1
00:00:01,657 --> 00:00:03,784
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:00:35,524 --> 00:00:37,776
- (MUFFLED, DISCORDANT NOTES PLAYING)
- Huh?

3
00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:44,825
I choose to not understand these signs.

4
00:00:46,493 --> 00:00:48,579
- A-ha.
- B... Bender.

5
00:00:48,662 --> 00:00:50,372
I was just not playing the Holophonor.

6
00:00:50,455 --> 00:00:52,749
Yeah? Well, you should try
not stinking at it.

7
00:00:52,833 --> 00:00:55,627
Well, I am trying.
I've been taking lessons.

8
00:00:55,711 --> 00:00:57,880
Lessons? Ha, that's rich.

9
00:00:57,963 --> 00:00:59,339
Isn't it time you gave up all hope

10
00:00:59,423 --> 00:01:01,550
of ever improving yourself in any way?

11
00:01:01,633 --> 00:01:03,969
I know I should, but I just can't.

12
00:01:04,052 --> 00:01:06,722
Remember when I had
those stomach worms that made me smart?

13
00:01:06,805 --> 00:01:09,433
I could play the Holophonor,
and it made Leela like me.

14
00:01:11,685 --> 00:01:13,228
Hey, Bender, as long as you know,

15
00:01:13,312 --> 00:01:15,272
I have a Holophonor recital Tuesday

16
00:01:15,355 --> 00:01:17,941
and I'd really like
to have somebody there. Please?

17
00:01:18,734 --> 00:01:20,444
Fine, I'll go already.

18
00:01:20,527 --> 00:01:23,655
You know, sometimes I wish
your real parents were still alive.

19
00:01:24,656 --> 00:01:26,700
Not often, though. (GROANS)

20
00:01:28,535 --> 00:01:30,662
BENDER: Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa.

21
00:01:30,746 --> 00:01:31,830
Hey.

22
00:01:31,914 --> 00:01:34,416
- (GROANS)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

23
00:01:35,584 --> 00:01:38,253
- Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellinger.
- Hello, Philip.

24
00:01:38,337 --> 00:01:40,172
And you must be Mr. Bender.

25
00:01:40,255 --> 00:01:42,549
Philip's told me so much about you.

26
00:01:42,633 --> 00:01:44,551
Is it true that you're a robot?

27
00:01:44,635 --> 00:01:48,013
I prefer the term "Love machine." (PURRS)

28
00:01:48,138 --> 00:01:50,807
(PLAYING FUR ELISE SKILLFULLY)

29
00:02:05,531 --> 00:02:06,615
(TONE RINGS)

30
00:02:06,698 --> 00:02:07,866
(TONE RINGS)

31
00:02:09,117 --> 00:02:11,078
Wow, your kid is great.

32
00:02:11,161 --> 00:02:13,163
How hard did you say you had to hit him?

33
00:02:13,247 --> 00:02:14,957
Fairly hard.

34
00:02:18,627 --> 00:02:19,795
(CHAIR SQUEAKS)

35
00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:22,047
(CLEARS THROAT) The Grumpy Snail.

36
00:02:22,130 --> 00:02:24,299
(PLAYING SIMPLE MELODY)

37
00:02:27,803 --> 00:02:28,804
(FLAT NOTE)

38
00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:30,722
- (GROWLS)
- Sorry.

39
00:02:30,847 --> 00:02:32,891
(PLAYING DISCORDANTLY)

40
00:02:33,642 --> 00:02:35,143
(SNAIL CHOKING)

41
00:02:35,477 --> 00:02:36,853
(GROWLING)

42
00:02:36,937 --> 00:02:38,730
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

43
00:02:40,732 --> 00:02:43,360
- It's too grumpy.
- (PLAYING DISCORDANTLY)

44
00:02:43,944 --> 00:02:45,153
(GRUNTS)

45
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,574
(AUDIENCE BOOING)

46
00:02:49,491 --> 00:02:50,617
Whoo!

47
00:02:50,993 --> 00:02:54,037
Mr. Bender, I simply
cannot teach your child.

48
00:02:54,121 --> 00:02:56,206
Then good day, madam.

49
00:02:59,126 --> 00:03:00,586
(DOOR SLAMS)

50
00:03:00,669 --> 00:03:03,630
- We hope to see you soon for tea.
- (SLAMS DOOR)

51
00:03:04,965 --> 00:03:06,049
FRY: It's hopeless.

52
00:03:06,174 --> 00:03:08,218
I can hear all this great music in my head

53
00:03:08,302 --> 00:03:10,178
but my stupid hands can't keep up.

54
00:03:10,262 --> 00:03:12,389
Aw, you know what always cheers me up?

55
00:03:12,472 --> 00:03:15,559
Laughing at other
people's misfortunes. (LAUGHS)

56
00:03:16,435 --> 00:03:19,396
Hey, guys, you missed
a great delivery to Space Earth.

57
00:03:19,479 --> 00:03:20,731
Where you been all afternoon?

58
00:03:20,814 --> 00:03:22,107
At a... A concert.

59
00:03:22,190 --> 00:03:24,109
Ooh, was it jazz noodling?

60
00:03:24,192 --> 00:03:26,570
My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax.

61
00:03:26,653 --> 00:03:27,946
I used to listen for hours

62
00:03:28,030 --> 00:03:30,699
while he sat naked on my couch
and improvised.

63
00:03:30,782 --> 00:03:33,660
So, musicians really
Rodger your Hammerstein, huh?

64
00:03:33,744 --> 00:03:35,287
Yeah, it's weird.

65
00:03:35,370 --> 00:03:37,789
Sean was uneducated, unambitious,

66
00:03:37,873 --> 00:03:40,250
- he was pasty and hunched...
- (UNDER BREATH) Pretty boy.

67
00:03:40,334 --> 00:03:41,793
...but when he played

68
00:03:41,877 --> 00:03:46,215
I could sense this incredible,
beautiful, creative soul.

69
00:03:46,298 --> 00:03:49,968
Then one day, I found someone else's
couch fibers on his butt.

70
00:03:50,344 --> 00:03:52,262
I couldn't even believe that.
It was really...

71
00:03:52,679 --> 00:03:54,181
That could be my beautiful soul

72
00:03:54,264 --> 00:03:55,807
sitting naked on her couch

73
00:03:55,891 --> 00:03:58,310
if I could just
learn to play this stupid thing.

74
00:03:58,393 --> 00:03:59,770
Oh, but you can.

75
00:03:59,853 --> 00:04:01,521
Though you may have to metaphorically

76
00:04:01,605 --> 00:04:02,814
"make a deal with the Devil."

77
00:04:02,898 --> 00:04:05,150
And by "Devil," I mean Robot Devil,

78
00:04:05,234 --> 00:04:07,945
and by "Metaphorically,"
I mean get your coat.

79
00:04:08,028 --> 00:04:10,072
(ALL SCREAMING)

80
00:04:10,739 --> 00:04:13,033
(BAND PLAYS WELCOME TO ROBOT HELL)

81
00:04:15,202 --> 00:04:17,371
(GROANS) You hit a sour note

82
00:04:17,454 --> 00:04:19,665
about 200 years back, Doug.

83
00:04:19,748 --> 00:04:21,124
Let's take it from the top.

84
00:04:22,167 --> 00:04:25,337
- (GRUNTS)
- Ah, Bender, Fry!

85
00:04:25,420 --> 00:04:27,881
You've come back
for more eternal damnation.

86
00:04:27,965 --> 00:04:30,092
No, this isn't a religious visit.

87
00:04:30,175 --> 00:04:32,135
Fry just wants Holophonor lessons.

88
00:04:32,219 --> 00:04:34,304
Yep. I need to get
really good without practicing.

89
00:04:34,388 --> 00:04:36,557
(FIENDISH LAUGHTER)

90
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,183
Hell is full of ten-year-olds

91
00:04:38,267 --> 00:04:40,561
who wanted exactly the same thing.

92
00:04:40,644 --> 00:04:43,480
Trouble is, you have
what my old music teacher

93
00:04:43,564 --> 00:04:46,858
Mrs. Mellinger, calls "Stupid Fingers."

94
00:04:47,484 --> 00:04:48,527
With hands like that

95
00:04:48,610 --> 00:04:50,737
you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

96
00:04:52,531 --> 00:04:53,824
Now, wouldn't it be nice

97
00:04:53,907 --> 00:04:56,410
if you had a pair of robot hands

98
00:04:56,493 --> 00:04:57,744
to replace them?

99
00:04:57,828 --> 00:04:58,996
Sure would.

100
00:04:59,079 --> 00:05:00,831
Oh, well. Good-bye.

101
00:05:00,914 --> 00:05:02,457
Fry, you smelly idiot.

102
00:05:02,541 --> 00:05:05,669
I think he's willing to make some kind
of a deal with the Devil with you.

103
00:05:05,752 --> 00:05:07,963
He... He is? Great.

104
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:09,256
Wait, what's the catch?

105
00:05:09,590 --> 00:05:10,674
No catch.

106
00:05:10,757 --> 00:05:12,676
I'll merely pick a robot at random

107
00:05:12,759 --> 00:05:14,511
from somewhere in the universe,

108
00:05:14,595 --> 00:05:15,971
probably one you've never even met,

109
00:05:16,054 --> 00:05:17,472
and then I'll remove his hands

110
00:05:17,556 --> 00:05:19,266
and switch them for yours.

111
00:05:19,349 --> 00:05:22,644
It's just the sort of guy I am.
What do you say?

112
00:05:22,728 --> 00:05:24,521
Uh, I don't know.

113
00:05:24,605 --> 00:05:26,106
It doesn't seem entirely moral to...

114
00:05:26,189 --> 00:05:28,317
Fry, if you don't take
this offer right now

115
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:30,527
I will lose all respect
for you and punch you.

116
00:05:30,611 --> 00:05:32,279
(FIENDISH CHUCKLE)

117
00:05:32,613 --> 00:05:34,990
Well... all right.

118
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:36,325
You're sure I probably won't know him?

119
00:05:36,408 --> 00:05:37,951
Definitely probably not.

120
00:05:38,035 --> 00:05:40,245
- Just sign this contract...
- Wow.

121
00:05:42,581 --> 00:05:44,499
And here we go.

122
00:05:44,583 --> 00:05:46,585
(CACKLING)

123
00:05:47,127 --> 00:05:49,713
I got a hundred bucks on Rectal-Exam-Bot.

124
00:06:05,771 --> 00:06:07,898
- (SCREAMS)
- "Robot Devil?"

125
00:06:07,981 --> 00:06:10,150
I get your hands? 'Zam!

126
00:06:10,234 --> 00:06:13,362
Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome.

127
00:06:13,445 --> 00:06:15,781
It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

128
00:06:15,864 --> 00:06:18,408
Now fork over those ladyfingers, cookie.

129
00:06:18,492 --> 00:06:19,952
(SIGHS)

130
00:06:21,119 --> 00:06:22,663
You know, I only put my name on there

131
00:06:22,746 --> 00:06:25,082
as a show of good faith
for the other robots.

132
00:06:25,415 --> 00:06:27,918
Stop being such a baby
and chop my hands off.

133
00:06:28,001 --> 00:06:29,586
Oh, very well.

134
00:06:32,339 --> 00:06:33,924
How'd you do that?

135
00:06:34,007 --> 00:06:36,093
They're very good hands.

136
00:06:36,176 --> 00:06:37,386
At last.

137
00:06:37,469 --> 00:06:39,763
At last I have the power
to make Leela love me.

138
00:06:39,846 --> 00:06:41,848
(GAGGING)

139
00:06:42,891 --> 00:06:45,102
Oh, sorry.
That'll wear off in a couple of days.

140
00:06:45,185 --> 00:06:46,770
(CHOKING)

141
00:06:52,109 --> 00:06:54,111
Check it out, everyone. I'm back from Hell

142
00:06:54,194 --> 00:06:56,071
and I've got the Robot Devil's hands.

143
00:06:56,154 --> 00:06:58,198
Neat. Let's see a trick.

144
00:06:58,490 --> 00:07:01,034
- All righty.
- (STARTLED YELLING)

145
00:07:01,118 --> 00:07:03,328
(YELLING GIBBERISH)

146
00:07:04,454 --> 00:07:06,248
Somebody called the Robot Devil's here

147
00:07:06,331 --> 00:07:08,208
to see somebody called Fry.

148
00:07:08,292 --> 00:07:09,459
Uh-oh.

149
00:07:11,461 --> 00:07:13,088
Where'd I go just now?

150
00:07:14,756 --> 00:07:16,133
Hello, Fry.

151
00:07:16,216 --> 00:07:18,468
(FIENDISH LAUGHTER)

152
00:07:18,552 --> 00:07:19,845
Just dropped by to make sure

153
00:07:19,928 --> 00:07:22,431
you're as happy
with our little deal as I am.

154
00:07:23,140 --> 00:07:25,934
Oh... give me back my hands.

155
00:07:26,393 --> 00:07:30,105
These things are always
touching me in places.

156
00:07:30,188 --> 00:07:31,565
(SNIGGERS)

157
00:07:31,648 --> 00:07:33,191
Yeah, they get around,

158
00:07:33,275 --> 00:07:34,860
but I'm afraid we had a deal.

159
00:07:34,943 --> 00:07:37,613
(GROWLS) Looks like I wasted a bus trip.

160
00:07:37,696 --> 00:07:39,448
Yes, you did.

161
00:07:42,242 --> 00:07:44,203
(PLAYING THE GRUMPY SNAIL)

162
00:07:50,209 --> 00:07:52,294
(PLAYING FUR ELISE)

163
00:07:57,090 --> 00:07:58,091
(PAINED YELP)

164
00:07:59,092 --> 00:08:01,261
(ORCHESTRA PLAYING BOLERO)

165
00:08:09,853 --> 00:08:12,147
(ALL CHEERING)

166
00:08:13,899 --> 00:08:17,277
Yes, now you can hear
Holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry

167
00:08:17,361 --> 00:08:20,155
play 900 of these classic themes
in your own home

168
00:08:20,239 --> 00:08:21,907
on this two-record set.

169
00:08:21,990 --> 00:08:25,077
That's over 30 minutes
of music for only $14.99.

170
00:08:25,577 --> 00:08:29,289
Only $14.99 for a two-record set.

171
00:08:29,373 --> 00:08:30,541
Two records.

172
00:08:30,916 --> 00:08:34,962
Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're
becoming a crafty consumer.

173
00:08:35,045 --> 00:08:37,339
- MAN ON PHONE: Hello.
- Hello? I'll take eight.

174
00:08:37,422 --> 00:08:38,757
(DOORBELL RINGING)

175
00:08:39,883 --> 00:08:42,010
A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you.

176
00:08:42,094 --> 00:08:44,555
- Uh, show him in.
- Very good, sir.

177
00:08:45,097 --> 00:08:47,849
Ah, Fry, congratulations.

178
00:08:47,933 --> 00:08:49,810
Your latest performance was as delectable

179
00:08:49,893 --> 00:08:52,187
as dipping my bottom over and over

180
00:08:52,271 --> 00:08:55,357
into a bath
of the silkiest oils and creams.

181
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:56,483
Thank you, sir.

182
00:08:56,567 --> 00:08:58,277
That's exactly what I was going for.

183
00:08:58,360 --> 00:08:59,611
You were the sole diversion

184
00:08:59,695 --> 00:09:03,115
in what has been a pale
and un-amusing season,

185
00:09:03,198 --> 00:09:06,451
and so, I would fain commission
you write an opera.

186
00:09:07,369 --> 00:09:09,162
But I've never written an opera.

187
00:09:09,246 --> 00:09:11,081
And I've never heard one.

188
00:09:11,748 --> 00:09:14,334
Still, if you can keep me amused
through the overture

189
00:09:14,418 --> 00:09:17,212
I shall consider it a smashing success.

190
00:09:17,546 --> 00:09:20,591
But I wouldn't even know
what to write about. Unless...

191
00:09:21,967 --> 00:09:23,677
(MUNCHING)

192
00:09:26,013 --> 00:09:27,389
Okay, I'll do it

193
00:09:27,472 --> 00:09:29,349
if I can make it about Leela.

194
00:09:29,808 --> 00:09:31,143
Me? Really?

195
00:09:31,518 --> 00:09:34,479
A man writing an opera about a woman?

196
00:09:34,563 --> 00:09:35,898
(AIRY LAUGHTER)

197
00:09:35,981 --> 00:09:39,192
Oh, sirrah, how deliciously absurd.

198
00:09:39,276 --> 00:09:41,028
I shall see you at the premiere.

199
00:09:41,111 --> 00:09:42,905
(AIRY LAUGHTER)

200
00:09:48,285 --> 00:09:50,287
(ETHEREAL, ECHOING, ALTO SAX-TYPE RIFFS)

201
00:10:05,552 --> 00:10:06,845
Is it part of the opera?

202
00:10:06,929 --> 00:10:08,680
Leela. You shouldn't be listening.

203
00:10:09,056 --> 00:10:10,849
I don't want you to hear it
till it's done.

204
00:10:10,933 --> 00:10:12,392
But it's so beautiful.

205
00:10:12,768 --> 00:10:15,395
So is a peacock,
but you don't eat it until it's cooked.

206
00:10:15,479 --> 00:10:17,022
This has to be perfect.

207
00:10:17,105 --> 00:10:19,149
I want you to hear exactly what I hear

208
00:10:19,233 --> 00:10:20,484
when I think about you.

209
00:10:20,776 --> 00:10:24,112
Oh, Fry, all this time
you've had this incredible gift

210
00:10:24,196 --> 00:10:25,656
and I never knew.

211
00:10:25,739 --> 00:10:29,368
I've been a fool,
a fully justified, prudent fool.

212
00:10:31,870 --> 00:10:33,789
(EXCLAIMS) They're so cold.

213
00:10:33,872 --> 00:10:36,083
BEELZEBOT: And yet Hell is so hot.

214
00:10:36,166 --> 00:10:38,544
(FIENDISH LAUGHTER)

215
00:10:38,627 --> 00:10:40,087
Can I have my hands back now?

216
00:10:40,170 --> 00:10:42,881
- No!
- You're not nice.

217
00:10:45,342 --> 00:10:47,386
(TUNELESS HUMMING)

218
00:10:48,262 --> 00:10:49,388
(EXCLAIMS)

219
00:10:49,471 --> 00:10:52,266
Ah, Bender, this is a surprise...

220
00:10:52,349 --> 00:10:54,977
for you, finding me in the refrigerator.

221
00:10:55,394 --> 00:10:57,729
True, but at least
I don't have the hiccups anymore.

222
00:10:57,813 --> 00:10:59,606
- What up?
- Oh, well, it so happens

223
00:10:59,690 --> 00:11:02,067
I'm in the mood to make a deal with you.

224
00:11:02,150 --> 00:11:05,070
- Forget it. you can't tempt me.
- Really?

225
00:11:05,404 --> 00:11:07,322
There's nothing you want?

226
00:11:07,906 --> 00:11:10,534
Hmm. I forgot you could tempt me
with things I want.

227
00:11:10,868 --> 00:11:13,912
Well, I suppose I've always wondered
what it would be like

228
00:11:13,996 --> 00:11:16,081
- to be more annoying.
- (CHUCKLES)

229
00:11:16,623 --> 00:11:18,333
Nothing simpler,

230
00:11:18,417 --> 00:11:21,044
and all I ask in return is your hands

231
00:11:21,128 --> 00:11:23,839
to replace these bony hot dogs.

232
00:11:23,922 --> 00:11:25,549
Grabby and Squeezy?

233
00:11:25,632 --> 00:11:27,509
Never. I love these guys.

234
00:11:27,593 --> 00:11:30,512
(GROWLS) Well, is there anything else
you would part with?

235
00:11:30,596 --> 00:11:32,973
No, nothing, ain't gonna happen.

236
00:11:34,892 --> 00:11:37,269
Yes. With this built-in stadium air horn

237
00:11:37,352 --> 00:11:39,187
I can really annoy people

238
00:11:39,271 --> 00:11:41,398
and all it cost me was my crotch plate.

239
00:11:42,065 --> 00:11:45,152
You certainly are
a shrewd businessman, Bender.

240
00:11:46,236 --> 00:11:49,114
Now find someone
and give them a good blast.

241
00:11:49,198 --> 00:11:51,992
Yeah, that'll teach
the first person I see a lesson.

242
00:11:52,075 --> 00:11:53,118
(DOOR OPENS)

243
00:11:53,202 --> 00:11:55,787
Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan

244
00:11:55,871 --> 00:11:57,789
is one quarter complete.

245
00:11:57,873 --> 00:11:59,875
(FIENDISH LAUGHTER)

246
00:12:01,501 --> 00:12:03,754
Well, Fry's opera
premieres tomorrow night.

247
00:12:03,837 --> 00:12:05,505
I'm off to find a pair of formal gloves

248
00:12:05,589 --> 00:12:07,466
that will fit over my enormous forearms.

249
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,802
(AIR HORN BLASTING)

250
00:12:12,471 --> 00:12:13,513
(LAUGHS)

251
00:12:13,597 --> 00:12:14,848
Pretty annoying, huh, Leela?

252
00:12:14,932 --> 00:12:17,059
What? Are you talking?

253
00:12:17,142 --> 00:12:18,894
Oh, God, I'm deaf.

254
00:12:19,269 --> 00:12:22,064
Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela.

255
00:12:22,147 --> 00:12:23,398
I just wanted to annoy you.

256
00:12:23,482 --> 00:12:26,318
What? Oh, this is horrible.

257
00:12:26,401 --> 00:12:28,695
I won't be able to hear Fry's opera.

258
00:12:28,779 --> 00:12:30,822
(SOBBING)

259
00:12:31,114 --> 00:12:33,450
Ah, how delightfully ironic.

260
00:12:33,534 --> 00:12:34,910
It's not ironic.

261
00:12:34,993 --> 00:12:37,120
It's just mean. Take this.

262
00:12:37,204 --> 00:12:38,956
(AIR HORN BLAST FIZZLES OUT)

263
00:12:39,289 --> 00:12:41,792
Ooh, out of aerosol.

264
00:12:41,875 --> 00:12:43,126
Also ironic.

265
00:12:43,210 --> 00:12:44,253
Oh, yeah?

266
00:12:44,336 --> 00:12:46,547
Well, bite my shiny metal...

267
00:12:46,630 --> 00:12:49,591
Oh, no!

268
00:12:59,142 --> 00:13:00,936
Nobody tell Fry I'm deaf.

269
00:13:01,019 --> 00:13:02,896
If he found out I couldn't hear his opera,

270
00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:04,106
it'd break his heart.

271
00:13:04,189 --> 00:13:05,440
Okay, deaf-o.

272
00:13:05,524 --> 00:13:06,942
(WHIRRING)

273
00:13:07,025 --> 00:13:09,403
Courtesans and gentlefops,

274
00:13:09,486 --> 00:13:12,823
I bid you welcome to my opera. (CHUCKLES)

275
00:13:12,906 --> 00:13:15,951
Let us cavort like the Greeks of old.

276
00:13:16,034 --> 00:13:17,786
You know the ones I mean.

277
00:13:18,203 --> 00:13:20,205
(ORCHESTRA TUNING UP)

278
00:13:21,582 --> 00:13:22,749
(BATON TAPPING STAND)

279
00:13:22,833 --> 00:13:24,459
(AUDIENCE GASPING)

280
00:13:24,543 --> 00:13:26,920
- (ALL APPLAUDING AND CHEERING)
- Yay, Fry.

281
00:13:27,004 --> 00:13:28,755
I watch TV with that guy.

282
00:13:32,175 --> 00:13:34,177
(ORCHESTRA PLAYING)

283
00:13:40,142 --> 00:13:42,352
(WIND INSTRUMENT SOLO)

284
00:13:43,854 --> 00:13:47,399
(SINGING) Who is this one-eyed
female baby Moses?

285
00:13:47,482 --> 00:13:50,527
With courage in her female baby smile?

286
00:13:51,194 --> 00:13:52,946
KIDS: A savior from the stars

287
00:13:53,030 --> 00:13:54,281
Or something stranger still?

288
00:13:54,364 --> 00:13:57,993
Or just a lonely, filthy, starving child?

289
00:13:59,786 --> 00:14:01,496
Amy, Fry's looking at me.

290
00:14:01,580 --> 00:14:03,290
What am I supposed to be feeling?

291
00:14:05,042 --> 00:14:06,043
Ah.

292
00:14:09,504 --> 00:14:11,256
(SINGING) Leela

293
00:14:11,340 --> 00:14:13,133
Leela, Leela

294
00:14:13,217 --> 00:14:14,259
Save him

295
00:14:14,343 --> 00:14:16,303
Save Fry, save Fry

296
00:14:16,386 --> 00:14:19,723
Godzilla will devour him

297
00:14:19,806 --> 00:14:21,266
As for me, I must be off

298
00:14:21,350 --> 00:14:24,228
To have my doctor check this cough

299
00:14:24,311 --> 00:14:25,312
(COUGHS)

300
00:14:25,395 --> 00:14:26,605
Good-bye

301
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,734
I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla,

302
00:14:30,817 --> 00:14:33,028
but that is so what I would have done.

303
00:14:33,111 --> 00:14:34,821
OLD MAN: Oh, it was a lovely show.

304
00:14:34,905 --> 00:14:35,948
(CROWD CHATTING INDISTINCTLY)

305
00:14:36,031 --> 00:14:37,741
(LAUGHING)

306
00:14:38,325 --> 00:14:40,410
One diet double martini, please.

307
00:14:40,494 --> 00:14:41,537
And for you, sir?

308
00:14:41,620 --> 00:14:43,622
I'll just have a Shirley Hemphill.

309
00:14:43,705 --> 00:14:45,249
Extra, extra.

310
00:14:45,332 --> 00:14:48,502
World's greatest opera only half over.

311
00:14:48,585 --> 00:14:50,712
Half over? Oh!

312
00:14:50,796 --> 00:14:52,464
I'd give anything to hear the rest.

313
00:14:52,548 --> 00:14:53,549
Anything?

314
00:14:53,632 --> 00:14:55,092
- (GASPS)
- (GLASS SHATTERS)

315
00:14:56,134 --> 00:14:57,344
Thank you, sir.

316
00:14:57,427 --> 00:14:58,762
Now, as I was saying...

317
00:14:58,845 --> 00:15:00,138
Anything?

318
00:15:00,222 --> 00:15:03,225
Because I can give you new robotic ears.

319
00:15:03,308 --> 00:15:05,769
What? You can give me new ears?

320
00:15:05,852 --> 00:15:09,439
Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing
do you want in return?

321
00:15:09,523 --> 00:15:11,942
Just your hands, my dear.

322
00:15:12,025 --> 00:15:13,694
Whatever you said, forget it.

323
00:15:13,986 --> 00:15:16,029
All right, then. Just one hand.

324
00:15:16,572 --> 00:15:18,574
Just... my left hand?

325
00:15:19,449 --> 00:15:20,659
Um...

326
00:15:20,742 --> 00:15:22,619
USHER: Please take your seats for act two.

327
00:15:22,703 --> 00:15:24,538
HEDONISMBOT: But I'm not done vomiting.

328
00:15:24,621 --> 00:15:25,873
(AIRY LAUGH)

329
00:15:25,956 --> 00:15:28,041
(ALL MURMURING)

330
00:15:28,125 --> 00:15:30,252
I can't stand it. (BREATHES DEEPLY)

331
00:15:30,335 --> 00:15:32,546
Okay, you can have my hand.

332
00:15:32,629 --> 00:15:35,173
Wonderful! Just sign here.

333
00:15:36,216 --> 00:15:39,469
Calculon, old friend,
I'm afraid I need your ears.

334
00:15:39,553 --> 00:15:43,265
Well, I do owe you
for giving me this unholy...

335
00:15:43,348 --> 00:15:45,684
acting talent.

336
00:15:49,187 --> 00:15:52,065
(ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYS)

337
00:15:52,190 --> 00:15:55,319
I can hear. I can hear like a safecracker.

338
00:15:55,694 --> 00:15:57,529
Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand?

339
00:15:57,863 --> 00:16:00,157
In good time. You go enjoy the opera.

340
00:16:04,286 --> 00:16:06,371
(MUSIC PLAYS)

341
00:16:06,747 --> 00:16:09,833
To win Leela's heart
with the Holophonor's art

342
00:16:09,917 --> 00:16:13,295
I need hands of transcendental quickness

343
00:16:13,378 --> 00:16:16,006
Well, I don't see any danger

344
00:16:16,089 --> 00:16:18,550
In gambling with a stranger

345
00:16:18,634 --> 00:16:22,596
For my head is ofa most amazing thickness

346
00:16:22,679 --> 00:16:23,680
(EXCLAIMS)

347
00:16:23,764 --> 00:16:25,849
(ALL LAUGHING)

348
00:16:25,933 --> 00:16:27,643
(ANGRY GROAN)

349
00:16:27,726 --> 00:16:29,478
I'm stupid, I'm stupid

350
00:16:29,561 --> 00:16:31,396
I'm stupider than you

351
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,858
I'm stupider than you in every way

352
00:16:35,859 --> 00:16:37,152
Stupider?

353
00:16:37,236 --> 00:16:40,405
(GRUNTS) This opera is as lousy
as it is brilliant.

354
00:16:40,489 --> 00:16:41,532
- (GRUNTS)
- (PAINED GRUNT)

355
00:16:41,657 --> 00:16:42,950
(ALL GASPING)

356
00:16:46,453 --> 00:16:49,248
- (WHIMPERS)
- Your lyrics lack subtlety.

357
00:16:49,331 --> 00:16:53,043
You can't just have your characters
announce how they feel.

358
00:16:53,126 --> 00:16:55,170
That makes me feel angry.

359
00:16:55,254 --> 00:16:56,755
Look, what do you want?

360
00:16:56,838 --> 00:16:59,007
(SINGS) I want my hands back

361
00:16:59,091 --> 00:17:01,093
(FIENDISH LAUGHTER)

362
00:17:01,552 --> 00:17:02,970
Never.

363
00:17:03,428 --> 00:17:04,846
(SINGS) A deal's a deal

364
00:17:04,930 --> 00:17:06,765
Even with a dirty dealer

365
00:17:06,848 --> 00:17:08,267
Very well, then I'll take

366
00:17:08,350 --> 00:17:11,603
What I want from Leela

367
00:17:12,062 --> 00:17:13,564
LEELA: Whoa.

368
00:17:15,274 --> 00:17:17,526
Leela has promised me her hand

369
00:17:17,609 --> 00:17:18,610
(AUDIENCE GASPS)

370
00:17:18,694 --> 00:17:22,114
Fry, you do not understand!

371
00:17:23,365 --> 00:17:25,033
I should have revealed

372
00:17:25,117 --> 00:17:27,202
I'd been deafened by Bender

373
00:17:27,286 --> 00:17:28,871
The shame

374
00:17:28,954 --> 00:17:30,372
The shame!

375
00:17:30,455 --> 00:17:32,416
But I feared you'd stop writing

376
00:17:32,499 --> 00:17:34,835
This musical splendor

377
00:17:34,918 --> 00:17:38,505
Deception's the curse
of my whimsical gender

378
00:17:38,589 --> 00:17:42,134
He gave me mechanical ears

379
00:17:42,217 --> 00:17:45,053
Effective, though just a bit garish

380
00:17:45,721 --> 00:17:48,348
In return, without shedding a tear

381
00:17:48,432 --> 00:17:51,727
I agreed that I'd give him my hand

382
00:17:51,810 --> 00:17:53,437
In marriage

383
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:54,521
- Huh?
- What?

384
00:17:54,605 --> 00:17:58,734
You'll give me your hand in marriage

385
00:17:58,984 --> 00:18:00,694
Is this really happening

386
00:18:00,777 --> 00:18:02,362
Or just being staged?

387
00:18:02,446 --> 00:18:04,031
It can't be real

388
00:18:04,114 --> 00:18:05,699
Not if Leela is engaged

389
00:18:05,782 --> 00:18:07,618
That isn't what I meant

390
00:18:07,701 --> 00:18:09,161
That isn't what I signed

391
00:18:09,244 --> 00:18:11,163
You should have checked the wording

392
00:18:11,246 --> 00:18:13,665
In the fine...

393
00:18:13,749 --> 00:18:15,125
Print

394
00:18:15,792 --> 00:18:17,878
"I'll give you my hand..."

395
00:18:17,961 --> 00:18:20,088
BOTH: In marriage

396
00:18:20,172 --> 00:18:22,883
The use of words
expressing something other

397
00:18:22,966 --> 00:18:25,510
Than their literal intention

398
00:18:25,594 --> 00:18:29,139
Now that is irony

399
00:18:29,223 --> 00:18:30,766
(GASPING AND GRUNTING)

400
00:18:30,849 --> 00:18:34,645
I will marry her now
and confine her to Hell

401
00:18:34,728 --> 00:18:36,271
How droll

402
00:18:36,355 --> 00:18:37,773
How droll

403
00:18:37,856 --> 00:18:39,733
-Where Styx is a river
-(GRUNTS)

404
00:18:39,816 --> 00:18:41,610
And not just a band

405
00:18:41,693 --> 00:18:43,528
Though they'll play our reception

406
00:18:43,612 --> 00:18:45,447
If all goes as planned

407
00:18:45,531 --> 00:18:50,410
Unless Fry, you surrender my hands!

408
00:18:50,494 --> 00:18:52,704
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL CRESCENDO)

409
00:18:52,788 --> 00:18:54,790
(QUIET STRING AND PERCUSSION SOLO)

410
00:18:55,541 --> 00:18:57,834
Destiny has cheated me

411
00:18:57,918 --> 00:19:01,463
By forcing me to decide upon

412
00:19:01,547 --> 00:19:04,007
The woman that I idolize

413
00:19:04,091 --> 00:19:06,885
Or the hands of an automaton

414
00:19:06,969 --> 00:19:09,638
Without these hands I can't complete

415
00:19:09,721 --> 00:19:11,515
The opera that was captivating her

416
00:19:11,598 --> 00:19:14,518
But if keep them, and she marries him

417
00:19:14,601 --> 00:19:19,064
Then he probably won't want me dating her

418
00:19:19,147 --> 00:19:20,816
- (ALL APPLAUD AND CHEER)
- Arooo.

419
00:19:20,899 --> 00:19:22,276
Brave-o.

420
00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:23,652
En-core.

421
00:19:23,735 --> 00:19:27,656
I can't believe
the devil is so unforgiving

422
00:19:27,739 --> 00:19:31,869
I can't believe
everybody's just ad-libbing

423
00:19:31,952 --> 00:19:33,537
(GRUNTS)

424
00:19:33,620 --> 00:19:36,290
By the power vested in me

425
00:19:36,373 --> 00:19:39,167
By the state of New New York...

426
00:19:39,251 --> 00:19:41,128
No! Stop.

427
00:19:41,211 --> 00:19:42,963
Take my hands...

428
00:19:43,046 --> 00:19:48,051
You evil... metal... dork!

429
00:19:48,135 --> 00:19:49,469
(SOBBING)

430
00:19:49,553 --> 00:19:50,888
(FIENDISH LAUGHTER)

431
00:19:50,971 --> 00:19:52,681
(GASPS)

432
00:19:54,224 --> 00:19:55,726
Surgery in an opera?

433
00:19:55,809 --> 00:19:57,394
How wonderfully decadent.

434
00:19:57,477 --> 00:20:00,355
And just as I was beginning
to lose interest.

435
00:20:00,439 --> 00:20:02,858
Jambi, the chocolate icing.

436
00:20:04,109 --> 00:20:06,862
(MOANS) Oh, my, yes.

437
00:20:06,945 --> 00:20:09,156
(GIGGLES) Ooh.

438
00:20:09,239 --> 00:20:11,325
My hands.

439
00:20:11,408 --> 00:20:13,952
My horrible human hands.

440
00:20:14,036 --> 00:20:16,413
(GASPS) And what did you do to my nails?

441
00:20:16,496 --> 00:20:18,040
I cleaned them.

442
00:20:18,123 --> 00:20:20,292
Now, if you'll excuse me,
it's my poker night

443
00:20:20,375 --> 00:20:22,294
and I feel lucky. (GIGGLES)

444
00:20:22,711 --> 00:20:24,755
So, it's back to Hell for me.

445
00:20:24,838 --> 00:20:26,465
- Come on, Nixon.
- NIXON: Huh?

446
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:30,552
- (ALL MUTTERING)
- (BEELZEBOT CHUCKLING)

447
00:20:30,886 --> 00:20:33,764
Less reality, more fantasy.

448
00:20:33,847 --> 00:20:35,557
Resume the opera.

449
00:20:35,641 --> 00:20:37,559
But I can't play anymore.

450
00:20:37,643 --> 00:20:38,977
Yes, you can.

451
00:20:39,061 --> 00:20:40,687
The beauty was in your heart,

452
00:20:40,771 --> 00:20:41,939
not your hands.

453
00:20:47,486 --> 00:20:49,446
(PLAYS DISCORDANT NOTES)

454
00:20:52,324 --> 00:20:54,243
(ALL BOOING)

455
00:20:54,326 --> 00:20:56,954
Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

456
00:20:58,163 --> 00:20:59,164
(MAN GRUNTS)

457
00:20:59,873 --> 00:21:01,542
(GROANS) Whoa.

458
00:21:02,042 --> 00:21:03,043
Hey. (EXCLAIMS)

459
00:21:03,126 --> 00:21:04,670
(ALL MURMUR)

460
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,463
Extra, extra.

461
00:21:06,547 --> 00:21:09,007
Greatest opera of all time sucks.

462
00:21:09,091 --> 00:21:10,300
I'll take eight.

463
00:21:18,475 --> 00:21:20,811
(FOOTSTEPS ECHOING)

464
00:21:20,894 --> 00:21:22,854
LEELA: Please don't stop playing, Fry.

465
00:21:24,356 --> 00:21:26,024
I want to hear how it ends.

466
00:21:35,325 --> 00:21:37,327
(PLAYING SIMPLE MELODY)

467
00:21:57,222 --> 00:21:59,224
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)