --> 00:18:49,678
Another victim of
the manocentric male-ocracy.

397
00:18:49,761 --> 00:18:52,514
Ambassador Moivin, you killed my lawyer.

398
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:53,724
You're welcome.

399
00:18:53,807 --> 00:18:56,184
He defended my freedom
when no one else would.

400
00:18:56,268 --> 00:18:58,228
He was a good and honorable man.

401
00:18:58,312 --> 00:19:01,690
I request a satanic funeral.

402
00:19:01,773 --> 00:19:04,026
(CROWD BOOING)

403
00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:07,070
Is it possible that all this
slavery and oppression

404
00:19:07,154 --> 00:19:09,031
is shmutzing up our freedom lesson?

405
00:19:09,114 --> 00:19:10,907
Oh, take a pill, Zoidberg.

406
00:19:10,991 --> 00:19:13,368
Begin again with the crushing!

407
00:19:13,452 --> 00:19:15,579
(SCREAMING)

408
00:19:21,043 --> 00:19:23,086
You haven't won yet, Moivin.

409
00:19:23,170 --> 00:19:25,505
You didn't expect us
to even go to a museum,

410
00:19:25,589 --> 00:19:28,425
much less steal this ancient
heat-seeking missile.

411
00:19:28,508 --> 00:19:30,093
I don't even know you.

412
00:19:30,177 --> 00:19:31,219
(ELECTRONIC BEEP)

413
00:19:37,017 --> 00:19:38,685
(HORRIFIED GASPS)

414
00:19:38,769 --> 00:19:41,104
Oh, it's going to make such a mess.

415
00:19:48,111 --> 00:19:49,363
(ALL SIGHING WITH RELIEF)

416
00:19:49,446 --> 00:19:51,156
This is your secret plan?

417
00:19:51,239 --> 00:19:52,282
Meh!

418
00:19:52,366 --> 00:19:56,244
Heat-seeking missiles are useless
against the Mobile Oppression Palace.

419
00:19:56,328 --> 00:19:59,748
All Decapodian technology
is cold-blooded, like us.

420
00:19:59,831 --> 00:20:01,625
(CLAWS CLACKING)

421
00:20:01,708 --> 00:20:04,252
(CROWD SCREAMING)

422
00:20:06,004 --> 00:20:08,048
All eyes on Zoidberg!

423
00:20:09,216 --> 00:20:10,217
Ew!

424
00:20:13,887 --> 00:20:15,555
Hey, I need that to smoke!

425
00:20:17,391 --> 00:20:18,725
(GASPING)

426
00:20:18,809 --> 00:20:20,560
Zoidberg, how could you?

427
00:20:20,644 --> 00:20:22,437
I used to think you were cool.

428
00:20:22,521 --> 00:20:24,731
Wait, people of Earth, listen.

429
00:20:24,815 --> 00:20:26,733
Yes, I'm desecrating a flag,

430
00:20:26,817 --> 00:20:30,112
but to preserve the freedom it represents.

431
00:20:33,991 --> 00:20:35,075
(BEEPING)

432
00:20:37,452 --> 00:20:40,080
(SCREAMING)

433
00:20:40,163 --> 00:20:41,164
(EXPLOSION)

434
00:20:43,834 --> 00:20:44,835
MAN: Blech!

435
00:20:46,461 --> 00:20:49,256
(ALL CHEERING)

436
00:20:50,549 --> 00:20:52,884
Zoidberg, you set us free!

437
00:20:52,968 --> 00:20:55,262
I feel like I could stand to hug you.

438
00:20:55,345 --> 00:20:58,265
I can't, but you know
what I'm trying to say.

439
00:20:58,348 --> 00:21:01,184
CROWD: (CHANTING)
Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg!

440
00:21:01,268 --> 00:21:04,730
Ah, if only they appreciated
freedom this much

441
00:21:04,813 --> 00:21:06,315
on my home planet.

442
00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:08,692
Wait a second, they do!

443
00:21:08,984 --> 00:21:12,112
Because this is my home planet.

444
00:21:13,989 --> 00:21:16,908
NIXON: And now, to raise
this beautiful new flag,

445
00:21:16,992 --> 00:21:20,120
a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner,

446
00:21:20,203 --> 00:21:22,497
Dr. John Zoidberg!

447
00:21:25,751 --> 00:21:27,544
You're a nice man, Nixon.

448
00:21:29,296 --> 00:21:32,799
Dr. Zoidberg, how's about you take a bite
of the flag for tomorrow's papers?

449
00:21:32,883 --> 00:21:34,176
Oh, I couldn't.

450
00:21:34,259 --> 00:21:35,636
No, no, go ahead.

451
00:21:35,719 --> 00:21:36,762
You've earned it.

452
00:21:37,095 --> 00:21:39,264
Well, maybe just a taste.

453
00:21:40,599 --> 00:21:42,142
Mm...

454
00:21:42,225 --> 00:21:44,728
Now, that's a grand old flag!

455
00:21:44,811 --> 00:21:46,438
(CHEERING WILDLY)

456
00:21:48,315 --> 00:21:51,818
I wonder what
the Shroud of Turin tastes like.

457
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,242
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

458
00:22:29,189 --> 00:22:30,190
BENDER: Freedom.