1
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NARRATOR: And now,
The Transcredible Exploits
of Zapp Brannigan,

2
00:00:24,321 --> 00:00:26,906
brought to you by
Bartley's Rocket Wax.

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00:00:26,990 --> 00:00:29,325
I wax my rocket
every day!

4
00:00:34,915 --> 00:00:36,999
No one can save
you now, Leela.

5
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What about
Zapp Brannigan?

6
00:00:39,253 --> 00:00:42,463
Well, obviously,
Zapp Brannigan
could save you...

7
00:00:42,756 --> 00:00:43,923
Zapp Brannigan!

8
00:00:44,007 --> 00:00:47,051
So, Emperor Chop Chop,
once again, we meet at last.

9
00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:50,179
Drop that space gun
or I'll shoot, like so.

10
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(GROANS)

11
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(EXCLAIMS)

12
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Oh, Zapp, tie me back up
and ravish me.

13
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I'd like to, Leela.
So, I will.

14
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(BOTH LAUGH)

15
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(BOTH MOANING)

16
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Shake it, baby.
Shake it like...

17
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I surrender and
volunteer for treason.

18
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Emergency summons from
the president, Captain.

19
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Oh, it's you.
Just let me freshen up.

20
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Computer, Captain's musk.

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(SIGHS)

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The long, dramatic corridor.
That's never a good sign.

23
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AUTOMATED VOICE:
Glove recognized.
Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower.

24
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Mr. President.
What the hell?

25
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At ease, Brannigan.

26
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(EXHALES)

27
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What you're about to see
is highly classified.

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Reptilicus,
hit the thingy.

29
00:02:01,293 --> 00:02:03,127
At 0000 hours,

30
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Planet X-3 was attacked
by a mysterious death sphere.

31
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Magnify that death sphere.

32
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Why is it still blurry?

33
00:02:12,638 --> 00:02:14,597
KIF: That's all the
resolution we have.

34
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Making it bigger
doesn't make it clearer.

35
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It does on CSl: Miami.

36
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(SIGHS)

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NIXON: They fought back
with advanced
military hardware,

38
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but it was like shooting
BBs at Bebe Rebozo.

39
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That poor, brave hardware.

40
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NIXON: The sphere
then fired some kind of
hellish blackout ray.

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It erased that planet
like 18 minutes of
incriminating tape.

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Oh, I just wish
I understood why.

43
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Why I should care?

44
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Because the death sphere
is now on course for Earth!

45
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(NIXON EXCLAIMS)

46
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My God, we're defenseless,
like fish in a barrel.

47
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Options?

48
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My instinct is to
hide in this barrel,

49
00:02:57,099 --> 00:02:58,516
like the wily fish.

50
00:02:58,767 --> 00:03:01,018
Then we're down
to our last hope,

51
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a radical new weapon
built by a visionary
scientist

52
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I once dismissed
as crazy!

53
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(LAUGHING)

54
00:03:09,861 --> 00:03:13,072
Let's see how crazy
I am now, Nixon.

55
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The correct answer
is "very."

56
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All right, Professor,

57
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sock it to me!

58
00:03:18,453 --> 00:03:20,246
Top-secret news,
everyone.

59
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I've developed a tiny,
one-man stealth fighter
that's virtually undetectable.

60
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How undetectable?

61
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It's right in front of you.

62
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I find that...
(GROANS) to believe.

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(ALL EXCLAIMING)

64
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But how exactly is
this Happy Meal toy

65
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going to destroy
a giant death sphere?

66
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From within.

67
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This ship should be able
to sneak, undetected,

68
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through the sphere's
one vulnerable opening.

69
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What vulnerable opening?

70
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All death spheres have
one vulnerable opening.

71
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Well, sure,
but who's brave enough
to fly into something

72
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we all keep calling
a death sphere?

73
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I say Brannigan.
I say no.

74
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I say me.
I say Leela!

75
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I say yes.
I say no.

76
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I say Leela, too.

77
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I say yes again.

78
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I say I shall join her.

79
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But it's only
a one-man craft, I say.

80
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There'll only be
one man. Me.

81
00:04:11,214 --> 00:04:15,384
How would you feel
if I rode rear as your
personal tail gunner?

82
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Creeped out.

83
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Then it's decided!

84
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Are you sure I have to
sit in your lap?

85
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Lt'll help us achieve
maximum thrust.

86
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Ugh!
Ugh!

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I made you some
trail mix for the flight.

88
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Also, this picture,
to remember me.

89
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You hold on to it.

90
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I'll be back soon.

91
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(SCOFFS)

92
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(BOTH GROAN)

93
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Activating stealth shielding.

94
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Liftoff!

95
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I'll roger that.

96
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Does anybody else feel
aroused and jealous
and worried?

97
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I haven't felt
much of anything
since my guinea pig died.

98
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Death sphere in range.

99
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Engaging
holographic targeting.

100
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Activating the force.

101
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AUTOMATED VOICE:
Feel the entrance, Leela.

102
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Destination on your left
in 0.3 miles.

103
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Zapp to Leela.
Look at all that
surveillance equipment.

104
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We better whisper.

105
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Switching to
pillow talk mode.

106
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LEELA: Look!
What are those huge letters?

107
00:05:41,263 --> 00:05:43,556
ZAPP: V-GINY?

108
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Doesn't ring a bell.

109
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Hmm. I don't like
the looks of this V-GINY.

110
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Does anyone recognize
those call letters?

111
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Nope. It's not in the
Janeway's guide, either.

112
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Deciphering that
ID code is critical.

113
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I'll be in the chamber
of understanding.

114
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(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

115
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This is it,
the moment we should
have trained for.

116
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Holy...
(BLEEPING)

117
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Incoming yucky.

118
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Firing pocket-rocket!

119
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Don't panic, Leela.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

120
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I hope this is
the control stick.

121
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(METAL CLANGS)

122
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ZAPP: Captain's log.
We've lost control.

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Addendum. Whoa!

124
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NARRATOR: And now,
back to The Transcredible
Exploits of Zapp Brannigan.

125
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Chapter Two.
The heat thickens.

126
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(MOANING)
Leela, wake up.

127
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I can't face this
mysterious planet alone

128
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without you or
someone like you.

129
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(BLOWING)

130
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Zapp? Zapp, wake up.

131
00:07:26,034 --> 00:07:27,910
Leela, where are we?

132
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We crashed on
an uncharted planet.

133
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When I woke up,
I was pinned under this tree.

134
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Can you help me?

135
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If anyone can move it,
I can.

136
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(GRUNTING)

137
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No one can move it.
Are you hurt?

138
00:07:40,966 --> 00:07:43,467
No, but I'm so thirsty.

139
00:07:43,551 --> 00:07:45,970
This space suit
is making me sweat
like a sow.

140
00:07:46,054 --> 00:07:47,096
Me, too.

141
00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:50,683
We'd better strip them off
and continue surviving
au naturel.

142
00:07:50,976 --> 00:07:53,394
Uh, I suppose so.

143
00:07:56,815 --> 00:08:00,693
Here, we can cover ourselves
with these sticky,
sap-covered leaves.

144
00:08:00,777 --> 00:08:02,861
I'll try to avert my eyes
from your nudery.

145
00:08:03,113 --> 00:08:05,572
You will?
What's the point?

146
00:08:05,657 --> 00:08:07,241
You'll have to look
sooner or later.

147
00:08:07,325 --> 00:08:10,077
Well, I promise not to
abuse the privilege.

148
00:08:10,161 --> 00:08:13,205
For now,
I'd better scout around
for food and water and help.

149
00:08:13,331 --> 00:08:16,041
What a thoughtful and
considerate thing to say.

150
00:08:16,126 --> 00:08:17,459
What the hell's
wrong with you?

151
00:08:17,544 --> 00:08:19,003
I'm not quite sure.

152
00:08:19,087 --> 00:08:22,339
Perhaps it's the fresh air
or severe head injury.

153
00:08:22,424 --> 00:08:24,466
In any case, I'm off.

154
00:08:25,093 --> 00:08:27,803
If you see any steaks,
that'd be good!

155
00:08:28,054 --> 00:08:29,263
(SNIFFS)

156
00:08:30,223 --> 00:08:32,891
Why isn't Leela back yet?
Do you think she's okay?

157
00:08:32,976 --> 00:08:36,145
How should I know?
And how come you never
ask if I'm okay?

158
00:08:36,229 --> 00:08:38,022
I'm feeling
a little neglected here.

159
00:08:38,148 --> 00:08:41,317
Oh. Sorry.
Are you okay, Bender?
Shut up.

160
00:08:41,401 --> 00:08:42,818
What difference
does it make?

161
00:08:42,902 --> 00:08:44,361
When that death sphere
gets to Earth,

162
00:08:44,446 --> 00:08:46,488
we'll all be blown
to manwich meat.

163
00:08:46,573 --> 00:08:48,615
Well, I guess
it's time to indulge

164
00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:50,492
in some end-of-the-world
debauchery.

165
00:08:50,577 --> 00:08:51,910
Who's up for an orgy?

166
00:08:52,370 --> 00:08:53,620
Yeah!
Yes!

167
00:08:54,956 --> 00:08:55,998
Nah.
Nah.

168
00:08:56,082 --> 00:08:58,292
Maybe a Parcheesi tournament.

169
00:08:58,418 --> 00:09:00,502
Belay that
Parcheesi tournament.

170
00:09:00,587 --> 00:09:03,005
I've identified
the death sphere.

171
00:09:03,089 --> 00:09:06,091
We may yet have
a faint hope of survival!

172
00:09:06,259 --> 00:09:08,927
Still,
a Parcheesi tournament.

173
00:09:09,763 --> 00:09:12,848
This is a top-secret
military satellite

174
00:09:12,932 --> 00:09:15,726
launched by the air force
in 1998.

175
00:09:16,603 --> 00:09:21,398
And this is
a top-secret FCC satellite
launched that same year

176
00:09:21,483 --> 00:09:23,984
to censor
indecent TV programs.

177
00:09:24,069 --> 00:09:26,236
Like The Pimpsons
and Ass-o-rama?

178
00:09:26,321 --> 00:09:27,404
Precisely.

179
00:09:27,489 --> 00:09:30,532
However,
the satellites collided
shortly after launch

180
00:09:30,617 --> 00:09:32,534
and were never
heard from again.

181
00:09:32,619 --> 00:09:33,994
I found the board!

182
00:09:34,079 --> 00:09:37,790
Now I've
simulated that collision
using shrapnel-vision.

183
00:09:45,340 --> 00:09:47,216
Granted, all that
makes perfect sense.

184
00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:49,676
But why is this death sphere
destroying planets?

185
00:09:49,761 --> 00:09:51,804
That makes
the most sense of all.

186
00:09:52,013 --> 00:09:54,640
Look at the planets
it's destroyed so far.

187
00:09:54,891 --> 00:09:57,976
First came X-3,
the nude beach planet,

188
00:09:58,812 --> 00:10:00,813
then, Poopiter,

189
00:10:01,189 --> 00:10:05,275
and finally that world
that can't be mentioned
in polite company.

190
00:10:05,402 --> 00:10:07,069
You mean...
(WHISPERING)

191
00:10:07,195 --> 00:10:08,695
How dare you?
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

192
00:10:09,322 --> 00:10:13,492
So, the death-sphere is
"censoring" indecent planets?

193
00:10:13,576 --> 00:10:18,038
Indeed, and we're next
if we can't keep it in
our collective pants.

194
00:10:18,123 --> 00:10:20,916
Our sole hope
is to persuade
the people of Earth

195
00:10:21,042 --> 00:10:24,378
to abandon
their smutty ways.
(WHIP CRACKS)

196
00:10:24,462 --> 00:10:26,797
So, the orgy's off?

197
00:10:27,424 --> 00:10:29,842
(GROANS) So thirsty.

198
00:10:29,926 --> 00:10:33,095
Why couldn't
a water fountain
have fallen on me?

199
00:10:33,179 --> 00:10:34,638
I couldn't find any water,

200
00:10:34,722 --> 00:10:37,683
but the moisture in these
fruit-and-nut berries
should sustain you.

201
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:39,101
Thank you.

202
00:10:40,061 --> 00:10:42,980
I climbed perilously
high into the trees
to pick them,

203
00:10:43,064 --> 00:10:45,691
yet I saw no sign
of intelligent life.

204
00:10:45,984 --> 00:10:46,984
Bummer.

205
00:10:47,068 --> 00:10:50,237
Moreover, the crash
totally destroyed our ship.

206
00:10:50,321 --> 00:10:52,531
So, we're stuck here
until someone finds us?

207
00:10:52,615 --> 00:10:54,616
Alas,
that may never happen.

208
00:10:54,701 --> 00:10:57,494
Stealth technology
makes the ship
impossible to locate,

209
00:10:57,579 --> 00:10:59,580
yet easy to stub
your crotch on.

210
00:10:59,664 --> 00:11:02,499
Well, there's worse places
to be marooned.

211
00:11:02,584 --> 00:11:04,668
Plenty of food,
mild climate.

212
00:11:04,752 --> 00:11:07,254
It's a veritable
Garden of Eden.

213
00:11:07,338 --> 00:11:08,505
It is?

214
00:11:14,387 --> 00:11:15,721
Hello.

215
00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:17,264
Did that snake
say, "Hello"?

216
00:11:17,390 --> 00:11:19,933
No.
We're both delirious
from dehydration.

217
00:11:20,268 --> 00:11:22,186
Just like Adam and Eve.

218
00:11:27,317 --> 00:11:31,278
FARNSWORTH: We can still
save Earth. People are
sure to clean up their act

219
00:11:31,362 --> 00:11:35,449
when presented
with cold, hard facts
by rational folks like us.

220
00:11:36,743 --> 00:11:40,120
The end is near!
Repent thy sins!

221
00:11:40,413 --> 00:11:44,249
I'll thinks it overs
while I engages
this $5 hooker.

222
00:11:44,626 --> 00:11:46,460
Don't do it!
It's not worth it!

223
00:11:46,544 --> 00:11:48,295
Okay, make it $3.

224
00:11:48,379 --> 00:11:51,590
Yuck! I don't wants
no $3 hooker.

225
00:11:51,674 --> 00:11:54,343
I'm going backs to
the adults bookstore.

226
00:11:54,427 --> 00:11:57,429
Adult bookstore?
I thought this was
the public library.

227
00:11:57,555 --> 00:12:00,307
No. Pubic Library.

228
00:12:01,059 --> 00:12:03,310
Zapp? Where are you?

229
00:12:03,394 --> 00:12:06,021
Oh, God, I'm actually
starting to miss him.

230
00:12:06,105 --> 00:12:08,315
Maybe you two
belong together.

231
00:12:08,399 --> 00:12:10,692
We do not.
And you can't talk.

232
00:12:10,777 --> 00:12:11,860
Come on.

233
00:12:11,945 --> 00:12:14,488
It must be
an awful temptation.

234
00:12:14,614 --> 00:12:17,741
Guess who just
killed a woodchuck
with his bare feet?

235
00:12:19,285 --> 00:12:21,411
I thought I'd whip
us up some shelter,

236
00:12:21,496 --> 00:12:23,288
make this a little more
like home.

237
00:12:23,414 --> 00:12:27,543
I do miss the Earth terribly.
I wonder if it's even
still there.

238
00:12:27,627 --> 00:12:29,127
Let's find out together.

239
00:12:29,212 --> 00:12:32,631
I'll brave
the ship's wreckage
to fetch you the telescope.

240
00:12:33,132 --> 00:12:34,716
That's so sweet.

241
00:12:34,801 --> 00:12:36,635
I'm just saying, is all.

242
00:12:49,065 --> 00:12:53,569
I know my new plan
is a long shot, but it's
the only hope left.

243
00:12:53,653 --> 00:12:55,779
Well, now
I've heard everything.

244
00:12:55,989 --> 00:12:56,989
On my iPod.

245
00:12:57,073 --> 00:13:00,325
So, do you have
a new plan, Professor?
And is there any hope left?

246
00:13:00,535 --> 00:13:04,288
Indeed. We're here on
Earth's last unspoiled acre

247
00:13:04,372 --> 00:13:08,041
to show the death sphere
there's still purity
in the world.

248
00:13:08,167 --> 00:13:09,710
Begin transmitting.

249
00:13:11,671 --> 00:13:13,797
Commence purity chant.

250
00:13:13,881 --> 00:13:15,340
(ALL CHANTING)

251
00:13:20,346 --> 00:13:21,763
Hey, I'm proud
of you, Bender.

252
00:13:21,848 --> 00:13:24,474
Avoiding sin for
almost a full minute.

253
00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:25,601
Bender?

254
00:13:25,685 --> 00:13:28,270
BENDER: Yeah, baby.
You're quite a dish.

255
00:13:28,354 --> 00:13:29,855
(GIGGLING)

256
00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:33,734
Oh, yeah. Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
(CHUCKLING)

257
00:13:34,235 --> 00:13:37,696
Oh, no.
Bender, stop! Stop!

258
00:13:38,197 --> 00:13:41,408
Quiet your riot.
What's the worst
that could happen?

259
00:13:52,712 --> 00:13:55,088
No! No!

260
00:13:55,173 --> 00:13:56,632
(SOBBING)

261
00:13:56,716 --> 00:13:57,883
Earth is gone!

262
00:13:58,217 --> 00:14:01,345
We're the only two humans
left in the universe!

263
00:14:02,513 --> 00:14:04,931
Oh, God.
I'm sorry, Leela.

264
00:14:05,516 --> 00:14:09,269
Maybe this was
meant to be.

265
00:14:09,354 --> 00:14:12,397
Maybe you and I
were meant to build
a new world here.

266
00:14:12,482 --> 00:14:14,483
We can avoid
humanity's mistakes.

267
00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:15,609
Like the tuba.

268
00:14:15,693 --> 00:14:18,362
Yes! We'll be
like Adam and Eve.

269
00:14:18,446 --> 00:14:19,905
Only without the tuba.

270
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:22,866
And we'll beget
little Zapp junior.
And Leela junior.

271
00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:25,285
And they'll have
kids of their... Yuck!

272
00:14:25,370 --> 00:14:27,663
Is that really what
happened in the Bible?

273
00:14:27,747 --> 00:14:30,499
It's a sick and twisted
book of holiness, all right.

274
00:14:30,583 --> 00:14:32,125
Then we'll write
our own Bible.

275
00:14:32,210 --> 00:14:35,087
With less Sodom
and more Gomorrah.

276
00:14:35,171 --> 00:14:36,254
Let's do it.

277
00:14:36,339 --> 00:14:38,840
I shall become the mother
of a new world,

278
00:14:38,925 --> 00:14:40,676
trapped here,
under this tree.

279
00:14:41,135 --> 00:14:42,386
The tree of knowledge!

280
00:14:42,553 --> 00:14:44,596
Look, it even has apples!

281
00:14:44,889 --> 00:14:45,889
Ow!

282
00:14:46,265 --> 00:14:47,391
Wow.

283
00:14:49,060 --> 00:14:52,729
Come here, Adam.
Partake of my
forbidden fruit.

284
00:14:52,814 --> 00:14:55,107
Thee will be done.

285
00:15:04,575 --> 00:15:07,786
Wait. One more bite
before we begin
the begetting.

286
00:15:09,539 --> 00:15:11,081
Mmm. Juicy.

287
00:15:11,165 --> 00:15:15,460
Those nut berries you
found were so salty,
I couldn't think straight.

288
00:15:17,797 --> 00:15:19,589
I mean,
not to belabor it,

289
00:15:19,674 --> 00:15:23,009
but they were as salty
as that bag of trail mix
Fry gave me.

290
00:15:23,636 --> 00:15:27,597
Exactly as salty.
Hey! Wait a second!

291
00:15:28,141 --> 00:15:29,266
Uh...

292
00:15:31,686 --> 00:15:33,311
(GROANING)

293
00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:36,982
I have a terrible
confession to make.

294
00:15:37,150 --> 00:15:39,735
You see, when I first
went foraging,

295
00:15:39,819 --> 00:15:43,613
what I actually found
was the smoldering
wreckage of the ship.

296
00:15:43,698 --> 00:15:48,160
Ignoring all danger,
I charged inside to
liberate our provisions.

297
00:15:48,661 --> 00:15:51,079
So, this is the
trail mix Fry gave me!

298
00:15:51,789 --> 00:15:55,959
Yes. I exaggerated
when I said I picked it
from the treetops.

299
00:15:56,043 --> 00:15:59,880
I just wanted you to think
a little better of me.

300
00:15:59,964 --> 00:16:02,758
Well, your motives
were good.

301
00:16:02,842 --> 00:16:05,594
And we were both
loopy from dehydration.

302
00:16:05,678 --> 00:16:06,678
Hey, wait.

303
00:16:06,763 --> 00:16:09,097
You've been doing
an awful lot of urinating.

304
00:16:09,474 --> 00:16:11,099
(GROANING)

305
00:16:11,893 --> 00:16:14,269
There's plenty of water.
You see,

306
00:16:14,604 --> 00:16:16,938
after I selflessly
rescued the trail mix,

307
00:16:17,023 --> 00:16:20,192
I braved the flames once more
in search of fluids.

308
00:16:26,699 --> 00:16:28,200
Then why didn't
you give me any?

309
00:16:29,035 --> 00:16:32,120
I thought it might
help you forget your
intense hatred for me

310
00:16:32,205 --> 00:16:34,498
if you were
a teensy bit delirious.

311
00:16:34,832 --> 00:16:36,625
So, you let me dehydrate

312
00:16:36,709 --> 00:16:40,378
while you washed down
the trail mix with
imported mineral water?

313
00:16:40,463 --> 00:16:41,713
(GROANING)

314
00:16:42,048 --> 00:16:43,381
Not exactly.

315
00:16:43,841 --> 00:16:45,467
You see,
besides the trail mix,

316
00:16:45,551 --> 00:16:47,969
the minibar also
contained Doritos,
beef jerky

317
00:16:48,054 --> 00:16:50,889
and a generous assortment
of fine chocolates.

318
00:16:52,767 --> 00:16:54,392
I wanted to offer you
the chocolates.

319
00:16:54,477 --> 00:16:57,813
I truly did.
But I was concerned
about your waistline.

320
00:16:58,064 --> 00:16:59,272
Very concerned.

321
00:16:59,398 --> 00:17:01,608
It's because
I haven't been exercising.

322
00:17:01,692 --> 00:17:04,694
If only this tree
hadn't fallen on me
by chance.

323
00:17:05,238 --> 00:17:06,905
Oh, dear God!

324
00:17:07,281 --> 00:17:09,699
(GROANING LOUDLY)

325
00:17:10,910 --> 00:17:12,828
It was just after
we crashed.

326
00:17:13,079 --> 00:17:15,622
I awoke first,
to find you trapped.

327
00:17:16,249 --> 00:17:18,416
Leela! Leela, wake up.

328
00:17:31,556 --> 00:17:35,350
You could've moved
this grub-infested log
any time you wanted?

329
00:17:35,434 --> 00:17:36,768
Well, sure.

330
00:17:36,853 --> 00:17:39,354
But then I wouldn't have
been able to provide
the loving care

331
00:17:39,438 --> 00:17:40,689
you wouldn't have needed.

332
00:17:43,943 --> 00:17:46,194
I'd leave you to rot
in this paradise,

333
00:17:46,279 --> 00:17:48,446
if only the ship
weren't destroyed.

334
00:17:48,990 --> 00:17:51,575
The ship's fully functional,
isn't it?

335
00:17:51,659 --> 00:17:53,660
(GROANING)

336
00:17:54,287 --> 00:17:56,371
You see,
after re-trapping you

337
00:17:56,455 --> 00:17:58,039
and before
feigning unconsciousness,

338
00:17:58,124 --> 00:18:00,166
I paused to enjoy a cigar.

339
00:18:00,251 --> 00:18:03,128
Though mellow and satisfying,
it did parch me a bit,

340
00:18:03,212 --> 00:18:05,088
so I went in
search of brandy.

341
00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:09,050
That's when
my keen senses detected
the still-invisible ship.

342
00:18:09,135 --> 00:18:10,302
(EXCLAIMS)

343
00:18:11,721 --> 00:18:13,638
So, we can
go back to Earth?

344
00:18:14,307 --> 00:18:18,727
But there is
no Earth anymore.
Everyone I know is dead!

345
00:18:18,811 --> 00:18:19,978
(SOBBING)

346
00:18:21,188 --> 00:18:23,273
This seems like a good place
to take a dump.

347
00:18:24,442 --> 00:18:26,276
Leela? You're alive!

348
00:18:26,444 --> 00:18:27,527
Fry!

349
00:18:28,362 --> 00:18:30,989
But how did you
find this planet?

350
00:18:31,657 --> 00:18:32,782
Well?

351
00:18:33,075 --> 00:18:34,492
(GROANING)

352
00:18:34,994 --> 00:18:36,661
We're actually on Earth.

353
00:18:36,746 --> 00:18:38,830
The ship's homing device
brought us back.

354
00:18:38,998 --> 00:18:40,749
But I saw Earth explode!

355
00:18:41,626 --> 00:18:43,877
I'm actually kind of
proud of this one.

356
00:18:43,961 --> 00:18:45,670
You see, what you saw

357
00:18:45,755 --> 00:18:47,756
was merely a simulation
I rigged up

358
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,592
using the ship's holographic
targeting projector.

359
00:18:50,676 --> 00:18:53,845
The alleged telescope
was a toilet paper tube.

360
00:18:53,930 --> 00:18:56,306
You said there wasn't
any toilet paper!

361
00:18:56,432 --> 00:18:58,767
And that humanity
was annihilated!

362
00:18:58,851 --> 00:19:00,310
My motives were pure.

363
00:19:00,394 --> 00:19:02,646
I just wanted you to think
we had to save humanity,

364
00:19:02,730 --> 00:19:04,564
so you'd be willing
to have sex.

365
00:19:04,649 --> 00:19:06,358
Please say you believe me.

366
00:19:06,442 --> 00:19:08,610
Yes, I believe you.

367
00:19:09,362 --> 00:19:11,237
(ZAPP GRUNTING)

368
00:19:12,156 --> 00:19:13,198
(CHEERING)

369
00:19:13,282 --> 00:19:16,117
There must be
something to steal
on this island.

370
00:19:16,202 --> 00:19:17,535
Hey, it's Leela.

371
00:19:17,787 --> 00:19:18,912
(ALL CHEERING)

372
00:19:19,372 --> 00:19:23,041
Let's go home, everybody.
At least the world
wasn't destroyed.

373
00:19:24,835 --> 00:19:25,877
Yet.

374
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:31,216
AUTOMATED VOICE:
People of Earth!

375
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:34,761
Hear the righteous word
of the mighty V-GINY!

376
00:19:34,845 --> 00:19:36,262
The mighty V-GINY!

377
00:19:36,347 --> 00:19:37,347
(GIGGLES)

378
00:19:37,431 --> 00:19:40,809
Seeing you frolic in
this unspoiled garden

379
00:19:40,893 --> 00:19:43,812
gives hope that this world
may yet be redeemed.

380
00:19:43,896 --> 00:19:46,564
Huzzah! The purity
chant worked!

381
00:19:48,234 --> 00:19:50,652
Unacceptable
wardrobe malfunction!

382
00:19:50,736 --> 00:19:53,113
I was referring
to Adam and Eve.

383
00:19:53,197 --> 00:19:56,574
We're not Adam and Eve.
You see, due to
a series of...

384
00:19:56,659 --> 00:20:00,245
Consummate your union
or I shall destroy Earth.

385
00:20:00,746 --> 00:20:01,871
(ALL GASP)

386
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:07,419
Well, if it's to save Earth,
I guess I could
take one for the team.

387
00:20:07,670 --> 00:20:11,423
You what? Right now?
But I need a little
romance first.

388
00:20:11,507 --> 00:20:13,591
Maybe a vanilla candle
or something?

389
00:20:13,676 --> 00:20:15,552
Commence intercourse!

390
00:20:16,637 --> 00:20:19,639
Those giant guns are
making me feel
sort of inadequate.

391
00:20:19,724 --> 00:20:21,683
I'm not sure if I can...
Move it.

392
00:20:21,767 --> 00:20:23,435
I've got to get home
and do laundry.

393
00:20:24,895 --> 00:20:27,063
(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST)

394
00:20:27,773 --> 00:20:30,191
For God's sake,
censor it! Censor it!

395
00:20:30,276 --> 00:20:32,527
Approved for all audiences!

396
00:20:32,611 --> 00:20:35,655
No!

397
00:20:40,828 --> 00:20:43,455
NARRATOR: And now,
the spicy finale

398
00:20:43,539 --> 00:20:47,167
of The Transcredible Exploits
of Zapp Brannigan.

399
00:20:47,251 --> 00:20:49,961
That was a close call,
but we saved Earth.

400
00:20:50,046 --> 00:20:53,131
Was it as good for you
as it was for the human race?

401
00:20:53,215 --> 00:20:57,927
Oh, Zapp. Let's save
another planet right now!

402
00:20:58,012 --> 00:20:59,095
(SNORING)

403
00:21:37,176 --> 00:21:38,176
ENGLISH - US - PSDH