1
00:00:00,981 --> 00:00:03,984
(dramatic music playing)
2
00:00:05,986 --> 00:00:08,405
(foreboding crescendo)
3
00:00:08,405 --> 00:00:10,532
(theme song playing)
4
00:00:37,058 --> 00:00:39,310
{\an8}(ominous music playing)
5
00:00:39,310 --> 00:00:41,771
{\an8}(whooshing)
6
00:00:41,771 --> 00:00:43,690
{\an8}ZAPP BRANNIGAN: Captain's log. Stardate,
7
00:00:43,690 --> 00:00:45,567
{\an8}National Donut Day.
8
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:48,653
{\an8}We're under attack from
a ship made of solid fire.
9
00:00:48,653 --> 00:00:51,990
{\an8}All weapons simply pass through
and come out the other end.
10
00:00:51,990 --> 00:00:55,076
{\an8}Like that ball bearing
I once mistook for a mint.
11
00:00:55,076 --> 00:00:56,286
{\an8}(Kif groans)
12
00:00:56,286 --> 00:00:58,204
{\an8}It's a conundrum, Kif.
13
00:00:58,204 --> 00:00:59,831
{\an8}Pray fetch my travel tub.
14
00:00:59,831 --> 00:01:02,250
{\an8}I do my best thinking in the shower.
15
00:01:02,250 --> 00:01:03,376
{\an8}(shower running)
16
00:01:03,376 --> 00:01:05,754
{\an8}(humming)
17
00:01:05,754 --> 00:01:07,505
♪ Ya ba bum ♪
18
00:01:07,505 --> 00:01:09,090
♪ Ya ba bum bum bum ♪
19
00:01:09,090 --> 00:01:12,218
(groans) Could you at least
close the curtain, sir?
20
00:01:12,218 --> 00:01:14,220
- ZAPP: Certainly.
- (curtain rattles)
21
00:01:14,220 --> 00:01:16,181
- (missiles exploding)
- Lieutenant Kroker!
22
00:01:16,181 --> 00:01:18,808
{\an8}You expect me to think without a loofah?
23
00:01:18,808 --> 00:01:21,019
{\an8}- Where's my loofah?
- What loofah?
24
00:01:21,019 --> 00:01:22,854
You! You're the loofah.
25
00:01:22,854 --> 00:01:26,566
- (gasps)
- (Kif grunting)
26
00:01:26,566 --> 00:01:29,736
Will you be quiet? I'm trying to think!
27
00:01:32,447 --> 00:01:34,157
Ah-ha! Water!
28
00:01:34,157 --> 00:01:36,117
Fire's mortal enemy!
29
00:01:36,117 --> 00:01:38,078
{\an8}Lieutenant, fire water.
30
00:01:38,870 --> 00:01:42,749
- (click, buzz)
- (mechanical whirring)
31
00:01:42,749 --> 00:01:44,751
{\an8}(suspenseful music playing)
32
00:01:45,627 --> 00:01:48,338
- (water dripping)
- (pipes rattling)
33
00:01:48,838 --> 00:01:51,549
What the? Who used up all the water?
34
00:01:51,549 --> 00:01:55,762
Your shower depleted the
ship's three-year supply, sir.
35
00:01:55,762 --> 00:01:57,388
(laser blasting)
36
00:01:57,388 --> 00:01:58,723
ZAPP: Well, no worries.
37
00:01:58,723 --> 00:02:01,017
I can end this battle with two words.
38
00:02:01,017 --> 00:02:02,102
(dramatic sting)
39
00:02:02,102 --> 00:02:03,937
"We surrender."
40
00:02:03,937 --> 00:02:06,397
(ethereal voice)
Sign this certificate of defeat,
41
00:02:06,397 --> 00:02:08,024
so I can show my mom.
42
00:02:08,024 --> 00:02:10,610
- (fire crackling)
- (blowing)
43
00:02:10,902 --> 00:02:12,612
Kif, my desk.
44
00:02:13,196 --> 00:02:16,866
I'll just put the old Zapp Hancock on it.
45
00:02:16,866 --> 00:02:19,244
Big confident dot on the I.
46
00:02:19,244 --> 00:02:20,203
(Kif grunts)
47
00:02:20,203 --> 00:02:21,371
(gasps)
48
00:02:21,496 --> 00:02:24,541
Oh-ho. You're juicier than I thought, Kif.
49
00:02:24,707 --> 00:02:25,875
(Kif groaning)
50
00:02:25,875 --> 00:02:28,962
(wailing)
51
00:02:30,296 --> 00:02:32,215
(grunting)
52
00:02:32,215 --> 00:02:33,925
(sighing)
53
00:02:33,925 --> 00:02:35,260
(gasps)
54
00:02:35,260 --> 00:02:36,636
I have had it!
55
00:02:36,761 --> 00:02:39,848
I'm through putting up with
your... (inhales) crap!
56
00:02:39,848 --> 00:02:42,225
I'm filing a formal complaint!
57
00:02:42,225 --> 00:02:43,893
It's pronounced compliment.
58
00:02:43,893 --> 00:02:46,896
♪
59
00:02:46,896 --> 00:02:49,440
And now, I am proud to present
60
00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:52,527
the monthly Only Good Employee
of the Month Award.
61
00:02:52,527 --> 00:02:53,611
(joyless) Yay.
62
00:02:53,987 --> 00:02:56,781
This month's recipient
has the special distinction
63
00:02:56,781 --> 00:03:00,076
of also having won the award
every previous month.
64
00:03:00,076 --> 00:03:01,911
Do you think it's me?
65
00:03:01,911 --> 00:03:03,955
♪
66
00:03:12,505 --> 00:03:14,215
(shutter snaps, printing)
67
00:03:14,799 --> 00:03:16,801
Congratulations!
68
00:03:16,801 --> 00:03:17,969
Well done, Leela.
69
00:03:17,969 --> 00:03:20,555
You've reached the pinnacle of success
70
00:03:20,555 --> 00:03:23,725
in the stagnant,
dead-end delivery business.
71
00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:25,894
You've really hit rock top!
72
00:03:25,894 --> 00:03:29,230
Thanks, everybody. It's a dream come true.
73
00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:32,650
A recurring dream.
That I can't wake up from.
74
00:03:32,650 --> 00:03:33,735
ZOIDBERG: Who wants cake?
75
00:03:33,902 --> 00:03:35,236
There's one handful left. I'll have it.
76
00:03:35,445 --> 00:03:36,821
(slurping)
77
00:03:36,821 --> 00:03:39,824
(dramatic music playing)
78
00:03:39,824 --> 00:03:40,783
(gavel bangs)
79
00:03:40,783 --> 00:03:43,411
I call this disciplinary hearing to order.
80
00:03:43,411 --> 00:03:46,623
Captain Brannigan, Lieutenant Kroker has
made some serious,
81
00:03:46,623 --> 00:03:49,334
though somewhat amusing, allegations.
82
00:03:49,334 --> 00:03:50,418
Do you have counsel?
83
00:03:50,418 --> 00:03:52,045
I say, I say, present!
84
00:03:52,045 --> 00:03:54,422
Lieutenant Kroker, do you have counsel?
85
00:03:54,422 --> 00:03:56,758
- (wings flapping)
- (squawks)
86
00:03:56,758 --> 00:03:59,052
You're representing
both sides in this case?
87
00:03:59,052 --> 00:04:01,763
Till my wings give out, Your Honor.
88
00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:03,723
I'm going to allow this.
89
00:04:04,557 --> 00:04:07,060
Now, Mr. Kroker, please describe
90
00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:09,270
the horrific treatment you endured
91
00:04:09,270 --> 00:04:12,398
at the hands of my innocent
other client there.
92
00:04:12,398 --> 00:04:15,610
He took a public shower and used me to...
93
00:04:15,610 --> 00:04:18,529
- scrub his armpit.
- (audience gasps)
94
00:04:18,529 --> 00:04:19,948
It was a joke.
95
00:04:19,948 --> 00:04:22,617
Literally everyone was laughing
except Kif.
96
00:04:22,617 --> 00:04:25,995
He insisted on telling me
his fantasies about my wife!
97
00:04:25,995 --> 00:04:27,997
That was just locker room talk.
98
00:04:27,997 --> 00:04:29,624
He wore greenface!
99
00:04:29,624 --> 00:04:31,668
- (gasps)
- (thud)
100
00:04:31,668 --> 00:04:34,629
It was a Halloween costume.
101
00:04:34,629 --> 00:04:38,258
He made me watch him perform
an erotic fan dance
102
00:04:38,258 --> 00:04:41,636
with a ping-pong paddle
and a no-show sock.
103
00:04:41,636 --> 00:04:43,638
It was a different time!
104
00:04:43,638 --> 00:04:45,098
It was yesterday!
105
00:04:45,098 --> 00:04:46,724
So you admit it!
106
00:04:46,724 --> 00:04:49,102
Your Honor, I have reached a verdict.
107
00:04:49,102 --> 00:04:52,063
I find my client, Zapp Brannigan,
108
00:04:52,313 --> 00:04:54,524
- guilty.
- I'm going to allow this.
109
00:04:54,524 --> 00:04:55,525
(gavel bangs)
110
00:04:55,525 --> 00:04:58,444
Captain Brannigan,
there is no room in this organization
111
00:04:58,444 --> 00:05:00,530
for bullying and harassment.
112
00:05:00,530 --> 00:05:03,574
- Your egregious behavior cannot--
- (creaking)
113
00:05:03,574 --> 00:05:05,076
Why are you massaging me?
114
00:05:05,076 --> 00:05:06,577
You just seem so tense.
115
00:05:06,869 --> 00:05:10,039
Also, you should smile more.
You're prettier when you smile.
116
00:05:10,873 --> 00:05:13,293
See? It's just nicer for everyone.
117
00:05:14,085 --> 00:05:16,004
It is therefore this court's judgment
118
00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:18,298
that you face the ultimate penalty.
119
00:05:18,298 --> 00:05:20,550
Dating a woman over 35?
120
00:05:20,550 --> 00:05:23,720
Zapp Brannigan,
you are hereby... canceled.
121
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:24,721
(dramatic sting)
122
00:05:24,929 --> 00:05:27,140
- (gasps)
- The second-worst punishment.
123
00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:28,683
You will be stripped of your title
124
00:05:28,683 --> 00:05:31,686
while you undergo mandatory
sensitivity training.
125
00:05:31,686 --> 00:05:33,938
And for the duration of your cancellation,
126
00:05:33,938 --> 00:05:36,107
you shall wear the Scarlet C.
127
00:05:36,107 --> 00:05:37,400
(beeps)
128
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:41,195
I object to these
frivolous, paltry charges.
129
00:05:41,195 --> 00:05:42,697
Frivolous poultry?
130
00:05:42,697 --> 00:05:44,907
You insult me, sir!
131
00:05:44,907 --> 00:05:46,242
(squawks)
132
00:05:46,242 --> 00:05:48,244
{\an8}♪
133
00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:53,833
(splashing)
134
00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:56,044
(sucking)
135
00:05:56,044 --> 00:05:57,045
(rotary phone ringing)
136
00:05:58,046 --> 00:05:59,756
LEELA: Who is it? Poop?
137
00:05:59,756 --> 00:06:01,716
Captain Turanga Leela,
138
00:06:01,716 --> 00:06:04,302
you put in an application
to be a DOOP pilot?
139
00:06:04,302 --> 00:06:06,637
Uh, yeah. Like an hour ago.
140
00:06:06,637 --> 00:06:07,764
You're hired.
141
00:06:08,765 --> 00:06:11,017
♪
142
00:06:11,017 --> 00:06:13,353
(all cheering)
143
00:06:13,353 --> 00:06:15,271
Captain of the Nimbus!
144
00:06:15,271 --> 00:06:17,607
So you're gonna be
Kif's commanding lobster?
145
00:06:17,607 --> 00:06:19,150
Negative. Right?
146
00:06:19,150 --> 00:06:21,611
Affirmative. I'm taking some family leave,
147
00:06:21,611 --> 00:06:24,280
so I can get bossed around
by someone I like.
148
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,616
Psst. Stinky needs changing.
149
00:06:26,616 --> 00:06:28,826
But the DOOP did authorize me
to bring along
150
00:06:28,826 --> 00:06:30,495
two trusted crew members.
151
00:06:30,495 --> 00:06:31,871
A first officer,
152
00:06:31,871 --> 00:06:33,998
which, in a bold command decision,
153
00:06:33,998 --> 00:06:34,999
will be Fry.
154
00:06:34,999 --> 00:06:36,292
Aw, thanks, honey.
155
00:06:36,292 --> 00:06:38,795
I mean, Captain Honey. Sir. (blows kiss)
156
00:06:38,795 --> 00:06:40,630
And a Chief Science Officer.
157
00:06:41,255 --> 00:06:43,299
- Professor-- (yells)
- I, Bender,
158
00:06:43,299 --> 00:06:45,927
humbly accept
this prestigious appointment.
159
00:06:46,094 --> 00:06:48,179
Also, it comes with double salary.
160
00:06:48,179 --> 00:06:50,640
So long and good luck, you three.
161
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:53,434
You have been an important part
of the Planet Express family,
162
00:06:53,434 --> 00:06:55,853
and you'll be greatly missed.
163
00:06:55,853 --> 00:06:57,855
(heartfelt music playing)
164
00:06:58,898 --> 00:07:00,691
Next item of business. We have...
165
00:07:00,691 --> 00:07:03,319
one, two, three office chairs for sale.
166
00:07:03,319 --> 00:07:06,406
(dramatic music playing)
167
00:07:08,199 --> 00:07:10,159
I'm here for the sensitivity training,
168
00:07:10,159 --> 00:07:13,121
and, uh, also, do you have
a better-looking sister?
169
00:07:13,121 --> 00:07:14,997
Please go inside and take a seat.
170
00:07:14,997 --> 00:07:17,041
The training will begin shortly.
171
00:07:17,041 --> 00:07:19,794
(slurping)
172
00:07:19,794 --> 00:07:21,629
Howdy, cancel mates.
173
00:07:21,629 --> 00:07:23,673
You wanna know why I got sent here?
174
00:07:23,673 --> 00:07:24,674
Nope.
175
00:07:24,674 --> 00:07:26,259
Indecent exposure!
176
00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:29,053
- (loud whirring)
- (cackling evilly)
177
00:07:29,053 --> 00:07:30,638
- (slurping)
- (doors creak)
178
00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:33,808
(panting) You all saw it, right?
You wanna see it again?
179
00:07:33,808 --> 00:07:36,018
I could barely see it the first time.
180
00:07:36,018 --> 00:07:37,728
- What?! (grunts)
- (whirring)
181
00:07:38,229 --> 00:07:39,689
I've seen brighter. (slurps)
182
00:07:39,689 --> 00:07:41,649
Yeah, well, it's not about the brightness.
183
00:07:41,649 --> 00:07:43,317
It's about the color temperature!
184
00:07:43,734 --> 00:07:45,445
How 'bout you? What did you do?
185
00:07:45,445 --> 00:07:47,447
Meh, it was total BS.
186
00:07:47,447 --> 00:07:50,283
Some people "alleged"
I was verbally abusive
187
00:07:50,283 --> 00:07:52,535
and threw food at my coworkers.
188
00:07:52,535 --> 00:07:54,662
I mean, a lot of people, actually.
189
00:07:54,662 --> 00:07:56,247
That's ridiculous.
190
00:07:56,247 --> 00:07:58,708
You're obviously not
the type to waste food.
191
00:07:58,708 --> 00:08:00,668
You should talk, you family-sized
192
00:08:00,668 --> 00:08:01,836
bucket of lard-ass!
193
00:08:01,836 --> 00:08:03,129
- (grunts)
- Ow!
194
00:08:03,129 --> 00:08:05,173
That hurt in more ways than one.
195
00:08:05,173 --> 00:08:07,258
- It hurt in two ways.
- (door opens)
196
00:08:07,258 --> 00:08:09,010
(footsteps thumping)
197
00:08:10,803 --> 00:08:14,223
Hello, class. 'm Dr. Kind,
your sensitivity instructor.
198
00:08:14,223 --> 00:08:16,476
Wow, you're ugly.
199
00:08:16,476 --> 00:08:19,187
Oh! Now, we don't talk that way in here.
200
00:08:19,187 --> 00:08:21,063
This is a safe space.
201
00:08:21,063 --> 00:08:22,982
The fact is, sometimes,
202
00:08:22,982 --> 00:08:25,359
our words hurt other people,
203
00:08:25,359 --> 00:08:28,738
and we need to be made aware
of how that feels.
204
00:08:28,738 --> 00:08:31,157
(ominous music playing)
205
00:08:31,157 --> 00:08:32,200
(growls)
206
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,784
(deep voice) It feels like this!
207
00:08:33,784 --> 00:08:36,245
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
208
00:08:36,496 --> 00:08:38,623
This isn't some woke-ass seminar!
209
00:08:38,623 --> 00:08:42,460
This course will take the form
of a simulated space mission,
210
00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:44,879
with me as your abusive captain!
211
00:08:44,879 --> 00:08:47,924
And you'll learn from the
example I'm not setting!
212
00:08:47,924 --> 00:08:49,050
Ouch!
213
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:50,843
(yelps)
214
00:08:50,843 --> 00:08:52,345
(creaking)
215
00:08:52,470 --> 00:08:55,097
(normal voice) Now, kindly
follow me to the simulator.
216
00:08:55,765 --> 00:08:57,642
Ooh, careful. There's a step.
217
00:08:57,642 --> 00:09:00,228
{\an8}(mysterious music playing)
218
00:09:02,271 --> 00:09:04,482
(deep voice)
This mission may be simulated,
219
00:09:04,482 --> 00:09:07,652
but my abuse will be very real.
220
00:09:07,652 --> 00:09:10,279
Set course for degradation!
221
00:09:10,279 --> 00:09:13,324
Hm, never been there. Sounds exotic.
222
00:09:13,324 --> 00:09:15,117
♪
223
00:09:15,117 --> 00:09:18,329
I'm pleased to have a civilian
pilot of your caliber, Leela.
224
00:09:18,329 --> 00:09:20,623
The DOOP is rebranding to project an image
225
00:09:20,623 --> 00:09:23,543
of peaceful exploration rather than war.
226
00:09:23,543 --> 00:09:25,670
Also, we want to show
we care about looking
227
00:09:25,670 --> 00:09:27,505
like we care about hiring women.
228
00:09:27,505 --> 00:09:30,591
(dramatic music playing)
229
00:09:31,467 --> 00:09:33,386
LEELA: Wow, it's huge!
230
00:09:33,386 --> 00:09:36,556
It's like a Princess cruise ship
with laser cannons!
231
00:09:36,556 --> 00:09:38,182
I hope they have a kids' center.
232
00:09:38,182 --> 00:09:39,809
They don't. But there's a buffet with
233
00:09:39,809 --> 00:09:42,520
all-you-can-eat week-old sashimi.
234
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:43,521
Score!
235
00:09:43,521 --> 00:09:47,024
(dramatic music playing)
236
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:53,573
LEELA (whispers) I'm really nervous.
237
00:09:53,573 --> 00:09:55,366
What if I can't handle this?
238
00:09:55,366 --> 00:09:57,702
(whispers) Leela, I know
absolutely nothing,
239
00:09:57,702 --> 00:09:59,203
but I know one thing.
240
00:09:59,203 --> 00:10:00,913
You'll be great.
241
00:10:00,913 --> 00:10:03,708
Nimbus crew, I'm pleased to introduce
242
00:10:03,708 --> 00:10:05,751
Zapp Brannigan's replacement,
243
00:10:05,751 --> 00:10:08,170
Captain Turanga Leela.
244
00:10:09,922 --> 00:10:11,257
At ease, crew.
245
00:10:11,382 --> 00:10:14,510
I, um, I know I'm nothing
like Zapp Brannigan, but I--
246
00:10:14,510 --> 00:10:18,764
(loud cheering)
247
00:10:19,765 --> 00:10:22,768
♪
248
00:10:22,768 --> 00:10:24,270
Dear Captain's Diary.
249
00:10:24,270 --> 00:10:26,689
If you're not me, don't read this.
250
00:10:26,689 --> 00:10:28,941
We're preparing to make first contact
251
00:10:28,941 --> 00:10:30,943
with a primitive civilization.
252
00:10:30,943 --> 00:10:33,654
- Anyway, G2G. TTYL.
- (beep)
253
00:10:33,654 --> 00:10:35,948
PS, Fry looks cute.
254
00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:38,242
(clicking)
255
00:10:38,492 --> 00:10:40,411
Captain, it's time to descend
to the planet.
256
00:10:40,411 --> 00:10:42,079
Have you readied a shuttle-copter?
257
00:10:42,079 --> 00:10:43,914
I've been thinking about that.
258
00:10:43,914 --> 00:10:45,708
Maybe we shouldn't intimidate them
259
00:10:45,708 --> 00:10:47,335
with our advanced technology.
260
00:10:47,335 --> 00:10:48,711
Hm... Generally,
261
00:10:48,711 --> 00:10:51,130
I like to intimidate new civilizations,
262
00:10:51,130 --> 00:10:52,757
but what did you have in mind?
263
00:10:52,757 --> 00:10:54,300
A bucket on a rope.
264
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:55,843
(Bender grunts)
265
00:10:55,843 --> 00:10:57,553
Sorry you can't come, Bender.
266
00:10:57,553 --> 00:11:00,097
Your robot technology might scare them.
267
00:11:00,097 --> 00:11:02,600
(mocking gibberish)
268
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,268
- (creaking)
- Safe travels.
269
00:11:04,268 --> 00:11:06,937
(dramatic music playing)
270
00:11:06,937 --> 00:11:09,106
This was a clever idea, Captain.
271
00:11:09,106 --> 00:11:11,275
See, Leela? You're doing great.
272
00:11:11,275 --> 00:11:13,903
- (all screaming)
- (rope whipping)
273
00:11:13,903 --> 00:11:15,905
(evil laughter)
274
00:11:15,905 --> 00:11:19,075
Hope my robot technology
isn't scaring you.
275
00:11:19,075 --> 00:11:20,910
And now, to stop it.
276
00:11:20,910 --> 00:11:22,912
(blabbering)
277
00:11:22,912 --> 00:11:23,913
(yelps)
278
00:11:23,913 --> 00:11:25,331
♪
279
00:11:25,331 --> 00:11:27,166
(all screaming)
280
00:11:27,166 --> 00:11:29,418
- (rattling)
- (grunting)
281
00:11:29,418 --> 00:11:32,213
(screaming, grunting)
282
00:11:32,838 --> 00:11:34,674
(inhabitants gasping)
283
00:11:35,341 --> 00:11:39,178
Hello! We are people from the
sky who come in peace.
284
00:11:39,178 --> 00:11:41,472
(sighs) They speak Tactillian.
285
00:11:41,472 --> 00:11:42,556
(air whistling)
286
00:11:42,556 --> 00:11:43,683
Ah!
287
00:11:43,808 --> 00:11:47,436
I am Airee, Quing of Planet Tactillia.
288
00:11:47,436 --> 00:11:49,146
For centuries, we have wondered
289
00:11:49,146 --> 00:11:51,399
if we are alone in the universe.
290
00:11:51,399 --> 00:11:54,527
But now, we know intelligent life exists,
291
00:11:54,527 --> 00:11:57,571
flying among the stars in a bucket.
292
00:11:57,571 --> 00:11:59,490
Welcome.
293
00:11:59,490 --> 00:12:02,660
- (Tactillians ooh and ah)
- (bubbling)
294
00:12:02,660 --> 00:12:06,414
The bucket people have
unusual bodies, oh Quing.
295
00:12:06,414 --> 00:12:09,875
They have fewer knobs, but not none!
296
00:12:10,543 --> 00:12:13,504
Hey! Just 'cause I'm wearing
a short skirt.
297
00:12:13,504 --> 00:12:15,172
(nasally) No means no.
298
00:12:15,172 --> 00:12:18,300
Blech! What are you doing? Stop that!
299
00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:20,428
Captain! Respect their customs!
300
00:12:20,428 --> 00:12:23,389
We need to win the hearts
and knobs of these people.
301
00:12:23,389 --> 00:12:25,516
- But they're so grabby. Oops!
- (pop)
302
00:12:25,516 --> 00:12:27,351
- (deflating)
- Whee!
303
00:12:27,351 --> 00:12:29,478
Um... Quing Airee,
304
00:12:29,478 --> 00:12:31,605
we have important matters to discuss,
305
00:12:31,605 --> 00:12:33,190
but it may be difficult.
306
00:12:33,190 --> 00:12:36,444
Our civilizations are at very
different levels of technology.
307
00:12:36,444 --> 00:12:39,196
No kidding. You traveled in a bucket.
308
00:12:39,196 --> 00:12:42,283
- Actually, that was--
- We have much to teach you.
309
00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:44,368
♪
310
00:12:48,789 --> 00:12:50,541
(deep voice) Brush harder, tubby!
311
00:12:50,541 --> 00:12:53,544
You can't yell at me.
You're on your short arms.
312
00:12:53,669 --> 00:12:55,588
I yell at any height I want!
313
00:12:55,588 --> 00:12:57,715
You! Brush your teeth!
314
00:12:57,715 --> 00:12:58,799
I don't have teeth.
315
00:12:58,799 --> 00:13:00,634
Then brush my teeth!
316
00:13:00,634 --> 00:13:02,094
FLASHBOT: Damn, those are nice--
317
00:13:02,094 --> 00:13:03,596
- Whoa!
- (mouth monster growling)
318
00:13:04,138 --> 00:13:07,391
(gulps) You all think
you've humiliated your crews.
319
00:13:07,391 --> 00:13:09,602
You ain't seen nothin'.
320
00:13:09,602 --> 00:13:11,896
I'm gonna do something so degrading
321
00:13:12,104 --> 00:13:14,482
that you'll never be the same!
322
00:13:14,482 --> 00:13:18,444
I'm going to take a shower...
right here on the bridge!
323
00:13:18,444 --> 00:13:19,695
(dramatic sting)
324
00:13:19,695 --> 00:13:21,322
You sicken me.
325
00:13:21,322 --> 00:13:24,283
(majestic music playing)
326
00:13:24,283 --> 00:13:27,787
(balloon deflating)
327
00:13:27,787 --> 00:13:29,705
If you're wondering how our civilization
328
00:13:29,705 --> 00:13:31,957
- became so advanced...
- We're not, but--
329
00:13:31,957 --> 00:13:35,211
...it's because we learned to
harness pneumatic technology.
330
00:13:35,211 --> 00:13:38,047
All the sophisticated machinery you see
331
00:13:38,047 --> 00:13:39,799
is powered by air.
332
00:13:39,799 --> 00:13:40,925
I've heard of air.
333
00:13:40,925 --> 00:13:43,219
(pumping, whooshing)
334
00:13:43,219 --> 00:13:45,513
This is our main air power plant.
335
00:13:45,513 --> 00:13:48,516
The air blows through
high-pressure transmission lines,
336
00:13:48,516 --> 00:13:51,101
so our citizens can power their appliances
337
00:13:51,101 --> 00:13:53,020
and inflate their meals.
338
00:13:53,020 --> 00:13:56,482
I'm fascinated by all this wonderful air.
339
00:13:56,482 --> 00:13:57,942
Where does it come from?
340
00:13:57,942 --> 00:13:59,610
I'm glad you asked.
341
00:13:59,902 --> 00:14:01,445
(pumping)
342
00:14:01,445 --> 00:14:03,405
(dramatic music playing)
343
00:14:03,405 --> 00:14:04,990
Behold!
344
00:14:04,990 --> 00:14:06,492
- Oh no, wait. Hang on.
- (pumping harder)
345
00:14:06,492 --> 00:14:08,077
(wind blowing)
346
00:14:08,077 --> 00:14:09,495
Behold!
347
00:14:09,495 --> 00:14:12,414
The Great Blow Hole!
348
00:14:12,873 --> 00:14:14,792
(deep inhale, deep exhale)
349
00:14:14,792 --> 00:14:17,127
Fresh from the hole.
350
00:14:17,127 --> 00:14:18,462
Whoa!
351
00:14:18,462 --> 00:14:19,880
(air blowing)
352
00:14:20,881 --> 00:14:22,174
This is kinda fun.
353
00:14:22,174 --> 00:14:24,093
Get out of our air!
354
00:14:24,093 --> 00:14:25,928
(Fry yelling)
355
00:14:25,928 --> 00:14:27,763
- (groaning)
- This is an amazing
356
00:14:27,763 --> 00:14:29,765
natural resource, Quing Airee.
357
00:14:29,765 --> 00:14:32,560
You should do everything
in your power to protect it.
358
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,854
Uh, Leela, a word.
359
00:14:35,729 --> 00:14:38,148
I may not have told you
everything about this mission.
360
00:14:38,148 --> 00:14:40,276
These people are lovely and whatever.
361
00:14:40,276 --> 00:14:41,318
- It's debatable.
- (Fry groans)
362
00:14:41,527 --> 00:14:44,613
- We're really here for the air.
- What?
363
00:14:44,613 --> 00:14:47,700
GLAB: The whole core of
this planet is frozen gas.
364
00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:50,578
It's like a slot machine
that keeps paying out air!
365
00:14:50,578 --> 00:14:52,872
That sounds like a really boring casino.
366
00:14:52,872 --> 00:14:54,415
Have you been to space, Leela?
367
00:14:54,415 --> 00:14:56,166
Not a lotta air out there,
368
00:14:56,166 --> 00:14:58,919
and what we do have is, like, 50% burp.
369
00:14:58,919 --> 00:15:01,922
Which is why you must get them
to sign this treaty
370
00:15:01,922 --> 00:15:03,757
granting us air rights.
371
00:15:03,757 --> 00:15:05,467
LEELA: So,
372
00:15:05,467 --> 00:15:07,761
this peace mission
isn't really about peace?
373
00:15:07,761 --> 00:15:09,346
Who said it's not about peace?
374
00:15:09,346 --> 00:15:11,307
It's entirely about peace.
375
00:15:11,307 --> 00:15:12,725
Also, air.
376
00:15:13,183 --> 00:15:16,270
Leela, sometimes
we coerce people with war.
377
00:15:16,270 --> 00:15:18,272
Other times, we take the high road
378
00:15:18,272 --> 00:15:20,024
and trick them with peace.
379
00:15:20,024 --> 00:15:22,151
(burps) Excuse me.
380
00:15:22,943 --> 00:15:25,821
(fanfare plays)
381
00:15:25,821 --> 00:15:28,115
- (deflating)
- (clattering)
382
00:15:28,115 --> 00:15:30,618
It is my great pleasure
383
00:15:30,618 --> 00:15:33,871
to sign this peace treaty
with Captain Leela
384
00:15:33,871 --> 00:15:36,916
and her big bucket of space friends.
385
00:15:36,916 --> 00:15:38,876
(applause)
386
00:15:38,876 --> 00:15:41,795
Tradition dictates that the parties begin
387
00:15:41,795 --> 00:15:43,631
with the ritual knobbling.
388
00:15:43,631 --> 00:15:45,466
(bubbling)
389
00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:46,675
Uh...
390
00:15:46,842 --> 00:15:50,387
Our captain will gladly
engage in the knobbling.
391
00:15:50,387 --> 00:15:52,264
I will? I'd rather not.
392
00:15:52,264 --> 00:15:54,224
(whispers) I said knobble!
393
00:15:54,224 --> 00:15:56,936
♪
394
00:15:56,936 --> 00:15:58,938
(sniffing) Blech!
395
00:15:58,938 --> 00:16:01,357
It's starting to get real ripe in here.
396
00:16:01,357 --> 00:16:05,235
No offense, but could it
possibly be all the food you threw?
397
00:16:05,235 --> 00:16:07,905
MARLENE: Let's find out. (grunts)
398
00:16:07,905 --> 00:16:10,616
- Ow.
- Man. It does stink.
399
00:16:10,616 --> 00:16:13,786
It's like rotten flesh
floating in a puddle of vomit.
400
00:16:13,786 --> 00:16:15,579
- (curtain slides)
- You wish.
401
00:16:15,579 --> 00:16:16,914
It's a durian!
402
00:16:16,914 --> 00:16:17,915
(dramatic sting)
403
00:16:17,915 --> 00:16:18,874
No.
404
00:16:18,874 --> 00:16:20,292
Noooo!
405
00:16:20,459 --> 00:16:22,002
What's a durian, by the way?
406
00:16:22,002 --> 00:16:25,589
Earth's most putrid yet delicious fruit.
407
00:16:25,589 --> 00:16:29,134
So refreshing after a public shower.
408
00:16:29,343 --> 00:16:31,345
(loud chewing)
409
00:16:31,345 --> 00:16:34,848
My God. It actually has stink lines.
410
00:16:34,848 --> 00:16:36,517
Tough it out, snowflake!
411
00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:40,312
Now you see how you've
demoralized your own crews!
412
00:16:40,312 --> 00:16:43,357
Crews you expect
to follow you into battle!
413
00:16:43,357 --> 00:16:46,110
At least with me in charge,
they don't suffer long.
414
00:16:46,110 --> 00:16:49,363
Let's see how well you fight
under these conditions.
415
00:16:49,363 --> 00:16:51,740
- Crew to simulated battle stations!
- (beep)
416
00:16:51,740 --> 00:16:54,702
- (siren blaring)
- Captain Cranky! 90 degrees to starboard!
417
00:16:54,702 --> 00:16:55,703
(clicking)
418
00:16:55,703 --> 00:16:58,038
- Shields up, Flashnut!
- (beep)
419
00:16:58,038 --> 00:17:01,625
Fire simulated missile, you fat moron!
420
00:17:01,625 --> 00:17:03,419
- So mean.
- (beep)
421
00:17:03,419 --> 00:17:04,712
(missile launching)
422
00:17:04,878 --> 00:17:07,715
That simulated ship
looks a bit like my real ship,
423
00:17:07,715 --> 00:17:09,425
- the Nimbus.
- (missile exploding)
424
00:17:09,425 --> 00:17:11,093
Yes! Direct hit!
425
00:17:11,093 --> 00:17:12,136
(laughs)
426
00:17:12,261 --> 00:17:15,347
Now, who's the fat, incontinent moron?
427
00:17:15,347 --> 00:17:17,558
(dramatic music playing)
428
00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:20,978
(lasers blast, missiles explode)
429
00:17:20,978 --> 00:17:24,606
- (siren blaring)
- (Bender singing along to the siren)
430
00:17:24,606 --> 00:17:26,025
Hey, man, that's catchy!
431
00:17:26,191 --> 00:17:28,902
What song is that playing
on the emergency siren?
432
00:17:28,902 --> 00:17:31,530
It's the emergency siren!
We're under attack!
433
00:17:31,780 --> 00:17:33,032
Ah! I'm getting outta here!
434
00:17:33,032 --> 00:17:34,783
(dramatic sting)
435
00:17:34,783 --> 00:17:36,410
(siren continues)
436
00:17:36,410 --> 00:17:37,995
(whimpering)
437
00:17:38,996 --> 00:17:42,416
♪
438
00:17:42,416 --> 00:17:44,251
(bubbling)
439
00:17:44,251 --> 00:17:46,545
We need this treaty, Leela.
440
00:17:46,545 --> 00:17:49,423
Act like a captain
and start fondling knobs.
441
00:17:49,423 --> 00:17:51,675
(clears throat)
442
00:17:51,675 --> 00:17:55,429
(sighs) On behalf of
the Democratic Order of Planets,
443
00:17:55,429 --> 00:17:58,265
it is my honor to, respectfully,
444
00:17:58,265 --> 00:18:00,517
- grope your slimy...
- (popping)
445
00:18:00,517 --> 00:18:03,187
(quietly): (groaning) I can't do it.
446
00:18:03,187 --> 00:18:06,482
- Something just seems inappropriate.
- (squishing)
447
00:18:06,482 --> 00:18:07,941
Possibly this thing.
448
00:18:08,150 --> 00:18:11,528
(ship roaring)
449
00:18:12,946 --> 00:18:15,532
(impressed gasps)
450
00:18:15,532 --> 00:18:17,785
What a marvelous bucket.
451
00:18:17,785 --> 00:18:19,870
- (door whirs)
- (grunts)
452
00:18:19,870 --> 00:18:21,371
Jumping Judas.
453
00:18:21,371 --> 00:18:23,999
I've never seen a simulation so realistic.
454
00:18:23,999 --> 00:18:27,044
Is it "okay" to hit on a simulation?
455
00:18:27,044 --> 00:18:28,629
What is the meaning of this?
456
00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:30,881
I thought I canceled all four of you!
457
00:18:30,881 --> 00:18:33,759
Yes, but I hijacked this ship
458
00:18:33,759 --> 00:18:37,638
after hog-tying your pathetic
sensitivity instructor!
459
00:18:37,638 --> 00:18:39,473
(crashes)
460
00:18:39,473 --> 00:18:41,225
It was a teachable moment.
461
00:18:41,225 --> 00:18:42,893
So, our ship was real?
462
00:18:42,893 --> 00:18:45,187
And the simulation was simulated?
463
00:18:45,187 --> 00:18:47,815
(dramatic music playing)
464
00:18:47,815 --> 00:18:51,777
No one cancels Dr. Gary Kind.
465
00:18:51,777 --> 00:18:54,655
- Who's the tall short guy?
- Dr. Gary Kind,
466
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:57,366
one of the DOOP's most notorious gropers.
467
00:18:57,616 --> 00:18:59,451
- (excited murmuring)
- A groper?
468
00:18:59,451 --> 00:19:01,203
(excited chatter)
469
00:19:01,203 --> 00:19:04,706
(all moaning)
470
00:19:04,706 --> 00:19:07,501
Now, this gentleman's a diplomat.
471
00:19:07,501 --> 00:19:11,421
You messed with the wrong
doctor of botanical science.
472
00:19:11,421 --> 00:19:13,465
But I have with me a bio-weapon
473
00:19:13,465 --> 00:19:16,510
of inconceivable power!
474
00:19:16,510 --> 00:19:18,554
He's got something in his jacket!
475
00:19:18,554 --> 00:19:20,097
And so do I!
476
00:19:20,264 --> 00:19:23,517
- (whirring)
- (Flashbot cackling)
477
00:19:23,517 --> 00:19:24,893
(all gasp)
478
00:19:24,893 --> 00:19:28,230
Jeez. How many more durians
does this guy have?
479
00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:32,234
One. Enough to befoul
this planet's air supply
480
00:19:32,234 --> 00:19:33,735
for centuries!
481
00:19:33,735 --> 00:19:35,112
(dramatic sting)
482
00:19:35,112 --> 00:19:37,072
Gary, put down the durian.
483
00:19:37,072 --> 00:19:39,783
We swore never to use those in peacetime.
484
00:19:39,783 --> 00:19:41,910
(rotary phone ringing)
485
00:19:41,910 --> 00:19:45,414
Bender to Leela! The Nimbus
came under attack about an hour ago!
486
00:19:45,414 --> 00:19:47,291
I probably should have called earlier.
487
00:19:47,291 --> 00:19:49,376
Be on the lookout for a small gunship
488
00:19:49,376 --> 00:19:52,296
about yea big from a million miles away.
489
00:19:52,296 --> 00:19:56,008
Captain Leela, command the
Nimbus to fire on Dr. Kind.
490
00:19:56,008 --> 00:19:57,050
♪
491
00:19:57,050 --> 00:19:58,886
LEELA: But, he's surrounded
492
00:19:58,886 --> 00:20:01,305
by those poor innocent pervs.
493
00:20:01,305 --> 00:20:02,973
They might get hurt.
494
00:20:02,973 --> 00:20:05,309
(cackling) What a wimp!
495
00:20:05,309 --> 00:20:07,144
Captains need to be ruthless.
496
00:20:07,269 --> 00:20:09,146
Women belong in the kitchen,
497
00:20:09,146 --> 00:20:12,107
fixing me a sweet durian pie.
498
00:20:12,107 --> 00:20:14,193
That's an offensive stereotype.
499
00:20:14,193 --> 00:20:15,944
Leela's terrible at baking.
500
00:20:15,944 --> 00:20:17,446
(badge buzzing)
501
00:20:17,738 --> 00:20:19,656
BADGE: Your eight-hour
sensitivity training
502
00:20:19,656 --> 00:20:20,616
is complete.
503
00:20:20,616 --> 00:20:21,867
Please deposit me
504
00:20:21,867 --> 00:20:23,994
in the nearest recycling bin.
505
00:20:23,994 --> 00:20:25,329
No chance.
506
00:20:26,330 --> 00:20:29,374
Zapp Brannigan, having completed
your rehabilitation,
507
00:20:29,374 --> 00:20:32,711
I hereby reinstate you
as Captain of the Nimbus.
508
00:20:32,711 --> 00:20:34,546
Order your ship to fire!
509
00:20:34,546 --> 00:20:35,923
Uh, thank you, Glab,
510
00:20:35,923 --> 00:20:38,467
but, uh, I'm not sure I can do that.
511
00:20:38,467 --> 00:20:40,510
Dr. Kind taught me a lot.
512
00:20:40,510 --> 00:20:42,095
That's wonderful!
513
00:20:42,095 --> 00:20:45,682
I now know there's a difference
between right and wrong.
514
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,560
One of them gets you canceled.
515
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:50,479
(cackling)
516
00:20:50,479 --> 00:20:53,232
See what you get with PC culture?
517
00:20:53,232 --> 00:20:56,985
Weak captains too cowardly to
shoot the helpless!
518
00:20:56,985 --> 00:20:59,238
(gagging, groaning)
519
00:20:59,238 --> 00:21:01,156
(mechanical clanking)
520
00:21:01,156 --> 00:21:03,867
Ah, what a beautiful night
521
00:21:03,867 --> 00:21:05,869
for smell-gazing.
522
00:21:05,869 --> 00:21:07,037
(sniffing)
523
00:21:07,162 --> 00:21:08,038
(retches)
524
00:21:09,289 --> 00:21:10,749
You should have shot me
525
00:21:10,749 --> 00:21:13,210
before I destroyed your precious air!
526
00:21:13,210 --> 00:21:16,964
If I were captain, I'd have
fired without a second thought!
527
00:21:16,964 --> 00:21:18,799
(badge buzzing)
528
00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:21,051
BADGE: Your eight-hour
sensitivity training
529
00:21:21,051 --> 00:21:22,094
is complete.
530
00:21:22,094 --> 00:21:23,637
Please deposit me...
531
00:21:23,637 --> 00:21:26,056
(badge screaming)
532
00:21:26,056 --> 00:21:29,393
Dr. Kind, having completed
your rehabilitation,
533
00:21:29,393 --> 00:21:32,396
I name you Captain of the
Nimbus. Order your ship to--
534
00:21:32,396 --> 00:21:33,480
Fire!
535
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:34,773
(cackling)
536
00:21:34,773 --> 00:21:36,149
(yelps)
537
00:21:36,149 --> 00:21:39,486
(slow motion gasping)
538
00:21:39,486 --> 00:21:42,990
(dramatic music playing)
539
00:21:42,990 --> 00:21:44,658
(slow motion footsteps)
540
00:21:44,658 --> 00:21:46,994
(slow motion yell)
541
00:21:47,744 --> 00:21:48,745
(dramatic sting)
542
00:21:49,746 --> 00:21:53,625
(all cheering)
543
00:21:53,625 --> 00:21:55,502
Leela, you're a hero!
544
00:21:55,502 --> 00:21:57,129
(sniffing, retches)
545
00:21:58,130 --> 00:22:01,550
Quing Airee, I am now prepared to knobble.
546
00:22:01,550 --> 00:22:04,011
- Don't mind the durian.
- (gagging)
547
00:22:04,011 --> 00:22:07,973
I declare the groping optional.
Where do I sign?
548
00:22:10,892 --> 00:22:12,060
(panting)
549
00:22:12,060 --> 00:22:14,896
♪
550
00:22:14,896 --> 00:22:16,440
In conclusion,
551
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,567
I sincerely apologize
552
00:22:18,567 --> 00:22:20,986
to all those I've harmed.
553
00:22:20,986 --> 00:22:22,654
Especially Kif Kroker,
554
00:22:22,654 --> 00:22:25,198
the giant sex ladies of Amazonia,
555
00:22:25,198 --> 00:22:26,742
simulated Leela,
556
00:22:26,742 --> 00:22:29,953
{\an8}and, of course, the late Dr. Kind.
557
00:22:29,953 --> 00:22:31,455
- (crowd applauding)
- FLASHBOT: Yeah, baby!
558
00:22:31,455 --> 00:22:33,999
- (Flashbot cackling)
- (Marlene grunts)
559
00:22:33,999 --> 00:22:36,835
Move! This ceremony is for Leela.
560
00:22:36,835 --> 00:22:38,211
Captain Leela, having
561
00:22:38,211 --> 00:22:41,340
heroically secured
our supply of space air,
562
00:22:41,340 --> 00:22:44,259
I present you the DOOP's highest honor,
563
00:22:44,259 --> 00:22:46,011
the Medal of Valor.
564
00:22:46,011 --> 00:22:48,930
(applause, cheering)
565
00:22:48,930 --> 00:22:51,224
It's pronounced velour.
566
00:22:51,224 --> 00:22:54,770
{\an8}Your refusal to shoot
unarmed civilians when ordered
567
00:22:54,770 --> 00:22:56,980
{\an8}was an inspiration to us all,
568
00:22:56,980 --> 00:22:59,775
{\an8}as well as grounds for
a dishonorable discharge!
569
00:22:59,775 --> 00:23:02,903
{\an8}What do you think this is,
the Peace Corps? Get out!
570
00:23:02,903 --> 00:23:05,822
{\an8}♪
571
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:10,619
I guess I just don't have what
it takes to be a DOOP captain.
572
00:23:10,619 --> 00:23:12,871
No, you have something better.
573
00:23:12,871 --> 00:23:15,040
You have what it takes to be Leela.
574
00:23:16,583 --> 00:23:18,210
(shutter snaps, printing)
575
00:23:23,006 --> 00:23:24,341
(sniffing)
576
00:23:24,341 --> 00:23:26,134
Yum. Durian!
577
00:23:26,134 --> 00:23:29,346
May I slurp your cheek clean
with my tendrils? (slurp)
578
00:23:29,346 --> 00:23:33,058
Eh, sure. And thanks for asking first.
579
00:23:33,058 --> 00:23:34,184
(slurping)
580
00:23:34,184 --> 00:23:36,019
ZOIDBERG: Ew, blech!
581
00:23:36,019 --> 00:23:38,313
But also yum. (slurping)
582
00:23:38,313 --> 00:23:41,400
♪