1
00:00:00,860 --> 00:00:02,360
Buying a phone's a big deal.
2
00:00:02,373 --> 00:00:04,037
I mean think of how long
you'll have this thing.
3
00:00:04,079 --> 00:00:06,613
It's like buying
a car or a bra.
4
00:00:06,844 --> 00:00:08,377
Eight years, man.
(snaps) Ow.
5
00:00:08,532 --> 00:00:11,034
Hey, uh, sorry, I was just
checking your credit score,
6
00:00:11,101 --> 00:00:13,836
and I got this number
that's crazily low,
7
00:00:13,904 --> 00:00:15,538
so I'll try again.
8
00:00:15,606 --> 00:00:17,373
Don't bother.
I'm sure it's right.
9
00:00:17,441 --> 00:00:19,442
- Seriously?
- Are you kidding me?
10
00:00:20,009 --> 00:00:22,410
250?! You get 150
just for being alive.
11
00:00:22,488 --> 00:00:23,411
SALESMAN:
Hey, Mojan!
12
00:00:23,479 --> 00:00:24,980
Got a 250 credit score!
13
00:00:25,048 --> 00:00:27,849
Well, I guess the $40 I saved
on that Gap card didn't pay off.
14
00:00:27,917 --> 00:00:29,850
Do you have, like,
a box of charity phones
15
00:00:29,918 --> 00:00:30,919
you're sending to Africa?
16
00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:32,921
- Can he just have one of those?
- Claire, Brendan,
17
00:00:32,989 --> 00:00:34,522
this guy's got
a 250 credit score.
18
00:00:34,590 --> 00:00:36,357
We're bringing everybody out?
19
00:00:37,425 --> 00:00:39,459
Look at this.
(laughing)
20
00:00:39,526 --> 00:00:41,295
Oh, I'm sorry. I've been
doing this a long time.
21
00:00:41,362 --> 00:00:43,997
I've just never seen
a score this low.
22
00:00:44,065 --> 00:00:45,666
Did you just wake up
from a coma?
23
00:00:48,218 --> 00:00:50,887
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
Sync by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
24
00:00:51,006 --> 00:00:52,640
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
Sync by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
25
00:00:52,641 --> 00:00:54,974
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess. ♪
Sync by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
26
00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:56,610
But you've always
wanted a thing.
27
00:00:56,677 --> 00:00:59,245
This could be your thing,
like, the guy with no phone.
28
00:00:59,813 --> 00:01:00,546
Well, who is that guy?
29
00:01:00,615 --> 00:01:01,815
I don't want to be that guy.
30
00:01:01,882 --> 00:01:03,416
No, no, no,
it's like mysterious.
31
00:01:03,484 --> 00:01:05,018
It's like,
"I want to call Nick Miller."
32
00:01:05,086 --> 00:01:06,987
"You can't;
He doesn't have a phone."
33
00:01:07,554 --> 00:01:08,321
"What?!"
34
00:01:08,388 --> 00:01:10,288
You can go all Ghost Protocol
on everyone.
35
00:01:10,356 --> 00:01:11,456
See, that's cool.
36
00:01:11,524 --> 00:01:13,692
I mean, I always wanted
to be a mole person.
37
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,261
SHELBY: Schmidt, you're the
Michael Jordan of bar trivia.
38
00:01:16,329 --> 00:01:18,230
We were in the
Greek mythology zone.
39
00:01:18,297 --> 00:01:19,732
I mean, you knew
every question.
40
00:01:19,799 --> 00:01:21,767
SCHMIDT:
Perseus, Icarus, Medusa...
41
00:01:21,835 --> 00:01:23,035
Medeuce, deuce!
42
00:01:23,103 --> 00:01:24,402
Guys, you're shouting.
43
00:01:24,470 --> 00:01:25,703
I mean, you knew every answer.
44
00:01:25,771 --> 00:01:27,038
Like, what was
the tiebreaker you got?
45
00:01:27,106 --> 00:01:28,906
Calvin Coolidge's birthplace?
46
00:01:28,974 --> 00:01:30,307
Little Plymouth Notch, son.
47
00:01:30,375 --> 00:01:31,542
Wow, I'm done with this.
Hey, Shelby...
48
00:01:31,610 --> 00:01:33,477
I mean, seriously,
how did you know that?
49
00:01:33,545 --> 00:01:34,646
Question:
How do you forget that?
50
00:01:34,713 --> 00:01:36,147
Answer: You don't.
51
00:01:36,714 --> 00:01:37,448
Jar!
52
00:01:37,516 --> 00:01:38,750
I'm gonna jar myself
on that one.
53
00:01:39,317 --> 00:01:41,718
- He's like a trivia god.
- Girl, get up.
54
00:01:41,786 --> 00:01:43,520
Winston,
don't worry about it, man.
55
00:01:43,587 --> 00:01:44,888
It's your public school
education.
56
00:01:44,956 --> 00:01:46,356
You'll catch up.
(door slams)
57
00:01:47,423 --> 00:01:48,825
Jar again.
58
00:01:54,765 --> 00:01:55,865
Excuse me?
59
00:01:56,133 --> 00:01:56,967
Oh, hi.
60
00:01:57,035 --> 00:01:59,260
Yeah, hi, hi, I'm Russell
Schiller, Sarah's dad.
61
00:01:59,469 --> 00:02:00,469
- Oh, yes.
- We spoke on the phone.
62
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:01,537
I'm Jessica Day.
63
00:02:02,604 --> 00:02:03,472
Did you just curtsy?
64
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,641
I did, yes; I did.
65
00:02:06,208 --> 00:02:06,942
Is this a bad time?
66
00:02:07,260 --> 00:02:08,811
Nope, no, no, no,
I was just cleaning up
67
00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,579
from the sexual health class.
68
00:02:11,147 --> 00:02:12,014
I had to take condoms
69
00:02:12,082 --> 00:02:13,615
off 30 cucumbers,
70
00:02:13,683 --> 00:02:16,016
and condoms are harder
to take off than I thought.
71
00:02:16,084 --> 00:02:17,152
I know how to put them on,
72
00:02:17,219 --> 00:02:18,787
but I didn't know
how to take them off.
73
00:02:18,854 --> 00:02:21,990
I guess someone else
has always done it for me.
74
00:02:23,058 --> 00:02:25,559
Yeah, I'm sorry. I just got
off a flight from London.
75
00:02:25,626 --> 00:02:27,277
Maybe I'm a little out of it.
76
00:02:27,345 --> 00:02:28,929
(British accent):
Oh, London.
77
00:02:29,197 --> 00:02:30,597
Did you have a busy sch...
78
00:02:31,364 --> 00:02:32,666
(British pronunciation):
Se-dule?
79
00:02:33,734 --> 00:02:34,901
Did you have fun?
80
00:02:34,969 --> 00:02:36,203
No, I was advising a merger.
81
00:02:36,270 --> 00:02:37,938
Oh, fair enough.
82
00:02:38,006 --> 00:02:42,542
Um, you wanted to talk to me
about Sarah's art.
83
00:02:42,610 --> 00:02:45,244
So, this is one
of the pieces she did.
84
00:02:45,812 --> 00:02:47,714
Um...
85
00:02:48,631 --> 00:02:49,048
(chuckles)
86
00:02:49,116 --> 00:02:51,050
That one's called, um,
87
00:02:51,618 --> 00:02:52,885
"At the Mall with Grandma."
88
00:02:55,354 --> 00:02:57,256
She made that in dream-cess,
which is where, um,
89
00:02:57,324 --> 00:02:59,192
I let the kids have time
to create something.
90
00:02:59,259 --> 00:03:01,660
Sarah's gonna be opting out
of dream-cess from now on.
91
00:03:01,728 --> 00:03:02,861
She'll use that same time
92
00:03:02,929 --> 00:03:05,463
to review her other schoolwork
with a tutor.
93
00:03:05,731 --> 00:03:07,865
Oh, did you talk to Sarah
about this?
94
00:03:07,933 --> 00:03:08,666
Well, I don't need to.
95
00:03:08,735 --> 00:03:11,269
I want her to know fractions
before she goes to high school.
96
00:03:11,337 --> 00:03:13,504
- Well, I follow the curriculum.
- My daughter is wearing doll's heads
97
00:03:13,572 --> 00:03:15,406
around her neck, so
whatever you're doing,
98
00:03:15,974 --> 00:03:17,808
keep it up.
99
00:03:17,876 --> 00:03:19,877
Okay, I talk to your daughter
every single day.
100
00:03:20,445 --> 00:03:22,179
Do you?
Because hiring a tutor
101
00:03:22,247 --> 00:03:24,581
is not the same thing
as spending time with her.
102
00:03:24,649 --> 00:03:26,516
I'm her father,
not her friend.
103
00:03:26,584 --> 00:03:29,586
I know what she needs.
104
00:03:29,654 --> 00:03:31,055
Give my best to Mrs. Monogamy.
105
00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:32,589
Cheerio.
106
00:03:34,941 --> 00:03:38,144
He's the third largest
donor in the city.
107
00:03:38,212 --> 00:03:40,746
We take his money and then what,
we have to answer to him?
108
00:03:40,814 --> 00:03:42,215
So, you're asking me
to give up my integrity?
109
00:03:42,282 --> 00:03:43,449
That's what
I'm telling you to do.
110
00:03:43,517 --> 00:03:44,917
Yes, we need his money.
111
00:03:44,985 --> 00:03:46,419
So, he pulls his donation.
112
00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:49,055
You know what?
I'll raise the money myself.
113
00:03:49,123 --> 00:03:51,089
I'll get a ragtag group
of kids together.
114
00:03:51,157 --> 00:03:53,791
A lost soul, an orphan,
115
00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:56,361
a Jewish kid with a keyboard,
116
00:03:56,429 --> 00:03:58,263
a little slut who can dance,
117
00:03:58,331 --> 00:03:59,731
and one fatso,
118
00:03:59,798 --> 00:04:00,798
and I'll choreograph
some dances,
119
00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:02,200
make a show.
120
00:04:02,268 --> 00:04:03,735
You did that already, Jess.
121
00:04:03,802 --> 00:04:05,803
It's called the spring musical,
and it literally brought in $60.
122
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:07,738
Please don't make
me apologize.
123
00:04:08,555 --> 00:04:09,240
You're gonna go to his office.
124
00:04:09,307 --> 00:04:11,409
You're gonna say
that you were wrong.
125
00:04:11,476 --> 00:04:13,810
Say you're never gonna let
the kids do anything creative
126
00:04:14,378 --> 00:04:15,312
ever again.
127
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:16,713
From now on,
128
00:04:16,781 --> 00:04:19,683
your classroom
is full-on North Korea:
129
00:04:19,751 --> 00:04:21,552
Math! Math! Math!
130
00:04:21,819 --> 00:04:23,753
Make sure he doesn't
pull the donation.
131
00:04:25,156 --> 00:04:26,423
When he was yelling at you,
132
00:04:26,490 --> 00:04:28,091
did do that little thing
with his mouth?
133
00:04:28,159 --> 00:04:29,926
You know,
that little smile thing?
134
00:04:29,993 --> 00:04:32,195
You know, like,
like where he goes, "Mmm"?
135
00:04:32,263 --> 00:04:33,663
That's really weird, Tanya.
136
00:04:33,730 --> 00:04:35,098
Apologize.
137
00:04:37,191 --> 00:04:38,472
Why did you make
me look stupid
138
00:04:38,472 --> 00:04:40,403
- in front of Shelby
last nigh? - Wait, what?
139
00:04:40,659 --> 00:04:42,457
Which of the five
great lakes is located
140
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,563
entirely in the United States?
141
00:04:44,611 --> 00:04:46,612
- Lake Erie?
- Yeah, if Lake Michigan didn't exist
142
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,981
and we won a fictional
U.S.-Canada war.
143
00:04:49,298 --> 00:04:51,033
- Lake Michigan.
- Correct!
144
00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:55,870
Oh, you want me
to take a dive next time?
145
00:04:55,938 --> 00:04:57,271
- Take a dive?
- You know, like pretend like
146
00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:58,773
you know more than me
when Shelby's around,
147
00:04:58,841 --> 00:05:00,742
so it seems like
you're smarter.
148
00:05:00,809 --> 00:05:03,110
I know you'd do the same thing
for me if I were the dumber one.
149
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:05,079
Wow, okay,
so let me get this straight:
150
00:05:05,147 --> 00:05:07,548
You think because you know a
few facts about Princess Kate,
151
00:05:07,616 --> 00:05:09,156
- that makes you smarter than me?
- First of all,
152
00:05:09,156 --> 00:05:11,819
Kate is a duchess and
whip-smart by all accounts.
153
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,153
And second of all,
don't be so prideful.
154
00:05:13,220 --> 00:05:14,721
Look, man, there's
nothing wrong
155
00:05:14,789 --> 00:05:16,156
with being the second smartest
in the loft.
156
00:05:16,223 --> 00:05:18,191
You know what,
let me take that back.
157
00:05:18,259 --> 00:05:19,293
Jess is a teacher of children.
158
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:20,761
You memorize facts.
159
00:05:20,828 --> 00:05:21,862
I can memorize facts.
160
00:05:21,929 --> 00:05:23,063
That doesn't make you smart.
161
00:05:23,131 --> 00:05:25,097
Okay, well, maybe,
162
00:05:25,165 --> 00:05:26,766
but I'm definitely smarter
than you.
163
00:05:26,833 --> 00:05:28,801
Whew! Glutes are done, my man.
164
00:05:28,869 --> 00:05:29,802
I'm gonna go to
the stairwell,
165
00:05:29,870 --> 00:05:31,738
work on my calves. Come with?
166
00:05:31,805 --> 00:05:33,906
Hell, no.
167
00:05:33,974 --> 00:05:35,141
You sure?
168
00:05:37,911 --> 00:05:38,911
JESS:
I have to grovel.
169
00:05:38,979 --> 00:05:39,944
I hate groveling.
170
00:05:40,012 --> 00:05:41,212
I would have lasted
two seconds
171
00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:43,548
in the court of the Sun King.
172
00:05:43,615 --> 00:05:44,984
- I think about that all the time.
- You do?
173
00:05:45,062 --> 00:05:47,319
Do you know how much I grovel
on a daily basis?
174
00:05:47,387 --> 00:05:49,154
It is literally obscene.
175
00:05:49,221 --> 00:05:49,989
Come the weekend,
176
00:05:49,990 --> 00:05:51,790
I'm the one
who's filling up my cart
177
00:05:51,857 --> 00:05:54,893
with Fila, Nautica,
Impulse Fila,
178
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,259
Hilfiger, CK,
179
00:05:56,327 --> 00:05:57,695
BR Leather cuff,
180
00:05:57,762 --> 00:05:58,762
and more Fila.
181
00:05:58,830 --> 00:06:00,230
This is the problem, Jess.
182
00:06:00,298 --> 00:06:01,531
It's rich people.
183
00:06:01,599 --> 00:06:03,266
We are right
where they want us, Jess:
184
00:06:03,334 --> 00:06:05,772
Just suckling on the
teat of consumerism.
185
00:06:05,772 --> 00:06:07,615
- Yeah. - That's the exact reason
I got rid of my phone.
186
00:06:07,638 --> 00:06:08,872
You were denied a cell phone
187
00:06:08,940 --> 00:06:11,675
because you have the credit
score of a homeless ghost.
188
00:06:11,742 --> 00:06:13,476
How I got here doesn't matter.
189
00:06:13,544 --> 00:06:14,811
You weigh more
than your credit score.
190
00:06:14,878 --> 00:06:16,012
I'm here now,
191
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,247
- and I'm loving it.
- Yeah.
192
00:06:17,315 --> 00:06:18,715
I'm the guy with no phone.
193
00:06:19,282 --> 00:06:20,350
I mean, right now,
194
00:06:20,418 --> 00:06:22,150
I'm writing a letter
to my friend, Kev,
195
00:06:22,219 --> 00:06:24,553
seeing if he wants to party
with me this Friday.
196
00:06:25,621 --> 00:06:26,822
"What up, Kev?
197
00:06:27,190 --> 00:06:28,023
"You in?
198
00:06:28,091 --> 00:06:30,525
- Nick Miller."
- Yeah, Nick,
199
00:06:30,525 --> 00:06:32,444
he might pull the funding
from the school,
200
00:06:32,444 --> 00:06:33,357
so I'm just a little bit...
201
00:06:33,357 --> 00:06:34,410
Blame your period.
202
00:06:34,464 --> 00:06:35,897
I've actually
done this before.
203
00:06:35,965 --> 00:06:37,265
I mean, both parties knew
204
00:06:37,333 --> 00:06:40,101
that I was lying, obviously,
205
00:06:40,168 --> 00:06:42,102
but it didn't matter
because they knew
206
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,438
that I had utterly
humiliated myself,
207
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,907
and at the end of the day,
they respected that.
208
00:06:46,975 --> 00:06:47,876
I'm sorry; I just feel like
209
00:06:47,944 --> 00:06:50,278
someone should suggest
a simple apology.
210
00:06:50,546 --> 00:06:52,246
I know that's not where
we're headed here,
211
00:06:52,313 --> 00:06:53,747
but I'm just gonna
go on record
212
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:56,250
and say, I think
you should apologize
213
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:57,751
- like a human.
- No!
214
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,319
No! I'm going with Nick
215
00:06:59,387 --> 00:07:01,087
'cause I don't think
I have to apologize.
216
00:07:01,155 --> 00:07:03,156
NICK: Yeah, Jess, so
march into his office,
217
00:07:03,224 --> 00:07:06,793
and say, "Hey, Mr. Fancyman,
you can't tell me what to do.
218
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:07,894
"Your money
219
00:07:07,962 --> 00:07:09,028
doesn't own me."
220
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,896
And then throw
away your phone.
221
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,565
Yeah, I'm gonna throw my phone
into the fiery chasm
222
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,466
where he keeps
his poor people.
223
00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:15,735
Actually, scratch that.
224
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,537
My mom's got your number
in case of emergency.
225
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,339
I want her to think that I can
bring something to the table.
226
00:07:21,907 --> 00:07:23,508
I care
about this girl, Elvin.
227
00:07:23,676 --> 00:07:25,144
I want her
to be my girlfriend.
228
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:28,580
She sees me, all she sees is a
part-time nanny, and that's...
229
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:30,214
You are a part-time nanny.
230
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:31,750
I want her to think I'm smart.
231
00:07:32,817 --> 00:07:34,252
What about fake glasses?
232
00:07:34,319 --> 00:07:35,419
It worked for me.
233
00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:38,890
Okay, okay,
I'm on my way to his office,
234
00:07:39,457 --> 00:07:41,385
and I have a speech
I wrote for Fancyman,
235
00:07:41,385 --> 00:07:42,281
and I want to practice it.
236
00:07:42,281 --> 00:07:44,106
Why are you listening
to Nick?
237
00:07:44,106 --> 00:07:45,495
It is a horrible idea.
238
00:07:45,515 --> 00:07:46,518
Ghost Protocol, man.
239
00:07:46,518 --> 00:07:47,729
You're using my phone.
240
00:07:47,729 --> 00:07:49,129
It's not Ghost Protocol.
241
00:07:49,167 --> 00:07:51,034
It's you using my phone.
242
00:07:51,102 --> 00:07:53,570
This is a group call; I'm just
talking in my living room,
243
00:07:53,638 --> 00:07:55,372
and it happens to
go into that box.
244
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:58,140
Okay, I'm gonna start with a
quote against social Darwinism,
245
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:00,376
then a discussion
of the Gilded Age,
246
00:08:00,444 --> 00:08:01,911
the robber barons,
the Great Society,
247
00:08:01,978 --> 00:08:03,613
how we ended up
with a huge wealth disparity
248
00:08:03,681 --> 00:08:04,914
in this country,
249
00:08:05,015 --> 00:08:06,716
and then, I end
with a bluegrass version
250
00:08:06,784 --> 00:08:08,551
of Public Enemy's
"Fight the Power."
251
00:08:08,619 --> 00:08:09,552
Bad finish.
252
00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:10,653
(engine knocking)
253
00:08:10,721 --> 00:08:11,654
SCHMIDT:
What is that?
254
00:08:11,722 --> 00:08:13,189
Are you driving a lawn mower?
255
00:08:13,256 --> 00:08:14,656
No, I just...
256
00:08:14,724 --> 00:08:15,798
(drivers yelling)
257
00:08:15,824 --> 00:08:17,058
It's my car.
258
00:08:17,126 --> 00:08:18,527
NICK: Look, this is a
great opportunity.
259
00:08:18,594 --> 00:08:19,994
You need to ask yourself,
260
00:08:20,062 --> 00:08:21,730
where are you even going?
261
00:08:21,798 --> 00:08:23,832
SCHMIDT: Buy a new car.
NICK: You don't need a car.
262
00:08:23,899 --> 00:08:26,234
(Nick and Shmidt bickering)
Oh, my car's stalled out.
263
00:08:26,802 --> 00:08:28,870
Can you guys come
and help me push it?
264
00:08:28,904 --> 00:08:31,405
Yeah, we'll be down
in a few minutes.
265
00:08:31,473 --> 00:08:32,673
MAN:
Hey, can I help you?
266
00:08:32,741 --> 00:08:34,308
What? Oh, hi.
267
00:08:35,176 --> 00:08:36,076
Um,
268
00:08:36,144 --> 00:08:38,779
Uh, Mr. Schiller, um,
269
00:08:38,847 --> 00:08:41,514
- how'd you know I was here?
- I was driving by and I saw you.
270
00:08:41,682 --> 00:08:43,250
My office is right here.
271
00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:46,285
Oh, oh, what a coincidence.
272
00:08:46,286 --> 00:08:47,854
I had no idea.
273
00:08:48,421 --> 00:08:49,188
Weird.
274
00:08:50,256 --> 00:08:51,157
What's wrong with the car?
275
00:08:51,158 --> 00:08:52,225
Guy sounds like
matinee idol.
276
00:08:52,326 --> 00:08:53,827
Shut up, Schmidt.
277
00:08:53,894 --> 00:08:55,695
I'm just pushing it
to the nearest gas station.
278
00:08:55,763 --> 00:08:57,864
It's like, a mile away,
so I'm fine.
279
00:08:57,931 --> 00:09:00,233
I know a guy;
He'll be here in ten.
280
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,534
- Oh, no, Mr. Schiller.
- Russell.
281
00:09:02,602 --> 00:09:04,370
Mr. Schiller, I can
take care of myself.
282
00:09:04,437 --> 00:09:06,472
It's how I was raised;
I wasn't raised with money,
283
00:09:06,539 --> 00:09:09,241
so when something broke,
we pretended it still worked.
284
00:09:09,308 --> 00:09:11,142
Some of my best memories
are pushing this car around
285
00:09:11,210 --> 00:09:12,444
on family vacations.
286
00:09:12,512 --> 00:09:13,511
(phone chirping)
287
00:09:14,212 --> 00:09:15,112
Okay.
288
00:09:15,648 --> 00:09:17,582
Oh, yeah, tow truck's
on the way.
289
00:09:17,649 --> 00:09:19,950
Look, that's very nice
and generous of you,
290
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:22,953
but I really... I-I mean,
I need my car, and...
291
00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:24,856
Here, let me help you.
292
00:09:26,723 --> 00:09:27,492
Take mine.
293
00:09:28,259 --> 00:09:29,326
- What?
- Take mine.
294
00:09:29,595 --> 00:09:31,696
- Here.
- No.
295
00:09:31,764 --> 00:09:33,532
Come on. Take mine.
296
00:09:33,764 --> 00:09:35,532
Uh, I don't know how
to drive cars that work.
297
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:36,700
You can drop it off
tomorrow night.
298
00:09:36,768 --> 00:09:38,234
I'm having a party, a cookout.
299
00:09:38,302 --> 00:09:39,735
Come on over any time.
Come on.
300
00:09:41,738 --> 00:09:42,738
Thank you so much.
301
00:09:42,906 --> 00:09:43,940
This is amazing.
302
00:09:44,008 --> 00:09:45,475
I will return it
washed and polished.
303
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,910
- Do you think it's a superhero?
- No.
304
00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:49,578
I think it's Jess
and some weird guy.
305
00:09:49,646 --> 00:09:50,979
Miss Day?
306
00:09:51,047 --> 00:09:52,647
Jess--
you can call me Jess.
307
00:09:53,215 --> 00:09:55,018
Great, I'll see
you tomorrow, Jess.
308
00:09:57,585 --> 00:09:58,754
Go is the one on the right.
309
00:09:59,822 --> 00:10:01,656
The one on the left is stop.
310
00:10:01,724 --> 00:10:02,792
(quietly)
Thanks.
311
00:10:03,359 --> 00:10:04,860
- What kind of car is it?
- We are the 99%.
312
00:10:04,928 --> 00:10:06,561
- Is it an SL?
- We the 99%.
313
00:10:06,629 --> 00:10:08,029
Does it have a push ignition?
314
00:10:08,596 --> 00:10:10,031
Does it have a push ignition?
315
00:10:10,098 --> 00:10:11,332
Please tell me
it's not a hybrid.
316
00:10:14,751 --> 00:10:18,752
And then he gives me his car,
just hands me the keys.
317
00:10:18,787 --> 00:10:20,754
It's like so...
318
00:10:21,057 --> 00:10:23,725
Rich people! They're always
giving you their cars.
319
00:10:23,793 --> 00:10:25,260
It's like, let them eat cars.
320
00:10:25,327 --> 00:10:26,594
You know what he's doing?
321
00:10:26,662 --> 00:10:28,262
He's taking back the power,
322
00:10:28,329 --> 00:10:30,131
so I have to go
to his cookout,
323
00:10:30,198 --> 00:10:31,732
and instead of standing up
to him,
324
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:32,933
I have to grovel.
325
00:10:33,001 --> 00:10:34,802
Just a thought:
326
00:10:34,870 --> 00:10:37,237
- What if he likes you?
-(scoffs) No, I hate him.
327
00:10:37,305 --> 00:10:40,607
This guy is single
and he's sweet.
328
00:10:40,676 --> 00:10:42,476
Sweet? No.
329
00:10:42,544 --> 00:10:43,643
He's not sweet.
330
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:45,444
I would never go for that guy.
331
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:47,147
- Why?
- Because he's the type of guy
332
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:49,615
who has a linen closet
and a towel warmer.
333
00:10:49,684 --> 00:10:50,817
You know me.
334
00:10:50,885 --> 00:10:52,752
I'm only attracted to guys
335
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,120
who are afraid of success
336
00:10:54,188 --> 00:10:55,488
and think someone famous
stole their idea.
337
00:10:55,556 --> 00:10:57,157
I like an underdog.
338
00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:59,758
- Spencer didn't even own sheets.
- Yeah. He slept
339
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,259
- on a pile of washcloths.
- Can I say something
340
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:02,895
to you now that
you're not gonna like?
341
00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:05,463
- Yeah. - Maybe Russell
intimidates you.
342
00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:07,513
Because you wouldn't have
to take care of him,
343
00:11:07,513 --> 00:11:08,862
because he would
take care of you,
344
00:11:08,862 --> 00:11:10,003
and that just terrifies you.
345
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:10,756
Uh, no.
346
00:11:10,756 --> 00:11:14,192
Spencer...
wore... jellies.
347
00:11:14,693 --> 00:11:16,995
How many pounds
in a metric ton?
348
00:11:17,023 --> 00:11:19,959
2,204.6. Next.
349
00:11:20,011 --> 00:11:22,902
In 1948, Albert
became the first...
350
00:11:22,902 --> 00:11:24,465
- American...
- ...American monkey in space.
351
00:11:24,465 --> 00:11:25,718
Let's go.
352
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:27,819
- This ancient...
- Mesopotamia. Hit me.
353
00:11:27,886 --> 00:11:30,354
You don't actually know
what a Mesopotamia is.
354
00:11:30,422 --> 00:11:32,870
Of course I know what Mesopotamia is.
Don't be crazy.
355
00:11:32,870 --> 00:11:34,303
Use it in a sentence.
356
00:11:35,558 --> 00:11:38,161
Look, there's Mesopotamia.
357
00:11:38,229 --> 00:11:39,596
JESS:
So I'm going to have to draw
358
00:11:39,663 --> 00:11:41,198
on your hatred of rich
people for this, okay?
359
00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:42,699
Hate me up.
360
00:11:42,767 --> 00:11:44,134
Well, for starters,
look at this place.
361
00:11:44,202 --> 00:11:45,535
I know. Ugh.
362
00:11:45,603 --> 00:11:47,436
I'm betting at one point
there was a moat.
363
00:11:47,503 --> 00:11:49,571
Rich boy punk.
(laughs)
364
00:11:49,639 --> 00:11:53,109
This hallway's excessive.
It's braggy.
365
00:11:53,176 --> 00:11:54,744
Well, I guess
everyone's out back.
366
00:11:54,811 --> 00:11:56,712
Ugh, look at this place, Jess.
Are you kidding me?
367
00:11:56,780 --> 00:11:58,080
It's so over-the-top.
368
00:11:58,148 --> 00:11:59,715
A kitchen island?
Be a man!
369
00:11:59,783 --> 00:12:01,383
- Let your counter attach to itself.
- I know.
370
00:12:01,451 --> 00:12:03,084
It's like, I can't chop
vegetables over here.
371
00:12:03,152 --> 00:12:05,386
I need to do it over here.
Love me, love me.
372
00:12:05,454 --> 00:12:06,821
I mean, we're making an egg,
373
00:12:06,889 --> 00:12:08,322
not going to outer space,
guys, right?
374
00:12:08,390 --> 00:12:09,590
Right. Nice burn.
375
00:12:14,363 --> 00:12:15,764
JESS:
Whoa.
376
00:12:15,831 --> 00:12:17,399
Makes me want to sit
by the fire,
377
00:12:17,467 --> 00:12:19,634
and talk about how
annoying Gandhi is.
378
00:12:21,402 --> 00:12:23,837
Whoa, something's
happening to me, Jess.
379
00:12:24,405 --> 00:12:25,306
I want to sit at that desk
380
00:12:25,374 --> 00:12:28,142
- and veto a law.
- What are you doing, Nick?
381
00:12:28,209 --> 00:12:30,577
- That's someone else's stuff.
- Jess, when I put my hand on this desk,
382
00:12:30,645 --> 00:12:33,013
I feel sexually proficient
for the first time in my life.
383
00:12:33,081 --> 00:12:34,847
Nick, this man stands
for everything you hate.
384
00:12:36,517 --> 00:12:39,051
I'm President Miller!
You're all fired!
385
00:12:39,119 --> 00:12:40,487
Bring our boys home.
386
00:12:40,554 --> 00:12:42,655
Okay, this is how
evil geniuses are born.
387
00:12:42,722 --> 00:12:44,290
You smell that?
It smells like leather
388
00:12:44,357 --> 00:12:46,325
and Teddy Roosevelt
and wistfulness.
389
00:12:47,761 --> 00:12:49,829
I want to wear this cap.
390
00:12:49,897 --> 00:12:51,397
You're not helping me!
391
00:12:51,464 --> 00:12:54,032
Nick, I know
this room is beautiful,
392
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:56,769
gentlemanly, and...
smells like Christmas,
393
00:12:56,836 --> 00:12:58,103
but you have to stay strong.
394
00:12:58,171 --> 00:13:00,171
I'm gonna go find Russell.
395
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:02,873
Keep...
playing with that duck.
396
00:13:05,110 --> 00:13:07,412
I want to kill you.
397
00:13:07,479 --> 00:13:10,080
Because I respect you.
398
00:13:10,148 --> 00:13:12,216
I think I understand hunting!
399
00:13:25,947 --> 00:13:27,181
Hello, Russell.
400
00:13:27,248 --> 00:13:28,983
Hey, Jess.
Thanks for coming.
401
00:13:29,050 --> 00:13:31,584
Oh, the mechanic called.
Your car's done.
402
00:13:31,651 --> 00:13:33,486
He also wanted me
to communicate to you
403
00:13:33,553 --> 00:13:35,554
that you need
to change your oil.
404
00:13:35,622 --> 00:13:37,156
(sighs)
405
00:13:38,224 --> 00:13:40,259
I want to, first of all,
say thank you, Russell.
406
00:13:40,327 --> 00:13:42,462
Um, and second of all,
I want to say, um,
407
00:13:42,529 --> 00:13:45,064
I know you donate a lot of
money to this school, but...
408
00:13:45,132 --> 00:13:47,265
- You think I'm a snob.
- No. No.
409
00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:51,169
No, I have nothing
against people who...
410
00:13:51,737 --> 00:13:54,072
live in enormous mansions.
411
00:13:54,140 --> 00:13:55,974
Jess, I'm 42.
412
00:13:56,042 --> 00:13:58,477
I've made a lot of money,
and I enjoy spending it.
413
00:13:58,544 --> 00:14:00,212
- Oh, you've got to try
one of these. - Oh.
414
00:14:00,279 --> 00:14:02,046
Deconstructed spring roll.
415
00:14:02,114 --> 00:14:03,647
- It's delicious.
- Oh.
416
00:14:03,715 --> 00:14:05,316
- Try it.
- Oh.
417
00:14:08,487 --> 00:14:10,287
Oh, my God!
418
00:14:10,355 --> 00:14:12,289
This is so amazing
I want to punch you!
419
00:14:12,357 --> 00:14:13,891
(laughs)
Russell! Russell.
420
00:14:13,958 --> 00:14:16,093
Come tell Carolyn about that
time you delivered that baby.
421
00:14:16,161 --> 00:14:18,161
Oh. Yeah.
422
00:14:18,229 --> 00:14:20,397
You delivered a baby? Just...
it was twins, actually.
423
00:14:20,864 --> 00:14:21,564
Twins?
424
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,207
Are you wearing my sweater?
425
00:14:31,275 --> 00:14:33,576
No. Yes. It was on the back
of the chair.
426
00:14:33,644 --> 00:14:35,377
So I thought the sweater
belonged to the chair.
427
00:14:35,445 --> 00:14:36,778
I thought it was
a chair sweater.
428
00:14:36,846 --> 00:14:38,780
Those exist.
429
00:14:39,848 --> 00:14:40,582
I'm Nick.
430
00:14:40,650 --> 00:14:42,051
- Oh, you know Jess.
- Yes.
431
00:14:42,118 --> 00:14:43,977
I'm Jess' roommate.
I'm the guy with no phone,
432
00:14:43,977 --> 00:14:45,205
if she's told you.
That's my thing.
433
00:14:45,205 --> 00:14:46,956
- No phones.
- Why don't you have a phone?
434
00:14:46,956 --> 00:14:49,559
Because I don't want to be
tied to some corporate system.
435
00:14:50,358 --> 00:14:51,515
That, and no one
would give me one.
436
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:52,914
I have incredibly
low credit ratings.
437
00:14:52,965 --> 00:14:54,132
Yeah.
438
00:14:54,263 --> 00:14:56,230
When I was your age, I had
a really skinny ponytail,
439
00:14:56,298 --> 00:14:58,433
and I think I was living off
of selling my own blood.
440
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,234
That's funny.
Then what happened?
441
00:15:01,302 --> 00:15:03,071
One day you just woke up
and you had all this?
442
00:15:03,138 --> 00:15:05,005
Well, I realized
I wanted to grow up.
443
00:15:06,074 --> 00:15:07,541
- That's what happened.
- Um...
444
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,277
I got this as a gift from the
company for Christmas, so...
445
00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:11,911
Oh, wow, that's great.
446
00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:14,414
My boss gave me three credit
cards he found at the bar,
447
00:15:14,482 --> 00:15:17,517
and said, "You didn't
get these from me."
448
00:15:17,585 --> 00:15:19,886
It's a bartender joke.
I'm a bartender. We...
449
00:15:19,954 --> 00:15:22,354
We don't steal credit cards.
Cool, cool.
450
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,490
Here. Take it.
No, no, I can't take your phone, man.
451
00:15:24,558 --> 00:15:26,460
I can't... it's just...
452
00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:29,661
it feels really
good in my hand.
453
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:34,567
Is it possible to be sexually
attracted to an object?
454
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,935
Yes, it is.
It really is.
455
00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:41,306
- You can keep the sweater.
- Thanks, I...
456
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:44,709
I don't know why I put it on,
to be honest with you.
457
00:15:44,776 --> 00:15:47,412
I just came in here, and it
smelled like Shakespeare,
458
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,914
if Shakespeare were
a damn cowboy.
459
00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:52,750
And hawk's nests, and boat fuel,
and cigars and burping...
460
00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:54,118
- man stuff!
- Yeah, yeah, enjoy it.
461
00:15:54,685 --> 00:15:55,619
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
462
00:15:55,686 --> 00:15:57,121
- I appreciate you.
- Yeah, yeah. Sure.
463
00:15:57,188 --> 00:16:00,724
Hey, Russell, why are you
being so nice to me?
464
00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:02,426
Well, you're
Jess's friend, right?
465
00:16:04,228 --> 00:16:05,562
Now, you fold that sweater.
466
00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:06,663
Don't hang it.
467
00:16:06,731 --> 00:16:08,665
You listening to me?
Fold it.
468
00:16:09,233 --> 00:16:11,267
Ah, I don't care.
Do whatever you want.
469
00:16:11,335 --> 00:16:12,868
That was really funny, man!
470
00:16:13,436 --> 00:16:14,604
Why did I...?
471
00:16:17,507 --> 00:16:19,208
Bidet!
472
00:16:20,276 --> 00:16:22,044
Bidet if I do.
473
00:16:23,147 --> 00:16:25,214
(bidet speaking Japanese)
474
00:16:27,049 --> 00:16:29,751
(overlapping Japanese words)
475
00:16:29,818 --> 00:16:32,454
Oh, my God!
(screams)
476
00:16:32,522 --> 00:16:34,956
- Oh, my gosh. Shut up.
RUSSELL: Jess, is that you?
477
00:16:35,024 --> 00:16:36,758
- Oh, God! Oh, God.
RUSSELL: What's wrong?
478
00:16:37,825 --> 00:16:39,027
Sorry, Jess.
I'm coming in.
479
00:16:39,094 --> 00:16:40,962
- Oh, my God.
- What's going on?
480
00:16:41,030 --> 00:16:42,829
- Oh, my God! I just...
- Wait, wait, wait.
481
00:16:42,897 --> 00:16:44,936
- Ow! - No, I just
pressed some buttons
482
00:16:44,936 --> 00:16:46,819
- with cartoon characters on them.
- Yeah, it's Japanese.
483
00:16:46,834 --> 00:16:48,769
Of course it's
a Japanese bidet.
484
00:16:48,836 --> 00:16:50,771
Of course you have
a Japanese bidet.
485
00:16:50,838 --> 00:16:52,706
Look, Russell,
I want to tell you
486
00:16:52,774 --> 00:16:54,642
that I am not sorry
about what I said
487
00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:57,444
because Sara is 12,
and she is creative,
488
00:16:57,512 --> 00:16:59,218
and I don't care
if you pull your donation,
489
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:01,197
- I am not gonna grovel...
- Why did you think I was
490
00:17:01,197 --> 00:17:03,032
going to pull the donation?
I would never do that.
491
00:17:03,032 --> 00:17:05,766
(bidet repeating
Japanese phrase) Okay.
492
00:17:05,852 --> 00:17:07,353
Oh, jeez.
493
00:17:07,421 --> 00:17:09,055
It is some really
deep cleaning here.
494
00:17:09,122 --> 00:17:10,156
- Oh, God.
- No, Jess, Jess!
495
00:17:10,224 --> 00:17:11,457
- Wait!
- Oh!
496
00:17:11,525 --> 00:17:14,160
Jess, you put it up
to six happy faces.
497
00:17:14,227 --> 00:17:15,860
I've never gone past three.
498
00:17:19,779 --> 00:17:21,577
Jess, why are we leaving?
499
00:17:21,881 --> 00:17:23,682
And why are you all wet?
500
00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:26,284
Okay, did you take a bath in his
tub because you wanted to see
501
00:17:26,352 --> 00:17:27,452
what it'd feel like to be him?
502
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:28,620
'Cause, weirdly, I get that.
503
00:17:28,688 --> 00:17:30,121
No. I want to leave
504
00:17:30,189 --> 00:17:32,190
because we don't
fit in here, Nick.
505
00:17:32,258 --> 00:17:33,858
I know that I've been saying
you can't give into this guy,
506
00:17:33,925 --> 00:17:36,093
but I don't think that you
should run from him, either.
507
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:39,296
'Cause no matter where you go,
he could find you.
508
00:17:39,813 --> 00:17:40,998
I believe that.
509
00:17:41,065 --> 00:17:42,466
No, running's good.
I'm gonna run.
510
00:17:42,534 --> 00:17:43,934
Hey, Jess, stop.
511
00:17:44,002 --> 00:17:45,202
Look, this may
complicate things,
512
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,438
but I'm in love with him.
513
00:17:47,506 --> 00:17:49,005
Shut up!
No, I won't shut up.
514
00:17:49,072 --> 00:17:50,740
He smells like strong coffee
515
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:52,675
and going to see a man
about a horse.
516
00:17:52,743 --> 00:17:54,343
You're ridiculous, Nick.
Let's go.
517
00:17:54,412 --> 00:17:56,946
I am ridiculous, okay, but no.
518
00:17:57,014 --> 00:17:59,182
Be a grown-up.
519
00:18:00,750 --> 00:18:02,585
He likes you, Jess.
520
00:18:04,153 --> 00:18:05,387
Go back in there.
521
00:18:05,454 --> 00:18:06,688
I think it'd be good for you.
522
00:18:09,292 --> 00:18:11,259
And I'm not just saying that
because I'm in love with him.
523
00:18:11,327 --> 00:18:12,495
(scoffs)
524
00:18:12,527 --> 00:18:13,695
Just do it.
525
00:18:16,099 --> 00:18:18,400
Don't be intimidated just
because you're just younger,
526
00:18:18,468 --> 00:18:20,902
poorer and wetter
than everybody in there.
527
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:22,470
Goldfinger!
I mean, no, no.
528
00:18:22,538 --> 00:18:23,905
I meant to say
Golden-Golden Hind!
529
00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:25,706
Golden Hind is
what I meant to say.
530
00:18:25,774 --> 00:18:26,908
- No...
- Winston,
531
00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:28,443
you are all over the place.
532
00:18:28,510 --> 00:18:30,945
The Green Bay Packers did not
invent the T formation,
533
00:18:31,512 --> 00:18:33,613
nor was Crispin Glover
the first man to die
534
00:18:33,681 --> 00:18:35,049
- in the Revolutionary War.
- Shh.
535
00:18:35,116 --> 00:18:37,116
- This is supposed to be fun.
- Look, Babe, it is fun.
536
00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:38,652
I just don't want to look
stupid in front of everybody.
537
00:18:38,719 --> 00:18:39,686
- All right?
- You're not stupid.
538
00:18:39,754 --> 00:18:41,187
Well, I mean,
he did skip Earth
539
00:18:41,255 --> 00:18:42,722
when listing the planets.
540
00:18:42,790 --> 00:18:45,191
SHELBY: What has
gotten into you today?
541
00:18:45,259 --> 00:18:47,961
I just... I just didn't want
you to think I was an idiot.
542
00:18:48,028 --> 00:18:51,865
You tried to memorize all the
trivia answers? Winston!
543
00:18:51,933 --> 00:18:57,369
I don't want some smart,
rich guy who owns his own car.
544
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:59,972
I want to be with you.
545
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:03,776
I don't care if you don't know
Ernest Hemingway's birthplace.
546
00:19:03,844 --> 00:19:05,410
Oak Park, Illinois.
547
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,380
So, what are you saying?
548
00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:10,849
Are we doing this?
Is this real?
549
00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:12,484
Like, are you my girlfriend?
550
00:19:12,551 --> 00:19:13,852
Because if that's
what you're saying,
551
00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:15,453
then that would
make me very happy.
552
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:17,221
Mm, me, too.
553
00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:21,693
Shelby, be careful
with his mustache, please.
554
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,227
- Mmm.
- It's very delicate.
555
00:19:24,662 --> 00:19:26,329
I can't watch this anymore.
556
00:19:26,397 --> 00:19:28,198
Winston, I hope
you're better in bed
557
00:19:28,265 --> 00:19:31,134
because your street work
is embarrassing.
558
00:19:31,202 --> 00:19:34,104
Am I talking too much?
I don't want to ruin the moment.
559
00:19:34,171 --> 00:19:36,239
You know what? If this was
my grandmother's building,
560
00:19:36,607 --> 00:19:38,140
she'd be outside
on the patio,
561
00:19:38,208 --> 00:19:39,609
and she'd be
yelling down at you,
562
00:19:39,676 --> 00:19:40,510
and she'd be saying,
563
00:19:40,577 --> 00:19:41,711
"You look beautiful.
564
00:19:42,478 --> 00:19:44,414
"The two of you are
a beautiful couple.
565
00:19:44,482 --> 00:19:46,349
I'm glad you found
one another."
566
00:19:46,417 --> 00:19:49,051
But she wouldn't invite you up
because she's a horrible racist.
567
00:19:51,321 --> 00:19:53,889
You want me
to put on some Jodeci?
568
00:19:56,393 --> 00:19:58,994
There you are.
I was looking for you.
569
00:19:59,062 --> 00:20:00,095
Okay....
570
00:20:00,463 --> 00:20:01,930
- Listen.
- Uh-huh.
571
00:20:01,998 --> 00:20:04,999
I'm not used to people
who have it all together.
572
00:20:05,067 --> 00:20:07,801
I think... you scare me.
573
00:20:07,869 --> 00:20:09,169
Oh, no, no, I don't...
574
00:20:09,737 --> 00:20:11,572
I don't have it all together.
575
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,774
I don't even know
how to talk to my own kid.
576
00:20:13,842 --> 00:20:15,343
I can't even remember
the last time she hugged me
577
00:20:15,411 --> 00:20:16,710
and used both arms.
578
00:20:16,778 --> 00:20:19,147
She said she wanted
to go bra shopping,
579
00:20:19,214 --> 00:20:20,580
and so I bought
her a ski vest.
580
00:20:21,648 --> 00:20:23,616
Look, every eye roll
581
00:20:24,684 --> 00:20:26,453
means you're doing
something right.
582
00:20:26,521 --> 00:20:28,255
- Really?
- No, that's just what
583
00:20:28,322 --> 00:20:30,190
I tell parents to make
them feel better.
584
00:20:30,958 --> 00:20:32,459
Jess, will you have dinner
with me?
585
00:20:36,346 --> 00:20:37,129
Yes.
586
00:20:37,497 --> 00:20:39,331
Great. Good.
587
00:20:41,668 --> 00:20:43,735
Sh-Should I, um,
text you, or...?
588
00:20:43,803 --> 00:20:46,004
- No. I'll call.
- Great.
589
00:20:46,373 --> 00:20:48,441
- Okay, cool.
- All right, cool.
590
00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:51,710
(gasps)
Oh, no... Hey, Jess.
591
00:20:51,778 --> 00:20:53,445
Jess, why are you
in the koi pond?!
592
00:20:53,512 --> 00:20:54,812
- Jess, are you okay?
JESS: Oh, God, oh, God.
593
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,714
RUSSELL: Okay, come here.
- Oh, God!
594
00:20:56,782 --> 00:20:57,949
- Koi in my dress!
- Let me help you.
595
00:20:58,016 --> 00:20:59,451
Koi in my dress!
596
00:20:59,518 --> 00:21:00,651
RUSSELL:
Are you all right?
597
00:21:00,719 --> 00:21:02,187
Oh, you got a fish
in your dress.
598
00:21:02,254 --> 00:21:04,021
I didn't ask you!
I'm talking to you!
599
00:21:04,090 --> 00:21:06,857
You want to come in here and
charge me a billion dollars?
600
00:21:06,925 --> 00:21:07,823
(laughs)
601
00:21:07,825 --> 00:21:09,093
That's nothing to me!
602
00:21:11,196 --> 00:21:13,597
Want it? Want it?
603
00:21:13,664 --> 00:21:15,432
You're off the streets.
604
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:16,900
I don't want to, either.
605
00:21:16,968 --> 00:21:18,635
You're the best cop I got!
606
00:21:18,703 --> 00:21:20,270
As President Miller of Earth,
607
00:21:20,338 --> 00:21:22,540
I'd like to speak to the
Galactic Emperor, please.
608
00:21:24,108 --> 00:21:25,108
Yeah, it's about money.
609
00:21:25,175 --> 00:21:26,977
I'm gonna push a piece
of paper across the desk
610
00:21:27,044 --> 00:21:28,878
that I've written
a little number on.
611
00:21:28,946 --> 00:21:31,914
Why don't I just tell you?
It's five kabillion dollars.
612
00:21:31,982 --> 00:21:33,150
So, what do you say?
613
00:21:33,182 --> 00:21:35,750
Is China mine, Mr. Ying?
614
00:21:35,918 --> 00:21:40,019
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