1
00:00:00,118 --> 00:00:02,823
To the late, great Thomas Sullivan Magnum.
2
00:00:04,658 --> 00:00:06,577
- Stop yelling!
- I'm not yelling!
3
00:00:06,660 --> 00:00:09,163
I'm speaking loudly.
You're yelling.
4
00:00:09,371 --> 00:00:12,499
Always did prefer your men
like your cologne, cheap and splashy.
5
00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,751
- You're not a member here.
- My wife is.
6
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:17,004
You can put it on their accounts. Ta.
7
00:00:17,171 --> 00:00:19,465
Marrying the boss's niece
has advantages.
8
00:00:19,631 --> 00:00:22,468
Anything you want or need,
you just give me a little buzz.
9
00:00:25,012 --> 00:00:26,555
Uncle Harry, what is going on?
10
00:00:26,763 --> 00:00:28,932
You and your new hubby
are up the creek.
11
00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:40,045
Dearly beloved, we have come together
in the presence of God
12
00:01:40,128 --> 00:01:45,008
to witness and bless the joining
of this man and this woman
13
00:01:45,092 --> 00:01:46,760
in holy matrimony.
14
00:01:46,843 --> 00:01:48,845
Would you join hands, please?
15
00:01:53,058 --> 00:01:55,769
Will you have this man
to be your husband,
16
00:01:55,894 --> 00:01:59,106
to live together
in the covenant of marriage?
17
00:01:59,648 --> 00:02:03,819
Will you love him, comfort him,
honor and keep him,
18
00:02:03,986 --> 00:02:06,154
in sickness and in health
19
00:02:06,238 --> 00:02:10,784
and, forsaking all others, be faithful
to him as long as you both shall live?
20
00:02:10,909 --> 00:02:12,286
I will.
21
00:02:18,333 --> 00:02:21,670
And will you have
this woman to be your wife,
22
00:02:21,795 --> 00:02:24,298
to live together
in the covenant of marriage?
23
00:02:25,048 --> 00:02:29,011
Will you love her, comfort her,
honor and keep her,
24
00:02:29,094 --> 00:02:30,971
in sickness and in health
25
00:02:31,221 --> 00:02:36,351
and, forsaking all others, be faithful
to her as long as you both shall live?
26
00:02:36,476 --> 00:02:37,936
I will.
27
00:02:38,061 --> 00:02:39,229
The ring, please.
28
00:02:47,618 --> 00:02:51,575
Now that this man and this woman
have given themselves to each other,
29
00:02:51,783 --> 00:02:56,246
by solemn vow,
by the joining of hands
30
00:02:56,330 --> 00:02:58,957
and by the giving
and receiving of a ring,
31
00:02:59,082 --> 00:03:02,711
I pronounce that they
are husband and wife.
32
00:03:03,128 --> 00:03:05,255
You may kiss the bride.
33
00:03:38,246 --> 00:03:41,291
I'm telling you, T.C.,
he's sick, he needs help.
34
00:03:41,416 --> 00:03:45,545
Needed help. In case you didn't notice,
the boy done said I do.
35
00:03:45,671 --> 00:03:48,507
I tried talking to him like a buddy.
Would he listen?
36
00:03:48,590 --> 00:03:51,301
He wouldn't listen to anybody.
I called him 30 times.
37
00:03:51,426 --> 00:03:53,804
Never returned one of my calls.
Not one.
38
00:03:53,887 --> 00:03:58,308
Uh-huh. To the late, great
Thomas Sullivan Magnum.
39
00:03:58,433 --> 00:04:00,018
May he rest in peace.
40
00:04:00,102 --> 00:04:02,771
My God, Rick,
how can you drink that swill?
41
00:04:02,854 --> 00:04:06,316
Malaria-infested Burmese swamp water
was more palatable.
42
00:04:06,525 --> 00:04:09,569
- Gee, Higgins, I kind of like it.
- That doesn't surprise me.
43
00:04:09,778 --> 00:04:13,198
Nothing about this soiree surprises me.
44
00:04:13,365 --> 00:04:18,203
Everything is so flawlessly vulgar.
Macaroni salad and plastic flowers.
45
00:04:18,453 --> 00:04:21,915
But then one can hardly expect
anything else from Harry MacKenzie.
46
00:04:22,249 --> 00:04:25,127
Hey, lighten up,
this guy is worth millions.
47
00:04:25,335 --> 00:04:28,964
Clearly a blessed confirmation
that breeding and class cannot be bought.
48
00:04:29,047 --> 00:04:31,091
Thank the heavens.
49
00:04:31,383 --> 00:04:34,136
You know something, Higgins?
You're a snob.
50
00:04:34,386 --> 00:04:36,763
I prefer to think of myself as civilized.
51
00:04:37,013 --> 00:04:40,058
This is a class act, first class here.
52
00:04:42,811 --> 00:04:44,354
Plastic champagne glasses,
53
00:04:44,563 --> 00:04:47,482
I rest my case and feel
more confident than ever
54
00:04:47,566 --> 00:04:50,610
that Magnum will feel right at home
with his new in-laws.
55
00:04:51,194 --> 00:04:52,821
Wonderful.
56
00:05:03,206 --> 00:05:04,750
Tom...
57
00:05:05,876 --> 00:05:07,043
Marsha.
58
00:05:08,253 --> 00:05:10,839
Oh, Tom, Tom.
59
00:05:10,964 --> 00:05:12,466
Marsha.
60
00:05:12,632 --> 00:05:16,011
Uncle Harry, everything is perfect.
Daddy would be so proud.
61
00:05:16,094 --> 00:05:18,388
Honey, I promised
my brother his little girl
62
00:05:18,513 --> 00:05:20,640
would have the very best of everything.
63
00:05:20,766 --> 00:05:24,102
Ever since her daddy died,
she's been like my own little girl.
64
00:05:24,227 --> 00:05:26,646
I'd like to dance with her
if you don't mind.
65
00:05:26,730 --> 00:05:29,775
- Sure, Mr. MacKenzie.
- Tom, please, call me Uncle Harry.
66
00:05:29,858 --> 00:05:31,610
Okay, Uncle Harry.
67
00:05:31,693 --> 00:05:33,779
- Sure you don't mind?
- No, it's just...
68
00:05:33,862 --> 00:05:35,655
- Ready?
- Yes.
69
00:05:50,378 --> 00:05:53,548
It would appear you've made
my sister very happy.
70
00:05:53,757 --> 00:05:57,302
Well, I hope so.
She's made me very happy.
71
00:05:57,511 --> 00:05:58,762
That's nice.
72
00:05:58,845 --> 00:06:01,306
Marrying the boss's niece
has advantages.
73
00:06:01,515 --> 00:06:04,851
- Oh, Andy...
- No, no, no. Andrew.
74
00:06:04,935 --> 00:06:06,812
Not Andy, Andrew.
75
00:06:06,895 --> 00:06:11,149
Look, Andrew,
I did not marry the boss's niece.
76
00:06:11,233 --> 00:06:12,901
I don't even work for your uncle.
77
00:06:12,984 --> 00:06:16,196
You will. You know my father died
building this company?
78
00:06:16,321 --> 00:06:18,782
MacKenzie Enterprises
is a family business.
79
00:06:19,157 --> 00:06:21,868
Always has been, always will be.
80
00:06:21,944 --> 00:06:23,028
I know.
81
00:06:23,203 --> 00:06:24,955
So you think that
you can just come in...
82
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,290
My boys, scheming already?
83
00:06:27,374 --> 00:06:30,001
Trying to figure out how to throw
Uncle Harry out?
84
00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:32,838
I wouldn't count on it
for the next half-century.
85
00:06:33,004 --> 00:06:35,465
Don't count your chickens.
Nothing's forever.
86
00:06:35,674 --> 00:06:38,134
- Hello, Grandmother.
- And don't pout.
87
00:06:38,343 --> 00:06:40,345
Your brother used to pout
and it killed him.
88
00:06:40,470 --> 00:06:43,765
Heart stopped, just like that.
Bad for the ticker.
89
00:06:44,307 --> 00:06:48,770
Stand up, boy, you're slouching.
Bad for the liver.
90
00:06:49,020 --> 00:06:51,439
Come on, they're playing our song.
91
00:06:52,133 --> 00:06:53,238
Bye.
92
00:06:53,483 --> 00:06:54,901
Nice boy.
93
00:06:55,527 --> 00:06:58,363
It's good to have a new face
in the family.
94
00:07:00,490 --> 00:07:02,325
Otto, they're here.
95
00:07:02,450 --> 00:07:05,208
Ja, ja, Greta.
I am hurrying.
96
00:07:13,169 --> 00:07:15,297
Greta, Otto, what are you doing here?
97
00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:18,800
Your grandmother sent us
to make perfect your love nest.
98
00:07:20,218 --> 00:07:23,096
Greta and Otto work for
Grandmother MacKenzie.
99
00:07:23,305 --> 00:07:26,433
Otto, big Dummkopf,
said you would be coming at six.
100
00:07:26,516 --> 00:07:28,310
Six is what I was told.
101
00:07:28,435 --> 00:07:30,437
No matter. No matter.
102
00:07:30,562 --> 00:07:32,647
So very beautiful.
103
00:07:35,442 --> 00:07:37,485
And such a handsome husband.
104
00:07:39,529 --> 00:07:42,282
Me, I have Dummkopf.
Take the bags inside.
105
00:07:42,532 --> 00:07:45,076
- Oh, thank you.
- Schnell, schnell.
106
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,912
Oh, I'll get the door.
107
00:07:46,995 --> 00:07:48,914
Thank you very much.
108
00:07:51,875 --> 00:07:53,835
This is Uncle Harry's wedding gift?
109
00:07:54,085 --> 00:07:56,171
Yes, good old Uncle Harry.
110
00:07:57,714 --> 00:08:00,091
- Aren't you forgetting something?
- Uh?
111
00:08:00,216 --> 00:08:02,302
- The threshold.
- Ah.
112
00:08:14,481 --> 00:08:17,108
- Oh, isn't this lovely?
- Champagne.
113
00:08:17,233 --> 00:08:19,319
Oh, how nice.
114
00:08:22,322 --> 00:08:24,115
Ja. Gut.
115
00:08:24,324 --> 00:08:27,285
The bags are in the bedroom,
the first room on the left.
116
00:08:27,827 --> 00:08:32,332
Dinner is cooking,
champagne is cooling and...
117
00:08:32,499 --> 00:08:34,250
We are going.
118
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,920
- Bye.
- Thanks.
119
00:08:37,587 --> 00:08:39,297
Bye-bye.
120
00:08:43,635 --> 00:08:45,720
I thought they would never leave.
121
00:08:46,888 --> 00:08:49,432
The threshold, don't you think
that was a bit much?
122
00:08:49,557 --> 00:08:52,936
- Isn't that how it's done?
- Sure. In 1947.
123
00:08:55,271 --> 00:08:58,775
Watch out! Oh, you big klutz!
124
00:08:59,025 --> 00:09:00,944
I didn't do anything.
I was standing here.
125
00:09:01,194 --> 00:09:03,863
Do you have any idea
how much this dress cost?
126
00:09:04,072 --> 00:09:06,950
Hey, it was an accident.
I'm sorry.
127
00:09:07,158 --> 00:09:09,369
I should have known,
big body, little brain.
128
00:09:09,911 --> 00:09:12,288
This is not gonna be easy.
129
00:09:12,414 --> 00:09:14,374
Brilliant deduction.
130
00:09:14,457 --> 00:09:18,962
Look, don't you think that we could try
to be a little understanding,
131
00:09:19,045 --> 00:09:21,339
otherwise we'll be at each other's throat?
132
00:09:21,506 --> 00:09:24,426
- Don't you threaten me.
- That is not a threat.
133
00:09:24,548 --> 00:09:26,761
- Stop yelling!
- I'm not yelling!
134
00:09:26,845 --> 00:09:29,097
I'm speaking loudly!
You're yelling!
135
00:09:29,180 --> 00:09:31,725
Hey, will you two knock it off?
136
00:09:31,850 --> 00:09:34,185
This is a nice neighborhood.
137
00:09:34,436 --> 00:09:37,522
You two are beginning to sound
like you actually are married.
138
00:09:37,772 --> 00:09:39,816
I'd rather be dead.
139
00:09:52,454 --> 00:09:55,290
Primo stuff, 22 bucks a case.
140
00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:59,919
It smells like a poker game in here.
141
00:10:00,045 --> 00:10:02,255
Harry, you're getting ashes
all over the floor.
142
00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:03,840
Relax, it's a rental.
143
00:10:03,923 --> 00:10:06,801
I have to live here and I'd prefer
it didn't look like a frat house.
144
00:10:06,885 --> 00:10:09,512
Look, you and I decided
on this plan together.
145
00:10:09,596 --> 00:10:13,683
You decided, and for some reason,
which still escapes me, I accepted.
146
00:10:13,808 --> 00:10:15,643
For the company, honey.
147
00:10:15,769 --> 00:10:17,937
I married that bozo Bruce for love.
148
00:10:18,021 --> 00:10:20,190
This isn't going to work
any better than that.
149
00:10:20,273 --> 00:10:23,485
Au contraire.
Andy went for it, hook, line and sinker.
150
00:10:24,652 --> 00:10:28,031
And now, in the spirit of nepotism
that made this country great,
151
00:10:28,114 --> 00:10:31,659
I'm gonna make my new nephew-in-law
a vice president of the company,
152
00:10:31,743 --> 00:10:34,788
in charge of... plant operations.
153
00:10:35,455 --> 00:10:39,000
He can look into every nook and cranny
and nobody'll get suspicious.
154
00:10:39,167 --> 00:10:45,048
Right. If Andrew buys this... situation,
then it's a good cover.
155
00:10:45,465 --> 00:10:47,467
When do you think he'll make a move?
156
00:10:47,717 --> 00:10:49,302
If I knew that, I wouldn't need you.
157
00:10:51,805 --> 00:10:55,809
Once I discovered the losses,
I analyzed our records for nearly a year.
158
00:10:55,892 --> 00:10:58,436
There's been a loss every month,
except this one.
159
00:10:58,645 --> 00:11:02,148
I've got almost $8 million worth
of computers in that warehouse
160
00:11:02,232 --> 00:11:03,900
and Andy's gonna go for it
161
00:11:03,983 --> 00:11:08,530
and when he does, I'm gonna catch
that snake with his hand in the cookie jar.
162
00:11:08,738 --> 00:11:10,198
If he does it.
163
00:11:11,066 --> 00:11:12,867
You start tomorrow.
164
00:11:13,284 --> 00:11:15,578
Snoop around the company.
Use your private eye contacts.
165
00:11:15,662 --> 00:11:17,413
- Private investigator.
- Who cares?
166
00:11:17,497 --> 00:11:19,499
Just find out where he's
gonna fence that stuff
167
00:11:19,624 --> 00:11:21,459
and, more importantly, when.
168
00:11:21,584 --> 00:11:23,795
Now, listen, you two.
Andy is no dummy.
169
00:11:23,878 --> 00:11:28,550
He'll keep his eyes on you, so I want you
to be happily married 24 hours a day.
170
00:11:28,758 --> 00:11:30,510
That shouldn't be too hard.
171
00:11:31,136 --> 00:11:34,597
- Speak for yourself.
- Marsha, put a lid on it.
172
00:11:37,517 --> 00:11:41,479
I'm beat.
Which bedroom do you want?
173
00:11:41,688 --> 00:11:44,357
There's only one bedroom, mine.
174
00:11:44,482 --> 00:11:46,818
Wait. Where am I supposed to sleep?
175
00:11:46,943 --> 00:11:49,362
Anywhere you like
except the bedroom or bathroom.
176
00:11:49,445 --> 00:11:54,242
Hey, look, maybe we both ought to decide
who's going to sleep where,
177
00:11:54,367 --> 00:11:56,995
draw up a schedule, take turns.
178
00:11:57,078 --> 00:12:00,373
Sort of domestic democracy,
that's fair, right?
179
00:12:46,836 --> 00:12:48,338
Good morning.
180
00:12:54,552 --> 00:12:56,095
You need a shave.
181
00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:59,641
I also need a sink.
182
00:12:59,891 --> 00:13:02,185
I think I saw one in the kitchen.
183
00:13:25,875 --> 00:13:27,460
Fascinating.
184
00:13:30,922 --> 00:13:32,924
Is it a masculine morning ritual?
185
00:13:33,174 --> 00:13:35,671
It's called shaving in the sink
with a toaster for a mirror.
186
00:13:35,734 --> 00:13:36,945
You oughta try it.
187
00:13:37,136 --> 00:13:39,138
What on earth for?
188
00:13:40,431 --> 00:13:43,393
Look, you've cut yourself, clumsy.
189
00:13:43,768 --> 00:13:45,853
I'm lucky I didn't
slit my throat.
190
00:13:46,271 --> 00:13:47,981
We're due at the club
at nine for breakfast.
191
00:13:48,106 --> 00:13:51,442
The office at ten. Dress.
I want to leave in 15 minutes.
192
00:13:51,567 --> 00:13:53,486
Don't you ever say please?
193
00:14:06,766 --> 00:14:08,126
Would you hurry up?
194
00:14:08,376 --> 00:14:10,670
Could be worse.
We could really be married.
195
00:14:10,753 --> 00:14:12,338
We're not.
196
00:14:12,797 --> 00:14:17,051
You know, I sort of got the idea
that you've got a thing about marriage.
197
00:14:17,135 --> 00:14:20,555
The only problem I have with marriage
is the man who comes with the deal.
198
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,015
Oh.
199
00:14:22,348 --> 00:14:25,310
I grew up in a family full of men.
200
00:14:25,727 --> 00:14:28,813
I washed them,
I fed them and I dressed them.
201
00:14:29,063 --> 00:14:32,400
I escaped by marrying a man
who was supposedly full grown.
202
00:14:32,483 --> 00:14:33,943
Bruce the bozo.
203
00:14:34,068 --> 00:14:37,030
I ended up washing,
feeding and dressing him too.
204
00:14:37,155 --> 00:14:39,032
Let me do that.
205
00:14:40,992 --> 00:14:44,120
Now I work almost entirely with men.
206
00:14:44,245 --> 00:14:46,956
Most of them act like they're about four.
207
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:50,585
If I'm not careful, they'll have me
taking care of them too.
208
00:14:51,377 --> 00:14:54,505
So I decided there's only one person
I'm going to take care of.
209
00:14:54,589 --> 00:14:56,841
- Let me guess, you.
- Me.
210
00:14:59,844 --> 00:15:03,431
Now, amazing what a shower
and a shave will do for a man.
211
00:15:03,681 --> 00:15:06,267
A cold shower.
We ran out of hot water.
212
00:15:07,060 --> 00:15:09,312
We are late, Mr. Magnum.
213
00:15:09,395 --> 00:15:12,774
Come on. As long as
we're pretending to be married,
214
00:15:12,857 --> 00:15:15,485
don't you think we ought to
be on a first-name basis?
215
00:15:15,568 --> 00:15:19,572
Maybe we can call each other
sweetheart or honey once in a while.
216
00:15:28,790 --> 00:15:30,875
Rico, whoa.
217
00:15:31,084 --> 00:15:32,293
Rico!
218
00:15:32,418 --> 00:15:36,130
Cool it with the buzz saw, will you?
No more blended drinks.
219
00:15:38,674 --> 00:15:41,761
There's something immoral
about gin fizzes at nine in the morning.
220
00:15:41,928 --> 00:15:43,513
This is an outrage.
221
00:15:43,596 --> 00:15:46,391
No, Higgins. If you
were inside my head...
222
00:15:46,516 --> 00:15:49,685
What an extraordinarily
depressing thought.
223
00:15:49,894 --> 00:15:52,355
- What's the problem?
- Problems, plural.
224
00:15:52,563 --> 00:15:56,225
First there's a car parked
in my space, a Jaguar, gold.
225
00:15:56,818 --> 00:15:57,944
Second,
226
00:15:58,152 --> 00:16:01,572
the Ornithological Society's monthly
breakfast is scheduled for this morning...
227
00:16:02,615 --> 00:16:04,700
in the rainbow room.
228
00:16:04,951 --> 00:16:07,578
Another group
has forced its way into the room.
229
00:16:09,622 --> 00:16:12,125
Stop bobbing your head
like a car ornament
230
00:16:12,250 --> 00:16:14,585
and tell me who's responsible for this.
231
00:16:14,794 --> 00:16:16,295
Hi, Rick.
Hi, Higgins.
232
00:16:16,379 --> 00:16:18,089
Could you send someone
to the rainbow room?
233
00:16:18,214 --> 00:16:20,925
- We're ready to order.
- Order, in the rainbow room?
234
00:16:21,134 --> 00:16:24,178
What the hell do you think you're doing?
You're not a member.
235
00:16:24,387 --> 00:16:26,639
That's right, but my wife is.
236
00:16:27,473 --> 00:16:30,268
So's my uncle-in-law,
my brother-in-law
237
00:16:30,476 --> 00:16:32,186
and my grandmother-in-law.
238
00:16:32,478 --> 00:16:36,232
So, until I'm a full-fledged member,
you can put it on their accounts. Ta.
239
00:16:41,571 --> 00:16:43,030
I don't believe it.
240
00:16:43,281 --> 00:16:45,658
Sit down and button your trap,
Andrew.
241
00:16:45,867 --> 00:16:48,953
I will not, Grandmother.
Somebody has to put his foot down.
242
00:16:49,036 --> 00:16:50,496
His foot?
243
00:16:50,663 --> 00:16:53,082
That is just a figure of speech,
Marsha.
244
00:16:53,166 --> 00:16:55,751
Don't start playing sexual politics, okay?
245
00:16:55,835 --> 00:16:58,921
Andrew, I forbid you to use that word
in the presence of ladies.
246
00:16:59,630 --> 00:17:01,132
Or a gentleman.
247
00:17:01,340 --> 00:17:06,762
Gentleman? Oh, oh, oh. I have done
some checking up on this gentleman.
248
00:17:06,888 --> 00:17:08,764
Andrew, he is my husband.
249
00:17:08,890 --> 00:17:10,933
That's hardly a
stellar recommendation.
250
00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:14,562
That's just like you, Andrew.
You always were a little sneak.
251
00:17:14,721 --> 00:17:17,110
Now, now, Andy's
got a perfect right...
252
00:17:17,301 --> 00:17:18,886
It's Andrew, Uncle Harry.
253
00:17:19,025 --> 00:17:22,195
- And don't patronize me.
- Shut up, boys.
254
00:17:22,361 --> 00:17:24,572
The men in this family
are such whiners.
255
00:17:24,822 --> 00:17:25,531
Mother...
256
00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:27,742
New blood's the answer.
257
00:17:27,825 --> 00:17:29,327
Fresh genes.
258
00:17:29,535 --> 00:17:31,621
Andrew, you are being petty.
259
00:17:31,829 --> 00:17:34,999
I'm being responsible
to this business and this family.
260
00:17:35,124 --> 00:17:39,587
Mr. Magnum doesn't seem to know anything
about business or responsibility.
261
00:17:39,754 --> 00:17:44,050
I'm sure he's a fast learner.
Aren't you a fast learner, Timothy?
262
00:17:44,175 --> 00:17:48,179
- It's Thomas, Grandmother.
- Thomas? Thomas who?
263
00:17:48,387 --> 00:17:50,264
Thomas Magnum,
264
00:17:50,515 --> 00:17:54,060
whose naval career was destroyed
when he resigned his commission,
265
00:17:54,268 --> 00:17:56,812
who has drifted
ever since he arrived in the islands
266
00:17:56,896 --> 00:18:00,441
and done nothing except
live off the largesse of Robin Masters
267
00:18:00,525 --> 00:18:03,319
and who plays at being
a second-rate private eye.
268
00:18:03,402 --> 00:18:04,529
Private investigator.
269
00:18:04,737 --> 00:18:07,865
Basically, a guy who likes a fast buck
and a quick thrill.
270
00:18:08,115 --> 00:18:12,119
But you always did prefer your men
like your cologne, cheap and splashy.
271
00:18:12,328 --> 00:18:13,913
- Andrew!
- Pig!
272
00:18:15,039 --> 00:18:16,040
Idiot.
273
00:18:16,165 --> 00:18:19,168
Now, shut up, the
both of you. Sit down.
274
00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:23,297
Sorry, Tom, they're like oil and water,
always were, always will be.
275
00:18:23,506 --> 00:18:28,302
Uncle Harry, you cannot allow this
beach bum to become a vice president.
276
00:18:28,511 --> 00:18:30,346
- Beach bum?
- Andrew!
277
00:18:30,539 --> 00:18:32,265
Timothy's a
member of the family.
278
00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:34,809
He's not a member of my family.
279
00:18:34,976 --> 00:18:36,978
I wouldn't let him be
a janitor at MacKenzie,
280
00:18:37,061 --> 00:18:39,855
much less a vice president.
281
00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:58,207
- Mr. Magnum?
- Huh?
282
00:18:58,291 --> 00:19:03,004
You're already here.
I'm Miss Lodato, your secretary.
283
00:19:03,129 --> 00:19:04,672
Hi.
284
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,549
You took me by surprise.
285
00:19:07,133 --> 00:19:11,012
Oh, I'm sorry.
This is all kind of new to me.
286
00:19:11,137 --> 00:19:14,140
That's what I'm here for,
to show you the ropes.
287
00:19:15,933 --> 00:19:22,064
And anything you want or need,
you just give me a little buzz.
288
00:19:22,648 --> 00:19:25,276
- Well, thanks, Miss...?
- Lodato.
289
00:19:25,776 --> 00:19:28,696
But I prefer to be
called Mary Jane.
290
00:19:29,113 --> 00:19:30,489
Thank you.
291
00:19:31,991 --> 00:19:33,492
Thank you.
292
00:19:33,951 --> 00:19:36,370
Thank you, Miss Lodato.
293
00:19:43,294 --> 00:19:47,340
I see you've met Mary Jane.
She's cute, isn't she?
294
00:19:47,506 --> 00:19:50,301
Look but don't touch.
Company policy.
295
00:19:50,384 --> 00:19:52,678
Besides, you are married,
remember that?
296
00:19:52,803 --> 00:19:54,972
It's always on my mind.
297
00:19:55,806 --> 00:19:58,809
As soon as you're settled in,
start checking around.
298
00:19:58,893 --> 00:20:01,646
The sooner we can finish
with this charade, the better.
299
00:20:01,729 --> 00:20:03,022
You got it, boss.
300
00:20:03,147 --> 00:20:05,024
No. 8 is where the inventory is stored.
301
00:20:05,107 --> 00:20:07,151
Check the security system there first.
302
00:20:07,276 --> 00:20:09,320
- Right.
- And be careful.
303
00:20:09,403 --> 00:20:12,406
After this morning,
Andrew is bound to be suspicious.
304
00:20:12,531 --> 00:20:15,076
Oh, you do care.
305
00:20:17,953 --> 00:20:21,082
When I write my book on
how to be an ace private investigator,
306
00:20:21,207 --> 00:20:24,001
one of the first chapters
will be on family squabbles.
307
00:20:24,210 --> 00:20:25,961
There's a thousand variations
308
00:20:26,045 --> 00:20:28,464
but the MacKenzies
were a classic combination
309
00:20:28,547 --> 00:20:32,510
of money, power and sibling rivalry.
A pretty potent mix.
310
00:20:33,094 --> 00:20:37,098
The nice thing about cases like these,
though, was how easily they unraveled
311
00:20:37,181 --> 00:20:39,266
once you find the right thread to pull.
312
00:20:39,392 --> 00:20:40,976
Nine times out of ten,
313
00:20:41,060 --> 00:20:43,854
everything boiled down
to ruffled feathers and hot air.
314
00:20:43,938 --> 00:20:45,731
That's why Uncle Harry's hot air
315
00:20:45,815 --> 00:20:48,693
and Andrew's ruffled feathers
didn't concern me too much.
316
00:20:48,818 --> 00:20:52,947
With a little luck, I figured I'd have
everyone kissing, making up
317
00:20:53,030 --> 00:20:55,866
and maybe even living happily ever after.
318
00:21:45,374 --> 00:21:47,668
There, there, Mr. Magnum.
319
00:21:48,711 --> 00:21:51,130
Now, don't move.
320
00:21:51,275 --> 00:21:52,506
That's right.
321
00:21:53,841 --> 00:21:55,885
Just relax.
322
00:21:59,805 --> 00:22:04,018
No... You mustn't do that.
323
00:22:08,189 --> 00:22:10,357
Such a big bump.
324
00:22:10,941 --> 00:22:13,319
The pillow should be under his feet.
325
00:22:13,569 --> 00:22:15,946
His head needs more blood
than his big toe.
326
00:22:17,656 --> 00:22:19,408
Excuse me.
327
00:22:23,496 --> 00:22:26,999
Congratulations. In just three hours,
you have ruined everything.
328
00:22:27,124 --> 00:22:30,127
- Ruined everything?
- If you weren't so obvious about it...
329
00:22:30,211 --> 00:22:34,173
- Obvious? Wait a minute...
- You've blown our cover because of it.
330
00:22:34,256 --> 00:22:38,219
Fine. If that's the case,
then we can stop playing house,
331
00:22:38,302 --> 00:22:40,429
I can go back to being a private detective,
332
00:22:40,638 --> 00:22:44,642
which is exactly what I should
have been in the first place.
333
00:22:46,327 --> 00:22:49,563
Let me see. Let me see.
334
00:22:53,567 --> 00:22:57,530
If you're going to keep shouting,
this is gonna get worse, so lie down.
335
00:22:57,905 --> 00:22:59,657
Lie down.
336
00:23:05,246 --> 00:23:07,248
I didn't realize.
337
00:23:09,291 --> 00:23:11,085
Is that better?
338
00:23:14,755 --> 00:23:19,009
Well, at least this bump tells us
we're on the right track, doesn't it?
339
00:23:21,762 --> 00:23:26,475
And you're wrong.
Our cover isn't exactly blown.
340
00:23:26,851 --> 00:23:29,353
I'm wrong?
I didn't say that. You said that.
341
00:23:29,436 --> 00:23:32,481
I think it's even more important now
that we protect it,
342
00:23:32,565 --> 00:23:36,735
so that you can continue
with this investigation.
343
00:23:38,737 --> 00:23:40,114
What's wrong?
344
00:23:41,365 --> 00:23:44,368
Nothing. I was wondering
what you were planning on doing.
345
00:23:44,493 --> 00:23:47,288
- Besides just lying here.
- I'm not just lying here.
346
00:23:47,413 --> 00:23:50,082
A good private investigator's
always doing something.
347
00:23:50,165 --> 00:23:51,792
Such as?
348
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,339
Yes?
349
00:23:58,173 --> 00:24:00,259
- It's Rick.
- Ah.
350
00:24:00,342 --> 00:24:04,096
See? Always doing something.
351
00:24:04,179 --> 00:24:06,056
Yeah, Rick.
352
00:24:06,140 --> 00:24:08,517
Great. What have you got?
353
00:24:09,894 --> 00:24:12,980
Good. Listen, can you and T.C.
come over tonight about seven?
354
00:24:13,105 --> 00:24:16,692
Yeah, bring some beer
and some chips. Okay.
355
00:24:18,986 --> 00:24:22,865
- They're coming to our house tonight?
- Rick's got something for us.
356
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,910
Well, I think you could
have asked me first.
357
00:24:26,827 --> 00:24:29,038
You know,
Uncle Harry ought to be there too...
358
00:24:29,121 --> 00:24:31,790
Checked with you first?
What about?
359
00:24:33,709 --> 00:24:35,002
What's wrong now?
360
00:24:35,377 --> 00:24:37,880
Nothing. Nothing.
361
00:24:37,963 --> 00:24:41,342
I just hope we have enough for five.
362
00:24:45,095 --> 00:24:46,680
Enough what?
363
00:24:49,516 --> 00:24:51,060
Here you are.
364
00:24:52,102 --> 00:24:56,607
Now, this isn't exactly French
but there is some white wine in it...
365
00:24:57,316 --> 00:24:59,109
somewhere.
366
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,616
Now, don't be polite.
Go ahead and eat.
367
00:25:26,679 --> 00:25:31,809
Um, I hate to mix
business with pleasure
368
00:25:32,017 --> 00:25:33,852
but Tom tells me you
came up with something.
369
00:25:34,103 --> 00:25:36,313
Yeah, there's this guy Ice Pick,
370
00:25:36,438 --> 00:25:38,440
tells me that someone's
been looking for a buyer
371
00:25:38,524 --> 00:25:40,651
with big bucks to handle a computer deal.
372
00:25:40,859 --> 00:25:42,903
That's got to be our stuff.
I'll bet my life.
373
00:25:43,070 --> 00:25:46,240
That's a good bet. I kept digging.
I came up with a name.
374
00:25:46,949 --> 00:25:47,866
Mm.
375
00:25:48,117 --> 00:25:50,953
- Andy MacKenzie.
- I knew it.
376
00:25:51,286 --> 00:25:53,163
- Any buyers?
- Not yet.
377
00:25:53,372 --> 00:25:54,832
Then we'll provide one.
378
00:25:54,915 --> 00:25:57,292
Do you think Ice Pick
can set up a buy with Andy
379
00:25:57,376 --> 00:25:59,253
and a rich criminal from the mainland?
380
00:25:59,420 --> 00:26:01,505
Yeah, he could set it up for a price.
381
00:26:01,714 --> 00:26:04,967
That's it. There's our sting.
We'll set up the fake buy.
382
00:26:05,050 --> 00:26:07,511
Get Andy to tip his hand
and we catch him in the act.
383
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:09,638
- Could work.
- It's got to work.
384
00:26:09,888 --> 00:26:12,099
That's the only way
I'm gonna get that sneaky twerp.
385
00:26:12,516 --> 00:26:18,647
Of course, we need one or two persons
who could pose as the buyers.
386
00:26:18,897 --> 00:26:22,693
Wait a minute, before you even consider
a bad idea, you can count us out.
387
00:26:22,901 --> 00:26:25,404
Hey, come on! I never
even mentioned you guys.
388
00:26:25,487 --> 00:26:26,864
Of course it's not a bad idea.
389
00:26:27,114 --> 00:26:29,074
It's worse than bad. It's terrible.
390
00:26:29,550 --> 00:26:31,076
Nothing personal
391
00:26:31,285 --> 00:26:33,620
but we've been down the road
too many times before with Thomas.
392
00:26:33,954 --> 00:26:38,083
So I thank you for the dinner
but we've got to go.
393
00:26:38,292 --> 00:26:41,003
Suppose I told you I'd pay you
1,000 big ones for the job?
394
00:26:42,838 --> 00:26:44,757
1,000 apiece that is.
395
00:26:49,386 --> 00:26:51,680
500 in front and
500 when the job's finished.
396
00:26:58,395 --> 00:27:01,023
Now, if that's all settled...
397
00:27:01,857 --> 00:27:03,525
how about some more casserole?
398
00:27:18,432 --> 00:27:19,750
Hi.
399
00:27:21,168 --> 00:27:24,671
It's the original Gunga Din,
just started. Grab a seat.
400
00:27:30,719 --> 00:27:32,554
I can barely hear it.
401
00:27:34,473 --> 00:27:37,559
That way I won't hear it at all,
which is the idea.
402
00:27:37,684 --> 00:27:39,186
Bad idea.
403
00:27:39,603 --> 00:27:41,563
I want to go to sleep.
404
00:27:41,688 --> 00:27:43,565
So go to sleep.
405
00:27:44,108 --> 00:27:46,026
I plan to.
406
00:27:46,151 --> 00:27:48,112
- Wait a minute. Give me that.
- No.
407
00:27:48,195 --> 00:27:50,239
I need to sleep.
408
00:27:59,581 --> 00:28:01,875
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
409
00:28:02,668 --> 00:28:04,461
You kissed me.
410
00:28:05,045 --> 00:28:08,423
I... kissed you?
Oh! That's typically male.
411
00:28:08,507 --> 00:28:10,008
Why would I want to kiss you?
412
00:28:10,342 --> 00:28:13,512
I don't know
but it's nothing to get upset about.
413
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:15,806
I'm... not upset.
414
00:28:16,056 --> 00:28:17,599
Me either.
415
00:28:17,773 --> 00:28:22,062
As a matter of fact,
I kind of enjoyed it.
416
00:28:22,146 --> 00:28:24,231
Typically male, I guess.
417
00:28:50,757 --> 00:28:52,593
It's all set for dawn.
418
00:28:52,926 --> 00:28:55,012
Rick and T.C. are gonna
drive up in the truck.
419
00:28:55,095 --> 00:28:59,391
Andrew apparently has
someone on the gate to let them in.
420
00:29:02,603 --> 00:29:04,313
You couldn't hit
the broad side of a barn.
421
00:29:04,396 --> 00:29:06,315
That's 300 you owe me.
422
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:08,734
Now you putt first this time.
423
00:29:09,067 --> 00:29:11,069
I'll be in the back of the truck.
424
00:29:11,153 --> 00:29:13,697
I'll squash Andy
like a bug on a windshield.
425
00:29:13,947 --> 00:29:15,866
What am I supposed to be doing,
my nails?
426
00:29:16,074 --> 00:29:17,284
You stay out of this.
427
00:29:17,367 --> 00:29:19,119
After what Andy's done,
we can't be too careful.
428
00:29:19,912 --> 00:29:22,706
I don't care. I'm vice president
of this company.
429
00:29:22,831 --> 00:29:23,999
I'm going with you.
430
00:29:24,208 --> 00:29:25,626
No, you're not.
431
00:29:26,168 --> 00:29:27,669
It could be dangerous.
432
00:29:33,842 --> 00:29:37,262
And you're both immune
because you're men, right?
433
00:29:37,596 --> 00:29:39,765
You stop speeding bullets
with your bare hands
434
00:29:39,848 --> 00:29:42,684
and leap tall buildings
with a single bound, that sort of thing?
435
00:29:42,893 --> 00:29:45,520
You're beginning
to sound like your grandmother.
436
00:29:45,771 --> 00:29:47,940
That's fine with me.
437
00:29:51,568 --> 00:29:55,989
Being married to her would give
a whole new meaning to the word divorce.
438
00:30:01,662 --> 00:30:05,582
That's 400 you owe me.
I got to go lie to a banker.
439
00:30:05,650 --> 00:30:08,653
I'll talk to accounting
about deducting 400 from your salary.
440
00:30:08,752 --> 00:30:10,254
Swell...
441
00:30:25,811 --> 00:30:28,188
Someone once said
you are what you eat.
442
00:30:29,481 --> 00:30:32,901
Now, that's true but I also figure
you are where you live too.
443
00:30:32,985 --> 00:30:35,696
There's a lot to the old adage,
"Home, sweet home."
444
00:30:35,862 --> 00:30:38,699
It's comfortable, familiar, secure,
445
00:30:38,782 --> 00:30:42,119
sort of like a good pair of shoes
that really fit.
446
00:30:42,244 --> 00:30:44,288
That's why a couple days
in the love nest
447
00:30:44,371 --> 00:30:46,123
started driving me up the walls.
448
00:30:46,206 --> 00:30:47,708
It just wasn't me.
449
00:30:47,791 --> 00:30:51,003
So I figured I'd sneak off
and have a couple of hours to myself,
450
00:30:51,128 --> 00:30:54,089
a little domestic R&R,
totally alone.
451
00:30:54,214 --> 00:30:55,924
Touchdown, Southern Call.
452
00:30:56,008 --> 00:30:57,718
Except for the SC-Notre Dame game.
453
00:31:00,429 --> 00:31:03,015
Higgins, look,
I didn't mean to bother you.
454
00:31:03,098 --> 00:31:05,392
Look, I can explain everything.
455
00:31:05,517 --> 00:31:09,563
It's not Mr. Higgins but don't let that
keep you from explaining.
456
00:31:09,813 --> 00:31:12,149
What are you doing here?
How did you get in?
457
00:31:12,399 --> 00:31:16,611
Well, since you took our car,
I took a cab.
458
00:31:17,362 --> 00:31:20,032
And after calling Rick and T.C.
459
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:23,118
and every disreputable
gin mill in Honolulu,
460
00:31:23,243 --> 00:31:25,412
that left... this.
461
00:31:25,620 --> 00:31:28,874
Then I simply told Mr. Higgins
I was looking for my husband.
462
00:31:28,957 --> 00:31:30,709
You woke him up?
463
00:31:30,792 --> 00:31:33,003
Wait a minute.
I am not your husband.
464
00:31:33,587 --> 00:31:36,256
He was absolutely livid
that you had broken in here
465
00:31:36,340 --> 00:31:38,800
but we both decided
I should take care of the matter.
466
00:31:39,176 --> 00:31:41,261
How could you do this?
467
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:42,506
Do what?
468
00:31:42,721 --> 00:31:45,724
How could you be so
incredibly insensitive?
469
00:31:45,932 --> 00:31:49,186
I mean, I wake up in the middle
of the night and you're gone.
470
00:31:49,436 --> 00:31:53,357
There's no note,
no phone call, just an empty house.
471
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:57,694
I couldn't sleep and there was a
replay of the football game on cable, so...
472
00:31:57,903 --> 00:32:00,572
So? So... you just walked out?
473
00:32:00,822 --> 00:32:02,949
You make it sound like I abandoned you.
474
00:32:03,033 --> 00:32:04,743
Well, what do you call it?
475
00:32:04,868 --> 00:32:06,495
I don't call it anything.
476
00:32:07,371 --> 00:32:12,417
No, of course not. And you can just
come and go whenever you please.
477
00:32:12,501 --> 00:32:18,173
Marsha, look, you can come and go
whenever you please too.
478
00:32:18,298 --> 00:32:21,343
Day or night, around the clock,
I don't care.
479
00:32:23,595 --> 00:32:27,391
Well, I mean I do care,
sort of, in the right way.
480
00:32:28,183 --> 00:32:30,435
I mean, we're in this together.
481
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:32,396
Yes and it's not over yet.
482
00:32:32,687 --> 00:32:37,150
In case you've forgotten,
you work for me, us, 24 hours a day.
483
00:32:37,442 --> 00:32:40,862
And since we are meeting
Rick and T.C. in just a few hours,
484
00:32:40,987 --> 00:32:42,572
I suggest we get some rest.
485
00:32:42,823 --> 00:32:44,491
You're not actually gonna eat that?
486
00:32:46,034 --> 00:32:48,453
Well, yeah, actually, I was.
487
00:32:48,578 --> 00:32:50,664
Rancid, decaying animal flesh
488
00:32:50,872 --> 00:32:53,542
with harmful chemicals
and additives, that's terrible.
489
00:32:54,084 --> 00:32:55,544
Awful.
490
00:32:59,047 --> 00:33:01,216
I'll fix you something good
when we get home.
491
00:33:04,010 --> 00:33:06,179
Eggs Romanoff,
that's what I'll make.
492
00:33:06,304 --> 00:33:09,516
That's got caviar
and capers and green onions.
493
00:33:09,599 --> 00:33:13,437
Or maybe that's red onions.
I don't know, whatever.
494
00:33:13,562 --> 00:33:17,524
I've never made it before
but the recipe sounds really good...
495
00:33:22,010 --> 00:33:25,013
This is the last time
you pick a disguise for me.
496
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:26,783
But it is perfect, Orville.
497
00:33:26,867 --> 00:33:29,293
I am representing oil money
from the Sheik of Yahoo
498
00:33:29,411 --> 00:33:30,704
and you're his son.
499
00:33:30,787 --> 00:33:33,582
If I'm the son of a sheik,
how come I'm driving a truck?
500
00:33:33,707 --> 00:33:36,585
If anybody asks, blame OPEC.
501
00:33:39,421 --> 00:33:42,132
Tom, it's Rick.
How's it going back there?
502
00:33:42,591 --> 00:33:45,886
I'm bouncing off the walls, Rick.
Can you take it easy?
503
00:33:49,014 --> 00:33:50,223
How's Marsha?
504
00:33:53,894 --> 00:33:56,021
Having the time of her life.
505
00:33:58,732 --> 00:34:01,359
All right, we'll be there in five minutes.
506
00:34:03,069 --> 00:34:05,405
Look, why don't you sit down?
507
00:34:05,530 --> 00:34:07,616
You're not going to get dirty.
508
00:34:08,658 --> 00:34:10,619
No, I'll stand up.
509
00:34:25,383 --> 00:34:27,302
I think we're here.
510
00:34:29,012 --> 00:34:31,556
Thomas, we're here.
We don't see nothing.
511
00:34:32,224 --> 00:34:36,186
He's probably inside, Rick.
You go ahead, we'll follow.
512
00:34:36,353 --> 00:34:37,938
You all right?
513
00:34:38,021 --> 00:34:41,441
Yes, I'm all right.
I'm all right.
514
00:34:50,867 --> 00:34:53,161
- Rick! Rick!
- What?
515
00:34:53,340 --> 00:34:55,914
Better come down here.
Something's wrong.
516
00:35:04,464 --> 00:35:07,050
- It's empty.
- It sure as hell is.
517
00:35:12,347 --> 00:35:15,141
We've been hoping you guys
would show up for the rest.
518
00:35:15,392 --> 00:35:18,061
- The rest?
- Wait. There's some mistake.
519
00:35:18,270 --> 00:35:22,440
Sure as hell been a mistake,
buddy boy, and it's yours... and his.
520
00:35:25,151 --> 00:35:28,154
I knew it. I knew something like this
was gonna happen.
521
00:35:28,238 --> 00:35:29,823
What are you doing here?
522
00:35:30,031 --> 00:35:31,783
I was about to ask
you the same thing.
523
00:35:31,992 --> 00:35:33,785
Uncle Harry, what is going on?
524
00:35:34,327 --> 00:35:37,789
It looks like you and your new hubby
are up the proverbial creek,
525
00:35:37,872 --> 00:35:38,999
without a paddle.
526
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:41,668
Take 'em away, boys.
527
00:35:46,298 --> 00:35:48,675
You really did it this time, Thomas.
528
00:35:48,883 --> 00:35:51,261
I told you, if you'd just let me explain.
529
00:35:51,344 --> 00:35:53,263
- Don't explain.
- Forget it, Thomas.
530
00:35:53,346 --> 00:35:55,432
It looks worse than it is.
531
00:35:55,515 --> 00:35:57,434
How could it look any worse?
532
00:35:57,559 --> 00:36:01,021
We're in jail looking at two to ten
for grand theft.
533
00:36:01,104 --> 00:36:02,981
I told you getting married
was a big mistake.
534
00:36:03,106 --> 00:36:05,483
Ah! But that's the point, see?
535
00:36:05,692 --> 00:36:09,154
At least one of them, see?
I didn't actually get married.
536
00:36:09,237 --> 00:36:11,114
Well, I did but not really.
537
00:36:11,323 --> 00:36:14,576
Getting married is like getting pregnant,
you do or you don't.
538
00:36:14,784 --> 00:36:17,746
It's real simple, Rick,
if you'll just let me explain.
539
00:36:17,871 --> 00:36:20,999
Marsha discovered somebody
stealing from the company
540
00:36:21,098 --> 00:36:22,433
but she didn't know who.
541
00:36:22,626 --> 00:36:25,170
Now, Uncle Harry knew,
because he's the bad guy
542
00:36:25,420 --> 00:36:27,714
but he pointed the finger at Andrew
543
00:36:27,797 --> 00:36:30,258
and then he hired me
to come in and catch him
544
00:36:30,383 --> 00:36:33,428
but he set up this whole sting thing
545
00:36:33,511 --> 00:36:36,765
to make it look like I ripped off
the company. It's pretty clever, huh?
546
00:36:37,015 --> 00:36:39,934
And it almost worked too,
except that I figured it out
547
00:36:40,185 --> 00:36:43,772
and that's when Andrew, Marsha
and I came up with this idea
548
00:36:43,855 --> 00:36:46,441
about a sting on a sting,
549
00:36:46,524 --> 00:36:50,028
which meant we had to let
Harry's sting seem to work,
550
00:36:50,153 --> 00:36:51,821
so that we could sting him.
551
00:36:54,699 --> 00:36:56,576
And it worked.
552
00:36:56,826 --> 00:36:58,620
What worked?
553
00:36:58,953 --> 00:37:03,041
In case you haven't noticed, genius,
we're the ones that are in jail.
554
00:37:03,124 --> 00:37:06,753
The only thing we have done wrong
is be dumb enough to listen to you.
555
00:37:07,003 --> 00:37:09,756
Relax, guys, we're gonna
get out of here real soon.
556
00:37:10,006 --> 00:37:14,260
Yeah... well, real soon
better come real quick.
557
00:37:14,386 --> 00:37:20,600
Don't tell me. It's the city jail thespians
doing a scene from Riot In Cell Block 11.
558
00:37:20,892 --> 00:37:23,895
The final resting place
after a sordid life of crime.
559
00:37:24,020 --> 00:37:25,689
Higgins, there's been a mistake.
560
00:37:25,772 --> 00:37:28,066
His. You got to get us out of here.
561
00:37:28,274 --> 00:37:31,361
That's easier said than done.
Bail has been denied.
562
00:37:31,569 --> 00:37:34,322
- Denied?
- Relax, guys.
563
00:37:34,531 --> 00:37:38,159
He's not in on the plan.
Andrew explained everything to the DA.
564
00:37:38,368 --> 00:37:40,161
We're gonna be here forever.
565
00:37:40,370 --> 00:37:42,330
They're probably letting
Marsha out right now.
566
00:37:42,414 --> 00:37:45,333
Trust me.
It's all part of the plan.
567
00:37:45,542 --> 00:37:47,252
We had to give Uncle Harry some time.
568
00:37:47,502 --> 00:37:49,254
- To do what?
- To get away.
569
00:37:49,504 --> 00:37:51,116
Or think
that he was getting away.
570
00:37:51,297 --> 00:37:53,717
How extraordinarily bizarre, Magnum.
571
00:37:53,967 --> 00:37:56,886
You cannot walk into
the middle of something like this
572
00:37:56,970 --> 00:37:59,472
and expect to understand it.
If you let me explain.
573
00:37:59,681 --> 00:38:00,974
Shut up!
574
00:38:01,182 --> 00:38:03,435
Thomas, we got here
as quickly as we could.
575
00:38:03,852 --> 00:38:06,604
No problem, we're right on schedule.
How'd it go?
576
00:38:06,813 --> 00:38:08,231
He didn't suspect a thing.
577
00:38:08,314 --> 00:38:10,734
They had the truck out an
hour before you got there.
578
00:38:10,817 --> 00:38:13,027
We followed him to pier 40.
579
00:38:13,236 --> 00:38:15,739
- Thomas, what is going on?
- I'll explain on the way.
580
00:38:15,822 --> 00:38:17,907
Explain on the way?
Forget it.
581
00:38:18,003 --> 00:38:20,088
We ain't going nowhere with you.
582
00:38:20,910 --> 00:38:23,496
Okay, if that's the way you feel.
583
00:38:26,958 --> 00:38:28,793
You see that?
He didn't know what to do.
584
00:38:28,877 --> 00:38:30,920
Of course, because he knew
he couldn't do a thing.
585
00:38:31,004 --> 00:38:32,714
Hey! Ha!
586
00:38:32,839 --> 00:38:36,092
Look here, man, I'm starving.
Let's go get some lunch.
587
00:38:36,176 --> 00:38:37,469
Good idea.
588
00:38:41,556 --> 00:38:44,350
It's locked. It's locked!
589
00:38:44,434 --> 00:38:46,603
- Guard!
- Hey! Yoo-hoo!
590
00:38:46,706 --> 00:38:48,041
Hey, guard, help!
591
00:38:48,271 --> 00:38:50,148
Hey, somebody come back here!
592
00:38:50,231 --> 00:38:52,233
Why did you pull it shut like this?
593
00:38:52,317 --> 00:38:53,943
It's locked like this.
594
00:38:56,345 --> 00:38:58,573
Hey, Higgie,
this door is locked.
595
00:38:58,656 --> 00:38:59,908
There's some mistake.
596
00:38:59,991 --> 00:39:01,743
Yeah, so go get
the jailer or something.
597
00:39:01,951 --> 00:39:04,871
I could be persuaded to do so.
598
00:39:05,079 --> 00:39:06,790
What do you mean "persuaded"?
599
00:39:06,873 --> 00:39:08,750
Higgins, you wouldn't.
600
00:39:09,292 --> 00:39:10,752
Oh, you couldn't.
601
00:39:11,002 --> 00:39:13,838
Use of your aerial services
Saturday and Sunday
602
00:39:13,963 --> 00:39:15,590
for a month including petrol.
603
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:17,717
A month! Man, that is robbery.
604
00:39:17,967 --> 00:39:19,969
40 hours of bookkeeping services.
605
00:39:20,220 --> 00:39:21,387
You've got to be kidding.
606
00:39:21,471 --> 00:39:24,849
And the rainbow room belongs
to the Ornithological Society
607
00:39:24,933 --> 00:39:26,851
the last Thursday of every
month for the next year
608
00:39:26,935 --> 00:39:28,269
regardless of who wants it.
609
00:39:28,478 --> 00:39:30,355
Fat chance.
610
00:39:32,524 --> 00:39:36,402
That's the last straw.
He can do it to Magnum but not us.
611
00:39:39,322 --> 00:39:40,532
Okay!
612
00:39:42,283 --> 00:39:43,618
Done.
613
00:39:52,669 --> 00:39:55,630
- I'll check inside.
- And I'm supposed to wait here?
614
00:39:55,713 --> 00:39:59,092
Marsha, I am the professional.
I do this for a living.
615
00:39:59,175 --> 00:40:02,345
Big deal.
I'll go and you wait here.
616
00:40:03,179 --> 00:40:04,472
We'll all go.
617
00:40:04,597 --> 00:40:08,268
What is so complicated about
putting your head inside a trailer?
618
00:40:15,441 --> 00:40:19,571
Now... I know how this may look
but there's an explanation.
619
00:40:19,654 --> 00:40:21,781
There's been a serious mistake.
620
00:40:22,031 --> 00:40:23,283
There sure has been.
621
00:40:23,533 --> 00:40:25,952
At first we thought it was Andy...
Nothing personal, kid.
622
00:40:26,244 --> 00:40:30,373
When Andy didn't show up, the cops thought
Tom and Marsha were involved.
623
00:40:30,456 --> 00:40:33,334
I talked to those idiots
but they wouldn't listen.
624
00:40:33,459 --> 00:40:37,171
Shut up, Harry. We all know
precisely what happened.
625
00:40:37,589 --> 00:40:40,300
- You do?
- It was pretty nifty, Uncle Harry.
626
00:40:40,508 --> 00:40:43,595
Your only mistake was forgetting
your nephew's name is Andrew.
627
00:40:44,304 --> 00:40:46,681
And that's Andrew, Uncle Harry,
not Andy.
628
00:40:46,931 --> 00:40:48,516
You prefer Andrew?
629
00:40:49,183 --> 00:40:52,979
Hey, you've got it. Andrew MacKenzie,
got a great ring. I love it.
630
00:40:53,062 --> 00:40:55,732
Since you're the only family member
that calls him Andy,
631
00:40:55,815 --> 00:40:58,985
when Ice Pick said
Andy MacKenzie was looking for buyers,
632
00:40:59,193 --> 00:41:02,322
I knew you planted his name
and set up this cute sting.
633
00:41:02,572 --> 00:41:05,617
Why, that's ridiculous.
This is a family business.
634
00:41:05,742 --> 00:41:07,660
I'm the president.
I can do anything I want.
635
00:41:07,869 --> 00:41:10,121
You're president
because I've allowed you to be.
636
00:41:10,371 --> 00:41:13,249
My 51% of MacKenzie runs this business.
637
00:41:13,333 --> 00:41:15,627
And from this moment on, you're fired.
638
00:41:15,835 --> 00:41:18,838
The whole board's got
to sit down and discuss this.
639
00:41:18,922 --> 00:41:23,718
Well, since the whole board is right here,
we'll have a meeting right now.
640
00:41:23,968 --> 00:41:27,207
All those in favor of
booting this little worm
641
00:41:27,356 --> 00:41:29,137
out on his worthless tail,
say aye.
642
00:41:29,349 --> 00:41:30,350
Aye.
643
00:41:30,433 --> 00:41:31,726
Opposed?
644
00:41:32,685 --> 00:41:36,147
Unanimous.
Now, that takes care of family business.
645
00:41:36,397 --> 00:41:39,901
There's just one little thing,
the criminal charges.
646
00:41:40,151 --> 00:41:41,611
Such as fraud.
647
00:41:41,795 --> 00:41:43,464
- And theft.
- Attempted murder.
648
00:41:43,696 --> 00:41:45,073
What are you talking about?
649
00:41:45,156 --> 00:41:47,617
Those boxes missed you.
That was a warning.
650
00:41:47,867 --> 00:41:50,286
Tell it to the police.
They're on their way.
651
00:41:51,871 --> 00:41:56,834
Harry! Uncle Harry, stop!
Are you just going to stand there?
652
00:41:56,960 --> 00:42:00,296
- You said the police are on their way.
- What if they miss him?
653
00:42:02,215 --> 00:42:04,050
Grandmother, Andrew, in the car.
654
00:42:04,175 --> 00:42:08,554
Wait a minute. No. Wait. Stop.
You don't have to stop him.
655
00:42:08,638 --> 00:42:11,349
Let the police do that.
That's what they're paid for.
656
00:42:11,766 --> 00:42:14,519
Marsha, you've been watching
too many detective shows.
657
00:42:14,644 --> 00:42:17,230
- Are you coming?
- No, I'm not coming.
658
00:42:17,313 --> 00:42:20,483
Okay, wait. I'm coming.
659
00:42:20,608 --> 00:42:23,194
I don't know why I'm coming
but I'm coming.
660
00:42:43,256 --> 00:42:46,175
I haven't had such a
good ride in a long time.
661
00:42:46,509 --> 00:42:49,429
The forklift.
Look out for the forklift!
662
00:43:08,364 --> 00:43:09,657
Will you slow down?
663
00:43:15,788 --> 00:43:16,789
Ohh!
664
00:43:25,506 --> 00:43:29,177
Marsha, you're gonna kill us all.
You drive like you cook!
665
00:43:29,371 --> 00:43:30,470
Stop it, Andrew.
666
00:43:30,720 --> 00:43:35,016
The guy with the lights
and the siren, that's a cop.
667
00:43:39,687 --> 00:43:43,775
That's the police. The police.
Do you want me to spell it?
668
00:44:08,007 --> 00:44:12,345
Hi, guys.
I think I can explain everything.
669
00:44:24,899 --> 00:44:26,400
Tho...
670
00:44:45,962 --> 00:44:47,588
Thomas!
671
00:44:48,089 --> 00:44:49,507
Hi.
672
00:44:51,008 --> 00:44:52,468
You scared me.
673
00:44:52,593 --> 00:44:54,345
What happened to you?
674
00:44:54,720 --> 00:44:56,055
Whiplash.
675
00:44:57,140 --> 00:44:59,934
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
676
00:45:02,036 --> 00:45:04,147
I'm sorry. No, it's fine.
677
00:45:04,230 --> 00:45:06,899
Honest. I'm just kidding.
It's all better, see?
678
00:45:07,024 --> 00:45:08,776
Just gives me leverage
with Higgins.
679
00:45:08,985 --> 00:45:10,069
Are you sure?
680
00:45:10,319 --> 00:45:14,532
Yeah, it's all better.
I was just giving you a hard time.
681
00:45:15,700 --> 00:45:17,827
Well, I stopped by
682
00:45:17,910 --> 00:45:21,581
because I never got a chance
to thank you for everything you did.
683
00:45:22,999 --> 00:45:25,293
That's okay.
It's just part of the job.
684
00:45:26,419 --> 00:45:28,880
Also you left some things at the cottage.
685
00:45:29,172 --> 00:45:30,548
Oh, my shaving kit.
686
00:45:30,673 --> 00:45:32,675
You can't be without that, can you?
687
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:36,679
And... these are yours, aren't they?
688
00:45:38,681 --> 00:45:40,725
Wouldn't get married without 'em.
689
00:45:43,019 --> 00:45:47,732
Well, I guess I made
a pretty rotten wife, huh?
690
00:45:47,899 --> 00:45:53,070
Well, I didn't make such a hot husband.
691
00:45:55,489 --> 00:45:59,827
I guess this relationship stuff
takes a lot of practice.
692
00:46:00,703 --> 00:46:05,208
It's like golf for me. No matter how much
I practice, I never seem to break 100.
693
00:46:05,666 --> 00:46:08,502
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah, I sure do.
694
00:46:10,379 --> 00:46:12,590
- Well...
- Hey.
695
00:46:15,051 --> 00:46:19,680
We didn't do so bad after all,
you know, all things considered.
696
00:46:19,931 --> 00:46:22,934
Right. All things considered.
697
00:46:23,684 --> 00:46:25,228
Magnum, your lunch is here.
698
00:46:25,478 --> 00:46:28,147
I say, I didn't realize you had company.
699
00:46:28,272 --> 00:46:33,236
Lunch? Gee, Higgins. How thoughtful.
You shouldn't have.
700
00:46:33,402 --> 00:46:35,780
Precisely what I told Dr. Ibold
701
00:46:35,905 --> 00:46:39,533
but he insists you be pampered
like an invalid for the next few days.
702
00:46:39,659 --> 00:46:41,619
Well, thank you very much, Higgins.
703
00:46:41,744 --> 00:46:44,622
Pampering, I refuse to do
but I am willing to help expand
704
00:46:44,705 --> 00:46:48,000
the shockingly narrow boundaries
of your intellectual horizons.
705
00:46:48,084 --> 00:46:49,961
That's very thoughtful but I...
706
00:46:50,044 --> 00:46:53,130
Actually, both of you might
find this of some interest.
707
00:46:53,214 --> 00:46:56,259
It's from my memoirs.
It involves a fascinating experience
708
00:46:56,342 --> 00:46:58,219
that once happened to me in Alexandria,
709
00:46:58,427 --> 00:47:01,013
when I was forced
to feign matrimony with not one
710
00:47:01,264 --> 00:47:04,433
but three daughters of a Bedouin prince.
711
00:47:04,809 --> 00:47:07,061
As a young lance corporal
who'd experienced
712
00:47:07,144 --> 00:47:10,231
but one major affaire de coeur
in his 22 years,
713
00:47:10,523 --> 00:47:12,566
the prospect of an impending wedding eve
714
00:47:12,649 --> 00:47:15,820
with three hot-blooded Bedouin
was indeed an awesome one.
715
00:47:16,028 --> 00:47:19,490
Fortunately, as the youngest daughter
doused the dying campfire
716
00:47:19,573 --> 00:47:21,701
and plunged our tent into pitch blackness,
717
00:47:21,909 --> 00:47:27,248
I recalled a relevant chapter from Rommel's
classic treatise on tank warfare...
718
00:47:34,005 --> 00:47:36,090
Perhaps one had to be there.