1 00:00:00,962 --> 00:00:03,964 [dance music playing] 2 00:00:04,052 --> 00:00:05,792 Cece! 3 00:00:07,795 --> 00:00:09,840 Beep-beep. 4 00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:12,755 [arguing] 5 00:00:12,843 --> 00:00:14,453 Beep-beep. 6 00:00:14,539 --> 00:00:16,193 I'm sorry. Excuse me. 7 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:19,370 These traffic patterns are really... 8 00:00:19,457 --> 00:00:21,765 counterintuitive! 9 00:00:21,852 --> 00:00:23,898 Really... 10 00:00:23,985 --> 00:00:27,640 catch-as-catch-can as far as footpaths go over here! 11 00:00:29,860 --> 00:00:31,427 Cece! 12 00:00:32,428 --> 00:00:33,428 I got your text. 13 00:00:33,516 --> 00:00:34,517 Are you ready to go home? 14 00:00:34,604 --> 00:00:36,170 [groans] Thank you for coming. 15 00:00:36,257 --> 00:00:38,434 Jess, he was making out with another girl. 16 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:41,697 You... get away from here. 17 00:00:41,785 --> 00:00:43,221 Okay, who are you, Miss Pajama, okay? 18 00:00:43,307 --> 00:00:44,831 You're blocking my booth. Get out of here! 19 00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:45,962 Don't talk to her like that, okay? 20 00:00:46,050 --> 00:00:46,746 That is my best friend! 21 00:00:49,139 --> 00:00:50,010 [laughs]Oh, Cece... 22 00:00:50,098 --> 00:00:52,361 You ripped my deep V! 23 00:00:52,447 --> 00:00:54,145 This is my favorite deep V! 24 00:00:54,231 --> 00:00:57,234 It's just a deeper V. 25 00:00:57,321 --> 00:00:58,932 Thanks for picking me up, Jess. 26 00:00:59,020 --> 00:01:01,370 I really felt that Gavin was different. 27 00:01:01,456 --> 00:01:03,589 Didn't you feel like he was different? 28 00:01:03,675 --> 00:01:05,200 Yeah. 29 00:01:05,287 --> 00:01:07,505 I mean, he seemed like a really nice... 30 00:01:07,593 --> 00:01:09,204 European DJ with a face tattoo. 31 00:01:09,290 --> 00:01:10,379 [men whistling, car horn honking] 32 00:01:10,466 --> 00:01:12,032 Whoo! Hey, guys. 33 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,121 I think... Jess, I think these guys are into you. 34 00:01:14,209 --> 00:01:16,037 We should, we should just go back, right? 35 00:01:16,124 --> 00:01:17,212 We should totally head back. 36 00:01:17,299 --> 00:01:19,430 Where am I taking you? 37 00:01:19,517 --> 00:01:21,606 Well, can't go home 38 00:01:21,693 --> 00:01:23,739 because Gavin's, like, staying at my place. 39 00:01:23,826 --> 00:01:25,523 You've known him for three weeks. 40 00:01:25,611 --> 00:01:28,049 Can I just crash with you for a couple days? Please? 41 00:01:28,136 --> 00:01:30,094 I don't know. It's Friday night. 42 00:01:30,180 --> 00:01:32,356 The guys probably have big plans. 43 00:01:32,443 --> 00:01:34,272 [video game music playing] 44 00:01:41,584 --> 00:01:43,150 Friday night, gentlemen. 45 00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:45,588 It's on.What happened to you? 46 00:01:45,674 --> 00:01:47,285 It's on and poppin' up in here, you feel? 47 00:01:47,371 --> 00:01:48,721 What happened to you? What? 48 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,201 You didn't used to be like this, Schmidt. 49 00:01:50,287 --> 00:01:51,202 What are you talking about? 50 00:01:51,288 --> 00:01:52,203 You've gotten so much worse. 51 00:01:52,290 --> 00:01:53,422 It's on and poppin'! 52 00:01:53,508 --> 00:01:54,639 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 53 00:01:54,727 --> 00:01:55,989 ♪ Who's that girl?♪ 54 00:01:56,077 --> 00:01:57,555 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 55 00:01:57,642 --> 00:01:58,948 ♪ Who's that girl?♪♪ It's Jess. ♪ 56 00:02:00,168 --> 00:02:02,213 Yes. I told you I'd come through. 57 00:02:02,299 --> 00:02:04,085 Okay, Benjamin just invited us to a very cool party. 58 00:02:04,171 --> 00:02:06,087 I just got off three back-to-back shifts at the bar. 59 00:02:06,174 --> 00:02:07,436 I just want to sit here 60 00:02:07,523 --> 00:02:09,263 all weekend in silence playing this game, 61 00:02:09,351 --> 00:02:11,744 then I want to go in my room and do weird stuff on my computer. 62 00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,006 Are you even wearing underwear? 63 00:02:13,094 --> 00:02:14,572 What is between you and that chair? 64 00:02:14,660 --> 00:02:16,314 Just a little bit of sunshine. 65 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,273 [chuckles]: All right, take off that kimono, please. 66 00:02:18,359 --> 00:02:19,970 It's my leisure wear, Winston. 67 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,102 Look, I worked 80 hours this week. 68 00:02:22,190 --> 00:02:24,105 I just want to come home, put on my 'mono 69 00:02:24,191 --> 00:02:25,714 and just hang loose, man. 70 00:02:25,802 --> 00:02:27,281 Okay? If you had a job, you'd understand. 71 00:02:29,458 --> 00:02:30,327 R-Really? Wow. 72 00:02:30,415 --> 00:02:32,286 It just got real in here. 73 00:02:32,374 --> 00:02:33,940 Okay, you're not gonna take the kimono off? 74 00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:35,811 Fine. Then I'm not wearing any pants. 75 00:02:35,899 --> 00:02:37,900 Boom! Bam! 76 00:02:37,988 --> 00:02:39,380 Mm-hmm. Everybody want to just walk around 77 00:02:39,468 --> 00:02:41,035 this house wearing all kinds of stupid stuff, 78 00:02:41,121 --> 00:02:43,340 then guess what I'm gonna do, Schmidt. 79 00:02:43,428 --> 00:02:46,214 I'm wearing a napkin on my face. 80 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,215 Bam! How you like that? 81 00:02:48,303 --> 00:02:49,434 That doesn't even make any sense, Winston. 82 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,392 It makes perfect sense. 83 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:52,828 Totally different than me wearing my kimono. 84 00:02:52,916 --> 00:02:54,483 You are laughing in the face of 85 00:02:54,570 --> 00:02:56,179 thousands of years of samurai culture, 86 00:02:56,267 --> 00:02:57,529 and it's an affront, Winston, it's an affront. 87 00:02:57,615 --> 00:02:59,139 Look at me now, huh? This is the vibe 88 00:02:59,226 --> 00:03:01,185 we have in the house now because of you. 89 00:03:01,272 --> 00:03:02,577 You want to walk around here looking silly. 90 00:03:02,665 --> 00:03:04,318 This is handcrafted! In China. 91 00:03:04,405 --> 00:03:06,147 [grumbles] 92 00:03:08,149 --> 00:03:10,193 Schmidt, I think you should take the kimono off. 93 00:03:13,762 --> 00:03:16,591 Um, Cece, can you not do your usual thing? 94 00:03:16,678 --> 00:03:18,072 These are really good guys. 95 00:03:18,159 --> 00:03:19,246 Best behavior. 96 00:03:19,334 --> 00:03:20,638 Sure. 97 00:03:20,726 --> 00:03:22,380 [men arguing]Hey, guys, I brought... 98 00:03:22,466 --> 00:03:23,904 You brought this on yourself! 99 00:03:25,035 --> 00:03:27,995 What you doing? 100 00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:29,474 Oh, you know, we're just chillin'. 101 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:30,911 Just chillin'. 102 00:03:30,998 --> 00:03:31,954 Just doing this. 103 00:03:32,041 --> 00:03:33,261 You know, Friday night. 104 00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:34,915 I'm gonna use the ladies'. 105 00:03:35,001 --> 00:03:35,916 What's up, Cecelia? 106 00:03:36,002 --> 00:03:37,351 Where's the tequila? 107 00:03:39,614 --> 00:03:42,443 [Cece laughs] Guys. 108 00:03:42,531 --> 00:03:44,097 [sighs] Okay. 109 00:03:44,185 --> 00:03:46,186 I would normally never bring her here, 110 00:03:46,274 --> 00:03:48,231 but Cece's really vulnerable right now, 111 00:03:48,318 --> 00:03:50,799 and when she's drunk, she has no boundaries. 112 00:03:50,887 --> 00:03:53,019 So she's really grabby, really physical, 113 00:03:53,106 --> 00:03:54,935 she's really loose with her body. 114 00:03:55,022 --> 00:03:58,328 So I just want to apologize in advance for anything 115 00:03:58,416 --> 00:04:00,156 that she might do. 116 00:04:00,244 --> 00:04:01,724 That's good to know.Yeah, thanks for telling us. 117 00:04:01,810 --> 00:04:02,986 Thank you, guys. 118 00:04:03,072 --> 00:04:04,030 You're the best. 119 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,951 [dance music playing loudly] 120 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:14,867 This is the opposite of being alone! 121 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,740 This is the opposite of what I wanted this weekend. 122 00:04:18,827 --> 00:04:22,005 Wow, how'd this happen? 123 00:04:22,091 --> 00:04:23,702 Okay, I'm not a part of this, Schmidt. 124 00:04:23,788 --> 00:04:25,139 I'm not a part of this. 125 00:04:25,226 --> 00:04:26,791 Hi, Cece. 126 00:04:26,878 --> 00:04:29,142 I'm gonna make you a bed on the couch, okay? 127 00:04:29,229 --> 00:04:30,187 So You're gonna have to stop dancing okay, 128 00:04:30,274 --> 00:04:31,928 so you can go to sleep. 129 00:04:32,014 --> 00:04:34,670 [deep voice]: You know, Cece, I think you should dance if you want to. 130 00:04:34,757 --> 00:04:35,976 Why are you talking like that? 131 00:04:36,062 --> 00:04:37,673 Like what? I'm just hanging out. 132 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:39,500 You get up.Really? Him? 133 00:04:39,587 --> 00:04:41,111 But I'm doing this. 134 00:04:43,243 --> 00:04:44,680 Come on, get up!No, I don't dance. 135 00:04:44,767 --> 00:04:45,897 I'm from the town in Footloose. 136 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:47,377 He doesn't want to dance, Cece. 137 00:04:47,464 --> 00:04:49,075 I don't wanna dance. I'm really good. 138 00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:50,728 Schmidt dances... Whoa! What the... 139 00:04:50,815 --> 00:04:53,906 All right, you know what, I'm gonna go to bed. Good night. 140 00:04:53,993 --> 00:04:56,257 What just happened? That's really not great under here. 141 00:04:56,344 --> 00:04:57,692 You have to love hair. 142 00:04:57,779 --> 00:04:59,781 I think it's time for bed. 143 00:04:59,868 --> 00:05:00,783 You can use my bed; I'll sleep on the couch. 144 00:05:00,870 --> 00:05:02,219 Over here. Over here, Cece. 145 00:05:02,305 --> 00:05:03,437 Oh. 146 00:05:03,524 --> 00:05:05,135 Over here. Over here. 147 00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:07,007 Are you sheepdogging her? 148 00:05:07,094 --> 00:05:07,920 Over here, over here. 149 00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:08,921 Over here, over here. 150 00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:09,704 Not here. Here we go. 151 00:05:11,053 --> 00:05:12,837 [sighs] 152 00:05:12,925 --> 00:05:14,623 Good night, Cece. 153 00:05:14,709 --> 00:05:16,363 [music stops] 154 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,800 Yes! Yes. 155 00:05:17,887 --> 00:05:19,671 She is sleeping on my sheets right now. 156 00:05:19,757 --> 00:05:21,455 Not yours, bro. Mine. 157 00:05:22,587 --> 00:05:24,111 Parkour! 158 00:05:28,070 --> 00:05:29,159 You know what? I think I might 159 00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,029 actually have a chance with her. 160 00:05:30,117 --> 00:05:32,031 I just have to be 161 00:05:32,118 --> 00:05:33,207 cooler than that guy. 162 00:05:33,293 --> 00:05:34,817 Parkour! 163 00:05:34,904 --> 00:05:36,339 A wise man once foretold of a magical night 164 00:05:36,426 --> 00:05:37,906 where I would engage in nonsexual foreplay 165 00:05:37,993 --> 00:05:39,690 with a model, my friends. 166 00:05:39,777 --> 00:05:42,694 And tonight is that night.Don't say it's that night. 167 00:05:42,781 --> 00:05:44,043 No, not a chance. Never gonna happen. 168 00:05:44,130 --> 00:05:45,479 You're not a closer. 169 00:05:45,567 --> 00:05:46,784 Oh, I'm a closer. I'm gonna close 170 00:05:46,872 --> 00:05:48,483 this conversation right now, my brother. 171 00:05:48,570 --> 00:05:50,353 Watch this. Boom, bam, closed. 172 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,181 Parkour! 173 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:53,836 Short track speed skating. 174 00:05:53,923 --> 00:05:55,837 Apolo Ohno. 175 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:01,625 Well, at least this tires him out, right? 176 00:06:01,712 --> 00:06:02,671 Yeah. 177 00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:07,719 Look, she's great. You're gonna love her. 178 00:06:07,805 --> 00:06:09,069 Do you want some eggs? 179 00:06:09,156 --> 00:06:10,286 No, I've got my own breakfast. 180 00:06:10,373 --> 00:06:11,505 I don't need you to... 181 00:06:11,593 --> 00:06:12,550 What? I don't know. 182 00:06:12,637 --> 00:06:13,550 Take care of me. 183 00:06:13,637 --> 00:06:15,988 Just stop being so nice. 184 00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:17,772 Your mother's being so nice. 185 00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:20,644 Slam on my mother. 186 00:06:20,731 --> 00:06:21,646 Your mother's gonna 187 00:06:21,733 --> 00:06:22,690 slam on your mother. 188 00:06:28,218 --> 00:06:29,437 [screams] 189 00:06:29,524 --> 00:06:31,221 And 4,000. 190 00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:32,700 Yeah. 191 00:06:32,788 --> 00:06:34,615 Oh, my God. 192 00:06:34,702 --> 00:06:36,399 Wilkommen. 193 00:06:36,486 --> 00:06:37,923 You're covered in oil? 194 00:06:38,010 --> 00:06:39,185 What, oil? No. 195 00:06:39,272 --> 00:06:42,058 This is just, uh... 196 00:06:42,144 --> 00:06:44,887 You okay? 197 00:06:44,974 --> 00:06:46,409 Schmidt. 198 00:06:46,497 --> 00:06:48,498 Hey, are you okay? 199 00:06:48,586 --> 00:06:50,500 Whoa. Whoa. 200 00:06:50,587 --> 00:06:51,937 I just blacked out for a second. 201 00:06:52,024 --> 00:06:53,548 Anything weird happen? 202 00:06:53,635 --> 00:06:56,072 Okay, I need some water, so can you move? 203 00:06:56,159 --> 00:06:57,551 Yeah, that's not gonna happen, honey. 204 00:06:57,639 --> 00:06:59,423 Just, you know, slide me like a curtain, okay? 205 00:06:59,510 --> 00:07:01,772 [groans] 206 00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:03,861 There you go. I'm good. I'm good. 207 00:07:03,949 --> 00:07:05,168 Sweet. 208 00:07:05,255 --> 00:07:07,387 Hey, can you get me a coff... 209 00:07:08,866 --> 00:07:11,130 [shower running] 210 00:07:19,312 --> 00:07:20,748 What's going on, guys? I was... 211 00:07:20,836 --> 00:07:23,795 Hey. Oh, you're all in here. 212 00:07:23,882 --> 00:07:25,231 Um, does the water get any hotter than this? 213 00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:27,798 Uh, do you want me... 214 00:07:27,885 --> 00:07:30,759 uh, I mean, I-I could give you, if... 215 00:07:30,846 --> 00:07:31,846 NICK: I could... I'm good at fixing... 216 00:07:31,933 --> 00:07:33,543 I can fix it, also. 217 00:07:33,630 --> 00:07:35,154 Actually, you know what, 218 00:07:35,242 --> 00:07:36,938 I'll just figure it out myself. 219 00:07:37,026 --> 00:07:38,462 But do you guys have any actual soap? 220 00:07:38,548 --> 00:07:40,247 Because all I can find in here is body gelato. 221 00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:41,944 That would be Schmidt's.SCHMIDT: Body gelato's mine. 222 00:07:42,031 --> 00:07:43,598 If you could just... Don't use it all. 223 00:07:43,685 --> 00:07:44,947 I'll just not touch it. Okay. 224 00:07:45,034 --> 00:07:47,341 Hey. Why are you guys all in here? 225 00:07:47,428 --> 00:07:48,341 I'm brushing my teeth! 226 00:07:48,428 --> 00:07:49,907 D-Doing the thing. 227 00:07:49,995 --> 00:07:51,606 She hogging the shower? Cece, come on. Hurry up. 228 00:07:51,692 --> 00:07:53,041 CECE: Sorry, I just... I can't find 229 00:07:53,128 --> 00:07:54,391 any bigger towels for some reason. 230 00:07:59,135 --> 00:08:00,615 You have a really beautiful body, Cece. 231 00:08:00,702 --> 00:08:01,832 I really appreciate that about you. 232 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:03,226 Okay, come on. 233 00:08:03,312 --> 00:08:04,793 I made you breakfast.You did? 234 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:05,837 Yeah. 235 00:08:05,923 --> 00:08:07,274 Sorry. I just... 236 00:08:11,974 --> 00:08:13,279 Disappointed with all of you. 237 00:08:13,366 --> 00:08:14,933 Especially you.It was a bad moment. 238 00:08:15,019 --> 00:08:16,370 I thought you were better than that. 239 00:08:16,457 --> 00:08:18,806 I know. I am sometimes. 240 00:08:18,894 --> 00:08:20,329 Did you see that cleavage? 241 00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:22,113 I just want to get my arm stuck down there. 242 00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:23,854 127 Hoursstyle. 243 00:08:23,942 --> 00:08:26,248 And then, and then... 244 00:08:26,336 --> 00:08:27,858 Just cut it for days. I don't care. 245 00:08:27,945 --> 00:08:29,382 I'll cut through the bone, the nerve. 246 00:08:29,469 --> 00:08:30,384 [makes snapping sound] 247 00:08:30,471 --> 00:08:31,601 Schmidt! 248 00:08:31,688 --> 00:08:32,950 You weren't upset 'cause 249 00:08:33,037 --> 00:08:34,038 I was dancing with Nick, right? 250 00:08:34,126 --> 00:08:35,518 No, of course not. 251 00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:37,304 'Cause I think he's really into you. 252 00:08:37,391 --> 00:08:38,695 Nick?! 253 00:08:38,782 --> 00:08:40,523 No, no. Come on, Jess. 254 00:08:40,611 --> 00:08:41,916 This is classic Eduardo. 255 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,225 You want this to go to Cece, right? 256 00:08:46,313 --> 00:08:47,357 [heavy accent]: "Jess." 257 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,141 Okay, I'll give it to Cece. 258 00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:51,579 No. Jess! 259 00:08:51,666 --> 00:08:53,015 You don't want me to give it to Cece? 260 00:08:53,102 --> 00:08:55,496 Sí, sí...uh, for you. 261 00:08:55,583 --> 00:08:57,193 For me? 262 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:58,847 To give to Cece. 263 00:08:58,934 --> 00:09:00,544 [groans] 264 00:09:00,631 --> 00:09:01,719 We're just friends. 265 00:09:01,805 --> 00:09:03,459 You can't be friends with these guys. 266 00:09:03,546 --> 00:09:05,374 You don't think that every single one of them 267 00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:06,767 has thought about sleeping with you? 268 00:09:06,854 --> 00:09:08,117 No, you just think everyone wants 269 00:09:08,204 --> 00:09:09,640 to sleep with everyone all the time. 270 00:09:09,727 --> 00:09:11,251 They do. That's why I think that. 271 00:09:11,338 --> 00:09:13,035 Don't you hear how he says your name? 272 00:09:13,122 --> 00:09:14,296 "Jess." 273 00:09:14,383 --> 00:09:15,776 He's from Chicago. 274 00:09:15,863 --> 00:09:17,866 That's how people from Chicago say "Jess." 275 00:09:17,953 --> 00:09:19,345 [Chicago accent]: Like "Bears" and "milk" 276 00:09:19,432 --> 00:09:20,868 and "Let's go visit the Sears Tower." 277 00:09:20,955 --> 00:09:21,912 [knocking] 278 00:09:21,999 --> 00:09:23,828 Hey, Jess. 279 00:09:23,915 --> 00:09:24,699 I'm going to the drugstore. 280 00:09:24,786 --> 00:09:25,743 Need anything? Yes. 281 00:09:25,829 --> 00:09:27,788 Jess, you should go with him, 282 00:09:27,876 --> 00:09:29,964 'cause then you can get that thing that you really need. 283 00:09:31,182 --> 00:09:32,488 Oh, I wonder what that is. 284 00:09:32,575 --> 00:09:34,185 She'll be right out. 285 00:09:34,273 --> 00:09:36,406 Just... 286 00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,669 No. No! 287 00:09:38,756 --> 00:09:40,757 No, you are not coming in here and ruining all this. 288 00:09:40,844 --> 00:09:42,064 I'm happy, 289 00:09:42,151 --> 00:09:43,544 I like these guys, and I think 290 00:09:43,631 --> 00:09:45,066 they're actually starting to like me, too. 291 00:09:45,153 --> 00:09:46,676 Who did you tell me was your perfect man? 292 00:09:46,763 --> 00:09:48,549 Walter Matthau in Grumpy Old Men. 293 00:09:48,636 --> 00:09:50,333 And I could be girl Jack Lemmon. 294 00:09:50,420 --> 00:09:51,681 He's a total Matthau! 295 00:09:51,768 --> 00:09:53,379 I'm telling you, he gets you. 296 00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:54,598 And did you see his feet? 297 00:09:54,685 --> 00:09:56,121 A guy's feet point at what they want. 298 00:09:56,208 --> 00:09:57,296 His feet were pointing right at you. 299 00:09:57,383 --> 00:09:58,733 Why wouldn't his feet point at me? 300 00:09:58,820 --> 00:10:00,343 Otherwise, he's standing like a duck. 301 00:10:00,430 --> 00:10:01,648 Just come on. Go. Get out there. 302 00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:02,650 NICK: Hey, you ready? 303 00:10:02,737 --> 00:10:03,825 Come on! 304 00:10:03,911 --> 00:10:05,042 Be there in a sec, bro! 305 00:10:05,129 --> 00:10:06,088 You just call me "bro"? 306 00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:09,177 Yeah. 307 00:10:09,265 --> 00:10:11,789 Well, how long is she staying? 308 00:10:11,876 --> 00:10:13,748 Oh, not long. 309 00:10:13,834 --> 00:10:15,705 I know she can be tough to deal with. 310 00:10:15,792 --> 00:10:17,142 Sometimes she just calls me up 311 00:10:17,228 --> 00:10:18,752 and she's like, "Bitch, I love you." 312 00:10:18,839 --> 00:10:20,145 And then she just hangs up. 313 00:10:20,232 --> 00:10:21,233 No other information. 314 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,408 Weird. 315 00:10:25,281 --> 00:10:27,805 But I don't know, I kind of like it when she calls me "bitch." 316 00:10:27,892 --> 00:10:29,459 It makes me feel like Janis Joplin. 317 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,940 NICK: Fine, but does she have to stay with us? 318 00:10:33,070 --> 00:10:34,898 What? I'm sorry. 319 00:10:34,986 --> 00:10:36,552 What-What did you say? 320 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,162 I'm saying stop trying to take care of everyone. 321 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:40,469 Oh, my God. What? 322 00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,166 What? Nothing. What? What? 323 00:10:42,253 --> 00:10:44,734 What? 324 00:10:44,821 --> 00:10:45,910 What are you doing? 325 00:10:49,218 --> 00:10:50,436 I know she's your best friend, 326 00:10:50,523 --> 00:10:52,133 but I-I didn't mean to insult you. 327 00:10:52,220 --> 00:10:53,396 Just, you don't have to take care of her... 328 00:10:53,483 --> 00:10:55,180 Okay. 329 00:10:55,267 --> 00:10:57,487 Yes. 330 00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:58,922 What are you doing?What are you doing? 331 00:10:59,009 --> 00:11:00,142 I'm sorry, I'm just checking... 332 00:11:00,228 --> 00:11:01,272 I just want to make sure... 333 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,405 If I insulted you, I'm sorry. 334 00:11:02,492 --> 00:11:03,579 But what are you doing right now? 335 00:11:03,666 --> 00:11:04,624 Everything's in its place. 336 00:11:04,711 --> 00:11:06,147 What does that mean?Okay. 337 00:11:06,234 --> 00:11:07,801 I'm just walking like a friend. 338 00:11:07,888 --> 00:11:09,672 Okay, you know what, forget this. 339 00:11:09,759 --> 00:11:11,458 Let's get out of here. Last on the list... 340 00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:12,459 toilet paper. 341 00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:14,983 Um, I don't use it. 342 00:11:15,070 --> 00:11:17,071 You don't use toilet paper? 343 00:11:19,552 --> 00:11:21,292 I mean... That's not what I meant. 344 00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,861 That's what your mother meant. 345 00:11:23,948 --> 00:11:25,602 What, did my mother call? What did she say? 346 00:11:25,689 --> 00:11:27,734 No, Jess, I was... Jess, 347 00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:29,824 I was joking. 348 00:11:32,304 --> 00:11:34,611 [whistles] 349 00:11:34,698 --> 00:11:36,396 Look at her. 350 00:11:36,483 --> 00:11:39,224 Go for it, man. You know, go do your thing. 351 00:11:39,310 --> 00:11:41,531 I don't like the roof, man. There's a cat up here. 352 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,706 It's crazy. It was raised by birds. 353 00:11:43,794 --> 00:11:45,926 You mean to tell me you're going to let a cat 354 00:11:46,013 --> 00:11:47,754 stop you from all that?It's a bird-cat, man. 355 00:11:47,842 --> 00:11:49,277 It's very dangerous. Look it up. Double rabies. 356 00:11:49,364 --> 00:11:51,193 Right. You can't close. 357 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,677 You just said the magic words, son. 358 00:11:57,765 --> 00:11:59,243 Baby, baby, don't cry. 359 00:11:59,330 --> 00:12:01,071 Look, I get it. 360 00:12:01,158 --> 00:12:03,509 I was the best lover you ever had. 361 00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:07,122 Yeah. A 90-minute session's pretty standard for me. 362 00:12:09,820 --> 00:12:11,778 It was god what? 363 00:12:11,866 --> 00:12:13,520 Oh, it was godlike. 364 00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:14,955 That's very sweet of you to say. 365 00:12:15,042 --> 00:12:17,828 [phone ringing] 366 00:12:17,915 --> 00:12:19,439 WINSTON: My bad. 367 00:12:19,526 --> 00:12:21,049 Pocket-dialed you. 368 00:12:21,136 --> 00:12:24,748 I got dropped calls, then Winston calls. It's crazy. 369 00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:27,925 Uh, the roof, you know what I mean? 370 00:12:29,405 --> 00:12:31,363 Hey, look, if he's ever bothering you... 371 00:12:31,450 --> 00:12:33,714 You both are.Cool, that's cool. 372 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,454 [cat meowing] 373 00:12:39,109 --> 00:12:41,503 NICK: Okay, what's going on with you, Jess? 374 00:12:41,590 --> 00:12:43,287 Why do you have to do that?Do what? 375 00:12:43,374 --> 00:12:45,334 Why do you have to say my name like that? "Jess." 376 00:12:45,421 --> 00:12:48,205 And why do you have to wear old man clothes all the time? 377 00:12:48,292 --> 00:12:50,599 I don't wear old man clothes. You don't like the way I dress? 378 00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:51,688 No, I just... 379 00:12:51,775 --> 00:12:53,167 Did I do something to you? 380 00:12:53,254 --> 00:12:55,474 No, I just need air. 381 00:12:55,561 --> 00:12:57,214 Rose for the lady?No. 382 00:12:57,301 --> 00:13:00,131 Okay, I'll buy you one. Or two... they come as two?No, no. 383 00:13:00,218 --> 00:13:01,305 I'll buy two. Great. Thank you.No, no. 384 00:13:01,392 --> 00:13:02,569 Wait, what do you mean no? Here, take some roses. 385 00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:04,613 Want 'em? It's two dollars, it's not a big deal. 386 00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:07,050 I want them to go, no.They're nice roses... Hey, what are you doing?! 387 00:13:07,137 --> 00:13:08,357 Where are you going? 388 00:13:08,444 --> 00:13:10,011 Jess, it was a joke. 389 00:13:10,098 --> 00:13:13,230 What are you doing? Get back in the car. 390 00:13:13,318 --> 00:13:15,190 Where are you going? 391 00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:21,151 That's not the way home. 392 00:13:26,156 --> 00:13:27,810 Just working on Saturday. 393 00:13:27,897 --> 00:13:30,161 Pulling in them ducats. It's crazy. 394 00:13:30,248 --> 00:13:31,901 It's like golden handcuffs, you know what I mean? 395 00:13:31,988 --> 00:13:33,382 It's like, on one hand I'm 396 00:13:33,469 --> 00:13:35,252 killing myself, and on the other hand, 397 00:13:35,339 --> 00:13:36,733 I'm making all this baller dough. 398 00:13:36,820 --> 00:13:38,126 Ow! 399 00:13:38,213 --> 00:13:40,171 Sunburn. 400 00:13:40,257 --> 00:13:42,738 I told you to take that oil off. 401 00:13:42,825 --> 00:13:44,305 It's cool, man. It's just a little color. 402 00:13:44,392 --> 00:13:47,613 In a couple days I'll be brown just like you, Cece. 403 00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:49,615 Because... because your culture is... 404 00:13:49,703 --> 00:13:50,747 What is my culture? 405 00:13:50,834 --> 00:13:54,402 It's, um... You're... Fff... 406 00:13:54,489 --> 00:13:57,013 Um... Jjj... Jaflan... 407 00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:59,060 Jafanese? 408 00:13:59,147 --> 00:14:00,930 Uh, Sa-Saudi... 409 00:14:01,017 --> 00:14:01,801 Saudiboo... 410 00:14:01,888 --> 00:14:03,454 Um... 411 00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:05,632 Monga... 412 00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:07,459 My parents were born in India. 413 00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:09,156 India... totally. Love India. 414 00:14:09,243 --> 00:14:10,724 He really does. 415 00:14:10,810 --> 00:14:12,638 Hey, Schmidt, why don't you tell her about 416 00:14:12,725 --> 00:14:14,335 all the things you love about India. 417 00:14:16,946 --> 00:14:19,950 Uh, sure. I love, you know, uh, I love Slumdog. 418 00:14:20,036 --> 00:14:22,038 I love naan, 419 00:14:22,126 --> 00:14:23,998 uh, pepper, Ben Kingsley, 420 00:14:24,084 --> 00:14:25,651 the stories of Rudyard Kipling. 421 00:14:25,738 --> 00:14:27,871 I have respect for cows, of course. 422 00:14:27,958 --> 00:14:31,744 I love, uh, the Taj Mahal, Deepak Chopra, 423 00:14:31,831 --> 00:14:33,877 anyone named Patel. 424 00:14:33,964 --> 00:14:35,878 I love monsoons. 425 00:14:35,965 --> 00:14:37,881 I love... I love cobras and baskets, 426 00:14:37,968 --> 00:14:40,013 Naveen Andrews. 427 00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:43,494 I love mango chutney, uh, really, any type of chutney. 428 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:44,844 Teepees...Hey, Schmidt, take a lap. Refresh. 429 00:14:44,931 --> 00:14:46,585 Yep. 430 00:14:48,022 --> 00:14:50,285 That was pretty good.I know. 431 00:14:50,372 --> 00:14:51,982 You're working a little too hard, though. 432 00:14:52,069 --> 00:14:53,374 Watch this. Schmidt! 433 00:14:53,461 --> 00:14:55,768 Yo.Go up to the roof. 434 00:14:55,855 --> 00:14:58,031 Yeah, I'm going to go up to the roof. 435 00:14:58,118 --> 00:15:01,035 I'll be there in ten minutes.Cool. See you in, like, ten. 436 00:15:01,122 --> 00:15:03,079 That was absolutely...Make me a sandwich. 437 00:15:03,166 --> 00:15:04,299 Sandwich. 438 00:15:05,953 --> 00:15:08,564 I walked home. 439 00:15:08,651 --> 00:15:11,001 I got out of the car and I walked home. 440 00:15:11,088 --> 00:15:12,436 Why, what happened? 441 00:15:12,523 --> 00:15:15,483 His feet were pointed directly at me the whole time. 442 00:15:15,570 --> 00:15:17,224 - Okay. - Did I do this? Am I dressing 443 00:15:17,311 --> 00:15:20,009 too provocatively? Do I need to get thicker pajamas? 444 00:15:20,097 --> 00:15:22,055 Maybe it's my posture. I have really sexy posture. 445 00:15:22,142 --> 00:15:23,666 Don't worry about it. 446 00:15:23,752 --> 00:15:25,233 I will talk to him for you. 447 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,408 No, you won't. That would be the worst, 448 00:15:27,496 --> 00:15:28,236 most life-ruining thing you could possibly... 449 00:15:28,323 --> 00:15:30,194 Hi, Nick.Seriously, Jess, 450 00:15:30,281 --> 00:15:32,369 what the hell happened? I've been driving around 451 00:15:32,456 --> 00:15:33,980 for the last hour looking for you. 452 00:15:34,068 --> 00:15:36,286 Everything is okay, and we were hoping to get 453 00:15:36,373 --> 00:15:38,071 everything out...BOTH: ...on the table. 454 00:15:38,159 --> 00:15:40,117 The table which is not a table, it doesn't exist. 455 00:15:40,204 --> 00:15:41,422 Don't worry about the table. 456 00:15:41,509 --> 00:15:42,945 We were in the middle of traffic 457 00:15:43,032 --> 00:15:44,425 and you just got out and ran away. 458 00:15:44,512 --> 00:15:45,862 I was hot. 459 00:15:45,949 --> 00:15:47,690 You were so hot that you 460 00:15:47,776 --> 00:15:50,431 had to jump out of my car and run? 461 00:15:50,518 --> 00:15:51,607 Why are you standing like that? 462 00:15:51,694 --> 00:15:52,912 This is how I stand. 463 00:15:52,999 --> 00:15:54,218 I've never seen you stand like that. 464 00:15:54,305 --> 00:15:56,089 I was really worried 465 00:15:56,176 --> 00:15:57,439 something had happened to you, okay? 466 00:15:57,526 --> 00:15:59,483 And you can't just walk around this neighborhood 467 00:15:59,570 --> 00:16:03,140 with bags full of toilet paper, that you don't even use. 468 00:16:03,227 --> 00:16:06,491 What? I told him I don't use toilet paper. 469 00:16:06,578 --> 00:16:09,624 Okay, do you hear what he is saying to you?Yes, I hear what he's saying. 470 00:16:09,711 --> 00:16:12,758 He's trying to tell you he cares about you. No, he doesn't care about me. 471 00:16:12,845 --> 00:16:14,498 So I'm going to make this happen for you. 472 00:16:14,585 --> 00:16:16,719 He cares about me as a friend.This is so on, Jess. 473 00:16:16,805 --> 00:16:18,765 No, it is not. No, on it is not. 474 00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:20,636 I'm trying to help you...No. 475 00:16:20,723 --> 00:16:22,377 No.Okay, my face is my job. 476 00:16:22,464 --> 00:16:24,118 My face is my job. 477 00:16:24,204 --> 00:16:25,161 Okay... 478 00:16:25,248 --> 00:16:26,989 [yelling] 479 00:16:27,076 --> 00:16:29,296 No! No! 480 00:16:29,383 --> 00:16:31,386 My earring.Okay. 481 00:16:31,473 --> 00:16:32,560 It is stuck in your hair. 482 00:16:32,647 --> 00:16:35,258 Can you get it out? No. 483 00:16:35,345 --> 00:16:37,261 Okay, we'll do it on the floor. We can do it on the floor.Ow... 484 00:16:37,348 --> 00:16:38,872 We're going to get it on the floor, don't worry.Okay. 485 00:16:38,959 --> 00:16:40,873 Ow. It'll be okay. All right, here we go. 486 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,440 What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help you.No, what is wrong with you? 487 00:16:43,527 --> 00:16:44,660 No. I don't need your help. 488 00:16:44,747 --> 00:16:46,140 You don't know... Nick and I are friends. 489 00:16:46,227 --> 00:16:48,838 You don't know, 'cause you don't have guy friends at all. 490 00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:50,622 You just hang out with jerks like Gavin. 491 00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:52,973 Oh, I'm sorry... DJ Diabeat It. 492 00:16:53,060 --> 00:16:56,018 He has diabetes.Oh, he does? Boo-hoo. 493 00:16:56,105 --> 00:16:59,326 I'm sorry. Is it really bad? I feel really bad. 494 00:16:59,413 --> 00:17:00,980 He's fine. He takes medication. 495 00:17:01,068 --> 00:17:03,286 Why do you just come in and you take over? 496 00:17:03,373 --> 00:17:06,376 It's like you're playing mind games with people. 497 00:17:06,463 --> 00:17:09,075 Don't put this on me, Jess. Okay, I'm trying to help you. You never make a move... 498 00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:11,295 Well, I don't need your help. 499 00:17:11,382 --> 00:17:13,341 I like moving slow. I like being weird and taking my time. 500 00:17:13,428 --> 00:17:14,734 I'm not like you. 501 00:17:14,821 --> 00:17:16,517 I don't just jump in the potato sack 502 00:17:16,604 --> 00:17:19,782 with the first potato that I meet with diabetes. 503 00:17:19,869 --> 00:17:22,653 Okay, what did you just say?You heard me, bitch. 504 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,788 [both laughing] 505 00:17:26,875 --> 00:17:28,834 [Schmidt screaming]Oh, oh... 506 00:17:28,921 --> 00:17:30,619 What is that? Oh, no. 507 00:17:30,706 --> 00:17:32,838 What, what did you do? What did you do?Oh, no, no, no, no. 508 00:17:43,458 --> 00:17:46,026 [meows] 509 00:17:46,113 --> 00:17:48,941 Hey, Schmidt. How you doing? 510 00:17:49,028 --> 00:17:52,075 Can I sit with you on your cooler here? 511 00:17:52,161 --> 00:17:54,034 Yeah. Just chillin', hanging with the cat. 512 00:17:54,121 --> 00:17:55,775 Holla. 513 00:17:55,862 --> 00:17:59,038 I'm sorry that Cece did this to you. 514 00:17:59,125 --> 00:18:01,867 That's okay. I'm used to it. 515 00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:04,565 I guess I'll just always be the fat kid with the big dreams. 516 00:18:04,652 --> 00:18:06,088 It's not you. 517 00:18:06,176 --> 00:18:08,134 I love Cece, but she's not ready for you. 518 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:10,485 You're a good guy, 519 00:18:10,572 --> 00:18:13,530 you know, if you ignore everything that you do on purpose, 520 00:18:13,617 --> 00:18:16,229 and concentrate on all of the things that you do by accident. 521 00:18:16,316 --> 00:18:18,275 Thank you. 522 00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:21,277 She'd eat you up. 523 00:18:23,453 --> 00:18:25,369 You really think she'd eat me up? 524 00:18:25,456 --> 00:18:26,761 Yeah. 525 00:18:26,848 --> 00:18:28,372 Like buffet style? 526 00:18:28,459 --> 00:18:30,200 You know, all you can eat? 527 00:18:30,286 --> 00:18:32,114 'Cause I got that prime rib, yo. 528 00:18:32,201 --> 00:18:34,377 Carving station, 529 00:18:34,465 --> 00:18:36,597 plates are warm, sneeze guard, 530 00:18:36,684 --> 00:18:38,687 kids eat for free. I mean, except for the... 531 00:18:38,774 --> 00:18:41,384 Except for the last... 532 00:18:41,471 --> 00:18:43,735 All right, let's go. Let's go, Schmidt, okay? 533 00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:44,824 Okay. 534 00:18:49,698 --> 00:18:52,308 Hey, Cece. Um... 535 00:18:52,395 --> 00:18:57,140 Look, I get it. This isn't going to happen. 536 00:18:57,227 --> 00:18:59,576 But the couch is super uncomfortable, 537 00:18:59,663 --> 00:19:02,231 my sunburn's starting to blister, 538 00:19:02,318 --> 00:19:04,756 and I just want to sleep in my own bed. 539 00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,062 Okay. 540 00:19:15,114 --> 00:19:16,855 [swamp sounds] 541 00:19:22,513 --> 00:19:25,951 I'm sorry for everything. 542 00:19:28,171 --> 00:19:30,520 I can be a jerk sometimes. 543 00:19:38,354 --> 00:19:40,314 I hate sleeping alone. 544 00:19:41,532 --> 00:19:43,621 Me, too. 545 00:19:43,708 --> 00:19:45,318 Sweet. 546 00:19:48,148 --> 00:19:51,280 Sch-weet... 547 00:19:51,367 --> 00:19:52,194 Better when you don't talk. 548 00:19:52,282 --> 00:19:54,153 Yeah. 549 00:20:02,857 --> 00:20:04,337 If you tell anyone we held hands, 550 00:20:04,424 --> 00:20:06,469 I have two people in my phone that will kill you. 551 00:20:06,556 --> 00:20:08,603 Literally. 552 00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:26,011 Hmm... Oh. 553 00:20:41,809 --> 00:20:45,814 Hey. [laughing] 554 00:20:45,901 --> 00:20:50,252 I'm sorry I acted so weird today. Weird! 555 00:20:50,340 --> 00:20:51,732 It's okay. 556 00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:58,218 [brushing teeth] 557 00:21:03,919 --> 00:21:06,748 [phone ringing] 558 00:21:06,834 --> 00:21:09,271 Yo.SCHMIDT: I did it, man. 559 00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:10,795 I'm holding her hand right now. She's in my bed 560 00:21:10,882 --> 00:21:12,188 and she's asleep. 561 00:21:12,275 --> 00:21:15,103 Wait, so you're in... you're in the room right now? 562 00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:18,280 What is wrong with you? Hang up the phone. 563 00:21:18,367 --> 00:21:19,978 I did it. I closed. 564 00:21:20,065 --> 00:21:22,154 We could have this conversation at anytime. 565 00:21:22,241 --> 00:21:25,287 Shh. Please, shh. 566 00:21:25,374 --> 00:21:27,028 Okay, we're good. 567 00:21:27,115 --> 00:21:28,856 And just so we're clear, when I say "closing," 568 00:21:28,943 --> 00:21:30,119 this is not what I'm talking about. 569 00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:31,902 You need to define your terms. 570 00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:35,690 Because what I'm doing right now feels an awful lot like closing.