1 00:00:02,509 --> 00:00:03,676 Jess. 2 00:00:03,744 --> 00:00:04,944 Yeah. 3 00:00:05,012 --> 00:00:06,079 Can I ask you something? 4 00:00:06,146 --> 00:00:07,313 You want my help? 5 00:00:07,381 --> 00:00:08,415 Sure. 6 00:00:09,008 --> 00:00:10,809 You consider me a sexy man, correct? 7 00:00:11,764 --> 00:00:13,261 - I don't know how to answer that question. - Okay, look, 8 00:00:13,262 --> 00:00:14,838 I'm meeting a girl for drinks tonight, 9 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,930 and I'm probably going to bring her back here for sex. 10 00:00:17,224 --> 00:00:19,691 I have to get to school 'cause it's Astronomy Day 11 00:00:19,692 --> 00:00:21,141 and I'm dressing up like Galileo 12 00:00:21,142 --> 00:00:22,466 - so I have to put on my beard. - I get that, 13 00:00:22,466 --> 00:00:25,201 but as a lady, where in the room do I look sexiest? 14 00:00:25,499 --> 00:00:29,268 You know, like, like where am I best on display-- here? 15 00:00:31,939 --> 00:00:36,943 Here or... here? 16 00:00:37,011 --> 00:00:38,244 Hey, what is going on...? 17 00:00:38,312 --> 00:00:39,779 Um, Schmidt wants to know 18 00:00:39,847 --> 00:00:42,215 where in his room he looks the sexiest. 19 00:00:42,282 --> 00:00:43,483 Well, it's a big room. 20 00:00:43,550 --> 00:00:44,617 What are your choices? 21 00:00:44,685 --> 00:00:45,785 Okay, I'm glad you asked. 22 00:00:45,853 --> 00:00:48,521 All right, here. 23 00:00:48,589 --> 00:00:49,288 Okay. 24 00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:53,860 Here... 25 00:00:53,927 --> 00:00:56,562 or here, you know, maybe just reading a book or... 26 00:00:56,630 --> 00:00:57,631 That's a lot of options. 27 00:00:57,698 --> 00:00:59,365 - Could you do 'em again really fast? - You want to see 'em again? 28 00:00:59,433 --> 00:01:01,234 - Please. - Okay, here, 29 00:01:01,801 --> 00:01:03,569 here, 30 00:01:04,437 --> 00:01:05,405 here. 31 00:01:05,472 --> 00:01:08,007 - Wait, what was the first one again? - Yeah. 32 00:01:08,075 --> 00:01:10,610 Okay, I get it, all laugh at Schmidt, great. 33 00:01:10,678 --> 00:01:13,813 Here, here... 34 00:01:13,881 --> 00:01:16,616 # Hey, girl # 35 00:01:16,784 --> 00:01:18,785 # What you doing? # 36 00:01:19,053 --> 00:01:22,021 # Hey, girl # 37 00:01:22,089 --> 00:01:24,549 # Where you going? # 38 00:01:24,553 --> 00:01:26,855 # Who's that girl? # # Who's that girl? # 39 00:01:27,294 --> 00:01:28,562 # Who's that girl? # 40 00:01:28,629 --> 00:01:30,795 # Who's that girl? # # It's Jess. # 41 00:01:30,796 --> 00:01:34,982 1x02 - Kryptonite - 42 00:01:35,369 --> 00:01:38,037 I'm so excited to meet him. 43 00:01:38,105 --> 00:01:39,772 No, Jess, he's sleeping. 44 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,040 He flew in late last night. 45 00:01:41,108 --> 00:01:42,375 We took him straight to the bar. 46 00:01:42,443 --> 00:01:43,876 Took a bunch of shots, got drunk, 47 00:01:43,944 --> 00:01:45,511 screamed "I love America," 48 00:01:45,579 --> 00:01:47,346 now he's happily passed out. 49 00:01:48,414 --> 00:01:50,549 - Let's let him sleep. - Guess I'm not the new kid anymore. 50 00:01:50,617 --> 00:01:52,552 - Just one of the guys. - You're still the new kid. 51 00:01:52,619 --> 00:01:54,821 - Winston lived here before Coach did. - So Coach said 52 00:01:54,888 --> 00:01:56,089 that they used to play basketball 53 00:01:56,156 --> 00:01:57,457 together in college, 54 00:01:57,524 --> 00:01:59,492 but then Winston went pro? 55 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:01,894 In Latvia, okay, he went, went pro in Latvia. 56 00:02:01,962 --> 00:02:04,263 It's a big difference. Well, the team logo 57 00:02:04,331 --> 00:02:06,899 is a fig, just a, just one single fig. 58 00:02:06,967 --> 00:02:09,035 Oh, you're jealous-- that's so cute. 59 00:02:09,103 --> 00:02:11,503 Of Winston? No, no, no, I'm not, I'm not jealous of Winston. 60 00:02:11,571 --> 00:02:12,371 Okay, it's been two years. 61 00:02:12,439 --> 00:02:14,240 He's gonna have to recognize. 62 00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:16,008 I'm a lot flyer now. Want to see me flex my base? 63 00:02:16,076 --> 00:02:17,243 No, no, no, no, no, no. 64 00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:18,011 Put your shirt on. 65 00:02:18,079 --> 00:02:19,846 - Let me flex my base, man. - Put your shirt on. 66 00:02:19,913 --> 00:02:20,980 - Ba-boom. - It's the morning. 67 00:02:21,048 --> 00:02:22,615 He's going to love it. 68 00:02:22,683 --> 00:02:24,417 Jess, what are you doing? 69 00:02:24,485 --> 00:02:25,718 What is, what is she doing? 70 00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:33,426 Who, w-what, what, what, who...? 71 00:02:33,494 --> 00:02:34,327 I'm Jess. 72 00:02:34,394 --> 00:02:36,429 # I'm Je... # 73 00:02:36,497 --> 00:02:38,531 What's happening? 74 00:02:38,599 --> 00:02:40,600 Why are you doing that?! 75 00:02:40,667 --> 00:02:42,668 # ...ess. # 76 00:02:42,736 --> 00:02:44,771 I can't believe you didn't tell me he was hungover. 77 00:02:44,838 --> 00:02:46,873 I totally told you he was hungover. 78 00:02:46,940 --> 00:02:49,275 I said he was drunk at the bar and now he's passed out. 79 00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:50,743 Hi, Winston. 80 00:02:50,811 --> 00:02:53,579 Hey, I apologize for what happened before. 81 00:02:53,647 --> 00:02:55,148 Not cool, bad call. 82 00:02:55,215 --> 00:02:59,018 I've been talking to the guys about boundaries, so 83 00:02:59,086 --> 00:03:00,186 I totally get it. 84 00:03:00,254 --> 00:03:02,054 Perfectly fine, no problem. 85 00:03:02,622 --> 00:03:04,791 Do you have a tank top I could borrow? 86 00:03:04,858 --> 00:03:06,459 You look like you're about my size. 87 00:03:06,527 --> 00:03:08,127 It's just that I'm really low on clothes 88 00:03:08,195 --> 00:03:10,029 right now 'cause I broke up with my boyfriend. 89 00:03:10,097 --> 00:03:12,799 Oh, God. I caught him cheating, and I just, like, grabbed 90 00:03:12,866 --> 00:03:14,300 - whatever I could and... - Jess, you know what? 91 00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:15,468 I'll let you check my lost and found. 92 00:03:15,536 --> 00:03:16,769 It's where I keep all the stuff that girls 93 00:03:16,837 --> 00:03:19,172 leave behind in my room after we fo'nicate. 94 00:03:19,239 --> 00:03:20,673 Got sizes 95 00:03:20,741 --> 00:03:22,241 zero through ten. 96 00:03:22,309 --> 00:03:24,477 What have you done to me, Nick? 97 00:03:24,545 --> 00:03:26,746 I am so happy you're back. 98 00:03:28,649 --> 00:03:31,317 You have made love to a lot of forgetful women. 99 00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:33,019 Oh, man, look at these. 100 00:03:33,086 --> 00:03:33,986 Wow. 101 00:03:34,054 --> 00:03:35,288 Oh, look at that. 102 00:03:35,355 --> 00:03:36,556 Rosh Hashanah, 103 00:03:36,623 --> 00:03:38,224 '06. 104 00:03:38,292 --> 00:03:40,760 Yeah, nothing orthodox about what we did that night. 105 00:03:40,828 --> 00:03:42,428 Winston seems nice. 106 00:03:42,496 --> 00:03:43,963 Did he say anything to you about the room? 107 00:03:44,031 --> 00:03:45,598 - What room? - The big room. 108 00:03:45,666 --> 00:03:47,133 I kind of took it from him when he left. 109 00:03:47,201 --> 00:03:48,601 I used to be in the small room. 110 00:03:50,404 --> 00:03:51,737 This happened in the small room. 111 00:03:52,739 --> 00:03:54,507 Twice. 112 00:03:54,575 --> 00:03:56,943 Never going back there again, Jess. 113 00:03:57,010 --> 00:03:59,145 He's never going to give you that room back. 114 00:03:59,213 --> 00:04:00,513 Come on, man, it's Schmidt. 115 00:04:00,581 --> 00:04:02,215 You know, they have a saying in Latvia: 116 00:04:02,282 --> 00:04:05,318 That guy is so stupid, 117 00:04:05,385 --> 00:04:07,753 we could easily take things away from him. 118 00:04:07,821 --> 00:04:09,555 - That's a saying? - Yeah, it is. 119 00:04:14,061 --> 00:04:15,428 - What do you think? - Jess, 120 00:04:15,495 --> 00:04:16,629 I've been telling you this for weeks, 121 00:04:16,697 --> 00:04:19,565 but you got to call Spencer and you got to get your stuff back 122 00:04:19,633 --> 00:04:20,933 unless, you know, 123 00:04:21,001 --> 00:04:22,735 unless you're scared. 124 00:04:22,803 --> 00:04:24,337 No, I am not scared. 125 00:04:24,404 --> 00:04:26,138 It's just complicated. 126 00:04:27,541 --> 00:04:30,409 That stuff was, that stuff was ours 127 00:04:30,477 --> 00:04:31,444 and the house was... 128 00:04:31,511 --> 00:04:34,714 Jess, look, it's a ball. 129 00:04:34,781 --> 00:04:38,618 Oh, a little b-ball, huh? 130 00:04:38,685 --> 00:04:39,919 I'm actually pretty good. 131 00:04:39,987 --> 00:04:42,355 I used to play with my mom. 132 00:04:42,422 --> 00:04:45,124 # Defense, defense, watch out for the defense # 133 00:04:45,192 --> 00:04:46,359 # Sneaky, sneaky, wah-wah. # 134 00:04:47,928 --> 00:04:49,629 - You get used to her. - Hey, Schmidt. 135 00:04:55,636 --> 00:04:56,802 Oh. 136 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:00,973 My bad. 137 00:05:06,082 --> 00:05:07,716 I'm sorry, you guys. 138 00:05:07,784 --> 00:05:09,718 That was my TV, Jess. 139 00:05:09,786 --> 00:05:10,819 It's kind of all he had. 140 00:05:10,887 --> 00:05:12,154 I'll get you a new one. 141 00:05:12,221 --> 00:05:13,455 I just can't afford it right now. 142 00:05:13,523 --> 00:05:15,590 If you don't mind me asking, what's the plan? 143 00:05:15,658 --> 00:05:16,591 You don't know me like that, 144 00:05:16,659 --> 00:05:17,759 but I need a TV. 145 00:05:17,827 --> 00:05:18,960 Do you have a TV at Spencer's? 146 00:05:19,028 --> 00:05:20,662 Yeah, I do, it's just really big 147 00:05:20,730 --> 00:05:21,997 and thin and bright. 148 00:05:22,064 --> 00:05:23,331 - Go get it. - Go get it. 149 00:05:23,399 --> 00:05:25,700 No, I can't call Spencer, I haven't talked to him 150 00:05:25,768 --> 00:05:27,669 since he cheated on me with that ho. 151 00:05:27,737 --> 00:05:31,673 Actually, that's not fair-- she might be a really nice ho. 152 00:05:31,741 --> 00:05:33,008 I just don't want to get in a big fight 153 00:05:33,075 --> 00:05:35,177 with Spencer. I want to be friends with him eventually. 154 00:05:35,244 --> 00:05:37,145 Why do you want to be friends with your ex? 155 00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:39,114 I don't want to be friends with Caroline, 156 00:05:39,182 --> 00:05:41,149 and all she did was rip me open and tear out my heart 157 00:05:41,217 --> 00:05:43,618 with her perfect, perfect hands. 158 00:05:44,987 --> 00:05:46,121 He has a power over me. 159 00:05:46,189 --> 00:05:47,189 It's like he's 160 00:05:47,256 --> 00:05:48,957 a wizard and I'm his mage. 161 00:05:49,025 --> 00:05:50,025 I think it's his hair. 162 00:05:50,092 --> 00:05:51,226 He has this, like, 163 00:05:51,294 --> 00:05:52,694 really beautiful hair, and whenever I see it, 164 00:05:52,762 --> 00:05:53,895 I get the whoo-whoos. 165 00:05:53,963 --> 00:05:55,430 Oh, my God, 166 00:05:55,498 --> 00:05:57,499 - I hate my life. - All right, guys-- Jess, 167 00:05:57,567 --> 00:06:01,736 look, Jess, I know. 168 00:06:02,004 --> 00:06:02,938 Closure. 169 00:06:04,173 --> 00:06:05,674 Ouch. 170 00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:07,375 Am I right? 171 00:06:07,443 --> 00:06:09,077 I don't know at all what you're saying right now. 172 00:06:09,145 --> 00:06:10,745 Okay, Jess, think about it. 173 00:06:10,813 --> 00:06:11,680 Schmidt, it's not that complicated. 174 00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:13,048 Jess, just get the TV back. 175 00:06:13,115 --> 00:06:14,516 - I need a TV. - It's important. 176 00:06:14,584 --> 00:06:16,318 It's a television. 177 00:06:16,385 --> 00:06:18,987 It's what brings all of-- just get us the TV! 178 00:06:19,055 --> 00:06:20,322 Okay, it's not a big deal. 179 00:06:20,389 --> 00:06:21,957 I'll do it, I'll call Spencer 180 00:06:22,024 --> 00:06:24,459 and I will talk to him 181 00:06:24,527 --> 00:06:27,629 and I will talk to him, 182 00:06:27,697 --> 00:06:29,731 so yay. 183 00:06:29,799 --> 00:06:31,800 Yay. 184 00:06:44,647 --> 00:06:46,514 Hi, Spencer. 185 00:06:53,256 --> 00:06:56,725 Hi, Jess-Jess. 186 00:06:57,894 --> 00:06:59,361 Wow, I missed this place. 187 00:06:59,428 --> 00:07:00,795 Mmm, mmm. 188 00:07:00,863 --> 00:07:02,797 How's your yogurt thing, Schmidt? 189 00:07:02,865 --> 00:07:04,633 Oh, the parfait? 190 00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:06,501 - It's parfait. - Don't. 191 00:07:06,569 --> 00:07:09,537 Oh, hello, you look beautiful today and smart. 192 00:07:09,605 --> 00:07:11,139 Stop talking to me, Schmidt. 193 00:07:11,207 --> 00:07:12,807 So you're making all the calls now, Schmidt. 194 00:07:12,875 --> 00:07:15,377 Sure. This must mean you are the top dog. 195 00:07:15,444 --> 00:07:18,747 - Yeah? - Absolutely. 196 00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:20,181 You know, I'm glad you guys think that 197 00:07:20,249 --> 00:07:22,584 because, you know, 198 00:07:22,652 --> 00:07:24,452 - I think that, too. - 100%. 199 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:25,921 I mean, when I moved out, obviously 200 00:07:25,988 --> 00:07:27,656 there was a power vacuum. 201 00:07:27,723 --> 00:07:29,724 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, I needed a leader. 202 00:07:29,792 --> 00:07:31,426 I didn't know which end was up. 203 00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,762 No, Nick's a bottom-- you know what I mean. 204 00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:35,030 Absolutely. 205 00:07:35,097 --> 00:07:36,531 Say, Winston, do all 206 00:07:36,599 --> 00:07:38,667 top dogs need the biggest room 207 00:07:38,734 --> 00:07:39,801 or, I don't know, is that 208 00:07:39,869 --> 00:07:41,069 kind of cheesy, is it a little overkill? 209 00:07:41,137 --> 00:07:42,337 No, no, no, no, but I definitely see 210 00:07:42,405 --> 00:07:43,972 what you're saying, though, definitely. 211 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,874 Um, every top dog is different, 212 00:07:45,942 --> 00:07:47,342 every top dog is different. 213 00:07:47,410 --> 00:07:50,512 Hey, Schmidt, what, uh, kind of top dog are you? 214 00:07:51,579 --> 00:07:52,714 The kind with the big room. 215 00:07:54,917 --> 00:07:56,651 I'm so glad we're talking. 216 00:07:56,719 --> 00:07:58,887 Last time I saw you, you were so mad. 217 00:07:58,955 --> 00:08:00,555 - How is, um...? - Rochelle. 218 00:08:00,623 --> 00:08:03,124 Rochelle-- fancy name. 219 00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:04,259 - She's great. - Rochelle-- 220 00:08:04,327 --> 00:08:06,161 - like a mermaid. - Yeah. 221 00:08:06,228 --> 00:08:08,196 Hello, I'm Rochelle. 222 00:08:08,264 --> 00:08:10,098 I eat fish. 223 00:08:10,166 --> 00:08:11,566 Yeah, we have a lot in common. 224 00:08:11,634 --> 00:08:13,234 Obviously we both love bikes. 225 00:08:13,302 --> 00:08:15,370 I love bikes. 226 00:08:15,438 --> 00:08:17,439 Not enough. 227 00:08:17,506 --> 00:08:20,608 Um, Spencer, I need my stuff back-- 228 00:08:20,676 --> 00:08:22,043 my TV and all my winter clothes... 229 00:08:22,111 --> 00:08:23,645 - Yeah, of course. - ...and my plants. 230 00:08:23,713 --> 00:08:25,613 I would have brought it today, but I rode my bike here, 231 00:08:25,681 --> 00:08:28,016 - you know, without the basket. - Okay, 232 00:08:28,084 --> 00:08:29,983 well, when would be a good time for me to come... 233 00:08:29,984 --> 00:08:30,919 It's so good to see you. 234 00:08:30,987 --> 00:08:32,954 - Spencer, I really need my stu... - Shh. 235 00:08:34,523 --> 00:08:37,192 I need something, too. 236 00:08:37,259 --> 00:08:38,626 # She's dressed in yellow, she says hello... # 237 00:08:38,694 --> 00:08:40,662 Thanks for taking me to the airport, Jess. 238 00:08:40,730 --> 00:08:42,097 Of course. 239 00:08:42,164 --> 00:08:45,767 All you have is your bike, Rochelle. 240 00:08:45,835 --> 00:08:46,868 # You want it # 241 00:08:46,936 --> 00:08:49,871 # You got it # 242 00:08:49,939 --> 00:08:52,140 # You want it, baby # 243 00:08:52,208 --> 00:08:53,775 # You got it, uh # # Just bust a move, uh # 244 00:08:53,843 --> 00:08:55,443 # You want it. # 245 00:08:59,487 --> 00:09:01,621 $550 for the TV? 246 00:09:01,689 --> 00:09:03,390 Seems a little steep. 247 00:09:03,657 --> 00:09:05,125 I'm gonna write down a figure 248 00:09:05,193 --> 00:09:07,494 and this is as high as I'll go. 249 00:09:11,298 --> 00:09:13,533 You drew a smiley face. 250 00:09:13,601 --> 00:09:14,868 I'm a teacher. 251 00:09:14,935 --> 00:09:16,069 Do it for the kids. 252 00:09:16,137 --> 00:09:19,973 For the kids, $550. 253 00:09:20,041 --> 00:09:21,708 I can't go home without a TV. 254 00:09:21,776 --> 00:09:23,309 I thought pawnshops 255 00:09:23,377 --> 00:09:24,911 were about helping people, and frankly, 256 00:09:24,979 --> 00:09:26,813 right now I feel taken advantage of, 257 00:09:26,881 --> 00:09:29,482 and I just got out of a long relationship 258 00:09:29,550 --> 00:09:31,418 and I don't know what I'm doing emotionally 259 00:09:31,485 --> 00:09:33,653 or-- let's be honest-- sexually. 260 00:09:35,857 --> 00:09:39,492 I'll just... just get out of here. 261 00:09:45,366 --> 00:09:47,267 Are you trying to rob me? 262 00:09:53,674 --> 00:09:55,142 Hey, where's Winston at, man? 263 00:09:55,209 --> 00:09:56,944 I think he's in his room, Schmidt. 264 00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:00,547 You really think I'm top dog? 265 00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:03,917 Yes. 266 00:10:03,985 --> 00:10:05,352 You think I'm head baller, shot caller? 267 00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:09,323 Yes, Schmidt, I feel that way. 268 00:10:11,658 --> 00:10:12,826 See that, man? 269 00:10:12,894 --> 00:10:14,628 That's my new thumb ring. How choice is that? 270 00:10:15,696 --> 00:10:17,998 Little skull-- it's so nectar. 271 00:10:18,066 --> 00:10:19,366 Did you just make up "nectar"? 272 00:10:19,434 --> 00:10:21,134 No, it's a volleyball term. 273 00:10:21,202 --> 00:10:22,669 What is Winston doing in there? 274 00:10:22,737 --> 00:10:23,870 He can't hang out in there-- it's too small. 275 00:10:24,337 --> 00:10:26,170 - What's up? - Yeah, what up ****. 276 00:10:26,274 --> 00:10:27,274 Hey, are you all right? 277 00:10:27,342 --> 00:10:29,643 I'm sorry, I didn't get the TV. 278 00:10:29,711 --> 00:10:31,845 - What happened? - Ugh, I'm a terrible roommate. 279 00:10:31,912 --> 00:10:32,746 I mean, seriously, 280 00:10:32,814 --> 00:10:34,214 you guys told her to call Spencer? 281 00:10:34,282 --> 00:10:35,582 That is not your job. 282 00:10:35,650 --> 00:10:36,984 That is my job. 283 00:10:37,051 --> 00:10:38,018 All right, so what happened? 284 00:10:39,621 --> 00:10:41,855 He needed a ride to the airport. 285 00:10:41,923 --> 00:10:42,789 What? 286 00:10:42,857 --> 00:10:44,958 For his new girlfriend. 287 00:10:45,026 --> 00:10:46,259 - Are you kidding me? - Are you serious? 288 00:10:46,827 --> 00:10:48,929 I'm supposed to pick her up next Sunday. 289 00:10:48,997 --> 00:10:50,998 - Oh, my God, Jess. - Wow! 290 00:10:51,065 --> 00:10:52,399 What's wrong with me?! 291 00:10:52,467 --> 00:10:53,834 I figured it out. 292 00:10:53,901 --> 00:10:56,069 This guy's your Kryptonite. 293 00:10:56,137 --> 00:10:59,206 You need to stand up, and you need to fight him. 294 00:10:59,273 --> 00:11:01,908 I tried to fight him, but I can't, 'cause I'm powerless. 295 00:11:01,976 --> 00:11:03,143 'Cause you're not ready to let him go. 296 00:11:03,211 --> 00:11:05,212 I think you know deep down, 297 00:11:05,279 --> 00:11:06,847 once you get your stuff back, 298 00:11:06,914 --> 00:11:09,016 you know, it's over over. 299 00:11:09,083 --> 00:11:10,550 I can't believe 300 00:11:10,618 --> 00:11:12,185 I'm actually gonna say this, 301 00:11:12,253 --> 00:11:14,588 but I agree with him. 302 00:11:17,659 --> 00:11:19,126 No, you guys are wrong. 303 00:11:19,193 --> 00:11:21,261 I really... I really want to move on. 304 00:11:21,329 --> 00:11:23,363 - Then you got to fight. - All right, I want to fight. 305 00:11:23,431 --> 00:11:24,931 - And get mad. - I want to get mad. 306 00:11:24,999 --> 00:11:26,433 All right, then let's do this. 307 00:11:26,501 --> 00:11:28,368 Pretend this is Spencer's face. Punch it. 308 00:11:31,871 --> 00:11:32,906 Get him. 309 00:11:35,076 --> 00:11:37,110 Come on, do it again. 310 00:11:37,176 --> 00:11:38,046 Punch it like a man... 311 00:11:38,176 --> 00:11:40,246 - Harder than that! - C'mom, Jess. 312 00:11:40,376 --> 00:11:41,446 C'mon, Jess. Get angry! 313 00:11:41,549 --> 00:11:43,284 - Good! - Get angry! Real angry. 314 00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,051 That's dancing, that's punch-dancing. 315 00:11:45,152 --> 00:11:46,353 He broke your heart. 316 00:11:46,421 --> 00:11:47,688 He did terrible things to you. You hate him. 317 00:11:48,255 --> 00:11:49,156 I'm mad! 318 00:11:49,223 --> 00:11:51,058 - Good! - There you go. - I'm bad! 319 00:11:51,125 --> 00:11:52,492 You're ready. Go get your stuff. 320 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,361 - I'm gonna go get my stuff! - Go get him! 321 00:11:54,429 --> 00:11:55,495 Come on, Jess. 322 00:11:55,563 --> 00:11:56,563 I'm really mad! 323 00:11:56,631 --> 00:11:58,064 - Proud of you. - Gonna go get it! 324 00:11:58,132 --> 00:11:59,399 Get your stuff. 325 00:11:59,467 --> 00:12:01,134 I'm gonna face the facts. 326 00:12:01,202 --> 00:12:04,871 I'm gonna ask you guys right now to come with me. 327 00:12:07,439 --> 00:12:08,475 Seriously, guys. 328 00:12:08,543 --> 00:12:10,210 - All right, yeah, yeah. - 'Cause I can't carry everything alone, 329 00:12:10,278 --> 00:12:12,045 and I can't be alone. 330 00:12:13,548 --> 00:12:15,916 Yeah! Loud music! 331 00:12:15,983 --> 00:12:19,453 Loud. It's loud. 332 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,188 Okay, you are ruining my pre-game mix. 333 00:12:21,255 --> 00:12:24,658 - What am I gonna say? - Hey, Spencer, give me my TV back. 334 00:12:24,726 --> 00:12:26,760 Hi, Spencer. Give me my TV back, buddy. 335 00:12:26,828 --> 00:12:28,829 No "buddy." How about "jerk" or "idiot"? 336 00:12:28,896 --> 00:12:29,996 Mr. Crabs. 337 00:12:30,064 --> 00:12:32,065 Mr. Crabs is an option. 338 00:12:32,133 --> 00:12:33,667 Your hand is on my leg. 339 00:12:33,735 --> 00:12:35,368 Oh, your hand's on my leg. 340 00:12:35,436 --> 00:12:36,970 No, it really isn't. 341 00:12:37,038 --> 00:12:39,372 Classic he said, she said. 342 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:41,742 Okay, Jess, just pull over right there. 343 00:12:46,114 --> 00:12:47,948 What are you doing? It was right there. 344 00:12:48,015 --> 00:12:49,716 Okay, you know what? Just one more shot. 345 00:12:49,784 --> 00:12:53,053 One more time around, Jess, and then we're good. You got this. 346 00:12:53,121 --> 00:12:54,621 Here we go. This is the one. 347 00:12:54,689 --> 00:12:56,923 All right, you got this, Jess. Come on. 348 00:12:59,127 --> 00:13:00,560 - I... - Just one more time. 349 00:13:02,263 --> 00:13:04,464 ...didn't want to, you know. 350 00:13:04,532 --> 00:13:06,900 Ok this is the time, this is the time... 351 00:13:06,968 --> 00:13:08,401 One more shot, one more shot. 352 00:13:08,469 --> 00:13:10,470 Just one more. Just one more. 353 00:13:10,538 --> 00:13:12,672 - You know, I'm on to you. - What do you mean? 354 00:13:12,740 --> 00:13:14,508 Okay, you told me that I'm top dog, 355 00:13:14,575 --> 00:13:16,843 but secretly, you think you're top dog, all right? 356 00:13:16,911 --> 00:13:19,646 And now you're just trying to out-top dog the top dog. 357 00:13:19,714 --> 00:13:21,481 Jess, can you please take these doors off child-lock 358 00:13:21,548 --> 00:13:22,349 so I can kill myself? 359 00:13:22,416 --> 00:13:24,017 Men working. 360 00:13:24,085 --> 00:13:25,719 Look, things are different now, man, all right? 361 00:13:25,787 --> 00:13:27,487 You're not top dog anymore. I am. 362 00:13:27,555 --> 00:13:29,256 Okay, you know what? You are absolutely correct. 363 00:13:29,323 --> 00:13:30,857 You are the top dog. 364 00:13:30,925 --> 00:13:33,325 - Here. - What are you doing? 365 00:13:33,893 --> 00:13:35,360 There's no top dog crown. 366 00:13:35,428 --> 00:13:36,863 What, are you trying to make me look stupid? 367 00:13:36,931 --> 00:13:39,232 Look, man, this is about respect. 368 00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,001 I'm a lot flyer than I used to be. 369 00:13:41,068 --> 00:13:42,402 Yeah, much flyer. I respect you, Schmidt. 370 00:13:42,470 --> 00:13:43,970 No, you don't. 371 00:13:44,038 --> 00:13:46,173 Because if you did, you would have told me 372 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,441 that the small room is the top dog room. 373 00:13:56,517 --> 00:13:59,152 # Just when I thought our chance had past # 374 00:13:59,220 --> 00:14:00,954 What? I own this song. 375 00:14:01,022 --> 00:14:07,160 # You go and save the best for last... # 376 00:14:11,165 --> 00:14:12,699 What's happening? 377 00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:14,935 What's happening is that this is a great song. 378 00:14:18,805 --> 00:14:21,173 I'll be out here if you need me, Jess. 379 00:14:31,786 --> 00:14:34,154 Oh, hey, Jess-Jess. 380 00:14:34,222 --> 00:14:37,157 That's the wizard? He's wearing a scrunchie. 381 00:14:37,225 --> 00:14:39,359 Looks like he juggles clubs on the beach. 382 00:14:39,427 --> 00:14:40,961 Yeah, like he'd ever have a job. 383 00:14:41,028 --> 00:14:42,529 Didn't you just kind of assume 384 00:14:42,597 --> 00:14:44,464 he'd have a handlebar moustache? 385 00:14:44,532 --> 00:14:46,967 Come on, Jess, just go in there and get that TV. 386 00:14:48,402 --> 00:14:49,769 I miss you, Jess. 387 00:14:49,837 --> 00:14:51,304 Don't hug him back. 388 00:14:53,341 --> 00:14:54,908 - Ugh! - Oh, that's not good. 389 00:14:58,278 --> 00:15:00,347 I told you to water the plants. 390 00:15:00,414 --> 00:15:02,716 Huh? Oh. Oh, you know it's not my thing. 391 00:15:03,783 --> 00:15:05,051 I told you to water the plants. 392 00:15:07,255 --> 00:15:09,256 What is she doing? 393 00:15:13,561 --> 00:15:15,495 Oh! Oh, what a mess! 394 00:15:16,964 --> 00:15:18,398 I'm coming in! 395 00:15:18,466 --> 00:15:20,200 Jess, take your shoes off! 396 00:15:20,268 --> 00:15:21,902 We keep an Asian household. 397 00:15:21,969 --> 00:15:23,370 Didn't see that coming. 398 00:15:24,637 --> 00:15:27,307 She going to be okay in there? 399 00:15:38,251 --> 00:15:39,419 I've got it! 400 00:15:40,487 --> 00:15:42,022 It's really heavy, but I got it! 401 00:15:42,089 --> 00:15:44,557 Oh, my God, we created a monster. 402 00:15:45,925 --> 00:15:48,161 She looks like Helena Bonham Carter. 403 00:15:49,029 --> 00:15:50,629 Soft hands, Jess. 404 00:15:50,697 --> 00:15:52,565 Jess, come on, let's share it. You know, work out a system. 405 00:15:53,633 --> 00:15:56,235 Hey... Hey, that's my shirt. 406 00:15:56,704 --> 00:15:59,572 - No, this is my T-shirt. - No, that is my shirt. 407 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:00,307 It has my name on it. 408 00:16:00,374 --> 00:16:01,474 Don't drop it. Jess, don't... 409 00:16:01,542 --> 00:16:03,310 Don't drop the... No, no, no... 410 00:16:03,377 --> 00:16:04,844 Come on, everybody out now. 411 00:16:05,912 --> 00:16:08,415 - Ugh! Give me my shirt! - Come on, I like this shirt. 412 00:16:08,482 --> 00:16:10,750 Hey, Jess, no, no, no, no, no, stop, stop, stop, stop. 413 00:16:10,818 --> 00:16:13,052 Sorry. Don't mind us, pal. We're just here for the TV. 414 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:14,821 - Who are these guys? - They're my roommates. 415 00:16:14,889 --> 00:16:17,724 - Cece, hi. - I'm gonna go in and get the rest of your stuff, Jess. 416 00:16:17,792 --> 00:16:19,625 Wait, Jess, let's just talk about this, okay? 417 00:16:19,693 --> 00:16:20,894 You know, rap it out. 418 00:16:20,962 --> 00:16:22,662 No, we can rap it out. We're not together anymore. 419 00:16:22,729 --> 00:16:23,697 It's not the same. 420 00:16:23,764 --> 00:16:25,699 It doesn't mean we can't talk about things. 421 00:16:25,766 --> 00:16:27,801 There's nothing to talk about. Give me my shirt back. 422 00:16:28,268 --> 00:16:30,005 No, you gave this to me. I want to keep it. 423 00:16:30,868 --> 00:16:32,305 Give her her T-shirt, man. 424 00:16:32,373 --> 00:16:34,440 No, I don't want to, you know, and I gave her this hat, too, 425 00:16:34,508 --> 00:16:35,475 so I'm gonna take this back. 426 00:16:35,543 --> 00:16:36,843 - This one? - Yeah. - You want that? 427 00:16:36,911 --> 00:16:38,144 - Yeah. - Then I dare you-- 428 00:16:38,212 --> 00:16:39,579 come take it off my head, pal. 429 00:16:42,916 --> 00:16:43,850 I dare you. 430 00:16:48,089 --> 00:16:49,522 You guys look ridiculous. 431 00:16:49,590 --> 00:16:51,091 Look, dude, give her the shirt back. 432 00:16:51,158 --> 00:16:52,792 I bet she worked hard on that jamboree. 433 00:16:52,860 --> 00:16:55,929 Yeah, it's a play on words-- Jam-boree. 434 00:16:55,997 --> 00:16:56,796 - Jam. - Jam. 435 00:16:56,864 --> 00:16:59,666 Girl made a lot of jam, Spence. 436 00:16:59,734 --> 00:17:01,601 You know how time-consuming that can be? 437 00:17:01,669 --> 00:17:03,937 You need a jar funnel, a canner, 438 00:17:04,005 --> 00:17:07,073 some fresh fruit-- strawberries, raspberries, 439 00:17:07,140 --> 00:17:09,342 maybe a tayberry, maybe a ripe... 440 00:17:09,410 --> 00:17:10,046 No more fruit, Schmidt. 441 00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:12,846 You live with these people, Jess? Seriously? 442 00:17:12,913 --> 00:17:14,748 You can stay here until you find a better place to live. 443 00:17:14,815 --> 00:17:16,182 You know what? I don't like you, stretch. 444 00:17:17,050 --> 00:17:18,084 I don't like anything 445 00:17:18,152 --> 00:17:21,421 - about you, and I'm not afraid to... - I got this. 446 00:17:25,092 --> 00:17:26,993 I've got a place to live, Spence. 447 00:17:27,561 --> 00:17:29,362 It's over. 448 00:17:29,429 --> 00:17:30,963 I spent six years 449 00:17:31,031 --> 00:17:32,865 trying to figure you out. 450 00:17:32,933 --> 00:17:34,901 All you are is a guy 451 00:17:34,968 --> 00:17:37,069 with really beautiful hair. 452 00:17:37,137 --> 00:17:38,504 I'm happy you cheated on me. 453 00:17:39,072 --> 00:17:40,239 Thank you. 454 00:17:40,307 --> 00:17:43,943 Because if you hadn't, I would have married you. 455 00:17:44,011 --> 00:17:46,245 And then you would have hurt me all over again. 456 00:17:48,315 --> 00:17:50,850 And, yeah, I was scared to start over. 457 00:17:50,918 --> 00:17:52,585 I didn't know what to do, 458 00:17:52,653 --> 00:17:54,788 and yeah, I'm living with three guys I met on the Internet. 459 00:17:54,855 --> 00:17:57,123 And yeah, stranger danger is real. 460 00:17:57,190 --> 00:17:58,891 But I love these guys. 461 00:18:00,494 --> 00:18:02,528 I barely know them, 462 00:18:02,596 --> 00:18:04,064 I just met him, 463 00:18:04,432 --> 00:18:05,899 but I love them. 464 00:18:05,966 --> 00:18:07,500 I would just take it easy with the love stuff. 465 00:18:07,568 --> 00:18:10,002 All of them. 466 00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:15,841 Give her the shirt back, man. 467 00:18:19,813 --> 00:18:20,846 What happens if I say no? 468 00:18:20,914 --> 00:18:23,215 You know what happens? 469 00:18:23,283 --> 00:18:24,884 Schmidt happens! 470 00:18:24,952 --> 00:18:26,419 Ow! 471 00:18:26,486 --> 00:18:27,853 What was on your hand? 472 00:18:27,921 --> 00:18:29,188 Thumb ring, bitch. 473 00:18:29,256 --> 00:18:30,990 You got some Schmidt on your face. 474 00:18:32,659 --> 00:18:35,428 You know what? Fine! Here, take it! 475 00:18:36,897 --> 00:18:38,297 - Keep the bell. - What? 476 00:18:41,101 --> 00:18:43,703 You know, I thought we were gonna handle this like adults, Jess. 477 00:18:43,770 --> 00:18:46,872 Yeah, well, I thought you were the love of my life, so... 478 00:18:48,976 --> 00:18:52,111 Suck it, Mr. Crabs. 479 00:19:07,506 --> 00:19:09,040 You hit that guy. 480 00:19:09,908 --> 00:19:11,542 Whatever. You know. 481 00:19:13,011 --> 00:19:14,645 You know what? 482 00:19:14,713 --> 00:19:17,648 Maybe I didn't have respect for you before, because 483 00:19:17,716 --> 00:19:20,050 if this is what respecting you feels like, 484 00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:22,520 this is definitely not how I felt. 485 00:19:22,587 --> 00:19:26,524 So, you recognize. Represent, what? 486 00:19:26,591 --> 00:19:28,959 Okay, look, I'm gonna be completely honest. 487 00:19:29,027 --> 00:19:30,328 I've been messing with you. 488 00:19:30,396 --> 00:19:32,497 But it's just that I wanted my old room back. 489 00:19:32,564 --> 00:19:34,532 You know, you're right. 490 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,634 I've been away a long time, and things have changed around here, 491 00:19:36,702 --> 00:19:38,936 so I guess I kind of got to get used to that. 492 00:19:39,004 --> 00:19:40,638 You can keep the big room. 493 00:19:40,706 --> 00:19:43,608 See, now you're just deep dogging me, man. 494 00:19:43,676 --> 00:19:46,577 I'm not scared of your mind games. 495 00:19:46,645 --> 00:19:49,514 I'm taking the small room, Winston. 496 00:19:49,581 --> 00:19:51,416 Schmidt, that's not what I mean, but... 497 00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:53,151 No, no, no, no, no. Why don't you listen to what I mean? 498 00:19:53,218 --> 00:19:57,188 You can double reverse dog me until the cows come home. 499 00:19:57,256 --> 00:19:59,290 I'm not falling for it. 500 00:19:59,358 --> 00:20:01,092 What do you take me for, 501 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,094 some kind of idiot? 502 00:20:04,831 --> 00:20:06,965 Yes. 503 00:20:10,736 --> 00:20:12,804 Can't believe I got all my stuff back. 504 00:20:12,871 --> 00:20:15,574 You did, but most of it's broken. 505 00:20:15,641 --> 00:20:19,410 Yeah, it's broken, but-- I don't know-- it's mine. 506 00:20:19,478 --> 00:20:22,380 Yeah, but it's broken. Hey, look at that. 507 00:20:22,448 --> 00:20:24,082 - I think it's working. - Oh, my God! 508 00:20:24,149 --> 00:20:26,134 - We got a TV again. - It's a TV, and it's working. 509 00:20:26,151 --> 00:20:29,187 Hey, we got the TV back! 510 00:20:29,254 --> 00:20:31,956 All right! 511 00:20:32,024 --> 00:20:33,325 You guys are awesome. 512 00:20:33,392 --> 00:20:35,460 I'm going to make you so much jam. 513 00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:37,161 Please don't. 514 00:20:37,229 --> 00:20:38,830 # Oh, we're gonna have a jam sesh. # 515 00:20:38,897 --> 00:20:40,164 Absolutely not. 516 00:20:44,135 --> 00:20:45,903 Okay, what are we watching? 517 00:20:45,971 --> 00:20:47,605 I have some DVDs. 518 00:20:47,673 --> 00:20:49,674 Um, Adventures in Babysitting, 519 00:20:49,742 --> 00:20:53,211 uh, Prancer, Newsies, Curly Sue. 520 00:20:53,278 --> 00:20:54,879 I'm going out. 521 00:20:54,947 --> 00:20:57,548 Yeah. 522 00:20:57,616 --> 00:21:00,685 Wait. Where are you guys going? 523 00:21:01,753 --> 00:21:03,654 These are heartwarming films. 524 00:21:08,491 --> 00:21:10,959 - Curly Sue. Let's do this. - All right, let me go get it.