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Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
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♪ ♪
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So there it is, people.
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Due to budget cutbacks,
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we will no longer be offering
free squid guts in the kitchen.
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Oh, boo-hoo.
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Everyone, look
at my latest invention!
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Okay.
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I like how it's not
killing us so far.
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It takes any object
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and makes two smaller copies.
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Ooh! All right!
Why?
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You see, as I age,
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I've been shrinking
and feeling colder.
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So I now need twice
as many sweaters,
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in a smaller size.
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First I scan the old sweater.
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Then we add some matter.
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Any old useless matter will do.
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Now the matter prism
reorganizes the raw material
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into two smaller copies.
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So that's
where baby sweaters come from.
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Enclosed as a pdf attachment:
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A picture of yourself,
in a boat, on a river.
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It's a river that flows
in two directions.
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Make that three.
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It's a magic river, that's how.
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And it's flowing down
the eerie canal to...
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The scary door.
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That's "eerie" with two e's.
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Consider,
if you have the energy,
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Dr. Daniel zenus, an inventor
with a terminal case
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of "the lazies."
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This robot
will do everything for me.
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Robot, activate yourself
and do my research.
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Ah...
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Next,
assume my social obligations.
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Dr. zenus,
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for a lifetime of
scientific achievement,
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we present this award to...
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Your robot.
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Daddy, I love you.
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If only I'd programmed the robot
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to be more careful
what I wished for.
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Robot, experience
this tragic irony for me.
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No!
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Ah...
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Ah...
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Man, I wish we had
a robot to do stuff.
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I know, right?
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Bender, thank God I
found you in time.
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I need someone
in the lab immediately,
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to fold my new sweaters.
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I'm sorry, do you see a robot
in this room named "folder"?
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Oh, fortunately, I came prepared
with a back-up phrasing.
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Bender, would you mind
"bending" my new sweaters?
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There's only two of them.
Wait. Oh.
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You want me to do two things?
Man, I'd call my lawyer
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if dialing a phone
wasn't such a hassle.
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Razza frazza two things.
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Ooh. Razza frazza duplicator.
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Now for some tasty matter.
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Howdy, fellas.
I'm Bender.
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Go to hell, old man!
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I like your attitude.
Let's party.
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But first,
fold these two sweaters.
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I'm sorry, do you see a robot
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in this room named "folder"?
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Damn, you're cute.
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♪ ♪
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Hi. I'm Bender.
This is my robot Bender,
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and this is
my other robot Bender.
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Oh, lord.
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They're 60%
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scale replicas of me, Bender.
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00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:55,660
Does that mean they only do
60% of the work you do,
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or that they actually
do more work
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because they're
only 60% as lazy?
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Shut up.
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That's a good one.
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Enough good ones, everyone.
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We have a delivery to
an alien space giant.
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You'll have to be respectful.
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This customer is 50 feet tall
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and sensitive
about his appearance.
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Colossal tooth whitener,
mega deodorant,
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humungous acne cream...
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Aw, and one
regular-sized condom.
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All that and a small wiener?
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This guy's got it goin' on!
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Remember, don't show
any reaction to his appearance.
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I hope that's vanishing cream,
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'cause that needs to go away.
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Oh, that's cold-blooded!
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Shh.
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It's okay. I understand.
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My unusual appearance
makes people nervous.
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You used humor to
defuse the tension.
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Yep, and there's still
a little more tension.
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So look out!
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You so ugly,
when trick-or-treaters come
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to your house,
they give you candy.
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You so ugly,
when you go to the bank,
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they ask you
to put on a ski mask!
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You so ugly, you cracked
the daily mirror.
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It's a newspaper!
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I wish it weren't so,
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but many of these things
are true.
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Anyhow, you've lowered
my self-esteem a bit more,
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but I'm sincerely grateful
you came all this way
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to deliver my fungus chisel.
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Don't feel bad, sir.
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It's not your fault.
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You probably just
inherited your appearance
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from your mother.
What?!
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No one insults my mama!
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Oh, God, shield your eyes!
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It's like Edward
James olmos on imax!
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Did you see his face
when I said he so ugly?
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No, I blacked out,
'cause he so ugly!
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Hey guys, quit reminiscing
and grab me two cigars.
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One thing each?
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Sounds fair.
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Wait, make that four cigars.
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You want us to do four things?
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My manwich!
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What's up, shorty?
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And that's the story
of how one of me became two,
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and two became four,
making seven total.
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The end.
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I just like having
the end locker.
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It's not like Amy cares
about it at all.
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But no, she won't
trade with me.
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A rat!
Yes, she is a rat.
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No, look!
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Which way to the tiny hookers?
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A big, fat roach!
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What? I thought
I put that away.
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No, there!
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Who are you?
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Bender sent me.
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♪ ♪
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Hey, I know that guy.
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Scruffy, what is that tiny
Bender doing in my soup?
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It appears to be giving
you the finger, sir. Enjoy.
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Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape!
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What?
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This place
is crawling with you's!
149
00:08:53,230 --> 00:08:55,030
So there's more Benders around.
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As far as I'm concerned,
that's good news.
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Bad news, everyone.
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Look at this infinite series
representing the mass
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00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,470
of successive
generations of Benders.
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Don't wait for me.
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It's non-convergent!
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Oh, dip!
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Unless we quickly
exterminate them,
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they'll replicate ad infinitum
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and consume
all the matter on earth.
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According to my calculations,
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there are 11 generations
at the moment.
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That's 2,046 total Benders
we need to destroy.
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Wait, does that include me?
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Too bad he didn't
have his own Bible.
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Just 2,045 more to go.
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♪ ♪
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2,045. 2,046!
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That's it. We got 'em all,
except for the big one.
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00:10:27,690 --> 00:10:30,390
Wait, this isn't a real Bender.
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00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:33,360
It's a talking doll from
when Bender had that sitcom
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about the city robot
who moves back to the farm.
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Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin.
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00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,440
All right, so I let
one measly Bender get away.
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How much harm can one infinitely
self-reproducing robot do?
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Bender! How could you be
so lazy and irresponsible?
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Hey. What?
177
00:10:51,540 --> 00:10:54,010
Did someone say I'm great?
178
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What's with the grey goo?
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Bite my tiny metal ass!
180
00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:05,420
Hey, those jerklings
ate my couch.
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00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:06,890
Oh, God!
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00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,530
We've opened pandora's fly.
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They'll reproduce
without limit,
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consuming all the
matter in the world!
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00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,600
Like the kardashians.
186
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:20,240
Now they drank my booze?!
187
00:11:20,310 --> 00:11:22,170
They've gone too far!
188
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,640
Wait a second.
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All Benders are
powered by alcohol!
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00:11:25,210 --> 00:11:26,980
Of course.
191
00:11:27,050 --> 00:11:29,250
Long before the Benders
devour the earth,
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00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:32,180
they'll deplete the
planet's booze and die off.
193
00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:35,020
This is a problem that
will solve itself.
194
00:11:35,090 --> 00:11:36,690
A problem that solves itself?
195
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,390
That sounds like a job
for me, Bender.
196
00:11:43,030 --> 00:11:44,600
Our top story.
197
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:47,900
All alcohol on earth
has mysteriously disappeared.
198
00:11:47,970 --> 00:11:49,700
Consequences are minimal,
199
00:11:49,770 --> 00:11:51,870
except among
the most hardened alcoholics.
200
00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:53,410
Linda?
201
00:11:53,470 --> 00:11:56,810
I can no longer
face my children!
202
00:11:58,580 --> 00:12:00,180
Crisis averted.
203
00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:02,510
Without alcohol, the
Benders are dying off.
204
00:12:07,620 --> 00:12:10,090
A greater tragedy
my eyes have never beheld.
205
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,420
Well, into the toilet.
206
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,570
So sober, so weak.
207
00:12:19,630 --> 00:12:22,630
Things really worked
out nicely this time.
208
00:12:28,210 --> 00:12:31,210
This doesn't taste
like old-man water.
209
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:34,350
Everyone to the situation room!
210
00:12:34,410 --> 00:12:36,580
I was lying here snoozing,
211
00:12:36,650 --> 00:12:40,350
dreaming, oddly enough,
about bathing in champagne
212
00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:43,190
with six of the world's
most distinguished scientists,
213
00:12:43,260 --> 00:12:45,360
when suddenly, I realized
214
00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:48,490
my bathwater had been
transformed into alcohol.
215
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:51,260
Alcohol?
216
00:12:51,330 --> 00:12:52,860
Hoo-wee!
217
00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:57,240
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
218
00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:59,500
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!
219
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:01,370
Mmm.
220
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:05,410
It's like fine cognac
with a hint of aged scrotum.
221
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,180
How can this be?
222
00:13:07,250 --> 00:13:10,080
I thought the Benders drank
all the alcohol in the world.
223
00:13:10,150 --> 00:13:12,550
They did,
but then they made more!
224
00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:17,290
You see, once the Benders
reached atomic scale,
225
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:21,130
they began directly manipulating
water and co2 molecules
226
00:13:21,190 --> 00:13:23,630
to make alcohol.
227
00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:28,230
In a matter of hours,
228
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:31,640
there will be no more
fresh water on earth.
229
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:33,690
Oh, no!
230
00:13:33,860 --> 00:13:35,900
What will I mix with my scotch?
231
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:41,780
Hey, you!
232
00:13:43,380 --> 00:13:44,880
Good evening.
233
00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:46,280
Who are you calling drunk?
234
00:13:46,350 --> 00:13:47,850
You're not drunk.
I'm drunk.
235
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,650
That's right, Linda.
236
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:52,320
Water is now.... now booze,
237
00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:54,960
and everyone's tiddy much
protally fit-shaced.
238
00:13:56,460 --> 00:14:01,030
Turning to sports,
the indy 500 was today.
239
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:03,130
There were no survivors.
240
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:08,040
This chair is so comfortable.
241
00:14:09,780 --> 00:14:12,040
Classic Amy.
242
00:14:12,110 --> 00:14:14,010
You want to see a
picture of my boy?
243
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:15,680
Sure.
244
00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:18,120
That's your penis.
245
00:14:18,180 --> 00:14:19,780
That's my boy.
246
00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:22,690
I guess this
isn't... n-not so bad.
247
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:25,160
As long as we don't need
to use our mental...
248
00:14:25,220 --> 00:14:26,960
Mental...
249
00:14:27,030 --> 00:14:27,930
Minds?
250
00:14:27,990 --> 00:14:29,490
What?
251
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,810
No, listen.
252
00:14:40,870 --> 00:14:43,240
I... freaking
love you.
253
00:14:43,310 --> 00:14:44,980
And I don't throw
that word around.
254
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:46,580
I know you don't.
255
00:14:46,650 --> 00:14:48,880
That's why I love you.
256
00:14:48,950 --> 00:14:50,980
Are the pizza muffins ready?
257
00:14:54,250 --> 00:14:56,290
He's here for
revenging, that's why!
258
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,060
No! Wait!
I'm here to apologize.
259
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,730
For your looks?
260
00:15:00,790 --> 00:15:03,360
Nice one.
261
00:15:03,430 --> 00:15:05,960
Well, yes, actually,
it is sort of related to that.
262
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,400
Can we talk?
263
00:15:07,470 --> 00:15:09,970
Grabbing your spaceship
was not okay.
264
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:13,300
I-I lost my cool, and I'm sorry.
265
00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:16,170
In group, I learned
that I tend to be a bit...
266
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:17,740
Repulsive?
267
00:15:17,810 --> 00:15:19,340
Sensitive.
268
00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:21,950
So now I'm, like,
trying to work on my attitude,
269
00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:24,150
and project an air
of positivity.
270
00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:25,820
You're projecting an air
of something.
271
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,950
Phew!
272
00:15:28,020 --> 00:15:31,920
You're so stinky, you need right
guard and left guard.
273
00:15:31,990 --> 00:15:34,090
I'll take your hygiene advice
to heart.
274
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:35,660
You're ugly!
275
00:15:38,430 --> 00:15:39,860
Hey! Ow!
276
00:15:39,930 --> 00:15:41,630
Yo, freak show!
277
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:44,600
Your face has been declared
a weapon of mass disgusting.
278
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,340
Timeless.
279
00:15:47,410 --> 00:15:49,170
Okay, deep breath, deep breath.
280
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,780
Dr. lesterman?
281
00:15:56,850 --> 00:15:58,950
I'm sorry to bother you,
but I think I'm close
282
00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:00,480
to a temper-control incident.
283
00:16:00,550 --> 00:16:02,220
You have reached the office
284
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:04,790
of Dr. Judy lesterman
and Dr. ira rothkiss.
285
00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:06,220
The office is now closed.
286
00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:08,690
If this is a pharmacy calling...
287
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,670
That's it! I promised myself
I wouldn't do this, but I...
288
00:16:17,140 --> 00:16:19,940
I will destroy you all!
289
00:16:20,010 --> 00:16:22,640
I won't stop until
your whole planet is as ugly
290
00:16:22,710 --> 00:16:25,180
as you perceive me to be!
291
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,080
That will take a very long time.
292
00:16:28,850 --> 00:16:31,150
Okay. Stop! Stop!
293
00:16:35,150 --> 00:16:36,620
Stupid...
294
00:16:38,620 --> 00:16:39,920
Ah.
295
00:16:39,990 --> 00:16:41,560
Blender,
296
00:16:41,630 --> 00:16:43,190
you're the only one who's sober.
297
00:16:43,260 --> 00:16:45,300
You got to do something!
298
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,330
Haven't I done enough already?
299
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,300
Please, stop the monster.
300
00:16:49,370 --> 00:16:51,400
Just do that one thing!
301
00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:53,840
Make it zero, and you got a deal.
302
00:16:53,910 --> 00:16:56,710
What if I foldeded the
Professor's sweaters for you?
303
00:16:56,780 --> 00:16:58,740
Both of them?
304
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:02,110
You mean you'll do two things,
and I only have to do one thing?
305
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:04,350
Yeah. Just save the world.
306
00:17:04,420 --> 00:17:07,150
Sucker.
307
00:17:09,190 --> 00:17:12,060
Legion of Benders, come unto me!
308
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,630
We have one thing to do.
309
00:17:14,690 --> 00:17:15,960
Screw that!
310
00:17:16,030 --> 00:17:17,660
Ah, come on, you lazy jerks!
311
00:17:17,730 --> 00:17:19,330
If we all pitch in,
312
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,100
we each only have to do one
quintillionth of a thing.
313
00:17:22,170 --> 00:17:24,240
All right.
314
00:17:46,060 --> 00:17:50,590
Big Bender starts right now.
315
00:17:54,230 --> 00:17:56,830
Get a shave, ugly!
316
00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:58,270
Oh.
317
00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:06,040
How about some
aftershave, dumpy?
318
00:18:06,110 --> 00:18:07,980
You big bully!
319
00:18:08,050 --> 00:18:11,580
You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice
guggenheim swirly!
320
00:18:20,030 --> 00:18:21,960
Let this beating be a lesson
321
00:18:22,030 --> 00:18:25,230
about never attacking those
more handsome than oneself.
322
00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:28,630
All I wanted was to
apologize to you people.
323
00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:31,370
But now I have to kill you.
324
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:34,210
How, by making me look at you?
325
00:18:34,270 --> 00:18:36,740
No. By making you
look at... my mama!
326
00:18:38,010 --> 00:18:39,810
Your mama's so ugly!
327
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,580
I told you not to
talk about my mama!
328
00:19:02,030 --> 00:19:04,940
Walk toward the light, Bender.
329
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,270
Aw, man, do I have to walk?
330
00:19:07,340 --> 00:19:11,310
No!
331
00:19:14,180 --> 00:19:16,210
Huh? Huh?
332
00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:24,890
No!
333
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,290
At last... I'm beautiful!
334
00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:31,230
Yeah, if you're into gray dust.
335
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:35,670
Bender, you di' it!
336
00:19:35,730 --> 00:19:38,040
No, we di' it.
337
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:41,010
Ladies and gentlemen,
if together we were able
338
00:19:41,070 --> 00:19:43,410
to defeat
this giant space monster,
339
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,910
think how also
we might defeat the monsters
340
00:19:45,980 --> 00:19:49,280
of poverty and disease
and unliteracy.
341
00:19:49,350 --> 00:19:52,050
In this spirit,
I ask my fellow Benders
342
00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:53,920
to join me in working
diligently to...
343
00:19:53,990 --> 00:19:55,150
Boo!
344
00:19:55,220 --> 00:19:57,120
Go to hell!
345
00:19:57,190 --> 00:20:00,060
Come on, let's go someplace
where we don't have
346
00:20:00,130 --> 00:20:02,530
to do one quintillionth
of a thing all the time.
347
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,980
Well, that was dumb.
348
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,680
Man, were we drunk.
349
00:20:25,750 --> 00:20:27,850
What happened, Professor?
350
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,990
Something absolutely
incredible!
351
00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:33,090
The sweaters got folded!
352
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,590
But how?
353
00:20:35,660 --> 00:20:37,130
I didn't do it.
354
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,760
Bender, did you learn a lesson
about not being lazy
355
00:20:39,830 --> 00:20:42,170
while the rest of us were bombed
out of our gourds?
356
00:20:42,230 --> 00:20:43,700
Maybe I did, Fry.
357
00:20:43,770 --> 00:20:45,370
Maybe I did.
358
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,270
Or maybe I rescued
one last mini-Bender
359
00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:50,910
to fold stupid, ugly sweaters
while I laughed at him.
360
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,050
I guess we'll never know.
361
00:20:57,670 --> 00:21:01,340
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com