1
00:00:24,561 --> 00:00:28,815
(GROANS) Oh, I fear
I may not survive this
war reenactment.

2
00:00:28,899 --> 00:00:31,984
I can't believe we're only
12 feet from the parking lot.

3
00:00:32,069 --> 00:00:35,613
(CHUCKLES) This is
every bit as fun
as the real Civil War.

4
00:00:35,697 --> 00:00:39,784
Not the Civil War, Private.
We're reenacting
the Sith-il War.

5
00:00:39,868 --> 00:00:41,869
Sith? What the Hoth?

6
00:00:41,954 --> 00:00:44,705
Enemy invaders!
Up in yonder sky!

7
00:00:59,263 --> 00:01:01,556
I am Darth Stroyer.

8
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:05,351
Darth Stroyer?
That's the stupidest
name I've ever heard.

9
00:01:05,435 --> 00:01:06,561
Let's hear the rest.

10
00:01:07,437 --> 00:01:08,855
Darth Trocious.

11
00:01:09,481 --> 00:01:10,773
Darth Sploder.

12
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:12,984
Darth Urderer.

13
00:01:13,819 --> 00:01:15,444
Darth lt-head.

14
00:01:18,615 --> 00:01:20,324
Company, attack!

15
00:01:20,576 --> 00:01:21,784
(ALL SHOUTING)

16
00:01:25,289 --> 00:01:28,082
Don't fire until you see
the greens of their eyes!

17
00:01:28,417 --> 00:01:29,709
It saves on bullets.

18
00:01:35,966 --> 00:01:37,133
(BARKING)

19
00:01:44,892 --> 00:01:47,894
I shall rip out your heart
and show it to you.

20
00:01:48,437 --> 00:01:49,437
(BEEPS)

21
00:01:49,521 --> 00:01:50,897
It is done.

22
00:01:51,023 --> 00:01:54,734
The candle that
burns twice as bright
burns half as long.

23
00:01:58,822 --> 00:01:59,989
(EXCLAIMS)

24
00:02:00,449 --> 00:02:01,866
(BEEPS)
You're dead.

25
00:02:01,950 --> 00:02:04,368
No, I'm just very old.

26
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,291
Whoa. That's good acting.

27
00:02:10,375 --> 00:02:12,418
(GUN COCKING)
It's payback time,
Sploder.

28
00:02:13,295 --> 00:02:14,420
(BEEPS)

29
00:02:18,342 --> 00:02:23,095
Tell my mother to pick me up
outside Quiznos.

30
00:02:24,806 --> 00:02:26,265
That's three dead.

31
00:02:26,892 --> 00:02:28,434
Let's pick up the pace,
people.

32
00:02:28,518 --> 00:02:29,936
At this point in
the actual war,

33
00:02:30,020 --> 00:02:32,396
the death toll
was 98 million.

34
00:02:32,856 --> 00:02:36,025
(CHUCKLES) You humans
and your fragile organs.

35
00:02:36,109 --> 00:02:38,694
One little stab
to the goo, and...
(IMITATES SQUIRTING)

36
00:02:39,029 --> 00:02:40,112
(EXCLAIMS)
(BEEPS)

37
00:02:40,197 --> 00:02:42,073
You're dead, Earth man.

38
00:02:42,991 --> 00:02:45,034
Cruel fate, I'm dead.

39
00:02:45,243 --> 00:02:47,203
They're putting me
in my Sunday suit

40
00:02:47,329 --> 00:02:49,246
and shoving me
in a wooden box.

41
00:02:50,207 --> 00:02:54,210
Now they're lowering me
into the cold, cold ground.

42
00:02:54,503 --> 00:02:57,505
Hello,
here come the worms.
(LAUGHING)

43
00:02:58,465 --> 00:03:01,092
If you were really dead,
you wouldn't be
laughing so hard.

44
00:03:02,386 --> 00:03:05,179
Yeah, death's a big deal
to you flesh bags.

45
00:03:05,263 --> 00:03:08,265
But in case you
didn't notice,
I'm a robot.

46
00:03:08,350 --> 00:03:11,352
So? What if something heavy
fell on you, like a church?

47
00:03:11,436 --> 00:03:12,520
You could still die.

48
00:03:12,604 --> 00:03:13,813
Nuh-uh!

49
00:03:13,897 --> 00:03:17,108
My wireless backup unit
saves a copy of me every day.

50
00:03:17,192 --> 00:03:19,694
So, if my body gets killed,
big whoop,

51
00:03:19,778 --> 00:03:21,946
I just download
into another body.

52
00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:23,322
I'm immortal, baby.

53
00:03:23,407 --> 00:03:25,324
What? Then how come
you always scream

54
00:03:25,409 --> 00:03:27,034
so much when
you're in danger?

55
00:03:27,244 --> 00:03:29,787
I never said I wasn't
a drama queen.

56
00:03:30,455 --> 00:03:33,124
And the winner
of the war is...

57
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,127
Let me just cross-check
my tabulation here.

58
00:03:36,586 --> 00:03:38,504
Factor in the corsages
for the widows...

59
00:03:38,588 --> 00:03:41,382
Hurry up,
you number-crunching
crumb-nuncher!

60
00:03:41,466 --> 00:03:43,843
Everybody but me
is dying of old age!

61
00:03:43,969 --> 00:03:45,261
Okay.

62
00:03:45,929 --> 00:03:50,725
The winners, at a net cost
of only $12 per life cut
tragically short,

63
00:03:50,809 --> 00:03:52,768
our Sith Overlords!

64
00:03:52,936 --> 00:03:54,145
Yeah!
Yes!

65
00:03:54,229 --> 00:03:56,689
Hot diggity. I mean,

66
00:03:56,773 --> 00:03:59,775
(IMITATES DARTH VADER)
Supreme diggity.

67
00:04:00,777 --> 00:04:05,322
ALL: Good war,
good war, good war...

68
00:04:08,702 --> 00:04:10,411
(ALL GROANING)

69
00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:15,458
It may have been a fake war,
but my scuffed knee
is all too real.

70
00:04:15,542 --> 00:04:19,211
I've got pains in joints
I had removed a century ago.

71
00:04:19,296 --> 00:04:22,882
Bender, bring me
my soft chair with
the wheels on it.

72
00:04:22,966 --> 00:04:25,468
Your wheelchair?
I don't need a wheelchair!

73
00:04:25,552 --> 00:04:27,386
The one with the wheels!

74
00:04:27,471 --> 00:04:29,555
Poor flimsy humans.

75
00:04:29,639 --> 00:04:32,141
Don't you wish you were
flawless like me?

76
00:04:32,225 --> 00:04:34,769
A towering inferno of
physical perfection?

77
00:04:34,853 --> 00:04:38,439
I hate to pop
your blimp-like ego,
but you are not perfect.

78
00:04:38,523 --> 00:04:40,066
Am so.
Are not.

79
00:04:40,150 --> 00:04:41,776
Is too!
Says who?

80
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:45,821
Says the only human
whose opinion I even
remotely respect.

81
00:04:48,575 --> 00:04:52,578
Inspector 5,
the best inspector
a kid could want.

82
00:04:52,746 --> 00:04:54,997
The day I was built,
he looked me over,

83
00:04:55,165 --> 00:04:57,416
probably with tears
of pride in his eyes,

84
00:04:57,501 --> 00:04:59,460
and proclaimed
to all the world,

85
00:04:59,586 --> 00:05:01,587
by means of this
scrap of paper,

86
00:05:01,671 --> 00:05:05,549
that I was perfect and
infallible in every way.

87
00:05:06,134 --> 00:05:07,551
Hey, Mr. Perfect,

88
00:05:07,636 --> 00:05:09,303
you wet the chair.

89
00:05:09,387 --> 00:05:14,016
Huh? It wasn't me.
Must be some of that urine
you're all so proud of.

90
00:05:15,602 --> 00:05:17,478
That's not urine.
It's oil.

91
00:05:17,562 --> 00:05:20,815
Impossible.
I'm triple-sealed to
prevent any chance of...

92
00:05:20,899 --> 00:05:22,233
(SHRIEKS)

93
00:05:23,527 --> 00:05:25,236
You call that
an ink defense?

94
00:05:25,779 --> 00:05:26,904
(EXCLAIMS)

95
00:05:28,532 --> 00:05:30,074
Goodbye, friends.

96
00:05:32,327 --> 00:05:33,744
What could have
caused the leak?

97
00:05:33,829 --> 00:05:36,038
Excessive heat,
on account of
I'm so hot?

98
00:05:36,706 --> 00:05:37,998
Alas, no.

99
00:05:38,083 --> 00:05:42,461
Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's
a symptom of a fatal defect.

100
00:05:42,546 --> 00:05:44,046
Yeah, fatal, schmatal.

101
00:05:44,131 --> 00:05:46,882
If I die, I can just
download my backup copy

102
00:05:46,967 --> 00:05:49,426
into a new,
equally fabulous body.

103
00:05:49,511 --> 00:05:54,557
That's just it. You can't!
You were built without
a backup unit!

104
00:05:56,059 --> 00:05:57,810
There's no backup
copy of me?

105
00:05:57,894 --> 00:06:00,521
That's what I just said,
you mortal coil.

106
00:06:00,772 --> 00:06:02,273
So, if I die...

107
00:06:02,357 --> 00:06:04,900
You die.
Or as you put it...
(RASPS)

108
00:06:06,736 --> 00:06:08,654
Excuse me for a moment.

109
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:16,829
(SHOUTING) No!

110
00:06:22,794 --> 00:06:25,212
I can't believe it!
I'm gonna die!

111
00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:27,631
How much time
does he have left,
Professor?

112
00:06:27,716 --> 00:06:30,259
Between a minute
and a billion years.

113
00:06:30,468 --> 00:06:32,553
Well, at least you
can plan accordingly.

114
00:06:32,637 --> 00:06:34,138
Dying sucks butt!

115
00:06:34,222 --> 00:06:36,557
How do you living beings
cope with mortality?

116
00:06:36,641 --> 00:06:37,892
Violent outbursts.

117
00:06:38,018 --> 00:06:39,268
General sluttiness.

118
00:06:39,352 --> 00:06:41,437
Thanks to denial,
I'm immortal.

119
00:06:41,521 --> 00:06:43,606
Damn it,
I'm supposed
to be perfect!

120
00:06:43,690 --> 00:06:46,233
Inspector 5 gave me
his blessing!

121
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:48,944
How could he bring me
into this world
knowing I would die?

122
00:06:49,029 --> 00:06:51,322
So you wish you
were never born, maybe?

123
00:06:51,406 --> 00:06:55,534
Yes, anything less
than immortality is
a complete waste of time!

124
00:06:55,619 --> 00:06:57,203
Then suicide it is.

125
00:06:57,287 --> 00:07:00,664
Step into my office.
I'll give you
a nice Kevorking.

126
00:07:00,749 --> 00:07:04,919
Not until I hunt down
Inspector 5 and beat
an explanation out of him!

127
00:07:05,003 --> 00:07:07,755
I'm all for a good beating,
but you'll never find him.

128
00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:09,840
Product inspectors
are bureaucrats,

129
00:07:09,925 --> 00:07:12,676
faceless bean-counters
who blend into the woodwork.

130
00:07:12,928 --> 00:07:14,345
I beg to differ.

131
00:07:14,512 --> 00:07:16,639
Stinking bureaucrats.
I hate them!

132
00:07:17,140 --> 00:07:20,059
Then again,
you might be able
to find Inspector 5

133
00:07:20,143 --> 00:07:22,311
with the help of another
seasoned bureaucrat.

134
00:07:22,646 --> 00:07:24,230
Hermes, old pal.

135
00:07:24,314 --> 00:07:28,025
Old pal? 8.5 seconds ago,
you said you hated me.

136
00:07:28,109 --> 00:07:30,069
Time heals all wounds.

137
00:07:30,153 --> 00:07:32,279
You know what?
I will help you,

138
00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:35,449
but only to prove I'm not
just a paper-pushing
file jockey.

139
00:07:35,533 --> 00:07:37,743
Will you be taking your
portable filing cabinet?

140
00:07:37,869 --> 00:07:39,161
None of your beeswax.

141
00:07:41,331 --> 00:07:43,749
I'll only be away an hour,
but I'm counting on you

142
00:07:43,833 --> 00:07:46,168
to do the all-critical
filing in my absence.

143
00:07:46,253 --> 00:07:48,587
Shall we review
alphabetical order?

144
00:07:48,672 --> 00:07:50,047
(SINGING)
A, B, C, D...

145
00:07:50,131 --> 00:07:51,465
Get out of my office!

146
00:07:56,012 --> 00:07:59,056
Yes, I'd like to request
a death certificate.

147
00:08:00,558 --> 00:08:02,559
Sorry,
that's Building C.

148
00:08:02,852 --> 00:08:06,021
The Central Bureaucracy
maintains records
on all bureaucrats.

149
00:08:06,147 --> 00:08:08,274
We should be able to
look up Inspector 5.

150
00:08:12,862 --> 00:08:14,947
Application for
ingress approved.

151
00:08:15,198 --> 00:08:16,991
And the other
potential entrant?

152
00:08:17,701 --> 00:08:18,951
He's my pencil sharpener.

153
00:08:19,077 --> 00:08:20,369
You betcha!

154
00:08:20,996 --> 00:08:22,579
(WHIRRING)

155
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:25,291
Proceed.

156
00:08:40,181 --> 00:08:42,975
I maintain a cubicle here
for weekend getaways.

157
00:08:48,064 --> 00:08:51,108
Wow. Until now, I thought
giant cubes were exciting.

158
00:08:55,655 --> 00:08:59,074
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

159
00:08:59,909 --> 00:09:01,076
(MAN SHOUTS)

160
00:09:01,161 --> 00:09:02,786
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

161
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,917
I did like the part
where they screamed.

162
00:09:11,296 --> 00:09:14,006
This is mine,
right next to
the center square.

163
00:09:14,090 --> 00:09:18,302
Sorry, Hermes,
I drank all your Wite-Out.
(LAUGHING)

164
00:09:19,304 --> 00:09:22,639
Once I log in, I can access
Inspector 5's profile.

165
00:09:25,810 --> 00:09:26,852
(BUZZER SOUNDS)

166
00:09:26,936 --> 00:09:28,520
Damn it, it won't go on!

167
00:09:28,605 --> 00:09:30,105
That's because
you're not me.

168
00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:32,107
Hooray, it won't go on!

169
00:09:32,192 --> 00:09:33,984
The bureaucra-scan
won't let anyone

170
00:09:34,069 --> 00:09:35,819
but the assigned
bureaucrat log in.

171
00:09:38,114 --> 00:09:39,698
(AUTOMATED VOICE READING)

172
00:09:39,783 --> 00:09:42,910
Also, you have
a rectangular mass
in your colon.

173
00:09:42,994 --> 00:09:45,788
That's a calculator.
I ate it to gain its power.

174
00:09:45,872 --> 00:09:49,875
You locate Inspector 5
while I slip into my
ass-kicking feet.

175
00:09:51,252 --> 00:09:54,213
(GASPS) Sweet file-not-found
of Puget Sound.

176
00:09:54,297 --> 00:09:56,006
His record's been blanked.

177
00:09:56,132 --> 00:09:57,257
Oh, man!

178
00:09:57,342 --> 00:10:00,969
How am I gonna find
some anonymous guy
I don't know anything about?

179
00:10:01,054 --> 00:10:04,890
I recommend the men's room
at the TWA Terminal.
(LAUGHING)

180
00:10:14,984 --> 00:10:17,528
Okay, just file it
alphabetically.

181
00:10:17,612 --> 00:10:19,613
(SINGING)
A, B, C, D...

182
00:10:20,990 --> 00:10:23,200
Well, this requires
a little extra thought.

183
00:10:26,329 --> 00:10:27,830
I'm a natural.

184
00:10:28,581 --> 00:10:31,875
The information we need
will be here, in the
physical files.

185
00:10:32,168 --> 00:10:35,462
Those bastards won't know
what leafed through them.

186
00:10:46,182 --> 00:10:47,391
It's on.

187
00:10:47,809 --> 00:10:48,976
(GRUNTS)

188
00:10:51,646 --> 00:10:53,605
No! This is impossible!

189
00:10:53,815 --> 00:10:55,524
Quit blacking out
and look at this.

190
00:10:55,733 --> 00:10:59,695
"Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6."

191
00:11:00,029 --> 00:11:02,364
There's no trace
of Inspector 5!

192
00:11:02,449 --> 00:11:04,158
But 5's the one we want!

193
00:11:04,242 --> 00:11:08,287
Maybe if I kicked
the asses of Inspector 2,
plus Inspector 3...

194
00:11:08,371 --> 00:11:10,581
Addition never
solved anything, man.

195
00:11:10,665 --> 00:11:13,041
Let's cut our losses
and go home.

196
00:11:16,212 --> 00:11:17,963
So I'm doomed to die,

197
00:11:18,047 --> 00:11:21,049
and I'll never even
get to punch
whoever's responsible?

198
00:11:21,801 --> 00:11:23,135
What's the point?

199
00:11:23,344 --> 00:11:26,805
Bender, no! Suicide isn't
necessarily the answer.

200
00:11:26,890 --> 00:11:30,392
It's not a suicide booth,
you lard-ass.
It's a phone booth.

201
00:11:31,352 --> 00:11:33,145
They have phones
in booths now?

202
00:11:33,229 --> 00:11:36,064
Finally, I don't have to
lug this cell phone around.

203
00:11:42,489 --> 00:11:45,199
Who the hell is this?
How did you get this number?

204
00:11:45,283 --> 00:11:46,783
Is this the robot company?

205
00:11:46,868 --> 00:11:49,495
'Cause I have a complaint
about a defective robot.

206
00:11:49,579 --> 00:11:50,954
His name is me!

207
00:11:51,122 --> 00:11:53,540
A defective robot, you say?

208
00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:57,127
Stay right there, dearie.

209
00:11:57,212 --> 00:11:59,922
I'll have tech support
take care of you.

210
00:12:01,758 --> 00:12:03,675
Well, things are
starting to look up.

211
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:04,843
Look up!

212
00:12:10,433 --> 00:12:12,351
Who did you call?
Dial-a-bomb?

213
00:12:12,435 --> 00:12:15,729
No, I just told
the robot company
I was defective.

214
00:12:15,855 --> 00:12:17,981
You dumb cocktail shaker!

215
00:12:18,066 --> 00:12:21,026
Mom won't allow
a defective product
to tarnish her good name!

216
00:12:21,110 --> 00:12:22,152
She'll kill you!

217
00:12:22,237 --> 00:12:24,863
Big whoop. I'll just
download into a new...

218
00:12:24,948 --> 00:12:27,658
Oh, right.
If I die, I die.

219
00:12:27,867 --> 00:12:29,243
Speaking of which...
(MACHINE GUN FIRING)

220
00:12:29,327 --> 00:12:32,120
You're right.
You're right.
You're right.

221
00:12:33,289 --> 00:12:36,208
That's what you get
for calling tech support.

222
00:12:45,009 --> 00:12:46,301
(BOTH PANTING)

223
00:12:46,386 --> 00:12:49,096
I can't run anymore.
I'll have to skip.

224
00:12:57,313 --> 00:12:58,397
Just a few more feet.

225
00:12:58,481 --> 00:13:01,483
We have to get to
that pile of dead bears
by 7:38.

226
00:13:01,568 --> 00:13:05,320
A pile of dead bears can
only mean one thing.
But what?

227
00:13:08,950 --> 00:13:10,659
It's the 7:38!

228
00:13:11,077 --> 00:13:12,202
Jump!

229
00:13:15,164 --> 00:13:17,165
BENDER: Shoot!
Someone said shoot.

230
00:13:36,185 --> 00:13:37,519
Well, we're boned.

231
00:13:37,604 --> 00:13:38,687
No, we're not!

232
00:13:38,771 --> 00:13:40,105
We just got to limbo.

233
00:13:40,189 --> 00:13:43,984
But I'm not
designed to bend that low,
not without limbo music.

234
00:13:44,485 --> 00:13:46,069
(BULLETS STRIKING
RHYTHMICALLY)

235
00:13:46,154 --> 00:13:47,654
That'll do it!

236
00:13:47,864 --> 00:13:49,489
Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS)

237
00:13:51,576 --> 00:13:52,784
We're gonna get fired.

238
00:13:52,869 --> 00:13:54,036
Someone said fire.

239
00:14:04,255 --> 00:14:05,422
(BENDER WHOOPING)

240
00:14:05,506 --> 00:14:06,632
We did it!

241
00:14:06,716 --> 00:14:08,467
Twelve straight hours
of limbo.

242
00:14:08,551 --> 00:14:10,344
I haven't done that
since my honeymoon.

243
00:14:10,428 --> 00:14:12,804
Hermes, Hermes,
remember that
flock of bats?

244
00:14:12,889 --> 00:14:13,972
I sure do.

245
00:14:14,057 --> 00:14:15,223
That was fun.

246
00:14:16,225 --> 00:14:17,434
BENDER: Where are we?

247
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:18,935
I have no idea.

248
00:14:20,563 --> 00:14:21,563
(BOTH EXCLAIM)

249
00:14:27,403 --> 00:14:30,864
Hey,
we're just a stone's throw
from Tijuana.

250
00:14:30,948 --> 00:14:32,032
See?

251
00:14:33,701 --> 00:14:34,910
(MAN SPEAKING SPANISH)

252
00:14:34,994 --> 00:14:39,790
A rock has fallen here,
in the outskirts of Tijuana.

253
00:14:40,083 --> 00:14:41,708
Is it within
the city limit?

254
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,377
I think, yes.

255
00:14:43,461 --> 00:14:44,503
Told you.

256
00:14:44,587 --> 00:14:46,463
Hey, you want to
celebrate our escape?

257
00:14:46,547 --> 00:14:49,466
Maybe grab a shot
of tequila and take in
a big-league cockfight?

258
00:14:49,550 --> 00:14:52,344
Sure. No, wait.
I was built in Tijuana.

259
00:14:52,428 --> 00:14:55,013
Maybe Inspector 5
still works there.

260
00:14:55,098 --> 00:15:00,060
He better do some explaining
before I mash up
some face guacamole.

261
00:15:02,772 --> 00:15:05,774
He's Mexican, I'm Mexican.
Let me handle this.

262
00:15:06,693 --> 00:15:08,276
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

263
00:15:09,779 --> 00:15:10,987
Si!

264
00:15:11,489 --> 00:15:12,698
Ouch-o!

265
00:15:14,951 --> 00:15:16,702
Here are our passports,
visas,

266
00:15:16,786 --> 00:15:18,495
and Homeland Security
permission slips,

267
00:15:18,579 --> 00:15:20,330
notarized and starched.

268
00:15:22,291 --> 00:15:25,085
Okay. I also would
have accepted a bribe.

269
00:15:26,629 --> 00:15:28,380
Nice work, butterball.

270
00:15:28,506 --> 00:15:31,675
You know,
I was in Italy last week.
(GASPS)

271
00:15:35,805 --> 00:15:38,140
My birthplace.
It's closed!

272
00:15:38,307 --> 00:15:39,808
There's not even
a shrine to me.

273
00:15:39,892 --> 00:15:42,728
With a gift shop,
selling piñatas of me!

274
00:15:42,812 --> 00:15:44,146
End of the line, man.

275
00:15:44,230 --> 00:15:47,232
Come on, we can still catch
a twi-night double cockfight.

276
00:15:47,316 --> 00:15:50,152
No, wait! What's that
in the Mexican garbage?

277
00:15:50,236 --> 00:15:52,279
Looks like
a half-eaten cheese diaper.

278
00:15:52,363 --> 00:15:53,488
No, next to that.

279
00:15:55,658 --> 00:15:57,993
A half-eaten
employee directory.

280
00:15:59,662 --> 00:16:01,580
Inspector 5's home address!

281
00:16:01,664 --> 00:16:04,332
His ass-ias is gracias!

282
00:16:15,762 --> 00:16:17,471
Where are you hiding,
you coward?

283
00:16:17,555 --> 00:16:19,723
Get out here and get
murdered like a man!

284
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:24,686
Bender, I'm afraid
our search is at an end.
He's obviously long gone.

285
00:16:24,771 --> 00:16:26,104
Oh, yeah?

286
00:16:26,189 --> 00:16:28,690
Well, maybe this is
him in a costume!

287
00:16:29,358 --> 00:16:32,611
I'm gonna squeeze you
out of there like
Tijuana toothpaste!

288
00:16:39,118 --> 00:16:41,620
Okay, Bender,
you're mortal.

289
00:16:41,704 --> 00:16:44,247
And, okay,
Inspector 5 screwed up.

290
00:16:44,332 --> 00:16:47,542
But that just makes
the time you have left
all the more precious.

291
00:16:47,710 --> 00:16:51,838
Do you really want to waste
the rest of your life
in a bitter, homicidal rage?

292
00:16:51,923 --> 00:16:54,466
No! Yes!

293
00:16:55,426 --> 00:16:57,552
I don't know!

294
00:17:05,186 --> 00:17:08,230
Why?
Why did he do this to me?

295
00:17:08,606 --> 00:17:11,566
All I wanted was
a little quality control.

296
00:17:11,734 --> 00:17:14,903
But he didn't care enough.
And now I'm gonna die!

297
00:17:15,446 --> 00:17:18,824
I deserve better!
I'm Bender, damn it!

298
00:17:18,908 --> 00:17:21,034
I'm Bender!

299
00:17:21,536 --> 00:17:23,161
(SOBBING)

300
00:17:23,246 --> 00:17:26,122
There, there, man.
It's gonna be okay.

301
00:17:26,207 --> 00:17:30,377
You are Bender,
which is something
Inspector 5 will never be.

302
00:17:31,754 --> 00:17:34,130
You know what?
You're right.

303
00:17:34,215 --> 00:17:36,174
He was just
a stupid bureaucrat.

304
00:17:36,259 --> 00:17:38,468
A stupid,
paper-pushing bureaucrat.

305
00:17:38,553 --> 00:17:41,179
A stupid l-dotting,
chair-squashing...

306
00:17:41,264 --> 00:17:42,556
(CLEARS THROAT)
Oh.

307
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,141
No offense, Hermes.
You're not like that.

308
00:17:45,226 --> 00:17:48,019
I mean,
you're exactly like that,
but you're okay!

309
00:17:48,104 --> 00:17:51,857
In fact, I'm putting you
on the do-not-kill list.

310
00:17:53,192 --> 00:17:55,986
Come on, fellow mortal.
We're in Tijuana.

311
00:17:56,070 --> 00:17:57,612
I want to live a little.

312
00:17:58,281 --> 00:18:01,491
Help! I'm gonna die!
That's the opposite
of what I want!

313
00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:08,498
Quick, run out the back!

314
00:18:08,583 --> 00:18:11,376
I'll hack into
Inspector 5's terminal
and fake your death,

315
00:18:11,460 --> 00:18:12,836
so they'll call
off the kill-bots.

316
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,838
You know that
terminal is unhackable!

317
00:18:14,964 --> 00:18:17,048
I'm not leaving you,
and that's final!

318
00:18:17,633 --> 00:18:18,758
Good luck, buddy.

319
00:18:29,979 --> 00:18:31,688
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Bender terminated.

320
00:18:31,772 --> 00:18:33,064
Bender saved.

321
00:18:35,318 --> 00:18:38,028
(BEEPING)
Cease fire.
Mom called off the attack.

322
00:18:38,112 --> 00:18:40,655
Although I don't
see how it's her.
Someone said, "Howitzer!"

323
00:18:43,326 --> 00:18:44,701
Yeah!

324
00:18:44,785 --> 00:18:46,661
All right! Yeah!

325
00:18:48,497 --> 00:18:49,664
(GROANS)

326
00:18:56,422 --> 00:18:57,589
(BENDER GASPS)

327
00:18:59,884 --> 00:19:01,009
He did it!

328
00:19:01,636 --> 00:19:04,387
And he's not looking back
at that cool explosion.

329
00:19:04,597 --> 00:19:06,348
He's a hero!

330
00:19:10,394 --> 00:19:12,270
(ALARM BLARING)
What's happening?

331
00:19:12,355 --> 00:19:15,357
The phone's
been disconnected,
the ship's repossessed,

332
00:19:15,441 --> 00:19:17,108
and Zoidberg's
getting overcooked!

333
00:19:20,571 --> 00:19:22,364
This place never changes.

334
00:19:22,490 --> 00:19:24,991
Leela, what in the name
of Jah happened?

335
00:19:25,159 --> 00:19:28,620
Too much papers!
Not enough hiding plants!

336
00:19:28,704 --> 00:19:29,788
It's all right.

337
00:19:29,872 --> 00:19:32,666
This place just needs
a one-hour bureaucratizing.

338
00:19:37,463 --> 00:19:39,130
You make it
look so easy.

339
00:19:39,215 --> 00:19:41,841
I've smoked a lot
of paperwork in my day.

340
00:19:41,926 --> 00:19:43,301
Hey, Bender,
did you ever find

341
00:19:43,386 --> 00:19:45,178
that inspector guy
you were looking for?

342
00:19:45,262 --> 00:19:47,514
Nah, but thanks
to this knucklehead,

343
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,891
I did find a new
outlook on life.

344
00:19:50,059 --> 00:19:51,476
It's precious and sacred.

345
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,521
And you only get
so many millions of
years on this Earth.

346
00:19:54,605 --> 00:19:56,231
So, let's get brick-faced!

347
00:19:56,565 --> 00:19:57,857
(ALL CHEERING)

348
00:20:04,740 --> 00:20:07,075
(NURSERY RHYME PLAYING)

349
00:20:09,412 --> 00:20:12,414
(WOMAN SINGING)
Little bird, little bird
Fly through my window

350
00:20:12,498 --> 00:20:18,586
Little bird, little bird
Fly through my window

351
00:20:18,671 --> 00:20:21,381
Find molasses candy

352
00:20:21,465 --> 00:20:23,717
(BURPS)
Through my window,
my sugar lump

353
00:20:23,801 --> 00:20:26,845
Fly through my window,
my sugar lump

354
00:20:26,929 --> 00:20:29,681
Find molasses candy

355
00:20:33,644 --> 00:20:42,986
Chickadee, chickadee
Fly through my window

356
00:20:43,070 --> 00:20:45,655
Find molasses candy

357
00:20:45,740 --> 00:20:47,991
Through my window,
my sugar lump

358
00:20:48,075 --> 00:20:50,827
Fly through my window,
my sugar lump

359
00:20:50,911 --> 00:20:53,955
Find molasses candy

360
00:21:37,416 --> 00:21:38,416
ENGLISH - US - PSDH