1
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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

2
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(OLYMPIC THEME PLAYING)

3
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(STARTER CLICKING)

4
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SPORTSCASTER: Welcome to the games
of the 3004 Earth Olympiad,

5
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continuing this network's tradition
of sportscasting excellence.

6
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Celebrity Ape Fight will return
next week at its regular time.

7
00:00:57,512 --> 00:00:59,890
So who should I root for?
America? Or one of those countries

8
00:00:59,973 --> 00:01:01,850
I learned about at the food court?

9
00:01:01,934 --> 00:01:03,477
How about those guys?

10
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LEELA: No, they're from
the Republic of French Stereotypes.

11
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Everybody hates them.

12
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Oh, let's go check on Hermes.

13
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All this inspiring multiculturalism
is angrying up my blood.

14
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Sweden?

15
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I don't think so.

16
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Go on, stick, touch me.

17
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Can't do it.

18
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Husband, you haven't been
an Olympic-class limbo-er for 20 years.

19
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Quit lying to your pudgy self.

20
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It does seem like Jamaica

21
00:01:34,508 --> 00:01:36,885
would be able to field
a strong limbo team without you.

22
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Yeah. Isn't that basically
all Jamaicans do?

23
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Jamaicans have other interests.

24
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Which is why the limbo team
got detained at the airport.

25
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That's when they begged my husband

26
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to step in and make an ass out of himself.

27
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And I said I'd try my very best.

28
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But have they seen your, you know,

29
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physique since the old days?

30
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I described it to them on the phone

31
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using a series of artful euphemisms.

32
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Don't worry, the fat pig will do fine

33
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thanks to this flab-o-dynamic
spandex body suit I've designed.

34
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It redistributes his weight

35
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shifting his center of gravity
closer to his knees.

36
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Oh, that's snug.

37
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(GASPING)

38
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Those haven't descended in years.

39
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Now that's a limbo-er's body.

40
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(CHEERING)

41
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Look at that fine Jamaican bacon.

42
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Shut up, Zoidberg.

43
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The robot bending events are starting.

44
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Something tells me I could easily beat
those trained professionals.

45
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(CROWD CHEERING)

46
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Wow. That guy must be, like
the world's greatest bender.

47
00:02:51,251 --> 00:02:53,962
My dreams of glory died before they began.

48
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Welcome to my life.

49
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(SOBBING)

50
00:02:59,885 --> 00:03:04,681
ANNOUNCER: Athletes, please take
your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo.

51
00:03:05,432 --> 00:03:06,975
Hermes Conrad.

52
00:03:07,059 --> 00:03:10,354
Is that you inside
that dumpy little fat man?

53
00:03:10,437 --> 00:03:12,439
(GASPING) Barbados Slim!

54
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What are you doing here?

55
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Last time I heard, you were in Barbados.

56
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Yes, and I'll be going back there
with a gold medal

57
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draped around my elegant
Caribbean shoulders.

58
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(LAUGHS CONFIDENTLY)

59
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Your body may be as perfectly sculpted
as it was 20 years ago

60
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when you whupped my fat ass
every time we met,

61
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but today, I feel lucky.

62
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(SCRUNCHING)

63
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I see you're still able
to limbo under the bar of fashion sense.

64
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(LAUGHING)

65
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That's it, Barbados Slim.

66
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You've gone one toke over the line.

67
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Limbo-ers, on your marks.

68
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Get rubbery.

69
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Limbo!

70
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SPORTSCASTER: There they go,

71
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and Barbados Slim takes an early lead.

72
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God, I hope he wins.

73
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(PANTING)

74
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What's this?

75
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Hermes Conrad is closing the gap.

76
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He's limbo'd out of retirement
and straight into my heart.

77
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I say "Go to hell, Barbados Slim."

78
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Go, body suit, go!

79
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(CROWD CHEERING)

80
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Come on, Hermes!

81
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Beat that mahogany god!

82
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It's Barbados, then Conrad!

83
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Conrad pulls ahead.

84
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(SLOSHING)

85
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And Conrad is disqualified.

86
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Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold.

87
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Ah, there, there, Hermes,
you did your best.

88
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If I'd wanted a human Adonis
for a husband,

89
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I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim.

90
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Well, enough about Hermes.

91
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I couldn't win a medal, either,

92
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even at bending,
the thing I was built to do.

93
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I'm so embarrassed, I wish
everybody else was dead.

94
00:04:56,001 --> 00:04:58,837
ANNOUNCER: Up next,
the Fembot bending competition.

95
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Fembots?

96
00:05:00,547 --> 00:05:01,965
(EVIL LAUGHTER)

97
00:05:02,049 --> 00:05:05,344
Methinks a clever Manbot,
suitably disguised,

98
00:05:05,427 --> 00:05:07,304
might win those events,

99
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but the charade would require
subtlety, nuance, grace.

100
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What do you mean, I'm not registered?

101
00:05:14,227 --> 00:05:18,231
My name is Coilette
and I'm from, uh, Robonia!

102
00:05:18,774 --> 00:05:20,192
Coilette's a chick's name.

103
00:05:20,275 --> 00:05:24,321
Yes, but Robonia sounds like something
somebody made up on the spot.

104
00:05:24,404 --> 00:05:26,865
Ever been beaten up
by a guy dressed like a chick?

105
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SPORTSCASTER: And it's straight!

106
00:05:35,749 --> 00:05:37,000
Coilette wins!

107
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Another gold medal for
the spunky maid from Robonia.

108
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(BEEPING)

109
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A perfect bend and a flawless entry.

110
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No splash at all.

111
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Perfect scores.

112
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A record five gold medals for Coilette.

113
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I'm great! Everybody else sucks!

114
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Except that guy Bender.

115
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He's really something.

116
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Whoo!

117
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ANNOUNCER: All medalists
report for gender testing.

118
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(CHOKING CRY)

119
00:06:11,785 --> 00:06:13,620
You actually thought they'd let you

120
00:06:13,704 --> 00:06:15,914
walk away without an engine oil sex check?

121
00:06:15,998 --> 00:06:18,875
Oh, God, I'm not going to get my medals.

122
00:06:18,959 --> 00:06:21,712
They're all I have
to remember my Olympic career.

123
00:06:21,795 --> 00:06:23,630
Wait! I've got it!

124
00:06:23,714 --> 00:06:25,924
Professor, make a woman out of me.

125
00:06:26,008 --> 00:06:28,552
Oh, I think we should just stay friends.

126
00:06:28,635 --> 00:06:29,928
I don't need friends.

127
00:06:30,012 --> 00:06:33,015
I need a sex change operation,
and give it to me now.

128
00:06:33,098 --> 00:06:37,603
Bender, a robot sex change
is a complex and dangerous procedure.

129
00:06:37,686 --> 00:06:41,106
Replacing your testosteroil
with Fembot lubricants

130
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can cause wild mood swings

131
00:06:42,983 --> 00:06:45,152
and the effects may be irreversible.

132
00:06:45,527 --> 00:06:47,237
Well, let's get started.

133
00:06:47,321 --> 00:06:48,905
No, you can't!

134
00:06:48,989 --> 00:06:52,159
If you have even the slightest respect
for the dignity of women...

135
00:06:52,242 --> 00:06:53,493
Pfft.

136
00:06:53,577 --> 00:06:55,412
I'm sorry, but I must do this.

137
00:06:55,495 --> 00:06:57,456
Not for you, not for Bender

138
00:06:57,539 --> 00:07:00,000
but for the proud people of Robonia!

139
00:07:04,755 --> 00:07:06,590
Come on, guys. Come on.

140
00:07:09,509 --> 00:07:12,721
I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy
and wrong and sick.

141
00:07:12,804 --> 00:07:14,640
However, I will watch out of curiosity.

142
00:07:14,932 --> 00:07:17,768
Quiet! I'm about to begin the process

143
00:07:17,893 --> 00:07:22,105
of reshaping Bender's body
into a tender, delicate form.

144
00:07:22,856 --> 00:07:24,775
BENDER: Ow! Ow! Ow!

145
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:26,568
Ooh! Ow! Ow!

146
00:07:31,657 --> 00:07:33,533
Draining male oil.

147
00:07:36,411 --> 00:07:37,412
(MOANS)

148
00:07:37,496 --> 00:07:38,497
(THUDS)

149
00:07:38,956 --> 00:07:41,541
Infusing female oil.

150
00:07:42,042 --> 00:07:43,543
(OIL GURGLING)

151
00:07:45,003 --> 00:07:46,838
Removing item.

152
00:07:47,256 --> 00:07:48,465
(GULPS)

153
00:07:48,548 --> 00:07:49,675
(SNIPS)

154
00:07:50,259 --> 00:07:52,344
We can't wait for Coilette
any longer, damn it.

155
00:07:52,427 --> 00:07:55,180
I have to go home
to watch The Zombie Osbournes.

156
00:07:55,264 --> 00:07:58,058
(EFFEMINATE VOICE)
I'm ready for my test now, boys.

157
00:08:00,727 --> 00:08:04,648
(SINGING) Hail, hail, Robonia

158
00:08:04,731 --> 00:08:08,318
A land I didn't make up.

159
00:08:08,402 --> 00:08:10,487
(CROWD CHEERING)

160
00:08:12,948 --> 00:08:15,450
(SMOOCHES)

161
00:08:15,534 --> 00:08:17,411
Ooh, yeah, come on, baby. Uh.

162
00:08:17,494 --> 00:08:18,870
Ooh, goodness.

163
00:08:18,954 --> 00:08:21,582
Oh, yeah, baby, come on. Work your cans.

164
00:08:21,665 --> 00:08:23,083
Yeah, shake it out.

165
00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:25,961
I don't know which I'm more,
enraged or disgusted.

166
00:08:26,044 --> 00:08:28,630
I'm just out there
making us ladies look good.

167
00:08:28,714 --> 00:08:32,884
Nuh-uh. You're making us look like jerks
in front of the other genders.

168
00:08:32,968 --> 00:08:35,053
But you're not really
a lady anyway, right?

169
00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:36,513
Of course not.

170
00:08:37,347 --> 00:08:39,349
Dear lord, a coaster.

171
00:08:39,433 --> 00:08:43,103
The Femmzoil must be sashaying
girlishly into your processor.

172
00:08:43,186 --> 00:08:44,396
Then change me back.

173
00:08:44,479 --> 00:08:47,399
My breasts are keeping me
awake at night anyway.

174
00:08:47,482 --> 00:08:49,526
- (PHONE RINGING)
- Ooh!

175
00:08:49,943 --> 00:08:51,069
Hello?

176
00:08:51,153 --> 00:08:54,740
What? A guest spot
on Late Night with Humorbot 5.0?

177
00:08:54,823 --> 00:08:56,116
I'd love to.

178
00:08:56,491 --> 00:08:58,827
(GASPING) My own limo?

179
00:08:59,161 --> 00:09:00,704
No, I don't have my own limo.

180
00:09:00,787 --> 00:09:01,955
You'd better send one.

181
00:09:02,623 --> 00:09:05,542
I need a rain check on
that nad swap, Professor.

182
00:09:05,626 --> 00:09:07,169
I'm going on TV.

183
00:09:07,252 --> 00:09:09,671
Come on, Fry, help me pick out a pantsuit.

184
00:09:13,842 --> 00:09:15,260
So, Calculon,

185
00:09:15,344 --> 00:09:18,639
do you want to set up this clip
from All My Circuits?

186
00:09:18,722 --> 00:09:21,141
No, I think it's self-explanatory.

187
00:09:24,353 --> 00:09:29,983
(ANGUISHED CRY) No!

188
00:09:33,904 --> 00:09:34,905
Funny story,

189
00:09:34,988 --> 00:09:38,784
the script called for me to say "Yes,"
but I gave it a little twist.

190
00:09:38,909 --> 00:09:40,619
Anecdote accepted.

191
00:09:40,702 --> 00:09:42,454
Snappy comeback not found.

192
00:09:42,537 --> 00:09:45,249
Please put your hands together
for my next guest,

193
00:09:45,332 --> 00:09:47,918
winner of five Olympic medals,

194
00:09:48,001 --> 00:09:49,586
Coilette, from Robonia.

195
00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:52,047
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

196
00:09:56,718 --> 00:10:00,722
So, Coilette, many young Fembots
wish to emulate you.

197
00:10:00,806 --> 00:10:02,266
Any advice for them?

198
00:10:02,349 --> 00:10:06,853
Yes, Humorbot, if you ask me,
women today are too stuck up

199
00:10:06,937 --> 00:10:08,397
to go out and jiggle their Jell-O

200
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:09,773
like everybody wants them to.

201
00:10:09,856 --> 00:10:12,025
In fact, should I do it now?

202
00:10:12,109 --> 00:10:14,194
(LECHEROUS HOOTING)

203
00:10:14,278 --> 00:10:15,320
All right, then.

204
00:10:15,404 --> 00:10:16,655
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

205
00:10:16,738 --> 00:10:18,323
Whoo! Look out, baby. Work it out.

206
00:10:18,407 --> 00:10:19,449
Oh, shake that thing.

207
00:10:19,533 --> 00:10:20,659
You got to use it, lady.

208
00:10:20,742 --> 00:10:21,827
Shake it up a little.

209
00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:23,161
That's right. Come on.

210
00:10:23,245 --> 00:10:24,496
Break it out.

211
00:10:25,289 --> 00:10:26,582
(THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE)

212
00:10:29,668 --> 00:10:32,546
Madam, I am one impressed celebrity.

213
00:10:32,629 --> 00:10:34,172
Oh, I bet you say that to all

214
00:10:34,256 --> 00:10:37,426
the five-Olympic-gold-medal-winning
Fembots.

215
00:10:37,509 --> 00:10:40,512
From this day forth, I shall
do so whenever possible.

216
00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:41,597
Golly.

217
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:42,681
What?

218
00:10:42,764 --> 00:10:44,725
Coilette, this may be presumptuous...

219
00:10:44,808 --> 00:10:46,643
That's my favorite kind of "this."

220
00:10:46,727 --> 00:10:50,606
But I would be honored
if you would join me for dinner sometime.

221
00:10:50,689 --> 00:10:53,066
ALL: Whoo!

222
00:10:53,150 --> 00:10:55,110
Calculon, you'd be fulfilling

223
00:10:55,193 --> 00:10:58,614
this naive Robonian farm girl's fantasy.

224
00:10:58,697 --> 00:11:00,032
Of course I would.

225
00:11:01,950 --> 00:11:03,994
This top makes me look fat.

226
00:11:04,077 --> 00:11:06,121
Is it trampy to go on a first date nude?

227
00:11:06,204 --> 00:11:07,205
Yes.

228
00:11:07,289 --> 00:11:08,373
Perfect.

229
00:11:08,457 --> 00:11:10,417
- (GRUNTS)
- You got to tell me.

230
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:12,836
You're not actually attracted
to Calculon, right?

231
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,963
And if you are, don't tell me. Are you?

232
00:11:15,047 --> 00:11:16,089
Certainly not.

233
00:11:16,173 --> 00:11:17,966
But just once I'd like to eat dinner

234
00:11:18,050 --> 00:11:20,135
with a celebrity
who isn't bound and gagged.

235
00:11:20,218 --> 00:11:21,845
Is that so much to ask?

236
00:11:21,929 --> 00:11:24,556
Well, I think you dating
a Manbot is a disgrace

237
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,141
and I refuse to be involved.

238
00:11:26,224 --> 00:11:28,185
And you have way too much lipstick on.

239
00:11:28,310 --> 00:11:30,687
Are you kidding? I need more lipstick!

240
00:11:30,771 --> 00:11:31,813
Much more.

241
00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:35,067
Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff.

242
00:11:35,150 --> 00:11:37,152
Men love it when you really glob it on.

243
00:11:37,235 --> 00:11:38,570
- No, they don't!
- No way!

244
00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:42,199
Uh, please. Every man wants a tramp.

245
00:11:42,282 --> 00:11:44,493
No wonder you girls aren't married.

246
00:11:44,576 --> 00:11:45,827
(GIGGLES)

247
00:11:45,911 --> 00:11:48,956
I tell you, men are so much
better at being women.

248
00:11:50,624 --> 00:11:52,084
But what if he wants to...

249
00:11:52,167 --> 00:11:53,877
I mean, if he tries to...

250
00:11:53,961 --> 00:11:56,046
Uh, Barry White?

251
00:11:56,129 --> 00:11:58,715
I'll just tell him
I need a commitment first.

252
00:11:58,799 --> 00:12:00,884
That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe.

253
00:12:00,968 --> 00:12:03,637
Good lord, man!
What kind of temporary woman are you?

254
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,306
Look, why don't all of you just back off?

255
00:12:06,431 --> 00:12:09,476
Can't a girl enjoy herself
without being judged?

256
00:12:12,354 --> 00:12:13,355
(DOOR OPENS)

257
00:12:13,438 --> 00:12:16,692
Oh, dear, her mood swings
are getting wilder.

258
00:12:16,775 --> 00:12:19,069
She's becoming a slave to her emotions.

259
00:12:19,152 --> 00:12:20,487
Just like all women.

260
00:12:20,570 --> 00:12:23,156
Particularly you, Leela. (GRUNTS)

261
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,075
I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

262
00:12:27,077 --> 00:12:30,205
(SMACKING AND GULPING)

263
00:12:30,289 --> 00:12:32,291
Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away.

264
00:12:32,374 --> 00:12:34,835
You saved me a trip to the dump. Bam!

265
00:12:34,918 --> 00:12:37,921
I'd appreciate it
if you didn't bam the young lady.

266
00:12:38,005 --> 00:12:40,132
Well, I'd appreciate it if I did.

267
00:12:40,215 --> 00:12:41,675
So I guess we're even.

268
00:12:42,217 --> 00:12:43,343
You know, Coilette,

269
00:12:43,427 --> 00:12:46,930
I've never before met a woman
as fascinating as I am.

270
00:12:47,014 --> 00:12:49,224
You're such a sweet, soft Fembot,

271
00:12:49,308 --> 00:12:51,268
yet you have this free spirit about you.

272
00:12:51,351 --> 00:12:52,477
(BELCHES)

273
00:12:52,561 --> 00:12:54,062
And there it is.

274
00:12:54,146 --> 00:12:57,232
It's as if you understand
the male mind better than I.

275
00:12:58,317 --> 00:12:59,860
I've never met anyone like you.

276
00:12:59,943 --> 00:13:01,153
Oh, yes, you have.

277
00:13:01,236 --> 00:13:05,991
Coilette, I'd like to spend
some quality time with you.

278
00:13:06,908 --> 00:13:09,578
What? Uh-uh! Oh, no way.
Not going to happen.

279
00:13:09,661 --> 00:13:11,330
What kind of girl do you think I am?

280
00:13:11,413 --> 00:13:15,042
Have I mentioned that I own the world's
biggest and most elegant yacht?

281
00:13:15,334 --> 00:13:16,376
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

282
00:13:16,460 --> 00:13:17,669
She's a lady

283
00:13:19,296 --> 00:13:21,715
Whoa, whoa, whoa, she's a lady

284
00:13:22,674 --> 00:13:24,259
BENDER: (GIGGLES) Ooh!

285
00:13:24,343 --> 00:13:27,304
Talking about that little lady

286
00:13:27,512 --> 00:13:30,432
And the lady is mine

287
00:13:32,267 --> 00:13:34,019
She's a lady

288
00:13:35,103 --> 00:13:38,065
Whoa, whoa, whoa, she's a lady...

289
00:13:44,029 --> 00:13:47,074
Whoo! I'm a trophy girlfriend.

290
00:13:47,157 --> 00:13:48,241
No kidding.

291
00:13:48,325 --> 00:13:50,369
These gifts have been coming nonstop.

292
00:13:50,869 --> 00:13:52,996
I think Calculon's falling for you.

293
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:54,331
(BARKING)

294
00:13:54,414 --> 00:13:55,499
(MUFFLED BARKING)

295
00:13:55,582 --> 00:13:59,544
Bah! Any day now he'll dump me
for a new wad of arm candy.

296
00:13:59,628 --> 00:14:02,214
Then I can turn back into a guy
and hock all this stuff.

297
00:14:02,297 --> 00:14:03,548
It's just a game.

298
00:14:05,717 --> 00:14:08,178
Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you.

299
00:14:08,262 --> 00:14:09,721
I can't sleep at night.

300
00:14:09,805 --> 00:14:11,890
Although, as a robot,
I don't do that anyway.

301
00:14:11,974 --> 00:14:14,059
But if I did, I couldn't because...

302
00:14:14,142 --> 00:14:15,435
I love you so.

303
00:14:15,519 --> 00:14:17,145
Oh, my darling.

304
00:14:18,647 --> 00:14:20,399
Will you marry me?

305
00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:26,822
(VOICE BREAKING)
Oh, Calculon, yes, I will!

306
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:31,994
Maybe she's right about the lipstick.

307
00:14:36,498 --> 00:14:37,749
I'll miss you, buddy.

308
00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:40,335
You've been like a brother,
and then a sister to me.

309
00:14:40,419 --> 00:14:41,920
And now you're getting married.

310
00:14:42,504 --> 00:14:43,505
I love you, man.

311
00:14:43,589 --> 00:14:45,132
The marriage is a scam.

312
00:14:45,215 --> 00:14:46,466
Cool. What's for dinner?

313
00:14:46,550 --> 00:14:47,926
What do you mean, a scam?

314
00:14:48,010 --> 00:14:51,555
I marry Calculon, divorce him,
take half his money

315
00:14:51,638 --> 00:14:53,390
and turn back into a guy.

316
00:14:53,473 --> 00:14:55,434
It's sort of a two-person pyramid scheme.

317
00:14:55,517 --> 00:14:56,768
That's marriage, all right.

318
00:14:56,852 --> 00:14:59,187
That is so unbelievably manipulative.

319
00:14:59,313 --> 00:15:01,356
Come on. You never went
on a date with a guy

320
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,649
just 'cause you were hungry?

321
00:15:02,733 --> 00:15:04,234
Well, I...

322
00:15:04,318 --> 00:15:07,195
Uh, I thought
I might like him on a full stomach.

323
00:15:07,279 --> 00:15:09,031
Nice try, sister.

324
00:15:09,114 --> 00:15:12,826
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to meet with my wedding planner.

325
00:15:12,909 --> 00:15:13,910
Zoidberg!

326
00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:18,624
Zoidy-poo, please tell me
frilly is in this year.

327
00:15:18,707 --> 00:15:20,709
I saw a frilly cake in here

328
00:15:20,792 --> 00:15:22,711
you would remember all your life.

329
00:15:23,045 --> 00:15:24,087
I know I will.

330
00:15:24,379 --> 00:15:27,758
Late at night it taunts me
with its frosted beauty.

331
00:15:28,175 --> 00:15:29,635
Order the cake, damn it!

332
00:15:32,638 --> 00:15:34,306
I have something for you.

333
00:15:35,098 --> 00:15:36,391
A remote control?

334
00:15:36,475 --> 00:15:37,809
You got me a TV?

335
00:15:37,893 --> 00:15:38,977
No, my dearest.

336
00:15:39,061 --> 00:15:41,396
It's the remote control to my heart.

337
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:45,067
It symbolizes the power
you have to sway my emotions.

338
00:15:45,233 --> 00:15:46,818
Will it work on my TV?

339
00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:48,445
We don't need TVs.

340
00:15:48,528 --> 00:15:49,821
We have each other.

341
00:15:50,238 --> 00:15:53,533
Coilette, if I weren't able
to spend my life with you,

342
00:15:53,617 --> 00:15:55,577
I would leap from this very balloon.

343
00:15:55,661 --> 00:15:56,787
Come on with that.

344
00:15:56,870 --> 00:15:57,913
Really?

345
00:15:57,996 --> 00:16:01,708
Yes. We were meant to be!

346
00:16:03,502 --> 00:16:06,672
So, you really and truly love me?

347
00:16:06,755 --> 00:16:08,507
So much so that I'm prepared

348
00:16:08,590 --> 00:16:11,510
to give up show business itself
to be with you.

349
00:16:11,593 --> 00:16:13,262
(GASPING) But you always said

350
00:16:13,345 --> 00:16:16,473
you'd rather burn down a convent
than give up show business.

351
00:16:16,556 --> 00:16:18,558
I always said many things

352
00:16:18,642 --> 00:16:23,313
but now all I want is a peaceful life
in a quiet villa overlooking a vineyard

353
00:16:23,522 --> 00:16:24,731
with you.

354
00:16:25,148 --> 00:16:26,358
(GASPS)

355
00:16:26,441 --> 00:16:27,985
Would we have donkeys?

356
00:16:28,068 --> 00:16:29,403
All you could eat.

357
00:16:29,486 --> 00:16:32,614
(GASPS) Oh, take me in your arms
and compress me!

358
00:16:32,698 --> 00:16:34,408
Compress me tight!

359
00:16:34,491 --> 00:16:37,577
Stop. Let us climb to the heavens

360
00:16:37,661 --> 00:16:40,414
that the gods themselves might envy us.

361
00:16:41,123 --> 00:16:43,500
(BEEPING)

362
00:16:43,584 --> 00:16:45,127
(BEEPING FADES)

363
00:16:47,671 --> 00:16:50,882
I just don't think
I can go through with this scam.

364
00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:52,217
(ALL MURMURING)

365
00:16:52,301 --> 00:16:53,885
So now you do want to marry him?

366
00:16:53,969 --> 00:16:57,556
No. I just don't want
to hurt him or humiliate him.

367
00:16:57,639 --> 00:17:00,726
Oh, curse this woman's heart!

368
00:17:00,809 --> 00:17:03,604
(SOBBING)

369
00:17:03,687 --> 00:17:04,855
Ick.

370
00:17:04,938 --> 00:17:08,775
You're falling into the final
debilitating stages of womanhood.

371
00:17:08,859 --> 00:17:11,737
You've waited too long
to switch back, you dingbat.

372
00:17:11,820 --> 00:17:14,239
Okay, look, if I help you with this,

373
00:17:14,323 --> 00:17:17,117
do you promise to get out
of my gender and stay out?

374
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,785
(SNIFFLES) Uh-huh.

375
00:17:18,869 --> 00:17:20,537
All right. Now, there's no way

376
00:17:20,621 --> 00:17:23,248
to stop this marriage
without hurting Calculon,

377
00:17:23,332 --> 00:17:24,416
but he's an actor.

378
00:17:24,499 --> 00:17:26,376
If there's one kind of pain he can handle,

379
00:17:26,460 --> 00:17:27,794
it's soap opera pain.

380
00:17:32,424 --> 00:17:35,135
(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)

381
00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:42,976
Okay, is everyone ready?

382
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:44,061
- Yep.
- Sure.

383
00:17:44,144 --> 00:17:45,145
Basically. (WHOOPING)

384
00:17:45,228 --> 00:17:48,607
Dearly beloved actors and casting people

385
00:17:48,690 --> 00:17:50,901
who might be looking for someone
to play a preacher,

386
00:17:50,984 --> 00:17:53,487
I welcome you.

387
00:17:53,570 --> 00:17:55,656
The bride has written some vows

388
00:17:55,739 --> 00:17:58,700
that we will now all pretend
to be interested in.

389
00:17:59,326 --> 00:18:00,869
Dearest Calculon,

390
00:18:00,953 --> 00:18:02,788
forever is not enough time

391
00:18:02,871 --> 00:18:04,831
to tell you of the many ways I love you.

392
00:18:04,915 --> 00:18:06,041
(MOANS)

393
00:18:07,209 --> 00:18:08,293
(ALL GASP)

394
00:18:08,377 --> 00:18:09,544
Is there a doctor in the...

395
00:18:09,628 --> 00:18:10,671
I came as soon as I could.

396
00:18:11,588 --> 00:18:16,093
Oh, it appears to be a case
of African Hydraulic Fever.

397
00:18:16,176 --> 00:18:21,098
Dear God, the very illness
my TV character caught in Season 2

398
00:18:21,181 --> 00:18:23,308
when I was holding out for more money.

399
00:18:23,392 --> 00:18:24,643
It's often fatal.

400
00:18:24,726 --> 00:18:27,020
Whatever happens, remember,

401
00:18:27,104 --> 00:18:31,733
the flame of my eternal love
will burn forever.

402
00:18:32,025 --> 00:18:34,194
Of course. But smoochy-pops,

403
00:18:34,278 --> 00:18:36,280
I thought one could only catch
Hydraulic Fever

404
00:18:36,363 --> 00:18:38,615
deep in the diamond mines of the Congo.

405
00:18:38,699 --> 00:18:40,742
LEELA: Coilette, you she-devil!

406
00:18:40,826 --> 00:18:43,370
You really thought
you could steal those diamonds

407
00:18:43,453 --> 00:18:44,997
from me and Congo Jack?

408
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,708
Those gems belong to the natives!

409
00:18:47,791 --> 00:18:49,876
- Hi-ya!
- (BENDER GROANS)

410
00:18:50,377 --> 00:18:54,214
Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is.

411
00:18:54,965 --> 00:18:58,176
(WAILING) Why?

412
00:18:59,052 --> 00:19:00,762
Calculon, my darling,

413
00:19:00,846 --> 00:19:04,057
your loud "why" brought me
partway back to life.

414
00:19:06,852 --> 00:19:08,061
(AUDIENCE GASPS)

415
00:19:08,145 --> 00:19:09,271
Congo Jack!

416
00:19:09,354 --> 00:19:11,106
Another shocking twist!

417
00:19:11,273 --> 00:19:12,649
(PLAYS DRAMATIC FLOURISH)

418
00:19:12,858 --> 00:19:15,527
Yes, I and have a message
for you from Colonel Mtumbe.

419
00:19:15,611 --> 00:19:18,614
He says this is from Congo Jack. (GRUNTS)

420
00:19:19,698 --> 00:19:21,074
Uh... Um...

421
00:19:21,617 --> 00:19:23,493
(MOANS LOUDLY)

422
00:19:23,577 --> 00:19:26,622
No. No!

423
00:19:27,289 --> 00:19:31,084
(WAILING) N-O-O-O!

424
00:19:31,752 --> 00:19:33,211
I won't leave you.

425
00:19:33,295 --> 00:19:37,507
Not until I'm sure
you understand the thing I said before

426
00:19:37,591 --> 00:19:39,676
about my eternal love for you burning...

427
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:42,054
(GASPING AND CHOKING)

428
00:19:42,512 --> 00:19:43,889
...et cetera.

429
00:19:43,972 --> 00:19:45,098
I do.

430
00:19:46,433 --> 00:19:47,893
(SOBBING) I do.

431
00:19:47,976 --> 00:19:48,977
Okay, then.

432
00:19:49,061 --> 00:19:51,772
(DEATH RATTLE)

433
00:19:53,023 --> 00:19:55,567
Mm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

434
00:19:56,193 --> 00:19:58,737
She lives no more.

435
00:19:59,112 --> 00:20:03,325
But let us all find comfort
knowing that she truly loved me.

436
00:20:03,992 --> 00:20:05,869
To honor my pain,

437
00:20:05,953 --> 00:20:09,790
I shall star in a film
dedicated to her memory

438
00:20:09,873 --> 00:20:13,210
and this time the Academy
will not deny me.

439
00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:17,798
Not when they see
Coilette: A Calculon Story.

440
00:20:20,342 --> 00:20:24,263
Coilette, your death fills me with sorrow,

441
00:20:24,346 --> 00:20:27,099
anger, fear.

442
00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:29,559
Every emotion an actor can display.

443
00:20:30,644 --> 00:20:32,229
Turn off that crap-o-rama.

444
00:20:32,437 --> 00:20:34,940
One mistake now, and Bender
will be trapped forever

445
00:20:35,023 --> 00:20:37,985
between the already
ill-defined robot sexes.

446
00:20:38,485 --> 00:20:40,821
- (LOUD CLANGING)
- Oh! Ooh! Ow! Ooh!

447
00:20:40,904 --> 00:20:42,990
Well, Bender, I hope
this has taught you a lesson

448
00:20:43,073 --> 00:20:45,117
about changing your sex
to win five gold medals.

449
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,785
(IN SOFT VOICE) It truly has.

450
00:20:46,868 --> 00:20:50,622
My romance with Calculon
has shown me a lot about myself.

451
00:20:50,706 --> 00:20:51,999
Almost done.

452
00:20:52,082 --> 00:20:55,961
If only somehow, some way, he and I...

453
00:20:56,044 --> 00:20:57,337
(IN NORMAL VOICE) ...could drive to Vegas,

454
00:20:57,421 --> 00:20:58,964
pick up some floozy-bots

455
00:20:59,047 --> 00:21:03,093
and void their warranties
all night long! Whoo!

456
00:21:03,176 --> 00:21:05,012
Yay, my buddy's home.

457
00:21:05,095 --> 00:21:07,139
And his respect for women
is back to normal.

458
00:21:07,222 --> 00:21:09,308
(CLICKS TONGUE) I kind of hoped
this whole experience

459
00:21:09,391 --> 00:21:12,102
would have left you a little more open
to your sensitive side.

460
00:21:12,185 --> 00:21:14,104
Yeah, you'd think, but what ya gonna do?

461
00:21:17,482 --> 00:21:18,734
(THUNDER ROLLING)

462
00:21:18,817 --> 00:21:24,031
Coilette, the skies themselves
weep upon the sweetest flower

463
00:21:24,114 --> 00:21:25,699
of all the field.

464
00:21:25,782 --> 00:21:27,534
(BOTH SIGH)

465
00:21:27,618 --> 00:21:28,994
- Ew!
- Gross!

466
00:21:29,077 --> 00:21:30,871
Sentimental drivel poop.

467
00:21:30,954 --> 00:21:32,205
Come on, Bender, let's go.

468
00:21:32,289 --> 00:21:34,124
This chick flick is getting me all barfy.

469
00:21:34,207 --> 00:21:37,711
Yeah, emotions are dumb
and should be hated.

470
00:21:40,631 --> 00:21:43,008
Good night, forever, my turtle dove.

471
00:21:43,342 --> 00:21:45,260
(SOFTLY) Good night, Calculon.

472
00:21:45,344 --> 00:21:46,345
What did you say?

473
00:21:46,428 --> 00:21:49,181
I said you two don't dress trampy enough.

474
00:21:49,264 --> 00:21:50,682
I still got it.

475
00:21:57,564 --> 00:21:59,566
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)