1 00:00:02,426 --> 00:00:04,428 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:31,246 --> 00:00:33,707 (NARRATOR READS) 3 00:00:34,958 --> 00:00:36,960 NARRATOR: Dateline Tarantulon 6. 4 00:00:37,044 --> 00:00:38,545 The brave warriors of Earth, 5 00:00:38,629 --> 00:00:42,174 under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Brannigan, 6 00:00:42,257 --> 00:00:45,052 have achieved victory over the Spider homeworld. 7 00:00:45,135 --> 00:00:46,720 (KIF GRUNTING) 8 00:00:49,431 --> 00:00:51,892 And to the victor belong the spoils. 9 00:00:51,975 --> 00:00:55,187 One trillion dollars in silken treasure. 10 00:00:56,188 --> 00:00:57,773 ZAPP: Mm. 11 00:00:58,023 --> 00:00:59,942 My fellow Earthicans, 12 00:01:00,025 --> 00:01:02,319 after meeting with top voodoo economists, 13 00:01:02,402 --> 00:01:06,823 I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers. 14 00:01:06,907 --> 00:01:10,744 That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos 15 00:01:10,827 --> 00:01:12,704 in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill. 16 00:01:12,788 --> 00:01:14,748 Knock yourselves out. 17 00:01:15,624 --> 00:01:16,959 (ALL CHEERING) 18 00:01:17,042 --> 00:01:18,752 I'm slightly richer. 19 00:01:18,835 --> 00:01:20,587 BENDER: What to do? What to do? 20 00:01:20,671 --> 00:01:24,466 One $300 hookerbot or 300 $1 hookerbots? 21 00:01:24,549 --> 00:01:26,134 I'm going to swim with a whale. 22 00:01:26,218 --> 00:01:28,220 They're the gentle giants of the deep. 23 00:01:28,303 --> 00:01:29,888 I'm well aware of that. 24 00:01:29,972 --> 00:01:33,725 Scruffy's going to get himself one of them $300 haircuts. 25 00:01:33,809 --> 00:01:35,978 This one's lost its pizzazz. 26 00:01:36,645 --> 00:01:38,021 A fortune, it is. 27 00:01:38,105 --> 00:01:41,525 At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man. 28 00:01:41,608 --> 00:01:43,235 (SMOOCHING) 29 00:01:43,318 --> 00:01:44,736 Go away. Get away from me. 30 00:01:45,070 --> 00:01:47,322 Shmeesh. It's just 300 bucks. 31 00:01:47,406 --> 00:01:49,324 What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? 32 00:01:49,449 --> 00:01:50,492 That's it! 33 00:01:50,575 --> 00:01:53,203 I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now. 34 00:01:54,121 --> 00:01:56,081 Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. 35 00:01:56,164 --> 00:01:57,874 (WHIRRING) 36 00:02:00,669 --> 00:02:01,795 Smells good. 37 00:02:01,878 --> 00:02:03,005 (SLURPS) 38 00:02:03,088 --> 00:02:04,756 - (DING) - (GULPING) 39 00:02:05,507 --> 00:02:07,259 Leela, are you there? 40 00:02:07,342 --> 00:02:09,511 - No. - Oh, yes, you are. 41 00:02:09,595 --> 00:02:12,180 I'm hereby inviting you and your oddball coworkers 42 00:02:12,264 --> 00:02:16,393 to a special reception to display the national silk surplus. 43 00:02:16,476 --> 00:02:20,063 I believe you know the heroic space stallion who captured it. 44 00:02:20,147 --> 00:02:21,565 Show them my medal, Kif. 45 00:02:21,815 --> 00:02:24,651 (SIGHS) He rented it with his tax refund. 46 00:02:24,735 --> 00:02:27,696 So, Leela, will you have the pleasure? 47 00:02:27,821 --> 00:02:29,906 What little there is to be had. 48 00:02:29,990 --> 00:02:31,408 Tomorrow night at 8:00, then. 49 00:02:31,491 --> 00:02:32,743 Smooches. Mwah. 50 00:02:37,914 --> 00:02:38,957 (KISSES) 51 00:02:39,625 --> 00:02:42,252 No cheap crack houses for me no more. 52 00:02:45,797 --> 00:02:46,882 Very good, sir. 53 00:02:46,965 --> 00:02:49,301 Shall I pre-warm sir's crack pipe? 54 00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:53,972 (KIF PANTING) 55 00:02:55,766 --> 00:02:58,226 Oh, Kif, it was so romantic of you 56 00:02:58,310 --> 00:03:00,520 to rent this paddle plane with your tax rebate. 57 00:03:00,604 --> 00:03:03,565 We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. 58 00:03:03,649 --> 00:03:06,902 (PANTING) Yes. Seeds. Wafting. 59 00:03:06,985 --> 00:03:09,529 I almost feel kind of shallow for blowing my rebate 60 00:03:09,613 --> 00:03:11,406 on this cool talking tattoo. 61 00:03:11,490 --> 00:03:12,532 TATTOO: Hey, Gordon Gecko. 62 00:03:12,616 --> 00:03:14,785 I cost as much as this whole crummy date. 63 00:03:14,868 --> 00:03:16,119 Shut up! 64 00:03:16,203 --> 00:03:17,204 Ow! 65 00:03:17,287 --> 00:03:18,830 (KIF PANTING) 66 00:03:20,832 --> 00:03:23,794 Ma'am, it has become too much of a chore 67 00:03:23,877 --> 00:03:26,338 for me to clean out my wrinkles each day. 68 00:03:26,421 --> 00:03:29,967 Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? 69 00:03:30,050 --> 00:03:33,679 Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but... 70 00:03:33,762 --> 00:03:36,223 One pound of stem cells, please. 71 00:03:38,976 --> 00:03:43,355 Of course, any age-reversing effects will be purely temporary... 72 00:03:43,438 --> 00:03:44,648 (GROANS) 73 00:03:44,731 --> 00:03:46,108 (HUMMING) 74 00:03:51,947 --> 00:03:53,073 BENDER: Oh. 75 00:03:53,532 --> 00:03:54,533 Ooh. 76 00:03:55,784 --> 00:03:57,744 Ooh-hoo-hoo. 77 00:04:00,455 --> 00:04:02,958 Oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho. 78 00:04:03,041 --> 00:04:06,128 Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey? 79 00:04:06,211 --> 00:04:07,921 Well, as you can see, 80 00:04:08,005 --> 00:04:11,550 its wrapper is a piece of the original U.S. Constitution. 81 00:04:11,633 --> 00:04:15,971 It was hand-rolled by Queen Elizabeth during her wild years 82 00:04:16,054 --> 00:04:20,601 and was buried with George Burns until grave-robbing space mushrooms... 83 00:04:20,684 --> 00:04:21,977 Well, you know the rest. 84 00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:23,562 Give you 300 bucks for it. 85 00:04:23,645 --> 00:04:26,315 - No can do. - Oh, all right. 86 00:04:26,398 --> 00:04:30,110 I'll just take these $300 burglar's tools, then. 87 00:04:30,193 --> 00:04:31,361 Very good, sir. 88 00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:32,446 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 89 00:04:32,529 --> 00:04:34,906 So, uh, what time you close tonight? 90 00:04:37,367 --> 00:04:39,369 Hey, Pops. Did that tax rebate come? 91 00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:40,996 Came and went. 92 00:04:41,079 --> 00:04:44,249 You're now the proud owner of Bamboo Boogie Boots. 93 00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:48,378 With a warning label this big, you know they got to be fun. 94 00:04:48,503 --> 00:04:50,547 But, Pops, I don't want to have fun. 95 00:04:50,631 --> 00:04:53,717 I want to be like you... Boring, but prudently invested. 96 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,302 Babylon's bells! 97 00:04:55,385 --> 00:04:58,722 I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product. 98 00:04:58,805 --> 00:05:00,223 Now you put them on and have fun. 99 00:05:00,307 --> 00:05:01,558 I don't wanna! 100 00:05:01,642 --> 00:05:05,145 Well, then I'm gonna put them on and make you watch me have fun. 101 00:05:05,228 --> 00:05:07,940 See? Fun, fun... (SCREAMS) 102 00:05:08,023 --> 00:05:10,150 Dwight! Help me! 103 00:05:10,233 --> 00:05:11,568 I'll save you, Pops. 104 00:05:15,238 --> 00:05:16,949 (BOTH SCREAMING) 105 00:05:20,661 --> 00:05:21,912 (LOUD MUSIC PLAYING) 106 00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:24,539 Hey! 107 00:05:24,623 --> 00:05:26,875 Turn that damn music... 108 00:05:27,459 --> 00:05:28,585 Up. 109 00:05:28,669 --> 00:05:29,962 (YELPS) 110 00:05:30,045 --> 00:05:31,254 Isn't this fun? 111 00:05:31,338 --> 00:05:34,258 No! I wish I had two mommies. 112 00:05:34,716 --> 00:05:37,010 Try these, uh, sir. 113 00:05:37,594 --> 00:05:38,971 (SNORTING) 114 00:05:39,888 --> 00:05:43,225 I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? 115 00:05:43,308 --> 00:05:44,309 Bah! 116 00:05:44,393 --> 00:05:46,186 I bid you adieu. 117 00:05:47,145 --> 00:05:48,188 (GLASS SHATTERS) 118 00:05:48,272 --> 00:05:49,273 Ah! 119 00:05:49,606 --> 00:05:51,149 (WHOOPING) 120 00:05:57,447 --> 00:05:59,700 I'd like a pass to swim with Mushu, please. 121 00:05:59,783 --> 00:06:01,493 Well, you asked the right guy. 122 00:06:01,576 --> 00:06:05,038 I'm the whale biologist. Though, personally, I hate whales. 123 00:06:05,122 --> 00:06:06,331 (WHISPERS) Especially Mushu. 124 00:06:06,748 --> 00:06:08,500 Then why'd you become a whale biologist? 125 00:06:08,625 --> 00:06:10,836 I don't know you well enough to get into that. 126 00:06:10,919 --> 00:06:12,087 $300 please. 127 00:06:13,964 --> 00:06:14,965 Noon tomorrow. 128 00:06:15,048 --> 00:06:17,217 If you're late, you only get to tread water in the scallop tank. 129 00:06:19,678 --> 00:06:21,054 (CALLIOPE PLAYING) 130 00:06:21,138 --> 00:06:22,639 Yeah, I'll have a coffee. 131 00:06:22,723 --> 00:06:24,141 Guppy, trout, mermaid or... 132 00:06:24,224 --> 00:06:26,101 Whale, please. 133 00:06:26,184 --> 00:06:27,394 (SLURPS) 134 00:06:27,477 --> 00:06:29,104 (DING) 135 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,483 (PANTING) 136 00:06:33,942 --> 00:06:37,487 Amy, I... I also spent some of my tax rebate 137 00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:40,032 on a gift for you. 138 00:06:40,907 --> 00:06:42,034 Oh, Kiffy. 139 00:06:43,285 --> 00:06:46,580 KIF: It shows the time wherever we both are. 140 00:06:46,663 --> 00:06:48,707 And it's powered by love. 141 00:06:48,790 --> 00:06:50,459 Also, you have to wind it. 142 00:06:50,542 --> 00:06:53,754 Ooh! Somebody won big at skeeball. 143 00:06:53,837 --> 00:06:54,880 You shut up. 144 00:06:54,963 --> 00:06:56,131 I love it, Kif. 145 00:06:56,214 --> 00:06:58,383 I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. 146 00:06:58,467 --> 00:07:00,135 (KISSES) 147 00:07:00,636 --> 00:07:02,054 Ooh, it's Fry and Leela. 148 00:07:02,429 --> 00:07:04,139 Hi, Fry and Leela! 149 00:07:04,222 --> 00:07:05,390 Ah! 150 00:07:05,474 --> 00:07:07,100 Ooh! Oh, my... Keep pedaling. 151 00:07:07,184 --> 00:07:08,685 Oh, for the love of God, keep pedaling. 152 00:07:09,144 --> 00:07:10,687 - (BUBBLING) - (SCREAMING) 153 00:07:16,443 --> 00:07:18,236 (SIGHS) Phew. 154 00:07:18,654 --> 00:07:20,322 Bye, Fry and Leela! 155 00:07:21,448 --> 00:07:22,908 (STAMMERING) 156 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:24,201 Oh. 157 00:07:30,415 --> 00:07:31,416 Oh! 158 00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:34,920 I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this. 159 00:07:35,003 --> 00:07:36,713 MALE TATTOO: Hear about what? FEMALE TATTOO: Tell us! 160 00:07:36,797 --> 00:07:38,173 (HORSE WHINNIES) 161 00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:43,929 (SOBBING) 162 00:07:44,012 --> 00:07:46,848 Don't feel sad, my little tadpole. 163 00:07:46,932 --> 00:07:50,185 (SOBBING) I'm trying not to. 164 00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:53,397 But my gift to you is in the belly of a whale. 165 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:57,859 Say, this reminds me of that time I ate that other watch Kif gave you. 166 00:07:57,943 --> 00:08:00,028 Hey, it is kind of like that. 167 00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:02,656 To induce vomiting, that was the solution. 168 00:08:02,739 --> 00:08:04,449 Everywhere, it went. 169 00:08:04,533 --> 00:08:05,993 (CHUCKLES) 170 00:08:06,076 --> 00:08:08,495 What a Valentine's Day that was. 171 00:08:08,954 --> 00:08:09,955 Hmm. 172 00:08:10,038 --> 00:08:12,291 This may seem like a huge coincidence, 173 00:08:12,374 --> 00:08:14,501 but I happen to have an "in" with that whale. 174 00:08:14,584 --> 00:08:16,420 Scruffy's formulated a plan. 175 00:08:16,503 --> 00:08:19,339 But you'll need a ready source of nauseating rotten fish. 176 00:08:22,259 --> 00:08:23,719 Freshen your coffee, sir? 177 00:08:23,802 --> 00:08:25,304 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep it coming. 178 00:08:25,387 --> 00:08:26,555 Put the pot down. Get away! 179 00:08:26,638 --> 00:08:27,639 (SLURPS) 180 00:08:27,723 --> 00:08:28,724 (DING) 181 00:08:31,893 --> 00:08:33,604 You're so young in spirit. 182 00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:36,648 It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. 183 00:08:36,732 --> 00:08:40,027 The key is to grab life by the ho-jos. 184 00:08:40,110 --> 00:08:42,779 Live every day like it might be your last. 185 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:44,406 What'll it be, kids? 186 00:08:44,489 --> 00:08:47,075 One bowl of mild farina. 187 00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:49,620 (BUBBLING) 188 00:08:55,876 --> 00:08:56,918 Pay dirt. 189 00:08:57,544 --> 00:08:58,879 Hi-ya! 190 00:09:00,589 --> 00:09:02,049 (WHISTLES) 191 00:09:04,468 --> 00:09:05,969 Here you go, big spender. 192 00:09:06,053 --> 00:09:08,513 Foie gras and caviar. 193 00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:11,683 (SNIFFING) Goose liver? 194 00:09:11,892 --> 00:09:13,393 Fish eggs? Feh! 195 00:09:13,518 --> 00:09:15,812 Where's the goose? Where's the fish? 196 00:09:15,896 --> 00:09:19,316 Hey, that's what rich people eat, the garbage parts of the food. 197 00:09:19,399 --> 00:09:23,362 I ate garbage yesterday and it didn't cost me $300! 198 00:09:23,445 --> 00:09:24,780 I'm not paying! 199 00:09:24,863 --> 00:09:26,281 Farewell, good sir. 200 00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:28,450 (WHOOPING) 201 00:09:40,128 --> 00:09:41,421 (GRUNTS) 202 00:09:52,683 --> 00:09:55,143 The Grand Cigar, she is mine. 203 00:09:55,227 --> 00:09:58,272 And with absolutely no consequences. 204 00:09:58,355 --> 00:09:59,815 (CHUCKLES) 205 00:09:59,898 --> 00:10:00,941 (BEEP) 206 00:10:03,277 --> 00:10:04,861 (BEEPING) 207 00:10:08,615 --> 00:10:09,741 (PANTING) 208 00:10:09,908 --> 00:10:11,201 (GROWLING) 209 00:10:15,205 --> 00:10:16,290 You see that? 210 00:10:16,373 --> 00:10:18,125 Grand theft tobacco. 211 00:10:18,208 --> 00:10:21,586 Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride. 212 00:10:21,712 --> 00:10:24,089 (SIREN WAILING) 213 00:10:28,135 --> 00:10:29,595 (SNORING) 214 00:10:32,222 --> 00:10:33,432 Pee-ew! 215 00:10:33,515 --> 00:10:36,602 This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya. 216 00:10:42,649 --> 00:10:43,942 So far, so good. 217 00:10:44,026 --> 00:10:45,110 Where's Kif? 218 00:10:45,193 --> 00:10:46,695 (GROANS) 219 00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:53,702 (DING) 220 00:10:53,785 --> 00:10:56,246 This isn't Yemeni, it's Sulawesi. 221 00:10:56,330 --> 00:10:58,582 And the cup's shaking. I don't want my coffee shaking. 222 00:10:58,707 --> 00:11:02,002 You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. 223 00:11:02,085 --> 00:11:04,838 Real greasy. You been up all night? 224 00:11:04,921 --> 00:11:06,214 Of course I've been up all night! 225 00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:07,841 Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. 226 00:11:07,925 --> 00:11:09,343 I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. 227 00:11:09,426 --> 00:11:11,011 I need a nap. (SNORES) 228 00:11:11,094 --> 00:11:12,095 Coffee time! 229 00:11:12,179 --> 00:11:13,764 - (GULPING) - (DING) 230 00:11:15,724 --> 00:11:16,725 (SNIFFS) 231 00:11:16,808 --> 00:11:18,518 Ah. Mighty fine smokable. 232 00:11:18,602 --> 00:11:20,812 Fancy cigar? Why don't you smoke it already? 233 00:11:20,896 --> 00:11:22,564 Puff, puff. Go, go, go! 234 00:11:22,648 --> 00:11:25,734 Nah, you can't blow a smoke from such a majestic stogie 235 00:11:25,817 --> 00:11:27,194 in just anyone's face. 236 00:11:27,277 --> 00:11:31,114 I'm saving it for the fancy pantses at Zapp Brannigan's black-tie reception. 237 00:11:31,198 --> 00:11:32,199 You coming? 238 00:11:32,282 --> 00:11:34,201 (JUDDERING) 239 00:11:37,454 --> 00:11:40,666 And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. 240 00:11:40,749 --> 00:11:41,833 Anything else? 241 00:11:41,917 --> 00:11:44,002 Yeah, you're lumpy and you smell awful. 242 00:11:44,086 --> 00:11:46,171 Hey. I calls them like I sees them. 243 00:11:46,254 --> 00:11:47,547 I'm a whale biologist. 244 00:11:49,383 --> 00:11:52,886 Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time. 245 00:11:55,555 --> 00:11:57,557 (CHOMPING) 246 00:12:00,852 --> 00:12:02,145 (GASPS) 247 00:12:02,229 --> 00:12:04,940 Oh, crud, he ate my suit. 248 00:12:05,023 --> 00:12:06,316 MAN: The suit was ugly. 249 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:07,526 Whale biologist. 250 00:12:11,655 --> 00:12:13,156 (GRUNTS) 251 00:12:13,573 --> 00:12:15,200 (GROANS) 252 00:12:15,993 --> 00:12:18,161 Perhaps if you tighten your grip, sir. 253 00:12:18,245 --> 00:12:20,580 Ah, thank you, golf slave. 254 00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:25,752 Bah! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense. 255 00:12:25,836 --> 00:12:27,921 Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless. 256 00:12:28,005 --> 00:12:29,339 (SPITTING) 257 00:12:31,049 --> 00:12:33,844 (BOTH MOANING) 258 00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:36,179 Ow! Not so rough! 259 00:12:40,642 --> 00:12:44,313 Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Mushu, 260 00:12:44,396 --> 00:12:47,316 the educated whale who thinks he's better than you. 261 00:12:47,399 --> 00:12:49,109 (APPLAUSE) 262 00:12:49,192 --> 00:12:51,570 Come on, Mushu, barf! 263 00:12:51,653 --> 00:12:53,405 Barf like a freshman! 264 00:12:53,488 --> 00:12:57,200 And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss 265 00:12:57,284 --> 00:12:59,411 as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. 266 00:12:59,494 --> 00:13:00,912 Jump, Mushu. 267 00:13:01,913 --> 00:13:04,958 (GAGGING AND COUGHING) 268 00:13:06,126 --> 00:13:07,711 MAN: Who wants a fish? 269 00:13:14,801 --> 00:13:16,637 Mushu is sad. 270 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:19,514 It just keeps coming and coming. 271 00:13:19,598 --> 00:13:21,266 (HUMMING) 272 00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:24,853 Wait, that chunk! 273 00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:26,188 It's the watch. 274 00:13:27,439 --> 00:13:29,524 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 275 00:13:30,943 --> 00:13:33,236 I got it, Amy, I got it. 276 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:34,696 The plan went off without a... 277 00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:37,032 He's got aquarium property! Stop him! 278 00:13:37,115 --> 00:13:38,742 Better do what he says. 279 00:13:38,825 --> 00:13:40,535 He's a whale biologist. 280 00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:43,830 You're under arrest, you squishy punk! 281 00:13:43,914 --> 00:13:45,999 - Oh... - (GLASS SHATTERING) 282 00:13:46,083 --> 00:13:47,417 Oh. 283 00:13:47,501 --> 00:13:48,502 (CHOKING SOUND) 284 00:13:48,585 --> 00:13:49,920 (RETCHING) 285 00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:00,305 (GRUNTING) 286 00:14:00,389 --> 00:14:04,184 The Spiderians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield, 287 00:14:04,268 --> 00:14:06,353 are masters of the textile arts. 288 00:14:06,436 --> 00:14:08,188 Taste like King Crab, by the way. 289 00:14:08,438 --> 00:14:12,943 Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my heroic conquest 290 00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:15,153 while I was still killing them. 291 00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:18,031 (SNIFFING) 292 00:14:18,115 --> 00:14:20,701 What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff? 293 00:14:20,784 --> 00:14:23,704 But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. 294 00:14:23,787 --> 00:14:25,455 One art, please. 295 00:14:25,539 --> 00:14:27,541 (LAUGHING) 296 00:14:27,624 --> 00:14:31,253 What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! 297 00:14:31,336 --> 00:14:33,964 How much is that place mat actually worth, Brannigan? 298 00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:37,092 Exactly $1 billion. 299 00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:40,053 Now that's walkin' around money. 300 00:14:42,889 --> 00:14:44,808 - (BLOWS NOSE) - NIXON: What? Hey? (HOWLS) 301 00:14:51,565 --> 00:14:53,358 (SHUDDERING) 302 00:14:56,820 --> 00:14:58,655 (DING) 303 00:14:58,739 --> 00:15:00,157 So I said to Kitty, 304 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:05,203 "The only way to keep the butler from running away is to cut off his foot." 305 00:15:05,454 --> 00:15:06,705 Ah-ha-ha. 306 00:15:06,788 --> 00:15:08,040 Uh-huh. 307 00:15:08,123 --> 00:15:12,085 Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people. 308 00:15:12,169 --> 00:15:13,712 (COUGHING) 309 00:15:15,756 --> 00:15:19,801 (SOBBING) I've never been sad at a party before. 310 00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:23,388 I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail. 311 00:15:23,513 --> 00:15:24,723 Jail's not so bad. 312 00:15:24,806 --> 00:15:26,850 You can make sangria in the toilet. 313 00:15:26,934 --> 00:15:28,894 Course, it's shank or be shanked. 314 00:15:28,977 --> 00:15:30,479 Of course. 315 00:15:32,648 --> 00:15:36,735 Look, just give back our property and we'll drop the charges. 316 00:15:36,818 --> 00:15:38,528 Fine! Have the watch! 317 00:15:38,612 --> 00:15:39,696 It's broken anyway. 318 00:15:39,780 --> 00:15:40,989 (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) 319 00:15:41,323 --> 00:15:42,532 I don't want your watch! 320 00:15:42,616 --> 00:15:44,868 You're covered in precious ambergris. 321 00:15:46,078 --> 00:15:47,537 Precious hamburgers? 322 00:15:48,330 --> 00:15:50,082 - (GROANS) - (BEEP) 323 00:15:50,165 --> 00:15:52,250 "Ambergris." Noun. 324 00:15:52,334 --> 00:15:55,712 A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract 325 00:15:55,796 --> 00:15:58,715 that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. 326 00:15:58,799 --> 00:16:02,594 This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. 327 00:16:03,971 --> 00:16:05,180 You heard Roseanne. 328 00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:07,766 Scrape off the priceless ambergris and I'll let you go. 329 00:16:07,849 --> 00:16:11,395 Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin. 330 00:16:11,728 --> 00:16:14,898 (GRUNTING) 331 00:16:18,485 --> 00:16:20,320 Stop it. Stop it. It's fine! 332 00:16:20,404 --> 00:16:21,822 I will destroy you! 333 00:16:23,740 --> 00:16:25,659 (BOTH COUGHING) 334 00:16:26,702 --> 00:16:28,912 (LUSTFUL MOANING) 335 00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:32,291 - (BELL CHIMES) - Wha... 336 00:16:32,374 --> 00:16:33,875 (CREAKING) 337 00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:35,377 (GASPS) 338 00:16:39,548 --> 00:16:41,091 Uh, got to go. 339 00:16:41,174 --> 00:16:42,384 Uh, fight club. 340 00:16:47,014 --> 00:16:48,974 What's happening, Hubie? 341 00:16:49,057 --> 00:16:51,893 Ah, I'm afraid the face you fell in love with 342 00:16:51,977 --> 00:16:56,398 was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund. 343 00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:59,276 (GURGLING) 344 00:17:00,485 --> 00:17:03,488 Well, as long as we're being honest, 345 00:17:04,114 --> 00:17:08,285 I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. 346 00:17:08,368 --> 00:17:09,870 (POPS) 347 00:17:10,370 --> 00:17:12,539 That certainly is honest. 348 00:17:12,873 --> 00:17:15,917 It's better for us to both just be ourselves. 349 00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:18,337 You, wrinkled as a prune. 350 00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:21,048 You, fat as the queen of sea cows. 351 00:17:21,131 --> 00:17:22,966 I love you! 352 00:17:24,259 --> 00:17:25,886 (MOANING) 353 00:17:28,388 --> 00:17:32,225 So, you see, the putrid, waxy substance I was coated with was... 354 00:17:32,309 --> 00:17:33,769 Not precious ambergris? 355 00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:37,856 Yes. And I managed to sneak some out in the usual place. 356 00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:39,441 Ta-da! 357 00:17:39,942 --> 00:17:45,656 Using that, I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry. 358 00:17:45,739 --> 00:17:48,075 Oh, Kif, it's so romantic. 359 00:17:48,158 --> 00:17:49,368 I can't even wait! 360 00:17:49,451 --> 00:17:50,994 I'm going to wear it right now. 361 00:17:52,245 --> 00:17:53,789 (SPLUTTERING) Bah! 362 00:17:55,457 --> 00:17:57,334 (ALL GROANING) 363 00:17:57,417 --> 00:18:00,295 Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? 364 00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:02,422 I do. Kiss me, Kif. 365 00:18:10,264 --> 00:18:13,350 Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. 366 00:18:13,433 --> 00:18:14,559 I'm not rich. 367 00:18:14,643 --> 00:18:19,398 I can't even buy one measly masterpiece. (SOBBING) 368 00:18:21,191 --> 00:18:22,484 Pardon us, gent. 369 00:18:22,567 --> 00:18:26,780 Might a couple of hungry, hungry hoboes take a feed from that aluminum snack box? 370 00:18:28,282 --> 00:18:29,366 (SIGHS) 371 00:18:29,449 --> 00:18:33,161 So now I'm in the gutter surrounded by bums who eat garbage? 372 00:18:33,245 --> 00:18:35,664 Money brought me no happiness. 373 00:18:35,747 --> 00:18:36,790 Bubkes. 374 00:18:36,873 --> 00:18:39,293 Ooh, this boot's got a little pudding at the bottom. 375 00:18:41,253 --> 00:18:44,715 Interestingly, the Spiderians are more closely related 376 00:18:44,798 --> 00:18:47,259 to our elephants than our spiders. 377 00:18:48,218 --> 00:18:49,553 (COUGHING) 378 00:18:49,636 --> 00:18:50,637 (LAUGHING) 379 00:18:50,721 --> 00:18:51,847 (GASPING) 380 00:18:53,890 --> 00:18:56,518 Don't mind us. Whoa, whoa! 381 00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,895 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 382 00:19:00,188 --> 00:19:01,231 (GRUNTS) 383 00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:09,698 (ALL YELLING) 384 00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:12,993 The loot! The loot! 385 00:19:13,076 --> 00:19:14,578 The loot is on fire! 386 00:19:15,579 --> 00:19:18,540 Leela, my precious rock dove, I'll save you. 387 00:19:19,249 --> 00:19:20,834 (PANTING) 388 00:19:20,917 --> 00:19:23,045 Everyone, to the fire door! 389 00:19:23,128 --> 00:19:24,463 It's on fire! 390 00:19:25,714 --> 00:19:28,926 We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus. 391 00:19:29,009 --> 00:19:31,053 (BOTH YELLING) 392 00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:34,723 Coffee, coffee, coffee! 393 00:19:36,350 --> 00:19:38,685 (GULPING NOSILY) 394 00:19:38,769 --> 00:19:40,270 (HEARTBEAT RACING) 395 00:19:40,395 --> 00:19:41,688 (DING) 396 00:20:32,114 --> 00:20:33,532 - Where are we, Pops? - FARNSWORTH: Wha... 397 00:20:33,615 --> 00:20:35,033 What happened to the food? 398 00:20:35,117 --> 00:20:38,203 I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. 399 00:20:38,287 --> 00:20:40,414 DR. ZOIDBERG: Welcome, one and all. 400 00:20:40,914 --> 00:20:44,042 I finally figured out how money could make me happy, 401 00:20:44,126 --> 00:20:47,004 by using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! 402 00:20:47,087 --> 00:20:48,755 (ALL CHEERING) 403 00:20:48,839 --> 00:20:50,048 Everyone join us. 404 00:20:50,132 --> 00:20:54,052 Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs! 405 00:20:54,428 --> 00:20:58,056 Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. 406 00:20:58,140 --> 00:20:59,933 - Yeah, I'm starved! - All right! 407 00:21:00,017 --> 00:21:01,435 - I'll take four. - Me, too. 408 00:21:01,518 --> 00:21:03,353 Oh, what the hell. 409 00:21:10,277 --> 00:21:11,361 Here, Dwight. 410 00:21:11,445 --> 00:21:14,698 The boots only cost $299.99. 411 00:21:14,781 --> 00:21:16,742 You invest this penny like you wanted. 412 00:21:16,825 --> 00:21:17,826 Thanks, Dad. 413 00:21:17,909 --> 00:21:20,912 I'm going to take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. 414 00:21:20,996 --> 00:21:22,205 A risk-taker! 415 00:21:22,289 --> 00:21:23,749 That's my boy. 416 00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:26,543 The entire surplus is gone! 417 00:21:26,627 --> 00:21:28,962 Oh, what a McGovern I've been. 418 00:21:29,046 --> 00:21:31,965 Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate? 419 00:21:32,049 --> 00:21:35,802 Uh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it. 420 00:21:36,011 --> 00:21:37,638 Oh, my, yes. 421 00:21:37,804 --> 00:21:39,973 Speaking of which, my story kind of petered out 422 00:21:40,057 --> 00:21:41,391 without me learning a lesson. 423 00:21:41,475 --> 00:21:43,602 - (LAUGHING) - There he is! 424 00:21:43,685 --> 00:21:45,312 (FRIGHTENED YELP) 425 00:21:45,854 --> 00:21:48,106 All right! Closure! 426 00:21:48,398 --> 00:21:50,442 (GROANING) 427 00:21:50,943 --> 00:21:54,112 (GROANING, CLANKING CONTINUE) 428 00:21:57,532 --> 00:21:59,743 "Futurama." Noun. 429 00:21:59,993 --> 00:22:02,704 Um, I don't know, you just watched it, dummy. 430 00:22:02,871 --> 00:22:04,373 What are you asking me for? 431 00:22:04,873 --> 00:22:07,876 Hey, here's a fun definition, "Idiot." 432 00:22:08,543 --> 00:22:09,920 Noun. 433 00:22:10,420 --> 00:22:11,505 You! 434 00:22:11,588 --> 00:22:13,090 (LAUGHING) 435 00:22:13,173 --> 00:22:14,299 (SNORTS) 436 00:22:14,383 --> 00:22:17,010 This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. 437 00:22:17,094 --> 00:22:19,096 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING)