Up a tree
Didn't you know your partner is the most famous policeman in the whole of Europe?
Mmm.
You fell for that handsome, charming bit.
"Have this little water chestnut, Jean Claude."
I think you're actually jealous.
You're sure you don't want to change your mind?
I'm just gonna stay in the box till everybody leaves,
then I'll find out what's going on.
Attention! Duck!
"Ice water surged through his veins
"as the Inspector looked down the barrel of a 9 millimeter automatic
"held by the same man who had so cavalierly
"caused the death of his pretty wife."
Oh, no! Doesn't he know about the trapdoor?
Of course, he does. He saw it in the last page.
Then why is he standing there?
Carol, if you'd listen, please.
Okay, all right.
It's only the first chapter, anyway. The hero can't die.
Right. May I continue?
"The sneering satyr of a man..."
"The sneering satyr of a man raised the gun,
"about to squeeze the trigger,
"when suddenly a shout was heard from above."
Magnum!
I demand an explanation.
Oh, we were just getting to the explanation, Jonathan.
Right. About why you broke into the study safe
and absconded with the galleys of Mr. Masters' new novel, Die And Die Again. Why?
Why? Why?
Because...
I made him do it.
I just... I couldn't wait for the book to come out.
And then to read it in the sea air, in the sand,
while consuming alcoholic beverages.
Isn't that the way a Robin Masters novel is supposed to be read?
Not this one.
This particular book is not to be read by anyone until publication, including myself.
Mr. Masters left strict instructions
that it is to be locked away until he can get here next week
to make the final revisions.
And you, you should be particularly ashamed of yourself.
Right. I'm sorry, Jonathan.
I'm just a paperback junkie. I don't know, sometimes it...
I don't know what to do. I just can't control myself.
I guess I'll go home now.
By the by, there's a client waiting for you in my study.
Your study?
Quite.
A friend of Mr. Masters.
Although a sadly misguided one, apparently.
However, you should know that your potential client,
and I say potential because I'm sure that once he's spoken to you
the relationship will proceed no further,
is a man of extremely delicate sensibilities and...
Perhaps just one small chapter.
Unthinkable.
...but not unpleasant.
After all, a job such as mine has its advantage.
Am I not in paradise?
You are in my study, Monsieur Chabrol.
Bien sûr.
Uh... Robin Masters' study?
Quite.
However, Robin Masters is neither known for his sensitive prose
nor his sensitive palate.
No doubt the excellent taste of liqueur
is yours, Monsieur Higgins.
But, as I was saying,
I, Francois Chabrol, am a heir hunter.
And Robin Masters suggested that I, how do you say, look you over,
when I come to Hawaii. You mean, "Look me up"?
I just have. Ah.
To find a missing duke.
I dare say what you're asking may be somewhat out of Magnum's line.
I don't think so.
Many times, as Robin and I sipped cognac,
on the veranda of his villa,
surveying the sights of the Cote d'Azur,
he would tell me all about the great exploits
of Thomas Magnum, private investigator.
Naturally, I was quite impressed.
Thank you. You are most welcome.
You see, I was struck by the similarities between what you do and what I do.
But with me, there is almost always a happy ending.
I travel the world looking for the black sheep.
The runaways, the illegitimate children.
You would be surprised to realize
just how many heirs there are,
how do you say, on the lamp.
Lam.
Of course.
But for there to be a happy ending this time,
I need your help.
Well,
sure, I could show you around a little bit, I guess.
But, I must tell you, Francois, that, uh,
I don't have a whole lot of contacts among runaway royalty.
Of course, I will split my commission from the estate with you.
How do you say, 50-50?
In this particular instance,
the illegitimate scion of a duke,
it could perhaps come up to a few hundred thousand dollars.
On the other hand, I'm sure Magnum will be quite willing to assist.
Of course. As a favor to Mr. Masters.
As a favor to Mr. Masters? Magnifique.
Do you have any leads?
But of course.
Admittedly, it was a strange clue.
I mean, whoever heard of looking for a missing duke on the waterfront?
Especially one who apparently worked at a Japanese import-export house
and had a nickname of The Pearl.
At any rate, one thing for sure
is you can't just go to the personnel departments of these waterfront places,
because there usually aren't any.
The kind of guys who work on the docks usually don't want anybody knowing
who or where they are.
And usually, with good reason.
So, you have to do the next best thing,
which is to go into the bars where these guys hang out,
make friends with them, do what they do and, like Francois said,
there's always a happy ending. Right?
Sing Sing. Like the famous prison?
Not exactly. Like what?
Well, like Edith Piaf, Charles Aznavour, Maurice Chevalier.
Ah, Elvis Presley, "the King." Yeah, you got it.
I get so Ionely
I could die
Okay. H-12.
Do you guys want a booth? Yes, please.
Okay. I'll be right back.
Good-bye Joe, he gotta go, me oh my oh
He gotta go pole the pirogue down the bayou
My Yvonne the sweetest one, me oh my oh
Son of a gun...
I'll be right back.
This is very interesting. But how does this help me find the Duke Du Rochefort?
You mean, The Pearl? Oui, The Pearl.
Well, if he works down here, pretty soon we're gonna run into somebody
who knows him, or knows of him.
I see.
So, all we gotta do is settle back, have a couple of cold ones,
get with the flow, and pretty soon
we'll be talking to somebody who can probably help us out.
C'est bon. Oui.
Hi. Cognac.
A couple of longnecks, please.
What's your pleasure, gentlemen?
Oh, no, that's okay. We're not here to sing.
We're just going to have a couple of beers.
Sorry, but this table is reserved for singers...
Yeah, but... But that's the way we stay in business.
If you want beers, go to the regular bar.
Now, what'll it be?
S-19?
Seven
That's the time we leave, at seven
I'll be waitin' up for heaven
Countin' every mile of railroad track
That takes me back
Never thought my heart could be so yearny
Why did I decide to roam?
Wanna make a sentimental journey
Sentimental journey home
That was fun, great fun!
Let us have some more longnecks, some more tunes.
Francois, now, don't you think...
Oh, sorry.
Don't you think that maybe we should mingle a little bit?
I mean, now that we're kind of known around here,
we could start asking a few questions,
like... Who the hell are you guys?
We are, uh, just simple sailors
having an evening on top of the town.
But of course. Cops?
No, we're not cops.
Well, you sure don't look like simple sailors, either.
Alcoholic Beverage Control?
Oh, look...
Tiffany.
Tiffany, I mean, we're just here having a couple of beers, minding our own business,
waiting for a friend of ours to show up.
Yes, a very good friend. The Pearl. Perhaps you know him?
You wanna see Pearl?
He's expecting us.
You guys wait right here.
This is very easy. She knows The Pearl.
Maybe.
Either that, or she thinks we're a couple of gangsters or something.
Don't be ridiculous.
Francois, please, when we're in a place like this,
let me do the talking. Why?
Why? Be...
I'm sorry, but you don't exactly fit in.
Now, we're not gonna get the results we'd like.
Come with me.
The Pearl? A very good friend of his. Come on.
Uh-uh.
The Pearl's friend is really shy.
But... You stay here.
You sing. What?
Or no Pearl.
Look
Look at me
I'm as helpless as a kitten
Up a tree
And I feel like I'm clingin' to a cloud
I can't understand
I get misty, just holding your...
I can, of course, explain this.
Who is Marcel Dubray?
Marcel Dubray is the man responsible for 90 percent
of the crime in the Western world.
And the other 10 percent is yours, hmm?
Three shots, point blank range?
As I explained to your Lieutenant Tanaka, it was self-defense.
Right. And I understand Mr. Kahana pulled a knife.
Uh, Carol, Tanaka says Mickey Kahana has a... Had.
Had a long rap sheet with you guys,
including drug related disappearances.
I know that, Thomas, but what is it to you guys?
We are not just guys.
This is Jean Claude Fornier, the guy in Robin's book.
No! - Yes.
Oh, my God!
Please, mademoiselle, not everyone recognizes me at first glance.
But your exploits are legend.
I suppose.
But as I understand it, the book is highly fictionalized.
Almost unrecognizable, in fact.
The point is, Dubray is setting up shop here in Hawaii.
But you can't come to another country to catch criminals.
Of course not. I am here as a tourist on vacation.
Illegally carrying a gun.
I'm sorry, no, I don't understand this.
What are you doing helping him with this Dubray thing?
You could get into trouble, Thomas.
I don't know. I...
Maybe it's because
Jean Claude is one of the few people I know of
whose deeds live up to his reputation.
Merci.
You're welcome.
And as long as I'm in between cases right now,
I don't mind showing him around a little bit as a professional courtesy,
which is why we're here to see you. For a professional courtesy.
Sorry, Thomas.
Mr. Fornier.
I am all out of professional courtesies.
Especially when they're not really courtesies but...
Stop! Wait, right there.
What? Your eyes!
My eyes?
Oui, your eyes!
What's wrong with them? Nothing.
They are exquisite under the light right there.
What's he talking about? Your eyes.
The way they set perfectly
in your delicately sculpted face.
The way your mahogany orbs
so fetchingly...
Mahogany orbs? Shh, don't interrupt.
Mahogany orbs? He's being poetic, like Milton or Keats.
Yes, like Milton or Keats.
I'm sorry. I have so much trouble with your language.
Trouble?
I think you're doing fine, Mr. Fornier. Thank you.
There's only one problem. I'm not gonna fall for it.
You're very charming, you're handsome, you're everything, but,
I'm not going to fall for it.
I'm not.
Hey, leave me out of it.
This man is not going to charm me out of classified information.
I would not dream of it, Carol. Never.
Only unclassified information.
Information about Marcel Dubray
opening up a second conduit from the Golden Triangle, bypassing Marseilles,
and coming straight through this paradise to the American mainland.
And we're looking for Dubray's middleman here.
But all we have is a code name.
The Pearl.
Which is where you come in.
Maybe some of the information
in one of your ongoing narcotics investigations could help us.
Thomas, I can't divulge official information.
Not even over dinner?
Dinner. Oui, dinner.
I can't eat dinner with you. Pourquoi pas?
Don't you get hungry? Well, yes, but...
9:00.
I trust you do have a decent French restaurant here? Yes, but I...
You're under suspicion for murder and you're asking questions,
that I can't possibly answer.
And you are so beautiful when you are aroused.
I promise you that dinner will be strictly pleasure.
Do we have a rendezvous?
Well, 9:00's a little late for me. Put those away!
Do you mean that? No business?
Just pleasure.
Well, yes, I think 9:00 will be fine. Mmm-hmm.
Well, actually 9:00 is a little late for me.
I got a couple leads to follow up on.
You are a gentleman. Merci.
Monsieur Higgins was wrong.
I can't wait to get on the road again
On the road again On the road again
I just can't wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin' music with my friends
And I can't wait to get on the road again
On that road again
Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway
What's going on?
What is the matter with you guys?
State Alcoholic Beverage Control, my dear.
This place is closed.
Everybody. Out. Now!
All right, what the hell is going on? You can't close me.
You just watch us. Why?
Try serving drinks to minors, noise pollution, and murder.
Hey, I already talked to the cops.
It doesn't matter, my dear.
The commission has ruled that The Sing Sing attracts riffraff
and undesirable elements into the community.
This place is hereby closed, pending a hearing.
And when's that?
Uh, what do you say, buddy? Six, seven months?
I'm dead.
So is the crook that was working for you, Kahana.
Well, Mickey was sweet. He was a really nice guy, you know, and I...
Save it.
Kahana was in it up to his ears with The Pearl. We know all about it.
You guys really think so.
You got it, baby.
Unsavory city. And as long as guys like The Pearl are hanging around
you got no shot at staying in business. Now, you got that?
Yeah, I got it.
But you get this, bozo,
there ain't no Pearl.
Pearl is not a guy. Does not exist.
It's a freaking place.
A place.
What kind of place?
Can we make a little deal?
Great! That's just great! Hey, I owe you guys.
No, no, you don't owe us a thing, T.M.
This one was for Jean Claude Fornier.
Well, thanks, T.C., I really appreciate it.
T. C: Anytime.
Look, if there's anything else he needs, anything,
Rick and I will be there. No questions asked.
Oh, really?
Well, I guess I better get him this Pearl stuff right away.
Bye. Bye.
Thomas.
Magnum.
Carol. Jean Claude.
Well, excuse me. I think I'll go powder my nose. Be right back.
So you have decided to eat after all?
Better. I have the clue to The Pearl.
So do I.
What?
It is a warehouse. Pearl Imports.
Tak Nakamura, proprietor.
But how did...
How did you...
Attention! Duck!
Thomas! Jean Claude. Oh, my God!
Are you all right? I am okay.
The bullet went through my leg. I will live.
That's wonderful. Isn't it, Thomas?
Somehow I think I liked interrogations by Lieutenant Tanaka
better in French than in English.
He almost made more sense.
And he certainly was less threatening.
At any rate, there was nothing he could do
but just ask a couple of questions and let us go.
After all, guys were shooting at us this time,
and Jean Claude, in his condition, wasn't going anywhere anyway.
But the important thing to realize and remember
was that we were all doing our part in helping the best cop in Europe
catch the worst crook in the world.
Even if some of us were maybe doing just a little more than our part.
Ooh. Ooh.
Here's a nice, delicious pineapple chunk. Mmm.
Merci. You are too kind, Carol.
Too kind. Oh, no. No, not really, Jean Claude.
Here, I want you to try a water chestnut.
Hi, Carol.
Hi. What're you doing here?
Me?
Carol graciously brought by some lunch to share.
Oh. Where's Higgins?
Oh, yes, Jonathan.
Well, he went to some meeting somewhere downtown,
and I just happened by because I was sort of in the neighborhood, and I thought,
well, since nobody was here and Jean Claude was wounded and everything
that I would just drop by with a little takeout.
Take in, no?
Oui.
Isn't he good?
He's great. How's the leg? Better. Much better.
The bullet just missed my femur.
In a day or two, when I get, how do you say,
ambulatory... Oui.
We'll continue with the case.
Right. And I guess we'll start with Pearl Imports?
Exactement.
Hungry?
No, thanks.
You were very rude. Rude?
Rude? All I said was, "Excuse me, por favor."
It's s'il vous plait.
I know that.
But what I'd really like to know is why you gave out classified information to him.
I did not give out classified information.
Oh, really? Then how did he know about Pearl and Nakamura?
Did it suddenly kind of slip out
in between the escargot and the vichyssoise, or the entrecotes du jour?
Oh, please, Thomas.
It was an accident.
Well, it was. An accident?
We were sort of discussing generic departmental stuff
and you know, the rackets here in general,
and, why, you'd be amazed how the next thing I knew
he put two and two together,
and he comes up with Pearl Imports and Tak Nakamura.
It was incredible to watch the way the man's mind works.
Its just no wonder he's a terrific cop.
And maybe a little more.
What's that supposed to mean? Nothing.
Well, it better not.
Well, I'm not the one hand-feeding him Chinese takeout.
"Have this little water chestnut, Jean Claude."
I was not hand-feeding him, I was sharing. And besides...
Besides, you were in the neighborhood!
Some neighborhood! The nearest takeout is 20 minutes away!
Carol, you are doing exactly what you said you wouldn't do.
You fell for that handsome charming bit. Just because he's a French...
Okay, okay, okay, okay! Let's just say maybe I did.
You have to admit that that man is something.
And nevertheless, it was for your case.
And if you remember correctly, you both came to me, Thomas,
and I didn't see friendship or ethics or anything else
stop you from trying to peek through my files back in my office.
Oh, come on, Thomas. I mean, you know,
this is incredibly immature.
In fact, I think you're actually jealous.
Jealous? Me?
Mmm-hmm.
Jealous?
Well, maybe I'm a little envious.
And, yeah, I can see how you could confuse that with jealousy.
I mean, I can see how that would happen.
Jealous?
Yeah, I'm jealous.
But in a professional sort of way.
I mean, on a personal level I would never...
Its not that I would never, Carol, but just... It's...
I think I know what you mean.
Well, I mean... Look,
l... I kind of always go to you when I need something,
and you kind of never tell me anything,
and... and now, I mean, you've told him...
I think you're so cute when you're tongue-tied.
Come on. Fight's over, okay?
All right.
Thanks. I... I was being kind of jerky.
I mean, the information is important, it's our first big lead,
and why should I care where we got it? Even though...
I came up with it on my own, without you guys...
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Shall we go back in now and scarf up the rest of that takeout?
Sure. Wait.
I need a warrant to search Pearl.
I can't give you that.
Why not? Because I need probable cause.
Unseen assailants and conjecture about such
don't make for probable cause. I'm sorry. But...
I'm sorry. Sorry?
Yes. Yes. I need probable cause.
Well, maybe if you spent a little more time in the office,
building a case, instead of hand-feeding some...
Watch it! I thought he was your hero.
I don't care. He's... - Silence!
Will the two of you please be quiet?
You're driving me crazy! Crazy!
Compris?
T. C: Totally crazy.
Yeah, and dangerous.
You're sure you don't want to change your mind?
Nope, I'm going through with this.
Why?
Because,
it's the only way to find out if Dubray is operating through Pearl Imports.
T. C: Yeah, well, you still better be careful.
Hey, now that you got your lead, maybe you ought to wait on Carol's warrant,
or at least until Fornier gets better.
Are you saying you don't think I can do this?
Did I say that?
Look, if we wait, Dubray'll be long gone. If we're gonna catch him in the act,
it's gotta be now while he's setting things up with Nakamura.
Oh, great. And you expect them to give you a guided tour or something?
I'm just gonna stay in the box till everybody leaves,
then I'll find out what's going on.
You guys just wait for my call.
T. C: You guys just wait for my call.
Okay, be a hero.
Just drive, T.C.
Hey, maybe we can be in Robin Masters' new book, too.
There's nothing like six hours
cramped into a three-by-eight crate
to give one a whole new perspective on,
as Jean Claude would say, one's raison d'etre.
I mean, Rick and T.C. Possibly had a point.
Was I really risking life, limb and license
because of some sort of professional jealousy?
Or was I really doing it because, like Robin Masters,
I believed in and admired Jean Claude Fornier,
and what he was trying to do in this world?
I chose to think it was the latter.
This way, gentlemen.
I chose to inspect your spring line personally
inasmuch as you, me, and Marcel Dubray are now partners.
Very reluctant partners, Mr. Fornier.
Frankly, Mr. Nakamura,
I don't give a damn how reluctant you,
Marcel Dubray, or anybody is.
If you do not pay me what I ask,
my accomplice, the great Thomas Magnum,
goes straight to the police and informs them about your...
heroin
enterprise.
He lied to me.
And to me. I'll make it unanimous.
The question is how did he manage to leave the estate undetected?
The question is why?
Well, I think that's fairly obvious.
Surely, Fornier's many years of crossing the line
into the corrupting world of narcotics trafficking
has inured him to its horrors.
Good and evil have become blurred. He did it out of greed.
Unless, of course, the blackmail scheme
was merely a ruse to get to Dubray.
It wasn't a ruse. If it were, he would have let me in on it.
He wouldn't have left himself so vulnerable.
And I suppose he wouldn't have taken all of his things with him.
I still don't believe it.
I guess I just... I don't want to believe it.
Because I believed him.
We all did.
And we all so desperately wanted to believe him.
That a man so charming, so larger than life,
and apparently so purely motivated, could be a fraud.
Well, I suppose we're not the first
to be taken in by the legend of Jean Claude Fornier.
Robin Masters even wrote a novel.
I think a call to Lieutenant Tanaka is in order.
Wait. No. We can't wait, Thomas.
The man now is technically a bail jumper,
and we have knowledge of his involvement in a major heroin smuggling operation.
It's my job to bust them both.
She's right, you know. Any residual sentimental vacillation on our part
would make us equally culpable.
Now, may I suggest... No!
Magnum, what are you doing?
I'm going to read that novel.
My God, man, how do you know the combination? I change it weekly.
Trade secret.
Oh, look, Thomas, if you're doing this
because you feel bad about me being manipulated and everything, I...
I'm a big girl and I'm an adult, and I can face the consequences of my actions.
And so can I. Magnum, we must make that call.
Will you be quiet? I'm trying to get this thing open.
Yes, quite.
But, you see, I've added a pre-combination to the normal one
to prevent precisely what you're trying to do right now.
If you'd just tell us what it is you're trying to prove by getting to that book,
I'll open the safe for you myself.
I want to prove that you and me and Carol and Robin are not crazy.
But what is a Robin Masters novel going to tell us?
Maybe what Jean Claude Fornier couldn't.
Far from being a typical Robin Masters book,
with the exception of the title,
Die And Die Again was the taut, sad story of a man so obsessed
with ridding society of the parasites and the predators,
that he let his own life, and specifically his own marriage,
become his personal tragedy.
Listen to this.
"The man's wife, although she shared his ideals, couldn't share his obsession,
"the hours, the days, the weeks and months, away from each other.
"And for those brief times, when he came back,
"when he came back from that bleak world of the predators and the rats and the maggots
"that inhabited the seamy underbelly of that world,
"she knew he wasn't the same."
"So naturally, she turned elsewhere for fulfillment.
"It began with the classic Gaelic affairs.
"But then, in what later became obvious as a desperate plea for his attention,
"she turned to more serious games.
"First, the chic drugs, cocaine and amyl nitrate, hashish,
"and then when that didn't get the man's attention, she went all the way."
The real Jean Claude Fornier
found his wife dead in a seedy waterfront hotel room.
The cause of death was a heroin overdose.
And even though he didn't personally hand her the syringe,
the man ultimately responsible for that overdose was Marcel Dubray.
Sometimes, the truth is too painful for fiction.
This wasn't your typical Robin Masters fare,
and maybe he wasn't going to sell a whole lot of copies,
but I was glad as hell that he wrote it.
Now, I've made all the necessary arrangements.
Remember, you won't have much time once the charade has been discovered.
We're not going to need much time.
Just make sure Tanaka's ready.
Quite.
Merci.
Enjoying yourself? Very much.
You throw such marvelous parties, Monsieur Dubray. Simply marvelous.
It's so nice to be invited for a change.
Oh, please. I'm getting quite bored.
May we get our business over with now?
But of course. Lead the way.
You ready?
Why did he have to lie?
What would you have done?
Oh, and Jonathan, would you clean the windscreen, please?
Welcome aboard.
Carol. Thank you.
No, thank you. I think I'll go below.
I think I will, too.
No, you're not. Oh, yes, I am.
Oh, no, you're not. I'm not even gonna discuss it with you.
It may be too late, as it is. Now, just wait here.
Thomas, will you listen to me?
I'm an officer of the court, and this man is due at a hearing.
You understand me? I'm responsible for this.
We both are. Come on.
Stay behind me.
Shut the door. - How did you find me?
It is unfortunate.
It's unfortunate that you didn't tell us the truth. We could have helped.
It is too late for that now.
That's not true.
We could have come here together.
I don't want your help.
Jean Claude...
Could you really shoot me, Thomas?
Can't you see what I have to do, I must do alone?
No, you don't.
You can stop right now, and we can put this man away for the rest of his life.
There is a better way.
All three of you can walk out of here right now
with more money than you've ever dreamed of having.
You shut up.
He can't kill me. You won't let him.
I am afraid that is not an option.
You see, if I don't kill him, Marcel Dubray will never be punished for even one day
for all the evil that he has perpetrated in this world.
His money and his lawyers will get him off.
Not here, they won't. I'll see to it.
But, you don't know him. Please, leave.
If not as friends anymore, at least understand what I have to do.
Stop it. Thomas, no!
I understand.
I understand what you think you have to do,
but it has nothing to do with justice.
It's Angeline.
He even named his boat after her.
Killing him is not gonna bring her back.
There's always going to be another Marcel Dubray.
But there are so few Jean Claude Forniers.
Let it end here.
Please.
He didn't look like the ambassador to Chile.
He has a gun.
I had decided not to kill him.
And I can only tell you that is the truth.
I know it is.
It's here.
It's in your mahogany orbs.
Look at me
I'm as helpless as a kitten
Up a tree