1
00:00:01,180 --> 00:00:03,798
It's our first wedding together
so we need nicknames.
2
00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:06,998
Nick is Knick-Knack!
Or Mr. Suspenders.
3
00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:09,198
No nicknames, ok?
Your only job tonight
4
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:10,498
is to be Nick's girlfriend, okay?
5
00:00:10,507 --> 00:00:13,098
And make sure he stays
out of trouble with Caroline.
6
00:00:13,107 --> 00:00:14,477
Why can't you and Winston help?
7
00:00:14,607 --> 00:00:16,977
We've tried...
He doesn't listen to us anymore.
8
00:00:17,977 --> 00:00:19,977
She's not coming back, Nick.
9
00:00:20,477 --> 00:00:21,477
He's right, I don't.
10
00:00:21,577 --> 00:00:22,577
# Da, da-da, dah!! #
11
00:00:22,627 --> 00:00:23,626
No!
12
00:00:23,627 --> 00:00:27,177
That is the ugliest dress
I've ever seen, Jess!
13
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,677
I'm really gonna need you
to step it up tonight, ok?
14
00:00:29,927 --> 00:00:31,477
When I see you,
I wanna be thinking...
15
00:00:32,027 --> 00:00:34,277
"Who let the dirty slut
out of the slut house?"
16
00:00:34,927 --> 00:00:37,477
Probaby the slut butler, right?
17
00:00:38,227 --> 00:00:40,877
Yo, let's go. We can't be late,
I am in the weeding.
18
00:00:40,927 --> 00:00:42,377
You're the usher,
so relax!
19
00:00:42,427 --> 00:00:43,877
Yeah! I'll be busy.
20
00:00:43,927 --> 00:00:44,877
That way
I won't have to sit around
21
00:00:44,927 --> 00:00:46,377
answering a bunch of
stupid questions all day.
22
00:00:46,477 --> 00:00:47,877
Like, "Do you have a job."
23
00:00:47,977 --> 00:00:49,377
"Are you still playing basketball."
24
00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:52,698
Does it look like I'm still
playing overseas basketball?
25
00:00:52,783 --> 00:00:54,317
What is the matter with you?
26
00:00:54,368 --> 00:00:56,202
This is the first job I've had
in, like, two months, dude,
27
00:00:56,286 --> 00:00:57,620
and I really want
to just get in there
28
00:00:57,687 --> 00:00:58,788
and ush this
wedding in the face!
29
00:00:58,855 --> 00:01:01,123
- You're gonna be great, man.
- So when we do
30
00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:03,292
the chicken dance, I do it
a little bit differently.
31
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:04,961
I know that it usually
goes, like...
32
00:01:05,028 --> 00:01:06,212
# Da-da, da-da, da-da, da... #.
33
00:01:06,296 --> 00:01:07,580
Oh. # Da-da, da-da, da-da, da. #
34
00:01:08,859 --> 00:01:11,561
But instead of doing claps,
I like to do a peck.
35
00:01:11,645 --> 00:01:13,345
'Cause it's more realistic.
36
00:01:13,397 --> 00:01:14,947
No chicken dance!
37
00:01:15,015 --> 00:01:16,532
Look, we're not
trying to be mean.
38
00:01:16,617 --> 00:01:19,902
We just don't want you
to be yourself... in any way.
39
00:01:20,487 --> 00:01:22,288
Okay. Suppress the Jess.
40
00:01:22,355 --> 00:01:24,207
Got it.
41
00:01:24,291 --> 00:01:25,858
Did you use my hair gel?
42
00:01:25,909 --> 00:01:27,160
Did I use your
hair gel?
43
00:01:27,211 --> 00:01:29,712
I'm not gonna be mad.
Just let me know if you did.
44
00:01:29,797 --> 00:01:30,863
- No.
- You sure?
45
00:01:30,914 --> 00:01:31,998
I used your hair gel.
46
00:01:32,049 --> 00:01:33,599
Are you serious?
47
00:01:33,667 --> 00:01:35,785
Yeah. It's...
48
00:01:36,853 --> 00:01:39,422
Who let the dirty slut
out of the slut house?
49
00:01:39,506 --> 00:01:42,141
Wow. You look great.
50
00:01:42,209 --> 00:01:45,094
Let's go knock biscuits,
brother-cousins.
51
00:01:45,179 --> 00:01:46,512
No!
52
00:01:46,563 --> 00:01:48,598
No teeth, Jess.
You can't use prop teeth.
53
00:01:48,682 --> 00:01:49,816
Come on, guys.
54
00:01:49,883 --> 00:01:51,134
These are hilarious.
55
00:01:51,201 --> 00:01:52,518
Kids love these.
56
00:01:54,086 --> 00:01:56,471
# Who's that girl? #
# Who's that girl? #
57
00:01:56,472 --> 00:01:57,658
# It's Jess. #
58
00:01:57,725 --> 00:02:01,772
1x03
- Wedding -
59
00:02:05,231 --> 00:02:06,783
You want to know one
of my beauty secrets?
60
00:02:07,367 --> 00:02:08,918
The only way
I could fit in this dress
61
00:02:09,002 --> 00:02:11,737
was by wearing little girl's
bicycle shorts underneath.
62
00:02:11,789 --> 00:02:12,955
# They are tight #
63
00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:14,907
# I will not be peeing
tonight! #.
64
00:02:14,958 --> 00:02:16,375
Oh, my God, bubbles.
65
00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:18,344
No, no, no, no, Jess. No
bubbles, no bubbles, please.
66
00:02:18,411 --> 00:02:23,850
Ooh, a lot of big
game here tonight. Yo.
67
00:02:23,917 --> 00:02:25,751
- Oh. Oh, there's Brooke.
- Who's Brooke?
68
00:02:25,803 --> 00:02:27,753
He's been into her
since freshman year.
69
00:02:27,805 --> 00:02:29,255
She used to get drunk
and pass out on our porch.
70
00:02:29,306 --> 00:02:31,140
It was like having a hot,
alcoholic cat.
71
00:02:31,225 --> 00:02:32,608
I'd always leave
water out for her.
72
00:02:32,693 --> 00:02:34,644
Okay. Tonight
just got real.
73
00:02:34,728 --> 00:02:36,428
She goes on top
of the kill list.
74
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:37,780
Is that because
you're gonna attempt
75
00:02:37,865 --> 00:02:39,615
to kill her
by having sex with her?
76
00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:41,033
More or less, yeah.
77
00:02:41,101 --> 00:02:43,736
Oh, Schmidt, one day you're
gonna kill the nicest girl.
78
00:02:46,907 --> 00:02:48,074
Look at my new boyfriend.
79
00:02:48,125 --> 00:02:50,793
So fancy in his big boy tie.
80
00:02:50,878 --> 00:02:52,295
Jess, would you
please stop?
81
00:02:52,379 --> 00:02:53,663
Okay, what is it with Caroline?
82
00:02:53,747 --> 00:02:54,997
You're like a different person.
83
00:02:55,082 --> 00:02:57,633
Just focus on getting
through today, please.
84
00:02:57,718 --> 00:03:00,119
Okay, Mr. Boy T. Friend.
85
00:03:00,170 --> 00:03:01,137
What did I tell you?
86
00:03:01,221 --> 00:03:02,638
Don't be myself.
Yes.
87
00:03:02,723 --> 00:03:04,474
That's what I love
about our relationship.
88
00:03:04,558 --> 00:03:05,842
You never let me be myself.
89
00:03:08,178 --> 00:03:09,729
Hey!
90
00:03:09,796 --> 00:03:11,230
Winston!
91
00:03:12,298 --> 00:03:13,354
- You're back.
- Yeah.
92
00:03:14,017 --> 00:03:15,234
What are you up to?
Where you working at?
93
00:03:16,302 --> 00:03:18,187
Here. As an usher.
94
00:03:18,772 --> 00:03:20,740
Hi. What a beautiful dress.
95
00:03:20,824 --> 00:03:22,158
I'm surprised
you noticed the dress.
96
00:03:22,242 --> 00:03:23,526
I was distracted
by the woman inside.
97
00:03:25,779 --> 00:03:27,580
Jimmy Longjam,
alternate usher.
98
00:03:27,647 --> 00:03:29,081
Alternate usher.
99
00:03:29,149 --> 00:03:30,833
I mean, I'm here.
I'm the usher.
100
00:03:30,918 --> 00:03:32,201
You were late.
It's called commitment.
101
00:03:32,286 --> 00:03:34,003
Look it up
in a typewriter, old man.
102
00:03:34,087 --> 00:03:35,922
- What?!
- How much money do you make?
103
00:03:35,989 --> 00:03:37,089
Where is your mother?
104
00:03:37,157 --> 00:03:38,257
Can someone help me?
105
00:03:38,325 --> 00:03:40,159
Hello. Bride or groom?
106
00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:49,468
Oh, no. No, not tonight.
107
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,221
No!
108
00:03:52,306 --> 00:03:53,172
Who is that?
109
00:03:53,223 --> 00:03:54,340
Gretchen Nelson.
110
00:03:54,391 --> 00:03:55,558
She's a terrible person.
111
00:03:55,642 --> 00:03:56,692
We can't stand each other.
112
00:03:56,777 --> 00:03:58,394
At every wedding, we end up...
113
00:03:58,478 --> 00:03:59,462
we end up having sex.
114
00:04:10,173 --> 00:04:11,324
I mean, look,
the sex is amazing.
115
00:04:12,375 --> 00:04:13,692
Oh, she's coming over.
116
00:04:13,744 --> 00:04:15,027
Hey, there are those
people that we know.
117
00:04:15,078 --> 00:04:16,162
Oh, what people?
118
00:04:18,530 --> 00:04:21,133
- Hello, Gretchen.
- Uh-huh.
119
00:04:21,201 --> 00:04:22,418
I see you wore
the pantsuit again.
120
00:04:22,502 --> 00:04:23,803
This is a new one.
121
00:04:23,870 --> 00:04:27,056
It's got way more
stretch... in the pants.
122
00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:28,925
- That's horrible.
- Are you ready for tonight?
123
00:04:29,609 --> 00:04:30,976
I'm gonna tie you down
124
00:04:31,043 --> 00:04:32,728
and show you pictures
of my river rafting trip.
125
00:04:32,813 --> 00:04:34,713
Oh, my God,
how many are there?
126
00:04:34,765 --> 00:04:36,682
- It's a two-hour slideshow.
- No, Gretchen.
127
00:04:36,733 --> 00:04:38,351
We can't do this anymore, okay?
128
00:04:38,402 --> 00:04:39,735
It's not... It's not healthy.
129
00:04:39,820 --> 00:04:40,853
- All right? Please, no more.
- Yeah.
130
00:04:43,806 --> 00:04:44,907
There she is.
There she is.
131
00:04:44,991 --> 00:04:46,359
She's right over there.
There she is.
132
00:04:46,410 --> 00:04:48,394
She's right over here.
She's right...
133
00:04:48,945 --> 00:04:50,946
Just be cool...
Okay, okay.
134
00:04:51,030 --> 00:04:51,697
Hi.
135
00:04:51,748 --> 00:04:52,949
Hey, Caroline. Wow.
136
00:04:53,533 --> 00:04:54,750
I didn't know
you were gonna be here.
137
00:04:54,835 --> 00:04:56,068
Great to see you.
138
00:04:56,119 --> 00:04:57,670
Nicholas, you have
to introduce me.
139
00:04:58,137 --> 00:04:59,121
Uh, yeah, of course.
140
00:04:59,206 --> 00:05:01,340
Uh, Jess, this is Caroline.
141
00:05:01,408 --> 00:05:02,408
Hi.
142
00:05:02,459 --> 00:05:04,093
One more time.
Cara-lee?
143
00:05:04,177 --> 00:05:05,928
- Uh, Caroline.
- Caraloo?
144
00:05:06,013 --> 00:05:07,346
- Coraline?
- Caroline.
145
00:05:07,414 --> 00:05:10,933
Okay. Fancy.
146
00:05:11,018 --> 00:05:13,019
Well, I'm Nicholas's girlfriend.
147
00:05:13,086 --> 00:05:14,387
We just started dating,
148
00:05:14,438 --> 00:05:17,440
so we're still
in that honeymoon phase.
149
00:05:17,524 --> 00:05:19,609
I barely sleep.
So much doing it.
150
00:05:19,693 --> 00:05:20,977
So much doing it.
151
00:05:21,061 --> 00:05:22,194
It's crazy.
152
00:05:22,262 --> 00:05:23,646
He's so soft,
like a towel.
153
00:05:23,730 --> 00:05:25,764
Well, it was
nice to meet you.
154
00:05:25,816 --> 00:05:27,700
So nice to meet you,
too, Carol.
155
00:05:27,767 --> 00:05:28,901
Caroline.
156
00:05:28,952 --> 00:05:30,569
I give up! I guess
157
00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:32,038
I'll see you later.
158
00:05:32,105 --> 00:05:33,322
For sure, for sure, for sure.
159
00:05:37,327 --> 00:05:39,328
Oh, my God.
Was she jealous?
160
00:05:39,413 --> 00:05:41,947
I think she was jealous.
You did so good.
161
00:05:41,999 --> 00:05:43,282
That was remarkable.
162
00:05:43,333 --> 00:05:46,285
I just done what
my mama learnt me.
163
00:05:46,336 --> 00:05:48,254
Give me the teeth.
164
00:06:01,298 --> 00:06:02,116
Brooke.
165
00:06:02,168 --> 00:06:04,002
Hi. Wow.
166
00:06:04,386 --> 00:06:05,336
Schmidt.
167
00:06:05,921 --> 00:06:08,223
You used to borrow my
poncho freshman year.
168
00:06:08,290 --> 00:06:09,424
Remember that? No.
169
00:06:09,475 --> 00:06:10,842
Hmm.
170
00:06:12,426 --> 00:06:14,292
Fat Schmidt?
171
00:06:14,313 --> 00:06:15,597
Fat Schmidt!
172
00:06:15,648 --> 00:06:17,432
Of course! Wow.
173
00:06:17,483 --> 00:06:19,400
You look great.
174
00:06:19,468 --> 00:06:21,236
You, also, for sure.
175
00:06:21,303 --> 00:06:22,904
Um, how are your classes?
176
00:06:22,971 --> 00:06:25,306
I mean, not that we're... not
that we're in school anymore.
177
00:06:25,357 --> 00:06:26,407
I know that.
178
00:06:26,475 --> 00:06:28,610
What are you drinking?
White wine?
179
00:06:28,661 --> 00:06:29,944
I'm not drinking.
180
00:06:29,995 --> 00:06:31,446
I'm sober, six months.
181
00:06:31,497 --> 00:06:33,281
Can I get a seltzer, please?
182
00:06:33,332 --> 00:06:34,782
Me, too.
183
00:06:34,834 --> 00:06:36,501
You're six months sober, also?
184
00:06:36,585 --> 00:06:37,502
Seven months. One more.
185
00:06:37,586 --> 00:06:39,254
Wow. That's great.
186
00:06:39,321 --> 00:06:41,089
Congratulations.
187
00:06:41,156 --> 00:06:42,290
Here's your, uh, white wine.
188
00:06:42,341 --> 00:06:43,958
What? What?
That's a mistake.
189
00:06:44,009 --> 00:06:45,210
No, I didn't
order that. No!
190
00:06:45,294 --> 00:06:46,628
No, sir!
191
00:06:46,679 --> 00:06:48,346
Even the...
even smell of it.
192
00:06:48,430 --> 00:06:50,164
I'm gonna run back to my table.
193
00:06:50,216 --> 00:06:53,268
But you can come talk
to me if you need to.
194
00:06:53,335 --> 00:06:55,053
Oh. Okay, thank you.
195
00:06:57,022 --> 00:06:58,606
So what I need you
to do is this.
196
00:06:58,674 --> 00:07:01,342
I need you to put vodka
in a water bottle, okay?
197
00:07:01,393 --> 00:07:03,844
Then rendezvous with me
in the restroom, okay?
198
00:07:05,347 --> 00:07:07,848
Same page? Same page?
199
00:07:11,036 --> 00:07:13,187
This kid is pushing my buttons.
200
00:07:13,239 --> 00:07:15,907
Winston, he's just
a little boy. Relax.
201
00:07:15,991 --> 00:07:18,209
Brooke asks, I'm six
months clean and sober,
202
00:07:18,294 --> 00:07:19,661
and looking to
settle down.
203
00:07:19,712 --> 00:07:21,746
Great. Schmidt's sober.
204
00:07:21,830 --> 00:07:22,914
What are you doing?
205
00:07:22,998 --> 00:07:25,032
She's looking at us.
206
00:07:28,036 --> 00:07:30,204
Your head is shaped
like a yam.
207
00:07:30,256 --> 00:07:32,340
Yeah, I know. I can't
wear soft hats.
208
00:07:32,391 --> 00:07:34,142
Uh-huh.
Hey, when she comes here,
209
00:07:34,209 --> 00:07:34,893
I want to talk
to her by myself.
210
00:07:34,977 --> 00:07:37,312
- No. Are you sure?
- Jess, I'm fine, for real.
211
00:07:37,379 --> 00:07:38,713
- Hi.
- Oh, hey.
212
00:07:38,764 --> 00:07:40,315
Could that ceremony
have lasted any longer?
213
00:07:40,382 --> 00:07:42,183
- It really was...
- Ha, ha. We loved it.
214
00:07:42,234 --> 00:07:45,052
Taking notes in case
Mr. Commitment-Phobe over here
215
00:07:45,104 --> 00:07:46,771
decides to make an
honest woman out of me.
216
00:07:46,855 --> 00:07:47,722
Oh.
217
00:07:47,773 --> 00:07:49,157
Hey, Jess,
218
00:07:49,224 --> 00:07:51,192
did you want
to go do that thing from...?
219
00:07:51,243 --> 00:07:53,194
Yes, I did.
I want to do it very badly.
220
00:07:53,245 --> 00:07:54,395
- Yup.
- Thank you.
221
00:07:54,446 --> 00:07:57,448
And now,
for the first time ever,
222
00:07:57,533 --> 00:08:00,785
Mr. and Mrs. Handelman-Pyong.
223
00:08:00,869 --> 00:08:02,086
# #
224
00:08:06,625 --> 00:08:09,910
Yay! Bride and Groom!
225
00:08:09,962 --> 00:08:11,846
Make way!
226
00:08:11,913 --> 00:08:15,466
Huzzah! Celebrate love!
227
00:08:15,551 --> 00:08:20,054
Get ready for a wonderful
life of merriment and joy.
228
00:08:21,807 --> 00:08:23,858
Jess is... great.
229
00:08:23,925 --> 00:08:26,427
The best. Yeah, so happy.
230
00:08:26,478 --> 00:08:28,563
Are you guys
pretty serious, or...?
231
00:08:28,614 --> 00:08:30,531
Yeah, we are pretty serious.
232
00:08:30,599 --> 00:08:32,600
Yeah, we live together.
233
00:08:32,651 --> 00:08:34,369
I mean, different bedrooms,
but shared bathroom,
234
00:08:34,436 --> 00:08:36,120
so that's something.
235
00:08:36,905 --> 00:08:38,706
Alcohol. Any kind
of alcohol you have.
236
00:08:38,774 --> 00:08:40,375
Just give me anything.
237
00:08:40,442 --> 00:08:41,709
Thank you.
238
00:08:42,277 --> 00:08:43,044
Give me that.
239
00:08:43,111 --> 00:08:44,245
Oh, God.
240
00:08:45,881 --> 00:08:47,782
It's like you're lapping it
out of a puddle.
241
00:08:47,833 --> 00:08:50,918
Ugh! Where'd you get those
boots, off a lady hiker?
242
00:08:50,970 --> 00:08:54,138
Look at those earrings.
Are they clip-ons?
243
00:08:54,223 --> 00:08:55,623
I'm gonna make
you wear them.
244
00:08:58,794 --> 00:08:59,927
Huh?
No.
245
00:08:59,979 --> 00:09:01,179
No?
246
00:09:05,601 --> 00:09:07,301
Is it bad that I
can't feel my legs?
247
00:09:07,353 --> 00:09:09,404
Yes-- now let's talk
about my problems.
248
00:09:09,471 --> 00:09:11,155
Jess, I have to go home
with Brooke tonight.
249
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:12,657
I deserve someone
like Brooke.
250
00:09:12,741 --> 00:09:13,858
She's perfect,
251
00:09:13,942 --> 00:09:16,411
and it doesn't matter
that I have gymnastic,
252
00:09:16,478 --> 00:09:19,580
mean-spirited, highly
educational sex with Gretchen.
253
00:09:19,648 --> 00:09:21,816
It's just-- that's not what
I want to do anymore, okay?
254
00:09:21,867 --> 00:09:22,950
Not tonight.
255
00:09:23,002 --> 00:09:24,168
What's so bad about
liking Gretchen?
256
00:09:24,253 --> 00:09:25,536
I mean, you guys
obviously have,
257
00:09:25,621 --> 00:09:26,954
like, a weird connection.
258
00:09:27,006 --> 00:09:29,007
No, no, no, no, I want
to connect with Brooke.
259
00:09:29,091 --> 00:09:30,958
I want to connect with her
in the shower, on the floor...
260
00:09:31,010 --> 00:09:32,260
Okay, you know what?
261
00:09:32,327 --> 00:09:33,628
- ...sitting Indian style.
- You can keep talking,
262
00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:35,797
but I'm going to put
my hands over my ears.
263
00:09:35,848 --> 00:09:37,632
- We got a problem.
- What?
264
00:09:39,268 --> 00:09:41,168
Jess, what did you do?
265
00:09:41,220 --> 00:09:43,054
What? They're fine,
they're just talking.
266
00:09:43,138 --> 00:09:46,841
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
with Caroline he is not fine.
267
00:09:46,892 --> 00:09:49,343
Okay, he ran into her
at a party two months ago,
268
00:09:49,395 --> 00:09:51,979
then sent me a ten-page e-mail
about what she meant
269
00:09:52,031 --> 00:09:53,848
when she said,
"I'll see you soon."
270
00:09:53,899 --> 00:09:57,952
She will flirt with him until
she knows she can have him.
271
00:09:58,019 --> 00:09:59,787
It's like he's
her backup plan.
272
00:09:59,855 --> 00:10:00,955
I didn't know that.
273
00:10:01,022 --> 00:10:02,156
You want to live with Nick
274
00:10:02,207 --> 00:10:04,525
when he's not showering
and crying all day?
275
00:10:04,576 --> 00:10:06,127
He sounds like this.
276
00:10:06,194 --> 00:10:07,194
You ever heard
a grown man sob
277
00:10:07,246 --> 00:10:08,913
and listen
to Simon and Garfunkel?
278
00:10:08,997 --> 00:10:10,048
- Yeah, my dad.
- Yeah.
279
00:10:10,132 --> 00:10:12,050
Okay, I get it...
but I just...
280
00:10:12,134 --> 00:10:13,835
These bicycle shorts
are really tight.
281
00:10:13,886 --> 00:10:14,969
Come on,
282
00:10:15,036 --> 00:10:17,805
- work through it, woman.
- Okay, okay.
283
00:10:17,873 --> 00:10:20,174
Okay.
284
00:10:20,225 --> 00:10:22,260
It's all on you, Jess.
285
00:10:26,882 --> 00:10:29,049
Come on in, honey.
286
00:10:30,185 --> 00:10:31,102
The water's fine.
287
00:10:31,186 --> 00:10:33,220
Jess, you know I don't dance.
288
00:10:33,272 --> 00:10:35,823
Oh, but you didn't know
that I did this.
289
00:10:35,891 --> 00:10:37,241
I'm mime-walking.
290
00:10:37,326 --> 00:10:38,943
I'm Mime-chael Jackson.
291
00:10:39,027 --> 00:10:40,495
- I'm gonna get a drink.
- Me, too.
292
00:10:40,562 --> 00:10:41,996
Nick, wait, no.
293
00:10:42,063 --> 00:10:43,564
Jess, relax,
this is good.
294
00:10:43,615 --> 00:10:45,900
I may actually have a chance,
and it's all because of you,
295
00:10:45,951 --> 00:10:47,118
- so thank you.
- No, Nick,
296
00:10:47,202 --> 00:10:48,202
that wasn't my intention.
297
00:10:48,253 --> 00:10:50,371
Nick--
oh, hi.
298
00:10:50,422 --> 00:10:54,241
I don't feel like dancing
right now, I'm sorry.
299
00:10:58,097 --> 00:11:01,382
I'm... really
uncomfortable right now.
300
00:11:01,433 --> 00:11:03,083
Oh, Winston, thank God!
Nick got away.
301
00:11:03,135 --> 00:11:04,519
Nick can wait.
302
00:11:04,586 --> 00:11:05,636
This...
303
00:11:05,721 --> 00:11:07,254
this is about honor.
304
00:11:11,477 --> 00:11:14,312
And...
it looks like we have a dance-off!
305
00:11:18,934 --> 00:11:20,201
What?!
306
00:11:20,268 --> 00:11:22,487
Oh, my God,
what are you doing?
307
00:11:22,571 --> 00:11:23,571
Mommy?
308
00:11:28,109 --> 00:11:30,277
Nick? Nick?
309
00:11:34,209 --> 00:11:35,277
The chocolate fountain.
310
00:11:35,609 --> 00:11:36,677
Reminds me
of the one in Tuscany.
311
00:11:37,109 --> 00:11:38,377
You ever been?
312
00:11:38,409 --> 00:11:40,277
Yeah!
I was just there for New Year's.
313
00:11:40,439 --> 00:11:41,856
Where's the chocolate fountain?
314
00:11:41,941 --> 00:11:43,324
I don't know, I've never been.
315
00:11:43,409 --> 00:11:45,493
I'm just fascinated
with the culture.
316
00:11:45,578 --> 00:11:47,645
Schmidt! Schmidt,
I need you to help me
317
00:11:47,696 --> 00:11:49,998
get these off
so I can go find Nick!
318
00:11:50,082 --> 00:11:51,866
God, are you friends
with that girl?
319
00:11:53,536 --> 00:11:54,085
Schmidt!
320
00:11:54,153 --> 00:11:55,587
Look, I...
321
00:11:55,654 --> 00:11:58,656
I didn't want to have
to tell you this, but...
322
00:11:58,707 --> 00:12:01,793
she was a mistake I made
when I hit rock bottom.
323
00:12:01,844 --> 00:12:03,595
It was like I was
her Sid and she was
324
00:12:03,662 --> 00:12:06,014
my Nancy, and then I got sober
and she couldn't deal with it,
325
00:12:06,098 --> 00:12:08,850
and the poor thing just went...
she went crazy.
326
00:12:08,934 --> 00:12:10,885
Schmidt, I need you to come
help me slap my thighs around!
327
00:12:10,970 --> 00:12:12,220
Look, I don't want to scare you,
328
00:12:12,304 --> 00:12:13,721
but she can be really dangerous
when she drinks.
329
00:12:13,806 --> 00:12:16,608
Okay? I shouldn't even be
in the same room with her,
330
00:12:16,675 --> 00:12:18,393
it's just...
331
00:12:18,477 --> 00:12:20,311
it feels so good
talking to you.
332
00:12:20,362 --> 00:12:22,564
Maybe we should
get you out of here.
333
00:12:22,648 --> 00:12:24,182
What a great idea. Yes!
334
00:12:24,233 --> 00:12:26,067
I just have to go
to the bathroom really quickly.
335
00:12:26,152 --> 00:12:28,620
Whatever you need,
whatever... of course.
336
00:12:29,905 --> 00:12:31,473
Ready? No lips.
337
00:12:31,540 --> 00:12:34,592
Name one, name one.
Do, uh, wind tunnel.
338
00:12:34,660 --> 00:12:35,960
Super high driver's license.
339
00:12:37,863 --> 00:12:40,215
Can we stay in
here all night?
340
00:12:44,637 --> 00:12:46,387
Oh, hi.
341
00:12:46,472 --> 00:12:48,539
Schmidt is very fond of you.
342
00:12:48,591 --> 00:12:50,225
Um, look, I don't...
343
00:12:50,309 --> 00:12:52,160
I, uh, I don't even really
know him that well,
344
00:12:52,228 --> 00:12:53,561
- okay?
- Oh.
345
00:12:53,646 --> 00:12:55,880
I'm just cutting off
my underwear. You know.
346
00:12:55,931 --> 00:12:56,981
Girl stuff.
347
00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:04,958
So tight.
348
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:09,289
Well, it's been really nice
chatting with you.
349
00:13:09,296 --> 00:13:11,712
But I've got a pretend boyfriend
to hunt down.
350
00:13:11,712 --> 00:13:13,430
I think he's cheating on me.
351
00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:17,537
Oh, and don't break Schmidt's heart,
or you'll have me to deal with.
352
00:13:21,475 --> 00:13:22,508
This is fun.
353
00:13:24,145 --> 00:13:26,980
Aha! I trusted you!
354
00:13:27,232 --> 00:13:28,782
- Jess, get out of here.
- Nothing happened.
355
00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:30,116
After everything we built.
356
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:30,984
Go away, Jess, please.
357
00:13:31,035 --> 00:13:32,019
Who are you?!
358
00:13:32,070 --> 00:13:34,988
No, really, nothing happened.
I have a boyfriend.
359
00:13:35,039 --> 00:13:38,375
Wait, you have a boyfriend?
360
00:13:38,459 --> 00:13:40,744
Yeah, well, I-I've been seeing
someone. I didn't bring him
361
00:13:40,828 --> 00:13:41,795
because I didn't want
to hurt your feelings,
362
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:44,631
- but now I know that you have Jess...
- Yeah, he has me.
363
00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:46,666
And our baby!
364
00:13:46,717 --> 00:13:48,868
Okay, I'm just gonna
let you guys...
365
00:13:48,919 --> 00:13:51,972
And our other baby!
366
00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:53,056
Jess, what happened with Brooke?
367
00:13:53,141 --> 00:13:55,058
- What?
- She just left here in tears
368
00:13:55,142 --> 00:13:56,843
because she said that you
threatened her with a knife?
369
00:13:56,894 --> 00:13:59,346
No, I was talking you up!
370
00:13:59,397 --> 00:14:00,546
No, you shouldn't have been
talking me up.
371
00:14:00,598 --> 00:14:02,715
You should have been taking care
of Nick.
372
00:14:02,767 --> 00:14:05,185
Why is it so hard
to do one thing?
373
00:14:05,236 --> 00:14:07,520
- How is this my fault?
- Ruiner.
374
00:14:08,571 --> 00:14:10,991
Did you just call me a ruiner?
375
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:12,225
Yeah.
376
00:14:12,276 --> 00:14:15,228
Okay, you know what?
Forget it.
377
00:14:15,279 --> 00:14:16,729
I'm not helping
you guys anymore.
378
00:14:16,781 --> 00:14:18,081
- Give me my teeth back.
- Stop it.
379
00:14:18,165 --> 00:14:20,450
- You don't appreciate them.
- Cool it!
380
00:14:20,534 --> 00:14:21,951
Give them back.
381
00:14:23,036 --> 00:14:24,037
I'm gonna have fun,
382
00:14:24,088 --> 00:14:26,756
'cause there's nothing wrong
with who I am,
383
00:14:26,841 --> 00:14:28,425
and I like having fun
at weddings.
384
00:14:28,509 --> 00:14:29,926
And I like dancing.
385
00:14:30,011 --> 00:14:33,579
And if you don't like that,
then tough tater tots, tooter.
386
00:14:34,131 --> 00:14:36,249
Jess is back!
387
00:14:40,855 --> 00:14:45,558
Oh, you're going home
with me, aren't you?
388
00:14:45,609 --> 00:14:47,143
Oh...
389
00:14:49,313 --> 00:14:50,930
Good boy.
390
00:15:02,075 --> 00:15:04,577
That's Caroline and that's me.
391
00:15:04,628 --> 00:15:06,296
Four years.
392
00:15:06,380 --> 00:15:08,998
Four years together, so...
393
00:15:09,583 --> 00:15:10,616
It doesn't matter to me.
394
00:15:10,668 --> 00:15:13,887
It's just what
matters is respect.
395
00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:15,221
I'm just so alone
396
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,956
right now, man.
397
00:15:17,007 --> 00:15:18,892
It is a real bad situation.
398
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,176
Uh, Steve and Bree, babe.
399
00:15:20,261 --> 00:15:21,511
Steve and Bree, 'cause that's
what this is about.
400
00:15:21,595 --> 00:15:22,812
I agree with you.
401
00:15:22,897 --> 00:15:24,681
You're good at your job, babe.
402
00:15:24,765 --> 00:15:27,150
I'm so happy for you two.
403
00:15:27,234 --> 00:15:28,852
You look great.
404
00:15:28,936 --> 00:15:31,020
It feels a little bit like
you're rubbing it in my face,
405
00:15:31,105 --> 00:15:33,156
your little happiness,
but let's be honest, Bree,
406
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,408
this doesn't look
great on you-- this.
407
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,810
That's not a great look, Bree!
408
00:15:37,862 --> 00:15:40,747
Congratulations, Steve.
Nice fedora.
409
00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:42,832
And no open bar, Steve?!
410
00:15:42,917 --> 00:15:45,335
Don't you understand
that's tacky?!
411
00:15:45,419 --> 00:15:49,822
Your dad's rich,
you're a lawyer, man.
412
00:15:49,874 --> 00:15:51,508
Yeah!
413
00:15:51,592 --> 00:15:53,159
That happened!
414
00:15:57,932 --> 00:16:01,000
The photo booth is a liar-- FYI.
415
00:16:01,051 --> 00:16:03,836
Oh, hey, ladies, you guys want
to see a grown man cry?
416
00:16:03,888 --> 00:16:06,356
No? Then get out!
417
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,675
I think I saw a single doctor
looking at you!
418
00:16:09,727 --> 00:16:12,178
This is gonna take awhile,
Orange.
419
00:16:19,499 --> 00:16:22,101
Hey, there, partner.
420
00:16:27,356 --> 00:16:28,524
Hey, can I tell you something
421
00:16:28,609 --> 00:16:31,144
you promise to never
tell Schmidt?
422
00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:33,229
I love bubbles.
423
00:16:33,614 --> 00:16:37,283
I don't know why,
I just always have.
424
00:16:37,350 --> 00:16:40,036
You see that? - Oh!
That was like two in one.
425
00:16:42,539 --> 00:16:43,956
You okay?
426
00:16:44,024 --> 00:16:45,458
Yeah, I'm fine.
427
00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:47,910
Those guys were jerks.
428
00:16:47,995 --> 00:16:50,129
But I know they're
glad you're around.
429
00:16:50,197 --> 00:16:51,197
Really?
430
00:16:51,248 --> 00:16:52,999
Yeah!
431
00:16:53,050 --> 00:16:54,668
They're not just gonna come
out and say it, though.
432
00:16:54,719 --> 00:16:58,387
Especially Nick, you know,
but they're all thinking it.
433
00:16:58,472 --> 00:17:00,006
Even me.
434
00:17:00,057 --> 00:17:01,874
Most of the time.
435
00:17:04,145 --> 00:17:08,231
It was weird when I was stuck in
a freak sandwich
436
00:17:08,316 --> 00:17:10,549
between you and that
eight-year-old.
437
00:17:10,601 --> 00:17:12,518
Do you want to talk about that?
438
00:17:12,569 --> 00:17:16,406
You know, it's just that he got
to be a bit annoying, so...
439
00:17:16,490 --> 00:17:20,243
I kind of took my
feelings out with dance...?
440
00:17:21,112 --> 00:17:23,396
Okay, so, uh, we
have a situation.
441
00:17:27,735 --> 00:17:29,496
Hey, Nick, how you doing, buddy?
442
00:17:29,567 --> 00:17:32,756
They want me to leave the
booth, but I'm staying.
443
00:17:32,841 --> 00:17:35,876
This is my home now.
It's got everything that I need.
444
00:17:35,927 --> 00:17:37,962
You can see by looking
at these pictures
445
00:17:38,046 --> 00:17:40,464
that he's experiencing a variety
of different emotions.
446
00:17:40,548 --> 00:17:43,766
This one is... well,
that's actually his butt.
447
00:17:43,851 --> 00:17:44,935
He just keeps saying "Jess."
448
00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:51,474
Jess, fact is that I was a mean
person and I'm sorry, okay?
449
00:17:55,311 --> 00:17:56,280
Hi, Nicholas.
450
00:17:56,364 --> 00:17:58,265
Hey, Jess, I live in a photo
booth bow.
451
00:17:58,316 --> 00:17:59,650
Oh, is that so?
452
00:17:59,734 --> 00:18:01,702
Yep, come on in,
come on in.
453
00:18:01,769 --> 00:18:02,786
- Thank you.
- That's the kitchen area.
454
00:18:02,871 --> 00:18:04,988
- Very nice.
- This is the common area.
455
00:18:05,073 --> 00:18:07,241
- Okay. - Dining room, living
room, kind of everything.
456
00:18:07,792 --> 00:18:10,109
It's very nice.
457
00:18:10,161 --> 00:18:13,797
Hey! She has a boyfriend.
458
00:18:13,881 --> 00:18:17,116
She shouldn't have been
flirting with you all night.
459
00:18:17,168 --> 00:18:19,636
You can't be her backup plan.
460
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,455
You have to let
each other go.
461
00:18:22,506 --> 00:18:25,341
So now, you have
to make a decision.
462
00:18:25,426 --> 00:18:29,512
"Am I gonna stay locked in a
photo booth for the next hour,
463
00:18:29,597 --> 00:18:34,067
"or am I gonna get out
there, take my shoes off,
464
00:18:34,134 --> 00:18:36,236
and dance my face off?"
465
00:18:37,671 --> 00:18:40,824
Come on, it's up to you.
466
00:18:47,531 --> 00:18:48,981
All right.
467
00:18:51,085 --> 00:18:53,169
I love you, photo booth.
468
00:19:02,178 --> 00:19:04,497
Yo, look at him.
469
00:19:05,833 --> 00:19:07,133
He looks better.
470
00:19:07,184 --> 00:19:08,852
I can't do this anymore.
471
00:19:10,170 --> 00:19:13,139
I have to let you go,
Caroline, for real.
472
00:19:13,190 --> 00:19:14,841
It has to be over.
473
00:19:20,897 --> 00:19:22,014
Good-bye.
474
00:19:22,066 --> 00:19:24,701
Good luck and everything.
475
00:19:28,355 --> 00:19:30,540
Good-bye.
476
00:19:30,624 --> 00:19:35,027
All right, um, I've got to...
Excuse me.
477
00:19:42,336 --> 00:19:45,171
# When I'm feeling blue #.
478
00:19:45,922 --> 00:19:47,139
Come on, Jess.
479
00:19:47,207 --> 00:19:47,974
What?
480
00:19:48,041 --> 00:19:50,727
Just please, just come
with me right now.
481
00:19:50,811 --> 00:19:52,395
- Okay.
- Thank you.
482
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:56,232
# Then I'm not so blue #
483
00:19:56,317 --> 00:19:58,885
# When you're close to me #
484
00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:02,605
# I can feel your heart beat #
485
00:20:02,690 --> 00:20:09,162
# I can hear you
breathing in my ear #
486
00:20:09,229 --> 00:20:12,064
# Wouldn't you agree? #
487
00:20:12,116 --> 00:20:19,372
# Baby, you and me got a
groovy kind of love #.
488
00:20:19,423 --> 00:20:22,342
That looks like so much fun.
489
00:20:22,409 --> 00:20:25,595
# Anytime you want to #
490
00:20:25,679 --> 00:20:28,932
# You can turn me on to #
491
00:20:29,016 --> 00:20:31,467
# Anything you want to #
Okay.
492
00:20:31,552 --> 00:20:34,721
# Anytime at all #
493
00:20:34,772 --> 00:20:38,725
# When I kiss your lips #
494
00:20:38,776 --> 00:20:42,812
# Ooh, I start to shiver #
495
00:20:42,897 --> 00:20:48,768
# Can't control the
quivering inside #
496
00:20:48,819 --> 00:20:51,120
# Wouldn't you agree? #
497
00:20:51,205 --> 00:20:55,542
# Baby, you and me got
a groovy kind of love #.
498
00:20:55,609 --> 00:20:57,710
Check out my beaks.
499
00:20:57,778 --> 00:21:00,914
Ooh, stop copying my beaks.
500
00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:12,008
Gretchen, you think that,
like, hooking up
501
00:21:12,093 --> 00:21:13,676
at all these weddings...
I mean, one of
502
00:21:13,744 --> 00:21:15,812
these times, we can go
on an actual date?
503
00:21:16,396 --> 00:21:19,666
No. I'm just using you
for your body.
504
00:21:20,733 --> 00:21:23,887
Oh. Okay. Cool.
505
00:21:24,454 --> 00:21:25,705
How many more of
these things?
506
00:21:26,272 --> 00:21:28,074
We're just getting started.
507
00:21:29,627 --> 00:21:30,943
That yellow helmet.
508
00:21:30,995 --> 00:21:32,178
Ugh!
509
00:21:32,246 --> 00:21:36,432
Tonight, I'm gonna get certified
in the River Schmidt.