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This month marks Nick and my
2
00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:05,323
ten year anniversary
of living together.
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00:00:05,407 --> 00:00:07,223
Our "tin" anniversary.
4
00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:08,654
Ten years?
You guys are like
5
00:00:08,696 --> 00:00:10,093
- Bert and Ernie.
- I got dibs on Bert.
6
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,118
- Dibs on Ernie.
- Nice.
7
00:00:11,137 --> 00:00:12,429
- Cool, man. All right.
- Yeah, man.
8
00:00:12,504 --> 00:00:15,304
Now, obviously, we're going
to have an anniversary party.
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You guys are invited.
10
00:00:16,536 --> 00:00:18,034
I'm not sure if
I'm coming to that, man.
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Remember the "wood" anniversary?
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Ah!
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You cut me!
14
00:00:21,419 --> 00:00:22,608
Well, happy anniversary!
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I gotta get a tourniquet.
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Hold some more wood for me.
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Yeah!
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00:00:27,134 --> 00:00:28,660
Well, it wasn't
as bad as paper.
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00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:32,876
Happy anniversary!
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00:00:32,943 --> 00:00:33,977
Paper!
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Party time, man.
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00:00:35,755 --> 00:00:40,272
Did you know that the chemical
symbol for tin is SN?
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- Schmidt and Nick.
- What?
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00:00:41,779 --> 00:00:43,560
Is no one else's mind blown
by this?
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That's it,
our theme is TinFinity.
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00:00:45,803 --> 00:00:48,471
TinFinity. That's actually
really good, Schmidt.
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00:00:48,489 --> 00:00:50,948
- Yeah, it is.
- I really don't think two men who
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live together for
ten years need a party.
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00:00:52,272 --> 00:00:53,978
Why must you always
be like this?
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Because you never let me
participate in the planning.
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I would love for you
to participate.
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00:00:58,665 --> 00:01:00,644
Gah! That was a trick.
I was trying to get out of it.
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00:01:00,846 --> 00:01:03,439
d Who's that girl? d
d Who's that girl? d
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00:01:03,487 --> 00:01:04,975
d Who's that girl? d
35
00:01:05,012 --> 00:01:08,398
2x18
Tinfinity
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00:01:08,434 --> 00:01:09,458
They're celebrating
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00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,168
ten years of living together?
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Why are we friends with
these guys, Jess?
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- I...
- What happened?
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It's so weird to think
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that Nick is the last person
I kissed.
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00:01:17,984 --> 00:01:19,127
Actually, Schmidt's
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00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:20,557
- the last person I kissed.
- Okay, what?
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00:01:20,587 --> 00:01:22,522
It was nothing.
Nick was watching.
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00:01:22,545 --> 00:01:24,737
What is happening in this loft?
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00:01:24,962 --> 00:01:26,520
Ooh, girls chatting.
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00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:27,895
Hey, Nick.
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00:01:28,094 --> 00:01:30,858
I wish I knew what
was going on inside Nick's head.
49
00:01:30,889 --> 00:01:32,869
He's this, like,
grumpy mystery.
50
00:01:32,881 --> 00:01:34,460
Jess, are these
open for anybody?
51
00:01:34,487 --> 00:01:35,604
- Yep.
- Right on, thank you.
52
00:01:35,622 --> 00:01:37,809
He can't communicate
a feeling to save his life.
53
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,809
But why can't I stop thinking
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00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:41,773
about his mouth on my mouth?
55
00:01:41,874 --> 00:01:43,041
Hey, Jess,
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00:01:43,308 --> 00:01:44,951
do I have frosting on my lips?
57
00:01:46,367 --> 00:01:48,569
Look at my mouth--
do I have frosting on it?
58
00:01:49,178 --> 00:01:51,816
- Wh-Why are you asking me this?
- My mouth feels moist and weird.
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00:01:51,834 --> 00:01:52,722
Do I have anything on it?
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00:01:52,735 --> 00:01:55,269
Get out of here!
Ugh! Aw...
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00:01:56,130 --> 00:01:57,218
Okay, you know what?
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00:01:57,255 --> 00:02:00,086
You need what I needed.
You need a new guy, all right?
63
00:02:00,104 --> 00:02:03,407
Dating Shivrang helped me get past
all the weird stuff with Schmidt.
64
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I need the Anti-Nick.
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00:02:04,545 --> 00:02:06,160
- Yeah.
- I need a real man, who can
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express his feelings, and I need
a different mouth on my mouth.
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00:02:09,887 --> 00:02:11,454
To erase that mouth.
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00:02:12,009 --> 00:02:12,955
No, you actually
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00:02:12,978 --> 00:02:14,316
don't need to wash raw denim.
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00:02:14,347 --> 00:02:15,724
Haven't washed my
pants in 18 months.
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00:02:16,466 --> 00:02:18,204
Also, I'm bisexual.
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00:02:19,576 --> 00:02:21,680
Microchips be gettin' small.
73
00:02:21,734 --> 00:02:23,692
They be, like, blueberry size.
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00:02:23,871 --> 00:02:25,657
So you could put 'em
in your cereal, girl.
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00:02:25,702 --> 00:02:27,670
I don't get your thing.
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00:02:28,675 --> 00:02:29,769
It's prescription.
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00:02:31,236 --> 00:02:32,070
Damn it.
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00:02:32,455 --> 00:02:34,456
What happened to the
guys in this bar?
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00:02:34,481 --> 00:02:36,012
They open up a bus
station next door?
80
00:02:36,043 --> 00:02:37,396
Where are the real men?
81
00:02:37,471 --> 00:02:38,307
I can't talk right now.
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00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,584
I'm writing a strongly-worded
e-mail to my florist.
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00:02:42,985 --> 00:02:44,285
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys,
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00:02:44,315 --> 00:02:45,782
guys, guys, look at the door,
don't look at the door,
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00:02:45,843 --> 00:02:47,156
look right now, don't look,
one at a time,
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00:02:47,185 --> 00:02:49,560
look, but don't look.
Guys, one at a time.
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00:02:49,585 --> 00:02:50,797
Don't look now.
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00:02:50,832 --> 00:02:52,200
Look. No, you're
both looking.
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00:02:52,225 --> 00:02:53,631
- I don't know what to do.
- I'm confused.
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00:02:53,655 --> 00:02:55,123
Look right now at the door. Go.
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00:02:55,958 --> 00:02:56,680
Oh...
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00:02:56,704 --> 00:02:58,678
that is a strapping young man.
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00:02:58,721 --> 00:03:00,685
That is Jax McTavish.
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00:03:00,742 --> 00:03:02,393
He plays safety
for San Francisco.
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00:03:02,411 --> 00:03:03,434
Why's he with Winston?
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00:03:03,465 --> 00:03:05,022
Winston looks so cool.
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00:03:05,056 --> 00:03:06,990
- What up, guys?
- Oh, "What's up, guys."
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00:03:07,031 --> 00:03:08,436
You're just gonna walk over
and say, "What's up, guys?"
99
00:03:08,460 --> 00:03:10,327
Winston, does he think
you're Omar Epps?
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00:03:10,350 --> 00:03:12,029
You guys talking about Jax?
101
00:03:12,185 --> 00:03:14,982
Look, I interviewed him at the radio
station, and we just hit it off.
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00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,887
It's not a big deal, you know,
unless you think hanging out
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00:03:16,910 --> 00:03:18,084
with a pro baller is a big deal.
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His hands are so big and warm.
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I want to fall asleep in them,
like Thumbelina.
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00:03:22,489 --> 00:03:24,090
How about, uh, introducing me?
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00:03:25,818 --> 00:03:27,422
- Yeah, okay.
- You and Jax?
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00:03:29,021 --> 00:03:30,375
Yeah. Jess and Jax McTavish.
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00:03:30,393 --> 00:03:31,531
Great bit, Jess.
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What a dumb idea.
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- Do it.
- No.
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- You can't handle that kind of thunder.
- Hell, no.
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Jax and I
are just becoming friends.
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- I'm going over there.
- Jess, no, Jess.
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00:03:42,603 --> 00:03:43,416
Guys...
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00:03:43,447 --> 00:03:44,660
Hey, Jess, let me show
you something. Hmm?
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00:03:44,697 --> 00:03:45,891
It's right here.
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00:03:46,022 --> 00:03:48,444
Hi, I'm Jess.
I'm Winston's roommate.
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00:03:48,459 --> 00:03:49,301
How you doing?
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00:03:49,313 --> 00:03:50,717
- I'm Jax.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
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00:03:50,733 --> 00:03:52,272
Jess, stop it, stop it.
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00:03:52,445 --> 00:03:54,718
- Cool, so I hear you play
for San Francisco. - I do.
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00:03:54,736 --> 00:03:57,974
7.8 tackles, man, I can't believe
you didn't go to the Pro Bowl.
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00:03:57,999 --> 00:03:59,204
Here's my question:
125
00:03:59,210 --> 00:04:01,309
What's a "point-eight" tackle?
126
00:04:01,962 --> 00:04:03,331
Did you know
I'm a teacher?
127
00:04:03,350 --> 00:04:04,748
What would you teach me?
128
00:04:04,789 --> 00:04:07,167
Nick... the theme is
"masculine garden party."
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00:04:07,192 --> 00:04:08,242
Look at that--
I made a graph.
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00:04:08,254 --> 00:04:09,548
I thought you said I was
gonna help you plan it.
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00:04:09,566 --> 00:04:12,439
Nick, we both know that you're not
very good with party chores.
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00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:14,217
You sent out the
invitations, right?
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00:04:14,307 --> 00:04:16,074
Me?!
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00:04:16,786 --> 00:04:18,086
I sent them out?
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00:04:18,096 --> 00:04:19,964
Okay, I'm older now.
I am wiser.
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00:04:19,976 --> 00:04:21,283
I want to help plan
my own party.
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00:04:21,315 --> 00:04:23,399
Okay, fine, I will
give you balloons...
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00:04:23,418 --> 00:04:24,507
Oh, sweet, balloons are...
139
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:25,806
- ...and Porta Potties.
- Porta Potties?!
140
00:04:25,818 --> 00:04:27,301
That sounds like a job
for babies.
141
00:04:27,314 --> 00:04:29,119
Does that look like
a job for babies?
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00:04:30,106 --> 00:04:31,648
Oh, so this is a big job?
143
00:04:31,661 --> 00:04:33,596
- I thought you were being
disrespectful. - No!
144
00:04:33,630 --> 00:04:35,848
- Oh. - Where do you think people
are gonna go to the bathroom?
145
00:04:35,866 --> 00:04:36,936
I never thought of that.
146
00:04:36,958 --> 00:04:38,706
And you are now
in charge of that,
147
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:43,260
and if you dig a hole in a-in, in a
dirt field, I'm gonna kill you.
148
00:04:43,785 --> 00:04:46,648
I don't want
the responsibility.
149
00:04:46,893 --> 00:04:48,341
You can do this, man.
150
00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:50,117
What, what are your chores?
151
00:04:50,142 --> 00:04:52,150
- Well, Porta Potties.
- Porta Potties.
152
00:04:52,169 --> 00:04:54,094
What's-- now, what is the
first chore that I gave you?
153
00:04:54,121 --> 00:04:56,736
- I have absolutely no memory.
- Balloons!
154
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,365
I'm having an anxiety attack.
155
00:05:01,793 --> 00:05:04,252
Yes, Ma, yes, now,
look, I-have to go.
156
00:05:04,294 --> 00:05:06,930
It's two men celebrating living
together for ten years.
157
00:05:07,196 --> 00:05:08,662
Uh, no, they're not.
158
00:05:08,797 --> 00:05:10,931
No, I can tell you for a fact
that they're not.
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00:05:10,986 --> 00:05:12,587
Okay, okay, I'm hanging up.
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00:05:13,792 --> 00:05:15,195
So, good news.
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00:05:15,228 --> 00:05:17,905
Um, my mom spoke to
your mom last night,
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00:05:17,967 --> 00:05:20,003
and they've given
us their blessings.
163
00:05:20,042 --> 00:05:21,497
So that means...
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00:05:21,516 --> 00:05:23,722
Well, now that
the moms approve,
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00:05:23,986 --> 00:05:25,753
when do you want
to do this thing?
166
00:05:26,846 --> 00:05:29,988
Is that a...
that a proposal?
167
00:05:30,035 --> 00:05:32,944
Oh, are, are you upset?
I'm sorry, I...
168
00:05:32,962 --> 00:05:35,339
It's just, with arranged marriage,
there isn't a lot of romance.
169
00:05:35,351 --> 00:05:37,367
No, no, no, I'm s--
I'm sorry, actually.
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00:05:37,383 --> 00:05:38,919
I think I'm just
a little taken aback
171
00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:41,353
by how quick this all has been.
172
00:05:41,405 --> 00:05:42,746
I barely know you, and...
173
00:05:42,765 --> 00:05:45,285
I used to just think that
if I was being proposed to,
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00:05:45,309 --> 00:05:47,556
I would notice
it was happening.
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00:05:48,339 --> 00:05:49,770
But we're doing this thing?
176
00:05:49,811 --> 00:05:51,851
Maybe you could just stop
saying "doing this thing."
177
00:05:52,558 --> 00:05:53,692
Yup.
178
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:56,943
Really did it.
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00:05:57,092 --> 00:05:59,353
Beautiful job,
thank you so much, what a...
180
00:05:59,482 --> 00:06:01,951
This is amazing-- everything's
tin, you guys, everything.
181
00:06:04,629 --> 00:06:05,280
Hey, man.
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00:06:05,308 --> 00:06:07,751
Rented out the whole park, so
take your soccer someplace else.
183
00:06:07,770 --> 00:06:09,232
Give us our ball back,
you douche.
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00:06:09,257 --> 00:06:11,638
Hey, yeah, sure, no, I'll give
you your ball back. Great.
185
00:06:14,405 --> 00:06:17,042
Pure tin, pure tin.
186
00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:21,188
Take your football
back to Europe.
187
00:06:21,254 --> 00:06:24,322
- Really? - Who's the douche
now, you douche "B"?
188
00:06:24,431 --> 00:06:27,069
I couldn't stop you from
inviting Jax to the party,
189
00:06:27,194 --> 00:06:29,366
but I can stop it
from going any further.
190
00:06:29,397 --> 00:06:31,574
I will not lose Jax
as a friend, okay?
191
00:06:31,597 --> 00:06:32,804
I might not have any game,
192
00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:34,717
but, oh, my goodness,
can I take game away.
193
00:06:34,741 --> 00:06:36,980
I'm getting that mouth on my mouth,
and don't you try to stop me, you...
194
00:06:36,998 --> 00:06:39,498
Look, clearly I have the upper
hand when it comes to Jax.
195
00:06:39,530 --> 00:06:41,835
- Do you? - Oh, I do, because
I know all about sports.
196
00:06:41,847 --> 00:06:44,509
Jess, you know
nothing about sports.
197
00:06:44,540 --> 00:06:46,698
Oh, what am I going to do?
I guess I'll just have to use
198
00:06:46,717 --> 00:06:51,442
my eyes, hair, boobs, legs,
and adorable personality.
199
00:06:52,822 --> 00:06:54,054
Fool.
200
00:06:54,216 --> 00:06:56,040
I got, like, three
of those things.
201
00:06:56,152 --> 00:06:57,879
These are amazing.
202
00:06:57,957 --> 00:06:59,220
You also got tablecloths?
203
00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:00,413
I feel so fancy.
204
00:07:00,470 --> 00:07:02,283
How much did you spend
on this, Schmidt?
205
00:07:02,313 --> 00:07:05,832
Ah, Nicholas, I have what's
called an income, you know.
206
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:09,843
Well, you're not the only one who
spent a little bit of money on this.
207
00:07:10,008 --> 00:07:12,242
- Okay. - Check this out, Schmidt,
you're gonna freak out.
208
00:07:12,652 --> 00:07:14,615
Hey, I'm presenting,
I'm presenting it.
209
00:07:14,756 --> 00:07:16,751
And that ain't no rental.
210
00:07:16,919 --> 00:07:17,601
Get up here.
211
00:07:17,628 --> 00:07:20,067
This is owned and operated
by Mr. Nick Miller.
212
00:07:20,165 --> 00:07:22,098
- Little help from Sid.
- You bought a Porta Potti?
213
00:07:22,350 --> 00:07:24,122
This one has warm
and cold water,
214
00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:26,058
real soap dispensers, a fan.
215
00:07:26,116 --> 00:07:26,814
Too much.
216
00:07:26,833 --> 00:07:28,317
- What's that?
- That's garbage.
217
00:07:28,355 --> 00:07:29,927
Garbage-- that's what
the nursing home said
218
00:07:29,945 --> 00:07:31,785
about my mattress.
I'll take it.
219
00:07:32,249 --> 00:07:34,958
For 60 bucks, and they threw in
something called
220
00:07:34,990 --> 00:07:36,938
"septic enzymes," which I
don't know what that is,
221
00:07:36,963 --> 00:07:39,252
but you're not supposed to
get it in your eyes, for sure.
222
00:07:39,516 --> 00:07:41,265
I'm a small business owner.
223
00:07:41,343 --> 00:07:43,978
Why on earth
would you buy a...?
224
00:07:44,377 --> 00:07:45,991
You know what? Forget
about it, I'm proud of you.
225
00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:47,986
- Thank you, man. - I gave you a
chore and you came through.
226
00:07:48,014 --> 00:07:49,570
Yeah, now, look,
now we have two.
227
00:07:49,589 --> 00:07:51,745
- What do you mean we have two-- two of what?
- Two bathrooms.
228
00:07:51,843 --> 00:07:53,976
Yours and El Bano Presidente.
229
00:07:54,659 --> 00:07:56,326
- That's a Porta Potti?
- Yeah, luxury toilet.
230
00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:58,259
I thought that was
the visitor's center.
231
00:07:58,440 --> 00:07:59,748
- Well...
- That's enormous.
232
00:07:59,785 --> 00:08:01,774
Why did you get that, Schmidt?
233
00:08:02,250 --> 00:08:03,558
What, did you think
I was gonna screw up?
234
00:08:03,564 --> 00:08:05,371
No, come on, man, no.
235
00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:07,177
You know how our
relationship works.
236
00:08:07,202 --> 00:08:09,470
I'm over-responsible,
you're under-responsible.
237
00:08:09,499 --> 00:08:11,467
Here's the good news-- now
people have a backup to use...
238
00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:13,667
No, I want everyone to use this,
I want it to be the main potty.
239
00:08:13,686 --> 00:08:15,509
Oh, n-no, I don't think that
should be the main anything.
240
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:18,229
I think people would be better off
if they just made a caca in their hand.
241
00:08:18,260 --> 00:08:20,003
I don't think so;
Mine's better than that.
242
00:08:20,015 --> 00:08:22,536
- I'm sure you killed it on balloons.
- Well... if you let me explain
243
00:08:22,561 --> 00:08:23,992
- what happened with the balloons...
- Who needs balloons?
244
00:08:24,023 --> 00:08:24,962
I didn't want balloons anyway.
245
00:08:24,980 --> 00:08:26,469
This isn't a little
girl's birthday party.
246
00:08:26,475 --> 00:08:28,144
This is a celebration
of friendship.
247
00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:29,420
- Then, as a friend...
- Yeah.
248
00:08:29,451 --> 00:08:30,751
I want you to get rid of that.
249
00:08:30,786 --> 00:08:32,256
- I want everybody using mine.
- You spit on the...
250
00:08:32,272 --> 00:08:34,673
- You brought a dirt dungeon to our TinFinity.
- All right, well, we'll see.
251
00:08:34,825 --> 00:08:36,264
I'm proud of you;
You did good.
252
00:08:36,399 --> 00:08:39,570
I'm proud of you.
You bought a spaceship.
253
00:08:39,803 --> 00:08:41,262
Hey, man, you watch Homeland?
254
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,423
No? I'm in the first
season, second episode.
255
00:08:43,448 --> 00:08:44,679
Don't spoil anything.
256
00:08:44,735 --> 00:08:45,926
Hey, flag on the play.
257
00:08:45,957 --> 00:08:48,158
Too many men on the field.
Winston, get out.
258
00:08:48,186 --> 00:08:50,040
Jax, over here
on the bench with me.
259
00:08:50,064 --> 00:08:52,212
- Come on, let me show you some stuff.
- Okay.
260
00:08:58,347 --> 00:08:59,951
Go, go, Jess, go.
261
00:09:00,051 --> 00:09:00,932
Oh, boy.
262
00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:04,616
You want me?
Come and get me.
263
00:09:04,637 --> 00:09:07,176
I'm gonna get you...
you can't get by me.
264
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,601
You're down.
265
00:09:09,191 --> 00:09:10,429
Why would you do that?
266
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,475
Winston, we're on
the same team.
267
00:09:13,791 --> 00:09:15,286
What are you doing?
268
00:09:15,530 --> 00:09:16,731
You did it!
269
00:09:16,799 --> 00:09:18,264
Touchdown!
270
00:09:18,863 --> 00:09:19,577
Oh man.
271
00:09:21,736 --> 00:09:22,880
N-N-No!
272
00:09:22,901 --> 00:09:23,900
Why?
273
00:09:25,879 --> 00:09:27,546
What's going on, Sid?
274
00:09:27,939 --> 00:09:29,355
Did you tell 'em
that ours works?
275
00:09:29,380 --> 00:09:31,515
Hey, guys, this is
available, no line.
276
00:09:31,550 --> 00:09:33,774
- That Porta Potti looks weird, Nick.
- What?
277
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:35,905
It looks a little,
looks a little weird.
278
00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:37,873
You look a little
weird, Sanders.
279
00:09:38,027 --> 00:09:39,528
Why don't you wipe
your butt with a little
280
00:09:39,553 --> 00:09:41,428
strawberry crepe,
you little whiner?
281
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,759
I don't really do well
with bathroom pressure.
282
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,990
- Robby, don't dog me like this.
- I'm gonna give you your space.
283
00:09:46,014 --> 00:09:47,440
No, 'cause they're all
following you, Robby,
284
00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:48,981
they're all...
285
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,579
- Get in there.
- I don't have to go anymore.
286
00:09:51,649 --> 00:09:52,737
- Really?
- Yeah.
287
00:09:52,756 --> 00:09:54,496
So that's not full of pee?
288
00:09:54,582 --> 00:09:56,885
- No.
- I saw you drinking those sodas.
289
00:09:57,406 --> 00:09:58,732
- No, no, no, it's good.
- How about now?
290
00:09:58,745 --> 00:10:00,209
Stop, stop, you're gonna make me...
291
00:10:00,228 --> 00:10:01,465
I don't have to go,
I don't have to go.
292
00:10:01,484 --> 00:10:04,817
Get in there, dude,
or get out of this party.
293
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:06,811
Wrong choice.
294
00:10:06,843 --> 00:10:08,877
Nick, what are you doing?
295
00:10:08,907 --> 00:10:10,486
I bought a Porta Potti, Jess.
296
00:10:10,523 --> 00:10:11,561
- What, why?
- Yeah.
297
00:10:11,592 --> 00:10:12,612
- I'm a small business owner...
- You own
298
00:10:12,637 --> 00:10:14,560
- a Porta Potti?
- Yeah, but nobody's using it.
299
00:10:14,603 --> 00:10:15,998
This is not about a Porta Potti.
300
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,550
It is about a Porta Potti.
301
00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:18,787
I don't want to
talk about this.
302
00:10:18,810 --> 00:10:22,098
You know, it's been really nice
hanging out with Jax
303
00:10:22,269 --> 00:10:24,657
because he likes to talk
about his feelings.
304
00:10:24,675 --> 00:10:26,388
Give me a break, Jess.
Is that really what you want--
305
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,504
a man who talks about his
feelings all the time?
306
00:10:29,568 --> 00:10:30,936
No, right?
307
00:10:34,733 --> 00:10:36,940
Do you want me
to use your Porta Potti?
308
00:10:37,017 --> 00:10:39,112
Yeah, but don't just do it for
me; Do it 'cause you want to.
309
00:10:39,149 --> 00:10:41,437
Mm, I'm definitely
doing it for you.
310
00:10:41,633 --> 00:10:43,184
- And just a tip...
- Yeah?
311
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,234
If you want people
to use your toilet,
312
00:10:45,374 --> 00:10:46,749
don't camp out in front of it.
313
00:10:46,767 --> 00:10:48,455
Do me a favor,
if you're going to go in.
314
00:10:48,472 --> 00:10:51,442
- Mm-hmm. - Really sell it, 'cause
I want girls to see it.
315
00:10:51,455 --> 00:10:53,310
- Okay. - You know what I mean?
Just, like, make a show of it.
316
00:10:53,329 --> 00:10:54,591
- Okay.
- Thank you.
317
00:10:54,623 --> 00:10:55,523
Bye, Jess, thank you
318
00:10:55,597 --> 00:10:58,027
Ooh, just my style!
319
00:10:58,045 --> 00:10:59,746
Nicely vintage.
320
00:10:59,944 --> 00:11:01,576
Can't wait to get inside!
321
00:11:01,608 --> 00:11:03,388
Sure wish I had a good book.
322
00:11:04,083 --> 00:11:05,074
Can't wait.
323
00:11:05,543 --> 00:11:07,377
Oh, this is horrible!
324
00:11:07,425 --> 00:11:08,826
I got it; You told
me like, ten times.
325
00:11:08,850 --> 00:11:10,673
Okay, but I'm just saying,
I don't know what that one does.
326
00:11:10,697 --> 00:11:13,245
Look, the instant
the big speech begins,
327
00:11:13,264 --> 00:11:14,908
you initiate toast sequence.
328
00:11:14,944 --> 00:11:16,096
You got that, Red?
329
00:11:16,126 --> 00:11:17,434
Look, don't-don't
mess this up.
330
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:19,301
Tippy go bye-bye,
you mess this up.
331
00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:21,115
- Tippy go bye-bye.
- Okay.
332
00:11:21,146 --> 00:11:22,880
Okay, great.
333
00:11:22,996 --> 00:11:24,168
Bite me, you wang.
334
00:11:24,413 --> 00:11:25,672
What did you say, man?
335
00:11:26,475 --> 00:11:27,610
- Hey, Schmidt.
- Hey.
336
00:11:27,635 --> 00:11:28,541
You remember Shivrang?
337
00:11:28,553 --> 00:11:30,261
Shivrang, what is up, my man?
338
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:31,438
Welcome to America.
339
00:11:31,456 --> 00:11:34,811
Listen, just a little heads up, we're
serving cow-meat tacos tonight, so...
340
00:11:34,930 --> 00:11:37,615
- You mean beef.
- Cow meat, Shivrang.
341
00:11:38,970 --> 00:11:39,989
I'm not crazy.
342
00:11:40,014 --> 00:11:41,514
It is beef, right?
343
00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:46,006
Hey, can I just say
I like you a lot?
344
00:11:47,536 --> 00:11:48,736
I like you, too.
345
00:11:49,023 --> 00:11:49,822
A lot?
346
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,417
'Cause I said "A lot."
347
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:55,014
I-I knew I felt this way,
the moment I met you.
348
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:59,338
Yes, a guy who can tell me
exactly how he feels.
349
00:11:59,689 --> 00:12:00,702
That's what I want.
350
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,246
That is what I want.
351
00:12:03,796 --> 00:12:04,930
It's just...
352
00:12:05,254 --> 00:12:06,998
You, uh...
353
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,287
You make me...
354
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,747
Are you okay?
355
00:12:13,912 --> 00:12:15,672
I-I like you a lot.
356
00:12:17,267 --> 00:12:18,680
Yeah, I-I...
357
00:12:19,412 --> 00:12:20,537
Yeah...
358
00:12:20,558 --> 00:12:21,758
I'm fine, I mean...
359
00:12:22,349 --> 00:12:23,512
You know what else I like?
360
00:12:23,527 --> 00:12:24,826
I like beer.
361
00:12:25,075 --> 00:12:26,676
I drink beer.
362
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:28,423
'Cause I'm a man,
and I play football.
363
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:30,647
You want some beer?
I'm gonna get a beer.
364
00:12:35,724 --> 00:12:38,235
- Hey, there you are.
- Hey, Schmidty.
365
00:12:38,264 --> 00:12:40,591
It's almost toast time,
and I made... - Okay.
366
00:12:40,619 --> 00:12:41,791
...made up a few cards. You know,
367
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:43,950
just jotted down a few notes
and bullet points for you.
368
00:12:43,967 --> 00:12:45,491
I was gonna do my own toast.
369
00:12:45,621 --> 00:12:48,315
- I know what I want to say about you.
- At least take a look at them.
370
00:12:49,299 --> 00:12:52,992
- I worked really hard on these.
- "I'm nothing without you."
371
00:12:53,916 --> 00:12:57,297
"Thank you for supporting me
during that thing, financially and..."
372
00:12:57,327 --> 00:12:58,842
This is a full speech.
373
00:12:58,867 --> 00:13:00,867
Feel free to make it your own.
374
00:13:01,152 --> 00:13:03,583
Why is it that you think
you're better than me, Schmidt?
375
00:13:03,665 --> 00:13:05,276
What? What are you
talking about?
376
00:13:05,295 --> 00:13:07,304
Why do you think
you're better than me?
377
00:13:07,651 --> 00:13:09,506
Our friendship didn't used
to be this way.
378
00:13:09,525 --> 00:13:11,260
You know, back in college,
we were equals.
379
00:13:11,638 --> 00:13:12,857
You get any last night?
380
00:13:12,883 --> 00:13:15,317
- No. You?
- Hell, yeah.
381
00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:17,060
- Really?
- No.
382
00:13:18,146 --> 00:13:20,388
- We're equals.
- Equals.
383
00:13:21,019 --> 00:13:22,464
And then you got that juicer,
384
00:13:22,483 --> 00:13:23,764
which I was excited about.
385
00:13:23,805 --> 00:13:25,673
You were
at a dangerous fat level,
386
00:13:25,696 --> 00:13:26,968
but somehow you got skinny,
387
00:13:26,992 --> 00:13:29,623
and I became this idiot
that you need to take care of.
388
00:13:29,666 --> 00:13:31,992
Don't resent me for
getting my life together.
389
00:13:32,033 --> 00:13:33,673
- Oh, your life's together?
- Yeah.
390
00:13:33,692 --> 00:13:35,607
You're throwing a party
391
00:13:35,783 --> 00:13:37,662
to celebrate living
with your college roommate
392
00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:39,427
- for ten years.
- Yeah.
393
00:13:39,446 --> 00:13:41,149
What are we doing here?
394
00:13:41,204 --> 00:13:43,239
What are we celebrating?
395
00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:45,501
What do you mean,
"what are we celebrating?"
396
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:47,721
We're celebrating TinFinity!
397
00:13:48,865 --> 00:13:50,748
Ten years, two hearts,
398
00:13:50,824 --> 00:13:52,259
one home!
399
00:13:52,738 --> 00:13:55,897
Loyalty and great conversation.
It's right here on the cards!
400
00:13:56,951 --> 00:13:59,210
Okay, that ain't right.
401
00:13:59,249 --> 00:14:01,743
- Hey, Winston.
- Aha.
402
00:14:02,364 --> 00:14:03,858
I see you've come to gloat.
403
00:14:03,908 --> 00:14:05,719
Is Jax known for being intense?
404
00:14:05,752 --> 00:14:07,597
Yeah, Jess, he's supposed
to be intense.
405
00:14:07,633 --> 00:14:08,984
He's a professional athlete.
406
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,415
You know, he doesn't run.
407
00:14:10,613 --> 00:14:11,825
He sprints.
408
00:14:11,939 --> 00:14:14,584
He doesn't jump.
He leaps.
409
00:14:14,673 --> 00:14:17,877
And he doesn't like, Jess.
He loves.
410
00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:20,562
Hmm.
411
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:28,772
- Hey.
- Hey.
412
00:14:29,226 --> 00:14:30,489
Hey, look, I'm sorry about...
413
00:14:30,507 --> 00:14:33,198
No, no, no, no, don't be...
don't be sorry. It's...
414
00:14:34,142 --> 00:14:35,636
The truth is...
415
00:14:35,729 --> 00:14:38,664
I just got out of a relationship
that sort of crushed me.
416
00:14:39,631 --> 00:14:42,598
And everybody thinks that pro football
players are big and strong, and I am.
417
00:14:42,634 --> 00:14:44,275
It's true. Look.
418
00:14:44,721 --> 00:14:45,970
Whoa!
419
00:14:45,997 --> 00:14:47,593
This is nothing for me.
420
00:14:47,719 --> 00:14:48,645
I can have 20 of you.
421
00:14:48,663 --> 00:14:50,561
- Never put me down.
- But that means...
422
00:14:50,663 --> 00:14:52,538
when I fall, I fall hard.
423
00:14:52,549 --> 00:14:54,250
And yes, sometimes I cry.
424
00:14:54,321 --> 00:14:56,391
I cry, too.
I cry all the time.
425
00:14:56,420 --> 00:14:58,227
I cry in my bedroom,
in the bathroom,
426
00:14:58,240 --> 00:14:59,886
in the hallway,
in the elevator.
427
00:14:59,959 --> 00:15:02,500
This morning...
I woke up crying.
428
00:15:02,647 --> 00:15:04,624
I have this feeling...
429
00:15:05,755 --> 00:15:07,406
it's like
I've known you forever.
430
00:15:07,835 --> 00:15:10,102
I have this feeling, too.
431
00:15:11,337 --> 00:15:14,005
Like, I want to French you.
432
00:15:14,253 --> 00:15:16,601
I really want to
French you.
433
00:15:17,270 --> 00:15:20,603
Ex-Excuse me. Can I...
Can I have your attention, please?
434
00:15:20,866 --> 00:15:23,813
Uh, excuse me. Could I please
have your attention?
435
00:15:23,838 --> 00:15:25,335
Um... Oh. Whoa.
436
00:15:26,238 --> 00:15:27,754
Hello. I don't know,
437
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:30,765
um, any of you,
but I'm Shivrang. Hello.
438
00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:33,529
- d It started off so well... d
- And... oh, there's music now.
439
00:15:33,570 --> 00:15:35,175
Um, look...
440
00:15:35,445 --> 00:15:37,132
And... Oh. Oh.
441
00:15:37,149 --> 00:15:40,528
- What the hell is this?
- Um, Cece, where are you?
442
00:15:41,053 --> 00:15:41,728
Hey.
443
00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:44,275
Uninitiate toast sequence!
This isn't it.
444
00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:45,572
- This song is for Nick and I!
- dIn your glory and your love d
445
00:15:45,590 --> 00:15:50,171
Look, I know I said I wasn't gonna do
some big proposal thing, but
446
00:15:50,669 --> 00:15:53,144
that being said, I am
447
00:15:53,156 --> 00:15:56,730
so excited to spend the rest
of my life with you,
448
00:15:57,011 --> 00:15:58,514
so...
449
00:15:58,545 --> 00:16:01,095
Wow!
d Were nothing but a sham d
450
00:16:01,148 --> 00:16:03,283
Cece...
451
00:16:06,658 --> 00:16:10,659
Do you, um... do you want
to do this thing?
452
00:16:10,942 --> 00:16:15,202
d I'll love you until I die... d
453
00:16:19,442 --> 00:16:20,154
Yes.
454
00:16:20,477 --> 00:16:22,057
- Yes? Yeah?
- Yes.
455
00:16:22,073 --> 00:16:23,573
- Yeah.
- Are you sure?
456
00:16:23,641 --> 00:16:25,409
d Save me... d
457
00:16:25,450 --> 00:16:27,488
- Oh.
- Oh, wow.
458
00:16:27,658 --> 00:16:28,748
This is nuts.
459
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,259
I-I didn't do this.
460
00:16:31,921 --> 00:16:34,656
d Save me, save me d
461
00:16:34,943 --> 00:16:37,708
d Save me d
462
00:16:37,741 --> 00:16:39,366
d I'm naked
and I'm far from home... d
463
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,664
It's shaped like an infinity sign, because
they're going to be married forever.
464
00:16:43,861 --> 00:16:45,811
d The slate will soon d
465
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:47,909
d Be clean... d
466
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:50,778
Thank you.
467
00:16:51,001 --> 00:16:53,618
Thank you. Thanks.
468
00:16:55,281 --> 00:17:00,481
d To start again
with somebody new... d
469
00:17:00,613 --> 00:17:03,080
Hi. Uh, I'd like
to say something, too.
470
00:17:03,111 --> 00:17:04,705
That's Jax McTavish.
471
00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:08,480
- Um, I'd like to report a missing item.
- I know.
472
00:17:09,844 --> 00:17:11,038
My heart.
473
00:17:11,513 --> 00:17:12,815
It was stolen by that
474
00:17:13,138 --> 00:17:14,611
little heart thief right there.
475
00:17:16,510 --> 00:17:19,381
I'm... I'm innocent.
I didn't... I was framed.
476
00:17:19,428 --> 00:17:22,424
I just want to say in front
of God and all these people
477
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,490
at this gorgeous party
478
00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:26,963
that I'm in love with you.
479
00:17:26,988 --> 00:17:29,433
Mm... no. No.
480
00:17:29,445 --> 00:17:31,477
- And I know it's early...
- Nah.
481
00:17:31,527 --> 00:17:35,288
...but I think I met the girl
that... I'm gonna marry.
482
00:17:35,367 --> 00:17:36,874
Who...? Who?
483
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:38,407
I'm gonna marry you!
484
00:17:39,678 --> 00:17:42,364
We are not on the same page.
485
00:17:42,382 --> 00:17:43,915
I'm gonna marry you.
486
00:17:43,947 --> 00:17:45,873
I'm gonna put a baby in you.
487
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:48,393
We're gonna have dogs and cats.
488
00:17:48,896 --> 00:17:51,229
I met my third wife!
489
00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:56,353
Schmidty? Schmidty?
490
00:17:57,062 --> 00:17:58,323
Schmidty? Hey.
491
00:17:58,373 --> 00:18:00,106
Schmidt...
Stop it!
492
00:18:01,449 --> 00:18:03,467
You okay, buddy?
493
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,515
Yeah. No, I'm-I'm fine.
494
00:18:06,588 --> 00:18:08,889
It's just, I'm really
annoyed about the lighting cues.
495
00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:11,691
Also, our girl-to-guy ratio
is taking a real nosedive.
496
00:18:11,709 --> 00:18:13,568
I mean, we're, like,
two bro groups away
497
00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:15,415
from being a total wiener fest.
498
00:18:16,254 --> 00:18:18,261
It's just really disappointing
when things don't work out
499
00:18:18,279 --> 00:18:20,084
the way you thought
they would, you know?
500
00:18:20,524 --> 00:18:21,690
I do.
501
00:18:22,627 --> 00:18:24,846
Hey, why don't we get
out of here for a bit?
502
00:18:25,097 --> 00:18:27,099
Get away from this party stress.
503
00:18:27,122 --> 00:18:28,913
You mean, like,
take a trip together.
504
00:18:30,431 --> 00:18:33,641
No, just, like,
walk 40 yards away.
505
00:18:34,745 --> 00:18:37,379
Don't think we need a trip
or anything like that, pal.
506
00:18:39,810 --> 00:18:41,241
- Jess?
- Hey!
507
00:18:41,266 --> 00:18:43,221
- Hey!
- Hey! Oh, my God!
508
00:18:43,337 --> 00:18:45,330
- So excited for you. Let me see it.
- Yeah.
509
00:18:45,504 --> 00:18:48,306
- Oh. So beautiful.
- Mm-hmm.
510
00:18:48,404 --> 00:18:50,191
- Is this good? This is good, right?
- It's good.
511
00:18:50,197 --> 00:18:51,383
I mean,
it's-it's what I wanted.
512
00:18:51,407 --> 00:18:53,291
- Yes! Yay!
- I'm getting married!
513
00:18:55,521 --> 00:18:57,383
So, what are you... what
are you doing in here?
514
00:18:57,401 --> 00:18:59,224
- I'm hiding.
- Oh, yeah, that guy.
515
00:18:59,243 --> 00:19:02,304
- He seemed to, uh, really like you
when he gave that speech. - Yeah.
516
00:19:02,931 --> 00:19:04,499
He might not be the one.
517
00:19:06,339 --> 00:19:07,919
So you still
thinking about Nick?
518
00:19:08,729 --> 00:19:10,701
No. Shut up. No.
519
00:19:10,725 --> 00:19:12,759
All right.
520
00:19:12,894 --> 00:19:15,561
Look at that, man.
You did get a balloon.
521
00:19:15,597 --> 00:19:18,301
Yeah, I got a kick-ass
hot air balloon.
522
00:19:18,613 --> 00:19:21,124
But it turns out, you need
propane to get it up in the air.
523
00:19:21,137 --> 00:19:22,737
- You didn't know that?
- How would I know?
524
00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:23,882
You didn't want to
do any research?
525
00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:26,738
How could I do any research?
I was dealing with the Porta Potti.
526
00:19:28,895 --> 00:19:30,295
It's actually kind of nice.
527
00:19:30,764 --> 00:19:32,497
- It's peaceful.
- Yeah.
528
00:19:35,470 --> 00:19:37,865
Hey, I'm sorry about Cece, man.
529
00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:40,314
I know it sounds
kind of cheesy, but...
530
00:19:40,543 --> 00:19:41,961
I always thought that
I was gonna be the man
531
00:19:41,974 --> 00:19:44,025
to bone Cece for
the rest of her life.
532
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,656
I think we all did, buddy.
533
00:19:47,607 --> 00:19:49,223
To answer your question
from before,
534
00:19:49,248 --> 00:19:51,415
this is what
we were celebrating.
535
00:19:51,479 --> 00:19:53,114
Yeah, that's right.
536
00:19:53,181 --> 00:19:54,649
This is what we're celebrating.
537
00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:55,773
- Yes. Yes.
- Yeah.
538
00:19:55,785 --> 00:19:57,370
Right?
You're my best friend, man.
539
00:19:57,395 --> 00:19:59,800
- Please.
- Ten years of living together
540
00:19:59,857 --> 00:20:02,860
Upsetting, but kind of
great, man.
541
00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:05,565
- Here's to it.
- Yes.
542
00:20:05,991 --> 00:20:08,581
Not having roommates is for
real losers, you know that?
543
00:20:08,647 --> 00:20:09,998
Mm-hmm.
544
00:20:10,204 --> 00:20:12,304
- Equals.
- You said it, man.
545
00:20:15,008 --> 00:20:17,241
Oh, you are
such a Nancy boy.
546
00:20:17,279 --> 00:20:19,159
- What is in that, man?
- Liquor!
547
00:20:19,199 --> 00:20:21,838
d If not for you... d
548
00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:25,784
d Babe, I couldn't
find the door... d
549
00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:27,178
Mm.
550
00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:29,284
You pick out a song
for our first dance?
551
00:20:30,155 --> 00:20:31,127
Yes, I did.
552
00:20:31,186 --> 00:20:32,532
I didn't expect you
to dance to it,
553
00:20:32,557 --> 00:20:34,065
but you know, I was going
to dance for you.
554
00:20:34,096 --> 00:20:36,117
Yeah. Come on, it's too close
quarters for that, Schmidt.
555
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:37,972
That is beautiful.
Pass the hooch.
556
00:20:38,002 --> 00:20:39,541
Nick's been
hogging it all.
557
00:20:39,593 --> 00:20:41,321
Mmm. Here, have a sip.
558
00:20:41,352 --> 00:20:44,341
My mouth's been on it.
It's not a big deal.
559
00:20:45,247 --> 00:20:47,169
It's just my mouth!
560
00:20:47,219 --> 00:20:49,328
I... I... It's okay.
I'm all right.
561
00:20:49,533 --> 00:20:50,944
Come on, have a sip!
562
00:20:50,971 --> 00:20:52,321
You put your mouth all over it!
563
00:20:52,346 --> 00:20:54,214
You just said that.
You put your mouth all over it,
564
00:20:54,232 --> 00:20:56,533
and I don't want to
think about your mouth!
565
00:20:56,763 --> 00:20:58,458
- You okay
- I just... Yup, I'm fine.
566
00:20:58,470 --> 00:20:59,879
- Where are you going?
- What are you doing, Jess?
567
00:20:59,909 --> 00:21:02,211
I just don't understand
why we only have...
568
00:21:02,235 --> 00:21:03,555
I mean, I feel like I
should have my own bottle.
569
00:21:03,567 --> 00:21:04,863
Because we were
all gonna share...
570
00:21:04,876 --> 00:21:06,746
- I don't know where I'm going, but I'm going!
- Where are you going?!
571
00:21:06,793 --> 00:21:08,827
We're pretty awesome
wingmen for each other.
572
00:21:08,858 --> 00:21:10,225
- Right.
- Because we're both the guy
573
00:21:10,243 --> 00:21:12,787
the girls want to sleep with,
and we're both the other guy, too.
574
00:21:12,819 --> 00:21:15,331
Neither one of us are
Tom Cruise or the other one.
575
00:21:15,356 --> 00:21:16,144
We're both Iceman.
576
00:21:16,162 --> 00:21:18,829
- Yeah. Equals!
- Equals!
577
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:21,595
You get a lot of girls?
578
00:21:22,425 --> 00:21:25,341
- Um, I don't know. Yeah...
- Yeah. Me, too.
579
00:21:25,366 --> 00:21:27,744
- I feel like you probably have a lot
of game with the ladies. - I know what
580
00:21:27,763 --> 00:21:29,772
they want sexually, and I'm not
afraid to give it to them.
581
00:21:29,795 --> 00:21:32,053
- I get that from you. I get that vibe, man.
- What about you?
582
00:21:32,078 --> 00:21:35,071
I feel like I put off a similar
vibe, but kind of more
583
00:21:35,089 --> 00:21:37,477
- on the down-low, you know what I mean?
- Yeah!
584
00:21:37,490 --> 00:21:38,752
- Equals!
- Equals!
585
00:21:38,991 --> 00:21:43,991
sync by Norther