1 00:00:04,945 --> 00:00:06,695 d Happy birthday, dude! d 2 00:00:06,722 --> 00:00:08,176 - Hello. - I made you a cake. 3 00:00:08,201 --> 00:00:10,630 Can't. Booked a car show for tomorrow, 4 00:00:10,651 --> 00:00:13,407 and I have been so good this week. 5 00:00:13,451 --> 00:00:15,393 - I lost four pounds. - Oh, come on, Cece. 6 00:00:15,417 --> 00:00:17,765 It's your birthday. We're gonna eat cake, 7 00:00:17,876 --> 00:00:19,785 we're gonna watch Clueless on VHS, 8 00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:22,058 and we're gonna try to make prom dresses out of towels. 9 00:00:22,083 --> 00:00:24,140 Obviously, just like we always do. 10 00:00:24,313 --> 00:00:25,341 As if! 11 00:00:25,518 --> 00:00:28,992 As if is, like, the funniest thing ever. 12 00:00:29,031 --> 00:00:31,006 I wish I had a stepbrother to fall in love with. 13 00:00:31,038 --> 00:00:33,392 I know, right? Paul Rudd. 14 00:00:33,417 --> 00:00:35,528 You know, actually, I thought maybe this year, 15 00:00:35,559 --> 00:00:37,554 we could go out, you know? 16 00:00:37,634 --> 00:00:39,288 We go party tonight. 17 00:00:39,350 --> 00:00:43,365 Let dogs out. Catch gypsy. 18 00:00:43,475 --> 00:00:47,001 Yeah. Yeah, Nadia wants me to go to this last-minute thing 19 00:00:47,020 --> 00:00:48,301 she found out about, so I thought 20 00:00:48,319 --> 00:00:49,888 we could all, you know, just go out tonight. 21 00:00:49,902 --> 00:00:52,427 - You, me, Nadia, the girls. - The models? 22 00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:54,908 Yes, Jess, the models. Please? 23 00:00:54,935 --> 00:00:57,943 You and I have never spent my birthday apart, ever. 24 00:00:58,439 --> 00:00:59,920 Except for the one time in seventh grade 25 00:00:59,938 --> 00:01:01,930 where you walked out of my sleepover because 26 00:01:01,950 --> 00:01:04,016 - you claimed... - When you struck me in the breast. 27 00:01:04,041 --> 00:01:06,155 But I didn't even touch boob, because you know, 28 00:01:06,174 --> 00:01:08,070 - we all knew you were stuffing... - Oh, my God. 29 00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:10,220 - We were all stuffing. Stuffing? - You've seen my grandmother. 30 00:01:10,253 --> 00:01:11,991 - We all stuffed. Yes, we were. - I was not stuffing. 31 00:01:12,023 --> 00:01:14,048 - It was seventh grade. - I've been like this since I was seven. 32 00:01:14,073 --> 00:01:16,527 - You're... - Come out with us tonight! 33 00:01:16,817 --> 00:01:18,839 - Please, please, please! - Okay. 34 00:01:19,453 --> 00:01:20,479 - Okay. - I'll come. 35 00:01:20,826 --> 00:01:22,126 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 36 00:01:22,257 --> 00:01:23,657 I so excited. 37 00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:27,523 I shake this thing that my mama gave me. 38 00:01:28,026 --> 00:01:29,113 YOLO! 39 00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:31,051 d Who's that girl? d 40 00:01:31,083 --> 00:01:32,977 - dWho's that girl?d - d It's Jess. d 41 00:01:33,002 --> 00:01:37,002 2x05 - Models - 42 00:01:38,084 --> 00:01:39,422 The Galapagos tortoise, 43 00:01:39,453 --> 00:01:41,197 - or Galapagos giant tortoise, - Unbelievable... 44 00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:42,891 Is the largest living species of tortoise... 45 00:01:42,916 --> 00:01:44,606 Spectacular. 46 00:01:45,129 --> 00:01:46,079 Hey, do you think 47 00:01:46,098 --> 00:01:48,413 Jess would be mad if I got a turtle and named it Jess, 48 00:01:48,431 --> 00:01:50,771 even though I had that name picked out before she moved in? 49 00:01:50,826 --> 00:01:53,095 - A turtle? - Thinking man's best friend, Schmidty. 50 00:01:53,136 --> 00:01:56,166 In our home? Over my turtle-disease-ridden dead body. 51 00:01:56,192 --> 00:01:58,408 Whatever, dream killer. What's this? 52 00:01:58,671 --> 00:01:59,602 Got you a cookie. 53 00:02:00,098 --> 00:02:02,067 What, you have, like...? 54 00:02:02,277 --> 00:02:03,277 Have, like, an extra? 55 00:02:04,109 --> 00:02:05,544 No. 56 00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:08,633 So you just, like, got me a cookie? 57 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,102 Yeah, I was thinking about you. 58 00:02:11,503 --> 00:02:13,160 What do you mean you were thinking about me? 59 00:02:13,215 --> 00:02:14,991 What do you mean? I don't know. I was thinking about you. 60 00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:17,087 Think about you a lot, bro. 61 00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:20,656 Why? 62 00:02:20,732 --> 00:02:24,005 I don't know. Because you're my friend, you're on my mind. 63 00:02:24,570 --> 00:02:26,476 What, do you not think about me? 64 00:02:26,506 --> 00:02:28,563 Of course not! 65 00:02:29,152 --> 00:02:30,958 Oh. 66 00:02:31,674 --> 00:02:33,325 Schmidt got me a cookie. 67 00:02:33,368 --> 00:02:35,813 Oh. Very nice. 68 00:02:37,145 --> 00:02:38,396 What do you guys think? 69 00:02:38,416 --> 00:02:40,044 - Whoa! - - Smokin' hot. 70 00:02:40,069 --> 00:02:42,225 I'm going out tonight with Cece and her model friends, 71 00:02:42,250 --> 00:02:46,384 and I'm going for "promising ballerina turned streetwalker." 72 00:02:46,877 --> 00:02:48,302 You have too much joie de vivre. 73 00:02:48,339 --> 00:02:50,938 Okay, you want to look a little bit more bored, tired. 74 00:02:50,969 --> 00:02:52,900 Just altogether disengaged. 75 00:02:52,942 --> 00:02:54,710 More tired-- more, like, sick-like. 76 00:02:54,776 --> 00:02:56,258 Really let your bones prop you up. 77 00:02:56,289 --> 00:02:58,211 Did you put shoe polish on your eyes? 78 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,753 I never understand you women-- God. 79 00:03:00,790 --> 00:03:02,584 - Eye shadow, man. - That's...? 80 00:03:02,628 --> 00:03:03,646 Oh, that's makeup? 81 00:03:03,771 --> 00:03:05,021 I would take that off. 82 00:03:05,045 --> 00:03:05,918 That looks crazy. 83 00:03:05,949 --> 00:03:06,913 Can't believe I have to deal 84 00:03:06,932 --> 00:03:08,562 with the models just to hang out with Cece. 85 00:03:08,593 --> 00:03:10,606 Last time we hung out, it was awful. 86 00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:11,853 I figure the best way to talk 87 00:03:11,878 --> 00:03:14,067 to models is just point to objects and describe them. 88 00:03:14,590 --> 00:03:16,466 The table is round. 89 00:03:16,652 --> 00:03:18,609 It's also flat. 90 00:03:18,822 --> 00:03:22,549 Yes, the table is round, and it's flat. 91 00:03:22,706 --> 00:03:23,748 Oh, look, a lamp. 92 00:03:24,968 --> 00:03:27,737 I love Cece, and these are Cece's friends, 93 00:03:27,755 --> 00:03:29,413 so I should be able to get along with them. 94 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,452 I should be able to deal with the fact 95 00:03:31,473 --> 00:03:34,501 that they think I look like a monkey... 96 00:03:35,370 --> 00:03:37,199 from a Russian cracker ad. 97 00:03:45,782 --> 00:03:47,314 Whatever. 98 00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:49,651 It's Cece's birthday. It's her special night. 99 00:03:49,695 --> 00:03:51,430 I can get drunk, point at furniture 100 00:03:51,455 --> 00:03:54,369 if that means I can spend some quality time with my BFF. 101 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,873 Hey, is it totally obvious that I'm not wearing underwear? 102 00:03:58,035 --> 00:03:59,716 d Because it should be. d 103 00:03:59,837 --> 00:04:01,311 And that makes two of us. 104 00:04:01,388 --> 00:04:04,140 Hey! 105 00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:05,985 - You made it! - Sorry I'm late. 106 00:04:06,009 --> 00:04:08,621 They let in a lot of people ahead of me-- like, a lot. 107 00:04:08,818 --> 00:04:10,603 Saving the best for last. 108 00:04:10,659 --> 00:04:11,661 Monkey cracker. 109 00:04:11,694 --> 00:04:13,097 Monkey cracker. 110 00:04:14,029 --> 00:04:14,935 Monkey, 111 00:04:14,972 --> 00:04:17,679 monkey, where you keep the crackers? 112 00:04:17,773 --> 00:04:19,674 This is so much fun. 113 00:04:22,356 --> 00:04:23,348 Schmidt? 114 00:04:23,398 --> 00:04:24,803 So, it turns out 115 00:04:24,909 --> 00:04:26,912 there's more than one type of turtle. 116 00:04:26,989 --> 00:04:29,914 I could go Eastern Box, or spur thighed, 117 00:04:29,938 --> 00:04:31,333 or nearsighted loner. 118 00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,798 What was that? You just grunt at me? 119 00:04:34,827 --> 00:04:36,648 - Wasn't a grunt. - That was a grunt, Schmidt. 120 00:04:36,673 --> 00:04:39,237 - It was a "hurumph." - A "hurumph" sounds like this: Hurumph. 121 00:04:39,267 --> 00:04:41,158 I'm sorry if you took it the wrong way; it was not a grunt. 122 00:04:41,189 --> 00:04:42,628 Serena Williams. That was a grunt. 123 00:04:42,707 --> 00:04:44,249 It's all good, man, all right? 124 00:04:44,344 --> 00:04:45,979 It's all "smoove in the groove." 125 00:04:46,049 --> 00:04:48,040 Mellow, man. 126 00:04:48,228 --> 00:04:50,228 Mega-mellow. 127 00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:54,281 Okay. 128 00:05:02,286 --> 00:05:03,949 Schmidt, what the hell are you doing? 129 00:05:05,643 --> 00:05:06,659 You don't think about me? 130 00:05:06,667 --> 00:05:08,986 - What are you talking about? - Earlier today, when I gave you the cookie, 131 00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:11,376 I heard very clearly, "I don't think about you, Schmidt." 132 00:05:11,401 --> 00:05:14,476 - Why would I think about you?! - Because we're friends, we're not animals. 133 00:05:14,507 --> 00:05:17,616 We're men, Schmidt! The only time a man is allowed to think 134 00:05:17,647 --> 00:05:20,627 about another man is when that man is Jay Cutler. 135 00:05:20,664 --> 00:05:22,230 I don't know who Jay Cutler is! 136 00:05:22,248 --> 00:05:23,901 Why are you saying "Cutler" like that? 137 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,464 And I also don't know what is allowed 138 00:05:25,485 --> 00:05:27,459 in the Cold-Hearted Republic of Nick Miller, 139 00:05:27,579 --> 00:05:28,634 but I do know how I feel. 140 00:05:28,672 --> 00:05:30,650 - Ugh! - And I know how much you love cookies. 141 00:05:30,695 --> 00:05:32,049 And I saw it there behind the glass, 142 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:33,763 and I thought, "Nick Miller-- I'm gonna buy him that." 143 00:05:33,794 --> 00:05:36,011 If I could give you that cookie back, I would. 144 00:05:36,091 --> 00:05:39,075 Nothing would make me happier than to throw it up, 145 00:05:39,113 --> 00:05:42,910 mash it into cookie-shape, and shove it down your throat! 146 00:05:42,966 --> 00:05:45,555 - You wanna mama-bird me the cookie? - No, that's not... 147 00:05:45,575 --> 00:05:47,357 - You wanna mama-bird me the cookie? - No. 148 00:05:47,382 --> 00:05:49,479 You're not mama-birding anybody any cookie. 149 00:05:49,551 --> 00:05:51,821 Schmidt, I don't want to mama-bird you a cookie. 150 00:05:52,827 --> 00:05:54,146 What is your problem, Schmidt? 151 00:05:54,175 --> 00:05:56,633 No mama-birding here! 152 00:05:58,895 --> 00:06:02,588 Okay, I think I got it, okay-- d Monkey, monkey d 153 00:06:02,625 --> 00:06:04,607 d Where you keep your cracker? d 154 00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:09,333 d Monkey, monkey, you are comrade best! d 155 00:06:09,383 --> 00:06:10,544 - Whoo. - You know what? 156 00:06:10,582 --> 00:06:13,824 The dance is surprisingly sexual for a children's cracker. 157 00:06:13,843 --> 00:06:17,073 - Do song again-- "Dance Monkey." - I don't want to dance... 158 00:06:17,308 --> 00:06:19,242 "Dance Monkey." 159 00:06:20,374 --> 00:06:22,348 d Monkey, monkey d 160 00:06:22,385 --> 00:06:24,629 - d Where you keep your crackers? d - Dance monkey, dance monkey. 161 00:06:24,662 --> 00:06:26,338 - Dance monkey. - Cracker, please! 162 00:06:26,364 --> 00:06:28,421 Monkey! Monkey! - No. You know what? 163 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,450 Monkey! Monkey! 164 00:06:29,483 --> 00:06:31,822 Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! 165 00:06:31,841 --> 00:06:33,085 Monkey, monkey, monkey! 166 00:06:33,117 --> 00:06:36,354 - Dance Monkey... - - You know what? No! Stop it! 167 00:06:36,601 --> 00:06:39,051 I don't want to, okay? I'm done. 168 00:06:39,159 --> 00:06:40,859 You guys are the worst! 169 00:06:40,883 --> 00:06:42,810 You're the worst. I'm sorry, but it's true. 170 00:06:42,834 --> 00:06:45,711 All these racist in-jokes about Romanians. 171 00:06:45,742 --> 00:06:48,388 Well, guess what? I'm one-eighth Romanian! 172 00:06:48,419 --> 00:06:51,532 - Monkey, no! - And I don't know why Cece would want to spend her birthday here. 173 00:06:51,573 --> 00:06:55,065 It's like years of modeling have made her dumber. 174 00:06:55,154 --> 00:06:57,785 - Nice, Jess. - No! Cece. 175 00:06:57,842 --> 00:06:59,821 No, I'm sorry. I didn't... 176 00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:01,064 It's official. 177 00:07:01,095 --> 00:07:02,783 We got to turtle-proof this loft. 178 00:07:02,808 --> 00:07:04,328 Schmidt cares about you so much, man, 179 00:07:04,352 --> 00:07:06,034 and you don't even think about him. 180 00:07:06,362 --> 00:07:07,998 Are you being serious right now? 181 00:07:08,088 --> 00:07:09,909 Are you really taking Schmidt's side on this? 182 00:07:09,934 --> 00:07:11,513 I am, because I know how you are. 183 00:07:11,853 --> 00:07:14,554 I just don't know why he would run away. 184 00:07:14,794 --> 00:07:16,827 All I ever did was love him. 185 00:07:17,446 --> 00:07:19,078 This rock is so round. 186 00:07:19,109 --> 00:07:21,315 I'm gonna go put it in a jar. 187 00:07:21,699 --> 00:07:24,375 And nothing has changed. Nothing has changed, Nick. 188 00:07:24,406 --> 00:07:25,281 You think Schmidt is 189 00:07:25,306 --> 00:07:26,673 in the right, and I am in the wrong here? 190 00:07:26,704 --> 00:07:28,974 You realize I say good night to you every night, 191 00:07:29,008 --> 00:07:31,173 and you never say good night back? 192 00:07:31,191 --> 00:07:33,429 - No. - What is the problem, Nick? 193 00:07:33,630 --> 00:07:34,989 Do you not want me to have a good night? 194 00:07:35,026 --> 00:07:37,660 I can't just go around saying good night to everyone, 195 00:07:37,729 --> 00:07:39,176 and buying people cookies. 196 00:07:39,207 --> 00:07:41,359 I am not a titan of finance, sir. 197 00:07:41,396 --> 00:07:44,635 Do you know, once a week he goes into your room and cleans it, 198 00:07:44,659 --> 00:07:46,308 and then returns everything the way he found it? 199 00:07:46,345 --> 00:07:49,333 - And I'm weird in this situation? - The dirty old T-shirts, which he washes. 200 00:07:49,370 --> 00:07:51,284 I didn't ask for that-- I like living in my filthy messes. 201 00:07:51,315 --> 00:07:54,292 That's the point, man. You didn't have to ask. 202 00:07:56,357 --> 00:07:59,696 Nobody buys people cookies for no reason. 203 00:07:59,727 --> 00:08:00,745 You still don't get it, do you? 204 00:08:00,763 --> 00:08:03,379 - Nobody. - That wasn't a cookie, damn it! That was a... 205 00:08:03,477 --> 00:08:05,865 - What? - Man, that was a piece of his heart. 206 00:08:06,098 --> 00:08:10,153 Now, if you don't mind, good... night. 207 00:08:12,668 --> 00:08:15,613 I'm sorry, but in my defense, Nadia just spent an hour 208 00:08:15,651 --> 00:08:18,001 explaining to me how to drink vodka with my butt. 209 00:08:18,032 --> 00:08:20,030 You just embarrassed me in front of my colleagues. 210 00:08:20,056 --> 00:08:22,698 Are you kidding me? It's not like you work in the UN. 211 00:08:22,754 --> 00:08:24,752 You judge me for being a model. 212 00:08:24,777 --> 00:08:26,336 - Yes, I do. - You always have. 213 00:08:26,366 --> 00:08:28,174 It's your birthday, and you won't eat cake. 214 00:08:28,198 --> 00:08:30,662 Cece, you're better than that; you really are. 215 00:08:30,825 --> 00:08:33,820 I just... I just feel sorry for you sometimes. 216 00:08:34,602 --> 00:08:37,185 You feel sorry for me? 217 00:08:41,011 --> 00:08:42,473 You just hit me in the boob. 218 00:08:42,493 --> 00:08:45,112 - It was an accident. - It was not an accident. 219 00:08:45,189 --> 00:08:46,614 Fine. It wasn't. 220 00:08:46,666 --> 00:08:49,104 Oh... my... God! 221 00:08:49,459 --> 00:08:50,459 Ho, ho. 222 00:08:50,493 --> 00:08:51,847 What? Huh? 223 00:08:51,934 --> 00:08:53,447 - Huh? - You want that?! 224 00:08:53,879 --> 00:08:56,309 - Go. Just go. - Ugh! Uh! 225 00:08:56,395 --> 00:08:57,783 What you gonna do now, huh? 226 00:08:57,853 --> 00:08:59,695 - Just... - What? 227 00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:01,446 - What? What? What? - What? 228 00:09:01,496 --> 00:09:03,168 - What? What? - What? 229 00:09:06,981 --> 00:09:08,309 You should go. 230 00:09:08,337 --> 00:09:10,337 Thanks for a great birthday. 231 00:09:18,216 --> 00:09:19,222 Cece? 232 00:09:19,253 --> 00:09:20,898 You drink with mouth? 233 00:09:20,948 --> 00:09:23,123 Tonight, I drink with mouth. 234 00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:28,896 Well, guess who's not getting a turtle? 235 00:09:29,140 --> 00:09:30,443 They were out of turtles. 236 00:09:30,488 --> 00:09:33,019 I bought a tiny cowboy hat for nothing. 237 00:09:33,443 --> 00:09:35,737 - Schmidt's not talking to you right now. - We're still on this? 238 00:09:35,780 --> 00:09:38,768 Schmidt is tired of doing things for you that go unnoticed. 239 00:09:38,940 --> 00:09:41,186 Things like: lining your shoes up at the door... 240 00:09:41,223 --> 00:09:42,691 Don't line my shoes up at the door any more. 241 00:09:42,721 --> 00:09:44,639 - ...Recording your favorite TV shows... - I appreciate that. 242 00:09:44,657 --> 00:09:47,414 - ...The turn-down service. - The turn-down service is weird 243 00:09:47,458 --> 00:09:50,164 - And I never asked you to do that. - Well, I guess those chocolate mints 244 00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:52,602 - Just disappeared on their own. - Oh, I thought we weren't talking. 245 00:09:52,627 --> 00:09:54,408 - We're not. - Then why do I hear words 246 00:09:54,433 --> 00:09:55,998 Coming out that stupid hole in your face? 247 00:09:56,023 --> 00:09:58,532 I'm a human being, and I'm entitled to my emotions. 248 00:09:58,832 --> 00:09:59,927 Are you crying? 249 00:09:59,945 --> 00:10:01,203 No. 250 00:10:01,443 --> 00:10:03,493 Are you seriously crying, Schmidt? 251 00:10:03,513 --> 00:10:05,031 I'm not crying. 252 00:10:11,635 --> 00:10:12,966 Rough night, you guys. 253 00:10:13,021 --> 00:10:14,484 I forgot to take out my contacts. 254 00:10:14,503 --> 00:10:16,485 I think they're fused to my eyeballs. 255 00:10:19,116 --> 00:10:20,327 What's going on? 256 00:10:21,365 --> 00:10:23,017 Did you guys watch porn together again? 257 00:10:23,042 --> 00:10:24,217 Why do you keep doing that? 258 00:10:24,254 --> 00:10:25,795 It's always awkward. 259 00:10:28,993 --> 00:10:31,034 Oh, wow. 260 00:10:31,577 --> 00:10:32,679 What the hell was that? 261 00:10:32,710 --> 00:10:34,780 In March, I will have been living 262 00:10:34,798 --> 00:10:36,674 with Schmidt for ten years. 263 00:10:36,755 --> 00:10:37,462 I know that 264 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,015 because he sent me an e-mail asking 265 00:10:39,034 --> 00:10:41,567 how I want to celebrate our "tin anniversary." 266 00:10:41,631 --> 00:10:43,614 How did you guys become friends? 267 00:10:43,652 --> 00:10:44,530 Was it an accident? 268 00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:45,836 Did you hit him with your car 269 00:10:45,868 --> 00:10:47,449 and you became his reluctant caretaker? 270 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,949 He lived in my freshman dorm. 271 00:10:48,972 --> 00:10:51,602 And one day, he was just there. 272 00:10:53,647 --> 00:10:55,839 Hey, hey, whoa, man, what are you doing in here? 273 00:10:55,871 --> 00:10:56,834 That's my ramen. 274 00:10:57,415 --> 00:10:58,546 It's better this way. 275 00:10:58,588 --> 00:11:00,567 Y-You add water to it, you weirdo. 276 00:11:00,687 --> 00:11:03,156 It's not a dry treat, it's a soup. 277 00:11:03,220 --> 00:11:04,808 - Who are you? - Schmidt. 278 00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,338 You freak me out, man. 279 00:11:08,394 --> 00:11:10,225 This is cool. We got a good vibe going, man. 280 00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:11,813 You're a super weird guy. 281 00:11:15,845 --> 00:11:17,759 Hey, sit there while I throw things at you. 282 00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:19,059 - Body slam! - No! 283 00:11:19,084 --> 00:11:20,749 Don't do this! No! 284 00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:22,787 And then he was always there. 285 00:11:23,764 --> 00:11:25,738 And the truth is, is, 286 00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:28,741 Schmidt loves me so much, 287 00:11:28,857 --> 00:11:31,513 and to be honest, Jess, it scares me. 288 00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:32,762 I mean, I don't think I deserve 289 00:11:32,791 --> 00:11:33,792 all of Schmidt's love. 290 00:11:33,837 --> 00:11:35,310 All I do is tease him. 291 00:11:35,341 --> 00:11:36,952 I mean, of course you do. 292 00:11:36,983 --> 00:11:38,465 That's all you can do. 293 00:11:38,518 --> 00:11:40,268 Do you think I'm a bad friend? 294 00:11:40,515 --> 00:11:42,765 No, no, I'm a bad friend. 295 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,143 I got mad at Cece for being a model. 296 00:11:45,174 --> 00:11:46,056 It's a dumb thing to be. 297 00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:48,096 We got in a boob fight. 298 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,853 - Feels like I fell forward on a treadmill. - I'm just gonna say this-- 299 00:11:50,898 --> 00:11:52,406 I find that arousing, and let's move on. 300 00:11:52,431 --> 00:11:54,905 Just, she's smart, you know, and she's interesting 301 00:11:54,917 --> 00:11:56,843 and she could be doing anything else with her life 302 00:11:56,873 --> 00:11:58,150 or at least trying. 303 00:11:58,187 --> 00:11:59,231 You know, the weird thing is, 304 00:11:59,262 --> 00:12:01,077 I was actually there when she got discovered. 305 00:12:01,402 --> 00:12:03,305 You, take your glasses off. 306 00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,515 Okay. 307 00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:11,193 I can take my glasses off. 308 00:12:13,926 --> 00:12:15,616 I guess I was always disappointed 309 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,817 with her for calling that lady. 310 00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:19,992 It's just, when I hear all the stuff 311 00:12:20,017 --> 00:12:21,224 about Cece's profession-- 312 00:12:21,248 --> 00:12:24,137 like, the dieting-- it's crazy-- 313 00:12:24,155 --> 00:12:26,221 and the butt drinking and the... 314 00:12:26,252 --> 00:12:27,345 Did you say "butt drinking"? 315 00:12:27,370 --> 00:12:28,720 - Yeah. - You can't say "butt drinking" 316 00:12:28,757 --> 00:12:30,195 - And then not explain what it is. - Yeah. 317 00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:31,993 It has two of my four favorite things. 318 00:12:32,024 --> 00:12:35,002 - I just feel like we have nothing in common, you know? - Yeah. 319 00:12:35,218 --> 00:12:36,451 Do you ever wonder why we're friends 320 00:12:36,469 --> 00:12:37,989 with these people, Jess? 321 00:12:38,046 --> 00:12:40,390 And, worse, if we met them now, 322 00:12:40,471 --> 00:12:42,103 you think we'd still be friends with them? 323 00:12:42,545 --> 00:12:44,544 Maybe not. 324 00:12:46,918 --> 00:12:48,349 I should go talk to her. 325 00:12:50,267 --> 00:12:53,477 Well, Nick, I'm out of tears-- plumb out. 326 00:12:53,521 --> 00:12:57,516 All that's left is just yellowish goo. 327 00:12:57,680 --> 00:13:00,255 That's right, Nick-- goo. 328 00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:05,229 That's a third of my life. 329 00:13:05,762 --> 00:13:06,812 Cece. 330 00:13:06,863 --> 00:13:08,415 Oh, hey, Nadia, sorry. 331 00:13:08,465 --> 00:13:10,465 This Wilmer Valderrama. 332 00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:16,815 Um, Nadia, that's not-- 333 00:13:16,871 --> 00:13:21,502 I mean-- or what I thought he would look like 334 00:13:21,746 --> 00:13:22,804 in person. 335 00:13:22,841 --> 00:13:23,820 Nice to meet you. 336 00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:24,532 Big fan. 337 00:13:24,557 --> 00:13:25,501 Where's Cece? 338 00:13:25,539 --> 00:13:26,973 Cece drink too much. 339 00:13:27,126 --> 00:13:28,998 She puke, puke, puke. 340 00:13:29,023 --> 00:13:29,839 She puke, 341 00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:31,593 cry, puke, cry. 342 00:13:31,624 --> 00:13:32,929 She's so weak. 343 00:13:33,172 --> 00:13:35,797 You put on pajama, Wilmer Valderrama, 344 00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:37,008 top only. 345 00:13:37,027 --> 00:13:39,638 Then, you make me salad, bitch. 346 00:13:40,142 --> 00:13:42,960 Let's, let's get you into bed, okay? 347 00:13:43,010 --> 00:13:45,301 I don't think we're doing any modeling today. 348 00:13:45,361 --> 00:13:47,715 No, I have to go, Jess, I have to go. 349 00:13:47,746 --> 00:13:49,804 It's my job, all right? 350 00:13:50,223 --> 00:13:51,248 You know what, Cece? 351 00:13:51,287 --> 00:13:53,584 I'm so sorry about last night. 352 00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:56,657 I know that you're... 353 00:13:58,490 --> 00:14:00,698 I know you're an intelligent person, 354 00:14:00,729 --> 00:14:02,158 and sometimes I just... 355 00:14:05,774 --> 00:14:07,292 I just get mixed up, you know, 356 00:14:07,329 --> 00:14:09,599 And I think that you're like me. 357 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:12,111 Don't, don't worry, I'm here. 358 00:14:12,170 --> 00:14:13,966 Just tell me where to stand and what we're selling. 359 00:14:13,991 --> 00:14:15,645 I'm gonna give it everything I got. 360 00:14:17,730 --> 00:14:18,763 I'm calling your agency. 361 00:14:18,789 --> 00:14:20,420 This is totally unprofessional. 362 00:14:20,451 --> 00:14:21,754 Don't call my agency. 363 00:14:21,876 --> 00:14:22,781 Just tell me where to stand. 364 00:14:22,819 --> 00:14:24,350 Up on the spinning platform. 365 00:14:24,383 --> 00:14:27,028 - Yeah, I can't do that. - Okay. 366 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,469 - Please, no, seriously don't. I can't lose this job. - No. 367 00:14:29,522 --> 00:14:30,841 Don't call the agency, okay? 368 00:14:30,865 --> 00:14:32,865 - I'll do it. - What? 369 00:14:32,989 --> 00:14:36,195 I'm actually a model, too, mostly in Japan. 370 00:14:36,294 --> 00:14:40,847 Um, they call me Giggle Bangs Rice Bowl. 371 00:14:41,070 --> 00:14:43,077 I know you're lying and I just don't care. 372 00:14:43,115 --> 00:14:44,728 Get over to hair and makeup now. 373 00:14:44,752 --> 00:14:46,727 Cool. 374 00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:01,760 These things are heavy. 375 00:15:01,785 --> 00:15:03,245 It's like chain mail on my eyes. 376 00:15:03,264 --> 00:15:04,952 So, your job is to highlight the features of the car 377 00:15:04,967 --> 00:15:06,661 - We need you to be fun and sexy and American. 378 00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,330 Then he's gonna move to the EcoBoost engine 379 00:15:08,362 --> 00:15:09,493 and the new interior styling. 380 00:15:09,514 --> 00:15:11,178 For the EcoBoost engine, give me something 381 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,834 - mischievous. - Mischievous. 382 00:15:12,865 --> 00:15:14,862 - Mischievous. - Show me mischievous. 383 00:15:15,311 --> 00:15:16,567 Okay, and at the end, just say, 384 00:15:16,604 --> 00:15:18,577 "Ford. Go further." 385 00:15:19,121 --> 00:15:20,253 Do I have to wear those? 386 00:15:20,288 --> 00:15:22,270 Hey, everybody, my name's Gary, and I want 387 00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:26,536 to introduce you to the all-new 2013 Ford Fusion. 388 00:15:26,580 --> 00:15:29,175 Say hello to my good friend Jessica. 389 00:15:35,054 --> 00:15:38,208 The all-new Fusion has been totally redesigned 390 00:15:38,258 --> 00:15:40,307 inside and out. 391 00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:43,292 All-new styling, 18-inch aluminum wheels, 392 00:15:43,412 --> 00:15:45,695 three-year, bumper-to-bumper warranty, 393 00:15:45,713 --> 00:15:47,016 five-year power train, 394 00:15:47,083 --> 00:15:48,933 available Active Park, 395 00:15:48,970 --> 00:15:51,233 available lane-keeping system, 396 00:15:51,302 --> 00:15:53,811 standard voice-activated SYNC. 397 00:15:53,847 --> 00:15:56,580 Your co-workers will be jealous. 398 00:15:56,643 --> 00:15:59,443 From power plants that enhance efficiency 399 00:15:59,475 --> 00:16:01,931 the high-voltage lithium-ion battery pack 400 00:16:01,956 --> 00:16:05,326 provides enough power to operate in all-electric mode 401 00:16:05,343 --> 00:16:08,318 for short commutes-- very smart. 402 00:16:08,352 --> 00:16:12,309 The Ford Fusion is designed to be environmentally conscious. 403 00:16:12,485 --> 00:16:15,023 Fusion Hybrid and the Fusion Energi are each powered 404 00:16:15,048 --> 00:16:17,718 by a combination high-voltage electric motor 405 00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:22,268 that utilizes... recycled material. 406 00:16:27,041 --> 00:16:30,440 The Fusion is available with an EcoBoost engine... 407 00:16:30,933 --> 00:16:32,152 a hybrid, 408 00:16:32,239 --> 00:16:34,710 and a plug-in hybrid. 409 00:16:35,306 --> 00:16:39,089 The SE Hybrid is available with eco-friendly cloth seating. 410 00:16:39,149 --> 00:16:43,152 No matter what color your seats-- ha!-- they'll be green. 411 00:16:43,222 --> 00:16:46,361 Smoother rides, more fuel efficiency... 412 00:16:46,396 --> 00:16:46,974 Gary... 413 00:16:46,999 --> 00:16:49,499 The hybrid gets 47 miles to the gallon, 414 00:16:49,527 --> 00:16:52,121 - so you're gonna be filling up your tank less. - Gary... Gary...! 415 00:16:52,143 --> 00:16:53,399 - When you do... - I can't get out. 416 00:16:53,418 --> 00:16:55,837 Hey, man, it's your old pal Jessica. 417 00:16:55,868 --> 00:16:57,575 And it's not that difficult to get out. 418 00:16:57,605 --> 00:16:59,767 There's also the available auto start-stop 419 00:16:59,798 --> 00:17:00,831 That... 420 00:17:00,874 --> 00:17:03,386 - Use the handle. - What's happening? 421 00:17:03,410 --> 00:17:05,712 Further, go further. 422 00:17:10,620 --> 00:17:11,620 Hey. 423 00:17:13,607 --> 00:17:15,931 Uh, Schmidt, I got you something, man. 424 00:17:24,226 --> 00:17:26,770 Uh, they didn't have a Jewish star at the store, 425 00:17:26,831 --> 00:17:28,593 so I got you a regular cookie 426 00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:31,156 and I made the star myself by breaking off the pieces. 427 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,209 It's meant to celebrate your Jewish heritage. 428 00:17:34,259 --> 00:17:35,312 What is this? 429 00:17:35,339 --> 00:17:36,472 A Jewish star-- I just said that. 430 00:17:36,503 --> 00:17:38,366 - Hey, hey, Schmidt, just... - This... 431 00:17:38,415 --> 00:17:42,361 Is so terrible! 432 00:17:42,536 --> 00:17:45,105 You gave me a cookie, I gave you a cookie. 433 00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:47,356 You gave me a cookie, gave you cookie. 434 00:17:49,056 --> 00:17:51,351 Gave me cookie, got you cookie! 435 00:17:51,539 --> 00:17:54,542 You gave me cookie, I got you cookie, man! 436 00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,149 Gave me cookie, got you cookie! 437 00:17:56,180 --> 00:17:58,213 We're even! We're even, Schmidt! 438 00:17:59,765 --> 00:18:01,646 I mean, what do you want from me? 439 00:18:01,785 --> 00:18:03,334 What do you want, Schmidt? 440 00:18:03,519 --> 00:18:06,477 I've been racking my brain all day. 441 00:18:06,547 --> 00:18:08,310 I walked around the grocery store, man, 442 00:18:08,356 --> 00:18:10,496 for 45 minutes. 443 00:18:10,695 --> 00:18:12,051 I didn't know what to get you. 444 00:18:12,435 --> 00:18:14,449 And then I was thinking I was gonna get you ramen 445 00:18:14,481 --> 00:18:16,985 like we used to eat, but you probably eat, like, 446 00:18:17,025 --> 00:18:19,305 fancy ramen now with, like, figs in it. 447 00:18:19,387 --> 00:18:21,358 I don't know, man. 448 00:18:21,919 --> 00:18:24,487 You love me too much, Schmidt, 449 00:18:24,897 --> 00:18:27,228 and you picked the wrong guy. 450 00:18:27,870 --> 00:18:29,613 And when are you gonna get that 451 00:18:29,761 --> 00:18:31,785 through that giant head of yours? 452 00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:36,273 I'm just gonna let you down, man. 453 00:18:41,139 --> 00:18:42,564 Are you crying? 454 00:18:42,592 --> 00:18:43,898 I'm not crying, man. 455 00:18:43,929 --> 00:18:45,911 Yeah, you are crying. 456 00:18:45,951 --> 00:18:46,724 Oh, my God. 457 00:18:46,749 --> 00:18:48,548 I'm not crying, guys. Just drop it. 458 00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:50,336 I just felt like I did something nice. 459 00:18:50,361 --> 00:18:51,801 Yes, you are, and that's okay. 460 00:18:51,832 --> 00:18:53,555 Don't say that, man, 'cause that... 461 00:18:53,587 --> 00:18:55,093 You know what I mean? Like... 462 00:18:55,118 --> 00:18:56,203 Just let it rain, man. 463 00:18:56,227 --> 00:18:57,252 I got you the cookie, Schmidt. 464 00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:58,654 It's the best I can do, man. 465 00:19:01,026 --> 00:19:02,521 What about the turtle? 466 00:19:04,575 --> 00:19:07,020 You're the only turtle I want. 467 00:19:07,652 --> 00:19:09,234 You're the turtle, man. 468 00:19:09,297 --> 00:19:10,875 I knew I was the turtle. 469 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,609 Yeah, man, you're the turtle. 470 00:19:14,756 --> 00:19:15,990 I knew I was the turtle. 471 00:19:18,645 --> 00:19:20,831 You guys are the best, man. I love you guys. 472 00:19:20,897 --> 00:19:22,905 I'm sorry, sorry, man. 473 00:19:25,989 --> 00:19:28,021 Hey, yeah. 474 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:33,730 - I'm going to, uh... - Yeah, I've got... 475 00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:35,375 I'm gonna eat my sandwich. 476 00:19:35,567 --> 00:19:36,673 This is a good sandwich. 477 00:19:37,023 --> 00:19:39,048 - See you guys. - This needed to happen. 478 00:19:39,164 --> 00:19:41,896 Wow, they gave you the, the huge lashes. 479 00:19:41,933 --> 00:19:43,152 Like, those are the magnums. 480 00:19:43,177 --> 00:19:44,494 Yeah, I actually like 'em. 481 00:19:44,519 --> 00:19:45,930 I think I'm just gonna keep 'em on. 482 00:19:45,955 --> 00:19:47,023 You're afraid to take the glue off. 483 00:19:47,048 --> 00:19:49,098 Yeah, I'm terrified. 484 00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:52,335 I'm really sorry about what I said last night 485 00:19:52,374 --> 00:19:55,432 'cause... this is hard. 486 00:19:55,883 --> 00:19:57,526 It is just pointing at stuff, 487 00:19:57,557 --> 00:19:59,429 but it is-- it's hard. 488 00:19:59,454 --> 00:20:00,496 Why is it so hard? 489 00:20:00,519 --> 00:20:02,410 You make it look a lot harder. 490 00:20:02,429 --> 00:20:04,428 No, you're brave. 491 00:20:04,659 --> 00:20:06,601 You've always been braver than me. 492 00:20:13,624 --> 00:20:16,402 Okay, what did you do to me last night? 493 00:20:16,433 --> 00:20:19,160 I mean, can you sprain someone's chest? 494 00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:21,218 You should see the other guys. 495 00:20:23,952 --> 00:20:26,358 Dionne asking Tai for sex advice? 496 00:20:26,394 --> 00:20:27,919 I'm so full. 497 00:20:27,955 --> 00:20:29,783 This really is your best cake ever. 498 00:20:29,801 --> 00:20:30,733 - Do you think so? - Mm-hmm. 499 00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:31,770 We all think so. 500 00:20:31,853 --> 00:20:33,539 Hey, that's gross. 501 00:20:33,587 --> 00:20:35,240 - Get a fork, man. - I got two 502 00:20:35,265 --> 00:20:37,510 Perfectly good forks at the end of my arms. 503 00:20:37,561 --> 00:20:38,678 Hey, man, you do what you do. 504 00:20:38,709 --> 00:20:40,647 - Be you, man. - I'd eat out of your hands, Nick. 505 00:20:40,683 --> 00:20:41,987 - Cake on your face. - Petting zoo style. 506 00:20:42,024 --> 00:20:43,274 - Yeah, yeah. - Cake all day. 507 00:20:43,305 --> 00:20:44,768 Talkin' about cake! 508 00:20:44,805 --> 00:20:46,833 - Frickin' cake dudes. - Look at you. 509 00:20:46,858 --> 00:20:48,077 - Look at you. Frosting face. - Hey. 510 00:20:48,102 --> 00:20:49,764 - Want cake on your face? - I don't really care. 511 00:20:49,850 --> 00:20:54,573 Do you think, if we met today, we would still be friends? 512 00:20:54,610 --> 00:20:56,491 - I could watch you eat cake all day. - Couple of guys eating cake. 513 00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:57,612 I'm gonna have to do so much cardio tomorrow. 514 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,646 I don't know, but we're friends now. 515 00:21:02,503 --> 00:21:04,515 Happy birthday, Cece. 516 00:21:04,547 --> 00:21:06,678 Oh, man! That's messy. 517 00:21:06,738 --> 00:21:08,416 - You like rap music? - Yeah, sure do. 518 00:21:08,478 --> 00:21:11,429 - Who's your favorite rapper? - Brian Austin Green. 519 00:21:11,796 --> 00:21:13,606 - He's cool. - He's awesome. 520 00:21:13,630 --> 00:21:15,639 Go like this. 521 00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:20,129 Try to catch the Pop-Tart, you big boy. 522 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:21,592 Good, I love Pop-Tarts. 523 00:21:21,861 --> 00:21:23,192 Oh! 524 00:21:23,216 --> 00:21:24,504 Now close your eyes. 525 00:21:26,309 --> 00:21:27,890 - Did you get me? - Yeah. 526 00:21:27,927 --> 00:21:29,496 - Good job. - Ready? 527 00:21:32,213 --> 00:21:33,551 - Ready? - Yeah. 528 00:21:34,146 --> 00:21:36,774 Aah, we did it! 529 00:22:36,946 --> 00:22:41,946 sync by Norther