1
00:00:02,290 --> 00:00:04,784
I can't believe Jess got me
roller skates for Christmas.

2
00:00:04,909 --> 00:00:06,753
I feel so free.

3
00:00:06,994 --> 00:00:08,671
- Don't.
- See this.

4
00:00:08,796 --> 00:00:10,173
"Merry Christmas, Brendan.

5
00:00:10,339 --> 00:00:11,925
Don't swallow these.
Love, Uncle Nick."

6
00:00:12,091 --> 00:00:13,659
It's a great gift.
He's a 12-year-old kid,

7
00:00:13,784 --> 00:00:15,211
it's a bunch of tacks.
He's going to love 'em.

8
00:00:15,336 --> 00:00:16,972
- Give it to me.
- I hate Christmas.

9
00:00:17,138 --> 00:00:18,881
First of all, it means
that Hanukkah is over.

10
00:00:19,006 --> 00:00:20,933
Second of all, I hate it when
you guys leave and go home.

11
00:00:21,058 --> 00:00:22,268
When are you leaving?

12
00:00:22,434 --> 00:00:23,353
- I think 4:00 a.m.
- Tomorrow at 3:00 p.m.

13
00:00:23,519 --> 00:00:24,771
Is that it?
Schmidt,

14
00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:26,189
don't worry about it, man,
we're all gonna

15
00:00:26,314 --> 00:00:27,399
hang out tonight
at your office party.

16
00:00:27,565 --> 00:00:28,900
Please tell me
you're not dressing up

17
00:00:29,066 --> 00:00:29,985
like Santa this year, are you?

18
00:00:30,151 --> 00:00:31,527
I'm the only man in the office.

19
00:00:31,652 --> 00:00:32,645
Of course I'm gonna
dress up like Santa.

20
00:00:32,770 --> 00:00:33,980
Look, I like it.

21
00:00:34,105 --> 00:00:35,532
I get all this dirt
on my coworkers.

22
00:00:35,773 --> 00:00:37,117
They get drunk and they
whisper what they want

23
00:00:37,283 --> 00:00:39,285
for Christmas in my ear,
and then I use that information

24
00:00:39,410 --> 00:00:41,353
to subtly undermine them
and control them

25
00:00:41,478 --> 00:00:42,738
for the rest of the year.

26
00:00:42,863 --> 00:00:44,624
Ah, the true spirit
of Christmas.

27
00:00:44,865 --> 00:00:46,542
Winston, you'd better
watch it, man,

28
00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:47,711
because I will take you down.

29
00:00:47,877 --> 00:00:49,462
You want to go?
You want to go?

30
00:00:49,587 --> 00:00:50,880
You're gonna take me down?
I had figure skating lessons

31
00:00:51,046 --> 00:00:53,132
until I was 13,
and then my mom sobered up

32
00:00:53,257 --> 00:00:55,367
and realized I was a boy.
Let's do this.

33
00:00:55,492 --> 00:00:56,970
- You should not have said that.
- Hey, guys, guys, don't fight.

34
00:00:57,136 --> 00:00:59,514
- Let's go.
- You're wearing roller skates.

35
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,975
- I'm telling you, man.
- Both of you, enough, hey, hey.

36
00:01:02,141 --> 00:01:03,560
Nothing's smart about
what you guys are doing.

37
00:01:03,726 --> 00:01:05,561
Why don't you both act
like grown-ups?

38
00:01:05,686 --> 00:01:07,647
- No, no.
- I need your help right now.

39
00:01:07,813 --> 00:01:09,398
I need you guys
to get in my car

40
00:01:09,523 --> 00:01:11,100
and come with me to the
mall 'cause I really need

41
00:01:11,225 --> 00:01:13,737
to figure out what
to buy Paul for...

42
00:01:13,903 --> 00:01:15,196
You guys are all wearing

43
00:01:15,362 --> 00:01:16,489
the holiday gifts I gave you.

44
00:01:16,655 --> 00:01:18,241
- No, I...
- That is so sweet.

45
00:01:18,407 --> 00:01:19,409
I need to take a picture.

46
00:01:19,575 --> 00:01:20,702
Jess, don't take
a photo right now.

47
00:01:20,868 --> 00:01:22,662
- So cute.
- Don't do the photo.

48
00:01:22,828 --> 00:01:24,122
- Please, no pictures.
- So cute, so cute.

49
00:01:24,095 --> 00:01:26,494
# Who's that girl? #
<i># Who's that girl? #</i>

50
00:01:28,133 --> 00:01:30,477
1x09
<i>- The 23rd -</i>

51
00:01:30,978 --> 00:01:33,239
So why can't you figure out
what to get your boyfriend Paul?

52
00:01:33,464 --> 00:01:35,341
I don't know.

53
00:01:35,466 --> 00:01:37,635
Maybe 'cause we've only been
going out for, like, a month,

54
00:01:37,802 --> 00:01:38,761
so I know it's not
something fancy.

55
00:01:38,886 --> 00:01:41,555
But do I get him a gag gift or
do I get him something sweet?

56
00:01:41,555 --> 00:01:42,454
I don't know.

57
00:01:42,456 --> 00:01:44,708
Well, I think you got to figure out
what you feel about him

58
00:01:44,708 --> 00:01:45,768
and then get a gift
that reflects it.

59
00:01:45,893 --> 00:01:47,520
I think that's
kind of the move.

60
00:01:47,645 --> 00:01:50,708
My initial thought was to
get him a gift certificate

61
00:01:50,714 --> 00:01:51,924
for piping hot sex.

62
00:01:52,049 --> 00:01:53,159
Really...
oh, you're being serious?

63
00:01:53,184 --> 00:01:54,443
But I don't want him to think

64
00:01:54,568 --> 00:01:55,945
that I'm using
him for his body.

65
00:01:56,070 --> 00:01:58,114
I'm sure he'd be
okay with that.

66
00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:01,618
"Nerdy weird sex
that works for both of us."

67
00:02:01,784 --> 00:02:02,785
- Give it back.
- This is amazing.

68
00:02:02,910 --> 00:02:04,120
- No, come on.
- I'm gonna keep this.

69
00:02:04,245 --> 00:02:05,871
I'm gonna cash this in
one night and get

70
00:02:05,996 --> 00:02:07,240
- some weird nerd sex with it.
- No, but it's not for you.

71
00:02:07,365 --> 00:02:08,574
Oh, my God, thank you.

72
00:02:08,699 --> 00:02:10,409
Now I know what
I'm getting my mom.

73
00:02:10,534 --> 00:02:11,920
- Oh, my God, Nick.
- It's going right to my mom.

74
00:02:12,086 --> 00:02:14,046
Why do we have to go
to this office party tonight?

75
00:02:14,171 --> 00:02:15,498
Because it's the last night

76
00:02:15,623 --> 00:02:17,166
before you guys go
home to your families,

77
00:02:17,291 --> 00:02:19,051
and we got to blow
this thing out, man.

78
00:02:19,176 --> 00:02:20,219
Plus, it'll be a
good opportunity

79
00:02:20,344 --> 00:02:21,804
for you to do some networking.

80
00:02:21,929 --> 00:02:23,389
Help with the job search.

81
00:02:23,514 --> 00:02:24,957
I'm telling you, everybody's
hitting the nog,

82
00:02:25,082 --> 00:02:26,559
having a good time,
letting loose.

83
00:02:26,684 --> 00:02:29,929
You swoop in there, and
then boom... new job, man.

84
00:02:30,054 --> 00:02:31,681
That's how things work.

85
00:02:31,806 --> 00:02:33,352
You know, Benjamins in
your pocket, La Pen-si-own,

86
00:02:33,357 --> 00:02:36,759
little four-to-the-oh-
to-the-one-to-the-kay.

87
00:02:37,111 --> 00:02:38,905
You're making me want
to stay broke.

88
00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:40,615
So what'd you get Paul?

89
00:02:40,781 --> 00:02:43,075
I'm not telling you, but,
um, I'll give you a hint.

90
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,619
It's fuzzy.

91
00:02:44,785 --> 00:02:46,245
Well, I hope you didn't
listen to Nick.

92
00:02:46,370 --> 00:02:47,937
He's the worst gift giver ever.

93
00:02:53,411 --> 00:02:56,047
You're welcome.

94
00:02:56,463 --> 00:02:57,465
Where are we, Jess?

95
00:02:57,631 --> 00:02:59,592
We are on Candy Cane Lane.

96
00:02:59,717 --> 00:03:01,010
At night,
the whole block lights up

97
00:03:01,135 --> 00:03:02,345
with Christmas decorations.

98
00:03:02,511 --> 00:03:03,721
It's so beautiful.

99
00:03:03,887 --> 00:03:05,765
Oh, my God, it's so beautiful.

100
00:03:05,890 --> 00:03:08,810
What fun, what wonderful fun.

101
00:03:08,976 --> 00:03:10,336
Okay, whatever.

102
00:03:10,461 --> 00:03:11,980
We have to come back later

103
00:03:12,146 --> 00:03:13,606
'cause you'll see
what I'm talking about.

104
00:03:13,772 --> 00:03:15,141
Oh, no, we're not
gonna have time.

105
00:03:15,266 --> 00:03:16,526
We have to go straight from
the party to the airport.

106
00:03:16,767 --> 00:03:17,526
- No.
- Yes, I've missed my flight

107
00:03:17,651 --> 00:03:19,312
four years in a row.

108
00:03:19,437 --> 00:03:21,406
If I miss it this year,
my mom's gonna kill me.

109
00:03:21,572 --> 00:03:23,490
Schmidt, it's a menorah for you.

110
00:03:23,657 --> 00:03:25,701
Oh, a menorah.

111
00:03:25,826 --> 00:03:27,977
Judaism, son.

112
00:03:32,708 --> 00:03:35,420
Hey, hi.

113
00:03:35,586 --> 00:03:36,671
You look awesome.

114
00:03:36,837 --> 00:03:37,880
It's a before and after

115
00:03:38,005 --> 00:03:39,174
for a Bolivian diet pill.

116
00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:40,924
El Glatrax?
Yeah, I've taken that.

117
00:03:41,091 --> 00:03:42,051
I'm "before."

118
00:03:42,176 --> 00:03:43,969
Su-sure, you are, look at that.

119
00:03:44,094 --> 00:03:45,921
So you said you wanted
to see me for something?

120
00:03:46,046 --> 00:03:48,758
Yes, I brought you a gift.

121
00:03:48,883 --> 00:03:50,435
I hope you appreciate
that I have kept

122
00:03:50,601 --> 00:03:51,894
eye contact with you
this whole time

123
00:03:52,019 --> 00:03:53,045
and made no reference
to the fact

124
00:03:53,170 --> 00:03:54,314
that you are basically naked.

125
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:55,565
Very proud of you, Schmidt.

126
00:03:55,731 --> 00:03:57,400
Hey, hey.

127
00:03:59,310 --> 00:04:01,696
Oh, lot of tongue.

128
00:04:01,862 --> 00:04:03,323
- Done with her hair?
- With her...?

129
00:04:03,489 --> 00:04:04,573
No, I'm not the hair guy, man.

130
00:04:04,698 --> 00:04:05,658
Oh, no, no, no, this is

131
00:04:05,824 --> 00:04:07,193
my very good friend Schmidt,

132
00:04:07,318 --> 00:04:09,454
and he just came by to
bring me a gift, so...

133
00:04:09,620 --> 00:04:11,956
It's perfume.

134
00:04:12,122 --> 00:04:14,733
Why does it say
"Cecilia Number 5"?

135
00:04:14,858 --> 00:04:16,952
Actually, it says that
because... you know,

136
00:04:17,077 --> 00:04:19,130
I ma... I made it
specifically for you.

137
00:04:19,296 --> 00:04:20,289
Yeah, I found this place
on Third Street

138
00:04:20,414 --> 00:04:22,091
where you can design
your own perfume.

139
00:04:22,216 --> 00:04:25,303
Base notes of cocoa
because of your brown, uh...

140
00:04:25,469 --> 00:04:26,763
ness.

141
00:04:26,929 --> 00:04:29,181
Sea salt, because it
kind of sounds like Cece.

142
00:04:29,306 --> 00:04:31,351
Uh, and sandalwood...

143
00:04:31,517 --> 00:04:35,521
Sandalwood...
always up to no good.

144
00:04:35,646 --> 00:04:36,522
That's, um...

145
00:04:36,647 --> 00:04:38,774
Ha.

146
00:04:38,899 --> 00:04:40,192
- Thank you.
- Yeah.

147
00:04:40,317 --> 00:04:41,894
- Thanks.
- Neat.

148
00:04:42,019 --> 00:04:43,863
Let's get back to work.

149
00:04:44,029 --> 00:04:45,898
Yeah, okay, um...

150
00:04:46,023 --> 00:04:47,700
I'll see you tonight.

151
00:04:47,866 --> 00:04:49,268
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'll just... I'll see you there.

152
00:04:49,393 --> 00:04:51,244
We'll do that.

153
00:04:52,538 --> 00:04:54,106
Three, two, one.

154
00:04:54,231 --> 00:04:55,375
Go.

155
00:04:55,541 --> 00:04:56,417
Envelope.

156
00:04:56,583 --> 00:04:57,543
Festive bag.
I was afraid

157
00:04:57,709 --> 00:04:59,754
you were going to get me
jewelry, so...

158
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:01,046
Oh, no.

159
00:05:01,171 --> 00:05:02,281
What is it?

160
00:05:02,406 --> 00:05:03,675
Oh, my God.

161
00:05:03,841 --> 00:05:06,618
Oh, my God,
two tickets to Vienna

162
00:05:06,743 --> 00:05:10,265
and passes to the
Salzburg Music Festival?

163
00:05:10,431 --> 00:05:12,100
That's, like, incredible.

164
00:05:12,266 --> 00:05:13,642
- You're gonna love it.
- I'm speechless.

165
00:05:13,767 --> 00:05:17,105
And, um, all I got you was...

166
00:05:17,271 --> 00:05:21,609
"Anatomically correct heart
of a 50-year-old nonsmoker."

167
00:05:26,155 --> 00:05:27,473
You know what?

168
00:05:27,598 --> 00:05:29,784
Normally I'm, like,
really good at giving gifts,

169
00:05:29,950 --> 00:05:30,993
and I thought
that was romantic,

170
00:05:31,118 --> 00:05:33,362
but it's just...
so creepy.

171
00:05:33,487 --> 00:05:35,581
I, I'm sorry, I have
to get you something better.

172
00:05:35,747 --> 00:05:37,500
No, it's great, I love it.

173
00:05:37,666 --> 00:05:42,421
It's funny an-and quirky
and, and so sweet.

174
00:05:42,546 --> 00:05:44,507
It's like you.

175
00:05:44,673 --> 00:05:45,925
That's why I love it.

176
00:05:46,050 --> 00:05:47,343
I love it.

177
00:05:47,509 --> 00:05:48,886
Thank you, I love it.

178
00:05:49,052 --> 00:05:52,422
I... I love you.

179
00:05:59,947 --> 00:06:02,498
Thank you.

180
00:06:03,775 --> 00:06:06,145
You're very welcome.

181
00:06:06,270 --> 00:06:08,113
You're welcome.

182
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:18,333
Look at you, all dressed up.

183
00:06:18,499 --> 00:06:20,071
What, are you
in The Temptations tonight?

184
00:06:20,196 --> 00:06:21,757
That's so cute, Nick, you're
intimidated by my style.

185
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,241
But I'll tell you what...

186
00:06:23,366 --> 00:06:25,298
one of us is walking
out of here with a job.

187
00:06:25,464 --> 00:06:26,261
Where you going?

188
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,512
You wore my present.

189
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:28,676
I did.

190
00:06:28,842 --> 00:06:30,515
- Thank you, I love it.
- Yay.

191
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,684
She's seen it now,
so maybe you can take it off.

192
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,519
You look like a man.

193
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:35,771
- I know, right?
- That's what's freaking me out.

194
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,727
Good humor and fun...
God forbid.

195
00:06:39,653 --> 00:06:41,189
- Is that Schmidt?
- Oh.

196
00:06:41,355 --> 00:06:42,857
What the...?

197
00:06:43,023 --> 00:06:44,229
Hey, guys.

198
00:06:44,354 --> 00:06:45,401
Whoa, whoa,

199
00:06:45,567 --> 00:06:46,732
Schmidt, Santa voice.

200
00:06:46,857 --> 00:06:47,945
This isn't temple.

201
00:06:48,111 --> 00:06:50,323
Ho, ho, ho.

202
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:53,785
Are those my shorts?

203
00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:00,629
Hey, what's wrong, Jess?

204
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:01,667
Hey, Nick.

205
00:07:03,627 --> 00:07:04,921
Paul told me he loved me.

206
00:07:05,208 --> 00:07:07,215
- Hmm.
- And I couldn't say it back,

207
00:07:07,381 --> 00:07:10,259
so I, um, said "Thank you,"

208
00:07:10,425 --> 00:07:12,553
which was horrible.

209
00:07:12,719 --> 00:07:14,760
I don't know what to do
because I am always

210
00:07:14,885 --> 00:07:16,961
the one who loves more.

211
00:07:17,086 --> 00:07:18,597
That's my thing.

212
00:07:18,722 --> 00:07:20,232
One time I went on a date

213
00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:23,481
and by 11:00 p.m.,
I gave the guy my ATM code.

214
00:07:23,647 --> 00:07:24,524
What is your ATM code?

215
00:07:24,690 --> 00:07:25,733
42...

216
00:07:25,899 --> 00:07:27,151
Very funny.

217
00:07:27,317 --> 00:07:28,523
Very good try, but no.

218
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:30,238
Not a try...
I got it.

219
00:07:30,404 --> 00:07:32,990
If you don't have feelings
for Paul, you got to tell him.

220
00:07:33,156 --> 00:07:34,780
I can't do that
to someone on Christmas.

221
00:07:34,905 --> 00:07:36,536
And then it's New Year's.

222
00:07:36,702 --> 00:07:39,080
Then it's going to be
Valentine's Day and then,

223
00:07:39,246 --> 00:07:40,581
whoa, it's Presidents' Day.

224
00:07:40,747 --> 00:07:43,376
Hard to argue with that logic,
but just tell him.

225
00:07:43,542 --> 00:07:46,625
Don't lead him on...
you'll just hurt him more.

226
00:07:46,750 --> 00:07:48,009
Okay.

227
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,261
I'm gonna do it.

228
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:50,328
I'm gonna tell him.

229
00:07:50,453 --> 00:07:52,888
- You are?
- Yeah.

230
00:07:55,124 --> 00:07:57,259
Hey, what are you
doing in here?

231
00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:00,555
Kyle's being a jerk.

232
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:01,807
What are you doing in here?

233
00:08:01,932 --> 00:08:03,892
Eating cookies
and avoiding confrontation.

234
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,611
Remember when Christmas used
to be fun and all I had to do

235
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,280
was worry about my drunk
uncle asking me out?

236
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,031
Yes, Uncle Pardeep.

237
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,283
He thought I was a boy.

238
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:13,281
Such a weirdo.

239
00:08:18,982 --> 00:08:20,816
Okay.

240
00:08:24,487 --> 00:08:26,377
Hey, man.

241
00:08:26,543 --> 00:08:27,549
Hey.

242
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:28,550
How you doing, Paul?

243
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:29,589
Good.

244
00:08:29,755 --> 00:08:31,466
Has Jess not talked to you?

245
00:08:31,632 --> 00:08:32,704
Oh, yeah, no, we talked.

246
00:08:32,829 --> 00:08:34,260
- Yeah, yeah, no, I...
- She did, okay.

247
00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:35,928
Yeah, it's hard, you know,

248
00:08:36,094 --> 00:08:37,513
it's really tricky.
It's like she doesn't

249
00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:40,562
love you right now, Paul,
but that's not to say

250
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,351
she might not fall in love
with you later.

251
00:08:42,517 --> 00:08:44,395
I think that's the positive
way of looking at it,

252
00:08:44,641 --> 00:08:46,856
but it's hard, man, believe me.

253
00:08:47,022 --> 00:08:51,122
We talked about how
we might have to drive you

254
00:08:51,247 --> 00:08:53,696
to the airport 'cause you're
gonna miss your flight.

255
00:08:53,862 --> 00:08:56,828
Yeah, that was probably
all you guys talked about,

256
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,284
so I'm joking.

257
00:08:58,521 --> 00:09:00,453
- W-wait a minute.
- Because she hasn't...

258
00:09:00,619 --> 00:09:02,250
Yeah, I know...
guess what, Paul.

259
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,401
Don't even think right now.

260
00:09:03,526 --> 00:09:04,832
I'm drunk.

261
00:09:04,998 --> 00:09:06,626
- Did... Jess tell you...
- I'm so drunk.

262
00:09:06,792 --> 00:09:07,756
- ... that she doesn't love me?
- What's happ...? No,

263
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,670
shut up, you goofball.

264
00:09:09,836 --> 00:09:12,048
I'm... this conversation
didn't happen.

265
00:09:12,214 --> 00:09:14,664
Did Jess tell you
she doesn't love me?

266
00:09:17,373 --> 00:09:19,308
Joke.

267
00:09:20,597 --> 00:09:22,888
But he's the best guy, Cece.

268
00:09:23,013 --> 00:09:24,639
Maybe I should just
make it work.

269
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:25,895
Yeah, no, Jess, you can't

270
00:09:26,061 --> 00:09:29,060
just dive into something
like this right now.

271
00:09:29,185 --> 00:09:32,096
Yeah, I just wish I could stay
in this bathroom all night.

272
00:09:32,221 --> 00:09:33,765
Me, too.

273
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:39,538
Whoo, that eggnog is deadly.

274
00:09:42,661 --> 00:09:43,992
We got to get out of here.

275
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,644
Yeah, we do.

276
00:09:45,769 --> 00:09:48,413
I should just put it off
till later, after the holidays.

277
00:09:48,538 --> 00:09:49,798
You coming?

278
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,083
Yeah, I'll be out in a sec.

279
00:09:52,208 --> 00:09:53,585
Kyle wants to go to this party.

280
00:09:53,710 --> 00:09:56,087
Ugh, Kyle is the living worst.

281
00:09:56,212 --> 00:09:57,339
Yeah, I know.

282
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:59,548
Did he even get you a gift?

283
00:10:01,051 --> 00:10:02,885
No.

284
00:10:14,814 --> 00:10:16,241
Who wants to sit
at a desk all day?

285
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,260
Not me... I don't want
to have to do that.

286
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,449
I don't want to call
Wednesday "hump day."

287
00:10:20,694 --> 00:10:23,565
I don't even know
how to network.

288
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:25,300
So what's your deal, man?

289
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,668
Why are you sitting
here by yourself?

290
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,737
Mommy won't let me
sit in Santa's lap.

291
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:29,971
You have a smart mommy.

292
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:31,836
Yeah.

293
00:10:32,002 --> 00:10:34,589
Hi, I'm the genius who brought
my kid to this Christmas party.

294
00:10:34,755 --> 00:10:37,633
Looking forward to years
of therapy over Dirty Santa.

295
00:10:37,799 --> 00:10:39,547
I can't believe that
he's even talking to you.

296
00:10:39,672 --> 00:10:40,803
He doesn't like anyone.

297
00:10:40,969 --> 00:10:42,471
Yeah, I don't like anyone.

298
00:10:42,637 --> 00:10:43,764
Yeah, but we're really
working on that.

299
00:10:43,930 --> 00:10:45,141
No, she's working on that.

300
00:10:47,350 --> 00:10:48,603
My man.

301
00:10:48,965 --> 00:10:49,724
- Okay?
- You think it's fun?

302
00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:50,675
- Do it.
- I do think it's fun.

303
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,148
Do it then.

304
00:10:52,314 --> 00:10:54,646
Do it.

305
00:10:54,771 --> 00:10:56,319
Okay.

306
00:10:56,485 --> 00:10:58,487
What are you doing, Santa?

307
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,568
- I have a really bad case of Santa lap.
- Hmm.

308
00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:02,787
The entire marketing department
is wearing wool.

309
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,239
It's not good down there.

310
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,412
Well, get back to work soon.

311
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,576
- Boom!
- Ow! Why would you...?

312
00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:10,791
There are so many
bobby pins up there.

313
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:13,377
- Everything's attached...
- Does she always talk to you like that?

314
00:11:13,543 --> 00:11:14,754
Yeah, kind of.

315
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,839
You like dressing up like Santa?

316
00:11:17,005 --> 00:11:18,336
Sexy Santa.

317
00:11:18,461 --> 00:11:20,426
No. The truth is, no, I don't.

318
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,390
You know, you don't deserve
to be treated like that.

319
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:23,763
You just got to tell her no.

320
00:11:23,929 --> 00:11:25,376
Otherwise, all
she'll do is see you

321
00:11:25,501 --> 00:11:27,016
as a pretty face
and a hot body.

322
00:11:27,182 --> 00:11:28,726
I'm sorry, what was that?

323
00:11:28,892 --> 00:11:30,686
- You have a pretty face.
- No, no, no,

324
00:11:30,852 --> 00:11:31,896
'cause the second part.

325
00:11:32,062 --> 00:11:33,648
And I'd like you to say it,
like, in an accent,

326
00:11:33,814 --> 00:11:35,399
- but make direct eye contact.
- Yes, Schmidt,

327
00:11:35,565 --> 00:11:37,572
do not push your luck with me.

328
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,528
What's that smell?

329
00:11:39,820 --> 00:11:41,192
That's your perfume.

330
00:11:41,317 --> 00:11:42,610
You wore it?

331
00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:44,279
Yeah, and it smells terrible.

332
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:45,493
Ha!

333
00:11:45,659 --> 00:11:46,748
It does smell terrible.

334
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,566
It's like a dirty dish towel.

335
00:11:48,691 --> 00:11:50,873
Santa voice!

336
00:11:51,039 --> 00:11:52,541
Please just tell me
what she said.

337
00:11:52,707 --> 00:11:54,456
She said the sex
is really great,

338
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:56,791
but she just doesn't want
to jump into anything.

339
00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:58,964
- Why am I talking about this?
- Oh, my God,

340
00:11:59,130 --> 00:12:01,008
the sex is great, it's amazing.

341
00:12:01,174 --> 00:12:02,385
- Great.
- We had amazing sex

342
00:12:02,551 --> 00:12:05,137
this morning,
and then we ate Taro chips.

343
00:12:05,374 --> 00:12:07,919
- Oh, my God. Oh, oh.
- Oh, God. I...

344
00:12:08,044 --> 00:12:11,394
I feel like such a terrible guy
for saying that to you, man.

345
00:12:11,714 --> 00:12:13,391
- Oh, my God.
- You're a good guy, Genzlinger.

346
00:12:13,516 --> 00:12:15,147
Hey, man, just let it go.

347
00:12:15,313 --> 00:12:17,024
You know what I mean?
Just let it

348
00:12:17,353 --> 00:12:18,442
- brush off your shoulders, dude.
- Oh, man.

349
00:12:18,608 --> 00:12:20,236
- What has happened to my life?
- Hey.

350
00:12:21,486 --> 00:12:23,280
Why are you guys hugging?

351
00:12:23,446 --> 00:12:25,103
- Just guy-talkin'.
- Yeah.

352
00:12:25,228 --> 00:12:26,621
- Yeah?
- Everything's fine.

353
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,606
- We're just talking.
- Just talking.

354
00:12:28,731 --> 00:12:29,912
About, uh...

355
00:12:30,078 --> 00:12:34,417
how moved we are...
by jazz music.

356
00:12:34,583 --> 00:12:36,464
That's a lie.

357
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,550
I told him you didn't
love him, Jess.

358
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:39,463
- What?!
- Because I...

359
00:12:39,629 --> 00:12:40,506
But he said it nicely.

360
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,425
Are you kidding me?!

361
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,122
- It's not your information to share.
- I totally agree,

362
00:12:44,247 --> 00:12:45,456
- and I regret it.
- It is not your information...

363
00:12:45,581 --> 00:12:46,679
- Why would you do that?
- I apologize.

364
00:12:46,845 --> 00:12:49,557
- You guys have a lot to do. I'm sorry.
- Nick. Nick.

365
00:12:49,723 --> 00:12:50,766
Oh, my God.

366
00:12:50,932 --> 00:12:52,981
Please! This is my nightmare!

367
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,766
Winston!

368
00:12:54,891 --> 00:12:55,934
Schmidt!

369
00:12:56,059 --> 00:12:58,107
Help me...!

370
00:13:01,550 --> 00:13:03,524
Paul, I really care about you.

371
00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:04,742
I think I just...

372
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:07,199
I think I just feel
really overwhelmed.

373
00:13:07,365 --> 00:13:09,664
Yeah. Yeah, I know,
Nicholas told m...

374
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,370
Damn it.

375
00:13:11,536 --> 00:13:13,034
Hey, guys,
just pretend I'm not here,

376
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:15,219
and just do whatever
you two guys are doing.

377
00:13:15,344 --> 00:13:17,001
I'm not here.
I'm not even listening.

378
00:13:17,167 --> 00:13:18,794
This is my nightmare.

379
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,380
I-I knew you were getting
out of a long relationship.

380
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,227
You told me all about Spencer.
I just thought...

381
00:13:23,352 --> 00:13:25,880
I thought we were feeling
the same things for each other.

382
00:13:26,005 --> 00:13:27,136
You seemed like you were.

383
00:13:27,302 --> 00:13:29,250
I was. I just...

384
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,619
I feel like maybe
you were feeling them

385
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:33,454
a little bit more than me.

386
00:13:33,579 --> 00:13:34,643
Nick!

387
00:13:34,809 --> 00:13:35,853
You started this.

388
00:13:36,019 --> 00:13:37,188
Sit down and be quiet!

389
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:42,229
I just... I got really hurt,

390
00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:46,530
and I... I'm trying really
hard not to get hurt again.

391
00:13:46,696 --> 00:13:48,949
I'm not gonna hurt you.

392
00:13:49,115 --> 00:13:51,255
Oh.

393
00:13:51,380 --> 00:13:52,507
Oh...

394
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,663
I am so sorry.

395
00:13:54,829 --> 00:13:57,291
This is as rude as it gets.

396
00:13:57,457 --> 00:13:59,897
It is my mom, though.

397
00:14:00,022 --> 00:14:02,046
I... Hey, Ma. How you doing?

398
00:14:02,212 --> 00:14:03,756
I can't talk right now.

399
00:14:03,922 --> 00:14:05,603
I'm in a real weird situation.

400
00:14:05,728 --> 00:14:09,094
No, Ma, I'm not high...
I'm done with that phase.

401
00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:11,347
I promise you I won't
miss my flight.

402
00:14:11,513 --> 00:14:13,641
Okay. I love you, Mama. Bye.

403
00:14:13,807 --> 00:14:15,337
- You done?
- Mm-hmm.

404
00:14:16,739 --> 00:14:18,716
Can we just...

405
00:14:18,841 --> 00:14:22,399
can we just keep going
but take it a little bit slow?

406
00:14:22,565 --> 00:14:24,276
I-I don't know
if I can do that.

407
00:14:24,442 --> 00:14:27,321
I don't know how with you.

408
00:14:27,487 --> 00:14:28,697
- It's just not how I feel.
- Well, all

409
00:14:28,863 --> 00:14:30,658
she's asking you to do
is slow it down a little bit.

410
00:14:30,824 --> 00:14:31,534
- How's that hard?
- Nick.

411
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:32,827
Yeah.

412
00:14:34,193 --> 00:14:35,930
All right,
everybody leave the room.

413
00:14:35,996 --> 00:14:37,268
I need to talk to Kim.

414
00:14:37,393 --> 00:14:38,582
Okay, you know what?
Actually,

415
00:14:38,748 --> 00:14:40,292
stay... this'll
be good for you guys

416
00:14:40,458 --> 00:14:41,418
to hear this, too.

417
00:14:41,584 --> 00:14:43,107
Why d... Don't...
Come on.

418
00:14:43,232 --> 00:14:44,672
- I just told...
- There are two hours left

419
00:14:44,838 --> 00:14:45,743
in this party.

420
00:14:45,868 --> 00:14:47,258
What are you doing, Santa?

421
00:14:47,424 --> 00:14:49,385
Kim, I'm not gonna be
Sexy Santa anymore.

422
00:14:49,551 --> 00:14:51,262
It's over.
Santa's dead.

423
00:14:51,428 --> 00:14:52,583
I killed him.

424
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:56,475
Oh, my God.
No, no, no, don't worry, that's just

425
00:14:56,641 --> 00:14:57,622
Gina's cowardly son.

426
00:14:57,747 --> 00:14:59,353
He is a scream machine.

427
00:14:59,319 --> 00:15:01,113
Kim, I'm not
a sex object, all right?

428
00:15:01,279 --> 00:15:02,740
I'm your employee.

429
00:15:02,906 --> 00:15:04,145
And I work harder than anyone.

430
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:06,243
I'm the first one
to show up every morning.

431
00:15:06,409 --> 00:15:07,244
No, you're not.

432
00:15:07,410 --> 00:15:08,496
There's never a parking space.

433
00:15:08,662 --> 00:15:09,914
That's because everyone's
already here, Schmidt.

434
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,319
Okay, you're
so off topic right now.

435
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:12,437
- You're missing the point.
- What?

436
00:15:12,562 --> 00:15:14,377
You need to take me
seriously, Kim.

437
00:15:14,543 --> 00:15:16,074
Does that mean no more...

438
00:15:16,199 --> 00:15:17,755
Sexy Easter Bunny?

439
00:15:17,921 --> 00:15:18,881
No Sexy Easter Bunny.

440
00:15:19,047 --> 00:15:21,300
What about, uh, Cinco de Sexy?

441
00:15:21,466 --> 00:15:22,510
No Cinco de Sexy.

442
00:15:22,676 --> 00:15:24,053
And no Sexy Martin Luther King?

443
00:15:24,219 --> 00:15:25,399
I could never get the voice,

444
00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:27,181
I never really felt
like I had the authority...

445
00:15:27,347 --> 00:15:29,392
I can't believe it took you
five years to say that.

446
00:15:29,558 --> 00:15:30,685
Well, I guess I'm gonna

447
00:15:30,851 --> 00:15:33,091
have to be Sexy Santa next year.

448
00:15:33,216 --> 00:15:35,147
Yeah, just got to
jingle bell rock.

449
00:15:35,313 --> 00:15:36,794
You know what I mean?

450
00:15:36,919 --> 00:15:38,609
That is so inappropriate.

451
00:15:38,775 --> 00:15:41,529
I get it... so you can dish
it out but you can't take it.

452
00:15:41,695 --> 00:15:43,685
Yeah, how's that feel, Kim?

453
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,343
I like it.

454
00:15:46,616 --> 00:15:48,786
Both these machines need toner.

455
00:15:48,952 --> 00:15:51,872
They need... I'm gonna
put the toner in the...

456
00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:53,290
in the machine.

457
00:15:53,456 --> 00:15:54,595
Mrs. Miller, I told you,

458
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,564
I will get Nick
to his flight on time.

459
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:57,878
No worries.

460
00:15:58,044 --> 00:15:59,650
I can't find Elvin.
I've looked everywhere.

461
00:15:59,775 --> 00:16:01,486
- I-I have no idea.
- Uh, you know what?

462
00:16:01,611 --> 00:16:03,788
I got to go. Um, I'm sure
he's around here somewhere.

463
00:16:03,913 --> 00:16:05,289
- We'll find him.
- Elvin!

464
00:16:05,414 --> 00:16:07,658
I'll tell you what, you go
that way, I'll go that way.

465
00:16:07,783 --> 00:16:10,995
- This is Schmidt's fault.
I don't know how, but it is. - Elvin?

466
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,727
I'm sorry, Jess, I just...

467
00:16:12,893 --> 00:16:14,832
I don't want to slow down...
with you.

468
00:16:14,957 --> 00:16:17,251
It's just not natural.
So if you need to,

469
00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:20,109
then... I don't think
I can do this anymore.

470
00:16:23,266 --> 00:16:25,781
Okay.

471
00:16:25,947 --> 00:16:27,261
Come on, Paul!

472
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:28,629
It's Christmas!

473
00:16:28,754 --> 00:16:30,598
- Don't break up with her...
- Hey, Nick...

474
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,150
It's okay.

475
00:16:34,122 --> 00:16:36,584
Hey, have you guys seen
a little kid running around here?

476
00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:41,933
Thank you.

477
00:16:50,956 --> 00:16:53,726
Ah. I see you found
Santa's house.

478
00:16:53,892 --> 00:16:55,352
I was looking for it.

479
00:16:55,518 --> 00:16:57,605
The man with no shirt
killed Santa.

480
00:16:57,771 --> 00:16:59,565
Oh, you mean Schmidt.

481
00:16:59,731 --> 00:17:01,341
Well, he was just
dressing up like Santa.

482
00:17:01,466 --> 00:17:03,152
Then why didn't he have a shirt?

483
00:17:03,318 --> 00:17:05,821
You know, we ask ourselves
that question every single day.

484
00:17:05,987 --> 00:17:08,699
Is it because he's a D-bag?
Mommy says he's a D-bag.

485
00:17:08,865 --> 00:17:10,601
You know something?

486
00:17:10,726 --> 00:17:12,745
You're a really smart kid.

487
00:17:12,911 --> 00:17:14,747
And for that,
Santa's gonna bring you

488
00:17:14,913 --> 00:17:16,040
extra presents this year.

489
00:17:16,206 --> 00:17:17,357
- Really?
- Yeah.

490
00:17:17,482 --> 00:17:19,126
Thank you, LeBron.

491
00:17:20,369 --> 00:17:22,296
Okay, cool, I'll be him.

492
00:17:22,462 --> 00:17:23,339
You found him!

493
00:17:23,505 --> 00:17:24,689
- Yeah.
- Hi!

494
00:17:26,049 --> 00:17:27,468
Extra gifts this year.

495
00:17:27,634 --> 00:17:30,054
You're really good at this.
Seriously.

496
00:17:30,220 --> 00:17:32,681
If you ever want to hang
out with Elvin again...

497
00:17:32,847 --> 00:17:34,934
I will pay you a lot of money.

498
00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:36,627
Let's go.

499
00:17:36,752 --> 00:17:38,078
A lot.

500
00:17:38,203 --> 00:17:39,296
Thank you.

501
00:17:39,421 --> 00:17:41,232
Like, whatever you're thinking,

502
00:17:41,398 --> 00:17:43,250
add money to that...
'cause that's what I...

503
00:17:43,375 --> 00:17:44,860
Like, a lot.

504
00:17:45,026 --> 00:17:45,861
Bye, Elvin.

505
00:17:46,027 --> 00:17:47,671
Bye, LeBron.

506
00:17:47,796 --> 00:17:49,031
Yep.

507
00:17:53,135 --> 00:17:55,120
What up, Mrs. Miller?

508
00:17:55,286 --> 00:17:57,147
Yes, yes. Actually,
we're on our way right now,

509
00:17:57,272 --> 00:17:58,707
so just go back to sleep.

510
00:17:58,873 --> 00:18:00,459
We're getting Nick
to the airport, okay?

511
00:18:00,625 --> 00:18:03,143
What kind of airline
has flights that leave at 4 a.m.?

512
00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:04,543
Probably the kind
that I can afford.

513
00:18:05,147 --> 00:18:06,523
Actually, what's that smell?

514
00:18:06,648 --> 00:18:08,525
- It's nothing. Oh.
- That's my perfume.

515
00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:10,360
Oh, God, that is bad.

516
00:18:10,485 --> 00:18:12,246
But the weird kind of bad

517
00:18:12,371 --> 00:18:14,572
that makes you want
to smell it again.

518
00:18:19,294 --> 00:18:22,481
Okay, there's something
that we got to do. Sorry.

519
00:18:22,714 --> 00:18:25,092
What are you doing, man!

520
00:18:25,217 --> 00:18:28,445
Hold on, you're going
in the wrong direction!

521
00:18:30,555 --> 00:18:32,599
I think we're too late, Nick.

522
00:18:32,724 --> 00:18:35,052
Yeah, this was supposed
to be your gift, Jess.

523
00:18:35,177 --> 00:18:36,637
I screwed it up.

524
00:18:36,762 --> 00:18:38,038
I'm sorry.

525
00:18:41,883 --> 00:18:44,561
Candy Cane Lane is shut down!

526
00:18:44,686 --> 00:18:46,697
Should've got her perfume, man.

527
00:18:46,822 --> 00:18:48,072
Nice, man.

528
00:18:52,944 --> 00:18:54,071
Man.

529
00:18:54,196 --> 00:18:55,347
Yeah.

530
00:18:55,513 --> 00:18:58,616
I have the worst timing.

531
00:19:00,368 --> 00:19:02,870
I'm always in the wrong place
at the wrong time.

532
00:19:04,898 --> 00:19:06,583
Let's go.

533
00:19:06,708 --> 00:19:08,843
- We should go.
- No, we don't...

534
00:19:10,045 --> 00:19:11,363
Jess, no.

535
00:19:11,529 --> 00:19:12,639
It's Christmas.
It's our Christmas.

536
00:19:12,764 --> 00:19:14,758
We came here to see the lights.

537
00:19:14,883 --> 00:19:17,678
Well, what are we gonna do?

538
00:19:17,803 --> 00:19:20,456
- Yeah, what are you doing?
- What are you doing?

539
00:19:20,622 --> 00:19:22,649
- Nick, man it's 2:00 a.m.
- Why would they turn them off?

540
00:19:22,774 --> 00:19:24,126
- It doesn't make sense to me.
- Nick!

541
00:19:24,292 --> 00:19:25,802
We don't got time for this.

542
00:19:25,927 --> 00:19:27,129
Excuse me, guys?

543
00:19:27,295 --> 00:19:28,213
Oh, hell, no!

544
00:19:28,379 --> 00:19:29,489
Excuse me,
we got a girl out here

545
00:19:29,614 --> 00:19:30,549
who'd really like
to see the lights!

546
00:19:30,765 --> 00:19:32,968
Sorry to wake you!
This is rude!

547
00:19:33,134 --> 00:19:35,554
Make it the
Candy Cane Lane or whatever!

548
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:38,148
You spend all this time
to show off and do it,

549
00:19:38,273 --> 00:19:39,892
so show off...
you got an audience!

550
00:19:40,058 --> 00:19:41,727
This whole neighborhood
is ridiculous!

551
00:19:41,893 --> 00:19:44,313
You all show off,
so turn on the lights!

552
00:19:44,479 --> 00:19:48,359
Just go in the shed or whatever and turn
your damn lights on, you show-offs!

553
00:19:48,525 --> 00:19:49,376
- Turn on your lights!
- Turn on the lights!

554
00:19:49,501 --> 00:19:51,612
Turn on your lights!

555
00:19:53,113 --> 00:19:55,407
- Lights!
- Turn on your lights!

556
00:19:55,573 --> 00:19:57,649
- Turn on your lights!
- Turn on your lights!

557
00:19:57,774 --> 00:20:00,519
Turn on your lights!

558
00:20:00,644 --> 00:20:03,290
# I'll be home #
Turn on the lights, everybody!

559
00:20:03,456 --> 00:20:07,628
# For Christmas #

560
00:20:07,851 --> 00:20:09,828
# You #

561
00:20:09,953 --> 00:20:12,549
# Can count #

562
00:20:12,922 --> 00:20:13,884
# On me #
- Oh! - Oh!

563
00:20:16,292 --> 00:20:18,097
# Please #

564
00:20:18,263 --> 00:20:20,182
# Have snow #

565
00:20:20,348 --> 00:20:23,707
# And mistletoe #

566
00:20:23,832 --> 00:20:26,397
# And presents #

567
00:20:26,669 --> 00:20:29,692
# On the tree #
Oh, my God!

568
00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:32,482
Yes! Yes!

569
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:35,698
# Christmas Eve #

570
00:20:35,864 --> 00:20:38,555
# Will find #

571
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,690
# Me #

572
00:20:40,815 --> 00:20:42,826
# Where #

573
00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:44,561
# The love light #
Merry Christmas!

574
00:20:44,686 --> 00:20:46,395
# Gleams #
Merry Christmas, boys!

575
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:47,697
Merry Christmas, everyone!

576
00:20:47,822 --> 00:20:48,998
Merry Hanukkah!

577
00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:50,866
# I'll #

578
00:20:50,991 --> 00:20:52,089
- # Be home #
- Merry Christmas.

579
00:20:52,255 --> 00:20:55,637
- # For Christmas #
- Merry Christmas!

580
00:20:55,762 --> 00:20:58,239
Now, stop yelling
before I call the cops!

581
00:20:58,364 --> 00:20:59,775
Oh, my God.

582
00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:02,868
# My dreams... #

583
00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:08,516
Candy Cane Lane is
the crA¨me de la crA¨me

584
00:21:08,641 --> 00:21:10,918
- of decorated streets.
- It is... amazing.

585
00:21:11,043 --> 00:21:13,488
Hey, Ma! How are you?

586
00:21:13,613 --> 00:21:16,591
Yeah. No, I'm gonna
miss my flight.

587
00:21:16,716 --> 00:21:18,025
Yeah, I'm sorry. No.

588
00:21:18,150 --> 00:21:20,728
Ma, stop yelling at me,
please stop yelling.

589
00:21:20,853 --> 00:21:22,429
Ma, I'm not high!
Stop yelling!

590
00:21:22,554 --> 00:21:24,230
I'm driving a car.
I can't talk.

591
00:21:24,355 --> 00:21:25,998
Hey, remember Winston?

592
00:21:26,290 --> 00:21:27,567
Winston, it's my ma.
Talk to her.

593
00:21:27,692 --> 00:21:29,102
Hey, what up, Mrs. Miller?

594
00:21:29,227 --> 00:21:30,436
You know, I wrote
a poem about you.

595
00:21:30,561 --> 00:21:32,496
You want to hear it?