1
00:00:01,562 --> 00:00:04,356
ANNOUNCER: Prepare for
the stereophonic experience. (BEATBOXING)

2
00:00:04,648 --> 00:00:06,942
(BEATBOX VERSION OF THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

3
00:00:12,573 --> 00:00:14,366
BENDER: Oh, New New York City!

4
00:00:18,870 --> 00:00:20,038
Don't worry about it.

5
00:00:23,208 --> 00:00:25,043
Do the Robot, baby!

6
00:00:40,392 --> 00:00:44,646
Oh, Lord, hiking is always
such a strain on the buttocks.

7
00:00:47,024 --> 00:00:48,859
Shh. What was that sound?

8
00:00:48,942 --> 00:00:50,819
It wasn't a bird's nest falling.

9
00:00:50,903 --> 00:00:52,279
That sounds like this.

10
00:00:53,363 --> 00:00:55,282
(CHIRPING)

11
00:00:55,365 --> 00:00:57,492
Aw, they're so cute when they're scared.

12
00:00:57,576 --> 00:00:59,161
I meant the sound Bigfoot just made.

13
00:00:59,244 --> 00:01:01,246
He's been sighted a lot
in this area recently.

14
00:01:01,330 --> 00:01:03,707
Just last week, a blind hiker felt him.

15
00:01:03,790 --> 00:01:06,460
Don't tell me you
actually believe in Bigfoot,

16
00:01:06,543 --> 00:01:08,295
you blathering ninnyhammer.

17
00:01:08,420 --> 00:01:09,546
Of course I do.

18
00:01:09,630 --> 00:01:11,048
Bigfoot's my hero.

19
00:01:11,131 --> 00:01:13,842
Growing up, he was the celebrity
I most identified with.

20
00:01:13,926 --> 00:01:14,927
Why?

21
00:01:15,010 --> 00:01:17,054
'Cause he was a loner
who hated the popular monsters,

22
00:01:17,137 --> 00:01:18,263
yet longed to be one.

23
00:01:18,347 --> 00:01:21,266
I can so relate to that.

24
00:01:21,391 --> 00:01:23,518
(CRYING)

25
00:01:23,769 --> 00:01:25,729
Ugh, enough emotions.

26
00:01:25,854 --> 00:01:27,940
This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake.

27
00:01:28,232 --> 00:01:29,858
Although you wouldn't know it
from looking.

28
00:01:39,117 --> 00:01:40,744
(SIGHS)

29
00:01:41,411 --> 00:01:43,622
Bender, if you want to sleep
in a tent tonight,

30
00:01:43,705 --> 00:01:48,252
you're welcome to join me and Hermes
for a little "just friends" spooning.

31
00:01:48,335 --> 00:01:50,921
Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars.

32
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Whoa! Whoa!

33
00:01:53,382 --> 00:01:54,716
Real comfy.

34
00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,596
Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger.

35
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I get it.

36
00:02:00,764 --> 00:02:02,849
Now, since this area's
a national Bigfoot preserve,

37
00:02:02,933 --> 00:02:04,726
we'll start with a short film
about Bigfoot

38
00:02:04,810 --> 00:02:06,270
while I make a few phone calls.

39
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(NARRATOR READING)

40
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NARRATOR: In the dense forests
of the Pacific Northwest

41
00:02:16,446 --> 00:02:20,367
dwells the strange and beautiful creature
known as Bigfoot, perhaps.

42
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That proves it.

43
00:02:21,952 --> 00:02:24,454
Sadly, logging and human settlement

44
00:02:24,538 --> 00:02:27,207
today threaten what might
possibly be his habitat,

45
00:02:27,291 --> 00:02:28,917
although if it's not, they don't.

46
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Bigfoot populations require
vast amounts of land

47
00:02:33,255 --> 00:02:34,590
to remain elusive in.

48
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They typically dwell just behind rocks,

49
00:02:37,092 --> 00:02:38,677
but are also sometimes playful,

50
00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:42,180
bounding into thick fogs
and out-of-focus areas.

51
00:02:42,598 --> 00:02:45,684
It should say "top quality
exercycle for sale."

52
00:02:45,767 --> 00:02:47,644
And could you put "top quality" in bold?

53
00:02:47,728 --> 00:02:50,063
You can't? Okay, whatever.

54
00:02:50,314 --> 00:02:52,190
Remember, it's up to us.

55
00:02:52,274 --> 00:02:55,903
Bigfoot is a crucial part
of the ecosystem, if he exists.

56
00:02:55,986 --> 00:02:59,072
So, let's all help
keep Bigfoot possibly alive

57
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for future generations to enjoy,
unless he doesn't exist.

58
00:03:02,910 --> 00:03:04,286
(NARRATOR READS)

59
00:03:06,663 --> 00:03:07,998
All right, I got to call you back.

60
00:03:08,081 --> 00:03:09,374
All right, questions?

61
00:03:09,458 --> 00:03:12,127
Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet?

62
00:03:12,210 --> 00:03:13,545
Technically, no.

63
00:03:13,629 --> 00:03:16,298
But I do see him each night in my dreams

64
00:03:16,381 --> 00:03:19,551
and each day in the smiling
faces of hairy children.

65
00:03:19,635 --> 00:03:21,595
Bunk! Bunk, I say.

66
00:03:21,678 --> 00:03:25,057
Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's
droppings or shut up!

67
00:03:25,140 --> 00:03:26,934
I have the droppings
of someone who saw Bigfoot.

68
00:03:27,017 --> 00:03:28,060
Shut up!

69
00:03:28,143 --> 00:03:29,811
Oh, my God. Look, it's Bigfoot!

70
00:03:29,895 --> 00:03:30,938
Where?

71
00:03:31,021 --> 00:03:32,231
Ah, he's gone.

72
00:03:32,314 --> 00:03:34,316
He said you should keep
wasting your life, though.

73
00:03:34,399 --> 00:03:38,111
Oh, I saw Bigfoot crushing cars
at the county fair.

74
00:03:38,195 --> 00:03:40,989
What you saw was Bigfoot
the monster truck.

75
00:03:41,073 --> 00:03:42,699
But thanks for a great question.

76
00:03:42,783 --> 00:03:44,493
Oh... (MUMBLING)

77
00:03:44,576 --> 00:03:45,869
Sir, if I may?

78
00:03:45,953 --> 00:03:48,163
Why don't you just set up,
like, a billion video cameras

79
00:03:48,247 --> 00:03:50,249
in the woods and see if he walks by one.

80
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Ah, that would be very expensive,

81
00:03:53,126 --> 00:03:55,671
and most people who believe
in Bigfoot are broke.

82
00:03:55,754 --> 00:03:57,839
Hey, look, Bigfoot, he's back!

83
00:03:57,923 --> 00:03:59,049
Where?

84
00:03:59,132 --> 00:04:00,217
Up your face.

85
00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:01,802
(LAUGHING)

86
00:04:01,885 --> 00:04:03,470
Everybody do the Bender.

87
00:04:05,931 --> 00:04:07,933
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

88
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,310
The sky out here is amazing.

89
00:04:10,394 --> 00:04:12,145
Look at all the satellites.

90
00:04:19,778 --> 00:04:21,822
Good night, employees.

91
00:04:22,114 --> 00:04:23,240
HERMES: Good night.

92
00:04:23,574 --> 00:04:25,367
DR. ZOIDBERG: Good night, Hubert.

93
00:04:26,994 --> 00:04:28,328
(SPRAYS AEROSOL)

94
00:04:28,412 --> 00:04:30,122
You doing all right out there, buddy?

95
00:04:30,205 --> 00:04:31,748
Better than these gnats.

96
00:04:31,832 --> 00:04:34,209
(ELECTRONIC ZAPPING)

97
00:04:34,293 --> 00:04:35,794
(LAUGHS)

98
00:04:35,877 --> 00:04:37,879
That guy won't be going home to his kids.

99
00:04:43,093 --> 00:04:45,470
(SHIVERING)

100
00:04:45,554 --> 00:04:46,722
(OWL HOOTING)

101
00:04:46,805 --> 00:04:48,140
What's that? A wolf?

102
00:04:48,223 --> 00:04:49,891
Or some kind of boogen?

103
00:04:49,975 --> 00:04:52,269
Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent.

104
00:04:53,937 --> 00:04:55,981
(IN FAKE VOICE) Fry! Fry, wake up.

105
00:04:56,064 --> 00:04:57,482
It's me, Bigface.

106
00:04:57,566 --> 00:04:59,776
Come out and groom my mangy fur.

107
00:04:59,860 --> 00:05:00,861
(GASPS)

108
00:05:00,944 --> 00:05:03,030
Bigfoot? You taught yourself English?

109
00:05:04,948 --> 00:05:06,241
Bigfoot?

110
00:05:06,325 --> 00:05:07,618
Bigfoot?

111
00:05:08,702 --> 00:05:10,245
(CHUCKLES)

112
00:05:11,538 --> 00:05:13,040
(IMITATES DOG)

113
00:05:14,583 --> 00:05:15,959
(SIGHS)

114
00:05:16,043 --> 00:05:18,045
(SNORING)

115
00:05:18,128 --> 00:05:19,755
(MUMBLING IN SLEEP)

116
00:05:21,006 --> 00:05:22,925
FRY: Bigfoot, is that you?

117
00:05:23,008 --> 00:05:24,676
I'm not like the others, Bigfoot.

118
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:28,639
I see through your monster coating
to the gentle loner inside.

119
00:05:28,722 --> 00:05:30,515
I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend

120
00:05:30,599 --> 00:05:32,935
that you tenderly nurse back
to health while you go...

121
00:05:33,018 --> 00:05:34,728
(COOING)

122
00:05:34,811 --> 00:05:37,481
But in the end they shoot you,
but you teach us about things.

123
00:05:41,818 --> 00:05:43,111
(CHIRPING)

124
00:05:43,195 --> 00:05:44,947
(LOUD RUMBLING)

125
00:05:46,490 --> 00:05:48,575
(WIND WHISTLING)

126
00:05:53,664 --> 00:05:54,790
(GASPS)

127
00:05:56,708 --> 00:05:58,252
Oh, just a flying saucer.

128
00:05:58,335 --> 00:06:00,671
Excuse me. You can't park here.

129
00:06:00,754 --> 00:06:02,089
The parking area is over there.

130
00:06:02,172 --> 00:06:04,800
(BEEPING AND WHIRRING)

131
00:06:06,885 --> 00:06:08,345
Wow, nice tube.

132
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,556
Hey, hey, what's the big idea?

133
00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:13,016
Stop abducting me!

134
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:15,561
Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

135
00:06:15,811 --> 00:06:18,897
Help!

136
00:06:26,196 --> 00:06:27,197
(SIGHS)

137
00:06:27,281 --> 00:06:31,118
(ALL YAWNING)

138
00:06:31,201 --> 00:06:32,744
There's nothing so refreshing

139
00:06:32,828 --> 00:06:36,039
as the clean, crisp taste
of this bold, Canadian beer.

140
00:06:37,958 --> 00:06:39,751
Well, see you in an hour.

141
00:06:39,835 --> 00:06:42,296
I got to go do some business
behind that tree.

142
00:06:48,927 --> 00:06:51,680
- (ZIPPER RASPING)
- (BENDER GRUNTING)

143
00:06:51,930 --> 00:06:53,473
Come on, you!

144
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:54,975
(YELLS)

145
00:06:55,058 --> 00:06:57,227
Bender, wasn't that Fry's tent?

146
00:06:57,311 --> 00:06:59,104
(MUTTERS MOCKINGLY)

147
00:06:59,187 --> 00:07:00,856
Bender raises a good point.

148
00:07:00,939 --> 00:07:02,316
Where is Fry?

149
00:07:02,399 --> 00:07:04,151
(PANTING)

150
00:07:07,738 --> 00:07:09,406
(CHATTERING)

151
00:07:13,035 --> 00:07:14,745
Amy, you won't believe what happened!

152
00:07:14,828 --> 00:07:16,580
It was so scary that you wouldn't...

153
00:07:16,663 --> 00:07:17,915
(SCREAMS)

154
00:07:17,998 --> 00:07:20,000
I know, but listen, it gets even scarier.

155
00:07:20,083 --> 00:07:23,003
Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you?

156
00:07:23,086 --> 00:07:24,963
That's what I'm trying to tell you. See...

157
00:07:26,506 --> 00:07:28,342
Why are you all staring at me like that?

158
00:07:28,675 --> 00:07:30,218
Is there something on my face?

159
00:07:30,385 --> 00:07:31,678
Uh, no.

160
00:07:34,264 --> 00:07:35,349
Someone should tell him.

161
00:07:35,474 --> 00:07:37,142
- Tell me what?
- Nothing.

162
00:07:37,225 --> 00:07:40,771
Well, I have a lot of experience
telling patients bad news

163
00:07:40,854 --> 00:07:43,190
so let me break it to him gently.

164
00:07:44,191 --> 00:07:46,735
Fry, you have no nose!

165
00:07:46,818 --> 00:07:48,278
Your nose is gone!

166
00:07:48,362 --> 00:07:50,113
You have no nose on your face!

167
00:07:50,197 --> 00:07:53,784
Where it is, I can't say,
but on your face it's not.

168
00:07:53,867 --> 00:07:55,035
What?

169
00:07:56,036 --> 00:07:57,246
(SHRIEKS)

170
00:07:57,329 --> 00:07:59,039
Aw, I think it's sweet.

171
00:07:59,122 --> 00:08:00,457
You chopped off your nose

172
00:08:00,540 --> 00:08:02,876
so you could look more like
your hero, me, Bender.

173
00:08:03,252 --> 00:08:05,587
My God, they must have
taken it last night.

174
00:08:05,671 --> 00:08:06,964
Which last night?

175
00:08:07,047 --> 00:08:08,799
In the woods. I was walking.

176
00:08:08,882 --> 00:08:10,384
For Bigfoot, looking.

177
00:08:10,467 --> 00:08:11,843
And then aliens beamed me up.

178
00:08:11,927 --> 00:08:14,763
Were they little gray dudes
with the big oval heads?

179
00:08:16,390 --> 00:08:18,725
I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong?

180
00:08:18,809 --> 00:08:20,477
Cheer up, friend.

181
00:08:20,561 --> 00:08:23,313
When we get home,
a high-quality prosthesis

182
00:08:23,397 --> 00:08:25,274
will have you looking good as new.

183
00:08:27,109 --> 00:08:28,819
I'm a pathetic freak.

184
00:08:28,902 --> 00:08:30,279
My life is ruined.

185
00:08:30,362 --> 00:08:32,155
(LAUGHS)

186
00:08:32,239 --> 00:08:34,741
Man, you are such a jokester.

187
00:08:34,825 --> 00:08:37,703
I'll never have another moment
of happiness.

188
00:08:37,828 --> 00:08:39,955
(ALL LAUGHING)

189
00:08:42,958 --> 00:08:45,252
I know you're trying
to mask your pain with humor,

190
00:08:45,335 --> 00:08:46,503
but don't worry.

191
00:08:46,587 --> 00:08:48,922
I'm sure the professor
can clone you a new nose.

192
00:08:49,006 --> 00:08:52,509
It wouldn't be the same. I want my nose.

193
00:08:52,593 --> 00:08:55,304
I don't want to have to teach a new one
how to shoot milk when I laugh.

194
00:08:55,387 --> 00:08:57,514
Well, there's no sense fretting.

195
00:08:57,598 --> 00:08:59,349
Good Lord, you're ugly.

196
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,184
The fact is, your nose is gone

197
00:09:01,268 --> 00:09:03,812
and we'll never find out
who did it or why.

198
00:09:03,896 --> 00:09:05,355
(DOOR OPENS)

199
00:09:05,522 --> 00:09:08,191
Guys, guys,
there's something on television!

200
00:09:08,984 --> 00:09:12,613
LINDA: Alien abductions,
until now a harmless nuisance

201
00:09:12,696 --> 00:09:15,616
but recently they've taken on
a sinister dimension

202
00:09:15,699 --> 00:09:19,161
as unsuspecting victims
are returned without noses.

203
00:09:19,328 --> 00:09:20,329
Like me.

204
00:09:20,412 --> 00:09:24,875
The culprits, shameless poachers
hunting humans without a permit.

205
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,711
The valuable nose, or "human horn,"

206
00:09:27,794 --> 00:09:31,298
fetches a high price on alien worlds
as an aphrodisiac.

207
00:09:31,381 --> 00:09:33,717
My nose is an aphrodisiac?

208
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,052
(GROANS)

209
00:09:35,135 --> 00:09:36,386
I'm gonna drop a barf!

210
00:09:36,470 --> 00:09:38,430
Demand for human horn is great

211
00:09:38,513 --> 00:09:40,432
due in part to titillating scenes

212
00:09:40,515 --> 00:09:44,937
from depraved alien TV programs
too filthy for Earth broadcast.

213
00:09:45,020 --> 00:09:46,188
Let's watch.

214
00:09:48,607 --> 00:09:52,319
(GASPS) Human horn? But it is forbidden.

215
00:09:52,402 --> 00:09:54,279
So is our love.

216
00:10:00,911 --> 00:10:03,288
(MOANING)

217
00:10:05,666 --> 00:10:06,833
Blech!

218
00:10:06,917 --> 00:10:09,503
We have to track down my nose
before some aliens snarfs it

219
00:10:09,586 --> 00:10:11,296
and does the Worm. Who's in?

220
00:10:11,380 --> 00:10:14,341
Me and Bender and maybe Zoidberg
if he feels like it.

221
00:10:14,424 --> 00:10:15,550
Nah, I'm good.

222
00:10:21,139 --> 00:10:24,059
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

223
00:10:27,479 --> 00:10:30,983
Let's see.
I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters

224
00:10:31,066 --> 00:10:32,317
and a large Coke.

225
00:10:32,401 --> 00:10:33,777
WAITER: One number three combo.

226
00:10:33,860 --> 00:10:36,113
(SPIT SQUEAKING)

227
00:10:38,865 --> 00:10:40,117
It's no use.

228
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,327
We've been to every
scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy,

229
00:10:42,411 --> 00:10:43,787
including Pottery Barn.

230
00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:45,330
Wait. What's that?

231
00:10:50,794 --> 00:10:52,254
Welcome, friends.

232
00:10:52,337 --> 00:10:54,506
How may I pervert you?

233
00:10:54,590 --> 00:10:56,258
Uh, I'm looking for human horn.

234
00:10:56,341 --> 00:10:58,802
Shh. You're not cops, right?

235
00:10:58,885 --> 00:11:00,262
Of course not.

236
00:11:00,345 --> 00:11:02,014
In fact, he's a crook.

237
00:11:02,097 --> 00:11:04,141
Yep. Stolen Pez, anyone?

238
00:11:07,394 --> 00:11:08,937
Right this way.

239
00:11:11,815 --> 00:11:16,695
Human horn, so fresh
you can still see the eyeglass marks.

240
00:11:17,654 --> 00:11:19,781
Nope. Uh-uh.

241
00:11:19,865 --> 00:11:21,033
Ooh!

242
00:11:21,283 --> 00:11:23,201
Now, look, this is the nose we want.

243
00:11:23,285 --> 00:11:24,661
Did you sell it to somebody?

244
00:11:24,745 --> 00:11:26,246
I'm sorry, sir,

245
00:11:26,330 --> 00:11:29,207
but due to the perverted
nature of our business,

246
00:11:29,291 --> 00:11:32,169
customer records
are strictly confidential.

247
00:11:32,669 --> 00:11:33,795
(GROANS)

248
00:11:33,879 --> 00:11:35,756
Right this way. (GROANS)

249
00:11:37,633 --> 00:11:42,220
I videotape everyone who comes in here
so I can blackmail them later.

250
00:11:42,304 --> 00:11:43,639
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

251
00:11:43,722 --> 00:11:46,016
Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster.

252
00:11:46,099 --> 00:11:47,684
What do I care what you think?

253
00:11:47,768 --> 00:11:50,103
Here's the weirdo who bought your horn.

254
00:11:52,231 --> 00:11:53,398
(LEELA GASPS)

255
00:11:53,482 --> 00:11:57,236
That's Lrrr, ruler of the planet
Omicron Persei 8.

256
00:11:57,319 --> 00:11:59,529
You got any... You know...

257
00:12:00,530 --> 00:12:02,074
Speak up. You're muttering.

258
00:12:02,157 --> 00:12:04,660
I said... Human horn?

259
00:12:04,952 --> 00:12:06,453
You're not a cop, right?

260
00:12:06,536 --> 00:12:08,622
Oh, no, no. I'm just some guy,

261
00:12:09,164 --> 00:12:12,125
ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

262
00:12:24,846 --> 00:12:26,181
So let me get this straight.

263
00:12:26,265 --> 00:12:30,227
If I buy eight Caramello bars,
you all get to go to some camp?

264
00:12:30,310 --> 00:12:33,814
Yep. That's exactly the lie we used
to get past your guards.

265
00:12:33,897 --> 00:12:35,774
Oh, great space king,

266
00:12:35,857 --> 00:12:38,068
I humbly beg you to return my human horn.

267
00:12:38,151 --> 00:12:40,195
What... Human horn?

268
00:12:40,279 --> 00:12:41,572
How ridiculous.

269
00:12:41,655 --> 00:12:45,200
Why would a virile male
like Lrrr need human horn?

270
00:12:45,284 --> 00:12:47,035
I don't even know what it's for.

271
00:12:47,119 --> 00:12:49,538
What is it?
Something you put in salad dressing?

272
00:12:49,621 --> 00:12:51,540
Like you've ever seen a salad.

273
00:12:51,623 --> 00:12:53,709
My weight is appropriate and attractive.

274
00:12:53,792 --> 00:12:56,503
Whoa, you guys have issues.

275
00:12:56,587 --> 00:12:59,047
She has issues. I'm fine.

276
00:12:59,339 --> 00:13:03,385
But there's no human horn around here
so make friends with the door.

277
00:13:03,552 --> 00:13:05,554
All right, I give up.

278
00:13:06,179 --> 00:13:08,765
I guess I'll just go home
and marry a skunk.

279
00:13:08,932 --> 00:13:10,267
(SOBBING)

280
00:13:10,350 --> 00:13:12,144
Oh, let's just give it to him.

281
00:13:12,227 --> 00:13:13,228
Here.

282
00:13:13,312 --> 00:13:15,606
My nose! Light of my face!

283
00:13:15,939 --> 00:13:17,983
Uh, what is that?

284
00:13:18,150 --> 00:13:19,484
How do you have that, Ndnd?

285
00:13:19,568 --> 00:13:21,111
I've never seen it before.

286
00:13:21,194 --> 00:13:22,613
My friend left it here.

287
00:13:24,114 --> 00:13:25,324
Hold still, Fry.

288
00:13:25,407 --> 00:13:27,910
I can reattach it
with my emergency face laser.

289
00:13:28,201 --> 00:13:29,328
(BEEPS)

290
00:13:31,246 --> 00:13:32,706
Hey, you burned my cheek!

291
00:13:32,789 --> 00:13:34,875
Yeah, sorry.
I wasn't really concentrating.

292
00:13:35,125 --> 00:13:37,544
No, I mean the singed flesh,
I can smell it.

293
00:13:37,628 --> 00:13:40,547
(SNIFFS) And those lilacs on the table.

294
00:13:40,631 --> 00:13:42,215
At least someone noticed.

295
00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:45,135
For the last time, I don't like lilacs!

296
00:13:45,218 --> 00:13:47,596
Your first wife was the one
who liked lilacs.

297
00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:49,181
She also liked to shut up.

298
00:13:49,598 --> 00:13:51,516
Well, great seeing you.
I guess we'll be on our...

299
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,603
Yo, Highness! Just out of robo curiosity,

300
00:13:54,686 --> 00:13:57,522
why would you use a guy's nose
for an aphrodisiac

301
00:13:57,606 --> 00:14:00,192
instead of his, you know,
wing-dang doodle?

302
00:14:00,275 --> 00:14:03,654
But I thought the horn
was the human wing-dang doodle.

303
00:14:03,862 --> 00:14:05,197
No, sir, Chief.

304
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:08,909
The main event, so to speak,
is downstairs, near the wallet.

305
00:14:08,992 --> 00:14:11,745
You ever see soccer players
line up to block a free kick?

306
00:14:11,828 --> 00:14:14,039
They ain't covering their noses,
I'll tell you that much.

307
00:14:14,122 --> 00:14:15,540
Well, see you.

308
00:14:15,624 --> 00:14:16,959
Interesting.

309
00:14:17,042 --> 00:14:20,254
The trousers conceal a tiny,
secondary horn.

310
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:21,588
Hey, what've you heard?

311
00:14:21,672 --> 00:14:23,090
Guards, seize him!

312
00:14:23,173 --> 00:14:26,969
- (FRY GASPS)
- Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

313
00:14:29,846 --> 00:14:31,682
Okay, you can have my nose.

314
00:14:37,521 --> 00:14:39,606
(WHIMPERING)

315
00:14:39,690 --> 00:14:41,316
- Guards!
- Yeah?

316
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,612
Remove the human's lower horn
and prepare it to be eaten by me.

317
00:14:45,696 --> 00:14:48,782
In other words,
slop a lot of ketchup and salt on it.

318
00:14:48,865 --> 00:14:51,034
Then bring it to our royal bed chamber

319
00:14:51,118 --> 00:14:53,245
and put it in a sock drawer
with all the other things

320
00:14:53,328 --> 00:14:55,789
that have failed to arouse
my passion for this woman.

321
00:14:55,872 --> 00:14:57,291
(WHIRRING)

322
00:14:58,083 --> 00:14:59,293
(YELPS)

323
00:14:59,668 --> 00:15:00,919
Remove pants.

324
00:15:01,003 --> 00:15:02,421
Wait, listen.

325
00:15:02,504 --> 00:15:05,257
I'm usually the first guy to
toot my own lower horn, but...

326
00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:06,758
I'll say. Whoo!

327
00:15:06,842 --> 00:15:09,678
But in this case, I just don't think
it's going to do any good.

328
00:15:09,761 --> 00:15:13,140
That's what she said. Whoo!

329
00:15:13,223 --> 00:15:16,268
Let's face it, you two have
deep relationship problems

330
00:15:16,351 --> 00:15:18,395
that can't be solved by an aphrodisiac.

331
00:15:18,478 --> 00:15:19,897
However huge it might be.

332
00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:23,317
So what do you suggest,
painfully single human?

333
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,193
Well, why don't you think back

334
00:15:25,277 --> 00:15:27,237
to what brought you together
in the first place.

335
00:15:27,321 --> 00:15:29,698
Oh, I don't know.

336
00:15:29,781 --> 00:15:31,909
Lrrr used to be so tender.

337
00:15:31,992 --> 00:15:35,537
Oh, I only wrote that poem
to test my printer.

338
00:15:35,621 --> 00:15:37,664
We'd go walking in the woods

339
00:15:37,748 --> 00:15:40,083
and Lrrr would find
injured little tinklebunnies

340
00:15:40,167 --> 00:15:41,627
and nurse them back to health.

341
00:15:41,710 --> 00:15:43,837
Yes, but I'm the one who injured them.

342
00:15:43,921 --> 00:15:45,088
Oh, shush.

343
00:15:45,172 --> 00:15:48,425
You stepped on them by accident
and then you cried all night.

344
00:15:48,508 --> 00:15:51,511
That's the kind of sensitive man
you used to be.

345
00:15:51,595 --> 00:15:55,557
And you used to wear a size three cape,
but not anymore!

346
00:15:55,641 --> 00:15:58,393
Now bring me that lower horn
while I'm still in the mood.

347
00:15:58,477 --> 00:16:00,020
(WHIRRING)

348
00:16:00,771 --> 00:16:03,065
(STAMMERS) But what if we
helped you get your passion back

349
00:16:03,148 --> 00:16:04,608
without the hassle of mutilating me?

350
00:16:04,691 --> 00:16:06,902
Yeah. We know a great place
in the mountains.

351
00:16:06,985 --> 00:16:10,155
We could take you there
for a romantic dinner under the stars.

352
00:16:10,239 --> 00:16:12,699
Hmm. Sounds interesting.

353
00:16:12,783 --> 00:16:14,159
But he would never do it.

354
00:16:14,243 --> 00:16:15,452
Oh, like hell I wouldn't.

355
00:16:15,535 --> 00:16:17,621
I'm not going to be blamed for not going.

356
00:16:17,704 --> 00:16:19,831
Then it's a deal. We get one night.

357
00:16:19,915 --> 00:16:23,627
I keep my horn as long as you two
end up doing the horizontal Monster Mash.

358
00:16:23,710 --> 00:16:25,879
(LAUGHING)

359
00:16:25,963 --> 00:16:28,423
Oh... I don't get it.

360
00:16:34,137 --> 00:16:38,433
Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine
for the edge of the table?

361
00:16:38,517 --> 00:16:41,019
No, thanks. Just water, please.

362
00:16:41,103 --> 00:16:42,312
Tap water.

363
00:16:42,396 --> 00:16:44,022
Oh, big spender.

364
00:16:44,106 --> 00:16:46,650
That's it! This date is over!

365
00:16:46,733 --> 00:16:47,901
Waiter!

366
00:16:49,361 --> 00:16:51,071
So, what can I get you this evening?

367
00:16:51,154 --> 00:16:52,531
Your lower horn!

368
00:16:52,614 --> 00:16:53,740
(YELPS)

369
00:16:53,824 --> 00:16:55,617
Uh, I'll just start you off
with some bread,

370
00:16:55,701 --> 00:16:57,786
some sexy, arousing bread.

371
00:16:57,869 --> 00:17:00,539
Fine, but none of that
whole-grain goat food.

372
00:17:00,622 --> 00:17:02,583
And bring plenty of melted butter!

373
00:17:02,666 --> 00:17:07,087
Ugh. Why don't you just inject
some fat straight into your ass

374
00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:08,589
and cut out the middleman?

375
00:17:08,672 --> 00:17:12,217
One of these days, Ndnd... Bang! Zoom!

376
00:17:12,301 --> 00:17:15,053
Straight to the third moon
of Omicron Persei 8!

377
00:17:17,723 --> 00:17:20,684
(LOUD EATING)

378
00:17:21,727 --> 00:17:24,438
Mm. This jerked chicken is good.

379
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:27,065
I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.

380
00:17:27,190 --> 00:17:30,152
BENDER: It's used to it! Whoo!

381
00:17:30,235 --> 00:17:31,570
(WHEELS SQUEAKING)

382
00:17:31,653 --> 00:17:34,197
So, uh, how are you two
snoogie-pookums doing?

383
00:17:34,281 --> 00:17:35,324
Poorly!

384
00:17:35,407 --> 00:17:37,200
My wife is right, for once.

385
00:17:37,284 --> 00:17:39,745
There's very little magic in the air.

386
00:17:39,828 --> 00:17:42,039
Ready the lower horn transport vessel.

387
00:17:45,125 --> 00:17:46,251
(SCREAMS)

388
00:17:46,335 --> 00:17:49,504
Boy, who knew a cooler
could also make a handy wang coffin.

389
00:17:50,255 --> 00:17:52,215
Mind if I stick these in here?

390
00:17:52,299 --> 00:17:53,550
Go for it.

391
00:17:54,718 --> 00:17:55,761
Don't worry, Fry.

392
00:17:55,844 --> 00:17:58,931
Things look bad,
but I still have a trump card...

393
00:17:59,222 --> 00:18:01,767
The most beautiful love song ever written.

394
00:18:03,060 --> 00:18:10,025
(SINGING)
And I will always love you, ooh...

395
00:18:10,692 --> 00:18:13,820
(GROANS AND SCREAMS)

396
00:18:14,738 --> 00:18:16,406
The humans are attacking!

397
00:18:16,490 --> 00:18:19,243
Pluck the lower horn
and let's get out of here!

398
00:18:20,827 --> 00:18:22,537
Quick, Fry, run for it.

399
00:18:22,621 --> 00:18:23,664
(GRUNTS)

400
00:18:23,997 --> 00:18:25,374
(GRUNTS)

401
00:18:27,251 --> 00:18:29,878
Come on, freedom cage, roll me to safety.

402
00:18:31,922 --> 00:18:33,257
Ow, ow, ow.

403
00:18:36,510 --> 00:18:39,096
Yes! I never thought
I'd escape with my doodle

404
00:18:39,179 --> 00:18:40,889
but I pulled it out.

405
00:18:40,973 --> 00:18:44,393
BENDER: Just like
at the movie theater. Whoo!

406
00:18:44,476 --> 00:18:45,561
Give me that.

407
00:18:45,644 --> 00:18:46,645
(SCREAMS)

408
00:18:51,692 --> 00:18:52,693
(WHIMPERS)

409
00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:57,948
(GASPS)

410
00:19:01,451 --> 00:19:03,537
- (LOUD GROWL)
- (THUNDERING FOOTSTEPS)

411
00:19:06,665 --> 00:19:09,209
Bigfoot! He's real. I knew it!

412
00:19:09,293 --> 00:19:11,503
The Loch Ness monster's book was right.

413
00:19:15,966 --> 00:19:18,176
(GRUNTING)

414
00:19:18,260 --> 00:19:21,888
Well, hello there, my furry friend.

415
00:19:21,972 --> 00:19:24,766
Look at his adorable little feet.

416
00:19:25,601 --> 00:19:27,811
(GROWLS FEROCIOUSLY)

417
00:19:32,441 --> 00:19:33,942
(CHUCKLES LOVINGLY)

418
00:19:34,026 --> 00:19:36,778
Yes, you are a cutie pie.

419
00:19:36,862 --> 00:19:38,488
Holy macaroni!

420
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:42,868
I can't believe I'm seeing Bigfoot.

421
00:19:42,951 --> 00:19:44,328
And he's in focus.

422
00:19:44,411 --> 00:19:46,705
Oh, I've waited my entire life
for this moment.

423
00:19:49,082 --> 00:19:50,292
ALL: Huh? What?

424
00:19:50,375 --> 00:19:51,585
Hey, what are you doing with that?

425
00:19:51,668 --> 00:19:54,713
You're going to kill
this innocent giganto?

426
00:19:54,796 --> 00:19:56,590
Of course not.

427
00:19:56,673 --> 00:19:58,175
I'm just going to tranquilize him

428
00:19:58,258 --> 00:20:00,844
so I can chop off his feet
as proof he exists,

429
00:20:00,928 --> 00:20:02,638
then dump him back in the wild.

430
00:20:02,721 --> 00:20:03,889
He'll do fine.

431
00:20:04,473 --> 00:20:07,225
You'll have to get through me first.

432
00:20:07,309 --> 00:20:09,019
Okay. Nightie-night.

433
00:20:12,397 --> 00:20:13,398
Ah...

434
00:20:13,482 --> 00:20:17,361
Now leave this gentle Sasquatch,
or wood ape, in peace,

435
00:20:17,444 --> 00:20:19,446
so I can finally, and at long last,

436
00:20:19,529 --> 00:20:22,366
harvest this pathetic human's lower horn.

437
00:20:22,449 --> 00:20:24,034
Yeah! (GASPS)

438
00:20:24,368 --> 00:20:26,411
Wait, what am I saying?

439
00:20:26,495 --> 00:20:28,872
If I poach this beast's lower horn,

440
00:20:28,956 --> 00:20:32,542
am I any better than that ranger
with his demented foot lust?

441
00:20:33,377 --> 00:20:35,545
Yes, but not by enough.

442
00:20:37,839 --> 00:20:39,049
Score.

443
00:20:39,132 --> 00:20:40,384
(GROWLS SOFTLY)

444
00:20:40,467 --> 00:20:44,680
This human's lower horn
is one of God's creatures,

445
00:20:44,763 --> 00:20:46,306
a living thing.

446
00:20:46,390 --> 00:20:49,559
And all living things, large and small...

447
00:20:49,643 --> 00:20:52,271
BENDER: In this case, small. Whoo!

448
00:20:52,354 --> 00:20:56,233
...have dignity and a spark of the divine.

449
00:20:57,651 --> 00:20:59,027
(CRYING)

450
00:20:59,111 --> 00:21:04,157
That's the gentle, sensitive poet warlord
I fell in love with.

451
00:21:13,625 --> 00:21:16,086
(PASSIONATE MOANING)

452
00:21:19,965 --> 00:21:21,466
(CLEARS THROAT)

453
00:21:22,342 --> 00:21:26,346
LRRR: Uh, you'll want to retreat
to a safe 500-meter radius!

454
00:21:29,057 --> 00:21:32,477
Well, Fry, it looks like you get
to hold on to your lower horn.

455
00:21:32,561 --> 00:21:35,147
As usual. Whoo!

456
00:21:35,230 --> 00:21:36,940
Run away!

457
00:21:37,441 --> 00:21:39,359
(MOANING CONTINUES)

458
00:21:39,443 --> 00:21:40,652
LRRR: Oh, yeah...

459
00:21:40,736 --> 00:21:43,155
(MOANING CONTINUES)

460
00:21:43,530 --> 00:21:45,115
(GROWLS SOFTLY)

461
00:21:57,210 --> 00:21:58,712
NARRATOR: You're on a scenic route

462
00:21:58,795 --> 00:22:01,798
through a state recreation area
known as the human mind.

463
00:22:01,882 --> 00:22:04,259
You ask a passerby for directions,

464
00:22:04,343 --> 00:22:06,637
only to find he has no face, or something.

465
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,222
Suddenly, up ahead, a door in the road.

466
00:22:09,306 --> 00:22:12,392
You swerve, narrowly avoiding
The Scary Door.

467
00:22:14,853 --> 00:22:18,148
I have combined the DNA
of the world's most evil animals

468
00:22:18,232 --> 00:22:20,484
to make the most evil creature
of them all.

469
00:22:24,655 --> 00:22:26,240
It turns out it's man.