Somewhere on this island, they have buried $1 million.
They are conducting a treasure hunt...
Buried on this island? A million dollars?
Take the chest and keep going.
You really think someone's going to come after you to get to the clues?
(SCREAMlNG)
Dig! Let's go. Dig! All right!
(SCREAMlNG)
That was a bat.
I guess I'm a real neurotic mess, anyway.
Let's just try and make the best of the rest of the treasure hunt, okay?
(SCREAMlNG)
MAN: Jump. All of you.
You can't be serious.
Down there?
In the water?
In the water.
Look, guys, I think there's room for discussion here. Why don't we...
No. No more talk. We're through talking.
Everybody over the side, in the drink.
Come on. I mean, we're all rational human beings.
I mean, why don't we try and work something out?
After all, there's more than enough to go around here.
WOMAN: Not necessarily.
Everyone stay exactly as you are.
The Great Treasure of Kalaniopu'u Treasure Hunt is history.
Time for the grand finale, right now.
MAGNUM: I suppose you're all wondering how we got into this mess.
A fair question.
Well, it all started a very long time ago.
In the year 1759, to be exact.
And someplace right around here.
Move! Blast ye!
The heathen Kalaniopu'u is upon us. Come on, faster.
Aye, Captain Dawkins. Aye.
DAWKlNS: Come on now, boys, let's run.
Faster, me boys.
Come on, boys.
You and you, take the chest and keep going.
We'll rendezvous at the Cave of the Wild Boar where waits Reverend Brown.
And Maggie.
Aye, Maggie.
But, Captain, what about you?
Here we'll stand. Go!
Gentlemen, load your muskets.
Send them to hell!
MAGNUM: A real cliffhanger. But considering what happened next,
I'd have to say that Captain Dawkins
and his band of pirates may have been the lucky ones.
After all, they were just fiction. Everything else was reality.
(KNOCKlNG)
HlGGlNS: Magnum. I say, Magnum.
MAGNUM: Sort of.
Why don't you knock?
Knock? I veritably tore the door from its hinges
in a vain attempt at civilized entry. You are late.
Late? Late where?
To the Kalanianaole Pavilion on the Windward Coast.
The what?
Higgins, come on, I had a rough six hours at the university last night.
No doubt with that overeager, underaged coed you've been seeing.
That overeager, underaged coed is my tutor.
Spare me the euphemism.
She is!
In what subject? Advanced debauchery?
Business administration.
Dear me. Whatever for?
To improve the economic side of my business.
Never mind. Why are you here and what am I late for?
I'm here about The Treasure of Kalaniopu'u.
That's my copy. I bought and paid for it with my own money.
It seems that Robin Masters' publishing company
has come up with a cheap gimmick
unworthy of Mr. Masters, in my opinion,
to increase the paperback sales of The Treasure.
Oh, well, I did my part.
Somewhere on this island they have buried $1 million.
As did the character Captain Dawkins in the novel.
And they are conducting a treasure hunt
based on the incidents in the book to spur sales.
A million dollars?
A mere write-off for them.
A million dollars?
And in the long run much more valuable with the expected increase in sales
plus a potential motion picture. Be that as it may...
Buried on this island? A million dollars?
Be that as it may, you have been volunteered by Mr. Masters,
who, I might add, finds the whole thing as unseemly as I do
and has fled indefinitely to the south of France
to coordinate this charade with a representative from the publishing company.
Boy, think of the tax problems I'm gonna have, Higgins.
Think of your duty, Magnum. Huh?
Your tax problems are irrelevant.
Why? If I find a million dollars...
Have you not heard a word I've said?
You are an employee of Mr. Masters in this venture.
You are, therefore, not eligible.
Not eligible?
And late.
AMY: Very late, Mr. Magnum.
I trust this isn't a harbinger of your future work habits.
Thirty-nine down. What?
"Something that foreshadows or presages what is to come."
Last Sunday's New York Times crossword puzzle.
Thirty-nine down. Harbinger.
You probably cheated.
Why do you need our medical insurance?
In case anything happens.
I did not cheat, Miss...
Ms. Griswald. Amy. Mount Kisco, New York.
And I bet you did cheat.
Well, we'll never know, will we?
What I would like to know is what my "future work habits" entail.
You know, consist of. Be consistent with. Inevitably involve.
Oh, I don't think he cheated, Ms. Griswald.
Yes, thank you. Good luck.
What your job inevitably involves, Mr. Magnum,
is helping me keep this treasure hunt honest.
Fine. Honest.
Yo, Thomas! Where do I sign up?
Ah. Wow, this is great. One million simoleons.
And all I gotta do is read this here pirate book.
Rick, I think you're gonna have to do more than just read it.
You're gonna have to read into it.
You are required to take 225-year-old clues
and translate that into a search throughout modern Oahu.
Starting here, the site of the pagan sacrifice,
as so colorfully depicted in the novel.
Yeah, right. Pagan sacrifice, great stuff. Here, baby.
Rick, I don't think this is going to be that easy.
Who cares? I have a plan.
They all do.
It is kind of silly, isn't it?
Kind of?
I think it's absolutely the most foolish stunt
to hit the literary world since the Howard Hughes will.
I know that I did not torturously apply myself
to the taskmasters at Bennington,
then slave in the publishing houses along Madison Avenue
for the past 10 years to wind up doing... Doing this.
I'd rather be undertaking what I've been trained to do, editing Norman Mailer.
With a saber, of course.
MAN: Or what about a scalpel?
MAGNUM: Doc lbold?
Why not? I could make very good use of that money.
I can buy a new set of golf clubs.
And I shall swear to my patients
that I'll only hunt for that treasure on Wednesdays and weekends.
Hey, like, I'm curious. Are there, like, other prizes
for finding most of the clues or something? Like...
Like a computer?
It's all or nothing, young man.
Oh, okay.
Hey, like, I'm also curious, Ms. Griswald.
I mean, what am l supposed to be doing here? Protecting you?
I mean, because you know where all the clues are and the treasure's hidden, right?
Wrong.
I trust your mental deductions in your chosen field
aren't as haphazardly thought out as those
or you'd probably be bumming off the good graces of Robin Masters
instead of working.
Now, the clues will be sent to me one at a time
by the prestigious accounting firm of Fletcher and Kilroy
in New York to insure my safety.
And honesty. I mean, it's just a haphazard deduction.
Listen, I'll see you, Thomas.
Oh, bye, Doc.
Good morning. Good morning. Good morning, Mr. Magnum.
I'm here to become rich and famous,
along with my lovely and charming partner.
Hi. Cards are over there.
Oh. Hi, I'm Thomas Magnum. I don't think we've met.
Donna Clemens.
I teach literature over at the university.
AMY: (SCOFFlNG) This is hardly literature.
Well, good luck. I think the contest starts in about...
Exactly 12:00.
Great. Great.
And we will be ready. Research materials.
We'll be right back with these cards. My dear.
Safety.
You really think someone's going to come after you to get to the clues?
Who knows? And who the hell cares?
Excuse me. Doug Fenwick and Terry Dobbs, direct from Beantown.
We're here to sign up for the treasure hunt.
ALL: 10, 9, 8, 7,
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
(FlRES)
(ALL SHOUTlNG)
Oh, Jonathan, isn't this jolly good fun?
Well, they're off and running.
In pursuit of the quintessential sucker's bet.
Why? One of them's gonna win.
And the rest? I reiterate, Magnum. This is dumb.
MAGNUM: Well, it wasn't Robin's idea.
Maybe.
But if he were a serious novelist addressing the human condition
in an incisive and intellectual manner,
we certainly wouldn't be here doing this.
At least, I wouldn't be here.
Well, maybe Robin is addressing the human condition.
Yes? How so?
What bleak aspect of human nature
is Robin Masters exploring in The Treasure of Kalaniopu'u?
Greed.
Well, where to, Ms. Griswald?
The Blue Coral Reef Hotel near downtown.
That's the vicinity of the first clue.
You happen to know where that eminent hostelry might be?
Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
Robin and I had lunch there when I was chauffeuring him around,
scouting locations for this book.
Oh, how droll.
Shall we, then?
Bye, guys.
MAGNUM: And so, the Great Treasure of Kalaniopu'u Treasure Hunt was on.
And the great literary flash from Mount Kisco and I
were off running on a road straight to a million.
But for some of the others, this road might prove to be a little more serpentine.
How you doing?
Close.
To the treasure?
No. To figuring out the first clue.
What I can't understand is
why we just can't skip all this clue stuff
and go straight to where the treasure's buried.
Because, if you had read the book...
I read the book. I've read all of Robin Masters' books.
And Mad Buck Gibson and Tolstoy.
But that still doesn't tell me how come we just can't zip to the treasure,
skip all this clue and other stuff.
Because we have to substantiate to Amy Griswald
and to Magnum that we did in fact figure out all the clues.
You know, where we need to start is that Hawaiian village
that Dawkins and his crew found when they first landed.
Okay, okay, where is it?
That's what I'm trying to figure out if you'll let me.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay. Listen to this.
"The high priest Kalaniopu'u's village
"was nestled in a beach alcove surrounded by a peaceful placid harbor
"large enough to accommodate Captain Dawkins' three masters..."
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Fisherman's Wharf.
Go on, go on, go on. All right!
"lt was guarded by an ancient banyan tree that rose majestically..."
Oh! The Federal Building. Ha! Let's go.
All right. Don't drive fast enough to get us killed.
(HOOTlNG)
DONNA: Slow down.
T.C.: We'll have all of our lives to slow down.
Watch it.
Do you have to be so clumsy?
Très élégant.
Well, fortunately, we'll only have to endure
this deplorable situation one night.
Then what?
We go to where the next clue takes us.
Where's that? Would you... Shh!
Will you please give me some credit?
Fine, but give me some credit, too.
We are a team, aren't we?
We are not a team.
I am the supervisor of this contest. You are working for me.
Your job is to keep away the weirdoes and the kooks.
Oh, okay, I can see how that could be a problem. Watch it!
(CHUCKLlNG)
Look, look, I can't tell you where the specific clue sites are.
There's no need for you to know. There is a need to protect me.
So, come on, let's just get registered.
Ms. Griswald.
Here you are, 201 2, the honeymoon suite.
You're hardly serious.
It's on the computer.
I think you made a mistake there.
No mistake. It's on the computer.
I don't care if it's etched in Paleolithic granite,
this is clearly unacceptable.
We are supposed to have adjoining but separate rooms.
You're not married?
BOTH: No!
Look, Mr. Kono,
my company made these reservations three weeks ago.
Two rooms.
Maybe the computer did make a mistake.
The computer does not make mistakes.
Maybe you made a mistake. I know I did.
I'm terribly sorry, but it'd be very difficult to move you
as there's a whole convention staying here.
The Royal Order of Water Buffaloes from Dayton, Ohio.
You're kidding.
No, ma'am.
Well, then move them! Now!
Or I'll have this place reduced to rubble! Rubble! Do you hear me?
Maybe we can work something out.
You'd better.
Hey, pal, you can have my room.
I wouldn't wish that on anyone, even my worst enemy.
Come on, Magnum, on your feet. Everything is taken care of.
Now all we have to do is find the damn place.
Listen, I know it's here somewhere.
KlKA: Hey, you'd better find it, brah,
otherwise we'll be out a cool million, you know?
And that'll be the end of our beautiful partnership.
I got it.
Hey, listen, Kika, are you sure
that we're headed in the right direction?
Of course I'm sure, Doc.
(LAUGHlNG)
The village of Kalaniopu'u is the village of my ancestors.
Yeah, the village of your ancestors
has not been in existence for some 200 years.
We Hawaiians have a great oral tradition.
Well, I hope that this haole and this Hawaiian have a terrific future.
Hey, listen, Kika, what are you gonna do with all that money?
Are you gonna buy out the petty cab industry?
(LAUGHlNG)
Are you kidding, man? I'm gonna live!
No more peddling around those over-sized tricycles, you know, all over town.
Hey, I'm gonna be like Magnum, you know. My own estate.
My own red sports car. Maybe I'll become a Pl, too.
Hey, Doc, you and me are gonna go downtown, find that cash
and live like kings.
Like King Kamehameha, huh?
You got it.
All right, this is fun. Let's go.
MAGNUM: If they only knew what fun I was really having.
I mean, it was bad enough being stuck doing this silly job
with the supercilious Amy Griswald,
but I was also missing the Detroit-Toronto game
which was being beamed at this very moment
Iive and direct from Canada via satellite
to Robin's new dish and my comfortable old guest house.
My options here were sadly more limited.
(WOODY WOODPECKER LAUGHING)
And, so far, I was really having a hard time
figuring out what I was really supposed to be doing.
I knew we were in the general vicinity of the first clue,
but Ms. Griswald refused to even tell me specifically where it was.
As if I even cared, not being eligible anyway.
It was the kind of evening where I even found myself
rooting for Woody to fall out of his tree.
(DOOR OPENS)
Ms. Griswald?
(AMY SCREAMS)
Amy.
(AMY SCREAMS)
Oh.
You okay?
(SCREAMS)
No! It's me, it's me. It's me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's okay.
(EXCLAlMS)
You okay?
Yeah, yeah. Physically. Physically, yes.
Emotionally, psychologically,
(WATER RUNNlNG) and in terms of every woman's angst, no.
(SCREAMS)
No, no, you're fine, you're fine.
It's okay. Yeah.
All right? Yeah.
What happened?
Two intruders broke in and tried to steal the first clue.
Did they get it?
(SCOFFS) It's all right here.
Well, that's just great. That's great.
How am I supposed to protect the integrity of this contest,
not to mention you, if you don't confide in me?
You're right. This is all getting too weird.
Okay, I'll tell you where it is.
Great.
But you've also got to tell me one thing.
What?
Just where the hell do you expect me to sleep tonight?
MAGNUM: Amy was only half right.
Not only were things getting "too weird, "
they were also getting too dangerous.
And it wasn't only her I was concerned about.
All my friends were involved, too.
T.C.: Okay. It's here.
Where?
You'd really need a bulldozer to dig up all this cement.
Not necessarily.
The majestic banyan tree.
Deeper.
Any deeper and we're talking China here.
We found it. We did it.
(SHUSHlNG)
They'll hear you. Let's have a look.
T.C.: Well, great. We found it, but what does it mean?
DONNA: I think I know what it means.
I think I know.
Well, what? What?
Hi.
What are you doing? What are you doing here? T.C.
Take it easy. The same as you are. I'm after the treasure.
You followed us! I thought you had a plan.
Yeah, that's it. I can live on a third of a million bucks real easy.
Now let's cover this boulder up
before someone else knows where to find it.
No, no you can't. That's one of the rules of the contest.
You can't alter or disfigure an exposed clue or you're disqualified.
I'm going to alter and disfigure him.
Just take it easy, you can't. We're friends and now we're partners.
Oh, we're history.
You're under arrest for destruction of public property.
You're relieved, Officer.
Downtown wants us to cordon off the area.
Right. Mahalo.
MAGNUM: So far, it wasn't a particularly auspicious night
nor an auspicious beginning for the Great Treasure of Kalaniopu'u Treasure Hunt.
I mean, spending the night folded up on my couch
while Amy Griswald slept peacefully in my bed,
no doubt dreaming dreams of what she'd like to do
to Norman Mailer and Ernest Hemingway, was not my idea of fun.
But I suppose where Rick, T. C. and Donna spent theirs
wasn't a night at the Ritz either.
RlCK: Come on, Lieutenant, you gotta let us out of here.
You don't know what's at stake.
What's at stake is eight hours of sleep down the drain. Mine.
But, Lieutenant, we're talking about a million bucks.
Look, Lieutenant, we'll cut you in for 100 big ones.
Rick.
All right. A quarter. You're an equal partner.
I'm a homicide investigator. Now, why did you ask to see me?
Because you're the only cop we know.
And we'd like to consider you our friend.
And even though I've only personally known you for a short period of time,
it's real easy to see you're a man of grace and literary sensitivity.
And we knew once everything was explained to you,
you'd understand.
And let us go.
Please, don't try to con me.
I've been conned by the best, like your friend, Magnum.
And I have to say this, the three of you are rank amateurs.
So I take it you're not letting us go?
You destroyed private property.
You're liable for damages and so is the publishing company.
You got to know that this is going on your records.
And furthermore...
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
Tanaka.
Oh.
Right. No problem.
You're free to go.
How come?
Apparently, there was a misunderstanding.
The federal authorities were aware of the boulder
and gave the treasure hunt people permission.
Only thing was, the anonymous passerby who called us didn't know that.
So, good night. Good night.
Mahalo, Lieutenant.
Just stay out of trouble.
(SCREAMlNG)
Oh, I'm sorry. I was... I was dreaming about last night,
those two guys, and then when I woke up, you were...
Do you know how to make coffee?
You're not mad, are you?
Mad? Mad? No, of course not. I mean, why should I be mad?
Being roommates with a...
Don't say it.
How do you know what I was going to say next?
I'm a good guesser.
And the truth of the matter is,
whatever you were going to say, I deserve it.
I've been disparaging you and this treasure hunt
ever since they assigned me to it,
and I know you were reluctant, too.
And I know that if it weren't for you scaring off those guys,
and then talking to the cops
and then taking care of everything last night, well,
I'd just be a real neurotic mess.
(SCOFFlNG)
I guess I'm a real neurotic mess anyway.
Thank you.
For what?
Everything.
Sure.
Let's just try and make the best of the rest of the treasure hunt, okay?
Okay.
So, where's the next clue?
I don't know. They're supposed to call.
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
Hello?
Griswald.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh. Right. We'll be there.
Where? Where's the next clue?
It doesn't matter. They actually told me where the treasure is.
Now all we have to do is show up
and wait for the lucky winner to get there.
Really? Yeah.
The whole thing? Yeah.
Why?
Well, because of what's happened,
they don't want to take any more chances with me
or the hunt getting compromised.
In other words, we're just supervisors now.
We're through being roommates.
Oh.
(BUZZlNG)
Thanks.
RlCK: A bat!
T.C.: (SlGHlNG) That was not a bat.
(SCREAMlNG)
That was a bat.
Orville, will you just shut up and come on?
Now, what's a couple of bats compared to a million bucks?
(EXCLAlMlNG)
(BAT SQUEAKlNG)
I'm thinking about it.
RlCK: Where's that First Mate guy anyway? Hey.
DONNA: Let me see. Ah!
Let's see. Okay, here we go.
"First Mate Dick Trevor was instructed by Captain Dawkins
"to proceed to the Cave of the Wild Boar where he..."
Wild boar. What wild boar?
Shut up.
"...where he was to await further instructions.
"Unbeknownst to him..."
He was probably killed by the bats. Pecked to death.
Probably sucked the blood right out of his neck.
(BOTH) Shut up.
Well, at any rate, according to the inscriptions we found on the rock,
we're in the right cave.
Now, all we have to do is find First Mate Dick Trevor.
Sure. He's probably waiting just around the bend.
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
ALL: You!
What are you guys doing here?
We're lost. Investigating.
Investigating what?
How about one million bucks, investigating?
Mmm-hmm.
You two guys better come clean.
Listen, after you were arrested, the lieutenant called me,
just to make an official report.
It was really routine stuff and...
And we decided, the best course of action,
and since you're all friends of ours and to avoid any further complications,
was to investigate more fully. So...
Yeah, so anyway, we were looking at the snapshot of the boulder clue,
and, really, purely for background purposes,
we kind of went out... We just picked up a copy of the book and...
And tried to rip us off.
Mmm-hmm.
And these guys aren't even registered.
But you are.
Maybe we can be silent partners.
Silent partners?
That would mean the split would be...
$200,000.
We can live with that. Can you?
Unless you want to go back to the station and answer a few more questions.
Come on. I think it's this way.
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
That's it! I'm out of here!
Hold it. Hold it.
(BAYlNG)
Who's in here?
Come out or I'll... I'll shoot.
You can't shoot people.
Yeah, well, we can shoot ghosts.
There are no ghosts.
Look, you come out or I'm coming in.
(BAYlNG CONTlNUES)
I'm gonna count to three. One, two...
Okay, okay, okay, we're coming.
How's it, brah?
"How's it, brah?" I'm gonna...
T.C.
What are you guys doing here?
I believe we share the same general interests.
I mean how...
It was rather difficult, actually.
When we got to the banyan tree,
which, evidently, you so thoughtfully dug up,
we found there was nobody there
except two plainclothes policemen.
And they let you look at the clue?
Well, no. Actually, we waited for them to leave,
only to find that that clue, that mark on the rock face,
had been hurriedly painted over.
So my partner Kika and l removed that boulder,
we took it to my lab and we took off the paint.
That's what took us so long.
You mean, the cops painted the rock over?
I guess.
I'm gonna get their names. That's destruction of evidence.
That's not important. What is important is the fact that right now
the seven of us in this cave are the only ones who know the location of this clue.
Obviously, the painted rock was a dead end for everybody else,
so the treasure is ours.
Yeah, that's precisely right.
I apologize for alarming you,
but when we heard the voices we decided
discretion was the better part of valor
until we could ascertain indeed precisely
who it was that we were dealing with.
Oh, this is wonderful, wonderful.
How many times does seven go into a million?
One hundred and forty...
...two thousand eight hundred...
...and 57 dollars...
...and 14 cents.
I knew it!
Where is this clue?
Right over here.
For in the book, remember, First Mate Dick Trevor
swallowed that map just before he was killed.
Well, where is it? The suspense is killing me.
HlGGlNS: Oh, my God.
The treasure is here?
Apparently.
Buried beneath my prized bed of grandiflora Queen Elizabeths?
Evidently.
Why?
I don't know. I'm just a hired hand.
How? When?
I don't know.
Maybe it happened last weekend
when you were on Maui and I was at my economics seminar.
How could Mr. Masters do this to me?
Calm yourself, Jonathan.
It probably wasn't Robin, Mr. Higgins.
I'm sure it was the company's idea,
because in the book the implication was
that the treasure was finally located in a tropical garden.
You know, just before the oh-so-tragic ending.
And this being Robin's property, the advance man,
the genius who figured all this out,
probably figured this was the closest thing we had to one.
You know, a million dollars is a million dollars.
We couldn't very well just bury it anywhere.
On behalf of the company, I do apologize.
And I'm sure any damage to your flowerbed will be compensated.
That is not the point.
Jonathan, please. You'll have a stroke.
I don't care. I...
Ms. Griswald, telephone, Ms. Griswald.
Will you just excuse me for a moment?
I still don't see why my grandiflora Queen Elizabeths
had to perish for the sake of a cheap publicity stunt.
I'm sure when all this is over, Higgins,
you can get some new flowers.
They're not just flowers. They're...
AMY: Big trouble. I'm glad you finally realize that.
I'm not talking about the roses, Mr. Higgins.
That was Channel 8 news.
Somehow, they've stumbled upon some of the treasure hunters at the cave
and they've sent a crew up there to do a story on them.
I've got to get up there, because if any of those clue sites appear on television,
the whole contest will be compromised.
I'll go with you.
No, you won't. I mean, you can't.
You've got to stay here with the money. But...
And if any of the entrants are smart enough
to have figured this part out, you must supervise the unearthing.
I'll be back just as soon as I can.
MAGNUM: But... Please do as I ask.
I don't want to lose my job,
intellectually degrading as it may be.
I know how you feel, Higgins,
but sometimes the whims of the rich and powerful can be very capricious.
But I know you'll get over it, really.
He's right, Jonathan.
And after all, how much worse can things get?
(HONKlNG)
RlCK: Let's go for it.
KlKA: Dig! Let's go! Dig!
All right! Dig!
My God, there's nothing there.
I demand an explanation.
From me? Why me?
Because you are in charge of this contest.
I'm not in charge of this contest. Amy Griswald is, or was.
My job was to try and keep it honest.
Performed, I might add, in your typically superlative fashion.
Where is the million dollars?
I don't know.
All this death and mutilation for naught, for naught.
Really. The treasure should have been here.
This is the most specifically delineated clue of the lot.
There can be no mistaking it.
Unless it was a plant.
It was many plants.
Oh, that's not what I'm talking about.
Then, what, pray tell, are you talking about?
Doc, what did those cops who guarded the banyan tree look like?
One was blonde, baby-faced.
The other was a little taller with a pencil-thin mustache
Iike Boston Blackie? Remember him?
No.
But I bet you Amy Griswald does.
Magnum, as usual, you're not making any sense.
Oh, yes, I am.
Look, you take those mystery intruders in Amy's motel room,
you add a couple of phony cops with a can of paint,
and a mysterious phone call from Channel 8
and you're gonna come up with a couple of guys
named Doug Fenwick and Terry Dobbs
in collusion with Ms. Mount Kisco. I mean, don't you see?
She was spoon-feeding them the clues as she got them from the accounting firm.
But after the manufactured incident at the motel,
well, they just panicked and gave her the whole ball of wax.
Which she handed to them.
Right!
That's a very interesting theory, Mr. Magnum.
Thank you.
Yeah, and while they're off stealing the treasure,
we're sitting here discussing it.
So this bogus clue from the skeleton is nothing more
than a classic case of misdirection.
So what are we gonna do about it?
Good question. What?
Yes, Magnum. What?
We go back to the book.
MAGNUM: The last chapter, right where it gets real tragic.
If James does not make it here, Maggie, it will not be
because he did not try, nor does not love you.
It is simply the Lord's will.
Was it the Lord's will for him to steal the treasure?
But that was Spanish treasure. We are at war with them, Maggie.
Captain James Dawkins was merely doing his duty.
Nothing more, nothing less.
I'll die not having known what it was like to be with him.
To have him as my husband. We never should have left England.
Aye, I'll chug one to that, milady. None of us should have left.
James.
Maggie.
At last, we're together.
Yes, yes.
The four of us. We must go quickly.
Our only hope is to...
My God, Maggie. We must flee.
Perhaps now we can be together.
Yes. Always.
Wow, that's really tragic. I should have read the book.
And Robin Masters should have done his research.
Spain didn't enter the Anglo-Franco war until 1762.
Yes, but who cares? The point is that they jumped off the cliff.
Right, but listen to this last paragraph.
"And so the brave Captain Dawkins and his true love, Maggie Brown,
"plunged hand in hand over the precipice
"into the brutally churning waters below.
"And even though they did indeed perish,
"their love would live on and on."
What treacle.
I kind of liked it.
That's not the point.
My dear, what is the point?
The point is, there are no churning fresh waters on Oahu.
Exactly.
But this is fiction.
Yeah, but the scouting trip I took Robin on
before he wrote the book wasn't.
He just used a little literary license.
I know exactly where they are.
MAGNUM: I know what you're thinking.
Given what happened earlier, we were walking into a certain trap.
I knew that.
But what Amy and her cohorts didn't know
was what could happen when the trappers became the trapees.
Nobody move.
I think.
Don't try anything stupid, guys.
Jump.
All of you.
You can't be serious.
Down there?
In the water?
In the water.
Look, guys, I think there's room for discussion here. Why don't we...
No. No more talk. We're through talking.
Everybody over the side, in the drink.
Come on. I mean, we're all rational human beings.
I mean, why don't we try and work something out?
After all, there's more than enough to go around here.
AMY: Not necessarily.
Everyone stay exactly as you are.
The Great Treasure of Kalaniopu'u Treasure Hunt is history.
Time for the grand finale, right now.
You know, I don't think you're going to be doing much book editing anymore.
Unless you and these bozos plan on doing some prison writing.
There's something about a $1 million payday
that can make you lose your zeal for working.
Now do as we say. We've got a plane to catch.
I think you're bluffing.
That's it, I think a swim will be just fine.
Stay right there, Rick.
(HELlCOPTER WHlRRlNG)
Get the rope! Come on.
(LAUGHlNG)
I got it! I got it!
Money, money, money, money.
(SPLASHlNG)
(LAUGHlNG)
I'm sorry you lost your grandiflora Queen Elizabeths over this.
Thank you, Magnum. The gesture is appreciated.
But I suppose that when one works,
as we do, for someone as eccentric
and as anarchically impulsive as Mr. Masters,
we must expect the unexpected
and learn to live with the somewhat absurd vagaries of his work.
You're right, Higgins.
I guess you and I'll be doing this for a long time, too, huh?
You know, together.
Yes, as a matter of fact, always.
(SCREAMlNG)
(SPLASH)