Carissimi amici, a certi momenti, e una vera Madonna,
e poi, subito dopo, diventa una strega.
(Laughter)
E una combinazione molto interessante.
Vogliamo vedere un po' chi e in questo momento.
Venite qui micetti, Maria ha della buona carne per voil
- Benjerno... - (Screams)
(Muffled) Dove andiamo ?
Polizia !
(Muffled screams)
(Whispers) Katrina. Robin Masters sent me.
Robin ?
We have a jet waiting at Messina. I'm taking you out of here.
Nuzo.
(Whispers)
Maria, arrivano questi dolci ?
(Muffled shouting)
In un sacco, capito ?
(Nuzo chokes)
Maria ?
(Muffled shouting)
(Gunshots)
Marchese, scusate. Ora lo prendiamo e vediamo chie.
"Polonius' bond of friendship for musicians."
Five letters and four letters.
Steel... band.
Of course.
"Pope's great queen, note...
"uplifted by a sound of praise."
Seven letters.
- Buongiorno. - No, that's nine letters.
It's a glorious morning.
Yes. Quite.
- Would you like some brunch ? - Please, I'm famished.
- How do I get down ? - There's a staircase just behind you.
Zeus, Apollo, patrol.
- Prosciutto and melon. May I have a bite ? - Yes. Of course.
I'll have the cook prepare whatever you wish.
Fine. Where is my hero ?
Well, if you mean Magnum, seeing the sun's barely over the yardarm,
I'd say he's good for another three hours in bed.
- Are you sure ? - Absolutely. I'm fine. Really.
Higgie, you're just as I remember you.
Are you still the finest lawn croquet player in the Pacific ?
I've heard of a chap down in Guam who's supposed to be pretty good.
And chess ?
I remember sitting in that living room watching you trounce both Papa and Robin.
It made him so angry, being beaten by a servant.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that like it sounded.
It's quite all right. I am a servant, in a sense.
May I have that breakfast now ?
Yes, of course. What would you like ?
Coffee, toast and butter, bacon and eggs. Over easy, I think.
Some fresh-squeezed orange...
No, wait. I'm in Hawaii. Make that fresh pineapple juice.
And some of this delicious prosciutto and melon. And a double of everything.
- Double ? - Of everything.
All right.
(Alarm clock rings)
(Yells)
Margo.
Tough night ?
Very.
She's not still around, is she ?
I would hate to have some woman who's into men wearing Lash LaRue outfits
pop out of the little girl's room.
- No chance. - Good.
You see, I'm a little confused. Maybe you could help me.
I'd love to try.
Well, I met this rather attractive man.
We went through the usual mating dance for a week or two
and... he was pressing kind of hard.
And then, I finally decide that he's really a straight shooter.
So when he invites me to fly to Maui for the weekend...
It's Saturday morning.
Try Sunday afternoon.
Sunday afternoon ?
- No, I left a message with Rick. - Rick ?
Yeah. Well... actually I left it with his service, see ?
I didn't have much time.
You didn't get the message.
Do you think I would have spent most of Friday night at the airport if I had ?
Oh, Margo.
Oh, Margo, I'm sorry.
Look, Rick's service must have messed up the message.
- But it was an emergency. Honest. - Oh. What kind of emergency ?
Well...
- You're not gonna believe me. - No, try me.
Well, see, Robin asked me to rescue the daughter of a friend of his
from the clutches of this Sicilian Marchese.
So he flew me to Sicily in his private jet.
And the reason that I dressed in black, see, I had to sneak into the villa
and it was a full moon.
And it all worked out, I got the girl out. And I got back here last night. Only...
I'm working on a 16-hour jet lag
and I did not know what day it was until you just told me.
And that's the truth.
You know something ?
I believe you.
You do ?
Margo.
Thomas, darling. Are you up yet ?
Ah. Correction, almost believed you.
I've brought us the most fantastic brunch.
Oh...
- I'm sorry. - Don't be.
- Have a nice Sunday, Thomas. - No, wait. Margo.
Come on. Wait a minute.
Margo, come on.
This is the girl. Let me explain.
It would take a 1930s movie to explain this.
And I bear absolutely no resemblance to Myrna Loy.
What the hell are you doing, coming in here dressed like that, anyway ?
I wanted to do something nice for you.
I'm sorry.
Oh, hey. No, it's my fault.
What you're doing was very thoughtful. I'm sorry.
I'm just such a grouch in the morning, before I've had my coffee.
- It's afternoon. - No wonder I'm such a bear.
I ordered the eggs over easy. I hope that's the way you like them.
Over easy's perfect.
(Katrina) I would have ordered espresso, but I didn't know if you liked it for breakfast.
- Ma cos'e, questa schifezza ? I - Com'e ?
Ma t'assicuro che non e un espresso !
The Marchese don't like your espresso.
Sorry. I'll take it back.
He says don't bother.
Are you all right ?
Yeah.
But you ought to warn a guy if you're gonna sleep on his steps.
I didn't want to wake you, so I was waiting out here.
- I guess I dozed off. - No guess.
Anyway, the doctor said that I'd be catnapping for a few days.
- When did you see a doctor ? - This morning.
Higgie insisted that I have a complete physical.
- Higgie ? - Oh, well...
I guess I shouldn't call him that. It's just that he's so cute.
I thought we'd play a little tennis and then have a late lunch on the beach.
- It's so beautiful down there. - What, you and Higgie ?
No. You and I.
Katrina, look, I've got to go into Honolulu and run a couple of errands.
Well, we can play tennis any time.
And a late lunch in town would be fun.
I already have plans for lunch.
I've done it again, haven't I ?
Look, I would love to take you to lunch or to dinner or just about anywhere.
I'd just like to ask first. Or at least be asked.
Of course. You're right. Perfectly right.
Higgins said that you usually lie about all day doing nothing, so I just assumed...
Well, you tell Higgie that today I had something to do.
How about lunch tomorrow ? I know a good sushi bar if you like raw fish.
- That's a date. - OK.
'Other than being presumptive, Katrina seemed a warm, beautiful, young woman
'who just wanted to spend time with me.
'So, of course, I was off to mend fences with Margo,
'who didn't care if she ever saw me again.
'You ever wonder why we always chase those things that are hardest to get ? '
- This your car ? - This one ?
- Why, you like it ? - I just love it.
'Somehow, I knew what she was going to say next.'
I'd give just about anything to ride in one.
How's it ? Can you tell me where the physics lab is ?
After last night, I never want to see him again.
Never.
- Are you sure ? - Positive.
It was over before it really began, anyway. And it was never what we had.
- I love you. - I know you do.
And I love you, too.
(Sighs)
- Very good, John. - Thank you, Miss Perina.
Now, it doesn't matter what you draw upon to help you play a scene.
As long as it puts you in touch with an emotion that you can use.
For example, the anger I felt in the scene with John was real.
I drew from something that happened to me this weekend.
If nothing else, acting can be a wonderful catharsis.
(Laughter)
OK, tomorrow we're back on improvisation.
There's a wonderful little drama playing at the Kahala Community theatre.
I recommend it to all of you, especially since it's free.
Did you really dump all your anger in that scene ?
- Not all of it. - Oh.
Well, maybe if you played part of it again with me, you'd get rid of the rest of it.
- Which part of it ? - I don't know. I was thinking...
Well...
The kiss ?
If that's what you think would be best.
OK, Thomas. One more chance.
But no stories about rescuing a beautiful damsel from some villainous count.
Marchese. The Marchese di Como in Sicily.
Margo, would you rather I lied ?
- No. - Good.
- I'll tell you the story after lunch. - Where ?
How about the infamous retreat of the Marchese di Magnum ?
Thanks. I found the...
How did you do that ?
I didn't. Hey !
I don't suppose you know anything about this scratch on my car ?
Bro, I'd bust your chops for making eyes at my girl, but I'd never do that.
It's not nice.
Shamoo's not lying. We've been studying since you saw us.
You didn't see anything ?
Sorry, bro. It was a nice car.
Thanks.
(Camera whirrs)
What do you think ?
I don't think a little spit is going to fix that.
I tell you what, why don't you go on to the guesthouse ?
I'm gonna find Higgins and break the news to him.
You sure you want to do that ?
Well, the car was parked. I wasn't anywhere near it.
It's not my fault. Higgins will understand that.
- You irresponsible cretin ! - Higgins, it wasn't my fault.
It's never your fault. Yet Mr. Masters' property always ends up
- looking like it's been salvaged from a bin. - It's just a scratch.
If it was, you'd have tried to rub it out with spit, or something equally disgusting.
No, I wouldn't.
Oh, my God !
- This isn't a scratch, it's a bloody gouge. - No. Actually, a gouge is a lot deeper.
I've seen cars come through four years in the Blitz looking better than this.
I know you saved Miss Tremaine from a fate worse than death...
Well, not quite, since she spent three months in a splendid villa.
But you did rescue her and that should merit some consideration.
- Thank you. - I'm not going to ask you to pay for this.
- You're not ? - No, I'm simply going to take the car back.
- For how long ? - For ever.
Oh ! Come on, Higgins. You're being unfair.
Perhaps, but that's the way of it.
All right. What if I told you that I drove a Ferrari through a gate
- and scratched it like this ? - Ah-ha !
- The truth will out. - In Sicily, during the rescue.
- It was the Marchese di Como's car. - So ?
So ? Don't you think it's strange that somebody put the identical scratch...
- Gouge. ...on my car ?
It's Robin Masters' car. What are you implying ?
The Marchese di Como is here and out to get you ? You're becoming quite paranoid.
Higgins, maybe he's here to get Katrina back.
Have you ever thought of that ? By the way, where is she ?
- She drove into town. - What ? And you let her ?
She's a guest here, not a prisoner. I'm sure she's quite safe.
I can't believe the Marchese would follow her here.
Men like him collect women as possessions. He's probably replaced her.
- I hope you're right. - Of course I'm right.
(TC) This is the haole side of the island.
The rich jet in from all over the world to play here.
That's why they call it the jet set.
- You understand me ? - Si.
Well, anyway, like I was saying, the creme de la creme come and sun here.
Dove sta la villa di Robin Masters ?
- Robin... You know Robin Masters ? - Si, appunto.
Isn't this a small world ?
He's sort of a close personal acquaintance of mine.
His estate is on the other side of the island.
Digli che ci porti la.
Marchese says fly over Robin Masters' house.
Well, I don't know. That's about an hour away from here.
It would cost you a couple of hundred extra bucks.
Non fa niente. It's OK.
OK. You're the boss. Or rather, the Marchese.
Say, look here.
Are there gonna be very many other Italian tourists coming to the island ?
If there is, I can get a jump on the competition by learning Italian.
I already know a little.
Sil Buongiorno !
Adios, muchacho...
So how did it go with Higgins ?
How did it go with Higgins ? The usual 50 lashes.
Poor thing.
Who was that ?
That is a buddy of mine and he sometimes flies tourists over the estate
to see what famous person might be sunbathing naked on the beach.
- Well, I'm not famous or naked. - Well, you will be.
Famous.
Isn't that Bo Derek down there ?
Who is that ?
A man who is about to lose his pilot's license.
Higgie, where's Magnum ?
Probably doing a Burt Reynolds imitation for the tourists.
What about that scene we were gonna rehearse ?
What scene is that ?
You know, the one where you're gonna get rid of the rest of your anger.
- Well, I'm not angry any more. - You're not angry any more ?
Thomas, dear.
She's obviously in love with you.
She's just a kid who's been through a rough time.
She's no kid, she's a woman. A woman you flew to Sicily to rescue.
I mean, come on.
- How romantic can you get ? - Look, Robin asked me to rescue her.
There's nothing romantic about it. As a matter of fact, it was pretty scary.
It certainly is the stuff movies are made of.
She's in love with you.
- Maybe that's what's scary. - Why ?
Not that I'm agreeing about her being in love with me.
She was watching us today.
Out by the wall.
Why didn't you say something ?
What's to say ?
So she saw us.
No. I said she was watching us. There's a big difference.
I didn't like the look on her face.
Look, she's been through an ordeal. She just needs to get a little perspective.
I didn't do anything heroic, but I did get her out of Sicily.
So maybe for a while she's...
Until she finds a tanned young man on the beach, she's gonna follow me around.
Like some sort of grateful puppy dog. But that's certainly nothing to worry about.
- If you say so. - I say so.
He's got the penthouse suite and he's had it for a couple of days.
Look, I've been doing a little extra checking.
The Marchese di Como's a very wealthy man in Sicily.
He has a wife in Rome
and he loves to stock his villa in Sicily with someone on the younger side.
Like Katrina.
From what you told me about Katrina, I think she's a little bit over the hill for him.
The word is that he never keeps a mistress for more than two or three months at a time.
Rick, I get the feeling you're trying to make a point.
I don't know how beautiful or sexy Katrina is, but I do know one thing.
The Marchese isn't here to bring her back. It's just not his style.
Then why is he here ?
A vendetta. He wants you.
No.
Thomas, where do you think the Black Hand got started ?
Nobody goes for revenge like Sicilians.
These guys blow people away like they blow candles out.
I think we better call Five-O.
To do what ? Ask the Marchese if he scratched my car ? Come on, Rick.
- Well, then at least call TC. - I did. He's flying some tourists around.
So what you're telling me, it's just me and you ?
Yeah. But at least we got the advantage of surprise.
(Gargles)
(Knocking)
Saccu !
(Knocking)
Saccu, bussano alla portal
Stupido.
Bonjerno ! Mi hanno domandato di servire uno bottiglia di vino per una marchese.
Complimento della casa !
Ah !
- Di che parte d'Italia ? - Io sono... Sicilia.
- Sicilia ? Ehi, I'amico mio e di Sicilia ! - Ah !
Mascalzone, ma chi diavolo e lei ?
You better speak English or American or Vietnamese or something I understand.
Or you'll take the short cut down to street level and you'll never know why.
- Who the hell are you ? - Thomas Magnum.
I took Katrina out of your villa.
- You scratch my beautiful car. - Well, I'd say we're even on that one.
What makes us even ?
You ran a beer opener down the side of my car yesterday.
No. But it sounds like fun. I wish I had.
I underestimated you.
- What's your name again ? - Mag...
- Magnum. - Oh, yes, Magnum.
I didn't realise you wanted ransom money.
It makes my brilliant plan to recover my property seem rather... melodramatic.
- Katrina isn't property. - Katrina ?
Why would I want Katrina ? She is crazy. I'm glad to be rid of her.
Do you know she tried to murder a guest's wife I simply looked at too long ?
I had to lock Katrina up.
I told you, Thomas. Give Thomas the gun back.
If you didn't come here for Katrina, what did you come here for ?
The Madonna di Verona, of course.
The 16th-century Cellini necklace Katrina took.
It's priceless.
I say, what's going on here ?
I thought you went out for the day.
The game was called due to rain.
Miss Tremaine, are you... breaking into Mr. Masters' gun cabinet ?
I haven't stolen anything.
No.
- Of course not. I didn't mean to imply... - Stop.
Miss Tremaine, why do you need a gun ?
To stop her.
She's after him, you know.
Out to ensnare him. Like the Marchese did me.
She's no good.
No breeding.
An actress and a bad one.
Not good enough to make it on the stage, so she teaches.
Katrina...
I think... you'd best let me have the pistol before you hurt yourself.
You've been through a very difficult...
If Katrina took the necklace, why didn't you go to the police ?
It's probably stolen. Either that or he didn't pay the taxes on it.
Taxes ? Why should I pay taxes ?
All they do is give the money to the communist.
- He didn't pay the taxes on it. - Higgins, pick it up.
(Phone)
(Dogs whimper)
Good lads. Back from patrol.
Zeus, get the phone.
'Higgins ? What took you so long ? '
- 'Higgins ? ' - Magnum.
Higgins, are you playing with the dogs ?
- I've been shot. - 'What ? '
Katrina. She's after Margo.
- How bad you hit ? - 'Bad.'
It reminds me of the hit I took at El Alamein. That was in '41.
- Higgins got shot ? - Katrina shot him.
- I told you, she is crazy. - (Helicopter approaches)
Is that chopper for you ?
It's part of my brilliant plan to land at the estate and recover my necklace.
Operator ? I'd like to report an emergency.
A man's been shot at the Robin Masters' estate. Kalakaua Drive. North Shore.
Yeah. Type AB blood.
(Coughs)
Hey. Wait a minute. Thomas, what am I supposed to do with these guys ?
E una bella... jeornata.
E una bella...
Buongiorno, marchese !
E una bella giornata !
- Nol Get out of here ! I don't believe this. - Neither do I. Let's go.
- Go where ? - Up in the air. Take off. I'll explain later.
(Coughs)
The performing arts, especially good theatre and most especially good drama,
have a quality of excitement that, I personally feel, cannot be found
in any other field of human endeavour.
Excitement in the theatre is generated by the unexpected.
In the writing, in the acting, and in the...
Oh, no. Don't stop.
I want to hear all about the unexpected in the theatre.
Miss Tremaine.
No, call me Katrina.
Tom does.
Or Kitty.
Sometimes the Marchese called me Kitty.
In Sicily, when I would scratch him.
- This is not an act. - Oh, but it is.
It'll be a wonderful performance.
The best I'll ever give. The last you'll ever see.
Please, no.
Oh... Please, yes.
Katrina !
Katrina...
Wait.
- Margo's done nothing. - Yes, she has.
What ?
At the estate.
She used her body to entice you. To take you from me.
- No. I wanted her. - You wanted me !
I knew that from the moment I first saw you on the balcony at Sicily.
- You came to save me. - No, Robin sent me for you.
Lies !
You were in love with me. You came for me.
I'd never met you before that night.
I was just doing a favour for Robin.
That's not true !
Yes, it is.
So if you're gonna have to shoot someone, shoot me.
I could never shoot you.
I love you.
But I don't love you.
(Applause)
They think it's part of the scene.
"Conversions, perhaps, brings job satisfaction of exciting kind."
- Five letters and five letters. - Hi, Higgie.
Good Lord, do my eyes deceive me ?
Higgins, please don't.
Please, it took all the persuasive powers I have just to get him into it.
I take it you are going to tonight's opening of the opera.
No, Higgins, we're going to a formal basketball game. What are you doing ?
- The crossword. - Not merely the crossword.
The London Times Sunday crossword.
I do it every week, but my stint in the hospital put me a week behind.
You look stumped. Can I help ?
(Chuckles)
What's so funny ?
The thought of you doing The Times crossword.
- You're not even English. - Try me.
Magnum, please. I don't want to embarrass you in front of Miss Perina.
The use of the Ferrari back says I can solve any word you give me.
"Conversions, perhaps, brings job satisfaction of exciting kind."
The answer is two five-letter words.
I really don't enjoy embarrassing him like this, you know.
He asked for it.
Place kicks.
I assume the keys are in the usual place ? Oh !
Higgins, if you need any help completing the crossword, please don't hesitate to call.
I should return around one. Ta.
That was very good.
Well...
The latest edition of The Times came in today's mail.
It helps to have the answers.