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sync & correction by f1nc0
-- Addic7ed.com --
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Congratulations, fellow citizens!
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3023 will go down in history
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as the year we triumphed over COVID-19!
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We interrupt the triumph over COVID-19
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- for a special report. A new virus...
- Oh, for Pete's sake.
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A new virus dubbed EXPLOVID-23
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has broken out among the mutants
who dwell beneath New New York.
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Symptoms include blinding,
uncontrollable anger!
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As well as a mild cough,
which I don't have. I'm fine.
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A complete travel ban
to and from the sewers
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is being enforced by
the city's fattest police officers.
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Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad! Love ya!
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- Feh. Always with the love.
- We already hugged you.
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Now, we gotta talk about it?
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Sorry I'm late.
What?
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Let's move, you sofa snails!
We've got a delivery!
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And now, I'm proud to present
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the city's highest award,
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the key to
the Times Square liquor cabinet,
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to the super-spreader of truth himself,
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Bill Nye, the Science Head!
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Congratulations, Mr. Science.
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Let me just bend
that mic for you.
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Thank you for
this tremendously dubious honor.
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After what seemed like
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- a thousand years of COVID...
- But was actually more!
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... I declare the pandemic
to be officially over.
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Ugh.
Watch where ya's coughin', bow tie!
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- Ow-zers!
- For crying out loud!
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I'm using the principles of aerodynamics
to get the hell outta here!
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Do it again!
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An anger pandemic?
Not to point fingers,
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- but Leela's spreading it.
- I am not, you jerks!
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I'm just running a couple degrees
angrier than normal.
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Good news, infecter-inos!
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I've developed a test
to see who's got the virus
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and who's just naturally mean.
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You simply jam this Q-tip up your nose...
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...way, way up your nose,
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- and collect a brain matter sample.
- That looks kinda fun.
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I can't wait to do it hundreds of times!
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Now, we wait for a line to appear
under the two control dots.
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If the line curves up, you're fine.
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Huzzah!
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Here goes nothin'.
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This can't be right, Professor!
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Your test stinks,
and so does your ugly face!
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- Oh no! She's got it!
- Quarantine her in the angry dome!
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Stupid, stinkin', lousy,
no good, son of a...
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While we don't yet know
how the virus spreads,
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we do know it's anger-based.
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I am therefore issuing an executive aroo
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that everyone wear a mask over their ears
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to prevent the transmission
of upsetting remarks.
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Agnew! Come!
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Mr. President, how could this
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- possibly be of the slightest...
- Thanks, fellas.
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Since I don't hear any questions,
this prrress conference is adjourned!
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Out of an abundance of caution,
all work will henceforth go remote
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using a new app called Gloom.
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In some ways, it will be better.
Especially for those of us with families.
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Dwight, stop Gloom-bombing
your dad's meeting!
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And put on some britches!
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Hey, LaBarbara. How's your grandma?
She improvin'?
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- Yeah, she doin' alright.
- Give her my best.
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I'm having
trouble with my... Anybody hear...
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Wi-Fi issues... hungry.
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Bender, you idiot!
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- Do you have to eat those now?!
- I don't have to eat anything ever.
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- I'm warning you!
- What are you gonna do?
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Hi...yah!
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- Wow, this technology's come a long way.
- I actually like working on Gloom.
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These hair filters save a ton of time.
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- Uh-wha...
- Professor, you're a teddy bear!
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I assure you I am not.
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Aw...
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Is this the Gloom room
where I can refill my prescriptions?
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- No! This is a delivery company!
- Can you deliver my prescriptions?
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We could, but we won't!
Oh, this is a dismal failure.
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Everyone report to the office in person.
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But, Professor! That is a violation
of health and safety standards.
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Everything we do is a violation
of health and safety standards!
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Just wear a mask!
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We are dealing
with a highly contagious virus,
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so we'll need to practice hygiene theater.
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You know, I heard there's
not really even a virus at all.
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It's just a big hoax,
like the moon landing.
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You were on the moon last week!
You grew up on Mars!
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That's what they want you to think!
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Ugh. Enough with
the conspiracy theories, people!
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Let's look at the facts.
Irrational rage,
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spread through saliva and spit,
constant angry moaning.
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It's all the classic symptoms...
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of zombie-ism!
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No way!
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That's completely unscientific, Hermes.
EXPLOVID victims
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move at way too normal a speed
to be zombies.
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There are all speeds
of zombies out there!
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Fast ones. Slow ones.
Brisk shufflers.
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But the cure is always the same.
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- Voodoo.
- Balderdash!
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People stopped believing in voodoo
back in Fry's time.
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But voodoo didn't
stop believing in them.
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Voodoo may not be well understood,
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- but it gets results.
- You know what else gets results?
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Public ridicule.
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And yet, there are zombies.
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Oh shoot.
I forgot to pick up a goat!
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Dwight, go across the hall
and borrow goat from Mrs. Wilson.
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Pack your bags. We are
going to New New Orleans.
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- For Mardi Gras?
- No. Well, I mean,
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it happens to be Mardi Gras,
but that's beside the point!
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I believe there are people there
who could defeat this virus with...
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voodoo.
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Dwight, go to your room right now!
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You are messin' with powers
you don't understand, husband.
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- But I do!
- Then come with me, woman!
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You must listen to me
'cause I grew up in a voodoo family,
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and zombie-ism killed my father!
Then brought him back to life!
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Me don't want anymore
to do with that world.
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Then I'll have to seek out
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these practitioners of
the dark arts on my own.
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Hopefully, they are near that place
with the good beignets.
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Be very careful, husband,
and promise me one thing.
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If you survive,
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you gonna bring me back
some of them beignets!
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What?
It's my emotional support gun.
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Which section, sir?
Business or fighting?
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- Uh, the first one.
- Right this way.
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- Hand sanitizer?
- No thanks.
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Eh, more for me.
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Ma'am? Ma'am?
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Please, don't jam your husband
into the overhead bin.
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Don't you tell my wife
how to jam me into things!
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I know my rights.
I'm recording you!
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And I'm recording you for
recording him without permission!
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As your mayor, I'm proud to announce
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that our city's most prominent egghead
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has developed a vaccine that will end
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my terrible poll numbers
once and for all!
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Quite so.
Thanks to cutting-edge RNA technology,
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my vaccine is as potent as it is untested.
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Ha!
My essentially identical vaccine
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- is far superior!
- Wernstrom.
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- It's a two-shot regimen.
- Oh, yeah? Well, mine's three,
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and it makes
your shoulder sore for a month!
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Mine makes your arm shrivel
and fall off!
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Big deal!
Mine comes with a futuristic way
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of knowing exactly who's been
vaccinated and who hasn't,
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a small scrap of easily lost paper.
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I made your favorite, Leela.
Chicken-shaped steak!
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"Wow, this is great, Fry!"
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Is what I'd say if this
pan sauce weren't so bland!
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Yeah, well, I know that's
just the virus talking.
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How's the cream pie?
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Scoop Chang, New New Yorker Crossword
Puzzle editor, Smartwatch Edition.
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Dr. Wernstrom,
what do you say to reports
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your vaccine has the side effect
of magnetism?
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That's a feature, not a bug.
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Linda, Morbo and Linda.
According to an anonymous internet post,
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your anti-anger vaccine causes sterility.
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- Care to comment?
- The sterility is essential!
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Studies show that kids
are what make people angriest!
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Everyone hates kids!
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Am I the only journalist here
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- who even bothered to bring my own facts?
- Dr. Banjo!
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Yes, the Dr. Banjo
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of The Dr. Banjo Experience
Podcast Experience Hour.
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Professor Farnsworth, how do you respond
to rumors I'm starting
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- that there are 5G chips in your vaccine?
- I would simply reassure you
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that the 5G chips are safe
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and purely for surveillance purposes.
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Dear God!
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00:11:10,299 --> 00:11:14,802
But that's how it works!
The 5G chips track the virus particles,
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so the space lasers can shoot them.
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Keep that quackery away from me!
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00:11:31,903 --> 00:11:36,574
- May I take your tray, ma'am?
- No, you may not take my dang tray!
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Ow!
Why do we have to serve shish kabob?
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Hey, don't make me come back there!
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- Sir, please go back to your seat.
- I'm the captain!
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Don't you pull rank with me, flyboy!
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- Sit your tushy down, and drive this thing.
- Tushy my ass!
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This is the captain speaking.
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00:12:03,898 --> 00:12:05,898
Passengers fighting in
the window seats will notice
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00:12:05,922 --> 00:12:08,606
we're careening past
scenic Lake Pontchartrain.
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Help... I can't move my legs...
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Ooh! I smell gumbo!
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Hello, madam.
Is this the Voodoo HQ?
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00:12:52,234 --> 00:12:55,820
- Shh. You do voodoo?
- You misconstrue.
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00:12:55,821 --> 00:12:59,532
- Who do voodoo at the HQ?
- Entendu.
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00:12:59,533 --> 00:13:05,037
- But such information won't come cheap.
- I found this quarter outside.
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00:13:05,038 --> 00:13:07,456
Don't worry.
I wiped off most of the vomit.
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00:13:09,334 --> 00:13:11,669
Then let us consult the tarot.
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00:13:15,173 --> 00:13:17,883
The Key of Bones,
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00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,719
the Hanging Man,
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00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:23,347
the Man Being Crushed by a Big Beignet,
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00:13:23,348 --> 00:13:26,934
and the Man Being Beaten
by the Saints Mascot.
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00:13:26,935 --> 00:13:31,439
- Which path do you choose?
- Hm.
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00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:35,651
- What's in that pot under the hanging guy?
- Boiling gumbo.
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00:13:35,652 --> 00:13:37,236
I'll start with the gumbo.
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00:13:40,365 --> 00:13:43,409
- Hit me.
- Bam!
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00:13:47,122 --> 00:13:50,499
Mm. Kinda mild.
Guess I'll try this one instead.
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00:13:52,794 --> 00:13:58,299
This damned pandemic would be over
if only people would take my vaccine.
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00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:02,429
- Why is everyone but me so stupid?!
- Splah.
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00:14:02,464 --> 00:14:05,181
Because everyone
but you uses social media!
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00:14:05,182 --> 00:14:09,185
These vaccine fascists
are taking away our freedom!
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00:14:09,186 --> 00:14:13,022
I might as well be in a cage
at the zoo, like my aunt!
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00:14:13,023 --> 00:14:16,985
This confounded mask
is destroying my lungs.
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00:14:19,321 --> 00:14:23,824
All this misinformation
on Facebag is tearing us apart.
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00:14:23,825 --> 00:14:25,785
I wonder who's posting it.
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00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:34,877
- What else should I post, Dad?
- Who cares? The crazier the better.
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00:14:34,878 --> 00:14:37,672
Tell 'em worm medicine helps!
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00:14:37,673 --> 00:14:40,883
Those poor, easily manipulated fools.
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00:14:40,884 --> 00:14:45,012
- Soon, our time to invade will draw near!
- Sounds fun.
217
00:14:45,013 --> 00:14:48,140
I'll pack my scream-canceling headphones.
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00:14:48,141 --> 00:14:51,185
Lousy, rotten, tiny angry dome!
219
00:14:51,186 --> 00:14:54,438
Leela? I'm really sorry.
I tried shoving these
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00:14:54,439 --> 00:14:57,066
flowers where you said,
but I just couldn't manage it.
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00:14:57,067 --> 00:15:00,569
- Please take them.
- Don't come any closer, you dope!
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00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:03,712
- You'll get sick and probably beat up.
- I don't care.
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00:15:03,747 --> 00:15:07,535
I can't stand being apart any longer!
I'm coming in.
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00:15:22,718 --> 00:15:25,553
That fortune teller must have been
jerking my chicken!
225
00:15:25,554 --> 00:15:27,805
There's nothing here!
226
00:15:27,806 --> 00:15:30,078
Nothing but us bones, mon ami.
227
00:15:30,079 --> 00:15:34,687
Sweet andouille of St. Louis!
A robot made of bones!
228
00:15:34,688 --> 00:15:37,023
Je m'appelle Bonebot.
229
00:15:37,024 --> 00:15:41,444
Been bones-keepin' this boneyard
for three bone-dred years.
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00:15:41,445 --> 00:15:44,697
Oh good! Because I am
on a bone-related errand.
231
00:15:44,698 --> 00:15:47,992
I'm looking for a secret
bone key to the Voodoo HQ.
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00:15:47,993 --> 00:15:51,412
Huh.
I ain't never seen no bone key.
233
00:15:51,413 --> 00:15:53,915
Have you checked that
prominently displayed skull?
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00:15:57,669 --> 00:16:01,172
Well, huh. Guess I never really
done looked 'round the place.
235
00:16:01,173 --> 00:16:03,591
Probably 'cause I got no eyes.
236
00:16:03,592 --> 00:16:06,093
Come on! I'll give you a ride.
237
00:16:11,933 --> 00:16:14,685
Go on and git from here, gar fish!
238
00:16:18,148 --> 00:16:21,901
That eighth bowl of gumbo
may have been a mistake.
239
00:16:21,902 --> 00:16:25,196
No amount of gumbo's a mistake, mon ami.
240
00:16:25,197 --> 00:16:29,742
Water's always choppy in there here parts
on account of the force field levees.
241
00:16:32,079 --> 00:16:35,206
Y'all see a dugong from Macon,
run him down!
242
00:16:35,207 --> 00:16:37,958
He absconded with my daughter's dowry.
243
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:52,807
This place gimme the heebie-jeebies,
and not the boogie-woogie kind!
244
00:16:52,808 --> 00:16:56,519
- You're literally made of bones!
- And I aim to keep it that way!
245
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,730
Bon voyage!
246
00:17:11,410 --> 00:17:12,576
Wh-Who goes there?
247
00:17:16,081 --> 00:17:20,710
- Barbados Slim?!
- People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive.
248
00:17:20,711 --> 00:17:24,630
Come in, Hermes!
Make yourself feel inadequate.
249
00:17:34,599 --> 00:17:37,101
Tonight, Earth is under attack.
250
00:17:37,102 --> 00:17:41,105
Alien invaders have taken advantage
of our planet's internal divisions
251
00:17:41,106 --> 00:17:43,274
to launch an all-out assault.
252
00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:46,360
Die, you disgusting freak!
253
00:17:46,361 --> 00:17:51,025
I just hope I kill you
before those invaders do.
254
00:17:51,658 --> 00:17:56,078
- All hope is lost. Morbo?
- They must be destroyed!
255
00:17:56,079 --> 00:17:58,706
Both sides must be destroyed!
256
00:17:58,707 --> 00:18:02,209
I am so sick of you!
257
00:18:02,210 --> 00:18:03,627
Help!
258
00:18:03,628 --> 00:18:06,213
You're the head of the Voodoo HQ?
259
00:18:06,214 --> 00:18:08,883
- I can't believe it!
- Believe it, man.
260
00:18:08,884 --> 00:18:13,137
Me studied with the best of the best.
She goes by the name of...
261
00:18:13,138 --> 00:18:15,222
LaBarbara.
262
00:18:15,223 --> 00:18:17,350
And she was good at voodoo, too.
263
00:18:19,603 --> 00:18:22,897
You stay away from her!
She's married to me now!
264
00:18:22,898 --> 00:18:25,316
You two are mostly ancient history.
265
00:18:25,317 --> 00:18:28,027
History has a way
of repeating itself, brother.
266
00:18:28,028 --> 00:18:32,782
- Now, what brings you here?
- The virus. I believe voodoo
267
00:18:32,783 --> 00:18:34,825
might be the only thing that can fight it.
268
00:18:34,826 --> 00:18:36,285
Well, that much is obvious.
269
00:18:36,286 --> 00:18:39,288
I thought it might be
a form of demonic possession,
270
00:18:39,289 --> 00:18:43,042
- but the tests came back negative.
- But consider this.
271
00:18:43,043 --> 00:18:46,879
My theory is the virus
is a type of zombie-ism!
272
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,090
Sweet potatoes of Barbados!
273
00:18:49,091 --> 00:18:52,009
You don't see a lot of angry,
shouting zombies,
274
00:18:52,010 --> 00:18:53,970
but it would explain a lot.
275
00:18:53,971 --> 00:18:57,264
Hermes, you may have cracked this coconut.
276
00:18:57,265 --> 00:18:59,892
Stop naming foods!
Gettin' hungry again.
277
00:18:59,893 --> 00:19:04,855
Sadly, curing zombie-ism is
the kind of voodoo I don't do.
278
00:19:04,856 --> 00:19:07,358
There's only one person
with that expertise,
279
00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:09,402
and I'm afraid...
280
00:19:09,403 --> 00:19:13,322
Afraid she might be too sexually
attracted to you to think straight?
281
00:19:13,323 --> 00:19:16,158
- Well, you're mostly right.
- LaBarbara?!
282
00:19:16,159 --> 00:19:18,995
Hermes, I couldn't
let you do this alone.
283
00:19:18,996 --> 00:19:22,416
You were brave to come here,
and I love you.
284
00:19:22,958 --> 00:19:27,920
- Well, hello, Barbados.
- But, how did you find us here?
285
00:19:27,921 --> 00:19:30,423
And why do you have a key
to Barbados' place?
286
00:19:30,424 --> 00:19:34,302
- Eh, that's not important.
- I've also got a key to your place.
287
00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:39,432
- Also not important.
- Come! Follow me to the inner sanctum.
288
00:19:46,690 --> 00:19:50,568
What dark, well-lit sorcery is this?
289
00:20:02,706 --> 00:20:04,480
People of Earth!
290
00:20:04,566 --> 00:20:08,502
I am Lrrr,
ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!
291
00:20:08,503 --> 00:20:10,421
Excuse me.
292
00:20:10,422 --> 00:20:14,383
I shall rule mercilessly
over your weak and divided...
293
00:20:15,636 --> 00:20:18,012
That's odd.
I've never sneezed before.
294
00:20:18,013 --> 00:20:21,932
- I don't even have a nose.
- Me neither.
295
00:20:21,933 --> 00:20:25,144
Stop interrupting me while I'm
trying to dominate these people!
296
00:20:25,145 --> 00:20:27,772
You couldn't dominate a bowl of fudge!
297
00:20:27,773 --> 00:20:29,857
Although you sure try!
298
00:20:29,858 --> 00:20:31,651
- Oh yeah?
- Oh!
299
00:20:31,652 --> 00:20:33,569
It's better than
that flavor-free dessert
300
00:20:33,570 --> 00:20:35,330
- that you serve.
Is that right?
301
00:20:36,323 --> 00:20:38,616
Oh, it's just as I feared.
302
00:20:38,617 --> 00:20:43,120
The virus has mutated
with Omicronium NDNDNA.
303
00:20:43,121 --> 00:20:47,958
- It's a highly contagious Omicron variant.
- You're a contagious variant!
304
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:52,421
Go back where you came from,
you Omi-clods.
305
00:20:53,674 --> 00:20:56,300
Everyone is so angry.
306
00:20:56,301 --> 00:20:59,971
- Especially me!
- Ow! My schnookus!
307
00:21:04,977 --> 00:21:07,979
Kill all humans!
Kill all humans!
308
00:21:07,980 --> 00:21:11,524
- Can robots even get the virus?
- What virus?
309
00:21:14,027 --> 00:21:17,196
Now, the key is to produce
a voodoo potion
310
00:21:17,197 --> 00:21:20,157
that tricks the body into
thinking it has the virus,
311
00:21:20,158 --> 00:21:22,868
but without actually gettin' the disease.
312
00:21:22,869 --> 00:21:26,831
Aha! So, the immune system
falls under its spell
313
00:21:26,832 --> 00:21:30,251
and produces anti-jujus
that attack the spike protein,
314
00:21:30,252 --> 00:21:34,630
- thus inoculating against future infection.
- Precisely.
315
00:21:34,631 --> 00:21:37,925
You got some serious mental pecs, husband.
316
00:21:37,926 --> 00:21:40,052
My second favorite kind.
317
00:21:41,305 --> 00:21:42,805
Hey, cut that out!
318
00:21:42,806 --> 00:21:45,100
Why didn't I get a wink
for my mental pecs?
319
00:21:45,934 --> 00:21:48,311
Now, we gonna need
an animal sacrifice.
320
00:21:48,312 --> 00:21:52,369
- I-I mean, um, test subject.
- Not me.
321
00:21:52,404 --> 00:21:55,276
- I'm too angry!
- Don't worry, man.
322
00:21:55,277 --> 00:21:59,989
- The doll won't feel a thing.
- Ow! My calculator arm!
323
00:21:59,990 --> 00:22:01,907
I just hope it's got the mojo
324
00:22:01,908 --> 00:22:05,786
to defeat this anger virus.
Come, let's run a test.
325
00:22:09,541 --> 00:22:13,502
Hm. I just feel a normal,
easy-to-repress rage.
326
00:22:13,503 --> 00:22:17,048
Then, perhaps we should test it
a bit more thoroughly.
327
00:22:18,508 --> 00:22:19,967
That's enough testing!
328
00:22:20,762 --> 00:22:24,472
Voodoo shots!
Freshly conjured voodoo shots!
329
00:22:24,473 --> 00:22:25,974
Ow!
330
00:22:30,312 --> 00:22:34,440
Can you assure me there is absolutely
no science in this vaccine?
331
00:22:34,441 --> 00:22:38,319
Nothing but
100% Louisiana swamp voodoo.
332
00:22:43,241 --> 00:22:44,950
Ouchie!
333
00:22:44,951 --> 00:22:49,455
- I was, uh, promised a lollipop.
- Uh, here.
334
00:22:49,456 --> 00:22:52,458
Mm, tastes a bit like wig glue.
335
00:22:52,459 --> 00:22:55,336
What a bunch of mumbo gumbo!
336
00:22:55,337 --> 00:22:57,755
Anything I can't understand is fake!
337
00:22:57,756 --> 00:22:58,839
Ooh!
338
00:23:02,594 --> 00:23:06,389
Ahh, that's better.
Hermes, my friend.
339
00:23:06,390 --> 00:23:10,309
I owe you an apology
for being so anti-voodoo.
340
00:23:10,310 --> 00:23:13,145
It may seem bat-whack crazy to a layman,
341
00:23:13,146 --> 00:23:15,648
but I see now that voodoo methods
342
00:23:15,649 --> 00:23:18,985
are built on centuries
of brilliant scholarship.
343
00:23:18,986 --> 00:23:22,363
It's okay, Professor.
And it's understandable.
344
00:23:22,364 --> 00:23:25,741
After all,
any sufficiently advanced magic
345
00:23:25,742 --> 00:23:29,036
is indistinguishable from science.
346
00:23:31,540 --> 00:23:34,041
Ahh yeah...
347
00:23:37,087 --> 00:23:40,090
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