1 00:00:01,864 --> 00:00:03,481 This month marks Nick and my 2 00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:05,323 ten year anniversary of living together. 3 00:00:05,407 --> 00:00:07,223 Our "tin" anniversary. 4 00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:08,654 Ten years? You guys are like 5 00:00:08,696 --> 00:00:10,093 - Bert and Ernie. - I got dibs on Bert. 6 00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,118 - Dibs on Ernie. - Nice. 7 00:00:11,137 --> 00:00:12,429 - Cool, man. All right. - Yeah, man. 8 00:00:12,504 --> 00:00:15,304 Now, obviously, we're going to have an anniversary party. 9 00:00:15,473 --> 00:00:16,500 You guys are invited. 10 00:00:16,536 --> 00:00:18,034 I'm not sure if I'm coming to that, man. 11 00:00:18,062 --> 00:00:19,218 Remember the "wood" anniversary? 12 00:00:19,409 --> 00:00:20,408 Ah! 13 00:00:20,445 --> 00:00:21,395 You cut me! 14 00:00:21,419 --> 00:00:22,608 Well, happy anniversary! 15 00:00:22,627 --> 00:00:23,872 I gotta get a tourniquet. 16 00:00:23,986 --> 00:00:25,318 Hold some more wood for me. 17 00:00:26,245 --> 00:00:27,106 Yeah! 18 00:00:27,134 --> 00:00:28,660 Well, it wasn't as bad as paper. 19 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:32,876 Happy anniversary! 20 00:00:32,943 --> 00:00:33,977 Paper! 21 00:00:34,231 --> 00:00:35,731 Party time, man. 22 00:00:35,755 --> 00:00:40,272 Did you know that the chemical symbol for tin is SN? 23 00:00:40,366 --> 00:00:41,761 - Schmidt and Nick. - What? 24 00:00:41,779 --> 00:00:43,560 Is no one else's mind blown by this? 25 00:00:43,573 --> 00:00:45,761 That's it, our theme is TinFinity. 26 00:00:45,803 --> 00:00:48,471 TinFinity. That's actually really good, Schmidt. 27 00:00:48,489 --> 00:00:50,948 - Yeah, it is. - I really don't think two men who 28 00:00:50,973 --> 00:00:52,253 live together for ten years need a party. 29 00:00:52,272 --> 00:00:53,978 Why must you always be like this? 30 00:00:54,053 --> 00:00:56,372 Because you never let me participate in the planning. 31 00:00:56,537 --> 00:00:58,653 I would love for you to participate. 32 00:00:58,665 --> 00:01:00,644 Gah! That was a trick. I was trying to get out of it. 33 00:01:00,846 --> 00:01:03,439 d Who's that girl? d d Who's that girl? d 34 00:01:03,487 --> 00:01:04,975 d Who's that girl? d 35 00:01:05,012 --> 00:01:08,398 2x18 Tinfinity 36 00:01:08,434 --> 00:01:09,458 They're celebrating 37 00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,168 ten years of living together? 38 00:01:11,199 --> 00:01:12,612 Why are we friends with these guys, Jess? 39 00:01:12,646 --> 00:01:13,755 - I... - What happened? 40 00:01:13,783 --> 00:01:15,003 It's so weird to think 41 00:01:15,022 --> 00:01:17,665 that Nick is the last person I kissed. 42 00:01:17,984 --> 00:01:19,127 Actually, Schmidt's 43 00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:20,557 - the last person I kissed. - Okay, what? 44 00:01:20,587 --> 00:01:22,522 It was nothing. Nick was watching. 45 00:01:22,545 --> 00:01:24,737 What is happening in this loft? 46 00:01:24,962 --> 00:01:26,520 Ooh, girls chatting. 47 00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:27,895 Hey, Nick. 48 00:01:28,094 --> 00:01:30,858 I wish I knew what was going on inside Nick's head. 49 00:01:30,889 --> 00:01:32,869 He's this, like, grumpy mystery. 50 00:01:32,881 --> 00:01:34,460 Jess, are these open for anybody? 51 00:01:34,487 --> 00:01:35,604 - Yep. - Right on, thank you. 52 00:01:35,622 --> 00:01:37,809 He can't communicate a feeling to save his life. 53 00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,809 But why can't I stop thinking 54 00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:41,773 about his mouth on my mouth? 55 00:01:41,874 --> 00:01:43,041 Hey, Jess, 56 00:01:43,308 --> 00:01:44,951 do I have frosting on my lips? 57 00:01:46,367 --> 00:01:48,569 Look at my mouth-- do I have frosting on it? 58 00:01:49,178 --> 00:01:51,816 - Wh-Why are you asking me this? - My mouth feels moist and weird. 59 00:01:51,834 --> 00:01:52,722 Do I have anything on it? 60 00:01:52,735 --> 00:01:55,269 Get out of here! Ugh! Aw... 61 00:01:56,130 --> 00:01:57,218 Okay, you know what? 62 00:01:57,255 --> 00:02:00,086 You need what I needed. You need a new guy, all right? 63 00:02:00,104 --> 00:02:03,407 Dating Shivrang helped me get past all the weird stuff with Schmidt. 64 00:02:03,425 --> 00:02:04,520 I need the Anti-Nick. 65 00:02:04,545 --> 00:02:06,160 - Yeah. - I need a real man, who can 66 00:02:06,188 --> 00:02:09,479 express his feelings, and I need a different mouth on my mouth. 67 00:02:09,887 --> 00:02:11,454 To erase that mouth. 68 00:02:12,009 --> 00:02:12,955 No, you actually 69 00:02:12,978 --> 00:02:14,316 don't need to wash raw denim. 70 00:02:14,347 --> 00:02:15,724 Haven't washed my pants in 18 months. 71 00:02:16,466 --> 00:02:18,204 Also, I'm bisexual. 72 00:02:19,576 --> 00:02:21,680 Microchips be gettin' small. 73 00:02:21,734 --> 00:02:23,692 They be, like, blueberry size. 74 00:02:23,871 --> 00:02:25,657 So you could put 'em in your cereal, girl. 75 00:02:25,702 --> 00:02:27,670 I don't get your thing. 76 00:02:28,675 --> 00:02:29,769 It's prescription. 77 00:02:31,236 --> 00:02:32,070 Damn it. 78 00:02:32,455 --> 00:02:34,456 What happened to the guys in this bar? 79 00:02:34,481 --> 00:02:36,012 They open up a bus station next door? 80 00:02:36,043 --> 00:02:37,396 Where are the real men? 81 00:02:37,471 --> 00:02:38,307 I can't talk right now. 82 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,584 I'm writing a strongly-worded e-mail to my florist. 83 00:02:42,985 --> 00:02:44,285 Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, 84 00:02:44,315 --> 00:02:45,782 guys, guys, look at the door, don't look at the door, 85 00:02:45,843 --> 00:02:47,156 look right now, don't look, one at a time, 86 00:02:47,185 --> 00:02:49,560 look, but don't look. Guys, one at a time. 87 00:02:49,585 --> 00:02:50,797 Don't look now. 88 00:02:50,832 --> 00:02:52,200 Look. No, you're both looking. 89 00:02:52,225 --> 00:02:53,631 - I don't know what to do. - I'm confused. 90 00:02:53,655 --> 00:02:55,123 Look right now at the door. Go. 91 00:02:55,958 --> 00:02:56,680 Oh... 92 00:02:56,704 --> 00:02:58,678 that is a strapping young man. 93 00:02:58,721 --> 00:03:00,685 That is Jax McTavish. 94 00:03:00,742 --> 00:03:02,393 He plays safety for San Francisco. 95 00:03:02,411 --> 00:03:03,434 Why's he with Winston? 96 00:03:03,465 --> 00:03:05,022 Winston looks so cool. 97 00:03:05,056 --> 00:03:06,990 - What up, guys? - Oh, "What's up, guys." 98 00:03:07,031 --> 00:03:08,436 You're just gonna walk over and say, "What's up, guys?" 99 00:03:08,460 --> 00:03:10,327 Winston, does he think you're Omar Epps? 100 00:03:10,350 --> 00:03:12,029 You guys talking about Jax? 101 00:03:12,185 --> 00:03:14,982 Look, I interviewed him at the radio station, and we just hit it off. 102 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,887 It's not a big deal, you know, unless you think hanging out 103 00:03:16,910 --> 00:03:18,084 with a pro baller is a big deal. 104 00:03:18,109 --> 00:03:20,414 His hands are so big and warm. 105 00:03:20,446 --> 00:03:22,470 I want to fall asleep in them, like Thumbelina. 106 00:03:22,489 --> 00:03:24,090 How about, uh, introducing me? 107 00:03:25,818 --> 00:03:27,422 - Yeah, okay. - You and Jax? 108 00:03:29,021 --> 00:03:30,375 Yeah. Jess and Jax McTavish. 109 00:03:30,393 --> 00:03:31,531 Great bit, Jess. 110 00:03:31,556 --> 00:03:33,756 What a dumb idea. 111 00:03:34,210 --> 00:03:35,743 - Do it. - No. 112 00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:38,038 - You can't handle that kind of thunder. - Hell, no. 113 00:03:38,081 --> 00:03:40,302 Jax and I are just becoming friends. 114 00:03:40,339 --> 00:03:42,304 - I'm going over there. - Jess, no, Jess. 115 00:03:42,603 --> 00:03:43,416 Guys... 116 00:03:43,447 --> 00:03:44,660 Hey, Jess, let me show you something. Hmm? 117 00:03:44,697 --> 00:03:45,891 It's right here. 118 00:03:46,022 --> 00:03:48,444 Hi, I'm Jess. I'm Winston's roommate. 119 00:03:48,459 --> 00:03:49,301 How you doing? 120 00:03:49,313 --> 00:03:50,717 - I'm Jax. - Hi, nice to meet you. 121 00:03:50,733 --> 00:03:52,272 Jess, stop it, stop it. 122 00:03:52,445 --> 00:03:54,718 - Cool, so I hear you play for San Francisco. - I do. 123 00:03:54,736 --> 00:03:57,974 7.8 tackles, man, I can't believe you didn't go to the Pro Bowl. 124 00:03:57,999 --> 00:03:59,204 Here's my question: 125 00:03:59,210 --> 00:04:01,309 What's a "point-eight" tackle? 126 00:04:01,962 --> 00:04:03,331 Did you know I'm a teacher? 127 00:04:03,350 --> 00:04:04,748 What would you teach me? 128 00:04:04,789 --> 00:04:07,167 Nick... the theme is "masculine garden party." 129 00:04:07,192 --> 00:04:08,242 Look at that-- I made a graph. 130 00:04:08,254 --> 00:04:09,548 I thought you said I was gonna help you plan it. 131 00:04:09,566 --> 00:04:12,439 Nick, we both know that you're not very good with party chores. 132 00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:14,217 You sent out the invitations, right? 133 00:04:14,307 --> 00:04:16,074 Me?! 134 00:04:16,786 --> 00:04:18,086 I sent them out? 135 00:04:18,096 --> 00:04:19,964 Okay, I'm older now. I am wiser. 136 00:04:19,976 --> 00:04:21,283 I want to help plan my own party. 137 00:04:21,315 --> 00:04:23,399 Okay, fine, I will give you balloons... 138 00:04:23,418 --> 00:04:24,507 Oh, sweet, balloons are... 139 00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:25,806 - ...and Porta Potties. - Porta Potties?! 140 00:04:25,818 --> 00:04:27,301 That sounds like a job for babies. 141 00:04:27,314 --> 00:04:29,119 Does that look like a job for babies? 142 00:04:30,106 --> 00:04:31,648 Oh, so this is a big job? 143 00:04:31,661 --> 00:04:33,596 - I thought you were being disrespectful. - No! 144 00:04:33,630 --> 00:04:35,848 - Oh. - Where do you think people are gonna go to the bathroom? 145 00:04:35,866 --> 00:04:36,936 I never thought of that. 146 00:04:36,958 --> 00:04:38,706 And you are now in charge of that, 147 00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:43,260 and if you dig a hole in a-in, in a dirt field, I'm gonna kill you. 148 00:04:43,785 --> 00:04:46,648 I don't want the responsibility. 149 00:04:46,893 --> 00:04:48,341 You can do this, man. 150 00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:50,117 What, what are your chores? 151 00:04:50,142 --> 00:04:52,150 - Well, Porta Potties. - Porta Potties. 152 00:04:52,169 --> 00:04:54,094 What's-- now, what is the first chore that I gave you? 153 00:04:54,121 --> 00:04:56,736 - I have absolutely no memory. - Balloons! 154 00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,365 I'm having an anxiety attack. 155 00:05:01,793 --> 00:05:04,252 Yes, Ma, yes, now, look, I-have to go. 156 00:05:04,294 --> 00:05:06,930 It's two men celebrating living together for ten years. 157 00:05:07,196 --> 00:05:08,662 Uh, no, they're not. 158 00:05:08,797 --> 00:05:10,931 No, I can tell you for a fact that they're not. 159 00:05:10,986 --> 00:05:12,587 Okay, okay, I'm hanging up. 160 00:05:13,792 --> 00:05:15,195 So, good news. 161 00:05:15,228 --> 00:05:17,905 Um, my mom spoke to your mom last night, 162 00:05:17,967 --> 00:05:20,003 and they've given us their blessings. 163 00:05:20,042 --> 00:05:21,497 So that means... 164 00:05:21,516 --> 00:05:23,722 Well, now that the moms approve, 165 00:05:23,986 --> 00:05:25,753 when do you want to do this thing? 166 00:05:26,846 --> 00:05:29,988 Is that a... that a proposal? 167 00:05:30,035 --> 00:05:32,944 Oh, are, are you upset? I'm sorry, I... 168 00:05:32,962 --> 00:05:35,339 It's just, with arranged marriage, there isn't a lot of romance. 169 00:05:35,351 --> 00:05:37,367 No, no, no, I'm s-- I'm sorry, actually. 170 00:05:37,383 --> 00:05:38,919 I think I'm just a little taken aback 171 00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:41,353 by how quick this all has been. 172 00:05:41,405 --> 00:05:42,746 I barely know you, and... 173 00:05:42,765 --> 00:05:45,285 I used to just think that if I was being proposed to, 174 00:05:45,309 --> 00:05:47,556 I would notice it was happening. 175 00:05:48,339 --> 00:05:49,770 But we're doing this thing? 176 00:05:49,811 --> 00:05:51,851 Maybe you could just stop saying "doing this thing." 177 00:05:52,558 --> 00:05:53,692 Yup. 178 00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:56,943 Really did it. 179 00:05:57,092 --> 00:05:59,353 Beautiful job, thank you so much, what a... 180 00:05:59,482 --> 00:06:01,951 This is amazing-- everything's tin, you guys, everything. 181 00:06:04,629 --> 00:06:05,280 Hey, man. 182 00:06:05,308 --> 00:06:07,751 Rented out the whole park, so take your soccer someplace else. 183 00:06:07,770 --> 00:06:09,232 Give us our ball back, you douche. 184 00:06:09,257 --> 00:06:11,638 Hey, yeah, sure, no, I'll give you your ball back. Great. 185 00:06:14,405 --> 00:06:17,042 Pure tin, pure tin. 186 00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:21,188 Take your football back to Europe. 187 00:06:21,254 --> 00:06:24,322 - Really? - Who's the douche now, you douche "B"? 188 00:06:24,431 --> 00:06:27,069 I couldn't stop you from inviting Jax to the party, 189 00:06:27,194 --> 00:06:29,366 but I can stop it from going any further. 190 00:06:29,397 --> 00:06:31,574 I will not lose Jax as a friend, okay? 191 00:06:31,597 --> 00:06:32,804 I might not have any game, 192 00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:34,717 but, oh, my goodness, can I take game away. 193 00:06:34,741 --> 00:06:36,980 I'm getting that mouth on my mouth, and don't you try to stop me, you... 194 00:06:36,998 --> 00:06:39,498 Look, clearly I have the upper hand when it comes to Jax. 195 00:06:39,530 --> 00:06:41,835 - Do you? - Oh, I do, because I know all about sports. 196 00:06:41,847 --> 00:06:44,509 Jess, you know nothing about sports. 197 00:06:44,540 --> 00:06:46,698 Oh, what am I going to do? I guess I'll just have to use 198 00:06:46,717 --> 00:06:51,442 my eyes, hair, boobs, legs, and adorable personality. 199 00:06:52,822 --> 00:06:54,054 Fool. 200 00:06:54,216 --> 00:06:56,040 I got, like, three of those things. 201 00:06:56,152 --> 00:06:57,879 These are amazing. 202 00:06:57,957 --> 00:06:59,220 You also got tablecloths? 203 00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:00,413 I feel so fancy. 204 00:07:00,470 --> 00:07:02,283 How much did you spend on this, Schmidt? 205 00:07:02,313 --> 00:07:05,832 Ah, Nicholas, I have what's called an income, you know. 206 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:09,843 Well, you're not the only one who spent a little bit of money on this. 207 00:07:10,008 --> 00:07:12,242 - Okay. - Check this out, Schmidt, you're gonna freak out. 208 00:07:12,652 --> 00:07:14,615 Hey, I'm presenting, I'm presenting it. 209 00:07:14,756 --> 00:07:16,751 And that ain't no rental. 210 00:07:16,919 --> 00:07:17,601 Get up here. 211 00:07:17,628 --> 00:07:20,067 This is owned and operated by Mr. Nick Miller. 212 00:07:20,165 --> 00:07:22,098 - Little help from Sid. - You bought a Porta Potti? 213 00:07:22,350 --> 00:07:24,122 This one has warm and cold water, 214 00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:26,058 real soap dispensers, a fan. 215 00:07:26,116 --> 00:07:26,814 Too much. 216 00:07:26,833 --> 00:07:28,317 - What's that? - That's garbage. 217 00:07:28,355 --> 00:07:29,927 Garbage-- that's what the nursing home said 218 00:07:29,945 --> 00:07:31,785 about my mattress. I'll take it. 219 00:07:32,249 --> 00:07:34,958 For 60 bucks, and they threw in something called 220 00:07:34,990 --> 00:07:36,938 "septic enzymes," which I don't know what that is, 221 00:07:36,963 --> 00:07:39,252 but you're not supposed to get it in your eyes, for sure. 222 00:07:39,516 --> 00:07:41,265 I'm a small business owner. 223 00:07:41,343 --> 00:07:43,978 Why on earth would you buy a...? 224 00:07:44,377 --> 00:07:45,991 You know what? Forget about it, I'm proud of you. 225 00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:47,986 - Thank you, man. - I gave you a chore and you came through. 226 00:07:48,014 --> 00:07:49,570 Yeah, now, look, now we have two. 227 00:07:49,589 --> 00:07:51,745 - What do you mean we have two-- two of what? - Two bathrooms. 228 00:07:51,843 --> 00:07:53,976 Yours and El Bano Presidente. 229 00:07:54,659 --> 00:07:56,326 - That's a Porta Potti? - Yeah, luxury toilet. 230 00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:58,259 I thought that was the visitor's center. 231 00:07:58,440 --> 00:07:59,748 - Well... - That's enormous. 232 00:07:59,785 --> 00:08:01,774 Why did you get that, Schmidt? 233 00:08:02,250 --> 00:08:03,558 What, did you think I was gonna screw up? 234 00:08:03,564 --> 00:08:05,371 No, come on, man, no. 235 00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:07,177 You know how our relationship works. 236 00:08:07,202 --> 00:08:09,470 I'm over-responsible, you're under-responsible. 237 00:08:09,499 --> 00:08:11,467 Here's the good news-- now people have a backup to use... 238 00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:13,667 No, I want everyone to use this, I want it to be the main potty. 239 00:08:13,686 --> 00:08:15,509 Oh, n-no, I don't think that should be the main anything. 240 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:18,229 I think people would be better off if they just made a caca in their hand. 241 00:08:18,260 --> 00:08:20,003 I don't think so; Mine's better than that. 242 00:08:20,015 --> 00:08:22,536 - I'm sure you killed it on balloons. - Well... if you let me explain 243 00:08:22,561 --> 00:08:23,992 - what happened with the balloons... - Who needs balloons? 244 00:08:24,023 --> 00:08:24,962 I didn't want balloons anyway. 245 00:08:24,980 --> 00:08:26,469 This isn't a little girl's birthday party. 246 00:08:26,475 --> 00:08:28,144 This is a celebration of friendship. 247 00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:29,420 - Then, as a friend... - Yeah. 248 00:08:29,451 --> 00:08:30,751 I want you to get rid of that. 249 00:08:30,786 --> 00:08:32,256 - I want everybody using mine. - You spit on the... 250 00:08:32,272 --> 00:08:34,673 - You brought a dirt dungeon to our TinFinity. - All right, well, we'll see. 251 00:08:34,825 --> 00:08:36,264 I'm proud of you; You did good. 252 00:08:36,399 --> 00:08:39,570 I'm proud of you. You bought a spaceship. 253 00:08:39,803 --> 00:08:41,262 Hey, man, you watch Homeland? 254 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,423 No? I'm in the first season, second episode. 255 00:08:43,448 --> 00:08:44,679 Don't spoil anything. 256 00:08:44,735 --> 00:08:45,926 Hey, flag on the play. 257 00:08:45,957 --> 00:08:48,158 Too many men on the field. Winston, get out. 258 00:08:48,186 --> 00:08:50,040 Jax, over here on the bench with me. 259 00:08:50,064 --> 00:08:52,212 - Come on, let me show you some stuff. - Okay. 260 00:08:58,347 --> 00:08:59,951 Go, go, Jess, go. 261 00:09:00,051 --> 00:09:00,932 Oh, boy. 262 00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:04,616 You want me? Come and get me. 263 00:09:04,637 --> 00:09:07,176 I'm gonna get you... you can't get by me. 264 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,601 You're down. 265 00:09:09,191 --> 00:09:10,429 Why would you do that? 266 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,475 Winston, we're on the same team. 267 00:09:13,791 --> 00:09:15,286 What are you doing? 268 00:09:15,530 --> 00:09:16,731 You did it! 269 00:09:16,799 --> 00:09:18,264 Touchdown! 270 00:09:18,863 --> 00:09:19,577 Oh man. 271 00:09:21,736 --> 00:09:22,880 N-N-No! 272 00:09:22,901 --> 00:09:23,900 Why? 273 00:09:25,879 --> 00:09:27,546 What's going on, Sid? 274 00:09:27,939 --> 00:09:29,355 Did you tell 'em that ours works? 275 00:09:29,380 --> 00:09:31,515 Hey, guys, this is available, no line. 276 00:09:31,550 --> 00:09:33,774 - That Porta Potti looks weird, Nick. - What? 277 00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:35,905 It looks a little, looks a little weird. 278 00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:37,873 You look a little weird, Sanders. 279 00:09:38,027 --> 00:09:39,528 Why don't you wipe your butt with a little 280 00:09:39,553 --> 00:09:41,428 strawberry crepe, you little whiner? 281 00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,759 I don't really do well with bathroom pressure. 282 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,990 - Robby, don't dog me like this. - I'm gonna give you your space. 283 00:09:46,014 --> 00:09:47,440 No, 'cause they're all following you, Robby, 284 00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:48,981 they're all... 285 00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,579 - Get in there. - I don't have to go anymore. 286 00:09:51,649 --> 00:09:52,737 - Really? - Yeah. 287 00:09:52,756 --> 00:09:54,496 So that's not full of pee? 288 00:09:54,582 --> 00:09:56,885 - No. - I saw you drinking those sodas. 289 00:09:57,406 --> 00:09:58,732 - No, no, no, it's good. - How about now? 290 00:09:58,745 --> 00:10:00,209 Stop, stop, you're gonna make me... 291 00:10:00,228 --> 00:10:01,465 I don't have to go, I don't have to go. 292 00:10:01,484 --> 00:10:04,817 Get in there, dude, or get out of this party. 293 00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:06,811 Wrong choice. 294 00:10:06,843 --> 00:10:08,877 Nick, what are you doing? 295 00:10:08,907 --> 00:10:10,486 I bought a Porta Potti, Jess. 296 00:10:10,523 --> 00:10:11,561 - What, why? - Yeah. 297 00:10:11,592 --> 00:10:12,612 - I'm a small business owner... - You own 298 00:10:12,637 --> 00:10:14,560 - a Porta Potti? - Yeah, but nobody's using it. 299 00:10:14,603 --> 00:10:15,998 This is not about a Porta Potti. 300 00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,550 It is about a Porta Potti. 301 00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:18,787 I don't want to talk about this. 302 00:10:18,810 --> 00:10:22,098 You know, it's been really nice hanging out with Jax 303 00:10:22,269 --> 00:10:24,657 because he likes to talk about his feelings. 304 00:10:24,675 --> 00:10:26,388 Give me a break, Jess. Is that really what you want-- 305 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,504 a man who talks about his feelings all the time? 306 00:10:29,568 --> 00:10:30,936 No, right? 307 00:10:34,733 --> 00:10:36,940 Do you want me to use your Porta Potti? 308 00:10:37,017 --> 00:10:39,112 Yeah, but don't just do it for me; Do it 'cause you want to. 309 00:10:39,149 --> 00:10:41,437 Mm, I'm definitely doing it for you. 310 00:10:41,633 --> 00:10:43,184 - And just a tip... - Yeah? 311 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,234 If you want people to use your toilet, 312 00:10:45,374 --> 00:10:46,749 don't camp out in front of it. 313 00:10:46,767 --> 00:10:48,455 Do me a favor, if you're going to go in. 314 00:10:48,472 --> 00:10:51,442 - Mm-hmm. - Really sell it, 'cause I want girls to see it. 315 00:10:51,455 --> 00:10:53,310 - Okay. - You know what I mean? Just, like, make a show of it. 316 00:10:53,329 --> 00:10:54,591 - Okay. - Thank you. 317 00:10:54,623 --> 00:10:55,523 Bye, Jess, thank you 318 00:10:55,597 --> 00:10:58,027 Ooh, just my style! 319 00:10:58,045 --> 00:10:59,746 Nicely vintage. 320 00:10:59,944 --> 00:11:01,576 Can't wait to get inside! 321 00:11:01,608 --> 00:11:03,388 Sure wish I had a good book. 322 00:11:04,083 --> 00:11:05,074 Can't wait. 323 00:11:05,543 --> 00:11:07,377 Oh, this is horrible! 324 00:11:07,425 --> 00:11:08,826 I got it; You told me like, ten times. 325 00:11:08,850 --> 00:11:10,673 Okay, but I'm just saying, I don't know what that one does. 326 00:11:10,697 --> 00:11:13,245 Look, the instant the big speech begins, 327 00:11:13,264 --> 00:11:14,908 you initiate toast sequence. 328 00:11:14,944 --> 00:11:16,096 You got that, Red? 329 00:11:16,126 --> 00:11:17,434 Look, don't-don't mess this up. 330 00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:19,301 Tippy go bye-bye, you mess this up. 331 00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:21,115 - Tippy go bye-bye. - Okay. 332 00:11:21,146 --> 00:11:22,880 Okay, great. 333 00:11:22,996 --> 00:11:24,168 Bite me, you wang. 334 00:11:24,413 --> 00:11:25,672 What did you say, man? 335 00:11:26,475 --> 00:11:27,610 - Hey, Schmidt. - Hey. 336 00:11:27,635 --> 00:11:28,541 You remember Shivrang? 337 00:11:28,553 --> 00:11:30,261 Shivrang, what is up, my man? 338 00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:31,438 Welcome to America. 339 00:11:31,456 --> 00:11:34,811 Listen, just a little heads up, we're serving cow-meat tacos tonight, so... 340 00:11:34,930 --> 00:11:37,615 - You mean beef. - Cow meat, Shivrang. 341 00:11:38,970 --> 00:11:39,989 I'm not crazy. 342 00:11:40,014 --> 00:11:41,514 It is beef, right? 343 00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:46,006 Hey, can I just say I like you a lot? 344 00:11:47,536 --> 00:11:48,736 I like you, too. 345 00:11:49,023 --> 00:11:49,822 A lot? 346 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,417 'Cause I said "A lot." 347 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:55,014 I-I knew I felt this way, the moment I met you. 348 00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:59,338 Yes, a guy who can tell me exactly how he feels. 349 00:11:59,689 --> 00:12:00,702 That's what I want. 350 00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,246 That is what I want. 351 00:12:03,796 --> 00:12:04,930 It's just... 352 00:12:05,254 --> 00:12:06,998 You, uh... 353 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,287 You make me... 354 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,747 Are you okay? 355 00:12:13,912 --> 00:12:15,672 I-I like you a lot. 356 00:12:17,267 --> 00:12:18,680 Yeah, I-I... 357 00:12:19,412 --> 00:12:20,537 Yeah... 358 00:12:20,558 --> 00:12:21,758 I'm fine, I mean... 359 00:12:22,349 --> 00:12:23,512 You know what else I like? 360 00:12:23,527 --> 00:12:24,826 I like beer. 361 00:12:25,075 --> 00:12:26,676 I drink beer. 362 00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:28,423 'Cause I'm a man, and I play football. 363 00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:30,647 You want some beer? I'm gonna get a beer. 364 00:12:35,724 --> 00:12:38,235 - Hey, there you are. - Hey, Schmidty. 365 00:12:38,264 --> 00:12:40,591 It's almost toast time, and I made... - Okay. 366 00:12:40,619 --> 00:12:41,791 ...made up a few cards. You know, 367 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:43,950 just jotted down a few notes and bullet points for you. 368 00:12:43,967 --> 00:12:45,491 I was gonna do my own toast. 369 00:12:45,621 --> 00:12:48,315 - I know what I want to say about you. - At least take a look at them. 370 00:12:49,299 --> 00:12:52,992 - I worked really hard on these. - "I'm nothing without you." 371 00:12:53,916 --> 00:12:57,297 "Thank you for supporting me during that thing, financially and..." 372 00:12:57,327 --> 00:12:58,842 This is a full speech. 373 00:12:58,867 --> 00:13:00,867 Feel free to make it your own. 374 00:13:01,152 --> 00:13:03,583 Why is it that you think you're better than me, Schmidt? 375 00:13:03,665 --> 00:13:05,276 What? What are you talking about? 376 00:13:05,295 --> 00:13:07,304 Why do you think you're better than me? 377 00:13:07,651 --> 00:13:09,506 Our friendship didn't used to be this way. 378 00:13:09,525 --> 00:13:11,260 You know, back in college, we were equals. 379 00:13:11,638 --> 00:13:12,857 You get any last night? 380 00:13:12,883 --> 00:13:15,317 - No. You? - Hell, yeah. 381 00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:17,060 - Really? - No. 382 00:13:18,146 --> 00:13:20,388 - We're equals. - Equals. 383 00:13:21,019 --> 00:13:22,464 And then you got that juicer, 384 00:13:22,483 --> 00:13:23,764 which I was excited about. 385 00:13:23,805 --> 00:13:25,673 You were at a dangerous fat level, 386 00:13:25,696 --> 00:13:26,968 but somehow you got skinny, 387 00:13:26,992 --> 00:13:29,623 and I became this idiot that you need to take care of. 388 00:13:29,666 --> 00:13:31,992 Don't resent me for getting my life together. 389 00:13:32,033 --> 00:13:33,673 - Oh, your life's together? - Yeah. 390 00:13:33,692 --> 00:13:35,607 You're throwing a party 391 00:13:35,783 --> 00:13:37,662 to celebrate living with your college roommate 392 00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:39,427 - for ten years. - Yeah. 393 00:13:39,446 --> 00:13:41,149 What are we doing here? 394 00:13:41,204 --> 00:13:43,239 What are we celebrating? 395 00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:45,501 What do you mean, "what are we celebrating?" 396 00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:47,721 We're celebrating TinFinity! 397 00:13:48,865 --> 00:13:50,748 Ten years, two hearts, 398 00:13:50,824 --> 00:13:52,259 one home! 399 00:13:52,738 --> 00:13:55,897 Loyalty and great conversation. It's right here on the cards! 400 00:13:56,951 --> 00:13:59,210 Okay, that ain't right. 401 00:13:59,249 --> 00:14:01,743 - Hey, Winston. - Aha. 402 00:14:02,364 --> 00:14:03,858 I see you've come to gloat. 403 00:14:03,908 --> 00:14:05,719 Is Jax known for being intense? 404 00:14:05,752 --> 00:14:07,597 Yeah, Jess, he's supposed to be intense. 405 00:14:07,633 --> 00:14:08,984 He's a professional athlete. 406 00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,415 You know, he doesn't run. 407 00:14:10,613 --> 00:14:11,825 He sprints. 408 00:14:11,939 --> 00:14:14,584 He doesn't jump. He leaps. 409 00:14:14,673 --> 00:14:17,877 And he doesn't like, Jess. He loves. 410 00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:20,562 Hmm. 411 00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:28,772 - Hey. - Hey. 412 00:14:29,226 --> 00:14:30,489 Hey, look, I'm sorry about... 413 00:14:30,507 --> 00:14:33,198 No, no, no, no, don't be... don't be sorry. It's... 414 00:14:34,142 --> 00:14:35,636 The truth is... 415 00:14:35,729 --> 00:14:38,664 I just got out of a relationship that sort of crushed me. 416 00:14:39,631 --> 00:14:42,598 And everybody thinks that pro football players are big and strong, and I am. 417 00:14:42,634 --> 00:14:44,275 It's true. Look. 418 00:14:44,721 --> 00:14:45,970 Whoa! 419 00:14:45,997 --> 00:14:47,593 This is nothing for me. 420 00:14:47,719 --> 00:14:48,645 I can have 20 of you. 421 00:14:48,663 --> 00:14:50,561 - Never put me down. - But that means... 422 00:14:50,663 --> 00:14:52,538 when I fall, I fall hard. 423 00:14:52,549 --> 00:14:54,250 And yes, sometimes I cry. 424 00:14:54,321 --> 00:14:56,391 I cry, too. I cry all the time. 425 00:14:56,420 --> 00:14:58,227 I cry in my bedroom, in the bathroom, 426 00:14:58,240 --> 00:14:59,886 in the hallway, in the elevator. 427 00:14:59,959 --> 00:15:02,500 This morning... I woke up crying. 428 00:15:02,647 --> 00:15:04,624 I have this feeling... 429 00:15:05,755 --> 00:15:07,406 it's like I've known you forever. 430 00:15:07,835 --> 00:15:10,102 I have this feeling, too. 431 00:15:11,337 --> 00:15:14,005 Like, I want to French you. 432 00:15:14,253 --> 00:15:16,601 I really want to French you. 433 00:15:17,270 --> 00:15:20,603 Ex-Excuse me. Can I... Can I have your attention, please? 434 00:15:20,866 --> 00:15:23,813 Uh, excuse me. Could I please have your attention? 435 00:15:23,838 --> 00:15:25,335 Um... Oh. Whoa. 436 00:15:26,238 --> 00:15:27,754 Hello. I don't know, 437 00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:30,765 um, any of you, but I'm Shivrang. Hello. 438 00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:33,529 - d It started off so well... d - And... oh, there's music now. 439 00:15:33,570 --> 00:15:35,175 Um, look... 440 00:15:35,445 --> 00:15:37,132 And... Oh. Oh. 441 00:15:37,149 --> 00:15:40,528 - What the hell is this? - Um, Cece, where are you? 442 00:15:41,053 --> 00:15:41,728 Hey. 443 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:44,275 Uninitiate toast sequence! This isn't it. 444 00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:45,572 - This song is for Nick and I! - dIn your glory and your love d 445 00:15:45,590 --> 00:15:50,171 Look, I know I said I wasn't gonna do some big proposal thing, but 446 00:15:50,669 --> 00:15:53,144 that being said, I am 447 00:15:53,156 --> 00:15:56,730 so excited to spend the rest of my life with you, 448 00:15:57,011 --> 00:15:58,514 so... 449 00:15:58,545 --> 00:16:01,095 Wow! d Were nothing but a sham d 450 00:16:01,148 --> 00:16:03,283 Cece... 451 00:16:06,658 --> 00:16:10,659 Do you, um... do you want to do this thing? 452 00:16:10,942 --> 00:16:15,202 d I'll love you until I die... d 453 00:16:19,442 --> 00:16:20,154 Yes. 454 00:16:20,477 --> 00:16:22,057 - Yes? Yeah? - Yes. 455 00:16:22,073 --> 00:16:23,573 - Yeah. - Are you sure? 456 00:16:23,641 --> 00:16:25,409 d Save me... d 457 00:16:25,450 --> 00:16:27,488 - Oh. - Oh, wow. 458 00:16:27,658 --> 00:16:28,748 This is nuts. 459 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,259 I-I didn't do this. 460 00:16:31,921 --> 00:16:34,656 d Save me, save me d 461 00:16:34,943 --> 00:16:37,708 d Save me d 462 00:16:37,741 --> 00:16:39,366 d I'm naked and I'm far from home... d 463 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,664 It's shaped like an infinity sign, because they're going to be married forever. 464 00:16:43,861 --> 00:16:45,811 d The slate will soon d 465 00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:47,909 d Be clean... d 466 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:50,778 Thank you. 467 00:16:51,001 --> 00:16:53,618 Thank you. Thanks. 468 00:16:55,281 --> 00:17:00,481 d To start again with somebody new... d 469 00:17:00,613 --> 00:17:03,080 Hi. Uh, I'd like to say something, too. 470 00:17:03,111 --> 00:17:04,705 That's Jax McTavish. 471 00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:08,480 - Um, I'd like to report a missing item. - I know. 472 00:17:09,844 --> 00:17:11,038 My heart. 473 00:17:11,513 --> 00:17:12,815 It was stolen by that 474 00:17:13,138 --> 00:17:14,611 little heart thief right there. 475 00:17:16,510 --> 00:17:19,381 I'm... I'm innocent. I didn't... I was framed. 476 00:17:19,428 --> 00:17:22,424 I just want to say in front of God and all these people 477 00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,490 at this gorgeous party 478 00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:26,963 that I'm in love with you. 479 00:17:26,988 --> 00:17:29,433 Mm... no. No. 480 00:17:29,445 --> 00:17:31,477 - And I know it's early... - Nah. 481 00:17:31,527 --> 00:17:35,288 ...but I think I met the girl that... I'm gonna marry. 482 00:17:35,367 --> 00:17:36,874 Who...? Who? 483 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:38,407 I'm gonna marry you! 484 00:17:39,678 --> 00:17:42,364 We are not on the same page. 485 00:17:42,382 --> 00:17:43,915 I'm gonna marry you. 486 00:17:43,947 --> 00:17:45,873 I'm gonna put a baby in you. 487 00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:48,393 We're gonna have dogs and cats. 488 00:17:48,896 --> 00:17:51,229 I met my third wife! 489 00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:56,353 Schmidty? Schmidty? 490 00:17:57,062 --> 00:17:58,323 Schmidty? Hey. 491 00:17:58,373 --> 00:18:00,106 Schmidt... Stop it! 492 00:18:01,449 --> 00:18:03,467 You okay, buddy? 493 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,515 Yeah. No, I'm-I'm fine. 494 00:18:06,588 --> 00:18:08,889 It's just, I'm really annoyed about the lighting cues. 495 00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:11,691 Also, our girl-to-guy ratio is taking a real nosedive. 496 00:18:11,709 --> 00:18:13,568 I mean, we're, like, two bro groups away 497 00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:15,415 from being a total wiener fest. 498 00:18:16,254 --> 00:18:18,261 It's just really disappointing when things don't work out 499 00:18:18,279 --> 00:18:20,084 the way you thought they would, you know? 500 00:18:20,524 --> 00:18:21,690 I do. 501 00:18:22,627 --> 00:18:24,846 Hey, why don't we get out of here for a bit? 502 00:18:25,097 --> 00:18:27,099 Get away from this party stress. 503 00:18:27,122 --> 00:18:28,913 You mean, like, take a trip together. 504 00:18:30,431 --> 00:18:33,641 No, just, like, walk 40 yards away. 505 00:18:34,745 --> 00:18:37,379 Don't think we need a trip or anything like that, pal. 506 00:18:39,810 --> 00:18:41,241 - Jess? - Hey! 507 00:18:41,266 --> 00:18:43,221 - Hey! - Hey! Oh, my God! 508 00:18:43,337 --> 00:18:45,330 - So excited for you. Let me see it. - Yeah. 509 00:18:45,504 --> 00:18:48,306 - Oh. So beautiful. - Mm-hmm. 510 00:18:48,404 --> 00:18:50,191 - Is this good? This is good, right? - It's good. 511 00:18:50,197 --> 00:18:51,383 I mean, it's-it's what I wanted. 512 00:18:51,407 --> 00:18:53,291 - Yes! Yay! - I'm getting married! 513 00:18:55,521 --> 00:18:57,383 So, what are you... what are you doing in here? 514 00:18:57,401 --> 00:18:59,224 - I'm hiding. - Oh, yeah, that guy. 515 00:18:59,243 --> 00:19:02,304 - He seemed to, uh, really like you when he gave that speech. - Yeah. 516 00:19:02,931 --> 00:19:04,499 He might not be the one. 517 00:19:06,339 --> 00:19:07,919 So you still thinking about Nick? 518 00:19:08,729 --> 00:19:10,701 No. Shut up. No. 519 00:19:10,725 --> 00:19:12,759 All right. 520 00:19:12,894 --> 00:19:15,561 Look at that, man. You did get a balloon. 521 00:19:15,597 --> 00:19:18,301 Yeah, I got a kick-ass hot air balloon. 522 00:19:18,613 --> 00:19:21,124 But it turns out, you need propane to get it up in the air. 523 00:19:21,137 --> 00:19:22,737 - You didn't know that? - How would I know? 524 00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:23,882 You didn't want to do any research? 525 00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:26,738 How could I do any research? I was dealing with the Porta Potti. 526 00:19:28,895 --> 00:19:30,295 It's actually kind of nice. 527 00:19:30,764 --> 00:19:32,497 - It's peaceful. - Yeah. 528 00:19:35,470 --> 00:19:37,865 Hey, I'm sorry about Cece, man. 529 00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:40,314 I know it sounds kind of cheesy, but... 530 00:19:40,543 --> 00:19:41,961 I always thought that I was gonna be the man 531 00:19:41,974 --> 00:19:44,025 to bone Cece for the rest of her life. 532 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,656 I think we all did, buddy. 533 00:19:47,607 --> 00:19:49,223 To answer your question from before, 534 00:19:49,248 --> 00:19:51,415 this is what we were celebrating. 535 00:19:51,479 --> 00:19:53,114 Yeah, that's right. 536 00:19:53,181 --> 00:19:54,649 This is what we're celebrating. 537 00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:55,773 - Yes. Yes. - Yeah. 538 00:19:55,785 --> 00:19:57,370 Right? You're my best friend, man. 539 00:19:57,395 --> 00:19:59,800 - Please. - Ten years of living together 540 00:19:59,857 --> 00:20:02,860 Upsetting, but kind of great, man. 541 00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:05,565 - Here's to it. - Yes. 542 00:20:05,991 --> 00:20:08,581 Not having roommates is for real losers, you know that? 543 00:20:08,647 --> 00:20:09,998 Mm-hmm. 544 00:20:10,204 --> 00:20:12,304 - Equals. - You said it, man. 545 00:20:15,008 --> 00:20:17,241 Oh, you are such a Nancy boy. 546 00:20:17,279 --> 00:20:19,159 - What is in that, man? - Liquor! 547 00:20:19,199 --> 00:20:21,838 d If not for you... d 548 00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:25,784 d Babe, I couldn't find the door... d 549 00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:27,178 Mm. 550 00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:29,284 You pick out a song for our first dance? 551 00:20:30,155 --> 00:20:31,127 Yes, I did. 552 00:20:31,186 --> 00:20:32,532 I didn't expect you to dance to it, 553 00:20:32,557 --> 00:20:34,065 but you know, I was going to dance for you. 554 00:20:34,096 --> 00:20:36,117 Yeah. Come on, it's too close quarters for that, Schmidt. 555 00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:37,972 That is beautiful. Pass the hooch. 556 00:20:38,002 --> 00:20:39,541 Nick's been hogging it all. 557 00:20:39,593 --> 00:20:41,321 Mmm. Here, have a sip. 558 00:20:41,352 --> 00:20:44,341 My mouth's been on it. It's not a big deal. 559 00:20:45,247 --> 00:20:47,169 It's just my mouth! 560 00:20:47,219 --> 00:20:49,328 I... I... It's okay. I'm all right. 561 00:20:49,533 --> 00:20:50,944 Come on, have a sip! 562 00:20:50,971 --> 00:20:52,321 You put your mouth all over it! 563 00:20:52,346 --> 00:20:54,214 You just said that. You put your mouth all over it, 564 00:20:54,232 --> 00:20:56,533 and I don't want to think about your mouth! 565 00:20:56,763 --> 00:20:58,458 - You okay - I just... Yup, I'm fine. 566 00:20:58,470 --> 00:20:59,879 - Where are you going? - What are you doing, Jess? 567 00:20:59,909 --> 00:21:02,211 I just don't understand why we only have... 568 00:21:02,235 --> 00:21:03,555 I mean, I feel like I should have my own bottle. 569 00:21:03,567 --> 00:21:04,863 Because we were all gonna share... 570 00:21:04,876 --> 00:21:06,746 - I don't know where I'm going, but I'm going! - Where are you going?! 571 00:21:06,793 --> 00:21:08,827 We're pretty awesome wingmen for each other. 572 00:21:08,858 --> 00:21:10,225 - Right. - Because we're both the guy 573 00:21:10,243 --> 00:21:12,787 the girls want to sleep with, and we're both the other guy, too. 574 00:21:12,819 --> 00:21:15,331 Neither one of us are Tom Cruise or the other one. 575 00:21:15,356 --> 00:21:16,144 We're both Iceman. 576 00:21:16,162 --> 00:21:18,829 - Yeah. Equals! - Equals! 577 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:21,595 You get a lot of girls? 578 00:21:22,425 --> 00:21:25,341 - Um, I don't know. Yeah... - Yeah. Me, too. 579 00:21:25,366 --> 00:21:27,744 - I feel like you probably have a lot of game with the ladies. - I know what 580 00:21:27,763 --> 00:21:29,772 they want sexually, and I'm not afraid to give it to them. 581 00:21:29,795 --> 00:21:32,053 - I get that from you. I get that vibe, man. - What about you? 582 00:21:32,078 --> 00:21:35,071 I feel like I put off a similar vibe, but kind of more 583 00:21:35,089 --> 00:21:37,477 - on the down-low, you know what I mean? - Yeah! 584 00:21:37,490 --> 00:21:38,752 - Equals! - Equals! 585 00:21:38,991 --> 00:21:43,991 sync by Norther