1
00:00:01,172 --> 00:00:04,175
(Christmas music playing)
2
00:00:08,638 --> 00:00:11,641
{\an8}(theme song playing)
3
00:00:37,208 --> 00:00:41,087
{\an8}(festive music playing)
4
00:00:42,714 --> 00:00:45,216
{\an8}(electronic Hynotoad drones)
5
00:00:46,509 --> 00:00:47,510
{\an8}(ornaments tinkle)
6
00:00:50,221 --> 00:00:53,516
Ah, Xmas season is upon us.
7
00:00:53,516 --> 00:00:54,976
Secure the perimeter!
8
00:00:54,976 --> 00:00:56,060
(all yell)
9
00:00:56,060 --> 00:00:57,729
{\an8}(tense music playing)
10
00:00:57,729 --> 00:00:59,772
{\an8}- Razor lights in place?
- (slicing)
11
00:01:00,106 --> 00:01:02,066
- Roger!
- Then, stand back!
12
00:01:02,066 --> 00:01:04,402
(click, gigging)
13
00:01:08,323 --> 00:01:10,033
- (hooting)
- ALARM: Intruder alert.
14
00:01:10,033 --> 00:01:11,659
- (hooting)
- (boinging)
15
00:01:11,659 --> 00:01:13,703
{\an8}- (Bender and Hermes grunting)
- (wheel clicking)
16
00:01:13,703 --> 00:01:14,954
{\an8}(clang)
17
00:01:14,954 --> 00:01:17,373
{\an8}Santa's not getting past that! No way!
18
00:01:17,373 --> 00:01:19,918
{\an8}- Unless he knocks it down or something.
- Hey, robot.
19
00:01:19,918 --> 00:01:22,003
{\an8}Someone left a card in your stocking.
20
00:01:22,003 --> 00:01:23,087
{\an8}That's weird.
21
00:01:23,087 --> 00:01:24,339
{\an8}Normally, I get mail delivered
22
00:01:24,339 --> 00:01:25,423
{\an8}to my ass.
23
00:01:25,423 --> 00:01:26,507
{\an8}(creaks)
24
00:01:28,718 --> 00:01:31,262
{\an8}"I know what you did next Xmas!"?
25
00:01:31,262 --> 00:01:33,223
{\an8}Okay... Random!
26
00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:35,225
{\an8}I wonder what you will have done
27
00:01:35,225 --> 00:01:37,727
{\an8}and who could possibly
will have known about it.
28
00:01:37,727 --> 00:01:39,145
{\an8}Eh, I do a lot of stuff.
29
00:01:39,145 --> 00:01:40,813
{\an8}I'm probably doing something right now.
30
00:01:41,648 --> 00:01:44,817
(mysterious music playing)
31
00:01:44,817 --> 00:01:48,863
{\an8}Who's ready for their very first
animated holiday special?
32
00:01:48,863 --> 00:01:50,198
{\an8}- Hooray!
- So fun!
33
00:01:50,198 --> 00:01:51,282
{\an8}Whatever.
34
00:01:51,658 --> 00:01:54,786
{\an8}Ooh! Wait for me.
I love having other kids around.
35
00:01:55,328 --> 00:01:56,788
NARRATOR (on TV): This year's rerun of
36
00:01:56,788 --> 00:01:59,207
There's a Holiday for Everyone
37
00:01:59,207 --> 00:02:00,667
is brought to you by...
38
00:02:00,667 --> 00:02:03,086
Mom's Old Fashioned Blood Remover.
39
00:02:03,086 --> 00:02:04,921
{\an8}Now in oatmeal spice.
40
00:02:12,762 --> 00:02:15,473
And that holiday is Xmas.
41
00:02:15,473 --> 00:02:18,351
(kids cheering, laughing)
42
00:02:18,351 --> 00:02:19,978
KWANZAABOT: Hey, kids, any chance
43
00:02:19,978 --> 00:02:21,896
y'all wanna remix this holiday special,
44
00:02:21,896 --> 00:02:24,440
and hear the dope story
of Kwanzaabot instead?
45
00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,485
Or your favorite goofy golem,
Chanukah Zombie?
46
00:02:27,485 --> 00:02:29,779
No! Tell us about Santa!
47
00:02:29,779 --> 00:02:30,863
Again?
48
00:02:30,863 --> 00:02:33,199
Yes! Every year!
49
00:02:33,199 --> 00:02:34,534
- (Kwanzaabot sighs)
- Oy...
50
00:02:37,078 --> 00:02:38,621
(whimsical music playing)
51
00:02:38,621 --> 00:02:41,082
The ancient tradition of Xmas
52
00:02:41,082 --> 00:02:43,668
began in the year 2801,
53
00:02:43,668 --> 00:02:45,420
when the Friendly Robot Company
54
00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:48,256
developed a high-powered mechanical Santa
55
00:02:48,256 --> 00:02:52,593
capable of delivering
over five mega-presents per second.
56
00:02:53,594 --> 00:02:55,096
(popping)
57
00:02:58,141 --> 00:02:59,392
- (glass shattering)
- Hey...
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00:02:59,392 --> 00:03:00,727
KWANZAABOT: They tricked him out with
59
00:03:00,727 --> 00:03:02,353
a pair of carbon-fiber Tims
60
00:03:02,353 --> 00:03:04,689
and a chrome naughty-nice sensor.
61
00:03:04,689 --> 00:03:06,858
CHANUKAH ZOMBIE:
So he'd know who deserved gifts
62
00:03:06,858 --> 00:03:09,485
and who deserved brutal punishment.
63
00:03:09,485 --> 00:03:12,530
Yo, that might've been
the first mistake right there.
64
00:03:12,530 --> 00:03:14,991
- (sleigh bells jingling)
- But on Santa's very first delivery,
65
00:03:14,991 --> 00:03:17,994
something went tragically meshuggenah.
66
00:03:17,994 --> 00:03:19,704
- (creaking)
- His naughty-nice sensor
67
00:03:19,704 --> 00:03:21,164
malfunctioned.
68
00:03:21,164 --> 00:03:23,791
Man, that's some bleeped-up (klaxon).
69
00:03:23,791 --> 00:03:25,668
(sleigh bells jingle)
70
00:03:25,668 --> 00:03:27,670
Yay! Santa's here!
71
00:03:28,838 --> 00:03:30,673
- (gunfire)
- (people screaming)
72
00:03:31,174 --> 00:03:33,426
Oh! Oh my! (grunting)
73
00:03:33,426 --> 00:03:35,636
- (video stops)
- Oh, thank you.
74
00:03:36,179 --> 00:03:37,972
I'm sorry, kids.
75
00:03:37,972 --> 00:03:41,225
I never wanted you to know Santa was real.
76
00:03:41,225 --> 00:03:43,728
(somber music playing)
77
00:03:43,728 --> 00:03:46,606
(hammering)
78
00:03:46,606 --> 00:03:49,650
Yuletide news, everyone!
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00:03:49,650 --> 00:03:52,028
I know how to fix Santa!
80
00:03:52,028 --> 00:03:53,780
(incredulous chatter)
81
00:03:53,780 --> 00:03:55,782
I just need to sneak up on him
82
00:03:55,782 --> 00:03:59,285
and reverse the polarity
of his naughty-nice sensor.
83
00:03:59,285 --> 00:04:02,789
But Santa is always on guard
against attacks. Just like me.
84
00:04:02,789 --> 00:04:04,665
- Hii-yah!
- Ow!
85
00:04:04,665 --> 00:04:06,876
You'll never be able to sneak up on him.
86
00:04:06,876 --> 00:04:08,586
Not through space, no,
87
00:04:08,586 --> 00:04:10,546
but through time, probably.
88
00:04:10,546 --> 00:04:14,592
You see, Santa is only prepared
for an attack from the present.
89
00:04:14,592 --> 00:04:18,554
So I've been souping up
my old time machine.
90
00:04:18,554 --> 00:04:19,680
Where is it?
91
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,016
The question is when is it?
92
00:04:22,016 --> 00:04:24,727
And the answer is right about...
93
00:04:25,603 --> 00:04:27,146
now!
94
00:04:27,146 --> 00:04:29,232
(impressed chatter)
95
00:04:29,232 --> 00:04:30,400
It's so amazing.
96
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,276
I don't even care that it's on my foot.
97
00:04:32,276 --> 00:04:33,361
(cracking)
98
00:04:33,361 --> 00:04:35,780
I've installed a manual transmission
99
00:04:35,780 --> 00:04:37,115
with a reverse gear,
100
00:04:37,115 --> 00:04:39,450
so it can now go backward in time
101
00:04:39,450 --> 00:04:40,827
as well as forward.
102
00:04:40,827 --> 00:04:42,662
- (unlocks car)
- Hooray-- (grunts)
103
00:04:42,662 --> 00:04:46,124
My plan is to back up to the year 2801,
104
00:04:46,124 --> 00:04:48,042
when things first went wrong,
105
00:04:48,042 --> 00:04:50,169
and materialize behind Santa
106
00:04:50,169 --> 00:04:53,089
as he exits this very fireplace.
107
00:04:53,089 --> 00:04:55,883
Did this building even exist in 2801?
108
00:04:55,883 --> 00:04:59,345
Yeah, but back then,
it was some kinda meat market,
109
00:04:59,345 --> 00:05:02,098
where butchers would hook up
and grind their sausages.
110
00:05:02,098 --> 00:05:04,058
Yes, anyway, once there,
111
00:05:04,058 --> 00:05:06,018
I'll quickly reverse the polarity
112
00:05:06,018 --> 00:05:09,856
of Santa's naughty-nice sensor,
then return to the present.
113
00:05:09,856 --> 00:05:11,899
Problem solved.
114
00:05:11,899 --> 00:05:15,361
Um, Professor, isn't it risky
to go back in time
115
00:05:15,361 --> 00:05:16,737
and change history?
116
00:05:16,737 --> 00:05:18,197
Oh my, yes.
117
00:05:18,197 --> 00:05:20,491
But I'll go alone to minimize the chance
118
00:05:20,491 --> 00:05:23,703
of anyone becoming their own grandfather.
119
00:05:23,703 --> 00:05:26,664
- These things happen.
- No, they don't.
120
00:05:26,664 --> 00:05:30,293
Next time you see me,
Santa will have been good again!
121
00:05:30,293 --> 00:05:31,377
Ta-ta!
122
00:05:31,377 --> 00:05:34,130
(heroic music playing)
123
00:05:34,130 --> 00:05:37,717
Uh, just a couple of centuries
straight backwards.
124
00:05:39,218 --> 00:05:40,344
(bang, echoing meow)
125
00:05:40,344 --> 00:05:41,846
Damn it! I backed over
126
00:05:41,846 --> 00:05:43,764
Mrs. McGillicuddy's time cat!
127
00:05:43,764 --> 00:05:46,767
- (clicking, grinding gears)
- Clutch, shift, and...
128
00:05:46,767 --> 00:05:48,895
away we go!
129
00:05:48,895 --> 00:05:51,981
- (zaps)
- (echoing cat yowl)
130
00:05:53,065 --> 00:05:55,985
(dramatic music playing)
131
00:05:55,985 --> 00:05:57,236
(whooshing)
132
00:06:00,072 --> 00:06:02,575
(beeping)
133
00:06:05,453 --> 00:06:07,955
{\an8}(klaxons honking)
134
00:06:10,082 --> 00:06:12,418
♪
135
00:06:16,297 --> 00:06:18,341
SANTA: Ho-ho-hot!
136
00:06:19,175 --> 00:06:21,219
(whirring)
137
00:06:21,677 --> 00:06:23,679
{\an8}- (beeping)
- Cookie.
138
00:06:24,639 --> 00:06:26,933
(loud munching)
139
00:06:27,934 --> 00:06:30,603
♪
140
00:06:34,315 --> 00:06:35,316
Cookie!
141
00:06:35,316 --> 00:06:37,735
(loud munching)
142
00:06:37,735 --> 00:06:39,820
(clicking, beeping)
143
00:06:41,072 --> 00:06:42,907
Cookie!
144
00:06:42,907 --> 00:06:45,117
(loud munching)
145
00:06:45,117 --> 00:06:48,538
- (grinding gears)
- Just shift into forward and...
146
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:49,622
Whoa!
147
00:06:49,622 --> 00:06:51,123
(zaps, beeping)
148
00:06:51,123 --> 00:06:54,877
Oh, bother. I shifted
into reverse by accident.
149
00:06:54,877 --> 00:06:58,297
I guess I'll have to take her
around by the scenic route.
150
00:06:58,297 --> 00:07:01,384
♪
151
00:07:03,553 --> 00:07:04,762
(sips)
152
00:07:04,762 --> 00:07:08,140
Ah, here comes the Big Backwards Bang.
153
00:07:08,683 --> 00:07:09,767
(zaps, whirring)
154
00:07:09,767 --> 00:07:11,561
Ow! I'm being crushed
155
00:07:11,561 --> 00:07:14,522
- by all the matter that ever was.
- (crinkling)
156
00:07:15,481 --> 00:07:18,150
(zapping, whirring)
157
00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:21,028
And here we are, the future!
158
00:07:21,028 --> 00:07:24,282
(reverse explosions)
159
00:07:24,949 --> 00:07:25,950
(zaps)
160
00:07:28,995 --> 00:07:29,996
(sips)
161
00:07:30,705 --> 00:07:32,665
(zapping)
162
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,041
Ee-eye!
163
00:07:34,041 --> 00:07:35,376
(zapping)
164
00:07:36,419 --> 00:07:38,254
- How'd it go?
- Not a hitch!
165
00:07:38,254 --> 00:07:39,714
(splattering)
166
00:07:39,714 --> 00:07:41,549
I fixed Santa!
167
00:07:41,549 --> 00:07:43,843
(all cheering)
168
00:07:43,843 --> 00:07:45,678
It'll be my first happy Xmas
169
00:07:45,678 --> 00:07:48,639
since I got frozen
and never saw my family again!
170
00:07:48,639 --> 00:07:50,224
Now, hold on!
171
00:07:50,224 --> 00:07:51,726
Xmas isn't for a week.
172
00:07:51,726 --> 00:07:54,437
Until then, we got nonstop busy work.
173
00:07:54,437 --> 00:07:56,689
Oh fuff. Let's stop pretending
174
00:07:56,689 --> 00:07:58,691
we do anything around here.
175
00:07:58,691 --> 00:08:00,776
Everyone, take the week off,
176
00:08:00,776 --> 00:08:03,613
and be with your so-called loved ones.
177
00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:05,072
- (gasping)
- Really?
178
00:08:05,072 --> 00:08:06,657
I forgot I had loved ones!
179
00:08:06,657 --> 00:08:08,993
- It's a human resources miracle!
- (excited chatter)
180
00:08:08,993 --> 00:08:11,912
Uncle Fry,
I hope you'll join me and Cubert
181
00:08:11,912 --> 00:08:13,873
at my chalet in the Bronx.
182
00:08:13,873 --> 00:08:16,709
Wait! My family's hoping to meet Fry.
183
00:08:16,709 --> 00:08:18,461
I mean, they met him before,
184
00:08:18,461 --> 00:08:20,421
but he didn't make much of an impression.
185
00:08:20,421 --> 00:08:23,341
I'll wear out my welcome at one,
and then go to the other.
186
00:08:23,341 --> 00:08:26,135
(excited chatter)
187
00:08:30,348 --> 00:08:32,183
- So, Bender...
- No.
188
00:08:32,183 --> 00:08:35,227
You and I are
the only ones with no family.
189
00:08:35,227 --> 00:08:36,729
- Maybe we could--
- No.
190
00:08:36,729 --> 00:08:39,732
- Hang out?
- Oh. Hang out, you say?
191
00:08:39,732 --> 00:08:42,068
Let me think that over for a-- No.
192
00:08:43,069 --> 00:08:44,862
No. Oh, sorry.
193
00:08:44,862 --> 00:08:46,906
Uh, I thought you were still talking.
194
00:08:46,906 --> 00:08:48,574
(festive music playing)
195
00:08:48,574 --> 00:08:51,577
(Fry and Cubert grunting, laughing)
196
00:08:51,577 --> 00:08:52,662
(yelps)
197
00:08:58,918 --> 00:09:00,336
- (sweaters whirring)
- (beeping, flash)
198
00:09:01,212 --> 00:09:04,215
(festive steel drum music playing)
199
00:09:06,008 --> 00:09:08,052
(game beeping)
200
00:09:08,052 --> 00:09:11,555
(laughter)
201
00:09:11,555 --> 00:09:14,100
(fan whirring)
202
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:15,768
{\an8}(somber music playing)
203
00:09:15,768 --> 00:09:19,814
{\an8}(sighs) It's just you and me,
moldy sandwich man.
204
00:09:23,609 --> 00:09:25,569
(dialing)
205
00:09:25,569 --> 00:09:26,696
(dial tone, beep)
206
00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:28,239
Hello. Calculon acting.
207
00:09:28,239 --> 00:09:30,991
Hey, it's me! Your extremely close
friend Bender.
208
00:09:30,991 --> 00:09:32,076
Wanna hang out?
209
00:09:32,076 --> 00:09:33,494
How did you get this number?
210
00:09:33,494 --> 00:09:36,038
I didn't! I'm just dialing
every number in order.
211
00:09:36,038 --> 00:09:37,456
Keep dialing.
212
00:09:37,456 --> 00:09:39,166
(grumbles) This nuts bolts!
213
00:09:39,291 --> 00:09:40,292
(slams receiver)
214
00:09:40,292 --> 00:09:42,628
- Hey, Bender.
- Yes? I mean no!
215
00:09:42,628 --> 00:09:44,755
{\an8}I brought dumpster nog...
216
00:09:44,755 --> 00:09:47,550
{\an8}- And not the kind for kids.
- (sloshes)
217
00:09:47,550 --> 00:09:49,927
{\an8}- Hm. What's in it?
- What's not in it?
218
00:09:51,095 --> 00:09:52,596
You want nutmeg on that?
219
00:09:52,596 --> 00:09:54,348
Nutmeg? Gross!
220
00:09:55,641 --> 00:09:56,976
(ticking)
221
00:09:56,976 --> 00:09:59,395
BOTH: ♪ Five golden rings! ♪
222
00:09:59,395 --> 00:10:01,897
♪ Four something something,
three something else ♪
223
00:10:01,897 --> 00:10:04,400
♪ Two no one cares, and a partridge ♪
224
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,026
♪ Drowned in our nog! ♪
225
00:10:06,026 --> 00:10:07,111
(dripping, splats)
226
00:10:07,111 --> 00:10:09,697
Whoof! This stuff is strong!
227
00:10:09,989 --> 00:10:12,324
Hey, how many glasses have we hadded?
228
00:10:12,324 --> 00:10:14,535
None. This is just from the fumes.
229
00:10:14,785 --> 00:10:15,786
(glasses clink)
230
00:10:16,787 --> 00:10:17,788
(ticks)
231
00:10:17,788 --> 00:10:19,290
Aw, it's not fair!
232
00:10:19,290 --> 00:10:20,833
Everyone else gets to have fun
233
00:10:20,833 --> 00:10:22,543
with their stupid family.
234
00:10:22,543 --> 00:10:24,879
My species dies when we reproduce.
235
00:10:24,879 --> 00:10:26,881
So if I had a family, I'd be dead.
236
00:10:26,881 --> 00:10:29,675
- Does anyone even care about that?
- I sure don't.
237
00:10:29,675 --> 00:10:32,845
If you ask me,
"good" Santa is ruining Xmas.
238
00:10:32,845 --> 00:10:36,182
- I'd like to give him such a snipping.
- (snipping)
239
00:10:36,182 --> 00:10:39,935
Ooh, I'd bend him a new one!
But he's not here right now!
240
00:10:39,935 --> 00:10:42,313
But, he has was been here.
241
00:10:42,313 --> 00:10:44,982
Every Xmas, he shows up in the fire hole.
242
00:10:44,982 --> 00:10:46,066
(gasps)
243
00:10:46,066 --> 00:10:48,611
We could drunk drive the time machine
244
00:10:48,611 --> 00:10:50,946
to last Xmas and kidnap him!
245
00:10:50,946 --> 00:10:54,283
Then, he won't be able to deliver presents
this Xmas!
246
00:10:54,283 --> 00:10:57,286
And our stupid friends' holiday
will be ruined!
247
00:10:57,286 --> 00:10:59,079
(cheering)
248
00:10:59,079 --> 00:11:01,874
Wait. Is kidnapping Santa a good idea,
249
00:11:01,874 --> 00:11:05,252
or does it just seem like a good idea
because we're intoximated?
250
00:11:05,252 --> 00:11:08,088
It's a good (belches) idea.
251
00:11:08,088 --> 00:11:09,632
- (woozy giggling)
- (opens time machine door)
252
00:11:09,632 --> 00:11:10,883
Whee!
253
00:11:10,883 --> 00:11:12,760
(woozy laugh)
254
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,596
Set course for last Xmas!
255
00:11:15,596 --> 00:11:17,014
(zaps)
256
00:11:17,014 --> 00:11:19,183
♪ Jingle bells, Zoidberg smells ♪
257
00:11:19,183 --> 00:11:20,684
♪ Just like rotten eggs ♪
258
00:11:20,684 --> 00:11:23,854
(gasps) I'm immortalized in song.
259
00:11:23,854 --> 00:11:26,899
♪ ♪
260
00:11:26,899 --> 00:11:29,235
Cookie? (loud munching)
261
00:11:29,235 --> 00:11:30,319
(zaps)
262
00:11:30,319 --> 00:11:33,447
And here we are, last Xmas.
263
00:11:33,447 --> 00:11:35,032
Get him!
264
00:11:35,032 --> 00:11:38,035
Bite my glittering festive ass!
265
00:11:38,035 --> 00:11:40,037
(surprised grunting)
266
00:11:40,037 --> 00:11:42,998
Unhand me, you naughty boys! (grunts)
267
00:11:42,998 --> 00:11:45,626
(muffled yelling)
268
00:11:45,626 --> 00:11:46,710
(Bender grunts)
269
00:11:46,710 --> 00:11:48,295
(muffled yelling)
270
00:11:48,295 --> 00:11:50,256
- (grunting)
- (zaps)
271
00:11:50,256 --> 00:11:53,259
{\an8}♪
272
00:11:53,259 --> 00:11:55,094
(zaps)
273
00:11:56,095 --> 00:11:57,513
(muffled yelling)
274
00:11:57,513 --> 00:11:59,682
Shove him in the old meat locker!
275
00:11:59,932 --> 00:12:01,517
We have an old meat locker?
276
00:12:01,517 --> 00:12:04,019
BENDER (singing): ♪ Silent night ♪
277
00:12:04,019 --> 00:12:05,521
♪ Holy night ♪
278
00:12:05,521 --> 00:12:06,605
(clangs)
279
00:12:06,605 --> 00:12:07,690
(Bender grunts)
280
00:12:08,065 --> 00:12:09,066
(door creaks)
281
00:12:09,650 --> 00:12:11,527
(Bender and Zoidberg grunting)
282
00:12:11,527 --> 00:12:13,320
Oh, boy. Hey, boy.
283
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:14,488
(Bender grunts)
284
00:12:14,488 --> 00:12:17,867
Try spreading joy now, you big Xmas ham.
285
00:12:18,868 --> 00:12:20,035
(door creaks, slams)
286
00:12:20,035 --> 00:12:23,038
- We're geniuses!
- I'm geniuses!
287
00:12:23,038 --> 00:12:25,332
♪ Do the Bender! Do the Bender! ♪
288
00:12:25,332 --> 00:12:27,543
BOTH: ♪ Do the Bender! Do the Bender! ♪
289
00:12:27,543 --> 00:12:29,503
(Zoidberg whooping)
290
00:12:29,503 --> 00:12:30,713
You know, Zoidberg,
291
00:12:30,713 --> 00:12:33,048
you're only half as bad
as I thought you were.
292
00:12:33,048 --> 00:12:35,634
(sniffles) That means a lot.
293
00:12:35,634 --> 00:12:38,137
{\an8}- (metallic bang)
- Uh-oh. We woke the meat up.
294
00:12:38,137 --> 00:12:40,681
(dramatic music playing)
295
00:12:40,681 --> 00:12:42,808
- (angry growl)
- (yelling)
296
00:12:42,808 --> 00:12:43,976
(panting)
297
00:12:43,976 --> 00:12:46,061
- What do we do?
- The time machine!
298
00:12:46,061 --> 00:12:47,146
BENDER: Good idea!
299
00:12:48,147 --> 00:12:49,148
(grunts)
300
00:12:51,150 --> 00:12:54,778
Get ready to sleep in heavenly peace!
301
00:12:54,778 --> 00:12:56,780
(Bender and Zoidberg whimper)
302
00:12:56,780 --> 00:12:58,032
Ho, ho--
303
00:12:59,033 --> 00:13:00,284
Whoa!
304
00:13:01,118 --> 00:13:03,787
(zapping, yelling)
305
00:13:03,787 --> 00:13:06,957
BOTH: Ooh... Ah...
306
00:13:06,957 --> 00:13:09,043
- Ooh...
- (Santa yelling)
307
00:13:12,171 --> 00:13:15,507
He's dead. We killed Santa Claus.
308
00:13:15,507 --> 00:13:18,761
Uh... You killed Santy Claus.
309
00:13:18,761 --> 00:13:21,472
{\an8}Uh... Robot?
310
00:13:21,472 --> 00:13:22,598
{\an8}♪
311
00:13:22,598 --> 00:13:24,850
(whimpering)
312
00:13:24,850 --> 00:13:26,310
(frightened squeal)
313
00:13:27,394 --> 00:13:30,898
(tense music playing)
314
00:13:30,898 --> 00:13:33,192
This was supposed to be a fun kidnapping!
315
00:13:33,192 --> 00:13:34,443
What do we do now?
316
00:13:34,443 --> 00:13:36,111
We gotta get rid of the body.
317
00:13:36,111 --> 00:13:37,613
That's usually pretty fun.
318
00:13:37,613 --> 00:13:38,822
♪
319
00:13:38,822 --> 00:13:42,201
Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!
320
00:13:42,201 --> 00:13:43,285
Stroke!
321
00:13:44,119 --> 00:13:45,120
Oops.
322
00:13:45,496 --> 00:13:46,747
- (splash)
- Oops.
323
00:13:47,623 --> 00:13:48,624
Ow!
324
00:13:48,624 --> 00:13:50,459
(distant ship horn)
325
00:13:50,459 --> 00:13:54,421
Okay. Now, we just add some
extra weight to sink the corpse.
326
00:13:54,421 --> 00:13:55,506
(heavy bang)
327
00:13:56,465 --> 00:13:57,758
It's not working!
328
00:13:57,758 --> 00:13:59,176
(marker squeaking)
329
00:13:59,176 --> 00:14:00,260
Still nothing!
330
00:14:01,345 --> 00:14:03,514
- Why! Won't! You! Sink!?
- (clanging)
331
00:14:03,514 --> 00:14:05,933
(both sputtering)
332
00:14:05,933 --> 00:14:07,017
BOTH: Ah!
333
00:14:07,017 --> 00:14:08,435
(splashing)
334
00:14:08,435 --> 00:14:10,104
(both panting)
335
00:14:10,104 --> 00:14:12,231
(police siren blaring)
336
00:14:12,231 --> 00:14:14,316
URL: Hands up, boat bags.
337
00:14:14,316 --> 00:14:16,235
What's with the bloated floater?
338
00:14:16,235 --> 00:14:18,404
I admit it! We murd-- (grunts)
339
00:14:18,404 --> 00:14:21,824
Uh, just, uh, dumping
some toxic waste, officers.
340
00:14:21,824 --> 00:14:24,243
Huh. Guess you gotta put it somewhere.
341
00:14:24,243 --> 00:14:26,161
Carry on, night dumpers.
342
00:14:26,161 --> 00:14:27,788
♪
343
00:14:27,788 --> 00:14:29,331
(Bender giggles)
344
00:14:29,331 --> 00:14:30,916
(boat rumbling)
345
00:14:32,835 --> 00:14:37,172
Dwight, it's time to teach you
the Conrad holiday turducken recipe.
346
00:14:37,172 --> 00:14:39,258
Cooked in alphabetical order.
347
00:14:39,258 --> 00:14:40,968
Alrighty then.
348
00:14:40,968 --> 00:14:44,680
We gonna start with the chicken,
then duck, and then...
349
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,849
(muttering) Let me see now.
Now the E and the F...
350
00:14:46,849 --> 00:14:49,518
(normal) Husband! We using
flamingo this year?
351
00:14:49,518 --> 00:14:52,354
At $20 a pound!? No, thank you.
352
00:14:52,354 --> 00:14:54,857
(dramatic music playing)
353
00:14:54,857 --> 00:14:56,734
(flushing)
354
00:14:56,734 --> 00:14:58,819
- It's not working!
- Flush harder!
355
00:14:58,819 --> 00:15:01,864
I'm flushing as hard as I can!
Got any other ideas,
356
00:15:01,864 --> 00:15:04,366
Mr. I'm-So-Great- At-Hiding-Corpses?
357
00:15:04,366 --> 00:15:07,911
Well, at least I have ideas!
What do you suggest?
358
00:15:07,911 --> 00:15:10,622
Hm... We could try an acid bath.
359
00:15:10,622 --> 00:15:12,249
That does sound relaxing, but--
360
00:15:12,249 --> 00:15:15,044
No! We'll dissolve Santa's body!
361
00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:17,421
Professor has some acid
upstairs in his lab.
362
00:15:17,421 --> 00:15:19,048
I'll go fill this trash bag.
363
00:15:20,257 --> 00:15:21,508
(footsteps departing)
364
00:15:22,468 --> 00:15:24,219
- (splashing)
- (liquid dripping, hissing)
365
00:15:24,219 --> 00:15:26,221
- Oops!
- (floor creaking)
366
00:15:27,890 --> 00:15:29,808
(hissing, bubbling)
367
00:15:29,808 --> 00:15:32,019
Remind me, is this the ground floor?
368
00:15:32,019 --> 00:15:33,812
(both yell)
369
00:15:33,812 --> 00:15:34,897
(crashing)
370
00:15:35,230 --> 00:15:38,901
Behold, my family's traditional
Yuletide feast.
371
00:15:38,901 --> 00:15:40,986
(grunts) Turdolphin!
372
00:15:40,986 --> 00:15:44,406
It's fresh turtle cooked inside
a fermented dolphin.
373
00:15:44,406 --> 00:15:47,534
Wow. Soon, it's gonna be
barf inside a vomit.
374
00:15:47,534 --> 00:15:50,579
Dad. Shh! Keep the truth to yourself.
375
00:15:50,579 --> 00:15:52,748
Which part smells like whale butt?
376
00:15:52,748 --> 00:15:54,458
Ooh, that would be the gravy.
377
00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:55,667
(sloshing)
378
00:15:55,667 --> 00:15:58,253
(dramatic music playing)
379
00:15:58,253 --> 00:16:00,047
- (cranking)
- You ruined everything!
380
00:16:00,047 --> 00:16:02,216
You're the one who wanted to kidnap Santa!
381
00:16:02,216 --> 00:16:04,426
Oh, yeah? Well, you enabled me,
382
00:16:04,426 --> 00:16:08,055
so shut up and keep pushing him
into the meat grinder!
383
00:16:08,055 --> 00:16:10,641
Bender, look! It's working!
384
00:16:11,475 --> 00:16:13,060
Wait. Where's my claw?
385
00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:16,063
(festive music playing)
386
00:16:16,063 --> 00:16:18,857
Gather round, relatives, as I cook up
387
00:16:18,857 --> 00:16:21,068
turducken a la Farnsworth
388
00:16:21,068 --> 00:16:23,487
with this 3D poultry printer.
389
00:16:23,487 --> 00:16:26,406
As long as it's got three
dimensions, I'll eat it.
390
00:16:26,406 --> 00:16:28,617
We start with liquid chicken.
391
00:16:28,617 --> 00:16:31,495
(beeping, whirring)
392
00:16:31,495 --> 00:16:33,705
Then, some duck filament.
393
00:16:33,705 --> 00:16:37,000
(clicking)
394
00:16:39,419 --> 00:16:42,297
{\an8}And finally, a whole fresh turkey.
395
00:16:42,297 --> 00:16:44,466
{\an8}I printed this one out earlier.
396
00:16:44,466 --> 00:16:45,717
{\an8}(bones crunching)
397
00:16:45,717 --> 00:16:46,969
(squishing)
398
00:16:51,265 --> 00:16:53,350
(licking fingers, humming happily)
399
00:16:53,350 --> 00:16:56,603
Oh, man. I need to head out
if I'm gonna make it to Leela's.
400
00:16:56,603 --> 00:16:59,898
- Do you have any skis?
- No, but I can print some.
401
00:17:00,399 --> 00:17:02,860
(pop, whirring)
402
00:17:02,860 --> 00:17:04,987
♪
403
00:17:05,362 --> 00:17:08,699
How are we making turducken?
There's nothing in the refrigerator.
404
00:17:08,699 --> 00:17:11,827
Eh, that fridge doesn't work.
We use it as a spare bedroom.
405
00:17:11,827 --> 00:17:14,329
We serve fresh turducken, Leela.
406
00:17:14,329 --> 00:17:17,583
- (squawks)
- They roam the sewers in huge flocks.
407
00:17:17,583 --> 00:17:20,878
(gobbling, quacking, clucking)
408
00:17:20,878 --> 00:17:23,005
- Are they hard to catch?
- Oh, no.
409
00:17:23,005 --> 00:17:24,798
They crave death.
410
00:17:24,798 --> 00:17:27,092
(various squawks)
411
00:17:27,718 --> 00:17:28,719
(door creaks)
412
00:17:28,719 --> 00:17:30,012
Hey! Sorry I'm late.
413
00:17:30,012 --> 00:17:32,055
I got hungry and ate my skis.
414
00:17:32,055 --> 00:17:33,932
Fry, you made it!
415
00:17:33,932 --> 00:17:36,226
You remember my parents and my grandma?
416
00:17:36,226 --> 00:17:38,979
- (tentacle squishing)
- Ah, yes. The rose of the sewers.
417
00:17:38,979 --> 00:17:40,063
Mwah!
418
00:17:40,063 --> 00:17:42,816
Leela, if you don't marry him,
419
00:17:42,816 --> 00:17:44,943
- I will.
- (popping)
420
00:17:44,943 --> 00:17:47,404
So, uh, where's Bender and Zoidberg?
421
00:17:47,404 --> 00:17:50,240
What? I figured they were
with you. Or something.
422
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,576
They're probably relaxing by the fire.
423
00:17:52,576 --> 00:17:54,870
(dramatic sting)
424
00:17:54,870 --> 00:17:56,163
(Bender whimpering)
425
00:17:56,163 --> 00:17:59,416
The only rational option is to eat Santa.
426
00:17:59,416 --> 00:18:01,043
Right? Right!?
427
00:18:01,043 --> 00:18:02,294
I don't know!
428
00:18:02,294 --> 00:18:04,880
Oh, this is a nightmare before Xmas.
429
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,757
I wish we'd never become friends!
430
00:18:06,757 --> 00:18:09,760
We're not friends! And we never were!
431
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:10,969
(emotional music playing)
432
00:18:10,969 --> 00:18:13,555
But we danced. And murdered.
433
00:18:13,555 --> 00:18:14,640
(whirring)
434
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:15,724
I'll do the carving.
435
00:18:15,724 --> 00:18:17,643
You want white Christmas
or dark Christmas?
436
00:18:17,643 --> 00:18:19,645
- (knocking on door)
- (both yelp)
437
00:18:19,645 --> 00:18:20,729
(door creaks)
438
00:18:21,146 --> 00:18:22,981
ALL: Surprise!
439
00:18:22,981 --> 00:18:24,566
Bah humbug!
440
00:18:27,694 --> 00:18:29,613
♪
441
00:18:31,949 --> 00:18:34,785
Nobody's home!
Leave a message at the beep.
442
00:18:34,785 --> 00:18:35,994
Beep!
443
00:18:35,994 --> 00:18:37,704
Open up or we'll carol!
444
00:18:37,704 --> 00:18:40,874
ZOIDBERG: Uh, Bender! We have company!
445
00:18:40,874 --> 00:18:43,752
BENDER: Uh, just a sec! I'm tidying up.
446
00:18:43,752 --> 00:18:46,672
(clanking, chainsaw roaring,
metal scraping)
447
00:18:46,672 --> 00:18:48,507
- LEELA: Hii-yah!
- (grunts)
448
00:18:48,966 --> 00:18:52,052
Come in, come in! Everything's normal.
449
00:18:52,052 --> 00:18:53,220
(footsteps approach)
450
00:18:53,220 --> 00:18:55,097
Merry Xmas, you guys.
451
00:18:55,097 --> 00:18:57,641
We didn't know you hadn't
been invited anywhere.
452
00:18:57,641 --> 00:19:00,686
We came as soon as we realized
what losers you are.
453
00:19:00,686 --> 00:19:03,355
Uh, punch?
454
00:19:03,355 --> 00:19:05,816
Nah, I'll just have a beer.
455
00:19:07,943 --> 00:19:09,152
(creak, pop)
456
00:19:09,152 --> 00:19:11,697
Who's hungry? We all brought
457
00:19:11,697 --> 00:19:14,324
our families' unique holiday dishes.
458
00:19:15,033 --> 00:19:16,994
- Turducken!
- Turdolphin!
459
00:19:17,452 --> 00:19:18,453
Huh.
460
00:19:18,453 --> 00:19:19,830
How thoughtful of you all
461
00:19:19,830 --> 00:19:21,665
to drop this disturbing food off,
462
00:19:21,665 --> 00:19:24,376
and then be immediately
on your way. Goodbye!
463
00:19:24,376 --> 00:19:25,919
Dinner's served!
464
00:19:25,919 --> 00:19:29,131
Isn't that pretty?
It looks like a magazine.
465
00:19:29,131 --> 00:19:32,301
Bender, since when do you have three legs?
466
00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:34,511
Uh, uh, th-this one's a spare.
467
00:19:34,511 --> 00:19:36,722
In case I break down on the highway.
468
00:19:36,722 --> 00:19:39,599
And why is it wearing a snow boot?
469
00:19:39,599 --> 00:19:40,684
(grunts)
470
00:19:42,060 --> 00:19:44,479
(muffled yelling)
471
00:19:44,479 --> 00:19:46,815
(carving knife whirring)
472
00:19:46,815 --> 00:19:49,901
(heartwarming music playing)
473
00:19:54,990 --> 00:19:57,659
Finally, an old-time happy Xmas,
474
00:19:57,659 --> 00:19:59,494
with presents for everyone!
475
00:19:59,494 --> 00:20:01,747
(whispers) I'm hoping for Batman underpants.
476
00:20:01,747 --> 00:20:04,333
Santa should be here any minute now.
477
00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:06,418
(kids and Fry cheering)
478
00:20:06,418 --> 00:20:08,420
The guilt is too much! I confess!
479
00:20:08,420 --> 00:20:09,963
Santa won't-- (muffled grumbling)
480
00:20:09,963 --> 00:20:11,673
(sleigh bells jingling)
481
00:20:11,673 --> 00:20:13,550
What's that? Who's jingling!?
482
00:20:13,550 --> 00:20:16,428
Ah, here he comes!
483
00:20:16,428 --> 00:20:20,015
(whimsical Christmas music playing)
484
00:20:20,766 --> 00:20:23,727
Yay! It's good Santa!
485
00:20:23,727 --> 00:20:26,646
Indeed, because I fixed him.
486
00:20:26,646 --> 00:20:29,066
Santa seems less dead than we thought.
487
00:20:29,066 --> 00:20:30,734
(laser whirring)
488
00:20:30,734 --> 00:20:32,402
ALL: Ooh...
489
00:20:32,402 --> 00:20:35,572
- (gunfire)
- (all screaming)
490
00:20:35,572 --> 00:20:37,407
- (glass breaking, smashing)
- I don't understand.
491
00:20:37,407 --> 00:20:38,575
He's still evil!
492
00:20:38,992 --> 00:20:41,036
I personally went back in time
493
00:20:41,036 --> 00:20:43,830
and reversed his naughty-nice sensor!
494
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:46,375
- Uh-oh.
- What you do, old man?
495
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:49,878
- (gunfire continues)
- Oh, I've made a complete Fry of myself.
496
00:20:49,878 --> 00:20:53,006
You see, Santa's sensor
was exactly like the one
497
00:20:53,006 --> 00:20:54,508
on this punch bowl.
498
00:20:54,508 --> 00:20:56,134
When he was first built,
499
00:20:56,134 --> 00:20:58,553
it was in the correct position.
500
00:20:58,553 --> 00:21:01,932
But when I went back in time,
I flipped it around.
501
00:21:01,932 --> 00:21:05,143
Me! Oh, lordy-loo.
502
00:21:05,143 --> 00:21:08,271
I'm the one who made Santa evil.
503
00:21:08,271 --> 00:21:10,148
- (all gasp)
- You monster!
504
00:21:10,148 --> 00:21:12,192
- (loud rumbling)
- (electricity fizzling)
505
00:21:12,192 --> 00:21:14,528
- (zooming)
- (sleigh bells jingle)
506
00:21:14,528 --> 00:21:17,114
SANTA: You've all been very naughty!
507
00:21:17,114 --> 00:21:20,033
Especially you, Mandy.
508
00:21:20,033 --> 00:21:23,495
I'm sorry I forgot to feed the hamster!
509
00:21:23,495 --> 00:21:25,372
Arm yourselves!
510
00:21:25,372 --> 00:21:26,748
(dramatic music playing)
511
00:21:26,748 --> 00:21:30,460
(all screaming)
512
00:21:33,213 --> 00:21:34,798
(beeping)
513
00:21:35,298 --> 00:21:37,342
Cookie? (munching)
514
00:21:37,342 --> 00:21:38,552
(zaps)
515
00:21:38,552 --> 00:21:41,763
And here we are, last Xmas.
516
00:21:41,763 --> 00:21:43,306
Get him!
517
00:21:43,306 --> 00:21:46,226
Bite my glittering festive ass.
518
00:21:46,226 --> 00:21:47,686
(surprised grunting)
519
00:21:47,686 --> 00:21:51,648
Unhand me, you naughty boys. (grunts)
520
00:21:51,648 --> 00:21:53,567
- (muffled yelling)
- Who are those handsome guys,
521
00:21:53,567 --> 00:21:55,402
and what are they doing to poor Santa?
522
00:21:55,402 --> 00:21:57,529
That's us, you idiot.
523
00:21:57,529 --> 00:21:59,739
You didn't take us to last Xmas.
524
00:21:59,739 --> 00:22:03,160
You took us to next Xmas!
Meaning this Xmas!
525
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,412
Damn it, Bender. I'm a doctor,
526
00:22:05,412 --> 00:22:07,038
not a time machine guy!
527
00:22:07,038 --> 00:22:09,541
- (grunting)
- (zaps)
528
00:22:10,375 --> 00:22:13,003
(confused chatter)
529
00:22:13,295 --> 00:22:15,589
- (power whirring)
- I think I speak for everyone when I say,
530
00:22:15,589 --> 00:22:17,132
uh-whuh?
531
00:22:17,132 --> 00:22:18,967
I can't hold it in anymore!
532
00:22:18,967 --> 00:22:20,385
(muffled yelling)
533
00:22:20,385 --> 00:22:23,430
We kidnapped and murdered Santa!
534
00:22:23,430 --> 00:22:25,182
(all gasp)
535
00:22:25,182 --> 00:22:28,477
- Oh.
- We didn't mean to, but still!
536
00:22:28,477 --> 00:22:30,270
(both crying)
537
00:22:30,270 --> 00:22:32,898
Stop blubbering, you bloobs!
538
00:22:32,898 --> 00:22:34,357
You're heroes!
539
00:22:34,357 --> 00:22:35,984
- (crying)
- BENDER: What-roes?
540
00:22:35,984 --> 00:22:38,236
The professor set Santa to kill!
541
00:22:38,236 --> 00:22:41,281
You saved all (muttering) 19 of us!
542
00:22:41,281 --> 00:22:44,034
- We're heroes?
- Damn right, we are!
543
00:22:44,034 --> 00:22:47,370
BOTH: ♪ Do the Bender!
Do the Bender! Do the Bender! ♪
544
00:22:47,370 --> 00:22:49,206
- (Zoidberg whooping)
- Aw, Bender!
545
00:22:49,206 --> 00:22:51,249
You and Zoidberg are friends now?
546
00:22:51,249 --> 00:22:52,709
That's so cute.
547
00:22:52,709 --> 00:22:54,669
Uh, absolutely not!
548
00:22:54,669 --> 00:22:56,838
You're all having a mass hallucination!
549
00:22:56,838 --> 00:22:59,758
So, what happened to Santa?
550
00:22:59,758 --> 00:23:00,842
(sipping)
551
00:23:00,842 --> 00:23:02,427
You're drinking out of him.
552
00:23:02,427 --> 00:23:04,846
There's one thing
I still don't understand.
553
00:23:04,846 --> 00:23:07,390
Which one of you meatbags
wrote the creepy notes?
554
00:23:07,390 --> 00:23:09,184
(dramatic sting)
555
00:23:09,184 --> 00:23:10,894
- 'Twas I!
- (all gasp)
556
00:23:10,894 --> 00:23:12,103
(clanging)
557
00:23:13,605 --> 00:23:14,773
(sipping)
558
00:23:14,773 --> 00:23:17,025
I sent the notes from the future!
559
00:23:17,025 --> 00:23:18,568
Because I murdered you?
560
00:23:18,568 --> 00:23:22,405
No! Because I knew what you did next Xmas.
561
00:23:22,405 --> 00:23:24,866
You became friends with Zoidberg!
562
00:23:24,866 --> 00:23:26,952
So I'm blackmailing you!
563
00:23:26,952 --> 00:23:30,121
No... No!
564
00:23:30,121 --> 00:23:31,623
You take Amy's Venmo?
565
00:23:31,623 --> 00:23:33,250
- Sure.
- Hey!
566
00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:36,836
(festive music playing)
567
00:23:37,712 --> 00:23:38,880
SANTA: Cookie!
568
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,466
(electricity fizzling)
569
00:23:42,050 --> 00:23:43,343
Yo, Santa Bot!
570
00:23:43,343 --> 00:23:47,264
I'ma drop my Futurama Xmas list for 3023.
571
00:23:47,430 --> 00:23:50,225
Y'all ready for this?
I'm about to get nice.
572
00:23:50,225 --> 00:23:51,393
(Christmas hip-hop music playing)
573
00:23:51,393 --> 00:23:53,103
Kwanzaabot. Yeah.
574
00:24:16,459 --> 00:24:19,379
(Christmas hip-hop music ends)
575
00:24:19,379 --> 00:24:22,465
♪